By the second week of August, I’m over the sweltering summer weather. Fall is on my mind, and with that, a new fall wardrobe.
If you’re expecting, the cooler weather of fall is especially welcomed. This hooded sweatshirt dress from maternity favorite Ingrid & Isabel’s line for Target is made for busy fall weekends. Made from a cozy cotton/recycled poly blend, it has side slits for easy movement and practical pockets. The pretty muted orange color is particularly fall-like. Pair it with your favorite sneakers for all day comfort.
This hooded sweatshirt maternity dress is $34.99 at Target and comes in orange or gray. It’s available in sizes XS–XXL.
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
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- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
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My 4 year old keeps telling us she needs to pee and then nothing comes out. Could this be a UTI? Her actual pee is normal (normal frequency, volume, color etc) but this telling us she has to go when she doesn’t is new. It started last week when we were on vacation and swimming for hours every day, and we assumed she was getting confused by the sensation of pool water running down her legs. But it’s continued since we got home. She says there’s no pain when she goes, and she has no fever or other symptoms.
Maybe. Call her doctor.
I have a call into the doctor but I thought I would see what people here think too.
I would get it checked out just in case – easy to rule out with a quick pediatrician’s visit.
I think you’re right that it could be some kind of UTI/yeast infection, etc. I know I had at least one that had no symptoms/pain and was just caught at OBGYN appt. Especially because vacation with swimming/wet swimsuit etc she’s probably at higher risk of something.
Yeah, and the pool at the resort we were at was super gross and warm. I felt like I got an infection just looking at it. :(
This happened to us with our 4yo and the issue was that he had been constipated/holding it in on and off for months (potty fears) and was extremely backed up despite going regularly enough. Our doc did an exam and then told us to use miralax daily for a month or so and it took care of it.
Late on commenting but our daughter did this and it was exactly conatipation. Our doctor had us take oedia lax one day and then we worked to stay regular and eat the right things and she’s Ben fine since
It could be but 4yo girls commonly have benign urinary frequency. Especially with a change in routine or vacation. My daughter went through this phase, it was not a UTI, and she’s ask to go like 8 times an hour. It resolves itself. But yes call the pediatrician.
Tips on surviving a 12 hour car ride with a 5 year old and 2 year old? I’ll be making the trip solo. I plan to have lots of snacks on hand, and the 5 year old will get as much tablet time as she wants. Any other ideas? I’m dreading this.
We stop as little as possible, and keep stops utilitarian – bathroom and food only. It’s very hard for my kid to go back in the car after running around and playing, and you get there a lot faster if you minimize stops. With frequent stopping, a 12 hour drive can turn into a 15 or 16 hour one, and that just makes it harder on everyone.
A 2 year old can probably watch a tablet too, so I’d get a second one if you don’t already have one.
Good luck! We did this drive twice for a week in Florida during both Covid winters and although the drive was not fun it was worth it for a week at the beach we wouldn’t have otherwise been able to have.
Don’t do it. 12 hours is too long. If you can do 6 and 6 and overnight somewhere fine but if not, cancel this plan. It’s just really not fair to the kids or you.
Counterpoint: I did a 12 hour drive solo with a 2 and 4 year old and it was fine. Kids mostly zoned out to tablets, with some car games like Who Am I, “reading” and napping in the mix as well. Childhood is filled with all sorts of things that kids don’t want to do. A 12 hour drive seems pretty low on the list of horrors to me. It was certainly not that terrible for me. Breaking it up and adding in an overnight stay in a hotel would have made it more stressful and exhausting for me (what if the kids don’t sleep??)
I don’t think it’s unfair to the kids, but 12 hours of driving solo with 2 young kids is a lot to stay alert for. If you have the ability to split this into 2 days, I would definitely do it just for safety.
We’ve started splitting our 7-10 hour drives into two days and it feels a LOT better. Leave after work, drive 3-5 hours the first evening, stop at a motel, then get a good breakfast and some running around in the morning (pool is even better) and wrap up the next day. Also, if there is anything interesting along the way, you can spend an hour at the tiny Reptilland zoo (along rte 15 in PA, in case that’s on your route!) or detour to the playground or whatever.
Otherwise, I agree that this is the time to go all in on tablets. The 2 year old can probably watch shows or do baby balloons app, etc. We have a tablet for each kid and over-the-head headphones for each. Download plenty of content. Take them away when you want the kids to nap, and have some audiobooks or kid-friendly music to switch to until they fall asleep.
On the other hand, if your kids don’t sleep well in hotels, you could be in a situation where the driver doesn’t get any sleep and then has to drive 6 hours while sleep-deprived, which seems both dangerous and very un-fun. With two parents it’s different because usually one parent can get some sleep and then that person can drive.
Melatonin’s not a silver bullet. My kids have always slept fine in hotels, but I know from reading here that lots of kids have trouble sleeping in unfamiliar places and 2 is still young enough that you can’t just set the kid up with an iPad and go to sleep yourself. It just seems like a risk I wouldn’t want to take when solo. If you have another adult you can take shifts with, then it’s a different story.
Sleep aside, I also just find hotel stays kind of exhausting with toddlers, and would try to avoid it if I could. And the travel day(s) are going to be brutal regardless of whether they’re 6 hours or 12, so I’d rather have only one day of that instead of two. But YMMV.
We used to do individual tablets and honestly? it was a lot of work. I’ve now switched to a single movie on an iPad. Works for my 2 and 6 year olds. Also, there’s something hilarious about driving while Mom belts out the entire soundtrack to The Little Mermaid.
I might alternate that as an option – ‘in flight movie’ experience.
Note: I was going to get a holder, but it turns out that my iPad wedges perfectly between the two front seats of my car, sitting on the center console.
Also, I highly suggest you deputize the older one as the Snack commissioner. And… I mean, nobody wants to need this, but… ya ever been driving through a very remote area with 2 sleeping kids in the car? Bring a She-wee.
Depends on your kid but we did several at those ages.
-will they go back to sleep, if you leave really really early like while it’s still dark? This should be balanced against when you may hit rush hour or other traffic. Nothing worse than gridlock + “I have to go potty!”
