CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 148 Comments · by

Makeup Monday: Mini Lipsticks

Recent Recs

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M·A·C Lipstick / Mini M·A·CIf you’re looking for a little something nice for a mommy present for yourself, do note that Nordstrom is now selling Little MAC Lipstick. Each one is only $10 (with free shipping, as always), and there are nine colors available, from Russian Red to Twig to Velvet Teddy to Whirl. Right now they’re 15% off, bringing them down to just $8.50, so it’s a good time to stock up. Little MAC Lipstick This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. AIMS says

    I like the idea of these because I always misplace my lipsticks and never use up the whole thing anyway & this seems like a good way to try new colors (although I hate the term “mommy present,” much like I hate the term push present and all the other “mommy” marketing B.S.).

    I’m also really annoyed with Nordstrom at the moment. I ordered a pair of shoes for my daughter two weeks ago and was very excited because they were on super sale; fast forward to delivery date and they don’t get delivered. I checked the tracking no. and it said my address was incorrect and delivery would be a few days later. My address was correct but I figured okay, fine. Doesn’t get delivered again. When I called Nordstrom they said yeah, it’s being shipped back to us but we’ll resend. And then I get an email saying actually we won’t, here’s a refund. Of course, they’re sold out now so I can’t just reorder. So long story short, I don’t want to buy anything from them for a while. Morning rant over.

  2. Legally Brunette says

    I love this idea of these little lipsticks but have not tried any of these colors. Any suggestions on a particular color that looks good on a medium complexioned Indian woman? :) Not Ruby Woo since I hate red lipstick. I tend to wear a darker pink but open to broadening my horizons!

    • AlsoDesi says

      I like a dusty rose type color – that usually is a nice nude for me while giving my lips a natural looking pinkish shade.
      For example, currently I like Chai by Bite Beauty (yep it’s called chai!). Looks very brown in the tube but more pinkish nude on me.

  3. anon for this says

    I am cross posting because I need all the help I can get. Thanks, ladies.

    Please help. I seem to have lived 40 years on this earth without ever seeing a mouse in my residence…until this morning. :( It was a small one and it scurried into a crevice in the kitchen. We live in an old rental building in the city, on the first floor, so I can’t be too surprised. But needless to say, I am terrified and sent out a scream that woke up my husband and the kids.

    One problem that I already know we need to fix is that we have open cubbies with food like crackers and such. We are going to move those items to plastic containers with air tight seals.

    I have already reached out to building maintenance.

    What else should we do? I have two young kids and am worried about using some poison that the kids will ingest. Are traps the answer? Any “natural” remedies?

    I am unreasonably terrified here, so I greatly appreciate all and any advice.

    • Anonymous says

      I posted a response that’s stuck in moderation on the other s&te.

    • Anon says

      I say this gently, but work on your unreasonable fear. It’s a mouse. I can see screaming if you’re startled to see something moving, but otherwise it’s a lot smaller than you and you could kill it easily if you wanted. Nothing to be terrified of.

      Good idea to close up all your food, and treat it seriously by getting the building to get rid of them. You don’t want mouse droppings or urine all over your kitchen, esp with young kids. If your building doesn’t treat this seriously, call exterminators yourself and explain the situation. Ask for their recommendations on steps you can take, given your town and building and climate.

    • Anonymous says

      Mice can’t/won’t chew through steel wool, so if the majority of your baseboards are exposed it’s easy enough to keep a mouse out. (If, however, the kitchen cupboards have large holes cut in them for pipes/heating/just because and they are not flush to the wall this may not work.) Get some heavy duty gloves, some disposable chopsticks and a bag of steel wool pads. Tear up the steel wool, use the chopsticks to push it into any crack or crevice that a chopstick fits into. This effectively mouse-proofed our Brooklyn brownstone apartment for 9 years (and is probably doing the new tenants some good as well.)

      In our new place I can’t get to the walls where the mouse is coming in (because I now have a DISHWASHER! Squee!) so I have settled on an electrocution type trap as I think it may be safest around a child and most humane way to get rid of the mouse.

  4. Anon says

    Target Car Seat Trade-In: This is my first time trying one of these trade-in events. I got the bright idea that I would trade in our infant bucket seat and base to get a Britax Frontier for my youngest (who is in a convertible right now). I called my store to make sure they’re participating. They say they’re not, although it says they are online. The guy is adamant that they’re not. I walk in this weekend, and of course there’s a big box right in the front of the store. So I trade it in, and ask for two coupons since it’s a seat and base, and it said those were separate things online. They disagree. Long discussion later, I’ve pulled up the info on my phone and they give me the two coupons.

    However, there are no Frontiers in the store. They don’t have any Frontiers in any store within 100 miles of me, and they’re totally sold out online unless I want it in a cow print. Which I don’t. So now I have these two coupons and no way to spend them, because they don’t carry the very common carseat I want. Or rather, they carry it, but just don’t have it in stock. Anywhere.

    #firstworldproblems I know, but why have a big car seat trade in event if you’re not going to stock up on the most popular versions of car seats? Are they all like this? Is this just a way to move the less popular models?

    • anne-on says

      Can your family or friends check stores near them? I’m surprised Target wouldn’t call other stores further away and have it shipped in. I feel your pain though – I specifically went the very first morning they did the trade in and my local Target a)had no idea it was going on, and b)had nowhere to put them, so I had to give it to the poor guy behind the customer service desk. At least they had the coupon and I was able to order the booster I needed online!

    • mascot says

      I’ve always suspected that these things were a gimmick. FWIW, we have 2 of the Pioneer seats and have been pleased. Installation isn’t hard for our cars (MDX and Outback).

    • In House Lobbyist says

      I am not surprised with Target at all. I had terrible wedding gift registry problems with them and try to avoid them when at all possible. I have never had a positive experience with at Target. Do the coupons expire? Can you try to sell them on a Mommy Facebook group? Do you need extra car seats for grandparents?

  5. Pigpen's Mama says

    Ugh…just a post-weekend with a 3-yr old vent. I saw Rainbow Hair’s post from over the weekend and felt nothing but solidarity.

    I feel like I’m either mean mommy (and with that frustrated tone of voice telling her to stop doing whatever annoying or messy thing she’s doing, or to hurry up) or a complete push over and giving in to her tyrannical demands just so I can get something done.

    Kiddo didn’t get to go out for ice cream after dinner last night because of her behavior and she carried on and on and on. And would try to compose herself and ask to go to the ice cream place and then melt down when we told her no. Even after she calmed down, she wouldn’t fall asleep unless I stayed in her room and the last thing she said was “I’m going to dream about ice cream.” And ice cream was one of the first things she mentioned this morning…. *sigh*

    Not helping matters is her strong mommy preference (STILL) . She’ll freak out if we’re out and I leave to go to the restroom, and then my H gets frustrated because of her bad behavior (and he feels rejected) and then it just escalates.

    BAH.

