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My spouse and I love playing the original Codenames after the kids go to sleep. Now, with this new-to-me Disney version, we can include the kids!
Like the original Codenames, you give one-word clues to help your teammates identify other words, in this case Disney characters, locations, and items. Up to eight players can play a traditional 5 x 5 grid or a modified 4 x 4 grid (which is a bit easier).
Just add some drinks and snacks for a fun evening in.
Disney Codenames is $19.59 at Target and also available at Amazon.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
Homeowner's Insurance says
Has anyone’s homeowner’s insurance gone up pretty significnatly recently with all the inflation? We’re getting quotes right now for a new home we’re purchasing. Our old home is about 85% of the value of the new place, but insurance estimates are coming in almost double. It’s taking us by surprise.
Anonymous says
Have there been claims on the new property?
Anon says
I know that commercial property insurance rates are sky rocketing, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s also happening on the residential side.
anon says
Are there any items you recommend getting for when your child is one? My son is turning one soon and the grandparents and friends have been asking what I need for him and I am drawing a complete blank. So far all I have come up with is that he will need a lunch pail for daycare.
Anonymous says
A water table. A McLaren. https://www.amazon.com/Step2-McLaren-570S-Push-Sports/dp/B073WKJWMX/ref=asc_df_B073WKJWMX/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=242024237009&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14479846686847556706&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9003562&hvtargid=pla-404894234534&psc=1
A xylophone. An old McDonald farm set.
Anon says
529 contributions in this sitch?
EDAnon says
Not OP, but I wish! My family and in-laws only was to give gifts.
OP says
Yes, my inlaws would probably find such a request distasteful
Anon says
Don’t ask people for 529 contributions, that’s super rude. If they say they want to give money or ask how to contribute to his college fund, feel free to tell them about an existing 529. But that’s the only situation in which you should mention it.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Gently, I’ve been in the same position as OP when I’ve posted similar things, and these reactions don’t help (even though I get the annoyance at the partner in this scenario). Maybe her DH has something else going on where he needs to get X amount of sleep, or has to talk to Asia until late at night for work.
OP – I agree with poster at 11:14. I do both ends of the day with kids often when DH travels, and when he’s home he always does drop-off and it is such a nice way to start the day – quiet house, hot coffee, etc. I would say either a) hire out and/or b) see what other wiggle room there is – DH can draw a hard line to be in bed by X time to make sure he gets what he needs before getting kid up, ready, and dropped off. Does your daycare offer breakfast, or could kid eat breakfast there if y’all provided? That may help get out the door quicker, too.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Sorry – threading fail on this one.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Eh – this is a know-your-family situation. In my family/background where giving envelopes of cash and checks for gifts is common, this would not seem rude at all.
Anon says
It does depend on family culture but if her family culture was to give money I don’t think she’d be asked for gift ideas. If someone asks for a gift suggestion, “money” is not an appropriate answer. Of course anyone who wants to give money can give money.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I kindly disagree. When asked by my side of the family “What gift should we get for kids?” – if I say “Hey we just want 529 contributions” – that wouldn’t be seen as rude.
DH’s family (different background) is hyperfocused on physical gifts for birthdays and holidays (We get the question “what should we get the boys?” or “We need hints!”) and we both have agreed, after several very generous holiday seasons full of toys and books, that we just want experience gifts and/or 529 contributions moving forward, and I don’t think there is going be outrage or that we will be seen as rude. If they insist on a physical gift, then we will think of suggestions. I think it’s only rude if it’s like “Either money or nothing” or something with that type of phrasing.
Anon says
We disagree, but I think if you know someone wants to get you a physical gift, it’s rude not to graciously accept that gift. We would prefer money or experience gifts too (who doesn’t?) but grandparents won’t be here forever and it seems like it’s not very hard to just let them buy a toy. In the big scheme of things a few toys at the holidays and birthdays is really not a big deal. We’re not talking about grandparents who are sending the kids toys every week or something like that.
I also think money is quite different than an experience gift, since money is really a gift to the parents and not the child. I would be pretty annoyed if I said to a friend “What can I get Susie for her birthday?” and they said just give us cash. I don’t want to get my friend money, I want to get the kid something they’ll actually enjoy in the moment.
Anon says
Mentioning a 529 contribution as a possibility is very different than just saying “give us cash”. I can even give someone a link to contribute to ours if they wanted so it bypasses me and my husband entirely, in case there are any doubts of where it ends up. You might still disagree with the principle, but to use that wording as an argument to make your point for this scenario is a bit of a stretch IMO.
Anon says
I trust my friends and family not to steal money intended for their kids, so whether it’s a check made to the parents or a direct link to a 529 account is not the issue for me.
Anon says
I can tell I’m not going to change your mind, but assuming you are the same Anon you specifically said money (alluding to money for a 529, since that is what this conversation is about) is really a gift for the parents implying that IS one of your issues, and I’m just illustrating that for a 529 especially you can make it even bypass the parents in some cases, illustrating how much it is not for the parents.
