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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 76 Comments · by

Feeding Tuesday: Fresh Food Feeder

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Fresh Food FeederThis one isn’t so much a recommendation, but rather a question: I have bought or received numerous mesh fresh food feeders like this through the years, and have yet to open a single one because I’ve always done the baby-led weaning thing. Perhaps I am just inordinately comfortable with my baby gagging? Are they good for frozen foods when they’re teething (hmmn, perhaps I will try a frozen bagel in this guy and see how it goes), or for something more specific? Ladies, what do you like to use these for? (And when? Harry will be 10 months in a week or two and is already pretty adept at feeding himself.) Should you want to purchase one, these are $6.99 at Amazon for two. Munchkin Fresh Food Feeder (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. KJ says

    I have something to say on-topic for a change! I considered these mesh feeders, but Amazon comments about pieces of the mesh coming off on the foods made me a little wary. So, I got this silicone feeder instead, and my daughter loved it. http://www.amazon.com/Award-Winning-Kidsme-Feeder-Large/dp/B005KWLEVW

    It was great, especially for teething. I would put apple slices, strawberries, or frozen mango in there and she would go to town. I think it helped her get used to the idea of chewing. We don’t use it anymore because she is able to eat finger foods now, but it really came in handy between about 5-9 months.

    • Anonymous says

      My daughter really liked these (I bought lots of the mesh replacement bags and just threw them away when they got extra grimy). I never put bananas in them, but she loved a hunk of frozen mango or some watermelon in there. They have a limited time usefulness because as soon as she got the hang of biting and chewing, these were no longer needed. But for about 1.5 – 2 months, they kept her really entertained during meal times.

    • ml says

      My kids loved these, too. We especially used them for berries and grapes that would have presented a choking hazard.

  2. Autumn says

    We bought these, used them once, and absolutely hated them. We tried bananas when LO was about 6 months old and it was impossible to clean the feeder out thoroughly. I ended up just trashing it. We did BLW so I didn’t bother trying it again.

    • JJ says

      Our experience exactly. Too hard to clean and adding one more step to feeding a baby meant that we weren’t every going to use them again. Great idea in theory, terrible (for us) in practice.

    • skim latte says

      Same here, we trashed two of these. Kid did not like it and I really did not need one more difficult-to-clean baby thing.

  3. Manhattanite says

    These just looked gross. And I didn’t need another plastic item in my kitchen taking up space and with a limited usefulness. But hey, if it works for you, it seems like a cheap and easy item to try out.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Mostly, I agree. I think we ended up using them as popsicles with juice or water ice cubes in them, esp. for mouth injuries or teething. Mostly water, because our kid was a drooler until age 3 and who wants drooled juice or food on everything? They’re good for if you let your kid walk around eating, then the kid won’t choke. But I didn’t let me kid walk around eating, so…

  4. Lyssa says

    Hey, I would love some tips on how to “girl up” a blue nursery. My first was a boy, and I was thrilled with how his room turned out – light blue with several narrow stripes about 3/4 of the way up in dark blue, white, and green. we didn’t do much decorating beyond that, other than some hanging things shaped like airplanes and a lamp (which we’re moving into the big-boy room). But I just don’t want to repaint for #2, a girl. I’m thinking I can find some sort of decorations to hang up that are more girly, but I’m not sure what, and I really don’t want much in the way of clutter (I really don’t care much for hanging things in general).

    Any suggestions? No curtains (hate them), I’m open to pink but am more into purple, not particularly a fan of flowery things, would like to avoid clutter. I’m thinking butterfly hang-up things, maybe? But I haven’t seen any that I like. Would prefer to do this on the cheap, too.

    Also, does anyone else find their feminist-inclinations gets all itchy when dealing with kids of different sexes? My husband’s really into airplanes, so we did tons of airplane stuff for #1, and a large part of me is all “Well, there’s no reason that girls can’t like airplanes, too.” But, on the other hand, it seems like we should do something different and I don’t want to try to force her into boyish stuff (we’ll already be using a lot of brother’s hand-me-downs, any of his toys that we can, and the blue room, plus my otherwise pretty traditionally male husband is a SAHD). It feels hard not to overthink it.

