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Faux leather has come a long way — it’s buttery soft, lightweight, and you might mistake it for the real thing. Leather and its faux counterpart have always been popular for fall and winter — now, there are some lovely options for spring, too!
Ann Taylor’s Faux Leather Paperbag Pencil Skirt is a perfect example of the leather-for-spring look — it’s a lovely light taupe-gray (I’d love to see this in additional colors for fall), has a comfy elastic waist, and hits below the knee. And, unlike its non-faux counterpart, it’s machine washable!
I’d pair it with a textured, chunky sweater for now, and a flowy blouse or tee for later.
The skirt is $98 and available in XXS–XL.
Another option is Eloquii’s Faux Leather Snap Front Skirt (similar paperbag elasticized waist and length, but with snaps, a tie belt, and a more golden hue) for $79.95 in most sizes 14–28. Right now you can get 40% off with code YESSS, which brings the price down to $47.97.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Leatty says
Tips for resetting when everything seems to be going wrong? I feel like all the balls I’ve been juggling are pelting me in the face, and I can’t seem to reset. I just want to curl up in bed and have a good cry, but I can’t allow myself that luxury right now.
Cb says
Ugh, I’m so sorry. Something that helps when I’m spiraling is to sit with a big blank sheet of paper and make a list of everything I’m stressed about, getting it all out on the paper.
Pogo says
+1 Or, set a timer for 15min and spend that time organizing or cleaning or something that recharges you.
Leatty says
Thank you both!
Anonarama says
After a year+ of searching for a new house, my husband and I are thinking of building instead. We have two kids, age three and under, and want to have at least one more. Has anyone been through this process and have any suggestions on a house that works well with young kids? Things you wish you had in your own house? Our current house was built in the 70’s, and there are so many things I’d like changed that it’s difficult to know where to start!
Classic_Petite says
I have built two houses in the past five years – the first with kids and the second without. The biggest thing that I would suggest (aside from making sure you have a tub in the kid’s bathroom) is making sure that you optimize your finished spaces. Don’t splurge on high end finishes in the ‘main’ space and skip finishing the basement or other ‘bonus’ space. That is the space that you will need for the kids to get some space and you don’t want to worry about needing to finish all of that space later. If you can’t afford to finish the entire basement, then at least have the plumbing, lighting, and electrical outlets roughed in so that it is easier to finish later. The other thing is that I wish we had opted for more of a textured or berber carpet in the bedrooms and not the traditional one with longer fibers that did not hold up well to traffic.
Anon says
I haven’t built a house but I have built a major addition and their were so many decisions to make – decision overload! We went through an architect and got bids, but I kind of wonder these days if that may be challenging. A neighbor recently did the same thing and had a lot of trouble with quotes being very high because of demand, even though their architect accounted for the increase price of lumber and other supplies. I sort of wonder if a design build firm might be the way to go to make it all easier.
Anon says
Oh and as far as tips go, I would suggest orienting the house so that you get southern light in areas you spend a lot of time in, like the living room. I really miss that about my old house!
Anonymous says
A mudroom, tons of closet space, and a three-car garage to allow space for two cars plus bikes, outdoor equipment, etc. Guest room with en suite bathroom on the first floor to allow for an au pair. Two-zone heating and cooling. Interior shutters on all windows instead of blinds or curtains. Only easy-to-clean surfaces. A walk-out basement or large rec room to serve as a separate gathering/entertaining space for kids. Double oven. High-capacity on-demand water heater.
Anonymous says
I’d start with what you aren’t finding in houses available on the market.
Anonarama says
I love lots of the homes on the market, but my husband wants a shop connected to the house which is super hard to find. For him to love the house enough to move, I think we’re going to have to build.
Anonymous says
Lol this is stupid. He wants to build a house just so he can have a shed attached to it?
Anonymous says
They have these. They are called garages.
Anon says
Could you build a shop add on, like an extra garage but it’s a shop?
Anonymous says
Yeh you just need a larger lot where you can add an expansion. Not build a new house.
Anonarama says
I didn’t lay this out initially, but we also want to change school districts and be in a specific area to reduce our commutes. There’s not a options where we’d like to be. Even if we don’t build, it’s super helpful to hear what people do and don’t like in their homes so we can consider that while house hunting.
Mary Moo Cow says
We’ve built one without kids and are now building one because pre-kid space isn’t optimal anymore. I agree with splurging (or at least not skimping) on materials in common areas. At least one play area for the kids with a door you can close- we have a downstairs playroom and an upstairs loft that is open to the stairs and, even with a gate, playing up there with wobbly toddlers was stressful! But I liked a play space on each floor, so if I wanted to do laundry, for example, I wasn’t separated from them. Laundry room on the same floor as the bedrooms is now non-negotiable for me! And I would love a laundry sink for soaking all the stained clothes, washing all the paintbrushes, etc. At least one tub, too, as others have said.
Finally, for us, where we built was just as important as what we built. We are moving to a neighborhood with sidewalks and trails because, in large part, trying to teach a kid how to ride a bike in a through street is not going well. So think about how important it is to you to have a safe place to ride bikes, walk dogs, etc., and if you’re willing to compromise lot size or location for friendly neighbors, a neighborhood pool, etc.
AnotherAnon says
Do you want to build a custom home ($$$), build in a subdivision using a builder’s template ($$), or tear down and renovate an existing structure (price varies)? I’ve only done the latter – we ended up spending a bit over 100k on a 200k house, but everything was to our exact specifications. This was also five years ago in an MCOL area – I’d expect to spend more today. My only suggestion would be to get a contractor or builder who knows what they’re doing. I think my dream home is not what most people want: about 1500 sq feet, single story, open concept kitchen/living room, high end finishes in the bathrooms and kitchen and everything else is kind of bare bones. Good luck!
AwayEmily says
Your dream home sounds PERFECT to me! (and actually not that different from what I live in — no thanks to me; the previous owner did a great job renovating our very old house)
Anonarama says
We might not end up in a subdivision, but we’ll go with a builder’s template to stay out of that $$$ range. Your dream home sounds lovely, I’m not looking forward to the extra sq feet to clean when we move to a bigger house!!
Anonymous says
Single story?!? Wow cray to me
Anon says
I’m in a single story house, and I like it from the perspective of: a) as our parents age, getting around our house should be easier (both sets have already had at least one major issue already where they could not go up and down stairs for a meaningful amount of time); and b) I truly want to feel like I can stay here forever if the cards end up that way, and when we’re our parents age the single story will allow for that.
But I’m in CA and due to a weird property tax thing there is a huge financial incentive to stay put rather than downgrade when the kids move out etc.
Anonymous says
lol I thought this comment was meant to be facetious? I know lots of people who have single story homes.
HSAL says
I LOVE our ranch with small children. I prefer ranches, but it wasn’t at the top of our list when house-hunting, and there weren’t a ton of options. I think we looked at 6-7 two-story houses before we saw (and immediately bought) our ranch. When we moved we had 3 under 3 and I had spent the last two months carting newborn twins up and down the stairs at our old house while dealing with a 2 year old who also wasn’t great on stairs. Having everything on one floor is wonderful, and I like being on the same floor when they go off to play. I think in five years or so we’ll like the idea of shutting them downstairs in a basement playroom or something, which lines up with when we’ll be ready to move. This is a very family-oriented neighborhood so this house will appeal to someone with young children or grandparents who want to be local.
Anonymous says
We’re moving in the next 2 years and also thinking of possibly building. Looking at floorplans is one of my favorite time-wasters. Here are my preferences in order of importance for my next house for my family of 5:
1. A mudroom, or some kind of entryway with enough space for everyone to get indoors and put their stuff away neatly. (This is literally my only must-have. My current house is a front door straight into the living room with only a tiny coat closet and it doesn’t work well)
2. Separate living room and family room/den. The family room can be in the basement, but I want a separate, more-formal space without a TV or toys. This is also where the grand piano goes, so needs to be a decent size and configuration so the piano’s not blocking traffic flow.
3. Four bedrooms (or spaces that could be adapted to make 4 bedrooms). My kids share now, and they can keep sharing as long as they’re happy with it, but I assume that won’t last forever.
4. Minimum of 1.5 bathrooms, maximum of three. I don’t want extra bathrooms to clean. I don’t currently have and don’t need a master bath, and single vanities are fine with me. I do, however, want a large tub. My current one is too small for an adult to enjoy.
