CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 88 Comments · by

Maternity Monday: Ruched Tee

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Maternity· Recent Recs

This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Liz Lange for Target Maternity Ruched Tee | CorporetteMomsI may have had this very top, bought for my first pregnancy with Jack. I remember being disappointed in it — maternity Ts are all disappointing until you really start to show — but I will say, I wore that thing into the ground as a pajama and workout top, as well as a basic while pregnant with both boys. Not bad for a $15 top. This one comes in seven colors, sizes XS-XXL, at Target. Liz Lange for Target Maternity Ruched Tee Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:

Click here to see our top posts!

And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. waiting says

    I think I’m in shock. I was bleeding last night (at 5.5 weeks with first pregnancy, from IVF) and went in for a scan this morning. Dr. asked how many embryos we transferred (answer: ONE!). It’s identical twins.

    Had to share somewhere. I know it’s still so early, but are there good twin resources you all could recommend? Anything in particular relevant to identical twins?

    I think I have a big freakout ahead but this all still feels abstract and insecure.

    • KJ says

      Wow, congratulations! I don’t know anything about twins, but I bet our own TBK will have some recommendations for you.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Your local Mothers of Multiples group should be helpful! They have resources and sales – as you get the hang of it, you’ll need them less, but my sister-in-law relied on them a lot during those 0-2 years.

      Congrats? What a blessing? Good luck!

    • FWIW says

      WOO HOO! Congratulations.

      Apparently, the universe decided that you were going to be a twin mom. No advice, just congratulations!

    • MSJ says

      Congratulations! I have 9 month old twins. It is difficult, but also really amazing.
      Second the recommendation about joining a local mothers of Multiples organization. They are fabulous for advice, comisseration and hand me downs. I’d also see if there are any twin prep courses in your area. I went to a great one in NY (and skipped the more traditional pre-natal lamaze classes which I don’t regret).
      My biggest tip is to say YES when ppl offer help because you will need it.
      For identical twins, it’s just really important to give each kid a unique sense of their own identity as individuals.
      Feel free to check back in with questions as your pregnancy progresses. And congratulations again!

    • TBK says

      Congratulations! I have 14 mo old fraternal twin boys conceived through IVF (we DID put in two). My best piece of advice for you is this: the first 3 weeks are hell. It’s awful. You’ll think it was a terrible, terrible mistake. In weeks 3-6 the hormones recede and you come to accept being tied to the house a little bit more (it’s kind of awful to be stuck at home if you’ve been on bed rest, which most twin moms are at some point). Weeks 6-12 are just sort of ploddingly awful. This is your life now. It sucks. But the suckiness is predictable. And maybe your babies smile sort of maybe once a day or maybe not. And maybe you’ve gotten the hang of b-feeding, but maybe you’ve thrown in the towel (and if you do, check out Fearless Formula Feeder).

      But then! Week 12! (Which, btw, when your babies are a week old, you’ll be like “12 weeks?! That’s like 100 years from now!” I know. I know. The first weeks are hell.) From about 12 weeks on it’s fantastic. I mean, it’s still tough. But you’ve figured out routines. You now know how to get both babies out to the car at the same time. You have a plan for how to bathe them both while keeping both of them safe. They probably have more predictable nighttime wake-up schedules.

      And then around 3 months, they realize “hey, there’s another baby here” and they start smiling at each other. My boys now hold hands in the car and giggle at each other. I wouldn’t trade having twins for anything. Twins are the best. So really, just remember, the first few weeks are horrific. You have no idea how hard. But it really, really, really gets better. So much better and so great. Congratulations!!

    • Newly pregnant says

      WOW! Congratulations, and I’m sure this is a huge shock! Best of luck!

    • TwinMOM says

      Congratulations! I have 22 month old identical twin boys, also from IVF. It was a huge shock and an emotional roller coaster of a pregnancy, and the first year is the hardest thing I have ever done. But the bond my two boys have is also the most incredible thing I ever witnessed. You are in for the adventure of your life! My best advice is to stay away from Google, which you won’t, so if you ever work yourself into a Google-induced freak out, please feel free to reach out to me at IDTwinMomAnon at gmail. Other twin moms were my greatest resource, even the ones I only knew online.

