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My little one just told me that he is too big for his first soft book and would like to give it to another baby (sniff).
If you’re just starting your parenting journey, soft books are a great introduction to reading. This colorful and interactive book has fun flaps, multiple textures, and a rhyming story. This durable book is also completely washable, so let your baby explore this easy to hold (and chew) book with abandon!
This Peek-a-Boo Forest Soft Book is $13.99 at Target.
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Cb says
We had a few books like this, but honestly, I hated reading them? Give me a proper story in a board book format. Cavaet – I didn’t have a chewer.
Anonymous says
I think of cloth books as toys, not books. And they are great toys.
Anon says
Yah we saved ours for the car to hand to babies in car seat. But I decluttered them once they were old enough to flip through board books because when you’re drowning in toys, some have to go!
GCA says
Same. This was one of our favorite toys at one stage. Crinkle paper forever.
Emma says
We have two of these soft books and my baby likes to chew on them. While she chews I might read her whatever is on the page but it doesn’t count as “story time”, they are more like toys. I do like the round edge cardboard ones because I can actually read them but she can also chew a bit.
Anonymous says
They’re the best for plane travel because they weigh nothing – board books are so heavy to lug around.
Anon says
This makes me very nostalgic because this was my now 5 year old’s favorite book for a long time when she was a baby.
Cb says
I’ve kept some of my son’s favourite board books – Little Blue Truck, all the Chris Haughton Books, There’s a Bear in My Chair etc. I’m not particularly nostalgic (one small shoe box of momentos) but these sit on my office shelf.
AIMS says
I also save our favorites. And we still read them occasionally when it’s a late night but the kids still want a story (just did “On the Night You Were Born” on Saturday night after a late dinner out).
Anon says
is there special kid nail polish remover?
Cornellian says
There’s non-acetone stuff if that’s what you’re worried about? But I think if you’re applying traditional nail polish to their nails you’ll probably need to use the traditional removers (acetone or not).
Maybe check karma organic?
Mary Moo Cow says
We use Piggy Polish and Piggy Polish remover.
Anonymous says
If you are talking about Piggy Paint, their special remover is strong rubbing alcohol. It doesn’t work. Nothing works on Piggy Paint.
Anon says
Piggy Paint is the worst. Chips immediately yet also impossible to remove.
anon says
Havent figured out our summer vacation plans yet – looking for inspiration. Where are you going this summer? Our kids are 5 and 8. We’re going on a lake vacation at the end of summer, so that part is figured out. We also havent traveled much (just to see our families in different states), so we’re open to anything!
Anonymous says
we are doing our annual beach week in Rehoboth, a long weekend rafting on the New River in WV (5 might be too young for that, though?) and a TBD week somewhere with SIL’s family. I was hoping for the Great Smoky Mountains, but it sounds like they want to go to an all inclusive on a beach. I’m crossing my fingers that DH can convince her to do… almost anything but that.
Anton says
Not your point, but I can empathize with out-of-state family visits taking up all travel. We spend all our money and time traveling to see our families who are each two flights away and not in the same place, so it’s two different, long, expensive trips. We take an actual vacation only once every few years.
Momofthree says
Would be helpful to understand where in the country you are.
We’re doing 1 week house rental in a 4 season resort area (skiing in winter & lake in the summer). We’re doing another week house rental in a beach area that also has a lot of children’s museums/ aquariums/ activities within an hour’s drive. We’ve done Dewey/Rehoboth in the past & really loved it. Most of the affordable close to the beach & dog-friendly houses were rented super early though so we couldn’t make it work this year. We’ve done trips back to my home state to spend time with family. We’ve also done long weekend camping trips within a few hours drive. Some will have cabins you can rent, others have drive up camping sites so you can either sleep in the car or have an electric hookup for the tent. Most of the camping sites we went to had hiking, biking, some times water parks, etc. National parks in general are great & they also tend to be surrounded by other recreational activities. These do tend to fill up fast on weekends so during the week trips could be a better way to get into popular spots.
Anon says
Downeast Maine (Bar Harbor/Acadia NP) is my #1 recommendation for families with school age kids. I’m a little biased because my grandparents retired there and we grew up going every summer, but it’s a beautiful part of the country and there’s so much fun stuff to do with kids. Great food too, especially if you like seafood.
This summer we’re doing our annual week in Maine, a week in Italy (Amalfi Coast) as a family and a week in Iceland just DH & me.
Anon says
Agreed with the location – but the OP might be too late to book something that isn’t unreasonably priced. When we have gone to Maine, we typically have to book at least 8 months to a year out if we don’t want to spend an insane amount of money.
Anon says
It’s definitely late in the season to be booking for that part of Maine, but it depends what time of year you go. July-mid-August is the busiest. Late May/June and mid-August on (after many kids go back to school) is usually a little less crowded. Price-wise, the nicer hotels in Bar Harbor like Bar Harbor Inn and Harborside Hotel are going to be $$$$ regardless of how far in advance you book. They set their rates based on anticipated demand and they know demand is crazy in summer even if you’re booking the previous fall. If you want to spend less than $300/night you’re kind of relegating yourself to a motel or not being in downtown Bar Harbor. The Asticou Inn has availability for under $300/night most days this summer, and that’s a nice place with a gorgeous view, but it’s in Northeast Harbor, not Bar Harbor. You’ll need a car either way so I don’t see it as a big deal to not stay right in Bar Harbor but YMMV.
