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(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
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- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Two Cents says
I am 10 months post partum and extremely hot all the time. It’s about 35 degrees outside today and I would happily walk around in a T-shirt and shorts. When I’m inside, I’m just so hot and uncomfortable to the point where I sometimes can’t concentrate at work. I am nursing.
I have heard that body temperature rises during pregnancy/nursing, but this seems excessive to me. Has anyone dealt with this? Could I have a hormonal imbalance? I’m planning to see my PCP next week but was curious if anyone else went through something similar.
Philanthropy Girl says
Sounds like hormones to me – I continued having hot flashes while postpartum, along with a whole myriad of other hormone based issues (like out of control PMS all the time). My PCP ran a saliva test for hormones (3 estrogens, testosterone, progesterone and cortisol) – it was really interesting to see the results. Any mix of imbalanced hormones can cause these types of symptoms, so it’s hard to have an idea what your PCP might recommend.
It’s miserable – I hope you get some good answers soon!
CPA Lady says
You should get your thyroid checked. I had terrible night sweats the first couple of weeks postpartum, but nothing beyond that. But I do know that having a thyroid out of whack can either cause you to be constantly cold or constantly hot. And being pregnant messes with your thyroid.
Two Cents says
This is a good point. I am hypothyroid and currently on medication. I had myself testing about 4 months ago and my thyroid levels were perfectly normal. But it’s possible something has changed since then….
EB0220 says
I second this. Other symptoms include anxiety, fast heartbeat, leg muscle weakness. Had hyperthyroid after my first kiddo and being super hot was one of the major symptoms.
Philanthropy Girl says
Does anyone know of any good deals on toddler first walker shoes? I love my kiddo’s MomoBaby, but those little feet grow so fast. I’m looking for boys size 5.5 MomoBabys, Robeez, See Kai Run, or Pedipeds – and I want to keep it under $20 if I can.
Amazon isn’t turning anything up today.
Anonymous says
20% off at Robeez today!
Philanthropy Girl says
thanks!
LSC says
20% off at Robeez today!
Syd says
Keep looking at Amazon, I have gotten See Kai Run there for $18 a couple of times.
Philanthropy Girl says
I found my first pair of MomoBaby for only $12 on Amazon – I’ll keep checking there too. I didn’t see what I was looking for in the right size on Robeez today.
EB0220 says
Help! Give me your best toy ideas for a 16 month old second child. I feel like we have all of the obvious toys already from her big sister.
Philanthropy Girl says
I’m in love with everything made by Grimm – my 15 month old is getting the wooden rainbow nesting/stacking bowls this year. Their stacking elements are great too (we have rainbow/air). They’re not cheap, but they will last forever, and aren’t found at typical toy stores so often a first child doesn’t have them. Kathe Kruse makes the most wonderful dolls. For his first birthday he got a set of baskets with colorful plastic fruits/vegetables for sorting, that also double as imaginative play food. My son also has two play silks (hopefully more for Christmas) – right now he spends a lot of time playing peek-a-boo or wandering around with them on his head, but eventually they’ll become make-shift costumes, clothes or blankets for his animal friends, scarves for dancing, or whatever else he wants them to be.
Do you have a sand/water table? Art easel? Magnets? I found the most wonderful beeswax crayons on Amazon – they’re so lovely and the colors are very natural looking. Art/craft supplies are used up, so they also make great presents. We’ve been resurrecting the old Raffi recordings – my son and nephew love them way more than the new children’s music. Schliech animals with a barn would also be wonderful, or the TOOBs with animals.
I’m also in love with Usborne books – they aren’t available thru Amazon or Barnes & Noble, so you won’t accidentally end up with something already in your collection. My 2 YO nephew is getting a shine-a-light book, where hidden images are revealed with a flashlight.
EP-er says
What is the age difference between the girls? I could see something like a special baby doll that is just hers (we got a Corolle — smells like vanilla!) or her own ride on toy, if her sister is still using hers? I also love the play scarves idea — I made a bunch last year and they so versatile & fun get get used regularly.
Batgirl says
Does anyone have any cute ideas for a pregnancy announcement (on Facebook) that incorporates both Christmas and Hanukkah?
anonymama says
Happy Holidays! FYI I’m pregnant, due *.
