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I’ve written before of my love for Clinique Chubby Sticks. There was just a sale where they went down to $15, so I bought two of my regular color and tried two new colors as well, making a total of six that I’ve tried, I think.
The one I keep buying again and again (see all my beauty empties) is “Graped Up,” which is a super sheer brownish mauve. Truly “my lips but better.” I also keep buying “Fuller Fig,” which I like just a bit less than “Graped Up,” and I bought a more intense bright red, “Broadest Berry” when I was hunting for an everyday red lipstick. (It’s very buildable and wears really well, but the idea of an “everyday red” just didn’t take.) Just a week or two ago I also got “Voluptuous Violet” and “Lot of Honey.”
Honestly? No complaints about any of them; would buy again, 5 stars. The colors are pretty and sheer; they go on easily with the crayon applicator; the product is moisturizing without being sticky; and the color is buildable if you sometimes want a hint of color and sometimes want more of “a lewk,” as the kids say.
The crayons are $18 full price, which in the era of $90 lipsticks isn’t bad at all — compared to a $8 drugstore brand, yes, they’re pricier, but the nice thing about department store makeup is that it’s so easy to return. I keep reading about how drugstore makeup is returnable also but have never tried to return anything — I’d love to hear about your experiences if you have! (Here’s our last discussion on the retailers with the best return policies.)
How about you, readers — what is your favorite lipstick/balm/tint right now?
Anon says
Looking to purchase a bubble machine bc I’m tired of blowing bubbles. Does anyone have a rec?
Anonymous says
I have purchased from Target (I think I’ve gotten Gazilion Bubbles brand), expect them to last a year, and am pleasantly surprised if they outperform. One lasted 3 summers (but the on/off switch died early, so we removed the batteries every time we put it away). Get a gallon jug of bubbles to go with, as those things suck through it quickly.
Anon says
We have the Target one, a very modern looking one from the grandparents (it’s from Amazon), a bubble mower, and a bubble train. The train (from Amazon) is super loud but unique. The other ones all are fine! Buy a lot of bubble mix.
Sleep Training OP says
Thanks for the support last week regarding sleep training my 12 week old. I finally had enough on Friday night after he continued to fight us at bedtime and decided to try Ferber. He cried on and off for 20 minutes that night and has not cried for a bedtime or naptime since! Not only is he able to put himself to sleep now, his naps have lengthened from around 30 minutes to 1.5 hours! He also stopped waking throughout the night and sleeps from about 7PM-5:30 AM before needing a feed.
I know sleep will be an ongoing learning in our household, but I am so relieved that it worked and worked quickly for us. It was a good and restful weekend :)
AwayEmily says
YAY!!! I am so happy to hear this. Thanks for checking back in.
anon says
I am totally mystified by the families for which sleep training worked. I am happy for you, OP! It just caused so much stress and grief during the infant days, for us. The sleep evangelists really got into my foggy head.
AnonATL says
I fully expected it not to work since he had resisted so hard up to that point.
I think we got lucky that it coincided with him learning to suck his thumb and a frustrating week where I figured if he’s going to cry in my arms, he might as well cry in the crib.
AnonATL says
Oops, it was me from the original sleep training post. Wasn’t trying to be extra anon intentionally.
Also sleep training says
I also posted about sleep training last week or maybe the week before. We finally bit the bullet and started on Friday night. He was always good putting himself to bed and naps but still woke up at night, and sometimes going back down relatively easy and sometimes needing to feed first (for less than 10 minutes). We did Ferber too. He cried on and off the first two nights but slept from 7:30-7am last night! Thanks to everyone here for their advise. I never had to sleep train my first child so this was new to me.
Anonymous says
Does anyone have a kids’ music player that you like? I’m looking for screen-free, but not cds. My kids are two and four, so they don’t have their own devices to play things on streaming – I have such good memories as a kid of a my record player and tape player and being able to independently play music. Also, I would like them to stop taking my phone to play their Spotify playlist. :) Thanks!
CCLA says
My 4yo uses an echo dot in her room. It’s not perfect but works pretty well.
octagon says
We have a Bose bluetooth speaker and stream from our phones/computers to kiddo’s room.
Anonanonanon says
I do this but I use a kindle fire that is technically my kid’s (only really gets it for long road trips, though.) I stream music or audiobooks from it to a Bluetooth speaker in her room. That way, I can still answer calls without disrupting the stream.
Anon says
This. Ours is a different brand of speaker (SONOS) but there’s on in the living room and we just stream from our phones.
Anonymous says
Your kids have a Spotify list? I’m such a Luddite.
OP says
It’s just easier than finding their favorite songs over and over :) Plus they love scrolling through it to pick out songs, rather than having us do it.
Anonymous says
Why not an iPod touch with all the non-music apps hidden?
Anonymous says
I totally get why it makes sense but I don’t even have Spotify for me so it never occurred to me to get it for my kids.
Anonymous says
I feel like I’m so old. I’m 35 but the only technology I use is email, text (occasionally) and my iPhone mostly for GPS. I barely even know what Spotify is.
Anon says
My kids use a CD player. We bought it at the thrift store pre-COVID.
Lisa says
The Ocarina! My 3 year old LOVES it. It has a tiny black and white screen with just the name of the song if that’s ok?
Anonymous says
This is going to sound crazy, but .. I bought a cassette player. Kids love it, can operate it independently, and I can get cassettes cheaply on eBay. I have also found a bunch of books on tape that my kids LOVE. The kind where there is a little chime to turn the page. May not work if your kids insist on specific songs, though.
Winter Boots for 5 year old says
Anyone have a recommendaiton for a Bogs knock off or something that would be similarly easy for my five year old to get on and off this winter? I can’t bring myself to spend $90 on boots, and I live in a small town without a thriving used market. Thanks!
AwayEmily says
We have the “Kids Insulated Waterproof Rain Boots” from Lands End — on sale now for $40. Very similar style and my 4yo can get them on and off herself.
Anonymous says
FYI, Tractor Supply Co has Bogs for under $60.
My son has crazy high arches/insteps, so any boots are a challenge to get on and off, but when he was younger Kamik Snow Bugs were our favorite.
Io says
Target has them, but usually only in the spring. Search for “neoprene rainboot”.
Anonymous says
How cold is your area in winter? We’re in DC and I’m going to try to get away with regular rain boots with really warm socks (calf-length smartwool) this year.
Anon says
Bogs go on sale periodically – check Zappos. I think I got some for $40 there last November. That’s my plan for this year again since I didn’t think ahead…
Anonymous says
On nordstrom too. I usually buy during their sales.
Anon says
I bought last year’s design from a regional hardware store (M-something but not Menards). I found it by Googling.
Movies says
Someone (here or the main) asked last week about the renting out the theater thing that some movie theaters are doing – well, on a lark, my parents decided to do that for the family over the weekend, so I thought I’d report back. The deal was $100 for up to 20 people, for an older movie (we saw Monsters Inc., and it looked like the theater had several other classic Halloween-themed movies featured as well). Our group had the whole theater (a smaller one) to ourselves, and were never in contact with anyone else, other than to walk past (at a wide berth) the ticket-taker (I guess my dad showed him the tickets, because he just waived everyone in as my dad said they were with us). Since we were really isolated, there was no concern with removing masks within the theater.
It was really nice. The kids had a blast – we were able to get the movie-going experience, but they could also run around and interact a bit. The price for a group is really cheap if you break it down (say, split between a few families in a pod). Concessions were extra, of course, but they were running some discounts. Everyone had a really good time. Highly recommend.
Anon says
Fun! I want to do this but we aren’t bubbling with anyone so it would just be our small family and the price feels kinda ridiculous for that.
Anon says
Timely, my family is requesting we do this as well. (We have not been “podding” with them so this is their idea for a socially distant get together.) I don’t have any idea how to assess the risk around this option – how did you get comfortable that is was safe to be inside? Or was it only the people in your pod already?
CCLA says
This is not a socially distant activity. Sounds great for anyone in a pod already (though maybe some risk depending on hvac systems at the theater). But with what we now know about the airborne nature, being in an enclosed indoor space with people for that long of a period is a significant spread risk so please reconsider if you are not already podding with those you’d attend with.
Anon says
i agree with this. i would say, maybe, if you literally all stay on different sides of the theater and wear masks the entire time (so no eating). in which case, what is the point of this activity since watching a movie does not really allow for socializing/talking anyway. you’d be better off with an outdoor masked socially distant activity
Anon says
This.
Movie says
The theater itself (the part where you go in and watch the movie, not the whole building) was only open for our group, which are all people we are comfortable with. There were other people in the main area of the building and other screening areas, of course, but they were all really far away and in different rooms. If you’re trying to remain socially distant from the group you are seeing the movie with, that would be a different calculation – I do imagine it would still be pretty low risk; you could still easily stay over 6 feet apart and you’re talking about big rooms with very high ceilings, but we approached this as a pod.
