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Whether it’s my husband or me going to the grocery store or we are getting groceries delivered, we are buying more fresh produce during each trip. We used to go grocery shopping around once per week, and even if we didn’t do a full haul, we would always make sure we had strawberries (my son’s favorite fruit). Now, we are buying the family pack of strawberries, but we have to race to finish them before they go bad. My husband dug this out from the recesses of our kitchen, and I can’t even remember when we bought it. So far this week, it has kept our huge stash of strawberries fresher for much longer than using the container they come in. I highly recommend getting one of these, as I am sure we are all visiting the grocery store much less often and need our fresh food to last twice as long. The container is $16.88 at Walmart for the large size, while Target sells a set of two (large and small) for $16.99 (though stock is getting low). FreshWorks Produce Saver
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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon. says
If you have a preschooler, can you post your daily schedule for now, if you have one? Especially interested if you have an early riser. My kid is up so early and our schedule (which has been good for about 7 weeks now) needs some help. Our afternoons are actually fine, but 6 am to 12/1 is rough. Thanks.
CPA Lady says
Kiddo is 5.
Okay to wake clock comes on at 7. Kid comes out of her room immediately.
Breakfast and piddling around til 8.
8-noon = kid watches tv pretty much all morning long with a break at some point for her to practice writing her alphabet and numbers
noon lunch and more piddling around
1-3 quiet time in her room where she does not have access to a screen and can play or color or paint or whatever she wants.
In the afternoon I typically do stuff with her, we go on a long walk either before or after dinner, and she does her letters and numbers again at some point, and she has a snack. She cleans up her room (which is usually a total disaster after the couple hours of playing).
Dinner at 5:30.
Bedtime routine begins at 7 and concludes at 7:30.
Fin.
Basically if the only thing I included here was the morning, you would think I was a terrible parent, so I felt compelled to add the rest of the day so you would know she does other stuff besides watching TV.
Occasionally she’ll do other stuff in the morning, but it’s rare and I don’t force her.
anon says
This is very similar to my 3.5 year old’s schedule, except her play-in-room time is just an hour. The morning is easiest because it is just screen time based while I work.
AnotherAnon says
My kid is 3…does that count?
6:30A – kid wakes up, comes and gets in bed with me/DH. DH gets out of bed (if he isn’t up already) and kiddo follows him to play while DH practices piano. We have a loose rule that he has to stay in bed til 7, but we haven’t been enforcing it and don’t have an ok to wake clock.
7 – I get up, unload dishwasher, start a load of laundry, drink coffee and talk to kiddo and DH. Kiddo begs me to play with him. I usually don’t.
8 – DH and kiddo make breakfast and eat. I log onto my computer and begin working.
9 – I eat breakfast and clean up kitchen. DH and kiddo play outside/do outdoor chores
10 – Kiddo normally has his BM, which I help with (15 min). He doesn’t actually need help, but it’s a regression due to Covid. I’ve been leaning into it. I try to get kiddo dressed.
11AM – walk or bike ride. Sometimes I go, sometimes not, depending on work.
noon – feed kiddo sandwich and let him watch a cartoon (lately it’s Donald Duck)
1-2:30 – “nap” time in his room. He knows he doesn’t have to sleep, but must play quietly until 2:30. DH does his work during this time. He’s self-employed and his biz is slow rn so he can mostly get by using this time. Otherwise, I take a break from work to watch kiddo while DH takes a call or meeting.
2:30 – kiddo wakes, watches a Blippi video (god help us) and drinks water
3-4 – more independent play or bothering me while I try to finish work
4PM – I stop working, we go for a walk or another bike ride, then we come home and work out. Kiddo either plays independently or pretends to work out with us.
5-6 – dinner prep. Kiddo has a snack and usually watches The Simpsons but we’ve realized that’s becoming too inappropriate for a 3 y/o.
6:30P – dinner
7PM – bedtime routine: bath, pjs, book, brush teeth, say prayers, in bed. DH and I take turns doing this.
8PM – Kiddo asleep. Sometimes I log back onto work but usually I watch TV, sauna and get in bed by 10.
Keep in mind that almost every activity is peppered with a lot of whining and asking me to play with him. We’re not doing any school work, though Montessori keeps providing it.
Realist says
5yo. Kid is awake between 6 and 6:30. OK to wake light comes on around 6:40. Kid dresses herself and comes to my bed and snuggles 5 or 10 minutes. We get up, she brushes her teeth and hair and cleans her face, I help as needed. Kiddo and DH do breakfast while I walk the dog. Kiddo has screen time for about 90 minutes, then practices her musical instrument and has online class at 10. Snack time and then does a worksheet/art, and an online activity (music, dance, yoga, stories) then lunch. Clean up time, then we play a game or do something together, then head outside. Afternoon snack, then more screen time or an activity. Dinner, family time, then bedtime. I wish we did a morning outside session but it has been cold and hard to fit in between class and activity schedules. The screen time level isn’t perfect but it gives me a chance to get some work done and not go insane.
Tea/Coffee says
DS, 5 (older sister is 9).
Wakes at 7, gets dressed/snuggles with DH/cartoon
8- come downstairs, eat breakfast, play and/or harass the living daylights out of big sister (thh)
9- DD has zoom classes. I work with DS on handwriting, letters, numbers, and anything else he’s interested in Which right now includes learning to tell time on an analog clock. We read together.
10- we’re usually done but DD’s classes continue. This is usually a baking project or more book reading or art.
11- lunch
12-1 quiet time in his room. Maybe 1 day/week he falls asleep.
1-2 outside time, usually a long family walk.
2-5 is a crapshoot… maybe more playing outside, maybe legos, or art, or abcmouse, or tv.
5- dinner
6:30- bathtime
7-715ish bedtime
I am not a tiger mom… DS watches his sister and so is very interested in “doing school.” He’s one of those kids that really needs the routine and the focused 1:1 time. He is going to have a very hard time sitting still and not being the class clown, next year :-)
Ifiknew says
Especially curious on this if you have a preschooler and baby. I have a almost 3 and almost 1 (at the end of May)
Baby up at 6ish and preschooler at 645 with okay to wake
Eat breakfast and goof around until about 830. She gets 15 mins of a show in this time. My husband works in big law and goes to work upstairs around 8iah
We play outside until baby naps at 9. She gets “edu games” on tablet until baby wakes at 1030ish. I work (PT) and or prep lunch in this time.
1030-1130 – we play in their rooms
1130-1230 – I get both kids to eat their lunch. She gets 45 mins or so of a show here
They both nap at 1 until about 230 or 3, I work or sleep or clean at this time
We have a snack at 3 and get outside from 4 to 530
Dinner for both and some TV from 530-630
Bath and play for babya bed at 7 pm and preschooler at 745
I mostly do this solo most days with grandparent help for a few hours in the am. Husband helpz here and there but he’s billing like a man in biglaw aka no difference pre and post pandemic (sadly)
Curious to see how people keep their preschoolers occupied with a baby
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have a 4 year old and 1.5 year old, both early risers. Toddler is up around 5:30-6am – Husband gets him after he showers. 4 year old is up around 6-6:30am (occasionally earlier but we’ve told him to stay in his room until his light is green at 6). They then have breakfast, get dressed (i.e. I put clothes on both of them) and watch TV until around 7:30.
Husband goes in the office from about 7-9:30 while I watch them both. I call this time “free play,” so there’s nothing structured. We play in the downstairs playroom or in the 4 year old’s room. Often there is a lot of running and yelling – like this morning, where the 4 year old kept running back and forth and yelling like he was a train. Activities they both like are duplos, various vehicles, books (sort of for the toddler), magnatiles. They also like to look out the window and see the few people or cars around. They get a snack at around 9.
I start work at around 9:30 and then husband has them for the rest of the morning. Now that the weather is nicer, they go for a walk or play in the backyard. If they’re inside, there’s some reading or maybe one video game for the older one. Lunch is around 11:30-12. I come out around 12 and have lunch.
12:30ish – toddler goes down for a nap (glorious, 2-3 hours). Husband usually takes 4 year old back out to see the trains and they get back around 2.
2-3:30 – TV for 4 year old, toddler is napping, husband is relaxing/working on the couch and I’m working until the day is over.
3:30 – 5 or so – Husband is still watching them. They either go back outside, do some indoor play. There’s usually lots of yelling and melting down by the 4 year old.
Dinner at 5:45/6. Baths after, both kids down by 7:30 now thanks to us dropping 4 year old’s nap.
Throughout the day, husband takes the dishes out and cleans up periodically. I help out if my day is light.
Writing this out, it seems like this is pretty boring for the 4 year old (or maybe that’s just me and my husband who are bored?). We don’t do any sort of structured homeschooling or anything and neither of us really wants to take that on. In the beginning, this seemed fine because it seemed short-lived but now it’s just dragging.
AwayEmily says
our schedules sound really, really similar (also have a 4 and 2). Lots of “free play” and playing outside. Zero school time.
Clementine says
I have a preschooler, a toddler (20 months) and a 2 month old. Have been solo parenting for about a month and am still WFH full time.
5: I wake up to get a jump start on work (usually get in 1.5 hours before the kids are up)
6:15 – toddler wakes up. Futile attempt to put back to sleep but I can usually get another 15 minutes. Ply with all the books and toys, sometimes I just have kid join me while I take a shower
6:30 preschooler comes in to cuddle
6:40 Everybody downstairs. COFFEE.
7-8 – Kids eat breakfast chat about our day. Sometimes I put on a show out of desperation.
8-12 – Mix of learning activities I’ve set up the night before, sensory play (lots of play doh and kinetic sand), outside time if it’s nice, and TV when I just need to get on a conference call and have them be quiet. I usually get about 3-3.5 hours of work in here – the key for me is to have at least 4.5 by noon or I’m working all night.
12- lunch and walk/outside play.
1-3 blessed, sweet nap/quiet time. Heaven time. Sometimes the preschooler gets to quietly watch a show if he wakes up early. 2 solid hours of work.
3-4 Chaos. Work and home. Try and put this time out of my mind so no idea how efficient I am.
4-5 Drag kids outside for a walk or outdoor play. ‘Cocktail hour’ happens on occasion, but I do try to mark the end of my day.
5-5:30 Regular family FaceTime dates with various people (we keep it interesting! and you’d be shocked at how fun your childless cousin and her boyfriend are when chatting with little kids) so I can cook dinner
5:30-6:15 dinner
6:15-7 – walk, followed by quick baths if necessary
7-8 Bedtime(s)
8-9 My hour off. I wash dishes and let myself watch mindless TV. I’ll chat on the phone with a friend.
9-?? Alternate taking care of the baby, folding clothes/ prepping for the next day and work. Go to bed too late, knowing that I have to wake up early the next day.
