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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 165 Comments · by

Maternity Monday: Essential Maternity Blazer

Maternity· Recent Recs

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A woman wearing a Essential Maternity BlazerWe’ve featured this blazer a bunch of times in the past, and this new black space dye speckle looks really cute. Whether or not you really need a maternity blazer is debatable, but if you want to have something that definitely buttons over your belly, this one from Tart Maternity is great. It’s on sale, too ($103 from $148), and it comes in sizes XS-L. Essential Maternity Blazer This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    A while back there was a thread (or threadjack I suppose, as it was not the subject of Kat’s post) in which people commented with how they explain their job as a lawyer to their kids. Google isn’t helping me find it. Can any of you? Thanks!

    • JayJay says

      Oh, I missed that thread. I’ll have to look for it. The other day my 5 yo son asked what I do at work and I was stumped how to explain what an in-house counsel does. My husband immediately said “She makes sure her company follows all the important rules.” That stuck with my son, and me.

      • Anonymous says

        I do a variation of this. I’m an environmental lawyer so I say that people ask mommy questions about what the rules are about picking up litter or keeping the water clean and mommy does lots of reading to find out what the rules are and lots of writing to explain about the rules to people.

    • Anonymous says

      We generally say “help people work together to resolve their problems.” Which is a pretty aspirational thing for a litigator to say… But LO is still in preschool.

    • Rainbow Hair says

      I’m in house and I tell my kid I “help [name] and [name] answer questions.” (She knows a few of my main work colleagues.)

    • Knope says

      My legal specialty is pretty easy to explain but I do wonder how we will describe my husband’s (appellate law)…

      • Lurker says

        I think appeals would be easy for a kid to explain. When you don’t like the answer, you get to ask someone else if they would make the same decision. Kind of like how you ask mommy and if she says no, you also ask daddy. LOL.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m not a lawyer, but it seems to come up a lot. I go with “someone who knows all the rules” sometimes with the addition of “and helps other people by explaining the rules and making sure they are followed.”

    • Amelia Bedelia says

      this is so wrong, but I love it anyway. My kiddo tells people “mommy keeps people out of jail!”
      works for me.

  2. RDC says

    Any tips on teaching a 2.5yo not to scream (for fun)? I’ve read (parts of …) No Drama Discipline and No Bad Kids, and I like their general approach. One issue that thy don’t address, though, is yelling. My son thinks it’s super fun to yell or scream, apparently to hear his own noise or just to annoy us, not sure which. With other behaviors, we would prevent him from doing them (Bang your sippie cup? No more cup. Ram the dog with your bicycle? Bike goes away for a while.) but that doesn’t work with yelling. We’ve tried reasoning (too loud / that hurts my ears / the baby is sleeping) and it has limited or no effect. Last night when he wouldn’t stop screaming we finally told him if he didn’t stop, there would be no books at bedtime. He screamed again, so no books. But he clearly didn’t understand the connection between the two (screaming/books) or even understand why the screaming was “wrong.”

    I’m especially frustrated by this since he seems to think it’s especially fun to yell and wake up his baby sister, so we haven’t been able to put them in the same room together as planned. We try to tell him he needs to be quiet so baby can sleep / don’t wake up baby, but that just makes it a fun game. Help please.

    • POSITA says

      We’ve had limited success telling our 3 yo that she has to go outside or to her room to yell.

      As an alternative, we have found that if we start whispering she’ll often stop yelling so that she can hear what we’re saying.

      • Betty says

        This is our approach as well. If the three year old wants to yell, we first whisper back and if she insists on yelling, we pick her up and carry her outside.

        • RDC says

          Thanks – I like this idea. Of course, last night’s incident was when he was nekked in the bath (good acoustics?), so it could make for good entertainment for the neighbors …

    • Anon says

      My older daughter screamed for fun, I’m pretty sure. Daycare gets all the credit for this, not me, but it’s basically just a different way they’re expressing their emotions.

      His teachers could speak to her, help her work through the emotions, and she stopped screaming at daycare. It didn’t work at home, even a little bit. So they helped me try various things. What ended up working was the Daniel Tiger “When you get so mad that you wanna roar, take a deep breath (pause) and count to 4.” combined with “roaring” into a pillow if she was still upset. It wasn’t instantaneous, but worked over a couple weeks of consistency at home and daycare.

      Good luck!

      • RDC says

        It’s not “mad” screaming – for meltdowns I’m usually able to talk him down. He’s pretty verbal so it’s not a communication thing. This is just “really fun to see how loud I can be!” screaming. He’ll repeatedly yell a nonsense syllable (da! da! da!) and when I say “quiet please” or “too loud” he just continues (da! DA!). We say “stop,” “no yelling,” he yells (DAAA! DAA!).

        • Blueberry says

          This sounds like the way my kids behave sometimes when they are together. They get loud and out of control, and the more I try to talk over them or tell them no, the wilder they get. The only way I’m consistently successful at regaining control is to physically separate them. I think a similar course of action would be what I would try. E.g., “If you scream, it hurts my ears. I’m going to put you outside/in your room/wherever, so you can finish screaming. You can come back when you are done screaming.”
          Kind of like a time-out to jolt him back into sensibility.

        • Anonymous says

          Yeah it’s fun to yell. Or to run as fast as you can. Or to spin around until you fall over. It’s part of having a body.

          If you have a backyard, scoop him up, put him there. Night time, rain, dinner, (keep a thick blanket by the door for him to stand on in the snow), it doesn’t matter, just let him yell his head off.

          I would not frame this as a “punishment” though. I would try something like, “The rule is ‘no yelling inside.’ I’m going to put you outside to help you follow the rule.”

      • AKB says

        A good old fashioned, “Hey! Knock it off.”

        We over complicate everything. Just tell him to stop in a stern voice.

        Mommy don’t play.

    • quail says

      My kid does this occasionally (he’s 2.25) and what’s worked best is just ignoring it (when it’s clear he’s just doing it for funsies, not because he’s mad – then we do Daniel Tiger/talk about different ways to express feelings…which has spotty success). But YMMV because we don’t have the “wake the baby” problem.

      And we try to pay more attention to him at other times. But in the moment, we just ignore because he’s not going to get our attention that way (in theory!).

    • CLMom says

      I’m sure I was older before I understood the concept, however my mom made it very clear that screams were for when I was in danger. I could yell and be loud, but specifically screaming is a call for help so I should only use it in warranted situations.

    • RR says

      Tell him to scream louder. It’s weird, but I read it somewhere, and it has worked on all three of my kids. If he screams, you have to just repeatedly sound unimpressed and tell him he has to scream louder. Just on and on and on. And it gets boring, and they stop. It’s not fun when mom and dad make you work at it. Something like that. It’s one of those crazy parenting things I couldn’t believe I was doing, but it worked.

        • Anonymous says

          Ditto this — my daughter (3 yrs old) will scream when bath is over, just to hear herself and exercise her lungs. I greatly prefer this to screaming for a tantrum, so I just roll with it. Then it’s over within 5 min, and she’s good to go until the next day.