Anonanonanon says
Would have thought it extravagant pre-COVID but, honestly, may be worth $100 for our family of 4 if I get desperate enough (we don’t have a bubble/POD). Did they provide info on how long the theatre is left empty in between groups?
Cb says
Any recs for talking to your kid about physical boundaries and consent? A man with severe developmental disabilities gave my son (3) a coin and then gave him a hug, an experience made doubly stressful due to the pandemic this morning. T and I and I talked about how the man didn’t know any better but no one should touch you if you don’t want them to, but I didn’t know how to balance talking about it with potentially scaring him. Is there a script? Some roleplay? Weirdly, this isn’t the first time this happened, but he was much younger so didn’t really get it.
Anonymous says
I think the issue here is supervision? Why is this man close enough to your 3 year old he can hug him without you stepping in?
Cb says
I know it wasn’t great, and I feel really guilty about it but my son was right next to me on a bench (we were sitting at a table). It just happened really quickly, he came up to say hello and I thought he was just waving from a distance, and then he set down the coin (it’s super common where we live for older people to hand a coin to a child) and sat down next to us. I guess I should have picked my son up but it was really quick. His support worker called to him but he didn’t speak very well.
Anonymous says
I don’t mean to be harsh or anything, truly, but you are the one who needs to learn more about boundaries and not being afraid of being rude. And then for sure watch some Daniel Tiger on this but you are best placed to teach him that even if people are nice that doesn’t mean you need to welcome them into your space.
Anonymous says
First–I know you don’t live in the U.S., but one of the big safety things we teach kids here is not to accept “gifts” from strangers. Predators will use gifts to lure kids in. You need to teach him to say a firm “no, thank you” and then walk away if anyone tries to give him a coin, candy, or anything else without permission from a parent.
Second–A script or role-play to teach your son to resist unwanted contact from strangers would not have solved this. He is too young to be expected to successfully stand up for himself. Especially during a pandemic, your job was to warn the man to stay away as soon as he began to approach, then to scoop up your son and walk away.
Anon says
+1 I’m also really confused about how he was able to hug your son. Even in non-pandemic times this strikes me as unusual, but it’s especially jarring now when we’re all maintaining a wide berth from people who aren’t in our bubbles.
Cb says
I dunno, I wonder if this is an urban, public transport thing? Like loads of people have patted my kid’s head, stroked his cheek, shaken his hand etc when he was in the stroller or sling? And I think my kid might be famous in China, based on the number of tourists who have surreptitiously taken his photo? It’s not something I love, but also not something I’d (in normal times) make a big deal of.
Anon says
If you don’t love people touching your son, put a stop to it! I’ve had my kids on subways plenty of times and no one has ever touched them intentionally and if they did, I would not be silent. I don’t think this is an urban thing, I think this is a you not drawing boundaries thing.
GCA says
I think this may be a thing that’s much rarer in the US where people REALLY love their boundaries and personal space, but more common in other countries. Signed, live in the US, work with London and Paris, grew up in a tourist destination city in Asia. ;)
Anonymous says
My kids have found it easier to offer an alternative instead of a hard no if they are only mild uncomfortably. I’ve emphasized they can say no to physical contact whenever they want but in order to fill the space where they don’t want to ‘be mean and say no’ but they also don’t want to hug, I’ve taught them to offer a high five. This is now an elbow bump post-covid.
A high five is good because you can put your arm/hand forward to interrupt the person coming in for the hug say ‘no hug please, let’s high five’. With a younger child, I would probably model the behavior as well.
Anonymous says
Eeek. You have to decide what is more important here–not offending random strangers on public transit, or teaching your son healthy boundaries. If anyone touched my kid like that, I would at the very least yell to attract attention (“NO!” or “DON”T TOUCH MY BABY!”), shield my child with my body, and get off at the next stop. Depending on the context and the aggressor, I would probably also make it clear that I will not hesitate to defend my child with physical force if necessary.
Anonymous says
When you allow people to touch your son even though you don’t love it but don’t want to make a fuss, you teach him that it’s more important to be nice than to protect his bodily autonomy. If that isn’t the lesson you want him to learn you need to change your actions.
Spirograph says
Agree with GCA. I did not have kids when I lived in Europe, but the concept of personal space was very different than in the US.
Cb, I get why this made you uncomfortable, but I think with a lot of things you should address just that specific incident and not generalize too much. For example, ask your son how he felt when the man hugged him. If he was scared or uncomfortable, you can talk about how no one should make him feel that way by touching him, and he can always say, “No, stop!” when someone is touching him in a way that he doesn’t like, and that he can always talk to you or another trusted adult.
If he wasn’t bothered by it, you can tell him that it made *you* uncomfortable because of the pandemic, or because the man should have asked first, etc etc. But follow your child’s lead and don’t lay the entire #metoo movement on him at once. (I’m sure you weren’t planning to! but I know I have to stop myself from over-explaining when one of my kids asks about a complex or fraught topic. Kids don’t need all the adult nuance and history, they just need the tiny piece their brain is ready to understand and act on.)
GCA says
This would be much more common where I grew up (people with disabilities out and about doing things like hawking on the street, working as cashiers etc – we can debate till the cows come home whether they ought to be integrated into society or hidden away so people can’t see them). I don’t think there is any point mom-shaming OP here. It is odd in Covid times that anyone would be close enough to touch a strange child, but clearly the person with disabilities wouldn’t know any better. The conversation would be with your child (you and your child are both allowed to say ‘Walk away!’ if someone does something that makes you uncomfortable) and with the individual’s support worker.
Anonymous says
I don’t think a single person here has suggested people with disabilities shouldn’t be out and about in the community or mom shamed CB who is a frequent and well liked poster. She’s asking how to teach a particular lesson to her son and people are, gently and with love and kindness, pointing out that she is teaching her son the opposite lesson through her actions. I don’t think she should be shamed by any of this advice at all- we all get it wrong! People here seem to just be trying to help.
anon says
“we can debate till the cows come home whether they ought to be integrated into society or hidden away so people can’t see them)”
Wow. Just wow. As a disabled mom I frequently feel alienated and unwelcome on this board. But wow. Never quite as gut-punchingly as you just managed.
The rights of disabled people to exist in the world — and in public! gasp! — are not up for debate in any sane community, and certainly not one that I want to be any part of.
I’m going to go feel nauseous over this comment now. And possibly never come back here. Just. Wow.
Anonymous says
I don’t think GCA is actually suggesting that we should have this debate, but rather trying to pre-empt it.
Anonymous says
+1 it was very clearly snarky towards people who believe people with disabilities need to be hidden away.
Anonymous says
Which, again, literally no one here has proposed.
AnotherAnon says
Y’all are being super rude and judgey toward Cb and it needs to stop immediately. You cannot physically intervene when someone who is mentally disabled wants something, unless you are trained to do so (even then, I probably wouldn’t unless I knew the person). Cb, I’ve had something similar happen to my son and I simply called to the caretaker for help – nothing bad was happening, just an autistic adult getting way too close to my son out of solidarity (Paw Patrol, of all things). I’m sorry this happened to you. I think you can ask another adult to model with your son “I would like a hug but you do not have to hug me if you don’t want to.” but this is a different situation entirely.
Anon says
This (“you can’t intervene when someone who is mentally disabled wants something) is nonsense. You can pick up your child and walk away. Your ability to protect you child is not dependent on your ability or lack thereof to communicate with the stranger.
Anonymous says
Yup. And this is the whole issue. We need to not teach children that being nice is more important than protecting themselves.
Anonymous says
I think you have not spent much time around developmentally disabled adults. Some are very strong (even relative to their size) but have limited ability to control their behavior and body in socially acceptable ways, and they may not react predictably. This is what I believe GCA means about not physically intervening. Unless you’re trained in restraining a struggling adult, you shouldn’t try it.
If you have a clear path to get away, sure you can pick your child up and walk away when someone approaches you, but CB clearly said this happened quickly and she was at a bench sitting at a table. I know I can’t get up from a picnic table and whisk my kid away in a seamless motion — those things are awkward! +1 to anon at 10:31 that the judginess is unwarranted and not helpful.
Anonymous says
Literally zero people suggested touching the adult in anyway.
Anonymous says
I’m baffled by this. You absolutely can intervene. You get up, pick up your child, and move away. You do not have to allow anyone to touch your child. Ever.
No one is being super rude to Cb! I think it’s very clear she is well liked around here and people are genuinely trying to provide helpful advice.
Cb says
I really appreciate everyone’s thoughts, just feeling a bit fragile about the whole thing and should have waited to post until I had a bit of distance from it. It was just a situation where we were physically stuck (on a corner bench so not easy to get myself and my son out) and taken off guard by the situation, and the failure of the support worker to intervene. I did worry that speaking loudly or grabbing my son away would make what seemed to be a difficult but ultimately innocent interaction even more difficult, and I didn’t want to upset the man or my son, who was super chill about the whole thing, said an unprompted cheery goodbye when they ultimately left etc.. But I need to work on my assertiveness, both for myself and my kid.
