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This ASOS maternity dress has a really fun floral pattern. It may not be the best fit for the office unless you want to mute it with a darker blazer or cardigan, but it’d be great for a baby shower, or Easter, or other spring-y events. ASOS has a ton of cute maternity stuff right now, so check it out — their size offerings include maternity petite and the very rare size of maternity tall. This cute dress is on sale for $51 from $73 and comes in sizes 2-16 (some no longer available, alas). ASOS Maternity Wiggle Dress In Floral Print With Ruffle For plus sizes, Pink Blush Maternity has a lot of pretty floral dresses like this one and this one. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
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- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Monday Anon says
Starting Monday off on a down note today – but I really want to hear from all of you since you are at a similar place in life (young kids, 2 professional parents, etc.). We have two kids – 5 and 2.5. I work full time and husband works full time + launching a business. It’s a lot, obviously. Lately, we’ve been having some disagreements about our s*x life. We still do something s*xual almost every day but there are specific things he wants to do that I am not too enthusiastic about. We enjoy each others’ company and have a good parenting relationship. We have common interests. We find time in our busy days to connect. I feel like we are doing OK – yet somehow, we are still making each other unhappy, misreading each others’ signals, not giving each other the benefit of the doubt. We have been hovering around divorce for months. I was seriously fed up and ready to leave this weekend, so I was doing some reading about young children and divorce. I came across some articles saying that “having children is like throwing a grenade into a marriage” and you really just need to hang on and not do anything stupid until all kids are in elementary school, at which point your marriage will start to improve. (Except in cases of abuse, of course.) Thoughts? Perspectives? I want to talk about this because I feel like everyone expects life to be awesome when a kid is born…but maybe that’s not true. Maybe kids are great for parents’ individual happiness but no so great for relationship happiness.
Anon says
This sounds tough.
It’s hard to tell from this what’s going on – you say that you enjoy each others’ company and have a good parenting relationship, but also say you are still making each other unhappy and misreading each other’s signals … is this a communications style thing that can be worked out in therapy, or are there deeper issues about incompatibility that aren’t likely to get resolved?
I have not found the “grenade” analogy to be true. Our marriage is different since the focus is now on our family unit rather than just on the two of us, and some things are harder, but for us having children has cemented our relationship as a team and our marriage is now stronger and better.
Divorce is sometimes the right answer but it doesn’t make anything easier.
Anonymous says
I think this is exactly true. Adding children to an otherwise great relationship is really tough, and adding children to an otherwise mediocre relationship is impossible. Something has to give. I would suggest talking with your H about this. If you were a single parent (if you got a divorce), you would have certain time ON, with your children, and certain time OFF, without your children. Set that up now. Start having time for yourself — go out with friends, go to yoga, read by yourself in a comfy chair without being interrupted. You need to recharge. Don’t try to do everything together as a family — take time to solo parent, and take time to be solo.
Anon says
I agree that having small children is very disruptive and probably a very unusual time in the grand scheme of a marriage. I’m just going to comment on your frequency — WOW, almost every single day!? There are very few things that I find time and energy for every day (showering sometimes being one of them.) Maybe you’re a superhero? Maybe one of you has unrealistic expectations? Maybe I’m the exception here. But wow.
JayJay says
That was my first reaction, too, honestly. Every day? We’re lucky for 3X per week.
What if, instead of every day, you focused on quality over quantity? This is a guess, but I’d wonder if it would seem…mechanical…doing it that often and as a rote routine. Even we have to change things up, doing it less often than you do.
As to the rest of your questions, I agree completely. It’s so, so hard to have 2 working parents, kids that age, and focus on a happy marriage. Just hang on for now.
Lyssa says
I was thinking that, too! Good for you! (Or maybe not; maybe that’s contributing to the problem.)
I agree that it is disruptive and more difficult than I expected in a lot of ways. But I do think that it gets better once the initial shock wears off. With respect to divorce and young kids, my personal opinion and observations are that it’s very hard and only adds an extra stressor of coparenting to the day to day stressors of parenting in general, so I think that it should be reserved for extreme situations. There were times when I was a kid that I thought that my parents might divorce, but I’ve always been really grateful that they did not.
Anonymous says
Yeah, we are more like one time a week… And I feel pretty good about that!
Anon says
^ same.
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
This is us. On a good week.
Walnut says
Yep. I also agree with “on a good week”.
EBMom says
The grenade metaphor really resonates for me. Getting divorced is hard. You still have to co-parent, so it is not like you can totally step away from your spouse. The couples I know that have gotten divorced and it really seemed to be the perfect thing had n o kids. As in, they stepped away from the relationship, found another one that made them happier, and are doing great. With kids, this can happen too, but it is a lot harder. Some people win the lottery and find another person that loves them, loves their kids, and can step right into their life and be a true partner, but that is really, really, rare. Some people really are happier alone, or just dating without looking for anything serious, but this also does not work for a lot people. From my outsider’s perspective, divorce often brings a change but not a lot of increased happiness. A lot of times, the problems that arose in the first relationship are still going to be there in the next one (poor communication, unrealistic expectations, etc.).
For me, I think of a house metaphor for marriage. You bought the home you live in and loved it at one point. Sometimes, you start thinking about moving and how nice it would be to a new house. But odds are, you would probably be just as happy (maybe happier) in your current home if you just spent some time updating the floors, fixing the leaky roof, and bringing out all the things that made you want to buy the house in the first place. Any new house that you go out and buy is going to have its own set of issues, but you just are blind to them at the moment because you are so familiar with the issues with your house.
Jax says
Thank you for posting this. I needed to hear this for my own marriage.
OP – feeling pressured to do something s*xual that you don’t like means you either have to a.) do it anyway and stuff your feelings down, or b.) put up with anger/pouting/negative attitude from your spouse for the next few…hours? days? If you’re doing something together every day, I imagine the attempts to do *whatever it is you hate doing* either by pleading, trying to tempt you into it, or even trying to just go for it anyway leave you feeling anxious and potentially afraid to be intimate.
If my spouse were really into something intimate and I wasn’t, and he didn’t respect that and kept asking for it, I think that would be a deal breaker for me. Especially if we had talked about it and I could say something like, “Look, I know you’re into that and I’ve tried it and gone along with it FOR you, but I just can’t. I hate it, it’s not for me, and I don’t want to do it anymore.” If my spouse didn’t understand that–or that specific act was that important to him–then I’d want to explore separating.
Anon says
+1 pressuring someone to do something s*xual they dont want to do is assault, even in a marriage.
Lurker says
That’s what I love about what kids are being taught today about consent. It used to be no means no and unless you say no you consented. Now it’s yes means yes and not just any yes. You have to have an enthusiastic consent. Not a “you wore me down” consent.
Grumble says
Day Without A Woman Strike. I feel like a bad person and a bad feminist, but I am so, so annoyed about this. I was supportive of the Day Without Immigrants a couple weeks ago, but my daycare is talking about closing AGAIN for this strike on Wednesday (due to lack of staffing) and I’m just p1ssed. My husband is awesome and has already volunteered to stay home with the kids if it comes to that so *I* don’t get lumped in with this action, but I really disagree with this general strike as a way to make the point that women are a valuable part of the workplace/community/world. I prove that I’m valuable by going to work and killing it, not by staying home.
The need for caregivers doesn’t go away when you want to make a political point. And I think my husband is probably in the minority of men who will step up for child care, elder care, etc if care workers refuse to work. If you’re trying to make a point that caregiving is important, striking would be really effective because it pulls higher earners and people with more “power” and visibility out of work for the day. But this is supposed to be about all women, and I just feel like it’s going to be a net loss toward the intended point.
EBMom says
My own personal circumstances won’t allow me to participate due to work obligations that cannot be missed and a traveling spouse, but I have two friends that their husbands are stepping up for the strike. Both of these women are doing no paid work and no caregiving that day. It can send a message. Google what happened in Iceland when they did this.
I appreciate your sentiments though, and have also heard them expressed by other women. I just personally support the strike.
Grumble says
Fascinating RE: Iceland, I had never heard of that. If there were critical mass that many employers were actually being forced to adjust, I would be happy to participate in the strike. It’s kind of a Catch 22 that feels like mostly an inconvenience/”special snowflake” kind of thing until it’s big enough, but it can’t get big enough when people are writing it off as an inconvenience. I don’t think the turnout will be I suppose I’m part of the problem. I do see bluefield’s point that killing it has not been enough, historically.
I’m in DC. I do support the message, just disagree with the tactic in its current iteration for a lot of the reasons Anon brings up. Also, the organization seems poor– social media is great for organizing a march, but something like this needs more ground game to be successful, IMHO. I like the idea of donating or volunteering for a women’s organization that day, and will commit to that instead.
bluefield says
Where are you that your daycare is closing for lack of staffing? Genuinely curious…it seems like the strike isn’t getting much traction where I am, so I’m interested to know where this is having such an effect.
You (and other women) have been showing up and killing it for decades, and here we are. I don’t think showing up and killing it at work is getting us where we need to be.
I don’t see what you’re griping about. Your husband is staying at home and you can go to work, or not go to work, whatever you want.
Pogo says
I think the point is to be disruptive. I remember feeling the same way when BLM activism screwed up traffic for me (inconvenienced, even though I supported the sentiments behind the action), and then realizing that duh, inconvenience is the whole point. If it didn’t ruin peoples’ day, the activism wouldn’t have done its job.
I feel like a bad feminist for not participating, but I have people flying halfway around the world to meet with me on that day (planned long before the call for the strike). Instead I am doing something positive that evening (volunteering for a women’s organization).
Anononope says
Right. I’m not striking for reasons that aren’t particularly great, even, but “oh no strikes are disruptive!” is literally 100% of the point. How did we get basically any labor protection we have right now? It was by strikes that were disruptive and obnoxious and inconvenient … and people braver than me risked their jobs for them.
