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No-heat curling rods seem to be all over social media. So, based on a IRL recommendation from my sister, I gave it a try on my oldest.
It was pretty easy to use — you just wrap/braid damp hair around the band, secure it with hair ties, and secure the ends together. My oldest reports it wasn’t uncomfortable to sleep with, and in the morning, her very straight hair had some decent wavy curls.
I think a curling iron would make them look even better, but for a Monday morning, I’ll take it.
This curling rod headband is available at Amazon for under $10 and comes in seven colors.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
Anonymous says
We have some last minute availability to take a family trip in the next couple weeks for up to 4 days. We’d like to try to do something to celebrate an occasion. Any ideas? 1 and 3 year old traveling out of DC.
Clementine says
Easier – Fly to Ft Lauderdale. Stay at the Marriott on the Broadwalk in North Hollywood beach. Play in the pool, do fun family stuff, eat dinner at Coconuts, take one of those water taxi/canal tour boat rides.
Slightly more but not too much – Fly to San Juan, PR. Stay at the Fairmont El San Juan. Rent a car to take a day trip to the Rain Forest (go early) and go to Old San Juan as two day trips, then just hang out and let the kids play in the pool.
Anon says
Plus 1 to PR. Love this idea!
Anon says
If you want to celebrate something between yourself and spouse, I would stay home, hire a babysitter and go out to dinner. A 1 and 3 year old are not going to let you enjoy any type of celebration.
However if you really want to take a quick getaway with the family, I think NYC is the best option. Hopefully you can take the train or drive from DC so you don’t have to deal with airports, planes, etc.
Anon says
+1 “celebrate a milestone” and “family trip with 1 and 3 year old” aren’t really compatible to me, and I say that as someone who did a lot of family travel with toddlers and enjoyed it more than a lot of people I know.
Anon says
Philly or Richmond or Charlottesville. I’d do something driving
Anonymous says
I think Philly would be nice – there is a lot to do there for young kids, but it is logistically easier and cheaper than NYC. I live in and love New York, but I don’t think it is a great destination for kids that little.
Anonymous says
Easy trips we’ve taken from DC are eastern shore of MD – stop at Cantlers in Annapolis for lunch on the way there, stay at Haven Harbour marina. Did this with a 1 and 3yo. We’ve also taken the kids towards Luray Caverns and rented an Airbnb and done wineries/caverns/etc…
travel says
3 day Disney cruise, the child care is phenomenal and included/cheap. adults only areas are amazing as well. easy peasy with those ages.
Clementine says
An open message to those of you in the throes of parenting an infant: they do get bigger and wow, do they get more fun.
Yesterday, husband and oldest kid (8) were able to go to a big mountain to go skiing for the day. Kid was not only able to hang, kid was rocking it and both had a spectacular day.
Middle kid (4) now sleeps fully in their bed and came to me while I was working from home on Friday and offered to get me a Diet Coke. Kid then went, retrieved me a Diet Coke and said, ‘Oh, and Mommy. I’ll close your door tightly and let you finish up while I go color you a picture.’ AND THEN SHE DID.
Youngest kid isn’t 2 yet, but we’re at the point where I can go places with just a couple diapers and a pack of wipes. Kid can drink from a normal water bottle and is happy to play with the big kids. I can sit on a bench or at a restaurant and actually have a conversation.
Past me could never have imagined that it really does get so much better so I have to tell you: yes, they someday will sleep. Yes, you will be able to have them actually function as humans. No, it will not always take you 30 minutes to get out of the house.
FP says
Seconding this comment! Our kids were 1 and 3 at the start of the pandemic and being stuck with them in the house while trying to maintain my job was truly the lowest point in my life. I didn’t see how life could get easier or even enjoyable. Fast forward four years: I now have a 5 and 7 year old and flew alone with them to visit family two weeks ago. My kids were great travelers, we each had a backpack to take on the plane, and I was able to read a book (!!) while they played on their tablets during the flight. It was a delight.
Anonymous says
My 10 year old and I left town on Friday, stayed at a hotel, the skies our faces off sat & Sunday up until Stowe VT. DH stayed home with the other kids who had activities and parties. It does get better!
Anon says
That sounds like the dream weekend! I cannot WAIT to ski with my kid.
Anon says
As someone who is pregnant with my first and who was freaked out for many years by all the stories of how awful parenting is and how it always gets worse, thank you for this. I already have anxiety about the baby having significant health challenges (runs in the family) – I don’t want to hear ANY more stories or “just you wait, it gets worse” takes in response to saying that I’m excited.
