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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Seeking Reassurance says
Hi Moms – I need some help from women that have experienced this. DH and I are starting to talk about TTC. If/when we have a baby, I will have to work to help us pay our bills and also I want to stay in the workplace and continue building our retirement fund. Plus, I have always had this overwhelming feeling that I want to keep working and make my own money in case I would ever have to take care of myself by myself. With that said, I’m starting to freak out about the idea of leaving a little baby in a daycare – which is what I’ll have to do at the 12 week point. Can anyone please tell me that it really does work, it is ok, and that you’ve put a baby in a daycare and ended up still having a loving family member? Thank you!
TK says
So … ignoring my terrifying comment below … little TK has been in daycare since he was 12 weeks old (2 1/2 now) and he LOVES it. He is bonded with his teachers, gets to do these really cool art projects and activities that I would never have time to plan, and he gets to run off all of that 2-year-old energy for 8-9 hours a day so he’s pooped when he gets home and is a great sleeper. He runs into his class every day, super excited to be there … and runs to give me a hug when I come to pick him up, super excited to see me. He loves me and his dad, his grandparents, and his cousins … and he’s excellent at sharing his toys and taking turns, since he gets so much practice all day.
Momata says
And even with your terrifying comment below — this was most likely revealed more quickly because of the group care setting. With a nanny (which I agree seems more appealing for the infant stage), there is zero accountability for what goes on during the day.
My two kids are in daycare. I do have a tough time with the infant room — neither of my kids napped very well in that setting, where all of the kids are on their own schedule so the room is rarely totally dark and quiet. But both kids have bonded with their teachers, are great eaters, and are so happy to get there and are hapy and worn out when they come home.
Anon says
Uh oh, Momata, how many babies were in the infant classes? I am returning from maternity leave shortly and am wondering what it will do to my then 12 week old’s napping (he seems to be a light sleeper; are they all at this age?) thanks!
Momata says
There were eight kids in each infant class. The cribs are in a separate area in the same room as the play and feeding areas. With each kid, we count it as a “good day” if they sleep for an hour total. Other kids seem to nap much better than my kids, and I’ve heard other parents say that this situation made their kid a better sleeper. We compensated by putting our kids to bed by 7pm when they were in the infant room, and by making naps non-negotiable on weekends.
Anon in NYC says
My daughter’s infant room had two separate sleeping areas, one of which they used for the lighter sleepers because it was quieter, darker, and farther from the door. My daughter had no problem sleeping in the infant room but her naps were usually pretty short. Other kids just don’t really sleep in the infant room. It’s better in her toddler class because all of the lights are dim and every kid is asleep. One of the little girls in her infant class who did not nap (seriously – good day if she got 30 minutes) is apparently taking 2 hour naps in the toddler room.
RDC says
Yup – my kid barely napped in the infant room, and I worried at the time but honestly we didn’t really see any ill effects of it. He did nap longer on the weekends. He’s now in the toddler room and consistently naps 2 hrs a day.
JLK says
Counterpoint- my kid always napped better at daycare. She started at 12 weeks. Even when she dropped her nap at home (RIP nap!) she kept it up at daycare for several more months.
And she transitioned from a quiet home nap environment to a daycare that didn’t even separate cribs in a separate room.
EB0220 says
My first slept OK at daycare. Her infant rooms all had a separate sleeping area that was darker, had music, etc. so they were away from the bustle of the main classroom. My second was a great sleeper at daycare, despite being in a crib on the FLOOR in the main classroom. They did turn off the lights for a bit in the afternoon, but it didn’t seem to affect her. Amazing. Now she naps for almost 3 hours in the toddler room.
Em says
My kid naps great at daycare in the infant room. He will usually take two, 1-hour naps and one, 2-2 1/2 hour nap a day. They also got him to sleep in a crib from day one (which I couldn’t, despite trying for WEEKS before).
CLMom says
Naps are hit or miss for my daughter. Usually each morning/afternoon naps is about 45-60 min. But occasionally she will bust out a a 2+ hour nap. It took her a little while to adjust to the environment, so the first two or three week were tough seeing her tired.
That said, babies are completely adaptable and 12 week old little ones will do fine and still love mommy more than anyone.
EB0220 says
BTW – I totally agree w/ this comment that there is more accountability in a group childcare situation. That is why I picked daycare over a nanny.
ADE says
I also have a 2.5 year old in daycare (since 12 weeks old) and it has been a fantastic experience. Parents/relatives are jealous of how easygoing my son is — and I think a large part of it is due to daycare. He has learned how to play well with others, sleep on a great schedule and eat everything. He is friendly and outgoing. He is inherently shy in new situations, but he has learned how to open up and become quite adaptable. He loves his friends and all the amazing activities that they do all day long (physical activities, art projects, learning endeavors, exploration, etc.). The teachers love and spoil him and we could not be happier. We would make this choice 1000 times over again.
Anonymous says
We’ve had a very similar experience. My son is 4.5 and starting kindergarten in the fall (sniff) but he thrived through daycare (which we started at 9 weeks because I hated maternity leave) and preschool. On the weekends he complains that he misses his friends and wished he could go to school, and he still speaks fondly about his old daycare.
Faye says
Same here – both of my kids have been in daycare since 12 weeks old. Naps were all over the place, but no ill effects from that. Both are very easygoing and play well with others, and I 100% credit that to daycare.
You’ll hear awful people say things like “I could never leave my kid with a stranger.” But to the kid, EVERYONE is a stranger at 12 weeks. Your SO, your parents, your daycare teacher. Yes, they’re a stranger to you, but they’re skilled in childcare and you most likely are not. My kid gets to be with a well-supervised expert in his development who will love him dearly, AND flounder around in my very loving but incapable hands. Best of both worlds, I say.