Anon says
I posted this on the main page under the news links (when someone said everyone who participates should lose their job).
I disagree, but the strike doesn’t make sense to me. Playing this out, my children’s daycare should shut down since it’s 99% women. Which means my kids will be at home. But I shouldn’t do unpaid work, so I need to have… my husband stay home to feed/cloth/entertain them. Assume that’s the case at roughly every household with kids under 18, and what? You have a bunch of men in their 20s and 60s at the few workplaces that can stay open? How does that even remotely do anything?
I sort of understand a strike in unpaid work. Women are still in the office getting things done, but men who rely on their wives to run the household need to stay home. But then what? How many women will do the laundry ahead of time, get groceries for those meals, organize playdates, etc? And for the few who don’t, then the dad just puts all that off and get McDonalds while they watch TV? Again, how does that “teach” the value of unpaid labor when it’s essentially optional if you only do it for one day?
I just don’t see how this accomplishes anything. And that’s BEFORE you consider that most lower-income people can’t actually afford to take an unpaid day off, so there’s a special grossness in me dropping my kids off at school/daycare to make sure that *I* don’t do any work.
Anon in NOVA says
I’m with you on the last two paragraphs especially. I’m not participating, I work in a state/local government agency that is primarily women and would literally shut down if no women were here. I get that that’s the point, but I’m not sure taxpayers would like that
anon for this says
I agree that striking from unpaid work for one day is not going to teach anyone its value. I really learned the value of unpaid work when I was unemployed and did all of it day in and day out. It’s the constant demands of kids, cycle of housework, prioritizing which bills to pay because money’s tight, etc. that created so much stress (and made me really respect SAHMs). Anyone can spend one day watching movies and eating fast food with my kid.
I’m also uncomfortable with the aspects of privilege. Not only can lower-income people not afford to take a day off from paid work, but I’m sure many mothers who don’t have a partner or co-parent, or whose partners serve in the military or work/live away from home for other reasons, can’t just stop taking care of their children.
bluefield says
I don’t understand the privilege argument. Only privileged women can strike, so therefore privileged women shouldn’t strike? Shouldn’t that make it more necessary for privileged women to strike – i.e., use our privilege to show our support?
CPA Lady says
Also, another thing that doesn’t make sense to me is the whole concept of “they did it in Europe so it’ll work here” while completely ignoring the differences in our labor structure. In a system of at-will employment it seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face to not show up for work.
Betty says
I haven’t heard this particular aspect spoken of yet: My husband is an elementary school principal. His district is seriously worried about teachers striking. As he told me last night, if all of the women do not show up to work, there will be about 8 men to take care of 450 students. I have no idea what will happen if the schools need to close as well.
EBMom says
Huh. To me, this illustrates why the teachers (women) should go on strike. Turns out women are pretty crucial.
Conflicted says
It looks like at least one school district in Northern Virginia, Alexandria City, is closing on the 8th.
anon for this says
But if the schools close, I doubt ALL of the children have fathers who can leave work to take care of them. Instead, many mothers will have to take PTO (if they have it) in order to go home and do the unpaid work of taking care of their children. And I’m sure some of those mothers will be punished by their bosses for it, plus they’ll be lumped in with the women who decided to strike when in fact they were unwilling participants, and not even really participating since they did unpaid work.
Conflicted says
Oh yes, which is why I’m conflicted about the whole thing.
And unfortunately, it will probably have a bigger impact on women who are at greater risk for punishment for not working that day.
I’m working that day — I’ve got a meeting that can’t be rescheduled with a client and it wouldn’t be making a statement to my employer, because my employer already gets it and is doing what they can do accommodate women/working mothers. I’m also going to do the unpaid mothering that I do everyday because I’ve got a small child who can’t do anything herself and a husband who is trying to equalize things.
Now, if daycare is closed, my husband is going to have to do it, because our family struggle is that his paid work has been given an unspoken importance over mine, even though our jobs are equally demanding and I actually make more.
Anonymous says
You should be pissed. THAT’S THE POINT.
Look, we under-educate perfectly smart, capable, and predominantly brown and black women in this country specifically to create a pool of competent childcare workers. (Why else would we pay for schools with something as ACTIVELY and ACUTELY classist, racist and biased as property taxes? The only reason is for rich people to get better education for their kids than poor people will ever get.) And then we pit middle-class and upper-middle class (predominantly white) women against them by guilting them about even needing child care and insisting on really high levels of achievement for kids and on and on.
If we had government paid for child care centers that provided standard high quality care and for which there were relatively few economic differences across the entire country your child care problems would be solved. But instead of taking on the people above you who created this problem and benefit from it you’re punching down.
Grumble says
Yeah, I”m finding it difficult to unpack my thoughts on all of it, because there are class and race issues in the mix here, and I want to be conscious of that. I do absolutely agree with your point about systemic inequality of opportunity leading to different outcomes. I supported the Day Without Immigrants because I am a privileged person who is benefiting from the underpaid, underappreciated work from my immigrant daycare teachers (even though I express my appreciation for them and give generous gifts when I’m able, I know that doesn’t make up for low compensation). I respect their hard work, I know that it would be exponentially more difficult for me to have my own career without them, and the care they give my kids is invaluable to me. I agree that their voice should be heard, so I did what I could to make their strike successful.
I agree that a system that elevates early care and primary/secondary education as a career field, and provides a good standard of care and education to all would be A Good Thing. If all the childcare and elementary school teachers want to strike, I will back them 100%, even though it will majorly disrupt my day. But that’s not what this strike is ostensibly about. It’s about women. I am a woman. So when a strike to support women hurts women (there’s no way around this without a supportive man in the mix, which I am lucky to have but is not universal) by just shuffling which women is doing what for one day, to me that misses the point.
Jax says
Another mind-blowing idea from Queen Bees and Wannabes about cell phones and social media…
When to give a kid a cell phone? The author says to do it if the kid is riding a school bus or public transportation (on a school bus, the cell phone could record anything crazy going down) or if they have to let themselves in to the house after school, or if they have activities that you’re dropping them off at and schedules/practices could be canceled or run over. Basically, if your kid has to get themselves around or are in a situation where they would need to get ahold of you, get them a cell phone.
Should you read your kid’s texts and monitor their social media accounts? The author surprised me (and convicted me) about kid’s right to privacy. Above all, we all want our kids to talk to us and come to us if they are in a hard situation, like cyber bullying or some gigantic fight with friends. She points out that if you’re always digging around in her texts/Instagram and acting like this is a super dangerous thing that you don’t *really* want to let her get into, your kid is going to do her best to HIDE any drama from you. She doesn’t want to lose her phone/Instagram/etc. so she’s going to stuff it all down and say nothing to you. Your kid may also be trying to help a friend through a hard situation, or may be processing things with her friends, and reading her texts is kind of like our moms reading the notes we used to pass back and forth to our friends in 1990 or picking up the other line and eavesdropping on our phone calls.
She advised writing up a Technology Contract and having your kid sign it before you give them their phone. I thought it was a brilliant idea and our family made one this weekend. It covers things like asking permission from people before posting their picture to your page, not participating in a group chat until you find out who all the new numbers are, treating people (and yourself) with dignity and respect by choosing words carefully, remembering that once you hit SEND it’s out there forever, that we will apologize and delete anything that is hurtful or embarrassing to someone, we won’t take pictures bathrooms/dressing rooms/lying on our bed and post them to social media, and I also added that phones are private UNTIL we feel she’s lying or acting strangely.
My daughter is 11 and has an Ipod. She’s dealing with dramas and issues I didn’t have to think about until 7th or 8th grade, and I’m trying to adopt the author’s LISTENING attitude. Don’t judge the friends. Don’t ask, “Why are you still hanging out with that girl! Last week we both agreed she’s awful!” because you’ll just shut the conversation down. Bite your tongue and try not to be so heavy with the advice, and just listen to what she’s thinking, or pipe up when she asks for help or seems quiet/calm enough to listen. OMG–the stories that are pouring out of her! I’m looking at her and realizing I don’t have a kid anymore, I have a little teenager, and it’s scary! It’s also exhausting because the girl can go on and on with her venting and I’m wondering how in the heck she has any energy left to focus on actual school work.
I still believe this is a great book to read! It’s helping me enormously.
avocado says
Thank you for sharing all the things you are learning! I had no idea this book contained any concrete parenting advice. I just downloaded it on my Kindle to read on my next trip.
You might also enjoy “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood” by Lisa Damour. It divides the process of growing up into seven different strands and explores developmental trajectories and parenting strategies along each strand.
Anon in NOVA says
Thanks for sharing! I’m raising a boy, and he’s only 6.5, but this is still very useful stuff to know!
I finally started “how to talk so kids will listen” this weekend after hearing about it here so many times!
dc anon says
My 2.5 year-old’s sleep routine is exhausting! it takes about 2 hours from bath, pajamas, snack and 2 books, brush teeth and potty, 2 more books and then she finally gets in the crib after many stalling techniques and cries for 1-2 minutes. The good part is that once its all done, she sleeps all night. Everything I’ve read (Weissbluth, sleep lady) says that the routine should take 30 minutes and kiddo should go to sleep by 7-30 or 8. I am thinking about introducing a chart with a list of all the things that need to be done at night to help speed things up or maybe a digital clock but I am not sure how to talk it up without just rushing her through. So, I am coming here, because I have learned my best parenting tricks here (thanks, Kat and hive, you’re like 3rd parents). Have you tried the chart of clock? How does it work?
mascot says
Can you adjust dinner time/volume so that she doesn’t need a snack? Set a timer for the bath so she’s not playing for 20 minutes and then not wanting to bathe. I also moved books to the end of the routine as a motivational tool. 30 minutes start to finish may be too short depending on how much potty time she needs.