I’ve actually been wondering about the psychology of that. It’s one thing for a woman to share a motherhood challenge on her own unprompted, but to come back with an ultra-negative response when someone is saying that they are looking forward to something about parenting feels different. I’ve been trying to put my finger on what it is – depression? Resentment? Cattiness? Exhaustion? I just don’t know and that makes it hard to respond appropriately. I talked to my friend about this when she was pregnant and she said she found it difficult too, but wasn’t sure how to respond when it happened.
Betsy says
I had a similar situation recently – I’ve mostly had a great pregnancy and when it hasn’t been great I mostly haven’t shared that at work. The other day I was really dragging (third trimester has me so tired!) and shared that with a coworker and the absolute DELIGHT with which she responded was horrifying. It was like she was overjoyed to welcome me to the miserable women club. I see it as martyrdom with a hefty side of resentment for those who don’t join in.
Vicky Austin says
+1, and I like how you phrased this. I think this attitude overlaps with the all-too-common older women who resent today’s mothers for ‘having it easier’ and are thus the opposite of the workplace ally you would think they would be.
I hope you get some rest!
anon says
I’d call it just plain rudeness and someone who gets off on feelings of superiority.
Anon says
I do think it’s rude too. I would never call a woman rude for honestly sharing her own struggles at an appropriate time, but to respond to “my baby slept through the night for the first time!” with a sneer and “just wait for the 4 month sleep regression” isn’t helpful or seeking support.
Clementine says
OKAY. So I’m going to tell you my personal experience is that when you’re around people who went right from their 20’s into parenthood and never really felt ‘ready’, you hear this more. More resentment about how hard parenting is and feeling like they need to prepare you because they weren’t prepared.
My response when somebody tells me something unsolicited that just… not something I want to carry with me or continue the discussion on is just to say, ‘Noted.’ And then carry on life. (This is also what I do when somebody starts ranting or complaining at work and it’s truly not productive.)
If this helps, the way my parenting posse shows up with this type of stuff is 100% humor. Some parts of parenting are hard and absolutely soul crushing, but if you approach it with humor, that helps.
Anon says
Ughhhhh hate this. I have a longer post in mod, and I will admit I struggled a lot at years 2 and 3 (but I had twins and also it was COVID), BUT I freaking love my older kid years. I genuinely LOVE spending time with my oldest, and my twins are a riot. I also wonder about the psychology of how people love to share how hard it is…but our friends mostly have teens, and sure there are bumps, but everyone seems like they enjoy good/happy/stable relationships with their older kids. I know we’ve had a lot of conversations around “gentle parenting,” and I agree the term has been co-opted and expanded, but I really think this generation of teens has benefitted from having parents recognize that kids really benefit from being treated with respect.
Boston Legal Eagle says
The older my kids get, the more I understand that you really have to know your audience when discussing parenting. When my kids were little, I HATED hearing to enjoy these moments, they go so fast, these are the best days, because they didn’t feel like it. Now that my kids are a little older, I see what they meant in their heads (bigger kids have different challenges/more emotional stress), but I wasn’t the right audience! Telling a newly pregnant woman who is excited to welcome a child “just you wait” is just so tone deaf. Like, yes, of course I don’t want to sugar coat the challenges, but you’re not who I should be talking to. There is great value in discussing parenting challenges with those who are in the same boat or who’ve been there, but the misery loves company boat is just not my vibe.
Anon says
On the psychology part, I think it is because motherhood is such a monumental shift. Even if you think you are prepared, it still rocks you — and in a (perhaps misguided) way, women are trying to build comradery, kind of like “battle buddies”. There are some deep trenches you find sometimes find yourself in, and you want to commiserate, or remind yourself how far you’ve come.
But on the flip side, motherhood is on balance VERY GOOD. I like it so much that I’m pregnant with my fourth! (But even still, my first was a HARD adjustment. Remember that everything is a season that WILL END.) And I also get fed up with the constant venting/Mommy Needs Wine culture. Like so many things in life it’s perspective. If you expect it to get worse, then it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy! If you try to limit social media and focus on your own amazing kids and life, it’s much happier.
Anonymous says
I think a lot of people hear comments about looking forward to getting through the baby years and take it as a statement that the older kid years are easy. For me, the baby years were actually the easier time. I’ve stepped back to part time because it was way harder to balance than all 3 at the same daycare 9-5, DH in a 9-5 job, and kids that napped for 2 hrs on the weekend.
