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I was recently shopping on lower Fifth Avenue in NYC and kept seeing sweater vests and long duster vests in all of the stores — to be honest, I’d always thought they were kind of stupid in previous years when the trend was just getting started. (I like my arms to be warm!) But when I later went to a discount store (Century 21) and saw a sweater vest on deep discount, I couldn’t help myself and got it. I’m now wearing the darn thing everywhere (on top of dresses! on top of skinny jeans! with flared trousers!) and I feel like it’s a great way to quickly and easily update almost any look. I can’t find the one I got online, but this one at Nordstrom looks similar, but with one major difference: pockets! Very important! It’s $69, and comes in four colors. Echo Knit Long Vest Some other options are here, here, and here. Anthropologie has the motherlode if you want to see a ton of variety, though!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
MomAnon4This says
I just stood up for myself and my family to a toxic family member. I’m very proud. I did it by shutting her down — I said, “I don’t need to explain this to you.” And then I asked questions, “What are you going to do with this information? Why do you think this (side) conversation beneficial to our situation right now?” AND I cc-d it to people — so they can see her trying to escalate it and see me trying to shut it down. I’m really, really proud of myself.
I have a lot of thoughts about these long vests. Realistically I doubt that I will wear or buy one.
Anon in NYC says
Awesome! Go you!
And I don’t think I’d wear one of these long vests either.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Way to go!
I’ve loved long sweaters – but the long vest thing is strange to me.
Katala says
Yay! So hard to break entrenched family patterns, way to go.
Similar feels about long vests, but maybe now that I live in the land of fake winters the idea will sink in.
Betty says
That’s amazing!! We are working on this in our family.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Any recommendations on maternity compression tights? I am just about 17 weeks and I’ve had issues with circulation prior to the pregnancy, so I’ve been looking around but not having luck. I’ve heard recommendations for Solidea Maman, but can’t find them anywhere! I’d really appreciate any recs. Thanks, ladies!!
Anonymous says
I wore thigh-high regular compression tights. They were medical-grade type deals, but they looked just like regular black tights you would wear in the winter. Pretty proud of myself for thinking of that one.
pockets says
I used preggers brand tights. I put them on and actually went “ahhhhh” because they felt so good.
SC says
Sorry for the long post. My 17-month-old son has never liked having his diaper changed, and we’ve always had to distract him with toys or a bottle or something to get through them. But for the past month or so, he’s been throwing increasingly intense tantrums over every diaper change and whenever we put on clothes in the morning or pajamas at night. He starts crying before we even get to the changing table, then cries and screams throughout, plus turns over on his stomach, throws any toy or sippy cup we try to distract him with, kicks and hits the air (or us if we’re in the way), and flails backwards, sometimes hitting his head. I think it started getting bad when he was sick and we were having to give him medicine he didn’t like. I’ll admit that we haven’t always kept our cool and have yelled at him a couple of times and have held him down just to get things done, which of course made thing worse (we have never spanked or hit or intentionally hurt him).
Last night I decided it was time for a reset. I don’t want something we have to do at least twice a day to be this miserable for everyone. I read some tips online and tried to implement them. I took him to his dresser and gave him a choice on what he wanted to wear. He picked his outfit by pointing to/grabbing some shorts and a shirt. We went over to his changing table and asked him to take out a diaper and a wipe for me. But as soon as I started taking off his pajamas, he was crying, screaming, flailing, kicking, etc. I tried to give him the choice of standing up or laying down, but he just collapsed to his stomach. We ended up changing his diaper with my husband holding him up and me putting it on (but this can’t always be a two-person job, for obvious reasons). We decided to get him dressed away from the changing table, and we played a little game with him first so he was laughing and happy before we started. He cried a little when we dressed him, but it was better.
I have tried changing diapers away from the changing table, but it doesn’t help. Mostly, he just crawls away naked unless we hold him down, which causes the same tantrums. He also does the same thing when other people (babysitters, grandparents) try to do this.
Does anyone have any other tips for calming this process down? A lot of the tips online seem to apply to older toddlers. He’s not talking yet, and he really can’t dress himself.
