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The pile of art on my kitchen counter means school is in full swing. While my kids are pretty good at agreeing to toss random scribbles or worksheets, I’m running out of fridge space to display their favorites.
This simple magnetic art rail would multiply my display space. Each 10-inch bar has 6 magnets to securely hold drawings, artwork, and other papers. I plan on getting a set of three for each kid — these are so easy to use that they can take charge of displaying their own work.
This magnetic artwork and picture display bar is available at Amazon.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
Formula is friendly! says
I just read yesterday’s comments about formula at a baby friendly hospital. The advice you received was great! I was really nervous about this, too. For my second child, I really didn’t want to nurse even though I have no medical reason not to do it. I also gave birth at a baby friendly hospital. When my baby was born, I tried nursing for about 30 seconds and then said, “I can’t do it. I want formula.” The nurse was an angel. She was very supportive and I never felt any pressure. This is all to say, I think some of this is dependent on person. In my case, I think the nurse was relieved and happy to support someone that was choosing another path. It was also helpful to her to not have someone else to try to help with nursing on a day where the hospital was swamped and understaffed. You are doing the right thing to be prepared and I hope it all turns out to be needless stress!
anon says
I didn’t get a chance to respond to the thread but my experience and those of several others is that they only really get pushy if you express a desire to try. My hospital was baby friendly but my baby had low blood sugar and I had no milk yet so she was given formula right away – a medical reason.
I said I would try breastfeeding and it was pretty honestly awful for me, no milk, older mom, screaming hungry baby. I stayed awake for 36 hours trying and finally gave up only to be lectured by the lactation person that since I gave formula, I likely could not breastfeed. My husband banished that woman from our room.
That said, a friend of mine gave birth at the very same hospital, stated she would not try breastfeeding, and that wish was respected. This was all 6 years ago, so maybe things have changed (probably for the worse if a dr’s note is required for formula!)
Never did really breastfeed, felt a lot of guilt around it, to this day I avoid reading about women who “will try anything” to increase supply to avoid the dreaded formula, as it just makes me feel like crap.
GCA says
Hugs. Please know that you did nothing wrong and you don’t need to hang on to any guilt. I’m aggressively moderate on this, which is to say I think fed is best and anyone who tries to push and lecture you one way or the other is actively doing harm to mother, baby or both (based on personal experience…).
anon says
Same! Fed is best. I’m also aggressively against anyone who pushes, lectures, or guilts a mother based on how her baby is fed.
Solidarity says
You are not alone in this. I’m sorry that was your experience.
My experience with my first in the hospital was very similar to yours. I tried “triple feeding” for almost two weeks, only to feel absolutely miserable as my milk never came in and my baby was losing weight. It was very hard on me mentally and I still feel guilt around it to this day.
With my second, I was clear with the hospital from intake that I would be formula-feeding and honestly never felt any pressure, even at a baby-friendly hospital. They noted it on my chart and left it alone. When the lactation consultant came by on the second day, she gave me advice for drying up any milk that did come in and how to handle any potential pain. The only thing that was even close to pressure was that one night nurse asked me why not and asked if I understood that my body could react differently this time. I answered her directly and she let it go. I think typically if you are clear and direct, even a baby-friendly hospital will be respectful. If you waver at all, I think they are supposed to try to pressure you. I still packed formula just in case because I was scared they would refuse to provide it. I think it is worth doing that just for the peace of mind.
Vicky Austin says
Sending you a lot of hugs for that rough first experience. You’re a great mom.
Anon says
I’ve been disappointed to see the large, well-regarded, top research hospital in my state issue the same tired myths about breastfeeding – that it does everything from increase IQ to solve cancer. None of those claims stand up in high-quality studies. Unless you live in a county with an unsafe water supply, fed is best.
Anon says
There’s an area of women’s healthcare that almost seems more akin to witchcraft, lactation included. It’s frustrating that it’s not evidenced based.
Anonymous says
Same. I actually have a graduate degree in epidemiology, and debunked all of those at a BF-ing specialist doc sent to my hospital room just after my kid was born. She got really huffy and said that she’d been heavily involved in the research so obviously the study methodology was perfect, even if they didn’t control for things like socioeconomic status or used data from other countries without clean water. The benefits of BFing are way overstated in a lot of hospitals and ped practices.
anon. says
My doctor at my “baby friendly” hospital put it in my chart that I am not breastfeeding and not to harass me, and they didn’t send a consultant or whatever and had formula for me. I’m in the anti-BF crowd, though, so I was adamant I didn’t want to do it with my second kid. Asking the doctor in advance could help you.
Anonymous says
I’ll chime in with my experience. I’m in the general LA area, FWIW.
When I gave birth to my first, I was planning to breastfeed. Despite feeding her almost constantly in those first few days, she was VERY fussy and generally unsettled. We learned that by day 4, she had lost 17% of her body weight. (Some weight loss is to be expected, but they want no more than 10%.) This was such a Situation that even the lactation specialist grabbed her a bottle of formula. I tried a lot of things, including using an SNS to feed formula while nursing, but I never really made milk, either to nurse or on a pump. Turns out I have medical issues with milk production. It was traumatic and guilt-ridden for me, and I think I was on the edge of PPD. (Baby recovered just fine, put on half a pound in her day on formula and is now a happy 8-year-old.)
