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3M Command Hooks were a dorm and rental necessity. But since my college days, 3M has moved beyond hooks into other decor such as these picture ledges.
We have a few traditional picture ledges, but they aren’t the easiest things to put up (especially if just one person is doing it). These ledges hang with removable adhesive strips so you can adjust, readjust, and redecorate as needed. They hold up to five pounds — perfect for small pictures, plants, or mementos.
The Command Picture Ledge is $19.99 at Target and comes in cream and black.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
Anonymous says
I find that the Command adhesive rips paint and even the paper off of drywall, especially if the tab snaps off during removal.
Anne-on says
This. We used them a few times and our painter begged us to please not use them in the future, they rip paint off or left a weird oily/tacky residue on the paint if they didn’t rip it off.
Anonanonanon says
Interesting, I’ve never had a problem with them!
Anonymous says
+1. I’m old enough that my college days were all about BluTac, which does leave a residue.
Anonymous says
Neither have I!
Anon says
I had never had a problem with them up until last month, when they definitely took the paint and paper off the drywall in our kitchen when (I think, there were no reliable witnesses) my daughter crashed into her growth chart horsing around and it got pulled off the wall (so definitely improper removal).
Spirograph says
With proper removal, I never had any issues with command strips. But I tried to use them as bathrobe hooks in my kids’ room and now there are patches missing out of the drywall paper. I’m 99% sure the kids yanked on the robes, but yeah… the adhesive is *strong*
Anon says
Me neither.
Anonymous says
Me neither—knock on wood. Proper removal means pulling the pull-tab (semi round end that’s adhesive-less) parallel to the wall and stretch out /deform the squishy strip piece. If you pull it perpendicular to the wall, that’s when the drywall or wallpaper will break / fail before the adhesive or squishy strip will.
Balance bikes? says
Recommendations for a balance bike for a soon to be 2 year old? He’s 80+% in height
Or is a scooter the way to go? We live in the suburbs and theoretically have space for both but dad is a big cyclist and leaning that way.
Anonymous says
Get both. Bike-riding is an essential skill, and a scooter won’t teach that. But a scooter is fun.
NYCer says
+1. We have a Woom. It gets the job done.
AIMS says
I would go with whatever wire cutter recommends, which appears to be Strider 12 Sport. We have their runner up (COOP – from REI) and it’s good, light weight and my son loves it.
Pogo says
Yeah the Strider is the ‘gold standard’ of balance bike, but at that young age, any balance bike is probably fine. We have the Chicco Red Bullet as a hand-me-down, it’s way cheaper, and the wheels are solid, they stand up to anything. It’s been through 3 kids, on the 4th, and still going strong.
It also allows you to put the seat waaaay down in a way that our other balance bike (the Chillafish BMXie) doesn’t. So our older son did the Chicco for about a year before moving up to the Chillafish.
As for scooters, we have the Micro Kickboard.
Anonanonanon says
Definitely get a balance bike, he’ll love it. My 99th percentile daughter didn’t have a problem on one, I got a retrospec because it was cute and I wanted to, they can adjust pretty high because some kids ride them for years. She’s 4 now still rides it sometimes instead of her “real” bike, but she looks like squidward when she does because of her long skinny legs waving around.
Anonymous says
We just got our almost 2-year-old a Strider. There are TONS of gently used Striders on FB Marketplace in my town for ~$40-$60.
Anon says
so my 2 year olds had scooters, and loved them. then they got balance bikes at age 3 and refuse to ride them, so if biking is important to your family, i’d start with the bike
Anon says
As a counter point, we do scooters at 2, balance bike at 3 and two-wheeler at four (three boys). My kids have loved them all and been independently riding bikes by 4.5 at the latest (and skipped training wheels entirely).
Personally, I find scooters to be much easier to have fun with when they are 2, but seems everyone has a different experience
FP says
We bought a woom 2 for our 2 year old who is big and took the wheels off to use as a balance bike first, then put the wheels on when he was 3 and riding. Highly recommend!
anonamama says
Used strider brand bike + Nutcase helmet!
Anonymous says
Just another vote for the Strider.
Hobie says
The picture ledges make a great picture book display in kid rooms too
Friends says
How often do you get together with friends? It seems so hard to fit in the time between family time, work, and also the pain of coordinating schedules with other busy moms.
Anne-on says
Not super often, maybe once a month in the summer, once a quarter in the winter? People haven’t quite gone back to the pre-covid monthly moms night out things in our area though maybe we will with vaccines for the under-5 crowd. I try to get back to my hometown once a year to see friends but most of my close friends have younger kids and haven’t been willing to do in-person visits until recently. Add in sick-kid/life stuff cancellations and it gets fewer and fewer. I call/text often but I do wish I was one of those people doing more frequent girlfriend hangouts.
Boston Legal Eagle says
All of my close friends also have young kids and live in other states, so honestly, not very often. I think the last time we were together without kids was a wedding a few years ago? I do see one of those close friends often, but always with our kids. I’ve done a couple of moms nights out with local moms, but that was pre Covid, and once post Covid with elementary school moms. All of the friends I’ve made in my current town are also moms/parents, as we moved here post kids. Maybe when the kids are older, we’ll do more “girls trips” – I am hoping for something like this for my 40th ;)
Anon says
I rotate through groups of friends/potential friends, but honestly it isn’t uncommon for me to go 6+ months between seeing women I consider really good friends. (I see friends generally more often than that, just not necessarily the same friends).
