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(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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Kid/Family Sales
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Anonymous says
I posted a little while ago about whether to keep our neuropsychology appt that was both $$$ and booked 5 months out but our daughter was much different than when we had initially booked the appointment.
The universe told us we should move it. (1) the day the first parent consult was scheduled ended up being the same day as parent teacher conferences. We could have requested to slip the conference in earlier, but (2) DH’s company released a new benefit that would cover $1500 of the $3500 appointment, effective January 2024 and (3) we both ended up with a work conflict we’d have to move for the one person portion.
Any one of those alone we would have kept the appointment, but all 3 coupled with her more stable state AND that he could swap us with a family scheduled for early January made it seem like the smart choice.
Thanks for being such a good sounding board.
Anonymous says
Wow, that’s a great benefit! I would still keep the January appointment so you have a diagnosis in your back pocket if things start to go south later on.
Anonymous says
Yes, we are keeping it for that reason, just moved it out to sneak in a couple more months to observe, let her teacher observe and also get the extra benefit!
Anonymous says
I kind of love it when the universe makes decisions for me.
Anonymous says
Wellp, we got kicked out of daycare for hitting. We are working with our OT therapist and pediatrician, but we don’t have a short term solution other than keeping our kid home. Luckily my husband is unemployed and can take the bulk of child care, but it’s still not great. We have a lot of meetings set up for next week, but in the meantime it’s ruining my work productivity and making both my husband and me really stressed. I’d like to just take time off, but I have time-sensitive projects and no one else will keep them moving if I don’t. Any advice? Thank you!!
Anonymous says
How would you taking time off help? Your husband is the parent at home. He can provide childcare and coordinate appointment. You need to keep your job and shouldn’t feel guilty!
Anonymous says
Yeah, if the roles were reversed your husband would expect you to take care of everything and wouldn’t give it another thought. Enjoy the privilege of having a SAHP!
Anon says
I don’t think “enjoy the privileges of having a SAHP” is a fair comment, because it sounds like the dad wants to be employed and is job-hunting. If the genders were flipped, and a mom posted that she was out of work and job-hunting but her husband viewed her as a SAHM who could do all the childcare, people would flip out (rightly so).
Anonymous says
Really? Keeping a kid in day care while one parent is job-hunting makes sense if you need to hold the spot, but otherwise I can’t imagine justifying the expense of child care for someone who is job-hunting. That takes a couple of hours a day, max.
No one I know IRL would expect mom to be doing parenting stuff during the workday if dad were unemployed unless he were out on a job interview. In my circle there is always a primary parent who handles this stuff, which in many cases is the dad but is always the one with the lower-paying job or the job with less rigid scheduling. A sole earner would never take time off work for these things.
Anon says
+1. You also do not need to go to all of these appointments. I promise. He can relay to you the relevant information. Source: someone whose husband is a SAHD and takes our kids to all of their appointments. That is part of the deal.
Good luck.
Anonymous says
Oh hugs, what a tough time! Can you go work somewhere outside of the house for a bit so you can be more fully on when you are working?
If it is any comfort, I know at least one other kid who got kicked out of daycare and has gone on to have no trouble in school.
Anon says
You don’t mention an age, but for toddlers/preschooler, hitting is completely developmentally appropriate, especially as a stress reaction. I don’t mean it should be excused, but don’t stress that there is something “wrong.” Maybe this daycare was a poor fit, since your child clearly wasn’t being set up for success and they couldn’t handle a normal childhood conflict. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I hope you find an even better care situation soon!
This says
+1. This might be a daycare problem rather than a child problem, at least in part. Hang in there!!
Anonymous says
While I agree with the other posters that Dad needs to handle this as much as possible and mostly solo given the circumstances, I don’t read “unemployed” as SAHD. I read it as “would prefer to be working and may have things going on associated with job hunting”. Especially if kiddo was in daycare to begin with.
Anon says
I agree. And people would be outraged if a mom who was unemployed-not-by-choice was being forced into a SAHM role by her spouse.
Anonymous says
No they wouldn’t? It’s an emergency. There is no other care available. Sure looks for other care! But in the weeks it may take to find that, the person at home not working has to be the caregiver.
