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Accessory Tuesday: Face Masks

Recent Recs

Back in the spring when stay-at-home orders first radiated across the country, I (optimistically and very mistakenly) figured we’d be back in the office in a few weeks. So, I’d need some face masks, especially since I’d be riding the train to and from the office. There were some very adorable and fun ones on Etsy, and the ubiquitous blue disposable ones. But, I wanted masks that equaled my professional wardrobe.

Enter Tokki x Gravitas: Now, you can certainly buy reusable masks for a lot less, but I have not found anything that matches the sophistication and versatility of these prints. I have one in “seaside” and another in a feather print. I am currently eyeing their aptly named “fight” print. 

The ear loops are not adjustable, but the masks come in different sizes. For each mask purchased, one is donated to healthcare workers. Even though I now have a large collection of masks, I always reach for these when I want to step up my daycare drop-off look.

The masks are $24 each at shop.tokki.com. Tokki x Gravitas Face Masks

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We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Sales of Note…

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
  • Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
  • Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
  • Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
  • Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10

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About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Boston Legal Eagle says

    So who else is averaging about a once a month daycare illness out there? Ugh. So far, kids have been home about once every 4 weeks or so, almost entirely for the 2 year old’s catching some virus. Negative covid results so far, at least, but it’s rough to keep both of them home. I think the general advice is that the first two winters at daycare are the worst and then it gets noticeably better (has been true for my older one, who has only gotten sick once since July), so I need some reassurances that next winter will be better. I keep telling myself that we need to get through this miserable winter and then things will be better, Covid and otherwise. Thanks all.

    • Anonymous says

      If they are still picking up colds and other normal day care bugs, I’d be suspicious about the strength of the center’s COVID precautions. Although one day care illness a month does seem light for the first two years–for us, it was an average of two illnesses per month, and our pediatrician said that was normal.

    • Anon says

      We’re two winters removed, but we were constantly at the pedi’s office with fevers and other such illnesses in DD’s first winter at daycare. It was a running joke with the pedi that we were there legitimately every other week from Halloween to the day DD got ear tubes in April (not all illnesses were ear infection related, either). It was horrendous on a number of fronts, not the least of which was job disruption. I really thought I had to leave my job at one point because I was missing so much work for the inevitable fever calls (out of daycare for rest of day + tomorrow…). For all the things working moms get dinged for, I somehow failed to prepare/think through this x-factor.

      Her second winter, last winter, didn’t include a single non-routine pedi appointment. I promise it’ll get better and this is a small blip on the radar once you’re a few years removed. Hang in there. It’s so hard.

    • AwayEmily says

      It definitely will be better next year! I have an almost-3-yo and our first daycare winter was HORRIBLE. Flu, RSV, hand-foot-mouth, strep — all in the period of like four months. The second winter was a bit better, and this winter (knock on wood) we are illness-free.

      • Anon says

        I don’t think this winter is very representative – between the social distancing and masks there are fewer bugs being introduced into the classroom and kids are less likely to catch anything that this introduced. My 2 year old was sick constantly last winter (like 10+ times) and this fall and winter we’ve exactly had one mild cold. While I would love this believe it’s just her strong immune system, I think the Covid precautions have way more to do with it. I expect next winter to be much rougher, especially if Covid is controlled enough that the kids no longer wear masks.

        • AwayEmily says

          Could be! I saw the same pattern for my 5yo (no illnesses in year 3), which all happened pre-COVID, but one can’t make many generalization from two data points.

    • Leatty says

      It gets better! My 3 year old got sick at least every month she was in daycare for the first 1.5 years, then didn’t get sick for over a year. My infant will be starting daycare soon, and I’m really nervous – if either of them (or us) have any COVID symptoms, both have to stay home until 48 hours after symptoms resolve. It is hard enough watching both kids when we aren’t working and they are healthy, so I’m dreading having to watch both while one or both is sick and while working.

    • anne-on says

      It gets better! My kiddo got literally just about every single childhood illness you can get (croup, hand foot and mouth, roseola, ear infections, flu, strep, etc. etc. etc.) and after his 3rd year it was down to 1 or 2 ‘big’ bugs a year (flu or strep mostly).
      I’d also encourage you to talk to your doctor for an ENT referral if you have recurring ear infections or throat infections. My kids ears/tonsils/adenoids were a hot mess and I should have pushed for a ENT consult sooner than after 4 ear infections (which turned into 5 by the time we got in, and he had 7 before tubes). I think pediatricians dismiss ear infections as NBD but they were a HUGE disruption for us as 2 working parents (first visit, meds, recheck visit, lost sleep, later rinse repeat) and once the tonsils and adenoids came out illnesses were MUCH less common and severe.