Anonymama says
I also use stories (just before lights out) as motivation. If they delay too much on the rest of it then we won’t have as much time for stories, so we go from three leisurely to two short ones. I’d cut out the snack, move all the stories to the end, and have a specific time for lights out. And give an out loud rundown of the routine with emphasis on getting to the “fun” story time part (pajamas, brush teeth, and then you get to pick out two stories!) also I feel like having a hard end time helped motivate me to keep things moving along, which in turn helped get kid used to doing the bedtime routine pretty efficiently, rather then dawdling. A few nights of missing out on stories helped get them on board too (of course with a starting explanation to lay out the new routine and why).
EBMom says
I have not tried the chart or the clock. But I want to chime in on what works for us. First, my daughter likes to take a nice, relaxing bath each night. This adds some time to the routine, so our entire routine is about 45 minutes. I’ve read all those sleep books too and have decided to ignore the 30 minute rule–I don’t see how that can include a bath because just getting in and out of the tub and brushing teeth will take us about 15 or 20 minutes even if she is only in the tub itself for 5 minutes. Our routine works for us. So I think you can ignore the 30 minute rule or just have a 30 minute guideline after bathtime is over. Our routine is about 25 or 30 minutes after bathtime, so that sounds about right.
Second, I have read a study (I can try to find the link) that children went to sleep easier when their caregiver totally focuses on them during the bedtime routine and is not distracted or rushed. I think this is true, as it seems to apply to my daughter, During bedtime routine, I put my phone away, I do NOT look at the clock and make a specific effort not to feel rushed and just focus on her. This is not to say that she doesn’t try a million stalling tactics, but I keep things moving along with countdowns or reminders and consciously focus on not feeling rushed or stressed about the stalling. I think that looking at the clock could add stress to the routine that is not necessary.
Third, we have tweaked bedtime routine several times. We started a routine at 6 months, she is now 3. Returning from a trip is a good time to adjust things, since the routine has been “off” for the trip. Some examples of adjustments we made: she would not stop doing acrobatics in her bed during the last part of the routine, so we started leaving the room early (before songs were done) if she would not calm down and lie still. There was a screamfest the initial night we left, but after that she realized we were serious and only needs reminders now and again to lie down and be still. Another one was going from 3 books to 2 books to 1 book as her books became longer and she kept stalling on picking the book she wanted. She has a song she sings while picking the book, so that is part of the routine now and we had to drop something to make room for it. At some point, the diaper was replaced with a potty stop. The number of songs we sing has been reduced from 4 to 2 (again, to prevent stalling). We used to say 3 things we were grateful for at the end of the day, but now we only say 1, usually with more elaboration on why we are grateful for that thing. Again, the 3 things just presented too much opportunity for stalling. Bedtime routine has always been between 45 minutes and an hour, so we just had to make adjustments when things started to take longer from stalling tactics.
To wrap things up, my recommendation would be to consider the chart, but maybe not the clock, unless you can do a clock without it adding stress or rushing to the routine. Second, I would drop the number of books. Can she just have books once (1 or 2 books)? Also, if you shorten the routine, can you get rid of the snack? Also consider shortening the time she is in the tub if she is sitting for a good long while. It can be nice to end things while you are still enjoying them instead of waiting until you feel “done” with the activity. If she is really stalling on something, you may need to tackle that particular step. Like, if she won’t put on her pajamas, then give her a warning and just move on the to next step in the routine–ignore the ensuing meltdown and put her to bed without pajamas. If she is like my child, she will be sure to put the pajamas on the next night.
Hope this was helpful. I’ve always known it was time to adjust our routine when it would start taking more than an hour, so I can see why you might be looking to tweak things.
Anonymous says
My son is 4.5. I don’t even get home until 7ish, so we don’t have a lot of wiggle room at bedtime. Our routine is about 30 minutes but that does not include a bath. If we do a bath, that adds at least 15 minutes. We do a bath 1-2x per week, more in the summer when he is getting really dirty. When pressed for time I sometimes just wipe him down in the tub rather than filling it and letting him play. The biggest tip I have is to stop guaranteeing a set number of stories and use reading as a reward, the amount of time for which is determined by how fast other stuff goes. We do check potty, wash hands, brush teeth, put on PJs, and then read for however much time is left until bed time. This way I can say, if you don’t put on your PJs, we won’t have much time for stories. It helps some (not a magic bullet!). As your child gets older books get longer too–I’m looking at you Richard Scarry–and using the clock rather than the number of books allows you to read part of a longer story rather than always picking 3 short board books or something (not that I would ever do that, ahem). My son used to get mad about stopping in the middle of the book but when I started using a bookmark to mark our place he was mollified.
Mrs. Jones says
I suggest deleting some steps. Our 6 y-o son has had essentially the same routine for years: potty, brush teeth, shower or bath, pjs, read 3 books, turn on noise machine, kiss goodnight. It takes 30-40 min. My husband and I take turns with bedtime, which is awesome.
EB0220 says
Our routine was really long for a while, but it’s getting better. I made a chart when my oldest was 3. I took a picture of her doing each item (brush teeth, potty, etc.). Laminated the pictures and put velcro on the back of each. I put 2 strips of velcro onto a manila folder. Top is to do, bottom is done, and I let her pick what’s next. This has really improved things and now it takes 45 min start to finish (when they do bath/shower).
Anon says
Do you feel that you need the snack? If so, then I wouldn’t even really count the bedtime routine to start until that’s done. So, dinner, bath, and PJs are all before snack and just part of your day. (No reason PJs have to be part of bedtime – I change into lounge clothes the second I get home!) It doesn’t cut out any time this way, but the shift in mentality might help with the feeling that bedtime takes For.Ev.Er.
Our 3yo’s bedtime routine is: potty, brushing teeth, PJs, 2-3 books (depending on size of the books), then lights out. This usually takes us about 30 minutes. On the nights we do a bath (about 2X/week in the winter), that adds another 30 minutes or so on the front end with actual bath time and drying off and hair brushing, etc.
We do use a Time Timer (one of those countdown clocks) and give her 5 minutes of us staying with her with the lights out. Then she sets it again for at least 30 minutes (we let her set it) and that’s when we’ll come up and check on her. She’s usually asleep by then, but if not, we let her reset it for 30+ minutes again. They use this same timer in her school and instituting it as part of our routine has cut down the stall tactics almost entirely.
Walnut says
We only do bath time once or twice a week as needed and it is sometimes part of the supper routine more than bathtime routine. If we’re doing a bath, then we brush teeth during the bath. For books, I separate bedtime books from the rest of the collection and keep it to shorter books.
Pigpen's Mama says
Can you cut out some of the steps? I can’t see how all of that could get done in 30-45 minutes. Maybe baths not every day (of course, my kid’s O/N nickname IS Pigpen….)? We do showers with dad every other day usually — baths maybe once a week if things are busier in the mornings.
Or the snack and/or books in the bath if that’s possible?
Pigpen's Mama says
This was for dc anon, above…
Lands' End says
Any experience with Lands’ End pants for skinny almost 4 year olds? My son wears a 4T at Carter’s, Gap, etc. and a 100 at HA. He can even get by in a 5T from those brands. He really liked Lands’ Ends’ khakis (specifically the Iron Knee Cadet Pants) in the catalogue so I ordered a bunch. They are so big in the waist and so long. He’s the right height and weight for the 4T. The 4 regular is slightly bigger than the 4T so that’s not an option but he exceeds the weight range for the 4 slim. Do I try the 4 slim anyway? 3T? Do they shrink a ton? Can anyone point me in the direction of similar pants from another store? I guess I don’t have the time or energy for him to want clothes from a brand I’m not familiar with!
anon says
LE doesn’t shrink that much. The cadet pants worked well for my kid; the slims were pretty slim. I’d go with the waist measurement over the weight range. If they are too long, use iron-on hem tape to shorten them until he grows. Also, you might want to measure your kid’s inseam and call LE to see what the measurement is for various sizes. My son carries his length in his torso so we needed to size up in shirts before we needed to size up in pants/shorts.
Anonymous says
I really like H&M pants with the adjustable waistbands for my slim boy. Not sure if it’s because it’s a European brand but it’s cut much different than Carters.
Anon in NOVA says
Seconding. My son is very slim and the H&M pants with the adjustable waistband are fabulous.
Anon says
I exclusively BF my one year old and we are down to just the morning feed. I can’t decide whether to keep it for another 5 months or drop it and be done (benefits of dropping it are I can finally buy new bras and use my retinol again!). He wakes up at 5:45 and nurses then goes to daycare and they feed him breakfast at 8 am. I’m concerned if I drop the morning nursing session he is going to be hungry until breakfast. We can give him water pretty easily, but giving him food in the morning is going to add another 20 minutes and I don’t want to have to wake him up earlier than we already are. He’s starting a new daycare in 5 months, at which time we will start feeding him breakfast at home before he leaves. What would you do?
avocado says
Why not just give him a sippy cup of milk or toddler formula, whatever you usually give him, instead of nursing? That should take about the same amount of time and wouldn’t be much more difficult than giving him water.
AIMS says
I went in reverse from you, my last feed when I was weaning at that age was at bedtime but I just switched that to milk in a bottle. I think you could do that. You may also find that baby sleeps longer when nursing is out of the picture (mine did). And if you need an easy morning meal to tide him over and you don’t want to do milk, try a baby yogurt pouch. I get Stonyfield baby ones and it’s a quick and easy breakfast in a rush.
Anonymous says
+1
OP says
This is exactly why I posted here – I assumed there was an easy solution I was overlooking! A pouch plus sippy cup of milk would be perfect. He can suck those down in about 2 minutes and it would be the perfect amount to tide him over until breakfast.
Anonymous says
Total ancedata but all three of my babies self-weaned around 14-16 months. (one year mat leave, no pumping when back to work just nursed morning and evening). I’d give it another couple months and then decide.
Walnut says
What time do you drop off at daycare? I have snacks in my kiddo’s daycare basket that they can give him as a pre-breakfast snack.
avocado says
What exactly is a “wiggle dress”? “Maternity wiggle dress” is even more confusing.
