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If your decor is more quiet luxury than Chuck E. Cheese, here’s a baby activity gym that will fit right in.
This activity gym is made of soft cotton muslin with plush poly fill and comes with birchwood arches, a plush tummy time pillow, three attachable toys, and a mirror. Everything comes apart for easy washing or spot cleaning.
Having owned my share of baby gyms, I’ve found they’re great places to hang out with your baby while they learn, grow, and explore.
aden + anais’ baby activity gym is $89.95 at Nordstrom and comes in blue or pink.
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Anon318 says
Recs for things to do in DC with elementary-aged kids? We are considering a trip for spring break and would love to know the can’t-miss activities in your opinion!
DC Native says
Fun! Of course the Smithsonians (including the zoo, which is free but you need passes), are great depending on what their interests are. Air and Space isn’t open all the way but there is some really great stuff on display, my kids loved the simulator where you race a car by moving your body. Postal Museum is surprisingly great for kids, and is near the Capitol if you wanted to combine two visits there. If you want some nature, Roosevelt Island is a fun walk, and the columns at the National Arboretum are really beautiful. Two museums that aren’t free but are good are Planet Word and the Children’s Museum- we live in DC and the Children’s Museum is one my 7 year old is always asking to go back to. I’ve also heard good things about the Spy Museum but we haven’t taken them there yet. If your spring break is in April the Nats might be in town, the ballpark is in a fun neighborhood on the river, and there is a playground at the stadium my kids like too. They can take pictures with the President mascots in the 5th inning. Also recommend just walking around the Wharf- there are big swings, and a big fire pit, lots of boats to look at, and ice cream and treats to buy. Happy to answer more specific questions if you have them!
Anon says
My 10 yo’s favorite is the Spy Museum. it’s not free, but is fun. Try to get an early time slot so it’s not as crowded
Anonymous says
Echo all these and would add that with elementary aged kids, I’d throw in a Capitol or White House tour. Email your senators and/or member of Congress to arrange those. The Bureau of Engraving and Printing tour would also be fun for kids.
FVNC says
DC is so fun for elementary school aged kids! I don’t love the DC zoo – it’s not a destination IMO especially if you’re coming from a city with its own zoo – but agree with everything else said above! My kids and elementary school aged nieces have loved: Museum of Natural History, the monuments (incl. going to the top of the Washington Monument – requires a reservation); the Library of Congress and the National Archives. Just outside the city are Old Town Alexandria or Del Ray (both very cute neighborhoods) and Great Falls Park with gorgeous views of the Potomac River.
Anon says
my kids LOVED Planet Word. I believe it is a suggested donation and the amount is fairly low
Anonymous says
Just a quick note- you only need passes for the Air & Space Museum and the National Museum of African American History.
My kids’ favorite museum is the Natural History Museum (again depends on where you’re coming from- if you already have dinosaurs, etc., it may not be as exciting)
The Martin Luther King Library downtown is a wonderful place to go- they have an indoor slide that goes from one floor to the next as well as an amazing selection of books & a little play area.
Capitol Hill can be a great area to stay to get around to a lot of the tourist sites as well. We have lots of playgrounds, good metro/bus access (and good access to the Capitol).
If your spring break is on the later side, it could also be a great time to see the cherry blossoms- you don’t necessarily have to go all the way to the Tidal Basin either. There are also trees in various parts of DC as well as near the Washington Monument.
I would recommend “Washington DC Scavenger”- it’s a kids focused scavenger hunt around different neighborhoods in DC. We did the one for the Tidal Basin last year & mostly enjoyed it (although we couldn’t find one of the sites)
Kidfriendlydc is also an amazing blog that sends out updates/ blogs every week about things to do in the city.
busybee says
I like the look of this and have a similar one myself. One of our twins is in EI for PT though, and the PT was much more enthusiastic about the obnoxious black white and red one we have. Almost certainly not a long term issue, but we have definitely noticed our babies (now four months) are more interested in the colorful play gym than the “aesthetic” one (even though I personally prefer the more neutral one).
Anon says
I became less of an fan of any wooden baby items when I had #2 and had to worry about my clumsy, rambunctious toddler slamming wooden objects into the new baby. Playmats with lightweight plastic bars are safer, IMO.
