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I love giving stroller toys as shower gifts — they don’t take up too much space and they get so much use!
My current favorite is this one from Itzy Ritzy. It easily attaches to strollers and car seats for babies on the go. There are rings for baby to grasp and an embedded jingle ball to keep them entertained. For parents, the five patterns are colorful without being garish.
This travel toy is available at Amazon for under $10.
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Anon says
I was just reading Wirecutter reviews for pregnancy tests and it seems to say the popular First Response tests (where you can test ahead of your period being due) might give false negatives if you take biotin. I do (in a prenatal vitamin I started preconception) and had to stop it for a few days before getting thyroid labs. That seems weird to me that a major brand would have this issue – has anyone encountered false negatives on it? I might just buy a different brand to be safe.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s an issue just with that brand; it seems it has to do with biotin being secreted in urine and masking the HCG (or in some cases reacting with the reagents in the test). It also can cause false low levels in blood tests. The amounts in multivitamins might not be high enough to make a difference, though.
I always advocate for easy@home brand. Cheap and reliable so you can test multiple times.
Anon says
I think it’s impossible to know that because it may have just been too early to detect a positive result anyway. Honestly any brand is fine to use. If you’re unsure and you need the “best” option, buy two.
Anon says
I haven’t tested yet – I can’t until next week but I want to buy the tests when I make a Target run later. They’re expensive so I don’t want to get one that Wirecutter says has a biotin problem. It’s also the one that Wirecutter recommends otherwise, though, so that’s why it caught my eye over other brands.
Anon says
Order cheap ones from Amazon. I promise they work just as well. I like easy (at) home brand, but have also used Wondfo. I’ve had five pregnancies and the cheapies have caught them all days before my missed period. Whatever you do, get RED dye! Blue dye is notorious for evaporation lines
Anon2 says
(My comments are going into the ether this week, so trying a diff device and sorry if they post twice). I highly recommend ordering cheapies from Amazon. I like easy@home brand, but I’ve also used Wondfo. I’ve had 5 pregnancies, and they’ve caught them all days before my missed period. They are cheap and accurate, and you can test 20 times with one box.
Whatever you do, get RED dye! The blue dye tests are notorious for giving evaporation lines.
Anonymous says
Get thee to the dollar store. Their tests are just as reliable, believe it or not. (source: I’ve been pregnant 4 times.)
Anon says
It’s not just that brand, it’s any urine or blood test. It has to do with the Biotin masking the HCG, or else reacting with the reagents of the test. But the amount in multivitamins is usually small enough that it doesn’t cause an issue.
Anon says
Anecdata but when I didn’t believe the results, I used 2 First Response digital tests and 5 cheapos for my most recent pregnancy all within the span of ~12 hours of each other. The 5 cheap ones came back positive and the 2 FR ones (which cost more than the other 5 combined) both came back no results / test again. Biggest scam ever. I don’t know if my prenatal had biotin.
Anon says
Do you remember which prenatal you took?
Anon says
Recommend reading Emily Oster’s chapter on pregnancy tests. I only used the strips because as a very anxious person, I did not want to get my hopes up about a chemical pregnancy. The strips are way cheaper and better to have a false negative that turns into a positive than a reverse.
Anon says
Truly, how is everyone doing today? I want to hear everything.
I feel deep in the young kids muck where there are so many highs and lows minute by minute. I’m getting antsy for true spring/summer to come. I’m feeling pretty scattered with life stuff (taxes are due in a month!?).
busybee says
I am tired today! Twins each woke twice to eat last night and 2 year old has been waking at night too. I’m looking forward to the twins starting daycare next month. I WFH and am so grateful that my husband is a wonderful dad who has taken his full leave and is a fully equal parent, but it’s hard to work when I hear the babies in the background most of the day. (I could work at the library or something but I don’t want to have to lug around my pump and freezer packs and stuff). And then I feel guilty for looking forward to sending them to daycare! A HUGE bright spot is that it’s warm and sunny already today and we are expected to have a beautiful week. I too am looking forward to nice warm weather and some sunshine.
Anon says
I’m feeling pretty good. Though I am solo parenting today and have a cold, I got a good’s night’s sleep for the first time in a while. And preschool dropoff actually went pretty well – I had him push me out the door (thanks everyone for the advice last week!) Found out yesterday my PSLF application was approved and now I am officially done with student loan payments!