    • JJ says

      I actually have found some awesome deals on room decorations (painted wood posters, etc.) on Zulily. I think grey as an accent color with pink in it would work great in the nursery that you’re describing. I’m a minimalist decorator at heart, but I bought a white 16ish X 20ish painted piece of wood with the words to “You are my sunshine” painted on it in grey and hung that up. It’s a great, cute, gender-neutral accent.

      ETA: Love Zulily, but just be prepared for anything you order to take forever and a day to actually ship to you.

    • GG says

      Check out “My Room” nurseries on Apartment Therapy. A ton of great ideas that we incorporated into our daughter’s neutral-green room.

    • Maddie Ross says

      Our nursery was originally a guest room that was painted my favorite shade of blue ever, so I couldn’t stomach repainting it just because we were having a girl. We bought all white furniture and did white curtains. I found linens at Dwell Studio that were light blue, dark blue, pink and white and used those as my inspiration. They had a bunny print to them, so we used bunnies as our “theme.” Bought several prints off etsy that coordinated (to me). So long story short, pink (or purple) and blue look great together – just look on etsy for prints or pops of color to add (maybe a lampshade?).

    • Momata says

      To keep your light blue walls: white and navy polka dots? Accent wall of navy damask pattern over the light blue? Both of these you should be able to find stencils for. Hanging birds with clouds or bird prints on the wall? (I have some papier-mache hanging birds in my nursery that I love, and kiddo likes them as well.)

      I’m in the middle of decorating a big girl room and I totally get you on the itchy feminist inclinations. I feel a ton of pressure to make it feminine, but not too “girly” because who says she has to be girly?

    • KJ says

      I was so overwhelmed before my baby was born, that I didn’t plan on decorating the nursery at all. Then I thought it looked too bare, so I ordered some fabric flags from Etsy to give the wall some color. It was cheap, easy to hang up, and looks pretty. You could do something like that in girlier colors.

      I get your feminist angst too. I have both “boy” and “girl” clothes for my daughter, but I worry that I’m pushing an agenda if dress her too boy-y. But I don’t want to dress her like a princess either. And I HATE how when I try to buy something reasonably unisex, like a navy hoodie, the manufacturer (Carter’s, I’m looking at you) has to gender it somehow with a little pink heart somewhere, in my opinion, just to ensure that you have to buy twice as much stuff. I look forward to the day when my daughter can express her own opinions about things and I can stop worrying about this stuff.

      [Ed. note: This link was deleted because it was broken, sorry!]

      • Merabella says

        I totally feel you on this! I am having a boy, but I want to keep the clothing purchases I make gender neutral in case we get a different gender next go-round – essentially not having to buy so much stuff, but it seems like EVERYTHING is gendered, even gender neutral stuff. I also am not a fan of the idea that every single piece of boy clothing seems to have sports equipment on it – like boys can only like sports, or girls can’t like sports. Just let them be babies without having to push an agenda clothing companies!

        • Meg Murry says

          Yes, this! I think someone could start a great blog or catalog just pulling out the items that are gender neutral – not necessarily making their own, just hunting down plain red tshirts or plain jeans. Because seriously, why do jeans have to have a football applique or glittery ruffle on every single pair?

    • Manhattanite says

      Why not pink and purple airplanes? If that’s something your husband is into, then it’s nice for him to share it with baby girl, too.

      Just think how much harder it would have been to boy up a pink nursery! :)

      • Lyssa says

        That was my thinking, too! It’s a lot easier to pass boy stuff off for girls then the other way around. We went through all of his old clothes the other day, and I was just “Eh, it’s kind of boyish, but we can put a bow in her hair, right?” The grandmothers are going nuts with buying girly stuff, so she’ll wind up with a big mix, I’m sure.

        I like the idea of pink and purple airplanes; I’m just not sure where I could find them or when I could make them. I’ll look around for paintable ones, though.

        • Meg Murry says

          I think you could do lots of pink, purple and green things that fly in general – airplanes, butterflies, hot air balloons etc – or even multiple colors, including pink and purple in the mix.

          Or what if you just painted some diagonal lavender stripes onto the white or green horizontal stripes? Or making an X pattern. It might be a little easter egg-ish, but it could also be really pretty, and not involve repainting the whole room.

