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Ooh: these highly rated wedge pumps from Clarks look great — and they’re eligible for Prime. Some colors are mostly sold out, with lucky sizes left for $35, but even full-priced at $50 (certain size/color combinations) these wedges are pretty affordable. Clarks Bassett Mine Wedge Pump
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Science vs attachment parenting says
Did anyone hear the new podcast, Science Vs on attachment parenting (link to follow)? It basically debunked this whole method and said it doesn’t actually lead to secure attachment and that parts of it may actually be harmful (eg cosleeping). At the end it also noted that something like up to 80% of a kid’s personality is based on genetics and that parenting has little effect one way or the other. In some ways that makes me feel better – no matter what we do, the kids will end up how they end up because of something determined pre-birth.
Science vs attachment parenting says
https://gimletmedia.com/episode/2-attachment-parenting/
Anon says
I’ve often wondered about how much of how we turn out is predetermined. My sister and I are very different and were parented exactly the same way.
I think about relationships too. Like how much of how my relationship with my child has to do with whether or not our personalities naturally go together. I like to think that we’ll get along (at least when she’s an adult) because I pretty much like everyone and am laid back. We’ll see how she turns out though.
Anonforthis says
interesting. I’ll listen when I here a chance. I’ve always thought a lot of personality is predetermined- that’s why babies/toddlers can be so different from each other!
I have no issues with most of the attachment parenting philosophy but I’ve always been alternately amused/annoyed by the arguments about attachment disorders and other effects of childhood neglect. Through my work, I regularly meet and get to know the backgrounds of kids who have reactive attachment disorder and other issues with attachments. To suggest this could be caused by sleep training or any other common western parenting practice is almost comical. Those kids are usually adopted internationally and resided in an institution (orphanage) of some sort, are unaccompanied minors who bounced around between various relatives/caregivers before coming to join parent in u.s., or are the children of drug addicts whose parents were often, and unpredictably, unavailable physically and emotionally.
It is incredibly important for young kids to have a secure, positive attachment to an adult caretaker. But the idea that this attachment requires special parenting techniques or could be undone by something like sleep training or sleeping in a seperate room is just absurd. It’s basically what naturally happens if you (or someone else) make a good faith effort to take care of your kid.
That said, I really don’t have any issues with most of the practices advised by attachment parenting advocates. It’s just the fear mongering based on bad science that irritates me.
AOP says
So very well said.
Katala says
+1
AIMS says
I did and found it interesting. Although I don’t think they actually said cosleeping is harmful per se, just that it can be dangerous when the baby is very little, which is different from, say, sleeping in the same bed with a larger baby closer to a year. I always found a lot of attachment parenting to be very negative towards working mothers so I was happy to have it be debunked a bit.
Batgirl says
I’m totally overwhelmed by all of the sleep training books out there. Any recommendations? Books to avoid? Good summaries online that I haven’t found yet? Thanks in advance!
CPA Lady says
This is the extent of what I read. I did what it said on that schedule and it worked. My kid was 5 months old and had been sleeping through the night before but went through a regression. It took three days of crying, and she has slept through the night ever since (she’s almost 2) with only minor hiccups during travel, illness, etc.
http://www.parents.com/baby/sleep/issues/teach-baby-to-sleep-in-7-days/
Batgirl says
Great, thanks! Love that it’s succinct!
Anonymous says
I’ve recommended it on here before: The Good Sleeper: The Essential Guide to Sleep for Your Baby–and You, by Janet Kennedy. No magic formula, but a lot of good, scientific advice. I found some of the others (e.g., Babywise) to be based on anecdotal evidence and a general “philosophy” that I don’t necessarily ascribe to, and also mildly insulting. I also found “the 90-minute baby sleep program” to be very helpful — also written by a scientist, and recommended by my amazing pediatrician.
Batgirl says
Thank you, I’ll check this out!
Anon in NYC says
I didn’t really absorb any of the sleep training books that I purchased. Our pediatrician said that babies “should” sleep around 10-12 hours per night, and thinks extinction CIO is the fastest way to sleep train. I’ve found both of those things to be accurate for my LO. When she has had regressions, we do a version of Ferber (going in at increasing intervals).
