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No… you probably don’t want to wear this to work (unless you work with kids). But if you’re a mom who wears a lot of dresses, your kids might be amused by this cute bat dress from ModCloth. (They also have dinosaurs, bats, and other cute options!) It’s $59, and available in sizes S-4X — but note that some colors are more sold out than others. Boo. Oh My Gosh A-Line Dress in Bats
Ladies, what are you doing to prepare for Halloween? Do you have any seasonal decor up yet — are you stocked for Halloween night? What will your kiddos be this year for Halloween — and will you or your partner dress up? (I’m just super stoked that I found the “spooky pumpkin” shirt that J loved last year — it still fits, yay!)
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EB0220 says
I am sick of negotiating holidays and visits with our various families every year. I want a system! Like we alternate holidays each year and rotate locations. Anyone do something like this and can recommend their system? I want to see my family and my husband’s family but want to take the effort out of it.
Knope says
It sort of depends on what holidays you celebrate, I think. The two important ones for us are Thanksgiving and Christmas-ish (we’re Jewish but the families still get together at/around Christmas because it’s easiest for work schedules). We trade off each every year; so this year will be Thanksgiving at my family’s house and Christmas at DH’s; the reverse next year. I think you could throw in Easter/Passover and a summer visit with a similar alternating schedule, too.
Coffee Queen says
We made our own traditions. With young kids, we didn’t want the hassle of travelling to DH dad and then DH mom (my parents are local). So, we host Thankgiving (October for us) at our place.
Christmas we get up in the morning and do our own thing. Then go to my moms for dinner. Then we just relax.
We had a big argument when I first had my kids about travelling over the holidays with his family. IT was too much hassle and to stressful, so we keep it super low key. If they want to come to us, they are more than welcome.
Anonymous says
There’s always some negotiation but we try to minimize. Christmas morning is always just us in our house. Later in the day we go to my parents. Same for Easter. I don’t travel to visit my sister who moved away (6 hour flight). I see her when she comes home.
We travel to visit DH’s family (10 hour flight), once during the year. Almost always when school ends. It’s not my preferred time as the weather in our home location is just starting to get nice. It’s also not their preferred time as their school year ends slightly later but I don’t want to go later and miss even more summer so that’s the compromise.
But – there is always lots to negotiate about when exactly we arrive/leave and what we’re doing when we are there.
AwayEmily says
We alternate Christmases. Thanksgiving is always with my husband’s family, although the rule is “no flying” (ie, we will drive somewhere to meet them or we will host). Fourth of July is always with my family, always at my mom’s house.
Christmas is nice because my husband’s two siblings are on the same schedule as us (ie, on off years they do Christmas with their in-laws).
avocado says
My husband’s parents solved this by establishing a tradition of big family get-together a couple of weeks before Christmas. Several of their kids bring their families to town for the weekend. We all go to a “Santa Brunch” and then there is a big gift-opening session at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. This allows everyone to spend Christmas at home or wherever else they want without missing out on the family celebration.
Anon says
Yep this is what we do too. Two family holiday get-togethers, one with each side, between Thanksgiving and New Years. That way we can all be at home with the little ones for Christmas morning.
We also started hosting Thanksgiving for whoever is around from any side. Some years it’s just us, sometimes we have 15. I always do a turkey, greenbean casserole, and rolls, then I ask any visitors to bring desserts and any other sides they want, so it’s pretty unstressful.
kim says
We do this for Thanksgiving too, and often end up with lots, or few, from both sides of the family. It surprisingly works out wonderfully.
Anonymous says
We do a post-Christmas celebration with my husband’s family. They are on another continent (and two of his siblings have spouses from yet two more continents) so it’s just too hard to coordinate schedules on an actual holiday.
Mrs. Jones says
Xmas: We host grandparents at our house every other year, and we travel to my parents (bringing my MIL) every other year.
Thanksgiving: We travel with my parents/bro/SIL every other year, and we visit MIL every other year.
Easter: We go to my parents’ or MIL’s house.
Anonymous says
We alternate families for christmas/thanksgiving and do not see both families for each holiday. If we’re meeting with my family for christmas we get together a few weeks before for a 3-day weekend rather than meeting over actual christmas. If we’re at my in-laws for christmas then we will be there over the actual holiday. Now that we have a little one, we may eventually switch to the “meeting up around christmas rather than on the actual holiday” with my in-laws.
