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With the Zoom revolution, statement earnings became the accessory of choice. Here’s a beautiful pair that works in both the virtual world and IRL.
Depending on what you wear with these malachite pearl earrings, they can be professional or even slightly playful. Handcrafted in gold vermeil and set with malachite and freshwater pearls, they’re a modern take on your traditional pearl studs. The rich green adds a subtle pop of color to an otherwise neutral outfit. If you’re feeling bold, add a green shoe or bag.
These earrings from Mejuri are $128.
The earrings are selling out quickly, so here are a few more pearl-and-malachite options, from Etsy: one ($15.30), two ($46), and three ($45.99).
Sales of note for 11.28.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Black Friday deals have started! 1,800+ sale items! Shop designer, get bonus notes up to $1200. Markdowns include big deals on UGG, Natori, Barefoot Dreams, Marc Fisher LTD, Vionic and more!
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your purchase
- Banana Republic – 40% off your purchase, including cashmere; up to 60% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 60% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off almost everything; up to 50% off suiting & chinos; up to 40% off cashmere; extra 50% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 50% off sitewide (readers love the cashmere)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off (this reader favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Stuart Weitzman – Extra 25% off full-price and sale styles with code
- Talbots – 50% off all markdowns and 30% off entire site — readers love this cashmere boatneck and this cashmere cardigan, as well as their sweater blazers in general
- Zappos – 29,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- BabyJogger – 25% off 3 items
- Crate & Kids – Up to 50% off everything plus free shipping sitewide; save 10% off full price items
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 50% off everything + free shipping
- ErgoBaby – 40% off Omni Breeze Carrier, 25% off Evolve 3-in-1 bouncer, $100 off Metro+Stroller
- Graco – Up to 30% off car seats
- Nordstrom – Big deals on CRANE BABY, Petunia Pickle Bottom, TWELVElittle and Posh Peanut
- Strolleria – 25% off Wonderfold wagons, and additional deals on dadada, Cybex, and Peg Perego
- Walmart – Savings on Maxi-Cosi car seats, adventure wagons, rocker recliners, security cameras and more!
Anon says
First time mom with a dumb question: when you are taking care of your own newborn and have a cold, do you wear a mask? Covid test was negative but I’ve got the start of a sore throat and I don’t want to get my baby sick, but I’m also just de-sensitized from the last 2.5 years, right? It’s not like new parents had masks on hand in 2019…
Anon says
Hi, I have a newborn and tested positive for covid last night. I had some sinus congestion starting on Sunday which is usual for this time of year and tested negative three times since symptoms started before testing positive. Please wear a mask and test a couple more times — you could be positive later like I was.
Anonymous says
You probably have Covid put a mask on and test tomorrow.
AIMS says
Colds still exist!
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t want to give a newborn a cold either.
Cornellian says
I’m sorry :( I probably would for a day or two in case you test positive for COVID or it develops in to flu. I’d probably loosen up a bit once they’re a bit older and have a few round of DTaP etc. I’m not looking forward to this dynamic this fall. My preschooler is sturdy enough I’m not as worried as I will be with a newborn.
Anon. says
I’d say mask. This will lower viral load in your household and can reduce chance of infection or severity, should you test positive later. It also protects your caregiving partner if you have one.
And yes, we didn’t do this before 2020, but now we know better.
Anon says
ok pre covid (2018-2019( whenever i was sick, i wore masks with my babies and they never got sick. i only had masks on hand bc the flu was particularly bad when i was pregnant in the winter of 2018 and I promised my dad i’d wear a mask when I flew on a plane (which I did) and fortunately didn’t use up too many of those masks and still had them on hand when covid started in March 2020
Anonymous says
I would as much as possible. Even if you don’t have COVID, good to avoid given any virus to the baby if you can. I got a cold in the hospital after delivery, gave it to my newborn, she spiked a fever and had to get a workup in the ER (pre-COVID). You can only do so much, but I would mask when you can.
OP says
Thanks all, mask on it is. We do test multiple times a week for work, so hopefully both our tests will continue to stay negative.
Anon at 9:25, I hope you feel better soon!
Anon says
Apparently I am in the minority, but I did not (pre-covid) and would not now because odds are extremely likely you were infectious before you started symptoms so baby is already exposed and if you are BFing, you’re already passing antibodies.
AIMS says
I honestly don’t know if I would mask or not in this situation but I will say I washed my hands religiously when my kids were newborns and I think it was helpful.
anonM says
This. And please don’t feel like you shouldn’t hold your newborn — it is ok to decide that for you, the risk of passing on a cold doesn’t outweigh the importance of bonding/holding your baby, masked or not.
Anon. says
This is where I fall too. I didn’t preCOVID and didn’t think twice about it; I also didn’t with my January 2020 baby. I was fanatic about washing my hands and not kissing her when sick, but I didn’t mask.
NYCer says
This is where I fall too.
Pogo says
I generally agree with this but I would say depends on the health and age of the baby. I did not end up masking with my baby when I tested positive, for the reasons you state about likely already exposing him, but he was over a year and otherwise very healthy. A tiny tiny newborn would make me nervous.
I had bf’d him through two shots + booster and all through my infection, and no proof that really did it, but he never tested positive on multiple PCRs and rapids over the course of 3 weeks (which is how long his quarantine ended up being because he never tested positive!)