Anonymous says
“Please don’t come so close to us.” Is a perfectly ok thing to say. Loudly.
Anon says
This response makes sense in a pandemic but in normal times it would be super strange and rude to say that.
Anon says
It’s really not that rude to ask people to give you space even in normal times.
Anon says
In normal times, people used to come to our restaurant table to say how cute the kids were or to complement their behavior. That was normal social interaction. I think it would be super strange outside of a pandemic to yell at someone for just approaching your table. Sure, if someone was creeping you out and you thought they had bad intentions, no need to be nice. But a random chat with a stranger about your kids is so common place, at least where I live, that I’m baffled by some of these responses.
Particularly the one about yelling if someone touched your kid. I generally ask people not to touch my kids too but haven’t y’all had the old lady in line at the grocery store that just wants to touch their toes (when in the carrier)? I’d think it would be super overreacting to yell at the old lady in the store (in non-pandemic) times. She’s not a child molester. She’s an old lady who likes babies. Saying something like “since there are so many colds going around, I’d rather you don’t touch her” is a much more humane approach than screaming stranger danger.
Anon says
You can make a request without yelling. I wouldn’t say “Please don’t come so close to us” to someone who came up to my table at a restaurant, but I would say it to someone who sat down on our restaurant booth and tried to hug my kid – you really don’t see a difference between those two scenarios?
Anonymous says
In this situation you can lean across your kid and offer a high five to get in the way of the big and then your kid can offer a high five as well.
Your kid was not hurt by this interaction in anyway. You’re a good mom.
Anonymous says
I think people who say you should have scooped him up are unrealistic. – sounds like you were at a picnic table (with benches attached). It’s not like it takes 2 seconds to extricate yourself AND a (let’s say) 35 lb toddler from one of those.
i think that overall you can start the conversation about him getting older and doing things independently and in that context what kind of interactions are safe or not (including for pandemic times). I agree that freaking out wouldn’t have been that helpful. My similar age guy is starting to ask about doing stuff by himself and why he can / can’t do that yet. I am (trying….) to start these conversations a bit. (Last week he suggested that he would be fine to walk home from school by himself (in the snow). I could just drive and meet him there… no big deal… )
Anonymous says
Here is the script: “That man shouldn’t have hugged you because no one should ever hug someone they don’t know, or hug anyone without permission. Mummy is sorry she didn’t pick you up in time to stop him.”
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t go with this. She said kid was happy and waved goodbye unprompted. It was the Mom that was uncomfortable.
Anonymous says
Mom was uncomfortable because the stranger shouldn’t have hugged her kid. She needs to protect him against being touched by strangers, and teach him that this is not OK.
Anonymous says
Do you also tell the people standing on the street with ‘free hugs’ signs to go home? The situation wasn’t ideal, the kid is fine. It’s NBD.
Anonymous says
If they try to come up and hug me unbidden, I do.
Io says
As someone who lives in NYC and actually has a disabled adult family member with weak boundary issues, I can totally understand how this happened and am not surprised at all. (If one more “grandmotherly” woman tried to adjust my kid’s shoes/hat/blanket in the stroller….)
Anyway I think there’s a couple things to discuss with your kid. First is, I was surprised by that, how did you feel? and actively listen. He may not care at all. If he didn’t like it, I would reiterate that you were surprised, but he was safe and if he ever doesn’t feel safe he can say so! “I don’t feel safe/Mama I don’t like this” are good things to roleplay with toys.
The other thing is to talk about (and this may be for him as he gets older) is how different people have different responsibilities to each other. Your three year old should be extra nice to babies at the playground, the big kids should be nice to the little kids and the babies, etc. etc. Grown-ups should not scare kids or make them uncomfortable. Then move on to how some grown-ups are less responsible than others. (In this case, someone with a carer is someone who needs lots of help to do the things grown-ups need to do.)
But also, sometimes the world doesn’t work the way we want it to. Sometimes we’re uncomfortable, but we need to stay safe. And just reiterate that you will keep him safe as best you can.
Anonymous says
Nope. Nope. He’s three. The whole point is he might be totally fine with strangers touching him because he is a child and needs to be taught this isn’t ok for his own safety.
Anonymous says
This. Just because an encounter doesn’t make a 3 year old uncomfortable or scared doesn’t mean the encounter is appropriate.
Anonymous says
+1. Of course people with disabilities have the right to exist in public, but that right does not trump anyone else’s right to bodily integrity.
Anonymous says
The caregiver is really to blame here.
Anonanonanon says
Hi, Cb! No recs, but I just wanted to share that I, too, freeze up in situations like this sometimes. It’s easy to look back and think of what we should have done, but it can be difficult in the moment, especially if there was someone nearby that you thought was going to intervene on your behalf.
Anonanonanon says
I also want to share that I have struggled in the past with rebuffing hugs from individuals with developmental disabilities, and a staff member at one of the homes I was visiting for work really put it into perspective for me. She reminded me that they spend a lot of effort working with residents to teach them things like that, and that the next person they hug might not be so unforgiving/understanding, so it is in the individual’s best interest that I (kindly) reinforce that it’s not OK.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, this. I would have frozen up too and not been sure what to do in this situation. I think you handled it fine, CB, and the fact that you’re worried about shows that you care a lot about your son and are trying to protect him.
Also “but haven’t y’all had the old lady in line at the grocery store that just wants to touch their toes (when in the carrier)?” – this has never happened to me so I agree with those saying there are a lot of cultural variations here. As a generalization, people where I live tend to be pretty hands off when it comes to strangers, even older grandmotherly types and babies. So my reaction to someone coming up to my kid up close and personal would be surprise and distrust, whereas if you live somewhere where it’s more common, you may have a different reaction.
Anon says
I haven’t always felt like I’ve known what to do when this has happened to me (including in situations where the person was also making inappropriate comments). I vividly remember having my space invaded by someone who was being inappropriate and who was easily twice my size, while the caretaker rapidly explained that it’s somehow okay, instead of intervening. After thinking it through, I decided that there’s no such thing as special exceptions for people who are disabled: my boundaries are my boundaries, and I don’t really care what the reason for transgressing them is, whether it’s innocent, whether it’s intentional, or whether the person is just sleepwalking on Ambien.
AwayEmily says
WINTER IS COMING! Thoughts on mittens for toddlers/preschoolers? We are in a very snowy/cold area where kids go outside to play (in full snow gear) every day. In the past I’ve gotten Snowstoppers since they seem to stay on well, but they only last for two seasons before they get shredded. I wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything else great out there. Other winter gear recommendations are welcome…usually we get two of everything (a cheap version for school, where they’re only out for an hour at a time, and a nicer version for home, where we often spend much longer outside). I’m willing to pay a bit more since everything gets used for two seasons (I buy a size up) and then handed down (kids are 2 years apart).
Anonymous says
LL Bean always
anne-on says
Patagonia has mittens that open up almost to the knuckle and then close with velcro that I LOVED for small hands – so much easier to get on. Gap isn’t terrible (I usually buy 2-3 pairs on sale for school/daycare) but LLBean is also very solid.
Redux says
I love Snowstoppers and ours have lasted through 4 seasons (2 seasons each child, then handed down for another 2 seasons). Worn every days in a very snowy climate, but maybe my kids just don’t play as hard as yours do!
Anon says
Favorite first movies for 3 and 4 year olds? My kids are finally able to sit through a whole movie and we’re trying to start doing family pizza and movie nights to add something new and fun into the monotony of pandemic life.
This weekend we watched 101 Dalmatians which my kids liked, but one was in tears are various points and requested something less scary next time. Any reqs for kids movies without villains (or less scary ones, at least)? We have Netflix and Disney+ for streaming options.
anne-on says
We did a lot of the ‘movies’ of favorite shows at that age – Curious George movie, Elmo has a few movies, etc. Winnie the Pooh and Mary Poppins (though you may want to fast forward the pigeon scene, that terrified my kiddo?) were favorites too.
Anon says
Following. I showed my 2 year old Finding Nemo this weekend and whoops that was a major mistake.
anne-on says
If it makes you feel any better, I remember showing my then 2-yr old one of the old Disney live action animal movies, Born Free I think? The one with a cute lion cub living with people. What I did NOT remember was that the reason the cub was with people was because they were game wardens and the cub’s mother was shot. Which was shown. In (fairly) graphic detail. I have never leaped for a remote so fast….
AwayEmily says
We have this struggle also. My 4yo in particular gets pretty scared about stuff. She tends towards anxiety in general and we have treated this as a learning experience in terms of overcoming her fears. So, for example, she was really scared to watch Frozen, so we first read the Frozen book, then listened to the audiobook, and then finally watched it sitting next to each other. She was so proud of herself for watching the whole thing!
TBH we haven’t moved much beyond Frozen other than the TV movies that anne-on suggests. So many of the old movies are less scary but have gender stuff and/or violence I’m not super comfortable with (we tried the old cartoon Robin Hood and…blech).
