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Anonymous says
I’m 7 weeks pregnant and I am not getting anything done at work. Between the exhaustion and the voice in the back of my head saying “OMG I’m pregnant!” it’s difficult to concentrate on anything else. Any tips?
Anon says
Congrats!! Power through. Go to bed early if you can. Unfortunately the exhaustion doesn’t get much better until week 12-14.
Anon says
Meh anecdotal but every time I’ve been pregnant the exhaustion has gotten steadily worse with the pregnancy.
Anon says
Literally none. I’m now 15 weeks and only just beginning to calm down/feel well enough to focus at work again. I tried to at least focus my distraction productively and make spreadsheets of baby equipment etc. Take it easy on yourself, the exhaustion is crippling but really does lift in the second trimester.
AwayEmily says
I totally remember this feeling. I would lean into it and enjoy it as much as you can. It is just SO SO exciting (also: CONGRATS!!!) — the only thing I can think of that comes close is the very beginning of a new relationship, where you just can’t stop thinking about the person. You don’t get a lot of those periods in your life, and it’s just so joyful and fluttery. Get the minimum amount of work done you need to, but don’t feel too guilty about spending an hour a day looking at baby clothes on H&M or reading birth stories or whatever. This is a huge life-changing thing, of course you are distracted!
Clementine says
I agree with this 100%. I was very anxious in early pregnancy and found that looking at cute baby photo session outfits on Etsy helped. I also did so much research. SO MUCH RESEARCH. Like, I read for HOURS on what the ‘right’ stroller would be for us (went with the City Mini GT, no regrets) and what things I needed.
Embrace the joy. It’s exciting! Also, if you have a car, highly encourage a 15 minute car nap on your lunch break…
Anonymous says
I’m at 11 weeks, and I’m just now starting to feel less exhausted. At 7 weeks, I was taking a 2-3 hour nap every evening after work, and I also took a few 30 min. naps in my office secretly! I shut the door, put my status to on a call, and just had to rest. So, I hope it gets better for you shortly!
Anon says
My 1.5 screams whenever and writhes whenever he has to go into the car seat, which we do twice a day every day for at least 20-25 minutes. I don’t know why this is still happening. Any ideas or suggestions to make it easier? Sometimes I throw snacks at the problem but that’s not always the right approach.
Anon says
This is a phase all my kids have gone through at that age. It ends as suddenly as it begins, but it is annoying! Distractions are best (special car toy, books, snacks), and also just doing it as fast as you can. Don’t negotiate or try to get him to see logic. Tell him it’s time to go, you are buckling him up for safety, and do it (it will take physical strength, I know). Hang in there!
AwayEmily says
+1 to this. It will end, likely sooner than you think! Snacks are definitely your friend here. I keep like five applesauce pouches in my purse at all times to use as carseat incentives (“once you’re buckled in, you can have your pouch!”).
No negotiation, no uncertainty, just move with “confident momentum,” as Janet Lansbury puts it (I have been known to repeat that phrase silently to myself at times when getting my toddler to do something they don’t want to).
Anon says
What kind of car seat do you have? My kid could have continued to use the infant car seat for quite some time, but she hated it. I think it was too narrow for her. We changed to a convertible car seat and solved a lot of the struggle with getting in the seat.
Anonymous says
When we went through this at various ages, I always broke out the car seat manual and did a recheck on the seat to make sure it was at the correct angle (usually they have both a more upright and more laidback angle option), and the shoulder strap and middle strap were correctly positioned. This eased my worries that the issue was actual physical discomfort (or a couple times I realized adjustments were needed).
Fidget toys that are age appropriate can be a great distraction, or kid friendly sing along songs.
Anon says
Can you let him pick out a toy each day to bring into the car? Does he keep crying the whole car ride? My toddlers love to listen to music in the car and that usually entertains them/calms them down (Sesame Street, Cocomelon, Rafi, etc). Otherwise, agree with above – just do it as quickly as possible. Will require (gentle) force…
An.On. says
Double check that the car seat doesn’t have small but uncomfortable things poking him – dried food crumbs, small rocks or twigs, one time I accidentally gave my kid a baby jar lid to play with and didn’t realize they’d left it behind in the seat.
Also, we’ve always had a little dangle toy (a crinkly soft owl) on the end of the strap to tighten it, and that gives our kid something to play with if they’re bored, not sure if that would help.
Anon says
This is going to sound silly, but do you “prefold” the kid?
It helped a lot at that age. Is it possible to let the kid climb in like a big boy?
Anonymous says
I was just going to say this! I never personally tried it but TikTok just showed it to me and I thought I was genius.
Your kid may also be too young but if you can let them climb in that may help. A little independence goes a long way.
lalalalala says
I have an AuDHD (just learned that term) 5 y.o. and receive constant complaints from school and caregivers. His preschool as has asked that he be picked up after the half day (he was asked to leave his first school, this is his second) – luckily we have a backup nanny (for now) but she is also at her wit’s end – he does a lot of physically dangerous testing and as he gets bigger it’s been harder to stop him. We are doing all the therapies. I feel like I’m constantly on edge about him and have no time to focus on anything else (I do have a pretty flexible job, but even this is feeling like too much right now). My partner is 50/50 on everything for him but it is still so hard to manage. We had zero clue about what to expect for his IEP and got totally screwed (we are calling another meeting). I do some 1:1 time everyday but it feels like it’s never enough, but we have another younger child to care for too. Parents ahead of me in this boat – does it get easier? What helped you?
Anonymous says
Is it more sensory seeking so a sensory area at school/home would help? Or is it a need for rigorous physical activity and a forest preschool or similar might be a better fit?
s says
I’m a few years ahead of you in a similar boat. It’s taken time, but here are the things that have helped.
– DH stopped working and became a SAHD and has, at times, home schooled.
– Realizing our kid’s needs and working on the right balance of stimulation, socialization, and downtime. It’s a constant push/pull, but we incorporate it into small and big decisions.
– All the therapies (occupational, play, individual), plus time.
– Medication. We started when DS was 4. I worry about it, but it’s honestly been a godsend, and DS wouldn’t be where he is today without it.
– Two years of a school for children with exceptionalities (K – 1st grade). He had much more support and an environment where he could learn. (To be fair, third year at that school was a sh*t show, and DH ended the year home schooling. So, I know that good schools with the appropriate resources for this population are not always available.
