Maternity Monday: Raphaëlle Blazer

In the last two months, two coworkers in our four person office (which was already down two staff people – should be a six person office) left. One left two weeks ago and was going to cover me during maternity leave. As a result I’m working insane hours, I’m responding to everything (the other staff person here is an administrative assistant), and I’m totally burning out. We are filling two positions soon, but they are both below me (though I don’t manage them – long story on the makeup of our employer), and they will both need intensive onboarding…which is not currently planned on by anyone, because the ED of our department is one of the open positions, and the position above that is also open, so all of us are currently reporting to the president – who is actually only the interim president, and is still doing her other full time job, and has about 20 other direct reports right now in addition to running our entire 100 person department. I just started having my prenatal appointments every two weeks because I’m 31 weeks. Last week I was told I don’t have to take the 3 hour glucose test because I scored 135 and their cutoff is 140. Today I was told I “should” take it because on Saturday they changed their cut off to 135. My husband said it sounded like they were saying I don’t HAVE to take it, but what I heard was “you’re a bad mom if you don’t take it because something could be wrong with your baby” and I feel like the worst person in the world if I make it seem like work is more important than the baby. I’m out of town this weekend visiting my best friend whose mom just died. Can’t cancel that. I was out of town this past weekend, driving myself and stepdaughter 3.5 hours to my parents’ house for a family baby shower, drove 3.5 hours home the next day (husband was working and couldn’t come). I haven’t had a day off that wasn’t for doctor visit or sickness since last October. Every time I respond to one crisis at work another one comes up. My maternity leave plan is 100% invalid now because the person was taking over a large majority of tasks is the one who quit two weeks ago. She also just sent me an email from her new job saying she “hoped I wasn’t stressing out too much because that affects the baby.” I have no time to rewrite my maternity leave plan because I have two major events coming up this month and I am the point person on both. I feel like my actual job responsibilities are being left by the wayside as I cover absolutely everything else in the office. I cried all the way back from the appointment after learning about the need to take this test. I feel like an absolute mess and that I am failing at everything. Please internet hug me.

So, husband finally acknowledged that the universe keeps sending us weird signals that we are meant to be foster parents. We already have a bio kid, and for the past couple months we’ve both been seriously thinking if this is for us. We recognize that it’s going to be an extended timeline (probably 2-3 years) before we’re ready to do full time fostering, but there are quite a few steps to go through.

As part of preparing for this, a wonderful friend sent me some amazing resources on caring for different types of hair than my own straight, caucasian hair and y’all- more than anything, this is what I find intimidating. In college, I had friends and roommates who taught me about what they did with their hair. The idea of convincing a 3 year old to wear a satin cap to bed or sit still while her hair is put into a protective style is really daunting.

I am sitting here laughing that I have no qualms with dealing with behavior issues or even helping a child work through the loss that leads to all foster placements, but that my big fear is that I will be an inadequate doer-of-hair. That’s all. Not ready to talk about this with many people IRL because of a few reasons, so thanks for letting me get that out here.

Can anyone suggest a birthday gift, around $25, for my nephew who just turned 3? I think he’s still into Paw Patrol, but other than that, I don’t know any of his current interests.

My little guys have always cried when I leave the house in the morning, but I always figured it was quick — door closes, they cry for a minute, but I’m gone and they move on to other things. Now that they’re older, they know I’m leaving from earlier in the morning. One of them has started following me around in the last 15 min before I leave the house (when I’m wrapping up my lunch, grabbing my keys, etc.) just kind of whimpering and asking to be picked up. When I pick him up, he does the toddler full body melt/hug into my shoulder, and when I try to set him down, he develops arms of steel and clings to me while starting to cry big, fat tears. I know it’s just part of being two, and that five minutes after I’m gone, they’re both fine, but ugh! It used to just be his brother who cried but while that one (B) is a mad crier, this one (A) cries like you’ve broken his heart. It’s just as much a show as his brother’s crying (that is to say, both honestly heart-felt but also very fleeting), but it just seems so much sadder. (The au pair will actually start crying herself when A cries. He’s that affecting.) I wish I could work all day with a warm snuggly toddler in my lap. (Even though that’s a scientific impossibility. If you put an electronic within a 10 mile radius of a two year old, they will find it and insist on using it and pitch a massive tantrum when you take it away. I know this.)

Grrrrrr. I hired a nanny back in February and asked that she stay with us until either late June or early August. I have come close to firing her in the past because she is not reliable (took 2 sick days in a row for a cold), plays on her computer most of the time (including when I was working from home) and just doesn’t get it (declined to let me know when my son was running a 102 fever). But I stuck with her because I wanted to give her a chance and knew that it was only temporary. On Friday, she told me that she took a job “that will help her professionally” starting June 6. The kids will have two weeks left of school at that point. My husband is an administrator so he has three weeks from that point until he has 5 weeks off. Oh, and the “professional opportunity” is being a camp counselor. She wants to go into the peace corp and then be a lawyer. WTF. So annoyed. I have family that can swing a week, but not three. Do we hire a temporary nanny?

I feel like such a scrooge asking this, but how much do yall spend on bday presents for your friend’s kids when you’re invited to bday parties? I’ve been doing under $20 for 2-3 year olds– usually 2 or 3 books or something else simple. I’m a scrooge with my own kid and did a no-gift birthday party for her first bday and might do the same for her 2nd bday, FWIW.

What temperature is too high to send a baby to day care? DD has a low grade fever and is acting like her normal self, so I would hate to have to take a day off unnecessarily.

Paperless post or real printed invitations for a baby shower?