(Note: I have never slept that much? Even as a kid. Like, a full night’s sleep for me is really more like 6 hours, not the 8 most people talk about. That’s basically how I’m surviving.)
ifiknew says
wow you are incredible. seriously. See my note below on solo parenting my almost 3 and 1 year old while workign a VERY part-time schedule. You are incredible. Hang in there
Clementine says
…at this moment, I just plopped the toddler in Baby Jail (aka the plastic corral with a bunch of toys and books where she can’t get into trouble and turned on paw patrol for toddler and preschooler so I could get onto my conference call.
I have a LOT of mom guilt about screen time… but frankly, I’m using it as a survival tactic and it’s really only about 45 minutes of true trash cartoons a day. The rest is recorded lessons or his teachers reading books or whatever.
Ifiknew says
Um that’s wayyyyyy better than most of us that aren’t solo parenting three tiny children. You’re doing incredible!! Seriously
Anon says
you are supermom. i could not do what you are doing.
SC says
DS just turned 5. DH is mostly a SAHD, and I am working from home in the mornings and going into the office most afternoons. Some parts of the schedule are more rigid than others.
Between 6:30 and 7:30 am – I wake up and have my daily alone time for yoga, reading, internet scrolling, and/or showering.
Between 7:30 and 8:30 am – Kiddo wakes up.
8:00-9:00 am – Breakfast, get dressed. Free time if there’s time leftover.
9:00 am – Occupational therapy, either in person or exercises with Dad.
9:30 am – Outside time.
10:00 am – Free play. Can be art, Legos, games, puzzles, etc. No screens.
11:00 am – Telemedicine therapy appointment (once or twice per week), or DH and Kiddo do “turn taking” exercises recommended by play therapist.
11:45 am – Transition toward lunch.
12:00 pm – Lunch. Free play.
1:00 pm – Reading time.
1:30 pm – Quiet time. (Kiddo lays down for 20 minutes, never sleeps. This is mostly not happening anymore.)
1:50 pm – Alone time. (Kiddo plays quietly by himself.)
2:30 pm – Kiddo and DH play a video game together.
3:00 pm – DH does work around the house or work for his business. Kiddo either helps DH or has free play. Screens allowed. (DH doing work around the house also seems to not be happening.)
4:30 – Outside time.
5:30 pm – I come home. DH starts dinner. I often take a few minutes outside with a book, then do dishes while DH cooks.
6:30 pm (but really 7)- Dinner. Kiddo plays after dinner.
7:30 pm (but really 8) – Get ready for bed. Pajamas, brush teeth, books. We seem to be taking baths just once or twice a week now.
Between 8:30 and 9:00 – Kiddo asleep.
Anonymous says
Two 3-year-olds, but they’re not especially early risers, so this may not be helpful.
6:30-8:30 Parents get up and get some work down while the house is gloriously quiet
8:30-9:15 Get kids up, dressed, fed(they wake up anywhere between 7:45-8:15, but hang out in their beds chatting to each other or their stuffed animals)
9:15-10:00 Free play, but the parent on duty will read books or interact with them as requested
10:00-10:30 Zoom preschool
10:30-10:45 Pee, get ready to go outside
10:45-11:45 Outside time (bike, scooter, walk, nature walk)
11:45-12:30 Prep and eat lunch
12:30-1:00 Free play while parent on duty cleans up
1:00-1:15 Storytime in their room
1:15-3:45 Naptime/quiet time (they don’t have to sleep, but can’t leave their beds)
3:45-4:00 Snack
4:00-6:00 Play (outside if it’s nice), help make dinner
6:00-6:45 Eat dinner
6:45-7:15 Free play while parents clean kitchen
7:15-7:30 Get pjs on
7:30 Lights out
Boston Legal Eagle says
Wow, I’m so jealous of those of you whose preschoolers sleep for 12+ hours (and nap!) Is my kid just low sleep needs?
Pogo says
I’m with you. If there’s a solid nap, kiddo may not pass out until 9pm.
Anonymous at 10:31 says
They’ve always been high sleep needs kids! It was super annoying when they were younger and had to be in bed at 6pm when we were getting them up at 6:30 for daycare, but it does have it’s merits for evening downtime.
I will add the caveat that in bed at 7:30 doesn’t actually mean asleep before 8 (or sometimes 8:30), but they’re in their room so parents get a break.
Realist says
I have always had a low sleep needs child. When she was a newborn, I calculated parents of average babies were getting 20-30 hours of extra time that I was not, and that lucky parents with high sleep needs babies were getting 40-45 hours of time. So basically, having a low-sleep needs baby is like having an extra full time job with a newborn, and that is exactly as terrible as it sounds. Now that my child is age 5, the low sleep needs thing is not so nearly as life disrupting as it was when she was younger. And after she stopped napping at age 2.5, the daytime schedule actually got a bit easier to manage, since her chaotic napping schedule made life a mess. I’m hoping she can be one of those adults that wakes up at 5am and can conquer the world on 6 hours of sleep . . . that is not me.
Anon says
as someone who has high sleep needs themself, all of your low sleep needs kids will fare much better as adults
Clementine says
Low sleep needs adult here… It’s really helpful.
Anon says
Yes. I need 9-10 hours of sleep to feel fully rested. I’ve been evaluated by many doctors and there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s just how I am. It’s awful and I’ve always wished I could function on 6-7 or even 8 hours of sleep. The plus side is that my 2 year old sleeps 15 hours per day.
Blueberry says
Both of my children are low sleep needs, (like my mother, but not like me!). It is exhausting!
Cb says
We have a pretty similar schedule with a half day split.
anon says
I have a 4 and 6 yo with an au pair.
6 AM – kids wake up and harass us until 7 AM
7 AM – tablet TV and breakfast
8 AM – au pair starts, finishes breakfast, get kids dressed, does hair and teeth
9 AM – take a neighborhood walk/bike ride/scooter
9:30 AM – start homeschooling. The 4 yo has asked for school stuff like her big sister, so I got her a workbook
10 AM – 4 yo has a daily zoom date with her grandfather where he reads her stories, the 6 yo does harder work with au pair while the little one is occupied
11 AM – snack and playtime
12:30 – lunch
1 PM – Quiet time. 4 yo sometimes naps. 6 yo reads independently
2 PM – 6 yo comes down from reading and plays strategy board games with au pair
3 PM – 4 yo wakes up, backyard time and snack
4 PM – 6 yo has zoom date with grandfather where he reads her chapter books; 4 yo does puzzles or art with au pair
5 PM – Dad starts dinner, kids help or play. Sometimes 6 yo does school math app
6 PM – Dinner
7 PM – Upstairs for PJs and stories
8 PM – Lights out
Pogo says
This is making me feel way better about my use of screen time (edu app and TV). I had really internalized all the anti-screen time rhetoric (it will rot your kid’s brain!!!) but my mom reminded me I used to watch TV all the time as a kid and she never worried about it.
octagon says
Kiddo is 4.5. I wake up around 7 and have some time to myself (the only time in the day, but I usually do work for most of it). Kiddo wakes at 8:15 when his OK to Wake clock lights up. DH wakes up at the same time.
Breakfast done by 9.
DH does schooling from 9-12, then lunch.
After lunch, Kiddo gets 2 hours of quiet time/nap until about 3:30. (DH starts his workday at 1.)
I get Kiddo at 3:30 and he gets a snack and then an hour of either TV or ipad games while I finish my workday.
Around 5, I log off work and Kiddo and I go outside for an hour, either for a walk or a bike ride.
He gets free play when we get back until dinner is ready about 6:45-7.
After dinner it’s bathtime and then bed.
He’s in bed by 8:30, but takes forever to go to sleep, even on days he doesn’t nap. Last night he was still chattering to himself at 10:30 when I went to sleep. I guess he’s just not a high sleep needs kid, sob.
Butter says
Have a preschooler and a newborn. Here’s a rough outline of our schedule:
6:30-8:30am Kiddo wakes up and has ipad time (plays games) while I have coffee
8:30-10am Kiddo has TV time (Wild Kratts) while I have more coffee
10am-6:30pm Chaos/time collapse (literally not sure what happens here)
6:30pm Kiddo has “dinner”
7:15-8:30pm Kiddo has bedtime routine that stretches longer each night
Boston Legal Eagle says
Meant to say this earlier – Butter, thanks for keeping it real. You’re rocking it. Chaos/time collapse is very real. It feels like we do so much every day and yet it feels like nothing gets done?
Pogo says
Yes SAME, thank you for being real. The chaos is so real.
Anon says
Preschooler (2.5):
9:30 – wake up
10 – breakfast and TV time (typically Sesame Street these days which I view as a replacement for preschool) – she toggles between watching the TV and playing with her toys and running into the home office, so it’s not straight TV. Once a week she has a videocon with her preschool class.
1 – lunch time and play with mommy and daddy. Once a week she has virtual speech therapy around this time.
2 – quiet time upstairs in bed with tablet (mix of PBS kids games and Disney movies)
3 – one of us typically takes her outside to play
4-7 – usually plays on the floor of the office or the room next to the office with non-screen toys (blocks, dolls, trains, little people), if she is being super distracting we will put a movie “on the big screen” for her.
7- “helps” prep dinner for the adults; eats her dinner
8:30 – adults eat, she plays with her toys and then helps with post-dinner dishes.
9:30 – bath time
10 – bedtime with her tablet – she gets to keep the tablet if she stays in her room, if she climbs in our bed we take it away. Most nights she watches about 20 minutes of a show before deciding she would rather sleep in our bed than stay in hers, but like 2 out of 7 nights we actually get her to stay in her bed. She usually falls asleep between 10 and 11. We just recently pulled the nap in an effort to get bedtime earlier (this is earlier) but sometimes she crashes for a nap at 7 (but of course won’t stay asleep) and then she will be up until midnight or later (which was the scenario when she took a post-lunch nap which is why we nixed it).
Anon says
How are you surviving with such a late bedtime?? Sounds impossibly hard though she’s making up for it in the mornings somewhat though she’s only getting like 9.5 hours of sleep?
Anon says
We basically have no alone time. She’s low sleep needs, DH is very high sleep needs and I’m somewhere in the middle. She has been that way since birth and it’s terrible – we thought preschool would tire her out more and that’s has not been the case (she would just sleep 10-8 with a 30 minute nap instead of 11-9 with no nap), and now she doesn’t even have that outlet. Some afternoons she literally runs laps up and down the house as a new “game” we made up to tire her out – with no effect other than great cardio I guess. I typically sleep midnight to 7 or 8. I get online for work typically around 9 unless I have earlier calls. It’s not ideal, I’m tired, but it’s also not that different from pre-COVID – I’m just more exhausted from all the extras that we would ordinarily outsource. Sometimes though TBH, DH will stay up with her if I crash “early” like at 11 and then she just snuggles up to her snoring mama and I don’t even wake up.