Anon says
I posted last Tuesday with the follow-up that we finally got a house in the perfect location after being outbid on several houses! Update #2 – that deal fell apart yesterday.
During the inspection we found ~$50K of structural work that needed to be done, and most of it immediately. The sellers’ disclosure actually had false information about both the HVAC system and the roof, which are well past their expected lifetimes at this point and we found serious issues with these during inspection. On top of the structural work that popped up in the inspection, the house has bathrooms original to the house with that colored tile that was so popular in the 50s and a kitchen that is about 20 years old with junk appliances.
We originally asked for the sellers to cover half of the structural items – these really are things they’re going to either need to fix or disclose to sell the house now that they know about them – but they said they’d give us only $10K to cover one of the items we found. We almost walked away then, but then put together a plan that we could manage and agreed to the $10K in concessions and signed the updated purchase agreement over the weekend. Yesterday morning, they called our realtor and said they are giving us nothing and are holding firm on the original purchase price. They heard something about a nearby house listed on the same day at the same price – a much, much nicer house but in an inferior location to be sure – going for $100K over ask. Our winning bid was $60K over ask. So they want to go back on the market, and it’s being relisted today.
On top of this crap sundae, one of our children tested positive for covid during the concessions negotiation and I tested positive for covid yesterday evening.
So I take back everything I said about things looking up in the housing market – it is very rough out there and I wish anyone looking the best of luck (and I sincerely hope you stay away from the money pit that we almost bought that’s being relisted today!). I’m super bitter and having covid right now is just a kick in the teeth.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ugh, I’m so sorry to hear that. It sounds like it wasn’t the perfect house for you and the sellers sound unreasonable, but totally understand your disappointment. I hope you find something better soon, and that your illness is mild!
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this! Sending you good vibes that you’ll find the perfect house for your family.
If it makes you feel any better, we bought an older house a year ago and then it needed about $50k of repairs/appliance replacements after we moved in. Luckily for us, we bought at the lower end of our house budget so we could swing those costs and still think the house is worth it, but if we’d spent at the top of our budget and THEN found $50k extra in work to do, it would have been a nightmare!
anonamommy says
Ugh, that is so rough. I suspect those sellers are in for a surprise – with things like the roof, it’s not a matter of just wanting a new roof, in some areas many insurance companies now will not insure a house with a roof older than 20-25 years. I’d hope that the listing agent updates the disclosures – if not, you could always complain to their broker about misrepresentations.
You know you dodged a bullet here, even though it feels so frustrating right now. I hope that your family is back to full health soon.
Spirograph says
Ugh, sorry to hear this. I know you were excited about the location, but you definitely dodged a money pit (thank goodness for inspections). I hope there will be a 3rd update when you find another house that’s even better!
Meanwhile, wishing you and your child a speedy recovery!
Anon says
Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you. That is terrible – I hope the sellers get what they deserve (aka a lower offer because interest rates are pinching buyers). I’m selling my house right now and we’re moving in with my parents until we find something…I’m steeling myself for a long stay, even though it means my husband will have to travel 2+ hours back here and get a hotel room on the days he goes into the office. I’m trying to trust that the timing will work out for the best in the end, even if I’m feeling a little desperate right now. We are in the NYC metro area.
Anonymous says
Yeah, you never know! Maybe keep half an eye on it and go back in with a final offer if you think they might not be doing any better.
anonM says
That stinks, but you have to be SO glad you didn’t waive inspection!
FVNC says
Wow, I’m so sorry! And I thought our seller was unreasonable, when she countered our offer at $100k over asking…with no other offers! (Eventually, two additional offers later, we came back down to the list price.) In any case, I agree with everyone that this is a huge bullet dodged. Normally I like to think older, original owners have a lot of pride in their homes and even if the decor is dated, the home itself is in good shape. Sounds like these owners moved in and did basically nothing for 50 years. That $50k was the tip of the iceberg, FOR SURE. I’m guessing this place needs all new plumbing, maybe new electrical, etc. etc.
If it’s any consolation, our local market really does seem to be cooling. Absolutely perfect homes are still going at ask or a bit above, but anything needing work is now sitting a while, with price drops. I’m even noticing this is some of the NoVA suburbs where we’re buying. Good luck!!!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I still look at Redfin for my neighborhood and I’m noticing the last part too, even in our HCOL greater Boston area. Some houses have been on the market for 1 month+
Anon says
Didn’t you notice the bathrooms and kitchen before you made your offer?
OP says
Of course we did. I mentioned it because we went $60K over ask despite this. Those weren’t issues that popped up in inspection — I put it there in context for the entire thing. They want $60K over ask (and probably $30K over appraised) with $50K in cosmetic stuff that lots of people around here would expect, and then $50K for immediate structural concerns that absolutely needs to get done.
Anon says
I had a friend pull out of a deal in a similar situation (no seller concessions for major defects uncovered in inspection) and the condo went on to sit on the market for a year and ultimately sold for $25,000 below my friend’s offer.
Bunk bed sheets says
Okay this is a silly question but I just bought DS a bunk bed for his birthday. He’s been dying for one. I think it’ll be fun for a good runway of time and I’m excited. What age did your kids age out of liking bunk beds?
And it’s a twin over full. I usually have two sets of sheets for my kids beds. Do I buy two sets of twin sheets and two sets of full? Should they match? This feels like so many sheets for one boy’s room! Why is this complicated and why didn’t I think about this before?