EP-er says
Thanksgiving: Alternate years between my parents (45 minutes) and husband’s extend family (3 hours, but we go for a long weekend)
Christmas Eve: My parents house for dinner/presents
Christmas morning: Just the four of us for Santa
Christmas Afternoon: husbands family comes to us for dinner. Sometimes my parents will stop by, too, to see the kids.
New Years Eve: My parents — and we celebrate our kids’ birthdays with extended family
New Year’s Day: My husband’s family comes to us.
Easter: Brunch with my family & MIL
Summer holidays we’re usually at the family cottage.
Rotation says
Best thing we did was start to rotate hosting the gparents on Christmas morning. (2015 we hosted his, 2016 we hosted mine, 2017 is just us). We are each from a 3-kid family. It took inital coordination, but now our sisters/brothers are in on it too so the gparents have one family to go to each year, but no family has to completely take on the responsibility of hosting Christmas morning. (2015 my parents went to my bros, 2016 to my house, 2017 to my sis’s, etc.
On my side, we do a large get together at sis-in-laws house on a day that is agreeable to everyone given work/travel/school break schedules – we have nurses/firefighters/business owners in the family who aren’t necessarily going to have the same dates off each year.
On his side, his mom does a large gathering, usually around the 30th/31st.
We plan to host Thanksgiving at our house for his family each year, but at the last minute his mom always comes up with a reason it should be at her house (we need to take a plate over to the neighbor who is alone and having knee surgery that week, etc) so I graciously bow out (and do a secret victory dance.)
My mom doesn’t care which day we celebrate Thanksgiving as long as we all show up.
We refuse to travel or host Easter. It’s just a day that we hang out at home with the kids.
EB0220 says
Thank you for sharing! It is really helpful to see what people do and get some new ideas.
anon says
Thanksgiving at my parents, Christmas at my in-laws. In-laws are in town, and I like being home (at my house) for Christmas, so we open presents at home and then go to my in-laws to celebrate. All my in-law siblings are out of town and come for Christmas, and it’s our one time of the year we can see everyone on that side. We also do Easter with my in-laws. I should note that my in-laws are Catholic and my family is nothing, so my in-laws care more about the religious holidays.
My only sibling lives in the same town my parents do, and my kids have the whole week off for Thanksgiving, so we fly there for the week. Lately we’ve been having Thanksgiving on Wednesday so that he and his family don’t feel obligated to do two Thanksgiving (her family is also in that town). Also that gives us more time to eat leftovers, which is my favorite part. Before my kids started school we went to visit them in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, which was much cheaper.
Knope says
Recommendations for jeans that are actual denim (not looking for leggings disguised as jeans) that are comfortable for getting up/down/on/off the floor with kids? I’m lucky enough to be able to wear jeans to work, but I still want to look stylish while being able to immediately be “on” and not have to change when I pick up the kid at 6.
M says
Madewell is my go to for jeans and they are excellent for my long torso destroyed by twins. I just tried out their current denim selection this week and liked the 11″ rise slim boyfriend jeans (or something similar). I feel held in without being constrained. And many of their jeans are real denim with just a hint of stretch
Anonymous says
I am also lucky enough to be able to wear jeans to work. Anthropologie is my source. They have a good selection of denim, including some that are good for petites (I am very short).
Anonymous says
Paige
anonnymommy says
I’m tall so I’ve been buying jeans from Express.
kim says
Anyone try Lands End? They have a mid-rise (thank you pregnancy) that are slim but not grossly-fat-bulingly-tight, and ankle-length. I have not tried them yet. I also want to try their cords.
anon says
This is embarrassing, but I need advice. I never sent out all the thank you notes from my baby shower. It’s a long story – kid was 6 weeks early, long NICU stay, and then she’s been in and out of the hospital for long and scary stays ever since she was born. It’s been an extremely scary 8 months. We’re fairly private so while some family members (who attended the shower) know how sick she’s been they don’t quite know the full story and diagnosis. So I guess my question is, is it ok if I just forget about them? When I think about writing them, I get so much anxiety, thinking about the last year and the hospital (I tried to write some in the hospital a few times, never got them done of course). At the same, I generally pride myself on stupid social niceties like this but I just feel so exhausted. Thoughts?
avocado says
I am a stickler for thank-you notes but I think you get a pass in this situation. I would only send them if it makes you happy (actually happy, not just relieved that you have satisfied an obligation). I am sure that people who were at your shower will at least have heard that she was born early, and even if they don’t know all the details they will not be expecting a thank-you note from the parents of a preemie. This is not a burden you need to carry around.
