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Anon says
does anyone not enjoy seeing their spouse / look forward to seeing to seeing them? Maybe this is common after so many years of marriage, not sure if it’s just me but super depressing to think about.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s common, sorry.
Anon says
I guess I should add that I interpreted this as consistently not enjoying your spouse for a long period of time and not looking forward to coming home to them. I certainly agree with the many comments below that occasional annoyance at your partner is normal, and many people in healthy marriages still crave alone time and enjoy having the house to themselves once in a while. However, I interpreted OP’s question more like what So Anon says below about not looking forward to seeing your spouse at the end of the day, and I don’t think that’s normal in a healthy marriage.
CPA Lady says
My husband and I have been together for 16 years. There have been ups and downs. The downs have involved times where he really annoys me and I’ve fantasized about running away and moving to the beach alone. But those down times pass and I get back to enjoying his presence. I don’t buy that living with the same person for decades should be an easy magical daydream every single day. That’s just not realistic for most people. That said, when you are feeling like this, you should proactively try to get yourself to a better place. Is there anything you can do to get your connection with him back? Go on vacation without the kids? Buy some new gardening tools to try out together? Do things that make you laugh? Just spend some time talking? What drew you to him in the first place?
CPA Lady says
Oh, and I should also say there have been downs that have lasted a long time. I’m not talking about a situation where I was grumpy with him for a day or two. I’m talking 6-8 months. It was almost a comedy of errors– I was dealing with an extended family member’s extremely involved health crisis and out of state treatment, we had a 1 year old, almost every major part of our house broke back to back (had to replace HVAC, water heater, kitchen appliances, AND my car, etc.), DH’s job was extremely stressful and he was in an awful foul mood all the time and took it out on me… How we survived that is beyond me. It was one of the worst years of my life and in our marriage.
At the end of it, I had to decide whether or not I was going to hold onto my resentment and let it poison our relationship, or if I was going to forgive him and try to move on with the belief that it s ucked but we did the best we could. I’m really glad I chose the second option.
Anon says
I think it’s somewhat different if you can point to external circumstances like that that are the cause of the tension vs just not liking your spouse and not knowing why.
rosie says
I do think that adjusting to life w/kids (or w/kids at a different stage) can cause tension but be hard to pinpoint. Like sometimes I know that I’m frustrated and I know it’s related to my spouse, but it takes me awhile to articulate the issue.
ElisaR says
sometimes! I love my husband dearly but once every 6 wks or so he works SUPER late. I look forward to opening a bottle of wine and watching a movie he would normally veto. I enjoy my night alone!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve read that the early years with small kids are some of the toughest on a marriage. You’re exhausted, stressed, the kids just take take take without showing gratitude so I can see how it becomes easy to blame the only other adult in the house for this stress because you can’t exactly take it out on the kids.
I personally get mildly annoyed with things that my husband does but I think I would get annoyed with anyone I was living with for that long and going through the hardships of life. He is still my favorite person in the whole world and I look forward to seeing him every night. Honestly, I enjoy my time with the kids a lot more because he is there to share it with. Does he do everything the way I would? No, of course not, and I’m sure I do things that annoy him too. I agree with CPA Lady that marriage is not always sunshine and rainbows because LIFE, but I honestly feel so lucky to have met my husband and to have this life together.
I would try to get at the root of what is causing you to feel this way. Is he not doing enough around the house/with the kids? Are you losing yourselves and your relationship in all the work/childcare? It’s really important to schedule time for just the two of you.
Anonymous says
“I would get annoyed with anyone I was living with for that long and going through the hardships of life. ”
This. I can’t stand dealing with my mom for longer than a day or two at a time so I can’t imagine living with her now. When you live with someone every day, their little quirks can become irritating but that’s normal.
Spirograph says
What do you mean? I wouldn’t say I dislike seeing my spouse, but sometimes I just crave quiet and solitude and he interferes with it. To me, that’s a separate issue than not enjoying his company *when I’m in the mood to be in the company of another person*
Anonymous says
I love it when I get a chance to have the house to myself but I don’t think that’s the same thing as not wanting to see DH. I will say that I need ‘date nights’ outside the house in a way that he doesn’t seem to. They are really really important in reseting the ‘romantic’ tone on our relationship vs just communicating about life/kid logisitcs.
Anonymous says
Are you getting enough time and space for yourself? And is your husband getting the same? I’m an introvert, and my husband is an extrovert. If he doesn’t get enough social time with other people, he gets incredibly clingy and wants to follow me around and talk to me every second. This is incredibly suffocating and makes me want to avoid him. On the other hand, if I don’t get the alone time I need just to be myself and recharge, I also find it stressful to be around him. When I have enough time to do my own thing and he is connecting with people other than me, I enjoy our time together the most.
So Anon says
I think there is a difference between enjoying some solo time and the house to yourself versus actively dreading coming home to a spouse. I was in the later boat for several years. I used to get a pang of dread turning into my driveway. The dread was my own internal sense that things were not ok. I tried all the things to address the dread, rekindle our relationship, address our issues. In the end, the sense of dread was correct; we are not together. I no longer experience that dread, except when I have to see my ex. I am happy to get home to my new house and my kids now.
GCA says
Agree with this (and glad things are better for you So Anon!). There’s a difference between appreciating an evening alone, versus actively not enjoying time with your spouse – and OP, if it’s persistent, that does not sound normal. I’m an introvert and enjoy my alone time, and sure I occasionally get annoyed at something my husband does or says, but my life overall and day-to-day is much better with him in it than without.
Anony says
There are times when I get exasperated at my husband and would prefer to be alone. I usually get triggered when I don’t get enough sleep and have another stressor come up like a sick or fussy child, and I feel my husband isn’t helping enough. Is that what you are going through, or something else?
EB says
Does anyone here follow the style scribe blog? If not, I highly suggest if you’re into fashion blogs because she has great style, but specifically right now because she just put out a fall/winter capsule work wardrobe that is gorgeous. I just came back from maternity leave and am 2 sizes bigger than I used to be so will be trying to duplicate it with cheaper items with the hopes of losing the weight eventually.
Annie says
Just checked it out. Love it! Thanks for the rec.
AnotherAnon says
+1
ElisaR says
checking it out. thanks!
HSAL says
Ooh, I like this. Wardrobe Oxygen just had a fall capsule from Cabi that I really liked, but not as much as I don’t like MLMs.