AnonMom says
When my toddler is like that it helps to sing a song or count. For some reason if I say – Mommy has to change you’re diaper but I’m going to do it as quick as I can. And then I start counting in a really expressive silly way – it seems to work better than singing. I usually try to only count to 10 or 15.
Another strategy might be pull ups so he can step into them like underwear. Change him standing up on a change pad if you’re worried he might pee on the floor.
Or, if he has sensitive skin, maybe he dislikes the change because the wipes burn or sting a bit. Huggies Natural were the only wipes my sensitive skin kids could tolerate.
Anons says
Water Wipes are really good for sensitive skin too. Expensive and the container that they come in isn’t the best, but we’ve used them for years and still use them to wipe poo off of my potty trained kiddo. Diapers.com has them.
AnonMom says
Adding that I’m also not above putting a Mother Goose video on from youtube and letting him hold my phone while I change him.
I need a name says
+1 to trying pull-ups and determining whether the wipes are hurting him. Maybe also try applying petroleum jelly or diaper cream (petroleum jelly wipes off more easily, though) to protect the skin and make wiping easier and less painful.
SC says
Thanks. I had to provide wipes to daycare, so I will ask whether he’s having the same issues at daycare. If he is, I’ll try different wipes. And I’ll try diaper cream–I’ve been skipping it to get the whole thing over with faster, but maybe it will feel better. I don’t think it’s JUST wipes though, because in the evenings I put diaper and pajamas on after his bath, without using a wipe, and it’s the same story.
Anonymous says
If it’s sensitive skin/ wipes aversion you can buy the disposable medline washcloths on Amazon and just use water and gallon plastic bags. That’s what the hospital used when she was a newborn and when we ran the numbers it turned out to be cheaper than wipes.
MDMom says
Heh, don’t know but I’m curious too. My 16 month old is also a nightmare to change. I usually let him play with whatever his current obsession is (right now, the exergen) and adding and just suffer through it. I moved his changing pad to the floor so I didn’t have to worry about him falling. My mom swears by using an extra bed as a changing station (lots of soft area to roll), but I don’t have one at the moment.
MDMom says
Adding = singing
SC says
We don’t have an extra bed either. But we’ve used beds in grandparents’ houses and on trips, and it’s not any easier. I don’t see how rolling around is a good thing, esp when there’s a # 2.
MDMom says
I think just because it’s softer than floor and harder for them to knock their head. Accepting some amount of rolling as inevitable.
Anons says
Can he indicate a choice? Like, can you let him choose between being changed on the floor or on the changing table? Or let him pick which diaper he wants to put on after he gets changed (even if they are identical disposable diapers)? Some control over the process might help.
You could also try to get some very cool new toys that he can only play with during diaper changes. Or let him hold objects that are otherwise normally forbidden (like scotch tape or whatever he isn’t usually allowed to have).
There are some blog posts on doing diaper changes while a child is standing. We had some limited success with that. It is not easy, but it might be preferable to the problems you are having now.
And the craziest suggestion at all. Pick up and read “Oh Crap” potty training. She has a chapter on training kids before age 20 months. This may be too much for you or him right now, but you might want to read it and then give it a go. Or, maybe you read it and aren’t ready right now, but you could be ahead of the game when you are ready.
Final advice–just keep reminding yourself that this phase will pass eventually, just like all the other hard baby stuff.
SC says
I’ll keep trying giving him choices. We started that this morning. And I’ll try toys and other objects again, although lately he’s just been throwing them. Standing changes worked for a while, but lately he’s resisting that and keeps sitting down in the middle–I’m not skilled enough to do a sitting diaper change :)
I’ve thought about early potty training, but I want to wait at least until he has a few more words/signs and maybe expresses some interest in it.
Anons says
Totally understand on waiting on the language or communication. But keep your eyes open on signs he might be ready. We were going to wait until age 3 or whenever my daughter showed interest, whichever came first. I thought that she would want to sit on the potty at times, ask us about it, or otherwise show some obvious sign of interest that she was “ready.” That is not at all what happened.