Anon says
+1. I’m usually a stickler for thank yous, but stuff like this gets a pass. You have a million things on your plate, and I’d feel awful if my gift meant it added more for you. I actually don’t even expect thank yous for gifts in general after the kid is born, until after the first birthday. That first year is so hard, parents don’t need one more todo item.
Blueberry says
Do you want them to know but are exhausted at the thought of telling them and dealing with them? If that’s the case, is there a close family member you can have do the heavy lifting for you? I think in this situation, I might give my mom or one of my siblings my proxy to tell the whole story to anyone in the family who might care to know, and let them know that I’d prefer not to answer lots of questions and talk about it. At least in my family, I think folks would get it. In any case, do whatever is best for your little girl and you without worrying about offending people! Best wishes!
SC says
Is this something that a close family member can help you with? Or can you buy some pre-printed, generic thank you cards and send those? If it’s too much, skip it. I’m sure most of your family understands and doesn’t want you to feel anxiety over a thank-you note.
Mama Llama says
I pride myself on social niceties too, and I give you my full and unwavering permission, absolution, and dispensation to forget about these thank you notes forever. Send them into a black hole of things that are so far down on the priority list (when you have BABY IN HOSPITAL on your priority list, everything else moves down 10,000 spaces) that they no longer exist.
If you don’t think you can forget them, an email is totally OK. Asking someone to help you is totally OK. Asking someone to make sure people know that you have been dealing with scary health issues is OK. Anyone who has that information and gives a second thought to a thank you note is an ass and not worth your time or concern.
Good vibes to you and your little one.
EP-er says
Just all the hugs to you. I was in a similar situation. I took the thank you cards to the NICU and would start crying because what if he didn’t get to wear that cute 18 month outfit friend of family sent? It was hard, but I tried. And then when he was sicker, people were sending more things to us! I know that I forgot some thank yous. I still think about it, but you totally get a pass on this one. Seriously.
Best of luck to you and your little one on the journey ahead! (And seriously…. with time… the horror fades.)
Anon 2 says
What about thank you notes from the person who threw the shower? She could write, thank you for coming to Anon’s shower with your generous gift. (Don’t say what the gift actually was so she doesn’t have to keep track of a list.) Little one showed up early and Anon and family currently have their hands full with all that entails. She didn’t want you wondering about your gift and asked me to reach out on her behalf. She will be in touch again when the dust clears. Please send positive vibes (thoughts/prayers whatever lines up with your beliefs) their way.
If I was your friend who threw the shower, I would be more than happy to write these notes for you. It would help me feel like I was doing something for you in a situation where I likely feel helpless.
colmama says
If you want to do it, you could:
1. Send an email (honestly, totally and completely OK for everyone except my great grandmother)
2. Order photo cards with baby’s pic and a generic THANK YOU message on it. I get these from parents without all the stressors you have!
3. Outsource to a family member
4. Only send handwritten thank-yous to those you know will care. The rest can get emails or texts. Your 23 year old cousin I SWEAR will not care if you don’t send a thank you. Text her a pic.
colmama says
Just re-read. It’s been 8 months. FULL ON PERMISSION TO PASS. Maybe text a pic of your baby using the gift to the sender if/as appropriate.
Strategy mom says
Love the idea of texting a photo of your baby using the gift – makes the gift giver feel warm and fuzzy and acknowledged
Redux says
I really like writing thank you notes but was just so so so overwhelmed after our second baby arrived. And we didn’t have the hospital stays you’ve had! My plan is to take a nice family picture, make postcards, and send them out at his 1 year with a quick note of thanks. That will make me happy– actually happy, avocado says, AND social niceties happy.
Anonymous says
Full permission to pass.