Redux says
I don’t know anything about capsule wardrobes, but are they all this neutral? This capsule just looks like a deconstructed (albeit trendier) suit.
avocado says
Capsule wardrobes usually incorporate one or two non-neutral accent colors. This one is kind of odd in that tan, which would ordinarily be a neutral, seems to be the accent color, and it’s the only warm color in a wardrobe that is otherwise cool-toned. I would use ice blue, blush pink, or maybe a really deep green or teal as the accent color with all of that gray, white, and black.
As a side note, I am so sick of all the tans and browns on all the fashion blogs this season. There has got to be at least one blogger out there who is a Winter like me and cannot do tan/brown, but I have yet to find one.
Redux says
It makes a lot of sense to me to have totally forgettable clothes that you re-wear all the time and punch up with accessories. Men have been doing this for generations in grey suits and fun ties / pocket squares/ socks. What would my dad say if I told him he rocked a “capsule wardrobe”? This whole thing just looks like a more expensive and difficult version of that. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s beautiful! But if you’re looking for a simpler, more classic version, just wear suits, right?
EB0220 says
I am the same! No tan/camel/brown/etc etc! Not part of MY capsule wardrobe. :) Not that I am a fashion blogger, heh.
And also, @Redux, I basically do:
Sheath dresses from JCrew Factory ($30-$50)
2 wool blazers from Talbot’s ($50 on sale)
Black tights in the winter
colors: black, gray, green, purple, blue. DONE.
WH333 says
For those with a nanny, how do you handle having the nanny drive your kids places? So far, we haven’t had our nanny drive our 7 month old twins anywhere. She takes them on walks in the stroller and they play in our backyard, so it’s not like they are completely trapped inside. But as they get older and more mobile, I anticipate she will want to take them out more. The nearest parks, playgrounds, libraries, etc. are about a mile away — that’s too far to walk regularly, right?
I like and trust our nanny, so I’m not overly concerned about her driving them in theory, but I can’t figure out how the logistics should work. Do I buy her car seats for her car? Do I let her take my car? She only works for us 3 days/week, if that matters. My mom keeps them the other days, and she drives them regularly on those days using her car (so buying car seats for the nanny’s car would mean we would need at least 6 total . . . ).
Anonymous says
I don’t think a mile is too far to walk. Our nanny doesn’t drive, so she walks our kids everywhere, including preschool pickup every day, which is a mile from us. But our nanny is active and enjoys the walks… YMMV.
HSAL says
Do you WFH or would you have other transport on days you work? I’d rather buy more car seats than let someone use my car. You never know when you might need it. I’m assuming your nanny wouldn’t want to keep the seats in her car all the time, so I’d buy the Cosco Scenera or something else lightweight and easy to install.
Anon says
I wasn’t comfortable with our nanny driving my kid (part of why we switched away from a nanny) but we did have a carseat installed in her car for emergencies. She had our Cosco Scenera Next, which is normally our airplane carseat and would have otherwise been sitting in the basement. They’re $35 each, so it shouldn’t be a huge expense even if you have to buy multiples.
rosie says
What is the walk like? Is it pleasant (sidewalks along not-too-busy streets, etc.) & something you would do yourself? If so, I would ask your nanny if she’s comfortable doing it and hopefully yes. Our nanny regularly walked this distance with 2 kids in a double stroller (we live in a city, nanny doesn’t drive).
If she’d rather drive, I would probably just have her use your car if she is ok with doing that and you won’t need it — seems simpler with car seats. Or you could get the Cosco Scenera Next for like $35 each (walmart) if she’d rather drive her car.
Anon says
Our nanny drives my 21-month old to local activities (library story time, Gymboree, etc.). They’re usually within 5-10 miles of our house in suburbia and during non-rush hour. The only thing walking distance from our house are two parks and a Starbucks, and I knew as my child got older that those activities wouldn’t suffice forever. It made me nervous at first, but now I just try not to think about it because I think it’s good for kiddo to get out of house. I did check our nanny’s driving record, which helped calm some of my fears. We bought her a Chicco car seat that stays in her car and we reimburse her for mileage at the IRS reimbursement rate each pay period.
anon says
We bought car seats for our nanny’s car and then once we had a third kid… we bought a third car that she drives since her car couldn’t fit three car seats. True expensive story.
Having your nanny be able to drive your kids frees you up so much! I’m pretty sure she’s a better driver than I am – definitely more careful! I couldn’t really come up with any reason not to let her drive them given that!
It’s also helpful if they have a doctor’s appointment, for example. She’ll drive kid there and I’ll meet them at the doctor. Allows me to attend as it cuts down on transit time in a big way.
Anon says
Can your nanny and mother leave the carseats at your house at the end of each day, so the other one can use them? Can you get carseats with multiple bases that stay strapped in and just swap out the carriers?
Anon says
A mile is fine if it’s a nice walk in ok weather.
For driving, I prefer leaving my car with car seats installed—less hassle all around. However, I also carried non-owned vehicle liability (for my own liability in having an employee drive) and had a car seat installed in a nanny’s car for a time. I also did mileage reimbursements weekly.
Cusp Size Maternity Work Dresses says
Still waiting on an ultrasound to confirm heartbeat and pregnancy (I’m superstitious about buying maternity clothes before), but I started nosing around looking at some new fall and winter maternity clothes, since I will be opposite seasons from kid no. 1 except for the last few weeks, where I can dip into last pregnancy’s summer stuff. I think I forgot this (and probably why my wardrobe was so limited) but I cannot for the life of me find work dresses in a pre-pregnancy size 16 or 18 (i.e., not quite plus size, but a lot of the nicer maternity stuff tops out at 14). For context, I typically wear Ann Taylor suiting (or near suiting) style dresses to work – the old navy and gap XXL typically fits fine, but it’s too casual for my seniority level now (and our office has been trending more toward the business side of business casual rather than the casual side it used to be at). I typically avoid pants because waistbands feel too restrictive and I constantly struggle pulling them up all day. Any suggestions, or am I just doomed to wear cheap jersey knit for months on end? Also recommendations for maternity tights or tight-like thigh highs (due to waistband issues)? I can probably only get away with boots without tights until Novemberish and not again until April.
Anonymouse says
For tight likes I lived in Old Navy leggings – under boots, combined with support socks. Not maternity, but up a size by late 2nd trimester. I babied them (wash inside out in lingerie back on gentle, air dry) and they lasted through the pregnancy and post partum.
Anonymous says
Honestly, even for more business-y business casual, I wore a couple ON and Gap black ponte knit dresses basically every day. Black seemed to be the key – you can wear jewelry or scarves to dress up, and looks the least casual.
anon says
Spanx maternity tights were my saving grace during my winter pregnancy last year. I am also a cusp plus size (pre-preg 14/16). I found a couple decent maternity dresses on Amazon, but I mostly lived in Spanx tights + one or two nice black maternity dresses from Nordstrom + my regular blazers for my business-end-of-business-casual office. I also ended up wearing pants more often toward the very end – – Gap had some nice slim fit ankle pants with a full panel.