-YMMV but we always tried to stop for lunch somewhere that the kids could let off steam. A nearby playground or something, anything! Playtime and then a good carb-y lunch (and a bathroom break) always led to decent Afternoon car naps which buy you a little bit more cooperation later on.
-have small random things to hand them. Not messy and not requiring any adult intervention. Wikki sticks already open, a handful of pipe cleaners, one of those play magnet sets and a small cookie tray. Whiteboards and markers but know your kids on that one. My kids did not care if they got slightly different things, as long as they each got something. Do not recommend crayons that can roll/fall out of reach and lead to screaming.
This is a know your kids situation but leave as early as possible. Like ridiculously early.
Yep. I also like a long 3+ hour stop to get out the wiggles. Then hopefully they’ll car nap for a while.
Any encouragement for a FTM struggling with the return to work? I’m a few days in, and if anything feeling worse than I did initially. We love our childcare set up and the logistics aren’t killing us yet, it’s just that I spend all day not being where I want to be (with my baby). Please tell me it gets better.
It truly does!
It does get better. Can you take some strategic time off, like some Friday afternoons, to just relax with baby? Even with my kids being 2 and 4, I still feel sad Monday mornings in particular.
Yes it gets better! I was you for the first year or so I was back. In my experience, it gets easier when kids can communicate more and you know they know you’re coming back, and even easier still when they can eventually tell you about their day and all the fun things they’re learning and doing. Then it feels more like them building a world separate from you, rather than you leaving them, if that makes sense. It also gets easier when kids get more defiant and emotionally tiring to take care of. A 2 year old who won’t stop screaming “no!” at you is a very different experience than a sweet cuddly baby :) I think I would have really enjoyed being a SAHM to a baby, but now that I have an extremely strong-willed preschooler, I’m sooooo glad I don’t stay home (I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m miserable – in a lot of ways older ages are more fun! The independence is great. But they are also, at least in my experience, exhausting in a way that sleepy babies weren’t and I need a break that I didn’t need back then). In our case it also got easier when we switched to a better childcare arrangement and our child was happier about us leaving, but sounds like that’s not a factor in your case.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. For me what helped was taking strategic days off as someone else mentioned, where I wasn’t working and could just hang out with her. 1 or 2 days a month? Also planning things on weekends to look forward too.
Also as you get to know the caregivers, that will feel better too because you’ll feel like baby is staying with friends, not strangers. And yes, it will take awhile, but it gets better- I would have loved staying home the first year, but after that, was thrilled to be back to work and have a separate identity. Even now (kids are 3 and 5) my husband and I still joke TGIM some weekends (thank god it’s Monday).
Having some serious tgim energy today.
Solo parented the toddler all weekend and I’m glad to have a clean quiet house finally.
Travel laptop bag says
Back on the road regularly and want to invest in a new laptop bag. Needs to fit a 14” laptop.
I want it to be something stylish (as much as it’s possible for a laptop bag…) Not the standard Tumi consultant bro bag.
Ideally it would be a backpack with a luggage sleeve but can be flexible on that for something really compelling.
I’m a tech exec and my style runs more towards rag and bone/COS. Open to cool men’s bag too.
I have had two Timbuk2 laptop backpacks over the last 15 years and both have held up wonderfully. Some are pretty utilitarian but several are more stylish (I like the Foundry pack, and it has a luggage sleeve).
Not sure which style I’d recommend but DH has a yeti backpack for work travel and it’s quite sleek and cool. Worth checking out.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Dagne Dover backpack?
I have the Lo & Sons Rowledge and love it. I used to travel for business more and it was a great backpack – stylish, has a top carry handle, can fit a laptop, luggage sleeve. Lots of internal pockets and two external waterbottle/ umbrella pockets. Very stylish and hard wearing – its a combination of leather and nylon. It should definitely be on your list to check out. I’ve sold it to several female friends (and my old boss!) and they all adore it.
+1 Love mine.
Any recommendations on things you bought in preparation for a second kid? Right now I’ve got uppababy stroller adapters, new bottle nipples, second monitor camera, second changing pad, what else? This time I think I’ll also go for the owlet in hopes of reducing anxiety.
Owlet, the maker of Smart Sock, has pulled its product from its website after the Food and Drug Administration issued a warning letter last month stating that the socks are medical devices that Owlet has sold without the FDA’s “marketing approval, clearance, or authorization,”
I heard this but you can still buy it on their website so I’m utterly confused.
This is obviously a personal thing, but I had an owlet-like device and it made me way MORE anxious. And, the technology part drove me bonkers, as the alarm falsely went off once and woke up baby as I was holding him agh! It’s ok to say this is too much data and checking all the time is not good for me.
I didn’t own one, but am sure it would have made me more anxious.
This was why I ended up not even using the audio baby monitor. If the baby wanted us, we could hear her without the monitor. The monitor just kept me awake with every little snuffle.
If you are going to be parenting on your own for any stretches, make sure you have baby containment devices (e.g. bouncers) on each floor so you can put the baby somewhere safe while you tend to their sibling.
Agreed. I’d also add diaper changing stations for both kids and anything else you’d need on both floors. It’s more than twice the work to trapse up and down with a baby AND 2 yo.
I’d also double check your baby proofing to make sure you’re comfortable turning your back on you 2 yo in the most common spaces where you hang out.
This. Depends on whether #1’s age/personality, but really you may not want to ever leave newborn alone in the room with #1, so I used a little portable rocker seat thingy way more than I ever did with #1. I already had it, but it became really useful because I could put baby there when I had to use the bathroom, get water, etc. Also depending on #1’s age, think about your baby gate system. The way our old house was set up at the time we had #2, I had a gate on both sides of the living room, living room very toddler proofed, so I could put toddler in there and set baby in the rocker in the hallway if I had to grab something from another room, etc. YMMV – my 2yo did try to hit baby during the first few months.
We also did NOT use nearly as much “baby” stuff with #2. A folding wagon and sit/stand double stroller were great. I reused basically everything else.