Anon2 says
I’m going to put in a plug for these Montessori mobiles (or similar — I actually DIY’ed most of them). There’s a progression based on eyesight development (start with black and white, move to primary colors, etc). Instead of any kind of activity mat for my third baby we hung these above a pack n play or the floor and he was mesmerized. He loved watching them and kicking. I plan to do the same with my next baby and it’s one of the newborn things I’m most excited about. (The book The Montessori Baby has more info if interested).
And no, you don’t have to be a Montessori family to use them, but the rational behind their development and why babies love them so much is compelling!
https://a.co/d/ijozQZO
Anon says
Same. We bought a pretty pastel one that my baby was lukewarm about. When we did PT she was clearly very obsessed with the loud, shiny and colorful things in the PT’s office. A good reminder that babies don’t always love our aesthetic.
Anon says
I suspect my 5 yo Kindergartener has ADHD based on his inattentiveness and impulsivity compared to his peers (among other things). While we don’t have a diagnosis, he has an IEP and is in an integrated co-teaching class in our district. While we haven’t had a meeting yet about his placement next year, I expect the IEP will remain in place. Given that he has an IEP, is there still a reason to get an evaluation? I don’t want to subject him to a day or two of tests for no reason, but also don’t want him to run into problems as school gets more challenging. Similarly, for those who have put their kids on meds (or chose not to), was there a tipping point that convinced you to do so? My kiddo certainly has challenges, but we don’t have daily meltdowns or anything, so it feels like he doesn’t need them, but I’m wondering what convinced others their kids did need meds and if I’m unnecessarily letting his life continue to be more difficult.
Anonymous says
How does he have an IEP without a diagnosis?
OP says
The IEP addresses the challenges he has, but there is no diagnosis associated with it. I don’t know the ins and outs of how it all works, but it seems to be possible in my district. Fwiw, he had the IEP starting when he was 4 and it was based on evaluations mandated by the state. Idk if it didn’t have a diagnosis because of his age or some other reason.
Anon says
I’m still going through the eval process, so take this with a grain of salt. But I’ve been following “The ADHD Dude” (bad name, good content) and he shares a lot of research-based information. According to research he recently shared, the *only* evidence-based, proven treatment for young kids with ADHD with medication combined with parent training. Therapy, etc is not proven and has very mixed results.
This really changed my view of medication. It’s not a bandaid; it is a vital, proven support to help kids gain control and meet their potential.
Now, we may not go immediately there, but I will be a lot quicker to say yes if the doctor recommends based on his specific needs.
anon says
ADHD Dude is such a great resource.
Anon says
*is medication combined with parent training…
Anon says
+1 – I only convinced my husband to medicate after both the neuropsych and our primary care pediatrician BOTH stated repeatedly that medication PLUS behavioral changes (primarily by the parents) is the way that doctors agree ADHD should be treated. There is nothing wrong with therapy but you can’t talk yourself into rewiring the way your brain works.
Also look into ADHD friendly household changes you can make – visual timers, white boards, visual calendars, setting things out the night before for the AM, etc. Basically try very very hard to decrease the load on his working memory. It also really helped me for our doctors to remind my husband that our child simply could not do what other kids at his age could with regards to recall/planning. So instead of saying ‘go upstairs, make your bed, brush your teeth, and put on your pjs’ we’d go upstairs too and give one request at a time only after the previous one was completed. Much less frustration on both ends that way! FYI that this is not meant to bash my husband – I also have ADHD and operate in ‘ADHD friendly’ ways vs. him having to learn/understand what works better for neurodiverse brains.
Anon says
If you think things are going okay and he’s getting adequate support, I’d probably wait a bit longer for a formal evaluation. They are supposed to be more accurate around age 7.
Anonymous says
Agree, I posted yesterday and my kid was very different at 5 vs 7.5 (she’s still got a dx but she’s mild/borderline at 7.5).
Anonymous says
Have the school evaluate him as a first step.
Anonymous says
Regarding the tipping point for medication – in first grade, my daughter got in trouble at least three days a week for not following the rules, being a distraction, etc. Her teacher tried a sticker chart, but she could never fill it up. She was starting to internalize that she was a bad kid and dislike school. F that sticker chart. After a full neuropsych evaluation, she had a clear AHDH inattentive diagnosis and the neuropsych AND her pediatrician recommended medication. We also did PCIT (parent-child interaction therapy) to control our own reactions and encourage good behavior. She’s in third grade and doesn’t get in trouble now. She likes school. We also have our routines set up to support her. I need to go with her if she needs to wash her hands, brush her teeth, and put on socks. I sit with her when she does her homework. She’s a smart, wonderful kid who is wired differently.