Anonymous says
I’m taking my 6 year old to Baja for a week to visit my SIL who lives there. Once his passport arrives, I’ll book the flight. DH will stay home to work and care for the twins (age 2) and they’ll go to day care during the day. I also have a flight credit I need to use, but it’s only for me, my mom and my 6 year old, and only to my brother’s city. I need to coordinate that ASAP. Then kiddo will do a couple of VBS camps with his friends: we’ve registered for two so far. We’re also trying to coordinate a beach trip with another family, but TBD weather that actually happens. DH and I got invited to Nashville over July 4th, but I’m not sure who could take care of my kids so we probably won’t end up going. I also need to ask my other SIL if her offer to watch the kids for a week in June was in jest. So, as usual for us, we have a lot of plans up in the air but probably only 10% of them will actually happen.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Kids are 2 and 5 so still don’t have a whole summer to fill (thankfully). For DS #1, his current private Kinder class transitions to a camp through end of July, and DS #2 has FT care/preK all summer (all in one place).
To fill gaps – YMCA camp for DS #1, a trip to Cabo (fingers crossed on hurricanes), and then some PTO days and family help. I also want DS #1 to just kind of putter around the house and get used to a new wake-up routine the week before he starts K at public school while I WFH and hopefully sign off early those days.
Summer is long and very hot where we live – not prime outside time like it is for many others who post here – so I also plan to use our local pools (Y and neighbor’s house), and hopefully take some local adventures.
Anon says
We are just doing our annual multi-generational family beach week, and may also head to my parent’s (2 hour drive) for a few days for fourth of July if my sister will also be in town. Kiddo (5, turning 6 this summer) will also spend 2 weeks at my parents’ house by herself with them, with one of those weeks partially filled with a half-day camp. These comments of multiple week-long summer vacations is just mind-blowing to me, but then I remembered that people not in BigLaw actually use their full allotments of vacation time. We are going to go to London during winter break though and I am very excited for that.
Anon says
I have more vacation leave than most people (and use all of it) but I’m also still catching up on vacation leave and budget accrued during Covid. I took essentially zero time off in 2020 and significantly less than normal in 2021 because we were still being careful with an unvaxxed kid, so 2022 and 2023 have been kind of nuts travel-wise. Next year should be more normal.
Mary Moo Cow says
Mine will be 5 and 8 this summer. We’re going to visit my sister one state away for the long 4th of July weekend and our annual week at the beach in August (NC but not the Outer Banks). We just started talking about a weekend with friends in the NC mountains. Outside of the beach and visiting family, we had not traveled (taken a real vacation) since the kids were born. We went to Disney in January and it went so well that I’ve got the travel bug now.
If you’re on the East Coast, a few days in Charleston could be fun. We just went for an overnight on the way home from visiting family and could have stayed another day. You could stay downtown, in the suburbs, or on one of the beaches.
On my list is Quebec and Mohonk Mountain House. Two families I know have had a ton of fun in Myrtle Beach with school age kids.
SC says
We are going to Asheville. We rented an AirBNB for 2 weeks. My son is going to sleepaway camp the first week, I’ll work during the day, and DH will be off. Then the next week, we will have a family vacation with hiking, rafting, treetop ropes course, Biltmore, etc. I grew up going to Asheville in the summers, so it feels very easy and familiar to me this year, which I need. I wasn’t up for planning my kid’s birthday party (DH took over, booked a party place, and sent invitations to all the parents). I definitely can’t plan a complicated trip right now.
A says
We’re going to a family reunion kind of week on the Outer Banks in NC (my parents have a house there), and doing a few days of canoe camping on the Current River in SE Missouri in conjunction with a road trip to a family wedding in Columbus. This is a lot of driving as we are in NYC, but we really like the Current River and it is hard to fly with a lot of camping gear.
Other past summer trips we have loved include Maine – we felt we were too late to do Acadia so did Portland and an AMC family camp thing at one of their Maine lodges near Katahdin – highly recommend.
Emma says
Advice needed – I am entitled to a 12 month maternity leave (Canada) and was planning to start work the first week of September (baby was born mid-September). My office goes pretty dead in the summer so it seemed like a good time to come back. A highly sought-after daycare just called and they have a spot in June, but we have to take it in June or it goes to someone else. If it were you, would you take the spot? I’m pretty sure my office would let me come back sooner, but we have a trip planned in July. Would it be confusing for baby to start daycare, then go on vacation, then go back to daycare? She would be 9 months in June, which seems to be peak separation anxiety, although she is super social right now and doesn’t seem to have stranger danger at 7 months. She does a mini-daycare one morning a week and seems to be enjoying that, but might feel differently about full-time care. Financially, it would make sense for me to start working sooner, but I might regret not taking my full leave. I’m not sure we can afford daycare if I’m not working and just getting the government mat leave stipend for the summer.