Lots of kids will end up paying a big part of their own tuition over time so it is for them.
Anon says
I think the issue is that it’s a gift for the parents in the short term even if it’s for the kid’s long-term benefit. Which I think is totally fine, especially for a 1-year-old! But I also think it’s natural for grandparents and other friends and relatives to buy gifts that they can see the kids enjoy right now. And honestly I think it’s a little churlish of parents to try to squash that too hard. (I had my kid later than my brother and when my niece was born I was living 3,000 miles away. I visited as often as I could but trying to give her thoughtful gifts was one way I could try to be a real presence in her life and I resented that my brother and SIL were so against it.)
Anon says
Yeah, I’m not suggesting the parents are doing something immoral or the money isn’t ultimately going to benefit the kid at least indirectly. But a 4 year old (or even a 14 year old) is not going to be excited about a 529 contribution. If I’m giving a gift to a kid, I want the kid to get enjoyment from it now and get to see that joy. People like sharing in the enjoyment of a gift – it’s part of why gift-giving makes us happy! It doesn’t necessarily have to be a physical gift, it could be an experiential gift or even money directly to the child for an older kid, but money for a 529 fund just does not spark the same joy. I totally understand why some relatives might want to contribute to college funds, but personally I don’t. The only circumstance in which I would want to give to a college fund would be if the parents weren’t affluent and I knew they were worried about paying for college, and it that case it would mentally (for me) be a gift to the parents.
Anon says
Eh agree to disagree. In my family if someone asked what gift to give, especially to a child so young they don’t appreciate getting a present or not, if I said we have everything we need but DS can always use contributions to his 529, no one would bay an eye. I don’t think it is the same as generically “asking for money” for a lot of reasons.
anon says
Something to push, like a shopping car or baby stroller
Something to stack, like soft blocks or stacking cups
Something to bang, like a xylophone or tambourine
Something to roll, like a cars or balls
Something to love, like a baby doll
Something to ride in, like a wagon or the Little Tikes Parent Push car or a hiking backpack
Something to read, especially lift the flap books or rhyming books
Something to splash in, like a water table or baby pool
None of these are needs, but they are nice to haves to occupy a little one.
EDAnon says
A water table is a great idea! My kids loved them starting around 18 months.
Anonymous says
Also came here to say water table.
Spirograph says
This is a great list! side note, my brother gifted my daughter a baby stroller when she was 1 or 2. I had to replace the sling seat at one point a few years ago, but otherwise it is still going strong and she and her brothers all play with it pretty regularly 6 years later.
NYCer says
These are all great ideas.
One more…My parents got my daughter a play kitchen when she turned one. It has gotten a TON of use since.
Boston Legal Eagle says
These are all great ideas! And I know we make fun of the VTech Sit to Stand Walker here, but my kids played with this for such a long time (and I think it was a gift for my first’s 1 year birthday).
Boston Legal Eagle says
https://www.amazon.com/VTech-Stand-Learning-Frustration-Packaging/dp/B0053X62GK/ref=asc_df_B0053X62GK/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=198093909967&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=355670706896410600&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001854&hvtargid=pla-368828460659&th=1
Anonymous says
Yep, my almost 2-year-old likes to just let the music play and have parades around the house. She’ll stop and dance every couple of feet.
She also used it as a musical battering ram to get into my home office during her quarantines, so maybe think twice about asking for it, lol!
Anon says
Does your son already have an activity walker they can push around? Might be a good excuse to ask for a nice one you like the look of.
Or you could start asking for toys from a certain toy like you like. Ex. Growing up my Mom always defaulted to asking for Brio train set accessories as gifts for me and my brother. Over several birthdays, holidays, etc. those small sets grew into a healthy collection that were used for years. She is now passing them down to grandkids.
If you have a lot of gift givers in your world, maybe something like that or another high quality toy set would be good to start asking for components of (ex. Holztiger wooden animals also seems like a similar type of toy line that would be useful for a kids for a long time).
Anon says
We have a radio flyer walker that my son still plays with at two. He likes putting his toys in it. And riding in it while we zoom around the house. He’s a big boy and the plastic walkers weren’t quite sturdy enough for him.
Redux says
We got a lot of miles out of a push trike, starting around this age. My kids both loved it!
Redux says
https://www.target.com/p/radio-flyer-steer-and-stroll-trike-red/-/A-12442724?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000012767052&CPNG=PLA_Sports%2BShopping_Local%7CSports_Ecomm_Hardlines&adgroup=SC_Sports_Local&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9004606&targetid=pla-334424769298&ds_rl=1246978&ds_rl=1248099&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzLCVBhD3ARIsAPKYTcTD3-t8Oi-z1aZxDeD2NYyqyv2HQF8qVMkky6h7vXpPWOri3uNHGQcaAjIVEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
anonM says
Is your LO going to daycare? Soon, he will be moving to a cot (at most places). I love the Urban Infant Tot Cot Daycare | Preschool Nap Mat, ours has held up very well with weekly washing and DD can roll it out and make her own mat at school.
