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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 98 Comments · by

Maternity Monday: Crochet-Trim Shirt Dress

Maternity· Recent Recs

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A woman wearing a Crochet-Trim Shirt DressHappy Monday! I like this pretty, slightly bohemian shirt dress — it’s available in a simple navy as well as this pretty gray floral. At $33 before any coupons (the dress was $56), it’s affordable enough that if it fits, you could get one in each color. Maternity Oh Baby by Motherhood™ Crochet-Trim Shirt Dress (L-2) Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. MomAnon4This says

    I was going to post about how to ask for part-time options and maybe extended maternity leave for after #3 comes this July. I work at a consulting firm, Fall will be my Not Busy Time, and I’ll have 2 kids <2years old.

    But then I read the weekend thread about horrible divorce stories and how lesser-earning wives and SAHMs were poorly affected. Now I want to work like I DO need the money, yikes. Thoughts?

    I like this dress a lot! I hate going to Kohls, though – poor lighting, hard to find things, the carts… maybe online will be better.

    • Part-timer. says

      If you did go part-time can you ramp back up if necessary — either after ‘crunch time’ with the kids is over, if it ever is over OR in the case of divorce/death? Or would the salary be sufficient to cover the basics (e.g., housing costs for you and kids, reasonable portion of their child care costs/school costs) while you ramped back up?

      I know it sounds coldly pragmatic, but those were my considerations when I did decide to go on a reduced schedule as a big law associate after my first, and only, child.

    • Anonymous says

      Don’t let that thread scare you off. Food for thought but taking an extended maternity leave or going part time is vastly different than leaving the workforce entirely. You are much better positioned to ramp up in something awful happens. Someone who has been a SAHM for 5-10 years would have a much harder time.

      With three small kids myself, the biggest thing you can do to divorce proof your marriage is to make time for regular date nights/date lunches and put a priority on communicating with your spouse.

      • Anon says

        +1 to all of this. There is an expectation with maternity leave that you are coming back. And if you are part-time, you are already in the workforce. Ramping back up is a lot easier than reentering the workforce altogether.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I haven’t read the weekend thread, but I dropped to part time when kiddo was born and then got divorced 9 months later….and I have mixed feelings about it.

      On the one hand, I really need the part time hours as a single parent of a young child. Although ex steps up on “his” days, the child development experts say it is important for one parent to have primary custody of children under 3, so kiddo slept at my house every single night for the first year we were separated. That is a huge time suck, and I was sleep deprived and couldn’t handle the same workload. Consider that when you think of “ramping up”; the hours are available if I want them, but I physically *can’t* handle additional work.

      On the other hand, living on my part time salary meant a significant reduction in my lifestyle, but I still make so much that alimony isn’t an option….which makes me angry sometimes. Financially, I would have been better off as a widow because of the life insurance (but this obviously would have been worse for my kiddo and for me, because ex does have a relationship with kiddo and helps out significantly). I wish there was such a thing as divorce insurance….

      I think you have to do what makes sense now and evaluate your relationship realistically, not plan for disaster (other than life insurance, which you should have). If a bad thing happens, it will just be bad and you will have to adapt to a diminished lifestyle regardless.

    • Lyssa says

      My general thoughts on this issue are that there are always risks, particularly when you decide to bring children into the world with another person. That’s a lot of trust to put on someone, and I’m sure that you’ve thought it through quite well. Keep in mind that there’s not only the risk that you could impact your earning ability by stepping back, but there’s also the risk that you could fail to fully enjoy your children’s youth by working too much and being too stressed. I write that not to say that that’s the case with all dual-income families, just that there’s no risk-free option. You’ve just got to balance and mitigate the best that you can for your situation, and make your best guesses as to what will make you and your family happy.

    • Diapers says

      I think it’s relevant to review the article published in the Time that re-visited a few members of the so-called “opt out” class of the 1990s/early 2000s. Some of the article is a little over the top, but my main takeaway was that women fared the best when they were able to keep some toe in the water. High profile volunteering, for instance, led to career opportunities down the road. Not surprisingly, but the women who had the means to participate in positions such as non-profit board members, elite school fundraising, etc. were able to re-enter the workforce with varying degrees of success. The director of fundraising at my son’s school is a great example. She was in investment banking, and stayed home when her kids were born. She started volunteering with the school when they began attending, and slowly ramped-up over the years. Her youngest graduates in a year, and I’m sure she’ll be able take her current role and ramp up even more after her kids are out of the house. In the meantime, she’s scaled her profession to match her kids’ ages/needs.