Anonymous says
It should be called a waddle dress
Anonymous says
I have a weird one for you. For the past week out 2yo has been exhibiting some odd behavior. She hasn’t breastfed for over 1 year but has started to ask for it in the mornings, has been eating multiple crayons although she knows it is not food, and this morning we found her drinking the liquid soap. She’s got her full teeth and was never been into a “dummy” so this is all very new.
Is this just toddler being funny or is this pointing to something medical? Do we just wait and see if this goes away? I honestly have no idea!
Anonymous says
This is weird. I think I would ask the doctor just for peace of mind. (Also, is your soap delicious? Maybe she’s on to something!)
Anon in NYC says
Same.
rakma says
So my 2yo would bite/eat some weird things (Crayons, play dough) as an attempt to be silly–in full view of an adult, looking for a reaction. But something about the way you describle this, plus the asking to breastfeed, makes me think of pica, or some other vitamin deficiency. I’d say it’s definitely worth a doctor’s visit to be sure.
Pogo says
+1 Seems concerning that you found her eating weird stuff, not that she did it in front of you to show off/get a reaction.
My niece ate a light bulb (luckily plastic) off the tree at Christmas (2.5years), but she was definitely looking for a reaction. Her 5 five year brother then copied it once he noticed how frantic all the adults got, so that was fun. Which is just to say that kids do eat really weird stuff all the time.
Anon says
My husband ate part of a poinsettia at Christmas when he was a toddler. Yay for holiday trips to the hospital!
But yeah, take her to the doctor just to be on the safe side.
Pigpen's Mama says
Pica would have been my first (well second, because toddlers are weird) thought as well, so I’d say take her to the doctor just in case.
Anonymous says
Thank you! This is my intuition but my husband keeps talking me out of it.
Anonymous says
There are some vitamin deficiencies that manifest themselves by eating/craving non-food items. Pica? Or something – – this is definitely worth a trip to the doctor.
Anonymous says
Has she been eating well? Iron and zinc deficiencies are linked to pica behaviors. Definitely check it out with your ped. Keep a diary of sleeping/eating habits for a few days.
Butter says
The above discussion about bedtime routines for 3 year olds is really interesting. Can I hear some examples of 1-2 year old bedtime routines? I’m afraid we’re doing the exact same thing we’ve been doing since LO was 6 months old, but it’s probably time to mature the routine a little bit. Right now we don’t do songs and only get through ~1 book before nursing to sleep (which I need to stop, but it’s so easy to keep doing because.it.works.)
Anon says
Both my 4 yo and 18 month old have the same routine (I solo parent a lot and they share a room) but it takes about an hour to get both of them down since I do each one separately.
Bath together
Pajamas together
Brush teeth together
Read 2 books together – one each picks one out.
That takes about 30 min
Oldest either colors or watches 15 min of a cartoon in my bed.
I put youngest to bed with 3 songs and a prayer – 10 min.
Finish coloring/TV with oldest
Cuddle and talk about our days until youngest falls asleep – 5-10 min
Same 3 songs and prayer – 10 min
Go into room and tuck oldest into bed.
I need to combine this soon since youngest is starting to stay awake longer. Not sure how that’ll change it yet, but I’m hoping it shortens it a bit. We’ll see.
October says
The routine for our 19-mo-old is anywhere from 30-45 min depending on how late it is. My husband does most of it — bath, lotion, pajamas, brush teeth, and 2-3 books. Then I come up because I am also still nursing, but we only nurse for about 10 min then I put him to bed awake (we had to do a little ferbering to make that happen around 12 months).
My kid also goes to bed late — we start the routine anytime between 8:15 and 9 — so he’s definitely tired and ready for bath.
AnonAnon says
I didn’t make many changes to the bedtime routine until the wheels started coming off around 2.5. Then I moved the bedtime routine from the glider to her bed (fewer transitions), and set a hard limit on number of stories/songs (we do one book, 2 songs, gratefuls, and sometimes kiddo gets chatty about her day for 5-10 minutes).
Weaning was a big change in the bedtime routine, especially with a super active kiddo. We went from a calm, peaceful 15 minute routine to a very active, loud 30+ minute bedtime routine that required a lot of parental management. Forewarned is forearmed….
Butter says
Ha, this makes me want to keep our 15-minute non-routine for as long as possible!
Anon in NYC says
The routine for my 21 month old on most nights is dinner, pjs/brush teeth, read (2-4 books), and sing a song while we’re putting her to bed. On bath nights it’s dinner, bath + brush teeth in the tub (so much less of a fight!), read, song.
Walnut says
This is ours minus the song.
Anonymous says
I have 1 2yo and a 4 yo. We have been doing this same routine for two years
6PM eat dinner
7PM head upstairs for baths
Each child takes sep baths (in this foldable bath thing that is fast to fill up) while the other brushes their teeth
7:30 all three of us get into bed and mom reads a goodnight oriented story (ive found reading an interesting one prolongs bedtime)
7:35 take Kid2 out and put her into her own bed
Kids are sleeping by 7:45.
Now I know 7:45 is late to sleep (pls no judgey comments) but they wake up at about 6am and we are happy with this.
Anonymous says
If it makes you feel better my 4.5 year old goes to sleep at 8:30. I don’t think 7:30 is very late. Doesn’t Weissbluth advocate 7 pm as the platonic ideal of bedtime? You’re close enough. We used to do 7:30 until I started working 10-6, and we shifted everything later an hour. Shockingly, he just wakes up an hour later in the morning – between 7-7:30 am. He doesn’t nap either.
Anonymous says
This sounds amazing and cozy. Currently do separate story for older and younger ones but maybe I should combine.
October says
7:45 is not late. I mentioned above my kid goes to bed close to 9. He then sleeps til 8+ am, which works best for our family (no way are we waking up at 6 am on a Saturday!). Plus, it gives us time to play at night and helps us feel like we have quantity and quality family time during the week. As evidenced by all the sleep comments here, there is no one right system for sleep — whatever works for your kid and family.
Legally Brunette says
My kids are the same age and this is basically our schedule too. Sometimes I can get them in bed by 7:30 pm but not often.
dc anon says
my kid goes to bed at 9:30! you’re doing great!!
K. says
Same. 9-9:30 here with our two year old. She sleeps in until around 7:30 in the morning and we are happy with that (husband works from home and has more flexible work hours). Do what works for you as long as your kid is getting enough sleep!
Anon says
No judgment here — my 3.5yo doesn’t fall asleep until 9-9:30 most nights!
Running Numbers says
17 months. We drink some milk, brush teeth, take a bath, lotion, jammies. We then have a short routine where I walk around carrying him. We say goodnight to a few things, (the lamp, fake flowers in the hallway), then settle on the couch for a moment or two to watch pictures go by on one of those electronic frames. During the walk, I recite a book to him. He lands in bed right as the book is over and I walk out. Lately, he’s been fighting it a little bit but usually after a few minutes of protest he relaxes. This usually takes about 30 minutes, even with bath. Bath is every other night.
Something else that I think really helps – I start dimming and turning off lights about 15 minutes before we start our routine. I think it helps him ease into sleep. By the time we do our “walk” the only light on in the house is above the kitchen sink.
I love reading these, especially from those of you with 2 kids and solo parenting duties… that’s me in 6 months!
AwayEmily says
We do the same routine — a “walk-around,” as we call it, that includes goodnights to everything. “Goodnight, cookbooks. Goodnight, couch. Goodnight, old moldy bottle warmer that we really need to throw out. Goodnight, sink full of dishes.”
Butter says
Love the “goodnight” walk! Going to start this this week. Seems easier than sitting to read a book at this age.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, maybe my 11-month old is especially bad at focusing (lord knows I am) but there is no way she sits still for an entire book unless it’s one with a LOT of exciting animal noises, which kind of defeats the purpose of a soothing bedtime read.
Running Numbers says
You got it! That’s why the walking around started. Once he started getting more mobile, there was no sitting for books. That’s a routine I always thought we would have so I figure telling him a book is better than nothing.
Anonymous says
Why do you need to stop nursing to sleep? It’s easy and it works. At that age we did dinner, bath with teethbrush, pjs, story, song, nurse to sleep. (Pretty much exactly per Daniel Tiger ;) although I only realized that later on). Same routine at 2.5 except bottle and cuddled to sleep instead of nursing (yes I know they’re supposed to drop bottles by now but I’m not too worried).
Butter says
That’s true. I think I feel bad because we haven’t really figured out a good tooth brushing routine, so I’m just displacing anxiety – like we’ll figure it out as soon as I stop nursing to sleep…there’s always something around the corner, right?
Anonymous says
What about brushing teeth while baby is in the bath or just after they get out?
There’s not really any evidence that nursing to sleep causes cavities in case that’s your concern: http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbsepoct02p164.html
Anonymous says
This is us, too (although with bottle, not nursing). With a bottle, DS falls asleep after a couple ounces and a few minutes. Now that he has 8 teeth (and more on the way), I’m getting worried about the tooth brush thing.
Anon says
Mine are 3.5 and 8 mos.
Dinner 5:30-6:15 (baby gets a bottle around 5)
Bath 6:45-7:00/7:15 (together); teeth are brushed while in the tub. Older pees before or after bath.
Older one puts on her own pjs “racing” me as I put the baby in PJs
Older one picks one Big Kid Book and one board bookz. We read the board book together in Older’s room.
If Husband is home, he does the second book with oldest, kiss goodnight, sip of water and done.
If I’m solo, older looks at her book while I put baby down (nurse, put in crib awake) OR baby and I do the second story and tuck the older one in. Depends on how fussy each of the kids happens to be.
Edna Mazur says
We have more time, so that may help (we are all home from 4:30ish normally and the kiddos don’t go to bed until 9).