Anonymous says
Many kids’ movies are really violent and scary. How about old movie musicals? Singin’ in the Rain, Bye Bye Birdie, etc.
Anonymous says
+1 to old musicals. The first half of Sound of Music was a favorite in our house when my kids were that age.
Disney & Pixar movies and other classics like Land Before Time are full of scary villains, parents dying, etc. We watch them, but have to have a parent in the room at all times for reassurance, or to turn the movie off if it gets too scary. Even then, my 6 year old was REALLY upset by Lion King when Mufasa died and clung to my husband for a week afterward.
octagon says
We started with Moana because it’s a rare movie that doesn’t feature a parent dying. Monsters Inc is also good if your kids generally can comprehend that the monsters are not real. We tried Nemo around age 4 but there were a number of perilous scenes that were too much for my sensitive kiddo.
Anonymous says
Finding Nemo scared by nephew off ALL movies for several years.
we have upped our movie watching in pandemic (including Finding Nemo, which definitely raised some questions, but we got passed it).
– Paddington was a delight.
– Wall-E was a little sophisticated but safe (he missed the whole earth is destroyed thing).
– Cars (etc) was a huge hit.
– ET was HILARIOUS because of all the questions asked (so maybe not the best choice)
– Mary Poppins
– Madagascar (and follow ups) – though parents found them tedious
anne-on says
Madagascar and the sequels were all adorable and very silly! Spies in disguise was surprisingly gentle and I loved the message.
Paddington 2 was fine for us, but the first one terrified my son (Nicole Kidman was VERY threatening in some of the scenes and the idea of a bear being killed/stuffed was too much for him).
Anonymous says
My 3 and 5 year old, who are relatively easily scared by “scary” movies (we had to skip parts of Moana and Frozen for about a year) really enjoy Cars! As a bonus, it has adult songs that are more fun to get stuck in to it head than “Let It Go”
SC says
My 5 year old hates scary movies and requests movies with “no bad guys.” Silly bad guys are OK though. It’s surprising how much it limits the options, lol.
Here’s our list of acceptable movies on Disney Plus–Winnie the Pooh and all the spin-offs, all 3 Cars movies, the Toy Story movies (except for Toy Story 3 (?) with the creepy bear and the trash conveyor belt), Moana if we fast forward through the scary volcano monster part, Frozen 2, Finding Dory, Pinocchio, Robin Hood, Big Hero 6, The Emperor’s New Groove, The Sword in the Stone, Ratatouille, Up, Wall-E, and Inside Out. We’ve seen some others, but he’s complained afterwards that they were too scary.
If you’re interested in bundling Hulu with Disney Plus, all of the Curious George movies and shows are on Hulu right now.
Just adding, sometimes it’s really impossible to predict what will scare them. Kiddo did fine with Beauty and the Beast a couple of months ago–the wolves were fine, Gaston was fine, the villagers with pitchforks were fine. Then he was terrified when the Beast magically turned back into a prince. Also, Jafar-as-the-giant-snake in Aladdin wasn’t scary, but we can’t watch Frozen because the Snow Monster is terrifying.
Anonymous says
Curious George movies were good for my oldest who was scared of Finding Dory.
Redux says
Haha, I’m with your kid, re: Beauty and the Beast. I distinctly remember thinking that the prince was more handsome as a beast. So weird!
Anonymous says
My kids liked Frozen 2. I find it helps to read the related book before hand. We read the 101 Dalmations book with the original movie illustrations and knowing what happens really helped.
Animation is generally less scary than live action so I’d stick with that. Jake and the Neverland Pirates is on Disney Plus. My kids loved that one at age 3-4. You can just watch 3 episodes back to back as a movie.
Lion King was also okay – the first animated one from the 1990s. They’ve seen the Lion Guard show so I could give lots of reminders that we know that Simba is okay in the end because Simba is in Lion Guard.
Anon says
disney movies are all so scary. i remember as a kid being petrified of Aladdin and I was 9 or 10. i also could not handle (and still even as an adult) have trouble with movies that involve kids separating from their parents, which is like every animated Disney movie – Lion King, Cinderella, etc. My dad even has a memory of taking me to see Home Alone as a kid and I was the only kiddo crying in the theater asking to leave. I sobbed through The Little Princess and couldn’t handle Annie. I agree with the rec for movie versions of TV shows or movie versions of books. I liked Mary Poppins a lot as a kid, though I doubt I got the whole thing, bc it wasn’t quite as scary as the others. Is Toy Story quite as scary as the others?
Anonymous says
I don’t think Toy Story is scary but I remember being super sad when I saw it as a 10 (or so?) year old because of the plotline about the toys being sad the boy doesn’t want to play with them anymore. I was (and still am) a sensitive and anxious person, though.
Anonymous says
My kids loved Curious George movies at that age. Boofest is perfect right now :)
Katala says
I really wish my kids would let us watch the older disney movies. They were OK with snow white once or twice but nixed alice in wonderland :(
My 3yo loves scary stuff, he was really into Princess and the Frog for a bit and wanted to rewind the scary parts. So maybe not that one? Now he just wants Frozen, Frozen 2, the Frozen christmas short, Frozen 2….
The first movie both my kids sat through was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (original, not the Johnny Depp one). I was surprised they weren’t scared, but I think it worked because there were no villains in the normal sense and even though scary stuff happens to the kids, it’s more silly and fantastical. They might not have grasped intellectually what was happening (e.g., girl turns into a big blue ball and is rolled away (silly) but they don’t really think through to the exploding that would follow).
SC says
My son loved Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! He made us fast forward through the “boring” song (Cheer Up, Charlie) though.
Katala says
Haha, yes – they don’t really like the beginning before getting to the actual factory anymore (and I don’t really blame them on the 10th watch).
AnotherAnon says
Wall-E. A friend pointed out there’s no dialog for about a third of the movie, which is likely why it holds toddlers’ attention.
DLC says
My kid also couldn’t handle scary or really sad movies- Lilo and Stich really stressed her out when she was 3/4.
Honestly, at that age, we watched Frozen every Saturday night for about six months. It was the only thing she would watch, it was familiar and she loved the music. So maybe if you find something the kids like, maybe embrace just watching it repeatedly?
We also had periodic success with nature documentaries mostly the BBC World movies. The ocean stuff usually had less hunter/prey segments. Plus they are short.
OP says
Thank you all!
Anonymous says
If you’re looking for seasonal stuff – the old school original animated Grinch and the Frosty the Snowman movies are great.
Anonymous says
Not quite movie length, but Room on the Broom is great for that age. Other cute short movies for that age group are Stick Man (not Stickman, which is a horror film), the Gruffalo, and We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.
Anonymous says
Ooh where is the Bear Hunt movie? They do that story/song (?) at school and my 2 year old is obsessed.
Anonymous says
Amazon Prime has “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” as an animated short.
Anonymous says
Oooh . . . I just looked up the movie on Amazon to see if I had the streaming service right, and it appears that Corduroy, Snowy Day, and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie have all been adapted into animated versions, which I would expect to be safe and enjoyable for the 3 to 4 age group.
Anonymous says
Snowy Day and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie are delightful. I haven’t seen Corduroy but love the book.
anon. says
I also have a four year old who is VERY scared of every movie and even episodes of TV shows he deems scary (I’m talking like some episode of Sid the Science Kid he thought was scary…). Winnie the Pooh, Tigger Movie, and all the knock offs worked really well for us.
Anonymous says
Sing and the original Trolls were our two originals. I figured kiddo would be freaked out by the idea of the burgons (sp?) eating the trolls, but she was either too young to get it or it just didn’t bother her. I think they’re all so exaggerated that it is more clearly pretend. Sing is a huge family favorite. There is a water scene (a giant aquarium type device breaks and goes gushing all over), but no one gets hurt. I second Moana. Curious George Very Merry Christmas is one of my favorite animated movies period. We usually tend to make a long season of it and are ready to get it back out for this year!
Lots of other favorites, but they don’t really fit your criteria.
Anonymous says
Surf’s Up is great. The antagonist is just a big silly egotistical surfing penguin. The main conflict in the story is internal and therefore not scary, and the whole thing is funny enough to be entertaining for adults. Jeff Bridges plays an old washed-up surfing penguin with a remarkable resemblance to The Dude. It’s tied with The Incredibles as my favorite animated movie.
fallen says
I posted this in the main forum as well, but thought I would post-here as well since I would be curious to see a mom perspective on this (since honestly I would probably not be getting this if I didn’t have kids bc working out wouldn’t be as challenging generally) – any thoughts on the Peloton? I am considering buying it bc of COVID (not willing to risk going to the gym, live in the NE so it’s too cold in the winter to run), and would be curious if anyone has it and would recommend.
Anon says
Seems like peloton has a fanatical following. I wouldn’t buy one because of the price tag and because cycling is a limited way to workout for such a cost. Plus it takes up space. Home workout DVDs keep me in shape. But do whatever keeps you active and happy. Everyone is different.