    • CPA Lady says

      Okay, you did the right thing, and this is why that Llama Llama Mad at Mama book makes me so mad. Llama has a screaming meltdown in the store and throws everything out of the cart in a hysterical tantrum and Mama Llama’s response is TO GET HIM ICE CREAM? I’m sorry, but hell no. In my version of the story, Llama would get a time out.

      This is just a hard age. I had three weeks of holy terror/defiance/possible satanic possession in a row with my kid and I was about to get in my car and drive to Mexico alone. But then we’ve had a really great fun, funny weekend. She was clomping around the house in my high heels this morning saying she was going to the office to “get the bacon” (I tell her I go to work so I can bring home the bacon).

      We all lose our temper, we all get frustrated, and we all doubt ourselves. I think that’s just how it is. I think we’re trying super hard though, and that has to count for something.

      • M says

        Not at all on topic, but have you ever seen Ludacris’ rendition of Llama Llama? It’s definitely worth looking up.

    • Anon says

      I say this having just had a really crappy morning drop-off, but my anxiety tends to be the biggest trigger for this. When I am anxious about work, my inner-control freak comes out, and my reaction to the kids is disproportionate to the behavior. It’s like my body is on high alert already, and one tiny trigger sends me into overdrive. I can’t react rationally to their age-appropriate behavior. When I am managing my anxiety well, I am able to turn off my fight or flight reflex, and be calm, boundary-holding, loving mom whose kids tell me that they love me and each other SO MUCH. When I am not managing my anxiety well, I am shrieking-angry-do-it-NOW mom, and my kids’ behavior escalates proportionately and they yell at each other.

      This one is on my husband, but also being realistic about how long stuff takes with kids helps and how to ask to get what you want. My husband thinks that a 3 yr. old will respond with polite compliance the first time he’s asked to do something. No – it never happens. Then, when bedtime or dinner is not as efficient or fast as it would be if you were asking two 30 year olds to do it, he gets mad bc it’s late/took too long, etc. We’ve worked on starting everything SO MUCH EARLIER to build in time so that we don’t get anxious b/c we are late or it’s after their bedtime.

      • Anonymous says

        Have you not had your husband read books about child development?

        I mean, I would smack my husband upside the head and give HIM a time out if he refused to understand what was developmentally appropriate in our toddler.

        Like what is the point of parenting with another person if they are not actually “parenting” (knowing things about kids and responding in the way that matches our philosophy)?

        • Anon says

          ha — this response seems disproportionate – maybe I oversold what happens. He’s a great dad, who like all of us, has trigger points. It has helped both of us to realize what we can improve on (me = anxiety, him = realistic timelines). Was just pointing out these trigger points to the OP, as implementing these changes has helped us manage the kiddos (one of whom is 3) in our house sanely, kindly, and with a lot less frustration.

      • Spirograph says

        This. We’ve had a really tough weekend with one of my kids, and the root of all the problems is sleep. Kid refuses to sleep, and is therefore cranky and terrible. H and I are also tired, so don’t have the patience to deal with kid’s crap. Everything escalates.

        Solidarity from me, too. Knowing objectively the things that would help fix this doesn’t necessarily help those things happen. It’s a rough age.

      • Anonymous says

        Anon, I totally agree with you. My irritation with my kids is triggered by my work anxiety. For me, getting the anxiety under control has been essential to being a better parent. I thought I was being a great working mom but my anxiety about work was ruining it. Fixing the work anxiety helped me be the good parent that I can be.

    • rakma says

      Yup. Yup yup yup.

      This has gotten slightly better as we’re approaching 4, but it’s still something we’re working on. This Saturday I was feeling like we were having a great morning–got both kids up and dressed and to a storytime at the library, everyone had fun, 3yo was being a great big sister. I was feeling so on top of it I suggested taking the kids out to lunch…which I had to almost immediately rescind when 3yo ran out into the parking lot. Cue a screaming fit for the whole ride home.

      Then when we get home, everyone’s hungry, DH has no patience for the continued crying, and I just about lost it. Declared it ‘quiet time’ aka no one is allowed to talk to Mommy, drank a smoothie and took a nap with the baby. Things were much more pleasant for the rest of the day.

    • Momata says

      I am right there with you. We have been having a really tough time at 3.5. I feel like I am “mean mommy” 95% of the time and I would love to go just six hours without being annoyed at her. We had a great and special family outing Saturday morning but she completely melted down on the way home which totally ruined it (like that theory that you should always make your last day of vacation the best — a post-activity meltdown kills the activity for me. And I am VERY conservative in estimating what the kids can accomplish/participate in – we were well within the normal schedule, snack distribution, and car time). During that meltdown my daughter said “I feel like nobody loves me anymore.” So she is feeling the same way. And I don’t know how to bust this phase other than continue to stick to my guns on offering choices with explicit good/bad consequences, and following through. It is the WORST.

    • Anon says

      I feel you. I was alone with DS for all of about an hour yesterday and I couldn’t do anything right. He wanted to play with a neighbor friend and I said no because I didn’t want to bother them (and we’d seen them the previous 2 days). He wanted a banana and I said no because we would be eating lunch as soon as DH got home. He wanted to watch a movie and I said no because he’d already watched quite a bit of tv that morning. Gah. I finally gave in on the banana (at least it wasn’t cookies…) and handed him off as soon as DH walked through the door.

    • lsw says

      Ugh. I’m sorry. I’m sure this does not help, but we basically had the exact conversation re: ice cream (except insert pizza) with my 11 yo sd this weekend.

    • Chi Squared says

      Is it something in the water? My almost 4 year old was an absolute pill on Saturday. She actually induced a meltdown in my DH while trying to get her dressed for soccer, then had some meltdowns herself that the car seat straps were too tight, then got a timeout at a restaurant at lunch for the combination of grabbing (plastic) forks from 18 month old’s hands at the restaurant and throwing them back at him, meltdown at bathtime over something trivial… etc. But she was an angel on Sunday, so…

      It is SO hard for me to not give in to her demands! “I will not raise a spoiled brat” has become my internal mantra.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Thanks, all.

      As much as I don’t wish crazy toddler/preschool/tween behavior on anyone, it’s reassuring to know we’re not alone!

      And of course, a few hours into the workday, I already miss her — even though at 8 am I was so happy to be at my desk, in a quiet office, without anyone asking me for anything or me nagging someone to hurry up.

      We do need to work on getting more sleep (all of us), and coming up with non-destructive downtime activities that aren’t TV — that’s getting better now that she actually plays with toys for a little while (not long, but not less than 2 minutes — winning!).

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Ugh yeah. I appreciated the solidarity over the weekend… I know what I need to do to make weekend days better: out of the house immediately after breakfast, lots of physical activity, projects/outings that seem ~special~ (luckily she is 2.5 so the bar is low) and less damn time in front of Dora. But it’s so pleasant to drink coffee while she spaces out in front of Dora… until, that is, she turns into that crazed junkie baby tv monster. Sigh.