I had to really struggle to bite my tongue when my doctor who has the same combo of kids (one older, then twins), made a comment about how much easier it must be now that they are all over 5 and she’s really looking forward to that. In reality, having the older kid in a separate school with different special event days and professional development days, plus the twins suddenly interested in different extra circulars has been a really hard year. Instead of coverage for 5 PD days a year, we now have to work coverage for 10 because oldest doesn’t want to go to grandparents or be home by herself all day.
But I didn’t say any of that to her, I could see that she was drowning so I nodded and smiled. Even if the older years are harder, you can extend grace to people in the thick of the baby/toddler years because it’s all hard.
Each age is wonderful and hard in its own way.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, all of this too. “Each age is wonderful and hard in its own way.” (except for age 3 – that is the devil! :) )
Anon says
You’re my parenting soul sister. I’ve found something good about every age except 3. 3 is h3ll.
Vicky Austin says
Just you wait, it gets better all the time, too!
My kid is one next week (excuse me while I weep about it for a moment). He is SO much fun. He likes to make us laugh by fake sneezing, which is unbelievable to me that he even conceptualizes this?! But here we are. I’m thrilled for you and all the sweet sleepy newborn cuddles in your near future. You will love it.
Emma says
Love this. Mine is only 18 months but she is starting to play independently for a few minutes, walk a few blocks, sit at the table with us, and enjoy reading books. It’s such a fun age.
Anon says
Ohh!! I love this, and have the same age spread with my oldest/youngest. My youngest “child” is twins, so in some ways, I felt like I got stuck in the toddler slog for WAY longer than I did with my older child. But my now 12 year old is freaking awesome — I enjoy spending time with her as much as I enjoy spending time with my friends. She is self-sufficient, funny, and smart. Over the weekend, the twins and my husband went to visit my in-laws, and my daughter and I stayed in town for a school event she couldn’t miss. We went out to eat and had a hilarious conversation, killed an hour smelling all the shampoos at CVS, and got a late night dessert at a local restaurant after the school event. Two thumbs up, love these big kid years.
The twins at 4.5 are finally really self-sufficient at getting water or snacks, they play with each other, and I can take them places without the two of them immediately scattering or having a massive meltdown. I’m working this week while everyone is on spring break, and I can hear from the other room that my daughter has made everyone breakfast — and the twins are playing while my older one is probably reading or on a tablet. Yes, the kitchen/living room will be a mess when I eventually go back down, but no one has needed me in the last two hours.
My 12 year old can also babysit them (finally), so my husband and I can go out for a drink in our neighborhood restaurant. Also, after years of gritting through family “trips,” I’m really excited about our travel this summer, as I think the kids will be really fun and everyone has lots of downtime. I remember reading about people finally starting to love travel again when their youngest was 4, and it felt so far away — but I feel like I’m finally close to being there. And the two years when the twins were 2 and 3 have been HARD, so I’m so happily relishing these days.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I see toddlers out and about at my kids’ activities and the parents just have to be “on” the whole time to keep up with these constantly moving/emotional one and two year olds. Meanwhile I’m reading my book or playing on my phone. I… don’t miss this at all!
Anon says
Yes, this. I actually came on this forum about a year ago bc I was struggling so much — I wanted to be present at my daughter’s activities and talk to other parents, but my twin 3 year olds made it just freaking impossible (which were like SOCCER games or a band concert, not an opera at the Met). On the wise advice of the parents here (which I initially resisted), I realized the answer was that it just wasn’t working for the twins or me, and we broke down and just hired sitters. We spent a lot of money on sitters at like 10AM on Saturdays that year, but (1) it was temporary, and (2) I actually think it went a LONG way to strengthening our relationship with our kids. For our oldest, it was a big adjustment to go from an only to a big sister to (attention grabbing) twins — her friends would fawn all over the twins at games, etc. — and we got really special one on one time with her in a tough few years, plus a needed break. The twins didn’t really realize they were not being included, and I had more mental bandwidth to give them more undivided attention when we were home.
Vicky Austin says
I just love your description of your weekend with your oldest; how absolutely lovely for you and for her!