Right after my daughter turned 2, I took her with some of my friends to the lake. She had on her little swimsuit and started demanding Diaper! Diaper! I told her that she could go pee in the lake. Yes, I am that mother. Also, just to clarify, I was 100% certain that she needed to go #1 and not #2 due to her schedule and prior diaper events that morning. Anyway, she started crying and kept demanding “Diaper! Diaper!” My friend agreed to watch her while I went back to the cabin to get a diaper. It took about 15 minutes, but I came back, put the diaper on her, and then she immediately stood up, took a stance, and peed in it. I never would have guessed she had that kind of control, but clearly (1) she knew she needed to go, (2) she communicated that to me, and (3) she was able to hold it until she had an acceptable place to go. Seemed like those were the steps that she needed to master for potty training, huh? The light bulb went on. We potty trained the next weekend, and it has been great. We “trained” in about 2 days, with the first 3 weeks needing some vigilant efforts on our part to make sure that there was a potty around, doing the right prompts for her to go, etc. A few accidents here and there have happened, mostly at night, but overall the process has gone really well. However, if not for the serendipitous diaper incident at the lake, I would have had NO CLUE that she was ready for the potty training at that time. There were no other obvious signs that she was ready to master the skill.
So anyway, that is my story on how you can wait until the child is ready but the signs might not come in the ways that you would expect.
Anonymous says
In the days of cloth diapers 90% of babies were potty trained starting at 18 months. He might be more ready than you think!
Anonymous says
My kids have both been like this. I can sometimes get my little one laughing by making funny faces and noises or blowing raspberries on his tummy or pretending to nibble on various body parts while changing him. We have this Baby Einstein toy that plays music that is sometimes sufficiently distracting. Unless he has a dirty diaper, I often just change him while he is vertical.
CKnits says
This sounds like my son too. We’ve had a fair bit of success with giving him books as a distraction. He kicks and screams for a few seconds as we’re putting him on the table, but settles down as he starts turning the pages.
POSITA says
No advice, but this is one of the reasons we opted to potty train our little one shortly after she turned two. It solved so many fights. She potty trained in a weekend and soon thereafter was independently taking herself to the potty. Her hatred of diaper changes was the BEST motivation.
MomAnon4This says
I nuzzle my 16-month old’s nose and let my hair fall in his face and make him laugh.
I get most of the diaper changed. Then he tries to roll over on his tummy. So I know how you feel.
Meg Murry says
Has he learned to associate diaper and clothing changes with a transition (you stop playing and do diaper and clothing change right before getting in the car and going to daycare or right before going to bed)?
Could you separate changing diapers from changing clothes, and both from changing activities? For instance, if he’s playing with toys, can you say “time for a quick change break” and just break out a diaper, towel or portable changing pad and wipes and change him on the floor near where he was playing, and then release him to go play again right away? Same with mornings – change the diaper but let him put back on pjs or run around pantsless, and then get him dressed a little while later.
My oldest potty trained at 2.5, but started having accidents when he didn’t want to stop playing to use the bathroom, as he learned that was often a transition. When we switched it up to “it’s time to take a potty break, and then you can come back and play” and then let him play for 5-15+ more minutes after using the bathroom, he stopped fighting the bathroom. Of course, he still fought putting on his shoes or whatever, but at least that tantrum didn’t also involve cleaning up after an accident as well.
How does he handle it at daycare? Can you ask if he fights them their or how he handles it? Does he have a diaper rash or something where exposure to cold air might make it hurt more? I also think looking at whether the wipes are irritating him is probably a good idea. You could try using warm water on a soft-ish sturdy paper towel instead for a couple days to see if that makes a difference.
Meg Murry says
Ok, I just read the part about how he throws a fit when you took off the pajamas. He might be a little bit young for it, but I’ve found that challenging my kid’s “big kid” status can help with this. So you could say “are you big enough to take your jammies off yourself? I bet you can’t do that!?” (or unzip the jammies, or take his arm out, or whatever step).