If you happen to send Christmas/Holiday cards to any of the giftors (sp?), maybe just include a ‘thank you for lovely baby gift’. No need to say anything more specific.
anon OP says
This is a good idea. Thanks for that.
kim says
TOTALLY Okay! And if for some reason you must, must, do it, turn it into a form letter: Dear x, Thank you for y. We really enjoy it. Love, Us. You are too busy to write a book in each!!
Mrs. Jones says
Halloween is my favorite holiday! We will start decorating inside the house this weekend but will wait till October to decorate outside. My son’s birthday is the week before Halloween, so the grandparents will come visit then. Husband and I have a big adult-only Halloween party too. I have a black and white ghost-print scarf that I will wear a lot next month. Son will dress as Darth Vader, I will be an 80’s chick, and husband will be Bruce Springsteen.
avocado says
I am a mom who wears a lot of dresses, but I will not be wearing this one. It looks like something one would make in a junior high school home ec class.
Pretty Primadonna says
Same here! And for sixty dollars! #NO
AwayEmily says
excellent description.
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
Hair help! My 4 year old daughter inherited wispy baby fine hair from me…lucky her. It is currently cut into a bob with bangs/pageboy, but hair still hangs in her face during the day. Has anyone found any barrettes that will actually stay in fine hair? I should also mention that my husband is the morning person at our house and has major troubles even putting in small ponytails.
Anonymous says
I really like the fabric ones – both for staying out and not snagging hair. They were the only news to stay in my daughter’s hair hen she was teeny. I’ve gotten some from the gap and carters (TJ maxx). I’ll post a link if I can find online.
Anon says
DH is on morning duty too. We bought those small black braces-type rubber bands. And then I encouraged DH to learn ponytails. He watched a ton of YouTube videos (literally there are ones about dads doing daughter’s hair), practiced on weekends, and figured it out. At 4, she won’t care if it’s slightly messy while he’s learning. And it created an awesome bond that they’ll probably both cherish.
Katala says
Semi related anecdote. I had a phase in K when I dressed like Punky Brewster (totally showing my age here, ha). The day mom was gone and dad did my pigtails, they were so uneven and silly and just perfect. I still remember that day and that I would sometimes ask him to do my hair, until I was no longer Punky.
Anonymous says
Target had some Remington “Girls Active Style” hair clips that are rubber (silicone?) alligator-style clips. They are very cute, if a little heavy (for hair clips), and stay on my daughter’s fine hair pretty well. She’s 21 mos though and yanks them out. Maybe they would work for your 4 year old?
kim says
The eensy-weensy paint-coated metal ones are the only ones not too heavy to fall out of my youngest. Something small like a cute plastic jewel will make it too heavy and it falls out!
CHL says
For those of you that have duvets on twin beds for your kids, where do you get the comforter?
anne-on says
Restoration Hardware baby and child/teen has a lot of gorgeous ones, we also used pottery barn kids for the ‘themed’ ones if your kids really really want superhero/trains/firemen bedding.
Anon says
Ikea.
EP-er says
+1
Midwest Mama says
Another +1 for Ikea.
Anonymous says
+1
kim says
+1. many thickness options – thin, medium, and heavy. Thin and medium fit in a regular washing machine and dryer; I’ve never tried a heavy.
Carine says
I bought a duvet from PB Kids and just ordered the down comforter that was recommended along with it. It’s fine – nice moderate weight and used year-round (though we keep our house cold in the summer). I think it’s the “Premium Down Bedding,” but there are multiple options if you go to their site and look under Bedding>Duvet and Pillow Inserts.
CHL says
Thanks! We got the covers at Ikea and I was being snobby instore about the comforters, but then questioned whether I wanted to spend on nice down inserts for them. I promise I love my children:) These are great suggestions.
Anon says
I refuse to spend Restoration or PB prices for bedding that gets peed and puked on. I covet the Solar System bedding from Land of Nod, but I can’t spend $200 on that quilt just for my 4 year old to wipe her boogers all over it. I just can’t.
anon says
IKEA at least used to sell twin down comforters – we have one. I personally would spend more on the cover than the insert since you can feel the cover, and I think IKEA sheets can be scratchy. My IKEA down pillows have served me well.
shortperson says
we like “pinzon” which is the amazon house brand. their duvet inserts and pillows are really nice and not too expensive.
anon says
We did Company Store (ballet class- SO adorable) with feather inserts, but after the third pee accident, I am done with down comforters. WE switched to synthetic down and a polyester cover which is totally washable, somewhat stain proof and love it. so easy.
mascot says
We go all out for Halloween and have tons of decorations for our house. We also host an annual party. It started as a trick or treat party, but now we’ve moved it to a pumpkin carving party which is super fun. Everyone brings a pumpkin to carve and a dish to share. We provide a main course and a bunch of carving accessories and set up stations outside to contain the mess.