Anonymous says
Congrats on PSLF! Logging in and seeing the $0 balance was the best feeling. I have my letter framed in my office.
Anon says
Ugh. We’re on spring break, but my 6 year old who has been an easy and fun travel companion since turning 4 is being a HUGE pain in the A. She’s complaining about every single thing (she was sobbing at breakfast because it was sunny… at a tropical beach resort). We’re in our home time zone so she doesn’t even have jet lag as an excuse. I’m sorely tempted to cancel our next vacation but that would hurt me and my husband more than her. But it’s clear that she takes frequent, nice vacations for granted and I really don’t like this attitude.
Anonymous says
Is there a kids’ club where you can leave her for the day?
Anon says
In my experience, this type of behavior is a sneaky earache or other infection that hasn’t fully surfaced yet. My 6 year old still cannot consistently identify where pain comes from in her body, so general or uncharacteristic whininess often turns into a full blow sickness in a few days. Possibly a controversial take, but I’d give her some Advil or Tylenol and see if her whiny mood abates, especially if this is unusual behavior.
Anon says
You may be right. She’s not running a fever, but immediately fell asleep after breakfast which is really unusual.
I do feel like big picture she takes our lifestyle for granted and I’m not sure how to address it and help her gain perspective, but it does seem like she might be sick and that’s impacting her behavior right now.
Anon says
I had this same feeling with my 5 year old at Disney World. But after some thought, I think it’s just their age.
Anon says
FWIW, it is developmentally appropriate for a 5 year old to take their life for granted, and is actually a great sigh of secure caregiver attachment and a stable home life. 5 year olds who don’t take their life for granted have had massive upheaval or other life changes.
It can be strange if your childhood looked different and your kid is getting a life you wished you had but doesn’t seem to appreciate it, but a 5 year old who has had the same life circumstances since birth has no basis for comparison. It’s a good thing.
Around ages 8 or 9, my kids really started to internalize how different peoples lives are, which was bolstered with opportunities to go outside their very comfortable lives.
Anonymous says
We had our elem school science fair last night which was hilarious chaos. All 3 of my kids participated and it was all just so cute. EXCEPT it threw off bedtime and that was a drain.
I have a project due this week at work and I just cannot motivate myself to do it. I can bill $15k after finishing so it is…pretty important to get done. I just want to snuggle in bed a read a book though.
Anonymous says
I am really struggling. ADHD/anxiety kid is just a disaster. On meds but therapy and executive function coaching were an ineffective waste of $$$$ so we discontinued both. Will not accept any of my help with organization, planning, study skills, or breaking down assignments into manageable chunks until the day before a big test or a paper is due, which then turns into a multi-hour ordeal for both of us. This kid is dropping balls left and right and blames it on everyone else. The school is not following the 504 and the teachers refuse to meet. Kid is incredibly intelligent but has lost all intellectual curiosity and just wants to do fun things. Refuses to engage in any productive activity to further their own goals, then gets mad when the desired achievement is not handed to them on a silver platter. My former frat boy/jock husband refuses to let me take away any of the child’s valued activities and privileges as consequences for the avoidant behavior and keeps saying everything is fine. I am at my wits’ end and genuinely afraid for this child’s future.
Anon says
I’m sorry, that sounds hard. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re investing in a lot of time helping with things where you could just let your kid fail and face the consequences (homework, tests). I think it’s so hard as a parent to watch that, but there is a lot of value in learning that way.
Anonymous says
I have let the kid fail and it does not have the intended effect. It makes the anxiety worse and increases the avoidant behavior.
Anonymous says
That’s not how you parent kids with adhd and anxiety.
I have 3 kids and that strategy works for 2/3.
Anon says
“ADHD/anxiety kid” seems like such a label. A narrow one too.
Anonymous says
Oh, sorry I was too lazy to use person-first language. “Kid with ADHD and anxiety.” No matter what order you put the words in, it’s destroying the kid’s life and mine.
Anon says
This sounds really exhausting and stressful for you, I’m sorry. How old? If they are in middle school, it seems like that is a time when many kids struggle, even apart from diagnoses, and is actually a “good” time to practice failure and suffering repercussions, before hitting high school or college. (I know the diagnoses make this more difficult, of course.) Do any of the teachers try to help him by scaffolding these skills in school? Often that is what kids need, especially from an adult who is not us.