DS is 9 now.He’s in a much better place. He’s in a small, private, mainstream school with wonderful teachers and kind classmates. He gets along with his cousins. We can turn him loose at birthday parties. We have a regular babysitter who he adores, and my parents are willing and able to take care of him overnight. There are still hiccups–he had a particularly bad day at school about 1.5 weeks ago, and we had “emergency” appointments with his providers and are adjusting medications. Overall, things are easier. DH is considering going back to work.
Anon says
I’m really glad if it worked well for you, but I do know a few people who shudder at the thought of SAHM/SAHD set-ups with their kids with similar challenges. How did your DH handle it? It’s a lot of pressure and “on” time.
s says
It hasn’t been easy on him, though I don’t know of any setup where this would have been easy on any of us. I’m honestly not sure how DH would answer this question. He knows it was the right thing for DS and our family. But he struggles with being a SAHP, especially now that DS is doing better.
I should also note that DS has been in daycare or school, or camp for part of the summer, except when DH has homeschooled during the pandemic and for a few months last spring. So, we’ve had childcare or school at least 6 hours per day, maybe 80% of weekdays. It’s still a lot on DH, but it’s not the same as a SAHP who stays at home with their child 100% of the time.
Anonymous says
We were there when our kid turned 4 (kicked out of preschool) and what mainly helped was getting an ABA shadow to stay with him at (a new) school and help redirect/give him strategies for dealing with issues in the moment. We started with the shadow for 6 hrs/day and have since reduced to 3 hrs/day. We’re very hopeful that with another few months of this, he’ll be able to be in a classroom independently. I totally feel you on being constantly on edge — the three months between preschools was a nightmare for us! Good luck and hugs, this is really hard.
Anonymous says
I would get an Educational Advocate to help you with the IEP. My mom does this very part time now. She’s a retired special educator, so she knows the laws inside and out, and schools contact her every day via email about the students she’s advocating for. She helps parents undersatnd the IEP/504 as well as stay abreast of any problems in the moment to prevent escalation.
Anonymous says
I second this recommendation. Do be prepared for the school to go on the defensive if you try to bring in an advocate–ours brought in a district administrator when we brought an advocate. Which actually could be a good thing.
Risked Credit says
Oh I know this well. It’s awful as a parent and your son is struggling.
Behavior is a symptom. What is happening that he is having meltdowns? Next up, what is the school doing to manage this vs what could be changed to help your son be successful at school?
Being a SAHP for a child with special needs is a short term bandaid and not something I’d suggest unless the parent staying home is all for it and you as a family are easily able to afford it. There is no break for a special needs parent who stays home. Statistically speaking you are also more likely to divorce so it’s not smart to be taking a break.
For my ASD/ADD son he needs consistent structure, an hour of exercise in the morning, a very strict diet and bedtime at 7pm at the age of 11. At school he needs to be kept busy. He finishes ahead of everyone else and is bored senseless. His teacher is great.
Anon says
thank you all yesterday for your kind and helpful comments on my post about my daughter who is struggling. for these other twin moms (realize this can also come up with siblings) – how do you balance one kid’s needs against the other one’s? like one kid can handle multiple extracurricular activities but other can’t. do they each only choose 1? then i feel like i’m holding back one kid, but it seem almost impossible to explain how one kid can choose multiple and the other can only choose 1? i most certainly do not believe that twins need everything to be equal – that would just be setting myself and my kids up for for failure, and wouldn’t make sense as different kids need different things and we try our best to teach them as individuals.
Anon says
A different way to think about this is that in terms of activities, there is a lot of value in less is more-maybe both kids would do well to have one activity a week and then more time to just play, go to the pool, do play dates with friends. I think you’re mindset that the other kid will be held back if they can’t do multiple structured sports each week is not accurate.
Anon says
Agree.
Anonymous says
We have a 1 activity rule anyways…my thought is that no elementary school kid NEEDS more than 1 extracurricular at a time. I don’t have twins but have 2 and one is a shy introvert and one loves ALL the people/noise/activities. It’s definitely juggling act!! Thankfully we have a great parks and rec so my kids can try different sports for 8 weeks at a time. Or things like gymnastics/martial arts can be in sessions/monthly. We’re just going to add a second activity (scouts) for my to-be 2nd grader and that’s only every other week. Then other kid can have fun daddy time at home (playing catch, board games, etc..,) during that time so it feels like a treat.
Anon says
Do your kids want to do multiple activities? It’s possible they would be content with different baselines, especially if they are choosing different activities (vs both do ballet and one does tap, too). Or, I believe 1:1 time has been a struggle for you, so maybe when you drop A off at the extra activity you have special time planned with B (playground, out for ice cream, etc), and she’ll like that even better.
I also don’t see limiting activities as “holding back”, especially at age 5. The good of the family should be priority, and if you are feeling stretched thin/having limited time together already then adding activities is not a practical solution. 1-2 fun activities per season can be plenty, and you can add as they get older
OP says
so yes, they both want to do dance and soccer (i’ve asked them independently not in front of each other without me listing choices), and our nanny takes them to these activities as I’m at work. i do imagine at one point they will want to choose different activities (one twin clearly LOVES to dance ), which we will do our best to support, but they aren’t quite there yet.
Anonymous says
Something has to give. If you won’t consider only one activity, what about speech once a week instead of twice or doing that in school? How about no Sunday school for now? Clearly the current model is not working.
Anon says
I don’t see both dance and soccer as a huge commitment, though that is if they are the only activities, and it sounds like you have other things going on. Soccer is just a season, or maybe you can find a mini clinic during the summer instead of joining a league. (And real talk: K soccer is usually one big cluster and not really worth the time and price IMO. Clinics or short “camps” are often a better way to go.)
Anon says
Yeah, I think something has to give. They have 6 (?) things outside of school a week, right? I have a neurotypical 6 year old who loves staying busy and she does three things a week outside of school, two of which are on weekends, and it feels like we’re pushing up against her limit.
I said this on yesterday’s thread, but I would be seeking out second opinions about speech therapy and opinions from people (pediatricians, teachers) who don’t have a financial stake in your kid receiving speech. Twice a week speech therapy is a ton, especially for a kid who doesn’t even qualify for in-school services.