I am often the planner and it is hard. I highly recommend either a) planning something that works for you and one other woman you know you can count on, and simply inviting others if they can make it; or b) centering an outing around some sort of event, any event (low key concert in a park, local town food truck festival, anything) so at least the date is not up for debate, which is how plans most often become more of a chore and confusing to all involved than fun.
Anon says
+1 I would also say every 6 months if I’m lucky. Most of my close friends don’t have kids yet (nor do they want to?) so generally I invite them to my place for big holidays in order to see them and so I don’t have to schlep into the city. They are city based and I’m in the burbs.
Cb says
I think mentally I need two social events a week to feel ok – which explains why I’m so blue at the moment. But they don’t need to be super extensive things – a coffee with a colleague, a volunteer shift, a walk with a friend, a meet up with another family.
AIMS says
Pre-kid friends, mostly not that often – for example, I probably haven’t seen some who have moved away and that I would see twice a year pre-Covid since before the pandemic started.
Friends who live near me (which is still a big spread out circle, geographically, in NY) – probably at least once a season, sometimes twice a year. Before the pandemic, I used to try to see friends for a late week lunch, which was a lot easier to coordinate. It’s also my favorite way to catch up since having kids, to be honest, as I am too tired to have late nights out most weeks and, at least with my friends, when people get out for an evening they seem to really want to make a night of it. I just don’t have it in me to bar hop until 2 am right now.
Kid Parent friends – this is my most frequent in person social circle. I didn’t start to really get to know other parents until my daughter started kindergarten but now these are people I probably see most frequently. Some almost daily at the playground where we chat while kids play, and others for dinner or other quasi play dates.
Anon says
I usually get together with friends once a month; often with a spouse and or kids. Always on weekends as my work schedule doesn’t easily allow for mid-week gatherings. A lot of our friends have kids of similar ages, so it’s easy to do family get togethers. We also are out of town visiting family for a weekend every 6 weeks or so (more like every 4 in summer). That leaves 2 weekends a month for us to just relax at home or do our own thing as a family, and that’s the right balance for us. I got super frazzled last night and I realized it’s because I was working a whole weekend, then had houseguests (friends with a kid) for a weekend, then worked another whole weekend, then was out of town for the holiday weekend, so I had really been missing my “putter around the house” time.
Anon says
Every few weeks at least with the caveat that we moved back to my home city/state as did a lot of my close friends. It does take planning but it’s also a priority – these are ladies I’ve been friends with 20+ years and we’ve fortunately “grown up” together/stayed close through different cities, jobs, relationships, etc. vs. growing apart. Caveat I’m not part of a moms group or anything in my area at this time. We’re also flexible – sometimes those of us with kids will bring kids, sometimes it’s just adults. Recently I did a brunch with 2 friends + me + 2 kids. Not perfect but still a lot of fun – and this way kids get auntie time.
One of my BFFs is in town visiting family right now, and she had yesterday AM open so I blocked work calendar for a private appointment and we had coffee/catch up from 7:30-9:45 AM. I have never done this before, but I work so much (and definitely was working until 10:30 PM finishing my workday) I figure it evens out.
Anon says
friends like with kids there or without kids there? without kids there, rarely.
OP says
What about with kids? I am wondering about both.
Anon says
My local friends are all mom friends (friendquaintnces, really) so we see each other fairly frequently but always with the kids. My close girlfriends from college live across the country but we try to see each other once a year – either visiting or taking a girls trip. We get lots of quality kid free time then. My best friend from high school lives in Europe so I see her basically never, although we did go visit her in 2019.
Anonymous says
-BFF with same age kids but hers have tons of activities – bimonthly ish playdates with lots of texting in between. We also used to do a weekly yoga class together.
– law school friends (4) – seasonal brunch (spring/summer/fall/winter)
– close friend who lives away – visits 1 week about twice a year and I usually see her 2-3 times per visit but I work hard to make those times work
– occasional lunches with work friends.
– friend without kids – she is my go to person for trying fun new activities together because she also enjoys physical activity but not like chilling at the gym. Try to sign up for a new activity course together about once a year.
– everyone’s social lives are a hot mess post covid – don’t stress
Anon says
Haaa your last two bullet points. Thanks for this.
anonM says
A lot more often now than during covid/newborn phase.
-local law school friends, several of us all with little ones – about quarterly, usually have them over and just get pizzas, let the kids go nuts. This was originally a “book club” but 6 kids later between us, most book discussion is via text
-DH’s two bffs, all with kids around the same age and all consider each other friends, every other month or so? But in different formats – the guys golf together or bowl, we had a joint long weekend vacation this summer, make an effort to show up for each other’s showers/kid birthdays/baptisms, etc.
-a fellow mom friend started a monthly night out, where we get dinner or apps at a local restaurant on the first Friday of the month. The regularity helps, being at a restaurant makes it easy
-neighbors with kids – low-key backyard hangouts where we kind of watch kids and talk, monthly?
-other friends it is more sporadic and a mix of meeting without kids or they come to us, we’ve done one dinner date night with another couple in the past year, other than that, weddings are our “date nights”
Pogo says
Pre-covid, once a month, mostly couple dates or family get-togethers. Now, more like 1x/quarter. And I was just thinking I hadn’t gone to dinner or done anything sans kids/partners with my best local friends lately.
Spirograph says
It depends on how you define getting together. We have a couple sets of family friends that we see at least once a month, just one whole family going over to the other’s house for an evening. I consider a some of our nearby neighbors to be friends, and we have impromptu hang-out-in-the-yard-with-drinks in the evening with them very regularly when the weather’s nice. I go for a walk on wfh days with neighborhood friends at least a couple times a month. Some of my best friends are out of state and we have regular-ish phone dates, at least once or twice a month. I go to a weekly fitness class with one friend, carpool for extra chatting time. Not really a friend get-together per se, but we also do playground or pool meetups with various kids’ friends whose parents I like a couple times a month.