Also tips on how to make making bunk beds easier? What type of bedding set up I should do?
Cb says
Which one is he going to sleep on? I’d just do a fitted sheet and throwpillows on the one he doesn’t sleep on. I think a duvet is the best bet, then you just have to wrestle on the fitted sheet.
OP says
Oh I like this plan. I think he’s going to sleep on top like three times and then just sleep on the bottom. Might be wrong but I could wait to invest and see…
Anonymous says
You are going to need bedding on both beds for sleepovers.
AIMS says
I really like the Pillowfort cotton bedding at Target. Very reasonably priced, soft and washes well.
HSAL says
Second the Pillowfort cotton, it’s great. Don’t get the microfiber, it feels gross.
Spirograph says
Third. We bought some to take on vacation with us somewhere linens weren’t provided, and they’re holding up really well. Plus, fun patterns
anonM says
We had bunk beds at the cottage, and I think we all liked them well into the teen years. We had to make our own beds, especially on the top bunk. I’d put it as a privilege he’s earned so he has to keep it tidy.
Anonymous says
I would buy 2 sets for each, we’re talking like $50 total from Target. Pillowfort brand, 100% cotton.
anonamommy says
A friend swears by Beddys bedding for her kids’ bunk beds. It zips up neatly and makes it easy for the kids to make their own beds.
Spirograph says
Top bunks are a PITA. I agree with Cb that a fitted sheet and duvet for the top bunk would probably be easiest. We have fitted sheet, flat sheet, and a quilt (+extra blanket if it’s cold) on each of our kids’ beds. My top bunk-sleeper does a cursory job of pulling everything up and smoothing it most mornings; if he goes all out on making his bed very neatly, it takes a solid 5-10 minutes to get everything tucked just right.
I’d get two sets of sheets for the bed he sleeps in one for the other… maybe just one set of each to start so you can wait for the novelty to wear off and determine which bed is actually going to be used. They don’t have to match unless you’re worried about how it looks on instagram. My kids each have a quilt made by the same person, but that is the only thing their bedding has in common.
I don’t think anyone ages out of liking bunk beds until like…. adulthood.
Anon says
My only tip on bunk beds is to watch out for the ceiling fan on the top bunk. I cannot tell you the number of times I forgot it was on and cracked my head into it getting in or out of bed (and my sister actually hit her head on it and fell off the top bunk because of it). No permanent injuries (or stitches or broken bones) from it, but be smarter than my parents!
FWIW, our bedding always matched (full on bottom, twin on top) and we had fitted sheet, flat sheet and duvet. Ours could also be separated. The twin went with me to college, then to my sister for college and now is in one of the guest rooms (I guess they are all guest rooms) at my parents’ house. The full has been with my other sister in her post-college apartment for over 10 years.
FP says
My parents in FL have a guest room with bunk beds for my boys and their ceiling fan is enclosed in a cage/ grate – it’s really perfect for this kind of thing!
Also second the rec for Pillowfort at Target. Cotton not microfiber. Bedding goes on sale often so you could always get the spare set when you catch a sale.
Cb says
Can someone explain how my nearly-5 year old can compose poetry and build 8+ Lego models independently but “pick out clothes and get dressed” is a nearly impossible task? Like surely if you can follow 60 Lego steps, you can put socks, pants, trousers and a top on?
My husband has been the primary parent for the last year and I’ve always rolled my eyes at his grumbling about getting kiddo dressed and downstairs in the AM. But it IS a pain, he’s absolutely right. It’s not even requesting a change of clothes, it’s just…
I’m hoping it’ll get easier in August when he’s in a uniform?
Anon says
I have one kid who has been speedily dressing himself since age 4, and another that is sooo poky and distractible (honestly, I suspect ADHD, but that’s a story for another post).
I have had success with a visual “schedule” of the morning. Can you make one with all the granular steps of getting dressed? You can make them resemble Lego directions perhaps. I know this feels like yet another thing to do, but I kind of have fun making them and it might save time in the long run! Also, experiment with whether he goes faster or slower with an adult there; my oldest would play up the theatrics when I stayed in his room with him, so I started leaving him to get dressed on his own.
Oh, and definitely pick out clothes together the night before so that is removed from the morning equation.
But also…getting 4-year-olds to do anything that isn’t their own idea takes a special kind of patience.
Cb says
He always ends up in our room in the am, for a round of cuddles/attempts to sneak a few more minutes for sleep, before using the bathroom and getting dressed. So normally one of us gets him dressed there.
We should count ourselves lucky – he doesn’t really care what he wears and is really cooperative in the am, there is just a unique annoyance of knowing a child could do something but isn’t doing it.
Anonymous says
Does he need to eat breakfast before he gets dressed? My kiddo and I both require a blood sugar boost in order to become functional in the morning.
Anonymous says
+1 same in my house
Spirograph says
+1 kids go from bed straight to the kitchen table. Sometimes my husband tries to tell my kids they need to get dressed before breakfast. It does not go well.
anonM says
My nearly-4.5 yo is similar. If he gets changed right away it’s not usually a big fight, but so slow. A uniform didn’t make a huge difference for us. Someone pointed out to me that he IS capable of changing himself, so it’s not a skill issue. He probably just wants that parent time/attention. Now I just go with it and let him sit on my lap and help him and it’s less annoying and not any slower tbh. Obviously, he’ll get dressed alone at some point, so just giving up this battle for now and it’s made mornings less irritating. (Someone else suggested breakfast first- maybe try that, but for us it would be the opposite. Once I let him play, going back to the room to change is a fight!).
