Washable Workwear Wednesday: Cordelia Ottoman Dress

Cross-posting this from the main s!te for any input. I’m in my third trimester with our first child and my husband and I had an enormous fight last night. I’m devastated. We very rarely fight or even argue, but the approximately twice per year that this happens tends to be awful.

We were raised in two different cultures; he is Indian and I am from the UK. Our fights almost always center on the clash of cultural expectations between his parents and I. He wants his parents (who live a 24-hour flight away) to stay with us for three weeks when our baby is around 1-2 months old. Because of the culture clashes, I have made it clear that I prefer their visits to be limited to two weeks max and that he take time off from work when they are here so I am not left alone with them. Background in short: they really dislike that I am not of their ethnicity or religion. When I have had “alone time” with them in the past, they redouble their efforts to convert me to their religion despite being told that’s not going to happen, and they also constantly pressure me to alter my appearance so I fit in better with their culture. I suspect this (particularly the religious pressuring) is going to worsen significantly once a child enters the picture. FWIW, my husband does defend me to his parents and reinforces the cultural and religious boundaries, which is why they are worse when he is not present.

Last night when I brought up limiting their visit I tried to point out why a time limitation is especially important since the degree of difficulty will be high enough just trying to adjust to having a newborn. He countered by saying that normally in his culture, his parents would expect to come and stay with us for SIX MONTHS, and he felt that three weeks was already a substantial compromise. I said that six months isn’t a “visit”, that’s “moving in with someone,” and that I wouldn’t want even my own parents, who are problematic for entirely different reasons, staying with us for several weeks. (I also made it abundantly clear before we got married that none of our parents are to move in with us.) I’m very anxious about becoming a parent myself, and his parents stress me out under the best of circumstances. I want to be culturally sensitive, but I don’t want to sacrifice my sanity in the process. I would like to know if I’m being unreasonable, and any advice is also very much appreciated.

anyone still reading today?

I need advice/tips for working at home while the kiddos are there with nanny/au pair. Today was the first go and it went really well, until nap time, when the kids freaked out bc they wanted me to do the naptime routine and not the au pair. Given, there is a lot of transition with this being the au pairs first week (kids previously in daycare).

Is this just a transition period and the kids will get used to it? or do we need a better plan?

Booking flights soon for a trip with my husband and daughter, who will be 26 months at the time of the trip. All flights to the destination are on planes with seats like this:

AB C

Would you book a whole row (AB C) or two in one row and one seat behind/in front, e.g.
AB
B
?

Daughter is a reasonably good traveler; we will not have her car seat.

Nursed for the last time this morning! I fly out for a four-day work trip this afternoon so we decided to take the opportunity to wean the 14-month-old. I’m sad but definitely think it’s time (especially since I’m 6 weeks pregnant). Any thoughts on whether I need to bring the pump? I can probably just hand-express if things get uncomfortable, right? I have not had mastitis or clogged ducts at all, so I’m hoping that means I’m not prone to them. For the last month I’ve been nursing morning and evening — my sense is that she doesn’t have much in the PM but has a fair amount in the AM. Feeling excited/sad/nervous. Any other weaning advice (for me or for the kid) is welcome, too!

Lately, I’ve been very down about how I’m balancing work and the rest of my life. After seven years as a working parent, you’d think I’d have this down. Our daily routine is fine. I wish I had more time with the kids before school and in the evenings, but it’s not an impossible schedule. We have a good daycare for our toddler and before/aftercare for our school-ager. What is getting to me is the mental strain of it all. I feel like I’m falling apart. I’m a project manager at work and recently moved into a project manager + leadership role. My work team is woefully understaffed and has been for more than a year, which is putting more pressure on me. It’s a lot of responsibility and although people say I’m doing well, I always feel close to dropping the ball on something. And then I come home, to two kids who I love and adore, but of course need so much. And there’s always the administrative part of family life and the emotional labor involved in pretty much everything. I get way grumpier than I’d like and I’m not proud of how much I’ve been losing my temper about small stuff.

I’m pretty unhappy. I don’t know if I’m dealing with anxiety/depression, or if I need to figure out a different plan for my life that involves an easier, less demanding job. (I work in higher ed, for an office with Very High Expectations.) My husband is a great partner and has stepped up a lot in the past year to relieve the pressure on me. We’ve limited our kids’ activities and have set clear boundaries for the hours we’re willing to work. I’ve tried upping the self-care. I’m an organized person in general. But it’s not making enough of a difference in how stressed I feel, and then I feel guilty for not enjoying anything very much.

I knew I was in trouble when I went on a solo vacation a few weeks ago and came back in worse shape than when I left. On vacation, I felt free and finally able to just be myself. Not a wife, mom, employee, or anything else. I had no worries about failing my kids or my job. Then I ended up taking a half-day last Friday to sleep and rest at home because I couldn’t keep going.

I am so freaking tired — just mentally drained — and I don’t know how to get out of this slump. What I’ve already done to address the problem is just scratching the surface. My husband is frustrated with my constant low mood and I don’t know how to explain any of this to him. I’ve tried, but I don’t think he realizes how awful I really feel. His solution is usually that I need to exercise more (ok, when?) and plan something fun with my friends. Sure, except that I have to organize it, which is a whole other issue that’s frustrating me. Having one more detail-oriented thing to do is not what I need right now.

What is your favorite pencil skirt? I wear pants exclusively and now I feel like switching to skirts and flats. Thanks!

Any Euro moms out here? I want to assemble a care package for an expat and expecting mom in Europe- what are some things that you crave/wish for from America that you can’t get in europe?

so far I’ve got:
ketchup chips (we’re Canadian)
aden anais baby blankets

We were planning a camping trip, but thunderstorms are predicted for the whole weekend so I am not sure what we’ll do. My husband will be thrilled for an excuse to cancel.