With my second, I was determined to combo feed right away and avoid the weight loss, while still nursing as much as I could. I packed my own formula and an SNS in my hospital bag. The lactation consultant met with me, I explained everything, and she was very helpful. I even heard her telling my nurse that I was informed and confident with what I was doing, that I had a history of a baby with big weight loss, etc. A little while later, I asked that same nurse for formula, as I had miscalulated. (Forgot that you have to throw away the whole 2 oz bottle even when just using mLs–no refrigeration in the hospital.) That nurse then brought me pump and no formula. Thankfully, our pediatrician showed up for hospital rounds shortly after and found me seething. I explained it all to her, she put in the orders for formula AND lit the nurse up about not listening to her patient.
All this to add to the chorus that it is hugely dependent on who your nurse is. Don’t be afraid to ask for someone else or for a doctor’s opinion. If your pediatric group does hospital rounds, you can likely get the formula order in advance. Fed is best!
Anon says
Best laundry, pre-treating spray? My baby has started to have a few diaper blowouts, and I’m having problems getting the stains out. Thanks!
Clementine says
Okay – depends on a lot of things but my three favorites are: Shout with OxyClean, a paste of Oxyclean and water, and Fels-Naptha bar soap directly on the stain.
laying stains in the sun is also magical for getting diaper blowout stains out of clothing.
Mary Moo Cow says
+1 to Shout with Oxy Clean. Puracy works pretty well, too. My sister likes Grandma’s Secret.
Anonymous says
I soaked the nasty stuff in oxy and hot water in a bucket (often overnight). Cotton releases stains fairly easily, everything else is questionable.
Anon says
I would scrub them out in the sink with fels naptha and then either treat with an OxyClean max force stick or soak in a basin with Oxyclean Sanitizer solution. If soaking overnight didn’t get the stain out, I’d scrub again with fels naptha before throwing it in the wash with some oxyclean. For the longest time, the little basin you get from the hospital from baby’s first bath was the stained clothing basin.
AwayEmily says
Another vote for OxyClean — we use the spray bottle for smaller stains, and for bigger ones soak with a mixture of water + Oxy powder.
Vicky Austin says
My best weapon for getting baby poop out has been putting everything in a dishtub in the laundry room sink with a few drops of our regular Persil and let it sit for a few hours. (I use the sprayer to get the solids off first.) I think the key is something that is an enzyme cleaner.
Anonymous says
For, um, biological stains, I have had good results pre-treating with Seventh Generation Power+ detergent.
Anonymous says
If you don’t have a spare sink, get a large bucket with a lid and soak stuff overnight/until you have time to do laundry in a mix of water and detergent. Add some oxyclean if you know the colors won’t bleed (had some bad experiences with red).
Oxyclean spray for smaller stains works really well.
Molly says
De-Solv-It Laundry Saver. I’ve used it to get out blowout stains after the clothes have been washed and dried multiple times. Highly recommend.
Anon says
Okay, I’m being ridiculous and indecisive and just need internet strangers to make a decision for me or give me permission or something.
I posted about daycare not having a spot for us until Jan and miraculously we now have a spot before my start date in November! The new (much more minor) issue is that we need to enroll 2 weeks earlier than my return to work date (was going to return at 14 weeks, daycare spot is 12 weeks). My leave is unpaid. We can afford an extra 2 weeks of daycare fees, it’s just a decent amount of money. Work would be totally fine with me returning at 12 weeks or 14 weeks. This is my second and definitely last baby.
Do I return to work at 12 weeks or 14 weeks?
HSAL says
I would return at 14 weeks. Send baby for partial days week 12, then send baby for full days week 13 while you prepare to go back.
Spirograph says
This
Anonymous says
This is ideal.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree.
Anonymous says
This. Book yourself a spa day.
CCLA says
1000 times yes
Anon says
I would return at 14. Having a couple weeks of daycare with no work will be great. You can ease your baby into daycare gradually and get ahead on errands and household tasks you won’t have time for later. Plus treat yourself to some self-care time, whatever that looks like for you.. lunches with friends, a massage, reading solo in a coffee shop, etc.
anonM says
my internet stranger 2 cents – Take your 14 weeks, eat the 2 week cost if you can. Maybe the last week of mat leave you can do a few half days at daycare so you can have some time to rest/run errands before going back full swing.
Anonymous says
What a lovely surprise! Unless you truly need the money, I vote you return at 14 weeks. You could pick baby up early some days? Or just enjoy some alone time.
Anonymous says
Ask daycare if you can enroll at week 13. Worst they can say is no.
Anon says
Agreed it doesn’t hurt to ask but it’s unlikely you’ll get a yes. In my area at least you start on the date offered or lose your spot.
Anonymous says
Return at 13 weeks! Use one week to transition and get some breathing room and get your money the second week
An.On. says
Yeah, I agree with this – split the difference, take one week off and get some work in and make some money to pay for the additional cost.
octagon says
Take the 14 weeks. Give your baby a week to adjust (maybe half days or early pickups) and give yourself time to focus on your return – get a haircut, figure out wardrobe, practice getting out the door with baby and daycare stuff, etc.
Also – there are decent odds that your baby will get sick in the first 2 weeks of daycare germ exposure, so you’ll have a more flexibility if you’re not back at work right away.
This says
+1
Anon says
I would return at 14 and take the extra two weeks to nap and get stuff done.