However, the last time I had a “girls’ night” with someone other than my sister or hung out alone with just one of my friends rather than a couple was definitely more than a year ago.
NYCer says
I go to dinner with my best (local) friend on average once per month. She is single, so I tend to go solo to an early dinner. I also get coffee or lunch with another good friend on average once or twice a month. This meet-up is usually during the work day. She is married, but our husbands are not really friends, so we rarely hang out all four of us. I have a couple other friends in NYC who don’t have kids, who I see more sporadically, maybe once a quarter. Most of my other close friends live out of state, so I obviously see them less frequently.
Friends I have met through my kids, I tend to see them at the playground, birthday parties, or other kid activities fairly frequently. I don’t really consider any of them close friends at this point though.
Anon says
With kids in tow, I see friends plus kids 3-4 times a month. I see a few friends who don’t have kids quarterly. I almost never see my mom friends without kids – that just feels impossible for some reason.
I have a lot of friends scattered across the country that I see every few years, and at this point some I haven’t seen for 3+ years. We don’t have any weddings on the horizon and a lot of people have really small kids so may be some time.
Anonymous says
Have any of you done play therapy for your kids? I have an 18 month old foster who I think would benefit. He has big feelings: when he’s happy he’s very happy, when he’s sad he’s very sad. 30 minute tantrums where he hits his head are common. Mostly I want to parent him know a way that validates his big feelings while keeping him safe. Any advice is appreciated. I have an older kid who has big feelings too, but nothing this early or on this scale.
Anon says
i think 18 months sounds very young and that you’re probably handling it well
Anon says
I haven’t, but play therapy doesn’t normally start until at least 3. It would be a very rare 18 month old who has the verbal skills to get anything out of it. This behavior doesn’t seem out of the range of normal to me. My kid was pretty similar.
Anon says
I think this is awesome you are getting this help for your foster kiddo! I almost wonder if you could find a parenting expert who could work with both of you on how to respond to his tantrums in a way that is productive for him?
OP says
I’m actually starting this next week!
SC says
Yes. My son was very similar at 18 months, and we started play therapy at 3 yo. It does seem very rare to have play therapy before 3.
If he’s hitting his head on the floor or wall, try to put something soft under his head, as quickly as you can. The best thing I found was, oddly, a slightly deflated small football or a small nerf football.
Experiment with what he needs to calm down. For my kid, it’s a comfort item and space to calm all the way down. Others may want physical contact, or something else. At the height of a tantrum, when he’s hitting his head, words and reasoning will probably add to an already overloaded kid and won’t have much impact, other than possibly making him more overwhelmed. The times for using words to validate big feelings are just before a tantrum and when you talk about it afterwards.
We had a couple of great books about feelings. At 18 months, the best was Little Monkey Calms Down. We also really liked The Way I Feel. I really like that both books are neutral about big feelings, and the illustrations in both were great for different reasons.
OP says
This is all helpful: thanks! Foster training advises not to leave kids in time out, but he seems to calm down quickest and safest in his crib. Sounds like I will be waiting until 3. I’ll try to have it documented, because at that point we will be paying out of pocket for it.
SC says
Yeah, we don’t call it “time out,” and we don’t use breaks as punishments. (We actually try to use neutral or positive language around breaks.) So, typical language for us, at 18 months, would be, “You need a safe place to calm down. You can sit here with [lovey] until you’re ready to play again.” At that age, I’d stay in the room with him to make sure he was safe. When he was calm, we’d talk about what made him upset and how to manage big feelings when he was upset before moving on.
Anon says
How do you spend your time when work is slow? Get the kids early from daycare? Relax? Find productive chores to catch up on? Trying to find good ways to spend time on those slow days which seem to come more often than not in the summer.
AIMS says
Right now I am using that time to work from home and tackle some organizing projects.
My summer bucket list includes sneaking off for at least one matinee (really not much longer than a long lunch, if you think about it), having some actual long lunches with friends/old colleagues and leaving early/coming in late so I can walk to work and explore the city a bit. I find a lot of enjoyment from just discovering a new bakery or cute shop so this is something that really leads to a lot of reward for me.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Longer exercise during the day and sometimes sneaking in a book (or ok, a silly phone game) during the day.
Pogo says
+1 to longer workouts, that’s my favorite way to spend time when work isn’t insane.
Anon says
Getting kids early in summer and fall when we can get outside – I disagree with the person below who says not to do this. I would never want to be a full time SAHM but love being able to do 3 pm pickups when the weather is nice
Reading and watching TV
Naps
Housework
Catching up on “life admin” stuff
Taking long walks
Talking on the phone to friends or my parents
Anonanonanon says
I think it’d kid dependent. Both of my kids had meltdowns if I picked them up early because it messes up with their routine and it is the end of the world if they don’t get to color or do legos or play on the playground or whatever was about to happen when I arrived.
Anon says
Fair. Between local grandparents and parents with flex schedules, early pickups have always been a regular thing for us, so my kid has never really known anything else. We also are usually able to give her a heads up in the morning. I think at this age she would not like a surprise early pickup unless it was for something really special.
Anon says
How do you spend your time when work is slow? Get the kids early from daycare? Do chores? Relax? Have had many slow days lately) and trying to find productive or recharging ways to spend the extra time (knowing it won’t last long).