      • Anon says

        As something of a counterpoint, my ped pushed us to do tubes last year after I think our fourth ear infection in six months. I was hesitant because I knew (from here and real life friends) that the first winter is always bad and I didn’t want to jump to surgical interventions until we’d gotten through that first winter and given my kiddo’s immune system a chance to naturally develop. Things are way better now, likely due to all the Covid precautions, but I’m optimistic that even if things are back to normal illness-wise next winter, my kid will have outgrown the need for tubes and/or developed her immune system to the point that she can fight off colds without developing secondary infections. So in my experience the ped was too eager to push tubes, and I’m glad we waited.

        • anne-on says

          Fair – I’d say to push for an ENT consult sooner vs. taking a pediatrician’s advice only once you’re at the 4 infection point. Our ENT very quickly saw after a specialized exam that the ear infections were more of a symptom of an entirely wonky well, ENT situation, that should be surgically treated. I’d have trusted him if the advice was ‘give it another year, the additional growth will take care of it’. This was well beyond the scope of a pediatrician and well worth the consult (for us).

    • Anonymous says

      It does get better. In a normal year your experience is totally normal.

      I would wonder a bit about daycare’s COVID protocols if your kids are still getting sick at the levels of pre mask/pre distancing/ pre triple disinfecting days.

      Usually our kids have colds all fall. This year we have had ONE between the 3 of them and it was my toddler who at the time did not wear a mask at daycare. She now wears a mask at daycare because she’s learned to tolerate it.

      • Anon says

        Same. My kid did catch one cold despite everyone in the room wearing a mask, but it was incredibly mild (light sneezing and drippy nose for 24 hours, no cough, no ear infection, no one else in our house got sick). I would definitely question the Covid protocols if they’re getting sick every single month, especially if they’re sick enough to have to stay home for a while.

        The first year should definitely be the worst in terms of things that require ped visits like ear infections and some of the bigger one and done viruses like roseola. But it’s common even for older kids and adults to catch many colds and isn’t a sign of a weak immune system. What indicates immune system weakness is if all your colds are lasting for weeks or turning into secondary infections. In normal times, I catch quite a few colds every winter so I chalk this blissful illness-free year up to all the Covid precautions, not to the fact that it’s our second year in daycare. My unpopular opinion is that I want kids to stay masked at daycare forever, because I love not getting sick all the time.

        • Redux says

          Regarding your unpopular opinion, have you read that this masked-up year might actually be bad for developing immune systems? Link to the NYT article to follow.

          • Anonymous says

            Yeah, but the tradeoff is the risk that kiddo may bring home COVID and turn her parents into long-haulers. To me, it’s just not worth it.

          • Anon says

            I have seen that and thought it was interesting, but it’s not like kids are living in a sterile environment even with masks. Even with masks, we’ve still had one daycare cold this fall and I’m sure it would be more if it weren’t for all the social distancing everyone is doing (families in our class seem to be taking the rules about not gathering very seriously). Plus we have a dog and a not terribly clean house, and we play outside a lot (all mentioned in the article as ways kids are exposed to germs). Kids also can’t wear masks until age 2, so even if masks were perfect at preventing daycare illness, kids who start daycare as infants would go through one or even two winters of catching everrrrrything first. I’m mostly thinking masks would reduce the severity or number of colds we get each winter and maybe cut back on the chances of getting flu, which isn’t exactly going to destroy an immune system.
            Regardless, I know it isn’t going to happen, just wishful thinking on my part.

          • Anonymous says

            Developing immune systems aside, wouldn’t it be nice if there were a norm in the US the way that there is in parts of Asia that you wear a mask if you’re feeling under the weather but not miserable enough to stay home and lie in bed all day? Maybe we wouldn’t all have low grade colds for half the winter if we trapped our germs better!