I also wonder if perhaps your kid could be burnt out? The saddest part of what you wrote to me is his losing his love of learning! I wonder if there’s a way to scale back on “excess”, not in a punitive way but in a way that makes room for your child to be a kid again, with time for reading or free “playing”. Maybe parent/couples therapy might be beneficial to work through these things, even though kid therapy didn’t help.
This is probably all things you’ve heard before, so I’ll mostly offer commiseration. But I’ll mention that I read a book recently called “The Gift of Failure” that did help me see these behaviors in a more hopeful light.
OP says
Hey! I’m the original “how are you doing?” poster and I’m going to respectfully ask that we not go down the advice/criticism route. 9:55 was just answering my question honestly, and I appreciate that! It sounds like a really hard situation and I’m sorry you and your kiddo are going through it.
Anon says
I didn’t make it, but I don’t think the 10:07 comment was rude or critical at all.
Anon says
We also don’t get to police how other people respond when we start discussions. That’s the risk of posting online. Not everyone is going to respond as you intend and that’s okay. Sometimes people post something unexpected that is actually helpful.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry and I see you. Are you able to get a weekend or night away from husband and kid and not think about this? Husband should deal with kid for a weekend and see how it goes. Do something for you and help yourself.
Anonymous says
Hugs. One of my kids is similar and it’s hard. I feel like I’m generally a pretty good mom and a responsible adult/parent, and I bet you are too. We can’t solve everything, though, and accepting that (without giving up!) is a journey.
No advice, I just want you to know I see you and you’re not alone.
Anonymous says
I’m tired. I am sluggish at work, at home thru dinner, and then as soon as I get into bed I’m wide awake. Working on figuring this out. I’m also excited because my 4.5 year old son has, in the past few months, developed a love of basketball and it so, so, so fun to see (and this is something I love, having grown up in CT in the 90’s early 2000’s and it was all UCONN basketball all the time and we went to so many men’s and women’s games). We have season tickets to a well regarded D1 men’s team whose campus is only about 30 minute from our house so my son gotten to see a lot of games in person this year. I think his ability to recognize numbers has helped so much in this regard because he understands who is winning and how much time is left, and that’s really cool that he has learned to read number and apply what he’s learned!. It also helps that this program has things like autograph signing for kids after some games so he has gotten to meet players up close. We’re starting a rec league basketball program today, and the joy on my kid’s face this morning when he woke up was amazing to see.
Anon says
My K-er really likes basketball too! A former daycare teacher was a starter on our D1 college women’s team, so we went to a bunch of college games this year and have also been playing at home. I enjoy basketball but I especially enjoy seeing her excitement for women’s sports. (At the Super Bowl she told me “I’d rather watch women’s football.” And then was flabbergasted when we told her it doesn’t exist.) Caitlin Clark is going to be drafted by our local WNBA team, so we’re looking forward to going to WNBA games this summer.
NLD in NYC says
Women’s football does exist! Just found out myself. WFA is one league: wfaprofootball.com. I think there are also flag leagues.
GCA says
What about soccer? We love watching soccer (and 50% of my kids love playing it – the other kid is an indoor cat). We’re planning to watch the local women’s soccer team play this summer.
Cb says
Oh that’s so fun! Basketball isn’t a super popular sport here but we were at the Nike outlet at the weekend and my son picked up a basketball, and I’ve been teaching him to dribble and pass. He’s very impressed with my (very limited) basketball skills.
TheElms says
A level of exhaustion that is so deep I’m not sure I could have fathomed it was possible until it happened between work, kid stuff, needing to take care of aging parents, and my own medical stuff that is cropping up. It is just a season of life, but gosh this is so hard. I do feel like I am kicking it out of the park at work, after a long while of not doing that – I just wish work came easier to me.
Cb says
Oof… I’m a bit bored with life… which I’m 80% sure is seasonal depression, but I definitely freaked my husband out last night by declaring myself utterly miserable.
I’m missing the novelty. I used to split my time between 2 countries, and being back in a single location feels boring. I need the novelty, apparently? I’m good at my academic job (and the reward for winning the pie-eating contest is more pie… so it’s not like a new challenge is imminent), my kid is at a very easy stage of parenting, and money is tight, so I can’t even plan a big travel adventure. I volunteer, go to yoga, see friends. Like I appreciate the enormous privilege of just coasting through life, but I find it really depressing to think this is life now?
I am also so meh about our town. Literal Hallmark movies have been filmed here, people love it, but it’s just not a great fit for me personally?