      I took her to the coffee shop and then mini golfing yesterday, and as we drove from one to the other, she said to me, “It’s like we’re on vacation, Mommy!” and that made me feel pretty good.

  6. Everlong says

    Can we talk about what level of anxiety is appropriate regarding health concerns in perfectly healthy kids? I’ve always had to fight a little bit of germophobia but for the most part could recognize when I was being illogical or unreasonable and move on. Then, just a few weeks ago I ended up in the ER with my toddler who out of nowhere spiked a fever and had a febrile seizure. He was diagnosed with pneumonia. Other than a lingering cough only at night that wasn’t keeping him awake, he had no signs that anything was wrong until the night of the fever incident. This has undone all my hard work in being a logical and reasonable mother who does not call the doctor every time I hear a sneeze.

    Now, just a few short weeks later toddler has a cold and we have a newborn! Toddler knows not to touch baby’s face or hands. Everyone that comes in our house is assaulted with hand washing instructions and I have hand sanitizer stationed in every room. The logical me knows that I’m doing the best I can but logical me is not always present a week post partum. Everything looks like a germ waiting to attack Baby and every time Toddler sneezes I just want to hug him and somehow know that he’s ok.

    Not sure what I’m looking for. Consideration? Gut check? Tools not to drive myself and my family absolutely insane?

    • Anonanonanon says

      I’m sorry. That instinct really kicked in with me when I had a newborn, so I can only imagine after your recent scare. Cut yourself some slack, your hormones are doing crazy things right now. If that means you make people wash their hands when they come to your house (which is honestly NOT unreasonable when you have a newborn!) then so be it. If it is overwhelming your every thought and doesn’t go away after a couple of weeks, it may be worth mentioning your anxiety levels to your doctor.

    • Anonymous says

      You need to accept that the toddler will likely bring home germs that will get the baby sick. And that’s normal and okay and will actually be healthy for baby’s immune system.

      My twins caught a cold from their older sister and she was home sick from daycare for at least a week, every single month for the first 6 months of their lives – the common cold every time – sometimes fever sometimes not. I got sick almost every time as well. It was not fun. But now they have immune systems like iron. The twins have only been home sick twice in 2 years of daycare. They got it out of their systems early. Younger siblings are also less likely to have allergies because their immune systems get appropriate challenged when they are young.

      Basically, baby will likely get sick a number of times over the winter. It will not be fun but it’s probably actually healthier in the long run because it builds a good immune system.

    • AIMS says

      This is really hard. I think you figure out reasonable protocols and precautions to take and then try to just stick to them as best you can. For me, “having a plan” is a big help with anxiety. Once I have my plan, I find it much easier to leave things to chance. It sounds like you have a plan for your newborn in place already so remind yourself of that, and of the fact that some things are just unavoidable (my daughter once got sick because a kid just randomly had a coughing fit next to her on the sidewalk). For the toddler, talk to your doctor about what warning signs to watch out for. Feel his forehead if you need to. But then try to not panic. Is your partner better about these things? Maybe he can be your designated gut check? Also, some germs are good! Being sick can also be good. People have newborns around older kids all the time, often older kids who bring home everything imaginable from daycare or school. Those kids all survive and often end up having hardier immune systems for it. It’s scary, but try to remind yourself off all these things.

    • rakma says

      DD2 was at the doctor alllll the time last winter, and I was beginning to feel like that mother–they must be talking about me in the back office because I was in all the time, and it always seemed to just pass a few days later (well, not the ear infection or pink eye). DH took her in recently for the ‘usual’ – day 2 or 3 of fever, maybe stuffy or coughing, nothing drastic, and asked if we were overreacting. The doctor (the one in the practice we used to like the least, though he’s growing on us) said, no, we’d rather see the baby and tell you it’s just a cold, or establish a baseline in the office, than you ending up in the ER or urgent care in the middle of the night.

      This is not to say you did anything wrong when your toddler had a little cough at night! I’d probably mainly ignore that too. It’s more to say, talk to your pediatrician, and let them reassure you. Babies with older siblings just get sicker more in those first few months, but for the most part they’re uncomfortable for a few days, and then back to their happy selves. I’d actually take a 6month old with a cold over a 3yo with a cold at this point.

      And 1000x the handwashing. Invest in some moisturizing hand soap. We have 3 kinds of hand soap next to the kitchen sink, and I don’t even care, because if people wash their hands more with their preferred soap, I’m ok with that.

    • Em says

      At one-week post partum I was a pretty high level of crazy soooooo I think you are totally normal, especially under the circumstances. I have anxiety all the time, but my normal tools for controlling my anxiety didn’t start to work again until about 7-10 days pp (even then they didn’t work great until I quit BFing and my hormones leveled out) so definitely cut yourself some slack. I agree with rakma about calling the doctor or going in if it will make you feel better, assuming you have decent health insurance and can afford the copay/coninsurance. I generally followed their tips for “when to go to the doctor”, but I never apologized for taking my kid to the doctor for them just to tell us he was fine. On balance it is cheaper overall for both us and the insurance company (not to mention better for my kid’s health) for us to go to his pediatrician 4 or more times during their regular hours than for us to have one expensive middle-of-the-night ER visit.

  7. Anonymous says

    Super annoyed at the world this morning. I have a big trip coming up next month, and coworker just asked me incredulously “who will take care of your kids while you’re gone?!” I responded that my husband will, obviously. And she didn’t get the hint and said “but, is your MIL or some other family going to come help him? I would never leave my kids with just my husband!”

    And then there’s this delightful piece on Fox. Link to follow, but the headline says it all: “Is equality ruining your marriage?”

    I’m not disputing the results of those studies, but the slant she’s giving it (SHE!) really rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it was cowritten by that guy at Google. Men are biologically incapable of caring for children, women are biologically incapable of being breadwinners. Fantastic. “Giving birth is a woman’s unparalleled accomplishment…[a man’s unparalleled accomplishment is to protect and provide for the child]” Are you kidding me? Giving birth is something my body did. It is not an accomplishment, it is the typical culmination of being pregnant. An accomplishment is something that is not a near inevitability.

    This is why I shouldn’t actually click on any of the Fox News articles.

    /rant

    • AIMS says

      I would have loved to have had this conversation. I think my response would have been something like, “Well, I’m lucky to have married someone who can handle caring for his own children.”

      • AIMS says

        Also: this piece is dumb. You have a study explain why this may be – i.e., people are still culturally brain washed, for lack of a better word, to think in terms of traditional gender norms – and the writer says “nope, that’s not it, those stereotypes are natural and ingrained,” in essence, just contributing to the issue identified. Don’t read Fox News.

        • OP says

          For real. I like to browse headlines at multiple news sites just to see how they’re differently reporting the same events. But Fox always reports things in a way that p1sses me off. I should know better by now.