Anon says
I agree with the 10:37 poster that he needs to handle as much as possible in this short term crisis situation, but the characterization of him as a SAHD (from commenters above, not from OP) is unfair, and that’s what I’m saying people would be upset about if the genders were reversed.
Anon says
+1 to 11:23. Absent a lot of details here, this is an emergency triage situation and I would absolutely view it the same if gender roles were reversed.
Anonymous says
I have been in this situation (twice). It was the most stressful time in my life by far. If you truly can’t take time off, the best thing you can do is focus on taking care of yourself. Take a break to get outside and take a walk. Set a timer on your phone for regular mini-deep breathing breaks. Eat nourishing food. Turn off google on your work computer.
Anonymous says
The #1 thing I can do to boost my productivity is have my children out of the house. If I were in your shoes, I’d have a conversation with my spouse that goes like this: “we need to get kiddo evaluated and back into day care. I will vet day cares if you will take him to appointments. This involves x, y and z.” YMMV, my spouse is not a details person so I have to line out exactly what I expect him to do and what information I need on the back end. I was devastated when one of my twins got them both kicked out of day care. It ended up being a blessing in disguise: they are now at a closer day care that cares deeply about them. Good luck!
Anon says
Seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I would take time off. It’s better to take time off (even at an inconvenient time) than to work while really stressed and not do a great job at work. I deeply regret not taking time off in spring/summer 2020, and am still recovering from the reputational damage I suffered then. While not the same scenario, this situation is highly emotional and even with a parent at home to handle logistical stuff, it seems like it will similarly affect your focus and work performance and I would take the time. People are out unexpectedly all the time, your office will cope.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’ve been there. It was helpful for me to remember two or three things are true at the same time: (1) hitting is often developmentally normal at this age and does not necessarily mean your kid is going to have major problems long term, (2) hitting can nevertheless rise to a level that some daycares are ill-equipped to handle for reasons like staffing levels even if they intend to be approaching things in a developmentally appropriate way, (3) some daycares may not have appropriate developmental expectations or approaches and if that’s the case your child may do better elsewhere.
This can be sooooo hard as a parent- from my experience, making sure I had support to deal with my own anxiety (therapy) was truly the most helpful. I really struggled to focus on work . Even if everything is developmentally fine, this may be a marathon, not a sprint, and therapy was definitely the thing that helped the most for me in setting myself up to deal with these things as they come up over time.
We’ve also had times where my spouse was unemployed and job searching and we absolutely kept full time daycare for that in support of his mental health. There is nothing wrong with trying to find another daycare asap.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Why did I think it was a good idea to get the COVID booster while on my period…
Anon says
What’s happening? I haven’t gotten the booster yet because the last two times I did, it messed with the timing of my cycle and I’m not willing to have that happen while I’m recovering from a miscarriage. The doctors that I mentioned this to are clearly skeptical but I’m done being ignored and pretending like a 14-day period starting three days late is normal for me.
Spirograph says
I’m surprised the doctors are skeptical; I haven’t read any peer-reviewed journals about this (not that I read peer-reviewed medical journals anyway), but I know I’ve seen reporting in the news about an established correlation.
Although after I typed that, I remembered there’s a great tradition of women’s health getting short shrift… of course many doctors don’t care about periods or listening to women talk about them.
I hope you feel better, More Sleep Would Be Nice! I got my boosters for flu and covid earlier this week, and was really tired and uncomfortable for solid day and a half… I didn’t think about it until just now, but I can imagine adding that to normal period discomfort would have been terrible
Anon says
Yeah, the Covid shots didn’t affect my cycles at all, but I heard they did from a bunch of friends and I know I saw news reports about it too.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Thank you, Spirograph! It’s just that – tired, achy, etc. Thankful for Motrin and coffee :)
Anon says
I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone’s body is different and yours absolutely could respond that way. For me personally, I didn’t want to risk a fever from catching Covid in my first trimester (or a fever response from the shot), so I got it last month a few weeks after my miscarriage. I ovulated a few days later and am now pregnant again. Luckily for me it seemed to have no effect, and I’m glad I have the immunity built up now. It’s a very stressful risk calculus, to be sure!
Anonymous says
Yeh that’s why I’m not getting any more shots. It changed my cycle, sent my sister into full blown early menopause, and I’ve known multiple women who had miscarriages a week after the shot. No one wants to admit this because they would stop making trillions and get sued.