Are you trying to get him out of bed and dressed immediately? My kids were both cranky bears when they first woke, so as long as the diaper wasn’t insanely soaked we would sometimes let them have half an hour to wake up with a snack or sippy of milk before we tried changing them. Or even just going in to wake them but let them play with toys in bed for a little while before trying to change them.
Sometimes being silly (throwing a blanket over their head, blowing on their tummy, tickling, etc) worked. But sometimes, unfortunately, we just had to wrestle the bear to make it go quickly and move on.
Anonymous says
+1 to giving milk before diaper change first thing in the morning. I don’t even try to do it before anymore.
Still deciding on a name says
We give him a bottle during diaper changes when it makes sense, and also use the iphone for elmo videos when needed (we had a really awful run of diaper rash, and he deserved a good distraction)
SC says
I was planning to ask day care soon, when there’s a good time to chat with one of his teachers. (The mornings are pretty chaotic, and the after-care teachers are not necessarily his normal teachers.) I feel like if it were as bad as it is at home, they would have brought it up with me.
Diaper changes and putting on clothes are often during transition times, but I try not to take him away from playing to do it. In the mornings, if he’s not soaked when he wakes up, we usually change his diaper after breakfast and then let him play for 10 minutes or so while we get dressed. In the evenings, we put on a diaper and pjs after his bath, then read a couple of books and give him a bottle before bed.
Anonymous says
My 16 month old is similar. Does he have a lovey? The only thing that works for us is giving her the lovey she otherwise only has at bedtime.
SC says
He does, but in the past month or so, he has just thrown her (and toys and bottles) when we’re changing his diaper.
Katala says
Similar for my 17-month-old. It’s not every time, and if DH and I are both doing it’s usually better. First change in the morning is the worst. It does help to wait a bit if possible, but sometimes he wakes up with soaked PJs. Sometimes distractions work, sometimes not. It seems so random. He likes peek-a-boo, so we do that while changing shirts. No other advice. I’m going to try some of these suggestions and am feeling very ready to introduce the potty (especially with #2 arriving in a few months).
TBK says
Ugh, anyone have experience with a toddler having trouble adjusting to preschool? My twins are 2 1/2 and they just started going two mornings a week, 9:30-12:30, on Thurs and Fri. Yesterday, I got a call saying B was sick and asking if I wanted to come get him. So the au pair went and picked up both of them. But he was fine! He was just really upset about not wanting to be in music class and had cried so much his nose was running and he was coughing. But the au pair says the minute she showed up, he wiped his face and smiled a huge smile. Within ten minutes of getting home, he was bouncing around the room. Today, she texted me that they had asked her not to leave J.B. and to take him home instead. Then it turned out he could stay after all. I called the director to see what was up. She said he was very worked up and that that can get the other kids in the class worked up. I realize he’s my son, and yes he can have meltdowns, but nothing outside the bounds of normal two year old behavior. I’m meeting with the teachers on Monday anyway (we missed back to school night and so I had set up a quick meeting just to say hi and hear a little about what the class would be doing), but I’m kind of frustrated, confused, and not sure what to do, if anything. He does tend to get overwhelmed with a lot of new people all at once, and it’s kind of chaotic getting to the 2 yo room in the morning (it’s kind of a scrum with a big foyer with all the rooms opening off of it and five classes of kids and their parents all criss-crossing to get to the different rooms) plus he tends to cry whenever he’s left somewhere. I guess I would have thought that either people who opt to teach two year olds would have techniques for dealing with this kind of behavior, or they would have specific recommendations for us for what to do with him before and at drop off to deal with this. But instead it was kind of “oh, he can’t stay if he’s like that, well I guess he’s calmer now so yes he can, but he’s really screaming but no I wouldn’t say this is abnormal for a 2 year old.” Just wondering if anyone has any experience like this or any suggestions. This woman is also a brand new director so maybe she’s still trying to figure all this out.
TBK says
Well shoot, there goes me not using my kid’s name. Edit button I miss you! (At least it would be nice to be able to delete comments.) Anyway anyone who knows me probably has already figured out who I am. Still. Damn it!
HSAL says
Email Kat, maybe she can edit?
