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I like this maternity/nursing blouse for a number of reasons. First, intelligent nursing access — huzzah. Second, a fun print is always great, both for adding variety to what can be a boring/limiting wardrobe, and second, for hiding baby-related stains. Finally, because it’s a pullover style, there are no concerns about gaping. The top is hand-washable/tumble dry low, and $90 at Nordstrom. Loyal Hana ‘Carrie’ V-Neck Maternity Top
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anonymous says
Looking for a bead maze and/or activity table for my 9 month old. Anyone have any good recs?
Anon in NYC says
My daughter (7.5 months) loves her Hape Country Critters activity cube. It has the bead maze on top, and a bunch of things on the sides.
Msj says
The activity cubes are great but look for used ones. You should be able to find them for $15 if not free. And if not, Ikea has very reasonable mazes
anon says
YES. I just got one this weekend for $5 and it is perfect.
Katala says
+1 my 8.5 month old is super into his ikea bead maze and the little house full of shapes (too young to match the shapes to the holes in the roof but loves putting them in the box and taking them out). We are super into the ikea toys due to price and lack of annoying songs!
Weird? says
(reposting from main s I t e )
I just started attending a meetup group for moms and I would like to invite 2-3 of them (and their kiddos) to my son’s first birthday next month. I’ve only met them once (maybe twice by the time of the party). Is this weird? FWIW, the party will be big with lots of activities for the kids (my big fat indian birthday!) and will be at my parents home (local).
Tunnel says
I don’t think it’s weird at all. In fact, I think it’s awesome!
LSC says
I agree. Not weird. People want to make friends and appreciate someone who will make the first step!
MDMom says
Ha, ok I’ll be the outlier. To me, this is a bit weird, though not offensive or anything. I think I am somewhat unusual in my view of this because I know some of my friends feel differently. I don’t get big first bday parties and I really don’t get inviting acquaintances to them. I actually make up excuses to get out of these kinds of things all the time. My weekends are so valuable to me right now because I work all week and only have that limited time to hang out with my kid and get stuff done around the house so I don’t want to waste time hanging with strangers in honor of a kid who has no idea who I am. I figure in a few years when my kid is in school and has actual friends, my weekends will be jam packed with birthday parties. I’m in no hurry to get there. But, I accept that I’m kind of weird about this (I also hate baby and bridal showers…but I promise I’m not generally antisocial). If you invited me, I would politely make some excuse why I couldn’t go and that would be it. Wouldn’t hold it against you or anything. Especially because my inlaws are Indian and I get that Indian people tend to invite everyone to everything (and mean it too!). They are going to be so disappointed that when I say “immediate family only” for my kids first bday party in may, I really mean it…
Anonymous says
I would not attend the birthday party of the child of a parent I had met once or twice. I’d find the invitation a bit odd, but not enough to label the person crazy or anything.
Msj says
I would love it but I am looking to make more local friends. You may wish to add a ‘no gifts’ clause though. We did this for our party and I’d say about 2/3 of the attendees honored it, but it did decrease the amount of sheer stuff we accumulated.
Anonymous says
We are new to the daycare scene so I am seeking advice on picking something that makes sense. Assuming the quality is roughly the same, would you rather: (1) have your kiddo at a center near your job but not near your spouse’s work or your house (still only 20-30 minutes from both), (2) have your kiddo at a center between your job and your husband’s job, about 15 minutes from home, or (3) have your kiddo at a center near your home, but not near either spouse’s job?
On the one hand, near home seems good so that we won’t have to fight traffic near dinner time with a cranky toddler in the car. But near work sounds nice because maybe I could visit her during the day occasionally, and sick pick ups would be quick, and I wouldn’t have to fight traffic to pick her up in the afternoon on time. Maybe in the middle is the best compromise? I am making this more complicated than it needs to be!
mascot says
This is kinda hard without a map/traffic patterns. I’d probably vote for near home or whatever maximizes ease of drop off/pickup for both parents (assuming you are both handling it). We had commutes in opposite directions (home was roughly in the middle) and use a daycare that was nearer the house.
I don’t know many people who visited midday unless their daycare was on-property and they were trying to get in a feeding.
Anon says
+1 assuming both parents will be doing pick-up and/drop-off, near home means it is close for both parents. You are most likely always going to be going to or from home, so this definitely seems like the most convenient. We went with close to home (which also happens to be close to my work and both grandparents’ homes). I have considered visiting over lunch to breast feed, but honestly other than that, I don’t think it would be appropriate to “visit” just for the sake of visiting on most days (and I don’t know that many centers would allow it). Visiting could be disruptive to the classrooms, many of which have schedules and routines even in the infant rooms.
Anonymous says
+1. We initially used a daycare near my office (an hour from home and 3 hours from spouse’s job) and it meant that I had to do drop off and pick up, all doctor’s appointments, all early pickups for illness. Very disruptive to my job. After moving, kiddo is now in a preschool a block from our house which is amazing. We split drop off and pickup, and it’s no big deal if an emergency comes up and the other parent or a babysitter needs to cover.
EB0220 says
Yes, we need a map! I would not pick option 1 because then you’ll be the default parent for all things kid. Don’t do that to yourself! How far is option 2 from your office and your husband’s office? Where is your pediatrician in relation?