Other ideas:
A nice wooden step stool for the bathroom, depending on the price range they can get one with LO’s name and it’s a nice keepsake too. We still have DH’s childhood stool for our kids!
A quality hooded beach towel or bath towel (We have one of each from PB, and last time I check a lot were on sale, have also held up very well; I’d get kid size not baby size so it lasts longer)
Art supplies – someone here suggested paint sticks, which we’ve really enjoyed. Stickers! Fresh play-dough. They may not use much at 1yo but it’s a good time to start adding some supplies, and it is a nice gift because someone can just spend $10.
Plain, simple wooden block set is nice, grows with the kids, and also a nice keepsake. (My kids have family hand-me downs, and are something I’ll save to keep passing along!).
Can you think of something for summer or fall that you’ll need? Quality rain boots?
Anon says
I’d hold off on the nap mat unless you know your daycare will request it. I only have an n of 4, but none of them would have let us send in a mat.
Anon says
Yeah, only n of 1 here but daycare supplies the cots and that’s true for most of my friends as well. We can send a blanket and pillow but my kid didn’t want to use that stuff until she was 3ish and by then she had her own opinions about prints, etc.
anonM says
I’m not suggesting buying the literal cot. It’s a blanket/sheet/pillow combo. All three daycares we have been to, and all of my friends’ daycares, require that you send bedding once they start on a mat. Both kids transitioned from crib to mat at daycare around 18 mo. I’ve bought several of these as gifts and the kids love them. My kids play with DD’s on the weekend.
Anon says
Huh, I wonder if this is somewhat regional! One of ours allowed you to send in a small blanket (but explicitly no sheets or pillows) and the other 3 didn’t want you to send in anything.
Anon says
Ah I see. But our daycare was very specific about the dimensions of the sheet and pillow so I don’t think something like this would have been allowed. I’ve never seen anyone with one at least, so I assume they’re not allowed.
Anon says
I just googled it and our state licensing regulations prohibit nap mats so that explains why I never saw one during the daycare years. We were required to send a sheet and allowed but not required to send a blanket and pillow of specified dimension but didn’t do so until my kid was 3 and sleeping with a blanket and pillow at home. She was really happy just lying on a bare cot as a baby and toddler!
Anonymous says
+1, we are required to send in a fitted sheet, and a nap mat doesn’t qualify.
Anon says
I just looked up all the stuff/gifts my 1-year-old especially liked for a friend looking for gift ideas:
* Target B Too robot cat (seriously this was the love of her life)
* Baby Stella doll from Manhattan Toys. She liked the feeding set too but still loves the stroller (at 2.5)
* The Rosa books (Rosa Loves Cars, Rosa Plays Ball, etc )
* Water table
* Little Tikes Slide
* Lovevery pull dog
Celia says
These are all awesome recs. On the non stuff but still a gift side, one of the grandparents in our family always gets us a membership to a kids place – kids indoor playground, special activity park, zoo, etc. – and it is awesome and something we use as a family all year long. Can’t recommend that enough.
Anon says
+1 and if you travel a lot within the US, membership at an ASTC membership is worth its weight in gold. Free admission to 300+ kids museums and science museums in the US. Whenever we travel to a city we can usually check out 2-3 museums for free and go back again and again if kiddo loves it.
CPA Lady says
Hi everyone!! It’s been a good long while, but I’m back. :) Tax season was bananas and then I had a month off between jobs.
Can we do good/happy news on this Friday morning?
I have two– 1. I had to get a lump checked in my b00b this morning (first ever mammogram & ultrasound), and it was just a non-suspicious looking cyst (PHEW) and 2. I just found out I got accepted into an MBA program!
What is going on in y’all’s lives that is good?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Welcome back and congrats on the new job!! Over here, next week will hopefully be an exciting week for us – my first is “graduating” kindergarten and will have a few days off before camp starts, husband and I are going to take a couples trip for a few days (thank you to my available and willing parents as always) and none of us has been sick for a while (knocking on all wood before next week…) And of course vaccines for my little one, finally!
Anonymous says
Congratulations on all of your good news!
We are leaving Monday for our first vacation in three years, then dropping our daughter off at camp. Fingers crossed that no one gets sick.
Anon says
Wow congrats on the MBA and what a relief about the lump!
Little kids should be able to get vaccinated on Tuesday so can’t wait for that. Going to the lake beach with friends Sunday for Father’s Day. And we’re taking three vacations in July, which is a little crazy but will be so much fun. Very excited to only work 5 days the entire month.
Spirograph says
Welcome back, and those are both good news! Congrats on the MBA program.
My employer has finally jumped on the anti-burnout bandwagon and everyone gets a half day* every Friday for the summer. Looking forward to a day date with my husband this afternoon before we pick the kids up from camp!
*work-permitting.