Anonymous says
I would start her in day care but work part time or not work if at all possible. Getting through the first three months of day care sickness before going back to work would be incredibly helpful.
FP says
Could you take the spot in June, ease her into it (like half days or only a couple of days a week), and go back to work immediately following your trip in July? We had a similar situation where I had a five month leave and a spot at our on-site daycare opened up at month three. I used that two months to do partial days at daycare where I went to the gym, went to the grocery, etc. This made my first day back at work a thousand times easier because he had already been doing a daycare drop offs, and the week before I went back to work we did a practice run of a full day.
Cornellian says
Yeah, this is what I would do. Plus you can get some of the constant sickness out of the way.
Momofthree says
Agree on this. I eased back (for a shorter period of 2-3 weeks) with my first and it was really helpful.
Celia says
This is great advice. I also did an ease in – put my kid into daycare for a month before I went back to work – and it was amazing in terms of being able to help him with the transition, setting up a routine, and getting a break for myself.
Anonymous says
Also in Canada – I’d take the spot only because in my area at least it’s super hard to get care for the 12-24 months age. Much easier for 2-3 year olds because of the ratio change at that age.
Run your numbers – maybe you can afford to stay off if you dial back on vacation expenses (less eating out etc), or maybe go back after your trip in July? Or alternatively, can your DH take his leave and stretch until October/November before you need care?
At centres, most child care spaces open up in the June to September period because in last August/early September the oldest kids start school so everyone moves up a room and spaces in the youngest rooms open up.
Emma says
Thanks, all. I’m leaning towards starting work in August as you’re suggesting – we can actually swing daycare fees and me not working for two months, even if it will be a bit tight. That way we can do a gradual daycare introduction in June, go on vacation in July, and I start work in August without any awkward PTO discussions and probably a slower ramp-up on my end. And yes, daycare spots for the under 18 month crowd are few and far between around here, which is why I’m considering taking this. The centre is well-rated and reasonably close to our house. I’m going for a visit tomorrow and will ask if we could do half days in June or something like that.
Anon says
This sounds right to me. Fwiw we were able to do a really gradual daycare introduction because my daughter started in June and my husband is a professor, so she went for as little as an hour a day at first and gradually worked up to full-time by August. Maybe the transition would have been a breeze anyway, but it definitely didn’t hurt and the teachers at the daycare all commented that they thought she had an especially easy transition because we were able to do it so gradually. A 9 month old is young enough that starting and then going on vacation is not going to be a big deal.
Anonymous says
I would be prepared to pay for full-time care and then just use as much of it as you want.
Anon says
+1 I wouldn’t expect to get any kind of discount, but they should let you pick your child up whenever you want.
This says
+1 they probably won’t let you pay for half days, you’ll have to pay full price to keep the spot. But that in no way means you have to have baby there full time.
Anonymous says
I think you’ll have more luck asking to delay the start date for payment by a week or so vs. asking for part time for a longer period.
If you can afford it at all, I would take the spot in June, not send baby until after vacation because you don’t want baby getting sick right before vacation, then ramp up slowly through August – first week 2 hours, 2nd week 4 hours, 3rd week 6 hour days etc. That way you have time to prep for back to work – get your wardrobe in order, catch up on laundry, meal prep, anything that will make your first couple months back at work run smoothly. And then start back in late August – the wednesday before Labour Day weekend is always a good start date – 3 day week followed by a 4 day week so you’re back to work a bit before you have to do a full 5 day week.
AwayEmily says
Yes to everyone who says take the spot in June. That’s basically what we did with our most recent baby — sent her before we planned to (and while I was still on leave) because a spot opened up. It was great because it took her a LONG time to learn to nap at daycare, and so for the first couple of months we had the flexibility to keep her home for her first nap, or pick her up early — so she wasn’t a sleep-deprived mess. We did have to pay for full-time care but it was worth it to me.
GCA says
And the not-napping interacts with daycare germs, so that you get an extra crabby baby who is prone to falling sick because their immune system is borked from not sleeping! (This may be less of a concern with an older baby whose sleep habits are more solidified, but it really depends on the kid.) Agree with everyone to take the spot, ease into daycare, and get the first few weeks of illness and the worst separation anxiety (baby, not you) over with before you go back to work full-time.
Anon says
WWYD– DH has a conference in San Diego this fall. We have talked about going as a family for a while– I have a lot of family in the area who have not met DS due to Covid, and I have always liked the area. DS will be 2.5 at the time of the conference. If I went with DS, we would fly as a family on the Thursday or Friday the weekend before the conference, then I would fly home by myself with DS on Monday. We have still never flown with DS. Flight would be a 3.5-4 hour direct flight to the SEUS. I’m very nervous about the idea of traveling by myself with the toddler, and the length of time of the trip + the time change makes the logistics seem not worth it… but I have also realized that if I keep thinking this way, we will never travel with our toddler and maybe should just go for it? Has anyone done a similar trip and had a positive experience?