Anonymous says
I know! It’s so hard to give accurate details to a non-local. Option 2 is midway between our offices, fairly close to the house, and right near the pediatrician. 2 or 3 probably makes the most sense. Leaning toward 3, so that we don’t have to drag the kiddo through any traffic at all.
Pigpen's Mama says
Unless there are really unusual circumstances, I’d go with #3 then #2, for the reasons above — keeps the drop-off/pick-up a split duty. We have #3 — it’s stressful getting there in the evening for pick-up some days, BUT she’s usually cranky as soon as I put her in the car, so it’s nice to have a short drive home.
It’s also nice if I’m working from home — in good weather I will walk there/back. Also, I think visiting during the day is not a good idea, especially at the toddler and up age. The few times I’ve gone to day care in the middle of the day for an event, it’s always a hot mess when the parents leave without the kiddos.
Do keep in mind traffic patterns, though. And parking situations for drop-off/pick-up. If either is particularly brutal at #3, #2 may be a better option.
Meg Murry says
I agree – #3 sounds best, unless it’s totally significantly the wrong way for either/both of you (send you in to rush hour traffic instead of out of it, for instance). The other good thing about #3 is that you are more likely to meet parents from your neighborhood instead of the next town over.
The only reason I might lean toward #2 depends on what time they each close. If they both close at 6 pm, is it going to be a problem for you or H to consistently leave at 5-5:15 pm to make pickup on time, whereas 5:30 might be more doable? How often do you get traffic delays where it takes a lot longer than 20-30 minutes to get home in that 5:15-5:45 rush hour window?
I would not do #1, as others have said that makes you the default parent – and it would be especially bad when kiddo gives you the flu or you have a doctor’s appointment of your own, because you’d have to drive so far out of the way to drop off, then back home and repeat at the end of the day. And if your kids are like mine, you will need at least one sick day per season of your own to get over whatever germs they bring home to you.
The other major bonus of near home is that if you can work your schedule to get out a little early sometimes, you can go to the grocery store or to Target *by yourself* instead of dragging a kid along. And yes, that’s sad – but the some ecards saying “Parenthood: where going on vacation feels like work but going to the grocery story by yourself feels like a vacation” is totally true.
However, all of this depends on no wait lists. If there is any chance of a wait list and the deposit isn’t huge, I would put myself on the wait list for #2 and #3.
Anonymous says
Parenthood:where going on vacation feels like work but going to the grocery story by yourself feels like a vacation
– this is so true
Mrs. Jones says
Definitely near your home.
Spirograph says
Responding before reading anyone else’s comments…
Definitely close to home. Do you or your husband ever travel for work? Work from home? Get sick? One/both of you are home every day. If you’re not going to work, you don’t want to fight traffic to take kiddo to daycare. If you ARE going to work, and the other is not available to do drop-off/pick-up, you’re going to resent that you have to go out of your way for daycare.
In my experience, time from phone call to sick pickup is irrelevant as long as you made a good faith effort. And even if my daycare were an easy hop skip and jump from my office, there’s no way I would pop over to say hi during the day. Work is my vacation from my kids (whom I love dearly). My husband and I work in opposite directions, so the chances of both of us missing pickup because of late-day work obligations + traffic are very slim (this has not happened so far in 2 years. knock on wood), but your situation may be different. If this is a real worry, #2 would be my second choice.
Anonymous says
Definitely close to home.
Don’t pick one that’s convenient to only one parent’s office.
The mid-point is intriguing, but I’d have to know a lot more details about traffic patterns, schedules, etc. 15 minutes can look like a 15-minute longer commute (not too bad) – or it can look like the same commute with an added 15 min to daycare and 15 min back to commute route (don’t do this).
Anonymous says
Oh, and you won’t really visit daycare during the day. It’s disruptive to everyone – you and child.
Legally Brunette says
I vote for #3, then #2. Definitely not #1 because then you’l l always be the one picking up/dropping off and that frankly sucks.
You will not want to visit your child in daycare, esp. as she gets older. Very disruptive for the child and the teachers. My son was at a daycare that was a 5 minute walk from the office and I would sometimes visit him. It usually ended up in tears/tantrum. Totally not worth it.
The nice thing about #3 is that it would minimize the time spent commuting with your child. Every kid is different, but I know that mine would not be good with a lengthy commute either in the morning or evening.
NewMomAnon says
I need help….my 2 year old daughter is stalling in the mornings, and our formerly 1 hour 15 minute routine now takes 2+. I think the root cause is separation anxiety – she knows that leaving the house means mom will be away for the day. So I am trying to be mindful of that, and I’m also trying to be mindful of coaxing her into cooperation rather than forcing her to do things, but am just failing miserably.
I’ve tried bribes, asking her to “help” me, explaining what I need, giving her choices (the answer is always “no”), including her in the activity (narrating my showers, for instance), letting her watch TV or color while I get ready. Nothing is working. I feel like I’ve given up on all the mildly necessary battles – I carry coat, hat and gloves into school; we don’t brush teeth in the morning anymore; if she refuses a diaper, she goes to school commando and they put her in a diaper. To make matters worse, she is waking up at erratic times so I’m struggling to wake up before her to get my shower/morning prep in before the terror begins.
