CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 50 Comments · by

Everyone Thursday: Ballet Flats

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Paul Mayer Best Quilted LeatherI was intrigued to see these Paul Mayer ballet flats on Bloomingdale’s list of bestselling shoes — they look so much like Chanel flats, but for only $225. There are only three reviews, but all three use phrases like “super comfortable” — one acolyte even says they are the most comfortable shoes she has ever owned and she’s on her third pair. I’ll take one in every color, please! They’re available in whole and half sizes 5-11, in four color combos, for $225. Ladies, which are your favorite brands and styles for flats for work? Paul Mayer Ballet Flats (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. ANP says

    Can we play a game of “Should I be upset by this?”

    Context: I have 3 kids under 6, and my retired MIL has always babysat for us one day per week during the workday. She’s awesome, we have a great relationship, and my kids adore her. She doesn’t do everything the way I would, but we align on the big stuff and I can look the other way on other things (i.e. Happy Meals for lunch b/c it’s a treat for my kids). My two eldest are in school so MIL now only has to watch our 6-month-old during the day, and she usually brings along her 89-year-old mom. I also adore my GMIL, who’s super sharp for her age. That said, she’s 89 and is definitely slowing down (but by “slowing down,” she still makes a full-on Christmas Eve dinner for 20 every year).

    Situation: MIL was supposed to watch our baby during the day today, but called last night to ask if it was ok for GMIL to watch baby for an hour in the morning (alone) while she (MIL) ran out to a Grandparents Day thing at my nephew’s school. I said I was OK with that, but come to find out (after talking to my SIL) that Grandparents Day was going to be an entire morning, 8-12. When I called MIL back to offer to put the baby in daycare, she elaborated and said she was planning to run back home to check on baby and GMIL from time to time. I assured her it was fine — that she should take the day off and I’d put baby in daycare.

    My MIL is awesome and I don’t want her to feel badly about wanting/needing the day off. At the same time, I feel like she lied to me! Having GMIL watch baby for an hour, in a pinch, is OK — but 4 hours would be way too much for her. I don’t know if I should gently confront her about this (she is suuuuuper nonconfrontational and hates delivering bad news, which is why this played out the way it did) or let it go. What would you do? Am I overreacting?

    • Anonymous says

      I would let it go and make sure to get specific information whenever she suggest GMIL watching the baby in the future.

      • Clementine says

        Yeah, I’d let it go.

        If you need a ‘get out of sounding like you just don’t like/trust GMIL’ phrase, you can always go with, ‘I just don’t want her to hurt her back/neck/arms/shoulders picking up baby because he’s just gotten so so heavy now’.

        (Especially useful when someone very well intentioned but physically not capable is offering – it’s not that they can’t, it’s that you don’t want YOUR kid to hurt them because of some characteristic of YOUR kid.)

    • The second says

      Let it go. You sound really lucky. GMIL could have called MIL if necessary. As you know, most people would kill for this set-up and she sounds conscientious.

    • TK says

      Let it go. I’m sure you know you are super, super fortunate to have MIL be able to take such a regular, active role. Her communication style isn’t what you’d prefer, but her plan (to leave an event once an hour to check on an elderly, but by your account, competent adult) sounds like a reasonable way to fulfill multiple obligations to grandkids at once.

      I’d have more concerns about GMIL if the kid was a toddler who’s mobile and into everything – but the needs of a 6 month old are pretty easy to manage.

    • ANP says

      Thanks gang. This was what I suspected and I appreciate the (multiple) gut check/s!

      • Meg Murry says

        You can also give MIL the benefit of the doubt that either:
        -She honestly thought G-parents day was only 1 hour, or
        -She only wanted to go for one hour, not 8-12, and planned to use baby and GMIL as her excuse to get out of there.

  2. Feeling the nesting urge says

    Threadjack! I am about 20 weeks pregnant with my first. We have started researching registry items and furniture for the nursery but it feels a bit early to commit to choices. We have already locked down daycare. I find myself wondering what I should be doing with my time right now. Other than lots of date nights and catching up with friends I will have less time for once the baby arrives, does anyone have any suggestions of any projects, etc. they wish they had done during their pregnancy? TIA!

    • Tunnel says

      I don’t think it’s too early to buy furniture for the nursery. My furniture took 12 weeks to come in!
      As for other projects, I fully embraced my nesting sense and sorted, purged, and organized the various piles of crap in my home office, boxes that hadn’t been opened since our last move years ago, and the basement (oh, the basement). I was happy to have done this while I had the time, because it certainly was not going to happen after the baby came. I also cleaned the grout in my kitchen with a toothrbush a few days before giving birth, but that was just craziness.