Anony says
I love this and wanted to share my own story, which is not all sunshine and roses. My entry into parenthood was rocky. We had some other difficult family and health situations come up during my baby’s first year, and I held up okay for a while but probably due to the emotional and physical exhaustion of that whole year, I ended up dealing with depression during year 2. At that point, I was feeling sort of betrayed, mostly by myself – I’d been so excited to be a parent, so why couldn’t I adjust? And then life got better, and after some time and therapy, so did I. The things that felt overwhelming either stopped overwhelming me or my child left those phases. My preschooler is a delight. I had a moment last summer when I realized I was finally living what I’d dreamed of when I was pregnant, and I actually cried. Even when you do go through a rough patch, that doesn’t mean that it always gets worse.
Anon says
i do think age 5.5 is easier with my same sex fraternal twins than when they were newborns and babies, as going from 0 to 2 was a hard transition for us…but a lot of things are actually much harder than when they were 2. they each want individual mommy time a lot more, while they love each other dearly, lots of sibling rivalry, at 2 they never hit/pushed/bit/scratched one another, but now they have more complex emotions and are still figuring out how to manage all of them, navigating social situations/friendships is challenging as a twin, especially with twins who are truly polar opposites in many ways, they no longer nap so harder to get a break on the weekend/for the kids to reset if they don’t sleep well at night. one of my twins has a lot of fine/gross motor skills so is not as independent as other kids the same age. i honestly loved ages like 20 months to 39 months and have found it has gotten harder in many ways since then.
GCA says
Amen. I will share my least and most favorite aspects of parenting…recognizing that different ages are challenging AND also rewarding in different ways.
What’s hard at the baby stage: going from 0 to 1 kid, especially as kid 1 was jaundiced as a newborn, low percentile weight for height, and a terrible sleeper who woke up if you looked at him funny. Teething.
What’s great at the baby stage: Boy are they cute, and it’s fun to make up new games and songs to entertain them. Generally more portable than toddlers.
What’s hard at the toddler stage: having to be hands-on all the time. Kid 1 was INCREDIBLY ACTIVE as a toddler and simply never stopped moving. Going anywhere with him? So, so hard. Today he is a bright and unbelievably athletic kid who enjoys all kinds of activity.
What’s great: They get more interactive, there’s a word explosion, fine & gross motor skills also explode (jumping, running, have you ever watched a toddler dance to Laurie Berkner?)
What’s hard at older ages: The meltdowns. The physical logistics and honestly the anxieties of the contemporary American school system. Sibling rivalry. (Developmentally normal) emotional challenges. Balancing the needs of siblings with different temperaments, interests and activities.
What’s great:
They’re curious. I love watching kids’ brains and bodies figure things out as they grow. I took the kids to a science museum with a makerspace this past weekend, and my 8yo was in there for a good half hour tinkering with circuits, while my 5yo was at a craft table making her own bird beak from a party hat and pompoms, and testing the beak in different ‘environments’.
They’re pretty self-sufficient. When we moved halfway across the country last summer, I managed to fly solo with two suitcases, two kids and all their stuff, Uber to my SIL’s house, and have the kids and cousins entertain each other for a few days till we settled into our new house.
They’re growing into the people they’ll become. Sure, I’ll miss the baby belly and cheeks as my 5yo gets lankier, but I have some wonderful conversations with the kids at this age because they are really processing and articulating about what’s around them.
Vicky Austin says
I could not love this comment more. Thank you.
Anonymous says
Plus, as they get older they have good days and bad days but you can really see them becoming their own people- complete with heartbreak and happiness.
My youngest, nearly 6, was at an egg hunt this weekend. She was one of the older kids and got an absolute basket full of eggs. She went around looking for kids that didn’t get many and asking them “here, have some of mine! Or do you want me to hide some for you?” Then other kids started doing the same thing. Pretty soon there was more egg sharing/trading and all the parents couldn’t believe how kind all the kids were. And mine started it!! This is the same kid that stood up to a bunch of older kids on the bus that were teasing a first grader. It was like the third week of school. Apparently she said “just sit with me, I’ll take care of them. And if I can’t I have older sisters that will.” The bus driver told me and I swear I thought he had the wrong parent!!
Anon says
that is amazing. i have two almost 6 year olds and i’m not sure either is quite so kind of such a great leader. but i’m trying!
Nonny says
Thank you! Needed this. In the throes of working parenthood to kids who ar 5, 3 and 7 months. The 3 year old is crazy right now and has such separation anxiety from me specifically.
Where to Eat at Universal? says
Hive, where do you recommend for lunches and dinners at the Universal Florida theme parks? We have passes to go between the two parks and a loose plan for each day. We’re planning on spending most of the time in Harry Potter world but some time in other areas, too.