      On the other hand, I believe there a million stories out there that fall somewhere between the extremes of – staying at home leads to divorce/poverty or high profile board membership while kids are young that leads to opening your own successful non-profit after they go to college. I fully agree with Lyssa that every situation is different. In my family, two very full time jobs didn’t work with kids. My marriage was at its worst during this time. We both made significant changes to reflect things that matter very much to both of us, and our family life/marriage has never been happier. But, that’s a reflection of our values. I have a friend who’s marriage would likely suffer if she did opt-out of the workforce. You do your family (assuming you have a partner who’s a real partner in your lives, not just someone you’ve convinced yourself is a “partner”).

    • TK says

      I grew up with a post-divorce SAHM, and I got divorced in law school after becoming aware that my then-husband spent my loan money on booze. Lessons learned from observation and experience: If you’re not contributing to your own financial support, you’re in a really vulnerable position when bad sh*t goes down.

      As others have said, know your own situation as best you can – but exiting the workforce entirely for more than a short period can be very difficult to recover from if the ‘choice’ to be home is ever taken away.

      Women tend to get screwed on this because they’re the only ones that ever ramp down. Can you and (assume) husband both reduce hours with 2 under 2 and share some the career pain of that comes from raising young children? If so you’re on closer to equal footing if something goes wrong for either of you.

    • Anonymous says

      You know, DH and I have a very solid relationship. But I would probably consider asking for a legally binding agreement before going SAHM or very PT. I’d suggest it in the most neutral of ways, and I think he’d be fine with it. In fact, my parents were divorced late in life and had they NOT been married 25+ years in their state, my mom would have been pretty screwed.

      Just some food for thought and it would depend on your partner– but this is just as serious a risk in going SAHM as, say, your partner dying as the sole income.

    • PregLawyer says

      So I’m in a bit of a different situation, because I make significantly more than my husband. My husband didn’t work for the first 7 months after we had our baby (job hunt after grad school). He just went back to work last month. While he was off, looking for jobs, we talked a lot about whether he should just become a SAHD. Ultimately, we both decided that our relationship would suffer if he did that. This may be an unpopular viewpoint, but I would have a very hard time being in a true partnership with someone who didn’t work. Because he was spending most of his days focusing on household errands, he just didn’t have very interesting stuff to talk about. He was also tending to my menial tasks, so it really threw off our power balance. I, on the other hand, was doing interesting, mentally stimulating stuff, and working and interacting with other adults.

      My point is that I can definitely see how a couple would drift apart when one stops working. Particularly if they got together when both were in more intense careers. I am attracted to my husband–in part–because he’s interesting, smart, and is good at his job. If that whole part of him just went away, we’d have to seriously re-tool our relationship. Obviously plenty of couples can make this work, but some just can’t.

  2. Spirograph says

    I’m generally interested in how little kids – especially girls – are socialized, so of course I had to click on this op-ed in the NYT: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/21/opinion/sunday/why-do-we-teach-girls-that-its-cute-to-be-scared.html

    My daughter is pretty fearless compared to my son, but I already notice my husband encouraging my son to “be brave” etc etc, and not making similar comments on the odd occasion my daughter shies away from something. I might do it, too. I know I call her a “pretty little girl” and admire her adorable outfits way more than I “should.” Insidious, that social conditioning…

    • Anonymous says

      Totally agree that it can be so easy to slip into the pretty girl/brave boy social dialogue. I love amightygirl.com for resources like books and clothing to fight the social conditioning – like “40 books on independent princesses’ or “20 books with science-loving girls”. I read books like Rosie Revere to my son too. I think it’s important for boys to read about strong girls as well. Nothing wrong with the ‘pink princess’ stuff – our house has lots – but it should be part of a rainbow that includes brave girls as role models.

      • mascot says

        I like the PigtailPals, Ballcap Buddies FB page for articles too. I’m making more of an effort to expose my son to a variety of books that appear on those types lists. Also, since so many televised sports focus on men, I will turn on the women’s games if they are available. Basketball is basketball, right?

        • Anon 11:20 says

          Love the women’s sports idea! Can’t believe I never thought of that!

          My kids are too young to read themselves yet so I also read some books as gender neutral – like ‘Goodnight Goodnight Construction Site’ with half the trucks as girl trucks and half as boys vs all boy trucks.