      • Anon says

        +1 I purged my house and trashed all. the. things. because the thought of clutter and a baby (plus all the clutter babies bring) was overwhelming. Otherwise, that was a very boring time for me. I painted our entire upstairs after clearing it with my doctor.

      • Tunnel says

        If you need help getting started or have a hard time purging, watch an episode of Hoarders on A&E! It seriously helps :-)

    • Anonymous says

      Any unusual tips for a really effective purge?

      Also, I read that book the Magic of Tidying Up over the holidays and all I could think was – this woman clearly does NOT have kids.

      • MDMom says

        Ha. You know, I read that she had a baby recently and I am really looking forward to her updating the book after a few years of parenting. I though her philosophy in general was very helpful. Did wonders for my closet.

    • rakma says

      The nesting thing I did during my pregnancy that I found most helpful was first cleaning out my cabinets/pantry, then stocking them with every kind of non-perishable I could think of. Things like shampoo, first aid stuff, paper towels, pain reliever. I wanted to avoid having to run to the drugstore or Target because we needed one or two little things–it didn’t eliminate the need, but I had a strange piece of mind knowing I could always reach into the linen closet and find a box of tissues.

    • NewMomAnon says

      Set all your bills on autopay and figure out how your family’s health insurance situation will change once baby comes, if you haven’t already done that. Look into photo sharing sites and communicate your choice with your family members; my family took most of the pictures just after kiddo was born, and I’m still getting dribs and drabs of those pics two years later. Line up a newborn photographer, if you want to do that. Interview pediatricians.

      But mostly – find ways to enjoy yourself. Weeks 20-31 were the “easiest” weeks of my pregnancy.

    • hoola hoopa says

      In all seriousness, just enjoy your free time! You don’t have to be doing baby-focused projects the entire 9 months.

      Try to get through home improvement projects that you’ll want done in the next two years, like fixing a broken piece of molding, painting a room, replacing the ugly light fixture, etc. Take the cars in for any delayed or upcoming maintenance. Think about prepping garden/yard for a low-maintenance year. Visit out of town friends.

  3. Can't Think of A Name says

    I wanted to ask about purging/organizing from a different light:

    I know they say to keep certain documents, etc. Has anyone personally ever had an experience where they needed a document (like a medical bill, utility bill, etc) from MORE than 6 months prior and not been able to get it because they purged or didn’t organize?

    I’m just starting to feel like with the internet a lot of the record-keeping from even 10 or 15 years ago is just no longer necessary in the one in a thousand chance you need it. But if someone can give me one good horror story, I’ll keep on keeping on.

    • Anon says

      I have needed medical bills for more than 6 months for a FSA account claim, but I keep my documents for at least a year so I had the document. I don’t worry about keeping medical/medical insurance bills longer than a year, though.

    • Tunnel says

      If it is a document I would need for an audit, I go by the IRS audit rules – an audit can include returns filed within the last 3 years, but if a substantial error is identified they can go back as far as 6 years. Medical bills fall into this category for me, because they are deducted from my state taxes, etc. Otherwise, I tend to keep bills for a year. I have been telling myself for years that I need to start doing paperless billing and just save everything to my computer, but I have not embraced the switch yet. I would love any tips on how to get started or system that works well for others!

    • Ciao, pues says

      This is a great question. I tend to think that if I needed a bill for an audit, I could just call up the provider and get a copy. They’re required to keep them for some time, too, right? I hate hanging on to bills especially since so much is online!

    • Pogo says

      When verifying my employment for my current job, they wanted a first/lay paystub from one of my employers because they had a hard time tracking them down (and this employer was from 2008-2012, so way more than 6 months ago.

      In the end I actually DID have the documents (because I’m paranoid, like OP) but I was also able to contact my boss from that job and give her personal contact info to the background check people to satisfy them. I’d save these documents just in case a former employer goes out of business and you also don’t have a way to contact anyone who managed you there.

      It didn’t get to that point, but I think I could have contacted the payroll company and gotten the records from them. But my company got bought out while I was there, so it went from an internal payroll to ADP, so it would have been a huge hassle.

      Closest thing I have to a “horror” story

    • Meg Murry says

      I’ve had 4 insurance companies in 4 years, so I’m a little worried that if we ever got audited and needed specific bills for my FSA or HSA I couldn’t produce them.

      But I’ve decided that rather than stress about it, I electronically file away what I can (saved to Google Drive by year, when I remember) and if I can’t, I’ll throw up my hands, say “sorry” to the IRS auditor and tell them to tell me how much I owe without that documentation. Or make a couple of phone calls if I know it’s one or two specific things, like giant payments made to our local hospital system.

      I’ve never been audited by the IRS, but I’ve been audited by other regulatory bodies. The worst thing that happens is they say “without that backup documentation, we can’t let you deduct that, so you now owe $X plus a fine”. And since $X won’t be a super huge number, I’m taking my chances and rolling the dice.