Anon says
She might be a genius! Apparently there’s a correlation between super gifted kids and kids who don’t need much sleep.
CCLA says
Two kids, 3.5 and 1.5. DH has been watching them while I WFH, though soon I expect this schedule to change to more screen time when he goes back to work and I am juggling them. For now:
7:30 – DD1 gets up and comes in our room jumping on the bed telling us we need to brush her teeth, or play a song, etc. We half talk half sleep for half an hour while she either jumps in and snuggles or like this morning tires of us and announces she’s going to make a creation (magnets in the living room).
8am – We get up (note – we used to be much earlier risers, quarantine has shifted us all later), and get DD2 out of her crib. She has been awake for probably 30-60 minutes, but is super content there, and sometimes signals that she wants to stay longer. OK, kid.
830-9/930 – breakfast/kids free play
9/930-10 kids free play while dad does dishes, tidies, meal preps, etc
10-1030 – story time with dad
1030-1045 – more free play
1045-11 – snack
11-12 – outside time (balcony – apartment) chalk , bubbles, water play
12-1 – lunch
1-4 – DD2 nap (she probably sleeps for 2 hours, but is perfectly content with her dolls in her crib, so 3 hours it is for our sanity), DD1 watches movie or tv and/or colors or plays magnets, dad gets in a workout/quiet time/meal prep
4-430 – free play
439-530/6 – long family walk and/or run around the neighborhood
530-6 – prep dinner if we’re not eating leftovers
6/630-7 – dinner
715 – DD2 in bed while DD1 still cleaning up/slowly getting herself ready for bed
730-8 – DD1 bedtime routine with some combo of a game/puzzle/books
8 (sometimes 830) – DD1 down
I join for breakfast and dinner, and almost always for lunch, and generally come out a few times during the day to spend 15 minutes here and there with the kids. I will say that before quarantine, we almost always ate dinner at 830 after the kids were in bed. Now, other than Fridays when we get delivery for our date night in, we almost always eat with the kids, and I love it. I know it’s possible because we’re all at home, but after finally doing it, I now want to try to keep it up. It’s very nice to have them in bed and then have the rest of the night to ourselves (even though I often have work to do).
fallen says
Have a 6 year old and an almost 2 year old, this is what we are doing on weekends (we still have nanny come on weekdays)
630 – toddler is up, on saturdays i get up with him and on sundays DH does. when i get up i will usually read books/play/hang and i will drink my coffee. sometimes i let him watch Blippie and do some work
8:00- 6 year old up, make waffles or pancakes or another weekend breakfast and clean up
9:00 – baths
10:30- husband and i take turns showering. these have been getting longer and longer for both us. i will usually play with toddler while daughter does her own thing while husband showers
1200ish- one of us will walk toddler outside to get him to fall asleep for his naps ( he screams bloody murder if we put him in his crib)
12-2ish – husband and i will play monopoly with our daughter while toddler naps. this is the best part of my weekend
2-3ish – eat brunch as a family and clean up
3-7 – we will usually drive to a state park and go on a long walk while daughter rides the scooter
7- feed kids dinner, stories and bedtime
AwayEmily says
These are so interesting. We do a lot of outdoor time (despite our awful weather; we are in upstate NY and it SNOWED this week, wtf). We do zero “school” work (eg practicing letters, workbooks, etc). Our other rule is “never disturb independent play” so if we were planning on going for a hike at 9:30 but the kids are happily playing with Legos we let them go as long as they want.
6:15am – Kids wake up and chat to each other
6:40am – OK to wake clock turns green
6:40 – 9:30 – Both parents on duty. Breakfast, playing, everyone gets dressed (kids while watching an episode of Sesame Street), adults shower.
9:30 – 11:30 – One parent takes the kids out of the house while the other one works. A hike, exploring the empty campus, running around a field, whatever it takes. On cold days we drive to a further away place.
11:30 – 1 – Episode of Daniel Tiger, followed by lunch and then reading
1 – 3 – 2yo naps, 4yo naps or has quiet time, both parents work
3:30 – 5:30: One parent takes both kids out of the house again
5:30 – 7:30: Dinner, bedtime
Then we work for a few hours after dinner to make up time (since with this schedule we each only get about 4-5 hours of work in between 9 and 5.
AwayEmily says
oh and my kids are 4 and 2.
Anon, so sad says
5yo son cried yesterday and told me he was fat. I asked why he thought that and couldn’t respond. He mentioned a couple of his friends he thought were “skinny” and a couple of friends he thought were “fat.” He also wanted to know if he would be skinny when he grows up. He was so, so sad. It was heartbreaking to listen to and I was caught off guard and didn’t have a super eloquent response.
Now, he is 99th percentile in both weight and height. He’s 5 and over 48 inches! His dad is nearly 7 feet so that’s not a surprise. But he is on the heftier side, too. Both dad and I are obese, but we’re working on it, and we definitely try to discuss our weight issues when he is not around to hear.
His doctor did mention to us at his 4yo well visit that we should focus on healthy foods and exercise, which we do. He does karate and skating and spends a lot of time outdoors playing. We’re trying to adopt healthier lifestyles, exercise more, not do endless snacking, keep everything in moderation. I think we can figure out the food and normal play to help him. His 5yo well visit is next week and I’m interested to hear what his doctor has to say.
But what to do about his self image? He is so strong and can do lots of stuff, but he’s focusing only on the “fat” part of him. I guess I’m surprised that this is an issue so early in his life and I don’t know what to do. Any resources that I can look at? Anyone else relate?
anon says
I have no great advice because it sounds like you’re doing all the right things! Maybe add an ongoing conversation about how we’re all made differently and humans come in all shapes and sizes? Big hugs to you and your kiddo; this stuff is not easy. :(
Anon, so sad says
Thank you!! Good point about positive body image language, differences, etc. We’ve been trying to get this conversation going.
I’m so anxious about what’s going to happen when he goes to kindergarten this fall (good grief I really hope school opens) because he is such a sensitive kid and I’m worried about kids making fun of him.
Regular poster anon for this says
I come to this from the other side of the spectrum. I grew up borderline anorexic and still struggle with this type of disordered eating behavior whenever I am under significant stress. My mom was very strict about never using body negative language around us, and didn’t let me and my sister play with barbies because she didn’t want us to have unrealistic ideas about how bodies look. But of all the people in my life, my grandfather (!!!) was the one who instilled in me the negative thoughts that led me to channel my anxiety into this particular unhealthy behavior. It can be the most random people who cause children to start thinking about this. I was young when it started too, 6 or 7.
The thing that helped me the most were Ellyn Satter books. My husband is tall, from a family of tall husky people, and when I had my first child and she was a high percentage on weight and height growth charts and she would eat so much food it really freaked me out and triggered all the old garbage I thought I had dealt with. I cried multiple times reading Child of Mine because Satter talks about food and eating in a way I never had given myself permission to do– she comes from a place of safety and trust and letting go of the need to control. One of the most profound things I got from that book was that if your child is going to grow up to be fat, he is going to grow up to be fat. But you have the opportunity to either have a fat adult child that you have treated with trust and respect, or one that you have criticized and controlled in an attempt to “help”. Not saying you would do this, a lot of parents just don’t know what to do, and do it accidentally.
Anon, so sad says
Thanks so much. This is such a helpful perspective. I’ll check out these books.
Anonymous says
Not the OP but thank you for this too. OP, I have no advice but am sending hugs. My son is chubby and now that he is home all the time and I see everything he eats, I don’t really think this is something we can control with diet unless we start limiting his intake of reasonably healthy foods (we already limit junk food, like everyone else). Getting more exercise is hard. I have a history of weight issues too, and I worry about his weight a lot, which does not appear to benefit either of us.
Anonymous says
Isn’t limiting intake of reasonably healthy foods standard though? I didn’t realize that other ppl don’t do this. My kids have 3 meals and 2 snacks. Outside of snacktime, the only snacks are veggies or sometimes fruit if they didn’t eat a lot at the last meal or snack. We usually have a treat like cookies or a piece of cake every day or every second day so I’m not like a zero sugar mom or something.
Anonymous says
I mean limiting the amount of food he can eat at a meal or snack primarily.
Eek says
No, not everyone does this. I don’t think there’s any standard approach. I’m a fan of the Feeding Littles approach, which is to decide what your kids are eating but let them decide how much of that to eat (or not eat.)
Pogo says
No, if my kid asks for more food I give it to him. I may ask that he try to eat more of the other food on his plate first (“Before we have more mac and cheese, can you try a little more broccoli?”). And if he keeps asking for just one food (usually it is is the aforementioned mac & cheese) but has plenty of veggies on his plate, I’ll say, “If you’re still hungry, please eat your ____” and then he typically decides he’s done.
I will limit junk food (fruit snacks, cookies, ice cream) as a somewhat special treat only a couple times a week. But if he wants to eat 2 bananas for snack, I give him two bananas.
Anon says
We definitely don’t limit intake. My understanding is that even for children who are classified as overweight, you shouldn’t limit food at mealtime (limiting snacking between meals is totally different). You choose what you serve, kid chooses what they eat and how much.
Anonymous says
What if you have one of those kids whose body doesn’t signal fullness to the brain properly, though? My husband is one of these people—he will eat everything in sight because he just never gets uncomfortably full. He has to purposely limit what he puts on his plate. At some point you need to teach appropriate portion size. Self-regulation is appropriate for kids whose hunger signals work right. Some kids will starve themselves or overeat if left to their own devices because their bodies don’t transmit the right signals.
Anon says
Like other posters, we limit in the sense of making sure they have a variety of foods, and if they keep asking for the tastiest/least healthy thing, making them eat the other things they still have plenty of first before getting the tastiest thing. I think that is a natural way for them to realize they aren’t actually hungry anymore at times. Truthfully I do this to myself, in my office I keep cashews or something which I don’t love but it forces me when I think I want a snack to realize if I really am hungry enough to want the cashews, or am I just thinking I need a snack out of boredom.
I also think it takes everyone time for their body to signal their fullness, so there have been occasions where my kids keep asking for something but it feels to me that they’ve probably really had enough, so I ask them to wait 10 minutes & see if they still want it.
TheElms says
My understanding is that the prevailing research currently suggests kids, especially younger kids, are pretty good self-regulators of food intake and problems arise for adults because of societal influences that cause disordered eating. So I’m also a fan of the feeding littles approach. I think the best thing you can do is teach a kid to trust their body. All bodies are different, come in different shapes and sizes and need slightly different things.