        • avocado says

          The article itself is really stupid, but sadly the study results ring true to me. There have been some conversations here about how men who consider themselves to be liberal and egalitarian expect their wives to shoulder the burden of progressive parenting choices like cloth diapering, BF’ing, clean eating, parental involvement in school, etc., all while working full-time outside the home. The guys are proud to believe that they are equal partners, but they either don’t realize that things aren’t really equal or are unhappy when they are asked to step up and really take on an equal share. I think most liberal men would be happiest if their wives worked outside the home but everything still just happened invisibly the way it did back when they were kids and their moms were SAHMs.

          • Spirograph says

            I agree the study seems reflective of reality. I love my husband, and he tries and I appreciate it, but I don’t have any illusions that our partnership is truly equal. He’s a wonderfully hands-on parent and I couldn’t do it without him, but the mental/emotional labor of kids and household management falls disproportionately to me. He pats himself on the back for being such a great dad and a great partner, and doesn’t realize that it’s me, not magic, that takes care of mundane stuff like seasonal clothing swap-outs, scheduling dentist appointments, and remembering to put toilet paper on the shopping list before we run out. I often have to shush the little voice in the back of my head that whispers how much easier everything would be if I just quit and became a SAHM.

            There are a lot of reasons for that, from socialization, to our own personalities, to external expectations, etc. But we’re trying to move the needle of normal toward equality, and if my higher salary bothers him, he hasn’t let on. My takeaway from the study results is that these things take more than a generation or two to truly change (and probably some systemic support rather than everyone just trying to white-knuckle through), and we’re not there yet. The author’s takeaway, and the fact that this article probably has a lot of people nodding in agreement, is what’s making the progress slow.

          • Amelia Bedelia says

            THIS. I am so angered by these “liberal” men that are really still misogynists but think they can waive the flag because they vote progressive and have wives who work and embrace crunchy-granola parenting.

          • bluefield says

            Well…not to excuse men, but I too would be happiest if some invisible fairy took care of all chores while I worked outside the home.

          • Spirograph says

            I thought I’d written a longer reply to this earlier, but it apparently disappeared. Anyway, I agree.

    • Anonymous says

      Ok, I’m evil, but I would go back to your co-worker. I would say, with all the concern I could muster. “I’m so worried about you. That you feel like you can’t TRUST your husband with your kids. Are you okay?”

      And stare deep into her eyes as if you assume her husband is a serial killer or child abuser.

      And then I’d keep up my overt concern for like A YEAR. Bring it up with male co-workers (why don’t you think she can’t trust her husband ALONE with the KIDS?)

      If nothing else, your male coworkers might get the hint that only the WORST human being can’t be left alone with kids.

      • Anonanonanon says

        bahahaha I’m evil too, I was thinking I would’ve said something like “oh my gosh, poor you! I definitely wouldn’t have had children with my husband if I didn’t trust him with them, I’m so sorry you’re in that position! Let me know if you need anything!”
        Evil and horrible? probably, but so is acting like you’re neglecting your children for leaving them WITH THEIR FATHER

        • Blueberries says

          Reacting with concern for the coworker is great! Both to fight the awful idea that men can’t parent and to be nice in case the coworker genuinely is in a bad spot.

    • Anonymous says

      That’s the worst. DH would be so offended if someone thought he couldn’t take care of his own kids so that’s literally my response in these situations. Surprised look + “Oh DH would be SO offended at the idea that he can’t take care of his own kids, I would never ask my mom or MIL to come down. DH is perfectly capable.” [extra snark points: I didn’t realize that some dads couldn’t do it on their own. Is that typical if your group? I hadn’t heard that before.]

      I use basically the same response every time to suggestions that Dads can’t do it on their own. That way I don’t have to think of a fresh witty response while having a rage stroke.

      • GCA says

        Thanks, this is gold!! “I didn’t realize some dads couldn’t do it on their own. Is this typical of your husband? Man, I’m so sorry.”

      • OP says

        I will definitely steal this one, because it’s true. My husband gets really angry when people insinuate that he’s “babysitting” for his own kids, or that he’s some kind of also-ran parent.

        • Amelia Bedelia says

          exactly. My husband works part-time to stay with the kids and gets so annoyed when people commenting how he’s babysitting for the day and “bet he can’t wait until mom comes home!”

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Didn’t look at the Fox article – I assume it’s annoying nonsense. If it helps, I’ve asked male coworkers who will be taking care of their kids while they go on business trips.

    • OP says

      hahaha! In her defense, she’s recently back from maternity leave, so maybe hormones are talking. It’s not the first time she’s said something like this,though. I may try some of these suggestions if it keeps happening. There’s only so much I can take!

      A male coworker who’s a new dad also told me the other day that he does not intend to take advantage of our company’s very generous paid parental leave because there’s too much going on at work (yes, but we would survive, I promise). I told him that I strongly encourage him to use the benefit, both because it’s important to show people that it’s not a benefit in name only, and because it will only make him a more confident parent to spend significant time alone with the baby, and his wife, who also has a “serious” career and is taking a 12 week maternity leave, would probably appreciate the solidarity. He kind of said “lalalala can’t hear you.” I don’t pretend to know the inner workings of his family, but news flash: a desk job is never more important than your kid and your relationship with your spouse. Maybe he’s just following his biological imperative, per Fox.

      • Anonymous says

        Tell him in Sweden, where they have decent paternity leave for fathers, that Dads actually get major side ear and are considered super lazy and bad parents if they do NOT take their leave. It’s SO NOT biological imperative. It’s 100% social conditioning,

    • Anon says

      I had a similar experience when DS was a newborn. (Childless) Friend asked if I wanted to go to lunch and I did. Left newborn with DH. Friend asked if I was having anxiety about leaving baby. Um no? As long as I get back in time to nurse, baby is fine with daddy. Apparently, her SIL wouldn’t leave her baby with dad until he was over a year old so that’s where it was coming from, but still.

      • GCA says

        To be fair, I DID have anxiety about leaving baby when he was still v young nursling – he was jaundiced in the first weeks, not gaining weight fast enough, I had just barely enough milk & therefore milk-supply anxiety, etc. It wasn’t till he was ~6 months that I felt more comfortable leaving him for a trip. That wasn’t an incompetent-husband issue, that was a feeding-anxiety issue, though.

  8. Anonymous says

    My ten week old has a flat head. Help!

    He simply has a very strong preference to turn his head to the right when he sleeps. If I turn it the other way, he eventually turns it right back. No problems turning his head from side to side when he’s awake. He gets lots of tummy time. I wear him a lot during the day. But he sleeps a lot so he’s on that darn flat spot a lot. The fact that he is totally Mr. Clean style bald only highlights this for me.

    I’m looking at pillows online but they scare me. I followed the advice of absolutely nothing in the crib till age one with my daughter. Any thoughts or advice?

    • Anonymous says

      See a physiotherapist. They can show you exercises to do to strength the muscles and stretch his neck plus how to support in the unfavored position – e.g receiving blankets rolled up on either side of the head in a car seat (never behind head!)