    • Anonymous says

      No advice but lots of empathy. One of my twins (age 2.5) does this so loudly that it hurts my ears. We generally do a two minute time out in his crib after having tried basically everything else without success.

    • Anonymous says

      My son is a bit older–almost 5–but the most effective threat I have for screaming and other unpleasant behavior is walking away from him. So if he’s screaming in the tub, I’ll say that’s too loud for me, I need to go in the other room. And then I do, at least briefly.

    • SC says

      Luckily for us, Kiddo started screaming for fun on the same day we were visiting two family members who are child development psychologists. They said our best bet was to ignore the screaming entirely. We had an annoying couple of weeks, but he eventually got tired of screaming when nobody was reacting. The hardest part was getting other caretakers on board.

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Have you tried “1 2 3 Magic”? I’ve used it with some success on screaming, for my 2.25 year old.

    • EB0220 says

      I’ve had a little success telling my kids that if they scream, I won’t know when they really need something and when they’re just screaming for fun. I think I made an impression by telling them that I don’t know the difference between a fun scream and a “I cut my arm off” scream.

    • anon says

      Screaming for fun in the house? Mostly ignore. Sometimes join in.

      Screaming for fun in church? Hold my hand over her mouth. She HATES that, so now all I have to do is threaten “do you want me to put my hand over your mouth?” and she cuts it out.

    • H says

      Hmmm, I actually think it’s kind of cute when my 2.5 year old screams for fun. But it never lasts long and it’s not usually in an inappropriate place.

  3. POSITA says

    This may sound like a petty complaint, but it’s been getting under my skin lately and as a result I’ve been much grumpier than I prefer. Any advice would be appreciated.

    My husband is great with our 3 and 1 yos. They love him and he loves them. He does a ton around the house, including all of the cooking. The problem is that he can’t seem to watch them and do anything else at the same time. For instance, if he changes the baby’s diaper he leaves the dirty diaper and changing stuff on the floor. If he feeds them, he leaves the empty cans, boxes and jars on the counter, dirty plates and spoons on the table, leaking sipping cups on the floor, and piles of food on the high chair tray. If someone needs to change, dirty clothes are just tossed anywhere. If they come in from outside, shoes and coats are just tossed whereever.

    If we’re all together I end up following him around cleaning up. I can’t just leave the dirty diaper sitting there or the leaking cup. If I ask him to get them, he grumbles that he’s busy with the kids and implies that I’m a nag.

    If I leave him with the kids, the house ends up a total disaster in a matter of an hour. I come home to gross everything. Every surface in the house will be covered with crap. And he just acts all proud that he’s taken care of two kids by himself. I’m always glad the kids are happy, but I really wish that basic tidying after each activity was part of the routine. I make my 3 yo hang up her coat, put her shoes in the bin by the door and take her empty bowl to the sink. It’s part of parenting. It doesn’t really detract from the fun, but my husband is 100% resistant to this approach. He says he’ll clean up later. And he does do some of it later (usually the kitchen) but we’re still left with toy rubble, lost shoes and strewn dirty clothes. I don’t know how to break this pattern. I’m sick of being the maid and my dh doesn’t seem to get it. Any advice would be wonderful.

    • mascot says

      Is the 3 year old in school? Preschools are huge on clean-up songs and routines. I’d keep encouraging her to pick up after herself and count on the fact that she will eventually call daddy out for not following the rules. I might even tell him that this is something that school really wants the kdis to work on so we need to model the behavior at home. You may also want to designate a certain short period of time each day for picking up the clutter.
      I hear you though. My husband has a higher tolerance for clutter. It drives me nuts when I come in to cook dinner and his lunch dishes are scattered about. It doesn’t upset your work from schedule to put them in the empty dishwasher instead of the sink.

      • POSITA says

        She’s in daycare, but she seems to have adopted her daddy’s attitude towards picking up. This weekend when I asked her to take her bowl to the kitchen she said, “No thank you, mommy. You can do it.” I pushed back, of course, but it’s tiring standing alone on this issue.

        • Blueberry says

          Ahhh my son started saying this weekend, “You make me do so much work. You never do any work!” when I remind him of his job to clear his plate after meals. OMG so difficult not to lose it.

          • mascot says

            We got some of that lip this weekend too. Then he tried to hit us up for several weeks of back allowance that we had forgotten about.

        • avocado says

          Did your husband witness this? If not, this anecdote would be a great starting point for conversation. It makes it more about what your kids are learning and less about how he is leaving all the clean-up to you, which may be more palatable to him.

          • GCA says

            +1. Maybe give it a gendered spin: “I don’t want them to learn that it’s always a woman’s job to be picking up after others.”

        • HSAL says

          Oh HAIL NO. That’s not okay at all. Yeah, regardless of his own feelings about when things need picked up, he needs to be setting a much better example.

        • Rainbow Hair says

          OMG. My daughter has started saying “don’t say no to me!” and I’m just like … NOPE. There are some things you do not want to hear coming out of your kid’s mouth.

          • RR says

            Rainbow Hair, my youngest went through a “Mommy, you no say no to me” phase. She did come out the other side. Now, she just says no to everything she’s asked to do. :|

        • Spirograph says

          I could have written all of this, so empathy but no advice from me. Looking forward to others’ responses!

        • Anonymous says

          My 3-yr-old told me to clean up her toys (“No Mommy, you do it.”) one time and I sent her straight to bed with no bath so fast she didn’t know what happened to her. 30 minutes later, I asked if she wanted to clean up her toys and take a bath, and she did.

    • Blueberry says

      If you figure it out, let me know…. Here is my perspective:

      First, cut yourselves both a break. My kids are the same age difference, and 1 and 3 is a lot of work. My husband does most of the work with the kids and around the house as I work longer hours in the office. So my approach has been more and more to try to bite my tongue and remember to be glad it works as well as it does. It sounds like you are truly better about the cleaning up than he is, but if I look at my situation honestly, I’m probably not that much better than my husband is. If I’m alone with the kids for a significant period of time, I end up exhausted and often with a destroyed house, and I remind myself that it’s no easier for him.

      Also, I have a tendency to sit down with the kids with the intention of playing with them with no distractions, only to realize that the room we are playing in is a mess or there is some household chore that must be dealt with, and I end up not being as present in the moment with the kids as I meant to, which is probably almost as bad as letting myself get distracted by emails on my phone. So there is a flip side, and maybe it’s worth letting the house get messy for the sake of having more quality time with the kids. There’s a balance in there somewhere…

      • POSITA says

        I think my frustration comes from the fact the mess makes my life more difficult. I end up running around the house to find lost shoes when headed out the door in the morning. I come home from the playground and the kids fuss whIle I clean off the table and high chair so they can eat lunch. I deal with tantrums when favorite clothes are dirty because they never got put in the laundry. I end up searching the house for the missing baby wipes that never got put away while carrying a crying poopy baby. The mess just adds a layer of chaos. Two kids are plenty of work without adding more work.