Clementine says
Go to the Harry Potter Restaurants before 11 and get the kids’ breakfasts as brunch. They come with a beverage. As your beverage you can get a butter beer (which are like $9 on their own and kinda gross). The whole kids’ meal is like $12. It’s definitely enough for an adult and the English Breakfast is actually fantastic.
This is my #1 tip.
anon says
My 4.5 year old is going to enter kindergarten this fall – End of may birthday, September 1st cutoff. His preschool teacher says he’s very high energy and often sensory seeking. He’s in a relaxed, play based preschool. The teacher notes he has trouble walking in line from the classroom to another room and has trouble sitting still in chair to do the crafts or whatever they are working on. She’s says he is good in that he is not destructive, emotional and easily corrected, but he just goes back to being fidgety or not focusing. She’s wonderful and has tried different things like a weighted back-pack to help walk in line and a little weighted mat to help him sit in his chair to do his work. I’m not sure what else we can do. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he turned 4, but I kind of ignored it because I felt like it was too early but every teacher he’s had since age 2 has noted that his energy level seems off compared to most kids. Everytime I read the descriptions online, I dont feel like he’s particularly challenging at home, but since it has come up repeatedly in preschool settings across different schools, it must be a thing. I’m not sure if I should hold him back or how else to prep him for kindergarten. I’m bracing myself for a few rough early years.. what types of accommodations have helped your kid in the classroom (if youve been through something similar)?
Anonymous says
This all seems super normal, and may honestly get better over the next six months. I suppose you could hold him back, but I have no experience with that so no advice there. If you do send him to kindergarten this fall, I would try to hold an “wait and see” attitude. I’m sure his teacher will let you know if there are issues.
Anon says
+1. I agree with this. This sounds super normal to me too and it may improve on its own.
Anon says
i dont know that holding him back will solve your potential issue. does he have trouble socially or academically? where we live cutoff is also sept 1 and lots of redshirting of boys with summer birthdays…but “summer” apparently now includes March, April and May. i have twin girls currently in K with mid May bdays, but one of their besties is a boy who has a late May bday and there are more actual summer bdays than i anticipated as I thought mine would be the youngest. If he is on track socially and academically, my concern with holding him back would be that he gets bored and then is more fidgety than he already is. also – there are many fidgety kids in each of my kids’ K classrooms, so just know you likely won’t be alone.
OP says
Definitely not academically. He’s not a genius, but he’s very much on track for his age, knows numbers 1-100, can read 3/4 letter words, can do +1 addition.
Socially, I’m not sure. He’s very friendly and social and LOVES people. He has a minor articulation speech issue that he’s in therapy for and he talks to everyone and seems to make friends. I do think he gets overly excited sometimes and doesnt know how to match the mood of the environment, but it doesn’t seem terribly off to me. I feel like a lot of 4 year olds still have social quirks theyre working out, but he does seem behind socially compared to my 6 year old daughter, but again, i dont know what to make of that..
Anon says
He doesn’t sound behind socially to me. My 6 year old still gets speech for articulation issues and it hasn’t hurt her socially at all.
Boston Legal Eagle says
If you can get a 504 set up, or at least start thinking about it, that includes things like movement breaks, sensory stimulation, etc. in K, I think that will serve him much much more than holding him back absent other concerns. The redshirting trend can result in a lot of bored kids!
OP says
Thanks, that’s what i was curious about in the types of accommodations. What does a movement break entail? What kinds of sensory stimulation things help?
SC says
It depends. My son had an OT that had “heavy work” options he could do at school, either in a corner of the classroom or in the hall. It was basically exercises with the weighted backpack, rolling a heavy ball around, etc. For sensory stimulation, different types of fidget toys or different types of seating can help.
Anon says
“ very high energy and often sensory seeking” describes about 70% of the kids in my kid’s K class and they’re almost done with the K year, so I wouldn’t worry too much. I would not hold him back just because of this.
Fwiw our daycare teachers at a relaxed play-based daycare had a lot of complaints about my kid’s behavior. Not so much inattentiveness but they said she was occasionally rude to them or disobedient. Elementary school teachers LOVE her, not just her main teacher but she’s had no issue with any special teachers or lunch supervisors. I think some daycare teachers have unreasonable behavior expectations. In elementary school they seem more realistic about what is normal for 5 year olds.