It does seem like they’re not handling this well. I do think the au pair staying longer would be helpful – my kid is younger but she recently moved to a new class at daycare and my husband does dropoff and stays in there a few minutes until they get her some cereal, and she’s having so much fun she thinks it’s her idea for him to leave. Hopefully the meeting with the teachers Monday goes well, but I’d definitely address it now.
AnonMom says
I would expect the school to deal better with this. When our oldest started preschool we were told that the kids who go everyday adjust the fastest and the kids that go less often, adjust more slowly (because it takes longer for it to be a familiar environment). I would have expected the school to be prepared that transition takes a while – two half days a week for a 2.5 year old would take at least a month or two to adjust. Can the au-pair stay for the time for a couple weeks until he gets more familiar/comfortable?
I need a name says
The director’s reaction sounds very odd to me. My child attended preschool at a day care center, where I think teachers tend to be more tolerant of “issues” than they do at preschools that are strictly preschools, but at her school the teachers worked with kids who were having difficulties with transitions. There was a short stretch following one classroom transition when I would literally shove my tearful child into the classroom or hand her to a teacher and hightail it out of there. The teachers would talk with her, distract her, or get her playing with a friend, and within a minute or two she’d be fine. After a couple of weeks drop-offs went more smoothly. I have once or twice seen a crying child aged three or four, not two, be asked to leave an extracurricular activity because the child was disrupting the group, but never preschool.
I would ask the director what the usual strategy is for helping kids through this type of situation. This can’t be the first time the school has dealt with it. If she doesn’t have good answers, perhaps you could ask to bring one of the more experienced teachers into the conversation. It seems to me that the school is using the worst possible approach and is teaching B that he’s right, school is not a fun place to be, and if he screams enough, his good friend the au pair will come and get him.
Katala says
Totally agree with your last sentence. It really seems they are teaching him he’ll get what he wants if he’s upset enough. My kiddo’s younger and not in school yet but his reaction sounds totally normal to me and I think it’s super weird to send him home. what if there was no one to pick him up (other than in an emergency, of course)? Their handling of the whole thing seems very strange.
TBK says
Exactly. At the time my thought was just “oh no someone needs to pick up my kid!” and luckily the au pair was at home. But it’s supposed to be free time for her while they’re in school and she could very legitimately have been out. My MIL is also available for emergencies, and of course either my husband or I could leave work if necessary (but it’s 45min+ for me to get to their school from work). It’s now striking me as kind of obnoxious to send a kid home who’s not sick. As I said, I think most of the moms are SAHs so maybe they didn’t see this a huge ask. And if that’s the case, that’s also really obnoxious. My mom worked while I was growing up and I always think of working mom as the default.
POSITA says
If it’s the drop off that’s upsetting him, perhaps you could get him to the classroom early before everyone else so that he has time to adjust? Walking into a quiet building and quiet classroom might help.
You could also do the opposite and see if he does better if you show up just a few minutes after the chaos ends so that he’s walking into an ongoing activity. My 2 yo often did better if she could walk into the room and immediately be engaged by the goings on. It is a good distraction to me leaving.
I agree that they should be able to help with this. Sending him home isn’t reasonable.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. My kiddo had a really tough transition (beyond normal transition difficulties) from her toddler classroom to her preschool classroom and it broke my heart. Fortunately, our center was great and helped us a lot.
A few strategies I used:
I spent some time (20-30 minutes) sitting in the preschool classroom at pickup time so she would have me as a safe place from which to explore.
I also found that it was helpful to drop her off at a time that wasn’t peak drop off, so a teacher could give her a little extra attention. Did you discuss the possibility of dropping your kids off a few minutes before the scrum, or coming in a few minutes late? All the chaos of drop off is hard for my kiddo, but she is fine if dropped off while everyone is sitting quietly.