        I spent a lot of effort trying to streamline our lives. There are laundry baskets in convenient places, toddler height hooks for coats, wipes stored in easy locations, etc., etc. I’ve made it as easy as I can and there’s no cooperation.

        • Blueberry says

          OK, yeah, this sounds above and beyond what I’m thinking about as an acceptable level of mess and chaos, especially given the effort you’ve put into making it easy to keep the house orderly. No real suggestions other than to make sure your husband is seeing the way this affects you, and the lessons he’s teaching your kids, as others have mentioned.

        • Meg Murry says

          Is there any chance that just like he doesn’t put the wipes and shoes away, he is similarly annoyed by something you do? I ask only because 95% of the time I am your husband (I leave a trail of disaster behind me whenever I attempt to cook or do an activity, etc), but for some reason my husband NEVER seemed to manage to throw the dirty diapers away (he would seriously just leave them to pile up on the dresser we used as a changing table instead of throwing them into the diaper genie immediately beside the changing station). So sometimes saying “look, I know it drives you crazy when I do X, and it drives me crazy when you do Y. So can we both make an effort to do better at those things before we spend every night annoyed at each other?”

          The other thought I have is – what is currently involved in putting things “away”? For instance, I have ADHD, and anything that involves more than 1 or 2 steps is probably not going to happen. So I can hang up my keys on the hook immediately next to the door, or put my shoes on the shelf right next to the door. But walk across the room, open the closet door, find a hanger and hang up my coat? Or to put my shoes back in a box in the closet? 95% of the time it isn’t going to happen – my coat is going to land on a chair, my shoes on the floor outside the closet, etc. Same with my kids.

          I see what you said above about how you set up stations – but is the problem that *you* set them up, in a way that your mind works, and not the way your husband or 3 year old think? Could you instead encourage him to set up a place to put wipes and shoes etc that works for him, even if it’s less than asthetically ideal to you, as long as it isn’t a complete mess? Could you also get the 3 year old involved in the cleanup? Teach her to put her dirty laundry in the basket, her shoes in the spot next to the door, her coat on the hook, etc? And perhaps even help with the 1 year old as well, putting her things where they go? One of our compromises is that all the shoes and coats and sweatshirts we wear during the week wind up in our entryway, and then every weekend or two I go through and put the things that are used far less often (like my heels that get worn less than once a month, etc) back “away”.

          If you didn’t come through and clean up after him, realistically how long would the dirty diaper or sippy cup sit there? If it would be put away before he went to bed, is that at least a valid compromise? Or would he never really see the clutter until you got around to cleaning it up or he’d do it a couple of days later?

    • Anon says

      I hear everyone saying to just tolerate it, but you all are better than me. Not picking up after yourself (or the kids) is pretty offensive behavior. You’re literally prioritizing your time over someone else’s.

      In our house, it does sometimes get out of control when one parent is alone with two kids. In that case, as soon as Parent #2 comes home, he/she takes over kid-watching/ playing and gives Parent #1 10-15 minutes to tidy everything up. If both are home, then we try to avoid letting one default to the maid role, and will point it out to each other if that’s starting to happen. Neither of us got married or had kids with the hopes of being the other’s maid, so it’s not a fair ask.

      And the entire house has to be picked up or straightened up before the kid’s bedtime. The kids help and we all tidy up any toys or clothes or shoes. It’s a good habit to get into just in general, just like being active or eating vegetables. Everyone needs to do it, even if you personally hate carrots or just want to veg out in front of the TV.

    • Anonymous says

      Could you consider reframing your discussion with him – couch it in terms of you, and how it makes you feel, and how it would make you feel if he behaved differently.

    • anon says

      What happens if you just don’t clean it up – take him at his word, and let him do it when he’s ready? I mean even the spilled sippy cups too. If he really doesn’t care, then it isn’t like he’s expecting you to be his maid – the conflict is that you and he have different expectations about cleanliness.

      My husband and I have vastly different mess tolerance. I know this from witnessing how he lived when he was single. In my saner moments, I try to remember that my preference for a certain level of cleanliness is just a preference, and not a universal standard everyone must adhere to.

      I think teaching kids to clean up after themselves is valuable, and you could have a discussion with him about what kind of person you want your child to be and how to teach those skills, but I think you need to separate the parenting issue from the cleaning issue. And I would not assume that the fact that she doesn’t want to clean up is your husband’s fault. Children are naturally completely selfish a-holes with no parental modeling needed.

      • avocado says

        Leaving dirty diapers and sippy cups on the floor goes beyond issues of personal preference. What if the 1-year-old picks up an old sippy cup of sour milk and takes a swig?

        • TN says

          Well, that swig of sour milk has happened many times in my house. It’s not ideal, but also NBD.

        • anon says

          Yeah, the kid will spit the milk out and life will go on. Look, I understand your point, but if the diaper on the floor wasn’t a dramatic health hazard while dad was alone with the kids, it isn’t going to be for another hour after mom gets home either. It’s not radioactive, it’s a diaper.

    • PrettyPrimadonna says

      I struggle with this with my husband. And when I call him out on it, it’s always, “I was about to [insert item to be picked up, closed, thrown away, etc.] No advice, just commiseration. Ugh.

    • EB0220 says

      I am like your husband. What finally helped me was the one minute rule. If it takes less than a minute to really finish the task (throw away the diaper, food packages, etc.) then do it. Else, give yourself permissions not to. It has really helped me clean as I go.

    • PEN says

      This probably isnt helpful, but I am basically your husband. I do have the kids pick up what they can after an activity is over, but for any “adult cleaning” when I have them alone, I save that for after bedtime. For me, I feel like we don’t get much one-on-one time together, so I don’t like to detract from it by doing dishes, or wiping down counters, or doing laundry.

      Example: my kids watch about 20 mins of tv after breakfast. So we eat, clear the table (basically putting dishes in or around sink), and then I sit on the couch with them and cuddle and watch tv. Husband, on the other hand, would put the kids on the couch to watch tv and then clean up the dining room and kitchen completely, with everything wiped down and the dishes clean and put away.

      I certainly don’t expect him to clean up after me/us when he gets home from being away. But I do those things on my schedule consistent with my priorities. This has caused endless bickering between us, but it has gotten better in the past few months, as I try to pick up more as I go and he tries to respect my different priorities.

    • October says

      I’m kind of like your husband in this situation (although egregious messes get picked up as we go along). I prefer to focus on the kids while they’re around, especially since toddlers require so much supervision, and clean up the messes/do the dishes/etc. during naptime or bedtime, when I can pop in earbuds and just zone out.

      It actually bothers me that my husband tries to multitask so much while watching the toddler… he gets way more bumps and bruises and cries for attention on daddy’s watch.

      • Anonymous says

        The bumps and bruises is not your husband multitasking — that’s just dads! All the day care workers at drop off talk about it. And I’ve heard from one mom who used to work in an ER that all the around the house accidents kids get into are always on dads’ watch.

