What Are Your Holiday Challenges as a Working Mom?
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What are your holiday challenges as a working mom, ladies? Do you find that because you have kids in the picture you feel more of a need to do seasonal decor (above and beyond a Christmas tree)?
Do you find that your diet is under attack because every kid-related event you go to has some sort of sweet treat? (Or a neighbor brings holiday cookies, or you just end up going to more holiday parties as a working mom than you did before having kids?)
If you have a kiddo who’s active with clubs and activities — or otherwise knows a lot of adults, either as caregivers, instructors, therapists (such as speech/OT/PT), or more — then is there more of a strain on you to come up with “thoughtful” holiday cards and teacher gifts?
(Is anyone else fielding a million questions from well-intentioned relatives regarding presents to get your kid that largely amount to research projects for you?) Are you also under stress at work with year-end goals and projects (or do you have a relatively quiet office)?
Do you have any year-end projects you foist on yourself or your family, such as organizing family photos from the past year enough for a family holiday card, a 2018 calendar, or more?
We played our game of “do, delegate, or nope” last year and rounded up some holiday delegating ideas — has anyone put those into play this year?
For my $.02: I’m still kind of “nope” on the Elf on the Shelf — he’s been hiding behind a chair for about a week now and my kids haven’t found him, so clearly I’m #winning.
I definitely feel more of an obligation to put up seasonal decor than I ever did before I had kids — I didn’t even bother with my own Christmas tree until J was 2!
I do try to force myself to go through all of the family photos for the past year to pull a holiday card (um, which I still haven’t even ordered yet) as well as several calendars for the next year (wall- and desk-sized). (I’m also going to try to force myself to do a photo album for 2017 while it’s fresh in my head… since I haven’t done one yet for 2015 or 2016. Well, we’ll see.)
I’m also going to try to start the review of our finances for the past year for our itemized deductions — but maybe that can wait until January.
I’ve been pondering trying to do a kid-related craft for the various adults the kids deal with (now that my second son, H, is in preschool it seems like there are a zillion people), but I may just do a small gift card and a family holiday card and call it a day.
Do tell, ladies: what are your biggest holiday challenges as a working mom?
Picture credit: Pixabay.
Holiday cards. What an insane racket that’s become. I love getting/sending mail so I’ve always done cards and enjoy actually writing them, but now that I have a kid, there is so much pressure to do a picture card (I literally had people tell me they expect picture cards “next time” when my daughter was just born and I sent out regular cute cards I picked up at B&N that year). This year I decided to do a nice card with professional pictures and I am SHOCKED by how expensive a process it is and how time consuming it’s been. I’m sort of amazed to have been on the receiving end of all these cards now that I see how much time/money is involved. Definitely not doing the same thing next year.
I dislike decorating. DH usually takes care of the tree/train, which has been plenty for me. This morning, while driving to school, DD1 was sighing about how so many people in the neighborhood were getting ready for Christmas with those ‘beautiful lights’ and I could almost see myself caving and decorating outside. Then I remembered I was the adult and she wasn’t getting on a ladder to string those lights, so I just changed the topic.
We’ll do a big cookie baking day, and we made salt dough ornaments, so I’m not completely grinchy about the whole thing. I’d rather focus on the activities that double as bonding time, and focus less on the things that are a ton of work for less payoff.
I would do decor/a big holiday party regardless, because I love the holidays. The challenges I find are:
-Leave. I don’t want to use my leave around the holidays because, frankly, the office is pretty quiet then and it feels like a waste when I could save my leave for a summertime vacation and actually enjoy it. However, I feel guilty putting my son in winter break camps instead of having him home with me, even though I realistically know that if I took leave and kept him home he’d end up watching me clean the house or something.
-Teacher gifts/stuff for the class party etc. Having to go get whatever teacher gift fits in with the theme the “room mom” selecting, deciding on something to contribute to the class party that doesn’t make us working moms look bad/lazy but that my kid can cart on the van from morning care to school and into school without destroying, figuring out what to get the before/after care staff, etc. This year the daycare he does after-school care in is doing a gift exchange, so now I have to go get a gift for that this weekend as well.
-Stockings. The stocking was always one of my favorite parts of Christmas as a kid, my mother did such a great job finding small, thoughtful, cool things to put in them every year. I HATE doing it with my kid but keep clinging to the tradition. Gifts I can order on amazon, but little stocking items generally involve browsing the stores etc. and I hate errands that can’t be completed online.