    • HM says

      I used wall-clings from Oopsie Daisy to give a bit of a feminine spin on an otherwise gender neutral room (green). I also got a crib skirt that had a few hints of more traditionally feminine colors. If baby #2 is a girl as well, I’ll likely keep things as they are. If not, then I will move the wall clings, and the crib skirt into my daughter’s “big girl” room when the time comes.

      Links of some wall clings to follow..

    • CPA lady says

      I’m a girly girl whose favorite colors are green and blue. I think white makes things girlier– to me a white crib is more girly than a brown crib. Could you do some kind of woodland animals theme with foxes and hedgehogs? Or do a crib skirt that’s green or blue, but with white grosgrain bow accents or something? If you or someone you know sews, crib skirts are really easy to make.

      • Nonny says

        This is similar to what we have. We didn’t know whether our baby was going to be a girl or a boy, but I’ve always liked blue, so we painted the nursery a sort of light sky blue. We ended up having a girl. I don’t think there is a stitch of pink in her room. I decorated with some woodland animal wall decals (from Skip Hop), a woodland rug (from Ikea), curtains with butterflies and little strawberry creatures on them (Ikea) and a multicoloured bird mobile. We’re trying to use mostly white furniture but have some hand-me-downs so there are currently various wood tones in there as well.

        In other words, I don’t think there is any need for you to repaint for #2. Maybe get a different mobile, some white eyelet curtains, or something like that, and I think you’ll be good to go.

    • CHJ says

      Owls! Owls are really popular right now and there are a ton of decorating options (art, night lights, sheets, blankets, etc.) that incorporate owls. A lot of owl themes are blue-purple-green, too, so it could fit nicely in the blue room you’re describing.

      On the gender point, I know about owls because my son is obsessed with owls, so I’m always trying to find “boy” appropriate owls and then hating myself for not fighting the patriarchy by getting him pink owls.

    • ParalegalNC says

      I loved the slate blue that was our guestroom, so didn’t repaint. We added white and lemon yellow touches with a white butterfly mobile. Her crib sheets were mostly pink patterns, so it was enough of a pink touch for me.

      As far as the gender issue, I agree. I don’t want to push the party line that pink (read feminine interests) therefore girls are less-than. But ugh, I hate the idea of a princess.

  5. Ana says

    My LO is 6 months and teething. Filled with frozen fruit these have been great to both ease the pain and distract him.

    • Meg Murry says

      Yes, the only way I’ve seen these really useful is for teething kids to gnaw on something frozen. Otherwise, not worth it.

    • Eileen says

      I put ice in them for teething, but we’ve never used them for food to avoid having to clean it all out.

    • anne-on says

      We froze applesauce and sweet potato puree and put them in the mesh feeder bags for food/pain relief when my son was 5-7 months, it was just about the only use we had for them.

  6. Heather says

    I got one when my first was 6 months but did BLW and returned it when I realized that it isn’t really compatible with BLW. Now my oldest is 3 and an amazing eater, and our 9-month-old is also thriving with BLW. I would stay away from these mesh feeders, but that’s just me.

  7. New DC Mom says

    Perfect timing! Can we talk about everyone’s BLW experience?
    My six month old just started solids. We gave her some avocado slices. She ate some, dropped some, and smushed some around and we took some cute photos. I’m thinking of doing slightly steamed carrots next.

    • Heather says

      We started with avocado (a crinkle cutter does wonders at helping with gripping more slippery foods!), banana, sweet potato, broccoli, raspberries, etc. We started eggs around 8 mos (fully cooked, no runny yolks). Started meat about 8 mos too (ground beef, chicken, steak, pork). Smaller veggies and beans (corn, peas, black beans) about 8 mos when pincher grip got stronger. Both our kids are amazing eaters now. The BLW book was very helpful to me with my oldest when I was just getting started.

    • Meg Murry says

      There was a post a few weeks (months?) back about the Baby Led Weaning book, I’m sure you could search for it.

      ETA- Not saying this to be obnoxious, just letting you know there may not be much talk about it because it was talked about somewhat recently.

  9. ANP says

    Hi gang — you guys were amazing yesterday when I ask about formula feeding after BF’ing, so here’s another (slightly less loaded) kid question. Our DS is just over age two and, over the past week, has been waking up in the middle of the night due to ENORMOUS wet diapers. We were previously using Target overnights (size 6). I switched to Huggies overnights a couple of days ago and that buys us until 5AM, but he was previously sleeping until 6:30 or 7:30 so I’d love to get back to that. I’m relatively confident it’s a diaper issue since he can (usually) be lulled back to sleep after being changed.