Anon says
Good for your employer! I’ve kind of put myself on unofficial summer Fridays. One of the few upsides to WFH.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Welcome back! And CONGRATS. A MBA on top of a CPA?!? You go, girl! I’d love to hear more how you are doing this – Executive/Weekends, Online, or what. I don’t plan on going back to school (I hope my Finance undergrad, JD, + work experience makes me MBA equivalent…), but I do love to entertain the chance to do an executive MBA program at a top school if it ever made sense.
Also, even more importantly – glad to hear about the exam :)
Good news —
1. while DH still COVID+, because he’s been mostly isolating (at one point he was popping out to “help” and I have to tell him GO AWAY) and always masking the rest of the household is COVID- as of 5 days after exposure and my kids went back to school today!!!!!!!!
2. I’m ordering DH a robe for father’s day and plan to treat myself to a few items as well ;)
3. I’ve been on an anxiety spiral about DS #2 being a late walker (he’s 18 months on Sunday), but feel like I see him making progress and am finally less stressed about the process of getting him evaluated (thank you all for your kind words and anecdotes)
4. Long weekend over here, thanks to my employer recognizing Juneteenth; plus it is a big affair where we live so I love seeing all the festivities.
Cb says
We are just home from the clinical research lab (marking the end of a 5 year asthma study) and they did a scratch allergen test and my kid is negative for a milk allergy. He had reflux and they had me cut it and then we just never reintroduced dairy? He’s just had a mouse size nibble of baby bel and is very excited.
Dairy is an environmental abomination so we’ll still be careful but it would make life easier.
FVNC says
Congrats and welcome back!
Good news for me/family:
-We’re in the process of moving cross country and miraculously so far all the contingencies are working out (“X has to be done by Y date for Z to happen”). Kids are dealing with all the upheaval better than I could have hoped. Hopefully I didn’t just jinx myself.
– I went on my first work trip in YEARS and had great meetings and did not bring home covid, whew.
Anonymous says
I have to return to in-person work in August, and so we need to figure out how to adjust our schedules. Right now I’m doing both drop off and pick up from daycare because it is near our house and I WFH. I typed out a whole thing about different schedules we could do, but in doing that I realized I know what would make the most sense (me going to the office super early so that I can leave early enough to get to pick up before 6 pm; DH taking the kid to school on his way to work and then working as late as he has to, usually 6:30 or so). My issue now is that my husband already feels like he never gets enough sleep, and this plan would require him to get up earlier and be responsible for getting our kid ready for daycare in the morning, which currently I’m in charge of. I guess the easiest alternative would be to hire someone to do pick up and evening hang-outs so that we don’t need to make it home by 6, but that seems excessive when we’re already paying $$$ for daycare. Any thoughts?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Tell your husband to go to bed earlier so that he can wake up earlier. Right now, you’re in charge of getting the kid ready, doing drop off AND pickup? That’s a lot. Is he working really late or something? If so, then spend the $$$ I guess, but if not, I think you need to both contribute here.
Anon says
Eh it sound like they both work very long hours if they have to get to the office super early to leave by 6. In that case full time daycare is likely not enough childcare. If they both had 9-5 jobs I would agree, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.
Anon says
+1 I agree. He needs to be willing to help with pick up or drop-off. That might mean he needs to go to bed early if he’s taking on drop-off.
My husband recently switched jobs that now allows him to be able to do drop-off or pick-up. Before it was 100% me because of his long work day and commute. I mostly work from home. It’s such a game changer. I have more energy at work because of it. I did not realize how taxing it is to be responsible for both ends of the day and working until this change. I mention this to just warn, you might be surprised that the change can be pretty positive long term.
Anonymous says
Ummmmm what? Why isn’t he getting enough sleep? If he only works until 6:30. I wouldn’t even present him with other options. He gets to do either drop off or pick up.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Gently, I’ve been in the same position as OP when I’ve posted similar things, and these reactions don’t help (even though I get the annoyance at the partner in this scenario). Maybe her DH has something else going on where he needs to get X amount of sleep, or has to talk to Asia until late at night for work.
OP – I agree with poster at 11:14. I do both ends of the day with kids often when DH travels, and when he’s home he always does drop-off and it is such a nice way to start the day – quiet house, hot coffee, etc. I would say either a) hire out and/or b) see what other wiggle room there is – DH can draw a hard line to be in bed by X time to make sure he gets what he needs before getting kid up, ready, and dropped off. Does your daycare offer breakfast, or could kid eat breakfast there if y’all provided? That may help get out the door quicker, too.
Anonymous says
Gently, not all of us are as invested as you is supporting men’s innate right to be useless.
Anon says
Hahaha. Yes. THIS!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hope your day gets better! Don’t think it’s helpful to say someone’s partner is useless or lazy when I don’t have all the facts, nor did the OP say that was her sentiment.
Cb says
I am someone who needs more sleep than the average bear, but that means I go to bed earlier. I think DH is going to have to lump it.
Anon says
Same. I’m in bed by 9 every night. Husband stays up late. We split pickup drop offs and both help with the morning routine.