Baths aren’t every night. Pajamas happen more organically (usually after dinner when the clothes get messy). But we simply say “OK bedtime”, potty, two year old lays in bed, we read one children’s bible story, prayers, kisses and “I love yous”, turn out the lights and done. Consistent, but only takes about ten minutes.
HSAL says
Almost 17 months – we do dinner around 6, a little play time after, then we head upstairs (once or twice a week we do a bath). Change into pjs, brush her teeth for the length of the song we made up about it, then one or two books, stick her in the crib, and leave. 90% of the time we’re out the door between 6:45 and 7:00. She sometimes tosses and turns for awhile, but she’s usually asleep by 7:15.
Anon in NOVA says
I would totally wear this maternity dress to the office with a dark blazer if I was pregnant. And if I could wear shift dresses well. But I don’t think the print is a problem. I also think you can get away with a bit more in terms of “fun” clothing when you’re pregnant.
Food delivery for new mom? says
I know this has been covered ad nauseam, but I can’t quite find what I’m looking for. I’d like to order food for a new mom/family (baby just born) in Providence, RI (I’m across the country and unfortunately can’t bring anything in person).
I’d like to send something that would be delicious and easy for dinner (rather than snacks or sweet things). No dairy. For DC area families, my go-to was getting unbaked pasties sent from the Pure Pasty Co….I’d like the equivalent!
Thanks in advance.
Em says
Right after my son was born my husband’s work sent a huge meat and cheese tray with a large fruit platter and a large veggie platter and it was THE GREATEST. We were able to make healthyish meals out of it and we also grazed off of it for four days.
Pogo says
I sent a general gift card (you can do it electronically through giftly dot com) and just told the new parents to use it on takeout. The feedback I got was that it was useful. I got the idea because someone did the same for my mom after a surgery.
Otherwise I don’t have specific recommendations for Providence area, unfortunately.
Anon in NOVA says
is there a grocery delivery service (peapod, etc.) that serves their area that you could get them a gift card to? Or even use it yourself to send them some easy frozen meals?
ElisaR says
Somebody gifted us food from honey baked ham and it arrived frozen – we grazed on it for 3 months or so (there was a ham, turkey, dessert, green beans, mac and cheese)….. my favorite was the cheesecake sampler they sent. that did not last 3 months.
Meg says
Kinda cheesy, but I have sent (and received) edible arrangements to new parents. Fresh fruit, already cut up. Maybe with some chocolate. Brilliant!
Back to work says
Looking for advice on logistical aspects of leaving b-milk for my baby when I return to work. He’ll be 7 weeks and is a voracious eater. So far we’ve been practicing with 3 ounce bottles in the morning, which he downs with minimal spit up and sometimes still wants more after. I’ll be leaving him with a family member for a few months and will be starting with a 9-5 schedule — hopefully nursing at lunch until he’s 3 months. I’ve seen the calculators on dividing on total amount they need with hours you’re away from baby. Just not quite sure how to make sure he gets what he needs with minimal waste of the precious product… So any words of wisdom are appreciated!
Anonymous says
Kelly Mom has a really good article on how to bottlefeed a breastfed baby – so that the caregiver doesn’t use up more milk than needed: http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/
And I used this article (also from Kelly Mom) to figure out how much BM to leave:
http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/pumping/milkcalc/
I froze milk with 2-3 oz in each bag. Fresh milk is good in the refrigerator for a week I think?
Em says
Assuming you are nursing him right before you leave (at 9 am) and again over lunch (so around noon), I would leave a 3 oz bottle for the 3 pm feeding, and then a couple of 1 oz bags of frozen milk that your caregiver can warm up if he still seems hungry. You probably want to leave explicit instructions with the caregiver about how much to give and when to give more (and if you want them to hold off giving him more milk if he seems hungry before 5 so you can nurse him when you get there), and also make sure they understand how to store/thaw BM properly so they aren’t wasting any.
Anon in NYC says
Assuming a 1-hour commute, if you nurse at around 8am, nurse again at noon, and then again at 6pm, I would plan to leave 2 bottles. BM can sit in the fridge for 6 or 7 days, so I wouldn’t be concerned about it going to waste if he doesn’t eat both bottles. I would also have small bags of frozen milk (1-2 oz) if he needs more food. Keep in mind that your son will likely go through a growth spurt at about 8 weeks and again at about 12 weeks, so will want to eat more. My daughter seemed to hit those growth spurts about a week earlier than the standard timeline, so you might want to have a little extra in the freezer.
rakma says
So since defrosted BM has to be used up with in 24 hours, but BM that hasn’t been frozen is good in the fridge for about a week, I leave most of what I pump in the fridge until it’s approaching the end of it’s ‘shelf life’ then freeze it. This way we’re not defrosting milk that won’t be eaten.
Make sure the people feeding your baby are familiar with paced feeding. And I’d suggest the slowest flow nipple you can find that doesn’t frustrate you baby.
My first baby ate less during the day then the calculators would suggest–she made up for it overnight. My second seems quite happy with bottles during the day. She nurses when she wakes up (around 6 or 7am) has 3-4 bottles while I’m at work (8:30 to 5:30 with commuting time) and then nurses when I’m home. With a lunch time feeding, I’d still figure 2-3 bottles a day at first, and adjust based on what baby eats.
One more thought: my babies were always hungriest in the morning. That’s when they’ll add an extra bottle if they’re in a growth spurt, or want to nurse more before I go. If the speed of that first bottle is worrying you in regards to amounts, you might want to try an evening practice bottle and see if baby is still as voracious.
Anon says
This is what I did. Started Monday with defrosted milk, then used Mon’s pumping for Tues’s bottles, and on through the week. Then I froze whatever was left on Friday (which was usually a day’s worth plus an extra bottle or so).
My kids were in daycare from 8am-5pm so from 10 weeks to ~5 months, I sent 4 3oz bottles. Then I increased to 4 4oz bottles, and stayed there until a year. That 4th bottle was rarely needed, so I just reused it the next day and just made sure to label it to be used first. Using fresh milk most of the week means it didn’t go bad even if it waited til the next morning to be eaten, which was key to not wasting anything.
AIMS says
I left 3 bottles for a typical day and pumped at work 3 times when I went back to work. I didn’t come back at lunch, but I did nurse right before I left. I think most of the bottles started off being 3.5-4 oz, but I went back to work when baby was 4 months old. At 7 weeks, she probably ate about 3 oz. About a week or week and a half before going back I pumped once, sometimes twice, a day when baby was asleep (usually during her morning nap and about an hour or two after her evening feeding, before I went to bed myself) and froze that milk. That got me my emergency stash of about a week+ worth of bottles. I made a few little “extra” baggies of just 1 oz. Those will be helpful if he just wanted a “little extra” and such a small amount will defrost very quickly in warm water so you don’t need to take it out ahead of time.
After that first day, I just used what I pumped each day for the next day, except for Friday when I froze it for Monday. Anything extra went into the freezer. FWIW, I panicked a lot over not having a bigger “stash” but what I had ended up being plenty.
Formula? says
Without getting into an unnecessary debate on BF vs. formula… I would love to hear from any of you in a similar or same boat. I EBF my first and we had a successful experience but I stopped earlier than I would have wanted for various reasons. I’m pregnant with my second and I don’t want to go that route again. I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt about BF with the first but not the second, but the more I think about it, I feel a lot more peace imagining just formula feeding from the start.
My question is for any of you who chose to formula feed from the start, what resources did you use? Did you find helpful healthcare professionals? The hospital where I’ll deliver now has the designation of being Baby Friendly, which it did not when my first was born. This means that they promote EBF. This was wonderful the first time around, but I’m worried about receiving guidance this second time around. I know how to do the EBF thing… I know nothing about formula from the start. I feel like a rebel and not in a good way. I’m making the decision that’s best for me and my family, but already I’m being inundated with the BF question every time I’m at the OB.
Ideally, I’d love to nurse on and off in the hospital so that Baby gets some, but I also want to do the bottle right away. I’m afraid this perspective will be seen as wishy-washy and that I’ll get nothing but BF propaganda. I feel like I have to say I’m just going to formula feed.
Experience with this? What internet resources did you use if you formula or combo fed from the beginning?
Thank you!
AIMS says
FWIW, my hospital and doctor were both very pro-BF and yet when the baby was taken to the nursery they asked me if I wanted to have her get formula if she was hungry and there was even a thing to fill out that said “yes/no” and bring her back at X time. No judgment in either direction.
Running Numbers says
That’s lovely! All the hospitals in my area now require mom to sign a waiver if there’s formula involved stating that we know EBF is best… UGH!
Anon in NOVA says
fedisbest.org has resources for developing a “feeding plan”, similar to a birth plan. It walks you through the things to think about etc. I would find this very helpful if I were in your shoes. As you know from having done it before, there’s so much going on in the hospital that it’s hard to anticipate everything without a guide. I don’t remember how I stumbled across it (I think maybe someone posted it on facebook?)
Also, I’ve always assumed that a doula would be someone who would heavily push EBF, but I wonder if you could find one who would help advocate for you in this regard? I don’t know much about them, but it’s just a thought.
Don’t feel guilty. You know what’s best for you and your family, and how you will bond with your child the best.
Anon in NOVA says
PS I really don’t know much about this organization other than I saw they have a feeding plan document as a resource for parents. If it turns out they strangle puppies or something I apologize, everyone
Anonymous says
I EBF my first and combo fed my second (low supply). Since you’re thinking about combo feeding – I would just nurse at the hospital so baby gets colostrum and you can avoid hassles with staff. I wouldn’t bother with bringing bottles etc to the hospital, just introduce when you get home within the first week.
On going to 100% formula vs. combo, one of the reasons I stuck with combo was because my oldest was constantly bringing home colds from daycare to share with the family – baby was 3 weeks old when he got his first cold. By comparison, my oldest was 9 months old before she caught a cold. I kept nursing in hopes that the antibodies would ease the cold symptoms a bit which is about all you can do for newborns with colds. Upside of being sick so often as a baby is that #2 is hardly ever sick now.