OP says
completely agree! we do plan on making some changes to promote down time. the dance, soccer and sunday school are all about to wrap up for the season and we won’t have any summer activities like that outside of 3 weeks of day camp and family travel. otherwise kids will be doing outings with our nanny with lots of built in downtime. and we currently specifically have nothing scheduled for saturdays so we have at least one day when we aren’t rushing to get somewhere.
i will say that the speech thing is not just from a speech therapist with a financial stake in the game. for the kid who is struggling the dentist also recommends it because kiddo has lost a large number of teeth for her age and already has adult top teeth in and all of her 6 year old molars despite not being six and the tongue thrust is already causing issues and will continue to cause more issues if we don’t get that under control (it would actually be in our dentist’s interest financially for us not to fix this bc then more dental work would be required).
Anon says
I’ve been wondering about this too. This is a bit of a TJ, but I know someone who has two older boys in club baseball with games all day (12 hours) every single weekend. Her younger daughter seems to have no activities of her own because she’s expected to sit on the sidelines while the family is at baseball every single weekend for the whole season (including on her birthday…). I can understand that kids may have passions, but aren’t most parents striving for a bit more balance?
Anon says
It’s a common situation, especially with that gender and age dynamic (older boys, younger girls), and it really drives me crazy.
Anonymous says
This. Co-signed a younger sister of an older brother who played intense travel hockey. It dominated our family’s life and finances, my dad and brother still think it was great. My mom and me and my other sister think it was a huge mistake. No, he never played professionally.
Anon says
+1 as the younger sister of an elite gymnast.
Anon says
I have three boys (who love baseball) and am about to have a daughter. Regardless of gender, it’s insane to me that whole families watch every single game (and often practice!!) together. It’s such a bad dynamic for the family and the children (they shouldn’t grow up believing they are the center of the family and schedule). My husband and I already split up a lot, and as kids get older, drop offs and car pools will be more common for us. There’s a balance to strike between supporting/showing up for siblings, and revolving your life around one or two kids.
Anon says
I’ll be honest, I gave this a lot of thought last night after you posted. I have twins and older kids, and my twins are similar to yours — one is objectively advanced (twin A), especially athletically, and one is delayed with gross and fine motor and speech delays. The honest answer is that twin A is held back a bit, and that’s fine. Twin A will literally outperform her brother and most similarly aged kids in any “sport” she tries, at least right now. Twin B will be at the bottom of the barrel and only able to participate for about half of most activities. We do a lot fewer and different activities than we would do if Twin A was either a singleton or an only. And, you know what, it’s just fine. She doesn’t know she’s gifted athletically, she just knows that she loves playing outside with her twin and the older kids – but the free play is probably doing exactly what being in activities would do for her, in terms of development. I have the benefit of having older kids who are advanced in their respective activities – one kid plays a travel sport and one kid does competitive dance, and early elementary is still SO YOUNG. Neither of my older kids really settled into their “thing” until later, and then they were remarkably self-directed at it because it was their choice. Sometimes it’s having the confidence to just….wait it out for your kid to figure out what they love, and then put more time into their activities as an older kid. I watch my twins at the playground, and honestly, they are doing everything they do in gymnastics — they are just having more fun because it’s free play. And because it’s just free play, one doesn’t know she’s “better” at it, and one doesn’t have to bail halfway through an activity when he realizes he’s exhausted at being directed to do something. They just…have fun together.
When we do pick activities for the twins, everything we do also has a secret “second purpose” to streamline our time and maximize downtime. So, rather than doing a weekly OT appointment, on the recommendation of the OT, the one activity they do outside of school is swimming or gymnastics, depending on the season (gross motor planning) and piano (finger dexterity). We check in with the OT once every two months, and he’s progressing fine. Piano is at their school, so I don’t have to drive to an appointment there. The piano teacher picked different books for them so they aren’t measuring their advancement against each other. So that’s only one activity a week that they have after school. Twin A gets the benefit of the activities, and so does Twin B, who doesn’t realize he is also improving areas where he is delayed. He gets 20 minutes of speech at school, rather than an hour of private therapy. He’s doing fine.
I feel for you – because there are times when I look at Twin A and think, wow, she could be a soccer phenom or she’d probably be picked to be a competitive gymnast at a different gym — but also, both my husband and I were D1 scholarship athletes — and from our very, very, very long experience with sports, most little kid phenoms burn out. So, I guess I tell myself that we are playing the long game, and they are both HAPPY right now, which far outweighs my secret selfish desire to see her crush it in an activity right now. She’s got plenty of time for that as she gets older, if she chooses.
Anonymous says
“both my husband and I were D1 scholarship athletes — and from our very, very, very long experience with sports, most little kid phenoms burn out.”
So many people beyond this site need to hear that message. In Canada so much pressure to have your kid in hockey summer camp at age 7 because otherwise they’ll be behind. It’s craziness in kids team sports these days.
Boston Legal Eagle says
It is craziness and so hard not to give in. Most of my kid’s friends have been doing hockey since they were 5, and their season goes from August-April, with multiple weekend events and then summer “training.”
OP says
thanks for your perspective as another twin mom. we coincidentally have lots of twin friends and it seems like this is a bit easier to balance with opposite sex twins especially since some activities stop being coed
Anon says
Okay, but gently, I don’t think the difference here is that my twins are different genders. From everything you’ve posted, it sounds like your twins are overscheduled and one especially needs more downtime/free play. And sure, I see above that they may say they want to do soccer and ballet, but my kids have literally never said “no” to doing an activity if I ask them. They are game for anything. It’s your job as the parent to look broadly at their set-up and make decisions about what’s actually best for them. Sounds like they would both, but one especially, would really benefit from unstructured play after school with no classes or therapy.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s a given that both kids benefit from more unstructured time. Some kids really don’t. I was a huge advocate of unstructured time before I had kids, but then I had a kid who really needs to be constantly engaged in stuff. I also have a kid who needs much more down time. Fortunately the homebody kid isn’t interested in adding a ton of activities so we’ve never had any conflict about it, but I don’t know what the answer is if both your kids want to be in a ton of stuff and only one of them can handle it (whether or not the kids are twins, though I can see how twins makes it even more complicated).
Anon says
That’s a really good point Anon @ 12:31. Genuinely, thank you for the reminder :) My now travel sport kid was that kid — but sometimes it’s hard to remember that far back!!
For OP, my last thought in this thread is that it seems like you guys are struggling, but you seem resistant (at least in your posts) to making any changes. I think my point is maybe instead of parenting up to your Twin A, you need to come down to Twin B’s level, and her life and behavior will improve, which will make everyone’s life a little happier. In my experience, Twin A will be fine, even if she’s not “maximizing” her abilities at this age.