5. Closed floorplan. For me, open floorplans are too noisy and too visually cluttered. The benefits of having sightlines to your toddler give way very, very quickly to the frustration of not being able to block out your preschool/elementary kid’s mess and shenanigans. I’m OK with the kitchen and eating area being open to each other, but prefer a wall between kitchen and living spaces.
6. Basement. Finished or not, doesn’t matter, but people need to be able to get to it without getting in the way of someone working in the kitchen.
7. Split bedrooms with first floor primary and secondary bedrooms upstairs. Not a dealbreaker, but this way the kids have their space and the grownups have ours.
8. I am anti-breakfast nook + separate dining room. It feels like a stupid waste of space to me, I only need one table.
9. I hate “owners suites” especially if they have a sitting room, plus a bedroom, plus a gigantic bathroom that you have to walk through in order to get to the walk in closets. Again, this feels like a stupid waste of space to me; I’d rather have that square footage to use as a home office or exercise space not attached to my bedroom!
Anonymous says
MUDROOM!!!
Also + 1 to some closed concept space.
Pogo says
I think open floorplans will be dated before too long. We have a center entrance colonial (really common older style in the northeast) but the previous owners finished the breezeway into a den w/ cathedral ceiling and there is a 3-season sunroom off that; they also widened the opening to the dining room. So it feels open *enough* and I can supervise the kids playing in the den while cooking, but the formal living room is on the other side of the house. We also don’t have a separate breakfast nook, we have stools at the kitchen island and then just the formal dining room (open to the kitchen) and that’s the only table).
What I do wish we had – a pantry. Ours is in the basement and it’s a huge pain. Mud room x1000. I have to disagree on master bath; we have only one bathroom upstairs (see: older house) and I don’t want to have to share it someday with two boys. The size itself is not a problem (I also don’t care about a double sink), but I want to be able to go from my bed to the bathroom without throwing on a robe or something.
Anonymous says
PP here and that’s a fair point about master bath, lookin ahead to when I have teenage boys. I probably would build one in a new house just for resale, but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me either way.
Pantry is also a good one! My basement pantry doesn’t bother me now, but as someone said above, our next house is intended to be a “forever home” and I might not be as happy going up and down stairs 20 years from now.
Anonymous says
I love my current house but the one thing I hate about it is the laundry and the mudroom are the same room. In the Midwest at least, it’s almost impossible to keep a mudroom clean, which means that when clean laundry falls on the floor (as it inevitably does with a front-loading dryer) we have to run it through the wash again. It’s also just annoying that we don’t have the mudroom as a staging area for hanging school stuff, putting on shoes, etc because the washer and dryer take up so much stuff. I also really wish laundry and bedroom were on the same floor – I hate lugging it up and down the stairs.
anon says
Also a Midwesterner. I commented below, but depending on your house layout, we got around this problem by building a mudroom-type bench in our garage instead of keeping all that stuff in the laundry room. Backpacks can stay in the laundry room or their own bedrooms, but all shoes/coats/gear stay in the garage.
anon says
We built 10 years ago and have had kids in the house the whole time, from babies to elementary schoolers.
Things I’m glad we did:
– Kept the laundry room on the main floor with the bedrooms – no walking up and down the stairs with piles of laundry. I did that in our first house and it was such a pain.
– Built a one-story with a finished walkout basement
– Included a bonus space in the basement, which is currently serving as a playroom, exercise room, and my DH’s office during pandemic times. DH ended up finishing this a few years after we moved in, but we already had the structure and electrical roughed in.
– For the most part, our floor plan works really well for our family of 4. There is no wasted space, which is a pet peeve of mine in many new builds. And it seems to be growing well as our family’s needs change.
Things I’m neutral on:
– Our laundry room is small but works hard. I wish it were a smidge bigger. We ended up building a mudroom-type bench in the garage (where you enter the laundry room) because there is absolutely not enough room for coats, shoes, etc. in our laundry room. Especially in our 4-season climate. The good news is that the built-in garage bench contains the mess and I don’t have to look at it.
– I loved my open floor plan until pandemic times. Take that for what you will; some of this may improve when we aren’t on top of each other all the time. Make sure you build in enough private spaces where people can escape and contain their messes. I will say that it keeps me honest in keeping things from piling up in the kitchen, but that’s also a downside because I’m cleaning the kitchen alll the time. If you are a person bothered by mess and visual clutter, think very carefully about whether an open plan is for you.
Things I wish I could redo:
– We don’t have a dedicated pantry space. To get around this, we are using our laundry room closet as a partial pantry, but it’s not ideal for a family of four.
– I loved my open floor plan until pandemic times. Take that for what you will; some of this may improve when we aren’t on top of each other all the time. Make sure you build in enough private spaces where people can escape and contain their messes. I will say that it keeps me honest in keeping things from piling up in the kitchen, but that’s also a downside because I’m cleaning the kitchen alll the time.
Anon says
Lots of good tips here! I’ve never built, but did just buy with two kids and the answers inspired me to put down my own list:
1) We now have a separate living room and family room, and I am soooooo happy about it. A basement if the situation allows could serve the family room purpose. I enjoy having one space that can stay toy free, and as your kids get older you will all want a space they can hang out in especially with friends that is not your main space and doors can be closed.
2) I also do not like completely open floor plans. I get the usefulness when you have SUPER little kids, but that phase goes by really quick relatively and the majority of your kid’s lives (elementary+) I think you would appreciate more not constantly being on top of each other.
3) We are in CA and we do not have a mud room per se, and it’s fine for us. Maybe that’s more important if you are somewhere cold and snowy? We have an entry way that isn’t really visible from the rest of the house so if shoes etc aren’t put away perfectly it’s fine, and we do have an entry way closet to put stuff in.
4) Here’s an odd one that might be too much info, but honestly something I thought about…a master bedroom that’s situated in such a way from the other bedrooms where you can “garden” without worrying too much about your kids overhearing (i.e preferably no directly shared walls…hopefully at least some closets in between or something). Your kids won’t sleep through everything forever.
5) I agree with the poster about being anti breakfast nook, separate dining table/kitchen table space, and random space in the master bedroom. I also only need/want one table where we eat everything, and I’d also just think critically about where will you actually hang out. Like the people the other day (maybe on the main site?) talking about how no one actually uses the little decks off bedrooms even though they sound nice.
Anonymous says
We had a formal dining room in the house where I grew up. It had a beautiful dining set and pretty china in the cabinet… we used it 2x a year for Christmas and Easter, and it was also where the chicks my sister hatched for a science fair lived. lol
Anonymous says
One thing I don’t see yet amidst all these good points: a good kitchen triangle, with a window over the sink looking out to the back yard. My current kitchen is a tiny galley without much counter space, but omg is it efficient! Sometimes I see big gorgeous kitchens on HGTV, but the sink is staring at a wall and the fridge and stove are a mile away. It’s so impractical! I actually cook, and I don’t need to get my 10,000 steps in moving around my kitchen.
AnonATL says
Dealing with what I suspect is our first cold with the baby. Clear runny nose, coughing, up crying a couple times last night which is unusual for him. No fever, but we are keeping him home from daycare today just in case.
Any tips on making the next few days more bearable while he gets through it? He’s almost 7 months.
Anonymous says
Are you having him tested for COVID?
Anonymous says
Not OP but my ped doesn’t recommend Covid tests unless there’s a fever. We’ve had a couple of colds this fall and just kept her home from daycare until symptoms resolved.
AnonATL says
We don’t have any reason to think he has been exposed. At this point, I’m not willing to subject him to a test and I doubt the pediatrician would either. If he gets any worse, we will reassess.
Right now it’s just mucus and an occasional cough which could just as easily be from the dry cold air.
AnonyMich says
AnonATL, hope baby feels better soon. Want to let you know that I had to take my infant for a COVID test and was really feeling anxious about it – didn’t want to subject her to one – and it ended up being completely fine. So know if you have to do one, I don’t think it’s as bad as it is made out to be.
anne-on says
Run a humidifier as much as you can, elevate his crib at one end (we put a rolled up towel underneath the mattress), use saline drops in his nose before bath, get the bathroom nice and steamy before bath time, and if you think he’ll allow it, the NoseFrida did help a ton. When mine was that age with a cold there was also a lot more interest in being held/rocked/comfort feeding so if you’re nursing you might want to prepare for cluster feeds. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Oof, just went through this a month ago. If he’ll sleep in a carrier, try wearing him for a couple of naps. It’ll keep his head elevated, and you’ll still be able to get things done if he’s insisting on being held.