          • Anonymous says

            Masks are just another tool in the hygiene arsenal. Handwashing probably prevents far more infections than masks do, especially for viruses like norovirus that are primarily surface-borne, but we’re not going to stop doing that or drilling it into our kids. Even in pre-covid times, our daycare washed the kids’ hands about 10 times a day! I agree that right now kids are living in a weirdly germ-free environment that probably isn’t good for developing immune systems, but if covid goes away and people resume socializing and going to the gym and taking their kids to children’s museums and indoor playplaces again, that will definitely change. Masks won’t eliminate germs, they’re just one tool to reduce the odds of infection, like handwashing.

      • Anon says

        Yeah I hate to say it but I agree. I have three kids five and under all in some sort of program (including an unmasked 18 month old) and we’ve had one maybe two colds this fall. That is unheard of for us. I assume it’s the Covid precautions – and I assume we’re all going to be sick all next fall. I think that many illnesses might ask me to ask some questions, just from my own anecdotal experience.

        • Anon says

          Maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised? My unscientific opinion is that giving immune systems more time to mature before the onslaught of illness might help them fight off future sickness. My son was in a group setting for the first time last year at age four (preK) and I was expecting lots of sick days, but he caught one cold/sinus infection and that was it! (In fact, my kids have each only had one sick visit to the doctor their whole lives and our only antibiotics were for that sinus infection; no ear infections). Anecdata for sure, but possibly a little hope

          • Anon says

            +1 I know it’s a popular opinion here that kids will get sick the same amount their first year in group childcare, whether it’s as an infant or an elementary schooler, but anecdotally that’s not what I’ve heard from my mom and my SAHM friends, who all say that they had just one or two illnesses in K despite not having their kids in daycare previously. There is some ambient germ exposure just from living in the world, even if you’re not in a childcare setting, and your immune system gets stronger as you get older even without being in daycare. Plus things like ear infections are known to be an infant/toddler problem, since eustachian tubes get bigger as you get older. When my daughter was 1, every cold turned into an ear infection and I definitely wouldn’t expect a kindergartner to have that problem, even if he was catching 10 colds a year.

      • Anonymous says

        Agreed. Most people I know with kids in group childcare have had way less illness than normal this fall and winter. Getting sick this much suggests to me that either your daycare’s precautions aren’t working and/or the families and teachers in your class aren’t taking social distancing seriously. Do the kids wear masks?

        • Boston Legal Eagle says

          No, the kids don’t wear masks, but the teachers do and parents aren’t allowed beyond the lobby (all masked). My 4.5 year old isn’t getting sick beyond one mild cold so far, it’s just the 2 year old and with the new restrictions, both have to stay home until symptom free for 72 hours. I think what’s happening is that toddlers are brought in with mild colds (runny nose) and then the 2 year old catches it. I will think about putting them in masks for at least the next few months though.

          • Anonymous says

            With this I’d be a little worried about how much hand washing/sanitizing they are doing. And are they cleaning all the toys every night? Something that helped my two year old was learning to “pretend eat” play food so she stopped putting that in her mouth

          • Anon says

            Yeah, if they’ll tolerate masks I would think about doing that at least for the rest of winter. We know masks protect the wearer to some degree now, and I think that protection is actually much higher for toddlers because the mask prevents them from sticking their hands in their nose or mouth, which so many young kids do with great frequency. That’s why I’m always puzzled when “they might touch the mask!” is given as a reason 2 year olds shoudn’t be in masks. Yes, they might touch the masks, but touching the masks is SO much better than sticking fingers in their nose or sucking their thumb. I have a 2 year old who was a big finger sucker, and now she only does it at night and nap right after washing hands, so that right there seems like a huge benefit of the masks.

    • Anon says

      We were before Covid. We’ve only had one cold in the last 3-4 months but to be honest I think it’s because there are only 4 kids in my kid’s class and they aren’t mixing the age groups any more.

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t want to jinx myself by going into detail…but I’ll say this gets a lot better!

    • Anon says

      This never got better for me when I was a kid. Turns out I had a symptomatic IgA deficiency! It would have really been nice to have known sooner.

  2. Anon says

    i posted yesterday, but didn’t get many responses, so trying again. one of my twins is much more coordinated than the other and my other twin is starting to notice that their sibling can do things very easily that they can’t do yet and i think is starting to get upset about it, but is still too young to verbalize that exactly. I don’t want my other twin to feel like she isn’t as capable with anything since most things that toddlers do involve some gross and fine motor skills. Any tips on how to navigate this? or more generally when things seem to come more naturally to one sibling vs. the other?