Anon says
I work super early hours and so our whole kid’s lives my husband has been 100% in charge of doing the entire morning by himself and I am 100% in charge of doing pick up. It is what it is because in my mind we don’t have another reasonable option. I am not paying someone to come do what he is perfectly capable of doing.
Our situations might not perfectly translate so take this anecdote what you will. Not sure if your husband has a medical or work reason where he can’t factually get more sleep.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Father’s Day plans? We are going to a Red Sox game, so it won’t exactly be a relaxing day for my husband, but we’ll have the end of that week to hopefully relax on our trip. I will probably let him sleep in (till like 7, which is sleeping in around here), and order bagels for breakfast.
Anon says
I commented above in the good news section, but we’re meeting friends at the lake beach and having a picnic. We don’t see these friends often (they’re ~2 hours away, the beach is in between us) and we have kids born a month apart, so it will be a real treat to visit and play at the beach.
My Father’s Day gift is taking my kid solo to a half day event a school classmate is organizing on Saturday, giving him time off.
Cb says
Nothing too exciting here. But we are going to a nice lunch after swim lessons on Sunday and I’ll make a fancy breakfast.
Anon says
So UK Father’s Day is the same date as US Father’s Day but the Mother’s Days are separate? That’s interesting.
EDAnon says
We will do a fun breakfast and a kayaking trip by our house. I will do a fun dinner Saturday night from a place he loves that has a Saturday only special.
I will also run early in the morning so that he can have weekend daytime to workout. He usually lets me monopolize daytime and works out at night.
Anon says
Comments are vanishing again!
Anon says
I know this is the ultimate first world problem, but our cleaning service had a family emergency and couldn’t come for 6 weeks and they finally came back today and omgggg it’s so glorious.
Anonymous says
Any tips for balancing the load when one spouse has a really inflexible job? I’m an in house attorney and my spouse is doctor who is in surgery 3 days a week. I work primarily remotely and have more flexibility. I work primarily remotely and have a good amount of flexibility (although I am fairly senior and so do have a lot of virtual meetings). My spouse’s schedule is 1 day of office visits (leaves by 7am; home by 6pm), 3 days of surgery (leaves by 7am; home around 8:30pm) and 1 day where he works remotely. For context because I think it may get asked, our incomes are not very disparage (I’m 40% to his 60%; he’s an employee not an owner in a practice).
Anonymous says
In this situation, you hire a nanny.
Cb says
Yeah, I’d look at posts from theshubox, her husband is a surgeon.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 I think a nanny or at least after school coverage, on top of daycare/school is a must in this case, and sounds like you can afford it.
Anon says
Not what you asked but income is irrelevant in my opinion, especially if either salary could support the family if necessary, which I’m confident is the case for a surgeon and attorney. Men shouldn’t get out of household and parenting responsibilities just because they earn more. What matters is hours worked, commute, flexibility about when and where you work, etc.
Can he do more on his remote day? Like meal prep or mental load stuff? I agree you’ll probably need a nanny for childcare since his schedule is inflexible 4 days a week, but that shouldn’t get him off the hook for household stuff that doesn’t have to be done at a particular time.
Anonymous says
The relevance of salary is that if he’s a surgeon and she is still making 40% of the household income, she also has a huge income and they can definitely afford to hire help.
Anon says
Oh I agree they can hire help, but I read her comment as saying the salary balance between them should matter to the distribution of the household labor if it weren’t equal.
anon says
As someone who had the more inflexible job for years, it’s easiest for me to pick up household chores without time pressure and that can be done in the evening or on weekends, e.g., laundry, weekly grocery shopping or meal planning, bill paying, car maintenance.
I had a harder time with things like taking out the trash/bringing in trash cans, getting home to make dinner, sorting sports equipment for practice that day, walking/feeding the dog, etc. If you need more help with daily kid stuff, I’d get a nanny or au pair.
Amy says
It’s hard to answer this without knowing what your current distribution is and what you’d like to change. Biggest tip is of course outsourcing:
-Neither of you should be cleaning the house, that’s easily a cleaning service.
– Groceries should be ordered online and delivered, likewise basically anything needed for the household – shopping in person is a massive waste of time unless you enjoy it as a pastime.
– I haven’t found wash-n-fold laundry services actually save that much time, since they still require gathering/putting out/putting away the clothes, but you might try that.
-When my parents were really in the weeds with 5 kids (and to this day sometimes), they used disposable plates and silverware to avoid having to do dishes. For $5/week for 100 plates, it’s worth considering as a sanity-saver (ExxonMobil is harming the environment far more than this ever could).
-If there’s a pet that needs walking, hire a walker (again, unless you like walking it as a pastime). You could even have that person feed/water the dog during their visits as well. Doesn’t matter that you WFH.
Notice that the above items all lighten your load without involving “getting your husband to do more.” Because… yeah.