      Not exactly sound financial advice, but IANACPA. This is just my personal philosophy, take it with as many grains of salt as you need.

      • Anonymous says

        Just this morning my CPA and I had a conversation in which he advised me, that if hypothetically we had an employee we were paying under the table and loved, that financially we’d be better off to keep the employee we loved because the statistical chances of both an audit or an unemployment claim were so small and because at the end of the day we weren’t going to have to pay more than X dollars, max, in worst-case scenario fines. It was a fascinating (hypothetical), since I’d always imagined being ‘found out’ would result in the IRS/state unemployment feeding me moldy bread and placing me in shackles in a basement for the rest of my life. It was liberating to realize that there is a limit to the worst-case scenario and it was something we could handle. Hypothetically.

        • CPA Lady says

          Obviously you should be honest on your taxes. That said, the IRS is desperately underfunded and understaffed at this point. They have specific low hanging fruit/ red flag things they look for, mostly on high income individuals. They don’t have the resources to do much else.

          And they will work with you if you do get in trouble.

          • Meg Murry says

            Yes, I meant if you were being honest but didn’t have 100% of the paperwork to back it up. Not lying, obviously. In fact, when in doubt, my husband and I usually just don’t claim something rather than chance it.

            But here’s my example on the not having the paper trail:
            -I only use my HSA account for medical expenses. I check the status online regularly to make sure my husband or I didn’t accidentally use the card somewhere non-medical. It always only says “Dr. So-and-so’s office” or “XYZ Hospital” or “CVS pharmacy” etc
            -When I get the statement from the HSA saying I spent $X in that year and it matches my online accounting, I know it is correct, and I use that number in preparing my taxes.
            -However, technically, if we got audited, chances are I wouldn’t be able to find my receipts from CVS showing that it really was my prescription I bought with the HSA card and not food and school supplies. Same with all the dr office receipts. On the off chance I get audited and that happens, I’ll make an effort to find backup documentation, but otherwise I’ll just say “oops, sorry”.
            -Same thing if I can’t find the receipt for every single solitary one-week camp I sent my kid to that I’m counting toward the childcare credit, but I have the amount in my bank statements, etc

    • pockets says

      I threw outban extra passport photo of myself a few months ago, and today I found out that I need one passport sized photo of myself.

      • AEK says

        That sucks! But for some reason made me laugh out loud. That would so happen to me.

  4. Pigpen's Mama says

    Stupid potty training question that I’m not even sure how to ask/Google that came to mind (again) after reading yesterday’s thread on tot toilets.

    Do you train for pee and poop at the same time? I’ve seen comments about kids being potty-trained for pee, but not poop, and can’t figure out how that works without running the risk of poop accidents.

    • anne-on says

      We trained for both at the same time, but I’d heard anecdotally that lots of boys have a harder time training for poop than pee. My son ‘got it’ for both at the same time.
      What took about another 6 months was nighttime training, and I use the term loosely, as that’s something that really needs to wait until they’re developmentally ready to wake up when they have to go. We eliminated liquids after dinner, and started having him go last thing before bed, and once he was dry 7 nights in a row (in a diaper) we used underpants at night. My pediatrician said some kids can take until they’re 6-7 to night time train, and its perfectly normal if that happens much later.

    • Anonymous says

      We did both at the same time but we also trained our boys to sit on the toilet. We only introduced standing to pee about a year after they were trained. I think some of the problems with training boys to poop is if you start out training them to separate the urges by standing to pee and sitting to poop.

    • Anonymous says

      Conceptually, we did both at the same time. In reality, she was having poop accidents after she had mastered pee, for about 2-3 more weeks. The “have to go” feeling is different, as is the predictability.

      Poop training for us had a lot of similarities to housebreaking our dog. When kiddo was too quiet or off in a corner by herself, 100% of the time she was starting to or actively pooping ;)

    • Lyssa says

      We attempted to train for both, but he had a hard time with poop for some reason. It wasn’t really an accident issue; he knew how to hold it, he was just really resistant to going on the potty for some reason (we trained sitting down for both). I think that he just didn’t really understand how to “push” for it, and it made him nervous. So, instead, he would hold it until bedtime/naptime, when he could do it in a diaper or pull up. That lasted for several frustrating weeks of us frequently putting him on the potty and promising rewards for pooping on the potty, then, finally, he just started doing it.

      So, I guess my point is that kids are all different, and you sometimes have to just kind of see what works.

    • anonymous says

      It also helped that our kid pooped on a somewhat predictable schedule. It was easier to “time” when we should encourage longer sitting.