Something something we’re expecting a special holiday package delivery, baby due *date*
Just please don’t do a giant bow on a bare pregnant belly.
PinkKeyboard says
Uggggh. I liked my belly but not photographed and publicly displayed!
To TBK says
I saw your comment yesterday on the main site but thought I would respond here where it is a little quieter. I just wanted to say that I really know how you feel. The inner monologue of “bad mom, bad wife, bad employee, bad pet owner” sounded so familiar! You got lots of advice (though I’m not sure that’s what you needed, especially re logisitics) and I don’t have any, but I do know that you are doing much better than you think at all of those things. Probably I am, too! But when I walk out of the office before 5pm every day, I feel like a failure. And when I don’t have the headspace to talk to my husband, I feel like a failure. And when the litter box doesn’t get cleaned at night, I feel like a failure. And on, and on. I think the bottom line is that it is really just difficult (and also a lot of great things, but that’s not the point right now!) to be a working mom with a working partner, particularly when you care about being a good worker and a good partner and a good parent. But the guilt comes from a really positive place— wanting to excel at very important things. I think we should just remember that the opposite of that guilty feeling would be something like apathy. And that’s not tenable, either. Not good for us or for others in our lives, including our employers! And probably not in our personalities. So I think we need to observe that we feel guilty but also learn to accept that that will be how we feel, and not judge ourselves. That was a big thing I learned in therapy. You can’t not feel the feeling, but you can minimize the impact by not connecting it up with a judgment.
Sorry, I’m going on. But I just wanted to say your comment resonated, and I hope that you feel a little better today. (PS–I’m doing all this with ONE baby and it’s hard. So I am even more in awe of you!)
me too says
I saw that too and I know I feel the same way a lot of the time. I don’t remember who suggested the thing about one day to focus on each important thing, but I really like that idea. Since I also struggle with letting things go, I think it will help me reframe the letting go as, “today I am focusing on my husband,” instead of “I’m letting the house look like a tornado hit it and am a total failure.”
anne-on says
That’s a nice way of putting it. I make a concerted effort to focus on my son when my husband is traveling (and let the house and working out fall to the wayside a bit) and make a similar swap (work and husband) more when he’s around. Doing 100% at everything at all times isn’t possible. I also cut myself a lot of slack about the stuff that I consider ‘optional’ (crafting, pintrest worthy school lunches , super ‘done’ home decor, etc.).
MDMom says
I also just saw that. Really interesting discussion and I can relate, but at the same time, I think I’m much more laid back. I feel guilty for a few seconds then usually shrug it off. That’s just a personality thing I think-I’m not very type A. I try to frame everything in terms of priorities. You have a finite amount of time and resources to allocate towards various responsibilities. You prioritize those responsibilities and allocate your resources accordingly, then move on. If you can’t come up with a divide that’s acceptable to you, you need to focus on increasing your resources or eliminating responsibilities, so work on that (and usually you can do this, though not painlessly-again, priorities). The idea is to make these decisions consciously instead of coming home and tackling issues in the order they present themselves, such that you waste time on stuff that isn’t that important to you overall. For instance, my house is a mess. But I don’t stress too much about it because I remind myself that I’ve chosen to spend more time interacting with the baby, exercising (with my husband so that’s a double payoff-health and relationship), and keeping up with laundry just enough to clothe my spit up spewing babe. If my inlaws are coming to visit, cleaning the house will get bumped up my priority list… anyway, this is just my approach. It’s still very much a work in progress and I think I benefit from not being very type a- I generally accept that I’m doing the best I am willing to do in most areas. Could I do better in some areas? Sure. But I’ve already determined that the necessary tradeoffs aren’t worth it to me so I don’t dwell on it.
Meg Murry says
I also didn’t have a chance to weigh in yesterday (but hopefully my post below about the disaster state of my house shows some of my solidarity in this).
TBK, did you say you are seeing someone for possible depression/anxiety/PPD? Or was that a different poster? I was diagnosed with “situational adjustment disorder” after my 2nd was almost 1 – basically, depression and anxiety exacerbated by the fact that I just wasn’t coping well with going from 1 kid and a stressful job to 2 kids and more stress at work.