Mary Moo Cow says
Some is dependent on how far apart your kids are: will the oldest be out of a stroller/diapers/crib, etc. before the baby is born? If so, you might not need to buy doubles.
I bought all new burp clothe and changing pad liners because all were too grungy to pass on. I bought some new clothes and blankets so I would feel like baby had something that belonged to just her. I switched pumps, so I bought all new pump parts. Our oldest was in a converted crib with a monitor, so we bought a new crib and new monitor. She was out of diapers, so we didn’t buy a new pail. I catalogued all the stuff I bought for them, just out of curiosity, and I spent much less money on the second baby — we had all the baby gates, bumpo, etc.
Not something to buy, but I would double down on things to make your life easier, like meal delivery and grocery services, household necessities on subscription, diapers on subscription, house cleaners if you don’t have one or upping to every week for a few weeks if you do, etc. Practice asking for help now and really take people up on it when they offer after the baby is born. What I needed after baby #2 was different — more social time for me and older child, more help keeping the household running, and more help with logistics of being a family of 4 instead of 3. In retrospect, I wish I had asked for more help with the baby so I could have some quality one-on-one time with my older child.
Did you give away any big items? (we gave away our jumper because it had a big footprint and was hard to store). Do you need a second crib? Second dresser for the new baby? We decided to get a second rocking chair because 3 year old is very attached to hers. Some stuffed animals that are just for the baby, new teething toys, a couple new books. This has helped when the 3 year old has decided that she can’t possibly let the baby play with something that she hasn’t seen in 2+ years. Obvious stuff like diapers, diaper rash cream, wipes. Some medical stuff like Infant Tylenol that comes with the syringe, new rectal thermometer, a new nose sucker thing. New clothes if sex or season differences will be an issue.
Our second is due in January (first will be 2 in October), and here’s what is on my list:
– new breast pump (I have a Spectra from #1 that I like, so will probably pay the upcharge for something in-bra for portability)
– new bottle nipples
– new double stroller (b/c #1 is already almost too tall for our Vista, so we’ll never be able to use it as a double stroller)
– second crib, crib mattress, waterproof mattress covers and sheets
– second kid will sleep in our existing bassinet for the first few months, then we’ll assemble the second crib in our bedroom for until they are 6 months and then move them into the shared nursery.
– second glider to put in my office (next to the nursery) for overnight nursing sessions and when one child is going through bedtime routine when the other is already asleep in the nursery
That’s about it. We have plenty of clothes, baby containment for each floor, toys, etc.
In the same boat! Right down to the Oct 2 year old and new baby in Jan :)
Can I ask why you’re keeping them both in cribs? I was kind of hoping I would have new baby in my room for approx 5 or 6 months in a bassinet/snoo and then move older child (then approx 2 years and 8 or 9 months) to a toddler bed with railings. Is this a bad plan?
Many toddlers don’t stay in their beds. I kept mine contained as long as possible because it’s a PITA when they’re not.
Anon at 1120am says
I want to keep them both in cribs for as long as possible because it’ll be easier for us (especially once they start sharing a room, b/c I don’t want the 2 year old getting out of her toddler bed and trying to give baby toys or books in his crib, scaling the bookshelf, etc).
Will this plan work? Who knows. She isn’t interested in getting out of her crib yet (although technically she is too tall for it, she’s 38 inches). She sleeps in a sleepsack and hasn’t tried to climb but did fall out once when she leaned far over the railing just b/c her center of gravity is so high. Fortunately, that was an isolated event.
Obviously we may have to switch her earlier if she won’t cooperate, but this is our plan. Her crib converts to a toddler bed and we’ll buy the same crib for him, so either way, we’d need a second crib.
Mary Moo Cow says
YMMV, but we lowered the crib and took the side off when DD was 2, because baby was coming in 3 months. She got out soon after bedtime, every night, for about a week, and then it got boring for her and she stayed in bed. We also only kept baby in a bassinet in our room for about 8 weeks and then, when she started sleeping through the night, moved her to her crib in her own room. We also did naps in her crib from about 4 weeks on.
Okay basically same as anon at 11:20 but plan to actually move the glider out of the nursery into the living room for awhile since my son isn’t attached to it at all. Son will be 2 when baby arrives.
Baby will be in our room then with brother. We have bassinet already and will get a mini crib for when they outgrow bassinet because our room is small. We are going to upgrade our current dresser and split it with baby then we’ll just see how it goes with moving baby into brothers room down the line. I hadn’t thought about a second changing pail for our room but that would make sense. We also need a second pack and play for travel sleep but thinking of getting one without weight limits to use for brother and baby can use current Graco one.
Yup. Guava lotus is amazing and no weight limit.
I’d add baby wearing gear. I actually tandem wear two kids and they nap at the same time.
Any first day of school rituals you’ve adopted? School starts slightly later the first day so morning won’t be rushed – kiddo wants apple, banana, and raisin oatmeal for breakfast and then we’ll cycle to school. But do you do anything else to mark the day or week ? I’m not on social media – so no need for photo shoot, although I’ll get a cute snap of him in front of school.
We let each kid pick their favorite dinner for their first day of school or if they’re the same we stagger. So we end up with a sushi night, a pizza night, and a chinese takeout night.
Oh fun! Just the one, so it keeps it simple. A platter of sashimi, it is!
Exactly. Makes it a bit celebratory and easy to do!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Following with interest. Kids are starting at a new preschool, and DS #1 will be in a TK class with uniform and no nap – big change for him!
Ugh we had our first day of the last year of preschool today and I want a re-do. I took my kiddo to the children’s museum an hour away yesterday and it was a fun outing, except there was a huge accident that completely closed the freeway so it took us 3 hours to get home, and she got to bed way late. So we were all tired and cranky this morning. I got a photo at least, but it’s terrible.
Mary Moo Cow says
We do a picture on the morning of the first day (along with one on the last day of school: I love to see how much they grow over the year!) I pack some special treats in lunches that week, and we celebrate getting through the first week with pizza and a movie or a special dessert on Friday night.
Take the cute snap in front of your house. School is often a bit chaotic at drop off!