Carine says
Yes. All this. The daycare teachers weren’t strangers after the first day. My kids just have more people who love them than they otherwise would, and the teachers were so helpful to me as a new parent.
RDC says
Co-signed. My kid started daycare at 14 wks and is now 20 months. It’s not easy to leave him every day – still – but he has tons of experiences there I would never think to do at home. (All the messy art projects! Music class once a week, involving various instruments!) We are constantly amazed at new skills he has picked up at school, little things like eating soup with a spoon on his own or knowing all the signs to itsy-bitsy spider. For me, it’s much less pressure knowing that there are other caregivers involved who help teach him things; my husband and I aren’t solely responsible for thinking of all the things he should be learning. On the weekend we can just do fun stuff -pools and bubbles etc – or just run errands without trying to fit in development-type activities. (Not that 20month olds need that much intentional teaching, but still.) And as others have said, he gets lots of practice with sharing, and lots of time to run around.
Anon in NYC says
I’ll just echo the things that others have said above. My daughter has been in daycare since about 4 months (14 months now) and we’ve had nothing but positive experiences. Her infant room teachers were fantastic and really cared about her. Now in toddlers, she’s exposed to new things every day. They have so many projects every day.
I think the key to being okay with daycare (or any childcare situation, really) is to trust your gut. We’re paying more than we would have at other daycare places, but I love love love our daycare and I knew it from our first tour of the place.
JLK says
It absolutely works. We made our time outside work priority family time. My morning routine changed so I can squeeze in quality baby time.
Especially in the first year or donthenfenodo spend most hours at daycare eating, pooping and sleeping so you aren’t missing much.
With my second I stayed at home, and I feel like I got about the same *quality* time with each.
CPA Lady says
Love our daycare. My daughter loves it there. She started around 12 weeks and is now about to turn 2. I grew up with a SAHM who made daycare sound like some kind of industrial heartless solution, but I have not found it to be like that at all. All the teachers know her name, even the ones not in her class. And the kids are all buddies. It’s so sweet to hear another 2 year old excitedly call out my daughter’s name because he is excited to see her. They do tons of activities, she naps like a champ, has an immune system of solid gold (after non-stop plagues for the first year), and will eat anything. They provide the meals there, and I think there is healthy peer pressure to try new things. Also, she’s going to almost definitely be an only child, so I like her having the chance to hang out with other kids and learn to share.
The teachers get training and understand what is age appropriate and what expectations are reasonable. I tend towards anxiety, so it’s nice to have a resource who has seen dozens/hundreds of kids go through their class and can tell me if something is not right or who can provide helpful suggestions. I didn’t really know what to expect, but it has been wonderful.
Meg Murry says
This! My MIL was a SAHM, I’m pretty sure she was convinced that daycare was going to be like the photos of babies in refugee orphanages – row after row of babies left to cry in cribs all day, or maybe a 1/2 step up to at least having diapers changed and regular feeding but that’s it.
But now that she’s seen our daycare she is a 100% daycare evangelist. Our facility has been around for more than 40 years, and they have quite a few teachers that have been there for 10, 15, 20+ years – one of the infant room teachers just retired after working there more than 30 years. They had a great mix of young, enthusiastic teachers who recently graduated and were full of energy and new ideas, more experienced teachers that had seen it all (but still kept up on continuing ed to make sure they were meeting the current safety standards, learning new teachning techniques, etc) and the 20+ year veterns that we like additional grandparents or aunties that had raised literally hundreds of babies and were total baby whisperers and that taught us how to introduce solid foods, wean kid from a pacifier, get them to sleep in the crib on their own, potty train, etc.
I always thought the “it takes a village” thing was such a cliche – but it really is true. Our daycare (both the staff and the other families) really is our village, and they are such an integral part of our life and helping us learn to raise our kids.
I think of it this way – I am not cut out to be a SAHP or a school teacher. I love my kids, but I would be miserable dealing with them all day, every day – I am far better at working in my field 8+ hours a day. (I briefly worked in a school with older kids, and whoa, I so don’t have the patience!) The daycare teachers *are* experts who are *chosing* to do childcare for 8+ hours a day, because they love kids and it’s their calling. So I let them do their chosen work, which frees me up to do my chosen work, and that makes all of us – the teachers, my husband and I, and our kids – much better off.
Now if you really *are* the type who would want to be a SAHP (not just in an abstract “don’t want to leave my kid” way, but in a true “I would enjoy interacting with little people and cooking and cleaning up after them and doing art projects” way), there’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s something you should look into further – but if you aren’t 100% rah rah SAHP, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Do you know any of your neighbors, co-workers, church/community members, etc that have kids at a daycare? Nothing beats a personal recommendation of a specific center, rather than all of us giving you info on how much we love *our* daycares – because you need to love *your* daycare in particular, not the idea of daycare in the abstract.
Clementine says
Yes. To All this.
I am a better parent because of Daycare. They are on the floor with him all day, he’s interacting and playing and hanging out with people in a 100% baby-centric environment. If he were at home, I would be dragging him while I did errands, parking him in a safe baby space while I cleaned the house, and also be having a hard time because of limited contact with adults.
I was nervous too and toured one daycare that I left, called my husband crying and told him one of us needed to quit our jobs and stay home because baby was NEVER going to a center if they were all like that. Nope, it was a crummy center. Our current one is less convenient but so many times more awesome.