And…patience. It took a few weeks (!!) for her to adjust, but now that she has adjusted, she begs to go to preschool on weekend mornings.
anon says
Agree that the director/school sounds really unhelpful – transition issues are so normal, and if they can’t tell the difference between a kid that is sick or upset….(and having a runny nose should not be grounds for going home or most kids would be out of school all winter long). The tips our preschool gives parents are make a plan for how long you will stay before saying goodbye, and keep it short, e.g., we’ll read 1 story, do 2 hugs and 2 kisses, and then I’ll go. And then don’t prolong the goodbye. After you leave though, the teachers should be trying to engage your child and helping him calm down. At our school, the teachers often ask a child if they would like to write a letter to their parents about how they are feeling. The teachers take dictation, and then the kid puts in it the mailbox. I think this emphasizes that the parent will be coming back, and helps acknowledge/process feelings. It might work better for a slightly older kid, but i thought it was an interesting idea. And I do agree that the part-time schedule probably makes this harder for you. Not that you should change your schedule, but just realize that it is less consistent than going the same place every day, and therefore may take your child longer to adjust to.
TBK says
Thanks for all the comments. They go two days/week because that’s the only option for this age (3 and 4 yo can go 3-5 days/wk). I agree with I need a name that he learned the wrong lesson yesterday. Like most 2 yos, he’s in a phase where he’s trying to see what works to get his way. We’ve been really working on using a “nice” voice and saying or signing “please” to get things, and re-enforcing the idea that shrieking does NOT work (in fact, there are times when I was about to give him something and then he shrieked for it and it’s like “nope, sorry, kid”). I’m also annoyed that the director spoke poorly of my au pair, saying she was being unsafe in how she was bringing the kids into the school. First, wrangling twins looks unsafe to pretty much anyone who doesn’t have twins. Second, I really resent how some people are so condescending to au pairs just because they’re young and foreign. Anyone who reads this regularly knows how amazing my au pair is and there is no way she was being unsafe. But the director has offered to help bring my kids in every morning now, so at least that won’t be an issue. (I think most of the moms are SAHs and there just aren’t many au pairs or nannies doing drop off and pick up.)
As for going in at a less crazy time, it turns out my au pair was already bringing them in a few minutes later to avoid the chaos (see, awesome — she’s leaving in December and we’re heartbroken). The school doesn’t open its doors until 9:30 on the dot, but I think the later arrival should help.
It’s 11:20 and there hasn’t been a call to come pick him up, hooray! Hopefully his actual teachers on Monday will have more insight. Welcome to 20 years of dealing with your kids’ school I guess.
EP-er says
My son had a really, really hard time starting pre-school. He was older, 3.5, when we started him 2 days/week, 2 hour sessions. Up to that point, he had only been with family. He cried every day when I left him, for three months. I smiled and and cheerfully told him he would have a GREAT! time and I would see him soon. And then booked it to my car and cried. I really had to remind me that I was doing this to help him; that it was important for him to learn to be away from me, but that I would always be there for him; that my attitude was important in shaping his outlook. His teacher told me that he would stop crying, but stand in the corner talking to me on his pretend cell phone. Broke. my. heart!
BUT….. we stuck it out, because I knew he could do it. And around Christmas it got better, and by the end of 4 YO preschool, he thought he was running the place. And he loves school. Good luck with the teacher meeting — they have seen so much & I am sure that they will be able to give you advice. And I would trust them more than the director!
MSJ says
I could have written this earlier this week. Same aged twins with one having difficulty adjusting and an au pair doing drop off. After emailing her, the teacher suggested that the au pair sit in the classroom for a few days, not interacting, but there while kid gets comfortable. Otherwise he wants to be held by the teachers which isn’t feasible in a class of ten. We’ve also picked up some books about grown-ups coming back (I’m sure that it doesn’t help that I also had to travel for work this week).
I’ll see how it went today when I get home but hopefully this will help him get comfortable – although it doesn’t free up those hours that I otherwise need from the au pair.
Good luck!!
TBK says
Sounds like exactly the same situation. We were always shuffling to make up the extra hours we needed that the au pair couldn’t work, and putting them in school 6 hrs/week covers that time. This week it was okay that she had to go pick them up early because we’d given her Monday and Tuesday off (which isn’t typical) but she can’t be on call all the time and still stay under 45 hrs!