Cornellian says
I have no idea. My preK son is decent at it, but we still reliably have to explain why he can’t wear a sweatsuit to school in Texas in May, and I’d say his underwear is on backwards a solid 40% of the time. Sometimes it’s the kind with the real fly, and we get a face of b*ttcheeks through the fly if he’s climbing outside. I’ve lowered my standards a lot, sort of just insist on underwear and weather appropriate, I don’t care if it’s atrocious or backwards or has a hole.
Pogo says
It’s a motivation issue. Typically we have to insist he stop building Legos to get dressed (or eat dinner, get in bath… etc). I have some luck negotiating on time – so I say, “5min til you need to pause and get dressed” and he asks for 10 and we compromise at 7. Set a timer on my phone, and remind him when it goes off what he committed to.
We also have some luck with ‘racing’ to see who can get dressed first (either one of us, or his baby brother being dressed by one of us).
Cb says
Who are these children who don’t have to be dragged out of bed?? Playtime in the am?
My son is a teenager already, I went into get him yesterday and he pulled the duvet over his head and growled! We have to leave at 745 Monday Tuesday and 712 the rest of the week.
Anonymous says
Hopefully this makes you feel better but mine is 5 and one day in the past 3 months he just started dressing himself. No amount of cajoling, stickers, threats or rewards worked. He just decided one day to do it himself and now he dresses totally on his own 5/7 days. The other two days he asks me for “help” which just means he wants company (which is a legit ask). Good luck!
Anonymous says
Nixing pajamas for sleeping in tomorrow clothes has been a game changer. All kids need to do in the morning is brush teeth.
Anonymous says
Our daughter, newly six, has some emotional/behavioral issues we need to get under control. She’s on a wait list for a therApist but in our area the waits are bonkers. We don’t she really has anything specific, but she’s super bright, stubborn, young for her class, and may have mild attentive issues and attention seeking behavior which are all coming to a head. She’s a middle child, too, which I think comes into play.
Examples:
– she will fidget and do things like untie her shoe and swing it around (gently) during class. Her teacher said at our spring conference “i used to think she wasn’t paying attention but whenever I call on her she answers without missing a beat.”
– at sports, she has trouble sitting still and waiting her turn. She’ll do thinks like pick daisies at softball (who doesn’t? But in this case the answer is nobody else!), or start picking at the foam in the mat at gymnastics, before her turn.
– at home, and almost exclusively when tired, she has ragey, snappish behavior and cannot be reasoned with. Extremely emotional outbursts that often end in screaming and door slamming.
The other day she was annoyed at her younger sister and just screamed an ear splitting scream in her face.
– she will do annoying and inappropriate things for attention from both kids and adults. For example, at a playdate she followed the (very friendly) dad of her friend around poking him. I wasn’t there and I don’t know exactly how he reacted but I bet he didn’t say “Kid, stop touching me or you will need to go home.” (Which is the only way to get her to stop sometimes). Another example is that she’s the youngest kid on the bus and I think she gets bored/lonely on the bus. She’ll do things like make annoying noises or get in other kids’ faces. To the point the bus driver tells her to stop, and she says things like “you can’t make me.”
She tends to be really good with firm teachers/adults that lay clear expectations. When lines are blurred (super friendly bus driver, young gymnastics coach with not a ton of experience controlling the class, a friend’s dad) she veers into this weird power dynamic.
Does anyone have a kiddo like this who has made progress with therapy? Any tips/tricks we could start on, or books to read, while we wait?
For what it’s worth, our daughter has started to recognize her behavior is not appropriate. She’ll say things like “my brain is making my body do it and I don’t want it to” or “I know it’s not right but my brain couldn’t stop.” She is very good playing with other kids 1:1 most times, but if a kid wants to play something different than she does, she just plays alone. She plays with kids just fine in groups, but wanders off to play alone a lot. Her teacher described it as “not your typical social interactions” and that she seems immature socially (all true) but no major red flags. We have heard this all through preschool (which unfortunately was short and then really weird due to the pandemic) and have yet to make breakthroughs. It seems like she needs help understanding how to be (and maybe wanting to be?) a good friend.
Anyway, thanks if you’ve made it to the end of the novel. This worried mama is just looking for some advice!
Spirograph says
She needs an ADHD eval.
Spirograph says
Sorry, I hit enter on that before I meant to. You are describing extremely typical ADHD behavior. If she does have ADHD, this is just how her brain works and therapy will not necessarily solve everything. You’ll need to adjust how you parent and help the other adults in her life adjust how they interact with her to set her up for success. I recommend talking to your pediatrician as a first step, and educating yourself on ADHD. There are tons of good resources, but Additude is a good place to start
Anonymous says
Thanks for this. I mentioned this to her PK teachers, asked her pedi last year at the checkup, and also floated it by her K teacher at conferences. PK said she just needed more socialization, pedi wasn’t concerned/ only concerned to the extent she doesn’t get good sleep (separate battle we have won), and her K teacher says it doesn’t impact learning and is most likely related to sleep.