FWIW, I decided not to get my LO tested for COVID at the time. It was right after she started daycare, and the incubation period was on par with a cold rather than COVID. She’d had no other contact with people outside the home, and we’re WFH, too. Testing would’ve required an appt at the “peds serious respiratory symptom clinic,” and, given that her symptoms were mild, I didn’t want to risk exposing her to something worse. If they had drive-up testing for babies, I absolutely would’ve gotten her tested. DH and I had mild stuffy noses and sore throats, and we’ve always tested negative.
Anonymous says
Humidifier for sure. It won’t help you for now, but when he turns 1, honey for coughs is a g-dsend. You can’t give it to infants though because of botulism risk.
TheElms says
My dream house would include:
– on a largely flat lot but backing onto trees / a view of some kind
– a big mud room located where you enter the house (so that might be adjacent to the front door for some, back door, garage etc.) with a separate coat closet large enough to store a vacuum / most commonly used cleaning stuff
– an oversized double garage (space for 2 cars and all the big outdoor kid toys)
– a big eat in kitchen with a separate pantry with a view to the back yard
– a playroom (doesn’t have to be particularly big) on the main floor that I could see from the kitchen but still had some type of door for noise/mess containment (sliding panel doors perhaps)
– a big open play space in the basement for running/jumping/ throwing balls for days its too cold/wet/icy/hot to go outside
Pogo says
+1 to flat lot and FLAT DRIVEWAY! I didn’t think of either of those things when viewing our house on a beautiful spring day, but keeping the driveway snow and ice-free is such a huge pain.
Our lot is large so we have some flat *spots* but not enough that we can easily entertain just off our deck. We’ve talked about just expanding the deck in lieu of any flat yard to put a table/chairs on. If we were to put a swingset in, it would have to be way far away from the house (only suitable flat spot) which might be ok as kids are older. I can still get line of sight from the kitchen, it just wouldn’t be particularly close and at kiddo’s current age I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting him play alone that far away.
Anonymous says
Yes our driveway is so steep I can’t get the car up it whenever we have more than a dusting of snow. I hate it!
anon for this says
MomHive, I’m wondering if any of you are parents to extremely gifted kids and can provide pointers or resources. We had to test DD (5) for kindergarten applications for independent schools (DC area). She’s always been a bit ahead of her peers and is reading ahead of her age, so I expected her to do well. The results blew us away — she tested at Einstein-level genius. The tester said she’d only seen a few kids in a decade of testing hit that level.
This is not a humblebrag, and it’s not something I can easily talk to my friends about. But I am genuinely struggling with the news. On one hand – it’s a test for 5-year-olds, how much can it matter? On the other hand, if DD has some innate talent, I am not sure how best to develop and nurture it, and to keep her from getting bored. Appreciate any thoughts or suggestions.
Anonymous says
Check out Hoagies Gifted. The webpage itself is pretty 2005 in design, but may be helpful nonetheless. There are also Facebook groups for parents of gifted kids that may be helpful. Finally, the evaluator should be able to point you to some resources.
Anonymous says
I had similar test results as a 5 year old. If you’re going the private school route, definitely ask about gifted services but I don’t have a lot of advice on that front since I was the product of very average public schools (there were no secular private schools in my hometown, so my parents never considered anything but public). Speaking from my experience, the best things for me were 1) non-academic activities (sports, music, etc) where I was on the same playing field as my peers and 2) summer camps and extracurricular programs aimed at gifted kids. In my area, camps for gifted kids start in kindergarten so it’s not too soon to seek that stuff out. Also don’t forget about the development of non-academic skills. I don’t necessarily buy into the “gifted kids are socially awkward” stereotypes, but I do feel like with gifted kids there can be a tendency to overlook areas where their development is lagging because they’re so far ahead in academics. I was socially behind my peers from a very young age (in terms of peer interaction, not in terms of things like sitting still in a classroom) and I really think I could have benefited from extra support in that area, but both my parents and teachers treated me like a golden child who couldn’t be criticized because I was so smart. For another kid, it might be gross or fine motor development that’s lagging rather than social stuff, but the point is don’t overlook areas for improvement just because their IQ is off the charts.
Anon says
^^ This. I was this kid. Learning that I wasn’t the best at everything was a really important skill to learn. I also wish I had not been pulled out of mainstream classes as much in elementary school. I remember being pulled out of a mainstream math class in 3rd grade– where we were learning math that I did not know– and being put in a gifted class during that time. The things that we did in the gifted class were fun and interesting… but pulling me out of mainstream math meant that I had to have my parents teach me math at home. It also made me feel “different” and really did not help me develop social skills, which were definitely behind my peers at that age.
Anon says
This. As an adult I test borderline genius and had similar test results at a young age. I vividly remember switching private schools in 1st grade because my current one was then not challenging enough (e.g., I had to read aloud to the K class at story time every day because I was the only one who knew how to read; I ran out of “accelerated reader” books in 1st grade as part of the curriculum when every one else was struggling to make it through a third of what I had (helpfully indicated by a progress chart for the whole class to see) and the teacher had no idea what to do with me). Two of my aunts skipped multiple grades which was terrible for them from a life and social skills perspective, so my parents were very pro keeping me with grade level peers. We moved to a different state with excellent public schools and good gifted resources in 3rd grade. My parents did not pull me out into the special programs in 3rd grade that required taking classes at another school (due to my emphatic request not to be the weird kid), but by 4th grade I was able to be in the “advanced” section of the 4th and 5th grade (but still in my same school) which helped from a social perspective and benefited from teachers who were willing to create enrichment opportunities for me within the classroom without having me stick out. I took advanced classes in middle school (a few were flagged for “gifted” kids) and then went to a public high school for gifted kids. The biggest difference between me and my slightly less bright although still abnormally high IQ youngest sister is that I learned the value of hard work and putting in effort, and she was able to coast through on her smarts alone, which bit her a bit in the adult years. We went to the same schools, so I think it’s likely due somewhat to personality, age difference (6 years between us), youngest kid and tired parents or who knows, but to the extent you can find ways to teach grit, resilience and the value of working hard (vs. just being smart or always getting the right answer), that will be critically important.
Anonymous says
My daughter tested at that level at that age. If she qualifies for the Davidson Institute, go ahead and sign her up while her test scores are valid. We didn’t because Davidson seemed kind of extreme, and later regretted it because we could have used their advising services.
In the DC area, CTY at Johns Hopkins will be a good source of enrichment courses. The in-person courses were amazing when I attended them as a kid. With my daughter we have found the on-line courses to be a mixed bag. In general, be cautious about enrichment courses. Many are low-quality and are primarily designed as revenue sources (e.g., W&M, have heard the same about Duke TIP). Ask your school’s gifted specialist what’s out there. My daughter’s favorite enrichment courses have been free summer courses provided by a consortium of local school districts.
Think about whether you want to tell your child. In general, gifted kids know that they are different, and they may notice if they receive services or differentiated instruction at school. Ours knows her general category based on the programs she’s qualified for, but not the specific score. I am the same–I know the minimum score required for the elementary school I attended, but my mother never told me the exact score. I don’t see any value to the child’s knowing the score. It will either be disappointing (could always be higher) or an inappropriate ego-booster and source of false confidence (have seen this with multiple family members). Also be aware that IQ testing at a young age is generally not considered terribly reliable, especially if one of the tests designed for younger kids (e.g., WPPSI) was used.
If magnet schools or separate gifted classes are available, look into them. Based on my own experience and my daughter’s experience, I would advise against mainstreaming if at all possible. Exceptionally gifted children need to attend school with other kids like them, or they risk becoming bored and developing a negative attitude towards education. If you can’t avoid mainstreaming, look into grade acceleration as well as acceleration in individual subjects. By working around the rules in our anti-gifted school system, we were able to accelerate our daughter one year overall plus another couple of years in math. Evaluate the possibility of social issues on the basis of your child’s individual personality. My daughter has always fit in better with slightly older kids and would likely have had social issues if we hadn’t accelerated her. She is not particularly outgoing, but has always made friends even in situations where most of the other kids are 2 – 3 years older. She does not advertise her age and most people are surprised if they happen to find out how young she is. She’s known most of her good friends since they were in kindergarten, so they’ve always just accepted that she’s younger. She chose to play an individual sport, so team age cutoffs haven’t been an issue.