Spirograph says
Yes to all of this. I love our daycare. They do way more with the kids than I would be able to, the teachers have more patience, more experience, and are better rested than I, and especially once the kids are old enough to interact with each other, the social environment just seems so positive for them in so many ways. My kids love their teachers, and it makes me happy that they have so many adults they care for and who care about them, especially since we don’t have extended family nearby.
My mom was also a SAHM, and I think she was leery of the whole idea at first (to be honest, I was, too), but after seeing the center for herself, she is really impressed.
Katala says
From another perspective – we have a nanny for our 15 month old and don’t think it’s that great. It’s on us to come up with all activities/things to learn/meals/etc. The nanny will do what we tell her but doesn’t come up with things on her own (other nannies might, but you still need to have supplies etc) so it’s a lot of work for us. It’s also becoming very clear he’s not getting socialized, which could be helped with classes and things but again, more work for us.
We can’t wait to get him into daycare. But, I’m pregnant and we’ll be buying a house (and we don’t know what neighborhood) within 6 months so it doesn’t seem like a good time to find and start daycare. At first, we were sure we’d do a nanny for both kids since the cost would be similar, but now I think we’ll do daycare for both starting when the new baby is 3-4 months.
Anonymous says
My DD has been in daycare since 16 weeks. She’s now 15 months. She loves it there. Loves it. Sometimes cries when we pick her up to take her home because she wants to stay and play longer. She was deeply bonded to the two women in the infant room and is bonding well with the women in her newly walking toddler room. She has lots of friends of all ages, is basically siblings with a little boy who started at 12 weeks the same week she did, and loves playing with the big kids. I also love that all those toys and giant plastic playsets and riding toys and whatever do not need to be in my tiny house. I also love the peer pressure that comes from seeing her friends eat the food they serve (which they make there) and trying new things. I also like that her daycare is pretty ethnically diverse. I and my husband both work full time and we are so grateful for our daycare. Sometimes we have one of the infant daycare women babysit (for pay, of course!) on the weekends when I have to work and DD is *delighted* to not be with me. We think sometimes about moving her to a more convenient location since ours is a bit of a schlep, but happy baby is worth it.
NewMomAnon says
My daughter started daycare at 15 weeks. I was so relieved to not have sole care of her, I think I skipped all the way to work that day. Although I love our school, I had some minor concerns about the infant classroom (kiddo didn’t nap at daycare, there were some feeding inconsistencies, I felt like there were a lot of caregivers coming and going which sometimes freaked me out). But it was great and she bonded really well with her infant teachers. Kiddo still runs back to the infant classroom to give them hugs at the end of the day.
On the day I dropped off my daughter, there was a mom dropping off a 4 week old baby because mom had to go back to work. Even though that crushed me in the moment, the little girl is still in my daughter’s class and is an awesome, spunky, verbal 2 year old. It will be OK.
Anon says
I thought the daycare we originally chose was THE GREATEST and was pretty comfortable taking my son there at 10 1/2 weeks. They had an awesome curriculum and a fancy advanced menu with all food made in-house, and it came highly recommended. We ended up pulling my son in the first week (after a nightmare scramble to find another good center with an open spot on short notice) because I realized they didn’t actually follow the awesome curriculum and also ignored all safe-sleeping habits (this one was the deal breaker for me). The babies got virtually no tummy time, all the babies spent 90% of the time in a swing/rock-n-play/bouncer, and they also had some other sketchy practices (an older child was often allowed to roam the room and was left unsupervised with sleeping babies, allowed to incorrectly pick up babies, etc.). I only realized this because I went every day to feed my baby over lunch (at varying times) and also picked him up at random times.
That said, he is now in a center that we love. They are crazy strict about baby safety and notify us about a lot of minor stuff I don’t really need to know, but at least I am confidant that they aren’t doing sketchy or unsafe stuff with my baby. The best way to avoid ending up in a center like our first one is to visit the center multiple times at varying times and spend a decent amount of time in the infant room (like ask to stay for 10-15 minutes chunks of time). I would have felt crazy doing that when we initially looked, but wish I had so that we could have avoided having to move him within the first week.
OP - Seeking Reassurance says
Thank you so much everyone! Your responses made me feel better than any other article or other thing found online… this is the best community.
Mrs. Jones says
Of course it’s fine. Our son went to day care at 10 1/2 weeks and is developing just fine at age 5 1/2.
TK says
Ugh, you guys.
A teacher in my nephew’s daycare class was just arrested for sexually assaulting another student in the class. The 3-4 year old class. Sister-in-law is freaking out (naturally) and quit her job to keep my nephew home with her full time. They took all the right steps so far as having him talk to the right professionals to determine whether he might also have been a victim – no signs so far that he was – but it’s just been gut wrenching for our family.
I’m not really a gloom and doom, the world is falling apart type – but WFT. We fill out all the paperwork for recall notices on toys – put on sunscreen every time they go outside – wear helmets – make kids stay in car seats until they’re 8 – we do all of these things to keep our kids safe, but there isn’t anything you can do to protect your kids from the crazies and the psychos.
I’m struggling with the idea that are kids aren’t ever really ‘safe.’ How do y’all come to peace with that?
Anon says
(1) Remember that — despite the news — the world that we live in is safer than it has been for generations past.
(2) Accidents can and do happen. But they are just that, accidents. Prepare, plan, take reasonable precautions and educate, and yet accidents happen. Chances are that the accidents that happen to you and your family will be of the small bumps, bruises and broken bones. Sometimes BIG accidents happen. And those absolutely are horrible, terrible events for everyone.
(3) Bad things will come into the lives of our children. When I finally came around to this, it actually gave me a measure of peace. Hopefully, the biggest bad will be the death of a grandparent. I view it as my job as a parent to take reasonable precautions but know that I cannot keep all the big bad things out of my kid’s life. My job is to show them love, hope and build resiliency. When one of those bad things comes our way, I will be there beside them to grieve, help them heal and see hope again.