This is enough to have me push for it again, though idk if the ped is a good avenue.
anon says
Go through your ped. The schools will label it something else (poor socialization, behavioral issues) because they really don’t want to get in the business of suggesting your kid has ADHD. I learned this the very hard way. We got NOWHERE until we did a baseline evaluation with the pediatrician, who then referred us to specialists for a full-blown evaluation, which basically forced the teachers into providing feedback that was actually useful.
Anonymous says
+1 to a private evaluation. The school’s incentive is always to do the absolute minimum required by law. If you ask for an evaluation you will have to fight them tooth and nail to get it. If you bring in your own evaluation and a nice neat 504 plan already written up, they may well give you everything you want.
Anonymous says
Also, which behaviors (if not all of them) are the typical ones? The inattentiveness at school and sports are probably much less of an issue than the behavioral ones. I have looked at the parent and teacher evals online and she doesn’t score high enough to qualify (assuming I have a decent grasp on the teacher one which I’m pretty sure I do).
Spirograph says
Sleep troubles are also an ADHD thing, just saying…. :)
Literally all of this. The repetitive fidgety behaviors, the lack of focus (probably hyperfocus at other times?), impulse control with emotions, the verbalization that she can’t control her brain, trouble with expectations to stay still and wait, social differences. Is ADHD the *only* thing it could be? no, of course not. But it would explain all of this.
Our pediatrician was resistant to evals and labeling in pre-K or K, but if you last asked a while ago, I would ask again.
Anonymous says
Just FYI the teacher questionnaires don’t do a great job of identifying the inattentive type of ADHD, especially if you have a smart kid who can get good grades without actually paying attention or understanding any of the material.
SC says
Agree, all of them are “classic” ADHD symptoms. The inattentiveness, fidgety behaviors, difficulty sitting still, impulse control, social differences, responding better to structure and firm boundaries, feeling/verbalizing that there’s a disconnect between what she wants to do and what her brain is making her do.
A lot of people describe the social behaviors as social immaturity, as though ADHD kids will grow out of them. My son needed play therapy to be taught social skills that neurotypical kids just pick up naturally at a younger age. On the flip side, I’ve come to appreciate that there’s a certain kind of maturity in the way he behaves, given the way his brain is working. For example, your daughter may be choosing to play by herself when the other kids are doing an activity where she has negative interactions or feels uncertain about how to play or gets in trouble. Another example is responding differently to different types of people or in different situations. There’s an awareness that she’s able to express herself a certain way with one set of people but not another.
anon says
This, exactly. Therapy can only do so much, so brace yourself for that.
Anonymous says
IME therapy is largely worthless. Meds are where it’s at for ADHD, plus coaching for motivated older kids.
Anonymous says
…which may entail a very long wait for a specialized psychologist. I’d call your pediatrician ASAP to find out whether the pediatrician is willing to administer the parent and teacher questionnaires and make a diagnosis on that basis, or whether they will require a full evaluation with a psychologist (not a therapist). If the latter, you may need a referral to get an appointment and it may not be covered by insurance.
Anonymous says
Are these really the level of issues that prompt diagnosis and medical intervention these days? This is completely mystifying to me. Your kid sounds like… a kid. Not saying it will be easy to parent her as she grows and matures, but I really don’t get how this is a problem.
Anonymous says
Every annoying kid like this I’ve known has gone on to have much worse problems when they get older.
Spirograph says
… I hope you didn’t mean this to be hurtful, but this is an awful way to say this (even though I don’t disagree with your point that kids don’t grow out of everything) in a thread for a mom who is worried about her child.
To the anon at 12:53 Yes, most (if not all) kids do annoying stuff from time to time, and develop social skills at different rates. But I trust mom intuition to notice patterns and significant differences compared to peers, and in combination, the stuff the OP described is worth a conversation with a medical professional. *If* it’s ADHD, it’s important to understand that untreated ADHD is a risk factor for a lot of mental health, social, and learning challenges. Getting awareness, intervention, and support can be life-changing for the whole family.
Anonymous says
Also “growing out” of things sometimes means developing your own coping mechanisms, which aren’t always helpful or healthy. I don’t have ADHD but I have anxiety. Tons of colleagues have said “but you seem so normal!” Yes and putting up that facade was becoming all-consuming. Actually addressing my challenges and coming up with healthy ways to cope was much better than stuffing everything down hoping it would go away.
Anonymous says
I should have found a better way to say my comment–I mostly wanted to convey that I don’t think OP needs to be overly worried.
I also think our society’s expectations of kids are kind of nuts? Of course a 5yo can’t be reasoned with! She’s… 5!
Anonymous says
This attitude cost my family years of happiness.
SC says
My son has ADHD, as well as sensory processing issues. Most of the stuff he does, other kids do too from time to time. If I describe his behavior to a third party, they’ll say it sounds like normal kid stuff. If I spend a week with that third party, they’ll agree he needs all the interventions we’re seeking and wish there were more. It’s a matter of frequency and intensity.
But also, yes. Our society expects children to be able to conform and comply. There’s not much acceptance of neuro differences.
Anonymous says
OP here. I struggle with this, exactly. Do we really chase down an explanation or manage the behavior. Obviously the latter in either case. My husband and I had a long talk about this because she is certainly different than our other kids and than peers. I guess it comes down to “any ideas on how to help us not have the annoying kid nobody wants to hang out with?” Diagnosis or not ;)
Her siblings are well liked and social; the difference is striking.