Anon says
How do you spend your time when work is slow? Have had many of those lately and trying to find good ways to spend the time (knowing it won’t last). Get the kids early from daycare? Relax? Get ahead on some chores? So many options!
Anonanonanon says
Don’t get the kids early LOL
Are you at home or the office?
On days I’m home and find myself in that situation, I try to use the time to make the evening easier. Can I start dinner in the crockpot? Or at least make sure I have everything I need for dinner? Pack a picnic dinner to eat outside if it’s nice?
If it’s earlier in the day, I usually try to do laundry while listening to a podcast, get my daughter’s outfits for the week set out, maybe do a quick clean of her room so I can run the robot vacuum and dust, I might change sheets on a kid’s bed.
I try to at least listen to a podcast or turn on a mindless tv show while I do these things so it has some element of “me” time.
Anonanonanon says
I forgot to add the workday shower is also a hobby of mine lol. Love taking a shower during the workday.
busybee says
I never have slow days at work but if I did I would pick up my daughter early from daycare and spend the rest of the day playing in our backyard
Cb says
Oof… just got back from 10 days with my son at my parents house and while there were some highlights, T was uncharacteristically clingy and crabby, with a night terror 8/10 nights. Rude when my parents got something “wrong”, whining for juice, etc. Last night, we were staying in a hotel and he just freaked out about taking a shower after swimming (thank goodness it was only my parents in the room next door)and we ended up having my parents drop off dinner, eating dinner in silence while listening to an audiobook. My son is super evenkeeled and polite, but it was like he had been replaced by a naughty gremlin. Lots of whining, grouching, and I feel really sad and embarrassed. I was tempted to hand him off to my husband at the airport pick up and get back in the plane for a proper rest.
He turns 5 and starts school in august, and I wonder if this is just some sort of weird transition moment. I think when we go next summer, he might need some more structure to his days so researching English language day camps.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry. You’re right that it’s probably the anticipation of transition + being in a new place for 10 days (fun, but a stressful change of routine for sensitive kids) + being a young kid. I find it’s almost harder to deal with a kid acting like this when you don’t expect it v. expecting your kid to tantrum (I have two different expectations for my two kids). And who knows what he’ll be like next year – he will grow so much in the next year!
Anonymous says
Was he sleeping in the same room as you? My kids never sleep as well on vacation, even when they are at their grandparents house and all three are in a room together and have been their multiple times. Usually takes a few nights to adjust. Culture shock is also real. Little kids notice everything – how the roofs or doors are different. How the grocery store doesn’t have all the same foods – all that new can be overwhelming. A year is a long time for them so I find even when we visit every year, they experience a lot as ‘new’.
Stressing about a new shower also isn’t unusual A lot of new is overwhelming on their executive functioning at that age. Babies and toddlers seem to tune out the immediate environment differences more whereas preschoolers/early elementary seem to take it all in and think about it.
I’m not sure a daycamp is the answer as that is yet more new stuff. I’d focus on a structured day – like even a chart or calendar that lists Breakfast, beach, lunch at the beach, board games at home in the afternoon, Tacos for dinner. New place to sleep, new foods, new environment is a lot, mine wouldn’t have done well with adding in daycamp (taking them away from their familiar people) in a new place. At age 10 – sure they’d love it, but not at age 5. HTH and of course YMMV.
Anonymous says
Also wanted to add that clingy and crabby isn’t bad behavior. Rude is bad behavior. Clingy and crabby is struggling with emotions and executive functioning. Even in my 8 year old twins, I get a lot more requests to sit on my lap at dinner or when having an ice cream on a park bench. Generally leaning into the requests and given the physical reassurance when necessary will help to ease the requests as they trust they can cling when they need to. Sometimes they do better when I just say yes to sitting on my lap, and they are ready to hop down again and go play after 3-5 mins vs turning it into a debate. I also often end up staying in their room until they fall asleep on the first week of vacation which we never have to do at home.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Sounds like he’s being a super normal kid!
Anon says
This is normal behavior when traveling to an unfamiliar place (and honestly for plenty of kids this age it’s normal behavior in general). New things are overwhelming and scary and this is how kids this age cope with stress and anxiety. I don’t think it’s about lack of structure in his day and I agree daycamp isn’t likely to be the solution at this age and could make the problem worse unless your kid is super confident about new people and new school settings.
Anon says
yea last summer we went away fr 2.5 weeks with our then 3 year old twins who at home typically slept through the night, but maybe did once for the entire trip. we are getting ready to go away again and my bar for sleep is low, especially since one twin currently wakes up way too many times at home. while the grandparents have the space for them to sleep in their own rooms, i think we are just all going to sleep in the same room bc that might be the best chance of success. if it was one kid, id happily let her sleep in my bed, but not having two kids in my. bed
AIMS says
I have a 4.5 and he has recently become difficult in a similar way, and was particularly like this at my mom’s last week. I chalk some of it up to the transitional age and some of it to a change in his routine for summer. I don’t have the easiest time letting it go, to be perfectly honest, but it is what works best. If I stay calm and let him having his little episode of grumpiness, it usually ends quickly and he goes back to his sweet charming self. Admittedly this is harder to do because he’s normally so even keeled that I don’t know how to handle it from him. I don’t remember this with my older daughter at this age but she’s got a tougher personality generally so maybe that’s why it doesn’t stand out.