Anon says
This is an amazing comment and perspective. Thanks for sharing with all of us. just what I needed to hear today (parent of non-twins and different aged kids but it’s all the same!)
Anon says
:) Made my day!
anon says
I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, as another twin mom (of 2 year olds).
Anonymous says
Twin mom here. We have 3 total so we deal with the scheduling stuff a lot. The benefit of when I just have the twins is that there is two kids and two arms. For 3 I would get one kid to sit in my lap and one under each arm if they all needed snuggles at the same time and DH wasn’t there. I find working on physically responding to one while verbally responding to the other helps a lot.
At younger ages we had a color coded sheet on our fridge that showed who was doing bedtime and reading time each night so they knew what to expect. DH and I switched out. If handling bedtime solo we did picking one book each when they shared a room or now with separate rooms we alternate who is read to first. At older ages, they are more tolerate of swaps. I did bedtime on my own last night and read too long to twin A so twin B didn’t get read to but accept Twin A wouldn’t get read to tonight and he would get extra time. They read independently while waiting their turn.
Kindergarten and grade 1 – we did no activities except swimming on weekends plus any therapy appointments (various combos of speech, physio and immunotherapy appts across the 3 kids).
Grades 2-4 – We had less therapy type commitments so let kids pick up to 3 activities. Max of 2 during the week. Grandparents take them to the afterschool activities and we do weekend. Activity time slots have time for a snack and rest afterschool (so if school is out at 3pm then activity is 4-5pm).
Tips: You need to stay on top of registration times to get kids in the same classes at the same times when possible (or different levels of the same activity). Sometimes this meant I’m registering one kid on my phone with my left hand and while I’m doing the other kid on my laptop with my right hand and DH is doing the third kid on his laptop. Older ages are tough for this. My 9 year olds are currently in different levels in swimming, karate and skating which means it’s trickier as I have to get the same class time slot for different levels.
Two kids (and especially 3/4 kids) means lots of structure and routines and just having to be ‘on’ basically all the time. Hang in there. And no travel sports for us. I just can’t make it work.
Anon says
Love all this :) I’m the twin mom above you — sounds like you are doing great! I do most bedtimes solo, and usually read out loud to all 4 kids (even the older ones come and read their books in the twins’ room or listen to the twins’ stories), then each kid gets “rocked” alone. For the little kids, this means literally holding them like babies and singing 3 songs to them in a rocking chair, for the older kids, this means they are tucked into bed alone and we chat. I like nurturing their relationship as siblings and solo with me or their dad.
Also, chiming in that my son made a travel team at age 10, and we are managing it just fine — on his own, he worked really hard to make the team, so we were supportive when he made it. He knows we don’t make all the games, and we heavily rely on carpooling (and have hired a local preschool teacher to help with drop offs and pick ups in a pinch). So I guess my LONG post above should be better said as — lower your expectations and just wait. It will be fine!
Anon 11:50 says
Thanks for this! Needed to hear that today. Sometimes it feels like it’s all a mess.
Anonymous says
I don’t think letting each 5 year old choose one activity is holding back one twin.
Anon says
I say this gently (and it may sound harsh). I often read your posts as I also have a Ker, and you sound really overwhelmed – which is completely reasonable given the activities and therapy combo for two kids. Also if I remember correctly, you are the primary parent – so I get why you may feel…very full!
My kids are 3 and 6 and we are right now leaned out hard from any weeknight activities, which works for us. I think prioritizing therapy and then seeing what margins you have for other activities, and capping at 1 for now could be a good idea. Weekends older kid has private swim now AND it’s at the Y we go to every weekend, anyway.
We plan to add something for older kid next year when he’s in 1st grade. We thought about doing it this year but there was a lot going on, and now we feel a lot more ready to add come this August-September, and also younger kid will be a touch older and (in theory) “easier” to deal with logistically than the 2.5 year old he was last Fall.
OP says
thanks all! we definitely plan on making some changes, I was just posing this question today more generally and not only as specific to our family/situation and wanted to hear thoughts more generally. i grew up with a sibling with some emotional challenges and often felt like our lives revolved around her needs and as a result I resented her a lot and we don’t have the best relationship, so I come at this with that baggage.
Anonymous says
That’s really important context. Have you thought about therapy for yourself in all this? I had a sister who was in and out of hospital for a lot of my middle school years and it was really hard for everyone.
As a parent, I’ve come to both view some of the choices my own parents made more harshly but also to understand and have more empathy that there is no handbook for all this and recognize that although I think they made some wrong decisions, I truly believe they were doing the best they knew how to do and that has helped me let go of some resentment.
I want to note that none of that involved acknowledgments from them. You don’t need change or acknowledgment from the other party to move on from resentment and it can be really freeing.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. There’s no perfect formula, you do the best you can and you forgive yourself the rest.
Anon says
does anyone have a kids globe to recommend? one of those interactive ones?
SC says
We have just a regular globe, like you’d see in a 1990s elementary school classroom, with a good amount of detail (countries, capitals, geographic features, major sites labeled). I don’t have any experience with interactive globes, but I don’t think I’d prefer one. DH and I pull our globe out fairly often, always to help explain something we’re already talking about. I feel like the possibility of pushing buttons and interacting with the globe would distract from interacting with DH or me about the original thing, and would limit the experience overall.
Anonymous says
+1 We also have a regular globe. And a big laminated map of the US, and a very cool map-of-the-world wood wall art in our hallway I will link separately. All are used frequently for reference by my kids.
Anonymous says
World map wall art: https://enjoythewood.com/
Cb says
I’d go old school globe. I think there’s a virtue to learning to look stuff up manually/physically. A bookshop also recommended Maps by Aleksandra Mizielinska and Daniel Mizielinski, which looks amazing!
Anon says
well i want it to be a big round thing, but i was considering the Educational Insights one? I had one growing up that didn’t talk but you could look through a little lense and line it up to see some pictures from different countries.
Anon says
My kids, 4 and 5, have the LeapFrog Magic Adventures Globe and use it constantly. I like that you can download extra programs to it once they cycle through the included ones. My four year old can now find Borneo on a map and likes to chat about Argentina.
Anon says
Not quite a globe, but if you travel frequently, the scratch off US state and world maps are really cool for kids to mark off the places they’ve been.