Whatever you decide, baby will be fine.
Formula? says
Hello, myself. That’s exactly what I’m thinking. I want baby to get the colostrum and the protection from illness was one of my major motivating factors to BF with my first. Just going with the program in the hospital and doing the bottles at home makes a lot of sense. My head makes a much bigger deal out of some things than needed.
Anonymous says
I forgot to mention above, but another reason to just go with the flow at hospital and BF at first is that, in my experience, if you’re already a mom and with BF experience, the staff basically leave you alone (in a good way) compared to first baby/first time BF when it seems like they’re constantly checking to see how things are going.
There’s also no ‘right’ combination – I started at 75% BM, 25% formula, spent a long time at 50-50, and ended up around 25- 75 for a while – just nursed before bed and first thing in the morning with no pumping at the end. Never pumped at work at all. Rarely pumped at home unless it was mid-way through a longer break (like 12 hours ‘off’ when DH got up with baby on Friday night/Saturday mornings)
RR says
I tried BFing with my first (twins), and I hated everything about it. It was just not for me. Physically, it was hard; I never made much milk. Mentally, I HATED it. So I stopped around 4 weeks. With my third, I formula fed from the start. I didn’t have much issue. I just told people my intention. The hospital provided formula, I declined a visit from the lactation consultant, and no one tried to make me feel bad or change my mind. My pediatrician didn’t guilt trip me and provided me with all sorts of samples. The thing about formula is that you don’t really need a lot of guidance. They are likely to give you the little single-serve bottles in the hospital, and they provide some guidance about what to expect regarding quantities. You keep track of ounces, at least at the beginning. Otherwise, there’s really nothing to it. Mix according to package directions, or put a n!pple on the pre-mixed bottle, and feed baby.
Just state your intentions and proceed. No one needs to sign off or agree. Decline to listen to anyone else’s opinions.
My one tip: the pre-made formula is awesome if you want to spend the money on it, but the generic powder (like Target brand) worked great for my twins and was much cheaper. My youngest needed hypoallergenic formula, so pre-made or generic weren’t options.
RR says
I really like the book Baby 411 for practical advice on all things baby, and it has some good information on formula feeding.
Anon in NOVA says
Back in my day (appx 7 years ago) they had pre-mixed formula in large bottles. I think the individual ones were relatively new? Anyway, this was cheaper than the individual bottles but was still pre-mixed, which was nice. You do have to refrigerate after opening though which is a pain in the hospital I’d imagine.
RR says
They do still have these! But the hospital gave us little 4 oz. bottles.
Formula? says
This all just sounds so amazing! I skipped out of the pediatrician’s office the day I told them I was done with EBF and got their support. Literally skipped. It is one of the most prominent memories I have of my son’s babyhood and we had everything “easy” as far as BF goes. How’s that for a sign that I should not take that on again? :)
RR says
Skipping is probably a decent sign of what your heart really wants. :)
Anonymous says
I combo-fed from the beginning due to an undiagnosed tongue-tie (so my son couldn’t latch until we had it fixed about 6 weeks after birth…and at that point he had gotten used to the bottle). I talked to my doctor about how much to feed (formula vs. BM) and got a chart from our sleep specialist that was really helpful. Overall I found that the BF sites were so BF-friendly that they didn’t provide any info at all about combo feeding, and the formula sites were trying so hard to push their product, that my doctor was the only objective source I had for info.
Overall, I had a great experience, though I have a thick skin and I’m good at blocking out the haters (and be prepared, there are LOTS and LOTS of haters!). Finding a supportive pediatrician is key, I think, because if you can’t count on your doctor to support your decisions, that whole experience is going to be miserable. Also, keep in mind that many of us in the 30-40 years old range were exclusively formula fed (because that was the thing back then!) and we all turned out fine. Finally, I pumped for 3 months and I rented a hospital grade pump which was a lifesaver – I can’t tell whether you’re thinking about pumping or not, so thought I’d add that.
Formula? says
You are so correct. I was formula fed, my husband was formula fed, our siblings were formula fed. We’re all doing just fine last time I checked.
Formula? says
And no… the pump is a huge reason I’m not doing this again. I cannot hear that chug-chug, chug-chug sound again.
Lurker says
You might get asked a lot if you are BF and given literature about it even though you have made your decision. That is because of certain federal guidelines if your facility receives federal funding. I am on the board of such a facility and the docs there are required to educate patients every visit about quitting smoking, losing weight and breast feeding among others. Their chart’s produce statistics and they need to have x amount compliance (compliance being measured at whether they have educated, not whether the patients comply I believe). Our docs usually explain to the patient “I know you made your decision and I support it. It is the best choice for you. Because we receive federal funding, I’m required to give you this literature though. It’s okay if you just throw it out when you leave here.”
Anonymous says
By the way, I delivered at a BF-friendly hospital but was forced by my pediatrician to formula feed because my son was losing so much weight (due to the tongue-tie issue mentioned above). I was fine with it, but I didn’t experience a lot of the judgment at the hospital that others have mentioned (that all came afterward online). Get as much free formula as you can – the hospital had those great 2 oz. ready-made bottles and due to our son’s inability to latch, the nurses sent home a whole bunch of them with us (which saved us a ton of $$). We also ended up buying a whole bunch after we got home (and more in the 8 oz. size) because my husband is lazy – though they’re really really nice to throw in the diaper bag, don’t have to worry about mixing formula, or keeping it refrigerated.
bluefield says
I formula feed from birth, by choice. The hospital had tons of formula available for me (I delivered at a major NYC hospital). The thing about formula is that it is so easy. There is no preparation necessary. You just pop the nipple on the bottle and stick the nipple in the baby’s mouth. The only thing you should be aware of is that newborns only need teeny bits of milk, so do not let the newborn eat more than an ounce at a time. I cannot think of a single other thing you need to know.
I don’t think the nurse cared one way or the other the way I fed my baby. I asked for formula, they gave me a supply, and left me to my own devices.
If you want some reassurance, formula feeding is amazing. You want to go out for a few hours and let your husband take care of the infant? Fine. You want to go away for the weekend and let your mother take care of the baby? No problem. You want to sleep all night and let your partner do the feedings? Great. Formula feeding frees you to do all these things.
You can also read “Lactivism,” which gives you a clear-eyed look at the actual (vs. touted) benefits of breastfeeding.
Formula? says
I didn’t think I needed to read it but I am so encouraged by reading the comments here that I will be downloading it tonight! Thank you!
CPA Lady says
I EBFed for about 5 weeks and then started combo feeding by choice (had zero issues BFing, just didn’t want to have to pump at work). I had planned to switch 100% to formula by the end of my 12 week maternity leave, but ended up liking BF-ing and combo fed until 6 months (never pumped), at which point I switched 100% to formula. Would do the same again if I had it to do over. It was great and easy and the formula made me love nursing.
If you deliver v&ginally, you’ll only be in the hospital a day or two. So it’s not like nursing during that time will keep your baby from learning how to use a bottle a couple days later if you just don’t want to deal with talking about this with doctors, etc. If you do want to bring it up, I find that when you state what you’re doing confidently and non-defensively, people will generally respect that, especially since you’ve had kids before.
I had this whole dramatic speech worked up in my head about what I was going to say if anyone ever said anything to me about formula feeding my baby. I never had to use it. There were NOT lots and lots of haters in my life! No one ever said one single thing negative to me (at least not to my face) the entire time. I was pleasantly surprised. I even made my daughter bottles in public… such a rebel!
Formula? says
You are so right. I have very dramatic speeches in my head for formula feeding and for elective c-section. I was very pro-natural birth the first time around, but it didn’t happen and I have no interest in a VBAC for a number of reasons. I’ve used my c-section speech once. Maybe people are slowly learning these things aren’t their business? On the other hand, I have been asked numerous times if this pregnancy was planned so maybe not…
Walnut says
My first kiddo was teeny tiny when he was born and I wasn’t 100% on the EBF train. My doctor indicated that they would be watching his weight closely and possibly transferring him to the NICU, so I asked the nurse for a bottle and formula fed from the start. My pediatrician gave me metrics for how much formula he would need, but advised we could feed him as much as he wanted.
I pumped at home for the first two months and would alternate BM with formula, but I don’t even know that I will bother to pump with my upcoming kiddo. FWIW, one of my favorite photos of my first kiddo is one of him and my husband snuggling on the couch during one of his feedings. Feeding a newborn was great bonding for me and I am so happy my husband could participate in that.
Anon says
We switched to combo at at 4 weeks and 100 percent formula at 8 weeks. Other than o e question from the pediatrician about if I wanted more support of BF, we never got a single negative comment or pressure from anyone. Not one. I did a lot of googling because we had no idea how much formula was appropriate, and just called the pediatrician a bunch of times. I will say that the internets and doctor both said “on demand but never more than 32 oz in one day,” and it wasn’t possible for us to do both of those things, even when we usually tried to interpret crying as tiredness rather than hunger. Baby gained went from 50th percentile weight (on a 99th percentile length body) to 90th within two months of starting solids, we realized she’d probably been hungry a long time, and I resolved to be less by the books about amount of formula if we formula feed again next time.
anon says
Just another vote of support. I have 3 kids. With my first I tried to BF, but had very low supply, gave up after a couple of weeks and felt very guilty. With my second, I was convinced I could BF longer if I stuck to it. I pumped from day 1 and did everything I could to BF my second longer. I succeeded in that I lasted about 5-6 months, with some supplementing. But it was torture for everyone – our only memory of his babyhood is how much he cried. With our 3rd, my husband made me promise I wouldn’t put us through that again. And, I have seen that BF or not has not had any impact on #1 and #2. So, I EBF in the hospital (I was only there 1 night), and for the first week or so at home, but when baby started seeming unsatisfied after nursing, I started supplementing and it didn’t take long till I was exclusively formula feeding. My doctor was ok with it (I didn’t ask, but just told her that we switched to formula) and I just ignored everyone’s questions/comments and did what worked for us. Good luck with your choice and I hope it helps to know you are not the only one.