Cb says
Thanks AIMs this sounds similar, perhaps the age and the summer vibes. I find the rudeness really hard to handle, nothing like a kid telling you “c’mon, what kind of parent doesn’t pack anything interesting to do?” (Live scenes from our hotel last night…)
Anon says
I’m in Mallorca right now with my 4 year old and the other night she got mad about something (I don’t even remember what but it was dumb) and announced “Mommy, this trip is all about what YOU want to do. You didn’t plan anything good for kids… like TV.” This is on a trip filled with pools, beaches, playgrounds, a train ride, gelato etc. (and actually quite a bit of screens while driving). It’s just the age.
Anon says
+1 That doesn’t even seem rude to me, just a tired or overwhelmed kid whose emotions are coming out sideways… but my kids are a little feral ;)
Anonymous says
This reminds me of my friend who paid $$$ for a Disney cruise with her two girls, who wanted only to sit in the stateroom and watch unlimited Disney movies on the tiny TV.
Anon says
Oh, it’s not that bad. She’s happily doing the things we’ve planned and most of the time she’s having fun. But when she gets mad she busts out the “but you’re so selfish you didn’t plan anything for meeeeeee!”
Although I did read something by a guy who took his 8 year old to Antarctica and she said her favorite part of the trip was watching Frozen on the plane. I can see my kid saying that too. And to be totally honest, that was also me as a kid with family travel, except books not TV. I read so many books in the backseats of cars while ignoring the most amazing scenery (Norway, New Zealand, etc.) And of course I would kill to see those places now!
SC says
We just spent a week in Chicago. Kiddo legit had a good time at many places. When asked what his favorite part was, he said the AirBNB. It was a solid AirBNB, but nothing about it was better than our house.
Pogo says
I do know what you mean about needing structure, especially since my kiddo is normally in care from 7:30-5 every day. I definitely like the idea of having a part day camp I can send him to while we are on vacation – it’s not like I don’t want to be around my own child, but he does not do well without structure and he struggles right now with a young brother who can’t keep up with him and still needs to nap (in your case maybe it was being the only kiddo around?).
But yeah, very normal behavior. I think since T is normally such a chill dude it seems gremlin-y, but that’s my kid like 50% of the time lol.
Cb says
Haha, true, my husband told me a story from his holiday about a kid who screamed down a cafe and the family had to leave, so I should count my blessings. He was mesmerised by the aquarium, just this incredible look of wonder on his face, and he had my dad enthralled with his sea creature knowledge (thanks octonauts)
I think i get uptight because my parents were kindly hosting us and really have no memory of normal children. He has his own room there and slept like a champ last time, but wonder if there was something about the light, absence of my husband, etc, that made sleep a bit more difficult.
Anon says
We spent a couple of weeks visiting my parents recently and my 4 year old twins’ behavior was similarly uncharacteristically poor. I was tearing my hair out. We’ve been home for a couple of weeks and, while they’re not perfect, they are sooo much better. They are like different people. For little kids, such a major change in routine/place is very stressful and manifests itself in behavior. You should have your little guy’s normal personality back soon :)
Bean74 says
My kid was a holy terror in the six weeks leading up to his fifth birthday. Daily meltdowns, every transition was a battle, sleep was a disaster, etc. He turned five, and it was like a switch flipped. His sleep turned around and he went back to his usual, pleasant self.
All that to say, hang in there. It sounds developmentally appropriate, even as hard as it is to get through.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi wise-hive. Okay – some questions on EIC vs. private therapy for my 18-month-old who is walking now very occasionally when he feels like it but not consistently (!!!).
We had a private PT eval, and sessions start next week. We also have EIC coming for an eval in the coming weeks, and based on that if they decide DS qualifies, we could have those services. I am realizing that cost-wise, it will likely be a wash – because of our income level we’d pay the full amount for EIC which will likely be similar to private therapy. Does this sound right?
I realize I’m in a very cushy position to have options and am thankful my state which sucks at 90% of things in this realm, seemingly has robust EIC capacity (it must be federally funded).
Anonymous says
If cost is truly the same, I vote private therapy. We did early intervention for four months and I did not have a good experience (therapist refused to show me how to work with my child, insisted she do everything, and my child screamed for the entire hour every session). I switched to private therapy and my child was crawling within two sessions. He still cried during the sessions, but then he would go home and make lots of progress. He’s walking now, at 16 months. This is just one anecdote of course, and I’ve had past experience with EI and it was lovely. It really just depends on the therapist. But private therapy is less paperwork for me. Maybe schedule with both and see who you like best if that’s an option?
Anonymous says
Can you explain this? What is EIC?
OP says
Sorry! EIC, EI, ECI = Early Intervention services provided by state (abbreviations vary) for kids 0-3. This includes speech, physical and/or occupational therapy depending on what your kid needs.
Anon says
I’d start with the private PT. EI can take weeks and months to process and pair you with a provider. Hope you can find what works for you!
FWIW my 18 month old has had PT through EI for about 8 months and before that we did private PT for about 6 months. It took 3-4 months from starting EI paperwork to get matched with a provider. Private PT was better in some ways because they only specialized in pediatrics whereas our PT through EI is a generalist. The plus for the EI was that they come to our home/shorter sessions multiple times a week. Private PT was 45 minutes for us and quite the drive.
As an aside, I’m not familiar with other states but in NY it is free regardless of income level…if your state’s EI program is only partially subsidized based on income level I’d definitely start with private PT.
Anon says
i have a feeling that you aren’t going to need too many sessions if your 18 month old has walked (yay!!!) , so it doesn’t really matter. obviously i am not a PT, but what did the private eval say? do they anticipate your child needing many sessions
OP says
Private eval said that there’s no tone or hip issues, but that DS may need to build up muscles on his feet and just confidence. :) My gut tells me a few months of 1 session/month will be fruitful. I think he’s just one of those that does things how and when he wants…
HSAL says
If there are no issues, I don’t see what therapy would really help? But if it makes you feel better and you can afford it, get the private therapy. If you do EIC it seems like it might delay treatment for a child who needs it more.