Our morning usually looks like this:
I set an alarm for a time; she wakes up sometime between 5:30 and 7:30, but always before my alarm if I have set one. We cuddle in my bed for a while (she nurses in the morning still, which I would like to stop). We get up, I offer the choice of breakfast or asthma medicine. She chooses breakfast, we eat. After 20 minutes, she refuses to be done eating. I attempt to leave to take my shower while she continues to eat; chaos begins (food throwing, screaming, hitting). Sometimes I take a shower while she lays waste to my apartment, sometimes we do asthma medicine (takes about 15-20 minutes) while watching a cartoon and then I take a shower. I get dressed, makeup (if time permits), and then spend half an hour struggling to get her into clothes, shoes, etc. – this involves her running away, hiding, and kicking me if I get too close. Once she is dressed, it takes 20 minutes to get from our front door to the car if I let her walk, and half the time she repeatedly stops dead in the parking lot and cries if I don’t come back for her immediately. Daycare drop off takes between 5 and 20 minutes depending on whether we have missed breakfast and whether her favorite teacher is there.
This morning I just gave up and forced her into my lap, forced clothes, socks and shoes on her body, and then carried her to the car (down an elevator, parked at the far end of the parking garage, so no easy task for a short mama with a tall 2 year old). I dropped her off in her classroom and walked away literally as another child was smacking her in the face and she started bawling. Part of me wants to tell her dad that he has to come pick her up every morning for a few weeks in the hopes that it will break this cycle, but I am worried that isn’t responsive to her actual separation issues. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I run a marathon every morning before getting to work….
anon says
This is a rough phase. Separation anxiety comes and goes, but most importantly, the phase does end. If you can, encourage her to wake up in a smaller window (2 hours can make a big difference in sleep) I know it means some early wakings for you, but getting yourself ready before you have to deal with her circus may make this less stressful when she turns socks into a 20 minute issue and you still need to dry your hair.
And yes, some mornings you just have to wrestle clothes on and pack their breakfast to eat at daycare because the whole thing was a goat rodeo. I think every parent has had those days so don’t beat yourself up.
TBK says
I would do what you did this morning, every morning. I wonder if you’re actually giving her too much control/choice. Does she still sleep in a crib? Maybe her choice can be to play nicely while you shower or to be stuck in her crib while you shower. If she kicks you (or hits or bites) you go into the bathroom and lock yourself in. She can’t be with you if she’s hurting you. (If she’s like my kids, she’ll immediately be hanging on the bathroom doorknob the second she realizes you’re in there.) If she throws food, she’s chosen to be done with breakfast. The food gets taken away immediately. If you don’t have the book already, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is great. It has some really great ideas about how to make choices work and how to let kids have the consequences of their actions (not punishments, just consequences) which might be helpful. Ugh, I’m sorry you’re going through this. One of my guys bursts out sobbing the minute I put on my coat to leave. It is NOT easy to walk away from that. Good luck!
NewMomAnon says
Yes, I should re-read How to Talk – it’s been a year since I read it and I remember it being really helpful. It may be too many choices. It just feels so aggressive to wrestle her to the ground and force clothes on her while she protests….
My therapist was horrified when I described the daily struggle and encouraged me to find a way to get her to “cooperate” with the morning routine. It’s such a lovely thought.
TBK says
[Snort.] If I waited for my 22 mo old twins to “cooperate” every day, they would be pantsless, diaperless, covered in bodily fluids and snacking on dog kibble. Maybe I’m going to cost them thousands in therapy bills, but I think my kids are okay with being wrestled into their diapers and clothes in the morning.
JJ says
That made me snort laugh. Has your therapist ever met a two or three year old child?
Mornings can be so stressful. A lot of the time, after I wrestle my kids to daycare and drop them off, I sit in my car and just decompress. And then feel guilty about all the “forcing” and stern talking and yelling I did that morning. Other mornings, it’s breeze and I get to work happy and feel like a successful parent. It’s a total crapshoot in the best of times.
Spirograph says
+1
NewMomAnon says
Yes, I’ve learned to take my therapist’s parenting advice with a grain of salt – I have a feeling he was more of the “absent father” type when his kids were young.
Edna Mazur says
I haven’t read “How to Talk” and I get giving your kid choices, but at the same time I think a two year old benefits from learning from following directions from authority figures. It does feel weird to physically restrain them, and I’m not advocating corporal punishment, but it worked for my toddler.
Kiddo used to evade when he didn’t want to go. Now he, semi-reliably, will bring you his coat and shoes if you tell him it is time to go and even if he doesn’t he very, very rarely struggles. It took awhile of physically pinning him down and saying “when mamma says it is time to get our shoes and coat on we have to put down our toys and obey.” I guess he figured resistance is futile.
Good luck. Toddlers, gotta love em.
(former) preg 3L says
“It took awhile of physically pinning him down and saying “when mamma says it is time to get our shoes and coat on we have to put down our toys and obey.” I guess he figured resistance is futile.”
Oh my gosh you are all making me feel so much better about wrestling my toddler to get her into weather-appropriate clothes. (Yes, she wanted to wear a sundress to school last week.)