I’m at a loss with my 4.5yo. He refuses to eat most fruits and vegetables (only exceptions: cucumbers and canned peaches) but the weird thing is he generally *likes* them. I know this because in unique circumstances (ie not at the table), he will happily eat them. We went blueberry picking last week and he downed a quart of them. At the farmers market he will gnaw on raw lettuce. One day when I was eating a mango and said “wow, this is great!” he took the rest from me and ate it all (and has refused to touch mango since).
So, this is obviously a mental block/control thing, not a taste or sensory issue. I am very confident that he will grow out of it, and I’m not particularly worried about his health, but it’s just ANNOYING. So if any of you have tricks or tips you’ve used with similar kids, please share.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not helpful, but keep serving and then just let it go? Our 3.5 year old is similar – he’s reducing the foods he’ll eat daily it seems like, but we just try to remember that this is a phase and eventually he’ll try more again. Our 6 year old (still picky) definitely eats more variety now. Oh and if your daycare serves food, that is a huge plus. I know our kid eats way more variety there (peer pressure maybe), so we are less concerned about his home meals.
What about leaving things out for a while? Serve a big fruit salad with breakfast at the weekend and leave it on the table, don’t mention it but occasionally nibble at it. Carrots and dip on the kitchen counter? Or having things in the context of a picnic (even if it is just in your garden)?
I think just ignoring it is probably the best thing to do. If you try to push it, he’s likely to dig in his heels further.
Yeah, ignoring is probably the right call. That being said, it is what we have been doing for the last six months and his refusal has only gotten worse (he used to eat watermelon, apple, grapes, carrots, and those have all fallen by the wayside). Literally we never talk to him about it — I just put the food on the plate and he doesn’t eat it, and his fruit/veg compartments come back from school still full.
What if you don’t put any on his plate so he sees you eating it and demands to have yours?
My kid is similar. It does seem to be getting a bit better around 4.5 but also we’ve just leaned into situations where she’s more likely to try new things (fruit picking, restaurants, etc) and not forced the issue at home. School provides food so we don’t have that issue, but I’d probably stop packing fruit and veg or at least pack less of it.
We also do the ‘you don’t have to eat it, but it does live on your plate’ thing! In this case, since it’s already going on his plate, I would just set it out so it’s there and available, like Cb says, if he does want to dig in. 4 year olds are a trip…
My 3 year old eats a lot better (as in eats food as opposed to not eating anything) at dinner if she is allowed to stand next to the table rather than sit in her chair. (We’ve tried her Stokke, a regular chair with a booster, a regular chair no booster, free choice of any chair in the house). It is not ideal but I want her to eat because I know she is quite hungry and this seems like the least bad option. It took a week for her to get that she needs to stand in the same place and not bounce around too much, but I think the ability to wiggle some really helps her.
Alternate idea would be to draw a face on a paper plate, put the fruit or veggies on kid’s regular plate and then ask if kid wants to decorate the face with fruit/veggies. It might make it fun and lead to eating. Or it might make a huge mess …
My 4.5 does similar things too, and it is annoying! I would keep doing what you’re doing. My 4.5yo has refused salad consistently, then randomly and happily ate half of my carry-out salad (FWIW, the iceberg-with-carrot-ginger dressing kind from a sushi place). Another fun one was his refusal for a while to eat any cheese besides shredded.
(SO annoying! It literally is the same cheese! Hahah, kids!!) He will down baby carrots/cherry tomatoes/other veggies when he gets home from school before we sit down for dinner. He also eats all the veggies I put in his snack bentgo box for pm snack at school (they make snack, but after an apparent growth spurt they asked that I send him extra). Maybe putting out some when he’s very hungry? Have him help “cut” up some veggies for dinner?
(My kids always eat half of whatever they “cut”). Another thing that helped get us out of a food rut was going to Whole Foods and making a purple meal. Purple carrots, blue hard taco shells, purple cauliflower, etc. The kids didn’t eat all of it, but it was this fun, positive food thing (and honestly, not hard to make!) that got us out of the rut a bit. My littles have also been very into snap peas lately — I think a good time to buy them now because in winter I don’t like them nearly as much. GL and solidarity on trying to stay strong for the long game when it comes to food!!
I set out raw veggies for the kids to snack on before dinner. My kids are lukewarm on cooked veggies with dinner, but for some reason the raw ones get devoured while I’m finishing up the actual dinner. I don’t set them out with the expectation that they will eat them, but I’ll announce it and if they want to eat, great, if not, dinners on the way.
My 4.5 year is exactly the same. She’s generally a good fruit/vegetable eater but it has to be on her terms and in her preferred environment (like she’ll eat carrots and hummus that I pack for school but won’t eat them at home).
I don’t push and just continue to offer/not make a big deal of it if she refuses or doesn’t eat any. I feel like if I make it A Thing, it will just escalate things versus her eventually coming around.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My 4.5 year old is similar with veggies except for spinach that’s cooked into things (fruits are fine for now). I just keep making what I make (last night was a Indian chicken curry that had carrots and peppers), and tell him he can pick them out if he wants. Agreed that it has to live on his plate, and if there’s dessert (regardless of what the IG dieticians say) – you have to have a few bites of the veg. It’s definitely gotten better, and I think he’s close to actually eating more well-rounded meals.
Weaning the bottle (Update) says
Thanks all for the advice on Friday about weaning the kid off the nighttime bottle. We tried to switch out her bottle for her regular sippy cup on Friday night, and she took one look at it and started screaming inconsolably. That went on for an hour before my husband called it and rocked her to sleep with a bottle. At one point she WAS going to sleep – but I tried to put her in her crib and that woke her back up again, dang it. Saturday night we didn’t even bother attempting to switch, just gave her the bottle right away like normal. Sunday we tried a bottle shaped sippy cup which she didn’t outright reject but also started getting irritated with the lack of a real bottle after a few sucks. Rather than let her escalate to hysteria this time, we just put her down and let her grumble herself to sleep. Seems like just putting her down right away like a nap works best, no bottle, no cup, no rocking. Glad if we’ve solved this hurdle, but I’m going to miss holding her as she goes to sleep.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Any tips for a 19-month-old who throws food and sippy cups? Throwing doesn’t mean he’s done, it’s just fun for him. When he’s REALLY done there’s more havoc. This has been pretty consistent for about 6 months. My older one didn’t do this so…it’s been fun.