Anon says
I’ve had it for a few years and don’t use it as much as I had hoped. I like group classes and since I solo parent pretty often, thought this could be my way to get that in. It turns out motivation is such a huge problem for me – I’m way too tired to get up early to use it, and by the time I get through a full day of work and then the evening slog, I struggle to motivate myself to go get on the bike.
Now that I wfh every day I’m better at getting on the bike at lunch so I’m using it more now. But I really am not good – I don’t get near the numbers that other people get and don’t even see how they’re possible. I’ve calibrated my bike and apparently I’m just that bad. So the competitive nature isn’t there for me, as I’m toward the bottom of the list even at my max heart rate even after months of riding regularly. I must be doing something wrong, but without an instructor to ask I’m not sure how to get better.
Also, I get why, but I hate that you can’t pause a class even if it’s not live. When the kids are home and need something, I miss a big chunk of my workout if I get off the bike.
Anonymous says
I also don’t understand how some of the numbers are possible, unless a big chunk of the ridership is training for the Tour de France or something. But you can pause, sort of. If you exit a pre-recorded class, you can rejoin it at the point where you left off.
fallen says
how do you guys workout in the winter? i guess running is an alternative but i find it so hard to run outside in 20-30 degree weather, but maybe i can dress better. I know there are other workout videos out there, but I am having a hard time finding any that burn as many calories as spinning or running (love BBG for strength, but it just doesn’t do much for cardio – tried les mills app, various dance cards but just doesn’t feel like a great workout in comparison to running). I want something super efficient that burns 400-600 calories an hour, since I am getting so little movement because of WFH. I guess another option would be a treadmill but it’s so bulky/takes up so much space.
Anonymous says
Does a treadmill take up much more space than a Peloton bike? If you like to run, I’d try to find a way to stick with that rather than buying a bike that you won’t enjoy.
Anonymous says
Peleton has a “peleton tread” thing. I don’t have it, but they do have run workouts as well. Even if you don’t get their treadmill, you could still do the group classes via the app if that appeals to you.
NYCer says
+1. I recommended this on the main site too. You can find small treadmills, some of which fold up if you are really pressed for space. If you don’t like spinning and only looking for something to get you through winter, I would not buy a $2,000 spin bike (or whatever the going rate is currently). The Peloton treadmill is not big (or cheap), but there are plenty of small options.
NYCer says
Oops, I meant to say the Peloton treadmill is not SMALL. It is in fact very big!
anne-on says
A folding rower would fit this requirement as well. I personally HATE cycling and rowing is my choice for ‘burns a lot of calories’ cardio.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have a treadmill and I use it almost everyday now, with my husband also using it on the weekdays. It’s great. Yes, it’s big but worth it IMO, as there’s no way I’m running outside in the cold (I’m a weird person who prefers running on the treadmill v. outside in all temps though). I also do some strength training – you can find videos on youtube. I’ve never cycled so a treadmill makes way more sense for me, and if you’re more of a runner, I’d also recommend a treadmill.
GCA says
I don’t have a Peloton or any exercise equipment at home other than a yoga mat, and in normal times I run outdoors nearly all winter anyway (in NE), but I have and like the Aaptiv app. There’s a wide selection of classes (type of workout, music, trainers, duration), and you can pause classes midway if, say, there is a toddler climbing on you while you try to do Pilates.
Anonymous says
We got a Peleton bike over the summer and I like it. I definitely have weeks that I just don’t have the energy, but now that everyone else out of the house while I wfh, I’ve been able to squeeze in lunchtime workouts most days, and it’s great. I probably would not have gotten it without COVID, but I feel like going to the gym is an unnecessary exposure risk at this point, and I don’t enjoy running, so this is a good way for me to get a strenuous workout in.
Peleton offers lots of class types, so it isn’t ridiculous to try the app without the bike (you can also get use the app on a different brand bike) but the integration is nice.
Run says
If you prefer running to biking, I’d look into a treadmill. Not cheap/small but I’ve been using it regularly since March. I have a Nordic track and then use the Peloton app. I like running to music and also being given routines beyond “run” so I’m far more engaged w/ Peloton than I’ve ever been before. The app is also a lot cheaper than the full subscription, but also gives you access to the other classes. On non running days, I do a lot of Yoga and body weight strength classes
MNF says
I have one and love it. I wanted one pre-COVID and finally got it this summer. I got hooked using it at my gym, but it was so hard for me to get to the gym to use it, work and see my kids that day. I really enjoy the classes and do a mix of 3-4 cycling classes (including a cycling class that uses weights for arms) and 1-2 yoga or stretching classes each week. There are classes that are only 15 minutes which is great to fit in when you only have to commute to the next room.
Anonymous says
I have a non-Peloton treadmill and a Peloton digital subscription and couldn’t recommend it more. The workouts are great, especially once you find a handfull of instructors who are best suited to you. Highly recommend that route if you like running.
Anon Lawyer says
Any advice for coats for a soon-to-be 1-year-old in the Pacific Northwest? It doesn’t get cold enough for serious winter coats most of the time, but you do need more than fleece sometimes too (this post brought to you by the fact that it was somehow below freezing when I woke up). I bought a fleece lining/water resistant outer layer coat from Columbia plus a Columbia rain suit, but is there something that would be good for colder days without breaking the bank since we won’t use it all the time? (I feel really dumb about this somehow).
Cb says
I really like the Primary puffer, the rainbow one they have now is adorable. I think they are easier for kids to move around in than some of the other snow coats etc.
Anonymous says
Not OP but that rainbow puffer is so gorgeous! I wished they shipped to Canada!
Cb says
I know! I’m going to be so sad when my Primary hook-up leaves the US. There are some really cute shops in the UK but I do really like their styles and they fit my kid really well.
Anon Lawyer says
That looks perfect, thanks!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just a +1 to the Primary puffer. We have one and it’s great for our 40-50 degree morning temps here in the fall so should last you through your winter. It’s very light weight too!
Anon says
Primary coats fit weird, in my experience. To get one that zipped up on my chunky toddler we had to size way up and then the sleeves were hilariously long. Perhaps this isn’t an issue for kids who are a bit slimmer. They’re definitely cute!
Anon says
How does the Primary puffer work for drizzle/as a windblock?
Grandparents / COVID says
My first-grader attends in-person school full-time, with safety protocols – masks, distancing, staying within the classroom for music class, lunchtime, etc. My parents (both in their 70’s) have been picking him up after school twice a week to give my husband and I couple of days where we can continue to be productive after 3 p.m. We’re both in good work situations and have a lot of flexibility – the grandparent care is a ‘nice to have’ but not an essential to our work lives.
Covid cases here – like most other places – have been increasing. We’re at around the 6% positivity rate for the last couple of weeks, slightly worse each day.
I feel like at some point, I should stop having kid go see Grandparents, right? I mean, I know they’re the ones who have to ultimately determine what risk they are comfortable with, but they love my kid and I think they’d have a really difficult time making the affirmative choice not to see him after school any more.
Anonymous says
I’d say your okay for now. Are they masking at pick up? We’re doing that at my school because it’s hard to maintain distancing at pick up even though it is outdoors.
As an in between stage vs stopping their involvement – you (or your DH) could pick up and drop him to your parents. Takes a few minutes more but at least you’d still have a chunk of time to get work done. They could drop him home after. If he washes hands as soon as he arrives at their house, that seems lower risk than them picking up at the school.
Anonymous says
It’s tough. We’ve never felt comfortable seeing my parents (68 and 70, dad is overweight with controlled high blood pressure but otherwise they’re in good health) with a kid in daycare. If they were local we’d meet them outdoors with masks on but not indoors. We can’t go on like this forever so we will probably reassess once my parents can get vaccinated, even if the pandemic is not fully controlled (hoping the vaccine reduces the odds of serious illness and death even when it fails to prevent infection).
Anon says
Is it possible your school will just close if the positivity rate gets higher? Also, are the grandparents generally out and about, or is this their only exposure? My son recently went back in person part-time (in NY), and I have been very reassured by all the enforced safety protocols – coupled with positive data out of NYC schools, I’m wondering if schools actually are going to be spreading grounds or if masks and distance are working. I would maybe take it day by day but am leaning towards letting the grandparents see your kid a while longer (and soon we’ll all probably be largely isolating/podding again anyway).
Anonymous says
Schools are not super-spreading events, that much is clear. That said, I do know a couple kids who got infected at school/daycare. My state’s chief health officer got Covid from a grandkid who got it at daycare. Given that there’s probably at least a 5% chance of a 70-something dying from Covid, and that kids are often asymptotic, it feels like too great a risk for us to see grandparents. And I’m a big proponent of schools being open.
Anonymous says
I wish my kids were asymptotic. I cannot currently get them to obey limits.
Math Nerd Turned Statistician says
This made my day :D
anon says
hahaha took me a minute
Anon says
Hahahaha
Anon says
Autocorrect fail, I know the difference.
Anon says
Had to google and it made me laugh out loud. Thanks!