Anon says
There’s a reason they are not supposed to be using those sticker charts anymore. I’m glad things are going better now!
Anon says
Yep, our story is similar. We could do all the therapy and routine changes at home we wanted, but only medication gave my kid enough impulse control to make it through a day of school without meltdowns. She’s still an extremely challenging kid to parent and have in class (but brilliant and funny and loving), but on medication she can get her reactions under control in a way that she couldn’t before.
Clementine says
I have that ‘bright and friendly but very easily distracted’ kiddo. We were doing all the things and his teacher was pushing for medication without pushing.
I didn’t want my kid to get labeled… but then my friend’s son (who is 2 grades ahead) told me that my kid was a ‘bad kid’ who the teacher was always having to talk to. He was already getting labeled and putting ‘ADHD’ on it wasn’t going to change anything.
FWIW, medication shortages suck. We needed to get an ‘alternate’ form of the same med that was working and the alternate form literally caused rage and off the charts irritability. However, we can’t get a new prescription filled because it’s been less than 30 days since the last one.
OP says
Thanks for all the helpful comments!
Anonymous says
I do have a pediatrician appointment coming up so just looking for anecdata – has this happened to you at this age and did it ever change/get better? Almost 9 year old is waking up at around 5:30 daily and is so tired (complains about being tired, has dark circles under his eyes, struggles with behavior). Until about a year ago, he woke up at 7. Over the last year, it has moved earlier and earlier. He is usually asleep by 8:30/8:45 . We are currently giving him about 1/8th of a 1 mg melatonin (struggles with falling asleep) but the early wake ups happen even on days we don’t give him one or even if he’s up late. We take him to the bathroom, asleep, around 11, otherwise he wakes up even earlier to pee and that wakes me up. Unfortunately more exercise doesn’t seem to affect sleep duration. I’m wondering if this happened to your kids? Any ideas to help him sleep more? If he weren’t so tired I’d think he just needs less sleep now … he’s always been extremely high sleep needs.
Anon says
how do you cut the melatonin into 8ths? would love to know for my own kids.
has something changed with the sleep environment or something outside that could be waking him? that is a reasonable bedtime for a kid that age, but sometimes going to sleep earlier can help you sleep later? is he anxious about something? does he sleep with a sound machine? `
Anonymous says
They are gummies and I just pick off a tiny bit.
Anon says
1/8th of 1 mg seems like a really low dose for a 9 year old. I’m a slender woman and 1 mg doesn’t have much impact on me. Our ped told me to start with 1/2 mg for a then toddler.
That said, melatonin is more useful for falling asleep than staying asleep. So increasing the dose may not do anything. But I’d try a higher dose.
Anonymous says
It’s crazy, the tiny little bit makes a HUGE difference in his ability to fall asleep- like 45 min earlier!
Anon says
There are so many different kinds of sleep disorders and so many medical conditions that can contribute to them (some of which can be very treatable, but they still don’t just get better and go away on their own). Melatonin is only for falling asleep; it doesn’t help with early wake times. Needing to pee multiple times overnight can be a medical symptom too. Based on my experience (I had a terrible time with sleep when I was nine), it’s time to push for a thorough work up and if they don’t find anything, a referral to a sleep specialist.
Anonymous says
Thanks, I do have his dr on the docket!
Anonymous says
I will add the needing to pee at night to our list for the dr. I think we might be heading to a sleep specialist. Poor kid is always exhausted.
FVNC says
Agree with all the comments above, but one non-medical possibility to consider: if he wakes up early, does he know he can try to go back to sleep?
Okay, I realize how this sounds. But here’s our experience. Our 10 year old has always been an extremely early riser. We noticed maybe a year ago that she seemed tired, whereas in the past she had plenty of energy despite the early wake up times. So we told her that when she wakes before 6 am, she should close her eyes and try to go back to sleep. I’d say that happens more than half of her mornings now. It literally hadn’t occurred to her that she could go back to sleep after waking up!