Signed, My Dad died from a big bad accident when I was a kid and I was almost abducted by a stranger (unrelated incidents).
mascot says
I think if you look at the studies and the statistics, kids really are a bit safer than they were when we were growing up. There’s never going to be a scenario that is 100% safe, but maybe by taking some reasonable steps, I can move the odds to my favor. I try to remind myself of that when it gets a little overwhelming.
I hope that everything ends up being ok with your nephew. That’s got to be a really tough place to be right now.
4AM riser says
Fellow Moms, We have a 1.5yo who seems to be waking up earlier and earlier every week. Up until about 3-4 weeks ago toddler would wake up at 6am, which is completely fine… Then it was 5:30AM… this week we are looking at 4:30… any suggestions?
Toddler is going to sleep at 7:30-8, we have blackout blinds in the room so sunrise light should not be an issue. She sleeps a sold 3 hours at daycare and has always slept this much since she was an infant.
Help?!
4AM riser says
Apologies- this was meant as a new thread.
NOVA Anon says
We had this – my son (22 mo.) wakes up between 4:30 and 5:30, clearly still tired, but will not go back to sleep on his own. If I get him quickly (before he’s had a chance to really wake up and work himself up), he will go back to sleep if I either hold him while sitting in the glider or if I bring him back to bed with me. Usually he asks for milk, too, which I get him in his sippy cup. My pediatrician said it’s hard for them to get back to sleep on their own after that amount of sleep, and okayed this strategy (she’s a pretty strict “sleep training” type).
EB0220 says
Is she in a crib? My toddler started doing this. We put her in a toddler bed, and now when she wakes up early, she’ll get up, get a book, look at it for a bit and then go back to sleep. Mom confession: I turn the monitor off during this time. (We can still hear her if she gets upset since the master bedroom shares a wall w/ her room.)
Anonymous says
I’m not at this stage yet, but I would try capping the nap. 3 hours is a pretty monster nap at that age. I would try capping the nap at about 2 hours for a week or so and see if that helps.
Anonforthis says
Major sympathy for fear of the crazies, even though we all know they’re few and far between. Sometimes it just hits a little too close to home, and it’s scary! I had a similar freak out this morning when I got an e-mail from daycare saying that a man who has intermittently attended the church (our daycare is housed in a church) apparently tried to leave with 2 kids during a service last weekend. And since the man has occasionally been observed on the church property looking for help from the church during the week, they sent out a safety notice to all the parents, circulated his photo with the teachers, and the police are involved with a no-trespassing order for him. Which all reminded me of a guy who completely creeped me out in the parking lot as we were leaving school a month or two ago when he talked to me and asked my son if he wanted to come home with him. ugh.
I hope your nephew, his classmates, and the victim are all OK and get the help and support they need, and I’m sorry your family is going through this.
OMP says
We are at the same daycare and, ugh, that was a horrible email to see.
Anonforthis says
small world! I don’t know whether it made me feel better or worse that the creepy parking lot guy was the same one in the picture. At least there is only one, but he has already approached my son once. ugh ugh ugh. obviously I responded to the e-mail this morning with the other info, but I feel kind of negligent for not reporting it at the time.
Like people are saying in the thread below, always trust your gut!
OMP says
Oh my gosh, for some reason that makes me feel much worse, that he tried multiple time. I’m so sorry that happened to you!
AIMS says
That’s horrific. I don’t even know what to say other than horrible things will always happen and you have to do what you can to protect against them and just hope for the best. It’s true that statistically we’re probably safer than ever before in many ways. We also have to worry about things no one ever worried about before. I would take comfort from the fact that it sounds like this situation was swiftly handled, which may not have been the case not so long ago.
I would also focus on raising resilient kids that have the emotional and mental foundation to handle whatever problems come up in life. I don’t know quite how you do that but I think just being open and loving and supportive is a good start, which it sounds like you are already. I don’t know that quitting your job like your SIL is that helpful – her kids will have to face the world at some point, it’s not like the only danger is preschool teachers. But this is an important reminder to always be vigilant and hug your kids a little extra tonight.
TK says
Totally agree re: SIL but I didn’t figure now was the right time to second-guess or offer an opinion about her life choices. She has always carried a lot of working mom guilt anyway, and this was basically all of her worst fears confirmed. Who knows, maybe I’d respond the same way – and I’m a die hard proud to be working mom, but God with something like that … totally understand the instinct.
Anon in NYC says
Stuff like this just feels like a body blow. I deal with the anxiety by forcing myself to ignore it and focus on ensuring my daughter is happy, healthy, and loved, but… yeah, totally understand your SIL’s instinct.
JLK says
Has anyone tried keen sneakers for their preschooler and can tell me how they fit?
They look a lot like see kai run. My daughter has been in Plae sneakers this year and hitch are great but I want something a little different for the new school year and the Plae styles are all pretty similar.
And/or other non-athletic sneaker style suggestions for a 8-8.5T?
http://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/4292110?pathAlias=keen-encanto-sneaker-baby-walker-toddler-little-kid&cm_mmc=displayfb-_-kenshoo-_-dpa-_-82228190
Anonymous says
Not really an answer to your question, but we have the Keen waterproof sandals for my 3-yo son and love them. They are also the only shoes he doesn’t destroy before growing out of them. I’m glad to see they make sneakers as well.
JLK says
We have the summer sandals too. I love them BUT they stink! I think it’s bare feet? Maybe the sneaker line is new? I think it’s super cute.