Anonymous says
PLITK
Anon says
I mean, this is not backed up by science, but okay.
anon says
PLITK
Anon says
But how many women had miscarriages after not getting the shot? The fact that you know some women who sadly had miscarriages after getting vaccinated is zero evidence of causation with the vaccine. To demonstrate causation, you’d have to show that women who got the vaccine while pregnant had higher rates of miscarriage than women who didn’t get the shot, and that’s been extensively studied and found not to be true.
... says
the boosters didn’t mess with my cycle, but Covid sure did. my cycle popped up a week early the day after I tested positive, and then was off for the next few too.
Anonymous says
That sucks. I didn’t have any issues and anecdotally don’t know if anyone else who did either.
Anon says
Any suggestions for a good bike helmet for a 4 year old? I can’t tell what price point is reasonable- it seems like an easy area to take advantage of parents who will pay $70 to protect their kids’ heads when a $30 helmet will do the same. Ideally will have a flat back for trailer riding.
Anon says
It’s worth it to pay for MIPS. There are lots of good MIPS helmets at a reasonable price point these days. That said, the most important thing is that it actually fits your child. I see kids with loose helmets sliding off their heads every single day and those aren’t going to do anything in a crash.
CCLA says
DH did a lot of research and determined that something with MIPS was a really good idea, and those do tend to be pricier. We ended up with Giros (first the scamp then the tremor, far preferred the tremor since the scamp got stuck in the girls’ hair). They are definitely not flat backed but I think there are other MIPS options out there.
Anon says
We got the giro helmet for my similarly aged son. I looked at my emails and in late 2022 it was $35.00 on sale for the MIPS helmet (ours was the scamp model). They have Black Friday sales so wait a month and they’ll get discounted.
It does not have a flat back.
TheElms says
Another vote to say MIPS is worth it especially if you are pulling them in a trailer at a higher speed. My view was prior to age 4 (when my kid learned to ride a 2 wheel bike and started to have some actual speed) I was ok with the Joovy Noodle (around $35). It probably would have been safer to switch around 3 because she was decently fast on her scooter at that point but we didn’t. But now for biking/scootering we have a Giro with MIPS. Since you need a flatback I’d look at a Nutcase with MIPS which is around $60 I think.
Anonymous says
We got a cheap helmet that didn’t stay on well, and then paid about $30-$40 for a Kali bike helmet and it’s great. I really like the coverage.
Scilady says
Look at the website two wheeling tots. They have a lot of good recommendations – especially on reasonable bike helmets. Also, make sure you measure their head (using a flexible tape). My kids are 2 years apart, but their heads are almost the same :D
Anonymois says
I think they’re similar to car seats: all safe (assuming they have approval of a safety entity) and you can spend as much as you want. I’ve bought from Target, Walmart and Amazon. Been happy with all.
Anon says
We have Giro MIPS, which is rated well and a decent price. However, I’m never sure I’m getting a proper fit on my kids’ totally different shaped heads. I think next time I will bring them to a local bike shop; it will be worth the extra spend for me to have them properly fitted, so to speak, and I will use that knowledge going forward.
Atlien says
We have Specialized with MIPS. It was pricey but felt like an area not to scrimp after my dad was in a very serious bike accident last year! Agree that proper and consistent wearing is also huge. Make sure all the straps are tightened and it’s worn down on the forehead.
Anonymous says
How much do you spend on kid activities for kids in elementary school?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Around here, most town teams (soccer, basketball, baseball, etc.) are in the $100-150 range for the season. We do private swim lessons that run for about 6 months, which are closer to $500. Club sports are a whole other ballgame, and can be in the multiple thousands. We also have activities offered at the Y, which is under $100 per season for members (soccer, dance, gymnastics, karate).
Anonymous says
About $5,000 per year for a year-round travel sport with practices 4 days a week. This includes competition and travel expenses. Elementary ballet is $1,600 per academic year for two classes a week at a pre-professional school with no competitions or performance expenses. Music lessons are $25 for a half-hour. This is not all for one kid. MCOL area.