-I’m “NOPE”ing cards this year. Normally I actually really enjoy doing them, but I’m pregnant and I’m sure we’ll send out a birth announcement or something in a few months so that can count. and I’m just tired.
-Kiddo is “in the know” now, so no Santa visit, which is a relief because I always dreaded that.
-My husband takes care of his parents and the nephews on his side of the family gift-wise unless I come up with a great idea for his parents through chance, so that helps.
I vote “nope” on the kid-related craft. As a veteran mom and a former tutor, I don’t think teachers or other adults who work with kids generally appreciate anything other than a gift card, cash, a heartfelt note from the parent or the kid, or a hand-drawn card. The only gifts I remember from my tutoring days are the notes that the kids wrote themselves with specific details about how I’d helped them or what they liked about our lessons, which I really treasured.
When my kid was little I used to scan one of her drawings and print it on cards for caregivers, then write my own note inside. Now she writes her own cards. She bakes cookies for a small handful of people who we are pretty sure actually enjoy receiving them (piano teacher and coaches). Everybody gets gift cards.
I am in the “nope” camp regarding the Elf. My daughter wanted one so badly that my husband gave in, promising me that I would never have to move it. That creepy thing has only moved once so far this year, and guess who remembered to move it? I asked my daughter when she thought the Elf would stop coming, and she replied that he would keep coming until she was in college. Sigh.
I hate that the extra stuff (wrapping gifts, addressing cards, etc) basically consumes the one hour of “me time” i have between when the kids go down and the kitchen is cleaned up, and when I fall asleep on the couch. It makes me feel like I have literally zero minutes to myself during the day. And that is not a good feeling.
NOPE on the outdoor decorating. NOPE on going to see Santa at the mall. NOPE on adult gifts within extended family (fortunately all the other women in my extended family gave this a big fat NOPE as well).
SIL and I tag-team the calendar with kid pictures for our mutual in-laws. That leaves us to then only do one solo for our respective parents.
I also bought frames for 8x10s and printed kid photos earlier in the year, before things got nutty.
Haven’t decided if I’m doing a photo book or not. I probably should.
I refuse to send cards (Face book keeps everyone up to date) or play Elf on the Shelf. I pretty much enjoy everything else, like decorating and buying gifts.
All the nopes- the creepy elf, christmas cards, adult sibling gifts
Things I like- making a fancy meal and/or baking, decorating the house. It’s annoying while doing it but the finished project is lovely – dickens village, outdoor decor, 6 trees. Now that my kid can help with a few of the trees, it goes a lot faster.
The hardest part is keeping track of everything and feeling short on time to do the things I actually care about, like baking. Work is actually slow right now, so being here feels even more torturous.
Finding teacher gifts stresses me out every year. I’m taking the path of least resistance and getting everyone gift cards to the coffee shop in our neighborhood, along with a nice card. I’ve seen all of them carrying cups from that particular shop, so I figure it’ll be OK, even if it’s not remotely creative.
I love decorating, but we scaled back this year and just put up the stuff we really love.
I also get a little grouchy about doing tons of research on gift ideas for the in-laws. Like Kat says, they mean well, but it’s a lot of work. I get stressed about gift giving in general — I tend to overthink everything, second-guess stuff I’ve already bought, etc. I try really hard but I don’t enjoy the process much and feel super guilty about that.
I go through cycles on holiday cards. I’m doing one this year, but no professional photo. I’m a decent enough photographer, so I took some kid photos in the backyard on a nice fall day, and that’s what we used. Last night I lit a Christmas candle and made hot cocoa to drink while I addressed cards. It was nice and made it feel like less of a chore.
I never start wrapping gifts as early as I want to. One of my friends wants to drink wine and wrap gifts together, which sounds like the best idea ever.
I feel pretty happy about our Christmas approach. We did our decorating in manageable chunks. Put the stockings up one evening after Thanksgiving. A few strings of outdoor lights, also right after Thanksgiving. Got the Christmas tree last weekend and the kids had fun decorating it. We skipped the outside lights last year and I missed them.
As mentioned above, I did the Costco cards this year. No letter. I couldn’t think of anything to say besides “Kid 1 started kindergarten and husband spent the year pondering a career change.” I always bring them to the office and address them while on a boring conference call.