I was always heavy as a kid, but don’t look especially overweight, I just have a more solid build than some. And I was one of those people that was never full and couldn’t lose weight because I was always starving despite eating a reasonably well balanced diet. I worked with a registered dietitian/nutritionist at changing what I ate, when I ate, how much water I drank, and how quickly I ate. Doing all of that consistently (with a food scale and a food diary) helped me recognize my body’s full signal. It was hard and it took several months before I noticed the full signal and until then I was basically working on faith and felt what I thought was hungry a lot. I was basically retraining my brain how to recognize full. I think over the years the full signal had gotten lost and I no longer noticed it / I was so often full that I didn’t recognize it as a signal. So for the husband who never feels full, my guess is its fixable through something like what I did, but I’m not going to downplay how hard it is. I lost 20lbs after figuring out what full felt like and probably could still stand to lose about 20lbs but for now I’m at a comfortable place.
Anon, so sad says
We’ve been doing more of the above – providing the “what” to eat, while my son decides the “how much.” Both Feeding Littles and Kids Eat In Color have been helpful in moving us in this direction, and their philosophies make sense to me and seem to be grounded in solid research.
Anon, so sad says
Anon at 10:22, thanks. This sounds a lot like me. Being at home I’m especially aware of his eating habits. Sending him a healthy lunch at school seemed easier because I didn’t have to deal with his wants in the moment. His pleading for something else at lunch is more frustrating to manage now because the kitchen is right there and I have limited bandwidth due to The World Right Now. I’m adopting the “it’s not on the menu right now” line with more success.
It’s easy for me to see what we could do — he doesn’t drink juice, but does drink more milk than he probably should, for example.
anon says
I commented above, and I agree that it can be the random person who forever changes your body image. In my case, it was neighbors and extended family members who compared me to my very petite mom. When I was in junior high and it was becoming very obvious that I was not built like her. I’m tall with an average build, but I will never forget how defective those people made me feel. TBH, my mom struggled with disordered eating and *that* affected me less than those random a**holes.
Ashley says
I see a lot of content on this issue on Kids Eat in Color and Feeding Littles–two of my favorite accounts on instagram. They differ a little but both advocate for a meal/snack schedule that works for you family. You choose what you serve and when, kid chooses what they eat and how much. They both also emphasize that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that we should focus on what our bodies can do, whether a kiddo is over- or under-weight. This is so hard!
Anonymous says
Aww, poor kid. I was a giant kid and I remember my friends would always weigh themselves playing with a scale and I always weighed like 20 lbs more than them, even though I was skinny. It really made be feel terrible! This did not work for me, but if your kid is at all sporty there are lots of sports where it’s an asset to be tall and strong. My little brother was always a giant, chunky kid and a basketball star. He grew out of the baby fat but sports gave him a lot of self confidence.
Anon, so sad says
Yes, thanks. Good point about trying to find sports and other activities where he can use his size to his advantage and build confidence. Things are pretty much shut down where we are, but basketball was next in line for us to try.
Anon says
“Both dad and I are obese, but we’re working on it, and we definitely try to discuss our weight issues when he is not around to hear.”
He’s picking it up from you.
Anon, so sad says
Thanks for the comment. You may be right, and we are going to be especially conscious about it going forward.
Realist says
I think I need noise canceling headphones. Has anyone compared the Air Pod Pros to the Bose 700? Or have a different suggestion? The air pods are cheaper and look easier to wear. I would like to use them for work calls/Zoom and while I am walking around the house.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Ha! I just came to ask this question. Actually I am hoping for a noise cancelling headphone/mic combo.
Realist says
I thought the air pods had a mic but I might be confused. This is why I need help getting something that makes sense :)
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Yes I think you’re right!
Ifiknew says
My husband just bought the bose 700 with his firms tech budget and is obsessed. Says they are like clouds and it helps a ton for the noise canceling and phone calls are much better now. I’ve never used the airpods pro though!
Anon says
I’m the one here with the 700s I got last week (caveat that prior to that I was using the wired apple buds that came with my phone and have never used the pro pods). As DH explained to me (he’s the tech person) the difference is that the mics in the bose have voice isolating features that block out ambient noise when you’re speaking – so not only can you not hear your background noise from the noise cancelling in your audio – other ambient background noise is muted for folks who are listening to you! I personally find the over the head rather than in ear headphones more comfortable. The other big thing is battery life – I’m on 8+ hours of calls a day, and I charge my headphones every other day. The apple ones don’t even come close. Plus it’s a lot harder for me to misplace the big set than the little pods.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Those sound awesome…and I love the white color. Are you using them with your cell? Does it block background talking? That is my main need at the moment! My husband’s voice is so darn loud.
Anon says
I have the soapstone – it’s sort of white and rose gold. I use them almost exclusively with my work iphone (XR maybe?). I have not tested it with adult voices because DH knows I’m on calls all day – we text a lot from the same room, but my colleagues report a significant difference with the toddler jabbering on the floor of the same room. As for what I can hear, with the noise cancelling set to 10 (top), I can hear people in the same room, but it is definitely muted and I don’t hear them clearly. I also have very sensitive hearing – DH can’t hear a thing with them on but he was into a lot of loud metal and rock growing up.
Anon says
I have the airpods. I love them because of battery life, ease of use, and small-ness. However, they are not 100% noise cancelling. They are pretty good but not perfect. You can use them as noise cancelling even with no audio, which is nice (they block out about 50% of my office-mates voice when he’s on phone calls… that is, when I actually went to work and had an office mate).
AnotherAnon says
Does the sound of a leaf blower make anyone else want to scream bloody murder? I viscerally hate that sound. Just wondering if quarantine is finally getting to me (answer: yes).
SC says
Yes! I’m inside and can hear one right now. Every time I go outside to have some peace and quiet or talk on the phone, a neighbor fires up their leaf blower. All my neighbors’ lawns look nice, but it’s always so noisy!
I know it’s impossible, but I wish the neighborhood could designate like 2-hour periods each day in which you could use noisy machines. The time slots could rotate so most people could find some convenient time.
Pogo says
I once lived in a municipality where gas-powered leaf blowers were illegal.
AnotherAnon says
Where, Pogo? I’m moving there. Truthfully, I’m not a fan of HOAs, but I’d really like our neighborhood to designate a single day where you can blow leaves. I hear them several hours per week day because everyone has different lawn crews with different schedules, and then DH and other homeowners blow their own lawns (Mother! I can blow myself!) for HOURS on the weekends. My neighbor used his for four hours one Sunday and it made me want to cry.
Anon says
This is why I love that our lawn guy does 3/4 of our street – it’s mostly just the one morning a week! He kindly waits until 7:30 to fire up the lawnmower…sometimes I hear his truck just idling in front of our house around 7 while he waits for the clock to turn.
Anon says
Gas leaf blowers are also banned in Palo Alto, CA. They’re horrible for air quality and the environment.
Pogo says
It was Arlington, MA (I think Concord might have the ban, too).
Although it’s not like the electric ones are quiet. My husband uses one and I’m not a fan. But they don’t sound quite as dreadful as the gas one, which are basically a motorcycle exhaust.
Anonymous says
My kids are obsessed with leaf blowers and are in heaven hearing neighbors use them all day.
Slightly Embarrassing Question says
Anyone have tips on getting an infant/toddler started with utensils? We have a 13 month old who’s been eating everything in sight but using her hands. We have two older kids (so yes, I should remember this!) and it’s just been easier to let her proceed that way. But I know at some point we got the kids going with spoons at least – and I can’t for the life of me remember the age or how?
TheElms says
We have an almost 1 year old and we just gave her a toddler fork and spoon. She eats dinner with us and watches us use a fork so she is already trying to stab/ scoop things with her fork or spoon. No real success yet with stabbing/scooping but if I pre-load a spoon with something like yogurt that will stick to the spoon she can pick that up and put it in her mouth. I also pre-load the fork with stabbed vegetables and she will eat those. At first you might need to help guide the spoon/fork to her mouth but I bet she figures it out quickly. After that I assume its just practice. I have friends with 18month-ish olds and they are just starting to stab food with a fork, so I think you’ve got lots of time.
Anon says
I think just keep offering her a fork/spoon, maybe feeding her with it to give her the idea and eventually she’ll get the hang of it. Especially if she’s watching older siblings use one. I think I introduced our kids to a spoon around that age.
Anonymous says
preloaded fork was how I started my kids
Anon says
My answer for this (and pretty much everything) is to let daycare teach her, which I realize isn’t really an option now. 13 months is on the younger side I think. DD went to daycare at 15 months not using utensils at all, and they got her using a spoon for yogurt pretty quickly. She is 2 now and although she can use a fork pretty well and we give her a fork at every meal, she still picks things up with her hands sometimes. We don’t make a big deal of it because we don’t want to turn it into a battle.
sg says
feedinglittles on instagram is also a great resource often recommended here
Anon says
why do so few kids shoes come in half sizes? i wanted to get my twins some keen kids, but the 6 just fits and the 7 is too big. any suggestions for summer shoes?
Cate says
Natives are great. Not sure if you have girls or boys, but my girl really loved saltwater sandals and they took a beating well and looked cute.
anon says
+1 We love Natives and Saltwater sandals.
I also got my kids a pair of jelly sandals from Old Navy last summer and they were a favorite. They got waaaaay more use than I expected.
anon says
Summer shoes are the hardest, for this reason IMO. One of my kids does well with Keen sandals; the other does better with Natives. The Natives come in full sizes only, but I feel like they don’t need to fit perfectly to still work.
OP says
feet are still too chubby for natives unfortunately. twin girls. i like things that have a toe and a back
Anon says
We buy Cat&Jack sandals for my twins. They have a toe and a back and only come in whole sizes, but they seem to deal fine with slightly too big shoes at the beginning of the summer.
Anon says
how does cat & jack run? big or small?
Anon says
On the big side, I’d say. At least, an 8 in Cat&Jack seems to be bigger than an 8 in Stride Rite.
anon says
Maybe the Oshkosh bump toe sandals would work? I find that Oshkosh shoes run big, so you’d probably need a 6. And if they outgrow them in July, you haven’t spent a bundle.
Ms B says
Stride Rites were a winner for The Kid’s “Fred Flintstone” feet.
Anonymous says
Right before lockdown, I was in the initial stages of talking with some people at a government agency about a potential job opening (all tentative, nothing posted publicly yet, but I did share my resume). Since then, I hadn’t heard anything, and figured things were paused because of The Times. But my contact just reached out and asked if I was still interested. I am, but I’m also wondering if it would be better to wait on job changes until we have some idea what our new normal is? What do y’all think? I imagine even if we start moving forward with a formal process it will take a while, it being the government and all.
octagon says
I would move forward if you are interested in the job. Government is still hiring! A friend had a skype interview with his dream agency last week.
Butter says
I would definitely move forward if they are hiring. I think that’s a great sign of their stability, and it’s nice to have something to work on and look forward to during all this.