Emily Henderson described in detail how she sleep trained her daughter on her blog, which I thought was helpful – https://stylebyemilyhenderson.com/blog/got-baby-sleep-night
I found this link very helpful for planning naps. https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/baby-sleep-what-is-normal/
MDMom says
I found Precious Little Sleep/Troublesome Tots helpful as well. And I bookmarked that exact link. I liked the Weissbluth book too, but I think PLS does a good job of summarizing the info you need in the midst of the newborn haze.
mascot says
Regardless of method, I think that you need to be consistent and be patient. It’s going to take a few nights, maybe longer, to figure this whole sleep thing out. And those nights may be hard because crying babies, sleep deprivation and a general feeling of not knowing if you are doing this right =hard. So hang in there.
Really, consistency and patience are probably the solutions to most parenting dilemmas, even thought the strategies will vary.
Anonymous says
No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley (BF friendly non-CIO) worked for all of our three kids.
FVNC says
I used Pantley’s method as well, and it worked for my “tension escalator” kiddo. We started sleep training when baby was maybe 7 or 8 months (should have started earlier) and saw steady improvement over the course of several weeks. The thing to remember about Pantley is that it’s a long-term process compared to CIO methods.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I really appreciated Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, as well as the information on The Baby Sleep Site.
As others have said, it really is a consistency thing. To some extent I think it’s also a personality thing – my sister and I have used nearly identical sleep training methods and mine has been a much better sleeper than either of hers. Finding the method that works best for your family and your child is really key.
Anons says
+1 to both of these resources. I think I may have read everything written in the past 10 years on pediatric sleep (maybe slightly exaggerating . . . maybe). These two and the Precious Little Sleep website are go-to resources.
Also, Baby 411 has a quick overview of several sleep books. That can help if you think you have a sense for what will work for your child, then just read that book.
Consistency in whatever method cannot be emphasized enough.
PregLawyer says
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child! Worked awesome for us, good background on sleep needs, good guidance on how to get into a good routine. I also went to the Baby Sleep Site to figure out how to troubleshoot vacation sleep problems, and it worked beautifully.
GCA says
The only use I found for any sleep training book/ method was to read it out loud to lull myself to sleep!
In my one-child experience so far, I’ve found that what works is really understanding your child’s personality and needs/ family needs and timing. To wit:
– CIO, Ferber (graduated extinction), Pantley – not one single method worked. Partly this was due to having just come back from year-end travels and readjusting.
– Switched to toddler bed shortly after 1 year because he loathed being confined in his crib. (Now with a toddler bed he understands he can come and visit mommy and daddy any time he wants…which paradoxically reduces the visits.)
– As an interim solution I would climb into the pack and play with him, chat with him, read to him in there, and generally show him there was nothing terrifying about it, after which he would fall asleep. Did this for a few days and he was mostly fine, until the next bout of teething.
– Now, dad with binky often has better success putting 15m.o to bed and back to sleep than I do (lactating human pacifier).
Faye says
Yes, I think you have to understand your kids. No one book worked for us either, because our expectations were off for our kids.
My 3.5 yo gets 10-10.5 hours of sleep each day, no matter what we do. She’s always been on the very lowest end of whatever “recommended sleep” guideline for her age, and looking back, all those sleepless nights were really just expecting her to sleep much longer than she needed. She is also super social and hates being alone – she would NEVER EVER play quietly in her crib when she woke up. Bedtime is so much easier now that little brother is in the same room.
My 1yo seems to be similar, in that he doesn’t need the full recommended amount either. (Sleeps around 13 hours now, but that’s creeping down to 12 as he drops his second nap.) He’s too young to really tell us for sure, but he seems a little more capable of alone time. Or at least, he’ll play quietly until big sis wakes up, and then they happily babble at each other.
Both kids are very happy, active all day, able to focus on age-appropriate activities, and not cranky unless they skip a nap entirely. So clearly this is what works for them, and no amount of sleep training was going to get them to sleep 12 hours straight and then play quietly upon wake up. They’re just not built that way. (And neither am I, or their dad.) Once we realized and accepted that, sleep times became much more pleasant for all of us.
Meg Murry says
Along with knowing your kids, you also have to know yourself, and what will/won’t work for you. For instance, my husband finally put his foot down and said “no more jumping up every time the baby makes a squeak or spending an hour pacing around trying to get him to sleep, we’re trying CIO”. (This was probably in the 9 months range, and he fell asleep within minutes at daycare with minimal fuss, so we knew it was possible). He put my oldest son in his crib and promised he wouldn’t let him cry for more than 10 minutes. When he saw that I was ready to start crying more than the kid, he took the monitor away from me, went upstairs and sat in the hallway with his watch, and promised me that he was going to take care of it, and I needed to go sit somewhere with my headphones on or leave the house. It only took a couple of nights (and the crying was never longer than half an hour total, with my husband monitoring to make sure it didn’t escalate), but I absolutely needed my husband to do it, I wasn’t capable of listening to the baby cry at that point.