XStitcher says
I was a pre-pregnancy 14 petite. I had a lot of luck with Talbots for much of my pregnancy. I wore the women’s petite sizes for dresses and suit jackets (I could get away with suit separates for court appearances in my area). The women’s petite sizes have a bit more space in the waist and bust area, which I very much needed. I was able to wear the dresses up to around month 7 when I could not stand the tights/compression hose anymore. I work the suit jackets up to delivery (38 weeks). I wore full panel Motherhood Maternity pants with the jackets in a size 16 petite. I had a few Motherhood Maternity dresses that were decent quality. I bought I lot of my Motherhood Maternity dresses off of Poshmark and even ebay. I also found decent quality maternity wear that was inexpensive in 14 and 16 sizes from JC Penney’s but no petites. Berkshire Maternity tights were the way to go for me up until around month 7 when I just could not deal with pulling those up anymore. Preggers by Therafirm were great for compression tights also.
COtoNY says
Guys, I need a gut check– we’re getting very serious about moving to the suburbs (NJ, currently in NYC) in the next 6 months and are starting to narrow down houses/neighborhoods. Of course, the houses that check all other boxes and are in our ideal price range come with a huge caveat– they’re on a main/busy road. Obviously, this is why they’re in our price range.
Our daughter is currently 1. Can I hear stories/opinions about whether we definitely should not live on a busy road, or alternatively, that it’s not actually that big of a deal? I’d love for her to be able to learn to ride a bike on our street/play with neighborhood kids, etc but maybe I’m being overly whimsical about this. I need a reality check!
Anon says
I think it’s not that big a deal. I would want a playground within walking distance (to visit as a family when she’s younger and for her to visit with friends when she’s older) and a yard would be a big plus for us (toddlers have so much energy they need to burn off), but I don’t think it matters if your actual street is busy or quiet.
Anonymous says
Well, you live in NYC – are you not on a busy road now? Is wanting to be away from a busy road part of why you are moving to the burbs? If so, then I would give it some thought. Street noise is also a potential issue. I live in Brooklyn overlooking a really really busy/dangerous intersection, so that’s my perspective.
Anonymous says
Based on our experience having a playground/open green space with bikeable paths within walking distance is a key factor moreso than how busy the road is. It attracts kids/families and is great of interacting with neighbors.
AwayEmily says
I live on a non-busy road (in a city) and it’s been great. We get to know our neighbors because we go on lots of walks, our kids can ride their scooter in the driveway, etc.
It’s still a road that is used frequently — probably a car goes by every few minutes — but it’s not a major street and cars are generally only going about 20mph on it.
The street noise can also be an issue. My childhood home was out in the country (a farm across the street, only one house in walking distance) but on a very big road and those cars going by at 60mph are LOUD. Especially the motorcycles.
Anon says
My toddler is a runner. So for us, a busy road was a deal breaker. Yes, we’re trying to teach boundaries, particularly because cars still come down our non-busy road, but it’s a challenge. If you’re used to busy roads in NYC, it may be less of an issue for you. We’re like 3 houses up from a cul de sac and that works out pretty well – close enough to play with the other kids when they’re out there and no through traffic, but also there isn’t a passel of kids constantly playing directly in front of our house.
2 Cents says
+1 my 17-month-old runs down the driveway for our non-busy suburban street like he’s in a prison break movie. (And then thinks he can sneak around us when we tell him no.) a busy street would not work for us for many reasons, but that’s one of them.
Anon says
personally I’d buy a less ideal house to not be on a busy road, but that is just me. For me being on a busy road is a deal breaker, but different strokes for different folks. I’m sure there are some advantages- like maybe being on the busier road will shorten your commute time?
NYCer says
Personally, I would not want to live on a main/busy street if I were living outside of the city. It would be a deal breaker for me….but everyone is different in this regard (i.e., you have your own deal breakers that I might be ok with), so if you are ok with the busier street, I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with it.
Does the house have a nice back/side yard? I do think that one of the big benefits of the suburbs is ability to play outside, and playing in the front yard of a house on a main road isn’t always ideal (unless the front yard is huge). Or alternatively, is there a park close by?
Anon says
Does anyone play in a front yard regardless of how busy the street is? We live on a quiet cul-de-sac and still don’t let our toddlers play out front – why would you when you have a fenced back yard that’s much safer?
AwayEmily says
We play in the front yard a lot! Mostly because it’s more interesting than the back yard — dogs to say hello to, bikes going by, neighbors stopping by, etc (we are on a not very busy road — a car every few minutes, going pretty slowly, and a sidewalk between the front yard and the road).
Anon. says
We play in the front yard because we use the driveway frequently for ride-on toys, sidewalk chalk etc. For us, a non-busy street was important.
Spirograph says
My kids play in the front yard all the time. Our back yard is fenced, and that impedes their ability to quickly run through all the neighbors’ yards with the pack of kids that live in 4 consecutive houses. Sometimes they’ll congregate in someone’s back yard, but front yard/street is more common. I like being out front to be more sociable with the neighbors.
We live on a non thru-street in a neighborhood with street parking and no sidewalks. People drive slowly and everyone knows to expect kids playing in the street. I let my kids play in the grass in the front or back yard without parental supervision. My 3 and 4 year old are not allowed to play in the street unless there’s an adult outside, but I don’t police my 6 year old (typically out with a few older kids) as closely.
NYCer says
+1 to all the responses before me. We live in NYC, so obviously do not have this issue, but when we go visit our friends in the suburbs, they all play in the front yard quite often if they are on a quiet street.
anne-on says
What is a ‘main/busy road’? In our NE burb we have both the in-town ‘main’ roads (the major roads that connect to downtown and the shopping streets) and then the ‘connect to a major highway and are labelled a through-way roads’ – the former have 20-25mph speed limits, the latter 35-40 mph. Of course, folks go much faster than the speed limit, and we would not be comfortable living on the faster roads with little kids. It also depends on how far back your house is set. It’s not uncommon to see parents put driveway guards and/or pull their cars out to the very edge of the driveway to prevent balls/toys/kids on bikes from going into the street.
Be aware – this may also impact your resell ability later on.