Anon says
That was my thought, too. And also, if he wakes earlier in the night to pee when it’s still dark it may be easier to fall back to sleep than at 5:30, when he’s mostly gotten a full night of sleep. Maybe eliminate the 11pm routine and see?
Anonymous says
Unfortunately if we eliminate the 11 pm pee, he is up earlier and even less likely to go back to sleep (and also wakes me up and then I can’t go back to sleep)
Anonymous says
Why is he taking melotonin? Can he not fall asleep alone?
When you say more exercise doesn’t help…how much are you talking? Some kids really need to be run ragged!
Is he doing anything you don’t know about? My 10.5 y/o got “caught” reading until like midnight on school nights.
Anonymous says
He needs 2 solid hours of exercise , basically sports practice or just solid running, to sleep well. So I’d be talking adding on top of that two hours.
Anonymous says
Bump his bedtime later? Like 9:30-6:30 is plenty for a 9 year old. Recommendation is 9-11 hrs for that age group.
How is his sleep quality? The tiredness may be low sleep quality not quantity. Maybe try an antihistamine like reactine for a couple days? Is there carpet in his room? New pillows?
FWIW – for myself a magnesium spray works much better than melatonin with less hangover feeling in the morning.
Anonymous says
We might try again. He has always needed a TON of sleep, definitely top of the chart for his age,and we currently find that if he does go to bed after 9, he’s even more tired and has significant behavior issues the next day (doesn’t sleep later). But it is always worth trying.
Anonymous says
What’s typical these days in terms of kids at weddings? I was super surprised to find out that my cousin’s wedding this summer will be adults-only at the reception, everyone invited to the ceremony. The reception starts at 5pm, so it’s not like it’s a black tie event starting after bedtime. This is probably irrational but I’m so, so mad. Just let us bring the kids! What is the big deal! If they’re acting out, we’ll take them back to the Airbnb! All my extended family will be there, and I’d really love to see them and for my kids to spend time with them. But there’s no way I’m paying for four plane tickets just to park my kids in an Airbnb with a stranger.
MBRec says
A wedding is an invitation, not a summons. If you can’t travel because of the kids it’s ok to decline. There isn’t any normal for kids and weddings, it’s cultural/regional/preference of the wedded couple. We’ve got three weddings coming up no kids and I have two under five. We’re either bringing a sitter or sitting out. It is what it is!
OP says
Yes and no. There is strong pressure/ expectation in my family to attend these events. Not attending will be hurtful.
Anon says
I know this is a heated topic these days, but I find child-free weddings very strange. I got married before I had kids and was thrilled to have my nieces and cousins running around. Some local friends left their kids with a sitter so they could enjoy the evening in piece, but it seems rude to people who are travelling. Plus some of my favourite childhood memories involve falling asleep in a corner at a loud wedding party.
Anonymous says
I just received a no kids wedding invite for a second wedding. Except it specifically said children of the immediate family were invited, but they didn’t have room for any additional kids. So some kids, just not my kids. I also find it irritating, because I grew up with the groom and his sister and my kids love their kids. I almost want to ask if I count as immediate family.
Anon says
Don’t do this. They literally said they have no extra room.
Anon says
I don’t understand what’s hard to comprehend about “some kids, just not my kids”. Lots of people do immediate family kids only and not friends’ kids.
Anon says
+1 this doesn’t seem odd to me at all. My SiL and BiL had their nieces and nephews at their wedding but no other kids. I thought that was pretty normal.
Anon says
+1.
Chl says
I think this is very family specific. I don’t like to bring my kids to weddings and I prefer wedding receptions without kids. Ceremony I don’t have strong personal feelings about either way. My sister in law is horrified by this as she feels that they are family affairs and I can see her point but I still prefer it my way. I only think it’s wrong to disregard the desire of the couple. You don’t need to go if it doesn’t work for your family.
Lily says
We had an adults only wedding. The ceremony was at 5 pm and the reception (black tie) was at 6 pm.
In hindsight part of me wishes we’d just included kids because I don’t think there would have been that many of them and I don’t think they would have been disruptive. But I don’t begrudge people who want an adults-only wedding.
You definitely don’t have to attend the wedding, though. You could also fly to the wedding without your kids if you have someone local who can watch your kids for a night or two.