Anonymous says
The value in chasing down the explanation is that it helps you address the behavior in a more productive way. If it’s ADHD, the traditional assumption that kids just need to be motivated to behave can lead to disaster.
Anon says
I did when I was sick and had a newborn and I don’t regret it even though it sucked. I am honestly so tired of covid and we were fine when our 4-year-old and 8-month-old had covid along with the rest of the household. But little tiny newborns are just a whole different ballgame. I think we probably should have been wearing masks around newborns in 2019 to be honest. Around 4 months, I start to think that you don’t need to be as careful, but with a newborn, I wouldn’t risk it.
AwayEmily says
My 3mo just got sent home from daycare for 72 hours because she had a massive blowout poop. To be fair, it was HUGE (and got all over the poor teacher) — but isn’t this just par for the course for babies? She’s EBF and only poops about every 10 days, so when it happens they tend to be enormous. The director recommended getting some “diaper covers” so the mess is contained next time. Does anyone else’s daycare have this policy? Seems weird to me.
Anonymous says
72 hours?!? If it was genuine diarrhea I would expect to have to keep her home for 24 hours after the last incident. Day care should be able to deal with a blowout of normal poop.
I’ve never heard of a baby’s going that long between poops, but for us blowouts were always a sign that it was time to move up a diaper size. More length helps a lot.
Anonymous says
If the day care director recommended diaper covers to contain the mess next time, she knows full well that this is a normal blowout. Super weird to send her home.
Anonymous says
Your baby poops once every 10 days? That is very not normal and likely 20x the amount of poop teachers are expecting in a blowout. I assume your pedi knows about this and if so, could they just write a note?
Anonymous says
Edit: maybe it’s more normal than I thought. If so, maybe give them a dead’s up: “just so you know, she hasn’t pooped since X. Just in case it happens on your watch, I’ve packed 4 changes of clothes.” Our daycare always had us fill out forms with last poop etc at dropoff but i doubt they read them.
Anon says
It is not normal for most babies but not necessarily abnormal for an EBF. I wouldn’t be concerned unless the pedi is, and even then I would get a second opinion.
Lydia says
that is a weird an annoying policy! it almost feels like a punishment? my baby was EBF and went 14 days once I think…. doctor said it’s fairly common.
In addition to a bigger diaper size, you might try other brands (especially the ones with the “poop shelf” feature in the back.) We had to switch from Target Up and Up to Huggies because of blowouts.
anon +1 says
Huggies also helped us a ton to prevent blowouts.
I don’t understand the policy. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with the child–why is she being sent home for 72 hours? I’d totally ask what the concern is and ask the pediatrician for a note clearing the child to remain in child care if the only concern is blowouts.
Anonymous says
Please call you doctor! Pooping every ten days is not normal.
anon says
I would be really irritated. Blow outs are normal and common and if you can’t handle them you need to not be working in an infant room
AwayEmily says
Thanks for the validation. I think I will try to get the doctor to write a note.
And to all those worried about her health — I thought the same thing when she started on her “rare pooping” schedule and called the pediatrician, who assured me it is totally normal, especially for breastfed babies. My other two were daily poopers so this came as a surprise to me, too!
Pogo says
We had 72h of ‘no symptoms’ at some point during the pandemic, applied to things like fever and diarrhea. They also change the policy frequently and without the best documentation – just had a text exchange with our moms this morning because I couldn’t find our official policy, and didn’t want to disclose a fever from last night if that would sentence me to another 3 days vs 1.
I have had my older son sent home for 24h due to messy (toddler) poops that were not anything serious as far as I could tell, and that was annoying. Babies have blowouts all the time though and NEVER had one sent home for that.
Anon says
My kid was like this and tended to be extremely constipated as a toddler and still struggles a lot as a (fully potty trained) preschooler. Something to watch out for down the line.
Anonymous says
Our old daycare did this to us at one point b/c they said it was diarrhea… I was not happy. She was a baby with a blowout! It’s not a sign of illness, it just happens.
Anonymous says
72 hours??? We’re only required to keep a kid home for 24 hours if they’ve been sent home (assuming no additional symptoms that would warrant keeping them home longer). I would definitely get a note from the ped. I had to do that for my reflux baby.
Anonymous says
This does seem weird and like a huge overreaction bordering on punishment.
Anonymous says
Wow, my baby pooped so much more than that. Every time I nursed him generally. Once he was on solids, he went 3x one morning before I could even take him to daycare. To be fair, he’s now almost 10 and has been constipated once in his life. And he did have blow outs all the time.
Anon says
That is insane to me. My daughter was the same, pooing every 7-10 with massive blowouts. She never would have been in daycare!
Anonymous says
Has anyone else noticed that doctors are becoming more and more eager to send people to the ER? My husband’s doctor and our pediatrician seem awfully eager to refer patients to the ER, especially for imaging or medications that should have been ordered when they saw the patient earlier that day or could wait until the next day. I always thought the ER was for actual emergencies, like appendicitis and broken bones and cuts that needed stitches. I have never been to the ER in my life, but my husband and kids all seem to end up there about once a year for what turns out to be a garden-variety thing. Is this a trend among doctors, or do I just have a wimpy, whiny family? I am getting tired of the unnecessary germ exposure, disrupted sleep and routines, and giant bills.