AwayEmily says
Thanks for everyone’s washer and dryer suggestions yesterday! Lots of factors I never would have thought of. We’re leaning towards a top loader now given everyone’s advice (we have lots of room, luckily — they’re both going in the basement). Probably Maytag or Whirlpool but open to others depending what’s on sale.
anon for this says
I’m experiencing what I hope can be ascribed to hormones. I have my period, and I have the copper IUD. I weaned at about 13 months a month ago, I don’t know if that is involved. For the last few days I have just been filled with RAGE. I have been avoiding my coworker, who is usually at BEC level for me anyway, because I felt like I would say something extremely cruel to him. Last night I avoided my husband because he was driving me crazy by having a stuffy nose and sounding disgusting (I completely understand this is my issue, not his issue). I couldn’t fall asleep last night despite being exhausted after a few extremely long work days and one night of working until midnight plus I’ve been lightly sick for two weeks. I was up until after 1. We just moved and there are still contractors and painters around our house and I’m fed up with it. Last night I found out an earring was lost in our room as things got moved around, and it’s partially because I should have put them somewhere better, partially because the contractor put them somewhere else, partially because my husband then moved them though he doesn’t remember it, and now one is missing – not valuable, but they were a gift for a my 16th birthday. I was so angry about this – at myself, my husband, that I couldn’t relax last night and all I could think about was that if I wasn’t married, I could turn the GD light on and look for this earring so I could go to sleep.
I have experienced brief bouts of this kind of extreme anger/rage around my period before, and it’s a big reason I first got off the pill – it used to happen one day a month for a few hours. But this is the first time I can remember it happening over multiple days. I hate myself like this and it’s not fair to my family. I thought about help for anxiety or something like that but I don’t think there’s some sort of rage pill you can take or presumably all the angry white men would be taking it.
Am I going crazy? My husband is a saint for giving me my space. I can’t even talk to him about it because I feel like I’ll just be mean about it when it really has nothing to do with him and I know that.
anne-on says
So, YMMV, but this type of all consuming irrational rage (plus for me, anxiety) was enough to talk to my GP about. I no longer use birth control, so it was all my normal hormonal flux. He prescribed an anti-depressant for the week before and week during my period. It had been SO SO helpful. I usually wind up taking it for closer to 10-11 days, but oh wow does it take the edge of and I absolutely notice the difference if I am late taking it for a day or two.
For non-prescription options, you can definitely try meditation/exercise/etc. but really for me it felt like this rage-y alien was taking over my body for a week or two a month, and even if I *knew* it was all in my head, that didn’t fix it. Medication did.
AwayEmily says
I can’t offer any advice, only sympathy, but “I don’t think there’s some sort of rage pill you can take or presumably all the angry white men would be taking it” made me laugh out loud.
Anonymous says
It could definitely be hormones and I agree you should talk to your GPor OBGYN because there can be an easy solution. Hopefully this is a one-time thing. My MIL had this issue with PMS in her 30s, like she told her OBGYN that she just could not stand her husband/kids around her period, and she prescribed b-vitamins. Apparently it fixed the problem right away!
anonnymommy says
This will totally out me, but here goes.
I felt similarly. I knew I needed meds shortly after my daughter was born (depression/anxiety/etc.), and promptly started zoloft. 3 years later, weaned off the zoloft under doctor’s guidance. Everything was fine until I went down to zero, and then I started having UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE. I’m not on any hormonal birth control (and haven’t been, since before i got pregnant) and I don’t have an IUD (also, not pregnant). After about 6 weeks, I finally went back to my doctor and asked to go back on the zoloft because the rage was so overwhelming. I’m going to try CBT therapy and whatnot, to get a handle on my anger, but woah nelly I was not prepared for the rage. So yes, there is an anti-rage pill, and for me it’s called zoloft.
Big hugs, this is really hard.