Anon says
If you want to return at 14, then return at 14. The same thing happened to me (though it was 18 weeks vs. 20 planned) and I ended up shifting my leave to end earlier, so I went back the second half of week 18, then took Wednesdays off for the following month, so I didn’t actually have to work 5 days in a row for something like 5 weeks. It worked well for me!
anon says
It’s totally unnecessary, but I had nothing that fit well when I was trying to go back to work. It would have been great to be able to leave my baby at daycare and go try stuff on all on my own. Ordering off the internet with a weird new body shape wasn’t working well for me and it was impossible to shop with two little ones.
Apps for K says
I know this gets asked with some frequency, but search is failing me.
Any good app recommendations for K kids? 5 YO DD is home sick today and Homer is getting old. She’s loving learning at K – like obsessed with trying to read/sounding out her letters and do basic addition.
Any recommendations for something fun but might help satisfy this interest she has? TIA
Anon says
Not an app, but my K-er has been making a lot of her own worksheets or having us make worksheets for her, and loves doing those. I never would have thought I’d be making worksheets for my kid, but mine is similar to yours and loves trying to read and do simple math and since they don’t get any homework in K she wants DIY homework, lol. Hope your kid feels better!
OP says
Yes! I’ve been doing this all week actually. Very basic math equations and she’s devouring it. Sadly, I just have to get some work done today. She’s too fast for me to keep up!
Anonymous says
A book. Crayons. Paper to cut out.
anon says
There are Elephant and Piggy and Pigeon workbooks by Mo Willems that are pretty fun.
Anonymous says
Kahn kids, Pok Pok
AwayEmily says
Following! I’m all for coloring/worksheets/crafts/etc, but sometimes you need something to occupy them 100% when you are in a meeting, and TV/apps can be a godsend for that (I was in this exact same situation with my kindergartener yesterday, so I get it). One time he played “pocket phonics” on a library iPad and seemed to like it…maybe try that?
OP says
Yep. This is where I’m at. DH and I have overlapping, cannot-reschedule meetings twice today and she’s dialed in when on her tablet and definitely won’t bother us. Otherwise, all the projects, crafts, pretend play, etc.
It seems as though as her fever climbs, so to does her energy level. Le sigh.
Thanks for the rec!
Anonymous says
Anything on ABCya. Does her K use RazKids or Epic? Ours does and kids have a login to use where’s they can read/listen to books.
Cb says
I like Teach Your Monster to Read and Khan Academy Kids. The BBC Karate Kates reading and math games are good as well.
octagon says
Endless Reader/ Endless Alphabet for reading. MathTango for math. My kid also still loves the “draw with Mo Willems” videos that he produced during the pandemic, if you want something fun.
Anon says
Play Home Kids, it’s like a virtual doll house
Clementine says
Anyone else becoming very anti-homework as a parent? Oldest kid is in early elementary. The expectation every night is that they read independently for 20 minutes, study for spelling (conservatively 10 minutes) and do a few worksheets which – for my bright kid who doesn’t argue are at least 15 minutes. Last night we also had an assigned read-aloud kid had to do.
Our district also has really late elementary school days, so kiddo gets home at 4:30. So between 4:30 and 7:30 (because gotta make sure the kid gets enough sleep or they’ll shame you), you’ve got to figure in an hour of homework, a 45 minute family dinner, a family walk which is at least 15 minutes, then some parental interaction (figure 15 minutes). Add in basic hygiene and a little clean up and… my kid doesn’t have any actual free time even without an activity.
And here’s the thing – I don’t know that homework actually helps! I think it puts kids whose parents aren’t able to help even further behind. I feel like quizzing my kid on spelling and encouraging reading are fine, but… the rest is a nightmare. If I were a different person, I would be talking to the teacher about opting out of homework…
Anon says
45 minutes is a lot – our district’s rule is 10 minutes per grade, so you wouldn’t have that much homework until 4th or 5th grade.
That said, 7:30 is a pretty early bedtime for an elementary schooler, and I don’t think it’s unusual for kids with working parents to not have much free time on weeknights. Kids who do aftercare probably don’t get home until 5:30 or later. My kid has no homework and an 8 pm bedtime but still doesn’t have much free time on aftercare days. Also, a family walk IS quality time with parents. You don’t need a separate quality time.
Anonymous says
My third grader definitely has a 7:30 bedtime (that’s “get ready for bed” not “asleep”) and a lot of his friends do too. I’m really glad his teacher is also anti homework. After sitting all day, it would be impossible to have zero free play time with his little brother, and he needs physical activity too. He has 29 min reading but luckily usually does that 6:30-7 am.
Anon says
Oh I don’t think it’s unheard of – just on the early side. But if they are going to bed that early it’s hard to do a lot in the evenings.
anon says
We don’t regularly have homework in elementary school, with only limited amounts starting in 4th-5th grade. younger kids are just expected to read nightly.
We also have an elementary school that starts late and sometimes struggle to fit everything in after school, particularly with tired kids. Have you considered doing some of the homework in the morning? My kids like to read when they wake up and like the habit of reading for 20-30 minutes before coming downstairs. We also have good luck doing spelling over breakfast (while I make lunches). My kids are fresher and less tired, so it all goes more smoothly.
EP-er says
+1 to mornings. Our elementary starts at 9:10, so lots of time available for us in the AM. I also think that with a 7:30 bed time, you could try 30 minutes of reading and lights out at 8.