EB0220 says
Yeah, I feel MUCH better about pinning my screaming 1 year old down in her car seat…almost every time we ride in the car.
EB0220 says
I do agree that too much choice can derail some kids. I realized I was giving my 3 year old too much latitude at bedtime. She just got more and more wound up. She needed some structure! I made a little chart with pictures of her doing all of the bedtime tasks. It helps some because I can refer to it and help keep her moving along.
TBK says
Oh my goodness I love the bedtime tasks chart! I’m going to mentally bookmark for when my kids are a little older!
Philanthropy Girl says
I think this is great – I’d try to make a morning map, or something of that nature. Rather than giving so much choice, show what happens in what order, complete with a picture. A picture getting out of bed, followed by a picture of eating breakfast, followed by a picture of putting on clothes. I’d get in the habit of looking at it every night – “This is what we’re doing tomorrow morning when you get up! Mommy expects cooperation, can you do that?” Then talk through each thing. When you get up in the morning, while you’re snuggling in bed you can review it again. Maybe offer a reward for following the map and a consequence for not following.
I’d give choices of a selection of items to wear (blue shirt or red shirt), a choice of breakfast (oatmeal or eggs) and a choice of what to watch while taking asthma medication (Daniel Tiger or Dino Train) – that gives her plenty of say in her morning routine without letting her dictate how your morning runs.
Good luck – no matter what you try will take some time to adjust. Keep at it!
Anonymous says
I agree with these choices. Offering two different things (asthma meds or breakfast) is too much for a two year old. Offering choices within a category is definitely the way to go!
And I love the idea of a morning “map” seems much nicer than chart!
anon says
Could breakfast be at daycare, even if it means out the door earlier? (Ours does breakfast only till 8:30 and our kid currently shows up at 8:45, but the change might be worth it.) Is it possible for you to just throw on sweats or whatever and actually get dressed at work? This sounds crazy, but has actually worked for me (reason was a long and sweaty commute, not a toddler, but the end result was the same). It saved a good 5 minutes, which didn’t sound like much but helped a lot. Can you do makeup at work? Could the little one sleep in her clothes? (Soft ones.) These are all suggestions of ways to just avoid some of the time-suck problems rather than directly addressing them, I guess.
anon says
Or could you shower at night?
NewMomAnon says
I have curly hair that gets flattened when I sleep. If I could find a way to revive it in the morning, I would love to shower at night.
same anon says
Same anon – I also have curly hair. What I do is wash at night, no product, then just stick my head under the shower to get it wet in the morning and apply product. (Putting a towel over my shoulders to keep my PJs from getting wet.) So it takes 1 minute instead of a whole shower.
TK says
Mine is the same age and has suddenly turned into a little monster as well. How do they know to get up before the alarm, irrespective of when its set for? I don’t really know how to deal with the separation issue – last night my guy screamed from 9 pm to 2 am whenever I wasn’t in the room. Hopefully someone on here can help with practical suggestions on that front.
Re: shortening morning routine, is there any way to delegate any of morning routine to daycare (ie, send her in her p.js?) Can she eat breakfast in the car (applesauce packets, snack cup) or at school? Will the school do nebulizer, or does that need to happen right when she wakes up? Is daycare close enough that you can drop her off then come back to get ready for work?
NewMomAnon says
Daycare is really close, and I should consider doing drop off then coming home to get ready when she pre-empts my alarm. I’ve been hesitant to lose my hour of time with her in the morning, but that hour is so lousy right now that it’s probably not worth saving.
Meg Murry says
Plus you probably wouldn’t lose a full hour – if you can get her out the door in 30-45 minutes and get yourself back home and dressed in 45 minutes you can leave for work half an hour earlier, which either gives you half an hour more to get work done or the potential to leave half an hour earlier. Or if you can’t take her first, just get out of the house earlier and complete as much of your morning routine as you can at work. For instance, if I’m going to wear makeup at all, I put it on in the parking lot. Breakfast is either eaten while driving or once I get to my desk (oatmeal while I read my morning email).
I give a big +1 to outsourcing whatever you can to daycare (breakfast and/or neubilizer if they will let you), having her sleep in leggings+dress or sweatpants so you don’t have to fight getting dressed and abandoning all hope of “quality time” in the mornings at this age in favor of “get out of the house and go, we’ll have quality time after work”
Separation anxiety may play a part in this, but I suspect a bigger part is just 2 year old stubbornness and trying to see how far she can push you. So don’t give her choices. “Now we are going to do your nebulizer while we watch Curious George. When Curious George is over we’ll have cereal.”
My husband does the bulk of the morning routine, but what I’ve learned from him is that it goes best when the kid doesn’t leave the living room except to go to the closest bathroom.
Last, and this sounds horrible, but given that it’s just you on your own, can you make her room a safe space and lock her in there to not destroy the place? Is there a baby gate she can’t open you can put on the doorway? Or, not going to lie, at some point between ages 2 and 3 we actually turned around my son’s doorknob so he couldn’t lock himself in anymore accidentally, and so we could lock him in during the absolute worst of his tantrums when there was seriously nothing else we could do be put him in a space where he couldn’t hurt himself and just let him scream and rage there. It sounds terrible, but once we admitted to it several of our friends who aren’t handy asked my husband to come help them do the same for their kids doors.