For me, the biggest thing to remember is that my performance in any part of my life (my job, my parenting, my wifeliness, my housekeeping skills) is not a good/bad black and white scale. Its a range. For instance, in parenting, on one end, you have amazing supermoms and on the other end, you have parents who’s children are being taken away by CPS for neglect or are on a daytime show for treating their children badly. Same with my housekeeping – that could range from spotless to deserves to be on a show about hoarders or condemned. At work, there is a range from superwoman to just barely doing enough not to be fired. You can’t beat yourself up about the handful of times you are less than amazing – give yourself credit for all you are doing, and understand that unlike in school, you probably aren’t always going to be in the 99th percentile for everything.
For another holistic view, for instance, you were worried about not having veggies for dinner that night. But do your kids generally eat a healthy diet over the course of most days or a week? If so, don’t beat yourself up over 1 day or one meal. Taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture
It took some CBT and meds to get me to this place now. And now I need to recalibrate a little, to get back a little more give a damn/get up and go, without getting all the way back to “overanxious stressed out Type A wreck” that I was before.
Wow says
Is everyone’s house just constantly a disaster? I feel so discouraged that our house is always a mess. I try to tidy up every evening (dishes loaded, toys put away, floors swept) and everything just goes to crap the next day.
In my dreams, I hire a housekeeper that comes to the home every day for a few hours to handle all the mess.
Looking for advice/commiseration. I have two small children under the age of 3.
JJ says
In a word, yes. I have two kids, 3 and 2, and it is a constant battle against clutter and mess. We have a housekeeper come every two weeks. In fact, she cleaned the house yesterday and by last night, the floor under the kitchen table was covered in food and the boys’ rooms were destroyed with toys. My house stay relatively “clean” in that I clean up spills, wash dishes, run a Roomba while we’re gone during the day. etc., but it is by no means tidy or spotless. I’ve just accepted it probably won’t be for several more years.
Spirograph says
How does your Roomba handle the mess kids make while eating? DH and I are considering gifting ourselves a Roomba for Christmas, but if it can’t handle Cheerios, crumbs, occasional dollops of scrambled eggs, etc, it is worthless to me.
JJ says
It’s great. Life-changing. It runs every day while we’re at work. About 25% of the time, it will get stuck somewhere in the house (under a dresser, under a couch, etc.), but that’s still SO MUCH more vacuuming than I would do myself. We have a dog, and it’s cut down considerably on the hair balls that would accumulate in between housekeeper visits. Ours also has a HEPA filter, so I like to think it helps cut down on allergens, as well.
For food, the most important thing for us to do is remember to pull the chairs out from under the table so the Roomba has enough room to maneuver under the table. We have hardwoods and carpet and the Roomba can handle both, and the food scraps, pretty well.
Spirograph says
Sold! Thank you.
anne-on says
Two small kids with the house a mess sounds about par for the course to me. I work at home and spend a good portion of my day on mute during calls loading/unloading dishwashers, prepping dinner, putting things away, sorting mail/packages/etc. If I didn’t (and when I travel) the house looks like a bomb hit it, despite having cleaners come every week.
I refuse to spend my few hours after my son goes to bed cleaning (instead of exercise, or talking to my husband), so thank god I’m able to work at home 80% of the time.
MDMom says
Yes. And I only have a 6 month old (and a very messy husband). I’ve just decided basically that cleaning is my lowest priority of many responsibilities (to tie this back in to TBK’s question/discussion ). But it does annoy me. I also saw the baby lick the hardwood floor yesterday, so yikes. Hygiene hypothesis, I keep telling myself. The most annoying thing for me is the backup of uncompleted chores and related clutter (ironing I never finished, etc).
EB0220 says
Yes. I’m not the best cleaner anyway, but over the long weekend I spent naptime getting the kitchen spotless. By bedtime, it looked like I hadn’t done anything. Dishes and toys everywhere, stuff on the floor, total mess. You’re not alone at all.
NewMomAnon says
Yes! I’ve drawn a hard line on cereal and crayons on the floor; those get swept up or put away as quickly as I can. Otherwise, there is a constant level of clutter and mess. I finally had a house cleaner come in to clean the bathrooms and kitchen, and vacuum and dust, twice a month. Otherwise, those things weren’t getting done at all.
