Washable Workwear Wednesday: Elbow Sleeve Ponte Sheath Dress

It’s time to pick out my pump, and my new insurance covers both the Medela PIS and the Spectra S2. I know this was discussed to some extent over the last few months, but is it worth getting the Spectra if I’m already invested in the Medela system? I have a Medela PIS and *lots* of parts for it from my last pregnancy, so I could just get a second one of those, but on the other hand, some people seem to think that the Spectra is more efficient. Are any of the parts interchangeable or am I looking at buying a whole bunch of new accessories if I go with the Spectra?

UGH — a looong vent I need to get off my chest and a question at the end.

My brother and sister in law and their 13 month old kid spent about 10 days with my family over break. At the end of the week, my kids spent 3 days with my parents and my brother/SIL while husband and I traveled for a work trip. My kids stayed with my parents while we traveled, and I felt like my SIL was really, really hard on my kids. Even my normally oblivious husband had noticed it before we left (LOTs of comments directed to my kids about their behavior), and weird digs at behavior that was age appropriate – e.g., tears at bedtime from a 4 year old the day after Christmas? Normal, expected, fine. But when we got back from our trip – I asked how the kids were, and she was like “they were fine. I mean, highs but LOTs of lows.” And then proceeded to list off all the things they did “wrong,” and that my mom fed them tons of sugar and was too easy on them (they didn’t clean up after themselves, they didn’t share, etc.). It was mostly directed at my 3 year old, who is 3, and who was, honestly, not doing a great job of sharing with her 13 month old. I think he was a little jealous of their kid (we don’t see them often and he is used to being the “baby”), over tired, and off routine. But my SIL kept saying things like “I mean, thank goodness [her daughter] is so tough! And SUCH a trooper! And just the best listener!”

So here’s the thing — I don’t typically micro-manage my parent’s care of my kids re: TV and food intake. My parents don’t see them often, and they enjoy spoiling the kids when they are together, which is fine with me. Also, they are older and I’m fine with making allowances for the fact that they are watching the kids — more TV so they can rest, sure, why not? But my SIL’s negative commentary is really, really bothering me. I feel like she was unduly hard on my 3 year old for behavior that was age appropriate and also reflective of his circumstances, and I now have this sense based on a few comments she’s blasted me to her sisters (who are all childless, but all in early childhood education or special needs). I should not care, but it’s frankly making me ragey how tough she was on my kids and me, by extension. I mean, her daughter slept terribly the whole dang week and a half, and I wasn’t blasting my SIL for not being better at sleep training. I was saying things like “she’s off routine, it’s a new place, etc. etc. etc.” b/c it’s true – she was! And I get it! Not a big deal, not anyone’s “fault.”

Also, my mom pulled me aside yesterday and basically said that SIL was even tougher on my kids the whole time I was gone, and also towards my mom — calling her a “pushover.” The oddest thing is that SIL is generally a lovely person who I have always gotten along well with. I really enjoy her company and we have tons of common interests. I’ve always known she is competitive, but it’s never impacted me directly. I guess this is the part where normally I’d say, whatever, I don’t see them often, who cares, and also, I look forward to them having an older kid or more than one kid. 13 months is a glorious age of really not being able to misbehave.

BUT. We are supposed to spend 10 to 14 days with them in August. They live in a vacation destination (think Nantucket), and before this three day disaster, we had made plans to stay with them. She, in particular, was pushing us to stay at their house so we’d have more time together, especially at night. All adults will be working during the day (them at their day jobs and my husband and I remotely), and all kids will be going to childcare during the day. My kids will be at a summer day camp, and her daughter will be at her usual day care.

Should I … not stay with them? Or will the fact that we’ll have more separation help? I don’t want my kids under a microscope on their “break”, and I don’t want to be under a parenting microscope. However, with it being a vacation destination, any rental house will be expensive, and also, any decision not to stay at their house would be viewed oddly, as we had all reached an agreement to stay together to maximize family time at night. UGH. Also, I’m mad at myself b/c I didn’t stick up more for my kids, either with her present or in the conversations after. I didn’t want t come off as defensive, but now I’m angry I didn’t stick up for my — generally good but not perfect — kids.

I’m so over pumping. DD is 6.5 months old, and I had hoped to EBF until she was 1 year old, but the thought of spending 1-1.5 hours each day pumping is depressing. Yesterday, I only pumped once (instead of 2x), and it was SO liberating that I am officially dropping a pumping session. I’m relieved, yet I feel guilty and selfish at the same time because I may need to supplement if my supply drops. Irrational, I know.

I’d like to try putting my kids’ artwork into a family “yearbook” (using the photo book feature on Google Photos). Any tips on taking nice pictures of the artwork? Background, lighting, etc? A photographer I am not.

Asking here because y’all tend to be more gentle– my cleaning lady is mediocre at best. She was good at first, and my house was such a disaster that I was glad to have her and felt like she made a huge difference. I pay her $90 every two weeks in a LCOL to clean a 1500 sf 3 bed 2 bath, if that is relevant. But I feel like she does a pretty haphazard job these days. How do you handle this? Do I tell her she needs to do better? Do I give her specific instructions? Do I just call it a day and hire someone else?

We just found out we’re expecting our first and are so excited. Since we have no experience with the actual logistics, I was hoping to get some input on our apartment layout with a newborn.

We have a unique 3-level apartment, still only 700 sqft- the small kitchen is on level 0, the small living room/dining area is on level -1, and our reasonably-sized bedroom and full bath are on level +1. Between the kitchen and living are 8 straight stairs, and to get up to the bedroom there is a narrow, relatively steep spiral staircase. We would definitely have these stairs carpeted so they’re not as slippery, but we’d still be carrying a baby up and down them probably several times per day. Once the baby is crawling we would have to reevaluate blocking off the top of the stairs.

Since we have only one bedroom, I think the only option is to have the baby sleep in the same room as us. The other two options would be 1) for him/her to be all the way downstairs in the living room- but that room can get kind of cold in the winter, although I guess we could get space heaters or 2) to convert a walk-in closet off of our full bath upstairs into a nursery- but this seems weird, there are no windows, and it’s super useful storage space for us.

Our former next door neighbors raised two (!!) children in an apartment with the same layout. Unfortunately we didn’t get a chance to ask them how they did it before they moved. We live in NYC, and we love this apartment, and we realllllly don’t want to move to a new apartment (at least until we leave the city altogether in a few years).

Does this all seem crazy? What do you think about having a baby sleep in the same room as parents? Does this make sleep training impossible?