Anon says
Sounds like you need a little bit of risk and adventure in your life. Have you considered mountain biking? There’s a cool mountain biking scene in Scotland (year-round) and it’s the best sport I’ve found to give you those little glimpses of excitement/feeling of being alive while still being very feasible to do in an ordinary life. You don’t need to travel to Everest to get that feeling – you can get it on two wheels pointing downhill.
I like a cozy moment or town as much as the next person, but when it comes down to it, I need adrenaline and risk to really feel like myself. I get the same vibe from your post.
Cb says
I bop about town on my bike everyday but have been daunted by mountain biking because I’m not massively strong, but maybe there’s a course I can take somewhere. Thanks, that’s a good idea.
Anon says
Oh trust me, you don’t need to be massively strong to take it up and the feeling is 100x better than you get from the around-town rides. All cycling is fun but mountain biking is next level and the best cure for feeling blah. Check out Hannah Barnes on Instagram if you want an example of a mom (of 2) mountain biking in Scotland.
Anon says
+1. I have realized that every 4 years or so, I need a massive shake up (I think it’s the schooling schedule ingrained in me). So far, our big 4 year adventures have been buying houses or having babies or taking a new job, but we are done with all of these things. I have gotten back into some of the adventure sports of my youth (white water kayaking and climbing during the summer, skiing in the winter), and that has helped. I also realized I needed competition in my life, and started competing in local kayak races to help keep me on track for training.
Anon says
I LOVE that you’re doing local kayak races! That sounds like such an amazing way to shake life up. I’ve gotten into whitewater rafting myself and the feeling you get on the river is like no other. I plan to take a kayaking class after we have a kid.
HSAL says
It’s been a little over four months since my husband passed. We’re doing okay. We started at a kids’ grief support group last week (waitlisted for awhile because people stay there for years). My ADHD/anxiety kid is doing well on some new meds, so I’m hopeful that will continue. Thinking about starting to work a little bit – not a need but would certainly be helpful. Dating someone, which I realize sounds crazy. It’s complicated but I’m happy.
Anon says
Love this update, I’m happy for you! I’ve been thinking about you and your kids a lot. Hope you’re all doing as well as possible considering the circumstances.
Anon says
Been thinking of you HSAL, thanks for the update.
Vicky Austin says
Glad you’re in a good spot and hope you can continue to be! Sending good thoughts.
DeepAnon says
I love this question. Thank you for giving me space to write out my thoughts anonymously. I am truly grateful that after 2 really, really, really hard years, I am starting to love my time with my children again. I have 4 kids (my third pregnancy was twin boys). My two older boys were 4 and 6 when the twins arrived, and we had just hit the easy, fun years of having independent awesome little people. We actually did okay for the first two years when the twins were born — but having rambunctious twin toddlers coming out of the pandemic when my bigger kids were old enough to be able to and want to do really cool things was heartbreakingly hard. I really struggled with negative feelings about our family set-up.
The twins finally turned 5 over the summer, and now, they are so much fun. They adore their big siblings, and by some miracle, all 4 get along incredibly well. I get so much happiness watching the four of them play outside as a little group after dinner on spring evenings (which felt impossible a year or two ago). The twins are starting to get excited about activities, and the bigger kids love helping them with their little soccer and swim classes. We haven’t traveled much at all since the twins came, and we are finally, finally doing a trip this summer — and I actually think it will be a really fun adventure, as they are all finally old enough to be out of the toddler slog I’ve been in for years. It took a while, but I’m really grateful today for our family.
busybee says
I’m happy to read this! My daughter was nearly 2 when my twins were born. Five months in, things are easier than when the twins were newborns, but still quite challenging. Very much in the toddler/baby slog and we will be for a while, but I’m excited for when we hit the stage you’re in now.
Anon says
You’ll get there faster than me because your age spread is smaller! I felt like it took a long time to get out of the toddler slog bc my bigger kids were already in the next phase of life – so 2 year old twin toddler antics were much more noticeable and out of place at, say, my older son’s school orchestra concert than going to the park for a preschool meet-up with other 4 yr olds (which is where you will be going when you have twin 2 year olds!)