Anonymous says
My boys are in 4th grade. I’m also pretty anti-homework but I will say that having read up on it, there is solid evidence for daily reading practice in the 15-30 minute range.
Rather than get into it with the teacher, I would do 15 mins reading, 5 mins spelling and 10-15 minutes for work sheets. You can always do a little extra reading/catch up on the weekends.
We had a crummy 2nd grade teacher and I saw the huge difference when we had a 3rd grade teacher that was low homework except for nightly reading.
Anonymous says
That’s a lot and more than my 6th grader has. For the reading, I would count bedtime stories or other read-alouds (audiobooks while in the tub?) as I have been told that reading aloud does basically the same thing for kids as reading independently.
FWIW, I do think you can talk to the teacher about this. I would say, we’re having trouble making time for all of this. What is the most essential? They are often amenable to modifications.
Anon says
Agreed with the second paragraph.
Anonymous says
I’m generally anti-homework. I would skip work sheets tbh. Waste of time. On days when you’re assigned a read aloud, skip independent reading. Can independent reading be at bedtime? My first grader is, IMHO, behind in reading. I recently asked my husband to do reading practice and spelling words while I do the younger siblings’ bedtime routine. It’s really helped me get the oldest to bed on time. I know you don’t always have that option so I think you might just need to opt out of some things? Sorry I don’t have more ideas but commiseration. Mine goes to bed at 8:30, gets out of school at 3:10 and it’s still a constant march from task to task. I want to move to a farm.
Anonymous says
Our elementary school’s only homework (through all of fifth grade) is 20 minutes of reading, and nothing specifying it has to be independent. We count bedtime books that we read to our kids, although they both do additional independent reading as they fall asleep.
Anonymous says
Our district in MA does not allow homework in elem.
Technically, kids in 2nd and older are supposed to read 20 minutes/day. Teachers have said they will “ask for logs if parents would like them to” aka if your kid needs to log it to do it. My K kiddo gets 2 stories every night. My 2nd grader either reads or listens to audio books before bed, and will have periods of feast or famine in terms of actual reading (she read 10 books in 2 weeks, then switched to an audiobook for a few weeks, both of which her teacher said are fine). My 4th grader is a bookworm and idk what she reads per night but she reads many chapter books each month so in no way do we make her log them.
My 4th grader has a few assignments that are send on a Thursday and due on a Tuesday, and are supplemental to coursework/not graded. For example last week she was asked to bring in an artifact / drawing of an artifact that has meaning to her family history. We picked something, talked about it, and she wrote a few bullets down. Her friend grabbed her long deceased dog’s collar on the way out the door.
In both cases the kids were learning about why history is important in schools and this was just a tangible way to relate. Nobody’s grade was impacted by not remembering the assignment.
Homework for the sake of homework before 3rd grade is so, so dumb. At some point, *some* kids need the practice before middle school.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Also in MA and in our city, they started “homework” in 2nd grade, which is 20 minutes of reading per day (can be independent, shared or parent read alouds) and a math app. Our kid is into the reading, and we would have done read alouds at night anyway. The math app is hit or miss, but he always asks us about math, including starting to think about division now! I figure he’s learning enough. None of this is graded or logged.
Anonymous says
I think homework for the sake of homework is dumb at any age. Assigning kids meaningless busywork for the sake of teaching them persistence and time management just makes them hate school, and especially math because much of the busywork tends to be math. I agree with requiring independent reading throughout elementary school, and arithmetic facts drills for kids who aren’t learning them adequately during class time. Otherwise no homework in elementary school. Middle school and high school homework should be limited and substantive–practice applying math concepts learned in class, reading novels, poetry, plays, and well-written textbooks and primary source material in social studies and science courses, writing lab reports, and writing analytical essays for English and social studies. None of those “spend hours and lots of $ at the craft store constructing 10 artifacts that represent the book you read” projects. They need to be actually thinking and writing.
Cb says
We have reading but it isn’t a crisis if you miss a night or two, but we’d struggle to get any additional homework done. My son needs to be up at 6:30 and is at aftercare til 5pm, so it’s really only 2 hours between his arrival home and lights out.
I think you should be brave and opt out. It’ll be uncomfortable but I bet you’ll be relieved.
Anon says
That’s a lot, and I’m with you. My oldest is in third and has to do independent reading each weeknight (there’s no real “checking” other than keeping a list of all the books he’s reading/read through the year, but he loves to read so does it easily) and is given a short reading comprehension page on Monday that is due Friday. That seems reasonable to start building his responsibility toward homework, but is definitely not overwhelming.
Is the reading checked in any way, or could you allow him to skip that on busy nights and then make up for it over the weekend?
Anonymous says
Me! My K kid is assigned a 15 min reading log every night, plus a very thick homework pack of worksheets with several assigned for each night (although it has gotten thinner as the weeks have gone on, I suspect we weren’t the only family that didn’t want to tackle the whole thing). My husband thinks it’s all a good idea, but who is the one that ends up wrangling her to do it???? Hasn’t been him!
I find it stressful and pointless, and am pondering raising it at the first conference, even though on back to school night the teacher made clear she likes assigning homework (she is older, and I think pretty old school). When my oldest was assigned homework that I thought was overwhelming, the teacher assured it was optional, but she only gave us that message after we asked about it. So I think it is worth raising, you might be surprised.