Redux says
Agree that a “busy road” in a suburb is not the same as a busy road in the city. We live in a rural town and our house is on a busy road (a state highway, in fact!) but in my rural area that means something much different than it would in a city or suburb. The speed limit is 35 and because it’s a state highway, we get 18-wheel trucks that come down it. My 2-year old is definitely a runner and we’ve really had to train him that he cannot go to the road. We have a long driveway and a setback (there is a little inlet off the main road) in front that helps with the noise and sense of privacy. We do have an expansive back yard, but honestly, we love sitting on the front porch and watching the cars go by.
Anonymous says
I moved from Manhattan to a suburb (in another part of the country). I chose a house on a not-busy road. I found myself willing to trade quality/size of house for a calmer street. I like to be able to let my kids play in the front yard and run back and forth to neighbors’ houses without worrying much about cars, etc. It’s a personal call about what is more important to you, because there are obviously tradeoffs! It was hard to find a house in the area I wanted on a not-busy street, so if you have the luxury of being able to bide your time, that will help. I am reasonably happy with the size and quality of my house, and figure I can make improvements later if I have the time and money but it’s harder to change locations. For now, I think the location is what makes me and my family happier than more space or a nicer remodel would.
Anonymous says
Also, personal anecdote: I ran away from home nearly onto a very fast road when I was a toddler, and my parents almost sold our house and moved in response. (They were lucky that we lived in a sort of rural area and were able to negotiate a right-of-way with the neighbors to build a driveway onto a quiet street and get rid of the driveway that had gone onto the busy road.) That’s how big a deal it was for them.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My concerns with a busy road would be my kids running out into the street before we can stop them and my anxiety at having to back my car out onto the busy road. The kids will eventually grow out of that first concern (hopefully!) but I would still have to back out into a main road and I didn’t want to do that for the next 20+ years. If you can walk everywhere, and the main road is close to everything, the car thing might be less of an issue for you. We just bought a house off the main road and it’s such a quiet, peaceful street. Budget is a concern, of course, but in your shoes I would look for a smaller house off the main road.
Anonymous says
I would also worry about the difficulties of backing out into the busy road as well as noise.
So Anon says
This summer, I moved from a house on a very busy road with no sidewalks that was a major thoroughfare between two towns to a quiet family-type neighborhood. It has been a game changer for me and my kids. We had a huge backyard at the old house, so the kids still had somewhere to play. But because the road was so busy, I felt like I needed to be out there when they were playing in case a ball went into the street or they wanted to ride bikes on the driveway or something similar. In the quiet neighborhood, the kids can ride bikes and run around without a concern and without me feeling like I need to have eyes on them at all times.
Anonymous says
Eh, could go either way. We live on a very busy road (“Main Street” in our suburban town). We have young kids (two were born in this house). My kids are now old enough that I allow them in the front yard unsupervised, but they don’t play in the yard- they sit and color or draw on our walkway with chalk.
Our backyard is not fenced, but due to the layout, there is no natural inclination to leave the backyard (it’s uphill to do so, and we have shrubs and a retaining on one side). My kids play outside in the yard all the time.
Our driveway wraps to the side of our house and the kids rode bikes/toys there when they were younger. We put a driveway guard up. Getting in/out of the car was fine bc it was away from the street.
We don’t have a true neighborhood. We do have a sidewalk that goes into the neighborhood behind us, which is nice.
Anonymous says
I live in NYC commutable suburban nj and I would never move into a main road even in my small town forget about that you could be talking abt the Parkway or whatever. First, noise (garbage trucks etc). Second, no neighborhood.
Anon says
DH and I rented a house for a little over a year that was on a busy road. By busy, I mean there was a double yellow line an the speed limit was 30mph. Caveat that we did not have a child at that time, but it was totally fine. I think it does make a difference that there was a sidewalk and we had a fenced in backyard. We did not hear that much noise from the road while inside the house. We didn’t even really have difficulties backing out of the driveway. If I found a house I loved on that type of road, I would consider it based off of our positive experience before. Now, if it backed up to an interstate or to a road with a higher volume of cars and higher speed limit, that would be a different story.
COtoNY says
Thanks so much for your replies! And yes, by busy road I mean one with a yellow line. Besides the safety factor, what I was trying to put my thumb on was the ability to let her roam around with neighborhood kids– that just wouldn’t happen on a super busy road. Lots of good stuff to consider!
ElisaR says
I’m in NJ and I don’t think I would live on a busy street if I could avoid it. I live 20 miles outside of NYC and our street does not have a yellow line but people often use it as a cut-through and go above the 25 mph posted. I’m the crazy lady on the front lawn gesturing to everyone to slow down!!! I would downgrade on a home and buy on a more desirable location. You can upgrade the home. You can change the location.
ElisaR says
i meant you can NOT change the location. duh.
Anonymous says
So, we wouldn’t buy a house on a busy road because it was the number one dealbreaker for my DH who grew up on a busy road. Meaning lots of row homes lots of cars all the time. But my brother/wife/kids live on a busy street in the Chicago suburbs and it’s actually fine. Their house is set up so that their backyard, garage, and a huge driveway area are behind a fence and gate so the kids can still ride bikes safely. And the backyard is big. It was the only way to get in the zip code they wanted with a price they could afford. Obviously this is a very specific example though. But I think it can work with the right house/driveway. And maybe an extra high latch on the front door that the kids can’t reach just in case?
anonn says
Also think about resale and how long you plan to stay there. My friend got a great deal on amazing house because it was on a very busy street. But, now five years later they are having real struggles to sell their house, mainly there’s just not a lot of buyers right now, and a lot of inventory in the same price range. Her house is far and away the cheapest per square foot and fully updated etc. The only negative feedback they are getting is the street is too busy. we’re in the midwest though, so the market is probably more volatile.
anon for this says
Is anyone else experiencing, for lack of a better term, leadership fatigue? I recently joined a choir for the first time since college, and was surprised to discover that what I enjoy most about it is the fact that for once I am not the person in charge. I am not the conductor, just an anonymous face in a crowd of identically dressed people. I am not responsible for anyone else or the quality of their work or their feelings. All I have to do is to sing my own part correctly and blend with the group. If I mess up, I won’t be messing up anyone else’s life and it’s likely that few people will even notice. It’s such a refreshing change from work, where the buck always stops with me, and home, where like all parents I also shoulder enormous responsibilities. I didn’t even realize how much pressure I was under at pretty much every second of the day until I was put in a situation where the weight of that responsibility was lifted. Can anyone else relate?
Artemis says
I can absolutely relate, I’ve been calling it “management fatigue”. I supervise a team of 8 people at work all day and then manage 3 kids at home. I’m tired of everyone wanting/needing me to make decisions! My favorite time of day is often after everyone else, even my spouse, is in bed and I am alone and it is quiet! I joke that at home I have three kids pulling on my shirt hem saying “Mommy Mommy Mommy” and at work I have eight people streaming in and out of my cubicle saying “Mommmy Mommy Mommy”!
