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Anonymous says
I just want to share a little thing that made me happy yesterday: I took my kid to a playground yesterday afternoon, and there was a group of boys maybe 13 or 14 years old there. They were playing a game that seemed like Marco Polo, and chatting about books they were reading. It was so wholesome! No one pulled out a smartphone and there was no cursing or negative talk. So sweet. They even apologized to me at one point for bumping into my kid and asked me how old he was.
Waffles says
This is truly lovely.
I know that my kid is growing up too fast, and there isn’t much that I can do about it.
Anon says
…were you dreaming? This sounds amazing. I can’t remember the last time I saw a teen’s face that wasn’t pointed down at a phone (or if upturned, only during organized sports). Wish I were kidding.
Anon says
This sounds like a group of homeschoolers :)
(I mean that in a good way! I think there’s a lot of positives in building a community of very like-minded families. I guess I’m having hard time thinking of “mainstream” teen boys without phones, lol)
Anonymous says
WTAF? I see boys and girls this age out in the neighborhood all the time doing things other than playing on their phones. Biking, jogging, playing tennis or pickleball or basketball, climbing on the playground equipment if there are no little kids around, fishing in the pond, just walking and talking …
Anonymous says
Adding to specify that these are public school kids.
Anonymous says
Right? That was a super weird comment. We purposely chose a neighborhood close to our public school with a house backing onto a large green space in the area. Kids are constantly out biking, playing soccer or basketball or drawing with chalk on the paved path.
Anon says
Ahhh yeah wut? We have a group of 8 or so tween year old boys in our neighborhood who run off the public school bus, and take to the local park/ball field. None have phones that I ever see, and I’m often in the same spaces bc I have twin 5 year olds who are often at the park at the same time.
Lots of reasons that homeschool is great for lots of kids, but I don’t see this distinction.
anon says
Huh? Believe it or not, there are nice kids who go to public school, too, lol.
Anonymous says
I love this and this is why my kids spend the summer at our neighborhood swim club. All the kids there ages 12-18 are like the kids you describe above. The only real reason phones are out is when they let the littler kids “DJ” the playlist.
Waffles says
My kid currently wears mostly Tea Collection, Boden, and Hanna Andersson. Are there tween clothing brands that are similar in quality/price?
Anonymous says
Depends on your tweens style. Athleta and Lululemon are popular here. Or Aritzia for sweats and sometimes dressier stuff. I’m fine with pricey athleisure for tweens as it has great freedom of movement and I prioritize the ability for spontaneous play/physical activity at an age when there seems to be less physical play.
Anonymous says
I agree that you have to follow your kid’s lead on what they like, style-wise. My kid (only 8 but leaning tween in clothes) like Athleta, JCrew (including factory), Abercrombie. Zara has some nice things sometimes.
Lily says
Piggybacking off of this… my girls (3 and 5) wear 90% Boden. I love the styles and quality. One thing I’ve been wondering about is whether older kids are wearing this stuff? Most of the styles go up to age 12 but I feel like most 12 year old girls would refuse to wear some (most?) of the styles? I’m holding out hope I still have a few good years left of buying Boden for my girls!
Anonymous says
It gets more item specific as they get older. My nine year old boys generally won’t wear Boden anymore but they were okay with some of the Harry Potter bits and for occasion dressing like Christmas or Easter.
Anon says
Yeah, no. I mean you can buy basics – plain white tees and whatnot. Older girls are currently wearing butterfly shorts and tanks in my area. It’s much more athleisure.
Lily says
When do you think that transition happens these days?
Anonymous says
Around age 10 seems to be the shift here. My almost 13 year old was unironically complaining about ‘little kids’ in Sephora and Lulu when we were at the mall yesterday.
Anon says
It seems to be 4th grade in my area but that may be impacted by the fact that we have K-3 and 4-6 schools so 3rd graders are around younger kids and 4th graders are surrounded by older kids.
Anonymous says
Agree that it’s ~ 4th grade/ age 10/ when they start to be able to fit into things like size 0 Lulu clothes.
Anon says
My nine year old wouldn’t wear boden.
Anon says
i think some of this depends on the kid and how much they care or don’t care about peer influence. and some of it i think is regional. our elementary school has a sort of uniform so it’s not as big of a thing, but i definitely see 4th/5th grade age girls in boden style dresses on summer weekends. i don’t know about 6th graders, but you have some time to worry. my girls are almost 6 and i still love the old school styles of boden and jojo maman bebe.
anon says
No. Even my 9-year-old will not wear Boden. She loves Athleta Girl, though.
Anonymous says
This is so interesting as my 11 year old son wears whatever is on top in his dresser, and I buy him mostly Target pants, which he wears with an assortment of T-shirts. This morning I noticed he had on green sweatpants and a green T-shirt and said he was looking green, and he looked down, surprised. He really DNGAF.