          • Goodnight says

            YES – ME TOO. It bothers me a ton that such a well-rated/oft-recommended book is ONLY boy trucks. My mom used to cross out words in books (such as “fireman” and re-write “fire-figher”) – how is this still a thing?

            I have a little boy who loves to get dressed up (costumes, jewelry, whatever – the kid is clearly related to me). On the same token, I have to remember to compliment him whenever he takes extra care with appearance, in addition to remarking on his physical prowess.

          • anne-on says

            I do the same thing! Why on earth do construction vehicles need to be gendered? Ugh.

            I will say that I also appreciate that PBS does an excellent job at having gender/racially diverse shows. I especially love the female scientists on Wild Kratts ;)

          • Anon 1120 says

            Kind of cool to know I’m not the only one doing this with that book. I’d ask the publisher to do a neutral version but in the current environment they’d probably make it pink, put bows on the ‘girl trucks’ and market it exclusively at girls.

          • quail says

            We do the same thing! That’s when you notice how many pronouns that book uses…

        • Anonymous says

          +1 to the women’s sports. We started doing that because there are often women’s games on at odd times of day when we’re trying to occupy my son, but I like that he now associates sports with both men and women.

          My son is very, very into hockey and therefore anything that involves an ice rink, and I was pleasantly surprised when my husband (!!) turned on the figure skating championships for him a few weeks ago and talked about how there are different types of ice skating and men and women both play hockey and both do figure skating. And that all sports need lots of hard work and practice, so one isn’t better or harder than the other.

    • HSAL says

      Only one girl here, but I’ve made a concerted effort to call her cute and pretty, but also brave and strong. Sure, she’s four months and has no idea what I’m saying, but I want to get into the habit now. I know I’ve been guilty of ogling adorable baby outfits in the past, but now that I have one, she’s in pretty basic clothes at daycare every day because it’s what’s easier. Still girly, still cute, but not “precious.”

    • Lkl says

      Piggybacking on this, when did your children start liking dolls? We eventually want to get some for our son, who, at 11 months, is pretty much only interested in toys that have wheels. But he should have the option! Right now he’ll snuggle stuffed animals for a minute and then toss them aside.

      • rakma says

        DD started taking care of her ‘babies’ around 18months, and now at 2 she’s really into making sure they’re dressed for the weather and eat all the time. It seemed to be linked to practicing skills she was learning–she fed herself with a spoon, she fed her dolls with a spoon.

      • anon says

        My boys never liked dolls. They are in daycare all day, and were exposed to plenty of dolls, and never expressed any interest in them – although they do like their stuffed animals. My daughter, on the other hand, was surrounded by trucks at home, and she started patting her shoe to sleep in the car around 18 months, at which point we bought her a doll.

        • Diapers says

          That makes me laugh. Our boys have always had babies around, but the babies are mostly subjected to getting their nose picked or poked in the eye repeatedly.

        • anon says

          My boy wasn’t really into dolls either and didn’t interact much with the ones he had at school or home. He plays with his stuffed animals sometimes and never met a costume or kitchen toy he didn’t immediately love. I think if he was playing with someone and the doll was part of the game, then he would play along, but he’s not self selecting for dolls.

        • Lkl says

          Yeah, my parents tried to give me trucks and my brother dolls, when we were little, and it didn’t fly. But I’d still like to keep our options open.

          • Anonymous says

            Good idea on keeping the options open. I have twin boys and find there are lots of differences in their interests – one loves trucks and the other is neutral on trucks etc. I often think if they were boy-girl twins then the differences would be attributed to their gender instead of just different personalities.

        • TBK says

          Oh man, we took the kids to an indoor playspace recently and I tried to get my son to hug a babydoll (he loves his stuffed kitty and sleeps curled up with it at night). He smacked the doll in the face, threw it on the floor, then ran over it with a truck. A younger little girl picked up the doll, rocked her gently, and laid her down to “sleep” on a block. Boys *can* play with dolls and any boy who wants to should be able to with abandon, but many, many boys are entirely uninterested.

      • Dee says

        My son didn’t like dolls, but he did like stuffed animals and puppets. In a few months you can start acting out stories with them and starting “imagining”. Never did dolls, though :(

    • pockets says

      I am not girly at all and never put my daughter in ruffles or sequins, pink is very limited (no more pink than any other color), and I purposely show her ballerinas or princesses. She’s 2 years old and all she wants to do is wear a pretty dress and be a ballerina or a princess. I don’t know how they figure it out so early but they do.