My two year old just starting throwing EVERYTHING. He laughs with joy as he does it. The internet suggests that I should happily affirm his desire to throw things, tell him that we can’t throw those particular things, and redirect him to items he’s allowed to throw (like soft balls). God bless the moms who are able to do that…I do not have that level of equanimity when I’m trying to cook dinner/feed the dog/deal with the older children and the toddler hurls all of his dishes and his toy car off of his high chair tray.
When he throws, you say “you must be done” and remove him from the table. He’ll figure it out after a few times.
+1, that’s what we do. If kiddo wants to throw things, she needs to be outside or in the basement with an appropriate toy.
Yes, this worked for my two kids
My 16 month old does this. And same– throwing doesn’t mean he’s done. The internet says that when they start throwing, end the meal, but for us, that would mean he just wouldn’t eat. Reasons why he throws food– doesn’t like the particular item, actually is done eating, wants to feed dog, wants attention, and wants milk/water.
Our ped recommended ignoring it, which does actually seem most effective. However, it doesn’t work when I know that he wants/needs milk/water and is putting his whole meal on the floor (which he actually wants to eat) or is actually done eating.
The only thing that we have found that helps is to only give him 2-3 bites of food at a times, so that there is not a lot to throw. We also try to cut him off with milk/water/taking him out of the high chair or talking to him about what he wants/needs/etc. It is completely exhausting.
You can try putting one piece on his tray at a time (keep his plate next to you). My son seems to throw when his mouth is full, as something to do while he waits to take another bite. For the cup, after he throws it you can put it on the table out of his grasp; if he indicates he wants it, you can reiterate that he can have it if he’s ready to drink, and if he throws it again remove it for good (he can drink more later, after the meal is finished if really thirsty).
If he continues to throw food I would end the meal. 19 months is old enough to “get it” after a few times of directly holding the boundary. I know mentally it’s tough because we worry they are hungry, but toddlers seems to only really need a couple good meals a day. And you can give a yogurt or something as a bedtime snack if it messes with sleep.
+1 for one bite of food on the tray at a time. For the cup, can you tether it to the high chair with those plastic stroller toy links so you don’t have to retrieve it?
Give the sippy cup after the meal; don’t leave it on the tray while he’s eating.
Mary Moo Cow says
No suggestions on the food, because “if you throw it you are done” didn’t work for us: kiddo just screamed for more than 15 minutes and we gave up. But, on the sippy cups, if you have a high chair with legs, put an Orbit label around the cup and then fasten the Baby Buddy Secure a Toy strap through the Orbit label and around the legs of the high chair (you might have to fasten two together.) My DD still threw the cup but got bored when it didn’t hit the floor.
Not really a question, just venting: I am ashamed of the level of working older mom insecurity that I feel at my kid’s preschool and in my neighborhood in general. I live in a super pricey area and most moms don’t work; we went to the open house for my son’s new (private, very expensive) school yesterday and it was 75-80% early 30s, super slim, super stylishly dressed moms who were catching up about summers spent poolside at the country club with their “littles” (I don’t know why this term annoys me so much, but it does). In most of my life, I’m supremely confident – I’m a public company GC! I run marathons! I think that I generally dress decently well! my husband still thinks I’m s*xy! – but I just felt immensely frumpy and old (I had my son late and am early 40s).
Like, every time I run into other moms of young kids in my neighborhood, they are impeccably dressed with fresh highlights and perfect nails, even if they’re just at the grocery store. And I can tell myself all day that I could be that way too if I were a SAHM with fulltime childcare (which is the norm in my neighborhood – my next door neighbor actually has both a full-time nanny and a baby nurse for her three kids, and is a SAHM), but in the moment I do not feel like an accomplished and confident executive leader…I feel like the consummate uncool girl.
I sort of relate says
Oof, okay a lot to unpack here. I sometimes feel that way too, but I’ve also found my people.
I know you’re probably past this point, but it sounds like you might not be excited about this school? My kids go to a private very expensive school in a big city in texas and this is not the scene. There are some moms like that, sure, but there’s a lot of accomplished professional moms. I think that’s more true for the elementary school than the preschool fwiw. So I’d start thinking about where you want kid to be in that next phase because I am a firm believer you sometimes choose schools for the parents as well as the kids (those are adults that will be influential in your kids’ life!)
DH would also say those moms are probably totally intimidated by you. Heck, I am just reading this! You are a public company GC who runs marathons?! So try to approach and make friends with that in mind. And find that other 20-25%. Those are probably your people!
Thank you so much. You are totally right that there’s a lot here, and almost more than I realized before I typed it all out. I think part of the issue is that I married into a much more traditional rich-person world than the one I grew up in and I find myself uncomfortable in this one. My family was not poor by any means and I went to private school myself, but now I live some place where the average HHI is well over $1mm, social life revolves around country clubs and SEC football games, and tennis and golf are the weekend pastimes of choice. Everyone has been perfectly nice but it’s just very different than how I was raised and my preferences, even when it comes to weekend activities (so I’m more of a hiking person than a tennis person, although I’m sure you can be both kinds of person!), and you’re right that I don’t feel like I’ve found my people in this area and I worry I won’t find them at the school.
(We live in this area in order to be close to my stepkids’ mom; my husband is more used to this type of society than I am but like me, he is by preference more outdoorsy and less country club-y.)
Can we be friends in real life? This is how I feel about my kid’s preschool. I don’t have any suggestions, just commiseration that it doesn’t feel great. I just try my hardest to ignore the feelings. And to remind myself that I’m presenting a much more realistic role model / something to aspire to that the SAHM with full-time childcare. (We have a lot of those too).
Find your tribe. It may not be the easiest but I have a few mom friends who work in similarly (or more) demanding fields and having people I can talk to about our particular set of juggles is so helpful when I’m around those living a different version of parenting.