In general, treat your daughter like you’d treat any kid. Encourage her to do her best and provide her with opportunities to follow her own interests. Read with her and explore the world with her. Do not burden her with expectations of genius. My husband had no experience with exceptionally gifted kids, so he expected our child to independently build a fusion reactor in the garage like a kid he saw on the news and was disappointed when she didn’t want to do anything of the sort.
GCA says
I think this question comes up a fair bit here, so search the site for resources. But the best advice I have is that you should probably do the same thing you would do for any child, highly exceptional or no: feed their interests, let them make their own mistakes, and it’s perfectly ok to be bored (as long as it’s not causing problems in school — if it is, that’s a different challenge. Parenting a gifted kid at home is one thing; helping gifted children find their place in the formal-education ecosystem is another). Also be prepared for the following:
– Intelligence level isn’t a 1:1 correlation to academic achievement and that’s ok. Persistence matters, and it’s something I try to cultivate in my kids.
– A child’s IQ isn’t necessarily on a par with their social / emotional development all the time and that’s ok too.
Anonymous says
I had similar test results as a 5 year old. My parents encouraged my interest in and aptitude for music and I had piano lessons starting in K and picked up other instruments later in elementary. Otherwise I don’t think my parents did anything different than they would have done with any other kid. We had a house full of books, craft supplies, and games; hiked and biked; and went to the library, museums, and on interesting family vacations. I had swim and gymnastics lessons, dabbled in softball and dance, went to generic sleep-away outdoorsy summer camps, and spent an inordinate amount of time running around with the neighborhood kids, clambering on our backyard swingset or exploring the woods adjacent to our yard. Kids won’t get bored at home just because they’re smart!
You probably do need to watch out for the school providing appropriate stimulation, though. I went to public school and remember working in a separate “math box” in kindergarten, and performing science experiments for the class (I don’t remember whether everyone got to do that or if it was just me). I still did letter people and practiced coloring and using scissors with everyone else, and that was fine for the 2.5 days/week of K. Because I was reading and writing very well by the end of the year, my parents were concerned that first grade, where the curriculum was extremely focused on phonics and learning to read, would be a problem. I did some more tests and the school ok’d me skipping first grade. I was a little behind in knowing math facts going into 2nd grade, but caught up really quickly. You can absolutely wait and see how K goes and evaluate your options after that.
In House Lobbyist says
if you are able to homeschool, you should look at that. If not, many provide classical eduction supplements to kids that attend schools. We have kids that tested high and we homeschool and provide as many books on every subject they can possibly read. They are sponges and we try to fill their brains with classical literature, lots of science, and history since they are lazy enough to read whatever book is close.
Anon says
I think the biggest challenge is finding teachers that your child will not surpass. Home schooling with tutors, private schools, online classes, and a library card may all be helpful. School may not provide good socialization if the classmates aren’t really peers, and it won’t provide a good education if your child is ahead of the instructors. Gifted students may eventually need access to instructors or mentors with terminal degrees or the equivalent in their areas of strength. Education degree programs train instructors in teaching methods which are not as effective and may be demoralizing for gifted students, so access to people with advanced degrees in areas of content mastery is more valuable than access to people with education credentials. I can’t stress enough that school can be unbearably lonely and demoralizing… Just try to think of how you would feel if you were asked to quit your job and sent to 4th grade and forced to attend every day, and then add in that a child doesn’t have all the same coping mechanisms or capacity to endure boredom… But there are many opportunities for education and socialization outside of school, and adults with similar skills, interests, and abilities are generally delighted to support the interests of motivated and interested young people. Giftedness can sometimes accompany deficits in other areas, so it can also help to make sure that, e.g., speech therapy and occupational therapy are on the table if needed.
Anonymous says
Omg that analogy about being sent to 4th grade as an adult is the closest s to e has ever come to describing my late-elementary and middle school experience. Torture by boredom. Such a great analogy!!!
Waffles says
Hi, friend. My kid is 4.5 and we have gifted people in the family. Random observations in no particular order:
– Prepare to pick and choose what you tell people. Friends whose kids are the same age may have panic attacks when they see what your kid can do. Their kids are not behind — your kid is an outlier. I have found that being discreet and matter-of-fact suits me.
– I learned the hard way not to downplay her strengths in an effort to save relationships. Your relationships will change — let it happen, because you will have to find ones that work anyway.
– Kids this age often don’t distinguish between “fun” and “educational” activities. Use this to your advantage.
– Protect her love of learning as much as you can. Ask her about her interests and expand them. Try to nurture her friendships — they may be with older children who share common interests.
– Remind her that everyone matters. TV shows that prioritize teamwork help. She is clever, but clever does not conquer all. Everyone has different strengths and everyone has feelings.
Hope this helps!
Anonymous says
I don’t know if I have off the charts IQ or anything like that (I don’t think it was really a thing to test kids in my public school setting), but I was pulled out of class for gifted programs (kind of fun but not really challenging to be honest) and for a couple years was allowed to read whatever i wanted instead of the books the class was reading. I was very bored at school.
A few thing that helped. Being smart wasn’t uncool in my public school (French immersion FWIW), so that helped and compared to the kids that went to the all gifted school on the other side of the neighborhood, I had a very normal experience in the school setting.
Help her cultivate interests outside of school. The impact that sports (30+ hours training weekly) had on my development was much greater in terms of learning about perseverance, team work, and preparing me for life than my experience in high school. By no means am i suggesting you put her in 12 hours of dance a week at age 5 – but give her the opportunity now to try lots of non-academic stuff in the next few years. Things where she might struggle a bit, but ultimately can find something that 5 or 7 years from now she can really throw her mental capacity into. To me this allows you to keep a child in a more normal social setting at school without her going stir crazy.
Pogo says
Such a good point about the sports – that helped me immensely in high school. I was also able to find my “people” by being in a club sport that spanned schools, rather than being labelled the weird smart kid at my school.
I think I’ve mentioned before but rather than skipping whole grades my district accelerated for math. This helped me a lot, I took math first with the grade above me, then two grades above me. There were enough of us that when we were seniors (and thus beyond AP Calculus) our teacher was able to do two semesters of college math with us through the local university. But I wasn’t going to college as a 16 year old..
Anonymous says
I took college classes as a 16 year old without “going to college” – I was at my high school for English and French in the morning and at the local state university for math and science classes in the afternoon. Taking college classes with my HS classmates would have been great, but there weren’t enough of them for that to be an option. There was a law in my state, at least at the time, that the school district had to pay the college tuition for classes not offered so all my college credits were free. My parents did not want me to actually go away to college at that age, nor would I have been able to handle that. But taking the college classes while living at home and attending high school part time worked fine.
Smartish says
This is a little aside from what you asked, but be careful about telling her how smart she is as a compliment (other people will probably be doing this too.). Focus on praising hard work and growth over intellect.
I recommend the book Mindset, or at least some articles by the author, which talks a lot about the research behind this.
Anonymous says
The Mindset idea is nice in principle, but IME it is very difficult to adjust a kid’s mindset through parenting. We did everything “right”–provided opportunities to fail and recover from failure, praised effort only, modeled resilience, etc.–and our kid still has the world’s most “fixed” mindset.
Anonymous says
This. I’m a gifted kid who really struggled when I went to an elite college where everyone was gifted, because I was used to getting 110% on school work with zero effort. I’m not sure there’s an easy way to teach gifted kids in mediocre academic environments how to work hard at school, but praising hard work over intelligence is an important piece of it. Even though I’m very aware of this issue, I still sometimes catch myself saying “you’re so smart” to my 3 year old when she does something that is honestly not even that impressive. It’s a hard habit to break, especially if you were raised with parents who lavished praise on your intelligence and innate academic ability.
Anonymous says
This is an excellent point. I was a highly gifted kid, and apparently my mom put a family ban on ever telling me my test scores or complimenting my intelligence. Even so, I struggled mightily with learning to work hard — extracurriculars were key, because I didn’t get it academically in K-12 at all.
Also, obviously I was smart enough to know I was smart, but I had no idea how high I’d tested until I was in my 20s and my dad let it slip. I remember one guy in middle school frequently mentioned his 144 IQ, and it was obnoxious. I probably would have done the same thing if I’d known the number. Sometimes you have to save kids from themselves. :)
Preschool Educational Resources says
My daughter will be 3 in April. She has an insane memory. We read a book about airplanes twice and then she can name/identify all the basic parts (wings, nose, fuselage, flight recorder, etc.), for example. She watches the Airplanes movie 3 times and then she can sing all the lyrics to one of the random songs in the middle. I realize those are both airplane-related examples, but it’s the same with things about the aquarium/fish, etc. Can count to 20, knows all and can identify most letters. I’m not at all saying she’s any kind of savant at all but I recognize something in her and would like to make sure we’re giving her what she needs in return. She’s fiercely independent and strong-willed, so structure is our friend. Her nanny is fantastic and, at nanny’s own doing (she’s in grad school for ECE and we are so lucky to have her…) they’re working on sight words during the “school” part of their day. DD is totally in to it and loving it.