    He gets some milk with dinner, and we’re always done eating by 6:30PM at the absolute latest (usually around 6) — so typically no liquids after 6PM, and usually then not even a ton of drinks. I would just go up a size in diapers but he’s already in a size 6 and I haven’t been able to find 7’s of the overnight variety (just daytime). For reference, he weighs about 33 lbs. Any advice here? I’m pregnant and both DH and I need. sleep.

    • Meg Murry says

      I know you probably don’t want to start full on potty training at this age, but maybe if you get him in the habit of sitting on the potty for a few minutes as one of the last steps in bedtime routine you might have a chance of getting him to go before bed. Or have they started any potty training at school and is he learning to “hold it” until he falls asleep?

      Otherwise, could you do a diaper change before you and H go to bed? We did a “dream pee” potty session with my son when he was otherwise potty trained but still occasionally wetting in the night, (just picked him up and set him half asleep on the potty) and he would go and then go back to sleep without fully waking up. You may even be able to slip a changing pad under him and do the whole diaper change still in the crib, not getting him out of bed at all – just make sure to use 2 piece pjs instead of footies, or even let him sleep pantless if its warm enough now.

    • JMDS says

      Edited because I missed your child’s age, and I know nothing about size 7 diapers/potty training but have recently had some success with select kids diaper booster inserts along with huggies overnights.

    • Lyssa says

      Is it OK that I tee-hee’d about the idea of the diaper question being “slightly less loaded?” :)

    • Lorelai Gilmore says

      Try cutting out the milk with dinner. That helped us. I read something on the internet about how milk metabolizes differently than water and those super-soaked diapers ended once we stopped giving our DD milk in the evenings.

      • ANP says

        Interesting! Water instead? Or (dare I say — the stuff is like crack for my kids)…juice?

        • Lorelai Gilmore says

          No juice! I think that the sugars in juice and milk have a similar effect. So you want to focus on water, where there are no sugars or milk proteins or whatever to interfere with normal absorption into the body. (In case it’s not obvious, I am not a doctor and have no idea what I’m talking about scientifically – I just know that milk caused really soaking wet diapers for my toddler!)

    • anonymom says

      How about overnight pull-ups? Those come in larger sizes. Unfortunately, they are also more expensive than diapers.

      • Meg Murry says

        Most overnight pull-ups I’ve tried have been LESS absorbent than diapers, although maybe the good-nights ones aimed at older/larger kids would be more absorbent.

  10. Pigpen's Mama says

    It finally happened. I forgot my flanges AND I don’t have spares in my office (I have spare everything else, but I forgot to bring back my extra set the last time I did this). Don’t mind me, I’ll be milking myself in my office, because you know, I have so much extra time today.

    I may run out and see what I can find at the closest drugstore, but I don’t want to get another hand pump and I doubt they’ll have the right flanges. Grrr.

    • OCAssociate says

      Ugh, I’m always worried this is going to happen to me. Good luck with the hand expressing.

    • Heather says

      Happened to me once and luckily Walgreens carried all the Medela PISA parts I needed (and was only a mile from my office).

  11. kescle says

    Hi ladies. I’m a new poster but would love some input on an issue that I’ve been chewing on for a while. Apologies in advance for the novel.

    Our daughter is 17 months old and is starting to be shy around new people. I think this will present issues with DH’s family, who all live out of state and with whom I can foresee a warming-up period in future visits. So far this hasn’t been a problem, but as the stranger-danger ramps up, I want to be prepared.

    I want to raise her to have agency, own her body, etc., and to me, a big part of that is feeling empowered to say “no” to unwanted touches, and I want her to know that we’re always, absolutely going to be on her side when she does so. DH thinks that we can have an exception to the rule so that “family” should always be entitled to physical affection, even if she feels shy around them because she hasn’t seen them for a while. I think this would really undermine the message and anyway “because they’re family” seems to me to be completely vague to a toddler.