    • waiting says

      Thank you all — I needed that. I’m still anxious about viability because of the bleeding and because it’s too early for the heartbeat, but I have a feeling as I hopefully get to feel a little safer, I’m going to flip out about the totally unexpected road ahead. I’m going to come back and read this – probably over and over.

    • kc esq says

      On Hellobee, there was a poster called Mrs. Blue who wrote beautifully through her pregnancy and about raising her identical twins boys.

      I have fraternal twins. The first advice I got, which I pass on as often as I can is: drink as much water as is humanly possible and eat lots of protein throughout your pregnancy. Not sure if it really helped, but I went all the way to 38.5 weeks (while working) at which point my doctor advised inducing.

  2. Momata says

    Good morning! Hoping you all can help me with the best way to support a friend going through IVF. Her long fertility journey is continuing with her first implantation soon. She works a full time demanding job. We live in different cities. For those of you who have been there – what kind of support did you most appreciate? I’ve been sending supportive texts on the days of her appointments, etc, but I’m wondering what she might particularly appreciate around this next milestone, including small gifts. Part of my question comes from not knowing what the procedure itself entails for her (bedrest? anaesthesia? pain?). TIA!

    • waiting says

      I’ll bite. Just went through it. My biggest piece of advice is to follow her lead because everyone deals with this differently and needs different things. I know someone who was very reassured by hearing “everything happens for a reason,” but I’d have bitten off anyone’s head who said that to me. What I needed was black humor and distraction (gossip, dating stories from single friends, etc.).

      I also received flowers from the one friend who knows, which was so kind, but mostly I just wanted someone to check in a couple times a week and gauge if I wanted to chat. Sometimes the waiting days are harder than the “big” appointment days.

      Just an FYI, your friend will be having an embryo transfer and will be hoping for the embryo to implant. She might be sensitive to you referring to the next step as an “implantation”. It’s hard to remember that people not going through IVF don’t know the lingo.

      I’m sure your friend is already so appreciative of your thought!

    • TBK says

      I agree that waiting is the hardest part. Distraction is probably best. So gifts like fun magazines or really engrossing plot-driven books could be great (or iTunes gift cards so she can buy movies/TV shows to watch). As for the procedure, I didn’t find anything to be too painful. The egg collection part was scary because it involved anesthesia and I was pretty out of it the rest of the day (I slept/watched TV all day). The embryo transfer was kind of scary because I was awake, but also kind of cool because my husband and I could watch it (the doctor uses an ultrasound, I think, to guide the whatever it is — pipette — with the embryo to put it into the uterus so yeah, it’s awkward and weird but wow nothing gets you used to things all up in there like IVF followed by pregnancy and childbirth!) so we got to see our sons when they were just tiny clumps of cells. Then you just wait. I forget how long you wait until your first blood draw (when they see if you’re pregnant at all) but ugh so much waiting. I started doing pee sticks even though people say not to so I kind of thought I was pregnant even before I went in for the official test. Then if you get a positive blood test, you spend the next several weeks freaking out that you’re going to miscarry and swinging wildly between “I’M PREGNANT I’M HAVING A BABEEE!!” and “but maybe I’m not and I’m going to lose it and this will never ever work.” So distraction distraction distraction as much as possible. (Also, btw, you aren’t supposed to engage in any bedroom activities for I forget how long — like nine weeks — after you’re confirmed to be pregnant. Which we didn’t know until the nurse told us “oh, and you know you shouldn’t be having s-x until [date 9 weeks from now].” Yeah.)

  3. MomAnon4This says

    I had my baby a week ago! Big Brother (age 6) is loving him.
    Today is the Jewish circumcision, the bris (please, no comments on the appropriateness of circ for boys). My comments/feelings on this are that sometimes I think a party 8 days after birth is cruelty to the parents, esp. to the mom. I’m still wearing mesh underwear, for gd’s sake!

    But yesterday we went out and saw people and it’s so much fun to brag about our cute new baby and show off our family, and people want to see Cute Baby. So on that part, it’s a really nice idea, and to know that we have a village to support us in this lucky, yet still difficult transition, is truly wonderful.

    What are some other rituals that you and yours do for ‘newborns’ – say, 1st year or so? Have you made up your own rituals or integrated cultures at all? Would love to hear about it.