Anything else we can be doing, or apps/books? I’m 10000% not trying to push her in to too much learning early – very sensitive to that, but she’s showing an interest and ability that we’d like to use to our advantage as we try to keep her engaged and structured through these trying 2-3 year old days while hunkered down indoors (thanks, New England winter…). We have the Homer app. Try to limit that on weekends to just 15 minute increments x 2/day. Anything else we should try? Thanks!
Anonymous says
My daughter is almost exactly the same age and could be described the same way. I thought she had an incredible memory, but her teachers have acted like it isn’t super remarkable. Kids that age apparently have much better memories than adults. Not saying your kiddo isn’t smart, but none of this really sounds out of the norm to me or something you need to do anything about. I’m a huge advocate of play-based school for as long as possible, so I would not try to teach reading to a 2.75 year old even if they’re willing. Keep in mind that even if she is off the charts gifted, teaching reading early will just widen the gap between her and her peers when she starts formal schooling and make it that much harder for her to have a ‘normal’ school experience. You can’t do much about it if she starts reading spontaneously, but I would not try to teach it, even to a kid who is showing a willingness to learn. YMMV though, a lot of my friends are doing phonics with their 3 year olds.
Cb says
Honestly, I think doing things that support her interests in organic ways – books about airplanes, watching videos of sea life, projects which might focus on those things. One of the moms in my reddit bump group has a very gifted reader (3.5, reading, writing) and she met with a specialist who advised just providing more advanced reading material etc. They do a lot of flashcards and things, but it seems to be largely kid motivated.
AwayEmily says
Your daughter sounds awesome (I love airplanes too!) but also not outside the norm. My son is very similar (had probably twenty books memorized by 2.5) but from talking to lots of other toddler parents…that is pretty standard toddler MO. toddlers just have weirdly good memories. Probably because they aren’t crammed full of COVID stress and remembering to do the laundry, sigh.
Anonymous says
I joke that law school crowded out all the interesting facts in my head and replaced them with the Bluebook and the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.
Anon says
I’m sure your daughter is very smart, but this doesn’t sound atypical. Kids have good memories and pick up things like sponges. My kids (who are pretty average lol) were pretty similar to what you’re describing.
Anon says
Third vote that this is completely typical for this age. My 3 year old has the exact same kind of memory and no one has ever suggested to us that she’s gifted or even way above average.
OP says
Thanks for these responses. And, I agree, I don’t think she’s gifted (I’m not even sure what the formal definition truly is) or exceptional – probably very average and maybe picking up on a handful of skills earlier than her identically-aged cousins (which is my point of reference – sisters, grandparents and I all see it). She loves doing this stuff so I want to feed in to what keeps her interest. Clarifying also to say that the “school” portion of her day is max 45 mins… lots and lots of play otherwise, and even the “school” stuff with nanny is pretty light.
With that, let me rephrase the ask: are there any recs for apps, books or activities (insta accounts or blogs even) that I can do with kiddo because we’re trying to maintain structure in our days and we need some new ideas? We’re already all over BusyToddler.
Pogo says
My kiddo loves Khan Academy Kids, for apps.
Also, might be controversial, but I let him watch youtube and click around himself to pick what he wants to watch. It allows him to find really technical/obscure stuff that he finds fascinating, and often in 3-5min chunks of video that works with his attention span. I try to loosely supervise so he doesn’t end up watching anything inappropriate (though that’s never come close to happening, sometimes I’m like… what are you watching in Russian??).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Maybe I’m missing your question, but isn’t this your nanny’s job? Is she asking you for advice? I don’t do anything special with my 2.5 year old (who can also count to 20, knows the alphabet, etc.) on the weekends as he’s in daycare during the week. I leave it to the experts to do the teaching (in the developmentally appropriate sense – toddlers learn from everything) at this age.
OP says
Yikes. Sorry, I thought this was a straight forward question.
I’m asking for recs for big blocks of non-nanny times (weekends, holidays, snow days when we’re trading off WFH/child care), and wanting to also partner with her for new ideas as she’s with DD 50 hours/week – that’s a lot of one-on-one toddler time for anyone. No complaints from her but she’s only one person and we sometimes brainstorm on activities to keep kiddo engaged. I’m trying to be sympathetic to that and want to offer some ideas myself and not put the burden 100% on her. She’s incredible; just trying to be a more engaged parent and helpful to my nanny.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sorry. That may have come across as harsh. What I meant is that you don’t really have to do anything beyond engaging with her through reading to her, talking to her throughout the day, developmentally appropriate toys, etc., which I’m sure your nanny is already doing. Toddlers learn so much by just existing and being around loving, attentive caregivers! At my daycare, they do art, sing songs, dance around, start learning about sharing, things like that.
Anonymous says
There is a lot of research that kids this age do best with just reading, arts, music, playing pretend, outdoor time, etc. Formal learning is really not necessary or even beneficial at this age. You/nanny can keep your day relatively structured by offering meals and naps at set times, but in between I would let toddler drive the activity choice with maybe a set time to go outdoors like they have in daycare.
Anon says
Pursuing one’s own interests and self-guided learning is really different from formal learning though!
Pogo says
At the beginning of the pandemic when LO was home FT I looked up some “preschool schedules” online. I made a little picture chart w/ velcro so we could change it based on the day and LO could participate in the scheduling/understand what was coming up. I think you can easily find recommended # mins per activity by age and structure from there. So we had set times for outside play, free inside play, then rotating activities like “coloring” (which could be any number of activities related to writing/drawing) or “screen time” (could be an educational app, could be watching a show, etc). I think you can also find schedules that break down the activities into categories like math, gross motor, etc. So maybe google around to see what looks good to you and then send some links to the nanny and have her build the schedule from there? I agree I’d hope this would be part of her job.
AwayEmily says
What Boston Legal Eagle says. Maybe I just say this because I’m lazy, but we don’t do any “structured” stuff in our non-daycare time. Right now my just-turned-3yo spends most of his time throwing balled-up socks off the top bunk at whatever family member will volunteer to be a target, being read to, cutting pieces of construction paper into tiny pieces that get everywhere, and pretending to be a cat. I guess my approach is to try lots of stuff with them, from toys to pretend to play-doh to books, and then when they like something, do more of it? And if they don’t, then stop doing it. There’s plenty of stuff we tried and nobody liked so we stopped (eg I cannot get either of my kids interested in building blocks or playing with cars).
Come sit with me says
Recommendations for a table and chair set for a young toddler (under 2?) She attends a Montessori daycare and her teacher reported that she loves doing “table work” so grandma has offered to buy her a table and chair. I have googled … and there are SO MANY options. Any recommendations for something safe, durable, and easy to clean? Bonus if it’s wood or white.
Anon says
Ikea Latt.
Anon says
+1 to the Ikea Latt. We had that thing for 7+ years (!!!) and it held up beautifully through multiple-weekly family and friend events plus all the abuse my kids could hurl at it on a regular day. It finally broke when my 7 year old turned too quickly and bashed the chair leg into the corner of the wall. Super easy to clean and well built. I almost wish they had a “next size up” so we could keep it going for these elementary years.
Anon says
Amazon: Flash Furniture Kids Colorful 5 Piece Folding Table and Chair Set
We have the multicolored set and it travels with us to family parties and outdoor gatherings (in before times) for all the toddlers as we have multiple in the family. While a prettier wood table would be nice, it’s portability is worth it’s weight in gold. Got it when DD was 18 months old and she’s 3.5 and still fits/uses it daily.
portable option says
On the portable front, we bought the lifetime children’s picnic table from Sam’s Club and it’s been a great purchase. Kept a range of kiddos from 2-8 occupied nicely this summer. We cleaned it off in the fall to store in the garage and have now been popping it up in different places in the house for coloring, train play, etc. Big hit and good price.
octagon says
We have a KidKraft wood set (Avalon, maybe?) and it’s held up really well.
Anon says
Sprout Kids has good options. We have two at home. They come with adjustable legs and chairs and we’ve been adjusting them since age 1.