Anon says
I always feel like I need to chime in to these conversations with my experience with my 9 year old, who did receive OT for sensory seeking behavior. Yes, there is a difference between normal fidget-y kids and kids who are genuinely sensory seeking and cannot control the behavior. I agree that most K kids are fidgeting and moving, but there is a difference with a child who genuinely is seeking sensory input/cannot control the impulse to push, move, crash, etc. It’s hard to describe — but there is an intensity to it that differs from normal, boredom fidgeting. For him, it really is like his body doesn’t know how to orient itself in space unless he’s touching something, and his sensory system goes haywire when he’s tired. FWIW, it’s super uncommon, and I honestly have never encountered another kid who is truly sensory seeking (despite coaching alllllll the little kid sports with my husband). Lots of fidgety kids who were not developmentally ready to stand still, sure, but we used to say that if you put a glass of water in the middle of an empty airplane hanger, my son would knock the glass over in less than 5 mins of entering the hanger.
At 4, his teacher flagged all the same things — and a weighted vest helped also him, as did swimming (the full body sensory input was super helpful) and gymnastics (where he engaged his full body). Ultimately, OT helped him as well, as he got to a point where he was unable to stop crashing into things when he was dysregulated. He still uses these tools now (music at a certain beat with earphones, weighted vest, etc. when he feels disoriented), but regular participation in organized sports help him more than just about anything. For him, he has excelled at sports where he has to intensely concentrate and physically perform (yeay baseball and golf).
Sensory seeking is often attributed to ADHD, but interestingly, he was not diagnosed with ADHD, despite a full evaluation. It really is like his body just needs input to understand where it is in space, and he gets there by touching things.
SC says
+1. I was going to make a similar comment, only my son has ADHD and sensory sensitivity, not sensory seeking, behavior. As I would describe his behavior, many people would say, “That sounds perfectly normal.” But adults who spent any time around him–teachers, grandparents, other relatives, other parents–found him more impulsive and more challenging than other children. There’s just a frequency and intensity to certain situations that’s more than “normal.”
Anonymous says
If he has ADHD, holding him back may make the situation worse.
Dependent Care FSA/Tax Credit says
We use turbotax and were working on our taxes this weekend. I put away the maximum $5k in my employee’s Dependent Care FSA. We spent nearly 16K in daycare last year for our 3.5yo. I put that in, but it said I didn’t qualify for the dependent care tax credit because of my employee’s plan. From everything I’ve read you can combine them if what you spent is in excess of what your employer plan covered. Any advice on this? Just wanting to see if it’s worth reaching out to another service or paying for the higher level turbotax where you can call their accountants.
I’m almost positive in years past it has let me double up basically.
Anon says
If you max out the FSA you can’t claim the tax credit unless you have two kids which gives you a $6k “qualified expense” limit. If you have one kid, you have a $3k limit and subtracting the $5k FSA amount takes you below zero. The tax credit was recently scaled back which may explain why you could claim it in the past but not now.
Fwiw, you can edit TurboTax forms manually if you need to; I’ve done it when they got really confused about auto reading our W2 and put our $5k DCFSA as HSA contributions (it didn’t affect our tax bill but I didn’t want to report the wrong thing to the IRS).
OP says
Thank you! I googled a few things and it sounded like you could doubledip but that may have been old information. I’m always a little weary of how it autofills things, and this was the one autofill that didn’t make much sense to me.
Anon says
There are a lot of articles online with misinfo but if you read the IRS forms it’s very clear that FSA contributions are subtracted from the $6k or $3k tax credit limit and you can only claim the tax credit if you have >0 left after subtracting FSA contributions. I think it’s Form 2441. I recommend looking at the IRS website for tax questions. They have surprisingly clear info.
Anon says
Nope. The tax system does not reward you much here.
EB says
My 7 year old son is what I would call a competitive perfectionist. I imagine this could be a wonderful trait that can be nurtured in a way that it helps him be successful in life, and I would love to learn more about how to do that. I also imagine this can be a trait that can be very damaging to self esteem if not nurtured and handled with care, and I would love to learn how to avoid doing that. Does anyone have any books to suggest as a starting point? I can share examples and details of behavior if it would be helpful.
Anon says
i dont have any books to share, but i was like that as a child and as an adult and now i’d describe myself as a recovering competitive perfectionist… i think it is really important to learn when utilizing those traits can be good and when they can get in the way. and wish someone had helped me learn that at a younger age
Anony says
I would describe my husband this way. Honestly his childhood was not good and it was definitely not nurtured in a healthy way, but over the course of our 15-year relationship, I’ve seen him go through a real process of discernment about it – as life has gotten busier and commitments have grown, he’s had to prioritize and I think it’s helped him relax on some things along the way. So I might try to focus on resources about setting priorities?