    • KJ says

      Congratulations! I have had the same thought about the bris with regard to Jewish friends, though – how on earth do they manage to plan a party so soon? I always assumed grandparents or other relatives were doing the heavy lifting.

    • Katarina says

      I also had a bris for my son, but my parents did all the planning, except the mohel, who I found far in advance.

    • PregAnon says

      I’m super lucky, my OB also happens to be a mohel (YAY!!) so all this will be done in a room in the hospital on day 5 (I know, a little short on “actual” time, but I want it done in the hospital) since I’ll still be in the hospital with baby after the c-section. I’m only having very close family, so it will be a tiny bris.

      • Katarina says

        That is so convenient. My large city only has two mohels. The one I used is a pediatrician, although not my pediatrician.

    • TBK says

      We’ve been talking about “going back to church” for awhile but haven’t made much progress, and so I’m kind of sad that my boys haven’t been baptized yet. We thought about doing a combined birthday/baptism party, but that didn’t happen either. On the one hand, I absolutely do not think that baptism is “necessary” from a theological standpoint. On the other, I feel like some sort of “welcome to the world” ceremony is so important. I know my boys will be baptized at some point, and we’re Protestant so it’s not generally as big a celebration as for some other sects, but I do feel like there’s something we’re missing.

      • Nonny says

        TBK – at 16 months out, the only church I’ve managed to attend is (a) my daughter’s baptism at 4 months (but I was only dealing with one – if I had been dealing with two, I’m sure it still wouldn’t have happened), (b) this past Easter, when I took her to church with two other capable adults, and (c) this past Sunday, when I took her myself. I only just am starting to feel capable of it now. I think it has a lot to do with her dropping her morning naps. So I totally understand what you mean about having trouble making progress!

  4. KJ says

    It has recently come to my attention that we are supposed to label all of the baby clothes that we send to daycare. Whoops. What is the best way you have found to do this? And by “best” I mean the least amount of work possible.

    • Anon says

      Invite a few girlfriends over for a “catch up, drink lemonade/lattes/wine/milkshakes/your poison, and label all these #$*($ baby clothes” afternoon. I’d totally be down for that.

      • JJ says

        Oh my gosh, I love that idea.

        I sat down with a glass (bottle) of wine one night after the boys went to bed, watched a couple weeks of Scandal, and just wrote initials on the tags of all their clothes with a sharpie.

        • Noelle says

          I got stickers from Mabel’s Labels (order online — just Google the name). They are a little pricey, but they don’t ever, ever, ever, ever come off in the wash. And then I sticker as I go. Good luck!

          • anonymom says

            +1 on Mabel’s Labels. The Tag Mates are tiny, stick well, and then peel off easily when it is time to donate or resell. I even put them on my daughter’s Beanie Boos.

    • FVNC says

      A few thoughts, hope some are helpful – (1) Use a fabric marker on the tags (if the clothes have tags); I have clothes from college that I labeled and 15 years later, I can still read the label clearly. (2) Are initials enough, or do you need to write baby’s full name? If you can use initials, go with those. (3) Can you have a daycare capsule wardrobe? I.e., these 7 outfits are what baby wears to daycare, and just label those rather than all baby’s clothes?

    • NewMomAnon says

      I got little washable stickers from a company called Namebubbles. They didn’t come off in the wash, and it was great when I wanted to sell/donate the clothes because I could peel the stickers off instead of cutting the labels off. And then I stopped labeling all the clothes…probably should start that again…we’ve lost several items.

    • EB0220 says

      My method is pretty easy. Forget to label. Shrug when my kid’s clothes get lost. Repeat. I label the really important stuff, of course (blankets, special toys, coats) with Namebubbles. I’ve had only a few items lost in 3 years, so I figure it’s just the cost of doing business.

      • Meg Murry says

        That’s my method too. Combined with – don’t complain when kid comes home wearing something you pretty sure isn’t theirs (but can’t be positive because it could be a MIL garage sale contribution to the wardrobe). And don’t complain if you see another kid wearing a shirt that you suspect once belonged to your kid if you didn’t bother to label it, and don’t complain if daycare labels with a sharpie largely on the tag – after all, they told you too.