Anonymous says
You sound a bit on edge about this.
OP says
I am. So far this year it’s cost me a ton of money I that I had plans for and wrecked a couple of important things at work. For no reason and no benefit as compared with waiting until the next d@mn day.
Anonymous says
My dad is an ER doctor, and he would concur with your statement that the ER is for actual emergencies. If I had a dollar for every time he complained about people coming to the ER for mundane stuff, I could retire. He always says that if you have to wait when you get to the ER, you went to the wrong place (I’m not sure this holds up in, say, a covid surge where there’s a bed/care team shortage).
Personally, I use Urgent Care as a first stop for stitches or suspected broken bones, or anything acute but not potentially life/limb/eyesight-threatening. We’ve never been referred to the ER from a call to the nurse hotline/pediatrician, or straight from a PCP visit. The only time I’ve ever gone to the ER, I was having major dizziness and shortness of breath with no discernable cause. I was admitted right away and ended up being hospitalized overnight, so that was probably the right call!
From your description, your PCPs might have some kind of agreement with the hospital to do imaging? Also, if the PCP practice isn’t managed with enough buffer for imaging or last-minute appointments, maybe they’re offloading to keep their scheduling smoother. The Rx stuff is baffling to me, though, it seems like they could just call that in to the pharmacy. In any case, you don’t have to go just because they referred you – you can ask if it can wait til the next day and a scheduled appt.
OP says
Re. Rx, these were medications that couldn’t just be picked up at the pharmacy–IV antibiotics, etc.
Maybe we need to get new doctors.
Anonymous says
Yeah, based on what you’ve said here, I vote for new doctors. I’m having trouble imagining what warrants IV antibiotics that could possibly have been forgotten about at a visit earlier in the day.
Anon says
Or the doctor ordered some tests, then concerning results came back which needed additional evaluation and treatment? IV antibiotics are not something you just pick up at a pharmacy and self-administer at home!!
Anon says
For something like IV antibiotics, they just may not be equipped to administer those? I had to be in the hospital when I was getting IV antibiotics (suspected sepsis at the time). My mom gets IV antibiotics because she is a cancer patient so they load her up very quickly for suspected infections and she goes to the infusion center at the hospital for those (which is down the hall from her oncologist). My rheumatologist does IV infusions for some drugs on set days, but they are “routine” (just like I come in for injections once a month on set days). I would be surprised if a regular doctor’s office was willing to administer IV antibiotics, but I also don’t think they should be sending you to the ER for those and there is like an infusion center somewhere (likely at the hospital but not the ER).
Anon says
Um, IV antibiotics are not usually started on an outpatient basis…. sounds like they needed a much more in-depth evaluation than a 15-minute outpatient doctor visit could provide.
Cornellian says
It sort of sounds like you need new doctors, as well. For what it’s worth, I’ve had the best luck with MDs who received schooling elsewhere and/or are involved in Doctors Without Borders or something similar.
My old PCP went to school in Prague in the 1980s, and would just have me pee in a cup or take a sample of a nail or whatever himself, and I think it’s just a matter of training. They seem more willing to be hands on and not just sort of play traffic controller. Plus NPs.
I went to the ER once as a kid for anaphylaxis and twice in the early months post partum for extreme dehydration/exhaustion from nursing + stomach bug + 80 hour a week job. My kid hasn’t even ever been to the doctor for a sick visit, knock on wood. How often are they going to the doctor?
Anonanonanon says
Should definitely get new doctors. If they’re prescribing IV antibiotics, they should be prepared to refer you to an infusion center that can administer them, or have enough of a relationship with the hospital to call ahead and work something out.
anon says
I agree that the ER should be saved for actual emergencies.
In my area, there’s one phenomenal urgent care, with separate clinics for adults and pediatrics. They can give IVs, do X-Rays, etc. I’ve always gotten a very well qualified MD. This one place is far superior to other urgent cares or even most primary care clinics for many urgent needs.
It’s really hard to get in to most primary care doctors in my area for urgent needs. Therefore, I know many families that make urgent care their first call for urgent needs and don’t even bother calling the primary care clinic (unless it’s something where continuity of care is super important).
anon says
Is it possible that your physician doesn’t have hospital privileges so they can’t access imaging or infusion services at the hospital without you going through the ER? If so, switch physicians.
Anon says
This has not been my experience. The only time my ped has suggested we should consider taking DD to the ER is when she was running a 105 fever at 11PM at night, and even then what they actually said is “you’re doing everything you can, give the motrin another 30 minutes to work, and then you could choose to go to the ER if it is still 105 but since she is otherwise not listless and is fairly responsive and taking fluids, it’s your call” (fever dropped after the motrin had a full hour and we took her to urgent care the next morning for a (negative) covid test). The only times DD has been to ER was in the middle of the night at my parents’ house and I didn’t even call the ped because it was breathing issues related to croup and following a car accident (where, because covid, the pediatric ER was so full they kept her in the adult ER with us and sent peds doctors up to see her). I’ve been to the ER a few times myself, but I was pregnant or post-partum and admitted immediately so definitely merited going. When we need imaging, our PCP gives us orders to take it wherever we want (there are a couple of imaging centers in our area). When we need meds, even after hours, they call it in to the 24 hour pharmacy. Same is true for the orthopedics we have seen, as well as my dermatologist and rheumatologist.