NYCer says
If your parents are still comfortable picking up your son, I would let them do it.
Anonymous says
I do think good protocols can make a huge difference at school. My sister is a teacher and so far her K8 school has had three cases–but all in different classrooms, and no spread within those cohorts. The kids seem to be getting COVID from family gatherings outside of school. Similarly, one staff member at DS’s daycare tested positive several weeks ago, but there have been no additional cases. Obviously these are just a couple of data points, but I’ve been encouraged by them.
Anonymous says
There’s definitely a lot of encouraging data out there. Same with our public schools – 7 cases total since August 1, none linked to each other. I think there’s a difference between public health and individual health though. When it comes to public health, I think it’s pretty clear that schools with good precautions are not a major source of spread and need to be open given the damage to children from keeping them closed, especially at the younger grades. But when it comes to individual health, we are still playing it cautious and doing quarantines before we see the grandparents. Even if the odds of our child it at school are low (and I think they definitely are), we would never forgive ourselves if she gave it our parents and they got severely ill or died.
anon says
This weekend was rough. :( Crummy weather, the kids were bickering constantly, not listening to anything we had to say. DH is in a terribly bad mood right now and has zero patience. Trying not to judge, because I’m at my wits’ end, too, but I was just as irritated with him as my kids.
The sad thing is, I actually went into the weekend with a fairly good idea of how to keep everyone entertained, but it all went sideways anyway. Then I felt even worse for working my tail off to try to make the weekend fun, and nobody was really having any fun! I don’t even want to be the family’s entertainment director, but covid has turned me into one. I’m an introvert who is not getting nearly enough alone time to stay on an even keel, and it’s just … all too hard. It’s too much togetherness; there’s no space to miss each other! I went to bed way too late on Saturday night because I needed some freaking time to myself. We are being more conservative than many, so I guess part of this is my own fault? I don’t know how we’re going to survive winter.
Anon says
I have many of the same thoughts. If it helps I remind myself of how miserable I was in March and April and thought I’d never get through it but we did, and now I’m more prepared – so did it before I can do it again is sort of becoming my mantra. Also I plan on getting very loose on screen time this winter. there may be some move marathons.
Anon says
sending hugs. also, i hate the idea that “part of this is your own fault” — um, no it’s not. you are allowed to have your risk tolerance (mine is also quite low) and the country would be doing better if everyone had a lower risk tolerance. it is in no way shape or form that we are in the middle of a global pandemic and that you are doing what you think is best to keep your family safe. not sure what you had planned, ages of your kids, how it went sideways, etc. if you share, maybe people could offer some ideas or if you just want to vent that is fine too
anon says
I think the whole problem is we’re out of ideas. We decorated Halloween cookies and put up some spooky decorations — that part went fine, aside from some mild bickering. But the rest was trips to the park, playing board games, watching too much TV, reading books with my kindergartener, and hanging out at home. The same things they’ve been doing for months. They’re over it, and so am I. They’re bored enough that they’re looking to me for entertainment options … I’ve got nothing, kids. The oldest kid (age 10) is having a really hard time dealing with the number of changes in his world. He’s not the most flexible kid in the universe to start with, but the loss of traditions and stuff he looks forward to has been a lot for him emotionally, and I can’t blame him.
I’m mostly venting, but this just feels endless.
Anon says
agreed that it feels endless and it is soo soo hard. i dont know what your weekends looked like in the before times when you reference traditions and stuff he looks forward to. i don’t know if there is any way to modify any of your previous traditions or create new traditions to look forward to. you mention your 10 year old is not the most flexible kid – is he someone who likes knowing what the plan is? if so, maybe you could pull out a calendar and come up with some things to look forward to/ideas for upcoming weekends that are in alignment with your family’s risk tolerance? also- i know it is hard to do in these times, but i also think one-on-one time with a parent can be nice. we have 2 kids and the other weekend on saturday i had 1:1 time with one kid, while DH did with the other and on sunday we switched. it was nice for them to have some time apart given all of the togetherness
Anonymous says
With respect to it feeling endless, you might want to think about what you can control and see if there’s anything you can promise or quasi-promise your kids about the future. For example, I can’t control when we can travel internationally or when it will be safe to hug our parents without a quarantine, but we’ve decided that, even if there’s no vaccine and things aren’t any better, next summer we will fly to see my BFF who is like a sister to me and meet her kid that we’ve never met. Given what we’ve learned about transmission on airplanes, our family and her family are all comfortable with the risk of this activity. Our child is still young enough that we don’t share these plans with her, but if she were older we probably would.
Anonymous says
Can you do something like go to the zoo? We went a couple of weeks ago as a birthday treat for DS and I was more excited than he was. The zoos near us are doing timed entry and requiring masks, so it felt pretty safe. It got crowded toward lunchtime, and we had to avoid the picnic areas where people were unmasked, but around opening time in the morning it was lovely.
Anon says
You might want to ask around locally to see what the mask situation is like before heading to a zoo. We went to the zoo in the nearby major city and even though the city is solidly liberal and our state has a mask mandate, the zoo was super crowded (October is a crazy time for zoos because of all the Halloween stuff, apparently) and I would say less than 50% of people were in masks. It was really surprising to me, honestly. I don’t think it was objectively a high risk activity – we were still outdoors most of the time and we never spent more than a minute or two in close proximity to any one person other than each other – but the lack of masks made both me and my husband a little uncomfortable (and also just annoyed, frankly). Even our toddler was commenting on it! “Why these people don’t wear their masks Mommy and Daddy? Don’t they know the rules?”
People do much better with masks at the local petting zoo in our red-leaning surburban town, strangely enough.
anon says
We had the same experience at a pumpkin patch. I thought I was prepared for it, but it stressed me out more than I expected.
DLC says
Yes! The constant togetherness is so draining!
Would it help to take time away from everyone? My husband and I had to make a schedule for each of us to get child free time. So he gets from after dinner til bedtime (6:15-8p) to himself on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday while I clean up and hang out with the kids. And then I get Tuesday, Thursday, and one weekend afternoon to myself. That way, too, I put maybe one family activity on the weekend to do list and the rest is up to my husband or everyone just runs feral. It’s been really helpful to know when i feel overwhelmed and am about to lose it with the kids, that I will get to stop thinking/planning/ catering to them at some point in the next 24 hours.
Anon says
I’m sorry, it’s so tough. This might not be a popular answer but I am personally easing up a bit on the limits I’ve set. Until a few weeks ago, we hadn’t done ANYTHING that wasn’t a) outside and b) with everyone (supposed to be) in masks. I’m still being responsible and wearing my mask everywhere and not spending time in extended situations where other people will have masks off (eg., indoor dining), but I’ve started doing some limited indoor things with masks. I got my hair cut for the first time in 9 months over the weekend. I went to my favorite coffee shop today even though there are tables of unmasked college students a few feet from the waiting area. I joined an indoor group exercise class with a mask requirement and social distancing enforced. These little indulgences have been so, so good for my mental health. I know it’s weird timing to get more relaxed about Covid with cases surging, but I feel like I’m doing my part for the public health by wearing a mask and refraining from indoor socializing with people outside my household, and when it comes to my own health I have to weigh my mental health against the risks of Covid.
That said, if you want to or need to be more cautious, it’s definitely NOT your fault. I haaaaate that attitude and I hate all the anti-maskers, anti-vaxxers and otherwise irresponsible people who are going to make this stupid pandemic last forever.
Anonymous says
It’s just not safe, period. People are too lazy and selfish. We tried very cautiously easing up on our precautions to have our child baptized. It was a small, short-duration, masked, distanced service in a large space with high ceilings and no singing permitted. Because the denomination’s extremely strict COVID procedures call for an event to be cut short if anyone is out of compliance, mask compliance was expected to be 100%. I witnessed two people letting their noses hang out of their masks. One of them was caught and told to replace his mask; the other had her mask down for the entire service, and I couldn’t find an usher to flag down. This person is a lay leader of the congregation. I was absolutely disgusted and discouraged. With caseloads on the rise, we are not trying anything indoors again for a very long time.
anon says
I don’t know if this helps, but maybe it will help someone. We’ve started a new family hobby called Letterboxing. I got my elementary aged kids compasses and we spend time walking in the woods, following clues and looking for “treasure” to put stamps in our books. Getting out of the house is key to my sanity and this has given us something new to do on weekends.
You can google “Letterboxing” for various sites and tutorials.
Anonanonanon says
Super conservative (COVID-wise) family here, as well. It just… stinks. It really, really stinks. And it really stinks when you try to plan things to do and everyone is still grumpy and you can’t even blame them. Commiseration. Also feel you on the husband front. Mine hasn’t been his best self lately, and in my worst moments it’s easy to let “I’ve pulled it together, why haven’t you?” thoughts intrude and turn into a bit of resentment.
You did not ask for help, but I’ve dumped some money at the problem recently and wanted to share some buys that were “worth it” for my kids (2.5 yo and 10 yo). For context, we live in a small space, so none of this is huge equipment. We also don’t really have a yard so outdoor activities are difficult.