      • Spirograph says

        My daughter wears a lot of her brother’s old clothes, so I actually try to include a dash of girly color in her outfits. Otherwise people comment on what a cute couple of boys I have and my tactless son yells, “that is my sister! She doesn’t have a p3n1s!”. Maybe once her hair is more decidedly feminine…

    • Anonymous says

      My girls (both of them) love construction sites, power tools, the whole 9 yards. DH is in his element, of course, so we have hilarious things like my 3 year old in her ballet costume, ear protection and saftey goggles (she also loves ballet and all things princess) cataloging her tools: mallet, philips head screwdriver, flathead screwdriver, dead-blow hammer, regular old hammer, electric drill bit, power screwdriver, belt sander, hack saw, coping saw…the works. When she turned 2, we got her a toolbox and ended up super annoyed because they had a “girl tool set” which was pink and purple that was SO MUCH MORE LAME than the “regular” aka boy tool set.

      • orange says

        From the other side, I have twin boys and they like to push around a baby stroller (or a grocery cart or anything that can be pushed, but that’s not the point . . .). ALL the toy strollers are pink and purple. So we have a pink and purple twin baby stroller.

  3. Batgirl says

    Looking for two, very different maternity wardrobe recommendations!

    1) Now that I’m in my 7th month, I’m carrying big and low and my undies are rolling down in an uncomfortable way. Is this just a matter of sizing up in my regular items or are there good maternity options?

    2) Looking for a cute dress to wear to my baby shower in two weeks. Anyone have any good suggestions?

    Thanks!

    • Anon says

      On #1, I wear exclusively thongs and continued to do so while I was pregnant. I realize thongs aren’t for everyone, but I never experienced the rolling down with thongs.

      • Batgirl says

        Thanks, I’ve never been a fan of thongs…or particularly low-cut undies in general, which may be the problem. I may invest in some non-thong hanky pankys, though. Thanks!

    • HSAL says

      For #2, maybe Asos? Their shipping was pretty fast, but could still be a risk for the shower being two weeks out. All my maternity dresses came from Asos, Old Navy, Target, Motherhood, and Loft, but I don’t know how the winter dresses look.

      For #1, I had the same problem and four months postpartum I’m still having the same problem. I actually found it easier to go with panties that were very low in front so they hung out below the bump instead of hitting awkwardly on it. Now I like ones similar to what AwayEmily posted. Stretchy and no waistband is your friend.

    • MDMom says

      I carried low and never had this problem. I think it was because I prefer low cut undies, so I agree with that suggestion. I don’t see how the amount of coverage in back would affect it, for what it’s worth- I never wear thongs either.

      I also did not size up but may do that soon, 9 mos postpartum. My undies still fit but now cut across my butt in a way that causes more visible panty lines than before. I guess my depressing point here is that if you aren’t sizing up because you’re telling yourself it’s just temporary, consider that it may not be…

    • lucy stone says

      You’re farther along than me but a few friends swore by non-thong Hanky Panky. My other underwear is getting uncomfortable so I just invested in more hanky pankys. I love the boyshorts and the retro vikini.

    • Katala says

      Late reply, but I liked the gap body “maternity” boyshorts. Sounds similar to the target ones mentioned but in case you order from gap/ON at least once a month (just me?). From the reviews I think they are the same as any gap body boyshorts but “maternity” means they come in xxl in case your once-ample booty is stretching the limits of standard undies (also just me??)

  4. EB0220 says

    *Partial x-post from the main site*

    Ladies – my body is acting so strangely since I weaned my kiddo 4 months ago. When I stopped breastfeeding, I started a estrogen+progesterone birth control pill. Since then, I’ve had a breakout on my left cheek only. I had my first very slight postpartum period last month during the placebo week of my BC. I randomly started spotting yesterday – it’s the last week of the non-placebo pills this cycle. What the heck is going on?? Are my hormones just taking a while to even out? I didn’t experience anything like this after my first kid, but my health circumstances were different. Should I be worried?

    • TK says

      Consider a thyroid check. My cycles / bleeding were all over the place after I weaned, turns out thyroid was out of balance which can cause sometimes cause these sorts of issues.

      • EB0220 says

        Interesting. I do have a history of hyperthyriod and have been having trouble with my weight. Wonder if I’ve swung the other way this time. I’ll get my labs done. Thanks!