      Don’t delay at the first year has a huge impact on skull shape.

    • anne-on says

      Definitely no pillows in the crib! It is a HUGE sids risk.
      You’re doing everything right – lots of tummy time and baby wearing. If your pediatrician is concerned, they can prescribe exercises and possibly a helmet, but really at 10 weeks their heads are still so soft – this may well correct on its own.

      • TK says

        And if a helmet ends up being necessary, it’s seriously not a big deal. My kid wore one for about 6 months, 23 hours / day, and he barely noticed it. His head didn’t totally round out, but the helmet helped it from getting worse.

        PT, tummy time, and baby-wearing will likely fix the issue, but please don’t panic if they end up recommending a helmet.

        • Em says

          +1 We agonized over the decision to get a helmet and while it was expensive (insurance almost never covers them), it made an astounding difference in my kid’s head shape and he did not care about it at all. They also make super cute stickers in anything you want (sports teams, Star Wars, etc.) so you can decorate the helmets.

    • anon says

      Talk to your ped and ask about torticollis and plagiocephaly, which often go hand-in-hand. DS had tight muscles on one side of his neck, which meant that his head kept moving to that position, no matter how much we repositioned him. Thus, his flat spot (the plagicephaly) kept getting worse. Physical therapy took care of the neck muscle issue, and I promise it’s not as scary as it seems. Push back on the wait-and-see approach if you have to. DS didn’t get PT until he was six months old. By that point, the flat spot had gotten bad enough that he needed a helmet to correct it. If that ends up being the route you need to take, it’s better to start early. A four-month-old might be in a helmet for only 3-4 months, whereas my older baby needed 6.

    • Em says

      Get a referral to physical therapy now and if your pediatrician won’t give you one then get a new pediatrician. We had the same issue with my son and I killed myself trying to keep him out of baby containers, off his flat spot, and get him all the tummy time and the entire time he had torticollis and it didn’t matter how much tummy time we did, it wasn’t going to fix itself without physical therapy. Unfortunately our pediatrician didn’t think it was an issue and refused to give us a referral to PT and suggested we just get him a helmet. My gut told me she was wrong so I switched him to a new pediatrician around 6 months and we got an expedited referral for PT (which still took 3 weeks), and got the diagnosis that he had severe torticollis. If we had gotten him into PT by 3 or 4 months the flat spot likely would have corrected itself, but we ended up having to get a helmet, which took another month to get measured, made, and fitted. Also to anon’s point, a baby that gets a helmet at 3 or 4 months usually only needs it for a couple months, whereas older babies usually need them for 5-7 months (7 months in our case). Torticollis can cause developmental delays with crawling and walking so it is important to get it addressed.

    • Mrs. Jones says

      +1 for physical therapy. Our son had the same problem. PT helped us avoid a helmet, not that that would have been the end of the world.

    • EB says

      Have you tried turning him the other way in his crib/on the change table/wherever he lies down? My baby always faced outwards from his crib, so if you turned him 180 degrees, he’d turn his head the other way. Maybe this will help and save you PT!!!

  9. lsw says

    I know that biting is developmentally appropriate. I know that we are doing everything that we should be and we need to continue being consistent. But I just spent an entire weekend with my son making eye contact, shaking his head no, dramatically lowering his opened mouth to my arm and, if nothing else happens, biting. He’s also added a really fun element where he has started “hugging” us by sweetly laying his head on our shoulder or leg….then immediately turning his head and biting us. He also mainly loves biting me the most, his sister the second most, and almost never biting my husband. UGH.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Read “Teeth Are Not for Biting” over and over and over if you haven’t already. (Although the title is nonsensical, because, yes, teeth ARE for biting, just not biting people). Also, if you do screen time, YoGabaGaba has a “Don’t bite your friends” skit that’s trippy and hilarious and very ear-wormy.

      I had a two-legged Jaws for a while, It was not fun, but it passed. Good luck!

      • lsw says

        Thank you! We don’t do a lot of screentime, mostly because he wants to put the phone in his mouth and has zero interest in concentrating on the TV, but I’d like to try that YGG skit! Thank you for the recommendation. It might also give my SD another tool – she is (understandably!) getting really frustrated with him about it and wants to have specific actions she can take. I should suggest she reads the book to him, now that I’m thinking about it.

    • Anon in NYC says

      I would say “No” very sternly and loudly and put my daughter down or turn/walk away from her. She would get very upset, but it did seem to help curb the biting.

      • lsw says

        Ugh yes, we have tried this, and it does not affect him at all. If anything, he laughs. He definitely wants the reaction. The only time it even semi-worked was once this weekend when the bite was unexpected (I was lying on the ground and didn’t see him) and I pushed him away without meaning too and shouted. It scared him and he really cried. We tried to reinforce that that was because he was biting. I, of course, felt terrible, but at least he actually understood the gravity and didn’t laugh in my face.

        His sister says no and leaves the room (we taught her that), but I don’t know if it actually affects him at all. I think that’s why it is so frustrating! He definitely wants a reaction. We try to say no calmly and redirect so it’s less of a fun game.

    • CLMom says

      There is also a book called, “Little Dinos Have Sharp Teeth” that has a page about not biting mom.

      We worked a lot on gentle touches, and how we give kisses not bites. Having something they CAN do instead of biting, might help. We would practice on a stuffed animal. Sometimes I would role play being angry with the stuffed animal and then model how to calm down and use gentle touches. I think Little Monkey Calms Down is the best book for controlling emotions/anger/upset.

      And, we did not let two back-to-back bites happen. Meaning, we did not let it become a game where the painful reaction was the goal (as best we could). If you bite, I put you down. If you bite, I leave the room. If you bite, I move out of biting distance. There was no more “ouch” reaction that could be perceived as a fun.

      • lsw says

        How old was your child when you were doing this? My son is 15 months. We are trying the “kisses not bites” but I’m not really sure he understands kisses that well yet. He definitely doesn’t give them. We have been trying to redirect to biting the “Little People” toys because it’s funny when Mommy or Daddy bite the LP. What’s frustrating is I don’t think he’s mad, per se, or even frustrated. I can’t figure out why he loves it so much! We aren’t reacting strongly (or trying hard not to), he’s not angry or frustrated…argh! It’s also hard because he definitely dramatically leads up to a bite. He only actively bit me twice this weekend, both times when I didn’t see the set-up and stop it in time. But the biting action was performed about 100 times, we just stopped it before an actual bite occurred.

        • CLMom says

          This may not be the answer you want to hear, but I feel like we battled biting from 17-22 months (which felt like an eternity).

          My daughter rarely bit me, sometimes bit my husband, and very, very often bit the other kids at daycare. She was nearly expelled. I feel the biting subsided considerably when she gained more words in her vocabulary. Biting for her seemed to be a reaction to jealousy, space issues, and frustration.