Relatedly, don’t put something in place you can’t enforce consistently (or at least, consistently on normal occasions, it’s ok to bend for a sick kid or vactions). For instance, I tried to enforce a “kids sleep in their own beds” policy once my kids started would wake in the night and come to our room and want to sleep in our bed. I tried to take a hard line with it at first, but the kids quickly learned that if they went to my husband’s side of the bed, he would just pull them up into the bed and not fully wake, and then be surprised to find them there in the morning, not remembering that *he* was the one that put them there. So even though it annoys me sometimes, I’ve given up that fight, because I’ve learned that once my husband caves once, it can take *weeks* of us trying to drag them back to their beds, to have a few weeks with kids in our beds, and then it resets.
JTX says
Sorry to threadjack, but we are about to move our 1 y.o. into our 3 y.o.’s bedroom. Do your kids have two different bedtimes? How do you handle that?
NewMomAnon says
The blog MommyShorts did a series about sleep training two kids who slept in the same room and managing sleep habits for both kids.
JTX says
Thanks!
Faye says
Haven’t read the blog above (I’ve bookmarked it!!) but our kids sleep through each other’s cries pretty well, so I wasn’t worried about that part. Before we did it, we explained to the 3yo that if baby cries, mama will take care of it, so don’t worry. Don’t know if that helped, but she seemed to understand and they both sleep soundly if the other wakes in the night.
Right now, bedtime is different. Baby goes down at 7pm, DD gets special “cuddle time” with parent not doing baby bedtime, and then DD goes down at 8:30pm. Our bedtime routines are short – just a few songs and a prayer – so Baby sleeps through the whispered routine for DD. They both wake up around 6am for daycare, and then have different nap schedules. (Room is off limits if someone is napping)
Once Baby drops the second nap, and is consistent, I’ll ease in 15 min increments until they’re at the same bedtime. My biggest worry at that point is DD’s reaction to losing the 1:1 time, so I think we’ll introduce parent/child “date nights” where we each take a kid alone to a different part of the house for an hour or two, maybe once a week, and see if that helps. My secondary worry is keeping each other awake by talking, but honestly I’m okay with that as long as they’re quiet and staying in bed. I just assume they’ll eventually get over the newness of it and adjust their sleep accordingly.
“Stay quiet and stay in bed” is sort of my sleeping mantra for naps and bedtime. I don’t care about the sleep (so long as they’re happy all day) really, I figure they’ll sleep when they’re tired if I don’t make a big deal about needing to do it right this second.
Navy Attorney says
Have a 15 month and a 4 year old sharing a room. One puts the 15 month old to bed first (1 “book” plus 15 minutes of fussing in her crib) while the other reads to the 4 year old. Then the 4 year old gets in her bed; baby sleeps through minimal talking. 4 year old sleeps through baby’s subsequent wakings.
NewMomAnon says
I read three or four books, tried to keep a detailed “sleep log” (which ended up looking like a crazy mess, because we didn’t have a “sleep pattern”), and got super overwhelmed and frustrated. So I threw it all out the window and just let kiddo cry herself to sleep one night (after our regular bedtime routine and lots of reassurances that were probably more for me than for her).
I remember posting on here about it; she cried for 20 minutes, spent a few hours staring at the end of her bed, and then fell asleep. We’ve had little regressions here and there, but overall it was a great success. As far as I can tell, it didn’t have any adverse impact on our relationship, and it turns out that I’m a halfway decent mom when I get enough sleep.
Know your kiddo, but also know yourself. If you and your co-parent have the patience to carry out weeks of ongoing record keeping and consistent sleep training, great. If that seems impossible, and you want permission to rip the band aid off over a couple of nights, I hereby give you permission. It will be fine.
AwayEmily says
Agreed on The Good Sleeper. Lots of sound research but not prescriptive. I also found it helpful to read a bunch of sleep books and sort of triangulate between them to figure out what worked best for our family.
That being said, we sleep-trained at nine weeks (CIO), which none of those books explicitly endorsed, and she has slept through the night (10 – 12 hours) literally every single night since then (she’s now five months). That being said, I totally agree that all kids/families differ — there’s no one right way to deal with sleep stuff! Good luck.
Batgirl says
Lots to look into here — thanks so much! Our little guy is a great sleeper for the most part, but now that daycare is coming up, I feel like we need a bit more structure during the day.