Anon says
I’m dead reading these numbers, but I believe them. I’m in a VHCOL area and don’t have the budget for many activities (due to everything around here being VHC!) I would say that for two boys we do basic-level activities amounting to about $400-500 total per season. (And a toddler that gets no activities other than free library class.) I have a long wish list of other possibilities that seem too hard to justify right now (like an 8 week Ninja class for $350/kid), but maybe someday! And swim lessons are astronomical but we do them; it was about $1000 for a couple weeks last summer.
Anon says
I’ll clarify that this is sign up cost, and doesn’t include gear for the activity (baseball bat, soccer cleats, etc). That’s probably another $150/season
Anon says
We have one kid in K and I think we’re currently just a hair under $2k/year in a LCOL area. We will also spend an additional $1-2k on summer camps and summer activities beginning in 2024 (I put camps in the activity bucket of our budget because we don’t need them for childcare – I think it’s different if you need full-time care).
My kid does:
-ninja class at MyGym ($99/month, the most expensive but also the thing that has the most utility, since she’s always had a weak core and this has helped her a lot with strength and endurance)
-dance at the Y, about $350/year ($250 in tuition + $100 in recital fees)
-Girl Scouts, we’re just starting this but I’m guessing $100-$200 throughout the year for dues and various events
-random special classes (dance, zoo, theater) that probably average $25/month
-art class, FREE (thanks local arts foundation!)
GCA says
Gymnastics, swim and soccer are $50-150/ kid for the season through local rec programs.
Cub scouts – $200ish/kid for the whole year
Kids will also be learning to xc ski this winter – $155 per kid including trail passes and rentals (again, local club program).
Anon says
DS #1 is in K and we are very minimal on activities. Currently:
– Run Club – Free through school, and also DS #1’s favorite activity
– Soccer – $250 for Sept-December, done as part of aftercare
– Chess – $90/month, also happens as part of aftercare – but found out it conflicts with Run Club (2 months after signing up, neat), so will cancel this and hope to resume in January
DS #1 takes a Saturday swim class at the Y that will wrap up soon, that was like $80 for the fall session. The Y has a heated pool and we’re in a subtropical climate so will likely sign DS #1 up for private lessons in January since he loves to swim and wants to improve.
Anon says
11 year old- piano, basketball, swimming, faith Formation classes- about $400/ month.
6 year old- piano, soccer, faith formation, karate- $300/month, but soccer and karate are seasonal.
4 year old- ninja class- $120/month
Then there is also summer camps.
anonymous says
ND 1st grader, so we have a pretty limited number of activities
-Sunday/Hebrew school (weekly), this is our one big expense at $1050/year
-Girl Scouts (2x/month), $50 registration for the year
-Swim lessons (8 week sessions), $55 per session, we’ll do 1-4 sessions per year, depending on how our kid is coping with life at the time
Anonymous says
A lot. Probably $10k+ for 3 kids in a HCOL area. Off the top of my head:
ballet – around $2500 for the school year (90 minutes 2x/week)
travel hockey – around $2500 for the season (2-3 practices per week, at least 1 game per weekend, three tournaments requiring hotel stays. and more money for equipment, gas and hotels)
travel-lite league hockey – around $1000 x2 kids for the season (1 practice per week, 1 game per weekend, 1 tournament requiring hotel stay)
karate – I think it’s about $130/month? We drop from July-October, so about $1200 total
county little league – I think it’s around $150 for each season, and we’ve typically done both fall and spring (plus equipment)
yikes. that’s not even counting my and my husband’s activities.
Anonymous says
For third grader- rec sports tend to be $100-200 per 8 week season depending on the league . He has soccer, two “seasons” of basketball in a rec leagues, school basketball and possibly a second soccer. Swim lessons $100/month biweekly, we don’t do every month though. Hebrew school is $250/year (but it’s co-op so we have to teach one quarter). Kindergartener has gymnastics/circus at $100/month plus hebrew school $250/year.
Anonymous says
Ugh oh man. Maybe $1500-2k/kid + winter ski and summer swim? They are all in elem and none do club sports.