I was working from home today so I went and picked them up and the teacher told me that B was really congested. No, he’s not. He was just crying a lot. He still had tears on his face. I’m just not sure how this isn’t computing. Oh well. Hopefully things are better next week. But maybe we can arrange for the au pair to sit in on a few classes until he’s a little more comfortable.
mm says
Does anyone have advice for a 30-month-old yelling “Go away” and “I don’t like you” at me, her father, the dog, etc? She does it mostly when we are doing something she doesn’t like (like telling her to stop playing with a toy and get her shoes on) but sometimes it comes out of the blue too. We’ve tried saying that it hurts our feelings, we’ve tried walking away (she usually follows, trying to get our attention), and we’ve tried just ignoring it, but she persists. We haven’t been consist with these responses because a lot of times it’s in a situation where it’s not safe to walk away, like the changing table or the bath tub. I don’t think it’s serious enough for a time-out, which we use for hitting, but it does bug me. Any thoughts?
PhilanthropyGirl says
Not my child, but my 3 YO nephew has been doing this for some time, particularly with his mom, his grandmother (when she provides childcare) and his little brother. My sister has decided to opt for ignoring. She only responds if it escalates into physical action (hitting, throwing, etc…) She felt like otherwise he was in trouble all the time. She tried the reasoning about feelings, and he simply didn’t care, or wouldn’t answer.
You could also try acknowledging what she’s really upset about – “I’m sorry you’re unhappy about putting on your shoes. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like.” Perhaps it would help her direct her feelings more appropriately and give her better methods for expressing them.
Anon in NYC says
Similar to the Teeth are not for biting / Hands are not for hitting books, there is a Words Are Not For Hurting book. I saw it in my daughter’s daycare classroom. Maybe that would be a more passive way of reinforcing the message.
Anonymous says
My 2.5-yr-old has been shouting, “leave me alone!” when she gets upset lately. I tell her, “that’s not how we talk to each other in this family. If you need alone time, you can tell me nicely.” It has taken lots of consistent reinforcement, but it seems to help. And she usually just wants a hug.
Faye says
This. I say “how do you say things nicely?” and help her walk through the words. So now I get a lot of “Mama, I do NOT like this plan. I want a DIFFERENT one!”
Closet Redux says
Agreed. I would give her something else to say and have her say it in a gentle voice, but then comply. My kid says “I need some space,” which is perfectly a reasonable request that I try to submit to when she says it, even if only for 10 seconds. She will still yell, “NO, GO AWAY!” sometimes and I ask her gently, do you need some space? And then make her re-phrase what she’s just yelled. Even when we’re in a hurry I try to give her those 10 seconds of space before making her do the thing she doesn’t want to do (usually stop playing and put on her shoes/ coat). The benefit to this is that I can use the same phrase about my own needs and she usually complies.
PEN says
We do this too—my 30 mo now will say “I need a little break” or ” I need some space” and we respect that. He still yells at me to go away sometimes—-usually after a couple of days of me working late and missing bedtime.
POSITA says
I think they’re often just not sure how to express themselves. Here is my general strategy for these sorts of statements.
If she yells “Go away” and I can leave her alone, I will say: “Oh, you want to be alone? OK” and I will leave her alone. I figure she has so little control over her life, I might as well let her have some alone time if I can. Recently, she’s started using nicer language lately and will ask for “my privacy” instead of yelling “go away” when she needs to poop, for instance.
If she yells “Go away” and I can’t leave right away, I will say: “Oh, you want to be alone? We need to do X first. Then I can leave you alone. Let’s hurry so that I can leave you alone.” Or I will say: “Oh, you want to be alone because you don’t want to do X? Well, I understand that you don’t want to do X, but we need to do X now because of Y.” Then I will repeat the request with consequence for not complying or add a bribe to encourage compliance.
If she yells “I don’t like you” I will say: “Oh, well I really like you. I really liked it when we [read stories together this morning/told jokes while eating breakfast/etc]. Wasn’t that fun?” Or I will say something like: “Oh, well I really LOOOOOOVE you. (silly voice) But it sounds like you’re mad at me right now. I know you don’t like it when I do X, but we need to do X right now because of Y.” Then I repeat the request with a consequence or bribe.