Emily S. says
I would keep moving forward if you are interested in the job, knowing that it will take a long time. (I’m in state government; I applied in October, onboarded in March.) This might be a great time for a job change, if it gives you something to look forward to, and because, well, why not add one more transition?
Anonymous says
Has anyone transitioned from a lawyer to a non-lawyer job? Currently I’m a senior associate in a niche field at a 25 lawyer firm. I am up for partner at the end of the year and I have decided (without telling my firm yet) that I do not want to become partner. In-house positions are very rare in this field. This isn’t pandemic related– prior to our state’s shutdown order, I interviewed for two in-house positions that just happened to be open and a JD-required non-lawyer role in a closely related field. I was asked back for second rounds on all of them, but didn’t get any offers. (The GC for one of the positions reached out to me after it was filled to say they thought I was a great fit for their office and I should apply again if there are openings– so I don’t think I did a terrible job, but this was the first opening in several years)
I wouldn’t mind continuing to practice law, but I just feel done with private practice because I don’t like business development and I don’t like being tied to a billable hour model. Knowing the hiring cycles in my field, I’d be shocked to see another in-house opportunity arise soon.
I do practice employment law within my field– think like if my primary clients were hospitals, I’ve done employment law specific to hospitals– so I’d like to start applying for HR positions in this field. But I’ve been a lawyer for nearly 10 years and don’t really know how to market myself for other positions.
I guess I’m looking for stories of people who’ve made a move from practicing to not practicing, or other advice.
Anon says
I have; my second career is totally unrelated to law, and I like it much more. I think practicing law to HR is a much more natural jump than what I did, so I wouldn’t be too worried about marketing yourself. I think the biggest concern might be that people think you’re just taking an HR job out of desperation (especially given the current economic climate) and will try to jump to a JD-required or at least JD-preferred role as soon as you can. So I’d make sure you can give a good answer about why you want to do HR and what you see for yourself long term.
Other poster says
I’m curious what you switched to!
Anon says
Communications/marketing, but a niche within that related to my undergraduate degree. My job was advertised for an English, journalism or communications major but I applied anyway and managed to convince my boss that I had the necessary skills because lawyers write a lot and my undergrad degree was relevant to the subject matter of the job. Needless to say, I’m a big proponent of applying to jobs even when you don’t meet the stated requirements.
Other poster says
Love this! Good for you!
Anonymous says
I made a switch to HR from employment law at a similar time in my career. Happy to chat if you have a burner email.
OP job change? says
That would be great! lionessrette301 at gmail
Anonymous says
Sorry if this posts twice– think it got stuck. I would love that! lionessrette301 at the email service provided by large tech company starting with G
Anonymous says
I’ll write you later in the evening or later this week.
Birthing Class Suggestions says
I’m really hoping to have an unmedicated birth for my first baby due here in like 10 weeks. At the end of the day, as long as kid and I make it out alive, I don’t have strong feelings about how that happens. That being said, I don’t love the idea of an epidural and really want to avoid one if at all possible.
My midwife recommended looking into the big 3 birthing classes to prepare (Lamaze, Bradley, and Hypnobirthing). Has anyone had a particularly great or bad experience using any of these? I am leaning away from Hypnobirthing because my husband doesn’t even believe in meditation, so I don’t think he will be a particularly helpful birthing partner using that method.
I will likely have to take these classes fully online, so bonus points for options that easiest to do without an in person teacher.
Thanks!
Cb says
I did the hypnobirthing CDs and really liked them but I think I would have learned more from a seminar, even online. I can still remember them fondly, riding the magic carpet with your baby. I stupidly however forgot to bring it with me to the hospital and wished I had had them.
My husband was fairly sceptical but they just put him to sleep so he kept his snark to himself.
Pogo says
You don’t need your husband to be on board for hypnobirthing, for sure. I read the book and did the CD’s and found them helpful/relaxing. It’s all about being internal and breathing, the birth partner doesn’t do much (that I recall).
You didn’t ask, but the biggest help in having a low-intervention birth imo is a doula. I was like you, and managed to hold off on the epidural for about 15 hours, and at that point I was so exhausted even my doula was like, you should get it. There is also such a thing as a light epidural – I was able to move around in the bed and do some different positions, and within an hour after birth I was no longer numb and walked to the bathroom with only minor help from the nurse. I also was able to eat popsicles and drink gatorade, and my nurse lifted my food restrictions in my chart so I could order food before the cafeteria closed for the night so I was able to eat after my delivery at 4am. Before my epidural, I tried to eat, and just kept puking, so honestly the epidural helped in that regard. And once I entered transition, I was over active labor, just wanted to sit on the ball or be in child’s pose (I could feel the baby’s head like… between my legs basically, could not sit on the bed or walk).
Just wanted to address that since my two biggest concerns (beyond of course extra interventions) was not being able to move or eat. In the end the only intervention was pitocin and internal monitoring as the baby’s position slowed things down. I was able to get him to turn by doing child’s pose/inchworm on the bed – while on the epidural.
OP says
Good to know about the light epidural. If I have’t slept in like 24 hours, I’m sure I would take anything they gave me just to get some rest.
Similar to you, my main concern with the epidural is being stuck in the bed and not being able to move around. I’m not scared of the needle itself or medical intervention per se, but being chained to the bed even if that isn’t the best position for myself and the baby doesn’t seem great.
Pogo says
Absolutely! I just made it clear my goal was low intervention, and that I’d prefer intermittent monitoring. For the first 15 hours like I said, the nurses were super low key, just checking the baby’s heartbeat every couple hours, asking me, “just let us know if there is anything we can do for you” not being like, “OK so let’s start talking pitocin”. The doula was super hands on, walking me around, getting me in different positions, using the rebozo, getting me in and out of the tub, etc. I was using the hypnobirthing techniques but to the outside – I just had my eyes closed and looked very focused (doula took pics!).
Then once I’d passed that mark of being awake for around 30 hours, transition happened (and no real nourishment in 24 h due to aforementioned puking) and I was like, Drug me up! They sprang into action.
anon says
Just curious why you’re worried about being chained to the bed? This really will be over in a blink of an eye. I mostly warn you because if you were in the unfortunate position of needing a c-section, it’s pretty painful to get up for some time after birth. I’ve had three and it actually never occurred to me to think of us as chained to the bed – you’re recovering either way and probably will want to be a bit chained to the bed!
I’ve had three births that didn’t go as planned and I have three kids I adore. I think birth stories are overrated. You block out the traumatic parts anyways (so weird, but you really do). So it’s fine to have preferences but definitely be flexible! For at least one of my kids, I could have easily died if they hadn’t done the emergency C. And we didn’t realize that until after. So also just listen to your doctor!
Anon says
The natural birth people are big into telling people that lying on your back isn’t an effective birth position, so I think a lot of women want to avoid epidurals so they have the freedom to get into the “optimal” birthing positions like squatting or whatever. Personally I haven’t seen any hard evidence behind it and I was very happy having an epidural and pushed a large baby out while lying on my back just fine.
I do think it’s good advice to ask for a lighter epidural to start if you decide to get one. I wanted a regular epidural but apparently I’m very sensitive to anesthesia so I couldn’t feel my legs for almost 24 hours after I gave birth. I think this is unusual (all the doctors and nurses seemed very surprised at how long it took to wear off), but it was a bit disconcerting. Although it was nice to not really have any pain down there for the first day after giving birth.
OP says
My concern, and again I’m a FTM so no real experience to base off of, is that much of what I have read suggests that movement and changing positions can help naturally push baby where it needs to go (like Pogo above) and relieve pain. If I can wiggle baby into position, maybe it reduces my need for a c section or other more intensive intervention that will then lead to longer recovery time.
I’m not going to say no if the doctor says you need a csection pronto. I realize this is always a possibility which is why my birth plan is basically nonexistent.
I’m happy to rest and be in bed as part of recovery, but my personal preference is to move as much as possible throughout labor. I think it will be easier mentally on me if I can pace or sway or anything else to get that pain and anxiety out.
chained to bed question poster says
Ah I see. Wasn’t aware this was a thing. I can see not wanting to be chained down before, was thinking you meant after!
Pogo says
@ OP Yup – I totally get you! And that’s why I wanted to make clear a light epidural is A Thing, and you can do different positions – I used a squat bar and a bedsheet tied onto it for me to hold on to for pushing, which is totally a hippie natural birth type of thing to do, and it was the hospital nurse who suggested! I was kind of delirious at that point from lack of sleep, so I was like, whatever you say lady, but if I’d been all “I want to push on my hands and knees! Like nature intended!” they would have been fine with it, too.
Anon says
“You block out the traumatic parts anyways (so weird, but you really do).”
This is true for you but not everyone.
Anonymous says
Yes to the doula. If there had been restrictions on the number of support people during labor, I would have chosen my doula over my husband.
anon says
I took a generic birth class at the hospital, but most of all I really liked the book The Birth Partner. It allowed me and my husband to feel educated about our options and to discuss what I wanted to happen, especially if things went downhill. In the end, my baby came out very stressed and was whisked off to the ICU at a quick jog. I was extremely grateful to have a plan that DH should go with the baby so that we didn’t have to have that discussion right then.
anon says
Oh, my favorite advice from the hospital birth class was that we should always ask three questions when approached by a doctor with an intervention:
(1) What are my other options?
(2) Can we wait longer before pursing that intervention?
(3) What are the risks of each path?
Unless it is an absolute emergency, every doctor should be willing and equipped to answer those questions.
Anonymous says
Wow, I am surprised the hospital class taught this! I only got this message from the super crunchy childbirth resources and from my med mal course in law school.
Anonymous says
My hospital birth class was taught by a nurse turned doula, and she gave similar advice, which is excellent. I will say, your birth partner needs to be prepared to ask these questions on your behalf. You may not be in a mental space to do it. A birth plan is a good exercise to think and talk through with your partner and OB, even if it’s not realistic to hand it over to the hospital staff when you’re in L&D.
OP, you can, but don’t need to pick a specific approach. You may just want to have a lot of ideas in your bag of tricks, and a hospital birth class (or just a book) will likely cover a bunch. I liked the book Natural Hospital Birth. The class made me feel more prepared, but at the actual time… I winged it. I tried to take deep breaths, I tried to walk around or change positions. I was GBS positive, so even without an epidural I needed to have IV antibiotics which somewhat limited how much I could move. There’s a lot you can’t control, and you just have to hope you get good nurses to help you out. Definitely consider a doula.
I had 2 unmedicated births, but got an epidural for my 3rd. If I had another, I’d probably plan to go unmedicated again. That epidural needle was awful. Childbirth is such a scary idea when you’re pregnant for the first time, but looking back, even with sub-optimal birth stories, I’ve forgotten most of it. My husband told me recently that they lost the baby’s heartbeat with my now-3 year old, and were a minute away from wheeling me into an emergency C. Even racking my brain, I have no recollection of that.