On that note – I feel like such a failure on the mom energy front. I have friends who always sign on once their kiddo goes to bed, and do another two hours of work from home. Or they work out after their kids go to bed. Most nights I triage the clean up and then sack out on the couch, absolutely exhausted. It would be so helpful to do another hour or two of work from home, but I just can’t make myself do it.
MDMom says
I do not work from home in evening. But for the past 2 months my husband and I have been working out together in the evening. This is the first time in our 10 yr relationship we’ve ever been workout buddies and it is so effective in motivating both of us. If I want to collapse on couch but it’s work out day, he can usually guilt me into it (and vice versa). After working out, I have so much more energy to get other crap done. But baby goes to bed early (7) which helps and result is eating dinner late and often going to bed later than I’d like, so your mileage may vary. Even a 15 min spurt on exercise bike would boost your energy, of course the hard part is getting the energy to get on the bike in the first place…
CPA Lady says
Yes. I think it comes with the territory. To everything there is a season. Sometimes the mess even makes me sentimental. Like I cried about having a bottle drying rack on my counter when someone pointed out to me that that was the season of my life, and in a few years it wont be there anymore.
But you know what helps me when I’m over being sappy about the mess? Bins. My house would be chaos and anarchy if it were not for bins. I have a paper gathering tray on the kitchen counter that I got from World Market. I have a book bin, a toy bin, a stuffed animal basket, and a large fabric hamper for blankets in my daughter’s room. I do pick up the kitchen, the living room, and my daughter’s room every day (picking up her room is part of her bedtime routine). The chaos elsewhere is ongoing, but having a few fairly decent looking areas helps me feel better. There are constantly laundry baskets with clean clothes sitting around and the floor has not been vacuumed in months. It’s gross, but I just try not to look at it.
The website unf*ck your habitat helped me a lot, with the concept of 20/10s (20 timed minutes of cleaning followed by 10 timed minutes of break). It’s amazing what you can get done in one 20/10. And the pictures really motivate me.
anonymama says
yes to bins. mentally I think to myself, if I can get it decent in 10 minutes it’s not so bad. and then I try to spend at least 10 minutes a day picking up.
Meg Murry says
Yes, my house is a total disaster. My husband and I were never super neat and tidy people to begin with, but our house is complete chaos. I would love to hire a cleaning service of some kind, but its at the point where I would need to take a vacation day just to clear enough of the clutter in order to allow them to clean.
Total brutal honestly here, we have actual days old dishes on our counter right now. I have some items of laundry that just keep staying at the bottom of the pile because I never make it that far down. I have a few closets where items just get shoved to be dealt with later, and later never comes. In the worst of the worst, after a long bout of never ending flu that swept the whole family, my husband and I mutually decided to throw away some glass Pyrex storage containers with I don’t know how old leftovers in them from the back of the fridge, because at that point we would both rather pay $50$10 each to replace them at the next big post Christmas sale than clean them. I know that sounds like the worst of 1st world indulgence, but if I can’t confess that on this s!te, I don’t know where else I can. We also use a lot of the semi-disposable rubbermaid tupperware now for the same reason – most of the time it gets washed, but every so often it just gets pitched when both of us just can’t deal anymore. Dusting only happens a few times a year. We vacuum sporatically, but not nearly often enough. And we’ve lived in our house for 4 years and none of the windows have ever been washed other than one I cleaned after my son threw pureed peas on it.
Wow, it’s hard to confess all that, but I hope it helps some of you realize that your house really isn’t that bad.
I also don’t decorate for the seasons/holidays, because I can’t deal with getting it all out and putting it away. Christmas is the only exception.
My kids ate delivery pizza for dinner last night, with a side of baby carrots. The night before was boxed mac and cheese. I offered them frozen peas with it too, but they didn’t actually eat them. They eat balanced lunches at school/daycare, so I try not to overstress about dinner.
In general, a 4 person household just generates a certain amount of mess/chores to be dealt with throughout the day – for every meal cooked there are dishes to be done; every day we generate the equivalent in a half load of laundry in daily clothes, pjs and towels; we fill the equivalent of a grocery bag with trash daily and another with recycling – and that’s for the days the kids are in daycare all day and not generating more dishes and mess. I consider myself to be winning if I at least break even over the course of the week – the dirty laundry pile at the end of Sunday isn’t larger than it was last Sunday, the number of dishes waiting to be washed has at least stayed stable, the bills have been sorted out from the piles of junk mail, etc. We just barely keep our heads above water on all that, but when things fall apart (like when we all get the flu) it can take weeks to bail ourselves out back to the level of just treading water again.