    DH has said he’d support me if I can find any sort of research/authority to support my feeling this way, but won’t go along with it just on my hunch/gut feeling. I think (a) he wants to avoid drama with his family, which would absolutely happen if she didn’t want to hug them when they get off the plane and we supported her; (b) he just doesn’t understand the complications of growing up female and the potential problems that come from delivering the “just be nice and make them happy” message; and (c) he thinks I’m being thoughtless because my family all lives in town so this isn’t an issue for them, and if it were my family out of town I’d see it his way.

    So, friends: does anyone share my concern? Am I stressing about this too much? Is a “family” exception workable? Any thoughts on resources, etc., to ask DH to consider? Thanks so much for your insight.

    • KJ says

      Does he know that a large percentage, if not a majority, of sexual abuse is committed by family members? Kids need to be empowered with bodily autonomy with regard to everyone, including and especially family. Honestly, I would be pretty angry if my husband demanded “authority” on this. It’s just common sense.

      • Merabella says

        This was my gut reaction as well. Families can be just as dangerous – so she needs a chance to have the authority over her body – regardless of who she is dealing with.

    • ParalegalNC says

      We aren’t there yet. I understand the family pressure, yet think this is an important lesson. Teaching any child, not just daughters, that adults don’t have the right to touch them is a way to protect them in the future.

      How about your daughter doesn’t have to hug or kiss, but must high five or shake hands?

      I think the family-exception is unclear to a child & could be a slippery slope to creepy coaches, neighbors, friends’ families, etc.

      • Merabella says

        A handshake is a good compromise in my opinion – teaches her to treat people with respect while maintaining boundaries.

    • Lyssa says

      I don’t know; I think that you’re both over-thinking it a little bit. How about just saying “Janie, how about you give Gramma a hug?” and if she says no, then “OK, maybe later then.” And encourage it a few more times – more than likely, she’ll warm up to them over an hour or so, but if she doesn’t, maybe try encouraging her to blow kisses or make an “I love you” sign. I do think that you should have some consideration for his side if they don’t get to see her as often – also, try encouraging video-phone chats – this helps my son with his out of town grandparents. When she gets a little bit older, of course, you can have the “bathing suit area” conversations with her. (BTW, I just learned that my state requires day cares to implement a lesson on this – I assume that it includes some sort of explanation that this applies to family, too.)

      • Sarabeth says

        As I read it, her question is about what to do if she says that she doesn’t want to give the hug. There are family cultures where kids would be essentially forced to have that hug. I think that what you are describing is what the poster wants, more or less, but her husband wants to avoid a MIL tantrum by insisting that the daughter have physical contact.

        • Lyssa says

          Right, I was trying to strike a balance where you do encourage but not force, but still definitely encourage. I did write this before I saw the part about the MIL tantrums, though. That sounds nutso.

    • Meg Murry says

      I think you are on the right page, but I understand why he doesn’t want to upset his parents either.

      Things that could help with the stranger anxiety:
      -Get a photo book with pictures of the out of town family (or both sides of the family). Either make one via snapfish, etc or you can still get the old school “slide in a 4×6 print” cheap-o albums at some drugstores. Then you can “read the grandma and grandpa book” to get her familiar with some of these people. Especially good if you have pictures of them holding her as a baby in the mix.
      -Skype or facetime with them, or talk to them on speakerphone while looking at their picture.
      -Teach her to give high fives or fist bumps if she isn’t ready for a full on hug.
      -Let Daddy and Mommy hug Grandma/Auntie/whoever first, then ask if daughter wants to give them a hug too.

      I doubt you husband is thinking of this as an “agency of her body issue” because most men haven’t had to think that way. I think its better to point out that handing a screaming, flailing toddler over to “give grandma a hug” isn’t going to help anything, and at this age, that is likely to be her reaction, especially if she is tired and off routine, where as Grandma might be placated with a high five on the first day and possibly sitting on the couch between Grandma and Mommy, warming up to giving Grandma a hug after a few days of seeing her (maybe).

      • JJ says

        We’ve used the “fist bump” method pretty well when my kids are acting shy. I’d agree with that and with familiarizing your daughter with your husband’s family however you can.

        I see your point of view and your husband’s – he doesn’t want to upset his family and has probably never had to think about implicit messages taught to little girls. Whenever my kids are acting shy, I’ll be holding them. If the stranger/family member asks to hold the toddler, my son is likely to cling to me even tighter. Most people take that as a sign to back off for now. You can even say “Oh, she’s a little shy and overwhelmed, I’m sure she’ll warm up eventually.” Most reasonable people (which I hope includes your in-laws) would leave it at that point and not attempt to pry an upset toddler from her mother’s arms.