I DO get super grumpy about present management, but my husband is actually a pretty good gift buyer so we’ve split the load well this year. Hooray. I tend to wrap presents while watching TV or a move so it’s not taking “me” time. I hit on the idea of Amazon gift cards for teachers with the kid’s picture on it a few years ago and that’s been my go-to ever since. Everyone likes Amazon, right, and they’ll remember who it’s from when they use it. Plus you can buy and print it out in < 5 min when you remember it's the last day before break and you need to give something to your kids' teachers at pickup. Ahem.
I don't bake so that's out. Usually the kids make gingerbread cookies at Grandma's house, which they all enjoy. I enjoy not having flour all over my kitchen. No Elf on the Shelf. Creepy + time consuming.
We don't have too many social events. We do always go to Disney on Ice in December and we added another holiday event at a local museum this year.
I feel like we've reached the level of appropriately festive but not overwhelming. It REALLY helps that my work tends to be quiet this time of year and my company is closed from Christmas to New Year's.
Re: Teacher gifts. One year the class mom asked everybody to contribute as many $10 gift cards as they felt comfortable, and she made a gift card wreath out of them for the teacher on behalf of the entire class. It was the best thing ever, because then everyone gave the same thing and I could just pick up a starbucks card when I was at the grocery store.
We are non-observant Jews, so we have pretty much decided to say “nope” to just about everything except gift exchange. No decorations, no holiday cards. We don’t throw a holiday party but we do attend a few potlucks, so I’ll make food for that, but that’s it. I do actually like the holiday season, but it’s not important enough to us to spend our limited emotional energy on.
Now that we have a kid, I’m strangely into all the activities. We watched White Christmas on my birthday last weekend, got a tree, will decorate it tonight (maybe), DH is building a fire pit to have a yule log, we’re listening to Christmas albums every night while we make dinner, my sweet wonderful photographer friend did a family photo shoot, and I ordered Christmas cards Monday using a paltry 30% off coupon (pro-tip: web s!tes like Sh3tterfly have amazing deals around Halloween and then again around Black Friday if you’re majorly organized and/or don’t do photo cards!)
Hard nopes: Elf on the Shelf (so creepy!), and buying presents for every adult in my life. Day care workers are getting cash. My family gets nothing! :P Grandmas get photo books because they were cheap, easy and they love photos. My poor brother informed me that his wife already bought us gifts, which means that now I have to buy them gifts, even though we are adults and buy ourselves everything that we want (we also make more money than they do). Any advice on how to get your SIL to stop buying gifts? I feel like being direct would hurt her feelings but maybe it’s worth it. Is that super scroogey? Also, what do get a young (21 y/o) mom who is a country girl? Jewelry? Put together a spa basket? She doesn’t drink (bless her) so my normal wine related gifts are a bust this time around.
I love traditions, so I’m working hard on picking the traditions that matter the most to me and are easiest to execute without a lot of hassle. Like, it’s important to me to make my Christmas cookie dough from scratch, but I’m not going to go crazy with decorating them.
And, yes, the cards are killing me. We used the Walgreens service last year and it was not too overpriced but the quality wasn’t great. My husband and I can’t ever agree on what picture to use. This year I need to “let go” a little bit in this process.
Hard Nopes: Elf on the Shelf, opt-in cookie swaps and any cookie swap requiring heavy allergy considerations (eg. “Make only gluten free cookies”). I do 2 cookies well. If they can’t come, we don’t participate.
When my kids ask about the Elf, I tell them that we have an advent calendar with a bear that moves around it instead. Maybe Santa uses that to check on you. (They just move the bear each day to a new space, nothing crazy).
I do cards. Usually Shutterfly but after 2 years of having *no* photos of me, we do a photo shoot in october. The photographer’s package included cards. They have been sitting waiting to be addressed since Halloween.
We do a secret Santa with my mom’s side on Christmas Eve, because my grandma is 92 and she hosts and would be very sad if there were no gifts (my 3 kids are the only Littles in the entire extended family). I got my sister this year. DH got an older uncle; he is getting snacks and beer in a basket.
I do gifts for my parents and sons bevause they come to my house for Christmas and my kids are the only Little’s.
We make a few traditional foods from scratch which are a PItA but DH and I do a great job- if we didn’t do it, they’d be yucky. We don’t mind and have gotten the kids into it.
Letters to Santa/ yes. Photos with Santa-no.
Shortcuts: gingerbread houses with frosting and Graham crackers.