Anon says
I don’t know if this is just my particular kid, but I always found flying solo with a kid to be the easy part of traveling solo with a kid. You pack snacks and activities and people will help you out more than you expect. If nothing else, it’s very time-limited and you can survive anything for just a few hours. I’ve said this before but I flew solo with my kid when she was 11 months to meet my parents in Hawaii and the flights (13+ hours each way with a layover) were seriously the easiest part of the trip. The flights were so much more manageable than I anticipated, and the trip overall was much worse than I anticipated due to jetlag, sleep deprivation and being the only parent 24/7. Granted, age 2.5 is a different animal than almost 1 – the flights will be harder and the jetlag and solo parenting may or may not be easier, but I still would not overthink the flying solo aspect of this. It’s a 4 hour direct flight, you can survive it.
But also age 2 is a tough age for travel in general, probably the toughest age to travel with overall, so there’s nothing wrong with deciding you’d rather wait and do this kind of trip in a year or two. We travel a lot with our kid (we only have one, which definitely makes things easier) but it’s mainly because we want to have travel experiences with her. A 2 year old is not getting anything out of travel, so if you don’t feel like it will be worth it there’s no need to do it.
AwayEmily says
I was going to write a response but this one says everything I was going to! It won’t be terrible and people will be helpful, but also if it stresses you out then you don’t have to do it! We did not travel much with our kids when they were young, partly because of the pandemic but partly because my husband and I did not find it particularly enjoyable. No regrets.
Anonymous says
I’m sort of leaning toward you should do it, but I have a 6 year old and twin 2 year olds so we don’t fly anymore and I’m itching to travel. I also love SD and think there’s a ton of stuff to do with little kids there so that also makes me biased in favor of it. We flew to SD when our oldest was 18 months. We went to visit some friends who lived there and also had an 18 month old. We flew from Texas and tbh the jet lag was fine: he got up early. We hit the zoo and Balboa park and Coronado. We were there three full days. I guess the one thing about your situation that gives me pause is you won’t have a lot of help. With our friends, nap schedules coordinated and DH was with me the whole time. I think it’s fine if you decide this is too much for you, but it could also be fun.
anon says
You can do it! I flew with my 1.5 year old and 4 year old alone somehow….I honestly feel like I blacked out but agree with others, people will help you.
IDK what you’re planning re: car seats but while they are annoying to lug they are a lifesaver to keep the kid locked/buckled in. Load the tablet with Daniel Tiger, etc and pack a lot of snacks. There are tons of blogs on how to handle it, if you go the car seat on flight route I’d recommend the Britax Travel Cart. Just give yourself extra time, check everything except what you’ll use on the flight and you’ll be good.
Anon says
My experience is that flying west with a toddler is he11, especially for a short trip.
My 2.5 yo, who normally woke up between 6-7 am, was up by 3-4 am each morning and demanding breakfast. She was ready for bed and melting down by 3-4 PM each day. She didn’t adjust to the time change at all. It was super unpleasant and the worst trip of my life, hands down.
Anon says
Yes, conventional wisdom has it that going west is easier, but my experience with kids is the opposite. You can wake a kid up in the morning much more easily than you can force them to go back to sleep when they wake up too early.
Anonymous says
Just go. Travel with kids is exhausting and chaotic but I’ve never regretted a trip. I’m even taking all three to Europe myself this summer for a week because DH has work.
Anon says
Go. You have family there, it’s a great city for kids, and the travel will be fine. I totally get the tendency to think it won’t be worth it because of the logistics, but it’s always worth it. It will help prove to you that you can get out and do these things and that the reality isn’t as bad as the anxiety.
DLC says
I agree with this. I think spending time with family/friends is always worth it. (Unless you don’t have a good relationship with them, of course.) If you are genuinely excited for your son to meet family and vice versa, a hard flight won’t take the joy of having time to connect away. My father was once stuck on the tarmac for two hours with my toddler, and she was a restless terror and they finished all their snacks before getting off the ground… and you know what? It’s kind of a funny story now and they had a great adventure in Colorado when they landed. I mean you know your own limits, but I’m definitely in the camp of “do it”.
anon says
We’ve traveled a lot with little kids and honestly the flights themselves aren’t really that bad. The advantage to it being your second flight is that you’ll have figured out the best way to get through the airport already. Traveling with a 2.5yo can be exhausting, but if you make sure you have plenty of activities and snacks you’ll make it through. I took my twins solo on a plane at 2.25 and while it was only a 2-hour flight, they spent a solid half of it playing with new sticker books.
Time zones are definitely annoying–my kids have a harder time adjusting to the 3 hours to California than the 6 hours to Europe, but I’d still say it’s worth it for our family to get to go places. And San Diego is an awesome city to visit!
Anonymous says
I flew with 2 kids solo this year and it was totally smooth. I’d go. Even if it’s an absolute disaster, it’s 4hrs. You’ll survive.
Anon says
Totally agree with your last two sentences. What’s the worst that can happen logistics-wise? It may totally suck for that short time, but you’ll all get through it.