          Perhaps the little people are the wrong toy to have him bite…because they are “people”. It *might* send mixed messages. (just throwing out any thought to try and help)

          • lsw says

            Ahhh good point – they are superheroes, so hopefully they don’t look too much like people. But of course after I typed out the response I saw it too. I spent a reason doctor’s appointment saying repeatedly, “You can’t bite Mommy, but you can bite Batman.”

            I do hope that as his comprehension continues to improve the explaining and diverting will help more. Thankfully he has not bitten anyone at daycare (that we know of – one deciding factor in our choosing this place was that they have an extremely progressive policy on biting, which I’m especially grateful for now!).

    • ElisaR says

      i’m guessing daddies don’t taste as good because my son has bit me 100+ times and has not bitten my husband once. not once!

      • lsw says

        SERIOUSLY. He has only bitten me, my mother, and his sister, so apparently he doesn’t bite boys.

  10. CPA Lady says

    I’m doubting myself about something I did and was hoping someone could talk me down. So, my kid is about to move up to the 3 year old class at daycare. There are two 3 year old classes.

    Class A: taught by Ms. Laura who is the daycare director’s sister. She’s in her mid 50s and is very organized, strict, and old school. Her class is small and “quiet” and she has a reputation for not liking difficult kids. She will not text with parents.
    Class B: taught by Mr. Shawn and Ms. Molly. It’s about twice the size (both the room and the number of kids) of Ms. Laura’s class and is more play based. Both teachers in that class are in their late 20s/early 30s and more communicative with parents. Mr. Shawn in particular is good about reaching out to quieter kids.

    My kid is quiet and reserved and well behaved with teachers. I’ve always assumed she’d be in Class A because she fits with the feeling of that class. But after talking to several parents of kids in Ms. Laura’s class and her current teacher, I requested she be put in Class B. She’s moving up in a couple of weeks and now I’m worried she’ll be miserable and lost in this big loud room. Tell me it’s going to be okay.

    • avocado says

      Class B sounds awesome. I understand your hesitations about the big loud room–I don’t like chaos either!–but play-based learning + two young engaged teachers + teacher who is good at connecting with quieter kids sounds like just about the best preschool class you could hope for. 3 years old is not the time for sitting quietly in rows doing worksheets.

      • Anon in NYC says

        Agreed. Plus, the absolute worst case scenario is that she’s miserable and you move her into the smaller class!

      • Spirograph says

        I agree with all of this, too! One of my kids is quiet and reserved, and has really thrived in big, loud classes. In contrast, my very outgoing kid just got crazy in a less-structured environment. I think sometimes it’s helpful to go against-type with kids’ classes.

    • Delta Dawn says

      I think this is absolutely the right choice. I thought your question was going to be that you felt conflicted about having her in the strict, quiet class and wanted a reason to move her to the fun class. She will be great! Mr. Shawn in particular sounds capable of making sure she doesn’t get lost in there. And as pointed out above, you could easily ask later for her to be moved into the smaller class, just because it’s smaller.

  11. anne-on says

    I realize this is a total first world problem, but we moved into a very old home when my kiddo was about 3 months old. We painted/bought furniture/put up pictures/etc. over the last few years, but I’m not a huge pinterest-y person, and do not really enjoy decorating. I want our home to look lived in, comfortable, and more classic, but I could probably use some help from a decorating as I think too many rooms look a bit mismatched.
    Is there an online decorator anyone would suggest? The other issue is that I HATE mid century modern, and that (or cool toned neutrals) seem to be a huge default for most designers these days. I’d say our style is more cozy Victorian? Maximalist? (comfy furniture and lots of colors) with pets and messy kid so please no white?

    • Spirograph says

      I don’t know, but I could have written this… so I’ll be interested to see any responses!

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Do you want to email with me about it?! I have no credentials except I love talking with people about their houses and furniture and walls and carpets! But the advantage is that I’m freeeee!

      username plus e t t e at google’s mail.

    • lsw says

      No ideas on online decorator but I have similar taste so here are some ideas! I’ll preface this with the fact that I DO like some midcentury modern furniture, but mainly because I love walnut. If you love color, would you consider doing some saturated color on your walls? It’s perhaps not as classic, but lived in, warm, and comfortable. One thing to think about if you choose color is how each color relates to the other as you look through rooms. I love big, bold color on the walls.

      I also love warm and vibrant throws – always a good way to brighten up a space, and my kids looooove them (and so does anyone who sits on our sofa).

      I like “stuff” so YMMV, but I like having arrangements of loved items on the mantelpiece, on top of the bookshelves, etc. And houseplants – all the houseplants.

      And as a final thought, my new obsession is WALLPAPER. We just did one wall in our son’s room and also did our upstairs bathroom, both with really crazy papers, and I absolutely love it. Now I want to wallpaper every room.

      • lsw says

        (Our “new” house is 115 years old and the one we just moved out of was 95, IDK if that means anything!)

        • ifiknew says

          you should check out Decorist. I’ve had great success with them and there’s always coupons… I also hear good things about Modsy, but have never used them. I hate hate hate hate decorating too..

  12. Anon says

    This is a rant. I just got an awesome new job. I casually mentioned the job change to a SAHM mom friend during a conversation, just so she was informed. Her response was “Oh good! Hope you’ll have a better work/life balance now” (guys – I work 8-4; I walk to work; I drop off and pick up my kid from school every. day.). I just thanked her and moved on. She then proceeded to start another conversation about how good it will be for me to have more time with my kid, etc. This is not true – new job will be a longer commute and busier – thanks for the guilt though! I want to say – actually I am taking this because it is a 60% raise and a huge opportunity for career advancement, and I actually really LOVE my current (and expected) work/life balance. But thanks!

    But I don’t want to brag or blow up a long friendship so I am just venting here.

    • AwayEmily says

      Blech. Maybe it’s just a script that she feels like she “has” to say in response to a job switch. It’s so hard to put yourselves in other people’s shoes and understand what their values are, and I think that can make for awkward interactions. Like, the other day I commented to a SAHM that she must be so glad her kids were back in school and she was like “Actually, no, we had a great summer and I’m going to miss having them around.” Her response was SUPER polite but thinking more about my comment I realized it was potentially a bit offensive — I did kind of imply that her “job” (watching her kids) was tedious/not fun. Or to think of the flip side, I’m going on maternity leave soon and I would be annoyed if someone commented to me “oh, you must be SO glad to be able to stop going to work for a few months!” I mean, on the one hand, yeah, it’s nice to have a break, but on the other hand..I like my job?

      Anyway, I definitely empathize — I would have been similarly irritated by her comment — but if it helps you to move on, then try thinking of it awkward/accidental rather than deliberately mean.

      • OPAnon says

        @ AwayEmily – thank you. I rationally know she is doing her best, and you are totally right that I probably say equally inane/offensive things to moms in different positions than me. I needed the reminder though :)

        And thanks for the congrats – it was a totally unexpected (yet flattering) offer and I am very lucky to be in a position to take it. Did not think I’d be leaning in at this point in my career/family life but here we are.