    • Anonymous says

      The diaper one is so beyond the pale. I’d almost try to arrange it so the 1 yo smears it on the walls and then MAKE dad scrub the walls.

      Honestly, you probably have to talk to him first. I’d spin it mostly as setting a good example. If you’re interested at all in Montessori, you could look up “Period of Sensitivity to Order” Basically the idea is that you get hardwired to find comfortable however much order is in your life in this period. And so you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you let kids get away with not cleaning up at the young toddler age.

      (But what I’d want to do is take pictures of the mess and then scream at him until everything was clean.)

    • Experienced mom says

      Posita- having had the same experience as you, I’d suggest trying to find a compromise and include the kids in cleaning. I didn’t and ended up with kids who don’t know how to keep a room organized or how to clean up after themselves. You don’t want to try to teach that at age 11 or 15.

  4. bluefield says

    I am 12 weeks tomorrow with my second pregnancy and I’m easily at the same bump-stage I was at when I was 16-18 weeks with #1. And I’m trying to not tell people for a few more weeks, so this is getting tough.

    Anyone have any insight into whether my bump will stabilize at some point, or will I just be much bigger this time around?

    • Blueberry says

      I got big faster the second time around, but assuming no drastic changes to your diet or exercise routine, I would think you’ll end up roughly the same size as last time. I can’t remember at what point I “stabilized”, but I think the second half of my pregnancy second looked a lot like the second half of my first pregnancy. I think the belly is just more stretchy the second time around, so you show earlier. FWIW I didn’t tell anyone at work till around week 15 or 16 the second time around, and almost everyone was genuinely surprised, even though I felt like I had a spare tire around my waist for weeks. So, at least if you have clueless colleagues like mine, as long as you’re not wearing skintight clothes, chances are that you see your pooch a lot better than everyone else.

      • RDC says

        Me too – I got bigger faster, but felt like I stabilized somewhere around the third trimester. And I carried lower so I actually wasn’t as uncomfortable as with my first.

      • bluefield says

        I don’t really care about work – I work in an office where getting pregnant, having kids, and taking a long leave is expected, so I don’t expect anyone to treat me differently. I’m just not going to say anything until I’m ready and if people think I’m pregnant that’s OK. The issue is I don’t want to tell family for another few weeks because I have a history of loss, and I see family almost every weekend, and my mom/mother in law are the type of people to notice if I’ve gained 3 lbs. Last weekend was a lot of baggy sweatshirts & sucking in.

    • POSITA says

      I ended up much bigger with no 2. I was the same weight, but carried much, much larger.

      The last 6 weeks with no 2 I had to buy all new, larger maternity clothes. None of my shirts from no 1 would cover my bump. They were at least 8″ too short.

    • ElisaR says

      Hi Bluefield – I don’t have any answers for you, but I can commiserate. I’m 9 wks and had a little less than a year from giving birth so I feel like my body just said “oh yeah, I remember what we do here…..POOF” and i’m showing already. Flowy shirts and maybe bow out on a weekend of family activities? Just to buy yourself a little more time?

  5. Pogo says

    I definitely don’t see the point to a maternity blazer. I don’t button my blazers anyway, so wearing my normal ones is no issue.

    Random vent… what is it with guys and calling pregnant women “mama” ? From male coworkers to a construction guy on the street this morning, they love to say stuff like “Hey mama, looking good!” which is just beyond creepy to me.

    Another one that’s getting old (I know from reading here it only gets worse) is the “So, any day now huh?” comments. I am 6.5 months pregnant. I have gained like, 15 pounds. Simmer down. I am not even close to bursting yet.

    • RDC says

      Yes to the mama thing! It was really shocking (to me) coming from otherwise professional men. Including one lawyer. I guess going to law school isn’t a guarantee for common sense, but I thought a lawyer would know better than to comment on a colleague’s body.

      • Pogo says

        Good point, but these were both white guys so no excuse there. They definitely think they’re being cute or….something.

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Ugh I remember when I was in an elevator in November and someone said, “oh, Thanksgiving baby?” …my due date was *February.* (For the record I had gained like zero pounds, but a lot of the pounds had moved to my stomach.)

      • CPA Lady says

        Yup. I gained every single pound into my stomach, which looked like a giant round beach ball. I started lying about my due date when strangers asked me because I was so sick of getting looks of shock and horror and rude comments about my size. People are so delightful.

    • Anonymous says

      Yep, awful. Someone asked me if I was having twins, 2 months before my daughter was born. I gained maaaaybe 25lbs total and as others have said, it was all in a basketball on my belly.

    • Anon says

      My paralegal (female) says “hey mama” to me all the time. It’s super annoying and I don’t like it, but at the same time it isn’t worth the energy to correct it, nor do I want to jeopardize what is otherwise a good relationship with the only corporate paralegal in my office.

      I have only gained about 9 pounds so far (25 weeks) and have the basketball look. My MIL keeps telling me how good it is that I am still sick even with Diclegis because “less weight to lose”. In her world being fat is a mortal sin though, so at least she thinks I’m better person? From a person who constantly worries she’s not feeding her growing baby enough, it is definitely not helpful

    • Andi says

      Ugh, commiseration. I’m 23 weeks with my second and when I saw my in-laws two weeks ago they both commented on how big I am. My FIL literally said (twice) “I just didn’t expect you to be so big!” And my MIL asked me if I was sure of the due date. People are the worst.

  6. Anonymous says

    I got a lot of mileage out of a maternity blazer I bought. It was knit and tailored to be open, not buttoned, so it looked more intentional than just wearing a regular blazer open. I actually still wear it.

  7. Bathing toddler and infant together? says

    Is there a way for me to bathe my 3 year old and 4 month old in the bathtub at the same time? Right now I’m using the Boon bathtub for the baby, but it takes up practically the whole bathtub. Is there a smaller containment device that I can use so that toddler and baby can fit in the bath together and I don’t have to hold the baby the whole time? I was planning to get one of those ring devices but it looks like they are no longer sold. Any other ideas?

    • Anonymous says

      Mine do almost every night (though word of warning, the baby has pooped before which inspires a level of panic the world has never known). We use the Angelcare baby bath tub that is angled with mesh. It uses up about half the tub. 3 yo is in the other half.

      • Bathing toddler and infant together? says

        The Angelcare looks like a good solution, except I’m worried it will still take up a good part of the tub and not leave enough room for my tall 3 year old. Maybe our tub is smaller than average?

    • Anon says

      I couldn’t figure it out before the baby could sit on his own, around 6.5 months. Before that, I just got in the bathtub too and held the baby while washing everyone. Took some prep to make sure all our towels/ robes were out and ready before getting in, but otherwise worked really well. (We only do kid-baths once a week or so, and I usually did them on Friday nights so it’s not like I needed to wash my own hair or something.) Once baby can sit, it gets a lot easier, although I also plastered the bottom of the tub with those non-slip-stickers so his smooth little butt wouldn’t slide and knock himself over.