  5. Jdubs says

    Looking for a recommendation of super comfy lounge type pants to have on hand for post-partum / maternity leave. Bonus points if they come in petite/short.

    • HSAL says

      All of my existing pajama pants fit during maternity leave, and I also bought two pairs of Old Navy leggings. I thought maternity leggings would be the most comfortable, but I bought maternity leggings in XL and I think I should have either bought maternity in L or L or XL in regular, because they got too big pretty quickly. The length was good though – I’m 5’2.

      Also, I’m obsessed with the NY&Co Studio Knit pants – they’re basically yoga pants I can wear to work and I bought six pair. I wouldn’t waste them on maternity leave, but keep them in mind if you’re going back to work. Most of my pre-pregnancy pants fit, but they aren’t especially comfortable, so these pants are amazing.

      • HSAL says

        Oh, and the NY&Co pants come in short. Also check out the Starfish pants from LE.

    • meme says

      I bought 3 pairs of Kirkland brand black yoga pants at Costco, and I love them. They are so soft and snuggly, nice, thick fabric, good quality, and a great deal. Somewhere in the $12-15 range. They also have a matching jacket for $19.99, but I didn’t need anymore hoodies, and the combo was a little too athleisure suit for me. They are nice enough (for me) to run to the grocery store in, and comfortable enough to double as pajamas in those early days when days and nights blended together and it didn’t necessarily make sense to change before bed (because I just managed to get these clean yoga pants on at 7 p.m.).

      • meme says

        P.S. They come in short/reg/tall. I also bought a pair of the LE starfish pants based on a recommendation here. They’re fine, but I much prefer the Costco ones, and they’re cheaper to boot.

    • Kat G says

      I wore my maternity yoga pants for at least the first few months postpartum — I already had them out, they were comfy, etc.

    • MDMom says

      Gap maternity leggings are great. I have the low cut ones rather than the ones that cover the bump and I still wear them 9 mos postpartum. They just look like low cut leggings, can tell they were even maternity. They are nice and soft too. Mine are not petite but im 5’3 and they fit fine.

  6. Midwest Mama says

    I’m looking for recs for a sippy-type cup for my 4 yo. Yes, she’s probably too old for a sippy cup, but she likes to have a drink out at all times and generally tosses her cup around; so she needs something that won’t spill. I’m looking to replace what she’s been using, Playtex Travel Time, which has been discontinued apparently, although I found a few left online. I would like something that is insulated, bigger size (12 oz), and won’t spill. Any suggestions for something for an older kiddo?

    • Camelbak says

      Both my 15 month old and 5 year old love the kids’ camelbak waterbottles. I can pack them in my older son’s lunch without spilling, and am not constantly refilling. I know some people skip the kid-size versions of things, but my guys are able to handle these pretty easily.

      • bottles says

        We also like the adult Camelback insulated squeeze bottle, although I wouldn’t use it for milk or pulpy juices because the valve could get clogged. The regular camelback with the bite valve would work fine for milk and such since you can take it apart to clean.

      • anne-on says

        Yup, camelbak water bottles all the way. They sell them at our local EMS and the store has trouble keeping them in stock, literally my son’s entire preschool class uses them.

      • Maddie Ross says

        I love these Camelbak ones – I use the adult ones and my daughter has the kid ones – but any suggestions on keeping them clean? I feel like I can never get the tube and bite valve cleaned or fully rinsed. Am I missing a good trick?

        • Meg Murry says

          Camelback sells special cleaning tools (and once you find them, Amazon has good links to other cheaper options as well) but both my husband and mother have thrown them away at my house thinking they were bottle brushes, since I was storing them where I used to store brushes (ARGH!)

          In a pinch, a q-tip actually works pretty well for the bite valve, and pipe cleaners are OK for the straws. You can also get replacement bite valves and straws online, so now I have spares for when I discover the bottle has been sitting unwashed for a while and has straight up playground dirt in the bite valve but I have no time for scrubbing the crevices. We never use our Camelbacks with anything other than straight water and they still get a little ick and pain to clean- I wouldnt use them with juice or milk myself, unless you are way better at doing immediate dishes after a meal – not one of my household’s strong points.

      • Anonymous says

        +500. We have these for water only, because I am too lazy to clean out juice etc. Contigo also makes one, but I like the Camelback prints better :)

    • AEK says

      If spillage is the only issue, why not a “grown up” water bottle? Or a cute Thermos?