    • anon says

      Can you give examples of the sort of situations where this comes up?

      My twins have generally been pretty aligned in their development but one typically hits gross motor milestones first and the other hits fine motor milestones first. For the fine motor stuff, we don’t run into too many issues. We’ll give them both activities and A will carefully color in the lines while B does more scribbling, but this doesn’t make B upset. Gross motor differences were harder to manage, though, since A would get frustrated about not being able to make the scooter work while B was already halfway down the block.

    • Anon says

      for example – twin A will build a tall tower quickly using duplos, while twin B is having more trouble putting blocks together, twin A can pull up her own pants, while twin B can’t, twin A can do a summersault easily, but much harder for twin B, twin A creates something out of play dough and twin B can’t manipulate it in the same way, twin A can jump, twin B can’t, etc.

      • anon says

        Can you try suggesting things for twin B to do? Like AwayEmily’s suggestions of smooshing playdoh or suggesting she could try twirling while her sister is jumping.

        My twins are older, but we also push back on the “I can’t do x, only [twin] can” with the idea that she’s still learning and everyone needs to practice new skills.

        • OP says

          yea i like the idea of suggesting things for twin B to do. i definitely try to emphasize the idea that everyone needs to practice new schools. the trouble right now is that twin A seems to need a lot less practice for just about every skill/activity (other than sleeping!) than twin B,

    • Anon says

      I think this is somewhat applicable even with different ages, but it’s more pronounced in twins. I don’t have twins myself but my husband is a twin and we have other twins in the family.

      The key seems to be treating each kid as an individual so their success can be independent of the other siblings/ twin, and actively work to avoid labels and comparisons. They both can be good at drawing, even if one is on a different track than the other – one doesn’t have to be “The Artist” and the other “The Scientist”. My SIL/ BIL were very adamant with the family and daycare teachers that we can’t use “more/less” when talking about them – it’s not fair to say A is more outgoing than B, just describe each independently like “A is sure talking a lot today!” We adapted that a lot even when I had my second kid – the comparisons start so early. “Oh he’s going to be the outgoing one, his sister was so shy!” so we asked people to just describe him independently like they do for A and B. It’s definitely a shift for a lot of people, so parents have to be really vigilant if they want to prevent most of it, but now our family is really good at letting each kid be themself, and it’s great to see them try new things.

    • Anne says

      I think it’s important to teach kids that differences have value (racial, ability, size etc.). It’s great that some people do something quicker and some slower! It’s great that some people are short and some people are tall etc.! The world would be so boring if we could all do things the same way.

      • gym mom says

        I find this approach to be patronizing and disingenuous when kids are engaging in direct comparisons of skills. I don’t have twins, but my daughter is a competitive gymnast who constantly compares herself to her teammates in terms of skill acquisition. Over the years, I’ve found that the best response to her complaints that her friend Susie got her full or flipped her Tsuk or did whatever else first is simply “you’ll do it when you’re ready.” Repeat ad nauseum.

    • OP says

      thanks everyone. they are 2.5, so while we can definitely start conversations about how everyone is different, etc. i do think it is a bit over their heads and in the moment, when twin A is able to do a puzzle in 30 seconds and it takes twin B, much longer, and twin B comments, “this is too hard for me,” I tell her that sometimes things are hard for me too, and I keep trying. We watch a lot of Daniel Tiger in our house and there is an episode about how different kids do things in their own way, which we watch. I’m sure as they get older Twin B will have her things that she excels at (she is extremely verbal and easy to understand for a 2.5 year old and is the best sleeper, which is something we appreciate as parents!), but right now in the world of a 2 year old, it is hard to find those things

    • AwayEmily says

      Our kids are 2 years apart, but we still run into this issue. If the younger one is frustrated by not being able to do something his big sister can do, we usually just say “you seem frustrated. Do you want to keep practicing, or do you want to do something else, like….” and then propose a similar activity that he CAN do. Like, if big sister is somersaulting, I might suggest he jump as high as he can in the air. If big sister is making balls out of play-doh, I suggest he try smooshing it. I think just reminding him that there are multiple ways to play is helpful at snapping him out of the comparison trap.