Carrie M says
+1 that we love our keen sandals. I put them in the washing machine (or let her wear them in the ocean) and that seems to take care of any funk. They dry super quickly in the sun. (I haven’t tried putting them i the dryer.)
We’ve also had good luck with Stride Rite brand sneakers and with converse.
Amom says
yes to all Keens. They are esp great for kids with wide feet.
As for the sandals in the summer- we wash them in vinegar every few months and that seems to do the trick but kids are sweaty and stinky so it’s a battle I am prepared to lose.
Meg Murry says
Not sure about cute girls sneakers, but they’ve had boys shoes for a while – they were more of a rugged hiking shoe than a true sneaker though. We have friends that swear by them as one of the few shoes that last long enough to be handed down from their oldest boy to the youngest.
However, any of the Keens shoes/sandals that you wear with bare feet, or where feet get sweaty or wet have a tendency to pick up a stench, so washing regularly *before* they start to stink, and then alternating spraying with alcohol and anti-fungal food spray can help keep them from smelling. Once they develop a smell, sometimes you can deal with it with a thourough scrubbing and sanitizing, but it may be a losing battle at that point.
Keens seem to be the worst for this, but other shoes with similar sturdy construction are also prone to this. I think it’s a combo of the fact that the materials that they are made from run a little hotter/sweatier than cheaper shoes and take longer to dry – and also that they last long enough to stink, instead of being worn out long before they are outgrown like my older son’s cheaper shoes.
Knope says
Does anyone have an idea of the cost of infant daycare vs. a nanny or a nanny share in DC? Both would be in the city itself. No employer subsidy for either, unfortunately. I’m currently pregnant and realized that I would have to get on a waiting list like, right now if I wanted to go the daycare route, but haven’t really given it much thought yet.
RDC says
Get on the waiting list like right now, just to have options. Most places don’t charge to put you on the list.
As far as daycare centers, we paid over $2k at a bright horizons on the burbs, now pay $1425 downtown but it is partially subsidized. Can’t help with the costs of nanny or in-home.
Anonymous says
Daycare will definitely be the cheapest option for one child. I’m in Arlington, not DC proper, but pay $1800/month for an infant in a small, non-chain center. A larger, chain daycare (bright horizons) was $2100 or so/month. A good nanny will be $15+ an hour, plus dealing with taxes and such. With a share, you’d obviously split that, but the nanny will likely charge more since they are watching more than one child.
AIMS says
Get on a waiting list. You may have to pay a deposit (in NYC, for me, it was $150) but consider that your option insurance.
Spirograph says
I’m in a close suburb, not DC proper, but we have paid
$1800/month in a medium sized, non-profit center (not a chain. BH is a couple hundred more in my area)
$300/week for an in-home daycare (this may have included a slight sibling discount)
An obscene amount for a nanny. Over the table, it was somewhere in the neighborhood of $35-40k/year
A slightly less obscene amount for a nanny share, but still more expensive than either of the daycare options.
Side note: I did not like the nanny share at all and wouldn’t recommend one, especially for an infant — it was really the worst aspects of nanny (expensive, single point of failure, all the annoyances that come with being an employer) and daycare (having to get the kid out of the house in the morning half of the time, less flexible scheduling) combined. Plus dealing with the other family.
Definitely get on the wait lists at a couple of daycare centers if you even think you might want to go that route. The wait list fee (most I’ve seen are $60-150) is negligible to keep your options open.
NavyAttorney says
Arlington, I drive to licensed in-home in Falls Church (Fairfax County) and pay $800/mo; I have two kids so that’s $1600/mo. I know a few people who also pay that, but most of my friends pay $1800/mo per child, and that’s out in Fairfax/Chantilly. Nannies are insanely expensive; I would only consider if I had more than two kids…but then you still have to pay for a preschool program. Newborns in bright horizons seem to be the most expensive I’ve ever heard of ($2400/mo).
Potomac Ave says
We’re at a great montessori based daycare in the city. It’s roughly $1800 a month (not subsidized). A nanny would be substantially more expensive.
It is one at a fed. building, so if you’re not fed it might be hard to get into.
anon says
Have any of you experienced a reduction in work ethic during pregnancy? I’m in the second trimester (past the point of feeling sick all the time) and I feel completely unmotivated in my job. I’ve been pregnant before with all ending in miscarriage, and I felt the same during those pregnancies. Perhaps the nervous energy that helps me succeed at work is being channeled into pregnant anxiety. It’s frustrating. Has anyone been there? Any tips?
RDC says
Yep … Hence all the comments from me :) no real tips other than have a list of your must-dos and try to check those off.
Oh so Anon for this... says
A million times YES! (I’ve had three pregnancies- one of which we lost.) I honestly thought it was just me and have never mentioned it to anyone other than my husband. I also continue to have this issue while breastfeeding- I’m guessing it is hormone related, but who knows. I’m ALMOST done weaning my last child and while I’m ready to be back to “normal” re work ethic, it is also sad that I’m almost done breastfeeding my last child.
I haven’t found anything that works 100% and puts me back to “normal.” The two things I would suggest are caffeine (watch the amount during pregnancy and I know some people choose to avoid it completely) and making lists. I inherited an office with a huge dry erase board and lately I’ve had luck writing my to do list on that board. You get a sense of satisfaction crossing things off and can easily see what needs to be done. Good luck!
Katala says
Yep. Happened with the first, badly. I just read blogs and baby stuff and worked on my registry whenever nothing urgent was happening. Now pregnant with #2 and also at a new job, so it’s really not cool to have the work blahs. I just try to focus on my to do list, let myself take internet breaks, respond to things right away and get things done on a reasonable timeline. It’s tough, but as long as you’re not letting anything slip no one else is likely to notice your decreased motivation (right?).
rakma says
I have an interview Monday for a dream job. I also happen to be 5 months pregnant.