I’ve reached the point where I know we “should” clean up when we have a spare hour, but honestly, most nights I’m so tired I really just need my sleep more than anything else. So long as we can find everyone’s keys, wallets, phones, weather appropriate coats and at least one pair of weather appropriate(ish) shoes, I’m going to bed and we can deal with the rest tomorrow.
NewMomAnon says
No joke on taking a vacation day to clean up – I’ve only been in my place about 8 months, and it took me probably 6-8 hours (spread over three days) just to clear surfaces enough for a cleaner to come through. And then it took the cleaner almost 7 hours to clean. It was worth it; the mental weight of yogurt dried to the floor and cobwebs dangling from the ceiling was pretty intense. But I am struggling to figure out whether I can handle that level of work every two weeks, or whether to let it devolve into chaos again.
mascot says
We just switched from cleaning every two weeks to weekly cleaning and it helps. We don’t have as much time between visits to let the clutter pile up so the prep work goes much faster. Mostly just clearing off bathroom and kitchen counters and putting up shoes.
We corral the kid stuff/toys to the playroom, kid’s room, and kitchen as much as possible. We also don’t let little people (visitors included) remove food, drink, or art supplies from the kitchen which helps immensely with preventing messes.
Spirograph says
I’m taking a vacation day to clean up today! I have a hacking cough, so my coworkers don’t want me around and it’s ostensibly a sick day, but mostly I just needed to clean my house since our Thanksgiving suitcases exploded and my only spare minutes yesterday were spent restocking groceries because of course we ate everything fresh in the house before we left for a week. Our housecleaner is coming on Thursday and if I didn’t stay home today, she wouldn’t have been able to clean anything because literally every surface in my house was covered with clutter this morning.
I hate to perpetuate gender stereotypes but seriously: sick day for me = cleaning the house and doing laundry (in my bathrobe, but still) sick day for my husband = ALL THE VIDEO GAMES
This thread makes me feel better about my housekeeping. I love you all.
JJ says
I have totally thrown away reusable Rubbermaid containers/Pyrex/old Tupperware. Usually because I’ve forgotten about it in the fridge for so long that whatever in there is so revolting that I don’t even want to attempt to clean it.
We just moved this summer and had lived in our prior house 7 years. We never, not once, washed the windows.
When I go out of town for work, I always have to mentally brace myself for the mess that awaits me. I know that me going out of town equals two weeks of working to reduce the mess.
Anonymous says
We’ve definitely thrown away rubbermaid containers before. Often.
Here’s a confession: my husband works from home, and is really good about doing laundry. By “doing”, I mean: putting in the washer and dryer. He’s incapable of putting clean clothes into an actual laundry basket, so we end up with a giant pile of clean clothes on the floor of the laundry room. Thank goodness we have a cleaning service, so the floor is pretty clean.
Anon says
I don’t even have kids yet (currently pregnant) and I have thrown away Tupperware. Sometimes it is just so gross it isn’t worth it (and my MIL gives us Tupperware that should have been trashed a long time ago so all of those go in the trash). I am pretty good about cleaning most things (again, no kids yet), but our shower got cleaned maybe 3 times in the past year. Bathroom floors have probably never been anything but vacuumed (with the exception of wiping down with Lysol around the toilets). We could never afford a regular house cleaner, but I am seriously considering seeing if my parent’s house cleaner would be willing to come and just do our bathrooms for a reduced rate after the baby comes.
JEB says
Yep! I always feel like our house is at some level of disarray. Dog hair and dust are out of control…not good.
Each night before bed, I pick up all of the toys and books – it makes me feel better to wake up and not have crap strewn everywhere. My daughter is only one, so it’s not a terribly heavy lift.
We also started piling all random odds and ends on the dining room table. It looks terrible, but at least it’s contained and the rest of the house isn’t cluttered. Each weekend, I take 30 minutes to go through the pile on the table and put everything where it actually should have gone in the first place. It’s not a very tidy system, but it’s working for us right now.