        We used initials or lastname only, and daycare knows that my kiddo wears neighborhood hand-me-downs, so if the tag says “George” “Silas” or “Evan” (not their real names) it actually belongs to us :-)

    • Scandia says

      I tried different metods.
      Use a pen that marks fabric.
      It is quick and easy.

    • Anonymous says

      Get stickers with your kids name and phone number. Put them on everything that goes to daycare. The good ones don’t come off in the wash and your kid won’t be able to get off.

  5. Traveling Question says

    Hi all. We are taking what is normally an 8-9 hour car ride with our eight week old daughter this week. She is still eating every two hours during the day. Any suggestions for getting through the car ride relatively unscathed? My thought is to pump in the car and bottle feed her, stopping when she finishes to burp her and let her have a few minutes to go to the bathroom so we don’t have to stop for a diaper change 20 min later. She is pretty good In the car, so I’m mostly concerned about minimizing the number of times we stop. Thanks for any suggestions!

    • (former) preg 3L says

      Good luck! No suggestions; your plan sounds solid!

      War story: I just took a weekend trip with my 15-month-old (by car, 4 hours each way), and when we were one hour away from home on the way back, she decided she was D.O.N.E. in the car, and proceeded to scream for the rest of the drive. Poor kiddo.

    • Famouscait says

      I took my son on a trip of 6 – 7 hours at this age. He was lulled to sleep by the car, so he slept for much longer periods than he did otherwise. When he did wake up, I was able to bottlefeed him from the back seat while we were still traveling (everyone buckled in of course). I would suggest packing your meal (rather than stopping through a drive through) so that you can eat it whenever is most convenient. Good luck!

    • Traveling Question says

      Thanks! On a related note, anything I should be aware of regarding pumping in the car / cleaning parts? I’ve only ever pumped at home where I can clean immediately so I’m not sure about the protocol for cleaning parts. I guess I can clean in a public bathroom in a pinch.

      • Anonymous says

        Breast milk is supposed to be safe at room temperature for hours, so you should be fine. Just wipe the parts off after you’re done.

      • EB0220 says

        You could also get some of the Medela wipes for cleaning pump parts and/or bring a cooler to store the parts & milk. I have a two-cooler setup for work that I’d probably just use for the trip, too, if I were going to pump in the car.

    • hoola hoopa says

      I’ve taken newborns on 12+ hr car trips and after trying several paces, I very highly recommend that you plan on a one hour stop for every three hours driven. Nurse at the beginning of the stop (change if need be), then change diaper before going in the carseat. Baby sleeps on the drive. IME, trying to cut it back will result in more frequent stops.

      I never pumped on car trips when I had the baby, but I’ve had to occasionally when I didn’t have baby. The cooler+ice pack that came with the pump worked fine, although I recommend putting it in another cooler if it will be sunny/warm in the car when parked. Wipe the pump parts with pump wipes or just put the parts in the cooler. And obviously, you’ll need a freestyle or manual pump (I’ve used both and prefer the Medela Harmony manual).

  6. FWIW says

    When should I start purchasing maternity clothes? Does it make sense to slowly pick up a few things ahead of needing them or should I wait until I absolutely can’t wear my normal stuff?

    I’m 8 weeks now and tall, with strong abs, so I’m hoping I can get away with not needing them until closer to 16 or 17 weeks. Two friends were chatting over the weekend though, and one mentioned that she needed them at 10 weeks or so and the other mentioned that she just wore yoga pants to work from week 8-12 (which would SO not fly in my office).

    Also, I’m a big fan of the brand Seraphine online- can anyone comment on the fit of their clothes?

    • KaLuLo says

      I’m seven months now and I didn’t really need maternity clothes until closer to 5 months. I’d recommend getting one or two things (like a stretchy black dress and a pencil skirt) so you don’t have an emergency getting dressed one morning, but otherwise wait until you need to get stuff.

      Also, none of the maternity stuff even fit until I was really showing, so I’d get stuff and it’d look ridiculous on me so I’d hate it and return it. But It’d probably be cute about now.

    • sfg says

      I looooved the dresses I purchased from Seraphine. I found the fit to be true to my pre-pregnancy size.

      For me, the first thing I went to was maternity jeans around 18 weeks – still wore most of my regular clothing till about 23-24 weeks. I used a hair elastic to help some of my button close pants fit until then (was not a fan of the bella band, though it’s worth trying).