Recently opened near us is a pediatric urgent care center (PM Pediatrics) which has been amazing. We’ve been using them for covid testing (our ped only does drive-through testing once a week and will only give virtual visits for suspected covid patients). Urgent care is billed much differently under my insurance (e.g., $35 copay vs. $100 for ER).
Two hospitals near us also have dedicated pediatric ERs (separate entrance, waiting room, etc.), which I cannot overstate how nice those are if you have to go to the ER. All the equipment is right-sized, they have toys and teddy bears and kids TV, fun scrubs and all the doctors and nurses are pros with kids.
Anonanonanon says
Yes, depending on the practice, what I like to call the “referral loop” is somewhat common. e.g., doc office saying if you can’t wait multiple days for an appointment then you should go to the ER, then the ER saying “well you’re not dying so see your doctor soon.”
You should definitely change pediatricians to a practice that builds in sick appointments to their schedule or at least has an advice line or nurse triage line that can order basic tests or call in medications!!
Also, what about Urgent Care? Many can do x-rays, stitches, etc.
Lately, hospitals are discharging people they definitely would not have discharged three years ago, so hospital is definitely last last last resort.
OP says
So the scenario that has played out multiple times with two different doctors’ offices is this: Go in for same-day sick appointment. Doctor says hmm, this might need imaging and/or IV antibiotics, but let’s wait another day or so and see whether it improves. Middle of the night, kid or husband in agony. Husband demands I call doctor. Doctor says you absolutely must go to the ER right now. Do not wait until tomorrow.
If it was really that urgent, why on earth didn’t they just do the imaging earlier in the day? And why do they do this over and over?
Anon says
My doctor takes this into consideration (as in, let’s do this now, so you don’t end up at the ER in the middle of the night). I don’t see why yours can’t.
anon says
medical professionals may also be worried about complaints/liability….they generally can’t discourage someone from getting transported to the hospital.
Pogo says
This is not a trend, unless your family is unlucky enough to have incidents that the doctor believes might warrant immediate life-saving treatment or surgery. This has been the case for my family with all our ER visits – for example, with a gallbladder attack, the PCP said I needed to go to the ER in case it was septic and they needed to operate that night; my husband had a lab result that was off-the-charts enough that he was at risk for a coma if he didn’t get proper treatment; my mom passed out and they needed to rule out a stroke or cardiac event because of her age and symptoms.
So yeah.. has happened to me a bunch recently, but I feel like these were all warranted – have you maybe been similarly unlucky? If you wait too long in any of the cases listed above, you risk death or much more $$$$ prolonged treatment in the end so it makes sense.
AnoninNYC says
Looong time reader posting for the first time. I’m an attorney that will be participating in Career Day for my kid’s pre-K class next week. Any ideas of what would be fun and engaging for 4-5 year olds? I think i have 15-30 minutes to fill.
Anon says
I, also a lawyer, read a book about monsters and helped them make monster crafts, but our “parent talent” did not need to be career-oriented thank goodness. Other moms and dads are way cooler than me and taught them to juggle, plant herbs, build kites, tell jokes, etc.
There is the book “mom, what do lawyers do” but I am a corporate lawyer which I don’t think is covered. You could have them write contracts with their teacher like if we do X and Y then teacher does Z (but would discuss in advance). Or maybe give them a little (age appropriate) history lesson on the constitution school house rock style?
I am not sure a set of 4YOs could manage a mini trial but if you had enough time and wanted to put in the effort, maybe a question of did kid A take the candy or not and you could have a kid be judge, present “evidence” in pictures (candy wrappers with a picture of a shoe or footprint, etc.) and a defense and “vote” as a jury.
Anon says
+1 Put it in super simple language, add a super short story, and then connect it to a game or craft. “I help make sure companies follow the rules. Just like your school has a rule to be quiet in the hallways, or wash your hands after the bathroom, there are rules for companies like Walmart or Kroger to follow every day. My job is to know all the rules and tell my company what they are. One of the craziest problems I’ve seen was when a customer said we had to charge different prices for a hamburger and a cheeseburger. I helped explain that the rule says we can charge the same price if we want to. Now let’s play a game about rules – simon says. I’ll tell you the rules and you need to follow them. Everyone stand up!”
Anonymous says
Do something interactive. My daughter’s Girl Scout troop did a scripted mock trial in a fairy tale case, which was a big hit.
So Anon says
How about reading the kids a book like “The True Story of the Three Little Pigs,” and then having them vote on whether the Big Bad Wolf is guilty?
Cornellian says
This sounds like a good idea. I’m betting youre not a judge or even a litigator, but it may be most easy to grasp.
My pre-K son is convinced my job as a transactional attorney is “typing” and I think that’s probably as accurate as that group can get, ha.
Anon says
My 4YO thinks my transactional attorney job is talking on the phone and bringing home cookies from the office. She’s not wrong.
Anonymous says
I am a grownup and I am 100% sure my husband’s entire job is talking on Zoom. Very loudly.
Cornellian says
ha! I mean, most of our jobs ARE typing and zoom right now. They are not wrong.
startup lawyer says
yup, my 2 yo put in an airpod and started typing and said, look momma i’m working
OP says
Thanks to everyone for these great ideas, there’s a lot I can build on here! I am a litigator but trying to stay away from the nuts and bolts of what I do, both because I want to keep it simple and because my practice area is hard to explain to that age group.