Anonymous says
In silly kid things:
My son’s preschool teacher is apparently teaching the kids lovely vocabulary words. Last night the kiddos were playing a “think of words that start with A” game after dinner and after they both started with apple, my 4 year old piped up with “ABSENTMINDED! Absentminded means that you forget things a lot.”
He was also very excited that today is pj day and since he and one of his friends have the same dragon jammies, the teacher surely won’t be able to tell the two of them apart!
Amelia Bedelia says
this made me smile in the midst of a rough morning. thank you!
Boston Legal Eagle says
My older kid is learning about “bucket fillers” (people who are kind and help – i.e. fill your bucket) and “bucket dippers” (the opposite I guess) at school. I’m going to call all mean people bucket dippers now!
Clementine says
My kid’s class does this too. I got told I ’emptied his bucket totally out so it had nothing left’ when I did something he didn’t like the other day.
Also, I have friends who (they’re my age!) became best friends when they were 4 or 5 and both had jean jackets so they MUST be twins. Mind you, one is black and one is white – but to them, they MUST be twins because of their matching jean jackets.
Anonymous says
haha, this was another funny part of the conversation last night, that really showed how awareness changes in just a couple years! 4 year old was so sure the dragon jammies alone would fool everyone, but my 6 year old said, whoa whoa, wait, does [friend] have white skin, or brown or black skin? Once she’d established that they had the same skin AND hair color, she was also convinced they’d be indistinguishable from each other.
I like the bucket fillers and dippers!
Basement Pantry Storage says
We just redid our basement which is dual laundry/pantry/over-sized platters, appliance storage as we have limited storage in our kitchen. My dreams of hanging an Elfa system came crashing down yesterday. The studs in the basement aren’t strong enough to guaranty it would support the system once hung and loaded with all the stuff. We have concrete walls in this particular area of the basement (behind the finished wall) and we’d like to avoid drilling in to the concrete as that requires opening up the walls again. Wah.
So, I’m on the hunt for free standing shelving systems. I don’t want it to be just the wire racks you see at home depot – that’s too garage-y for me. I also want to have flexible shelf spacing/add shelves if I’d like for things that aren’t tall. Eyeing BROR or IVAR from Ikea. Anyone have those, or any other recommendations? TIA!
AwayEmily says
We have heavy-duty plastic shelves from Costco that are great, but probably also too garage-y for you.
Pogo says
yep, this is exactly what we have. gets the job done!
Anonymous says
We have garage-y ones from a hardware store in our basement. Not wire, but sturdy metal legs and heavy duty shelf beds. One set has metal shelves and is holding up perfectly, but the other is some kind of composite that is starting to sag a bit (it holds heavy things like sugar and flour, lazy susans of canned goods, etc) about 8 years in. So, no firm reccs but pay careful attention to materials for things that are going to have static heavy loads for a long time. I love ikea as much as the next person, but those may not cut it.
Anonymous says
We’ve had IVAR in the past and liked it – it is very simple but sturdy, all unfinished pine. We currently have a bunch of IKEA PAX wardrobes that we are using for storage for tools, hobby supplies, etc. My husband trimmed them out so they look a little built in. One caveat is that the shelves aren’t super strong; he’s had to reinforce some of them to hold heavier tools after they started bowing. But he’s a structural engineer and very attuned to anything not adequately sturdy. I think the IVAR would be a bit stronger since the shelves are solid wood; PAX is a mix of laminated particle board and MDF I think. IVAR is definitely less polished looking. We bought a lot of it used and were able to resell ours when we were done with it though.
KH says
Friends had a baby last week who had to have emergency heart surgery. They’re still in the hospital with the baby, several states away from me. What should I send them to let them know I’m thinking of them but trying not to be intrusive when they need privacy? Just wait until they’re home from the hospital? So far I’ve just sent a few “thinking of you, don’t feel the need to respond” texts.
Anonymous says
Figure out a meal for them. Some sort of delivery.
Clementine says
DoorDash or GrubHub gift card.
It can be emailed to them – just go on the app and enter their email and BAM.
Audrey III says
We’re originally from Chicago and found frozen deep dish pizza to be very helpful when our son was in the NICU. There are other places that deliver frozen food; found it very helpful to just be able to pull food out of freezer and not worry about it going bad.
Anon says
If folks are willing can you share your experiences with therapy? I decided to start seeing a therapist for the first time last summer because I felt like anxiety and some mild depression during covid life was making it hard for me to cope. It’s been about six months of weekly sessions, and so far pretty much all I do is talk about myself/my feelings. She chimes in sometimes but the overarching message I feel like I’ve gotten is “life is hard right now,” and “you are too hard on yourself.” It’s helpful in the sense that I feel like I’m not burdening my husband with all of that as much, but bigger picture wise I still feel pretty lousy and hopeless. Maybe my expectations of feeling demonstrably better after a few months were just unrealistic? Should I just try a different therapist, or, maybe therapy doesn’t work unless you have more severe mental illness/behaviors you need to change (rather than just feeling down/bored/worried like I do).
Anonymous says
Some people just want a therapist to normalize their feelings and experiences, which is what yours seems to be doing. If you want a more targeted, action-oriented approach to reframing your thoughts, seek out one who uses CBT.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think therapy can work for mild anxiety and depression if you find the right therapists. I tried several different people until I found one that I just clicked with – she got me in a way that others didn’t, and wasn’t too generic with her advice. She helped me to recognize patterns of my thinking stemming from my particular childhood experiences, and just allowed me to acknowledge my feelings about my past and present in a way that I couldn’t really with anyone else. Additionally, you can ask you PCP for a prescription for a small dose of an SSRI. I found that helps with my general well being, and allowed therapy to be more productive. Like, I can see that the situation we’re in right now is hard, I’m angry at a lot of responses (or lack thereof) but I wouldn’t describe myself as hopeless. Same with work situations – I can take a step back and not get overwhelmed with anxiety like I used to.
Anon says
There are many different kinds of therapy. I can’t tell what approach your therapist is using beyond generic talk therapy. If you want something more goal oriented and quick moving, possibly with homework, you could ask for CBT therapy.
If you want to look up a few different schools of therapy to compare them, you could compare CBT, DBT, “Acceptance and Commitment,” “Insight Oriented,” and psychodynamic just to get a basic overview of what’s out there for mild depression/anxiety.
Anon says
I think a) voice this to her and b) consider medication.
Pogo says
You need to find someone who does CBT. I find it helpful because you work on reframing your thinking and recognizing what thought patterns are causing you to be anxious/depressed. The therapist can also question what is your anxiety talking and what is real.
I’ve also had some luck with therapists who can be a little woo and get me to read self-help books that I would totally dismiss on my own. They pitch it to me and convince me to read it for homework, and I’ve found them really helpful. Mine will also suggest homework like “start a gratefulness practice” or “schedule time for 3 self-care activities this week” and they keep you accountable.
It sounds like yours is just letting you vent and not doing any of the above, so I would look elsewhere if you need more than that.
Anon says
No advice, but commiseration. I’m on my third therapist attempt, and I really just struggle to find therapy useful but I so, so, so want it to be.
Clementine says
That therapist might just not work for you. For some people, they need to vent – and venting is good! I personally work with someone who does EMDR and other techniques that might or might not work for you.
I personally need a therapist who is very direct and I trust to call me out. Funnily enough, the therapists who I have connected to in my life are both blunt talking, hippieish middle aged women who BOTH happen to be married and gay. I haven’t actively sought this out, it’s just been a funny realization that I have a really definite therapist type.
anon says
Ha, I have the same therapist type. Bummer that she has retired, because I’ve never found anyone else as good. I need someone who is going to give it to me straight and not dress things up in psychobabble terms, which is a problem I’ve had with others. And I flat-out don’t want to see a male therapist; my experience was not positive. Women seem to understand where other women are coming from.
AnonyMich says
I’ve noticed that my husband’s hair is thinning in the back. Mention it, or no? He’s been so stressed out at work that I haven’t mentioned it since I’ve noticed, because I know it would put him in a bad mood – and honestly there’s probably not much to do about it, right?
NYCer says
I would imagine he already knows? Personally, I think it seems really weird to mention anything unless he brings it up.
AnonyMich says
Honestly, I’m not sure he even does. He’s exceptionally tall, so lots of people would never see the back/top of his head in normal times at work or out and about, much less “the new normal” when he’s at home all the time. He nearly always wears baseball hats on weekends when he’s out of the house. Maybe in general it’s thinner and he’s aware, but I normally am quick to notice these things and I’m *just* noticing how bare it’s getting in the back.