Em says
I used to have this rage most of the time and finally realized it was due to anxiety. Lexapro helped immensely with it. I am off the Lexapro now and did well while pregnant and bf-ing, but noticed an uptick after I weaned. I am in therapy, and have learned to manage it, but I haven’t ruled out going back on Lexapro again. Rage can totally be a symptom of anxiety.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. Zoloft is my anti-rage pill too. I am such a better parent because of it. I have patience! And empathy! And a sense of humor! Please, please talk to your GP or OB/GYN.
Also – please tell your husband about what you’re noticing, and let him know that you love him and need him. There is something powerful about telling someone honestly, “Look, I’m noticing that I’m super angry lately and I’m sorry that I’ve directed it at you. I want you to know that I value and love you so much, and I’m going to work on this. I really appreciate your support.”
anon for this says
Thank you so much, everyone. I just messaged the midwife center, I feel too stressed to call or talk to my PCP. I’ll see what they say and then take another step a needed.
anon says
The depo shot made me out of my mind enraged, so yes, varying hormone levels can cause issues. I’ve been off the shot for a while now and I still get mad and lose my temper from time to time, but I haven’t been enraged in a long time. Thank heavens, because that was awful. Ending BFing wasn’t an issue for me but I was hardly nursing at all at the very end so it wasn’t a dramatic cut off.
kim says
Yea, before my pregnancy I got on a new brand of BC that made me lash out. That pill was trashed quickly. It could be the IUD, it could not be, but either way hormones are a decent candidate to check out.
Wehaf says
Rage and mood swings are common, though not commonly-discussed, side effect of the IUD – even the copper IUD (most people think they are restricted to hormonal IUDs, but that’s incorrect). I’ve known a few women who went through this and removing the IUD was pretty much curative.
Glider Bikes says
Can anyone give me their thoughts/experiences on glider bikes vs. small bikes with training wheels? How old was your kid when s/he started riding any type up bike or tricycle?
Anonymous says
2.5 for balance (glider) bike. Moved up to bigger bike at age 4 but used without pedals attached for first month. No training wheels needed at any point. When moving up from a balance bike, look for low wide handlebars as they make the bike more stable and easier to ride.
Anonymous says
We are getting kiddo a balance bike for her second birthday.
A mom of three older kids told me that they did training wheels for her first two and a balance bike for her third. She said it took six months for her first two to learn to ride without the training wheels (ie — from the time they took the training wheels off until the kid could ride around the block without crashing). Her third kid spent a few weeks figuring out the balance bike and was able to successfully ride older brother’s bike, the day he was tall enough to get on and never once crashed a pedal bike. She ascribed this to learning how to balance and steer on the much slower balance bike, so adding pedals and brakes and going much faster was an easy transition.
I would have gotten kiddo a bike at 18 months, but couldn’t find one small enough. Spotted one the other day: Kinderfeet, Tiny Tot. Wish I’d seen it at the beginning of the summer.
EB0220 says
I must be the only person whose kids just do not get the balance bike. We got my younger daughter one when she was almost 2 and she never really figured it out. Younger one also tried it but likes tricycles and the plasma car more. So YMMV.
Meg says
Glider bike was amazing. At first it’s a push toy but if they like it they will learn to go forward for long distances and balance. Both my boys used extensively and when they got real bikes they literally got on and rode, no training wheels or running behind or anything. Brilliant and totally worth it.
Paging the biglaw assoc who went to a nonprofit says
It’s been a crazy week and I am just catching up but if you’re around, I wanted to suggest asking to do a rotation of business units within your org and/or get out in the field. At my large non profit we love when our partner teams ask to learn more about the program side and/or tag along on site visits. You could spend a week shadowing people from a bunch of different business units. Then they’ll think of you when they need help on something or quick advice. Even if you’re ultimately not the right person to handle it, you’ll build great relationships.
ER for anon says
I agree you get a pass on TY notes if it’s stressful, but I think you’ll be doing yourself a favor in the long run if you reach out by email to each person. I’m a private person, too, but if you keep everything to yourself, you will really shrink your long term social circle. Of course this advice doesn’t apply if the shower attendees were all friends of your mom’s or something — then let your mom apologize to them on your behalf and wash your hands clean of it — but assuming these are people you want to stay in touch with, then let them into your life a little bit. Not because you have to, but because you want to.