      • AwayEmily says

        And it helps that often once he starts doing it, big sister wants to do it too (“wow, smooshing is fun!” and he feels cool for being the ‘first mover’).

  3. AwayEmily says

    Any recommendations for music-themed gifts for a 3yo? Some kind of music player? He is constantly singing all sorts of songs and especially loves the Frozen soundtrack, but hasn’t shown especially strong interest in instruments (we have a tiny play piano and a ukelele). In case it’s relevant, we don’t have an Alexa/Siri/etc in our house and don’t want to get one.

    • Anonymous says

      The B Toys Parum Pum Pum percussion set and the old-school Fisher Price xylophone are very popular among the kids in our family. You can also get more realistic percussion instruments at a music store or educational toy store. For some reason it seems more appealing to actually pick out tunes on the xylophone. The toy piano (and my actual piano, arrgh) they just like to bang on.

    • Anonymous says

      One of those cheap “echo” microphones that doesn’t have any electronics, just a spring. Tons of fun for 3-year-old aspiring rock stars.

    • Anon says

      Do they still make those music players with attached microphones to sing into?

    • Anon says

      Karaoke microphone? the volume is not too loud and you can connect it to your iphone so you can play music from it for htem to sing along to.

    • SC says

      What about a toy microphone or one of those kids’ karaoke machines? Target even has a Frozen-themed one, though it looks like you can play any music you load it up with (via Bluetooth). If he likes to perform, you could buy or build a small stage–bonus points if you can slide it under a piece of furniture if not in use. You could also purchase the Frozen sing-along edition, or any other sing-along video. I’m pretty sure sing-along videos were how I learned to read, which is hilarious because I have literally the worst voice on the planet. (My poor parents.)

    • Realist says

      Maybe a xylphone with music sheets coordinated to the colors of the xylophone keys?

      • Realist says

        Oops, I first read it as the child did like instruments and you wanted instrument suggestions. Now the other replies are making sense. Carry on.

    • blueridge29 says

      We used a cheap CD player and had a whole bunch of Disney soundtracks/kids CDs. 3 may be a little young, but you may be surprised how quickly he starts putting on his own music. Think about car rules though, the trolls soundtrack is burned on my soul after a road trip several years ago. :(

      • ElisaR says

        this. it’s actually hard to find a CD player made by a reputable company i’ve heard of…. but we bought a cheap one (i just picked the one with the fewest buttons) and it’s been a BIG hit.

        • DLC says

          We have a CD player too, and I agree the ones in store these days are pretty much crap. We’ve had good luck getting them for free off Freecycle. Then I don’t mind so much when it dies after a year.

    • DLC says

      We have the Fisher Price play record player and have gotten a lot of mileage out of it, even though it pretty much just plays standard nursery rhyme songs.
      We also have the notoriously cat piano with microphone. Also have gotten a lot of use, but slightly more annoying than the record player.

    • Anonymous says

      We have a set of musical instruments that kiddo got around that age and really likes (Thanks, Grandma!). Recorder, little xylophone, jingle bells, triangle, etc. Only the recorder is tough to handle for extended periods. The other struff really isn’t that loud. We also have a keyboard mat thing that you can walk on (Again, thanks, Grandma!). It has an adjustable volume, and we don’t keep it out all the time.

    • AwayEmily says

      Thanks all! I went with the Fisher Price record player…I like the idea of the CD player but I think my particular 3yo would destroy it. A good option for when they are older tho.

  4. gaiters for kids? says

    I know, this is a question from like July, but… my 7-year-old asked to wear a gaiter instead of a mask because the ear loops bug him and his friends are wearing gaiters. I know masks are recommended over gaiters, but I am willing to entertain the gaiter for outdoor play. Any recommendations for gaiters that will stay up while he runs around? Thanks!

    • Realist says

      My kid really likes a balaclava that goes up over their head (basically, just has an opening for the eyes). It is warm and doubles as a mask and seems great for outdoors.

    • Artemis says

      Check out SA Fishing/SA Company (just Google and you’ll find it). Out of FL, making gaiters for years for other stuff. They have kids sizes and discounts on multi-gaiter packs. I bought several for ages 5 to 10 and they fit very well, go through the wash well (no dryer, line dry), and stay stretchy and tight. My kids have to wear regular masks to school but wear gaiters for all other activities and outings.