SC says
The only way we manage is having lots of help. We have a nanny who will wash dishes and do laundry. We don’t leave her a sink full of last night’s dishes (well, maybe occasionally), but having someone unload the dishwasher and load the breakfast dishes and whatever stray ones is a tremendous help. And she actually does both baby’s and our laundry, which is awesome. We hire a housekeeper who comes every week to do the major cleaning. We pay someone to mow the lawn every other week in the spring and summer. Last week, when our nanny was on vacation for the holiday, my MIL came over to watch the baby for a few hours while I cleaned the house and ran errands. I know “outsourcing” isn’t financially practical for everyone, and it’s a huge stretch for us, but I can promise you that our house would be a disaster if we didn’t.
Anonymous says
We have a cleaning service come once every 2 weeks. In between, we manage. I have a 2 year old and we spend 15-20 minutes every day before bed cleaning. She likes to fold laundry, will pick up toys (esp if to music), and could spend hours unloading the dishwasher and/or “washing” dishes in the sink.
Mostly, i get her used to the idea while DH and I run around fast to clean.
Scandia says
Hi,
I found it helpful to think about the house as a kind of factory. The house is not a piece of art or great written paper – look! It is great! It is done! The house is a factory: Every day the wheels have to turn. It think the most important things are laundry, cooking, dishwasher, take out the trash. Count it as a success if all the wheels turned. You would not blame a factory for having to repeat, the problem is only if the wheels stop turning.
Also – I know it is hard, your kids are young, it gets easier. Hang in there.
Famouscait says
The factory analogy is a great image. Thanks for sharing that!
One tidbit I thought I’d offer: when I was a kid (living in a big two-story house) my Mom gave my sister and I each a small basket upstairs. That’s where we (or they) could put any loose odds and ends that needed to be taken downstairs to our bedrooms, play room, etc. We would get prompted about once a week to take our baskets downstairs, put all the things away, and had to return the empty basket to the pantry. I think it was a good system.
Anonymous says
Thank you!
I like the basket idea too. It also great it you suddenly get company.
When our children were young, we began each day after dinner to do pick up time. Not too much, the 4 year old would for example have to pick up eight things. Or we would set the timer for 10 min and have a go at it. Slowly we demanded more, and now what they do it is a genuine help. After dinner, everybody pick up, sweep floors, put laundry away and so on. The best thing is that the whole family finds it naturally.
Scandia says
That was me
In House Lobbyist says
Any ideas for Santa presents for a 5 year old boy and 2 year old girl? My boy has asked for books about real things (he loved Night at the Museum), pipe cleaners (he loves art stuff), and a stuffed animal. He’s never liked trains; he is over superheroes; and has outgrown his battery operated ride on toys. We have magnatiles and loads of legos.
What about the 2 year old girl? She likes whatever her brother is playing with.
I know they are little and probably don’t need a big gift but I still want something more than pipe cleaners.
ideas says
My 5 year old boy loves all things soccer (he’s getting some sort of soccer goal/rebounder for his big present). Those over the door basketball hoops can be used by both kids. How about games? Checkers, Sorry, Go-Fish/Crazy 8s/Uno/playing cards are all hits right now. Maybe slightly upgraded art stuff- like small canvases instead of cheap paper?
NewMomAnon says
I remember getting a kid’s microscope and a science kit when I was in first or second grade, and it was the best thing ever. Or maybe a subscription to those kid’s art crates, I think they are called Kiwi Crates.
No idea on the 2 year old. I have a two year old and I think I’m going to let the grandparents get all of her gifts, and then have her “rediscover” some toys that I’ve been storing in a closet for a few months (I’ll wrap them elaborately so she has fun unwrapping). My kiddo is loving the Brio train set at her grandparents’ house; Ikea has a cheaper knock-off version too.
Anon in NYC says
Perhaps an early chemistry set for the 5 year old? Or children’s biographies about Teddy Roosevelt and other characters from Night at the Museum? Or something akin to an Encyclopedia Britannica? My cousin’s young kid (about 5, I believe) is into non-fiction about space. She apparently has to read him some pretty dry material!