Sf says
My 3.75 and 7 year old share a room and go to bed between 8-830, awake around 7am. But the youngest one is still napping so we’re entering the stage where I cannot get him to stay in bed at nap time. He’s coming out over and over and over again. I let them listen to a podcast story. I even let him have a small toy in bed. Is there anything else I can do except wait for him to age out of nap?
Anon says
You can sit in the room with him and wait, or put a child lock/cover on the door. It’s unclear, is the 3.75yo the one you’re having trouble with (or do you have a younger)? If so, I think you can force the nap transition at that age, or at least decrease the number of days per week he needs to sleep. Plan an errand and give him a short car nap if you need to instead.
NYCer says
I would try dropping the nap now.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Dropping the nap was the only thing that helped my then almost 4 year old. After that, he went to bed at 7:30. Life changing! Can you ask daycare to have him do something quiet instead?
Sf says
It is the 3 year old who is the issue. Preschool insists they have to lay down for at least 30 minutes and he sleeps every time. The nap is out of my control.
Anonymous says
Ughhh I’m sorry! When does he finally go to sleep? My 4.5yo will still take an occasional nap then stays up until 9. Last night I took him for a 30 minute walk (he’s a good walker) to help because he napped for 1.5hrs (there was no stopping it he was super tired). My only advice is as much physical activity as possible. Whenever it happened last summer I’d let him play outside until like 9 while I sat and relaxed even though my oldest was asleep. I think he stayed up until 10 on 4th of July!
Anonymous says
soft light and books to look at in bed? Like focus on staying quietly in room vs sleeping as coming/going is disruptive to the older child. Seek and find books work well for this or older kid lift the flap books so things to look at vs ‘read’.
7 year old could wear an eye mask if the light is bothersome.
Anon says
Our preschool also requires the “lay down for 30 minutes) routine and my kid falls asleep every time. But, at home, she has dropped the nap. It was becoming a total fight even when I thought she needed it, so we just stopped insisting on it.
GCA says
This is such a common issue! It happened with both my kids around age 3-4. Kids are tired enough at daycare/ preschool to take a nap when it is offered, and sometimes state rules say daycare isn’t allowed to wake them, they go to bed late, the cycle repeats, etc. We dropped the nap at home on weekends, but we had to wait it out on weeknights when they napped at school. In kid 2’s case, we actually kind of leaned in to it in summer, because we could go out and do fun things till later in the evening without having to worry about a meltdown.
Anonymous says
I guess I wonder why this is your problem? Let them try and get your kid to nap if they want and on weekends don’t bother.
Anon says
It’s her problem because he’s napping and school and then refusing to go to bed! That’s what I hate about forced daycare naps – daycare teachers do it so they can get a break, and they don’t care that it creates more work for the parents.
Anonymous says
She literally says he doesn’t stay in his bed at nap time in her post.
Anon says
I think it’s pretty clear it’s a typo and she’s talking about bedtime, since the question is about a room sharing situation with a 7 year old who is obviously not napping.
sf says
thanks all- yes a typo. I have a hard time getting him to stay in bed at night. He’s actually almost always willing to nap but I don’t force it on the weekends.
Table Toys for National Park? says
This weekend we’re taking 2yo to a national park that DH and I have visited many times. The main event will be a short hike, but after that we will need some downtime before we get back in the car. There are covered picnic tables on cement pads, but fairly little space to just run around (steep cliffs and highways on either side).
What kind of activities would you take? Sidewalk chalk seems questionable for a natural area; playdoh would just fill up with dirt…
CCLA says
I’d pack coloring book and crayons or maybe a water wow book. But I feel like at that age my kids were more likely to want to just play with a stick and leaves so I bet you’ll be fine regardless. Oh and bubbles – at that age bubbles were always a joy.
OP says
Thanks, that sounds like a great plan.
Anon says
I’d find somewhere else to decompress where kiddo can run around. The best part of being at national parks for kids is looking for bugs and jumping on funny stumps and throwing rocks in the river. Is there a better picnic location you can drive a bit to get to?
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t do this. That sounds super boring for a kid? Is there not anywhere fun nearby where they can run around? I don’t schlepp my offspring to the woods so they can sit at a table and play with toys we can do that at home.
Anon says
Yeah sorry this sounds like a terrible plan with a 2 year old. Go somewhere where the kid can run around or look for bugs or rocks.
OP says
YMMV. I’m looking forward to going back to one of my favorite places, and I think 2yo will enjoy the hike, even if it’s a different experience than outdoor free play.
Anon says
I would just suggest heading home after the hike. I don’t think sitting at a table and coloring is going to help a 2 year old decompress – at least not any 2 year old I’ve ever met.
Anonymous says
No one is criticizizing the hike. It’s the sitting an playing at a table where they can’t roam around and play afterwards that seems off.
OP says
It’s a necessary part of the trip. Everyone else need time to eat lunch, even though kiddo will probably only eat a couple bites. The long car ride will be much smoother if it happens at his normal naptime, but the hike has to be earlier to beat the weather. It honestly never occurred to me that some parents would think a kid shouldn’t have to chill at a picnic table for awhile during a family outing.
CCLA says
I don’t get the strong reactions to the picnic table – not everything has to be optimized for the kids! I hope you have a lovely time at one of your favorite places, and even if the 2yo melts down, oh well, it’s not like you’re stuck on a plane, you can always pivot.
Anonymous says
“It honestly never occurred to me that some parents would think a kid shouldn’t have to chill at a picnic table for awhile during a family outing.”
It’s not that a kid can never have to do something fo accomodate adults, it’s just that doing a hike is already a lot for a 2 year old, and if the goal is decompressing or getting wiggles out before a long car ride home, sitting at a table won’t help nearly as much as running around. I don’t understand why you can’t eat on the hike or find somewhere nearby that’s grassy to hang out before the car trip home. I’m also super curious what national park this is because all the ones I’ve been to except a couple of super remote ones in Alaska have areas where a kid could safely run around.
Anonymous says
A snack that involved fine motor skills: think a lunchables, pistachios to she, or trail mix where a/he can pick out different items. Even a banana or an orange to peel would work.
OP says
That’s a great idea, thank you. Fruit leather keeps him busy for a long time!
DLC says
I usually bring a special snack for the end of the hike, usually hot chocolate in a thermos.
Also whenever I go camping I bring small construction vehicles and my kids love making construction sites with dirt and twigs and leaves – maybe that might be fun?