I haaate the term “littles” too. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. Also holy h3ll your neighborhood and school sound awful. I’m sorry. Are you sure this is where you want to live and send your child to school? Maybe the public schools aren’t an option in your city, but surely there are private schools that are a better fit for your family’s values? Regardless of the issue of fitting in with other moms, I would not want my child in that environment surrounded by kids whose family values seem to revolve around money and status. I knew a bunch of kids who went to schools like this in collge (including an ex-bf) and it sounded like a really awful environment to grow up in.
I’ll be honest, avoiding a neighborhood and school environment like the one you describe is one of the reasons we chose to move to the area we live in and put our kids in public school, and I have never experienced anything like this at public schools or even at our daycare, which is the priciest option in our city. Daycare is almost 100% working moms; public school is more like 50-50 but none of the SAHMs have nannies or baby nurses and both middle class and affluent families spend their summer weekends at the community pool.
I have a comment stuck in mod, but we’re stuck in this area because it lets us be close to my stepkids, whose mom has primary custody, and preschool options are limited (this is actually the second one we’ve tried) around here bc of waiting lists and stuff. But the neighborhood public elementary is supposed to be really good so I’m hoping that when he’s old enough he can go there (if we are even still living here, which we may not be if my stepkids’ mom moves) and maybe it will be easier for me to connect with people…
Hmm, I can understand the extra challenge of wanting to be close to stepkids. But does that mean you’re stuck in that neighborhood, or could you move to a better (for you) neighborhood in the same city?
Ah I see, that’s tough. Sounds like the public school might be a good bet if you stay in that area.
I feel ya and I am in my early 30s lol…I think you may want to rethink schools, especially for elementary. Not sure at all on where you live, etc., but maybe a public school will be more your vibe. I also recently got myself some new clothes and it did help me feel better about myself. Nothing designer, just updated with a one-stop-shop at Old Navy. And when I see other moms like that, I remind myself of why I don’t look like that — including that I do not enjoy getting my nails done, etc., it just makes me antsy and impatient. I’d look for a marathoners mom group if I were you!
Here’s the thing, though – would you WANT to be that way too, even if you had full-time childcare and no outside employment? It doesn’t sound like you would. Which is great, you know yourself! Stop comparing yourself to people whose lives you don’t emulate.
No real advice, but I’ve been there. It’s a strange feeling, for sure. We live in a VHCOL area. When we first moved, I registered my then 18-month old for an hour-long late afternoon Parent & Me program at the closest nearby preschool so she could get some socialization. I was also thrilled to to find a weekday activity we could do together with my work schedule. It turns out that we enrolled at the bougiest preschool in town, unbeknownst to me. The class was me and 12 other primarily stay at home moms in Gucci sneakers and Cartier love bracelets who stayed home with their kids and had some degree of part or full-time childcare (one mom even regularly brought her nanny to Parent & Me). There was an actual billionaire in the class. It was strange and disorienting for (relatively accomplished and conventionally attractive) me to feel “less than” in this dynamic. It ultimately became an unexpected exercise in reflecting on my values, what’s important to me and what’s best for my family.
My daughter ended up going to that school for 2 years (it was an amazing school with a schedule that worked well for our family and she loved it). I don’t think I ever started feeling like one of the “cool” moms. However, as I got to know more of the other moms over time, they seemed genuinely impressed and interested in me and my career. The only person who felt weird about me working or not having a social club membership or not chartering a private plane to Aspen was me, honestly. One of them even recently asked my advice about getting back into the workforce (she used to work in a similar field to what I do and turns out she was feeling bored and burnt out being home with the kids 24/7). I also came to accept that I probably wouldn’t find my mom besties at that school. But I did make friends with my neighbors who had similarly-aged kids and a few moms I met at the park and I found my people that way.
This is long and I don’t know if there’s much of a point to this other than to say, I know how weird it feels. I think it will get better over time as you get to know the other parents, but I understand that it may take some time and that “uncool” feeling might linger a bit and that’s ultimately okay. It’s not an accurate reflection of your worth, value, or accomplishments.
Thank you – this is very much the situation I’m experiencing and very much how I feel, down to the “private planes to Apen”-type situations. And I suspect you’re very much right about how much of this is a me thing, not a them thing.
I guess my not-that-sympathetic comment is that there are plenty of places with diverse groups of kids and parents. If you seek out a very expensive and thus exclusive private school one, yeah, you might get the “wrong” kind of rich people. Most places aren’t all young hot moms with nothing to do but maintain their appearance but you might have to give up some privileges to get away from that.
I have always felt out of place among the SAHMs in real life but also among the working moms here and in the wider world. I live in a less fancy area so the SAHMs aren’t perfectly polished, but I feel like a terrible mom because I can’t volunteer at the school and spend all my time overseeing homework and run kids places in the middle of the day at the drop of a hat. I never get invited to join the book club or small group or even the booster clubs for school activities because I’m that weird working mom whom they never got to know in MOPS or at preschool (not day care) pickup. On the other hand, I don’t have the kind of money to support the life that all my working mom friends and acquaintances in other places have, with nannies and eight weeks of summer camp and vacations in Hawaii and Europe and furniture that doesn’t look like it belongs in a grad student’s apartment. It’s incredibly isolating.
I just want to say that it sounds like you’re doing great for your family! You’re a wonderful mom regardless of any inadequacies you feel
I completely get what you mean, Anonymous 1:51. When DH was in grad school, I was the weird working spouse who couldn’t do all the community or kid activities in the middle of the day, AND we also didn’t have the kind of money to even have non-daycare childcare. (Plus our furniture was literally grad student apartment furniture!) The way I tried to get around that was twofold: one, making friends with all the other working and grad-student moms in the neighborhood, and two, showing up for my SAHM friends in other ways on the weekends — babysitting exchanges, playdates, family board games, going on runs together.
I know this feeling. My kid attended a preschool where the moms spent most of their time discussing which TJ Max or Homegoods had the best selection that week and when they each restocked. You know, just in case you need a new Live, Laugh, LOVE sign.