For what it’s worth, I think this is a quality that helps make him a really good husband and dad! He has always applied his competitive perfectionism to that part of life – he will not let anyone outparent him, so he is THERE, always, and it’s great.
Anonymous says
I know this has been discussed here recently… my 3yo is a wild animal in the morning when she gets up. Refuses to get dressed, refuses to eat, refuses to go to the potty, etc. No matter what we do, it’s like she’s spoiling for a fight. Today she peed all over the bathroom floor because she couldn’t hold it any longer after refusing to pee from the time she got up. For a while we had some luck playing her favorite music during breakfast, but that’s not working any longer. I’m kind of at my wit’s end and really lost it with her this morning. I also had to physically force her into her clothes and resort to a granola bar in the car for breakfast, which we never do. The whole thing was so upsetting for both of us, and of course I’m solo parenting for the next week. Is there some trick that has worked for you?
Anonymous says
Put her in her clothes (leggings and shirt the night before) and a granola bar in the car is perfectly fine for a week. Add an Applesauce and yogurt pouch for more calories. Get yourself completely ready first if possible. And good luck!
Anon says
If it gets bad, try something else, even if you don’t want to use the strategy forever.
Examples:
Once you go potty, you can have a marshmallow.
Let’s play a game and see if you can put your shirt on in 10 seconds! Ready, set, go!
Iris says
For us this came out only pre-breakfast. Getting literally any amount of food in them would immediately make some reasonableness return; by contrast, any delays in eating would risk amping the crazy up to a meltdown point-of-no-return. The kid wouldn’t usually admit to being hungry, so it was easy to think it was something else, but this was definitely it.
Anon says
Is she hangry? Some kids need to eat immediately when they wake up. I think there’s been posts here where moms bring a cup of milk into the bedroom when they wake up. My kid likes to have control over her own clothes, so she’s been selecting them on her own since 3ish. She also gets lots of count downs in the am to let her know what is happening next and to get ready to transition to next steps. Is there something that is distracting her. I like to have the morning news on in the mornings but the tv on in the mornings was too much for my kid. She wanted to watch her something and there was fights over that. I just stopped watching the news. And give yourself some credit! You got the kid to school/daycare clothed and fed!
Anon says
Does she wake up naturally on her own? One of my kids is like this if he sleeps late and gets woken up. When he wakes up on his own with pleeeenty of time before we have to go, he’s much better. So, the only real solution for that is an earlier bedtime and a white noise machine so she can sleep as long as she needs to.
If you must wake her up, conversely I would wake her earlier. If you try to let her sleep as long as possible, she won’t have time to work through her displeasure before you start rushing her. (And then earlier bed that night).
AwayEmily says
You have gotten lots of good advice and I say cycle through it all til you find the one that works (kids are SO different). What worked for mine at that age was/is a LOT of routine and “easing in” to the day. For my current 2-year-old, I go into her room when the Hatch turns green and sit with her for awhile as she sort of relaxes in her crib. Then, when she’s ready, I carry her downstairs and plop her on the couch, where I put “first breakfast” (a toaster waffle and some milk) into her hands, and start reading her books. After about 15 minutes of this, she starts to transform into her normal happy self. My big kids (now 7 and 6) had a similar routine at that age.
Obviously, though, this requires having some extra time in the morning, which you may not have. She sleeps 7:00 – 6:30 and we don’t leave the house til 8.
Anonymous says
Consistency in routine and consequences has worked for our three. Quick snuggle in bedroom chair when we wake you up. You pee after you get up – directly from bedroom to bathroom. Don’t have to go? Still have to sit for 3 mins.
Then breakfast – choice of two things. Then get dressed in clothes agreed on the night before. Keep expectations low – at 3 that still looks like lots of help in dressing like I pop on the shirt and they pop in arms. Then out the door. At 3 it’s appropriate to offer choice and consequence – they do it, they do it with hep or I do it. Not doing it is not an option.
It’s not a big deal if occasionally you dressed them, hand over a water bottle and granola bar in the car and take them to daycare. Kids need rules and structure. It’s not healthy for the whole morning to revolve around their moods.
Anon says
Just want to offer sympathy. My 3 year old has been A LOT recently and it’s so hard. I hope you either find something that works or your child grows out of this phase soon!