CCLA says
Fellow lawyer married to doctor with OR days here, and it’s hard, but came here to make the same inquiry as others on the remote day. Is that a light day where he can pick up some non-time sensitive things off your household list? The answer is probably pretty different if his remote work day is 10 hours of intense work from home vs if it’s an education day. If the remote day is at all light, or just if you’re trying to rebalance slightly to stay above water for now, I’d try to move a few things onto his plate that aren’t urgent. We used to fall into the trap of just taking the first available appt for many things, knowing I had a flexible job so I could make it work. But we’ve been making a concerted effort that for anything that isn’t urgent, it’s off my plate, he books it on one of his light days, even though I could in theory do it sooner (think things like kid dentist appointments). And for sure I’d hire a lot more help in your shoes, but I’ve been saying we need to hire more help for ages and I know it takes time and effort that can be hard to muster.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi – I’m in a similar boat – big job (but only ~25% of our HHI), and DH is counsel in BigLaw and has frequent travel. I’ve just gone through this exercise of thinking through what we need, which may be helpful to you. Between daycare/preschool, local family, and a backup babysitter we’re good on childcare (this may change when DS #1 enters K in 2023). ‘
Where we need help is just running the household. Right now, we have a grandparent temporarily living with us (not planned but awesome) and they are a huge help with this (changing lightbulbs, helping wipe down after dinner, dealing with pet, etc.). After they move out to get their own place nearby, we plan to hire some type of housekeeper/errand runner a few days a week and certainly a dog walker (bonus points if we can combine).
Anon says
I’m the doctor in our duo (not a surgeon though, woof). One of the biggest things is we tend to get A LOT of vacation time plus some continuing medical education days. I don’t have the flexibility for short notice things but can take a lot of days off if I have enough notice. So I’m in charge of all daycare holidays, routine doctors visits for the kids etc.
Anon says
Similar situation. DH is surgeon, no remote work, not in academia so no admin/research days or ample time off for conferences. Because he sees ~60 patients on his clinic days, he is understandably wiped out at the end of the day and makes it impossible to balance the load.
DH does significantly less household related things than me, BUT I outsource a lot of the things I need to do: mainly laundry, cleaning, childcare. The only way our household survives right now is me at a “reduced workload” with full time daycare so I have some margin to get things done around the house AND account for the inevitable sick day (every 4 weeks like clockwork), and doctors/EI appts for kiddo because all of that falls on me. Oh, and lowering the bar for everything. The key is for YOU to do less, regardless of whether your spouse takes on more or nothing. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I’m pretty sure that surgeons are expected to have SAH spouses or hire a lot of household help so all they have to do is work.
Anon says
Not in 2022! I know several surgeons married to other doctors or people with other big jobs.
Anonymous says
But isn’t the expectation that they have a ton of hired help if the spouse also has a big job?
Anonymous says
The two-doctor couple I know has an au pair and a nanny.
Anon says
Not married to a surgeon but I have a Big, Decently Flexible Job and DH has the Bigger, No Flex Job with lots of travel. His schedule makes it really hard for him to dip out during the workday or to cover kid sick days because there’s a high likelihood he’s on the road. We have a full-time nanny. I outsource a ton (housecleaning and meal delivery are the biggest two) and pay for convenience when I can (precut produce, for example). We also have a mother’s helper come over for a few hours a few weekends a month to occupy the kids so I can get stuff done or lay down and read a book alone if my husband is gone over a weekend and I wouldn’t get a break otherwise.
It’s impossible to “balance the load” in any real way in our scenario. That being said, my husband does a lot of the stuff that can be done at almost any time or virtual domestic work. For example, he handles all of our taxes and insurance stuff. He manages our investment accounts. If we’re making a big purchase, he’ll research and compare the available options.
Also, figure out one little task that annoys or makes your life harder and see if DH can handle it when he’s around. Mine is taking out the trash and putting gas in my car. If my husband is home, he’ll always handle these things. It’s small and doesn’t really make a difference in terms of true workload, but it does help me feel taken care of.
Anonymous says
At what age is it reasonable to expect children to behave somewhat politely at dinner? We try to eat as a family, but OMG. Recently it’s been a complete circus. Last night I cleaned food off the windows, in addition to the floor/ table. DD currently insists on sitting on my lap for at least half the meal, which means my clothes get wrecked. After that, she and DS typically run in circles around the table while scattering food everywhere. I’m at a loss. Kids are 3.5 and 1.5. SEND HELP.
Anon says
Not 1.5 for sure! I think many 3-4 year olds are starting to learn basic table manners but disruption is still normal. My 4 year old does not throw food or make a huge mess (normally), although we have a dog who eats everything the second it lands on the floor so we probably don’t notice mess as much. I allow her to sit on my lap at home (after I’m done eating) but not at restaurants. We started that when she was having constant meltdowns at 3.5 because physical closeness seemed to help.