Anon says
My parents live in Arizona so I make the flight out west often with my toddler, both solo and with my husband. It’s always worth it for us. Travel days are never fun, but the flights are never as miserable as I’m anticipating and you can survive anything for 4-6 hours. Try the trip once and see if it’s worth it for you!
My take is that there are no rules on an airplane. She gets ALL the screen time. Snack galore. At some point she’ll eat off the floor. It’s all good as long as she’s fairly quiet.
Some caveats: the time change is fairly brutal so plan around that. My daughter wakes up at the same time every morning (so 5 am in Arizona). We can usually push bedtime a little but not much, so she’s usually asleep by 6/7pm AZT and we’re in for the night.
If you can- take advantage of your family for babysitting or even mother’s helper-ing. An extra adult who’s willing to walk the toddler around the restaurant while you and your husband enjoy a cocktail and appetizer is A++.
Anon says
Oh! Thought of one more thing- I’d definitely recommend the first flight out on Thursday. 5 days is my minimum “worth it” trip length when flights are involved. My daughter won’t sleep on airplanes (no matter what) so we try to fly pre-nap time, get settled and let her nap/us relax and then have a chill afternoon activity. She also won’t really sleep in cars etc so it was pretty easy to guess that plane naps were a no go. If he’s an easy napper it’s probably worth it to aim for nap time flights.
Anon says
+1 we do the same schedule. A late nap is also really helpful when flying west because it lets you naturally extended bedtime to a more reasonable time in the local timezone. My kid is 5 and gave up naps at home and school years ago, but we still have her nap when traveling, especially westbound.
Anon says
+1 to everyone saying the jetlag is the biggest issue. West Coast (-3 hours) is harder than Europe (+6 hours) for my kid although part of that is probably that on the west coast we’re usually visiting local friends with kids who need less sleep overall than my kid so they have like 9-10 pm bedtimes and my kid is done for the day by 4 pm with the jetlag.
Anon says
Sigh, I posted recently about whether or not we should let our kid quit (reform Jewish) Sunday school and after an especially bad experience this past Sunday (wrestling her in the car while she screamed “I am NOT Jewish!”) we’ve decided not to make her do it again next year. It seems like the only thing we’re accomplishing is making her hate religion and I figure if we let her quit now there’s some chance she’ll express more interest as a older child or teen. We’re doing the right thing, right? She’s starting K next year and I figure that transition is hard enough without fighting a battle about religious school every Sunday morning. Plus she wants to do Girl Scouts and apparently wants to sign up for dance again (she was very lukewarm on dance until she saw the recital costume, and now she’s begging to do it again) and I really don’t want to overwhelm her with activities or deny her the chance to do things she cares about.
Anon says
i would take a break and try again when she is older. i am jewish and for me, my kids not going to sunday school would not really be an option and i’d try a different program, but if i recall in your case there werent other options. my cousins have 3 kids, 2 of which are old enough for sunday school and this year one of the kids did not do it because she always refused to and the Rabbi said there is more than one way to foster a jewish identity. now her younger brother goes weekly and she seems to be jealous and wants to go again next year and is going to a jewish summer camp this summer. i believe you live in an area without many jewish people, so perhaps still find other ways to expose her to judaism rather than through sunday school, even something as small as lighting candles and eating challah on Friday night. is there a jcc near you? do you receive the PJ library books (many of them are not exactly my favorite books, but my same aged kids seem to like them).
OP says
Correct, no other options. My small red state city has a conservative temple and a reform temple, the Sunday school program is joint. We are members of neither but would only consider joining the reform temple. No JCC. We do get PJ Library and will definitely suggest she go to the Jewish sleepaway summer camp my husband attended, which is nearby-ish (~3 hours away), although I don’t think we would force sleepaway camp and not ever kid is the right fit for the traditional outdoorsy camp in the woods. I would have hated it, not because of the Jewish thing but because I was an unathletic, bookish nerd who was much happier at indoor academic camps. My kid doesn’t seem particularly athletic or academic so TBD on what kind of camp will be the right fit.
Anon says
i was also an un-athletic bookish nerd who still liked summer camp. not all summer camps are so outdoorsy. i guess i am the granddaughter of two Holocaust survivors and so maintaining jewish culture is pretty important to me on a personal and familial level, but i would not consider myself religious really at all, but it is obviously up to you and your husband at this stage whether this is at all important to you. i agree with the poster below that a lot of the ‘fun’ of it is from the community aspect. my daughter who is the same age and at a jewish preschool keeps running around the house singing happy birthday to israel (so if you want to start small at home, you can blow out a candle tomorrow in a cupcake for israel’s birthday and play the very silly PJ library board game that was recently sent). though she has also remarked at times that she wishes she was jewish and not jewish, so she could celebrate easter. and we talk about how we can still enjoy parts of other religions/cultures, even without being part of that specific religion
anon. says
I missed your last comment so I’m not sure of your particular circumstances, but I do not view this as optional (depending on your personal circumstances – again, didn’t see your comment). We are reform Jewish in a red state, not a lot of Jewish people nearby, so that could influence my thoughts. If you are not in an area with a lot of Jewish people and she’s not growing up around them, I just don’t think it’s the same as sports or day camps. My kids go, from the first year they are able to, and it is enriching all of our lives. You seem to want confirmation here that you are doing the right thing, but how can she express more interest in something she doesn’t know about?