    • lulu says

      Anyone have an idea about how to hide a bump (small but distinctly a baby bump) when you usually wear sheath dresses? I’ve been trying to buy different shapes but feel it’s obvious what I’m doing. Also, anyone else have to deal with a prying boss before you were ready to tell? Would like to wait 3 weeks but from her questions Friday I’m sure she knows.

      • Anonymous says

        Look blankly at the boss if she tries to pry, and force her to be explicit. Then, respond with, “wow, that is so inappropriate.”

    • Preg in VA says

      To piggyback on this: I’m at 15 weeks and still not showing (my first and I have a tilted uterus which apparently can mean it takes longer). I haven’t started maternity shopping yet but would like to start picking things up soon. Is there a good way to plan– a good resource for capsule wardrobes, for example? I love colors and patterns so I usually own a lot of clothes but that doesn’t seen like the best way to spend money right now…
      Any input appreciated!

      • HSAL says

        Check out Outfit Posts and her maternity capsule for work. I love it. I have strongly considered just finding close approximates to every single item she has on there and using her combos.

    • Left Coaster says

      You sound so similar to me! Also tall with strong abs, and also with a pre-preg wardrobe of mostly sheath dresses.

      I found my sheath dresses stopped fitting around 12 weeks — more because of my huge boobs and bloating than anything else. I invested in a couple of pairs of pants one size up from what I usually wear, along with a few flowier tops. I am still wearing those (with a bella band) now at 20 weeks. I also bought a couple of stretchier dresses, which I also started wearing around 12 weeks. I thought these non-maternity clothes would be a good investment because I can wear the post-baby when my regular clothes still don’t fit yet. Side note: Try the bella band and see if it works for you. I personally love it and am still wearing my regular jeans with it. But many of my friends hated it.

      I also invested in a few Seraphine maternity dresses. Stalk Destination Maternity now — sometimes they have sales. I LOVE them. They are true to my pre-pregnancy size. I started wearing them at around 18 weeks. I probably didn’t strictly *need* to, but they are so so so comfortable and flattering.

    • layered bob says

      I am also tall and started with decent abs. I am 27 weeks now and just starting to need some maternity clothes. (Bump is visible but not impacting the fit of my clothes around shoulders/chest/hips.) I would really hold off as long as you can – I was eager to buy some new things but so many maternity clothes just don’t work unless you have a serious bump, and even now I’m not quite there – for instance, I found everything I ordered from Isabella Oliver to require a bigger bump than I currently have.

      Seraphine runs too short for work (for me), although I do have one very cute dress I am looking forward to wearing (I hope by next week!).

      I did get a bella band and some longer/looser tops earlier in my pregnancy, and the bella band saved me from a clothing emergency a couple times – I just got another one since I wear them a lot.

      The only thing I should have ordered earlier were new bras! Ouch.

    • FWIW says

      Okay, so everyone is making me feel much better. My friends sorta freaked me out over the weekend- granted, I am 6-8 inches taller than both of them, so…

      Also, I stopped in an unnamed maternity outlet store (was in the area and had some time to kill) and found that I hated EVERYTHING. I then had this moment where I realized I was just going to order everything online and what if I didn’t fit or arrive in time and what if i had to wear sweatpants to work and…

      Now I’m back on the ‘yep. I’ll wear some of my stretchier dresses and a few floaty tops and basically live in t-shirt dresses as casual wear and it will all be fine.’

      • Nonny says

        Yep, I hated everything in my local maternity store too, and ordered everything online. It worked out OK. I would not have been caught dead in most of what my local store offered, and most of it certainly was not appropriate for a professional office.

    • Newly pregnant says

      I think this partly depends on how you’re carrying. I had strong abs as well, and needed to size up in a pair of regular jeans at around 14 weeks or so (this could also have been due to my carb-fueled first trimester), but was able to wear my normal skirts and dresses up until about 20 weeks. I started out (and still am) carrying high. My chest/upper stomach/rib area expanded first. But I had a girlfriend who was still able to use her belly band and wear her normal clothes until closer to 25-28 weeks.