      • hoola hoopa says

        +1 to getting in the tub. Kids love it, but it does make disembarkment more challenging if there isn’t another adult to help.

        I put the baby tub on the floor and the toddler in the tub, then bathed them in parallel. You still can’t really let go of the baby, but they are done sooner. Toddler plays while you clean baby, and then baby can chill in your arms or laying on a dry bathmat while you wash up toddler.

    • Jdubs says

      Bath seat. They stopped selling them in the USA a few years ago but they always pop up on my local B/S/T boards and I think you can get them on ebay too.

    • AnonMN says

      When #2 wasn’t sitting at all we used one of those cheap mesh sling type baby bath seats from target (they lay on it and it can recline up or down as needed). Once #2 was sitting up a bit more, but not reliable, we just used a plastic toy bin from target (it’s made to look like a weaved basket and fit in the square storage shelves). It was perfect and now we use it to store the bath toys, so dual purpose.

    • Anonymous says

      Until a baby is crawling they don’t need to bathe very often. Baby got once a week bath time with dad (Special bonding time! No maternal gate keeping! No maternal involvement at all!) until 15 months. Toddlers need baths every day / every other day. If dad’s available at all, I’d put him in charge of baby while toddler bathes and baby bath (or vice versa). Toddler gets special grown-up time during baby bath.

  8. Anon says

    Venting – Mondays are terrible. Mangled my car mirror on the garage this morning (likely going to need to be replaced and oh! we’re heading out of town this weekend for a trip I’m really looking forward to), had my 25 week ultrasound and turns out the baby is skipping heartbeats so we need to figure that out, work is going nuts and I’m fresh back in the office after a week working remotely while helping my mother recover from surgery for her ovarian cancer. Doctor says no caffeine of any kind, or chocolate, or any lotion that has cocoa butter in it for a week and then we check the heartbeat again…. I hope it’s that simple. I want to quit Mondays.

    • anon says

      I’m sorry, that is a crap way to start the week. Thinking of you and hoping life settles down soon.

    • Cate says

      This sucks. I hope it is simple too. Pregnancy is so stressful. Sending good vibes.

    • ElisaR says

      i’m sorry Anon, that sounds like an awful way to start the week. If its any consolation, it sounds like you’re doing a great job taking care of your mom and the little human inside you – keep truckin’ on!

    • Pogo says

      Oh dear. That is not a nice to way to start a week. Crossing fingers for you that baby is ok. Was it from a doppler or ultrasound measurement? Sometimes I feel like the u/s heart beat measurement isn’t very accurate if baby is moving. I’ve seen the tech do it multiple times and still not be satisfied with her reading.

      Btw, I did that to my car window too. It mangled the garage more than my window, somehow.

  9. Grump says

    My life is pretty great. But I find myself complaining a lot and just being kind of irritable more than seems reasonable to me. I’m generally happy and don’t think this is necessarily a mental health issue, so much as a rut. It’s just hard to be a full time working parent in the toddler trenches. Still, I would like to work on being more positive and cheerful. Any thoughts or suggestions? Books to read?

    • Anonymous says

      Balance is a Crock, Sleep is for the Weak. It’s pee-your-pants hysterically accurate.

      • Anonymous says

        Similarly, Just Let Me Lie Down is good for commiseration laughs.

        Easier said than done, but get more sleep. Seriously. Feeling like that means you need more sleep.

        • Grump says

          I typically sleep 8-9 hours a night. I don’t think I need to sleep more.

    • P says

      I felt like this recently. Then I took a two hour nap one weekend. I just needed more sleep!

    • rakma says

      The Happiness Project. I find the author a little irritating, but the way she breaks down choosing ways to be happy can be a good way to identify what makes you happy, and how to go about actually doing it. She’s got a blog and a podcast too, if you don’t want to jump into reading the book.

      Also, when I feel like this I generally need to do a mental accounting of how I’m spending my time. Little things like reading less crap on my phone and reading a book instead, or getting more/better quality sleep, or finding a new routine (early morning playground trips are oddly relaxing with my now suddenly independent 3yo, the drive through coffee on the way helps a lot) help to break out of the work/kids/sleep/repeat rut.

    • Em says

      A gratitude journal worked well for me. The journal helped me get in the habit, and I can usually do it mentally now. It has been effective for me for anxiety spirals and for breaking out of mild episodes of depression.

      • Rainbow Hair says

        Yeah! I’ve been doing three gratitudes before bed (instead of ruminating on all the little annoyances in my life as I fall asleep) and it really does help my mind move into that category…

      • Anon says

        Yes! I used one of those 5-year journals and forced myself to write a single gratitude every night before bed. It got easier as time went on – I’m on Year 5 now and it’s part of my wind-down routine. It’s incredibly heart warming to read through my previous responses and remind myself of all the good parts of my life.

      • Pogo says

        Yup. I have a planner (Passion Planner) that has both a spot for “good things that happened this week” and “this week’s focus”. If I feel bummed, I look back at previous “good things that happened” and often, it’s something that can be replicated – Why don’t I just call up Friend and set up a time for us to get brunch with them and their daughter, we always have such a good time! Planning fun things in the future is really, really helpful for me when I’m having bummer days at work.

    • H says

      Writing about what upsets me helps. Once I get it out, I usually don’t want to expend more energy complaining to someone.

      I’m also working on a gratitude journal. Hoping it helps!

    • Anonymous says

      The Happiness Project book. Or just buy a line a day or gratitude journal. 88 Life Changing Mantras is good too. Nothing too complex, more like self CBT where you catch yourself doing something and then use a new mantra to change direction.

  10. Cate says

    So much mom guilt today. I decided to skip work and go to toddler music class with nanny and toddler this morning (slow at the office). Apparently she was an entirely different (happier) kid with me there.

    I have no issues with our nanny, we really like her. But it made me sad that she really came out of her shell with me there and I usually can’t make it!

    • Anonymous says

      I hear you on the mommy guilt. 2 year old cried when I dropped him off at daycare this morning. Positive reframe: you went to music class and kid loved it. Focus on that kid was happy you were there. Might make it worthwhile to try to attend every month or every second month if you feel it will bring you both joy. Maybe Nanny could start later on that day and cover dinner hour?

    • Anon says

      Or think of it as a happy break in her routine. If you took her every week, she’d probably perk up the one time nanny came along.

      • Sabba says

        +1. And ask the nanny if they might like a different class better. Maybe music isn’t their thing together.

    • Anonymous says

      Different perspective: I taught a toddler sports class in college. Parents would show up for the end of the semester and the toddlers would MELT DOWN. They would do none of the skills, would refuse to listen, would cry the whole time. I always felt like these parents must think I torture their kids and lie about their skill levels.

      So your kid has been (quietly) learning new skills and was happy to show them to you! She enjoyed introducing you to her new activity! (Rather than seeing you and demanding that you take her away from that activity.) Sounds like she’s securely attached to you, even if she’s a bit shy. It sounds like she’s still working towards independence, but that’s typical at this age.