GCA says
We have late start/ late finish school days and much lower homework expectations (3rd grade and K). There is no homework in K, but I am always happy to read with little kids and it’s a cherished part of our family interaction. In 3rd grade it’s reading for 20 minutes every night and some optional math practice. Kid already loves to read (I have to enforce lights out instead. I don’t enforce the math practice but he does it if he feels he needs it (and DH, who is in a technical field, role models practice as he is always reading papers and doing flashcards to keep up to date with technical methods).
Honestly, I don’t believe in homework requirements for their own sake at early elementary age – that’s just busywork. Instead think about the objectives of homework (practice if kid needs it, parent engagement in kids’ learning) – there are other ways to fulfil those objectives.
Spirograph says
That’s a lot, and I agree with the suggestion to talk to the teacher about priorities if you’re having trouble fitting it all in. It’s good to build solid study habits, but I’m not sure that requires all the things, every night.
I’m also fairly anti-homework, especially in early elementary. My 2nd and 3rd graders get a couple pages of math practice (in actual fact like 4 problems, because they need to draw diagrams and show how they solve them) on Monday, and they’re due on Friday. They’re also supposed to read for 20 minutes a day, and that happens at bedtime, so it ends up a pretty light lift from my standpoint. This is the first year either of them has had homework, since my third grader’s teacher last year didn’t believe in homework.
Clementine says
Wow! So clearly I’m not alone, but also… I hate this idea that we need to ‘hack’ our lives just to make it through a Wednesday.
It feels right now that I’m in one of those ‘trying to do everything right but how on earth do I fit it all in’ phases. Like… the 15 minute parent one on one time? You’re right, could be coupled; however, it was suggested and it made a profound impact on overall behavior so it stays. The 45 minute dinners? Lord, my children are super slow eaters. But also, they still enjoy sitting down and eating and talking about their days.
One of the math questions last night was literally ‘David got (wrong answer). Explain how he got this answer.’ My kid answered the question but literally looked at me and said, ‘Mom. I don’t even know David. How do I know how he made a mistake?’ Like.. I spend enough time trying to figure out why people did things the way that they did, why are they teaching my 7 year old that this is something he should know.
Vicky Austin says
Hahaha – what an asinine phrasing for a kid’s math worksheet. No advice, but I’m sorry it’s such a PITA for you.
Anon says
i litereally LOLed, which i needed today
SC says
My 2nd graders math tests always include one question asking about how / why some kid’s answer is wrong. The questions are usually super wordy (like, a full paragraph) and require a one-sentence response. I was very impressed when my son brought home a math test with that question answered correctly because I was like, “What even is this?”
Anonymous says
A lot of the problems in my kid’s math book are like this, but they are usually very poorly written.
Anon says
Sometimes these questions are worded badly, but there actually is a lot of value in understanding what common mistakes might be to a given problem. It helps crystalize why the answer they chose is the right one and reduces the tendency to rely on memorization. I have a lot of family members with math ed backgrounds, and they’re big fans of the these types of questions.
Anon says
Did none of y’all have word problems in your elementary/middle school math? They are teaching your kids important skills. I hope.
Piper Dreamer says
Bunk Beds! We are getting ready to transition our 6 year old and 2.5 year old into a bunk bed setup. Any recommendations? We are looking for ones with stairs and low to the ground. I have seen much cheaper ones from Max and Lily ($700 ish) and much more expensive ones from Matrix Kids ($3k +). That seems such a wide range. Is the more expensive version worth it? TIA!
NYCer says
I have no input on the comparison aspect of your question since these are the only bunk beds we have ever had, but my younger daughter has the Maxtrix Kids twin XL over queen bunk beds with stairs in her room, and they have been great.
Spirograph says
How long do you want to keep them? FWIW, we got twin-over-twin Fort bunk beds from Room & Board about 5 years ago, which were maybe around $2k? They are incredibly sturdy, will last forever, and also work as separate twin beds. As far as I’m concerned, those are the boys’ beds until they leave for college. If you see this as a more temporary thing, I’d look for something safe and serviceable on the lower end of the price spectrum (or second-hand!).
Anon says
to any other jewish mothers who are having trouble parenting this week. lots and lots of hugs.
Anon says
Agreed. Thinking of you all this week. There have been some (mostly) encouraging discussions on the other page if anyone wants to see more support and speaking out against antisemitism.
Anon says
Hugs from a cultural Jew. I’m not religious and have no personal connection to Israel and my kids are young enough that we haven’t had to have any conversations with them, so I know I’ve had it easier than many, but it’s still been a rough week. I support you and I hope if you have any friends or family in Israel that they’re at least physically ok.
Anon says
the not so friendly reminder of amount of anti semitism in the world has been upsetting. i am also a cultural jew, but being jewish is a pretty big part of my identity. my kids are also too young and have no clue what is going on, but we keep having dance parties to Jewish music. even if you don’t usually, lighting shabbat candles this Friday and an extra one for those impacted in Israel
Emma says
Hugs. I’m not Jewish, but my husband is, and we are raising our girl culturally Jewish with an extremely Jewish name. We also have family in Israel and this whole week has been really, really rough and a tough wake up call for me on the things my children may have to face in their lives.
Emma says
Hugs from a non-Jewish mom with a Jewish husband and daughter (and in-laws in Israel who are lovely people, hate the current government, and have taught me a lot about this whole situation). This week has been a brutal wake-up call for me on what they will face in this lifetime, and I’m so angry and devastated about it. I mean of course I knew in theory, but this just made it very real.