      • Lorelai Gilmore says

        This is great advice. I think that it’s important to reassure your husband that you want your child to have a wonderful relationship with his family – and that you think the best way to do that is by making sure your daughter is really comfortable around them and not forcing her into anything. My experience with kids is that they take some time to warm up – and that’s totally normal. A kid who is standoffish at first is likely to be sobbing when Grandma leaves (at least that’s what happens for us!). In terms of reassuring your husband, it would be great if you could walk the walk here – build up the visit, make sure your daughter skypes with grandparents in advance, etc. You can also read books about visiting relatives (I like one called “Jesse Bear Climbs the Family Tree” – there’s also one that is called “The Relatives Came”) that shows that when relatives come to visit, there’s lots of hugging.

        I also think that you can separate physical affection (like mandated hugs) from politeness. When people get off the airplane, it is polite to give a friendly greeting and a handshake. (High fives are good for this too.) You can also do things like make a welcome sign for Grandma, or have your daughter present her with some flowers. There are lots of ways to smooth over this transition moment.

        I’m also interested in the piece about your in-laws. If your daughter was crying, or clinging to you, would they swoop in and demand hugs? Would I think normal people want hugs but understand when kids are tentative.

        Finally, I haven’t read the whole thing – but you and your husband might be interested in the Gift of Fear or Protecting the Gift. It’s so important for people (and women in particular) to listen to the inner voice and know when something is wrong. The author really stresses that the best way to keep kids safe is to teach then to honor their intuition – particularly the intuition that makes them fear certain people.

    • Spirograph says

      Oh wow, I could have written this with the seldom-seen family and husband who just does not seem to get that toddlers don’t do nuance (or understand sarcasm) and no-means-no is not something that only applies to date rape. Anyway, that problem aside, we do high fives. My son is happy to high-five anyone upon first meeting, and by the end of the visit he’s usually warmed up enough for a hug. By the time a high five will seem weird instead of cute, I think he’ll be old enough to understand the social protocol of hugging family hello.

    • kescle says

      Thanks, everyone, this is all super helpful. To be clear, DH is generally on board with this approach, but he thinks that a family exception is reasonable and understandable to a toddler, and I don’t.

      We’re already doing all we can to familiarize her – facetime, photos, etc. – and the high fives/fist bumps are a good idea. My MIL is just prone to hysterics at very slight provocation, which I expect will include “my 1.5 yr old granddaughter gave me a HIGH FIVE instead of a hug, and my SON AND DIL SAID THAT WAS OK, OH THE HUMANITY” and the entire visit will spiral down from there, and won’t be saved by a hug an hour later. I’m not exaggerating – she threw a screaming fit in the middle of our synagogue during DD’s baby naming and was awful to us the rest of the weekend because she got it in her head that my parents knew DD’s Hebrew name before she did – which they didn’t, but pointing that out just made us liars.

      Anyway my only point to DH is that my priority is DD’s sense of self, not MIL’s histrionics, and he doesn’t think there’s a conflict. I’m hopeful that he’s right and the photos/facetime will be enough, but I want to make sure we’re on the same page if it’s not enough. Thanks again for the hive wisdom!

      • Lorelai Gilmore says

        Ah. In that case, I entirely agree with you. You should not sacrifice your daughter’s self-integrity to placate your MIL. If there’s not a conflict, GREAT. If there is, daughter comes first. Hands down.

      • Sarabeth says

        Also, just for validation: you are totally right and your husband is wrong here. No way can an 18 month old define “family” well enough to make this a workable boundary. And even if she could, you actually can’t guarantee that no one who is “family” will try to abuse her. Teaching her that “family” can touch her without her consent is giving a tool to potential abusers – they just have to convince her that they count as “family.”

    • pockets says

      I’ll present the other opinion. DH and I both have large families (which are both local so not a perfect example but bear with me) and there is no “I don’t want to be held by ____” option (baby is 1 yo so now it’s holding but this will apply to hugging/kissing as she gets older).