Anon says
Yeah I honestly don’t think therapy is needed here. Kids get to things on their own time and he doesn’t sound out of the normal range.
Anon says
We were in EI for speech delay which turned into sound production errors, and I will say going from the county’s EI program for little kids (which ends at 3YO) rolled pretty seamlessly into the eval process and ultimately IEP for pre-school services (starting at 3YO) and kindergarten, in a way I’m not sure coming in “new” to the system would have worked had we been in private therapy. And I will note the services through the IEP are “free” (funded by tax dollars) as opposed to out of pocket which, like you, we would have been paying the full amount. For something like walking and gross-motor, assuming all other indications are good, I would imagine that would resolve by the time the county program kicks you out and (assuming you still qualify) into the public school program, but something to think about.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Thanks all. I think we’ll take the EI eval but likely stick with private – I’m not sure that the EI eval will reveal anything we don’t know but want to make sure we’re checking all the boxes. Super grateful for all of this collective experience!
Anon says
I am currently in EI for my son. I would go forward with your EI evaluation but would continue with private therapy in the meantime. We have had a very frustrating experience with EI. We made the EI referral at about 10 months when DS wasn’t pulling up yet and seemed to have trouble bearing weight in his legs. We started an EI referral in late January of this year, started “developmental therapy” in April at 13 months and did not get in until physical therapy until June at 15 months. I still don’t know what the purpose is of developmental therapy tbh, though it was ok as stopgap until we started PT. PT immediately diagnosed DS as having a tight hip and started stretching it out. Within two visits, DS was full-blown crawling and looks like he will hit the rest of his milestones on his own. We are very happy with the results but are very frustrated it took us so long to see someone, as it seems like if we had just paid for a few sessions of private PT, DS would have had this issues resolved months ago, which seems like what will happen for you. However, I would still proceed with EIC in the off chance that your kid needs longer-term services so that insurance will cover them.
*I did not understand private services were an option until recently and still do not understand how to access them. Our pediatrician was not concerned about DS when we initially made the EI referral, which is part of why we ended up in the EI program instead of trying to get private therapy.
Anon318 says
TL;DR: Am I crazy to think having my 5 and 7 year old kids at home for my last 1-1.5 hours of work is a good idea this coming school year?
This coming year I’m looking for ways to simplify/slow down our days. Toward the end of last year it felt like the kids (then pre-k and k) were going from bed to school to after-school activities/our nanny’s kids’ after-school activities to shower to dinner to bed. I would love for them to have daily down time, time to learn to “be bored”, to get time away from stimulation. I have a neighbor family we can carpool with to bring them home from school or after-school clubs. They would arrive home with 1-1.5 hours left in my WFH work day and I envision them being able to use this time to shower, read, play together or alone in their rooms, etc. They have done well with this a few times this summer and it really changed the atmosphere of dinner and bedtime routines. Am I romanticizing this option? Would it work? Thanks for any and all input!
Anon says
I did it this year. I only have one kid (in K this school year) but I’m not sure two would be harder because at this age they’ll entertain each other. It worked really well and I’m glad I did it. Caveat that I have a flexible job where emergencies are very rare and I basically never travel for work, and I don’t bill my time. I don’t think it would for someone in a Big Job or billable hour job.
Anon says
i think this is such a know your kid thing. and this would work great for some kids and not great for others. if it does not go well, is there an option to switch things back? why were they going to your nanny’s kids activities? in that 1-1.5 hours how critical is it for you to be super productive? and what are your thoughts on half hour of screen time if needed?
Anonymous says
I find this kind of thing works when I am present when they come home for 15- 20 mins. Get them a snack, listen to a bit about their day, then set the oven timer for when I will be done work and give them a list of activities to choose from – like you can play legos, puzzles or read or play outside in the garden. Starting them off with generally ideas gives them a jumping off point. Sometimes I will also allow electronics – like the timer goes off 30 mins before I finish work and they can have ipad time.
Anon says
I’m the Anon at 11:09 and this is basically what I do.
Anon says
This would not work for my extrovert 5.5 year old. She would be in my face expecting me to engage or at least hear about what she was playing with her toys. I could see this working well for a different personality, just not my kid.
Boston Legal Eagle says
You know your kids best as to whether this would work. Would they be looking to you for attention, or even just repeated requests for snacks, turn on show, turn on bath, etc.? Would they start fighting after too much together time? Can you just check emails during those 1.5 hours or do you need to be on? That last question might determine it, and I’d probably look into getting an after school sitter or even a hs mother’s helper to be “on” with them so that they’re not interrupting you as much.
NYCer says
+1. I wrote a longer response that seems to have been eaten, but this was the gist of it.
If you actually need to work work during those last couple hours of the day (as opposed to monitoring emails and wrapping up the day), I would be tempted to hire a babysitter to come play with them at the house instead of leaving them on their own.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Also, would they be doing zero after school activities (which is fine, and probably best for a K-er, but older kid might have soccer once a week or something) or would you have to drive them somewhere and can you do that consistently?
Pogo says
+1 I think this is why my ideal for school age kiddos is an au pair who can be there when they get off the bus and just be around while they do their thing. I also like the idea of unstructured afternoon/evening time, but I cannot commit to being even partially available every day during the same block of time. My job is too demanding/unpredictable.