Are these SAHMs really all the moms at the school or are they just the most visible? Often other working moms are busier and less visible, though still interested in making connections. I’d try to make those connections, perhaps with an evening or weekend meet up. I’d also be open to befriending working dads who may even be professional connections too.
Also, do you really care about the done nails or trendy work out clothes? If you did, you probably would have made different life choices. Own who you are.
i had to lol at the live laugh love sign thing. so true.
I think the 2nd paragraph is really accurate though. these people are the most visible. sometimes i find the high powered working moms only come out once in awhile due to the fact that they’re working! the ones you see are the ones that have time to be seen. You may get to know some more people you can relate to as the year goes on and it may get better.
also, i can relate 100% to this initial post, OP. i feel ya!
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is why I don’t live in a W town (Boston peeps – you know what I’m talking about). Certain neighborhoods attract the private equity/BigLaw partner/surgeon men and their SAH wives. And knowing myself, I still wouldn’t fit in with these women even if I didn’t work and had full time childcare – it’s just not me and not my personality. I like talking about work and finance. I like talking to other parents about daycare, and then public school. I don’t care about nails and hair. Can you find your people in this neighborhood? Or possibly a different school?
Ha, the only near-in W town I can afford to live in is Weymouth. (I’m not even joking. We are looking there and elsewhere…)
Lots of good advice here already. I would not fit in with the women you describe, even though they may be perfectly nice, and clearly neither would you, OP! And I agree that the SAHMs might very well just be the most visible ones there. You may still be in the thick of it with a little kid, and it sounds like you need to live in this area for family reasons, but I hope you can find something that is just for you and nourishes your intelligence and interests — whether that’s a local 5am running group*, a Facebook mom group, or local friends without kids.
*You know who needs to run with other people at 5am? Working moms, that’s who, because we don’t have any other time to do it. I recently ran with a group of women that included a surgeon and several in finance.
Mary Moo Cow says
I know the feeling of feeling frumpy and old. It took me awhile to get to the headspace you are, which is this is a me issue and not necessarily a them issue. I would take some time for yourself to find a stylist or a personal shopper and upgrade some of your wardrobe, especially if you haven’t shopped in a few years, get a haircut or buy some new lipstick and then call it a day and focus on the internal. Also try to find your people. As someone else said, the working moms aren’t the ones you will see regularly, but speaking for myself, I am especially excited when I meet one in the wild. And maybe your people aren’t school parent-friends but people in your neighborhood. Sometimes we have to fight harder than we should for people to include us, but I also get that after I’ve declined a social invitation 4 times, I’m not likely to get a 5th. I have had to really push myself to make the invitations, usually just a quick coffee after drop off or a one or two kids playdate at a park so I can get to know other parents. I also joined the PTO board and volunteered in the classroom, and was not only convinced by what a great school it was, but also got to know other parents. If you can give some time, do. And maybe, hopefully, you will find other women who were too shy to say hi to you, who are game for hiking instead of golfing.
I had a very similar experience to OP when I moved back to my southern hometown from large midwestern city. Our state has all but given up on our public schools, which is an entire subject in itself, so I put my kids in private school where I felt like a freak as a working mom. I also joined as many committees as I could just to meet new friends (can we say overextended?) both SAHM and working and I’m happy to say I found my people. It took time and I’m not a patient person at all, but I have been there OP!
You don’t live in Greenwich or Westchester? Because it sounds a lot like where I live. The way I have dealt is making friends from weekend activities (mostly working moms) and my job instead of kids school.
I am thinking of about three cities you could live based on the comment about SEC teams and country clubs. (I live in one of them and grew up in another. Would be interested in meeting up if you live in my city.) The situation you are describing is hard– I grew up in an area where my mom felt like the only working mom for a long time. I also have been very consciously trying to figure out neighborhoods/schools for us to move to where we will eventually not be the only working mom because of how hard it was for my mom to fit in. Will also say that if you live in one of the cities I think you do– there are other areas you could move where the schools would probably suit your family better that wouldn’t be very far from where I think you live. (Unless your husband insists on living there for social reasons– which I think happens a lot.)
+1. If you live where I think you might, city and neighborhood wise (I used to live in that city but not in that neighborhood), then I think you need to move to a different neighborhood. The one you live in now has the reputation you’ve described for a reason, and it’s not going to change any time soon. My recommendation would be to venture slightly further south and east!
+1 I have also been trying to decode. If you are in GH/BM in TN, I’m here too and I work! We opted to not send kids to the Very Fancy private school but instead opted for a small Catholic private school near the hospital and university. Lots of two-working-parent families over here. If you’re not jazzed about the school, I have no doubt that whatever city has more than one and you will be able to find your people if you keep looking.
I’m the poster that had narrowed it down to three cities, and I also read this as her being in BM in TN. I live in the city, but my daycare is in BM. The moms that live in BM are like what is being described. The working moms all tend to live in my neighborhood or adjacent ones, not BM.
The BM vibes are strong with the country club life. I live at the line between GH and BM, so hi!! My GH neighborhood seems to be a mix of SAH and working moms and is still so close to BM options. OP – if you’re in BM, know there are others like you close by! The line about the elementary school specifically was the giveaway for me (I know everyone seems to like JG).
Yes, definitely JG. The SEC/country club/school situation really narrowed it down for me. The situation also did not really line up with MB in AL (public school) and in ATL, there is not a huge country club vibe. Oh, and TN is much more into hiking.
And hi! Also in a preschool in BM but live closer to the university.
Hmmm. I would have guessed Atlanta, and the neighborhood that rhymes with F**khead.
I would have guessed Atlanta too.
Sounds like Buckhead to me too.
I live in a similar town. Some of those moms are actually super awesome people! Some aren’t.
Some of those moms are in awe of *you.*
Long Weekend says
Looking to drive or fly somewhere for a 4-day weekend with a 6-year-old and almost 1 year old this November. Coming from Boston area – any thoughts – was originally thinking Savannah or Charleston but no sure if those are kiddo friendly, etc. Thanks in advance!
Have recently been to both. I have done CHS as a girls trip several times and as an anniversary trip with my husband. Most recently I have been to Savannah with my dog but went as a child several times.