OP says
We will definitely do that–his comfort object is a plastic dump truck.
Anonymous says
Is there not a large picnic ground somewhere else in the park where you can stop to let them run around?
Turtlemania says
I find the best travel advice here. My family (two kiddos – 5 & 7 year old) is planning a long weekend in Baltimore in early June. Any suggestions for fun activities? We’ll have access to a car. Big plans for crab cakes and not much else so far.
FVNC says
I assume you already have National Aquarium on the list. That, and maybe a harbor cruise, would probably take the better part of a day. Have fun!
Anonymous says
It has likely changed in the last 40 years (!), but we loved going to the MD Science Center when I was a kid, although the Aquarium was the absolute highlight of the inner harbor. Even then it was wonderful, and they have added on over the years. They also used to have pedal boats in the you could rent, the US Constitution, and Fort McHenry to run around in (boring but my fort-loving dad enjoyed it). Baltimore is great. You might also look into the American Visionary Art Museum.
Anonymous says
MD science center or B&O railroad museum depending on your family’s interests!
Anonymous says
If your kids have any interest in trains the B&O railroad museum is super awesome. And the Baltimore zoo is a decent one.
I’ll also put a plug in for my favorite breakfast/brunch place there — Iron Rooster. There are several locations, and we’ve always had very yummy food!
anon says
baseball game at camden yards
anon says
I am so sad about my 6 (almost 7) year old daughter. She’s always been very emotional but so caring and sweet but as she’s getting older and asserting her independence, its hard to know if I’m being too controlling. I give her options for the things she wants to do, but we disagree on the frequency of many of these things.
Food – We’ve always been a “healthy” family and i’ve been lucky that my kids would happily eat everything if it wasn’t spicy. As she’s gotten older though, its constant negotiation and complaining about every meal i.e. I want fruit loops for breakfast rather than avocado toast or oatmeal. My response is, sure lets buy a bag and you can eat it once a week for breakfast, but this if of course not enough. She wants Doritos for snack at school rather than fruit, cheese, whole grain crackers or nuts. Again, I say lets buy a bag and I’ll pack doritos as a treat along with some foods that are nutrient dense, but no she only wants the doritos. I don’t want it to be like these “junk” foods are forbidden, but I also dont think Doritos are the kind of snack she needs to be eating most days at school as her sole snack. She also frequently complains about 99% of dinners I make. I always give her a plain boring option like plain toast and banana, but she would rather always eat the dinner I make. I just cant stand the constant whining and complaining through dinner that she doesnt like it, it looks gross, why cant i make hamburgers and kid food that other parents make for their kids etc. and it ruins my evening despite my best efforts to remind myself that she’s a kid and gets to be unhappy.
We disagree about the frequency of playdates (I dont have the capacity to deal daily with the extra work required to have neighbor playdates with a 4 and 6 year old who are often tired and cranky after school as am I after work but we typically do once monday-thursday and daily friday, saturday, and sunday) but this is not enough as she asks daily to go play. The 10-15 minutes of homework/reading practice monday through thursday is a struggle and why does brother get tv time without homework etc. It makes me sad when her 4 year old brother says “I love you, have a great day” in the morning and she just ignores him and keeps walking and tells him frequently that hes the most annoying person ever. He is annoying in the ways little brothers are and we correct him, remove him etc but it’s an outsized reaction many times.
I’ve always prided myself on having boundaries, but being warm and open and patient with their feelings. As she’s getting older, I cant help but wonder if she forgets that i’m a person too thats really just tired and questioning if I’ve been too “gentle”
Anon says
I’m sorry, that sounds tough. As someone who grew up in a house where treats were very infrequent, I can attest that it really did lead to a “forbidden fruit” mentality and much, MUCH more whining for treats than any of my friends who lived in less restrictive houses. Might be something to consider.
As for the rest of the behavior, one thing that stands out to me is that she shouldn’t be allowed to call her brother “the most annoying person ever.” Maybe setting a boundary about name-calling/insults would help steer things in the right direction? The rest of the whining sounds more typical (albeit annoying and hard for sure!). My good friend reports that she’s had some luck with “I’ve already answered that question and I won’t answer it again”, then straight into ignoring, when her kid continues to whine for snacks.
OP says
How do you recommend treating the treats/junk? I feel like we always have a supply of candy from the endless holidays and they get to have a piece or two daily. We always have some kind of sugary cereal or doritos/cookies type in the house as well. We always have ice cream and baked treats. We get frozen yogurt every friday and dessert when we go out to eat. It’s tough because I want to teach moderation not that we cant ever have these things, but i feel like im messing up beacase shes not happy about not being able to eat this as much as she wants. My husband is like of course a 6 year old is not going to thank you for helping her have healthier eating habits, but I dont know.
Anon says
Ah, with that additional context, you don’t sound too restrictive on treats at all – definitely a far cry from what I was mentioning (my father would literally hover over the table at school events to make sure we took one (1) of the smallest cookies on offer). It sounds like you’re offering a good balance and this is probably just a phase that will pass. You’re probably already doing this, but I do suggest keeping your language neutral about body size – i.e., no “we don’t eat ice cream daily because we need to have a healthy body weight.” Keep the focus on “variety” and “vitamins” and “good foods for energy for school” and I think things will balance out.
Others will have better advice on whether to keep negotiating/responding to her complaints rather than saying “that’s final.” I know there are differences in approach on that question – whether you should try to really understand and deliberate with your child about her feelings, keep revisiting the issue, etc. vs. tell her the parents made the decision.
OP says
Do you think the whining at dinner is acceptable? “I don’t like this, this looks gross, why cant we eat [insert x] daily etc” Again, I want to give her options and accommodate once a week but I cant make mac and cheese type foods for the whole family daily and I’ve never needed to make separate meals and Im not about to start now when shes almost 7.
AwayEmily says
I think it’s your call! If you think the whining is NOT acceptable, you can say “I’ve given you your choices: banana/toast or what the rest of the family is having. Those are your only options. If I hear you whining again, dinner is over for you. Now, let’s talk about the Olympics — what event are you most looking forward to?”
[then you actually have to follow through on the making her leave if she whines again]
Or, maybe you think it’s fine for her to get some of her pent-up feelings out at the table via dinner whining, and you can express mild disapproval but not consider it a meal-ending offense. I don’t think there’s a right answer here — whatever feels right to your family and situation.
Anonymous says
It’s up to you if you want to be a parent who deprives their child of food and family time cause you’re annoyed at them.