I can’t decide if I should mention this at the interview.
Gut instinct is no, even though I’ll probably look pretty pregnant (or at least suspiciously plump). On the other hand, I know the interviewers through professional networks, and I’m worried I’ll start off on the wrong foot if I wait until an offer to disclose. (Especially if this information has made it to them through the grapevine, though I’ve been pretty quiet about this pregnancy)
It’s unusual to have multiple rounds of interviews in my area, so I can’t even wait and see if I make it to another round.
NewMomAnon says
For me, it would only be a dream job if their response to my pregnancy announcement is “Congratulations! Here is information on our maternity leave, you won’t qualify because you haven’t been here at year, let’s find a way to get you 12-16 weeks paid time off anyway.” Accordingly, I would disclose right away.
If their answer is “Ugh, let’s wait until your maternity leave is over at current job, and we’re going to start you with no PTO accrued, good luck sucka,” I would run for the hills.
rakma says
Paid maternity leave isn’t at all common in my field, so if I stay here or move on, my leave is funded through savings. The process is also moving very quickly, so I don’t think a start date after leave is a possibility.
I get what you’re saying about the culture, but I’m still worried there’s more of a stigma with pregnancy than with just having children (they certainly know about my older child!)
NewMomAnon says
I agree about the pregnancy stigma, but for me, how an employer treats a pregnant woman is part and parcel of how they treat a woman with a very young child. If they are going to think less of you because of the pregnancy, they are going to think less of you every time your kid gets sent home from daycare that first year, and every well baby check up you have for the first two years, and every time you come into work bleary eyed after a night of minimal sleep.
I guess what I’m saying is, I wouldn’t take a job that would rate me lower as a candidate because of pregnancy, because it would be intolerable to work there as a woman with no prior history of success in that organization and a small child at home. But I’ve also curbed my career ambitions to make my family situation work, and you may have more resources and not need to make those trade offs.
In House Lobbyist says
I interviewed for a job when I was 5 months pregnant and started when I was 7 months. I told the 3 people I interviewed with and they all were super supportive. This was with a large company and it is a pretty family friendly place. I know every place is not like this but just wanted to share my experience. The bad part was I left a law firm with 3 months maternity leave for 6 weeks and no vacation built up but overall it was a great move.
rakma says
This would be the best case, and my sister suggested a similar course since she’s in HR at a large, family friendly supportive place. It just makes me so nervous, since I think it’s a competitive field and I don’t want to put myself at a disadvantage. I’d like to think the best of these people–but I don’t want to regret it.
Anon in NYC says
I interviewed while in that weird stage. I didn’t say anything unless asked. As it got to the offer stage I was more visibly pregnant and said something like, “obviously I’m pregnant and due at the end of X. I am hoping to have a start date of sometime in Y.”
Closet Redux says
Congratulations! I am in a similar boat– just starting to be visibly pregnant such that a stranger would suspect, my current job knows, but otherwise I have been pretty quiet about it, and using professional networks to find a new job. I struggled with whether or not to tell my networking contacts and ultimately decided not to, lest they think twice about recommending me. Now that I’m at the interview stage I am likewise keeping mum. I’m taking the long view: sure I will need a brief leave here pretty soon, but in the long run I will be an excellent employee. The networking contacts know that, and the recommendation is based on me as an employee over the long term, not me as an employee in 7 months.
rakma says
I’m also taking the long view on this–this is somewhere I could see myself for a long time, and an unusual first year won’t really effect my overall impact. Maybe saying that could be a selling point? (I went from completely agreeing with you as I read your comment to turning it around on you, sorry about that! I’m really poking at this situation because I’m so torn)
Closet Redux says
Haha, yes, I am definitely of two minds about it myself! I don’t know that it’s a selling point, necessarily, but it is an explanation that I believe in. Unless you mean that the selling point is that you see yourself there long-term? Absolutely! I would mention that while still keeping mum about the need for leave until the offer stage. A good employer will recognize that they are investing in you over the long term, not the short term. As a manager I would much rather have someone great for 5+ years with a leave or two in there, than someone great for 1 year without leave.
Anonymous says
Yes, the longevity as a selling point, not the leave! Lots of food for thought here.
Toddler sizes says
Can someone please explain clothing sizes for young toddlers to me? What is 18-24 months relative to 2/2T?
Also, my daughter has so far fit into clothes right on track for her age and she’s 13 months now, wearing almost all 12-18 months stuff, which is plenty big on her. I know most kids slow down in growth after the one year mark. Should I buy her winter clothes in the 12-18 month size? Or 18-24 to grow into or maybe it’ll be too big?
In House Lobbyist says
2/2T comes after 18-24 months. After 18-24 months the sizes are more whole numbers – 2,3,4. I never found the “T” to really make a difference until around the size 5 mark. I usually layered in the winter so if that is your plan you might want to move up to the 18-24 months for winter. And I usually buy jackets or coats the next size up so I would get the 18-24 months for coats.
NewMomAnon says
My daughter is a giant and consistently wears at least one size over her current age. I found that the 24 month clothes were wider but shorter than the 2T clothes, which was great at the 1 yr-18 month point for us because kiddo had luscious thighs and a big buddha belly and a diaper butt. I switched solidly over to 2Ts once she hit 2 years old because she grew up and slimmed down. Unfortunately, she just hit a big growth spurt; all of the 2T clothes are too small, we had just started stocking up 3T sizes, and now I think we are going to skip 3T and go straight to 4T.