Spirograph says
+1 to all of this. My kids often got home an hour or two before I finished work last school year and even with my husband in the house they still came and disrupted me wanting attention or snacks, bickering, tattling, etc etc. (And then I usually got to listen to my husband loudly scold them not to disrupt me… which was also disruptive.) YMMV but my kids at 5 and 7 did not grasp the idea of me being home but not available. If you can give them some focused attention or most of your meeting & thinking time is wrapped up by then, it may work, but afternoons tend to be my busy times due to coworker time zones and it was really not ideal.
Anonymous says
I do this. Kiddo takes the bus and gets home around 3:15. Typically she has a snack and gets iPad time until about 4:00 while I finish up some work. I think she could play quietly or read for another 30 minutes or so if needed while I keep working. But usually I’m ready to be done at 4:00 anyway.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This would be my ideal scenario for all the reasons you mention. I’ve thought about doing this when my oldest starts K.
Caveat for me is I sometimes have to be offsite or in the office – and have a big-ish job so there’s often a fire drill – so 4-5 PM is the earliest I can guarantee. I’d still need a nanny/adult that could pick up from school and be with kid(s) at home. I may see if this is something we could get local grandparents to commit to on alternating days with our oldest once he’s in K.
NYCer says
How busy is your day usually in those 1-1.5 hours? By that, is it critical for you to be super productive during the time frame? If it were my kids, there would be a fair bit of need for me to “intervene”, especially right when they get home — e.g., get a snack, find a random toy they are looking for, answer questions, etc. I would have to accept that those 1-1.5 hours would be mostly monitoring email, wrapping up the day (which usually, but not always, is fine for me). It might be helpful if you are open to them having some screen time during that period.
If you need to do hard core work during those last few hours of the day, could you have your nanny or a babysitter just come to the house and play with them? Not sure why they would be going to the nanny’s kids after school activities, but that seems like a fairly easy fix to eliminate that.
Anonymous says
I mean do you have a real job you care about?
HSAL says
Rude. Plenty of people have said it works for them and I’m confident they care about their “real” jobs. My 4s and 6 can handle an hour entertaining themselves. It’s not like OP is talking about performing surgery with kids underfoot.
Anon says
I mean I do this and I have a real job that I care about not getting fired from. “Real job” != Big Law or similarly demanding job.
Anonymous says
I actually think you can get away with this more in Biglaw than in some other jobs because you can just monitor phone/email and flex your schedule a little, whereas I have to prove that I am actually working and doing nothing else from 8:00 am. to 5:00 p.m.
Anon318 says
This. I am very senior in my organization and have the flexibility to set my own schedule. This also comes with the need to be reachable by phone to advise on operational issues at all times, but no one would think twice about hearing kids in the background. I am an extreme morning person, regularly working 4am-6:30am, getting kids up and off to school, then holding meetings/core productive hours between 8am and 2pm. 2-5 is usually reserved for admin stuff/emails, but no one is checking whether I’m sitting at my desk at any time.
That said, I do appreciate the caution to think about how easy it would be to get an after-school sitter or nanny if this doesn’t work. Because that would be fairly easy, I’m thinking I’ll give it a try. Thanks, everyone, for your input!
Anon says
It just depends. Certainly admin assistants and some other lower level roles are more tied to working standard hours, but I have a low level job (no reports, $55k salary) with a lot of flexibility about when and where I work. I also can get away with working shortened hours if I’m efficient when I’m working. I can’t imagine that’s the case for many people who have to bill hours.
SC says
This would work for my kid, who needs downtime in the afternoons. As others have said, I’d probably block 15 minutes to take a break, give him a snack, and chat a bit about his day. Honestly, though, I’m in the office all the time, and I take a 10-15 minute coffee break everyday at 3 pm, so I doubt doing this at home would affect my productivity.
Anon says
random question – what do you put your kids in clothing wise to fly in the summer? i always wear 7/8 leggings + tshirt + sweatshirt. do you put your kids in shorts? i have girls who typically wear dresses most days. do i put leggings under their dress? just shorts? sorry – it has been a while since we flew in the summer
anon says
Leggings, sock + Keen sandals, t-shirt plus sweatshirt!
Anonymous says
Leggings, short-sleeved dress or tee, light cardigan or jean jacket or zip hoodie. Layers with legs covered is key for adaptability to a wide range of temperatures.
Anonymous says
We always do pants and t shirt with a fleece or another warm layer. Planes can be cold.
Pogo says
+1 and everyone also brings their Blankey for extra snuggle factor.
AIMS says
Exactly what you’re wearing except my daughter wears a dress instead of tshirt. I also bring one change of clothing with us in case something happens or our luggage gets lost.
Anon says
Depends where we’re flying? For Maine or another climate that won’t be super warm, usually leggings and a long sleeved t or dress. For warmer climates, leggings and a short sleeved t or dress. I get cold on planes but my kid doesn’t seem bothered by it even if she’s in short sleeves. And even if it’s 90+ when we land, we’re usually getting into a rental car or cab immediately, so shorts aren’t necessary IMO.
anon says
I would do pants + ss shirt/dress + sweatshirt, but my kids (youngest is 9) now opt for shorts.
Anonymous says
I am starting to have in-person meetings on the very casual end of business casual and need help with shoes. Last winter I wore black, white, or gray straight-leg jeans with a sweater and lug-sole chelsea boots, which felt current enough. Now I’m wearing a blazer and plain tee with the same jeans but am struggling with shoes. The stylish option seems to be lug-sole loafers, but I have tried more than a dozen pairs and they all fall right off my narrow feet. In the Before Times I wore Rothys, but those seem dated. Other ideas? Or sources for narrow-width loafers?