      I’m 5’7 and have one Seraphine dress. It’s worked for me throughout my pregnancy, and it’s definitely something I’ve worn 1x a week. I have a more conservative/formal office, and I found A Pea in the Pod / Destination maternity to have great items. My only regret is that I wish I had purchased more items on sale.

    • PregLawyer says

      I’m 6’0″ and about 34 weeks–not quite sure how strong my abs are though. I only bought some maternity leggings at around 28 weeks. I’ve been getting away with jersey dresses at work, or pants with the Bella Band, and my pre-pregnancy blazers fit fine. The blazers don’t button, but they fit my arms and shoulders. If you have any a-line dresses that you normally belt, those will probably work for maternity wear. Ditto for stretchy dresses.

      I just didn’t start showing significantly until I was about 5 months in (but waist started thickening around 20 weeks). I think I can get away without buying any maternity dresses. My pencil skirts are definitely out, and so are sheath dresses, though, so if your wardrobe relies on these items, then you probably will need to start shopping around week 20.

    • anon says

      Get a couple of pieces (tops and bottoms) or at least larger size or elastic waist items (recommend Old navy knit pencil skirts) to tide you over till you know how/when you’ll start to show. I’m also very tall with a long torso and what I thought were good abs, and didn’t show much for a long time, but by 10 weeks was VERY uncomfortable in regular work clothes because of bloating. You may or may not be able to get away with a belly band; I couldn’t, because it was too uncomfortable with the aforementioned bloating. Also surprising to me was that around 10 weeks most of my work tops stopped fitting due to either (a) expanding bust or (b) just being too damn short – I carried low the entire time, first from bloating and then from baby.

  7. meme says

    Tech question: I can’t seem to turn off the mobile theme here (when I click the “full s*te” button nothing happens), and I hate it. Is there a way to do it I’m missing (not having this problem on the regular s*te)?

  8. anonyc says

    My kids all spend most of their summers in Keens, which appear to be just about perfect all-purpose warm weather shoes (and fit my kids’ exceptionally wide feet perfectly). . . BUT they are already getting a bit pungent. Any secret Keen cleaning solutions out there? TIA!

    • Nonny says

      Can’t you just toss them in the washing machine and air dry? That’s what I would try….I did it recently with my Toms and they came out great.

  9. Grr says

    Grumble, grumble…I am in a foul mood today (and was all weekend). Since the birth of our baby 10 months ago, my MIL has visited us every month. She lives out of state so she stays with us during the visits. The visits are usually a week to 10 days at a time and generally announced. While she can be helpful with certain things, the visits wear on me because I am not used to having another person around all the time. I work from home, so she is not only in my home, but also in my office. This weekend she announced that she has already scheduled a monthly visit for the next 4 months. Our baby is loved and her busy grandmother is taking time to be with her- how can that be a bad thing? But it is! The little habits you notice only when you live with someone are really annoying! I feel like I cant be free in the way that I am when she is not visiting.
    The fact that these visits make me so salty makes me feel like a bad person – how can I deny a loving grandmother time with a baby? But I am having such a difficult time letting little things go and embracing our long-term, temporary visitor. Advice? Commiseration?

    • kc esq says

      I would not be able to handle that degree of house guest time. Where is your spouse in this — this needs to be a conversation between them. At the very least, you are completely justified in demanding that the visits either be less frequent or shorter (or include a hotel stay).

    • Sarabeth says

      Whoa. That’s a lot of MIL visiting. You and your spouse obviously need to get on the same page about this, but rules like ‘don’t schedule visits without asking your hosts’ are pretty basic, and you should not feel bad at all about enforcing them. Also, you are not a bad person if you don’t want a houseguest around more than 25% of the time!

      What does your spouse think? My own mom would drive me insane if she were here that much. In fact, she is just leaving after a ten-day visit and I am so ready for her to go, for very similar reasons.

    • HSAL says

      Can you suggest either shorter monthly visits or the 7-10 days less often? A week+ a month is way too much to have a houseguest. How you’ve put up with it for 10 months is beyond me.