  7. CapHillAnon says

    Any Bostonians with suggestions for a modified baby moon the week after Easter? I’m 23 weeks pregnant with my third, and had been planning to take my fifth grader and first grader to Disney for a spring break surprise (they’ve never been). For a few different reasons, including Zika hysteria, we decided not to go to Florida. Now we are obligated to be in Boston for Easter proper, and I’m casting around for a nearby fun last-hurrah-as-a-family-of-4 destination or activity. Any suggestions? We love MV, even in (or especially in) the offseason, but we have gone and will continue to go after baby arrives. If I don’t plan something, we will end up with a week of visiting the in-laws all around New England (all lovely people, but not what I was looking for out of the week). Any suggestions?

    • CHJ says

      How many days do you have and what does your family like to do?

      How about Montreal or Quebec City? That would be fun for older kids and harder to do with a baby.

      If that’s too far, I also love the Waterbury/Stowe/Burlington region in Vermont.

      • Anonymous says

        Thanks CHJ! We have 5 days. We went to Montreal this summer and LOVED it, but now one of us has an expired passport, and I don’t know if we have enough time to get legal. Tell me more about Waterbury/ Stowe/ Burlington–what kinds of things are there to do (besides skiing, which I can’t do this season sadly!)

        • CHJ says

          So much to do! We do a lot of hiking and eating when we’re up there. There are tons of hiking trails all around the Green Mountains. If they are not clear for the season yet, Burlington has a long bike path along Lake Champlain where you can go for miles.

          It’s also a food paradise. Ben & Jerry’s is always fun, especially for kids, and there are other little food stops that you can discover. For example, there’s a Cabot cheese showroom between Waterbury and Stowe where you can sample about 30 kinds of cheese, or an apple press making apple cider donuts all year round. There are also awesome restaurants all over the place – Prohibition Pig in Waterbury and American Flatbread in Waitsfield are both fun with kids. We usually drive around with a destination in mind, but stop anywhere along the way that looks interesting.

          Burlington is a fun, funky small city. There’s a downtown area with lots of shopping and good restaurants. It’s fun just to wander around and explore.

    • Anonymous says

      not clear if you live in Boston or are going to be here visiting family…but if you’re more of a local looking for a getaway, we’re doing the Great Wolf Lodge (indoor water park) for a few days. There was a groupon and we’re doing 2 nights.

      You could spend a day in the city and do the duck tours (not sure when they officially start back up, i think around easter), the science museum, the teaparty museum (the kids throw tea off the boats and scream “no taxation without representation!” It’s my favorite thing to watch at lunch! not sure if it’s interesting enough for the 5th grader), go to Harvard/MIT adn see the robot museum and the really cool stores. If your travels bring you to the western ‘burbs of Boston, Nashoba Valley ski area has tubing, which you probably couldn’t do but it’s easier for dad to handle solo than skiing. Also not sure when these start up, but you can for like $5-10 get a boat ride around Boston Harbor (Harbor Island tours). Will be FREEZING in march, might work on a really sunny day in April.

      Burlington- Ben & jerry’s factory. Enough said.

      We live in Boston and are going to Montreal in May with our 3 y/o, when I will be about 30 weeks pregnant. It’ll be chilly, but you could do Portsmouth, NH or Portland, ME.

      • CHJ says

        I second this as well – if staying in Boston is an option, it’s a great place for 1st and 5th graders!

  8. Anon for this one says

    Spouse and I are not doing well and we have a very small child. I think couples counseling is necessary but I have no idea where to find the time. We don’t have local family who can babysit. Those of you who have done it, how did you do it? Thanks.

    • Anonymous says

      We did counseling after our first baby and it really helped. The only time we could make work was on our lunch hour. We also did a few sessions on our own. I think we both met with the counselor, then I went once, then DH, then we continued with couple sessions. It was hard to make the time but it did help.

      • Anonymous says

        adding that a couple of times when DH had to travel, we used Facetime on my Ipad with the counselor’s office wifi in order for him to ‘attend’. Counselor would not have done speakerphone as she wanted to see body language, and I think she probably would not have done regular Facetime, but it worked in a pinch.

    • ChiLaw says

      I am not positive about couples counselors, but I know this to be true of PPD counselors — you can bring the kid. It might be worth calling to see if that’s an option, especially if we are talking about the so-small-all-he-does-is-sleep age.

    • Anontoo says

      No advice, but I wanted to thank you for asking this. We’re in a similar situation — rocky relationship + both working + toddler in daycare.