OP says
We do view it differently than other activities and didn’t let her quit at the drop of a hat the way we would with something like dance. We were planning to make her continue but over the course of the year it escalated from run of the mill “it’s so boring I don’t want to go” whining to full-on meltdowns every week and screaming about how she hates being Jewish and isn’t Jewish, and it felt to me like it was becoming counter-productive and just making her want nothing to do with Judaism vs at least having a cultural connection to it through our family. Our families are not very religious and the only data point we have for a strict religious upbringing is my dad who is so anti-religious as an adult that he would do things like get a Christmas tree to p1ss his mother off. So I guess that’s kind of what we’re trying to avoid… and I do get that kids have to do things they don’t want to do, including school and swimming lessons, but she has never reacted this way to either school or swimming and if she reacted this way to swimming we would let her quit and try again at an older age (but I’m not someone who thinks 5 year olds have to know how to swim).
I guess I feel like we’re not making the decision forever? We will keep talking about it and asking her if she wants to go back. We’ll suggest she attend the Jewish summer camp my husband had a positive experience at. We will suggest Birthright when she’s a teen (that was the one thing she was excited about, lol, and she was very disappointed when we told her there weren’t group trips to Israel for 5 year olds). We celebrate holidays at home and with extended family. You seem to be painting it as a binary like no Judaism vs Sunday school every week and I think there’s a lot of middle ground.
anon. says
I’m the poster you’re responding to and want you to know that I absolutely appreciate your problem and I’m not undermining it. I think I was that kid for awhile though maybe not to that extent. I will though point out that Judaism is in very large part a communal religion. So while of course the posters encouraging home practice, lighting the candles, etc. is important, the “kehilah kedosha” or “sacred community” is really a critical part of all of it. So how will you give her that from a young age?
Anonymous says
I think letting her quit at age 4 doesn’t mean forever! Take the fall off and sign her up next spring (if that’s a possibility.)
Take to the rabbi and see what some other options are. IMO you want her to be exposed to the culture/faith.
Are there any programs near you for PK aged kids? Could you find/start a little playgroup off kids from Sunday school? I’m in an area with more Jewish people than you are, but still, we see signs for “bagels and ____” meetups for Jewish families with young kids. Or perhaps there’s a summer camp /program she can do.
My youngest is also headed to K next year and I guarantee you anything she says now will be subject to change! Don’t worry about her protesting too much. One of mine had to be dragged/bribed into swim in PK and now she is on a swim team!
OP says
I don’t think think doing the spring semester only is an option but there are some family events that are open to the public like apple picking for Rosh Hashanah and Purim carnival, etc. so we were thinking we would try to go to those next year. She enjoyed those things more than the classroom activities.
Momofthree says
PreK is pretty early to start Hebrew school, so I think it’s reasonable to just have her finish out the year. That being said, at some point, you’ll have to decide whether you will push her to do it even if she doesn’t like it- if so, at what point?
I remember you posting about this earlier, but not exactly what your decision criteria were or how committed you were to religious education. If you want her to continue to get exposure to the religion, you could try to incorporate practices into your daily life at home (we say prayers. light candles have challah every Friday) or you could participate as a family in other religious events (our synagogue celebrates most of the major & minor holidays with family events and has other kid offerings as well).
If you want her to have her bat mitzvah, you can probably wait a few years since earnest study happens late elementary/ middle school. This may however be challenging from a social perspective if she doesn’t know the other kids. If the challenge now is that she doesn’t know the other kids, then perhaps before trying again next time, you can schedule play dates with other kids from the class, so she feels like she knows someone there.
I think the question to answer is- is religious education something that you expect your kids to do? My children do not like particularly like swim lessons (or religious ed for that matter, although they seem happy when we pick them up). We’ve been clear that swimming is a safety issue (they can stop when we’re confident they’re ok in the water). We treat religious education similar to regular school- it’s something you have to do, even if you may not like it on any given day. I’m not trying to suggest that 1 answer is better than the other. It’s a decision for each family to make. If you’re choosing to quit now, are you comfortable never having her go back, or alternatively, what can you do to help make the next time go better?
OP says
All fair questions. I guess right now I feel like we’re just making the decision for next year, and we’ll cross the bridge about subsequent years when we get there? Neither my husband or I had formal religious education, so it does feel like there’s an element of hypocrisy in forcing her to do what we didn’t. Not too worried about the social aspect of her starting later. We live in a college town so there are always new people every year and she generally does fine meeting new kids.
I mentioned above but her reaction to it goes way beyond “I don’t want to do it” whining – it’s really escalated in the last couple months into intense meltdowns and vehemently saying she hates it, hates being Jewish, doesn’t consider herself Jewish etc. We’d definitely let her quit swim and try again at an older age if she were reacting to swim lessons this way. We wouldn’t let her quit regular school because it’s the law that kids go to school, but we’d be having some pretty serious conversations with teachers, therapists, etc. if she were having screaming fits like this about school because I don’t think that’s normal or healthy at this age to hate school that much. So school/swim lessons don’t feel like a fair comparison to me.