So Anon says
I found that family dinners were realistic around 5 and 7. Even at those ages, dinner needs to be a quick affair. I don’t think it reasonable for little kids to sit through a long, drawn out dinner. Now that my kids are 8 and 11, family dinners can go on for a bit longer (20-30 minutes), and we have some fun conversations. At 1.5 and 3.5, I think the goal is fed, and I would let go of any expectations other than circus.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yeah, my 3.5 year old and 6 year old don’t throw food anymore (usually), but I wouldn’t say dinner is a relaxing affair where we all talk about our day and eat quietly in peace. The kids are usually done in 10 min., and then run around. I see this changing gradually to longer and longer when they’re older (hopefully). But definitely not at 1.5 and 3.5! The fact that you’re all sitting together for even a minute is a win.
Anonymous says
Definitely not at 1.5. At almost 2, we’re seeing a lot less intentional food-throwing, but dinner is over as soon as she’s done eating.
Scilady says
Are you us? Honestly, it’s rough. We have a 1.5 and 3.5 year old. The 1.5 year old doesn’t seem to like her Keekaroo high chair anymore and eats standing in her learning tower or on someone’s lap (if she eats at all). Food is everywhere and it’s definitely not relaxing or peaceful. Just solidarity. I’d like to eat a complete meal with hot food and peace at some point!
OP says
Thank you for this! We never had an issue with the older one hating his high chair, but the younger is determined to give it up. Lots of times I end up with them both in my lap. I’m so touched out! Also I think I’ve lost five pounds…yay? I would prefer to eat in peace!
Anonymous says
Commented above, but my kiddo started fighting the high chair at maybe 13-14 mos. She wanted to be part of the group at the table. We switched to a booster with high chair tray at that point, and we’ll get rid of the tray when she’s tall enough to be at the table.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry but this is wild. Like. 7 and 9. Your expectations are wildly out of line with reality.
OP says
I don’t recall mentioning expectations, but thanks for the snark! Just wondering when it gets better and whether I should buy stock in Swiffer
anonM says
Hi! I think we’ve had a big shift now at 2.5 and 4.5. Don’t get me wrong, it is still often chaos. BUT, they are both getting better at eating without AS much mess (It’s all relative!) and they are better at following the food-stays-at-the-table rule. Do they still run around? Yes. But, usually, they’ll leave the food on the table. And usuallllyyyy they’ll clear their plates. So keep it up — this is definitely an investment in the long term so one day you can have nice family dinners, at least that is what I try to tell myself!
Also, doing high/lows of the day at dinner keeps their attention sometimes (or at least distracts from the throwing) — worth a try.
Anonymous says
We’ll try that, thank you!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Ugh. Just chiming in that my 17 month old is such a food thrower, and has been consistently as long as he’s been able to. My older one never did this so this is new to me. Recent highlights from dinnertime include me “demoting” DS #1 from using an adult fork because he was flinging it too close to DS #2’s face despite multiple warnings…
GCA says
I know there are toddlers out there who happily sit in their high chairs, even fall asleep facedown in their food, but neither of my kids has ever done that. And you are at the very hardest ages for sit-down mealtimes. Dinners were rough from age 1+ (when each one started rejecting the high chair…we now have bench seating for a reason) to maybe 3. Even now, kid 2, who is almost 4, is done in 15 minutes or gets up and down incessantly (for the water bottle she left across the room, for books, for a specific kid fork… ). Kids are 7 and almost-4 and pretty much fine these days. They haven’t eaten at restaurants much in the last couple of years, but when we have, they are ok.
For your kids’ ages, you do have a few options.
1. Consider a separate kids’ table and kid-sized chairs so they aren’t frustrated about being trapped in a high chair. (Daycare works magic on getting kids to eat, why not take a leaf from their book.)
2. Firm-ish boundaries where you need them. Intentional food throwing? Your dinner is over. Or: getting up for the nth time to run around and play? Dinner is over.
3. Choices about where they sit and what they sit on. A grown-up’s lap, kneeling on an adult chair to eat at the table, anywhere they feel they have more control/ autonomy/ physical closeness/ whatever they need to focus on dinner for the next five minutes.
I don’t know exactly what would work for your family and living setup but all is not lost!
Anonymous says
How long are these dinners lasting? I think by age 2.5 or 3 my kids could sit reasonably still and not make a big mess with food, but our casual weeknight dinners at home are like 15 minutes max (often less) so it’s not like we’re expecting an hour of sitting still. And we’ve always excused kids to go play if they’re done eating and adults want to stay at the table and eat/talk.
Anonymous says
Those of you with little ones in the Moderna trial – if they got a fever after, about how soon after the shot did the fever start? My kiddo tends to have a reaction to vaccines, so I’m going to assume she’ll need to miss some daycare. Just trying to think through my schedule for next week so I can jump on an appointment as soon as they’re available.
Anon says
It hasn’t been unblinded yet so we don’t know if we got the vaccine or the placebo. My kid had no side effects and I heard the same thing from several friends/online acquaintances.
OP says
Oh that’s right, I’m sorry I forgot about that. Glad to hear no side effects for your kid!
Anon says
From Twitter it seems some that sites are starting to unblind so others might have more info, but I believe our site is waiting until after the CDC officially signs off, which I think is tomorrow?