Does that change anything? I’m not sure it does.
NYCer says
Ah, ok. I probably still wouldn’t say anything – I can’t really imagine how you would even bring it up! “Hey honey, I noticed your hair is thinning” just does not seem like a conversation I would want to have. But YMMV.
Anon says
Dermatologists do treat hair thinning, so there are things to do be done about it. I wouldn’t know how to bring it up though.
Anon says
Mention it to what end? Does he care? More than half of men will have hair loss, so unless you want him to get hair plugs, I don’t know what good it would do to mention it.
Anon says
Definitely no!!!!! He knows.
Anonymous says
I cannot imagine telling my husband this. I don’t think it’s any kinder than telling someone they’re fat (maybe worse? since it’s at least theoretically easier to lose weight than to grow back hair) and I would kill my husband if he pointed out I’ve gained the Covid 15.
anon says
depends on the ordinary level of frankness in your relationship. I would tell him if it is to the point where he should consider changing his hairstyle (i.e. cut it shorter). I told my husband when we were dating that he was not fooling anyone and I thought he’d look hotter if he shaved his head, which he did – poor guy was only 22 but he did look good with super short buzz. He knew he was balding, of course, but I think many men need reassurance that they will still be attractive if they lean in to the baldness rather than trying to ignore or hide it.
Anon says
You actually can take medication to prevent hair loss. I’m sure its not appropriate/effective for everyone, but it’s called finasteride and a derm can prescribe it. It doesn’t particularly work to regrow hair that you’ve already lost, but it can stop the thinning. So if you think he’d be at all interested in that, I’d say tell him sooner rather than later so he could start it sooner. That said, if you are still planning to TTC more kids, probably he shouldn’t start. Data is inconclusive but some info points to possible impacts on sperm count.
Anon says
I’m curious – is Texas getting covered in the media where you all are? I’m in Houston and we’ve had no power since Monday with below freezing temps. We’re under a boil water advisory – but aren’t really getting much water anyways. I keep getting emails requesting meetings from people in the northeast and I’m not sure how to respond! Kids (6, 5, and 1) think it’s fun to sleep together in sleeping bags by the fire but it’s getting really old.
And we’re lucky! Our room was 38 degrees when we woke up but I’m sure it’s worse in Dallas! But yeah, if I get another deal checkin call I may scream! I haven’t had much cell service – seem to have it right now? – so probably just seems like we are dropping the ball. DH having the same experience.
Anonanonanon says
This morning’s episode of the Daily from the NYT was about it so that’s my indicator. I barely have time to read the news but I’ve seen headlines and heard people mention it (I’m in an emergency-focused job and we also have ice coming our way, so that could be why). The journalist they interviewed on the daily kept dropping cell service, too, so not just you!
Hope you’re OK!! Stay warm. I’m glad you have a fire, I’m sure that helps.
AnonATL says
I have family in Houston so maybe I’ve been paying closer attention, but it’s at the top of my npr and weather channel pages.
I would just tell your colleagues you are without power, limited cell service, and trying to conserve phone battery for emergencies. Part of working from home all the time is realizing sometimes your colleagues randomly lose power or internet service and the world keeps spinning without them.
anonymous says
I’m in the midwest and the local news had a quick blurb about the power outages. I think the governor is requesting an investigation into the utilities companies?
This may depend on your workplace, but can you set up some kind of out of office message? I wouldn’t expect people to be working during a multi-day power outage.
Anon says
I’m in DC, and today’s the first day it really started to sink in. Like, I knew there was something going on, but it wasn’t until my morning newsletter this morning linked to a Houston Chronicle (I think?) article about families having to burn their belongings in the fireplace to stay warm that I really got.it.
Can you put up an out of office? Something to the effect that “You may have seen that Texas is experiencing a severe winter storm. Our home has been without power since Monday, we have no running water, and it is currently 38* indoors. I will do my best to respond to you in a timely manner, but responses may be delayed as I work to keep my family warm and fed in this unprecedented situation.” That should also let people know that yes, you ARE affected by what’s in the news and knock it off with the stupid tasks that don’t have to have you involved.
Anon says
I’m also in Texas with no power- and not sure why I’m using up battery to be on this site, but yes, put up an out of office. your phone will probably die at some point and you should save it for a real emergency. Anyone who expects anything else is absurd. It’s like NY during hurricane Sandy.
Pogo says
Yes, it was covered on NPR this morning and I know that my coworker in TX who I was supposed to have a call with today won’t be able to because she completely drained all her power on all devices (she told me last night that she was running low and if I didn’t hear from her, that was what happened). I hope everyone is OK! It sounds awful and with COVID it’s not even like you can go to an emergency warming center.
Realist says
I’m seeing it but I’m seeking out Texas news sources. There seems to be a disconnect between how dire the situation is and the coverage it is getting. I am really worried about people.
I agree with putting on an out of office message. You absolutely should be taking care of your family and helping other Texans if you are in a position to do so.
I’m sorry if people are being oblivious. Please stay safe.
Anonymous says
+1 I know because I’m from Houston and have friends/family there, but I’m not sure it’s being covered significantly in national news. Stay safe and we are thinking of you!
CCLA says
Yeah if possible I’d (a) talk to your internal team to the extent they’re not all local so they’re aware, (b) shoot a quick note to outside ppl on deals to let them know, and (c) put up an OOO message. If things are too crazy to manage those, I’d jump straight to the OOO message. Time for triage, and I think it’s very likely that ppl in the northeast requesting calls really may not know. I’m in CA and became aware of the situation a couple of days ago from friends but didn’t see it in my regular dose of news until this morning. Stay safe and warm and we’re thinking of you.
Anonymous says
It was covered in the little news soundbites at the top of the hour on my DC radio station, but it didn’t sink in until I talked to friends and family in the Dallas area last night. My dad has only electric heat and no fireplace and was joking (maybe? I hope?) about pitching a tent next to a fire outdoors. What a mess. Thinking of all y’all in TX – stay safe and warm! I would throw up an out of office message. Even if people are aware of it, it’s not top of mind for most of us. Don’t spend your 2 hours of power taking meetings!
AIMS says
In NYC and yes.
Anonymous says
There are several headlines on the front page of the Washington Post about it, though you have to scroll past political and COVID news first. It still seems pretty prominent to me, though I have several acquaintances in Texas who have been posting pictures/updates on Facebook, so maybe I’m more likely to notice than others who don’t know anyone in Texas?
Anonymous says
In Calgary, Canada – we are very aware of our friends in Texas! GOOD LUCK.
The Houston based lawyers I am currently working with have out of office on that literally says I may not have cell service / power. We don’t actually expect that they will respond!
Jeffiner says
I’m in DFW. It’s so COLD!!! I only dialed into one meeting this week, that had people from New Hampshire and California. We made an announcement at the beginning to “expect Texans to drop off at any moment due to rolling blackouts.” California did ask why there were so few people on, we explained about the storm. Sometimes New Hampshire has to take a day or two for a storm. Honestly, as “important” as people think business is, nothing ever falls apart.
I felt like telling California “some of us are busy melting snow with a frikken candle to flush our toilets, forget your test results.” I did not. My boss logged in after 3 days to “check on things” but it was obvious from his email he’s more concerned about his family and house and plumbing and work can wait.
Anonymous says
Since Saturday morning, I’ve slept a total of ~10 hours, including two completely sleepless nights (Saturday night and last night). This is not for lack of trying, including calling in sick to work and trying to sleep during the day. I’ve struggled with insomnia for a long time and it’s been worse during Covid, but when I’ve had sleepness nights before but I was always able to nap or fall asleep very early the following day due to sheer exhaustion. I’ve never experienced anything like this before where my body (brain?) will literally not let me go to sleep even though I’m so exhausted I can’t see straight and can barely stand up. I’ve tried every OTC sleep aid (Melatonin, benadryl, Unisom) with no success and I’m seeing a doctor today who I hope will give me Ambien or something like that. I guess I’m wondering if anyone ever experienced something like this and can give me positive anecdotes about getting beter or if anyone has success with Ambien – you hear so many scary stories about it that I’m terrified to take it, but I don’t see an alternative at this point. I also think I really need to take some time off work to focus on getting healthy and am wondering if anyone has any advice about how best to broach that with my boss. My job isn’t especially stressful but I serve in an on-call rotation and although I almost never get calls in the middle of the night, I think the stress of potentially getting a call that wakes me up has been a contributing factor to insomnia/sleep problems for me in the past. And I don’t see how I can be on call if I’m taking a sleep aid like Ambien.