AwayEmily says
I would LOVE to go to a kid-free wedding; it sounds amazing. I have never been to one (and mine was not kid-free).
Anon says
It is. I’m the poster below who has only been to one wedding WITH kids. It was my SIL’s, there were tons of kids (we currently have 22 grandkids on that side, though obviously there were fewer then, and friends’ kids). It was a bit of a cluster at times as the kids were all over the place. When I got married 6 months later relatives were thanking us for an evening without kids (all of them people who had kids themselves! My in-laws laid it on thick about needing to bring the kids to the other wedding…)
I don’t think there is an intrinsic right-wrong here. There are different ways of doing things, both with pros and cons. But I honestly did not realize childfree weddings were so rare…I wasn’t even invited to my own cousins weddings as a child!
OP says
But why? Kids are cute, and they leave eventually for bedtime
Anonymous says
Kids are not always cute, and sometimes mom and dad are too busy chatting and having cocktails to notice that it’s an hour past the kids’ bedtime and they are MELTING DOWN.
A 12 year old is way different than a toddler, so it of course depends on your kids. Mine are all in elem and they usually get invited….but we usually leave them home so we can stay out late.
Anon says
Our own kids are cute, not necessarily those of other people, lol! (And I like kids, I have four.) And it’s not a given they leave for bedtime if parents are in the middle of enjoying the reception.
Maybe your husband can stay with the kids while you attend the reception.
Anon says
Why? Because it is expensive, because kids cry and make noise, because your definition of bedtime might not match the bride’s (plus you already said you have an Airbnb, so what someone has to drive them there to a sitter and come back?), because the bride wants the DJ to play explicit music, because the bride wants the adults to dance, etc. etc.
I understand not liking it and complaining to an online forum. But you really don’t understand that reasonable minds could differ on the issue? We didn’t have kids at my wedding because I wasn’t in a kid time of life and wanted an elegant event.
just flew across the country and left my kids (including breastfed baby) at home for a wedding. It’s okay to not like your choices but this comment is so grating and mommy-entitled.
Anon says
Agreed with all of this. I’m confused why others are confused. We had a kid free wedding that was a travel wedding for about half the wedding, no regrets even now as a mom. 100% understood if people couldn’t come due to childcare, and I have had to turn down weddings due to childcare, but I wasn’t going to alter our wedding to include kids for that. We got married at a stage in life where the majority of our friends had kids, in many cases up to 3 or more already, meanwhile given budget I was already not able to include genuinely good friends. If we had included everyone’s kids there would have been dozens of them – no way was that my priority over dozens of dear friends.
We also had a very boozy vey adult evening party (see the point above about music etc) that was just frankly not kid appropriate.
Anon says
I don’t want to parent a kid during a wedding reception and if the kid leaves for bedtime, someone has to leave with them. I’d rather enjoy myself.
Anon says
THIS
AwayEmily says
Yeah, this was mostly my reasoning. I would much rather socialize with my friends without also watching my kids. And I’d rather keep hanging out with my husband instead of losing him to transport and bedtime duty (even if he ends up coming back).
Anon says
Yup. I love my kids but I also love getting a babysitter and attending weddings without them. It’s fun to drink and dance and have fun with no parenting responsibilities.
Anon says
I had kids at my reception and while I’d 1000% make the same decision (they’re close family) I would have had a better time if they weren’t there. They were on the dance floor the whole time, wanting lots of attention from everyone (including me), running around etc etc. They were adorable! And well behaved! And shouting at us to watch them do the worm the entire reception.
Anonymous says
We had an adults only wedding except for nieces and nephews (and two tiny months old babies). Everyone except one cousin was completely fine with it. And I still feel fine about it- I have zero interest in dealing with my kids at a wedding, I want to have fun and drink and dance and catch up with people I haven’t seen in awhile, not mind my children. Why don’t you just leave your kids at home with someone, or just one of you goes to hte wedding?
Anonymous says
I get why people do this but I hate it when they do it and it’s not in a hotel. Like I’ll do a hotel babysitter if I’m at a reception in the hotel because I can have sitter feed kids dinner and watch movie and then pop back up to help settle them for bed. Or DH or I can pop up if there is an issue. Offsite + strange babysitter is like saying we want credit for inviting kids to the ceremony but really we’d rather you didn’t bring them.