Anon says
The experiences with the epidural needle are so unique. I know people who found it painful or people who said it was painless but probably only because it detracted from the intense pain of contractions. For me it was completely painless and I wasn’t yet in any serious pain from contractions when I got it. I deliberately avoided looking at the needle (it’s in your back so relatively easy to not see it if you don’t want to).
Pogo says
I was in serious labor pain (transition) but also don’t remember it hurting at all. I remember hugging the nurse who told me to pretend I was in yoga class. and then it was over.
Anon says
For a counterpoint, I had a great experience with an epidural. I think there is a lot of needless propaganda pushing women to do motherhood the hardest way possible… starting with an unmedicated birth. Not meaning to jump on you – just want you to know that if your birth experience doesn’t follow the guidelines you hope for, you are not a failure and modern medicine can be a wonderful thing.
Anon says
Yep. I have very strong feelings about this. Our society loves to force women to do things the hardest way possible, even if the benefits are unproven at best. You know how on Veep Selina Meyer said “if men could get pregnant, you could get an abortion at an ATM”? I definitely believe that if men could pregnant, the pressure to avoid epidurals would completely disappear (as would the pressure to breastfeed, but that’s another topic). The link between epidurals and other inventions like c sections is controversial, to put it mildly. There are studies that definitely suggest there’s a link, but there are other studies that suggest the very opposite (the theory being that women who aren’t in serious pain are more relaxed and dilate faster on their own). I did tons of research on this when I was pregnant and the conclusion that I came to was that if you get the epidural after a certain point (I think 4 cm or so) it isn’t likely to significantly increase your odds of having a c section. The best studies linking epidurals to c sections are all about early epidurals. I was induced and on pitocin, so I know that isn’t the same as going into labor spontaneously, but I got my epidural at 5 cm and an hour later they told me I was ready to push. (Not data, I know, but just another positive epidural experience.)
Anon says
I have many thoughts on this too. Gender norms play a role for sure. The natural birthing industry is also an industry. This industry promotes their services by spreading fear and suspicion of doctors and making safe and effective procedures sound like a poor risky choice. It’s fine if women want to have an unmedicated birth but they shouldn’t do it out of an unjustified sense of fear and worry.
Anonymous says
Some of the natural birthing philosophies, like Bradley, work that way. But the medical establishment also uses fear to promote its services and to push women to make choices for the convenience of doctors, such as medicating them so they are quiet and compliant and scheduling unnecessary c-sections instead so they don’t go into labor in the middle of the night.
AnonLaywer says
Anonymous at 4:50pm, I really don’t think those things still happen at the somewhat up-scale urban American hospitals that most of the folks here are delivering at.
Anon says
Upscale hospitals are not at all immune from this pressure. It’s affluent educated women who are sucked into the natural birthing industry! They are the prime target. Open your eyes. Even the lingo on this thread about an epidural “chaining you to your bed” and the importance of questioning your doctor about interventions are examples of the propaganda pushed by the natural birthing industry. They teach women to be fearful and to feel obligated to endure pain.
Anon says
I think AnonLawyer was saying upscale hospitals in the US don’t schedule C sections because middle of the night labor is inconvenient, and I agree. In fact I do not believe there are any licensed doctors in America who schedule C sections merely for their own convenience, that goes against all kinds of ACOG guidance.
AnonLaywer says
Yeah, and I also don’t think you can know what you’ll need until your in labor. I ended up having a c-section for a breech baby but I went into labor early so was in labor for a while before the surgery. My conclusion was that there was no way I wouldn’t get an epidural if I ended up having a VBAC in the future – it was awful for me in a way I couldn’t have predicted beforehand. (Conversely I found the c-section recovery to be really easy. I suspect I might be an outlier on both ends of the spectrum but . . . you know, some women are and won’t know it ahead of time)
Anon says
I think the pain depends on so many things besides your individual pain tolerance. Anecdotally, I’ve heard that whether your water breaks can make a huge difference. For me, the early contractions (I got an epidural when I was ~5 cm dilated) were NBD, no worse than a typical menstrual cramp. And I’m not someone who has a high pain tolerance at all. But my water never broke and I chalk a lot of how mild the pain was up to that.
AnonLaywer says
Oh interesting! Labor started for me with my water breaking. Maybe that is part of why it was so excruciating. I kept thinking “I was told early labor was NBD!”
Anon says
“I think there is a lot of needless propaganda pushing women to do motherhood the hardest way possible”
This is so true, and a lot of women buy into it, too. They seem to think that if it’s not hard, you’re doing it wrong.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Not directly answering your question, but here is my experience:
With #1 I labored to 8 cm by myself (about 4 hours?) before getting an epidural. Baby was 4 weeks early so I hadn’t taken any classes. With #2, I gave birth unmedicated. I did not take classes but I did hire a doula. The doula was key. Honestly I don’t feel like I would have been able to consciously do much during labor. The doula was the one who applied pressure and told me what to do. Granted my labor was 3 hours so it was pretty intense.
I also read the Ina May Gaskin books, more for mindset than for skills.
Scilady says
I will echo the book “The Birth Partner” and also add in “Mindful Birthing”. I too wanted an unmedicated birth in a hospital setting, if at all possible. I ended up being induced, also received pitocin, but did have an unmedicated delivery 30/31 hours later. I made my husband (who was skeptical of a unmedicated birth) read “The Birth Partner” as well.
The “Mindful Birthing” book was extremely helpful, as it broke down the pain of contractions into “waves” that crested – kinda told you after a certain point of the contraction it would start to lighten up. That was very helpful to my mindset to understand that there is a purpose to the pain. We didn’t get a doula, but depending on restrictions at your hospital that would be great. My husband ended up being a champ of a doula which I didn’t expect, especially since it’s hard to know how people will react in a similar situation.
Double check with your hospital about intermittent monitoring – and if it’s wired or wireless. You can still move around if it’s wired, just one more thing to work around. I really liked having a yoga ball as well, and the hospital had a rocking chair in the room which really helped towards the end. Remember that it also comes down to how your baby is positioned. There’s not much you can do if it gets stuck, although in the weeks leading up you could try to avoid some positions – check out some stuff on fetal positioning for birth. Good luck!
Butter says
Agree with getting a doula. Also recommend Spinning Babies. For this last birth I made it to 7 or 8cm before getting the epidural – my contractions had grown so painful that my midwife said I was inadvertently clenching my body to deal with the pain and holding things up. I got the epidural, had 3 more contractions, and then it was ready to push – baby was born less than an hour after I got the epidural, and wore off about an hour later, and I was on my feet shortly after that. Great experience all around.
Meg says
Echoing a few good points from others, especially Pogo:
-Work with a doula! If you want to do things as naturally as possible, and if you’re worried your husband won’t be the best birthing partner, work with a doula. (This also means check with your hospital about whether they’ll allow doulas in 10 weeks. 2 months ago when I gave birth, many didn’t.) Doulas will help you through, help your husband, and provide a sounding board before you make decisions with the doctor. For my first birth, our doula made me feel empowered through a difficult 48-hour labor.
-Recognize an epidural is sometimes the key to a vaginal delivery. Pushing a baby out is hard work! If you have a stubborn cervix like me, you could end up with a really long labor despite nothing going “wrong.” After 36 hours of labor with my first, I was so wiped that I needed the epidural to get some rest and regain the strength to push. With my second, everyone said things would move quickly, so I expected I’d be able to deliver without an epidural. Instead, I was puking from pain after 24 hours of labor when I again made the choice to have an epidural. In both cases, that little bit of rest then helped me push my babies quickly and (relatively) easily.
-Know the data on interventions. There is a certain point in labor where you’ve progressed enough that an epidural or being on your back won’t slow you down. Try to get to that point. My understanding is that if you get to 6 cm dilated before getting an epidural, the c-section rate goes way down. (Cite check me on this for the number.) It’s also worth discussing with doctors your concerns about stalling out labor so they can help you make choices to progress (whether naturally or strategically using interventions).
-Read the Birthing Partner, Ina May Gaskin, and Spinning Babies. These resources were hugely helpful to me and my husband in understanding the natural progression of childbirth, how different complications looked and felt, and the possible solutions (both natural and medical). Spinning Babies video classes made me understand how my first labor stalled because my baby was posterior. Working with my doula and nurses, we tried a few positions that helped him turn and drop where we needed him.
Good luck!!
OP says
Thank you for this information. It aligns with where I am mentally on this. I’d like to make it as far as possible without the epidural, but I have seen the evidence that it can be critical during long labors to give mom a rest to push effectively or as someone above said about reducing tension so you can push better. I’ll check and see what the numbers are on how far dilated to reduce the risk you mentioned.
I’m not opposed to getting one if things get bad or it becomes too much. I just really want to give it a proper try first to get that experience in and see if I can do it.
Appreciate what others have said above about the stupid pressure we all face to be mom-martyrs whether that’s through breastfeeding, natural birth, or the tons of other decisions we have to make raising kids. You all are such a great resource for all sides of every argument!
CHL says
I asked my midwife about hypnobirthing and she suggested Rachel Yellin’s program which is a lot cheaper and all audio/podcast things. I had a 10 lb baby with no drugs. I can’t tell you if that is correlation or causation but I thought it was helpful.
Jeffiner says
I did Bradley classes, and had an unmedicated birth. My husband found them really condescending towards the dads. Most of the class is relaxation techniques and trying different positions. When the time came, I felt most comfortable laying on my back and screaming, for 9 hours. My baby was “sunny side up” and the nurses did have me try different positions to try and flip her. The doctor said that if I’d had the epidural, she would have just reached up in there and flipped the baby manually. I delivered in a hospital but my doctor was totally on board with my plan for an unmedicated birth and didn’t push for an epidural, which was probably a bigger factor than the Bradley classes.
Tea/Coffee says
This might be too late, but we did Bradley for #1 and it was sorta-helpful. YMMV esp virtually/distanced.
The sorta is because apparently I become a barn cat in labor. I do not want you to talk to me, touch me, massage me, offer me anything. I just want you to Turn the lights off and go far far away. My mind turned inward and I went somewhere were I did not feel the pain, I swear. But I could not respond to anything that people were asking me. LOL DH and I were not prepared for this.
I did not have epidurals for either birth, but did have pitocin for #1. The Bradley training was helpful because DH was schooled in what to say to the doctors and nurses who all insisted that I absolutely needed an epi if I was having pitocin. And with #2, he knew enough to reassure the nurse whose arm I just about ripped off (she was trying to massage my lower back which would have been great for like 99.5% of all other women)!