She also shot through two shoe sizes in the last 6 months. Needless to say, I’m glad I didn’t bank on clothes fitting for more than a year.
As far as winter clothes; for the big items (jacket, snow pants), there are some brands that have seams you can cut when the child grows. I would buy those on the big end anyway, because you want sweatshirts and sweat pants to fit under them. I’ve given up trying to buy seasonal clothes too far in advance. I would just wait until the Labor Day or post-Thanksgiving sales and stock up on whatever size is fitting at that time.
Famouscait says
I always bought my son’s clothes early to take advantage of sales, but I decided to quit now that he’s in/past the 12/18/24 m sizes. It has just gotten too hard to predict what will work and what won’t. If it’s 100% fully returnable (like from Kohl’s, for example) I will buy and save receipts. Also, I realized that potty training will likely impact what kind of clothes he’ll need (goodbye cute overalls…)
NavyAttorney says
Nothing is too big; buy a belt, roll up the pant legs, roll the pants waist, hem the pants with only a few stiches. All shirts seem to be too short and show their belly/make them cold, so I buy shirts 1-2 sizes up.
Bellaband hack success! says
Thank you again to the person who suggested repurposing a Bellaband as a cami/pregnancy cleavage cover up under low-cut dresses and shirts. My 32H’s are locked in, my dress fits smoothly, and I’m not sweating like I would with a whole extra layer.
Also to whoever said that you’ll look chubby far longer than you’ll look pregnant….I didn’t believe you, but it’s totally true. At 21 weeks with kid#1, I think I have a cute bump, but people are surprised when I tell them that I’m pregnant!
JayJay says
Hooray! That’s my Bellaband hack. It saved my chest from being flashed in every low cut maternity dress.
DayCareSuggestions says
Moms, does anyone have suggestions for infant care around MountainView area (SF Bay Area)?
I’m looking to move there in about a month and a half and my child will be a year old then..
Anonymous says
Hi, I live here. Is there an anon email I can use for you?
DayCareSuggestions says
Thanks Anon , anonmom27(at)gmail(dot)com
Me too! says
Oooh, can I get suggestions, too? Just moved to Palo Alto and looking for places for my 8 month old. E-mail is notacalifornian2016(at)gmail(dot)com.
Anonymous says
I emailed you both.
dc mom anon says
Speaking of daycare –
DD is in a big corporate-style daycare. It has many benefits: lots of kids, big, bright spaces, playground is attached, bathrooms are in the room, lots of friendly staff, and cameras so I can watch what is going on. I trust the care, but it is so, so nice to be able to check in and see what she’s up to. I can also see who is going in and out of the rooms. The down side to this place is that I don’t think it is super nurturing, with so many kids (up to 20) the teachers are more focused on herding kids from snack time, to art projects, to the playground, etc. So far, DD seems to be fine and I am not bothered by the approach. She is pretty independent and seems to enjoy her time there.
The issue is that we might be able to get her into a different daycare with lots of benefits: cheaper, 2 blocks from our house, and language immersion, big but also very nurturing, they are more focused on learning. 2 big cons: no cameras and no attached playground, so the kiddos have to walk 5 blocks (in DC) to local parks. I am having a hard time getting over the camera access, esp in light of incidents like the one TK mentions above. I know having a camera does not prevent something like that from happening entirely, but it gives me peace of mind. Ramble over. Does this ever get easier?
NewMomAnon says
So, not to be scary, but I would guess there are spots in your current daycare where the cameras don’t reach. I would be surprised if there are cameras in the bathrooms, for instance. So I don’t think cameras make up for hiring good, qualified teachers and having protocols in place to meet ratios, etc. My daycare has cameras in the main classroom and hallway areas, but the feeds are available only inside the school. I feel safe anyway because I know the teachers and trust them to call out somebody who is a hazard to the kids (which they’ve done in the past with a new floater and in an incident involving an experienced teacher).
If you can get your kiddo into a daycare that is closer to your house and cheaper, I would really look at that option. The playground thing would be hard for me; my daughter craves physical activity, and I’d be unhappy if she had to walk 5 blocks each way to get to the park. I would ask questions about how they accommodate that, especially on rainy days – do they have an on-site gym or other area where the kids can run and play with balls, etc?
dc mom anon says
Thank you for your response. Talking/writing it out really helps. The cameras definitely have blind spots, but they help provide a small peace of mind in the moment. Kiddo is 2 and has some words but I cant rely on her to tell me what her day was like. I’ll have to ask the new daycare about their rainy day plans.
Maddie Ross says
Yeah, the 5 blocks to an outside space would be a no-go for me (though I’m in the burbs, so my opinion may be skewed). Honestly, I would be so much more worried about walking 5 blocks to a public playground/park in a big group than I would about no cameras. My LOs daycare has cameras, but I’ve never accessed them at all. I’ve always felt pretty confident in the care she was getting, so I never felt the need (not to mention I’m sure I would get sucked in to just watching, so I figured I shouldnt’ start). The combination of having to go so far, as a group, presumably cross streets, and then be at a playground that the public could access would totally freak me out.
Famouscait says
+1 to all this. Our daycare has cameras, but I only access them for a few days when kiddo moves up into a new classroom, so that I can get a feel for their daily schedule. I would be far more worried about the walk to/from a park, and if someone with poor intentions may notice that a daycare routinely uses it.
I have close experience with something similar to what TK described (but worse, frankly) and it influences my trust of people, to be sure. However, I believe strongly in my “gut” feelings, even more so as I grow older and am now a parent.
AOP says
So, in your experience, was it with your children’s care? Or yourself?
I tend toward anxiety, so I know my internal gauge is “off.” But how do you know when to listen to it?