      Good job, mom!

      • NewMomAnon says

        So much this. The fact that your daughter listens and works hard to learn the skills when she’s there with nanny, then wants to show them off when you attend, is a great sign. You’re showing you support her learning by being there when you can. It’s enough, I promise.

  11. 2nd on the way says

    Does anyone have good suggestions for a chair and half- so not really a love seat but almost as big- for a nursery that can accommodate 2 kids plus me or dad?

    • Anon says

      Thanks for asking this. I somehow simultaneously want a chair that is big enough for everyone (adult plus 2 kids) to read books together, but also a tiny enough footprint to fit in the 8×10 nursery along with a crib and changing table and bookcase. And be cute enough that I’ll keep it around when we transition the room to an office/ guest room/ library since the kids will share the other bedroom in the house. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t exist, but it doesn’t stop me from hunting for it.

      • hoola hoopa says

        Look at ‘apartment’ loveseats.

        I highly recommend a loveseat in the nursery. I’m like a broken record with expectant parents, lol.

    • Spirograph says

      We have one from Bassett that is probably the most comfortable thing in our house. It was a floor sample and looks similar to their current chesterfield model, but has a loose seat cushion… it may have been discontinued, but the overall point of the story is that it’s worth checking out the stores just to see what they’re trying to get rid of!

    • shortperson says

      we have the bliss chair and a half w ottoman from west elm in our bedroom. super comfortable, but it does not fit my (large) husband and me + child. for toddler’s room i think we will replace glider with a chair and a half that’s a twin sleeper for future sleepovers. i am considering the options from land of nod, pb teen and (yes) lazyboy.

  12. Spirograph says

    Tips for getting a kid to calm down and keep his hands to himself?

    My 4 year old is getting violent. Not in a mean way, and in fact usually because he’s just so excited and showing affection in a totally inappropriate way. Example: daycare pickup. Kid jumps up from whatever he’s doing, yell’s “MOMMMMMYYYYY!!!!” and runs at me with a giant grin, but instead of giving my legs a big hug, he starts punching them (usually with sound effects). I think this is an impulse control and knowing your own strength thing for him, but no amount of “Ow, that hurts, no hitting!” or “That’s not how we greet people, we do xyz” seems to help. Obviously I can physically withstand it, but he occasionally does a variation to other kids, and I definitely want to nip that in the bud.

    • Anonymous says

      My boys do the same run at pick up time. It sounds like he’s overwhelmed with emotion and needs a physical outlet. I generally crouch down to their level and give them a big hug. They like a really tight hug. Something like that might work for you because you could wrap your arms around his arms to prevent any punching. We say ‘no hitting’ and ‘gentle touches show love’ a lot in our house. I find they respond really well when I do ‘gentle touches’ on their arm to demonstrate and get them to do it to me.

    • anon says

      Ugh, I have a very similar problem but at more unpredictable moments with my 4 year old. I’m so glad to hear I’m not alone! It tends to happen when we are eating dinner and I am already hangry. My husband came up with this game for use at the table, which kind of works: i put my hand down on the table, and my son puts his on top of mine, and then i pull mine out and put it on top of his, and he does the same, etc etc. We do it really gently, with two pats before setting each hand down, and model really gentle touches. As I said, it kind of works. Obviously this wouldn’t work at pickup but maybe you could come up with a specific silly ritual for this moment that involves physical contact you can tolerate? Like an exuberant happy dance that ends in a gentle hug? Or a “kissing attack” on your hand?

  13. Anon for this says

    Backstory: before my husband and I met, he got two loveable but terribly behaved rescue dogs and never really trained them. They are both very sweet but bark up a storm at every little sound and the younger one, a beagle mix, has severe anxiety and barks his head off at every new person who enters the house. He can keep this up for hours. Plus he’s got terrible eyesight (he’s 9) so he doesn’t recognize ppl he knows until they’re right near him.

    Enter baby…5 months old, not a super heavy sleeper. The beagle has woken her up from so, so many naps when he barks at sounds outside, someone coming into the house, hearing a door slam, etc. It’s horrible. I resent the dog so much and get no joy at all from him–before the baby was born I adored him, but I just can’t with him. And the more I’m annoyed at him the less I want to give him attention, which makes his behavior worse. But it’s gotten so bad that I hesitate to have people over once the baby’s in bed (which is at 7p) because I worry that he’s going to randomly start barking at them and wake her up.

    I just feel so stuck. We can’t get rid of him (husband has had him for 8 years) and he’s probably going to live another 6 years–and it’s only going to get worse as his eyesight deteriorates. He’s good w the baby so no worries there, but I feel like he majorly restricts our social life (we can’t really have people over, can’t chat w neighbors because he howls when he hears voices outside) and our baby’s sleep. I hate that an annoying animal is running (ruining?) our life. My husband is also frustrated but his attitude is, what can we do? The dog is essentially untrainable. It took a trainer nearly two hours to teach him how to lay down.

    Advice/commiseration?

    • Anonymous says

      doggy daycare? or a dog walker frequently so he’s tired and sleeps more? Is he on anti-anxiety medication? I don’t usually suggest that right away for dogs but given the other issues, it might be worth a shot.

      • Anon for this says

        just emailed the vet. Don’t know why I didn’t think of this but it makes a lot of sense. He’s so anxious that no matter how much we try to modify his behavior, it doesn’t work because his underlying anxiety is so bad

        • rosie says

          Definitely talk to your vet. You may find that if you get him on meds that help him, you can work with a trainer or change up other things (increase exercise, etc) while he’s on and that he’ll only need them short term.

    • Anon says

      I’m sorry, that is so tough! I’ve heard citronella collars are one of the most humane ways to stop your dog from barking.

    • Anon says

      I have a beagle mix, and they are notoriously hard to train. You need a professional trainer. Not the random guy at PetSmart, but a real one from your nearest large city.

      Part of that is because they are working dogs and have a ton of energy that they’ll manifest as “bad” behaviors if you don’t give them an outlet. Doggy daycare is the best option, but see also: 2 long dog walker sessions every day plus one family walk at night, finding a friend with a puppy to run around a fenced backyard, dog park sessions 2-3 times a week, those dog-brain-game toys that make the dog work out a puzzle to get food.

      Also I’m a believer that dogs can sense whether you like them or not, and will be extra “annoying” if they think you don’t like them. Why did you adore the dog before baby? Try to recreate that every so often and re-bond with the dog, and maybe he’ll stop trying so hard to get your attention. Let’s say you loved the unconditional love when you came home – maybe your thing is to spend 20 minutes with the dog-brain-game with him after baby goes to sleep. Maybe you loved his energy – can you take him for a run while DH watches baby? Maybe you loved the cuddles – can you play fetch in the backyard/dogpark and love on him when he brings back the ball?