Anon says
Trial mom again, here we just got the call and she got the vaccine! So no my kid had side effects at all. I’ll post on the weekend thread too in case you’re no longer checking this.
(I don’t understand the comment below at all! What does it being Friday to have to do with anything, LOL!?)
Anon says
*my kid had NO side effects that is
Anonymous says
Omg girl. It is a Friday. Please accept that you cannot know this.
Anonymous says
Wow. Obviously every kid is different, but you’re not commenting on all the other posts asking about people’s experiences with X kid phenomenon. This comment is exactly why I’m mostly ok with not even bothering to try to make mom friends. What’s the point of asking for anecdata for anything with responses like this?
So Anon says
I’m back for a weekly installment of: You’ve got to be kidding me. My kids are with me this weekend, and the parenting plan between my ex and I provides that a parent may have access to the kids on Mother’s/Father’s Day if the kids are not with that parent. After not hearing from my ex, I reached out to him last week about Father’s Day. I asked if he wanted to see the kids on Sunday. He responded that he did and that he could he either see the kids for breakfast and drop them back at 7am (so… pick-up would be at 6:30?!) or take them out for ice cream at 7:30pm (youngest has just started a bedtime routine that is really important to her that begins at 7:15). I responded that if he wanted to see them, it needed to be either a bit later in the morning or earlier in the evening. He responded that he wasn’t sure how that would work with his work schedule. (He gave up a 9-5, 6 figure job to work at a grocery store that is 1.5hrs away from where the kids live.) The end result is that he is not seeing the kids on Father’s Day and hasn’t even asked to call them. I’m doing the best I can to be factual with the kids when they ask about Father’s Day.
Anonymous says
This is ridiculous and definitely sounds like he was trying to make it your fault that he couldn’t see them on Father’s Day while not making any reasonable offers. I think Father’s Day is more for dads than for kids, so hopefully they’re not too bummed!
Anonymous says
I feel like “he wanted to see you but had work” is entirely factual.
Anon says
Yup, this is what I would say as well. It doesn’t blame your ex, but also doesn’t create chaos in your kid’s lives so they can see him briefly at his convenience.
anon says
Why not just say okay to the 6:30 AM time? Tell him he can wait in his car and you’ll let the kids know he’s there when they wake up. I might even spring for donuts so they can all have something sweet together. My kids would be thrilled to wake up to donuts with dad.
Anon says
Maybe her kids are asleep at 6:30 and she doesn’t want to wake them and then deal with cranky, tired kids all day? That’s pretty reasonable IMO. I agree if the kids will be awake anyway, I’d allow him to do the morning thing.
So Anon says
I have a kid who has very sensitive sleep needs, so waking her up early or having her go to bed late makes the next several days absolutely miserable. And, to be clear, it is entirely on me to help her get back on schedule and parent her through that time. This is also the first night before she starts her summer camp, so I’d like to kick off that week with a well rested kid. I tried for 10 years to facilitate a relationship between my kids and their dad, and I’m entirely over it when he cannot be bothered.
anon says
The question isn’t if you’re entirely over it, but if your kids are. To the extent your kids would want to see their father on Father’s day, you should be supportive.
It doesn’t sound like he’s off gallivanting, but working, so he’s actually the one being flexible to suggest those times. You may not agree with his choice of job, but that has nothing to do with whether your kids want to see him.
anon says
IDK, I know those options weren’t great, but seemed somewhat workable? Donuts with Dad would be a blast, and ruining the bedtime routine for one night isn’t the end of the world.
Anon says
+1 I’d actually try to make one or the other work. I know this is an ongoing thing with your ex, but technically either would be a thing I’d agree to in normal every day life?
Anon says
Wow, really? I don’t think of myself as a super inflexible person, but wanting to keep your kid on their normal sleep schedule, especially the night before camp starts, does not seem crazy to me at all. We work hard to facilitate lots of time between my local parents and our kid, including skipping activities and things like that, but if they demanded to pick her up at 6:30 am or after 7:30 pm, we’d say uh no, feel free to come by when she’s awake or take her to your house for a sleepover. And that’s a very positive relationship on all sides that doesn’t have the added dynamic of divorce and the dad only wanting to see the kids occasionally.
AnonM says
To OP- sorry you’re dealing with this. I too wouldn’t agree to wake my kid up early for a 30 minute hangout either. It would def leave my kids worse off than just not seeing someone. Good luck navigating this weekend.
Anon says
Anyone happen to know of any picture books about Spain or Spanish culture? This is for a trip, so I’m specifically looking for books about Spain and not other Spanish-speaking regions.
Anon says
Ferdinand? Not modern but a very sweet book and you can talk about history a bit.
Cb says
Where are you going? There is a great book about the gaudi building in Barcelona, A Dragon on the Roof. My coauthor is from Barcelona and bought it for my son, and now he’s obsessed with going to visit our friends in BCN.
Anon says
Barcelona and Mallorca. Thanks!