Anon says
I’m tired. DH is sick for the second time this month. He is genuinely sick and I feel bad for him, but that means I’ve been handling everything alone for a while… again. It’s a busy time at work, we are planning a major event, there are renovations in our basement, our toddler is teething and not sleeping well. This morning DH said I was being “kind of distant” and honestly, he’s not wrong, but really, I don’t have the bandwidth to baby him right now and cannot afford to catch whatever bug he has. He is a very supportive partner generally, but turns into the biggest baby when he’s sick. Pre-kids, I would have probably made him chicken soup or whatever. Post-kids, I am giving the freedom to wallow in bed, but it’s a fend for yourself type of situation. I’m a little salty because I have had every daycare bug in the books and I can’t remember a time when I was completely out of commission for more than a few hours.
Anon says
Are you me? Is your husband my husband? This was me last fall when my husband had pneumonia. Being the default parent is rough.
Anon says
I think men actually do have weaker immune systems, as annoying as it is. He should probably start masking again if he’s getting sick twice in one month.
Anon says
They do! Although there are many relevant factors besides gender. My husband gets sick much less than I do, which I chalk up to him being a daycare kid.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hey, thanks for asking this question. I haven’t been on here as much for a lot of different reasons, but I still value this group so much. It’s funny that this is around the 4 year anniversary of everything shutting down. I was in a much much different stage of life then (kids were almost 4 and 18 months), but while some things have gotten easier, I still feel challenged by this parenting thing.
My older kid has always been on the extreme end of things – this past year, he reverted to some of his more challenging behaviors both at home and at the beginning of school. Had the neuropsych evaluation done, we’ve been doing parent therapy and are just in general trying to figure out best next steps. A big part of me just wants to “fix him,” but like my therapist says, that’s probably not possible. I don’t know what the future holds and I don’t like that uncertainty and lack of validation I get with parenting. Contrasted with killing it at work and being so praised there. It’s a complicated feeling to want to be at work more than home sometimes.
My husband has also been focused on job searching for a while, and the puppy is a puppy and highly energetic. My parents are making choices that I don’t agree with (too complicated to get into here). So, it’s been a lot. But I’ve restarted therapy and it’s been good. I’m not unhappy – life just feels hard.
Thanks for reading this novel.
Anon says
<3
AwayEmily says
Oof, that’s a lot. I’m glad you’re supported with your older kid. In case this is helpful: I teach college students and one of the wonderful things is how they are all SO different but also all perfectly themselves and have figured out ways of making life work for them. There are shy ones, there are ones that can’t stop talking, there are ones who struggle with writing but have amazing ideas. I feel like there’s more understanding that 20-year olds can be vastly different from each other and still be happy, functioning people, but with kids we expect them to all be at the “exact right level” of emotional regulation, contentment, reading skills, etc. There are just so many ways of being a happy person in the world, and I am so so confident that with you as a parent, your son will get there, too. Can’t wait to have him in my class in twelve years or so! :-)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Aww, thank you so much!! He would be so lucky to have you as a prof.
I remember the early days of Covid when we were in the same boat and writing out our daily schedules. Still not sure how we survived that!
Vicky Austin says
I’m doing all right! I feel SO GOOD about my (still newish) job. I am rocking it and I can tell how much better I feel mentally and emotionally having gotten to use my brain during the day. DH is struggling with SAHD life and not getting any bites on his search for employment, and I don’t think he 100% understands how billable jobs work so is frequently encroaching on my attempts to make my hours, but I also sympathize how hard it is to be primary parent during the day and get that he needs a break. DS is almost one and I’m in weepy disbelief about it, but also so proud of myself for everything I’ve done and learned this past year.
Anon says
Nervous. Husband whose main food group is red meat was diagnosed anemic and we haven’t found out why. Iron transfusions have helped, but endoscopy and colonoscopy didn’t reveal anything.
GCA says
Just did shower gifts for two colleagues. I got them each a large, leakproof travel mug. Useful in the hospital, useful postpartum, useful through spring and summer months of maternity leave, and useful long after the baby years!
Anon says
Has anyone tried one of these “virtual VIP disney tour” services where they run the app for you?
Anon says
WWYD– Just got a positive pregnancy test. We are in the middle of booking a trip for the last week in July with our toddler. (His school is closed that week, and we are also excited about taking a trip as a family.) I would still be in my second trimester. During my first pregnancy, I felt great second trimester and went hiking, etc. However, I had high blood pressure at the end of my pregnancy last time and am at risk for that again. (BP started trending up around 32 weeks, DS was born at 36 weeks.) I’m not really sure what travel recommendations are from my OB– first pregnancy was during Covid so we weren’t traveling, and I don’t have an appointment with my OB for another few weeks and we need to book the trip before then.