Pumping feeeeeelings says
Baby feeding is the theme today! I’ve been struggling with pumping enough to feed my son (4.5 months). This weekend on a trip with my husband, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I was able to pump, and thinking that the steps I’ve been taking to boost my supply must be working- but back at work today, I went from 4 oz from the first pump (a power pump to try to jump start my supply for the week) to exactly zero ounces at lunch- seriously, I just got drops. Now I just want to cry. All the equipment seemed to be working fine, and I’ve done power pumps before and always gotten at least 2-3 at the next pump.
I rationally know formula is fine. But I am now on a guilt spiral. Was it cause I was relaxed this weekend and not expecting much, my body decided to surprise me? Is it because I was anxiously starting at the empty bottles and wondering what was going wrong? I guess I’m just looking for commiseration. Is this even worth it?
Anonymous says
Hugs. It’s worth it and even if you decide to stop pumping at work or pump less often, you can still nurse. I used to watch tv shows on my ipad a lot when I pumped. I could never work through pumping like many women – just needed to distract myself totally. Being at work made me too tense to produce much but a few episodes of Arrested Development were a great distraction. It’s like once ‘work’ mode clicked on, the ‘mommy’ mode went off and I needed to switch off ‘work mode’ to get any decent production.
And formula is fine, baby will be fine, you will be fine but don’t let a couple bad pumping sessions make the decision for you.
NewMomAnon says
So you were traveling over the weekend, and had a drop in supply when you returned? Were you away from baby over the weekend too? That could be a cause of the drop. Also, dehydration from traveling, stress from traveling, lower quality sleep while traveling….
In short, I’d drink a boatload of water, get some good sleep tonight, and take tomorrow as a new day.
Is it worth it? I dunno….by the end of my pumping “career,” I had come to realize that there was almost no evidence regarding pumped milk, it was all in terms of b*feeding vs formula. And that pumping took a lot of time that I probably would have rather spent being with my kiddo. And that the b*feeding hormones made me super crazy. But for some reason, I think I’d do it all over again anyway. Totally not rational.
Pumping feeeeeelings says
I guess the “is it worth it” is really weighing on my mind these days. The angst I feel over am I pumping enough, trying to structure my workday around pumpings, is he eating enough, am I doing it right, etc. I read Hanna Rosin’s “the Case Against Breastfeeding” Atlantic article, and I thought it was really good food for thought. I think I’ve really internalized the “breastmilk only, no matter what the cost” pressure, and I can’t really let go of that. I feel so guilty being away from him all day and it’s like I want to tell myself at least he is getting some benefits of being with me through the milk he’s drinking, if that makes sense.
bluefield says
The book “Lactivism” (which expands on Hanna Roisin’s column) had a really good point on your last sentence. The writer notes that somehow as a society we’ve turned away from promoting breastfeeding to promoting breastmilk, and she opines it’s because as a society we’re not willing to do what it takes – long, paid maternity leaves – to have women actually be able to breastfeed. Instead of actually having policies that allow women to breastfeed, women are handed a pump and told, “Here is a pump, it’s your problem now.”
Just some food for thought.
NewMomAnon says
Gosh, I love you for posting this. Thank you.
bluefield says
@NewMomAnon: the author actually looks specifically at how NYC formulated its “breastmilk is best” campaign and the person who did the campaign acknowledged that the reason the slogan used “breastmilk” and not “breastfeeding” is because US labor policies were not at the point where promoting extended breastfeeding is feasible.
NewMomAnon says
I completely understand – being a new mom is a vulnerable place, you feel so helpless in a lot of instances (and way too powerful in some), and producing milk is a way to feel like you’re doing the “best thing,” or at least something. But….there isn’t any research that pumped breastmilk is better than formula (at least, none that I found while I was pumping, which was admittedly a few years ago). There was a lot of info about benefits of milk direct from breast, but pumping doesn’t give you skin to skin with your baby, or antibody exchange, or even the time of day nutritional nuances of night versus morning versus evening milk.
Part of me wonders if in 30 years, we’ll be regaling our daughters with stories of how all the working women tried to pump for a YEAR after having a baby, and isn’t that hilarious and inefficient! And in 80 years, there will be pumps in the American History Museum with captions about these bizarre torture devices that turn-of-the-century women strapped onto themselves three times a day.
anon says
I was the person who posted about how “breast is best” was a tool of the patriarchy on the postsecret post this weekend. I think the expectations placed on women combined with the complete lack of support to achieve them is the absolute worst.
Anon in NOVA says
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I tried EBF, then pumping, then switched to formula. I was actually producing too much milk and it was constantly miserable. I realized that I was spending so much time pumping and then bottle feeding that I was losing time with my baby. Once I switched to formula, I felt much more bonded, because I could just pour it into a bottle and feed him and enjoy it. It didn’t have to be a miserable, painful production. Whatever you land on, everything will be fine.
Frozen Peach says
I was where you are after some major PPD-obsessing over BREASTMILK ONLY OMFGGHHHHH.
First we introduced formula and I kept pumping, which instantly improved my supply because less stress.
Then I quit pumping at work at around 11 mos and nursed for about 9 months morning/night/on demand. No supply issues, but also not really for food purposes– more comfort/bonding.
Last time I checked (almost a year later), one boob was still producing a bit, one has stopped.
Nursing while not pumping was THE BEST part of the whole experience, including at the very beginning. I started to understand how it could be genuinely enjoyable. And now sometimes my almost 2 year old wants to snuggle in my lap and drink her milk from a sippy spooned up to me, so I like to think that the comfort benefits carry on.
CPA Lady says
Dark Side Kermit, reporting for duty.
It’s worth it for some people. It was not worth it for me. As I mentioned above, I never even tried. You don’t have to either. You can just say “I’ve done enough”, start combo feeding or quit entirely, and cry with sweet exhausted relief.
The liquid your kid drinks for the first few months of his life has basically no bearing on who is is going to be as a person or what kind of relationship you are going to have. You have years and years together and many ways and opportunities to show him how much you love him. You will feed him snacks, listen to his stories, read books together, bake cookies, play games in the yard, take him to school, make sure he has clean socks, sign him up for oboe lessons (or whatever the kids are doing these days), put a bandaid on his skinned knee, help him with his college applications. All of that is so much more important than torturing yourself over formula vs milk. This seems so big right now because it’s the main thing you’ve got going on. But there is so much more to come and so many wonderful opportunities to show your son how much you love him that dont involve torturing yourself. If you need permission to quit pumping (or nursing in general), this internet stranger is offering that to you.
There are lots of light side kermits on this s i t e that can help you with suggestions and encouragement if you decide to keep going, but this dark side kermit says it might not be worth it and its okay to quit.
Formula? says
I’m Formula? from above and CPA Lady is oh so right. This is a huge deal when you’re in it and I feel for you because I felt so much the same the first time around. Formula was what my whole family and I needed when my son was 4 months… he continued to thrive and I finally started thriving.
Anonymous says
Don’t forget that oxytocin drives breast milk production. So if you want to BF, quit feeling guilty. Start making one formula bottle a day a GOAL and high five yourself for it. Also org@$ms = milk. SO your weekend with hubby is going to be a way bigger haul than sitting at your desk at work.
So…more weekends away! And spa treatments!
AwayEmily says
I think a lot of this is also about control. There is SO MUCH about having a baby that is scary and unknown and out of your control, that (especially for type-A-ish people like a lot of us are) breastfeeding feels like the One Thing you can totally control, even more so because it lends itself to a lot of quantification (ounces pumped, etc). And so then when you can’t control that, it’s even more frustrating, because you’ve transferred so much of your general anxiety about having a kid into the single issue of Can I Produce Enough Milk.
Or at least, that’s how it often felt to me. I don’t really have an answer. Eventually I started feeling more in control of other stuff (sleep got more predictable, she was gaining weight okay) and that was the point at which introducing formula felt more “okay.”
And I say all this as someone who is not particularly pro-breastfeeding (I think the medical benefits are vastly exaggerated), and whose family/friends could care less how I fed the baby. And yet I *still* managed to make myself feel guilty about it.
Pumping feeeeeelings says
Thank you, I think this is exactly how I feel. I rationally know that this is not THAT BIG OF A DEAL. And yet, somehow it is, because it’s really the only thing my baby has going on right now. I very much appreciate this community! It’s really helpful hearing so many different perspectives, and I appreciate the support no matter what I choose.
Butter says
For me I really think there was something deeply hormonal or chemical that got me addicted to breastfeeding in the beginning and made me stick with it. I’m pro-formula, and think that breastfeeding is one of the biggest things preventing equal parenting. It takes root at the beginning and has a hundred repercussions that prevent a mother from taking back control of her body after birth. I was ambivalent about breastfeeding personally – thought I’d give it a shot and if it worked, great, and if it didn’t, awesome. But then I had the kiddo, and became obsessed. A level of obsession I can only compare to when I was training for a marathon – except with the marathon you only train for ~12-16 weeks, several hours a day. Breastfeeding is more hours a day ;) I fought tooth and nail to make it work, while not even really understanding why it was so important to me. And in the end, it did. We are still going strong one year later. And I agree that breastfeeding without pumping is living the dream.