-A bucket of “parts” for play doh creatures. Hats, eyes, alien tails, etc. It was on you-know-where site and I also bulk-ordered play doh. Even the 10 yo likes it.
-Magnatiles- if you don’t already have them, now’s the time to splurge. They make good gifts from grandparents because of the price point. Again, both of my kids like them despite the age disparity.
-A tent. I swallowed my distaste for having kid things in my main living area and got a play tent. Does it get used as much as I hoped? no. But it’s helpful sometimes to be able to say “you can watch a show on the tablet in your tent!” if you’re at your wit’s end and at least want some pretend space. I also got different battery-operated string lights, including tacky Halloween ones, so picking out new lights for the tent is a Thing. I bought a white tent so it was less aesthetically upsetting.
-The 10 yo gets to stay up late once in a while to watch a special movie. We did little shop of horrors over the weekend. It stinks to lose that adult alone time, but it makes me feel much less guilty during the day knowing that they get special 1:1 time. This didn’t cost money, but older-kid-only Halloween movie nights might be nice.
-I got Jacks for my 10 yo and he was happy to practice by himself to play against me later in the day. I was surprised it worked, but it did.
-I made cakes (out of box mix) in two 8×8 pans and iced them. Each kid got to decorate one with Halloween sprinkles, etc. They were so over-decorated they were kind of gross, and they each only ate one slice then forgot about them, but it was worth the time it took.
-Jello jigglers. Making a pan per jiggler instructions and using cookie cutters to cut out shapes. Again, surprisingly, both enjoy this. They each get their own pan to minimize squabbles. We already had cookie cutters and jello is crazy cheap, so huge win.
-My mom used to drive us around to look for “lost neighborhoods” and I tried this with my kids during COVID and it works. Littlest one usually falls asleep, 10 yo gets to look at houses in new neighborhoods in our area (new to us) and talk about what we do/do not like about them, look up what school kids who live there go to, guess how much they cost, etc. Kills some time.
-Are you giving anything out for Halloween? We’re putting candy and tiny glowsticks into plastic eggs and putting a few in the yard at a time for people to grab. My older one has enjoyed helping to fill the eggs, cut stickers out of the sticker sheet to put in them, etc. Again, kills some time.
I don’t know what we’re going to do for winter. I invested in cold weather gear for everyone to get out a bit more, but get out to do WHAT is the question.
Anonymous says
I just bought new outdoor gear for myself. Hoping that will get me out of the house.
We went to a city about 2.5 hours away this weekend and stayed in a hotel. We bought some new hotel room toys, got a fancy take out dinner, and reserved the pool for one hour. Stayed at Towneplace Suites, which is a go-to for us, so we had a separate bedroom. They only allow one family in the pool at a time. New toys and new scenery were a really big boost, even if the events weren’t that much different than normal.
Anonanonanon says
I’m too conservative for a hotel right now, but consigning that a change of scenery makes a HUGE difference. We did a vacation rental home for a weekend, I confirmed with the owner that it was empty for 2 days before our arrival, and it was spotless when we arrived. It’s also a guest house, so they don’t live in it full-time or anything (one of my criteria). It had more outdoor space than our house and was amazing for everyone’s mood.
Something we hadn’t thought about was that it was easier to do some things in a smaller town. We visited attractions that we have in our area as well, but that would be way too crowded in our area to visit during covid. For example, a park in a nearby town had a duck pond. The kids loved it, and something like that in our metro area would have been way too crowded on a weekend.
Anonymous says
Oh, this sounds amazing. My husband is anti-hotel (we’ve done two trips where we stayed in AirBNBs) but I’m going to try to convince him to do something like this over the winter.
Anon says
+1 It’s hilarious to me how obsessed with “trips” my 2 year old is. She asks us almost every day “When we take another trip? Where we go on our next trip?” and she still talks about things that happened on previous trips. Since the start of the pandemic, our “trips” have just been day trips, with one weeklong driving trip to an Airbnb at a lake, but even the day trips are very exciting to her apparently (I think the car snacks are at least half of it…). We’re doing a week in Florida in December and planning to do some impromptu weekends in cities within a few hours of us whenever the weather is looking decent (ie., no snow, warm enough to get outside if we bundle up).
Anonymous says
I’m not sure how old your kids are but this weekend we just… didn’t do anything. We self-isolated from Thursday through the weekend pending test results, so we couldn’t go anywhere or do anything in public; DH wasn’t feeling well, and I was out of energy. We went for a hike on Saturday afternoon (45 minutes drive each way, turned on a Brains On podcast and told the kids it was quiet time), but otherwise I just kind of ignored the kids most of the weekend. They played The Floor Is Lava, Candyland, built a fort in their room, and did some ABC Mouse and video games. I made a time-consuming meal and read a book, my husband did I-don’t-know-what. Just because you’re in the same house doesn’t mean you need to actually interact! Letting go of the idea that I needed to entertain anyone was huuuugely freeing. I won’t do this every weekend, but it was a nice break.
Sf says
How do you know when normal past partum sadness becomes something more? I’ve had a tough week- caught food poisoning, watched my milk supply decline rapidly, I still feel achy and not near 100%. I’m having difficulty sleeping (not bc of the baby). I’m crying very easily and I just don’t feel good. I have an 11 week old and 3.5 year old. I need to feel more normal (thank god I’m still on maternity leave) but I’m not sure what I can do to get back on track.
Anon says
I’d be worried about nutritional deficiency after pregnancy + breast feeding + food poisoning, since food poisoning alone has left me feeling, and testing as, depleted. I personally would be splurging at a juice bar just to replenish on potassium and any vitamins you couldn’t absorb while sick to your stomach, if a doctor approves. From reading your comment, I also don’t think it’s too soon to talk to your doctor about post partum sadness and difficulty sleeping.
Anonymous says
What are you doing for yourself? A yoga class (online if no in person in your area), regular massage therapy (hot bath/at home spa night)? Masked walk with a friend? If it’s been more than a week or two, I’d start to think about talking to your doctor.
Going for a 20 minute walk by myself every evening is so good for my mental health. Maybe that’s something you could add into your routine?
DLC says
I think if you are even wondering, it is worth seeking a therapist. I’m a big believer that therapy doesn’t need to wait until things breakdown- you can regard it as a preventative health measure too.
If it helps, you can google Edinburgh Postnstal Depression Scale and see where you fall. I was given this test at my six week post partum check up and also my pediatrician gave it to me at every well baby visits for the first year. I scored pretty low and I asked my ped if maybe it was just the stress of pandemic living with a newborn, and she said, “Pandemic stress and anxiety is still stress and anxiety. You should get it checked out.”
It sounds like a lot and I’m sorry to hear life is so tough right now.
AnonATL says
I personally really dislike the questionnaire. The way the questions are worded (“I worry for no good reason” etc) are not particularly effective for me at least. When my anxiety spikes, I think it’s a darn good reason to worry.
I agree that OP should perhaps try a few things like time to yourself and fully recovering from food poisoning and then talking to your OB if things do not improve within a week. I hope you feel better! Sounds like a really tough go of things.
Anonymous says
I think a doctor may want you to have symptoms for 2 weeks straight to meet diagnostic criteria, so maybe give it another week? Or make an appoint for over a week from now to talk and then plan to cancel it if you start feeling a lot better if taking action will feel reassuring?
Also, consider just giving yourself permission to feel bad right now. You are getting over being sick, and the hormonal changes from the milk supply dropping may also be affecting you. You don’t have to fix this immediately. It is okay to feel depressed. It won’t last forever. For me, feeling like I have to “solve” my depression sometimes just makes it worse. You’re probably overwhelmed already, and too much pressure to bounce back is not going to help.
IKEA over Stokke says
Paging those looking at the Stokke Tripp Trapp for their toddler: I highly recommend looking into the IKEA line of Junior Chairs—they’re narrower than adult chairs with higher seats and footrests for toddlers / preschooler. We have the natural wood “Ingolf” and it’s the MVP in our kitchen. Chose it over the Stokke because the footprint is smaller and its 4 legs are better for navigating the uneven wood floors in our 1920’s craftsmen.
It’s solid AF and easy to clean without moveable pieces or nooks & crannies unlike the Stokke. My kindergartener has used this since he was 2. Heck, I sat in it while pregnant with Kiddo #2 (needed the extra height for aching hips) and I STILL use it to reach high cabinets when too lazy to grab a step stool. May buy another for little sibling too since Big Bro is still using his.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker who bought alllll the expensive baby gear after tons of research (snoo, Nuna Pipa + Rava, Uppa Vista and Babyzen, guava lotus, pikler, and nugget, all the lovevery toys) but think the Tripp Trapp is overrated IMHO. The IKEA Antilop and Junior Chair are much better designed products for a fraction of the price.