I actually really love a lot of things about being a manager because I’ve had bad bosses and I get so much joy from being/growing into a good boss myself. But I am job hunting and am definitely not averse to returning to an individual contributor role for awhile!
anne-on says
Yup. This is the main reason I enjoy OrangeTheory for my workouts. Once I walk through the doors I don’t have to think about anything for the next hour – all of the workout is planned out, I just follow directions, get coaching, and the coach/front desk staff/people in class are all super supportive and positive about what we’re doing (it’s a total 180 from my work most of the time, ha!).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Wow, you just made me realize why I love OT so much.
Cb says
Yes! I just don’t want to decide anything any more! I think that’s why I like yoga so much, someone tells me what to do and even when to breathe. I work largely independently (I’m an academic) but have to make so many decisions throughout the day.
Anonymous says
This. This is why I love yoga. I never practice at home but I go to class twice a week. I LOVE turning my brain off for an hour.
Minat says
So relatable. So much so that I have to fight the tendency to feel like I have to control everything from taking over in situations where it’s really not appropriate — like my kid’s soccer game! The coach and league are in charge — if it’s not being run well, not my monkey, not my circus!
Irish Midori says
100%. This is why playing music in a group is so relaxing to me. I’m forced to focus enough that I can’t worry about anything but the notes, and I don’t have any decisionmaking responsibilities.
anon says
Oh, I understand this so much. Like I really, really don’t want to be in charge of things that I know I could do well. I get my fill at work and home, and I just don’t have the bandwidth to take on more responsibility.
Anonymous says
I never actually considered it this way before but yes, yes, yes. Thank you for articulating something that I felt and couldn’t identify.
Ditto the yoga (I don’t like doing it on my own because I have to think of the flow), and the group music. I’m in a chamber music group right now which scratches the itch to have fun playing music with other people, but as the pianist I still feel like I’m most responsible. Time to join the community choir and be anonymous alto.
Anon says
also twins and we didn’t have her drive them for the first year though at that point assuming they are in infant car seats we could’ve just gotten extra bases. We don’t have local family so we didn’t need 6 car seats, but we do have 4- 2 for our nanny’s car. We recently relocated to where we live from a walkable area and i haven’t really driven much over the past 12 years so i figure she is probably a better driver than i am
Nice kid-friendly tablecloth? says
Now that our kids are drawing and making messes at our wood dining room table, we’ve put a tablecloth over it, but I really don’t like it. I get yucky vibes from the kind of plastic tablecloths my parents had when I was kid. I’m looking for a kid-friendly long rectangular tablecloth that looks like adults live here, too. Any help??
AwayEmily says
Is there any way you can just let the kids do their thing and refinish the table in a few years when they are less messy? That is our plan.
Anon says
Same.
ElisaR says
us too.
Anonymous says
Not what you asked, but how old are your kids? When kiddo was around 18 months, we got a Step2 picnic table for stuff like this and now around 4 finally upgraded to a regular Ikea table and chairs for kids. I found it much easier than constantly cleaning and trying to protect our dining table. But, to answer your actual questions, we and tons of other folks I know have some variation of BBB Origins Microfiber tablecloths. They have tons of shapes and colors and truly are very washable and anti-stain.
Anonymous says
Our solution for this was to use large thin plastic play trays with an edge. We use one for crafts and one for meals. I could never find a satisfactory table cloth and I didn’t want to live with the table looking worn for the next 5 years until this phase is past and I could refinish.
Cb says
We use a large wooden easel to hold kiddo’s papers. It contains most of the crayons. But we also have an oil cloth table cloth and a cheap ikea table so I’m not that fussed.
anne-on says
We ordered from this shop for our outdoor tablecloth. Not the cheapest but it’s lovely:
https://www.etsy.com/shop/SoleildeProvence
Tablecloth says
Second the recommendation from this etsy shop. My table is a custom design made of walnut wood and my kid was stabbing his fork into it. So, I bought a cover material from Amazon that has leather on top side and felt on bottom side. I use this cover under the tablecloth from etsy. That table cloth is cotton material but coated with a material which makes it easy to wipe. You can also wash it and light iron it, but haven’t needed to do that yet.
Mrs. Jones says
We put an ugly plastic tablecloth under a nice tablecloth. For playtime we roll back the nice tablecloth.
Anon says
My parents for their dining room table had a custom made half inch thick protector thing. It looks sort of like wood grained vinyl I guess on top? But it’s not hideous – they typically put table clothes over it, but I think it would be fine uncovered.
Anonymous says
I have one of these. I actually think it’s pretty ugly, but I have quite a nice table that my kids would destroy otherwise. I want to get one of those oilcloth tablecloths to put on top of it.
Emily S. says
Are you looking for something that can stay on all the time? Could you just throw down the tablecloth at designated table time? We have a dining room table and a kitchen table, and because the dining room table is larger, when we’re painting or cookie decorating or giant coloring pages coloring, we go to the dining room table and I put down a plastic tablecloth. If we’re eating dinner in there, I use a nice fabric tablecloth. Otherwise, the table is bare. If you want something that can live there all the time, a solid, neutral polyester table cloth that you can wash when it gets stained my work. I have one from Gee Di Moda from the ‘Zon and it is pretty soft and washes well.
Anon2 says
I recently started using a tablecloth because my husband grew up with them and prefers the look to a plain wood table. I have come to like the look, too, but my oh my those things are hard to keep clean! My in-laws must have washed theirs every day. We get through two meals, max, before the kids’ areas are a mess – even if we try to use placemats on top! So I guess I’m saying to think about if you really want a permanent tablecloth, or if you want a plastic one that comes out for crafts, a separate craft area, etc.
Anonymous says
We’re taking baby on his first plane trip at 10 weeks old. It’ll be a 2-hr flight for a 3-night stay at the grandparents’ house. Any tips for the flight and the stay generally? Grandparents are a bit fancy and have a small 2-br so I’m mostly worried we’ll be taking over their whole house with our stuff. We’re bringing a stroller, car seat and travel bassinet. Can we gate check the stroller and the car seat?
Anon says
Yes you can gate check those things, although if there’s a spare seat they might let you bring the car seat on the plane which I would highly recommend, since at that age baby will probably sleep the whole way and then you’ll have your hands and lap free. It will be great! This is a really easy age to travel with them, since they’re immobile and sleep so much.
Minat says
Bring 2x as many diapers ON THE PLANE as you think you’ll need, at least. Ditto for food. Bring one, perhaps two, complete changes of clothes for baby, and perhaps yourself. Plan for the worst — being stuck on the tarmac for up to 90 minutes in addition to the planned flight time. Bring multiple pacifiers if he uses them.