    • Delta Dawn says

      I have this same reaction when I get yet another facebook message from a “friend” who wants to recruit me for their MLM team. They always contain some version of “I’m sure you would love to spend more time at home, and this would be a great way to spend more time with your little ones!” I spend plenty of time at home. I go to work because I want to go to work. I don’t need to sell essential oils so I can spend more time at home. Conversely, AwayEmily’s point above about kids going back to school is well-taken– I wouldn’t think twice about telling a SAHM mom friend how I bet she’s glad school has started back. Just because I would be dying to send the sweet little rugrats back to school doesn’t mean that she is– and I should think about that more. I think we all tend to assume people (especially moms) feel the same way we do, and that’s not always the case.

    • mascot says

      A spoonful of honey works as well as (and tastes better) than cough medicine for me. Also, I like the vapor plug-ins at night.

    • K says

      I’ve heard pineapple juice is good for coughs. Just drink the juice out of a little cup of diced pineapple.

    • anon says

      I had an awful cough from reflux, so maybe pepcid if that’s a problem for you.

    • Strategy mom says

      OMG me too!!! 33 weeks pregnant and have the most miserable hacking cold ever. I gave in and took meds (they were on my OB’s ok list) and still feel like crap. Everything hurts. Please let me know if any of these tricks work for you. I’ve been taking hot showers twice a day to steam out and that has helped some.

      • ElisaR says

        ok – i put a bunch of honey in hot water last night and drank 2 cups of it. I think it did actually help a bit. i also bought some ricola cough drops that have “cough suppressant” written on the bag. I am going on the 3rd wk battling this cold and this seems to be the final stage. Hope you feel better soon!

  14. Anonymous says

    Found out that my 3-year-old’s new daycare teacher is going to begin assigning homework. I have a whole bunch of problems with this (not the least of which is logistical – kiddo is home with me from 7pm til 7am, and you better believe she spends most of that time sleeping), but does anyone have studies/articles/external validation handy?

    • ElisaR says

      that’s crazy – i would be on the phone w/ the school director stat. and researching new daycares.

    • Anonymous says

      I can’t believe that. I don’t think you need studies etc. I don’t think you’ll even find them for kids that young. Even the National Education Association recommendations are like 10 mins/day/per grade. But that assumes school age kids.

      The most our daycare does is send out a weekly schedule with a theme. Last week it was colors so there was a note to wear yellow on Monday, blue on Tuesday etc. But like half the kids didn’t and no one cared. This week the theme is babies and they are supposed to bring in a picture of themselves as a baby. It’s basically homework for parents.

      • RDC says

        Omg yes on the “homework for parents”. Our daycare does “spirit week” every month with theme days (pajamas! Superheroes!). So far my kid has not noticed we totally ignore these requests, but presumably he’ll clue in at some point. Ugh.

        (Also +1 on homework being totally crazy for daycare.)

        • Anonymous says

          LOL on the pyjama days! First child -my BFF and I were literally on the phone the night before planning which fresh pyjamas our kids would wear to pyjama day. Second/Third child – wore the pyjamas they slept in and I was glad I didn’t have to dress them!

    • Delta Dawn says

      Yeah, that’s a big HELL NO. I googled to find some research for you, and there is so much that posting links would be redundant; if you just type “too young for homework” you’ll find a ton of resources. Not that I think you really need any– that is absolutely batcrap crazy. If you really like the daycare otherwise, I’d just tell them that’s not going to happen (or, just don’t do it and wait for the “consequences”), but this is also a fair reason to look at other daycares, if you are inclined.

    • avocado says

      No way. I don’t even remember my kid having homework in kindergarten. You could probably just say no to the homework, but I would be worried about what was going on in the classroom if they are giving homework to 3-year-olds. Are they sitting still and doing worksheets all day?

    • Spirograph says

      What does she mean by homework? I remember one daycare teacher saying something like “we’re working on cutting straight lines with scissors and drawing in a way that isn’t ‘scribble scrabble.’ If you want to help kiddo out with that, try drawing dotted lines on paper and have him cut/trace along them.”

      I was OK with that. Not saying I actually did it on any kind of a regular basis, but I took it more as a complementary activity to do at home, not a requirement.

      • Redux says

        Right, our “homework” this month is to practice our manners– saying please and thank you, pushing in our chair, bringing dishes to the sink, etc. Totally fine by me to reinforce those themes at home!

    • Anon says

      I’m generally against excessive homework (to the point I have met with the principal to explain why we wouldn’t be doing everything assigned), but do you have any details on the homework? Talk to the teacher and principal to understand their homework philosophy and the consequences if it’s not done. Ask what accommodations they have for students who don’t have a caregiver at home who is able to do the homework – many lower-income kids are home with parents or grandparents for just enough time to eat and sleep. If they have thoughtful, careful answers for all of these points, you can then act accordingly.

      My kids’ current school is very low on homework – they follow the “less than 10 min per grade” rule – but the preschoolers do get homework sent home. It’s one worksheet every week, it’s completely optional (they get a sticker if they turn it in at any point during the week, and completion is not mentioned in front of the whole class), and it mainly serves as a way to encourage student-parent discussion about the class topic of the week. So it might be a worksheet on the letter D, where the student traces the letter D, draws a picture, and then thinks of as many D-words as they can, including one from their school and one from their home. My preschooler loves it because he can do “homework” like his older sibling but it isn’t much different from the coloring books that we normally do after dinner. And it helps me know what they’re working on, even if we don’t do the homework, and I can still reinforce the concept in other ways. (Your name starts with D! That’s right! Does anyone else in our family have a name that starts with D?) Plus I hear more about his day – when he said Duck for his school word, it turns out his favorite station in the classroom has a toy duck.

      • OP says

        Thank you, I appreciate the info you mentioned on homework for preschoolers.

        • Anonymous says

          to add some context – Anon’s preschooler homework was basically the same as my kid got in Kindergarten (full day program starting at age 5).

    • Anon says

      What???? Your comment is stressing me out for you. I would absolutely say something and probably just not do it.

    • Anonymous says

      Search for the book “The Case Against Homework.” They have all your studies!

  15. Room sharing question says

    Room sharing question (regular poster, anon to not out myself since I’ve discussed with colleagues already…). My 2.75 yo son and 8 month old share a room. Usually they do great together; we have a mini crib in the master bed that the baby uses when their naptimes don’t line up or someone’s waking the other up. This morning, big brother vaulted into the baby’s crib (dad was in the room, everyone was getting up for the day). Now that we know he can do that, is it unsafe to keep them together? I told him that was not allowed and would be an automatic time-out next time, but not sure he gets it. I’m less worried about brother falling than about baby getting stepped on or the crib actually tipping. Big brother is usually good about staying in his bed both at night and in the morning. I really don’t like having baby in our room (I don’t get any sleep) but obviously safety first. Wwyd?