Anon says
i was one of the stokke posters and was going to purchase for my twins when they ran out of the colors i wanted. so i am very intrigued by this. just went to the ikea site. how do i tell if the chair will be the right height for my table? does the chair sit at multiple heights like the stokke or is there only one height?
Anon says
and as a follow up- what is the difference between the ingolf and agam, other than aesthetic?
anon says
We have the agam and my inlaws have the ingolf. They’re basically the same except for the aesthetic. Pick the one you like lookin at better. Both sit at a height to work with a normal dining table.
We got the agam when my oldest was 2. She used it until around 5, when she switched to a normal dinning room chair. My youngest started using it at 2 and is still using it at almost 5. She could probably move to a normal chair, but she likes that it’s just a bit taller. It’s also really good for coloring and playdoh because she sits at a comfortable height.
With almost 5 years of constant wear, the finish has now rubbed off in a few places (mostly along the edges of the footrest), but otherwise it still looks like new. Two thumbs up.
Anonanonanon says
OoooOoooOOooo I kind of like the LANGUR.
Thanks for sharing IKEA options!
EP-er says
+1 We had two of them & loved them. My grandma’s house had a junior chair when I was little and I was delighted to see IKEA made a version. They are an excellent transition chair that we used from ages 3-8!
anon says
This is a very sad post, but it’s been a sad week. Basically I am almost 19 w preg with what would be our third and we just learned last week that the baby has some serious birth defects that would require a lot of medical care. Results of amnio (pending) may provide some further detail re whether there is a genetic syndrome involved and possible additional/unseen medical issues, but even what they can see for sure is very serious. Lots of time in hospital, surgeries with mortality risk starting as a newborn, tons of medical appointments- I would have to quit my job. My youngest would only be 21 months when baby is born and my oldest would be not yet 6. There’s no way I could be the mom they need and also be there for this kid, nor can I imagine explaining to them that their baby sibling may die. Anyway, I’m rambling, but bottom line is we have decided to terminate the pregnancy. Obviously, this is devastating. I am hoping to get it scheduled as quickly as possible because I just want it over. Feeling the baby kick is now torture. I can’t focus on work or much else, though doing a bit better now that at least we have made a decision. I am so very grateful that I live in an area where I have options. Anyway, just wanted to tell some internet strangers I guess, because very few people know in real life (just my inlaws and one close friend knew about the pregnancy). I’m planning to have a D&E vs induction because I just can’t imagine the emotional trauma of being awake for a physical delivery and there seems to be no medical advantage either. Anyone been through something like this? Any words of wisdom? I’ve had a 1st tri miscarriage before (and d&c) but never faced something like this.
Anonymous says
Earthy
Hi anon, am truly sorry you are going through this. I was in somewhat similar situation few years back. Baby had down’s and plan was to confirm with amniocentesis, we found it late around 14-16 weeks. During the amnio appointment, heat beat was absent following which I underwent D&E under general anesthesia. I did not feel anything post procedure like cramps etc. Took few doses of motrin for next 1-2 days. No complications at all except minimal bleeding. Also took 1-2 days off post procedure. It took an emotional toll on both of us and we still are trying for baby for all these years with no luck.
Please reach out to your loved ones and be kind to yourself. I am thinking about you…
mm says
What a heartbreaking situation. This internet stranger is thinking of you. An acquaintance went through something similar at 20 weeks – it’s very hard emotionally but you will get through it.
Anon says
How devastating. I’m so sorry.
Anonymous says
I’ve had a close friend and close family member got through this. It’s heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss.
Anonymous says
I’m just here to say that I am so very sorry that you and your family are going through this. You don’t need to make any justifications for wanting to end the pregnancy. You are doing what is best for your family. I would also want to spare my child the pain and suffering that could come along with such a devastating diagnosis. This is so much more common than people think, and I want you to know you’re not alone. Sending you strength.
Spirograph says
No experience or words of wisdom, but I just wanted to say that this internet stranger is thinking of you and your family. I’m so sorry that you’re facing this, and hope that you find all the comfort and support you need among your doctors, family and friends.
Elle says
A late reply but wanted you to know another internet friend is thinking of you and your family. <3
Anonymous says
Best shoes for occasional outdoor play for a new to walking toddler? I have a pair of roobez, but it seems like the APMA recommendation for soft soles for new walkers doesn’t jive with wet grass and sidewalks.
Signed, a first time mom who completely forgot that little kids like to walk in ALL the puddles and feels super guilty that he son was walking around with cold wet feet for a period of time yesterday….
anon says
Pediped “Grip ‘n Go” have soles that are really flexible. They are good for kids who are actually walking in grass and on pavement.
anon says
We like the Stride Rite “soft motion” brand. They had rubber soles and leather uppers, so were reasonably weather resistant, but the soles were still flexible enough that my kids could walk in them even when just learning how.
Lily says
I’m desperately trying to find a high chair that is counter-height (not table height) with no tray. Our almost 2-year old is currently using the joovy, which we pull up to our kitchen peninsula (counter height) but I think it’s time to ditch a tray and have her eat at the actual counter. But I can’t seem to find any (non crazy looking) high chairs that are meant for counter height. HELP?!
Anonymous says
Can you put a strap-on booster seat on one of your chairs?
Lily says
Yes, that’s our back-up plan, but I’m worried about safety. She’s always tempted to tip herself back from the dining table, and if she did that on a barstool, it could be really dangerous. Our barstools are sturdy enough and have backrests, but still..
anon says
That’s what I was going to suggest, but watch the stability of your chairs. We kept a box of diapers in our kitchen chair with a strap-on booster (which was enough weight to keep it from rocking).
Anonymous says
What’s the reasoning behind no tray? Our almost 3 year old is still in the Joovy Nook and it’s fine. If she’s not complaining, I’d be inclined not to mess with it.
We have friends who put the Inglesina chair on their kitchen island. That has a 37 pound weight limit though, so some 2 year olds will be approaching the weight limit and I think it might get uncomfortably small before they hit the weight limit. We own one, but used it exactly once (on a trip to Paris) so it hasn’t been worth the money for us.
Anon. says
We use our Ingelsina daily – it’s the only high chair we own. First used it at our island in the last house until he was big enough for a regular booster. Second uses it at the table now in the new house. It travels and is machine washable.
Not a huge investment to test one out based on comfort for a kid that big – would think you could try and return if your kid absolutely does not fit.
High chair recs says
Sorry to maybe be dense, but could you just take the tray off the chair you already have? Otherwise, the Inglesina and other attach-to-counter chairs seem to be the main recommendation when this comes up in other groups.
Lily says
Unfortunately, no — the Joovy is table height, so if we take the tray off, she would not be in line with the counter to eat off of.
Anonymous says
although might not be the economical – a “bar height” stool used at the countertop works perfectly for our little guy (with back). I had ikea ones from condo before we moved into our house that we still had around.
Nothing to strap them too, though.
Alternately get a booster seat for your counter stools (if they have a back)
Anonymous says
My 2 year old does not nap. During normal times, her school had a room the non-nappers could go to and play in, but this room is closed due to Covid since they don’t want kids mixing with kids in other classes, which is logical. But it seems like the teachers are not letting her do anything except lie on her cot and try to sleep for the whole 2 hour naptime. Am I offbase in thinking she should be allowed to get up and play quietly? She complains to us about how bored she is. At home we enforce quiet time in her room during what used to be her naptime, but she has books and toys available to her, she’s not just lying on a cot staring into space.
Anonymous says
I had a non-napper, and from age 2 to age 5 she had to lie on her cot and try to sleep during naptime. Some teachers let her have board books in her cot, but most required all the kids to remain perfectly still and quiet so they didn’t wake the others.
Anonanonanon says
This is tough. I don’t see how they can enforce quiet play time in the same room without a lot of “SHHHH” or loud accidents from toddler that would wake up the other kids.
Anon says
I assume they’re following the state licensing guidance, but I would double check. In my state, children over 3 can’t be made to stay on the nap mat for more than 60 minutes. After 60 minutes, they have to be allowed to get up and play quietly. I don’t think it’s a big disruption. Between whispering teachers, crying babies and kids talking or singing themselves to sleep, I’ve found daycare rooms are almost never that quiet (or dark) even at naptime, which I’m guessing is part of why my daughter dropped her naps at daycare well over a year ago and is still napping at home.
Anonymous says
IME, challenging day care on state regulations is going to be fruitless at best and a recipe for trouble at worst. If the facility is out of compliance, your only recourse is to report them (and they will know who did) or to leave. Ask me how I know.
SC says
I was a non-napper, and my daycare made me stay on the mat for the whole time. My parents had endless arguments with the center about letting me read a book in the corner (they wouldn’t) until I was old enough to start kindergarten at a school that didn’t require naps.
My son was a non-napper last year, and they required him to lay quietly on his mat for 2 hours. I thought it was unreasonable, but we weren’t really in a position to argue. I’m not sure he would have read quietly either.
Anonymous says
This is why we pulled my daughter and put her into a part time preschool + babysitter/nanny. She was 2.5.