Kid 1: volleyball clinics ($250), basketball ($300), lacrosse ($300), tennis ($1200- it’s all year), softball (~$350), math team ($100, all year)
Kid 2: soccer ($200), acting ($900- year long), dance (900- year long), piano (~$200/mo), Girl Scouts ($150), basketball ($250), lacrosse ($225)
Kid 3: girl scouts ($150), soccer ($400- two seasons), basketball ($200), lacrosse ($225), musical theater ($900- year round), probably spring tennis ($400)
Plus summer swim team ($2000 family fee, all 3 do it, includes use of pool all summer), and skiing (~$2000- they don’t do lessons or a team, but have epic passes & gear)
FWIW they don’t do aftercare.
TheElms says
HCOL/VHCOL area — PreK4 kiddo does gymnastics and soccer, each once a week, and its about $300-350 each per 8 – 10 week session. Eventually we’ll add back in/ substitute in swimming lessons, but we need at least semi-private (tried group classes and don’t get anywhere) so that runs about $40-50 a lesson.
Anonymous says
This is a really interesting thread.
We spend $170/month on BJJ for our elementary schooler. That’s it.
I know you don’t ask, but we also spend:
$600/semester on soccer shots for younger siblings (300 per kid). I regret doing this. We’ve missed about half the sessions due to illness or travel. The kids don’t go often enough so when they do they’re super shy and don’t participate.
We also spent $150/week on swim lessons this summer. She came to our house. Hoping to find a cheaper option next summer but will likely do ISR.
Anon says
I recently had a miscarriage and was being assessed for the risk of a rare complication based on the genetic abnormality in the embryo (I posted on here about it – partial molar pregnancy). I just heard from the doctor and it sounds like I’m likely all clear! I guess you can’t rule it out 100%, but the results look really good. This means we can most likely start trying again on our timetable and not go through the terrible treatment some women have to do for molar pregnancy. I can’t even tell you how relieved I am. We didn’t tell many people in real life about the pregnancy and I need to scream it from the rooftops here at least…
Anon says
I’m so sorry for your loss and the difficult time you’ve had to go through since then. Really happy for you that you can start trying again when you’re ready.
Anon says
That’s wonderful!! I’m so happy for you, internet stranger/friend :) I recently had a miscarriage, and beforehand had worked myself into a dither that it could be ectopic…those mind spirals are so scary and stressful. I hope you have a joyful, relaxing weekend ahead.
Anon says
Sorry for your loss. I’m glad everything seems normal and you can try again whenever you’re ready.
Anon says
I have a formula-fed 14 month old who is having a really hard time transitioning off bottles. Is currently drinking just 2 oz upon waking and 2 oz before bedtime. He tolerates cow milk in the bottles, so it’s not the formula that is an issue, but he cries if we try to give him a hard-spout sippy cup for his AM or PM bottle. Is it okay to move to soft spout sippy cups like the Nuk early learners for the milk and then eventually transition to hard-spout? Or do we need to be really firm about the hard spout and just try to go cold turkey on bottles? Any weaning advice appreciated!
add says
Totally okay
AwayEmily says
Definitely okay. Trust your instincts and take it as slow as you need to! Babies vary so much in what they need during this transition. We were able to move straight from bottle to 360 cups with my older ones, but my third was like HARD PASS so we got her one of the soft-spout transition cups, she used that for quite a few months and now at 20 months is a solid 360 girl as well. He’ll get there and there is no rush — especially if it’s only a little bit at AM and PM!
Anonymous says
Totally okay, and I’d ask his dentist rather than the pediatrician. My take is that pediatricians take a hard stance for “dental issues” but don’t really have a lot of expertise about it so take that position to CYA. But our dentist (who also has young children) was much more relaxed and could evaluate the question based on kiddo’s actual mouth/jaw.
NYCer says
Have you tried straw cups? My kids never took to sippy cups, but did fine drinking milk (or water) from straw cups.
Anonymous says
Totally ok. You could also try straw cups and skip sippy cups – if he’s having trouble catching on to straws, check out the honey bear straw cup.
Anonymous says
It’s totally fine to do soft spout, but mine did better with stew cups. They were premature and one had feeding challenges though so maybe you don’t even need a straw cup.
Anon says
It’s totally fine to use soft spouts instead of hard spouts. I think hard spouts are out of vogue per some Instagram account saying that they’re bad for reasons, but I admittedly don’t follow this kind of thing very closely. When my kids were that age it was all about 360 cups, and then they somehow became “bad” in favor of straw cups.