    • Spirograph says

      Is your crib actually tip-able from the weight of an almost 3 year old? Mine isn’t. I get that this isn’t ideal, but my older two kids regularly climb in the baby’s crib since he was at least 6 months old. Safety-wise, it has never been a problem. Sleep-wise, that’s another story….

      • Room sharing question says

        Ok – good to know. It did not tip this morning but seemed like a possibility. Maybe the solution is to fix the crib to the wall the same way we did the dresser. Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being horribly negligent!

        • Spirograph says

          Yeah the worst thing about ours is that the older kids think the crib is a trampoline. Their beds have wooden slats, but the crib has springs under it, so it is SO FUN to hold on to the crib rail and bounce. Obviously I discourage this. Obviously they don’t necessarily listen, although they do seem to understand that they absolutely may not jump in the crib when the baby (who is now 1 year old and probably would think it’s really fun, actually) is in there, too, because it might hurt him. “It might hurt [little brother] is one of the only things that will actually get my preschoolers to stop doing something.” Definitely milk that!

          Otherwise, usually older sibling climbs into the crib because little brother either “needed” to be snuggled or to play, and they’re sitting there together nicely. It would be cute if it weren’t an obstacle to one or both of them sleeping.

        • anon says

          I was wondering if it was tipable too but the fact that it is a mini crib makes me wonder. Maybe check the manufacturer’s weight/kid height recommendations, if they exist.

  16. H13 says

    Weekend shoe ideas for fall/winter (for me)?

    I usually wear running shoes when it is too cold for sandals but not cold enough for boots but I want something that looks a little more polished. I have a pair of old and worn slip-on Bensimon that I love for early fall but I need something more substantial for dreary western NY winters. (I usually wear jeans in the winter, if it helps.)

    TIA!

    • anon says

      I like lace up ankle boots and have the ECCO Touch 25 Lace Boot in brown. They are comfy. I also have my eye on the Dansko Maia clog ankle boots.

    • ElisaR says

      i have been wanting to try Rothys? I usually use my Toms for the fall before boot weather hits….. but I’m not exactly a paragon of fashion!

      The Dansko suggestion is good but it reminds me of one of those “makeover” tv shows a friend of mine was on. When Tim Gunn laid eyes on her Dansko clogs in the closet he did that one eyebrow lift which has steered me away from Dansko clogs ever since. I asked him (off camera) if she needed to throw them away and he said “well I don’t know why she wouldn’t…..”

      • H13 says

        Ha! I might have to go against Tim Gunn… and I love him.

        I’ve been wanting to try Rothys too but more for work. I like the idea of a more substantial, hip sneaker but I can’t find any that fit my feet well (wide toe box).

        Are All Birds just a good marketing scheme?

          • ElisaR says

            ooh i do have the Minnetonka Thunderbird II on my Nordstrom wishlist right now….. a bit of a throwback as I had them in purple circa 1982.

          • H13 says

            Maybe a loafer… My casual style is just terrible all over, now that I think about it. I need to invest in two pairs of good jeans, some sweaters other than those handed down to me by my 73-year-old mother and, obviously, shoes.

        • ElisaR says

          i’m not sure if all birds is all marketing but i suspect that it is….. another shoe/sneaker i like that’s comfy is j. seibel. i have them in dark grey and i feel like they’re a step up from running shoes. also, supergas. the supergas are probably wider in the toe box than the j. seibels.

        • Boston Biotech says

          I actually like my Allbirds a lot. I love wearing wool clogs but they’re so impractical and look odd with my increasingly frequent weekend yoga pants uniform, so tried the All birds (skeptically) based on the wool and so far they’ve been great. Granted, have not worn in inclement weather yet, but they’re super comfy and a solid half-step above sneakers, in my opinion

      • AwayEmily says

        My problem is that I wear my Asic Onitsuka Tigers 95% of the time I’m not at work (the best!) and I’ve gotten so used to comfy sneakers that any other type of shoe just feels uncomfortable and weird-looking. Maybe I need to find a “fancier” sneaker.

        • Spirograph says

          I live in these. Also, they apparently are a great conversation-starter among all of the 30-40something dads I meet at neighborhood gatherings, because men never fail to comment on them. So weird.

      • Spirograph says

        Wait, I need more behind-the-scenes information about your interactions with Tim Gunn. Is he as delightful as he seems on TV?

        • ElisaR says

          haha yes. he was awesome. he totally won over everybody and was so nice to every human in the room. he actually took time to speak with us and we were just her friends there for the “reveal” filming.

    • Anon says

      What about bean boots? I feel like if I lived in a colder, wetter climate, these are the boots I would buy for casual weekends.

      • H13 says

        I just can’t do it. They are definitely a look around here but I am in snow boots enough of the winter.

    • lsw says

      I got a pair of Ugg Vista slip on flats from the Nordstrom sale earlier this year and so far really like them, though I haven’t worn them with socks yet. I swear they don’t look like Uggs (don’t care for the typical Ugg boot) and they don’t have shearling lining.

  17. Paging Redux says

    I didn’t get a chance to respond to your comment on the post Friday about neurology. Our experience with PT has been fantastic. We’re just now getting into the EI so I can’t comment on it yet. I would trust your docs and advocate for a PT referral if one hasn’t been made yet. Good luck!

  18. Celia says

    Need some advice — pregnant lawyer here! It looks like I will be spending 2-3 weeks in another city for trial and trial prep leading up to it. So: living out of a hotel and conference rooms, with days spent in court. I’ll be 24-26 weeks along at this point. I have some very nice maternity sheath dresses and open suit jackets (a Theory buttonless jacket and a DVF one). Is that okay for an overtly pregnant woman in court, or should I bite the bullet and get an actual maternity suit? Second – any advice on what to stock up on in my hotel room? It’s my first pregnancy, and I’m just now starting to get a post first trimester appetite, so I’m not sure what to expect…

    • Anonymous says

      I’ve done this exact thing, so I feel like I can comment. For me, yes, I definitely went with less than a full maternity suit. I wore dresses and an open jacket and wedge heels every day. All black or gray. I was in state court, not federal, but no one said a word to me about it. I definitely would stock up on food for your hotel room. Esp. granola or protein bars for quick food and energy. Take your own pillow if you’re picky (I am and was even more so while expecting).

  19. Everlong says

    Thanks to everyone for your comments. It’s helpful to read and remember that every illness is not going to result in X-rays and an ER visit. I need to get a few regular old colds under my belt, then I’ll feel better!

    New-ish mom follow up question – based on the lack of fever and the fact that he’s acting normal other than the runny nose and occasional cough, do I still send Toddler to preschool tomorrow? I’m thinking yes because kiddos would never go to school if they stayed home every time they had a cold. Clearly, he just started being cared for outside of family a few weeks ago and i am adjusting!

    And this isn’t threading because – cell phone.

    • Anon in NYC says

      Just a runny nose/cough, no fever, and acting normally = send to daycare in my book.

    • anon says

      Yes, definitely send him. He will have a runny nose for most of the winter – that’s normal.

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