And hugs to you because I know solo parenting is so hard sometimes. I’ve definitely taken my kids kicking and screaming to daycare wearing their PJs carrying their clothes and shoes, and the teachers tell me we’re not the only ones.
It gets better once they get past this stage in the terrible 2s. Until they are 8 and learn to yell “I hate you! I hate everything about you” like my son did this morning …. if it’s not one thing it’s another.
Famouscait says
Yes, drop her off first and then come back home and get ready. I do this about twice a week. I just pretend daycare can’t see my pj/lounge clothes under my coat. It is so much easier than trying to wrangle him while I get ready myself.
EP-er says
This! I am a fan of either letting my daughter sleep in her clean clothes for the next morning (leggings + t-shirt is basically PJs anyway!)or having her get dressed & have breakfast at school when I have an early day (like today when we were out the door at 7 AM.) I’m okay with this.
I also don’t give in to the temper-tantrums. If you don’t like either choice, you can cry in your bed. If you are throwing food, you are done eating. Kicking mom is never okay. It might take a bit, but being consistent with these rules will help. These phases are so hard — but I just want you to know… you’re doing great, even when it doesn’t seem like it. :)
Anon says
Oh this sounds rough. I haven’t read all the responses yet but wanted to suggest you consider using more TV/videos. (I know, mother of the year here). In my experience my son is so zombie-d he is very compliant while watching TV. I sometimes dress him while he watches when I am really in a rush. Also consider requiring the most difficult part of the process be completed–I’m guessing this is getting dressed–before anything remotely desirable happens, such as eating, TV, or possibly even nursing?
Anonymama says
That age is so rough! Do NOT feel guilty for forcing her to do the things she needs to do. In fact, enforcing those boundaries is actually good for her and for you. If she knows that when mama says get your shoes on, it will happen, it is will reduce future tantrums and avoidance, and she will feel more secure that there is someone else in charge, and she is not making all the decisions. I mean, if making things a game works, obviously that’s better than usin brute force, but at the same time you are stronger and it is far better to get them to listen while you can physically force them than to be having these struggles at 5 when it is much harder. And I’m really not as much of a disciplinarian as this sounds, but I do try to follow through on the things that matter.
Meg Murry says
+1 to not feeling guilty – sorry kid, mom doesn’t actually want to put on her shoes and go to work either, but those are the breaks.
Although on a day when you aren’t completely stressed out and the tantrums aren’t already escalated, you’d be amazed how well “I bet you can’t do ….” or “How fast can you do ….” or “Race you to ….” works on competitve kids. My 4 year old will be a second away from a meltdown about putting on shoes and I’ll say “I bet I can put my shoes on before you do” and three quarters of the time he’ll be off the couch and running to the door.
Anonymous says
my daughter is one year-old, so I haven’t experienced the joys of toddler yet, but I would echo some other comments, don’t give her too many choices. Asthma medicine is not optional, do it first, get it out of the way.
we are going through tantrums at the changing table ourselves, where she screams whilst we change her, especially when her dad does it. And I think it’s partly because he picks her up, and changes her in his arms when she screams, whilst I leave her then and pin her down… my point is, don’t feel bad about wrestling her, she will eventually get the message …
it sounds really rough though, so good luck to you, and hang in there
Anonymous says
Set a routine and stick to it. Predictability will help her and you.
Offer fewer choices. Honestly, breakfast or asthma inhaler is not an appropriate choice. She must use her inhaler at the appropriate time in the routine. She must sit down for the breakfast time of the routine, although she can chose to not eat. (She could, if you want, chose between two breakfast options – ie, cereal or oatmeal).
Don’t feel guilty about pinning her down to get her dressed and carrying her to the car/door. It’s how it’s done some (most?) days, particularly at this age.
Try no tv or tv only as a reward for completing the routine. We find the mornings are much easier without screens and have a very firm no screen time policy. However I know others who find it helpful for their own prep or to distract kids while parents get them dressed, etc.
Agree with all that you should skip your own prep until after you’ve dropped her off. Another options (I’ve done it!) is to pack a bag with work shoes, hair brush, etc, and finish up in the car.
Momata says
Basically this. Set the order of the routine that works best logistically, then allow small choices within that routine. So, for example, nebulizer is always first, but she gets to pick the cartoon. Nebulizer is always followed by diaper and getting dressed, but she gets to pick her socks. Then always breakfast but she gets to choose between two options. I bet with more predictability she will fall into the routine.
Anonymous says
I have a 2.5 year old as well. She hasn’t totally tuned on me but she is a boundary pusher for sure. She wakes up, goes potty (/takes off pull up), and right then I dress her including shoes. We go downstairs, she gets a choice of breakfast (cereal/oatmeal, or eggs/pancakes if it’s a leisurely morning); in a rush she gets a breakfast bar and applesauce to hobbit typically she eats at home. I either take her to daycare then come back to dress, or let her watch a show (either with or after breakfast) while I go shower and get ready. Coat etc are always a chore so usually I throw them in the car and we go.
family vacations says
My husband’s family typically takes a 1 week vacation in the summer. MIL typically surveys us for the best week and then rents a house. Awesome! A great way to connect with distant family and for our children to know their cousins.