Anonymous says
Yup bring extra shirt for yourself and DH.
Anon says
If you think you will be traveling frequently to see them, and they are willing to, consider having them buy and keep a stripped down PNP at their house – folded I don’t think they take up much space, but depends how full their closets are. One less thing to travel with, and at least my parents were so excited about being grandparents they wanted to buy all the kid things. I’d also have them pick up (or order to be delivered before you arrive) a small box of diapers and wipes so you don’t have to pack those.
NYCer says
We did a 6 hour flight at 12 weeks and it ended up being a piece of cake. Our baby slept a good chunk of the flight both ways and was otherwise very mellow. Hopefully you will have the same experience! My biggest suggestion is to allow a lot (a lot) of time to get through the airport. Everything takes longer with kids, and especially a baby, in tow. And I definitely agree with an earlier posted re planning for delays…bring more food, diapers, etc. than you think you will need.
We gate checked the infant car seat with no issue. My city kid baby HATED being in the car seat at that age, so there was a zero percent chance I wanted to bring the seat on to the plane, but YMMV if your baby is used to and likes sleeping in a car seat. I put her in a carrier when we boarded the plane and otherwise we just alternated holding her. We have a yoyo stroller that can be carried on, so we put that in the overhead bin, but I imagine you can gate check both stroller and car seat.
Anon says
I always wear kiddo through security. Leaves my hands free, we go through the metal detector together, and then they usually just swab the carrier. Works great – still do it even though kiddo is 2 and huge (33 lbs and 37 inches).
Anonymous says
Glad to know this is an option!
Anonymous says
We did the same on a trip with a ~16 week old baby, which also allowed us to regular check (not gate check) the car seat. Pluses of this strategy: did not have to bring stroller at all (as the baby preferred the carrier anyway, and we didn’t need the stroller to schlep the car seat through the airport); able to bring the infant seat base for an easier installation of the infant seat into the rental car (since we didn’t have to schlep it the whole way through the airport); generally not having to deal with the logistics of A Bunch Of Stuff from the ticket counter onward.
I’ll also say that we found the 2 oz bottles of premade formula really useful (make sure you also have nipples for them!). I don’t know that it would be a great idea to *introduce* bottles or formula in the context of a trip, but for our baby who’d already had some formula supplementation via bottle and was not a very good on-the-go nurser, they made it really easy to just get him fed ASAP when that seemed like the right strategy (esp on ascents and descents–if we didn’t get the pacifier going in advance, he’d be too mad to take it but would engage with a bottle, which also seemed to provide quicker relief). They also worked well in the car, for the to-and-from the airport portions of the trip.
Anon says
I’ve only taken my 19 month old swimming a handful of times and she hated it every time. We’re in the Midwest so swimming (outside anyway) season is ending. Is it ok to just take a break and try again next summer? Or do I need to keep dragging her to indoor pools that both she and I hate? I don’t want to raise a child who is scared of water and doesn’t know how to swim, but it’s honestly so miserable to spend an hour or more getting ready and then have her dissolve in instant tears the second she sees the swimming pool.
Anonymous says
Take a break and try again in another year or two. Mine were all around 4 before they really learned to swim and love the water.
Anon says
Thanks, that’s good to hear. I feel like there’s SO much pressure to get your kids comfortable in the water ASAP. I’ve seen people here (and my real life friends) say “oh, we don’t do any activities except swim lessons for safety” (when talking about 1-2 year olds).
She wasn’t walking steadily until recently. I’m hoping next summer I can take her to a splash pad and let her run around and play and get comfortable with the water without actually being submerged in a pool.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We don’t do any organized activities with our 3.5 year old outside of daycare and we also haven’t done swim lessons yet. Been meaning to but just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I figure he won’t learn anything until closer to 4 anyway and I like the idea of not having to get in the pool myself for these early lessons. We’ve kept a close eye on him when we’ve gone to pools, he wears Puddle Jumpers and loves splash pads.
EB says
My son is 2.5 and LOVES his swim lessons. We started doing it because one of his little friends was so we joined in, but that little boy ended up hating it and they did not continue going. We only keep going because he enjoys it so much. If he did not like it, we would have stopped and waited.
Cb says
My 2 year old still hates the water – we were at the ocean in August and he spent the time screaming and trying to drag me out of the water. It stresses me out but I also don’t have the bandwidth to deal with it. We try and take a dip when we’re at the sea or when we’re staying in a hotel with a pool. I’m hoping he’ll just grow out of his aversion.
2 Cents says
I took 15-month LO to 6 weeks of swim lessons and decided that he’s learned all he can till next summer. He likes the water, but at this age, he gets tired of taking directions (sort of) after 10 minutes and then wants out. He at least knows what a pool is and basically how to get out. Figured we’d resume next summer.
Anonymous says
Also in the Midwest. We did some parent/child classes at that age because it was about the only class offered in my smaller town, and I really wanted to do some sort of class. Kiddo didn’t truly start learning actual skills until she was 3 and could participate in group non-parent lessons. Kiddo is about to turn 4 and just recently it has started to click more for her. If you don’t have the safety issue of a home pool or tons of them in your neighborhood, I’d give it time. I’ve been a stickler about it because I can’t swim and am annoyed my parents didn’t make me learn before adulthood. But that’s not something that happens at 18 months, anyway (or even 4, but I want her to have the non-anxiety inducing relationship with bodies of water and pools that I don’t have so I’m a little crazy about it).
GCA says
I’d take a break and try again next summer. Even with swim lessons, no toddler is going to be 100% safe around pools and will still need supervision anyway.
IHeartBacon says
This.
rosie says
I think it’s fine to take a break, but I will suggest you ask around and see where people go for toddler swim lessons. We went to some when my kid was about 15 months, and we all dreaded it. Cold pool & mean teacher. We just started at a different place (it had been closed for renovation until recently) — very warm water and a better teacher. I’m not going to say kid is now magically swimming, but I definitely see a path to how she could learn to swim soon versus with the other place.
Anon says
We haven’t done any formal lessons – just taken her to quite a few different pools ourselves.
rosie says
You might look up some youtube videos for activities and little games to do in the water with her. Like singing songs she already knows that you can do little water dances to (wheels on the bus, hokey pokey, humpty dumpty for going from sitting on the side into your arms, etc.). That was basically the only thing we got out of the first set of lessons we did (and then the new lessons we are doing are much more of that, much less “hold your child on their back even if they scream” which really seemed like the wrong approach). Now when we’re at a hotel pool or something we just have fun singing songs and she seems to like it.