AnonLaywer says
That sounds like an ideal response to labor!
Anon says
Agree a doula makes a big difference. We did classes but in the moment of labor I had no idea what position would be best for me and neither did my husband – but my doula totally did. The other thing that really helped me was using breath for pain management so anything like yoga or meditation that helps you really connect with your breath is a great idea. Finally, spend some time thinking about positive experiences in your past with “productive pain” like a big hike or swimming in the ocean or whatever you may have in your past. There is probably something – doesn’t need to be competitive sports or a marathon or something extreme. Anyway, if you can find a positive memory when you experienced physical pain that may be useful to focus on while in labor.
Anon says
If you are not settled on a particular hospital already, may also be worth seeing if any hospitals in your area use nitrous for pain relief in labor. My hospital only recommended it once people were pretty far along but can make a difference at the end and is lower intervention then an epidural.
BlueAlma says
I’ve had three unmedicated births (not counting the pitocin used to induce my third labor). Hypnobabies is kind of a nice refresher for a second childbirth (some good mental exercises), but it’s not much of an education class. My Bradley class was a touch too long but had tons of information about how labor actually works as well as some good exercises to relieve my back pain. (I didn’t really use the Bradley relaxation techniques—my labors were too fast.) Both my partner and I found Bradley valuable, but a lot depends on the quality of the instructor. For me, labor is just as much a mental thing as a physical thing; knowing what was going on in the various stages helped a lot. A doula was essential every time for different reasons. My nurses were so snarky about unmedicated Third labor but offered no helpful advice; my doula was the one suggesting changes of scenery and sips of water and everything that was actually helpful. Honestly, for my first two labors, intense as they were, pain meds never even crossed my mind; I was too focused on labor. (The third time I did consider pain meds because I had taken Unisom the night before and was so tired during my labor.) I live in the Twin Cities and liked my classes with Blooma and the Natural Childbirth Collective; I suspect they’d be online these days.
Audrey III says
Sorry if this has already been discussed, but does anyone have a recommendation for where to buy kid-sized masks (bonus points for Star Wars or Harry Potter)? I pre-ordered some of the ones on Disney’s website, but they are sold out of the Star Wars ones in my son’s size and he was pretty bummed. Etsy is really overwhelming me, to the point where I’m starting to wonder if I should buy a sewing machine and make my own.
Anonymous says
I just ordered from Vistaprint, it’s going to take 3 weeks or so to get here but they looked nice.
Anonymous says
I ordered some from a friend for kiddo (and old friend that I hadn’t talked to in years). She had posted on FB that she was making them, so I reached out to her. Since we aren’t in a hurry for kiddo to go out, we could wait until she bought fabric again and requested some particular characters. I think you’d have luck if you posted on FB or other social media looking for people to make custom masks.
CCLA says
I looked for one on Etsy that was relatively local and had a lot of good reviews, checked the materials used (mostly just looking for cotton and not flannel), and then ordered a few. They’ll arrive this week so we will see, but I figured we needed them quickly so ordering from someone shipping locally would be good. Ultimately, I don’t really expect the mask to keep my kid more than marginally safer, the important thing is keeping others safer, which means getting her something she’ll keep on, not necessarily the absolute state of the art best mask ever (not saying you were doing this, but I often get stuck in a spiral trying to find the best thing, and letting go of that made it easier).
Katarina says
Disney sells Star Wars masks, I assume they have children’s sizes, being Disney. I bought some Star Wars kids’ masks on Etsy, but they were way too small for my 4 year old.
Runner says
Twins are 18 months and (I am starting to accept) pretty non verbal for their age. They have words (maybe 10?) but don’t use them regularly and don’t really use them to communicate. We are going to follow up with our pediatricians suggestion for therapy but any other thoughts on helping kids learn how to speak?
Realist says
Talk to your pediatrician about any concerns, but this sounds totally normal to me. Most kids have a handful of words until they hit the language explosion, which seems to be a wide range (18 months to 2.5 years). I would guess if the twins can communicate together and get lots of caregiver attention, the words could naturally come later since they don’t need them to be understood.
JDMD says
Our son was a late talker. Until he was a few months past 3 years old, the only word he said was “quack”. We did Early Intervention speech therapy, and the ST was terrific, but at the end of the day, she basically said that he would start speaking when his brain was ready. All of his other cognitive/communication skills tested within normal range, and his receptive language skills were excellent. He started speaking in full sentences about two months after his 3rd birthday, and he hasn’t stopped since.
Before he started speaking, the thing that helped most was focusing on nonverbal communication. We helped him develop signs for his most common requests, supplementing with standard ASL as needed. We read a lot (A LOT!). At dinner, we’d take turns making different faces, “Show me your angry face! Ooh, that’s angry. Now show me your surprised face!” He still likes to do that.
One question — do your twins seem to communicate with each other? If they understand each other, they might feel less external pressure to start speaking. Our (very verbally expressive) older daughter could sort of intuitively understand and vocalize our son’s needs, and I think that allowed him to get by without speaking.
Anon says
Talk to pediatrician, but they will likely tell you to watch and wait. We finally got referred to speech therapy at 2.5 because kiddo was sufficiently delayed (e.g., only 15 or so words, very few used consistently, no phrases, etc.) and we went through the county and have been doing virtual therapy for 2 months (and seeing a big difference). We’re now going through the public school system eligibility process, since that starts at 3 in our area.
Anon says
This sounds totally normal. I will say at 20 months DD went from random words and full on babbling to telling us what to do. Now she’s 24 months and she’s running the show. It’s amazing how basically overnight we went from “oh my gosh did you hear her tell you to ‘come here’!” in mid-February to literally telling me last night when I walked into the room “no, mama, go back to work. Dadddy, come here.” (thanks, kid..).
Anon says
This sounds within the realm of normal to me. I doubt your pediatrician will recommend anything except waiting and watching.
sounds pretty normal says
This doesn’t sound outside the bounds of normal. Were they born early? I feel like 18 months is a common language explosion but adjust a month and that explosion could be right around the corner… doubt you’ll be recommended to intervene.
I had one kid I felt like was late to talking and it definitely made me anxious so I feel you. But right around this period I’d have to counsel patience, and then reassess at more like 2 or 2 and a half.
Anon says
Twins are often slightly slower to talk than singletons. Mine were on the low end of average at 18-months, and now at 3 will not stop talking.
Two things you can do:
Talk to them constantly. Basically narrate everything you do.
When they want something, model how to ask for it. They point at the cheese, you say “Do you want cheese? This is cheese.” etc. If they want something they have the words for, try to get them to ask for it rather than just inferring what they want and giving it to them.
Anon says
i have twins as well a few months older than yours. one was talking a lot at 18 months. the other one was barely talking. i remember bringing it up at our 18 month appointment and the doctor told me not to worry. i think we went to the doctor on a thursday, by monday the number of words she could say had grown exponentially.
DLC says
So my kid was eligible for speech services from the County at 18 months but we declined, wanting instead to see how things would shake out naturally. Six months later, he was reassessed and this time we agreed to services. He is now 3 and talks a.lot. First of all, I will say that what ended up helping him the most was transferring to a larger day care setting (and I think many mothers on this board reassured me this would be the case) He went from an in home with two other babies younger than him to an class of 12 kids his own age, and his speech just exploded.
But some things his speech therapist had us do which I found helpful.
1) narrate and talk to him constantly. Model words, especially verbs. Like when out and about: “The truck is turning!” Vs. “Look at the truck!”
2) ask him open ended questions that encourage a response. So when we are reading a book, instead of saying “Where is the duck?” You say, “What is the duck doing?” Or even better, try to narrate rather than ask: “The duck is swimming.”
3) along those lines, try to avoid yes/no questions. Ie instead of “Do you want some milk?” Ask, “what do you want to drink?”
4) as much as possible, have your child look at you when you talk- they often learn to make words and sounds by copying the shapes you make with your mouth, teeth and tongue.
Runner says
Thanks all. It was actually our pediatrician who recommended that we get evaluated for therapy. And I’m not sure she’s the right pediatrician for us, because I am not really that worried about them and I’ve heard there is big variance in language acquisition. But we will probably go to have them evaluated, and will probably get denied (she suggested early intervention at 1 year and we were turned away). All these suggestions and assurances highly appreciated!
Anon says
As someone who used to have a very neurotic pediatrician (she was concerned my daughter didn’t have words at 9 months!) I definitely recommend switching if you think your ped is too anxious about this stuff.
Peanut says
Neither of my kids spoke more than 10 words until age 3. Never even considered therapy, no doctor recommended therapy. Both are 95+ percentile for IQ and successful in school. I’d work on baby sign language (say word, make hand signal for milk) and forget the therapy until age 2.5 or 3.
Anon says
Not talking at 18 months is very different than not talking at almost 3. Most pediatricians would be quite concerned about the latter situation and recommend evaluation and therapy. It’s great that your kids turned out fine, and I realize that’s the case with many kids who have delays (my kid was an extremely late walker who turned out to be normal) but if there is an underlying issue, it’s generally better to address it sooner rather than later.
Anonanonanon says
My son was that way. I got SO IRRITATED when people told me this at the time, but he decided to talk when he was ready. He was a little over two and suddenly decided it was worth it.
suburb curious says
Anyone here live in a suburb and commute into NYC (pre pandemic obviously)?
In the beforetimes, we were happy with the tradeoff of less space to have more time with our 2.5 year old, but if teleworking is going to be way more of a thing, we’re thinking we will need more space. I’m just struggling with how two working parents can commute and still spend time with their kids. Won’t we be gone all of the toddler’s waking hours? And how will daycare work? Even now, when the toddler was in daycare from 8-6, we often used most of those hours. Am I missing something? For reference, my husband used to be gone 8-7 (work hours of 8:30 to 6ish) and I work 8:30-4:30 with a negligible commute.
anon says
We are in the Bay Area, and this is how we did it when the kids were in daycare (DH has a 20-30 min commute, mine is 45min-1hr). DH works from 7:30-5 and is home to pick up kids around 5:30/5:45. He gets them settled and makes dinner. I get the kids ready and dressed and take them to school at 8 (read story etc) and get to work around 9:30. I intend to leave at 5:45 and make it home for a 6:30 dinner but am usually a little late (like 7), so I eat quickly and then we all hang out until bedtime at 8:30. So, we spend time together individually, but not as much as a family. During that time, I was part time in BigLaw and frequently signed back on at 8:30.
Westchester says
Yep. I live in Westchester and have never been so happy to be in the suburbs during this stay from home season
It’s a lot easier of you have at least some flexibility to WFH (which I think will be far more common going forward) and your office is near the train station. So near Grand Central from Westchester/CT or near Penn for Long Island/NJ. A subway on top of a train is the pits
MetroNorth has historically been great on my line along the Hudson and I have a seat and great views. So I can get work or reading in on the 45 mins in/out.