Now, MIL is older / sicker / worried about $. I’m totally fine with that. The other inlaws are either failure-to-launches being directly supported by MIL or wanting MIL to still subsidize their vacation. I am OK spending a week to reconnect in a Motel 6 or somewhere everyone is comfortable going to / spending $ on, as long as it’s not too far away (6 hours, max; to get to good areas near beaches, etc., the others have to drive more like 8-10 hours).
The oldest cousin goes to college in 2 years (at that point, the visits may break up a bit or go into older / younger camps, who knows). If we (me and my husband) offer to underwrite a big beach house this year (and maybe next year), would that be OK / weird? We wouldn’t want to do that forever, but a few nice hurrahs might be nice.
What do other people do where only one child in a family can afford things? Just visit at the MIL’s house (not my favorite use of a week of vacation, but family is family) where other relatives are nearby?
My family just visits with each other at their houses or maybe once in every decade goes somewhere all together (like to the beach, but rents an off-the-beach house, nothing too big or expensive and everyone chips in and there is no habit issue). My family is easily visitable in a 2-5 hour drive for long weekends throughout the year.
MDMom says
Whether it’s weird to offer to pay or not really depends on your family (well your husbands family) and how they’ll take it. For me, my husband and I have a lot more money than my sibs and although this hasn’t come up yet, i could totally see us offering to fund a beach house for everyone and it wouldn’t be weird. It’s not a secret that we have more money. I don’t think it needs to be awkward at all unless you/they make it awkward. Don’t over explain or apologize. Just “hey we want to get a beach house for the whole fam this summer, our treat. Would you be able to come x week?” But I’m a very direct person and I have no real drama with my sibs. I don’t judge them for having less money. I don’t think we’re better than them. It just is what it is. But I could see it not going well in other families where there is other under the surface resentment.
Meg Murry says
I think this could work, and/or if MIL is full of pride you could work it out with just her – “Hey MIL, we really like the beach trips and want to make sure they continue. If you do the research to find a place under $X, we’ll pay for it this year, our treat.” Or is there one other responsible sibling that seems to be doing ok where your H can talk to that person about splitting the cost of the rental between the two of them?
Is it possible MIL is using the money as an excuse when in fact it might be her health makes it difficult to make the 8-10 hour trip? For instance, she might be uncomfortable sitting that long, or need really frequent bathroom breaks. If all the rest of the family lives in one place, it might make more sense for you to go to where she is, rather than make her take an 8-10 hour drive? Could you make it “staycation-y” in her area?
If MIL’s health is declining, she probably values time with her kids and grandkids over anything else, no matter whether that’s at a beach house or just in the town she lives in.
family vacations says
One thing we had discussed (via husband) is sharing on a per-bedroom basis, so if family A uses 3 bedrooms, and family B and C use 1 each and family D uses 2, you’d pay (#BR)/7 per family as your share.
That would seem fair, but we thought that MIL would underwrite not just her, but the children she subsidizes / supports, so it would leave her still on the hook for a majority of the cost.
It seems that the family vacation is perhaps only of interest if it is at a beach house. Maybe it is time for it to go the way of the do do — if you can’t afford it, you just can’t afford it. Maybe we go do one last hurrah (or two), but I think MIL would be happy maybe if we just visited her more often if there were no family trip.
Husband and I have discussed whether we’d also want to fund a larger house than we’d need as a nuclear family each year but alternate who we’d invite — friends, my family/cousins, his family/cousins. Maybe that is the solution?
MomAnon4This says
Idea — could 1 family (you) pay for the house and other families take 1 or 2 days or meals or activities for all to pay for?
We had a big family vacation like this one year and it turned out (step)mother-in-law was really resentful that no one offered to cook or pay — we were younger, we had no idea it was expected, this seems really easy to hash out via a conversation or even a GoogleDocs beforehand.
Amelia Bedelia says
I make substantially more than my two siblings (one of whom is a single mom scraping by – she is my hero) and my parents. My husband and I simply pay for housing during vacations and buy groceries for the house. Then we kind of “split” going out meals and activities, but pick up the bulk of the tab even for that for my single sister and her kiddos. I think sometimes that sister feels a bit guilty, but she shows appreciation in her own way and tries to buy small things here and there (i.e., trips to starbucks), and I just make a point to note a few times how happy I am she’s there (and usually thank her for schlepping 10 hours to get there in a car with three kids).
Honestly, I just approach the whole thing matter of factly: :”hey family. for holiday this year, I’m thinking house in X location. Any opinion on these three houses? What dates work for you? so excited about family time!” in my mind, that works best and there isn’t some weird “conversation” that must be had. I know my parents secretly give my single sis “traveling” money, and I think that is fair.
essentially, I’d just suggest broaching the concept simply and if someone has a problem, he should say it. As long as you don’t come off like you are doing the whole family some HUGE FAVOUR and spending ALL the money and deserve praise, I think the awkwardness can be minimized.