Anon says
I have never heard of inviting to the ceremony but not the reception (until now!) There’s even more opportunity for disruption during the ceremony. But as parents I would just leave them home entirely.
anon says
The most recent no-kids wedding I was invited to we’re skipping, because I don’t want to fly my kids across the country to leave them with a babysitter. I figure it’s a choice the couple getting married are making knowing people like us will choose this response.
On a more crazy note, however, my friend is in a wedding this summer for her SIL. It is an absolutely no kids wedding, so her nursing baby isn’t invited despite being immediate family, but! She has been requested to bring said baby to be in the wedding photos and then send him back to the hotel with a babysitter. I really think you only get one or the other–no kids at all or kids for the entire thing, not kids for the photos but not at the ceremony or reception.
OP says
That is INSANE. I’m sorry for your friend.
I love how Americans are like, everyone is lonely! no one has friends! everyone is cutting off their parents! we’re a nation in crisis! And then those same people are pulling stunts like that. Guess what? Family is messy. Relationships are messy. You can’t control every last thing.
Anonymous says
Right, like forcing your kids to be invited to a wedding where guests have asked to keep it adults only. Some people have different preferences and that’s ok! Sounds like it makes the most sense for just one of you to attend the reception, and you need to graciously accept that.
Anon says
If I were that friend I would drop out of the wedding. I believe people can make their own choices for the wedding, but then you get to make your own choice about whether to attend or not. I would not let that type of bridezilla behavior go.
Anon says
I went to a wedding reception that included kids this year (second marriage) and the kids totally overran the party. Adults couldn’t dance because the kids were all over the dance floor and doing coordinated dances, at one point took over the mic to sing, running full speed through the ballroom, etc. I say this without judgment, but at the same time I completely understand why a couple wouldn’t want this for their wedding – especially if they don’t have kids themselves and it’s not even their kids doing this!
FVNC says
Agree that there’s no standard, although I’d say the majority of weddings I’ve attended have been adults-only. I really sympathize with the chance to introduce your kids to extended family, though — my kids have never met most of their relatives because we’re not particularly emotionally close and live halfway across the country, so while we don’t travel to visit them (we travel to visit immediate family), it’d be nice if an opportunity arose where we’d all be in attendance. Are there wedding-adjacent events like rehearsal dinner or after-wedding brunch where your kids could attend?
Anonymous says
That’s super obnoxious. Kids are more disruptive at the ceremony than at the reception.
Anonymous says
Most of the weddings I’ve been at have just not had many children, even when they are invited. For what it is worth, it is the norm in my specific friend groups (from college and grad school) to leave the kids with a sitter and have an adults night out at the wedding, even if kids are allowed. Our kids are still quite young (6 and under generally) so that’s probably part of it.
Anon says
IME, immediate family kids are invited (nieces / nephews / younger first cousins of the bride and groom) are invited. If the kids are young (<10) they stay through dinner and a little dancing and then are taken back to the hotel for the rest of the evening. Older kids who can hang will stay for the reception. Bride and groom help find babysitters for those coming from out of town who need them.
Personally, I've never been to a wedding where friends of the bride and groom have brought kids – usually the parents want a night off!
I don't mind kids at weddings, if they're appropriately wrangled. But, my preference is immediate family kids only.
My wedding was child free, as we didn't have any nieces / nephews. We did have a few teenage cousins there, but they were all high school age so I don't count them as "kids". Only one or two of my friends had kids when I got married, but they just got babysitters. Frankly, even if I had more kids in my life to invite I likely wouldn't have – we had a 160 person wedding but still had to make cuts to family and friends. I wouldn't have prioritized kids over these family and friends. I also wouldn't have wanted to pay over $100 / plate for a kid!
Anon says
I very strongly believe that kids should be most places, but there are places where children should not be. And, kids should be taken lots of places for exposure (for example, kids only learn how to behave in restaurants by going to restaurants!), parents should model / enforce appropriate behavior, and if a kid cannot behave in a manner appropriate to setting, they should leave.
Most weddings in my circle are cocktail or black tie. I really don’t think any black tie occasion is small child friendly. I prefer adults only weddings, partially because I don’t think most kids enjoy most weddings. They’re boring, they’re late, they’re loud, you have to sit in a chair and listen to speeches. Too many parents don’t appropriately watch their kids and enforce behavior. Too many parents won’t leave with their kid if they need to leave (weddings run late and are over stimulating – of course kids may melt down).