Anony says
Totally okay, but I would consider trying a straw cup. I really struggled to find the right cup for my 1-year old (in hindsight this was probably more me being weird about this than anything, but who knows, really), but once we tried the Dr. Brown’s straw bottles, it was suddenly a very easy transition.
Emma says
We use the Nuk learners cups for my 13 month old (and she still wants more milk than that). My DH is a dentist and doesn’t seem overly concerned. She likes her sippy cups and straw cups for the rest of the day, but wakeup and bedtime bottles are soft spout.
An.On. says
My kid refused to accept any sippy cup replacements for the last bottle before bed, so we ended up just going cold turkey on it. Although we weren’t able to do that until they were a bit older, probably closer to 18 months, since you’re already on such a small amount of formula, I’d just try it now and see how it goes. I think it also helped that at the time, we started letting them bring a board book to bed, so they were kind of distracted with the new fun routine.
anon says
Grandmas and others demanding to hold the newborn baby….WHY?!? Has this always been a thing or is it unique to this generation? I’ve got a baby in the NICU and MIL is threatening to show up and demand she can see him because she’s family and deserves to hold him. We are fielding multiple daily demands about this. The entitlement, I cannot. (The NICU will not let her in so she can show up all she wants).
Anonymous says
Chill, girl. Grandma is overexcited. And I think a bit of entitlement is warranted when it’s a grandchild. Just ignore her calls, stand your ground, do your mom job. This will not be your last parenting battle with someone who thinks they know best.
Anon says
Yup. This. She’s not a monster for being excited, but it’s also fine to hold a firm boundary, and it won’t be the last time you need to draw boundaries with a grandparent.
I think if people haven’t had NICU babies themselves they may not understand how fragile they are? I didn’t know they couldn’t be held until this thread.
Anon says
IME, my baby could be held the whole time she was in the NICU. In the beginning, the amount of time was limited because she couldn’t regulate her temperature and needed to be under the heated lamp. But once she was out from the lamp, I could hold her whenever.
However, the number of visitors are limited. Only parents and grandparents (when accompanied by a parent) were permitted to see the baby
Anonymous says
Why is it confusing to gosh that grandma wants to hold the baby
anon says
Umm because he’s in the NICU? It’s not like babies go there because they’re healthy and full term and ready to be exposed to germs. He’s three pounds. And since I’m only there for a few hours a day(toddler and the other twin are home) I’d like to spend as much time with him as possible?
Anon says
you are in the midst of a very stressful situation. i had twins with one in nicu and one home (and not even another child) and i felt stretched thin. personally i had trouble bonding with my nicu baby/was scared to hold her, felt guilty when i was home with other twin that i wasn’t in the nicu, felt guilty when i was visiting the nicu that i wasn’t home with other twin. our nicu did let grandparents visit but that was pre covid. feel free to vent on here all that you need. is there anything grandma could do that would actually be helpful? also – idk what your postpartum experience was like with your first, and i am not saying you are experiencing this now, but moms with nicu babies tend to have a higher incidence of PPD/PPA, so try to take care of yourself too
Anon says
Oh my god, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this during this traumatic time. Please block her on your phone.
Anonymous says
People have always wanted to hold newborn babies, and 99.9% of those people have always waited to be asked if they would like to hold the baby, or asked very tentatively and then taken no for an answer.
Anonymous says
+1 I would love to hold a baby but will wait until specifically invited!
Anon says
You can become an NICU baby snuggler! It’s a thing. They have volunteers so the babies can get skin to skin contact when the parents can’t be there.
Anon says
Clearly some grandmas in these comments!
Anon says
Ignore, ignore, ignore after saying once “I understand and appreciate that you’d like the hold the baby. It’s not allowed in the NICU due to the risks and I will let you know once that changes. We need to focus on everything that needs to get done now, so I won’t respond to any more messages about this.”
Anonymous says
It’s not rude for a grandma to ask to hold a baby, and it is very expected in every single culture in the world. But obviously you’re in a unique, stressful situation. Say it’s not allowed due to NICU rules since COVID and have your partner tell her to stop asking. Also, not all NICU babies are there because they’re teeny tiny. Some just need some extra help after birth so family members COULD visit pre-Covid times.