Working from home ~ 1× week gives some good breathing room but I’ve had that to a greater or lesser extent over the years. Day care is also tough since most centers close at 6 so we’ve always had nannies and au pairs. My job is such that I normally do have to travel or stay late for events fairly regularly but on days I don’t, I can catch a 5pm-ish train.
Anonanonanon says
1. Will be very difficult with such limited daycare hours. We’re in the burbs of a different city and a lot of the daycares offer 6:30-6:30, or at least 7-6, for this reason. We don’t use that many hours very often, but sometimes things happen and it’s nice to know you’re covered
2. We had the ability to shift our schedules a bit. I worked 7-4 most days and my husband worked 8:30-5:30. He did dropoff, I did pickup, we were very strict about not assuming the other would cover without checking. On the off-chance one of us had a very early or late meeting and the other couldn’t cover, those extended daycare hours saved the day.
3. I had flexibility to telework at least a couple of times a week. Those days made a big difference on staying on top of things at home and my general fatigue. I worked just as many, if not more, hours those days, but could throw in a load of laundry while I was on a conference call, or run the vacuum and prep some dinner BEFORE I left to pick them up. It made a big difference in my stress level. I could also get right to work early in the morning while my husband got the kids ready and out the door and then shower later in the morning or early afternoon if I had a lull, which was much nicer than showering and getting dressed at the same time as everyone else.
4. Also, since most people where I work have a commute, we had the flexibility to do things like leave at 2:00 after meetings were over, commute home early, log back on, and work until you pick your kids up at 5:30 or 6, then maybe log back on after they’re in bed. That left me less exhausted than the stress of the long crowded commute, rushing in to grab kids, dragging them home when I haven’t had a chance to pee and need to immediately start dinner, etc.
The other thing to consider is, as your kids get older, it’s really tough to have them in activities if you have a long commute. We’re in a very commute-heavy area and I found practices still started at 5:30 and stuff. The days I got off at 4, we could rush in right on time, but it took A LOT of pre-planning (packing my son’s stuff, him remembering to change at after school care before I got him, packing a snack for him and his younger sister that morning for them to have that evening, etc.) When at all possible, I tried to telework the days he had activities. Then I could prep the kids a dinner-to-go before leaving to pick them up and felt much less frazzled. Plus, obviously, the commute time. My husband would meet us at the activity, and one of us would take the other kid home and put her to bed while the other logged back on at worked at practice.
I briefly did the burb commute with a job that had no flexibility regarding hours in office or teleworking, and I would have gladly shoved my family back into a smaller place than face that commute and those long evenings with tired kids every day. The job flexibility makes all of the difference.
drpepperesq says
i do- or did. my husband did not see very much of my son during the weekdays. he would leave before he woke up, but got home in time for dinner (6:15ish). his trade off was going to the office earlier and then leaving on the dot at 5. my job is more flexible so i would drop off my son around 8:20 and be in NYC by 9:45ish. i would leave at 4:15ish for pick up at 5:30. we also had a babysitter who would come around 2 to 3 times per week and pick him up early at daycare, feed him, and bathtime and i would be able to stay at work until 5:30ish to be home by 6:30. the weekdays could be a grind, but the weekends seemed very free and easy. TBH, you’re always living on a schedule like a train or a bus, which isn’t ideal, but i don’t regret moving to the suburbs. we moved to a very close suburb (two train stops from the city), which helps… it’s also a pretty urban-ish suburb where the houses are close together because of it’s proximity to the city. there are a lot of trade offs, but we bought twice in this town and have no regrets about living in the suburbs in general.
CPA Lady says
Nothing like that slow, gentle, (inevitable?) slide into traditional gender roles. I had a crying meltdown about it this morning. I’ve mostly willingly made a series of choices that brings us to where we are now. I don’t know why this is such a surprise. But here we are. Stupid apocalypse.
anon says
((hugs)) You are not alone in this, I promise.
Realist says
Solidarity
Anon says
Sigh I feel you. It’s not for forever! (I hope)
Anonanonanon says
Same. I make more money but his workplace was less suited for remote work (even though we’re both heavily involved in the response) and we could only cover a nanny from 9-5 so our previously-equitable division of childcare and labor is out the window and I’m….bitter. No one is at fault, it is what it is, but I’m not happy about it.
cbackson says
I need to put together my maternity leave coverage plan to go through with our CEO and my boss this coming week. Any non-obvious things to think about as I document that? In case it helps – I’m in a senior in-house role (GC of a company that is a major sub of a ginormous corporation) so I don’t do a ton of substantive legal work. I have a few projects I handle myself, but a most of my job is trying to maintain a global view of our business and advise on risks/strategies, plus managing the team that reports to me.
My boss is great and supportive but hasn’t had a direct report go on mat leave since he took his current role so he didn’t have advice on what to include, and nor did my CEO.
Boston Legal Eagle says
In your role, I would put together a list of projects you’ve got going on now, with timelines as applicable, and a list of who to contact on a high level for each. I.e. if one of your reports will be de facto taking over the management role, put his/her name, or if this will be someone from outside counsel, put the lead partner’s contact. I find that a lot of in house work is knowing who to contact for what and less about the technical legal work. Also, if you haven’t already done so, have that direct report shadow you before you go on leave so that the higher ups get comfortable going to them.
Anon says
who is managing your team in your absence? is there anything they need to know about your team members that would help that person manage or systems you have in place as part of your management? don’t forget to also prepare your team for your absence, ideally in some collaboration with whoever will be covering for you.
Coach Laura says
Cbackson, I’d start with the list of projects like someone said, and delegation – if any – of duties. Include in-house and outside contacts and their contact info. I’d also write short memos on anything that only you handle, like a roadmap.
My first boss wanted me to be ready two months before my due date, so I started a daily working memo, posted in a shared drive, and updated it daily with status and so forth. I wrote it with both superiors and direct reports in mind. It helped reduce stress – both my stress and my team’s stress – when I went into labor early and left work one day unexpectedly with a return two months later.
Anonanonanon says
For some reason, I have seen people forget to leave the voicemail password to their desk phone more often than not, so don’t forget that! People need it to change your outgoing message if you go out earlier than expected and to periodically check for messages.
FP says
Any ideas for celebrating a ten year wedding anniversary at home? We were supposed to have our first kid-free vacation in about two years (a one and three year old at home) but obviously all of that’s been cancelled. I’m in a state that’s opening up but still unsure how I feel about dining out right now. I don’t even have a gift idea! The trip was the gift so in addition to any lovely dinner at home ideas, any 10 year anniversary gift ideas for my husband would be welcome.
Anonymous says
We’re having the same thing happen in the fall with our 15th. I think DH and I would still risk some sort of travel, but I’m guessing it won’t work for grandparents to visit to care for kiddo. Honestly, I just want to save the money for an even better trip when we can finally go after all this, because we. will. need. it.
If we felt the need to spend money now, I’d probably just try to come up with a bigger ticket item for our house that we wouldn’t otherwise buy as our “gift”. Maybe new outdoor furniture or a new patio or something.
If I really felt compelled to get a true gift, I’d get a watch for DH. Or maybe set up an appointment to get him a new fancy navy sport coat.
Anonymous says
If you have someone to watch the kids for a couple hours, you could have a fancy picnic somewhere? If not, you could have a fancy picnic on your porch after bedtime?
Emily S. says
What a bummer your trip is cancelled. Maybe you can plan it for year 11? It might be even more special because who puts a lot of emphasis on 11 years?
For this year, are any of your local favorite fancy restaurants doing take out, or catering companies doing pick up meals you can reheat? A nice dinner with drinks and desert after the kids go to bed isn’t a night out, but not having to whip up a fancy meal is a treat!
My 10 year was only 9 months ago and I had to rack my brain to remember what I gave DH: a tin coffee cup for camping, because the traditional gift is tin or aluminum. I don’t remember what he gave me.
Anon says
I know family travel is not the same as a getaway without kids, but could you do a family trip within driving distance, maybe to a nice hotel or inn with spa facilities? I’m thinking my whole family is going to go to Blackberry Farm (super luxe family resort in Tennessee) later this summer. In normal times I would never drop that kind of coin on a local-ish trip, especially with kids in tow, but I’m at the point where I just need to be in a fancy hotel and if that hotel is 200 miles from my house, so be it.
SC says
I’m in the same boat. Our 10-year-anniversary is in 2 weeks. We were supposed to take our first kid-free vacation, and really the first just-the-two-of-us vacation since our honeymoon, and go to Hawaii. We’ve technically rescheduled for November, but I’m skeptical that’s going to happen. On top of that, all 3 members of my family have had birthdays in the last few weeks, so we’ve cycled through many of the things that feel celebratory.
I also don’t feel great about going to a restaurant right now. And I don’t think we could get childcare, so the type of restaurants that would be appropriate don’t really scream “anniversary.” I think I’m going to lean into our personal traditions. There’s a meal we used to cook for special, romantic occasions when we were young and first learning to cook, and we resurrect it about once a year, so this may be a good occasion for that. And there’s a particular bottle of sparkling we’ve had on our most special occasions, so I’ll arrange to buy a bottle of that. Maybe we’ll show Kiddo our wedding album and play our first dance song and stuff like that.
cheap mom says
My kid has gone through a massive growth spurt and needs new pants. I usually keep one size up in storage (I buy used) and I’m basically at the end of my storage. Do people feel comfortable with buying used clothing? I like the idea of other moms getting the cash and since its just going to be washed and put in storage for hopefully a few months I feel like that’s safe? is that an appropriate use of our post system at this time though?
thoughts?
Anonymous says
I would definitely buy used clothing, just wash well.
CPA Lady says
I’ve done it. I bough both used and new clothes for my kid during this time.
Anonymous says
I think it is fine to buy used. If you buy new, they would also be shipped, right? And whomever packs the box is much more likely to be someone having to go to an unsafe work environment than someone selling from home, and there is the environmental cost of new clothes. I don’t see any advantage to new here unless you are concerned about germs. I would just wash whatever you receive before wearing, no need to store it before use. The clothing you buy new has also been handled by humans.
Anonymous says
To clarify, I don’t see any advantage to new at all really.
Anon says
Daycare asked us to come get items that were left there in March (via socially-distanced curbside pickup). I feel this can’t be good news re: a potential reopening, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.
HSAL says
Yikes. I’d be worried too. Fingers crossed!
Anonymous says
I think that could also just mean they need to get stuff out of the way to do a deep clean.
Anon says
It could mean they aware getting ready to reopen.
Anonymous says
This is so late that you won’t see it, but the daycare at my work is definitely reopening and we are giving people their stuff back. It’s just habit because it’s the end of the school year as far as I can tell.