Anon says
Caveat that I live in the SEUS, but I have been seeing more sandals than I used to. Something like a heeled mule or something like that. I also am still seeing Rothy’s.
Anon says
I have been seeing this type of shoe a lot– https://www.shopbop.com/kiera-mule-sandals-madewell/vp/v=1/1598987067.htm?currencyCode=USD&extid=SE_froogle_SC_usa&cvosrc=cse.google.MADEW43487&cvo_campaign=SB_Google_USD&ef_id=CjwKCAjwiJqWBhBdEiwAtESPaCZY1GbwXex-BDyLcros0pBUs51LDV6ILwUWpk3kOuJijW7BLa0Y0BoCcWMQAvD_BwE:G:s&s_kwcid=AL!3510!3!381056741180!!!g!375075178557!!6481890679!83142967652&gclid=CjwKCAjwiJqWBhBdEiwAtESPaCZY1GbwXex-BDyLcros0pBUs51LDV6ILwUWpk3kOuJijW7BLa0Y0BoCcWMQAvD_BwE
Anon says
I still wear exclusively Rothy’s but I’ve never worried too much about whether my clothes are dated if it’s something I like and is comfortable. My peers at the office tend to be back in pumps, and since I gave up heels with my arthritis diagnosis two years ago, that’s not something I’ll be keeping up with.
WWYD says
Our nanny is going back to her home country for 3.5 weeks (basically all of August). I do not begrudge her this at all as she has not been able to return home for the entirety of the pandemic, and we have the ability to get backup care through our employers.
Help me decide – should we do backup care the whole time, or take a week of family vacation in there? And if so where should we go? Relevant info:
– nanny watches the toddler (almost 2)
– other kid is 5 and will be in his summer program, already paid for, that we’d have to pull him out of
– we already took 1 vacation this summer (Cape Cod)
– we have not booked anything yet so pickins are slim
– we can definitely swing it work wise and budget wise
– we are in the Northeast and don’t want to fly
Another thing I’m thinking is staycating for a few days, and doing day trips w/ just the toddler & me & DH.
NYCer says
I would take a week of vacation if you can find somewhere you want to go that has availability.
Spirograph says
If you have the PTO, definitely take a vacation for a week and/or staycation. I would look at state parks or KOA-style cabin rentals, or non-touristy beach towns.
OP says
Oooh state parks is a good one! Not overally touristy (and therefore booked up) but still exciting to kids.
Anon says
I love to travel, but with your constraints I’d probably staycation? My favorite parts of the Northeast are probably too similar to Cape Cod to be worth a separate trip. But I’d make sure the 5 year old gets a special day or two with you and/or DH as well. Even if he loves his camp, it could be tough on him knowing parents + younger sibling are off having fun adventures together while he’s at camp.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 My older kid would be VERY sad if he knew we had a whole week with little brother and not him. I’d recommend visiting your local amusement parks or just local splash pads for the week. If you’re near my area, there’s a water park in NH, Canobie Lake and also Storyland that you could use the days for. Or even make a trip out to NH for a night or two and hit those up.
Momofthree says
I would do a staycation and decide whether you want to take the 5 year old out of care or just have the 2 year old. You can also definitely do a real vacation if you find something worthwhile- we had a lot of fun last summer camping for a night w/ our almost 4 year old & 5.5 year old.
One thing to be careful of- is your back-up care through Bright Horizons? Were you planning on center-based care or in-home care? We recently had to use back-up care for our nanny’s medical leave for a month and in-home care was an absolute disaster. We never had anyone for more than 4 days (even though we requested 2 weeks at a time). A care provider got sick & they couldn’t replace them. We had someone cancel on us last minute (i.e., 11pm the night before) bc they didn’t want to take a COVID test. Our kid had a confirmed via PCR not-COVID runny nose & the provider couldn’t come for 2 days (I understand why they did this, but from a work perspective it was a COMPLETE disaster). In hindsight, I wish we’d just bit the bullet on the cost and looked for a local nanny that could help out for a few weeks.
I realize this is a bit geo-specific, but I was counting on back-up care and it completely failed me.
OP says
It’s not Bright Horizons, but it is center-based and it definitely worked out in the past for us. I think it was Knowledge Beginnings? You fill out a form on a portal and it assigned our kid to the closest center w/ an open spot.
Anon says
We live in the Midwest where summers are by far the best season so I’m all about staycation and/or long weekend trips rather than a true get away.
Anon says
Eh Midwest summers are too hot and humid. Late spring and fall are the best seasons here IMO. We always take some summer vacations.
Anonymous says
Omg take the vacation literally no
Question
Anonymous says
I am leading the charge to try to get my firm to stop prorating for maternity leave. Does anyone have any big law firm examples that don’t prorate for leave? So far I know of Debevoise, Milbank, and Weil. Thanks!
anon says
Prorating what? Bonus?
OP says
Yes bonus sorry!
Anon says
I thought this was about prorating hours and I was o confused!
Nyc says
Latham, Davis Polk, Linklaters, Clifford Chance, Akin Gump
Nyc says
I want to add that your HR department can likely call around on their own and figure this out quickly
Anon says
I don’t think Morgan Lewis prorates.
anon says
Skadden doesn’t prorate.
Anon says
It’s been a long week of fevers, broken ACs, extra work and negative pregnancy tests/periods over here. Oof. TTC #2 and I forgot about how much it sucks. And I’m just now realizing it’s been a short week because of 4th of July. Double oof
An.On. says
Sending good vibes your way!