Spirograph says
This. OP, I understand your reaction because you’re super stressed out, but at a surface level, MIL is not out of line, just excited. Absolutely get your partner involved to handle their family. You have enough on your plate without managing in-law expectations. Sending you and your new baby all the good vibes.
But yeah, I remember seeing things were volunteers could go in and snuggle preemies in pre-covid times, because “kangaroo care” has been shown to be a good thing for babies (assuming their immune system is adequately developed). I would bet that MIL is thinking along those lines.
anonymous says
I’d also be super unhappy with anyone who thinks what they “deserve” is more important than my newborn’s health, especially to the extent of harassing parents who have a newborn + toddler at home and a newborn in the hospital.
Lots of good advice here about giving grandma a task, having your spouse tell her firmly to stop, etc. That said, you should also feel free to block her number, especially if you just gave birth. If we were IRL friends, I’d would LOVE to be given the task of telling her off if that would at all help. Now is the time for the village to be helpful, or at least not actively harmful. Someone who makes life more difficult for parents in this kind of situation risks being shut out for a very long time.
Anonymous says
I sympathize with this frustration. My MIL loves tiny babies and my newborn would be rooting in her sweater trying to nurse and I would try to take her and MIL would say “oh no she’s fine! not ready to go back to mom yet!” My angry eyes almost set my husband on fire before he stepped in LOL.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Ahh yes. The MIL who thinks somehow the birth of a baby/transition of her kid’s family is about her. I know this well.
In addition to the others saying she needs to chill, I think this is a great place for the boundary setting to go to your partner. This is literally the last thing you need to worry about after producing 2 tiny humans, trying to recovery mentally/physically, especially when one of the babies that is getting some extra care.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Grr – typed too fast. What I meant to say:
*trying to recovery mentally/physically, especially when one of the babies is getting extra care in the NICU.
Anonymous says
She may be from a family like mine where grandparents are more involved. When my sister’s baby was in the NICU, my parents flew across the country to help so my sister could spend time with her older kid or just sleep while they took turns at NICU or vice versa. Sleep is great for mental health, physical recovery and milk production. Being at the NICU like 12 hrs a day vs 24 hrs was much healthier for my sister. They did lots of skin to skin which the nurses said was helpful.
I get that your situation may be entirely different but you are off base that it is unusual for grandparents to want to hold their grandchildren.
Anon says
We had plans to trick or treat with a good friend of my kid’s (who’s also a neighbor) and now they told us that their kid has a sports practice from 6-7:30 so they want to go before or after. I don’t think any houses will be ready much before 6, and people start running out of candy in our area by 8, so I feel like that would be a really disappointing experience for my kid, who is in elementary school and old enough to expect trick or treating to last for a couple of hours and involve going to dozens of houses. Is there a tactful way to nope out of this? Or do we just say we’ll start solo and meet them when they’re done with their activity?
Anonymous says
You can just say you need to go at x time and finish by x time, can they meet you at 7:30. I wouldn’t overthink this one.
OOO says
That’s strange that they would have sports practice on Halloween during prime Trick or Treating time, 6-8 pm. Agree with above, tell them to call you at 7:30 to meet up with you guys wherever you are in the neighborhood.
Anonymous says
+1 and who has sports on trick or treat!? Or my kids wouldn’t go. We’re in a DC suburb and Halloween is like..,kind of a big deal. Like traffic is bad as all parents are rushing home for trick or treat.
OP says
Agreed, my kid would and has skipped activities scheduled on Halloween night (contrary to what someone else said, things are often not canceled in our area). Trick or treat is a big deal for us! But this family is not from the US so I don’t think it has the same significance to them, which is fine.
Anonymous says
There is a 99% chance the sports practice will be cancelled at the last minute if it has been already. Even in the most serious sports I have never, ever seen a late afternoon or evening practice happen on Halloween. I would arrange to start on your own when you want to start and have them meet you after practice, then be happily “surprised” when you get a text saying “practice is cancelled! Can we meet up earlier?”
Anonymous says
If it hasn’t been already
anon says
Yeah, I would not plan around this other family. That will take all the fun out of the evening. Go, and let them catch up later if they can.