      • Anon says

        Oops forgot to say – in the meantime, beagles are incredibly food motivated. For barking, can you distract with food? Frozen peanut butter in a kong, or a large bully stick, will keep my dog busy for a good 30 minutes. I use a combo of those during nap time when the kids need some extra-good sleep.

      • Anon for this says

        Thanks so much for this advice and these ideas. It’s a good thing they’re so cute because they really are hard to train!

    • Pogo says

      Rescues are so tough, my parents have one who didn’t have a great life and she is also anxious, super barky, and pretty much untrainable. But she does look at you with those sad little eyes and then I feel bad that she annoys me.

  14. D. Meagle says

    Booster seat issue — I recently moved my toddler from a car seat to a booster seat. When she falls asleep in the booster, she flops over, bent at awkward angles. It looks neither comfortable nor safe. She did this last night on the way home from visiting my parents (about an hour drive) — first I gave her a neck pillow, which did absolutely nothing, then I wound up sitting in the back next to her so she could lay her head against my shoulder. Any tips or products that could help keep her upright (or at minimum support her neck and head) when she sleeps in the car? I would love to get her back into a 5-point harness seat, but she is too big, and besides, now that she’s had a taste of the big-girl booster seat, no way she is going back to the type of car seat her baby brother uses.

    • Meg Murry says

      When you say she is too big – how heavy/tall is she? My youngest rides in a booster seat in his grandmother’s cars, but a 5 point in my car, which is what we use for longer trips. I’m not sure exactly which on we have, but it’s one of these – one of the ones that looks more like a booster than like a baby seat, but still has the 5 point (and the option to then remove the straps and use as a high back and then backless booster later).
      http://www.evenflo.com/car-seats/forward-facing/ – it might be the SecureKid or Maestro, or an earlier version of one of those.

      Is there something in one of these seats that you could possibly sell her on (the cup holders, the head pillow, the fact that it comes in her favorite color, etc, to get her to switch back to a 5 point?

      Is her booster backless? A high back booster might help somewhat with the head flopping. My oldest is 10 and still prefers sitting in his basic high-backed booster because it has cup holders he can reach, he likes to lean his head against the headrest, and he can see better out the window with it. He doesn’t really like the backless boosters, and he’s technically tall enough to do without, so he either does high back or none.

      Last – if keeping her in a booster and belt is the only way you can go, can you lock the seatbelt in place once she’s buckled in? In our cars, if you pull the seat belt all the way out once it’s buckled and then let it back in, it starts to make a clicking noise and won’t loosen again without unbuckling it. At least that way if she falls asleep the belt won’t get looser and let her completely flop over.

      • hoola hoopa says

        Ditto. Post age, height, and weight. I’m confident there’s a 5-pt harness that will work.

        At the minimum, it sounds like a high back booster is needed.

        Even though manufacturers put “age 4” on the box, IME it’s really age 5 or older before a child can ride safely in a booster. It’s a matter of behavior, not just size. They must be able to sit up and not fiddle with the belt. Even then, I try to keep my kids in a 5-pt harness on long rides when I know they’ll fall asleep.

        • hoola hoopa says

          +1 also to October. You’re the parent, and this is a non-negotiable safety rule. FWIW, my 7 year old is in a 5-pt harness in our main family car.

          • avocado says

            We kept our kid in a Graco Nautilus with a 5-point harness until she was 8, and could have kept her there longer. She is now 10 and in a backless booster, and I still miss the Nautilus when she falls asleep in the car (she is going into middle school and I feel like we have to compromise a little at this point).

    • October says

      If she’s truly a toddler, she should definitely still be in a 5-point harness (a child should not be moved until at least age 4, and even then it’s questionable…). Children often look squished in seats before they hit the weight/height limits, but they are quite quite bendy. She may not love it — but you are the parent, you get to set the safety rules.

      • mascot says

        +1. Britax makes high-weight limit booster seats with high backs and 5pt harnesses. We still use one for a kid who will be 7 in a few months (49″, 54lbs approx.)

    • AnonMN says

      Like the others, I am having trouble imagining a toddler who has sized out of a high back booster with a 5pt harness. Our Clek Foonf can be used FF until 60lbs, but the high back boosters are also made for bigger kids (I think unil age 6/7). But I also still call my 3 year old a baby, so maybe she’s older than toddler age?

      I think the high-backs are much more comfortable for sleeping in the car, and you could also get one of those head holders that looks like a band around their forehead and holds their head up if you were using a high back booster or convertible? I do think they also make high backs without the 5pt harness, so maybe you could sell her on that? Or get one in her favorite color?

    • Anon says

      Get her a Britax Frontier, or a similar high-back booster. It has cupholders (!!!), goes up to 90 pounds (120 pounds with a seat belt positioner) and is nothing like a baby car seat. You can buy one of those back-of-the-seat organizers and stock it with some new toys, that LOOK! She can reach all by herself! (Since presumably she wouldn’t reach them well without the highback behind her.) Sell it, but stay firm. You’re the parent and the car doesn’t go unless she’s safe.

    • Anonymous says

      My 5 year old is the second tallest in her kindergarten class and she’s in a five point harness seat so I highly doubt your toddler is too big.

      We have the Graco Tranzitions – it’s inexpensive at Toys R Us. It’s super narrow so great for three across. I love this seat so much I bought ones for the grandparents cars.

    • NewMomAnon says

      My kiddo is a long, tall 3 year old. She technically meets the requirements shown on the box for a booster seat my parents bought, but I asked the pediatrician, who said convertible car seat until age 4, absolutely. The kid has to be able to sit still, not fuss with the seat belt, and hold their own head up consistently.

      My kiddo is in the 90th percentile for height and similar for weight, and still falls within the weight and height limits for our convertible (Evenflo Symphony DLX #somethingsomething). It also converts to a high backed booster when she’s ready, which she is not….

      • Anon says

        Wait, I thought a convertible front-facing and a high-back with a 5 point harness were effectively the same thing – after 2 years/ 25 pounds, they could do either one? Or are you using high-back to mean the seat-belt positioners without a 5pt harness?

        • NewMomAnon says

          I’m not sure – there are definitely instructions for how to convert the seat into a high-backed booster.

  15. anon says

    I’ve realized lately that I’ve become an isolated and lonely mom. My closest friends, the ones I really connect with and can be honest with, aren’t in my life on a daily basis anymore. They live across town, our kids aren’t in the same schools or activities, we’re all busy with our own family stuff, etc. We meet up once a month or so, but we spend most of our time together just catching up, not talking about anything deeper.

    Working full time means I’m essentially cut out of the parent community at our neighborhood school. I’m not mingling around the school during dropoff/pickup. I miss most of the mid-day events. (There are so many because of our principal’s idea of “community building.” I want to tell him that he’s created two separate classes of families, but I suspect speaking up would label me as That Parent.)