AwayEmily says
I am definitely a parent who “deprives my children of food and family time” if they behave inappropriately at the table. Throwing food, putting feet on the table — there are a number of meal-ending infractions in our household. I do not personally think whining rises to that level but I also don’t think it’s crazy to make that call. My kids never go to bed hungry — we always offer a big snack before bed. And I feel absolutely fine with making them leave dinner ten minutes early if they are making that dinner an unpleasant experience for everyone else.
Anon says
Fully agree with Away Emily. Making children leave the table when they can’t stop disruptive behavior is a reasonable and natural consequence. And usually once you’ve followed through once or twice you don’t actually have to make them leave, because they know you’re serious when you say that you’ll do it if the behavior continues.
Anon says
It’s not about being annoyed. It’s about teaching children to be respectful to their parents, and frankly, to anyone who makes the effort to prepare their meals. My approach is similar to AwayEmily’s.
Anonymous says
+1 to the comment at 12:35
SC says
If we have to ask DS to leave the table to calm down/ stop acting inappropriately, he has to come back to the table when he’s calm and sit with us, in front of food, for whatever time we feel is “left” in dinner. He doesn’t get deprived of food and family time (which is sometimes exactly what he’s seeking) by acting out. It’s probably a little more complicated with siblings, especially if one of the siblings is too young to be excused early and entertain themselves independently.
Anon says
We use kids eat in color’s “don’t yuck on someone else’s yum” for things like this. We also make sure there is one preferred or safe food per meal for our kid. She can have as much or as little of it as she wants. She decides how much to eat, but we decide what is offered. We do not overly police snacks/treats. They are there and available, and we have found with our kid that because of that, she self moderates her intake of them.
Anonymous says
None of us like whining! But I’m not going to start fighting it every night. “This is what is on the menu, I’d appreciate it if you could be polite.”
Cerulean says
Would it help to involve her in meal planning? Maybe you could sit down and talk about the dishes you make that she looks forward to, and some other kid-friendly options like mac and cheese that you can either find a healthy option for it or make as a once a week treat. TBH, there are a lot of ways to make things like burgers and the like healthier. We eat burgers, pizza, and mac and cheese (typically homemade and with a nice variety of veggies and a salad on the side). We also eat things like quinoa salads and veggie curries. I figure it all balances out. Sugary cereals are treated like dessert rather than a meal since they just aren’t that filling.
AwayEmily says
FWIW my just-turned-8yo is in a similar phase. She’s always been SUCH a sweet, go-with-the-flow kid, and now she’s starting the process of asserting her independence, which means pushing back on various rules/regulations. It’s normal, it’s healthy, it’s also annoying. I think you’re doing everything right — you are taking her requests and preferences seriously and (ok, I’ll buy Froot Loops) but then also setting boundaries. Just keep modeling good behavior, treating her kindly, and giving her lots of opportunities for autonomy, and I think it’ll all come out in the wash.
Anon says
I think being gentle with your kids doesn’t mean hiding your own feelings. I have a 6 year old only so can’t comment on the sibling dynamics but four play dates a week is a ton (we’re doing really well if we schedule one a week because my daughter and all her friends are so busy) and if my kid were complaining about not being allowed to have play dates on the other three days, I would say some version of “Hey, it takes me a lot of time and effort to arrange these play dates and I’m happy to do it because I love seeing you have fun with your friends, but it doesn’t make me feel good when you take them for granted or demand an unreasonable number.”
For treats, I think it is easier to make blanket rules about when we eat certain things (e.g., Doritios are not a school snack) rather than limiting the frequency (you can only have Doritos for snack one time per week). Also we tend not to buy things we consider “junk” and then it isn’t even an option that’s up for discussion. My kid is a picky eater and we’re not overly restrictive about homemade sweets (we bake a lot) and regularly go for treats like ice cream, but we don’t buy things like Doritios so we don’t really fight those battles about breakfast or the lunch box.
Homework is a huge struggle for us too, so no advice on that front. She has three worksheets a week, it should take 20 minutes per week but it takes hours because my kid is a huge perfectionist who has a meltdown when she encounters any word she can’t read and won’t accept any help.
Anon says
Some “gentle parenting” influencers say that it’s “unfairly placing the burden of your emotions on your kid” if you show that you’re upset by something they did. Luckily you can mute them…
Anon says
Yeah and I think that’s crazy! Maybe if you’re talking about toddlers who can’t really get it, or if you’re overly dramatic about and start crying because they hurt your feelings. But simply telling your 6 year old that their behavior isn’t making you feel good is completely valid, imo.
SC says
We will often have one parent stand up for the other. If DH cooks all evening and, right as dinner is served, DS is whiny or rude about what we’re having, I’ll say, calmly and kindly, “Dad has been working on dinner for an hour while you’ve been playing in your room. It probably hurt Dad’s feelings when you said that dinner smelled gross. [DH will look sad and nod.] I think you should apologize to Dad, and then you can help me set the table.”
Boston Legal Eagle says
Oh the whining and complaining is so annoying. I have to constantly remind myself to not take it personally. My older one has been in this phase for the last year or so (7, man!), and I also have a younger one who keeps giving kisses and tells me how much he loves me, so it’s confusing! I think a lot of the older one’s words to the younger one are more in response to something that happened at school or some other issue, but the younger kid is the easiest target (or us) who won’t stop being friends with him.
A lot of the recommendations from our therapist/parent coach have been to ignore annoying behavior like this (if it’s attention seeking, don’t give it attention), or model the words that you’d rather she use, i.e. “yes, I see that you’re frustrated that you didn’t get that snack/your brother walked in front you,” instead of the “you’re annoying/I hate you.” It’s a long game….
Anon says
She’s probably noticing that other kids are bringing all those “junky” treats to school and wants to be like them. That’s what happened with my 8yo and I’ve softened a lot. I pack two things for snack so one may be chips or cookies or other treats, and the other is more healthy. He may not always eat the second one, but it is exposure. And then I make sure the snacks at home are acceptable to me…yogurt and granola, scrambled eggs, apple with pb, tortilla chips and guac, etc. The school snacks are not available for eating at home.
OP says
This is a good idea and exactly what is happening. Thank you
Anon says
This. I don’t fight about school/camp snacks BUT those are just for school/camp – that is you get 1 junky snack daily plus whatever we’re all having for desssert (if we’re having dessert). You can’t eat a box of fruit by the foot every day.