  5. anon says

    I am SUCH a curmudgeon about any kind of motorized toy for kids, but I am strongly considering asking Santa to bring my 11yo an electric scooter for Christmas. Is this a decision I’m going to completely regret? Other than the obvious safety hazards, what am I not thinking about? Kiddo is a bit of an indoor cat unless he has something really compelling to do, so I’m hoping this will entice him into getting outdoors more often, which would lead to more active play that he desperately needs right now. He has asked for one in the past, though it’s hard to know whether it’s a passing phase or not. He has a regular Razor scooter (that he’s outgrowing and little sister is using more often than he is).

    Buying gifts for tweens is hard, ya’ll.

    • anon says

      With the caveat that I’ve never looked into these, my concern would be that the motorized part means that while he might go outside, he won’t be getting an exercise/active play/gross motor time. Are they more interactive than I’m thinking?

      • anon says

        No, I agree. The scooter itself would not be active, per se, but it may be more likely to get him to places where he would be active (e.g., the park).

          • Anonymous says

            No, they don’t. If there is a pack of kids on the block zipping around on electric scooters he might join in, but no 11-year-old is just going to go off to the park to engage in active play by himself. A moody 11-year-old might go alone to sit in a tree and read poetry or something.

          • Anonymous says

            In my neighborhood (MoCo) yes, they do. I’m actually pretty encouraged that I see a lot of tweens using playgrounds or playing in nature around my area.

          • AwayEmily says

            I’m in a mid-sized city in central NY, and it definitely happens here. Last weekend we brought my kids to an elementary school playground to play and there were three tweens there just hanging out on the swings chatting — and all in masks!

          • Anon says

            My small suburban town strikes me as hyper paranoid about kids not doing things alone, and most kids are definitely playing outside with friends by 9-10. I was doing it a 5, which is definitely a no-go here. But I can’t imagine not allowing an 11 year old to go to the park!

    • Stlclt says

      My 11 year old loves the motorized scooter. Also a hover board, which gets more physical because of the balancing aspect (ab work). Sure, they crash and scrape knees. But we require helmets for all things with wheels so I feel like it’s fairly safe. No worse than his bike.

      • +1 says

        Yeah, I was going to suggest hover board too. Those seem very popular where I am!

    • Anonymous says

      An adult friend of mine had a horrendous accident on an electric scooter and got rid of hers immediately. After seeing pics of her afterwards, I know there’s no way I’d ever get one for my kids. Thank goodness she was wearing a helmet.

      • Anon says

        Ah what happened if you don’t mind my asking? What about electric made it happen? The speed? I’m sorry if this is a sensitive topic, just want to keep kids safe.

      • Anon says

        A coworker fell off of an electric scooter and broke their leg in 13 places (sober, during daylight hours). Missed a few months of work. It’s not the “riding the scooter” that is the problem; it’s the “can I leap off a scooter in motion and try a karate kick while landing” that is likely to happen once a kid is comfortable.

        • Anonymous says

          Or, with a hoverboard, “can I do a handstand on the hoverboard while it is in motion.”

    • Anonymous says

      Unless he has expressed a ton of interest in this and has plans to go scootering – it’s highly unlikely that this gets him outside more. What about a slack line, or soccer net or hockey net or basketball net? Any of those can easily be used even if you have a neighborhood without other kids in his age range.

  6. Hard Day says

    Today I’m hitting a wall. It’s one of those, “Wow, 2020 is just really hard. If you’re a parent, it’s almost impossible.’ days.

    I keep trying to take days off but it’s… not working.

    • Anon says

      I had a relatively minor setback yesterday, but it drove me to crawl into bed and cry for half an hour in the middle of the day. This is not like me at all, but what happened was just the straw that broke the camel’s back and I needed some time to wallow and sob. I’m doing better today but if I think about what my (admittedly pretty great) life is like on a daily basis right now for too long, it starts to feel a little bleak.

      Solidarity, mama.

      • Anonymous says

        Hugs, I’ve been there, too. Some days it just all spills over. I’ve found that a hot bubble bath after the kids go to bed really takes the edge off. Sneak in some good stuff where you can!

  7. Spirograph says

    It’s late and I’ll probably ask again tomorrow, but curious: do you have a target percentage of your income to donate each year, and how do you choose specific charities and allocate? As I was doing my taxes for last year I was disappointed in myself that we make so much money and give so little of it away, so I want to do better. Especially this year, when so many people are struggling.