      To me this is just good manners and being a well behaved, respectful kid. I get that I don’t necessarily want to teach my daughter that good manners means doing what other people want, but I also don’t want to teach her that she’s entitled to yell and scream when her grandmother kisses her because she doesn’t want to be kissed. I also get that most abuse is committed by family members, but I think the chances of abuse by a close family member who has never abused before is sufficiently low as to be not a concern.

      I actually don’t think it’s that nuanced or unclear. These people are your grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins – you have to hug/kiss them to say hello and goodbye. These other people are not your family – they have no right to touch you and you tell me if they touch you when you don’t want to be touched.

      • Anonymous says

        From the other side–why isn’t it bad manners for grandma to insist upon kissing a child who does not want to be kissed? Is it because the child is a child who must yield to the wishes of her elders? What happens when both parties are adults, e.g., if a man tries to greet a woman with a kiss on the cheek in a business situation? Is the woman rude if she dodges the kiss? Or is the man rude for demanding unwanted physical contact?

        Children can learn to be well-mannered and respectful without having to compromise their bodily integrity. They can and should be expected to say hello and goodbye politely, to avoid interrupting when adults are speaking, to say please and thank you, and to help out without complaint when asked. That is very different from forcing them to give hugs and kisses. Hugs and kisses should be freely given, not demanded or taken by force.

    • Anon for this... says

      No data to support your side, but I agree with you — a child is still a person and shouldn’t have to do anything physically that she’s uncomfortable with.

      I was like that as a kid, according to my mom. I don’t ever remember being required to hug or kiss a family member (of course, no one in my family of original is touchy feely at all, so it probably was never an issue). I was very grateful for this when I was ~ 9-15 and my aunt’s husband gave me the willies before I even knew what that meant. I just mentioned something to my mom, she told her sister and my mother that I was uncomfortable around him, and they all made sure I was never alone with him. As an adult don’t think there was any potential for abuse, he was just from a family with different physical boundaries than we had. But as a child I would have felt very insecure with my parents if they had made me hug him when I didn’t want to.

  12. JEB says

    I found this article few months ago, and it’s something that I’d never thought about but I absolutely plan to implement with my daughter as she grows up. I shared it with my husband, and it gave us a start to discussing something that he didn’t originally understand. It doesn’t necessarily give an answer to your question, but it’s an interesting article on the subject: http://edition.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/index.html

  13. adhd says

    I am having a horrible time getting any work done since getting pregnant and going off my add meds. Advice? Commiseration?

  14. Merabella says

    We have a cat. I am drawing a blank on what I need to make sure to tell the person who will check in on our cat while I’m at the hospital for labor/delivery. Suggestions?

    • Maddie Ross says

      Probably just the same thing as when you’re out of town. Although with a cat, you may not need anyone to look in at all depending on how needy your cat is. When I was in the hospital, we had a friend go by the morning we went in to let the dog out for us and the rest of the time my husband just snuck home for a bit to shower/change and let the dog out and feed him. Of course this all depends on how close you are to the hospital, but particularly with a cat, you’ll probably be fine with minimal help.

      • Lyssa says

        Agreed. We wound up doing that with a (older and accustomed to being home for fairly long stretches by himself) dog, and it worked fine. Husband was home twice a day to take care of him, but still spent nights and most of the day with me at the hospital. I think that a cat would be completely fine with once a day visits to check food and litter.

  15. Anonymous says

    My three month old is in childcare from 8-4. I find myself lying to people on a regular basis about her status by saying she is with family as I get a lot of judgement. Should I tell the truth and put up with the nonsense that follows? Thoughts?

    • Jen says

      Who are these people? My daughter went to daycare at 11 weeks and I didn’t lie about it…are these judges coworkers?

    • Meg Murry says

      Judgement from who? People who don’t actually have kids? People who think daycare is a terrible place even though they’ve never set foot inside one? Sancti-mommies who stayed try to paint all non-SAHMs as terrible people? Who cares what they think?

      Own your parenting decisions – because the judgement doesn’t stop here, and never will – someone will always be judging what you are feeding your child, if you let them watch too much tv, if they should be wearing a hat and mittens in the summer so they don’t catch a chill, etc. If someone asks where your daughter is, say “We found a daycare that we’re really happy with” and leave it at that.

      Most everyone I’ve found who is anti-daycare has never actually been in one. Its not like you left your child at home strapped to her bed, or sent her out to be raised by wolves.

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