Anonymous says
We do this. My dad was the one that stared the rentals but over the years DH and I have been chipping in. Partially because we are crazy busy and Dad does all the planning so we get a vacation whereas we might not have otherwise gotten around to it. Also, I have 2 siblings, one failure to launch and one hardworking but low income. DH and I are very high earners and throwing a few thousand at a beach house is nothing for us when it means a nice family get together. Now that we are a family of 4 + dog and neither of my married siblings have kids, we have just said “we are going to rent a beach house this year and would love to have you join us. What weekends are you free?” My siblings usually do the lions share of cooking and my dad and mom (divorced) will visit and non overlapping times.
TBK says
I’m going to be away this weekend for work and there’s a big snowstorm predicted for DC. I was thinking of getting something to keep the kids busy while my poor husband is snowed in with them all weekend. Any good suggestions for activity projects, toys, etc. for 22 mo. olds?
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo (a few months older) got a big play-dough set for Christmas and loves it. It’s a bakery set with a rolling pin and cookie cutters.
Otherwise, Ikea has wooden train sets (they are knock-offs of the old Brio sets) and my kiddo was fascinated by them at my parents’ house (they have a big Brio set and mixed in some Ikea sets). It might be more fun for your husband too, although likely more expensive than a play-dough kit.
Or go with the snow theme – a sled, some snowman kits, and snow paint, with some kiddo-size shovels would be so much fun (as long as it isn’t too cold).
JJ says
My kids LOVE watercolor painting. If you have a suitable area, a couple Crayola watercolor painting sets (they’re usually a couple bucks at Target) will buy a few hours.
Same with those gel window clings in various shapes/colors/themes.
MomAnon4This says
With food coloring and a basting brush you can also paint the snow!
Meg Murry says
And then some new bathtub toys to entice them into the tub to wash all the paint off!
I’ve been known to turn up the heat and put my kid in the tub and let him play until the water gets cold (and sometimes even add more warm water) just so he is somewhere where he will play by himself, can’t run off and I can just.sit.down.for.a.minute.
Won’t work if your kids are still in the “try to drown themselves every time you move more than half and inch from the tub phase” – but if they can sit up and play in the tub it’s a fun mid-day treat. I’ve also been known to put the kids in swimsuits and let them go “swimming” in the big tub in my parent’s master bathroom.
MomAnon4This says
Something to exercise! little trampoline, pogo stick, dance videos, music for dance contests.
(former) preg 3L says
+1. Maybe one of those “balance beams” for toddlers (that look like a pool noodle cut in half)?
Edna Mazur says
This weekend my 23 month old really loved his acquadoodle and he got into his counsin’s magnet block things and spent a couple hours stacking those.
TBK says
Bingo! Great idea! My kids love markers but it’s so messy at this age. I’m buying two of the travel Aquadoodles and hiding them in the house. When my husband starts texting me
“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” over and over again, I’ll tell him where to find them. Thank you!
Anonymous says
I let kiddo use different size paint brushes with a small cup with just a little water at the bottom. He really enjoyed using the different brushes instead of the water marker thing if you want to change it up a little. And if he just dumped out the water, there was so little in there it was no big deal.
Anonymous says
A bright tube for them to crawl through. We wouldn’t have made it through the weekend without the tube. It was less than $20 on Amazon.
TBK says
Their au pair gave them one for Christmas — agree, it’s a great toy!
Meg Murry says
A bunch of blankets and chairs to make a “fort” to crawl in and out of the tunnel with is a good idea too.
MomAnon4This says
+1 or a cardboard box.
don’t ask me how I know
Killing Time says
I over-excelled at preparing for my maternity leave and am now looking at a month of slow days, even with offering to help with others’ projects. Any suggestions for killing time, such as interesting articles/blogs/websites? I would like to do something somewhat productive (so cat videos are out).
Anonymous says
I would prep to author a journal article – even if you don’t get it done before you go it might be something you can finish over mat leave if you have an easy baby or when you get back to look like you’re really bringing it after mat leave
Anon in NYC says
I have a first birthday party coming up for a little boy. My friend said that he likes toys that he can put items into and then take them out. I’m drawing a blank. Any suggestions? Thanks!
Spirograph says
My one year old’s favorite toys at the moment are:
1. Cardboard blocks. I think they are from Melissa and Doug. They all nest into the biggest cube, but when stacked are taller than my daughter. She loves knocking them down. And putting them inside each other. They’re only about $5, so probably add something else…
2. A shape-sorter — this fits right with the putting things in and taking them out theme. We have one that has a big open top, and shape holes on the sides, so even uncoordinated 1 year olds can succeed at making the stupid thing make noise. My google fu is failing me at the moment, sorry.
3. Also from Melissa and Doug: “deluxe pounding bench” We took the hammer away because WTF, whoever thought of that toy does not have a 3 year old boy in their house, but my daughter loves pushing the pegs with her hands.
Anonymous says
We got a friend’s son a plastic truck with a “trunk/seat” that opens and closes for $30 from Toys-R-Us for his first birthday. They told us he has consistently played with it for 3 years. He was too small to actually ride on it when we got it for him, but his mom said he would sit for an hour opening the trunk and putting things in and taking them out. When he got bigger he was able to actually sit and ride on it.
EB0220 says
+1 We have one of these and my 2 kids fight over it constantly (1 and 3).
Anon in NYC says
Thanks, all!
Anon says
There is a whole genre of toys called, “fill and spill.” Melissa and Doug make a lot of them.