    • Samantha says

      Hmm… so it sounds like you need some distance from her when she’s in the house.
      (1) Do you have one room as a designated office? If so, gently hint that it is out of bounds and/or lock the door when you’re in there and spread the word beforehand that you’ll be busy with conference calls. Never mind if you’re just decompressing there or painting your nails! It’s the alone time that you need.
      (2) She clearly wants to be helpful and spend time with her grandchild, so have you given her things to do? Maybe let her have a particular duty that makes her feel important and gives her time with the baby? It can be something like getting baby to nap, or bath time. Give her one or two choices (both of which are acceptable to you) and enjoy the break!
      (3) Re having another person around all the time. Use the chance to get out of the house! Go to a coffeeshop and work for an hour! Go for a nice walk, or take a few deep breaths in a nearby park. Repeat as needed. I totally get that having even a nice person around ALL the time can be grating.

    • anon says

      That is too much visiting by a huge measure. I would not be able to handle one of these visits, let alone 10, from my own mother (we are very close) or MIL (far less so), so hats off that you’ve survived this far. But really, I feel like that’s a huge imposition on you, even if done for good reasons.

      In addition to the feeling that your personal and professional space is being invaded, I have to imagine that it is hugely disruptive to your ability to work and your baby’s schedule. While I’d be tempted to tell my MIL to hit the road, maybe a more diplomatic approach would be to walk down the visits–from once per month to once per quarter. And perhaps the way to frame it is to a schedule thing–it hurts productivity and baby needs regularity in her life. Plus, what kind of childcare situation could handle that kind of interruption? Do you suspend daycare or nanny while she’s in town? Maybe blame it on a neutral third party (“baby’s daycare says this kind of interruptions makes it very hard for her at school during the day.”). Ugh, I think you’re entitled to be VERY grumpy about all of this.

  10. Grr says

    Thanks! Spouse is supportive and is feeling the same way. He has volunteered to say something, but I fear that doing so will result in major hurt feelings and MIL will be on eggshells around me, which just makes everything worse. For example, it results in her asking 10x more questions, like “Is it ok for me to use this spatula?” “Can I take a shower?” FWIW, her and I have a good relationship, but I think that baby visits are such a sensitive topic.

    • Sarabeth says

      It sounds like you have a good relationship because YOU are currently walking on eggshells – you can’t set any boundaries without worrying that you will hurt her feelings and she will react poorly.

      • Newly pregnant says

        +1. I think you have to accept that your MIL’s feelings are going to be hurt. There’s no way you can limit her visits without that happening. I think your spouse needs to say something along the lines of, “Mom, we love that you’ve been coming to visit us so much and spend so much time with the baby. We know how much you love her, and we are so lucky that you’ve been able to be so involved with her and she adores you. But the monthly visits are becoming too much, for all of us. Wife and I need time to develop routines with the baby and do things as a family, and you need to be at home taking care of [insert whatever she has going on in her life] and spending time with your friends. We still want you to be involved and come visit, but we think every other month would be better for all of us.”

        • HSAL says

          I should have read on before responding, because I think this response is perfect and I would second it.

    • PregAnon says

      Toooo much MIL!! Make it about you rather than her. Something like “we love that you want to come spend time with LO, but we’re still working on figuring out a normal schedule, so maybe lets step down to every third month for now. We love it when you visit, but weekends are our decompressing time and there are other things we would like to do now that LO is almost a year old.”

      Or something like that. I can’t even fathom losing 1 of my 4 precious weekends to a family visit every month for months on end. We seem to get travel / visits really stacked in around May/June and again in September, and baby isn’t even here yet and those stretches kill me. I’m just not one that likes having other people in my house for very long.

    • Lorelai Gilmore says

      What about cutting visits in length but not in frequency? A five day visit might feel different from a 7-10 day visit, especially if it doesn’t include a weekend. It still gives her the baby time she wants, but it doesn’t impose as much on you.

      Alternatively, what about finding her an AirBnB to stay in? I think that might help.

      I understand just how frustrating houseguests can be. But I also think you’re smart to focus on the fact that she wants to spend time with the baby, and it sounds like she is trying to be a good houseguest (even if she’s not doing a good job of it). And you say that you have a good relationship. These are not things to be taken lightly :)

  11. EB0220 says

    Did anyone cut a pumping session at work and still manage to nurse for a full year? My LO is almost 10 months and I find myself growing more and more impatient with pumping 3x a day. Until recently, I was barely keeping up with her milk consumption at daycare, but now she’s eating more solid food and I am getting ahead. I only get maybe 2 oz from my 3rd session but I’m still afraid to cut it. I want to nurse her full time (plus solids) until she’s one. Thoughts?