So for me it was worth it, but I think this is so deeply personal, and no one can tell someone else what they should do. You could feel the way you feel for a hundred reasons – some of them rational, some irrational, but all important to you. Imagine if you stopped today and how you’d feel two weeks from now. Walk through your morning, your day, your week without it. How do you feel? because this really is about you. And know that whatever you decide, know that you’re making the best choice for your kiddo.
anon says
I’m having hard-core mom guilt today. The parental invites at my son’s elementary school are hitting fever pitch. At least once a week, parents are encouraged to attend a special book parade, or story time, or very minor musical performance. I am all about being at the major stuff, but these activities are literally 20 minutes long in the middle of the work day. I’m disappointed and upset. My son is 7 and he’s been begging and pleading me to come to everything because he sees his friends’ parents there. I’d love to, but I work 25 minutes from our neighborhood school and so does my husband. Unless one of us has a WAH day, logistically it’s just not feasible. My heart breaks every time I have to tell my first grader that we can’t be there because we work during the day. He gets upset, which makes me upset.
Some of these events are borderline ridiculous and I’m so tired of the school hyping up the kids, knowing that 50% of the families at our school can’t have a parent there between 9:50 and 10:20 a.m. One of my neighbors texted me a photo of my son from the Dr. Seuss parade last week. Instead of feeling grateful that she was looking out for him, I just felt like total c r a p that I wasn’t there myself. (Frankly, she’s the type of SAHM to judge others for missing stuff, so it felt more passive-aggressive than caring.) I know I support my son’s education in many other ways, but I feel so isolated as a working mom sometimes. I hate that my kid might be feeling unsupported because he has two full-time working parents. That whole idea that it magically becomes easier when kids are in school is total BS, I’m sorry to say.
NewMomAnon says
I feel like this is one where the school can’t win – they were probably getting a lot of requests from SAH parents for ways to participate in the school day, and now it’s backfiring on working parents.
One thought: does the teacher come up with these things in advance? Can she give you a monthly calendar of parent-invited events? If so, have your kid pick one that is really important. You and your husband can trade off attending that monthly event.
And make sure you’re telling your kid what you love about your work. If he knows why you go to work, and that you’re not just sitting on a couch eating donuts all day, it may make the school events you attend seem “special” instead of like entitlements.
Anon in NOVA says
I second the suggestion to ask for it in advance. In mye xperience the answer is no, they don’t have it planned out in advance. BUT it’s a useful (aka passive aggressive, whatever) way to get the issue on their radar. If you mention you’re asking because you have limited leave at work and want to prioritize getting to stuff and plan accordingly, it’ll put the issue on their radar.
anon says
I find out about most of these events in the school newsletter, not the teacher. They do try to give advance notice, but when it’s a constant parade of events (and I mean that literally), it’s hard to tell what’s important and what’s not.
mascot says
Have you talked to the teachers about who really comes to what? The kids see the same SAH parents there, but the teachers can reassure you that most of the parents aren’t actually coming to these things. Or, can they move some of the activities to the beginning of the day? Examples- our school does the annual halloween costume parade first thing in the morning so parents can snap pictures after drop off and then get to work. They also have mystery readers for the class, but we were told that they can flex the schedule on certain days of the week to accommodate working parents who may not be able to come at 2pm or whatever. Otherwise, we skip the vast majority of things. Those that we do attend seem to fill my son’s cup and he doesn’t ask too often thankfully.
anon says
The problem is that our school day doesn’t start until 9 a.m. DH and I get to work between 7:30-8:00. I could ask about the end of the day, though. I hate to be that entitled parent who thinks the school day should revolve around them but there has been a certain amount of tone-deafness at this particular school. DS attended a different school last year, with a different start time, and it was a lot less burdensome.
Anonymous says
Can you ask them to time any special events close to lunch time at least once a month? You or DH could attend if you took a long lunch. You could go to the event one month and DH the next.
Betty says
This sounds like the school my son attends. It feels like once a week they have some “event” at the school: help decorate pumpkins at 10:30 on a Friday!, Kindergarten Winterfest at 10am on a Thursday, etc. I have made it to one school event this year, although I feel waves of guilt when my son asks whether I will be at the event of the week. I don’t know the exact breakdown of two-parent working families v. one with a SAH parent, but it feels like there are a lot of SAH parent families. And one of our “friends” is the head of the PTA. She “volunteered” to take my kids trick-or-treating if I wouldn’t make it home in time. This is the same “friend” who organized the fundraiser where each kid (K-2 school) had to bake/cook 100 mini-portions of something, pay $10 to enter the cooking contest and then judge everyone else at a fundraiser. So no advice but definite commiseration.
Frozen Peach says
I recognize you don’t want to piss off the teachers, but this is completely excessive. I think it’s fair to raise the fact that these events make kids who have 2 working parents feel “less than” those who always have someone there. For every kid like yours, there is one who has a single mom who works and can NEVER be there, and who feels even worse. If you speak up, it won’t just be helping your family.
anon says
You make a good point. I also appreciate the reality check that yes, this is excessive.
Anonymous says
This. We met with our kid’s teacher about the excessive ‘homework’ in kindergarten and asked her to consider the school wide programming that was also occurring when planning special activities.
I could literally see the lightbulb go off in her head when I explained that we didn’t just care about this issue for ‘us’ but also for the single parent homes, or immigrant homes, or economically disadvantaged home for whom having to wear a certain color on a certain day (school wide), followed by bringing in xyz item from home (class), followed by making a special hat (class), followed by a school bake sale in ONE week, was a situation that privileged families that could afford a SAHM parent or families with the economic means to purchase a contribution the bake sale/have a parent home in the evenings to help.
Walnut says
I’m saving this script. Thank you.
Anon in NOVA says
Ugh I have a period migraine (always get them on the first day) and we’ve been TTC my #2 his #1 for 5 months so getting it was disappointed to begin with. I just want to go to my car and cry. I only have 1 hour left, but my head is pounding. I tried doing easy tasks (aka sending out an outlook invite to a meeting i’m coordinating) but I even messed that up because this headache is so distracting.
UUUGGGHH even if I take an hour of sick leave i’m going to have to pick my son up when I get home so why bother.
The silver lining is, as suggested by a member of the hive here, I’ve started giving myself “rewards” every month I’m not pregnant. I started putting an extra $100 in savings every time I end up not pregnant, and am saving it to go visit a college sorority sister i haven’t seen in a couple of years. If it fails again next month I’ll be ready to book a ticket!
lsw says
Looking for suggestions on what I can do for a pregnant friend. Last week they found out there was a heart defect at her 20 week scan and some sort of chromosome issues. They are waiting on more results (they found out it is not Downs, trisomy 13 or trisomy 18, but still waiting on more info). They won’t know anything for at least another five days. She sent me a long email today and concluded it with “this is the worst week of my life.” I feel so bad and I want to do something to help. My husband and I are leaving for Mexico on Wednesday so I’m not going to have texting and I can’t take her out to distract her or anything. Is there something I can send her while we’re gone? Any good suggestions? I thought about a massage but it might feel even more stressful to have to schedule something and go to a place and all of that. Any suggestions?
Anonymous says
How close are you with the friend? For a BFF, can you call your cell company and ask about adding texting? If your hotel has wifi you can use FB messenger which is basically the same thing. Depending on where she is located and given that she’s at 20 weeks already, she may not have a lot of time to make decisions once she gets more info, hence the suggestions on trying to ensure you can remain in contact.
lsw says
Good call on FB messenger. I’m going to let her know about that. And AB below, we made a milkshake date for today, so, ice cream it is!
AB says
You are being a great friend. I had an issue like that with my son (in the end, he had a semi-serious but correctable birth defect), discovered at the 20-week ultrasound. If someone had gifted me a massage at that point, I wouldn’t have even known what to do with it. Ice cream I might have known what to do with.
LC says
Since everyone is posting about feeding issues today, I thought I’d add mine: I am struggling with conflicting emotions about weaning my 17-month old. Ages ago I’d decided I wanted to wean him by 18 months. I have a variety of reasons: that timeline coincides with a work trip I’m taking, and I need to have weaned for a certain number of months — more than I would have thought — before I can start fertility treatments to give kiddo a little brother or sister. The longer I keep nursing, the longer until I can start trying to get pregnant again. We’ve been at three feedings a day — wake-up, before I leave for work, and before bed — for a few months now. He wasn’t super into nursing as a baby so I thought weaning would be easy — but it’s been tough. I’ve only dropped the wake-up feeding so far, and for the past three weeks he spends ALL MORNING following me around, asking for “milk, milk!!!” with increasing urgency. He’s caught on to my distraction/substitution attempts, which don’t seem to help. He does the same thing every night, almost like he’s panicked I will try to put him to bed without nursing. According to my timeline, I’m going to try to put him down without nursing tonight, and I’m totally dreading it . . . .
Not sure what I’m looking for. Advice? Support? Commiseration? I feel horribly guilty and hate seeing that panicked look in his little eyes. I don’t really mind our morning/night routine itself, but I don’t want to keep pushing back TTC — plus I don’t feel like it’s magically going to get easier anytime soon. Ugh.
Anonymous says
When you’re getting ready in the morning try babywearing with him on your back (e.g. while you cook breakfast, iron clothes. do makeup). Sometimes it’s not the milk, but the physical closeness they are also missing.
Before you drop each session, try shortening the session and then let Dad put him down. If you usually nurse for 20 minutes, nurse for 15, tell him you have to get a shower, and then let Dad put him to bed. Wait a few days, then drop another 5 minutes and nurse for 10 minutes. Give Dad a sippy of milk for him to drink from if he’s still thirsty. Change up the routine so you don’t nurse to sleep. Like dinner, bath, pjs, nurse, story, song, cuddles.
GCA says
I’m probably too late, but I weaned kiddo at 19 months and for several days he was having none of it. I couldn’t shorten sessions – then he would wind up crying just as much. What did work was just being calm and firm (“we don’t have any more mama milk, would you like fridge milk or your binky?”), and cuddling and snuggling him for as long as he wanted. What he really wanted was the physical closeness. He’s 22 months now and still, every single day around 6pm, announces he is ‘sleepy’ and wants to cuddle with me for 5 or 10 minutes. Which I am happy to enjoy!