    Even with other working parents, it’s not much better. My son attends the before/aftercare program at his school, but the working parents barely acknowledge each other — probably because we’re all pressed for time. Meanwhile, my neighbors who are SAHMs are regularly posting Facebook photos from their meetups with the other moms at our school and I feel like such a loser. I don’t need best friends at my kiddo’s school, but it would be nice to have another parent to compare notes with. Kiddo is social and involved in a few activities but doesn’t have a true best friend.

    I can see that I’ve contributed to the problem. Being an introvert, I don’t have much social energy/bandwidth at the end of the day. And I haven’t done the PTO because a) Fundraising is its main purpose for existing and that doesn’t interest me in the slightest; b) I also have a toddler and that means spending limited free time away from her; and c) I cannot handle another freaking meeting in my life. I’ve volunteered for one-off events, including being a field trip chaperone, and feel like a total outsider every time. I’m friendly, I try to engage in pleasant chit-chat — and yet it goes nowhere. I don’t think this would bother me if I saw my real friends more, but the combination of not seeing them + feeling like an outsider in our neighborhood school = feeling really lonely. Seriously, I haven’t felt this alone in years.

    Maybe I’m expecting too much. My responsibilities at work and at home keep increasing, so it probably shouldn’t be a big shock that I’m paying the price in other ways.

    • AnonMN says

      I have no insight to share, but I could have written your post. Except my kids are still in daycare, and I was hoping elementary school would bring me more community friends.

      Following to see the advice, but also comiserating.

    • Anonymous says

      I kinda think you’re expecting too much. Monthly get together with friends is great and way more than I manage. It’s natural that you don’t have time to get together with other moms at school. My mom definitely never did this, and it wouldn’t have occurred to me.

      I find keeping in touch with friends via text about the little day to day things that happen, means that we have more time for substantial chat when we do get together in person. Current fave is group texting each other our parenting fails so we can try and win for ‘biggest fail’. Mine was forgetting the gift for a birthday party this weekend and having to drive home to get it.

    • mascot says

      So a couple of things that we’ve done over the first few years of elem. school to help us really meet other parents 1) go to the birthday parties and make a point to talk to other parents 2) attend sports practice/games for whatever sport kid is playing that season and 3) host other families for some of get together. We’ve kept those super simple- bring kids, BYOB, and we’ll get some pizza delivered. Or, send a text blast that we are going to xyz community event, does anyone want to meet up.
      It’s hard sometimes because you feel that everyone is hanging out without you, but chances are they aren’t. And chances are that they are sitting around on weekends just trying to figure out what to do with their kids like you are. Even as an extrovert, I have to remind myself not to get too hung up on the anxieties and put myself out there.

      • hoola hoopa says

        “It’s hard sometimes because you feel that everyone is hanging out without you, but chances are they aren’t.”

        So, so true. And I know lots of SAHMs who feel excluded because they are tied to home by younger children. Most of parents chaperoning field trips, etc, are working parents.

        After care won’t introduce you to anyone. Ditto to sticking around at birthday parties and sports practice. Scouts and PTA are another way I’ve met parents. (Even if you aren’t interested in fundraising, you’ll meet people – helpful people). Start a goal of just face/name recognition. It will grow from there.

        If you have flexible work hours, you can ask to be included on your SAH neighbor’s events and attend every once in a while. I’ve done that.

        Frankly, it sounds like you’re expecting to become someone’s BFF without really trying. Maybe you won’t become super duper friends with anyone through school, but just knowing who other parents are will help with the loneliness, give you ears on what’s happening at school (ie which teachers to request), and give you someone to call if you need help. IME, it’s more of a neighbor type of relationship than a close friend. Keep in contact with your existing close friends for that type of connection.

        • anon says

          No, I don’t expect to become best friends. What I want is exactly what you describe — to actually know the other parents and have some eyes and ears at my kid’s school.

    • NewMomAnon says

      This is probably blasphemy, but Facebook has been really helpful for me – I get to see what friends are doing, comment on cool/cute/scary things, watch their kids grow up, etc, all while kiddo is sleeping and without having to schedule anything. I don’t have daily contact with any of my best friends, but I see them probably once or twice a month in an longer outing (we go out for dinner and then drinks, or have a big game night, etc). We exchange e-mails or texts a few times a week.

      I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again – I don’t think mom friends are all they’re cracked up to be. I’m terrible at investing time in new relationships right now, and I often feel like a bad friend because my time and energy are so precious. My old friends, who are all still childless, have far more brain space to schedule things and listen when I’m having a mom meltdown. Don’t rule out the childless friends.

      • hoola hoopa says

        I also find FB helpful. It’s not a complete replacement for person-to-person contact, but it’s nice to be able to text “good luck on the race!” or “looks like you’re having a fun trip!” rather than just ‘hey there’. Or when we call by phone or meet up, to ask about X, Y, and Z rather than “so, what have you been up to?”

  16. Need menu for party in the park says

    Suggestions for party-in-the-park menu that is NOT hot?
    We are having a party for a 2yearold, small, probably less than 2 dozen people. I thought about hot dogs but husband does not want to grill on the charcoal grills at the park. We *could* bring already-heated hot dogs from home, I guess? Any other ideas?
    Will probably do veggie trays, watermelon, cake, and….? What can be served picnic-style after 30 minutes of playing that won’t cause food poisoning?

    • NewMomAnon says

      Couscous or quinoa salad, or something with beans instead of meat. You could do lettuce wraps or a cold pasta salad. Cold fried chicken has always been a favorite of mine, but I know it’s not everyone’s jam.

      Or do what I would do – pizza delivery.

      • anon says

        Chicken nuggets/fingers from the grocery deli or CFA/other fast food place. Transport in cooler to keep at desired temperature.

        • PatsyStone says

          CFA will let you order cold ones too, it’s an option on their catering menu. We’re doing a nugget tray and fruit tray for our upcoming 4th birthday party at a local park. And according to my son cake AND cupcakes.

    • anon says

      I feel like almost anything is still safe to eat after just 30 minutes. We’ve done sandwiches from a local deli or fresh direct, potato salad, pasta salad, PBJ and cheese sandwiches for kids, chips dip, cheese and crackers. Quiche-y type things and/or bagels are good for a morning party.

    • anon says

      What about making sloppy joe meat in advance and transporting it in a crockpot? I’ve done that a few times for park gatherings and it’s worked well. I usually make the meat the day before, when I have more time, then transfer it to a crockpot to start reheating a few hours before serving.

      • anon says

        Sorry, I just realized you said “not hot.” Hopefully this idea helps someone, though.

    • hoola hoopa says

      Meh, for just 30 minutes, I’d avoid mayo/egg and make use of coolers/insulated totes. Your picnic shelter may have an electrical outlet for a slow cooker.

      I’d probably do sandwich platters, pulled pork/chicken sandwiches, or pizza delivery.

    • SC says

      Sandwiches? You could make them yourselves and cut them into triangles or order them from a grocery store deli. You can have packets of mayonnaise and mustard separate–although I’d do that mostly because different people (especially kids) like different things. Even mayo would probably be fine for half an hour.

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