    So far, I have recurring monthly support to my church and the local public radio stations, and give small amounts here or there as current events put something on my radar, but I tried to make a list for end-of-year giving last night based on broad categories of causes I support, and … it’s overwhelming.

    • Anon says

      I have monthly recurring donations to an international aid organization CARE and PBS. We made end-of-year one-time donations to a charity that helps those who are homeless and to a local food bank. We also donate to other causes for friends or family. We probably only donate 1 percent of our income but are trying to do better over time.

      I’d say just start and don’t feel like your donation has to be perfect.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      So far this year, our charitable contributions are about 2% of our gross income, which I would like to increase in the future. I’m not sure whether I have a set target – maybe 5-10% one day? Hopefully when daycare prices go down! My company matches up to $5,000 per year, so I try to aim for at least that. I’ve been donating to the same organizations year over year (big ones like Planned Parenthood, ACLU, Sierra Club and some others, and our local food bank), which minimizes the decision paralysis. Throughout this past year, I’ve also done one offs based on everything going in the world. Note that this doesn’t include political contributions, which I’ve done more of this year.

    • Anon says

      I think last year we gave away a little more than 1% of our pre-tax income, probably about 2% if you count politicians as charities (I know that’s controversial). Our income is low relative to many others here, although we live in a LCOL area. I think this is probably an unpopular opinion, but women in my family typically live to be 90-100 years old and develop dementia in their 80s and I’ve seen a lot of family members (including both my grandmothers), burn through hundreds of thousands of dollars per year for the last decade or more of their life so I’ve always felt that the wisest thing to do is save super aggressively when you’re working and make large bequests to charities in your will. I have no intention of making my kids instant millionaires when I die, but I also don’t think it’s prudent for me to give away huge sums before death, given how much I expect to need in the last couple decades of my life and that I don’t want to rely on my children for financial help in old age. My parents took a similar approach; they’re setting aside some money for my childrens’ college funds but the bulk of their estate will go to the university where they’ve worked for 40 years.

      I give to World Wildlife Fund, NRDC, Planned Parenthood, an elephant sanctuary in Thailand that we’ve visited, some local organizations we care about (public library and free local zoo), my daughter’s non-profit daycare, and whenever a friend or acquaintance fundraises for a charity I typically chip in $25 assuming it’s not a cause I’m morally opposed to. And then since this was an election year I really cared about, I gave a lot to politicians, but I know a lot of people view that differently than charity.

      • Anon says

        …and by “last year” I mean “this year.” I am mentally already in 2021 :)

    • Anon says

      We don’t have a specific percentage but have specific charities we support. We didn’t give as much during the daycare years. Since we’re not as high-earning as some on this board, we’re still rebuilding our savings accounts now that we’re finally out of daycare/preschool, but once that is done we’ll try to increase our giving a bit.

      In practice:
      ~4% goes to monthly recurring donations to two charities we care about but don’t volunteer at
      ~1% goes to year end giving to local charities where we volunteer consistently through the year
      ~1% goes to various hyperlocal things like families in need, medical care funds for acquaintances, adopt-a-family for the holidays, etc.
      ~2-3% goes to fundraisers for various community orgs, like the PTA of our kids’ school (large percentage of lower income families), our local food bank, etc. We also volunteer some nominal time here.

    • Katy says

      In terms of specific charities to pick – it can be overwhelming. To narrow it down last year I decided that i wanted to focus on one theme. For me, it was leveling the playing field for kids as they start school – on the back of that i choose to support my public library (which has amazing programming), a kids lunch program, and a literacy program that in particular supports new immigrants. It was also important to me to support groups that offer good transparency on operations and where the money goes. My goal for this year was to get more involved in the same type of programs, outside of financial contribution – though I embarrassingly haven’t made it a priority given everything else.

      I know there are SO MANY worthwhile groups. For example getting books to kids might seem like a small thing compared to funding women’s shelters to get kids out of an unsafe situation and I struggled with that as I thought about where I wanted to give. My husband’s giving – through the organizations that he is voluntold to support at his office supports social service / family crisis organizations.

      Ultimately, I can’t afford to fund everyone and that is OK.
      This year i am supporting the same organizations who have each done an amazing job working through Covid restrictions.

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