Closet Redux says
I like your suggestion in the last paragraph! My kiddo hasn’t yet told me that she doesn’t like me (sad tears because it’s surely coming!) and this sounds like a great response to her and to myself, too.
Anonymous says
+ 1 last paragraph describes how i respond
Anons says
No specific suggestions that I can recall, but I recently read “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” and it seemed to have a lot of good approaches for defusing situations, depending upon your own particular dynamic with your kid. It was an extremely great book on communicating with kids and I have already marked it down to read again because I want to try to internalize the entire book. And I never read books twice.
TBK says
No advice just commiseration. My twins are the same age. B (subject of my comment above) yells “good bye good bye good bye!” in the same situation. I agree that calm re-enforcement is probably best. They’re looking for boundaries at this age and are having trouble channeling their emotions. But sometimes their emotions make it hard to channel my own emotions at age 38!
RR says
Validate her feelings. “I can see that you are mad and don’t want to talk to Mommy right now. That’s okay. We are allowed to be mad. But, we still need to do X.” For me, I never fought the words. They can not like me, and they are allowed to express it. I picked my battles for physical displays of anger. I just try to talk them through what they are feeling. She’s telling you that she’s upset. Validate it, give her words for it, and over time she will use those words.
RR says
Although, my 3 year old is going through a “Mommy, you’re not my best friend anymore” stage, and it KILLS me on the inside. On the outside, I show no weakness!
TK says
Little TK’s first sentence was, “Go away Mommy!” I don’t take it personally, kid’s an introvert like me and sometimes just wants to do things alone.
If it’s not safe (in the tub, driving, etc.), I’ll say ‘I can’t go away right now, but after we finish your [diaper change] I can let you play by yourself a little bit.’ I don’t ignore it – I acknowledge that he doesn’t want me there, and that it’s fine for him to express those kinds of things.
Knope says
Hey all – a friend of mine who is done having kids gave me two pairs of very high-quality maternity jeans. They fit great and are comfortable, but they are wider-leg and that style just doesn’t look great on me. I’m wondering whether it’s worth it to have a tailor take in the legs to make them more of a straight style? Anyone have any idea how much this would cost and if it’s worth it for jeans I will be wearing for approximately 5 months (maybe more if you count potential wear during my pregnancy for #2 further down the road)/
MDMom says
I think it’s worth taking them to a tailor to talk about results and cost. Jeans are hard. You won’t be able to make skinny jeans, but you might be able to make some improvement. Don’t know if it will be worth cost (vs just buying cheap maternity jeans). Talk to a tailor about it and see what they say!
For what it’s worth, I didn’t wear maternity jeans once in my pregnancy and was never motivated to buy them. Depends on your lifestyle and the weather, but I wore regular jeans with Bella band then leggings and dresses (I had some black/grey pants for work).
Anon says
Honestly, for me, I would probably just some jeans at Old Navy and call it a day. Or if you’re really concerned about having “nice” jeans, invest in a pair of maternity designer jeans that fit you as-is without tailoring (beyond maybe hemming). Alternatively, I would wear the jeans as-is from your friend and recognize that it’s for such a small amount of time, it’s just not worth worrying about. All of this is just me though. I’ve never had anything (beyond hemming) come back from a tailor “perfect” and most of it has been relatively expensive for what it is.
anon says
I’ve altered a number of pairs of pants myself to make them skinnier or at least straight, including jeans. If one seam is a normal seam, without double needle top stitching, it really isn’t complicated. It’s sewing a straightish line and then zigzagging the raw edges. So I think any tailor could do it and shouldn’t charge that much. If you have a pair of pants that have legs that fit in a way you like, bring those so they can copy the shape. You should also be able to try them on (possibly inside out) after the seam is sewed but before the excess fabric is cut away to see if you like the shape; if you don’t they can just rip out the seam and try again without really hurting the jeans.
Momata says
I loved my Old Navy maternity jeans and I have to think they will be cheaper than the alterations on these jeans, plus who’s got the time?