Cb says
Haha, my 6.5 year old is the same. He’s in uniforms during the week so his weekend outfits get washed and back to the top of his drawer. Finally I had to intervene because he and my husband thought it was hilarious that he wore green joggers and a red and white striped top every single Saturday. My school holiday plan (2 weeks for Easter, why?!?!) is to get him to wear through his clothes.
Anon says
Tweens in our area also wear a lot of shirts and hoodies from activities. My 10 yo wears a lot of things she’s gotten from camps, vacations and sports. For example, her swim team sweatshirt is a favorite. She also has a tie dye hoodie from Costa Rica and a t shirt from basketball camp in regular rotation.
Anonymous says
This–it’s mostly souvenir/activity tees and hoodies with athletic bottoms or maybe jeans shorts starting around second grade.
Anonymous says
My 11 year old lives in lulu leggings, ugg boots or nikes, and a hilariously oversized sweatshirt. Current favorites are our local NBA team, “ski like a girl” and a championship sweatshirt from a recent bball tournament. Her hair is brushed, her nails are neat and she wears clean socks and underwear every day so I feel like this is the best I could ask for!
Emma says
Possibly a silly question, but what flotation device is appropriate for an almost 2 year old at the beach this summer? She was there last year too, but she wasn’t that mobile and we just held her. This year she’s a runner and super squirmy so I just want an extra layer of security if she escapes my grip for a second. We don’t plan on doing any intense swimming but just want to splash around in the waves. Are the floaties of my childhood still a thing? Do I need a full life vest? I don’t plan to go on a boat.
Anon says
Get a puddle jumper! They work great and will give you peace of mind
Anonymous says
We used puddle jumpers for this with our twins. When they are in arms reach but wiggly and you don’t want to constantly panic if you lose contact.
Spirograph says
Full coast guard-approved life vest or puddle jumpers (which are also coast guard rated, if I remember correctly). They make zip-up ones that are fairly close fitting, it’s not like the big clunky orange thing you may be thinking of. Water wings are not sufficient for the ocean, imo.
When my kids were that age, we required puddle jumpers any time they were touching the surf, even if they were just building sand castles or jumping in the waves. If they actually wanted to swim, we went in with them and stayed arm’s length, even with the PFD.
Anonymous says
My former professional lifeguard husband says no way to arm floaties. Use a coast guard-approved PFD appropriate for the child’s weight. The minimum weight for a puddle jumper is actually quite high and we had to wait a long time for our kid to be big enough for one. Before that we had an infant life vest.
TheElms says
Puddle jumper’s start at 30 lbs technically. So if she’s big for her age that might work. Otherwise it might fall off. My 27 lb just two year old wore one in a pool but it was cinched down as small as it would go and was still fractionally too big. If a puddle jumper won’t fit reasonably well I think you’d need an infant life jacket.
anon says
The arm band floaties of our childhood are no longer a thing, and for good reason! They keep kids in a vertical (drowning) position and can slip off easily.
Anonymous says
I have absolutely nothing against puddle jumpers, but for the ocean I prefer a PFD. They’re about the same price point and we’ve gotten a lot of use out of ours.
Anon says
Same.
Anonymous says
We did life vests when my son was 1 and 2 at the beach because he was WILD. Thankfully he was pretty afraid of the ocean the first year. After that we did puddle jumper because he listened better/had more sense.
anon says
OOO! I know….
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Anon says
My kid turned 3 a few months ago, and we put him in private, weekly ST in November. He’s doing great – the therapist is super happy with his progress. He’s stringing words together and building sentences, and is working through his articulation challenges – I’ve definitely seen him improve, and slowly but surely, we understand more/his pronunciation is improving. At this point she wants to keep it to weekly sessions, and doesn’t see the need to increase frequency or time.
I asked the therapist about questions – kid doesn’t ask questions yet, but will instead request things or quite frankly, investigate himself. She said that’ll take more time and she wouldn’t expect it at this point. Any parents of ST kids have any experience/stories on when this “happened” for their kid?
I guess I was just used to their older sibling who just was nonstop with questions starting at 2…
Anon says
I feel like this might just be a personality thing? Some kids ask lots of questions; some don’t. If he’s able to communicate generally I wouldn’t worry specifically about lack of questions. It’s probably just his personality, not a speech issue.
NLD in NYC says
Potty training advice… so it seems that training is more of a process than event, or is it just my kid? DS is is a young 4 and has been doing much better with using the bathroom. He stays dry about 80% of the time. When going out for longer trips we still put a pull up on over his undies, but again he typically stays dry unless the takes a car nap. With naps it’s 50/50 chance he stays dry and is never dry overnight. Debating whether to drop the pull ups completely. Don’t think they’re a crutch, but I just want to be be done. However, DS rarely initiates going potty. Do I just need to give him more time?