Anon says
if i also recall you posting that it is a pretty small number of kids in the class. it could be there is something happening with one of the kids, or with the comments about “i am not jewish, hates being jewish” etc., i wonder if she has heard or overheard someone say something negative about jews in some other place. though it seems a bit young for kids to be teasing about religion. those are just some STRONG feelings about being jewish at such a young age. i know you said right now you aren’t members of either temple, but could you reach out to the reform temple, and maybe explain the situation and see if they have other suggestions. or maybe start going to services (at a reform synagogue they aren’t very long) or if they have any other family oriented events. i also don’t think the fact that neither you nor your husband had any formal religious education and now ‘forcing’ your daughter is hypocritical, it’s just different circumstances and it sounds like your husband went to jewish summer camp. how did you end up married to one another? did either of you care about marrying someone jewish and if so, why?
OP says
Good memory, yes, very small classes sizes… currently I think her class only has 3 kids including her. I don’t think she has conflicts with either of the kids but I don’t think she particularly vibes with them and she’s used to bigger, more bustling environments (preschool is 20 kids and other activities like dance are 10-15). I don’t think she’s necessarily heard anything negative about her religion. My child is VERY intense and dramatic, so this doesn’t behavior doesn’t really surprise me, she’s just very very dramatic when we make her do something she doesn’t want to do. She does the typical “I wish we could celebrate Christmas like so-and-so” stuff but this is very different and only happens when she’s being made to go to Sunday school.
Neither my husband nor I felt strongly about marrying someone Jewish. He’s the grandchild of Holocaust survivors and his father was born in a WWII refugee camp but his family is not religious (neither is mine). He was sent to summer camp because his mom worked full-time and needed him out of the house for the summer and the camp was nearby and affordable. I don’t think it being Jewish was a huge factor. It’s a shared common ground that I appreciate has made certain things easier but I would have wanted to marry him regardless of whether or not he was Jewish and he feels the same way.
Anon says
got it. i mean presumably his mother could’ve also sent him to non jewish summer camp? you just also need to decide what is right for your family. if the class size is so small, do they ever combine the classes like to the K & 1 kids together so then maybe it would be ~8 kids rather than so few. if you decide that exposing your kid to some kind of jewish stuff is important to you, then i’d reach out to the synagogue and try to come up with some other way to expose her
Momofthree says
That’s very fair. Agreed that stopping in prek doesn’t mean stopping forever. We’ve definitely had starts and stops with swimming but now they’re in K & 1st and we’re holding the line more.
If it’s just exposure to the religion, I’d echo what others have said- you can try to incorporate practices into your life (most holidays have delicious foods, my kids love lighting candles & learning to say the prayers) or see if the reform synagogue has other events that you can attend that aren’t religious ed.
May be worthwhile asking your kid in a more neutral setting/ when she’s done for the year why she didn’t like it- was it the teacher? What they were being told? The other kids? If it’s a teacher issue/ curriculum, I assume the program would want to know. (To be clear, most of the time when I ask my kids this, they’ll say “it’s boring” so I get that you may not get any useful information).
Anon says
We’ve asked – the biggest complaints have been that it’s really boring and confusing. I think most of the other kids are from families that are significantly more religious than ours (at least one is the rabbi’s kid) so there’s a lot of stuff that goes over her head that the other kids probably get. She complains a lot about them saying things in Hebrew she doesn’t understand. We tried talking about how she can ask questions and tell them she’s confused, but she said she feels like she’d be interrupting the lesson and we’ve had problems both at home and regular school with her interrupting adults and not staying on task during a teacher’s lesson, so not sure we want to push her to speak up in this context. I will say from having observed small parts of classes that while her teenage teachers are nice they certainly don’t bring the curriculum to life the way professional teachers do. This is not a criticism of them and obviously you can’t expect a teen who’s volunteering to engage kids the way a licensed professional can but that may be part of why she finds it so boring compared to school and other activities.
EDAnon says
I actually found my son was better about going once he was in school because, for us, the church class structure was more like school than child care (which was all playing). You might try next year but drop it this year and for the summer (ours doesn’t run in the summer anyway).
Anonymous says
My early church experiences were so negative that I declared myself an atheist at age 7 or 8 and remained one until college, so I am definitely of the opinion that forcing a young child to go to religious education can do more harm than good. We tried to start taking our daughter to church and Sunday school when she was about 3, then backed off when she told us “I don’t want to go to the God school.” When she was in middle school and of the age to be confirmed, we picked a church with a good confirmation class and told her she had to finish the class but she would decide for herself whether to be confirmed. That approach was much more effective and helped to disentangle the cultural things she disliked about Sunday school from the actual religious content. YMMV if your main goal for Sunday school is cultural rather than religious.