Anon says
I will say that for us the switch from “scream at sight of pool” – with lessons! toys! warm water! lovely instructor! to “run full speed ahead into shallow water” happened this summer right around 18 months. But I think you’re fine to give it a break for the winter and try again. Kiddo still does not like water where she can’t touch the bottom, does not tolerate back floating at all and we’re just finally starting to be okay with things like blowing bubbles and face close to water. Practicing in the bathtub helps too – pouring water on their faces when you rinse their hair, practicing blowing bubbles in the bath, etc. Goggles also helped a lot for kiddo too (although she doesn’t get her face wet so I have no idea why).
Anonymous says
Take a break. My middle hated it (HATED) until 2.5 and now she’s a fish. My oldest has always loved it. My third is 2 now and very happy in a puddle jumper- and was happy in a float but didn’t like to be held.
Anonymous says
Swim lessons cannot make a toddler water-safe. Kids have to be older before they can actually learn to swim (4-ish on average), and even older and more skilled than that before they are truly water-safe. The best thing to do with toddlers is to teach them never to go into the water without a grown-up.
Anon says
Our swim lessons teach rules (such as never get in until invited to by a grown up) and also how to climb out. The how to climb out bit I think is important – if she were to fall in close to an edge (and not hit her head of course), she would be able to pull herself out. We watch kiddo like a hawk around water (and don’t have an in-home pool for many reasons, but one of which is my anxiety about pool accidents), but I do think they can start teaching basics early on.
Anonymous says
My son has always loved the water but isn’t a great swimmer due to a general lack of coordination (ask me where he gets it from) despite years of lessons. Being afraid of the water offers some protection too – at least your kid isn’t jumping in when they can’t swim!
Anon says
I have actually TAUGHT swimming lessons (in college). If you didn’t start when your kid was crawling and/or have daily multi-hour access to a pool, your kid’s not going to swim until about 5. Which is TOTALLY fine. There are Olympic medalists who didn’t learn to swim until 10.
What you need to do between now and age four is get your kid comfortable with water on their face, water on/in the ears and lying/floating on their back. All of that you can do in a bathtub.
You’ll be fine!
Anon says
Tips for getting the odor of vomit out of carpet?
Anon says
Professional carpet cleaners.
Anon says
Blot with white vinegar and a white rag. Use wet dry vac (or little green machine) to suction up, rinse with water and suction again. Sprinkle baking soda on top. Let sit for 12-24 hours. Vacuum up. If that doesn’t work, call the pros.
OP says
How do i do this and keep my 15 month old twins away from it for 12-24 hours? This is in their bedroom
Anonymous says
Do you have a portable play yard that you could set up around it?
Anon says
Consider letting the baking soda sit overnight if kiddos aren’t in toddler beds. If they are, I would do it as soon as they wake up and then leave all day and vacuum up right before bedtime and let them have playtime elsewhere all day.
Anonymom says
Can any folks on here who made the NYC Private v. Public school decision share their thought process? We live in a good elementary school zone (albeit very not diverse, alas, such is the case in NYC in general). I am getting stressed though about all the forthcoming changes to the public school system – not the changes themselves so much as the prospect of dealing with continual change and navigate different processes over and over while my kids are in school. I also worry about the prospect of better-off families leaving the public schools in response to these changes and the possibility that the public system takes a hit overall as a result. Conversely, even setting aside the exorbitant cost, private schools have their own issues in terms of being a pressure cooker and exposing my kids to a degree of wealth that is totally obscene. But, consistency, small class size, and frankly more racial diversity than my 98% white school zone are pros.
Anyway – would appreciate hearing from anyone who made this decision and what factors weighed into it. In all likelihood my unconnected kids wouldn’t get into private school anyway, so in the end this might be a non issue!
NYCer says
Our older daughter goes to a K-12 private school in NYC. To be completely frank, and I hope I don’t get flamed for saying this, we never really considered public school. We liked the consistency of a private school (as I am sure you know, you have to separately apply for elementary, middle and high school at NYC public schools), the greater variety of specialty offerings (music, art, languages, etc.), and the smaller class size / more personal feel between administrators and parents.
Because of my husband’s job, we assume we will be in NYC for the long haul. If we were going to move sometime before middle school, possibly we would have considered our (good) zoned elementary school. That being said, we are very happy at our current school.
Also, there are tons of private schools in NYC, so I think it is safe to assume your children will get in somewhere if that is the route you decide to go. Perhaps the ultra ultra competitive ones would be a reach (along the lines of Trinity, Chapin, Spence, etc.), but even so, I think that those schools are starting to accept more “unconnected” people these days too. Are your kids at a preschool currently? Preschool directors can be very helpful with navigating private school admissions.
Anonymous says
We only really considered public school due to the cost. My husband is a public high school teacher; I work at a nonprofit arts organization. So far, it’s fine – son is in 2nd grade. We are zoned for a locally well-regarded elementary school; albeit with mediocre test scores. It is fairly diverse. We also live in a district that is relatively strong overall (District 15), which will affect our middle school. We have some concerns about middle school, especially because of what my husband sees in his students, but feel like private school is still an option. (I’m sure it would not be one of the really competitive ones). I think you only really need to worry about school selection 3 times – elementary, middle, and high school. It sounds like your elementary school is pretty set, so you’d just be worrying about middle and high school. I don’t think there is any huge draw back to giving the public elementary school a try, but I am certainly no expert on private school admissions.
Io says
So I’ve worked with two women in NYC who started their first kid in private school and sent their second to public. One mom spent thousands on a math tutor (multiple years) when her oldest switched from Little Red to Dalton and it turned out hadn’t learned any math.
The other mom had similar math issues at a different private school as well as needing to hire a test tutor, because at 12 her son had never taken a multiple choice test and didn’t understand them.
We’re sending our kid to a progressive choice school with a racial justice curriculum and no homework. American education is terrible no matter what, so I want to support my kid to find a passion and educate herself via love.
Also there’s so much pushback on canceling GT that it won’t happen. DeBlasio doesn’t have the capital and most black/brown pols are adamantly against it. It’s probably a salvo in a major restructuring, but not a cancelation.
Leatty says
What is your favorite place to visit with a toddler? I love to plan trips, and I’m starting to brainstorm about taking our 2 year old somewhere next April/May. Can be international (but must be Zika free since we are TTC), and we’d likely go for around a week. Amsterdam is on my short list, but I’d be curious to know where else we should consider. We live in Florida near a great beach, so not terribly interested in a beach trip.