CHS– It is a walking city, which could be nice with a stroller. However, there is really just one neighborhood to walk in, and then you walk up and down King Street. It is difficult to find a cheap, casual restaurant. Many restaurants (especially the more casual ones) were having significant trouble with staffing when I went in March 2022. With two younger kids, I would recommend staying in Isle of Palms or another nearby beach and driving into CHS for the day.
Savannah– This would be my pick for younger kids. The walkable portion of the city is much bigger. There are many casual restaurants. There are kid-friendly ghost tours and other walking tours. There is a nearby fort, and you could also go to Tybee Island (beach) for the day. There are a lot more hotel options in the city, and it is not nearly as skewed towards adults. I think you could have a really nice time with young kids in Savannah.
Savannahs kids museum is awesome.
And the train museum is right next to it if your kids like trains.
We took our son when he was like 18 months and had a great time. Very walkable. Pretty parks. Plenty of food options and variety.
That time of year will be off season and not miserably hot.
Not sure what your budget is, but Montage Palmetto Bluff in Bluffton, SC is very kid friendly. We had a great trip there with extended family over Thanksgiving a few years back. It is not super warm, but much warmer than the northeast in November. It is ~45 min drive from Savannah airport.
Sorry for the threadjack but we are going to Montage PB in a few weeks with a 1yo and 5yo! Any particular recommendations?
The resort has SO many family friendly activities. Definitely check out the activities calendar when you are there. Beyond that, the pools, the treehouse playgrounds., the daily smores station, etc. are all great. We stayed in one of the cottages, so it came with bicycles. The grounds are beautiful (and huge), so biking was a really good way to explore. It is also fun to cruise the various waterways. The Montage has a boat for guests, but you can also book private boats (either is fine). The kids also liked the freshwater alligator cruise and the saltwater dolphin experience organized through the Montage. Bowling is fun if the weather is rainy.
Most of the restaurants are very family friendly. We really enjoyed eating breakfast at our cottage on the screened in porch. Overall, I don’t think you can go wrong. It will be a blast!
Mary Moo Cow says
Definitely explore Old Town Bluffton! The Storybook Shoppe is one of my favorite bookshops (it is tiny, but good selection.) Martin Family park is a good playground for that age; Bluffton BBQ is good food; Corner Perk is good coffee and pastries you can grab and walk over to the park. Oscar Frazier Park is another good playground. Fiesta Fresh has delicious food (I make my family take me there twice every time I visit.) It will still be hot in late August/early September, so plan accordingly (and bring lots of bug spray.) Try a dolphin watch boat tour, if you can.
My friend just did Charleston with 2 and 6yo kids, and loved it. It’s on my list. She said where they stayed was walkable to get ice cream, etc., go to the beach, etc.
I took my then 4 year old to Charleston last October. It was awesome, and I thought it was super kid friendly. We didn’t have a stroller but I don’t think a stroller would be a problem – it’s not super hilly like SF or Lisbon. Weather was very nice for us coming from the Midwest. We didn’t go the fanciest restaurants, but had no problem finding reasonably nice places (think like $20-30 dinner entrees) with very good food. We were doing outdoor dining for Covid reasons, and that limited us a lot more than the kid. I think on an outdoor patio you have more leeway for baby/kid noise anyway. We did a carriage ride, which was my daughter’s favorite thing. The aquarium and children’s museum were also fun but not hugely different than aquariums and children’s museums in other places. The city is very pretty and we had a great time just walking around and taking pictures. My daughter is a budding photographer and that was the first trip where she had her own camera, and it was a big hit. We drove to Folly Beach one day and played on the beach. It wasn’t really swimming weather, and my kid isn’t a big fan of the ocean anyway, but it was still fun. There is also a lot of slave history in Charleston that you might be able to talk about with your 6 year old. Mine was just a little too young at the time.
We debated going to the Montage Palmetto Bluff (maybe on a recommendation from here?) and that hotel does look beautiful, but ultimately I thought kiddo and I would get bored there. We like to do the beach resort thing in the Caribbean, but for this trip I didn’t feel like just lounging around a resort. I also love southern food, so whenever I’m going to this region food is a huge priority for me. I didn’t want to get stuck just eating at the resort and I didn’t think kiddo would be up for driving into Savannah or Charleston every time we wanted to eat.
Have any of you had your kid(s) do Mathnasium and if so, how was your experience?
My kid did the Mathnasium spring break multiplication camp in second grade. It was OK but the main value was that it gave me a couple hours of childcare.
When I was younger I worked at a similar tutoring center. Generally these places use canned curricula that are not that great and don’t train their teachers well. I was really great at teaching math because I figured out how to use all the manipulatives to get across concepts like place value and fractions, but I was frustrated by the rigid sequencing of topics and requirements for mastering a skill that in some cases wasted kids’ time with needless repetition and in others allowed them to move on without fully grasping a topic. I would tutor your kid yourself or hire a really good private tutor who clicks with your kid instead of wasting time and money on a center-based program.
Hanna Anderson fans who are good at sizing! Please help re sizing. I have a 2.5 yo girl (2Ts now) and 4.5 yo boy (mostly 4T, some 3T shorts). What size would you guess for next summer? So 3.5yo girl and 5.5yo boy?
i size way up for Hanna Anderson because their stuff tends to fit rather slim on my kids. So my current 2.75 year old is wearing the 4T size. The 3T are fine on her, but won’t last til next year.
Vicky Austin says
Anybody have a good rec for a ginger candy or something similar for morning sickness? I’m hanging in there, but I’m on site with clients all day and I’d love to not have to be constantly snacking. Thanks hive.
Sea-bands and Preggie Pop Drops were my go-tos. The sea bands were not very discreet on my wrists, though. They look like mini sweat bands and were only covered when I wore a jacket. Good luck! Morning sickness is the pits.
Zofran was the only thing that helped me.
I liked Chimes brand ginger chews during my pregnancies. Delicious / not too gingery and fun flavors (Mango! Orange!). They were at the checkout counter of Whole Foods and other nice-r groceries stores precovid—not sure if they’re still readily available in store these days.