Anon says
Any favorite books about Passover for the early elementary group? My daughter’s K teacher asked me to read one to the class (which I so appreciate! we are not religious personally, but it frustrates me a little bit that Hanukkah gets such outsized importance in schools over the holidays with religious importance, so I really appreciate her including the more significant Jewish holidays).
The only book we have is Matzah Craze which is a very sweet story but doesn’t go into much depth about the origins of the holiday. But maybe that’s right for this age group.
Anon says
where do you live? i would reach out to a PJ library coordinator in your area for a suggestion or hit up your local bookstore or library. there is a little golden book for Passover that does a decent job telling the story and linking it to how we celebrate today. might also be fun to bring some matzah to the class for the kids to try if permitted. PBS kids has a list of books as does Happily Ever Elephants (I often like her suggestions)
Anonymous says
Only Nine Chairs
The Magician
Anonymous says
Sorry, I was moving too fast, neither of these are really about the story of the exodus or the reasons for the holiday. They are good for that age group though. I’m teaching kindergarten religious school at our synagogue and I’m finding it really hard to find a good, clear, age appropriate book that actually tells the story (and that’s with the synagogue library as well as PJ library as resources!)
Anon says
Welcoming Elijah. A Passover tale with a tail. By Leslea Newman. It’s a beautiful story. But not about the Passover Story.
Agree with the poster who recommended PJ library. It’s a fantastic resource!!
Anonymous says
Maybe one of these? https://www.whatdowedoallday.com/passover-books/
Family Board Games says
Anyone want to recommend some family board games?
My recommendation: Eye Found It – the Disney edition. We bought it has a family Christmas Gift and have had a lot of fun with it! Family is myself, DH, and 8 year old daughter.
SC says
DS is 8, about to turn 9. At this age, we love Space Escape: Molerats in Space and Carcassonne. We also have fun playing Dominos with my parents. And DS plays chess with DH and my dad.
Anon says
My daughter is newly 6 so these may be a bit young for your kid, but we play a lot of the older classics like Sorry, Battleship, Monopoly, checkers, etc. For newer games we like Outfoxed. We need to revisit Sleeping Queens – I bought it a while ago but I think she’s much more ready for it now.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sleeping Queens is a bit hit in our house. Younger kid (5.5) finally gets the adding now too.
Mary Moo Cow says
My 8 year old and I have played Life a few times: it took some time for her to get the hang of it the first time we played, but she wanted to keep going and had fun with it. She’s learning to play chess with DH. I haven’t quite gotten the hang of Taco Goat Cheese Pizza, but we’ve played that a few times; she wants to try Throw Throw Burrito. Uno is probably her favorite game.
GCA says
In the same vein, Spot It!. Kites is a fun, fast card game with timers. We’ve been playing Sleeping Queens for a couple of years; I got a Sleeping Queens set for my kid’s K classroom and it’s nearly always played at choice time now.
Games that many 8-and-ups can handle – Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne, Kingdomino, Dragonwood, Codenames. Mastermind is a classic. Chess (yep, regular good old chess!) is enjoying a revival among the elementary and middle school set right now – our district is hosting three chess tournaments this year.
Anonymous says
What are you doing, if anything, for no gifts birthday parties? We just attended one and didn’t bring anything, but noticed that about 2/3rds of guests brought a small gift and/or a card. I would have totally brought a kid-made card but I didn’t think of it until we arrived.
Anon says
We bring a kid-made card, with a drawing of a character related to the party theme of a character the kid likes.
no gifts please, really says
some people just can’t not bring a gift. but when the invite says “no gifts please” you shouldn’t bring anything. You wouldn’t show up to a black tie wedding in flip flops, why is this instruction any different? If you are one of those people who must bring something, then have your kid color a card on the way there.
Anonymous says
A card is still appropriate for a no-gifts party.
Anon says
A card is fine. In fact the majority of “no gifts” invites we receive specifically note that the kid would appreciate cards.
I also think there’s a difference between “no gifts please” and “gifts not necessary.” I don’t bring a gift to either, but the latter isn’t an instruction and bringing a gift isn’t like disregarding a dress code.
Anonymous says
A kid-made card when we are able to pull it off (so maybe 1/3 of the time with a card; 2/3 of the time with nothing)
FP says
We bring a kid made or written card. If I feel like this wouldn’t be a nuisance, I include a couple of coin vouchers for kid size ice cream cones to the shop near our kids’ school – it’s small, consumable, and a fun treat for the future that takes up zero space. If I know the size of the family I would include one for all siblings too.