I prefer to not bring kids to weddings because I want to be able to enjoy my evening, rather than be on child duty. I also don’t want to have to leave in time for bedtime. Without my kids there I can have a few more drinks than I normally would, enjoy catching up with family and friends, and dance until the wedding ends without worry.
Anon says
Most weddings near me end at 11PM. To me anything occurring that late is not for children!
Anon says
In my circle it’s not typical to travel with kids for a wedding unless it’s for your immediate family. If you can, leave the kids with a relative at home.
Anonymous says
The real problem is the pressure you seem to be getting to attend the wedding. You should feel completely free not to attend.
Anonymous says
If this wedding is being treated as a big family reunion, which it seems to be since OP says there is pressure to attend, it’s inappropriate to exclude children.
Anonymous says
This is really the heart of my frustration. I’m being asked to fly with small children, entertain them during a ceremony, buy them nice outfits and get them to smile in pictures, and help the family elders achieve the reunion they envision, but then we get kicked out for the fun stuff.
Anonymous says
Or you stop being a whiny baby and just say no
Anonymous says
Omg srsly? Weddings don’t have to have kids. If you don’t like it, RSVP no. I bet you won’t be missed.
Anon says
Maybe it varies by region of the country (I’m Northeast) but I’ve only been to one wedding that allowed kids. My own wedding was child-free and I don’t regret it; weddings are expensive (even a discounted child plate adds up), venues have headcount limits, and sometimes kids can be distracting. I make an exception for infants, though. Can you leave the kids with the in-laws, or bring one of the in-laws with you? We’ve done both.
Anonymous says
At all of the childfree weddings I’ve attended, the bride and/or groom had lived in NYC for several years at some point even if they currently lived elsewhere. We lived in Boston during our peak wedding attendance years and even the Bostonians allowed children.
Anon says
Anecdata, but I went to school in Boston, so went to 6 weddings there and none had kids, except for one second wedding, where the couple’s children attended. Except for second weddings, all weddings I have attended have been adults-only, except for nieces and nephews of the bride and groom. It just depends what kind of party the couple wants to have (we all know that a party with kids is different than a party without). Its definitely logistically difficult to attend weddings now that I have kids, but I wouldn’t expect or want friends to plan their big, once in a lifetime (hopefully!) day around me!
Anonymous says
This is the problem–the hosts are *supposed* to plan their events around the comfort, convenience, and welcome of their guests. Weddings have become a festival of self-indulgence.
Anon says
This is a complete oversimplification and misrepresentation of the topic at hand. Sorry, but speaking of welcoming guests I think it’s much more important that I invite a good friend of mine whose feelings will be super hurt potentially for years if she’s not, then to bump her for my other friend’s 4th child. That friend has a choice as to how she wants to proceed, and declining is just fine. We don’t live in a limitless world with endless resources.
Anonymous says
Some cultures value hospitality. Some cultures value ME ME ME individuality. I guess we know which one prevails in America.
Anon says
+1 to this. I’m South Asian and it’s just assumed the family/kids are invited in most cases. Again, no shade if people chose otherwise, but the thought that the default is automatically a kid-free event is odd to me.
Anon says
I’m from Europe and had never heard of child-free weddings until I moved to the US. Where I’m from that would be completely unthinkable and cause major diplomatic issues. Kids come, they eat, they dance, they fall asleep in a corner, everyone stays until 3am, it’s never once been an issue.
Anon says
It is a gross representation to say that not inviting kids means the couple is only focused on themselves. As has been mentioned, weddings have costs and guest limits and it’s a hassle to narrow down the list in the best of situations! OP is like a third tier relative here, so even if immediate family kids were invited, extending that out to cousins could add 20+ more people.
And yes, you do want to make your guests welcome and comfortable, but within reason. Did you poll all your guests on availability before choosing your date? Do you let the guests make up the music list? (My dad doesn’t dance and hates how loud the music is, as well as any music post 1990, but other people like dancing and hip hop! Can’t please everyone). It’s fine for a couple to set some basic parameters for their wedding, and then make sure everyone feels welcome within those.