Anon says
Kids are different, and some you have to prompt to go (for years) and some take right to it. I’ve had one of the former, one of the latter, and one combo. FWIW I don’t do any sort of pull up with my newly trained almost 3yo. I pack extra underwear and pants. Never had to use them, though! I’d make sure to potty right before leaving and shortly after you arrive, unless he’s shown he can consistently hold it longer
Anonymous says
He’s 4 so I’d make it a focus. No pull up, lots of reminders etc. you’re in NYC so he will be in kindergarten in the fall, and he needs to be potty trained for that.
Anon says
He won’t be in K in the fall if he turned 4 in January-March of this year, right? I thought 12/31 was the cutoff.
Anonymous says
It can definitely be more of a process, depending on the kid. One of my kids hated going potty in new places, which was a nightmare to manage when we were out and about. There’s also huge variance in terms of nighttime underwear readiness–my 5yo only recently gave up pull-ups at night, but I think my 3yo could successfully make the transition any day now. I would separate the nighttime issues from the daytime issues and focus on make daytime 100% successful.
NLD in NYC says
Thanks for the suggestions so far. We only use pull ups on the weekends, especially if we’re taking the car since we don’t have a garage, garden hose, etc. to hose down any accidents. He has shown he can hold it for about 2+ hours but he will. not. say. he has to pee and can still be resistant when we ask him to go (though he eventually goes). There’s been so much potty refusal over the past year of trying to train him I’m just nervous that he’ll get set back again.
Lily says
For a period of time we’d put a wee wee pad on the car seat under our kid so that if she had an accident, she’d feel it and we’d have to change her clothes, but the car seat would be largely spared.
Anon says
+1 It’s technically “not safe” per real strict CPSTs, but in my opinion they are so thin it seemed okay
SC says
DS refused to go to the potty. He’s 9 now, and he still hates when we prompt him before leaving the house or make him try at a rest stop during a road trip.
At 3-4, the thing that helped most was incorporating potty time into natural transitions–getting dressed, before or after meals, before leaving the house, between activities, before taking a bath, before bed. He never liked being reminded, but there was less resistance and fewer accidents than when he was in the middle of play. Eventually, he started initiating.
I would drop the pullups when your son is awake and make sure you stop for a bathroom break every 1.5-2 hours. He’ll be able to hold it longer soon. Staying dry during sleep is a whole different thing, and kids seem to arrive at that at different times, regardless of how they do during the day. I’d keep the pullups for naps and at night until he wakes up dry.
Anon says
Maybe you’re kidding, but a garden hose should never be used on a car seat! The removable cover can be washed with gentle detergent, but the frame of the seat and straps should never be soaked or submerged (can lead to rust, or break down the fibers)
Anon says
Hi, I have a 4.5 year old who was pretty immature compared to other 4 yr olds, and he definitely was a process trainer. Took him a long time to get pee down, and AGES to get 2 down. Prompts to use the potty resulted in full blown melt downs and then total refusal to go on the toilet. I backed way off, and used pull ups when his accidents were really tough for me. Rather than getting frustrated when he had a 2 accident, which I knew was causing more damage than the pull ups, I just put them on, and would occasionally ask him if he wanted to go, and no was always a fine answer.
I got excoriated here and told that using the pull ups were the reason he wasn’t fully trained, and I should just stop using them — but the several times we tried that, it never worked. Without them, he would either hold 2 or eventually just poop his pants and keep going.
So, to save my sanity, we went back to pull ups when he was most likely to need to go, or when I couldn’t handle a 2 accident, and totally on his own timeline, he just … starting going in the potty. It was a total organic process, and several months later, I never prompt him, and he hasn’t had an accident. All that to say….there is no one path forward. My kid has always kind of done things on his own timeline, and I’m glad I let him take the lead. I honestly thought it would never happen for him, but here we are.
Anon says
I remember your very kind response to someone’s post about potty training and some folks were so unkind! Potty training depends so much on the individual kid, and it’s a lot more complicated when you have more than 1 kid/other family members schedules to deal with.
To me (and others) it sounded like you were doing what made the most sense for your kid/family – and looks like it all worked out.
Anon says
Thank you for this wonderful response <3 made my day
NLD in NYC says
Thanks for this. We started training around 2.5 and while it seemed like it initially got it, he kept having accidents, asking him to use the potty lead to meltdowns, etc. Did all the things until I (eventually) backed off. Finally when he was about to turn 4 he stated that he didn’t want pull ups anymore. So things have gotten better, but I think I accept that he’s on his own timeline. And that he has made a lot of progress.
Clementine says
At this age, I would put it on the kiddo (assuming no additional variables I’m not aware of).
Get kid a potty watch. Ditch pull ups. Get through it. I think every kid is different; however, it sounds like this kid needs a gentle nudge.