Famouscait says
To AOP: I’ll answer your second question.
I think it’s important to know what your gauge is, not so much whether it’s “off” or “on target”. By that I mean, know what you can tolerate, and what is a no-go, for you.
I can give a few examples from the context of childcare selection. For starters, we specifically chose daycare vs. a nanny for the idea of more accountability (among other factors) We toured 3 daycares that were all very good, but it was a bit like the 3 little bears: one was a little too big, the other a little too small, and the third just right. The center that was too small had one room (sort of a transitional crawler/walker room) that only had one teacher. This immediately was a deal-breaker. Not for any reason that the center or teacher sketched me out, but that I knew I couldn’t handle having my child in a room like that. And it was the right choice for me, being that I can still recall that to this day. But its certainly not the answer I give anyone who asks me what daycares to consider, because I know that’s my own personal issue.
As another example, I only began taking my son to the child-watch center at our YMCA when I learned that one of his regular daycare teachers worked there too. For a couple weeks, I was basically coordinating my work-out schedule around her Y hours, until I got comfortable with the idea of leaving him there. Now, I can take him whenever and I don’t think twice about it, but it helped me grow into that.
Finally, I had posted here a few months ago about finding the perfect seeming back-up care person on Craigslist: retired K-12 educator, had no grandkids of her own but clearly wanted them, etc. However as perfect as she seemed over email and then in person, I could never motivate myself to call and schedule a time with her, and I took that as my gut signal. And again, this had more to do with me than with her: I know it would have made me feel crazy, so I just didn’t go there. There was nothing she did or that I can point to as a hesitation. In contrast, I’d trust our regular babysitter to keep my kiddo over the weekend, if need be. We have that must trust and gut-good-feeling about her.
I hope that helps. I think I will also have fewer anxieties when my child is fully verbal, and can theoretically tell me if something is wrong.
hoola hoopa says
+1 I’ve never had cameras and never missed them, but having the only outdoor area being public and 5 blocks away would make me take pause. I really value my kids getting outdoors several times a day, so I’d be worried that park time would be limited. That’s before any concerns about the public and transit safety aspect.
(FWIW, in our urban neighborhood, I do see daycares move children to the public park on foot – they seem to all have their systems that work. The concept is scary to me in theory, but I never was concerned while watching them – perhaps you can observe them once to see how it goes?)
pockets says
I live in an urban area and five blocks to a park is very common. And the blocks are usually trafficky and commercial. My daughter actually loves holding the rope and tells me all about it on the days they do go to the playground.
Anonymous says
I went through a very similar choice several months ago in Arlington. I ended up at the smaller center without cameras that includes a walk to the park. I’m very happy there. Kiddo’s are walking through residential blocks, not big city streets, and I’ve never thought twice about it. Kiddo is also young (infant) so he’s in a stroller for that walk, though.
Honestly, the teachers at his daycare just seem trustworthy. They are ecstatic to see my kiddo every morning, sad to see him go on Friday afternoon, and I trust them completely. the nurturing and love is worth so much to me.
Anonymous says
I agree with the majority on cameras. I feel like cameras can in fact be a hindrance, assuming you have good teachers. The walk to the park wouldn’t bother me, if it’s a safe area of town and they actually are committed to getting the kids outside. My kids go for preschool walks in an urban area all the time (even though they have a playground at school), and I like that they are out and about. If I were you, given the info you provided, I would 100% go to the new place. Above all, I’d focus on your gut feelings about it and its reputation, and definitely try to connect with parents with kids there to get their honest feedback, if possible.
RDC says
I didn’t know cameras in daycares were a thing so I can’t comment on that – if you’re closer, can you do (occasional) unannounced drop ins for peace of mind?
Re: the walk, I’d ask about the route and safety measures. I’m always amazed by big daycare classes walking so nicely on their rope line, but I’d worry about one making a run for it. Do they have extra teachers helping herd? Is your kid big enough you trust her not to bolt?
I think DC requires 2 hours of gross motor time per day (or possibly outside time?) so I’d think that would ensure they’re getting enough exercise. But good idea to ask about rainy day plans.
Momata says
Has anyone ever attended an ironman as a spectator with a small child? I am planning on cheering somebody on and am wondering if my 2.5yo would be safe/entertained. I have never attended a race as a spectator before.
Famouscait says
I think you and kiddo should make general signs/posters: “Woo hoo!” “Way to go!” “Great job!” etc. and then cheer for all the participants, in addition to your somebody. I did this once at a marathon and it was so.much.fun. Also, hollar out random names, like “Go Mike!” “Good job Sarah!” and inevitably people will turn and look at your with wondrous smiles.
I am all over the place today.
Momata says
Do you think a 2.5yo would enjoy that? Am I asking to lose her in a crowd? My alternative is to leave her at home with my husband.
NewMomAnon says
I have been a (solo) spectator at a couple marathons. I would probably only bring my kiddo if I had one of those big frame backpacks so she could be up high and see the runners, or if we had a spot where we could be at the front of the cheering herd. But I think my kiddo would have a blast (after some initial settling in nervousness about the crowd, etc).
I don’t know how crowded Iron Man races are, or how spread out the course is – the marathons I’ve attended are really packed with spectators. If there aren’t as many spectators for this race, then it would obviously be an easier yes. Bring water, snacks, sunglasses, etc.
Anonymous says
Depends how crowded you think it will be. We had a great time making a sign and cheering for my son’s grandfather (and everyone else!) at a bike race when he was 2.5. We brought some cow bells we randomly had in the house and had fun making a lot of noise and yelling. It wasn’t so crowded that I felt nervous though. We were also only there for about 20 minutes.