Should we still book the trip? Trip is domestic and would involve a flight. We were planning on visiting a widely visited national park and staying in a cabin…. does that seem ok or should I pivot to something in a city?
Anonymous says
I don’t see any reason not to book jt
Anon says
I’d book it and I’m pretty cautious about travel while pregnant.
Anon says
It would depend for me on how close the nearest high-quality medical care is. With rural hospital closures skyrocketing around the country, there could be real issues in areas near national parks.
Anonymous says
Also political considerations surrounding prenatal care.
Anon says
Yup, also that. Would ABSOLUTELY not travel to an anti-abortion state during pregnancy for vacation.
Anon says
OP: I’m in an anti-abortion state and would be traveling to the West coast…. so would unfortunately be traveling to better healthcare access than I have in my home state.
Anon says
Second trimester should be ok. I travelled internationally at 26-28 weeks and that was the limit of what I would recommend – it was beastly hot, my ankles started to swell, I got really tired. I also had high BP but it started later, around 35 weeks – DD was born at 37. We were attending a wedding, I would not have traveled that late otherwise. But it seems like this should be ok. I wouldn’t plan on doing any strenuous hiking. They will monitor your BP, but you might generally plan on chilling at the cabin while your partner takes the toddler on adventures sometimes.
Anon says
OP– Thanks– we weren’t planning on doing anything super strenuous anyway since we have the toddler. I just don’t see him wanting to stay in a backpack forever. He likes hiking, but he’s 3, so I think his limits will still probably be less than me in the 2nd trimester.
Spirograph says
congrats! I would absolutely still book
Anonymous says
Book it, and get travel insurance just in case you have to cancel (bc of the pregnancy, or your son getting sick, or whatever!)
Fallen says
We had parent teacher conferences, and the teacher mentioned that my kid (in Kinder) is struggling a lot when work frustrates him in any way (he doesn’t get it immediately) and working independently (I see this at home too.. e.g., tantrum when he doesn’t get something right away and a refusal to do it without help).
Long story short, he is fairly advanced (e.g., teacher said yesterday than he is the strongest reader she has seen in her class, he understand multiplication… and honestly having two kids I see that school is naturally easier for him/he is more academically inclined) and our public school kinder isn’t super challenging. Anyways, she mentioned that she often sees with kids like him, that it’s all good until things get more challenging, and then often what happens is they can’t handle things not being easy anymore once they hit 3rd, 4th grade type thing. How can I help him? Should we be looking into other school options? G&T doesn’t start in our school til 3rd grade..
Anon says
I think the low frustration tolerance and potential boredom are really separate issues. There may be a correlation in that gifted kids are more likely to be this way, but it’s pretty normal at this age and plenty of non-gifted kids also struggle with frustration tolerance at age 5-6. It’s definitely an issue for my kindergartner who is bright and doing well in school but has never been identified by anyone as gifted.
As for G and T, I think it really depends. Our school district works at a high level to begin with and does a really good job with in-class differentiation so every kid is working where they’re at. Many don’t. Even those schools with pull out programs it’s often only a small part of the day and isn’t going to solve the boredom issue.
Waffles says
My kid was like this. I am a relatively “gentle” parent, so this was hard for me, because I am very empathetic and I tend to “absorb” other people’s feelings.
My kid (mostly) grew out of it by the age of seven. I’m not sure what exactly helped, in addition to her brain having time to mature, but here’s what might have helped:
1. Stopping whatever we were doing and cuddling instead.
2. Reading books about persistence, like “The Magical Yet.”
3. Spending time with peers for whom frustration tolerance came more easily.
Honestly, though, I think she needed time for her brain to develop naturally in certain areas. The peers and the books might have helped push things along in the right direction, but she was just so young. Wishing you guys all the best.
anon says
I have a 10 yo who still has a low frustration tolerance. She hasn’t grown out of it at all. She also completely prickles (explodes?) at any affection or suggestion to try deep breathing, talking it out or walking away. Don’t you dare try to give her a hug or even rub her back. Yikes.
The best we’ve managed is setting boundaries. She’s allowed to be frustrated, but she’s absolutely not allowed to throw things, hit or yell. She does best with reassurance that it’s okay to be frustrated, especially when trying to do hard things, but that we have confidence that she’ll eventually figure it out–she just needs to be a bit patient with herself. We also encourage her to ask for help when needed, though she’s not good at this yet.