    • NewMomAnon says

      Lunch hour on a weekday or first thing in the AM after daycare drop off. If baby is small enough, you can absolutely bring baby but I found it very distracting. I wouldn’t try to bring my toddler, she understands too much and repeats so much of it….

      It’s worth making time for it. A surprising number of my colleagues leave the office for therapy appointments regularly, and nobody blinks an eye. Also, if your work has an employee assistance service, they may offer a few visits for free (mine was capped at 6) or refer you to counselors who take your insurance.

    • MomAnon4This says

      We scheduled at the end of the counselor’s day (5 pm), a trusted friend picked kid up from daycare and we had a date night/meal afterwards to avoid traffic, then picked up the kid ~7ish.
      Even if we were mad at each other walking out of the counseling office, it was good to spend time with each other. And eat :)

      Couples counseling starts with s and rhymes with ducks, but it’s so important, especially with the big changes a kid brings. Good luck.

      • Anon at 11:48 says

        This is a great idea. Tucking this away in case with end up in counseling again. Not having to focus on work after a tough counseling session would have been great.

    • Cdn lawyer says

      Sounds like the two year sleep regression. Lots of info if you search it on go*gle.

  9. Kat G says

    Can anyone recommend a good sleep app for an older baby? I refuse to believe that my 22 month old is dropping his last nap. TIA!

    • mascot says

      You can’t make him sleep, but can you enforce a rest hour? He has to stay in his bed/room for x amount of time, lights off, sound machine/fan on, and no stimulating toys. A book and maybe some stuffed animals? If he’s tired, he’ll get bored and fall asleep. I’ve heard of lots of younger siblings dropping naps early because they are afraid they are missing out on fun things or their naps get messed up by older sibling’s schedule. My kid always slept at nap time, but his classmates who dropped the nap were encouraged to stay on their cots and be quiet. Most of them ended up sleeping as a result when they saw that no one else was doing anything fun either.

    • Spirograph says

      +1 to rest hour. My mom made my siblings and me do this during school vacations even well into elementary school. After lunch, we had to stay in our rooms quietly for an hour or so. We were encouraged to read or write in a journal… now that I think of it, I’m pretty sure the whole point was for her to have a break. Well played, mom. Well played.

      • mascot says

        Ha, I remember having to do rest hour at summer camp. I got a lot of books read that way, not so many letters written to home. We need to re-introduce rest hour in our house on weekends the more I think about it.

      • Meg Murry says

        Yup, once we hit tantrums on the word “nap time” we shifted to “quiet time” and now “book time”. Most of the time the 4 year old falls asleep, but if he doesn’t I just bought an hour+ of peace and quiet, and I often make my 8 year old use it as a “quiet no screens time” – he can read, draw, journal, etc so I can go have an uninterrupted hour to myself to recharge my introvert batteries.

  10. Chi Squared says

    My DH and I are having a disagreement re: how much to spend on childcare for our 2 year old and baby brother on the way. He would rather pay less (~ $14/ hr) for mediocre help, or even less for an Au pair than pay more (~18/hr) for a super awesome nanny. Note we’d be out of pocket several thousand dollars per year more for any nanny if we pay all taxes on her behalf.

    I think having an awesome nanny would be with the extra expense, and it would only be for a few years until both kids are in school.

    I am a junior partner at a big law firm, making a little less than $300k, my husband has his own consulting company, and has highly variable income (ranging from $30-$90k per year). We currently have a so-so nanny who wants a big raise to awesome nanny territory after the baby comes.

    I’s appreciate different perspectives on this.

    • Anonymous says

      We’re spend a lot of childcare. Like more than our mortgage – but we LOVE our nanny and have three kids. I am better at work when I’m not worried about the kids. I miss them less when I’m not worried about if they are well taken care of. Being in a happier state at work helps with my work product and thus makes my job more secure so it’s worth it for us because of the job security and my own mental health. When I’m happier, I’m also a better wife/partner so maybe that angle will appeal to your DH?

      On the flip side, there’s nothing wrong with paying for satisfactory care if that works for your family. You do you.

    • TK says

      Where would the duties and work that would follow a less-than-great nanny fall … on you or on him?

      I’ll make an assumption that a ‘great’ (vs. so-so) nanny would do additional things that save you $ in the long run (clean things, cook meals from scratch, etc.) If he’s willing to do those things himself, fine – go for the cheap option. But if the ‘cheap’ option just means directing money elsewhere (cleaning service, prepared meals), or that YOU end up doing more childcare / rearing due to less that ideal childcare from the nanny, then I’d say stick to your guns and pay for an awesome nanny.