Truthfully, a wedding should be more about the ceremony and having witnesses to the MARRIAGE than the big party, if you want to be philosophical here.
Anon says
+1000 to all of this. The poster at 2:19 is laughably reductionist. Most couples want their guests to have a good time of course, and take their feelings into account, but you can’t please everyone in all ways. As a guest, don’t you want the hosts to have fun? Why does it only go one way? And in my circles, a night out without kids is so rare and special, the adults love it!
Anon says
My husband and I are both from the Midwest; attended school in Boston, and were living in California when we got married. We had a kid free wedding. We got married relatively young (24) and are both oldest children and since we didn’t have any young kids we knew well, we figured an adult only celebration made sense. We likely would have made a different choice if we’d had close friends or siblings with kids, but I don’t think kid free weddings are just an NYC thing.
Seventh Sister says
We’re in CA and it seems like child-free weddings are pretty common. That said, we had very very few friends with children when we got married, so we invited the kids and they had a great time. Did the three-year-old enjoy the live band more than anyone else? Yes, we are not from dance-y families. Did my aunt stir the family drama pot when she found out my college-age cousins offered my high school-age cousin an alcoholic drink? Yes. Was it all worth it? Yes.
OP says
My parents and entire family will be at the wedding. My MIL lives overseas. So if someone watches the kids it’s a random stranger in a rural area.
I guess this is why I’m particularly annoyed. It’s one thing if friends opt to leave their kids with grandparents and enjoy themselves at your wedding. But when you’re family you don’t necessarily have that option.
Anonymous says
There is no way on earth I’d attend the wedding under these circumstances. “Oh, I’m so sorry, but since all of our trusted family members who could watch the kids will be at the reception, I’m afraid we won’t be able to make it.”
We invited kids to our wedding but still had a few long-distance friends decline to attend because they didn’t want to travel with kids. In turn, we opted out of some weddings when we had small kids for various reasons. It’s not all about the bride and groom and their whims. Other people are human beings with lives.
Colorado says
I’d be annoyed too. The poster above who mentioned the culture in Europe—I’m jealous of that!
I’ve been to both types of weddings. It’s usually more fun when kids are around.
Not sure if there is a college in the area, but I had good luck connecting with a babysitter who was at a sorority at UVA a couple years ago for a wedding about 45 minutes outside town. I was able to speak to a reference & get comfortable with it & my kids ended up enjoying it.
Anonymous says
In Canada but trend I’ve seen is sometimes kids of family and close friends attend ceremony and reception, plus kids of people who have travelled for the wedding. Most friends/non close family have kids at ceremony and use it as a night out and have their regular sitter watch the kids and go to reception as a couple.
Anonymous says
This is what makes most logical sense, especially if the kids of local friends are invited but the parents are just choosing not to bring them because they haven’t traveled and can use their regular sitter.
Anon says
Agree this makes the most sense and it’s what happened at my wedding. But it’s not like we asked people to do it – we invited everyone, people make their own choices. We hired a babysitter to assist with the kids and our venue had a kid-friendly room (obviously not for babies, but older kids had a blast and then fell asleep on some jackets while the babysitter supervised and parents enjoyed the evening).
Anon says
I’m in the Midwest and most weddings we’ve attended have not had any kids present except babes in arms and maybe the nieces and nephews (and children, if second marriage) of the bride and groom. I agree with the 12:49 poster that it’s often driven by space and budget. Kids meals are often cheaper than an adult plate but still not free.
We took our daughter (with the bride’s permission) to my husband’s cousin’s wedding in Philadelphia when she was four months old. It was fun for her to meet extended family, but the music in the reception was extremely loud so we spent most of the evening taking turns being outside with her. The highest quality interactions in terms of extended family getting to coo over her were at the cocktail hour after the ceremony and at the extended wedding events like the welcome dinner and post-wedding brunch. In hindsight, I definitely would have gotten a babysitter for the reception. I actually think kids attending the ceremony, meeting family and being in some photos, and then going home to go to bed is ideal, and am surprised so many people think it’s weird. Most receptions start around 7 or 8 pm, and don’t end until 11 or so – that’s pretty late even for elementary age kids.
Anonymous says
If you don’t want to hire a babysitter and you don’t want just one of you to go, RSVP no. Stop being so entitled