Also we taught my very picky eater who also has allergies that he’s allowed to not like food, he’s allowed to chose his own servings BUT he does not get to call food ‘yucky’ ‘gross’ ‘eww’ (etc.) because that is very rude to both the other people at the table and (more importantly imho) to the person who took the time and energy to make the food. We started this at 4 when we began having having dinner together. And lest this make me sound too saintly it was in reaction to me bursting into tears and storming out of the kitchen after he called dinner ‘gross and yucky’ and tried to feed it to the dog. My reaction shocked him and I think he got the point of showing respect to the cook after that (or at least not actively hurting people’s feelings).
Anonymous says
She’s 6. She isn’t supposed to be remembering that you’re a person with feelings too! This is all normal age appropriate 6 year old stuff.
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
+1, the comments suggesting a 6yo should be deprived of food for developmentally normal behavior are wild
Anon says
Making a kid leave a family meal a few minutes early when they can’t stop disrupting the meal isn’t “depriving them of food.” Good grief. How do you teach your child to respect people if you let them behave however they please? Yes, this is developmentally normal behavior for a 6 year old. It’s still a parent’s job to teach a child to behave better so that this behavior doesn’t continue past the age at which it’s appropriate.
SC says
+1. Also, I commented above, but if we ask DS to leave the table, we make him come back and sit with us, in front of his food, for however long is “left” in his dinner time. (Admittedly, this is by feel.) For years, getting him to come to the dinner table was the most difficult part of the day. Letting him leave for good would just reinforce the bad behavior.
Anon for this says
Can I just say that I have a different variety of concerns but that core statement at the end – that you’ve always felt good about having boundaries but being warm and open and patient with their feelings and now you wonder if you’ve been too “gentle” – I relate to this one SO HARD.
It sounds like you’re doing a lot of things reasonable and your kid is going through a bit of a difficult phase.
For me, a lot of the stuff I’ve been reading lately about how gentle parents are actually permissive parents and we’re all wrecking our kids has hit a nerve… I would identify myself as more of a connected parent than a ‘gentle’ one; however, I still wonder if I was somehow too ‘soft’…
Anonymous says
My 7yo is in a huge boundary testing phase too! Mine is over clothing. It’s frustrating. We don’t allow name calling of siblings and I’d say I’m a really patient parent but some stuff elicits a “knock it off right now”. It sounds like you’re a really great mom and she’s just experiencing some growing pains. The food thing is hard because there’s an overwhelming amount of advice and opinions out there. My experience is I never had limits on treats and as an adult struggle with sugar addiction and binge eating. Luckily have a fast metabolism so I’m not overweight but I’m constantly trying NOT to eat sweets. So it sounds like you’re being really reasonable. We also try to be honest about WHY we don’t allow junk food (I don’t call it that) all the time – you’re growing so your body needs nutrients, it can make us feel tired later, etc.,,
Anonymous says
I feel like I’m a little outside this as I somehow missed gentle parenting – my son is 11, I’m old enough that I didn’t really get parenting advice from social media, and I’m murky on the details of what it involved. That said, I’m not particularly strict and my son is pretty easy going; I just don’t have a specific parenting philosophy or method I have tried to follow other than “trying not to screw this up.” With that caveat, it strikes me that you are taking a lot of this personally and it may be especially wearing if you are blaming yourself for your daughter’s behavior while also having to deal with it. Not everything your daughter does is your fault; probably very little of it is. Try not to blame yourself for her wanting things.
Re: treats – we keep some treats in the house, and it is really hard to limit those, so some things we only get when we are out. For things you want to make very occasional, like maybe Fruit Loops, you could say we will get those for your birthday or something like that.
anon says
You’re getting a lot of feedback already, but I don’t think you’re too “gentle.” But, maybe need to just ignore more whining and have more confidence in your boundaries. 4 playdates a week would be a lot to me, for many reasons, but sheesh if she wants that many just do aftercare! I digress…4 playdates is plenty, don’t try to argue with a 6 yo just state the weekly schedule and move on. If she wants to discuss, that’s one thing, but if it is just random whining you don’t have to repeatedly defend your decision to what, not plan a daily playdate? Explain your meal planning at every meal? Maybe have her “try that again” when she complains/whines to at least ask politely…but that only really works if you are going to give them xyz thing if they do ask politely. This sounds more like a state the boundary and move on situation.
Anonymous says
4 play dates is a lot! I couldn’t do that. Weekends for us are mostly family time. My DH would grumble if my DD was over someone’s house/she was at someone else’s house both weekend days.
Anon says
Yeah I feel like we do a lot of play dates because I have an only child who doesn’t have built in playmates, but we still rarely do more than one per week. Between organized activities, family time and birthday parties (we’re still in the big party stage so she has at least a couple parties/month) there just isn’t time for more. The only time she really has more than one play date a week is if there are snow days or scheduled days off school, and then she gets neighbor friends over for a bonus play date.
Anon says
I grew up with very loving but too controlling parents (especially my Mom). In hindsight there were tons of reasons why and I know they did the best I could, but it did really hurt my relationship with my Mom. I have no idea if this applies to you at all, but reading your post I did identify with your daughter so figured I’d share. I had a ton of whiny/complaining/bratty behavior over small things that in retrospect was probably me trying to gain power over bigger issues that I didn’t recognize as a child.
My Mom tied a lot of her feelings and self identity into how us kids were doing. There was a lot of perfectionism projected onto us. The concepts of self compassion, listening to my body/my own needs and resting were things I had to teach myself as an adult.
Again, I have no idea if any of this applies to your situation what so ever. Your listed boundaries sound super reasonable to me. But with the sugary cereal example is one from my childhood and if I could go back in time I’d give my mom a huge hug, tell her she’s doing the best she can, and if her daughter is occasionally having a rough weekday morning just give her the d- fruit loops.
Anon says
Our rubber non slip bath mat has been getting dark mildew/mold spots on it. I threw it in the washing machine a few times with vinegar and that didn’t take care of it. Any other suggestions? Also when do kids stop needing this…?
Anon says
Time for a new mat. I wash our rubber mat weekly but still replace it every 6 months or so.
Anonymous says
+1. I also like the little appliqués better than one large mat. They seem to dry better.
Anan says
I’ve never had one…
Anon says
I also never had one.
Anon says
Never had one either. They seem gross to me (never 100% clean).