  5. imtotallytrained says

    I’m not sure parents try to train for one or the other, but some kids don’t like pooping on the potty, so they withhold poop until they have a diaper on (such as at bedtime or nap time). This can cause problems with constipation. My son had no problem pooping in his underwear, or on the floor. I guess I should be grateful? Anyway, when he was finally ready (at 3.5) he was ready for both.

    Question regarding night training – my son never wakes up remotely dry, but I also don’t think he is interested in trying to keep his diaper dry – I think he pees in his diaper when it is an option. How do I know when he is ready for night training?

    • anonymous says

      Night training for us included a dream pee before we went to bed (child was half asleep) and making sure that the second he woke up in the morning, he went to the bathroom. At first, this meant waking him up and carrying him to the potty, then he got to where he would hold it and come to the our bathroom, then he finally got comfortable doing it all alone. We used pull-ups at night until he was really good at the morning routine. He had also stayed dry for naps so we knew he was ready to start night training. It wasn’t so much going in his sleep as it was learning to not go right when he woke up. Is he dry before he wakes up?

      • imtotallytrained says

        Hmm, I have no idea if he is dry before waking. I tend to think he’s peeing in there before he falls asleep, but this is just a guess. I suppose pullups that change appearance when wet might be useful for investigating further; we’re still using diapers, largely because we have a lot left. I am such an unmitigated cheapskate.

    • Anonymous says

      Most children aren’t ready for night training until 6ish years old. It’s a brain connection that has to happen, nothing you can force. Limit liquids after 6pm, put him on the potty immediately when he wakes in the morning, and even if he’s reliably dry when he wakes, don’t quit the diapers too quickly because inevitably he’ll have an accident and you’ll regret it.

      • Anonymous says

        +1.

        Our pediatrician said that it is entirely developmental and you cannot “night train.” People who say that they have night trained should actually be saying that they trained at the same time that their child’s brain made the developmental connection.

      • Anonymama says

        I’m surprised at this, most of the 5 year olds I know are night-trained, and many/most of my son’s four year old class was night trained.

    • hoola hoopa says

      You cannot night train. It’s not a thing. The child isn’t in control.

      What you can do is limit liquids in the two hours before bed, have child use the bathroom right before bed and immediately upon waking, and – if it works for you and them – take them to the bathroom before you go to bed or other time during the night.

      Otherwise, it’s just a waiting game.

      For anecdata, my oldest two both were consistently diaper-free at night around age 3.5, despite very different ages for daytime potty training (2 and 3.5) and very different levels of motivation (one was content to sleep in a diaper, the other desperately wanted to be out).

  6. Momata says

    Anyone have tips for managing toddler meltdowns at the end of the day? My kid is perfectly happy through pickup and the ride home. Literally the moment she crosses the threshold at home, she completely falls apart. The current routine is to put her in her high chair for dinner ASAP on the theory that she is starving, and based on past failures at prying her away from toys to eat. This is not working; she is so distraught she is refusing to eat. The current hypothesis is that she’s exhausted and has been holding it together in public but is letting it all out at home. Any tips welcome.

    • rakma says

      Snack for the ride home? If she’s that hungry, she’ll probably still eat some dinner. DD’s has been eating a significant snack about an hour before dinner recently,it hasn’t changed how much dinner she’s eating, but makes it so much more pleasant to be around her at dinnertime.

      I’ve also found she needs 15 minutes of my undivided attention after I walk in the door. She’s learned to give me a few min to put down my coat and bag, but then she knows it’s Mama time for a little bit.

    • Lorelai Gilmore says

      I think you’re right on both fronts. She is starving, she is exhausted, she is letting it all out. I would do the following:

      1) Give her a substantial snack in the car on the way home from daycare. Get the food into her while she’s happy in the carseat. In my experience, my toddler is much happier when he gets a late snack at daycare or en route home and skips “dinner.”

      2) When you get home, carve out a chunk of time for reconnecting with her. Cuddle on the couch. Sit with her and let her scream it out. Be present with her. If it works, you can read a book with her or play a calm toy (something quiet and easy for her; baby toys she still likes would be good here.)

      Good luck.

    • Anonymous says

      Your hypothesis matches mine. We try snacks on the way home and a milk bottle in the bath. She still freaks out for a bit before bed. It’s just a phase.

    • hoola hoopa says

      +1 for snack on the drive and 15 minutes of undivided attention. (Or 15 minutes of screen time to decompress, mostly for kids who I suspect are older than your child).

      It drives me nuts that my kiddos ‘need’ a snack for the 5 min drive home, but it really does make a difference.

      And I completely agree with the theory that they’ve been good all day and need a release.

    • Whitney says

      Me too!!! I am obsessed and don’t know what I’ll do if they’ve discontinued them. Let me know if you’ve found anything else like them ????????

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