Spirograph says
A globe (one with raised topography for maximum awesome) or picture atlas? I am a total nerd, but I could look at an atlas for hours when I was a kid (ok, I still can).
SC says
“I still want something more than pipe cleaners.” I hear you, but I also love how simple and innocent children are and that pipe cleaners may be the best gift in the world. What about making a big art “kit” for your son, where you find a “special” container (maybe a toolbox) and fill it up with lots of art supplies appropriate for his age and interests – pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks, crayons, construction paper, etc.? (And maybe make something similar but age appropriate for your daughter so she can join.) Does he already have an easel or special craft table?
SC says
Meant for In House Lobbyist, obviously.
Anonymous says
Has anyone here worked in a different city and went home once a week? I have an opportunity to get a job in a larger city (and double my salary) but the family wouldn’t be able to meet up for at least a year. The flight isn’t that long and is direct so I would probably come home every other weekend or something. We have young kidlets but a good daycare and my hsuband’s job is reasonably flexible.
Thoughts?
Famouscait says
My husband and I lived apart for a year (no kids, midwest to Phoenix “commute”). In my opinion it was do-able because there was a very firm end date, after which point we knew we’d be under one roof again. It is not something I could put up with indefinitely or for more than about 18 months.
Anonymous says
The hard end date and 18 month absolute max sounds right to me based on the experiences of two people I know who have done it. (One male, one female, FWIW). They both hated it and went home every weekend, FYI.
Double the salary is appealing, but have you considered what it will be after higher COL, real estate, and (depending on your city’s school district) private schools? Would you like the job more? I learned the hard way that changing jobs for money alone isn’t worth it.
Frankly, seeing my kids for two days every two weeks for a year would be miserable for me. It would very stressful on my partner and, I think, my kids. I’d have to really, really, really want that job. Love the idea of working 3-4 days in the office. That would dramatically change my personal feelings for it.
Anon says
I think I would only do this if I could work a 4 day week when away from family and be home every weekend for three days. Would expect to work longer hours on those days vs going 80%. I would keep kidlets home from daycare on that day to make up for missing breakfasts/suppers/bedtimes during the week.
Anon says
As an alternative – could you work 3 days there and work two days from home? EG- fly out monday early morning and back Wednesday in time for bedtime?
NewMomAnon says
My dad did that for a while when I was a kid. Look back at one of the previous posts, someone asked about a spouse on night shift; I think my folks had a lot of the same issues (feeling like Dad wasn’t a part of the family, marital issues, no time off for the parent who stayed home, etc).
But the feminist in me says – do it. Dads do it all the time, why not a mom? I would challenge the budget to make the family visits weekly (because I just couldn’t go two weeks without seeing my kiddo). Can you negotiate for an alternate schedule so you have longer times at home? Maybe work 4 long days each week, or work 80 hours spread over 2 weeks, or arrange to work remotely for one week each month so you can go home. And look at whether your SO can work remotely from your location for a couple months during your stay. Going for two 5 month “away” stints with a 2 month “together” stint sounds much more manageable to me.
Also, congratulations!
TK says
On the one hand, men do this all of the time and are actually congratulated on being able to fit the family in on weekends (looking at you, Paul Ryan) so really the considerations shouldn’t be any different for you.
On the other hand, as someone has been the ‘left at home’ working spouse when my husband travelled for business, etc. – it is EXHAUSTING. Single parents deal with it all the time and can speak to this with more authority, but having to constantly be the ONLY ONE available to pick up / drop off kids at daycare, and to watch them every morning and night after work, and to help with homework, and to respond to middle of the night issues (which increase when Daddy is out of town), and to take sick days off of work, and to grocery shop / cook / do laundry /clean on the days in between the housekeeper, and to never attend social events with kids outside of birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese … I’ve never been so tired.
Also built up quite a bit of resentment for my spouse, who was drinking wine and watching cable from a hotel somewhere whenever we talked.
So … to each his own, but even at double the salary I’d approach with caution.
NewMomAnon says
As a single mom, this is absolutely true. I was considering making a comment about stretching the budget to include some night relief, since the parent who is staying with the kids is going to have to be out of work in time for daycare pickup every day, and then will be stuck home with the kids alone from bedtime until they wake up (at an ungodly early hour) the next morning. Being a single parent is a restrictive and lonely life.