    • Katarina says

      I went down to pumping twice a day, actually pretty early because I was able to meet my son’s needs, and I had a good stash. Towards the end I went back to three times a day when it seemed like I would be short. I nursed throughout the day on weekends.

    • POSITA says

      I dropped to one session around then and was fine. (I was at two sessions starting around 7-8 months.) We made it to a year without having to use formula and nursed until 19 months when she naturally lost interest.

      By 11 months you may feel comfortable topping up bottles with a little cows milk, too. We didn’t do all cows milk until after a year, but I didn’t feel bad adding an ounce or two to a bottle a few weeks early to ease the transition.

    • hoola hoopa says

      I always pumped just 2x / day. The third session, regardless of time, just didn’t yield much. I got essentially the same volume with 2 sessions as 3.

      Nursed well beyond 1 year. (Quit pumping/bottles at 12 mo or a bit earlier).

  12. Katarina says

    Yes. I dropped to twice a day much earlier than that, and at the time was still pumping for a surplus. Eventually my supply dropped, and I used up my stash. Towards the end, I would increase to three times a day a few days a week if my output seemed low. I nursed full time on weekends.

  13. NewMomAnon says

    Insurance question! Until the divorce is final, I have health insurance through my husband. I can submit claims and check the status of my claims, but all the reimbursement checks come addressed to my husband and there is no mechanism on the website for changing our residential address (apparently he has to change it through his employer, and there isn’t any way to have two addresses). This seems wrong – for privacy purposes, it seems like there must be some mechanism to get checks sent directly to me in my name. Has anyone dealt with family insurance before?

    I partly ask because I’ll have claim checks that won’t get sent out until after the divorce, and I’d like to be able to control where that money goes (I expect they will be split, since the underlying claims were paid out of marital funds). My husband is really struggling to keep up with mail and bills, so it’s possible the checks would sit in his mailbox for months….

    • mascot says

      If he’s the guarantor/source of insurance, then the providers are going to deal with him for all things money. He may not see the details on the EOBs so he won’t know exactly what the visit entails (depending on what permissions you granted him when you signed the privacy paperwork). Is it possible to bulk submit some of the claims so that you won’t have as many checks coming in? If the money ultimately gets split, he should have some incentive to deposit them.

    • Meg Murry says

      Is there a way to direct deposit the reimbursement checks? Our crummy HSA at my last job apparently didn’t have the forms on their webs!te – I had to call customer service, and they faxed me a form that I faxed back – it was not listed anywhere on their webs!te that it was possible until I called customer service.

      Alternately, could you try calling the insurance company and changing it yourself? The worst they’ll tell you is no, right?

  14. hoola hoopa says

    I had one of these t shirts for my third pregnancy and hated it so much that I took it off the first time I wore it and put it straight in the trash because I felt guilty even giving it away. The material and cut was terrible. Pay the little extra for a basic Gap maternity t-shirt!

    • Meg Murry says

      I am not a small person and I tended to gain weight all over, not just a cute belly bump – and I was trying to downplay the pregnancy at my casual workplace, so I haaaaaaated that this ruched style was all that was in stores for t-shirts when I was pregnant with my second. They work for a lot of body types, but they just made me feel fat. Thank goodness for maternity consignment, I was able to pick up a wardrobe someone else had offloaded that was my size and style (it helped that I work in a mostly jeans casual environment).

    • B says

      I bought this t-shirt at 12 weeks and loved it (probably because I didn’t really need maternity yet)… until 19 weeks when I OUTGREW IT. Definitely not a good buy for me.

  15. Anonymous says

    Looking for vacation suggestions. Thinking Europe- stroller accessible city, ideally somewhere with good food, easy to find main floor rentable apartments or apartments with elevators, good museums (that are stroller friendly), ideally a walkable city. Ideally a city we can have stuff like diapers and wipes and a playpen and groceries easily delivered. We’ve done Prague, Paris, Istanbul and Rome in the last two years to give you an idea about us. Usually we do a week or so in the main city and train around a bit.

ABOUT

WORK WITH US

SERIOUS STUFF