Philanthropy Girl says
Nesting bowls/cups? Grimm makes some lovely wooden ones (albeit small) – although you can find them all over the place in a variety of materials. We use plastic ones in the tub for putting water in and pouring out again; we have wooden ones I’ve used for sorting things, or play cooking, or stacking, or putting small farm animals in as corrals.
I’ll second a shape sorter or a big dump truck for putting things in the bed of the truck and driving them around.
Katala says
Ikea has one shaped like a house w/ shape sorter roof! They have a dump truck too which could carry the shapes.. I’m the next Ikea ambassador, apparently.
Anonymous says
I think it’s Fischer price makes a cute piggy bank that you can put coins in and out of. My daughter who is 2.5 has moved hers since she was 6 months old. {insert future CPA joke here}
Anonymous says
“Has loved” not “moved.” And it’s this:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00MYL9H52/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1453253144&sr=8-2&pi=SX200_QL40&keywords=fisher+price+piggy+bank+coins&dpPl=1&dpID=410HB4jMszL&ref=plSrch
Snow storm with toddlers? says
I’m warned by neighbors that with the upcoming east coast storm, we might lose power. Any advice on prep to get through a potential power outage with toddlers?
mascot says
Flashlights and battery operated lanterns are much better than candles. My biggest issue would be making sure you can keep them warm (they won’t sit still under blankets all day) so layers of clothing help. You can probably recharge phones from the car. Plus general power outage tips- put drinks and such in coolers so you don’t have to open your fridge as much, use the grill to cook and stock up on foods that can be eaten at room temp, the Horizon shelf stable milk in single serves is good for cereal and sippy cups, fill bathtubs with water so you can flush toilets and don’t have to use drinking water for bathing,
Maddie Ross says
Agree with mascot. We’ve been without power several times for around 24 hours with our toddler and, for the most part, it’s all the same stuff you normally know and do. Second shelf-stable Horizon milk. We keep some of this on-hand all the time frankly so we can throw in the bag for the zoo, etc. (so don’t worry, it’ll get used even if not in the storm). We have a small chargeable battery pack with enough power to jump a car that we keep charged. It can charge a cell phone or run a small appliance in a pinch. It may be too late to get one for this storm if the rush has already started, but see if you can order from Amazon maybe. I’d probably download a couple of shows directly to my child’s iPad, since you’ll also be without wireless. And you may be stuck in the house. While tempting to go outside an play, if you don’t have heat, it can be hard to get warmed up back up. So you probably want to limit outdoor time.
MomAnon4This says
At a lot of grocery stores there are candles that are religious with saints or whoever on them but they last, literally, a week. Buy a few and put them in your bathrooms or other places with low or no lighting, or for nightlights.
Use the freezer. If it’s so cold outside, put fridge stuff outside!
You’ll want/need milk, diapers, wipes. Get those NOW. Wash clothes NOW while you still have electricity.
Wear hats, even to sleep. Cuddle together in The Warm Room. Make it fun for the babe, not scary. You’ll be OK.
MomAnon4This says
Food you don’t have to cook, if you have electric stove or use your microwave a lot – obviously if you have gas you’ll be ok.
But think about crackers, cheese, canned food that is OK at room temperature (kids love chef boyardee). Coldcuts. Bread. Fruit at room temperature, whatever that room temperature is.
Also — keep the kids on the same schedule. It’s the same for them. They won’t realize the power’s gone off. You’ll be ok — you can do this!
Just don’t read Laura Ingalls Wilder “The Long Winter”.
Anonymous says
My 2.5 year old has her own flashlight. She likes to hide in the closet and play “ghost.” The dark isn’t an issue for us :-)
If you use a fireplace when you lost heat, maybe consider how you’ll keep the kids away. We have an old play yard that we brought down and put as a big barrier to the fireplace.
Other than that…snacks. Batteries in tape player (yes we have one and yes my daughter listens to my old 80s books on tape).
Anokha says
Question! We need to buy a sofa bed for the nursery/guest room. (In-laws are coming for six weeks with birth of baby. Baby will sleep in our room in a bassinet during this time.)
Do we buy:
a) A used CB2 Lubi Bed in brown ($350) (http://www.cb2.com/lubi-silver-grey-sleeper-daybed/s476085); or
b) Ikea Himmene Sofa bed ($570) (http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/60300717/)
I think the Himmene is more comfortable from a lounging perspective — but I worry about the beige. (It’s the only color that it comes in.) Is this asking for a disaster with a newborn? (I am thinking of random bodily fluids.)
Any and all advice is appreciated!
NewMomAnon says
May be too late to respond, but just in case – we waited too long to procure a glider, and the only color we could get it in was an off-white color. I had the same concern. I covered our glider with a blanket which I tucked, slipcover-style, until we were done with the sudden bodily fluid expulsions (around 8-9 month?). It was actually a great solution, because we could just take the blanket off the chair and wash it regularly. I was also so cold postpartum and so sweaty that I kept a number of blankets on the chair for a few weeks so I wouldn’t freeze during late night feedings. So if the Ikea couch is your favorite other than the color, I would say go for it with the plan of covering it.
Our off-white glider is still off-white 2 years later. It’s a little saggy from being used so much but has no stains at all.