Cb says
We did Berlin at Easter with my then 20 month old and it was amazing. If I was coming from the US, I’d do Berlin for part of the time and then the countryside.
anne-on says
Can you share what you did in Berlin? I may be there with my older (8yr old) son this December and curious what might be good outside of the obvious Christmas markets!
Cb says
Late reply but hopefully you’ll come back. I think the museums are quite interesting and everything is quite kid oriented. The Machmit museum is good, the German tech museum is amazing (and I imagine an 8 year old boy would love it).
Anonymous says
I like Italy but I also loved Italy pre-kids.
Anon says
We did Paris this past spring when our daughter had just turned one and had a lot of fun. We are going to Amsterdam next summer when she’ll be almost 2.5 so I’ll be curious to hear what you think if you go. I think really any place can be good provided it’s relatively easy to reach and doesn’t require serious physical activity. Personally, I like to go somewhere I’ve been before or a place (like the beach or a wine region) where there isn’t a lot you feel like you have to do. It’s hard to hit multiple museums in one day with a toddler, so plan on a slower pace and more things like parks and playgrounds than you would normally do on vacation.
If you’re actively TTC now, isn’t there a possibility you’ll be 8 months pregnant in May? I definitely wouldn’t book anything non-refundable!
shortperson says
anywhere in europe will be easy. super toddler friends, playgrounds, museums with kid stuff, outdoor plazas to drink wine and watch kids run around.
also consider japan.
Ms B says
Haven’t done it, but hear that Copenhagen is a good place to take the toddler set.
Anon says
Copenhagen can be pretty miserable weather-wise in April and even into May though. I went in April, it was about 40 degrees and raining so we couldn’t really go outside much. That would be miserable with a toddler.
anon says
Does anyone else have a preschooler who is sort of a tornado, for lack of a better term? She leaves behind a stream of toys and drawings and “treasures” everywhere she goes. It’s exhausting. I do have her pick up big toys before bedtime, but it’s more like … why is my kitchen table suddenly covered in Polly Pockets and rocks and markers? Polly, the rocks, and the markers all have storage spots, none of which are located in the main living areas. Is this even a solvable problem, or do I need to s*ck it up for a few more years? I am a person who is very affected by random clutter and it seriously stressed me out. I feel like I’m picking stuff up constantly. There are buckets and bins in every room to contain the crap, the origin of which is a total mystery to me sometimes.
Anon says
I think all toddlers and preschoolers are this way! Are there kids who aren’t??
Anon says
My 2YO preschooler likes to dump things out almost as soon as I put them away. It seems normal in my experience? My suggestion is to not necessarily have designated spots, but just some rope bins in each room that toys get dumped into. And then on the weekends I’ll go through and redistribute them to the room that is their “home.” But it’s a constant game of pickup.
Anon. says
+1 to toy depositories in each room. Similar to OP I cannot handle clutter. But I also cannot expect my toddler to put things away especially if they live in other areas of the house. We have some sort of containment device in basically every room (living room cabinet, baskets in my bedroom and his, toy storage in the family room, small basket in the kitchen).
Anonymous says
Sounds normal.
avocado says
My 12-year-old still leaves behind a trail of debris, which is funny because she is highly critical of anyone else’s mess.
Emily S. says
Mine, too! Is 4 too young to expect her to pick it up? I didn’t think it was, but the amount of pushback I get…and it’s like she just doesn’t see it. I understand that she can’t see how it bothers the other 3 people in the family because she’s 4 and I wouldn’t expect that level of empathy, but it’s really testing my patience. I thought stepping on a Peppa Pig figurine would start her on the path to empathy and picking up, but it was short lived.
Anon says
My toddler stepped on a little people doo dad yesterday barefoot and pointed to her foot and hopped around crying, and my first thought was not “you poor thing” it was “payback finally.” Mom of the year over here.
Anon says
My toddler did that today (with a Duplo) and I actually said to her “this is why we need to pick up our toys, so we don’t step on them and hurt ourselves.” So if you’re a bad mom, I’m worse…
ElisaR says
this is the definition of every kid i know!
Anonymous says
This is literally all small children.
Everlong says
Would anyone like to fantasy interior design for me? I want to redo my master bedroom. We need all new furniture and paint. We are in a traditional cape cod and there’s a chair rail around the whole room. It’s a large room but awkward spacing, with two large cape cod style windows that jut out but can’t really be functional. I literally have no vision here. I like simple, modern, fresh. Floors are carpet. Anyone have a vision here?
Ovulation app? says
Getting geared up to TTC. What ovulation/fertility tracker app do you recommend? Bonus if it’s free. Thank you!
Anon says
Glow. I only used 5% of it’s features (namely, the calendar) and ignored a ton of the BS (baby dust comment boards, etc).
Anonymous says
Second Glow! I have used the entire “family” of their apps through TTC (Glow), pregnancy (Nurture), and early baby days (Glow Baby). I also second generally ignoring the comment boards and just using the tracking features. I added my husband to the Glow Baby app and this was really useful to have us both using the app to log diapers/naps/etc. in those early months.
Minat says
I like the Fertility Friend app for ioS.
Anon says
What signs are you monitoring? FWIW I monitored temp and mucus with my first and literally used a paper chart next to my bed – I found that easier than remembering to log into an app and click through to all different screens. Now I track my cycle as a matter of course/natural family planning and use the Kindara app (along with Clearblue monitor ov strips and mucus).
Anonymous says
Used and liked OvaGraph, which is affiliated with Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Was easy to plug in what I monitored and ignore what I didn’t, and the visual presentation of the data was great for me.
Anonymous says
Fertility Friend is the best, but it depends on how specifically you want to track things. If you just want to track the cycle, free should work fine. If you want to track symptoms/meds/testing/whatever else, you’ll need Premium (and it’s worth it, in my opinion, but I liked having All The Data).
Anon says
FEMM. I used sympto-thermal and thought it did pretty much everything I wanted a free app to do.
SF says
My son is 2.5 (bday in January). He started preschool in January and the new year recently started. He spends 9-3 in a class of 2 and 3 year olds and then 3-5:30 in aftercare in a mixed age setting. There are two groups of kids in aftercare. He’s in group one and all of the boys he started school with in January (his “friends”) are in group 2. But his two favorite teachers are in group one. Does it matter if he’s separated from his friends? He’s easy-going and doesn’t complain (which is part of why he was the one they pulled out due to numbers/ratios) but he also seems to mostly be inside whereas all the other boys are outside.
Anon. says
I would not care that he was separated from his little friends at that age. I would however care a lot if he was getting significantly less outdoors time. (Because outdoors time for my kid = running around = eats and sleeps better and is generally happier.)