OP says
edited to include any Palestinian mothers as well.
Anonymous says
Hugs from me, too. We are not Jewish, but my 5th grader is a bit of a news junkie and had all the questions about Israel based on newspapers and radio snippets, then saw some really upsetting images on a tv that was in a public place yesterday and had even more questions about man’s inhumanity to man. I can only imagine how much harder it would have been if his personal identity had been tied up in those questions, too.
Anon says
My child used to attend a Jewish daycare, and a man was arrested for threatening to attack the synagogue, including specifically saying he wanted to kill Jewish kids. He had been caught looking in the windows while the babies were there. This may be a complicated situation but just know that anyone who appears to be reacting viscerally is reacting out of fear for our babies.
anon. says
Jewish Day School mom here. It’s been a hard week but I’ve never been prouder to send my children to this school and to have the community there that we do. We are not “religious” as some of the commenters earlier noted – just go to a pluralistic community school. There is so much grief and devastation and also hope. For any others reading, the best advice I got to tell your (especially older) children who ask why they hate us: “It is not our job to understand their hate. It is our job to be proud of who we are.”
Cb says
I left home with NO practical life skills, and while I eventually learned (excellent cook, terrible housekeeper, which works as my husband’s the opposite), it did make my 20s harder.
I taught my son (6) to make omelets this week and it prompted some discussions about what we want him to learn over the next few years. What’s on your list? Does it matter or will kids learn stuff eventually?
octagon says
Laundry – especially stain removal
How to do basic mending, like stitching a torn hem and replacing a button
Household finance – how to track grocery prices and shop on a budget
How to read a map (my kid only knows how to navigate with a GPS or phone, I want compass skills!)
Emma says
Second all of this. Same basic cleaning skills, like how to vacuum. And obviously for later but my dad thought how to use a drill, hammer and screwdriver, which was helpful for setting up apartments once I left home.
ANon says
i’ve actually seen some good lists online. i also left home with very few practical life skills, but i figured it out. more so than life skills, i want to help my kids develop good habits/executive functioning (like your laundry goes into the hamper without first going on the floor) and some level of financial understanding/acumen. i definitely want them to know how to do basic things like laundry, etc. but there are some things which honestly i myself have never done. it probably makes me sound like a spoiled brat, but growing up we had house cleaners every other week and in college as a freshman we had communal bathrooms that were cleaned, and then after that i think i lived in some level of filth with very basic cleaning until a few years ago when DH and I had regular house cleaners. i remember in my 20s my roommates and I sometimes spending an hour or so cleaning our apartment, but I also think a lot (not all) of deep cleaning becomes less necessary if you do more basic cleaning along the way
Anon says
I’m of the opinion that specific life skills don’t matter if you create functional adults. I had never really cooked or done laundry when I left for college but I figured it out.
avocado says
This. If you foster independence, problem-solving, self-advocacy, and common sense, they can figure out the specific skills for themselves. That said, learning to perform household tasks is a great way to develop those characteristics. I approached teaching household and life skills by scaffolding. We started very early with lots of parental support, then slowly took away that support as her confidence and problem-solving ability grew. For example, when she was a toddler she “helped” me cook by stirring batter and rolling out dough. When she was 5 or so she got a kids’ cookbook and picked out a recipe she wanted to make. We made a grocery list, shopped, and cooked together. In elementary school I would talk her through a recipe and let her do it mostly by herself while I was sitting in the next room in case she needed help. In middle school she was cooking entire meals for the family but needed me to step in if something went wrong. By high school she could troubleshoot problems herself and (mostly) clean up afterwards.
Other great ways to teach independence are by sending your kid to camp and by letting them plan and execute complex craft or building projects that don’t come from a kit. Even if they end up abandoning the project halfway through, they’re still learning.
As far as specific skills go, driving is an important one that many of my daughter’s peers are surprisingly reluctant to learn. Part of the reason seems to be that these kids are incredibly busy and don’t have hours and hours to spend driving around with a parent on the weekend or during the summer, but they also seem to be more aware of the risks and therefore more intimidated than kids of my generation were.
Anon says
More awareness of the risks of driving is probably not a bad thing. We did some pretty dumb things in cars in my day, and I was more responsible than most.
Clementine says
Yeah, this is important to me. The biggest thing I want to make sure I teach my kids is how to both clean and tidy. Cleaning was a skill I had, keeping tidy was not.
I also feel like in my childhood I was expected to know how to do things without anyone teaching me and would just get in trouble if I did it wrong. So I would be told something like ‘sweep and mop the floor’ but nobody told me, ‘Hey. First you’re going to get out the vacuum and vacuum the floor to remove dirt. Next you’re going to take out this bucket and this is how much soap to add…. etc.’ So… to answer your question, I’m probably more inclined to teach than just expect them to pick it up.
anonM says
This distinction is key. I also want to teach my kids how to do things as you go/routine so “cleaning day” or “sorting” day isn’t this huge, awful ordeal. Also, some sanitation topics weren’t taught/followed in my family. My husband thankfully knew a lot so I’ve learned from him (things like sanitizing after processing meat, etc.).
Anonymous says
How to find the valve and turn off the water if something is flooding and other emergency responses.