Anon says
My kid is a “young 3” and we started potty training in January. He’s about 80-90% of the way there. I agree with the poster that framed it as daytime vs. nighttime.
Right now, 3 yo is a mixed bag on weekend naps, so I keep him in a pull-up. When he’s not napping and having quiet time, since he doesn’t open his room door yet to get out/use the bathroom – which I don’t want to encourage at the moment – I check in if he’s awake to see if he needs to #2. He is in a pull-up over night, definitely needs it, and I’ll re-assess after 4 if he’s ready to change this, but definitely am comfortable in him sleeping in a pull-up as long as he needs. I’ve mentioned before, my ped said it’s within the range of normal for many kids to need it through the age of 6 or 7.
For my older kid, I was fine to lean on pull-ups during sleep times. I think by 4, he was dry during nap time, and around 5 he was dry consistently enough to let go of the pull-up overnight. He’s 6, and I still remind him to go before bed :)
Anonymous says
It was a process for my son, and don’t be surprised if kindergarten leads to more accidents. Regarding your current problem, I would not worry about overnight at all – keep the pull ups overnight until he starts waking up dry. And if I am understanding correctly the only other time you use them is for long car rides when he might fall asleep, which I am guessing are pretty occasional given that you are in NYC, like once or twice a month? If so I would keep using the pull ups on long car rides until he is more reliable. Regarding the never saying he has to go – that seems normal. Just make checking at set times a routine (after meals, before leaving the house, etc).
Anon says
i think pullups when sleeping (naps or night time is fine). i think the bigger potential issue is that he rarely initiates, which is what i would focus on. i have a kindergartener who had maybe one accident from age 2.5-4.5 and then basically stopped initiating going to the potty and was having many accidents a day in prek. fortunately her teacher was chill about it. finally got her a potty watch and within 3 days she initiated again and stopped having accidents fro March 2023-October 2023. Then it started again. We have her in therapy as it seems like maybe some kind of anxiety response, but her therapist said she thinks it might start out as anxiety related but turn into behavioral. This time the watch did nothing and her suggestion is to reward/focus on the initiating rather than the dryness. She told me to print a picture of a reward (we are doing a tv show) and cut the paper into pieces and then each time she initiates give her a piece of the ‘puzzle.’ so far this strategy seems to be working (knock on wood), so just wanted to offer the suggestion
NLD in NYC says
Thanks all! A little more context – he’s in 3K so 1.5 year until K, but he will be going to summer day camp in July so I want him to initiate more before that milestone. Doesn’t use pull ups at school, but continues to have 1-2 accidents per week. Tried a potty watch, but he wasn’t into it. We take the car out nearly every weekend to escape the city, visit grandparents, go to church, etc. Maybe I just need to remind myself that it takes time and not to be afraid of accidents outside of house. Sigh.
Anonymous says
Leave a stash of wipes, 3-4 extra pairs of underwear and 3-4 extra pants in the car as back ups. I grabbed a bunch of pants at a second hand shop when my kids where this age for exactly this reason. Benefit of tons of extra underwear from walmart or something is you can toss them out if you are on the go and don’t want to deal with washing.
Anonymous says
It’s a process and you have to model habits. So everyone goes to the bathroom before we leave to go anywhere, adults included. We take breaks on road trips for potty opportunities. Daniel Tiger used to have a great song about ‘if you have to go potty, stop and go right away’ because there is a stage where kids have it figured out and start to try and hold it or overestimate how long they can hold it. Kids also vary greatly in how old they are when they feel comfortable with no longer asking an adult to check after they have gone #2. Some kids get the hang of wiping faster than others and some are more or less bothered by doing a really good job. Practicing wiping before kindergarten is key.
Anon says
Another great DT song is “Do you have to go potty? Maybe yes, maybe no. Why don’t you sit and try to go?” Has helped solve some of those “but I don’t have to go” battles. Eg, We are leaving the house, so better try either way.
Anon says
yes there is a DT book with buttons/sounds that can be good.
NLD in NYC says
Yep, these songs are already our friends and are often sung. Also have the book, but alas, the battery has gone out of the flush button. DT has been helpful.
anon says
There’s a potty-specific DT app too! I didn’t use it for long, but to get through a tough week of potty training it was helpful (and we ALL still sing the jingle! Sometimes even potty-trained kids need reminders to wash and flush etc etc!)
Anon 12:30 says
Glad I’m not the only one who relied to DT! I sometimes sang the songs while in the bathroom with them which caused an unintended Pavlovian effect. I have a distinct memory of being in an airport bathroom and my 7 year old asking me to sing a DT song years later because she really wanted to pee in the airport bathroom and not in the tiny airplane bathroom.
Anonymous says
In addition to DT, which has been very helpful in my house, there’s a Bluey episode about doing a “tactical wee” before leaving the house.