      In short – if your husband’s money-saving proposal (1) doesn’t actually save $, just shifts costs elsewhere in the budget, and/or (2) if your husband’s money-saving proposal will likely only inconvenience or burden YOU with any problems that follow from crappy childcare – say no and pay for the better nanny.

    • Two Cents says

      We are willing to pay a premium for the best childcare. I don’t understand the rationale for hiring “mediocre” help. This is your child, for goodness sake. I wouldn’t want my child with a mediocre provider. If it’s a matter of affordability that’s one thing, but you can clearly afford a higher priced nanny. Go with your gut. Your peace of mind and knowing your child is in good, competent hands is priceless, IMO.

      • ConventionalNugget says

        I think trying to figure out how much a certain childcare situation is worth is really difficult. (I distinctly remember thinking to myself when touring daycares, just how much are ORGANIC chicken nuggets really worth?) But I’m not sure what you mean by mediocre, especially if you are talking about comparing hypothetical nannies rather actual people? It would be a lot easier to have the argument with specific candidates in mind.

        • Chi Squared says

          Our current nanny is good at playing with our child, doing activities with her, but has a bit of an attitude re: cleaning up after her. And she’s also disorganized – to an extent where I’m not sure she’d be able to handle an infant and toddler at the same time. She’s told my DH that if we want her to do more child-related cleaning up, then her care for her will suffer. At the same time, she regards nap time as her (2-2.5 hr) break rather than a chance to tidy up. For example, she doesn’t sweep or wipe down the splash mat under the high chair more than once a week or so, does minimal food prep for the kid, and doesn’t put things back where they belong, so we almost invariably have to hunt them down. She’s almost more like a babysitter than a nanny – happy to do as little as she can get away with.
          In contrast, awesome nanny cooks meals for her kids, uses nap time to clean up around the house, and has experience with kids of multiple ages over her 34 year career as a nanny.

      • anon says

        I think we need more information about what makes an “awesome” vs “just fine” nanny. I assume both meet the baseline criteria for providing safe, loving care. Are you paying a premium for a bilingual person with an advanced degree? Or is the higher cost tied to the nanny picking up other tasks around the house?

    • TBK says

      Uh, my au pair is super awesome. I think if you’re working law firm hours the 45 hrs/wk you get from an au pair probably won’t cut it, and they’re limited in how much housework they can do (only stuff related to kids so yes to kids’ laundry, making kid meals, cleaning up kid areas, and no to doing your laundry, prepping your dinner, doing general cleaning), but in terms of quality of care there are some amazing au pairs. My au pair’s two friends are also amazing au pairs. May not be the best fit for you, but I’d push back on the assertion that au pair = so so.

      • Chi Squared says

        I think an au pair would be great once the kids are school age. I’m just not sure about having one care for an infant in addition to a toddler. I know they have infant qualified au pairs, but…

        What agency did you use to find your au pair?

    • Anonymous says

      We use daycare, but for comparison’s sake, we currently pay $2,495/mo for 9 hours of infant care at a major chain in a large city, which is roughly $14/hr. At our daycare, siblings receive a 10% discount, and older children are slightly less expensive (I think it’s about $100 less per year, so a 2 yo would be maybe $2,295/mo).

      This is not as much as housing, but it is by far our biggest expenditure outside of housing. If we didn’t have to pay this, we’d actually be able to save money. I really like our daycare, but you have time constraints with daycare that you otherwise don’t with a nanny. We couldn’t afford a nanny, and fortunately my hours allow me to accommodate pickup.

    • Anonymous says

      We never had a nanny — always used a daycare and now a preschool, and I’ve always sent my kid to the best place money can buy. He’s there 55 hours per week — way more time than he is home and awake, so the teachers have such a huge impact on his development — and since I am fortunate to be able to afford really great childcare, I see no reason not to pay the extra $10k per year that really great childcare costs vs. mediocre childcare, especially considering how important early childhood is for development.

  11. layered bob says

    We pay our awesome nanny $21/hr to take care of our baby (she takes home $15 but $21 is the total cost to us with taxes etc.) and our household income is not anywhere near your household income. Like you, we figure it is only for a few years. We have also done daycare and although we LOVED our daycare, the logistics with a nanny are so, so much easier. Good childcare + good logistics are so worth it, in my opinion.

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