Electricity safety – don’t overload one circuit, how to turn off power, tripping breakers.
How to replace AC system filters.
Basic cooking as well as maintaining pantry staples enough that you can make *something* when the planned meal falls through.
Laundry, sweeping, mopping, dishes.
Car maintenance priorities – which stuff is essential, which can be put off until money is saved up, how to tell when the mechanic is trying to pull a fast one.
Anonymous says
Yes!!! 6 is a great age for omelets! Our goal is making family dinner on some regular cadence by 6th grade with good cooking skills by high school, so we do a lot of cooking together (kids ages 5 and 8). Then want them to know regular household stuff (sweeping, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, laundry). We do some of these now but 5 year old is not large enough to effectively use the very heavy vacuum, neither kid can safely carry a laundry basket downstairs to the washing machine yet, etc.
busybee says
It’s really important to me that my kids are financially literate. My mother took the time to teach me about investing, credit cards, etc, and that knowledge set me up for success even when I was a low earner.
I think the basics of cooking are really important as well, and tie into financial literacy/ budgeting. I learned laundry on the fly in college and it did cost me an iron as well as some white socks turning pink.
Anon says
Good ones.
I will add: you can easily learn skills as adults if you are motivated (hello internet). Kids need to be taught to have responsibilities and contribute to the family, and that often happens through chores. A work ethic and the sense that the world doesn’t revolve around you can help you be stable later in life and get through challenges. The specific skills like sewing a button aren’t what matter–it’s the can-do mentality behind it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Financial literacy is huge. I credit my dad for this (although he tends a bit too frugal for me). Cooking is a good one too, which I never really learned, but can do basic meals. I married a man who does most of our cooking, so fortunately/unfortunately, I haven’t really learned beyond this!
CCLA says
Ha, same. My dad is the most frugal person I know, which is not my way, but I credit him with drilling into my teenage self that the credit card he was setting me up with was for convenience and not a way to spend money I didn’t yet have.
Very much agree with the sentiment though that the attitude and drive to figure out how to do things when needed is what matters most, along with emergency preparedness for things there just won’t be time to look up if needed.
anon says
How to support someone who has had a loved one die is a life skill I talk about with my elementary school-age children whenever I send a condolence note (mostly emails to arrive quickly/avoid having to email at a tough time just to get their current address).
Vicky Austin says
This is a good area and one I sort of feel my bringing up was lacking in. Not meaningless social rules like no white after Labor Day, but how to foster community and be a good neighbor, that kind of thing. Go to the funeral, send over the casserole.
Anonymous says
Same here. My parents actually forbade me to attend any of my grandparents’ funerals even though I was in my late teens and early twenties. They never socialized. I never learned to shake hands, to make conversation, to write a condolence card, to introduce people, or really to observe any of the social niceties other than writing thank-you notes to my grandparents for gifts. When I was in college I bought the Emily Post etiquette guide and read it cover to cover, but a book isn’t a substitute for real-life experience. I worry that my husband and I are short-changing our kids in this department because I am still not great at it and even though my husband was raised by gregarious extroverts, he’s kind of socially awkward and tends to come on too strong and dominate conversations.
Meg says
My kids both have Celiac, so I am working hard to send them out into the world knowing how to navigate groceries and restaurants as well as feed / cook for themselves. Well beyond basic is my goal, but it’s their particular need. Also cleaning, laundry, money, tool usage. Most of these I have done with natural involvement in household tasks, but as they have gotten older they become their chores. Oldest son, 14, is expected to do his own laundry, make his own lunch, mow lawn, and helps us clean at our small business. This weekend he hung up all the art in his newly painted (by him!) room. I think a lot of this can be achieved by being willing to let kids try and not worrying if it isn’t perfect.
Anonymous says
As a boy mom, honestly, about the menstrual cycle and hormonal birth control (and the effects it has on a women’s body and mental stare sometimes). The baseline goal is that my son will not end up on one of this Buzz Feed lists about the “10 dumbest things a guy has said about girls having their period!!!” Currently, he just turned 4, so it hasn’t come up yet, but I have encountered many dumb men in my life and I just really am set on making sure my son doesn’t leave the house not knowing about this stuff. I think it will make him a better all around human.
Anon says
This is an important one for sure.
SC says
Does it matter or will kids learn stuff eventually? I think the answer is both. I also left home with NO practical skills, and I learned eventually. DH and I have some hilarious, terrible-dinner-party stories from our 20s (and some very gracious friends), and now we’re encouraged to open a catering business when we host people. Admittedly, though, I can’t sew, even basic hems or mending. My mom and grandmother actually tried to teach me when I was a kid, but I’m not good at seeing objects in three dimensions, and I’m not good with my hands. It’s likely hopeless.
Learning as a young adult also helped me re-establish my relationship with my mom, which had been rocky as a teenager and distant as a college student. At 22, I realized how hard this sh*t is and called her everyday for advice on living with my boyfriend (now husband) and paying bills and getting laundry stains out and cooking dinner. I still call her almost everyday.
That said, I do want to teach my son some practical skills. He’s 8 now, so a little older. Here’s my list.
Right now but will be ongoing until adulthood:
– We’ve been talking about executive-function type skills, like planning out when to do homework based on the schedule for the week (his homework is sent home on Monday and is due back on Friday), and how to be on time to school or activities or family gatherings.