What she really needs in these instances is time for the adrenaline to leave her system before she can cope again. It’s just getting past that hump so her rational brain returns, then she usually gets the answer almost instantly. Getting past that hump is a work in progress.
SC says
My son also does not want any affection/ touch or ANY suggestion to try deep breathing when he is frustrated. In the past year or so, I’ve seen him take some great deep breaths, but lord help you if you praise or even comment on that breath.
It sounds like you’re doing a great job to help her!
SC says
My 2nd grader was like this in K and 1st grade, and we had several teachers say similar things. I’d focus on identifying and handling frustration at home. For us, that’s looked like modeling out loud when DH or I are doing something hard or feel frustrated, reading books about frustration and feelings, encouraging him to take breaks (actually, in K, he had mandated breaks every 15-20 minutes for some projects like LEGO), and building confidence that he can do hard things. At this age, building emotional resilience and confidence can come from all sorts of activities–helping around the house, physical activity physical activities, board games, or just independent free play.
I don’t know that you need to change schools, if the school is otherwise working. It’s likely something he’ll grow out of, especially if you focus on emotional resilience and confidence building at home.
Anonymous says
Work on low frustration tolerance in non-academic settings and the skill set will transfer. Family based sports or music lessons can be good for this. Anything where the goal is to improve through your own repeated hard work vs ‘winning’ will be helpful.
Anon says
+1 to out of school stuff. No kid is good at everything; find things where he’s not innately talented and can practice working hard.
Anon says
Mostly solidarity – my Kindergartner is the SAME WAY. I do think some of it is general school burnout – I think it’s hard emotionally and socially even if the academics are easy. But, honestly I was/am that kid too.
I’m not sure how much it’s helping because it’s only been a few months, but we are watching Great British Bake Off to model failure. We talk through the issues ‘they’re so good! And that cake just didn’t work out, but they’re still so proud of themselves.’ American Ninja warrior is also good for this, but I prefer the low key GBBO vibes.
We also do a rose and thorn style conversation at dinner when we can to show that things are hard and crummy for everyone sometimes and it’s ok. But, she’s still a hard kid.
Anonymous says
I have a 9 year old who is 2e (gifted, but also ADHD, though the ADHD has waned a lot in the past two years). I would put this back on the teacher: how does she (and they, the school) offer challenges to kids? I’m in a MA where there is no G&T at all in public school, and our school does a nice job of having challenge work for the group of kids that needs it. IDK if she’s technically gifted because she wanted tested (we only tested my now 9 y/o because of behavior issues and the giftedness popped up), but my 11 year old is really bright. In elementary they don’t track kids, but she was always in a class with a distinct cluster of “learners like her” who were given more challenging assignments. It wasn’t a special class, but for example, one year they had a class of 19 kids. 8 were special ed and pulled out for basically everything but specials, science and social studies. Four were ESL and out of the class most of the day. That left 7 kids that, I’m sure was no coincidence, were all really bright kids who learned quickly. They did the lessons then did special enrichment projects during the day. Or, they’d have class projects where they’d have to write a persuasive paragraph, but the cluster of kids would write a story vs a paragraph. Then they’d pass the stories around amongst themselves to edit. In 6th grade they finally start tracking kids in english and math, so those are now my 11 y/o’s favorite classes.
Anon says
I agree that this is what happens when school isn’t challenging enough; it’s not providing an opportunity to learn to learn if it all comes too easily! I don’t know what the options are if the school doesn’t accommodate all its students’ educational needs.
Anon says
This blew my mind as a parent who’s done a few rounds with the OT/PT set with my older kids — but occupational therapy to improve frustration tolerance is apparently a Thing. My 4.5 year old has gross motor delays that need to be addressed with PT, but after his assessment (and with input from his teacher), they recommended we start with OT to improve his frustration tolerance first (physically things are Hard for him, so he goes into frustration mode immediately, rather than trying the physical thing, and this is starting to become his baseline reaction to new things). I have no idea if it would work for a K student, but I assume there are tools in the toolkit to help manage frustration for older kids too.
Regarding the boredom aspect, possibly unpopular – but if you are otherwise happy with your public school, I wouldn’t jump to move schools yet. I live in an area with lots of private schools, and many of my friends put their kids in private schools when they were in early elementary that turned out to not be a great fit for their kid when they were older.