Anonanonanon says
1. Yes. the On-call stress is real. You don’t realize it until you’re not on call, but part of your brain is constantly worried you’ll miss a call or wanting to check if the phone is where you think it is or if it’s on silent etc. First step is try to take a break from the rotation.
2. If you work in a field were people are on-call, I personally would NOT tell your boss you need a break because you’re burned out from COVID etc. It’s not fair, but everyone is, and they may not react fairly. Just say “I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve been calling in sick (if it’s been regular, or leave this part out.) I’m working with my doctor on a medical issue- nothing that will impact my work long-term, don’t worry! But I might be taking some medication temporarily and I”m not sure how it will affect me. With that in mind, I’m going to need to (take some PTO, leave the on-call rotation, whatever you’re asking for) for the next X days.”
Good luck from a fellow insomniac. I wish I had answers for you, but sometimes a true break and resetting the cycle helps.
FVNC says
This sounds terrible. I’m so sorry and I hope your doctor is able to help. I haven’t experienced anything quite this extreme — but, I just wanted to write to say that years ago I did have a pretty bad bout of insomnia and Ambien helped tremendously. It broke the cycle of anxiety I had about not being able to fall asleep (which in turn was preventing me from sleeping). I only took Ambien when my husband was home, and I think he even hid my car keys, but I never experienced any of the awful side effects you sometimes hear about. Don’t be afraid to take it if your doctor determines it’s appropriate. I hope you get some relief soon.
Anonymous says
Thanks, that’s good to hear. Yeah at this point I think I have so much anxiety about not sleeping that it’s preventing me from sleeping. Hoping I just need a “reset” and then I can try treating it with lifestyle changes or meds that are safer to be on long-term.
anon says
This happened to me a few weeks ago and it was brutal! My doc was reluctant to prescribe ambien due to my history of sleepwalking but prescribed trazodone (didn’t work) and seroquel (worked) in connection with atarax or ativan. Honestly the anxiety drugs were what was needed most to shut my brain down. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’ve experienced some trouble sleeping over the years but never the not sleeping a minute type that occurred this month.
mom of a skinny kid says
I took my 10-year-old son to a physical today, and his pediatrician is concerned about his weight. He’s average height (can’t remember the exact number right now) and only 60 pounds. He eats pretty well and has a good appetite, although the amounts are inconsistent from meal to meal and day to day. He doesn’t drink milk (doesn’t like it), but he loves cheese. He eats meat a few times a week (chicken tenders, beef tortellini, etc.), as well as meat substitutes (Morningstar veggie sausages, etc.), but since I’m a vegetarian I prefer not to make meals where I get “up close and personal” with meat. (The doctor hasn’t uploaded her advice to the patient portal yet, so I’ll definitely be checking her notes as well!)
Anon says
Did she run any tests? (Celiac panel, vit D, vit B12, etc. to check for malabsorption issues.) The bar should be pretty low to test for these things since it sounds like he has a varied diet and doesn’t have marked issues with low appetite.
My nephew did have a low appetite when he was underweight, and multiple pediatricians treated as an issue with how much my sister was feeding him until she finally found one who would listen. They were all reasonably nice doctors, but it ended up being a negative experience since he could have been treated for his underlying condition sooner if they’d just believed that yes, she feeds her child.
Anonymous says
Oh that’s just awful I’m sorry.
OP says
She didn’t order any tests, but she recommended he take a calcium/D supplement. Whoops, I didn’t even think to ask about blood tests because we had so many other health issues to discuss today! He was tested for celiac when he was young because he’s autistic and it’s common among autistic kids (I think?), and he was negative.
I’m so sorry about your nephew.
Anonymous says
I don’t have Celiac diseasee but I have another autoimmune disease and they can generally develop at any point in life. Just because he was tested and didn’t have it when he was younger doesn’t mean he doesn’t have it now.
Anonymous says
I was tested for Celiac with an IgA test. Well, I have low IgA, which produces false negatives on the IgA Celiac test (and greatly increases the risk of actually having Celiac disease).
I have read that there are special considerations for autistic kids in terms of GI health and adequate nutrition. We (I’m also autistic) seem to have increased demand for some nutrients (and can test deficient even on an adequate diet), and sometimes difficulty with food intolerance–including non-Celiac gluten sensitivity which can be an issue when Celiac is not–and sometimes other issues with digestion and motility. This is what I’ve been told while working with doctors over the years for my issues. So it may make sense to consult a specialist with experience specifically with autistic gastroenterology?
But there are also some considerations in terms of hunger perception and sensory aspects of eating. I know both get stuck on “samefoods” and also get profoundly sick of foods I used to like and seek novelty. I also am sensitive to “off” flavors (very slight rancidity and staleness of the sort that’s honestly common in normal grocery store foods; sensitive to the differences in the tastes of different waters or fruit from two different orchards, etc.), and sometimes need to “drown out” unwanted flavors with strong seasonings. I had to learn to identify hunger as such (I often get lightheaded or even a little nauseated instead of feeling normal hunger symptoms), and I still tend to eat intuitively rather than consistently.
I remember one year my mom harnessed my desire to learn about the world to encourage me to pick out one new food on each weekly shopping trip. I often picked exotic fruits or imported snack foods. I didn’t like all of them, but I was much more curious than I was averse to trying new foods, so it helped me expand my palate at a time when it was relatively limited. It sounds like your son already has a more varied diet, but it was still a fun thing for me as a kid. Maybe you can think of some ways to make good memories while trying whatever the doctor recommends!
Clementine says
If he’s autistic, I’m going to guess that you likely have him in other therapies – what about OT and/or speech? This is something that occupational and speech therapists can help with – it’s called ‘feeding therapy’.
If there are no medical issues and you’re feeding your kiddo a varied diet and offering plenty of food, the rest of his care team (specifically OT) might have other suggestions that could be helpful.
Anonymous says
That does seem very light, what else did they say? A registered diatician specializing in children can prob help. Are you getting enough healthy fats into his diet? Avocado, olive oil on roasted veggies? I have no idea if this is true but a healthy vegetarian diet may be different than the healthy vegetarian diet of an adult. There may be different needs in terms of carbs/protein. You could try avocado oil which is high in calories. Maybe pick up a vegetarian cookbook for kids and get him involved in the cooking process. Kids are more likely to eat what they help prepare.
OP says
All good ideas, thank you!
Anonymous says
Greek yoghurt
Bread with olive oil to dip it in
Almond butter or peanut butter on toast
Precooked bacon is something he could probably make himself.
Granola with Greek yoghurt for breakfast
Clif bars for snacks
Vector cereal with milk alternative for breakfast or snacks
Anonymous says
Healthy fats, and perhaps have him buy school lunch to get another meat meal in that you don’t have to cook?
So Anon says
In case you check-in late in the day: Hey!!! My 10 yr old son is autistic and skinny as well, and I’m vegan. He was diagnosed with Chron’s in K and likely has Celiac’s as well. From my extensive experience with pediatric GI, all the testing, worrying, etc., – weight is far less important as a single variable than his growth. Is he on his own growth curve and sticking to it? Is it above the 10-15th percentile? If he has slowed his growth or is consistently at the very bottom (my son was in the 1% of growth curve and BMI for a very long time), then that is where more testing comes into play. If the doc recommends more testing, then that is a road to go down to see if there is an underlying issue. It could be behavioral, which is not – in any way – to say that you are doing anything wrong. Rather, an autistic kiddo may need help on a few different fronts: my son does not always recognize when he is hungry (or other bodily cues like when he is hot), and needs to eat on a schedule. There could be a sensory issue with certain textures and food therapy can help. If the issue is his diet, I would highly recommend seeking out a registered dietian who is is familiar with kids on the spectrum. Just offering more food, in my experience, is not going to help the situation. Also, for what it’s worth, I have not found meat to be the key in my kiddo gaining weight. Instead, he finally starting gaining weight during the pandemic when he was eating at home during the day more and I could help focus his attention on food rather than him snacking or being overwhelmed by the noise of the cafeteria while eating.
Anonymous says
My kids have been doing distance learning since last March and our school district just announced we’re going to return to hybrid in mid-April! They’ll finally be out of the house two days a week!!!
Anonymous says
yay!