But…men have done it for centuries and nobody guilts them for it. OP’s husband is an adult who can and should advocate for his own needs/wants.
NewMomAnon says
Should have specified – men have left their wives behind to raise children alone for centuries. Men have not been single parents for centures.
Meg Murry says
Even with double the salary, for that first year, you might not be that much further ahead financially. After all, you will have to maintain 2 separate households plus buy 2-4 plane tickets a month plus pay for more outsourcing to help your husband out with the house.My parents lived in 2 different states for about a year before I was born until they determined that the bulk of my father’s paycheck was going to pay for an apartment for him to live in plus plane tickets and other expenses they hadn’t thought of, like my mom needed to hire a local kid to handle the yardwork and had to call in expensive contractors to try to fix up the old house so they could sell it for her to move out and join him. After that year with no sign of the house selling or good prospects for my mom where my dad was living they decided to stop the commuting and that it made sense for my dad to come back to where they owned a house and had extended family support.
With double the salary, is there also a big jump in COL? Or would your double salary go about as far in the new location?
However, that doesn’t mean it couldn’t work – but I think you would need a super super supportive spouse, and he would probably either need to hire extra help (some combo of additional nanny/babysitter, housecleaners and/or meal preparers) or work a less than full time schedule in order to avoid burning out. We seriously considered this situation when my husband had the opportunity to work in DC, but in the kind of position where I would stay behind with the kids and he would only come home every other weekend or so – and there was no plan for us to join him long term. At that time, we knew that the only way it could work was me going to working part time while keeping the kids in fulltime daycare, or switching to a nanny, and even then I knew it was going to take a lot out of me to basically be a single parent for extended periods of time.
It can be done though, and if this is a good career move for you and a good move overall for your family it is worth seriously considering.
SC says
When I was in first grade, my mom traveled during the week and came home on weekends for a year. It was for a fellowship between residency and her long-term job, and it didn’t make sense for the whole family to move for just one year. I think all three of us agree that it was a very, very hard year. My parents’ relationship suffered. It was stressful financially. I had some behavior problems at school. But we survived, and I know my mom had opportunities she wouldn’t have had otherwise. I also have some really great memories with my dad from that time – he took me to minor league baseball games, played word games with me on the way to school, managed to never cook a single meal (leftovers M, cafeteria T and Th, McDonalds W and F), and let me wear the wrong dress, aka my favorite dress, to picture day (my mom still hasn’t forgiven us).
KateMiddletown says
How many toys/gifts do your kids get from Santa? I saw something earlier this year about “Something to wear, something to read, something you want, something you need” and I thought it was an adorable way to limit. Grandparents/aunts and uncles aside, Santa’s probably going to show up with 3 gifts on xmas morning… what do you all do?
hoola hoopa says
Santa typically brings one gift per kid. There have been exceptions, but I don’t think we’ve ever done more than two. Plus stocking, obviously. They typically only ask Santa for one gift (per our instructions).
They usually get 3-5 gifts from us. Although we often give a wearable and a book, we found the little rhyme too constricting. Also, since we rarely give them things that they ‘want’ outside of Christmas and birthday, we don’t really feel the need to be minimal.
SC says
My son, who will only be 8 months old, is not getting much from us/Santa. A few months ago, I went a little crazy at a consignment sale and, once I got home, put half of it away for Christmas. I think there are 3-4 toys, 4-5 books, and some clothes in that pile, so we have most the rhyme covered. So far, I’ve purchased one toy in addition to that, and only because it was on the “wish list” I created to send to his grandparents and was 50% last week. I’m sure he’ll receive plenty from grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc.
Philanthropy Girl says
We decided to not do gifts from Santa for religious reasons. Our 15 month old will get three gifts from his dad and me: 1)something he wants 2) something he needs 3) something to encourage spiritual growth. This year he’s getting the Grimm rainbow nesting/stacking bowls, a new knit hat and a lift-the-flap Bible stories book. We also do stockings, which this year will probably be a piece of candy, an orange, a new toothbrush, and a small doll if I can find one.
Our gifting budget is extremely limited, and this formula felt like a way to give nice, needed gifts to make for a special Christmas without blowing the budget. .