Anonyy says
My 7 year old has a cavity in her permanent molar, which has been in her mouth for less than 6 months. I feel like such a massive failure right now. Almost no kids get cavities in their permanent teeth at this age. I’m getting a second opinion and hopefully her first dentist is just being overly cautious and/or lying, because I’m not sure how I’ll live with being a parents whose kid is one of the fraction of a percent who needs fillings in permanent teeth at age 7.
Mary Moo Cow says
Is it possible that it is not a cavity caused by food or brushing habits but a tooth deformity? That happened to my daughter (albeit it was a baby molar.) The tooth grew in with a hole in it. If not and it’s down to habits, well, when you know better you do better. Don’t beat yourself up over it, but just call it a life experience and try to move on.
Anonyy says
Thanks, I appreciate it :)
Anonymous says
+1. Our dentist said that it’s pretty common for the enamel not to fully form on molars, and then a cavity will develop there.
Anon says
I think you should definitely get a second opinion. Some dentists are definitely more aggressive about drilling, and with a permanent tooth I’d want to make sure my dentist isn’t one of the aggressive ones. But even if your child has a cavity that needs drilling, it’s not your fault. It’s almost all genetic! Apparently how much saliva you naturally have is a big factor. I have never had great oral hygiene but have never had cavities and multiple dentists have told me it’s because I have lots of saliva in my mouth, which apparently is bad for tartar but good for cavities. My husband has much better habits and has had tons of cavities.
Anonyy says
Thanks! We have a second opinion scheduled for a week and a half from now, so it feels good to be taking a proactive step.
DLC says
My six year old has four cavities and needs crowns on his baby teeth. We are not lax on brushing. I echo what anon 1:56 says- there is certainly a genetic component that makes teeth susceptible to cavities. You are not a failure!
Anonyy says
At least yours are on the baby teeth! This is on her permanent tooth, so approx. 4 months into having this tooth she’s supposed to have for the rest of her life, it’s already screwed up. It’s awful. Wishing all the best to you and your kiddo.
Hmm says
Gently, I think you’re overreacting a bit. Cavities happen even in permanent teeth. As long as they’re addressed promptly and appropriately, it isn’t really that big a deal.
Anon says
I definitely had cavities in my permanent molars (multiple teeth) before I was 8 (we moved when I was 8, which is how I know) and I assure you I don’t blame my parents, still have a few of those original fillings at 36 (and they have not yet turned into crowns, but one or two have been replaced in my 30s), and I brushed my teeth pretty well as a kid (probably better than I do as an adult). So much of it is genetics!
Anonyy says
Thanks for sharing, that actually helps a lot. :) Glad to hear your fillings are holding up ok!
Cavities says
Same!!!
Celia says
Cavities happen! Get a second opinion and then make sure with your dentist that the routine and brushing technique is appropriate. I had a cavity at that age and my teeth are fine.
Anonyy says
Was it in your permanent tooth though? I’m reading all about baby teeth with cavities at this age, but apparently cavities in the permanent molar basically never happen. Except to my kid.
Anon says
Not a dentist but it sounds like a pre-existing deformity in the tooth to me.
Lil says
I am here to tell you that my 6 year old has molars coming into with soft enamel that will certainly be a cavity if not sealed soon. It seems that it happens for a small subset of kids and our pediatric dentist said they don’t know why. I was shocked but the dentist assured me it was not caused by his brushing habits. He’s getting laughing gas for them to seal it. That should be interesting!
Anonyy says
That’s the plan for ours as well – except ours will be for a filling and sealants apparently! Best of luck to you and the kiddo, that’s great you’re able to address it proactively.
Anonymous says
How do you all store/secure your good jewelry? I don’t have much (any?) that is truly irreplaceable from a financial perspective, but I do have some that is both nice and sentimental. The sentimental aspect makes it irreplaceable to me. For example, my deceased mother’s diamond earrings. Her gold wedding band (no stones). My deceased grandmother’s wedding band. I know that a safety depost box is one option. But I also like to wear this stuff sometimes, so having it my home is preferred. My biggest concern is securing it with respect to babysitters and nannies. Not that we’d invite anyone back that we don’t trust, but during the initial period where you’re getting to know someone, there is an element of risk. We recently had some friends have cash go missing with a new babysitter, and that got me thinking about it. Thanks!
Celia says
My mom always had a safe at home for this. I think a pro can crack those or a burglar would just have grabbed the whole thing but I doubt a babysitter or nanny would try! Or you could just buy a combination lock from Home Depot for a little box or even to secure a zippered bag. Again that might not deter a professional, but would probably cover you for this.
Anonymous says
IMO the simplest solution would be to wear them when you try a new babysitter. Is that an option?
Anonymous says
A safe. I have cleaning ladies and a babysitter and nothing has ever gone missing.
anonM says
Get a small safe. We had a neighbor growing up who house sat occasionally, and who we really trusted, but before we realized there was dr*g problem he stole from us. Something that sentimental you want to pack up just in case! (Kids, theft, fire, just losing it, etc.) It’s not an issue of trusting specific individuals, it is just treating something important to you with appropriate care. It’s also good to keep passports and that sort of thing in there.