– Cleaning up after himself–clearing his plate after dinner, putting dirty socks in the laundry hamper as soon as he takes them off, etc, instead of doing “big cleanups.” (DH is terrible at this too.)
– Kitchen skills. Kiddo doesn’t have much time during the week with activities and appointments and homework, but he does help DH cook and me bake on weekends and during school breaks.
– Budgeting/ dealing with money. We give Kiddo a weekly allowance. He’s actually a natural saver.
Within the next week:
– Tying his shoes. Seriously, we’ve tried before, but it’s on the list for this weekend again.
Within the next year:
– Doing his own laundry.
Before he’s 12:
– Making a few simple meals all the way through.
Before college:
– Driving.
Anonymous says
I feel you on the 8 year old shoes thing. Mine is ABLE to tie them but not to the precise tightness specifications he prefers for his relatively significant sensory sensitivities and we are starting to lose our minds.
SC says
Does it matter or will kids learn stuff eventually? I think the answer is both. I also left home with NO practical skills, and I learned eventually. DH and I have some hilarious, terrible-dinner-party stories from our 20s (and some very gracious friends), and now we’re encouraged to open a catering business when we host people. Admittedly, though, I can’t sew, even basic hems or mending. My mom and grandmother actually tried to teach me when I was a kid, but I’m not good at seeing objects in three dimensions, and I’m not good with my hands. It’s likely hopeless.
Learning as a young adult also helped me re-establish my relationship with my mom, which had been rocky as a teenager and distant as a college student. At 22, I realized how hard this sh*t is and called her everyday for advice on living with my boyfriend (now husband) and paying bills and getting laundry stains out and cooking dinner. I still call her almost everyday.
That said, I do want to teach my son some practical skills. He’s 8 now, so a little older. Here’s my list.
Right now but will be ongoing until adulthood:
– We’ve been talking about executive-function type skills, like planning out when to do homework based on the schedule for the week (his homework is sent home on Monday and is due back on Friday), and how to be on time to school or activities or family gatherings.
– Cleaning up after himself–clearing his plate after dinner, putting dirty socks in the laundry hamper as soon as he takes them off, etc, instead of doing “big cleanups.” (DH is terrible at this too.)
– Kitchen skills. Kiddo doesn’t have much time during the week with activities and appointments and homework, but he does help DH cook and me bake on weekends and during school breaks.
– Budgeting/ dealing with money. We give Kiddo a weekly allowance. He’s actually a natural saver.
Within the next week:
– Tying his shoes. Seriously, we’ve tried before, but it’s on the list for this weekend again.
Within the next year:
– Doing his own laundry.
Before he’s 12:
– Making a few simple meals all the way through.
Before college:
– Driving.
Anonymous says
Re. tying shoes: I taught my kid this and a bunch of similar things very early simply because I was tired of doing all this stuff for her. Lazy parenting for the win.
SC says
We’ve tried. We’ve gotten to the point where he was able to tie them 10 times in a row on a Saturday. But Monday comes along, and he can’t remember, and 5 minutes later, DH does it for him so they’re not late. I know we’re not alone because the 2nd grade parents have a group text, and they were joking this morning about how 80% of the kids have velcro shoes, and we should all go in together to pay someone to teach them.
Anon says
I’m the opposite.. I’m a lazy mom so my kids learn skills late because it’s so much easier to just do it myself than to teach them. I’m not too worried. We give them independence in big picture ways and I know they’re not going to go to college in Velcro shoes.
for shame says
lol I’m a 40 year old woman who doesn’t know how to tie shoes correctly. I should probably youtube it so I can teach my 1st grader
Anon says
Haha! My shoe-tying skills are not the best either! I tied them for a second grader (not my kid) recently and she criticized my work.
Anon says
A vent into the universe to others who have probably been here:
I’m getting ready to go on maternity leave soon (ex. realistically, I could be gone anytime in the next two weeks).
My colleague who is designated to take over my projects is actively delaying taking an active role on them. Even though our manager has strongly stressed to him and me, he needs to be in the drivers seat at this point.
In our daily call to touch base, I also took note to clue him in, that when I come back at a little over 3 months postpartum, I will not be able to travel for long periods of time right away, even though I’ll be “back”.
(I fully respect women who come back and do hit the ground running with lots of travel, I just know for the type of work involved, it’s not necessary. My manager and upper management would fully agree. One of the perks of being fairly senior in my position is they’ve always been very accommodating of my requests.)
My colleague decided to give me the feedback his wife had lots of breastmilk frozen at that time. Maybe I should try just pumping a lot before I come back. (Keeping in mind his wife is a local teacher, traveling for a week+ away from her baby probably never happened to her postpartum). Or worst case, let I should just make sure my baby is good with formula too. Makes me want to pull my hair out.
I wish I had a time machine and could skip to the part where I’m in newborn mode, logged off from work, and hopefully not stressed about projects I’ve spend literal years working on tanking.
anon says
I would have blown a gasket if someone attempted to mainsplain how to prepare my baby for my return to work. Like, jumped through the phone or zoom and commit a felony level of blowing a gasket.
Anonymous says
So sorry you dealt with that. If you have a good relationship with your manager, I would leave it for now but ask them to address it shortly before you come back. “Prior to maternity leave, Colleague provided various thoughts and advice on how I should handle parenting. The content of his comments made me cautious about how my return to work will be handled and I would appreciate if you could remind him to focus on the work as I transition back.”