Mom-to-be says
Ladies, what laundry detergent did you use for your newborn? I feel overwhelmed by all the options available. Is organic necessary? If yes, which one? There are so many ratings for toxicity.
Thanks in advance!
Anon in NYC says
Tide free and clear. My husband hates the smell of Dreft and he does the laundry, so he refused to use it.
POSITA says
+1
We wanted dye and perfume free. We also wanted something that would actually remove stains.
Em says
+1 We were gifted a bottle of dreft so used it for the first 3 months then switched to Tide free and clear.
mascot says
I think we just used a free and clear (probably whatever Costco had on sale- not organic) for everyone for a few weeks. Then went back to our regular detergent for us with free and clear for baby’s things for a while . Once we realized that he wasn’t having reactions to our clothes (about the time we ran out of free and clear), we switched everyone to regular detergent. We use white vinegar and an extra rinse instead of fabric softener.
We did use the Dreft stain remover and it worked surprisingly well. We kept travel sizes in the diaper bag and a bottle on the changing table for pre-treating the laundry.
Carrie M says
Similar – we used Tide free and clear for a while, maybe until the big jug of it ran out. Now we just use regular Tide or occasionally another brand if there’s a good sale.
FVNC says
All Free and Clear. We’re otherwise pretty into organic (food, milk, bedding) but have been happy with cheap, unscented detergent.
PhilanthropyGirl says
We went with Ecos unscented. We cloth-diapered for the first year and needed something that worked with cloth diapers that wouldn’t break the bank. It was a good price on Amazon. If you have a kiddo with sensitive skin, opting for something with a “free and clear” type label will reduce skin irritations. Other than that, it’s really up to you how much you want to avoid certain chemicals.
Applesauce says
I just used regular Tide but with an extra rinse cycle.
NewMomAnon says
Store-brand free and clear detergent, with white vinegar and an extra rinse cycle (baby clothes only). No fabric softener. Unfortunately, my skin decided that this was the only acceptable method of clothes washing, so I’ve stuck with it even though kiddo could tolerate a different regimen.
Mom-to-be says
Thank you ladies!! I felt guilty for not wanting to spend a lot of money on the best organic detergent. Free and clear should be fine as long as baby does not have a reaction.
Edna Mazur says
When I’m feeling really frugal I make my own. 1 bar of soap sliced thin (I use anything, Dr. Bonner, Fels Naptha, Ivory), one cup of Borax, one cup of Arm and Hammer super washing soda, mix in a food processor to get the soap really fine. Use about 1 Tbsp per load. Helps to dissolve in water first.
Navy Attorney says
We do this because otherwise our hard water plus liquid detergent makes the clothes smell weird, almost musty. It took many rounds of solely vinegar washes to get the smell out. And now I like “knowing” what’s in my detergent.
(was) due in june says
Kirkland free and clear. Though frankly I bet we could switch back to all regular Tide at this point.
hoola hoopa says
The same thing we use for everything else. Biokleen+oxyclean. Occasional bleach.
H says
This was totally me when I was pregnant! You do not have the buy the special baby detergent. Just get a free and clear (like everyone else said) and you can use it for the entire household.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I really want to love Clarks – but haven’t been overly thrilled with my most recent pair of flats. While the external has held up well, the inside is just beat to pieces (even after a supergluing adventure to try to get more life out of them). The support is gone and the inside of the shoe is ragged. They’re a little over a year old.
How long to you expect your work shoes to last, especially if you wear them 95% of your work schedule? I do not walk to work, nor do I have much call to walk extensively while at work.
LSC says
I’d expect about a year in your situation. For me it’s less, in reality, because I walk a lot around the campus and wear the same flats almost every day. My most recent pair of Clarks flats were scuffed very easily and wore through at the back of the heel in about six months. I contacted Clarks and they offered 50% off my next pair. But they don’t make the only style I really like anymore. :( So I took the shoes to a cobbler and he was able to repair them pretty nicely for $35.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thanks – that is helpful. Do you have a brand you’ve found to replace that favorite pair, in a similar price range?
hoola hoopa says
I expect more because I hold my shoes to nearly unrealistic expectations, but one year of 95% use is probably fair, especially for a brand that usually sells for ~$60. I wear a lot of clarks and find that quality does vary across models and that they don’t hold up as well as my true all-leather shoes. I usually get 2 years out of them. They work really well for my feet, but it is disappointing when they burn out.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I guess I too have unrealistic expectations. I buy my shoes (everything…) at bargain basement prices, so to feel like I make splurge purchase on something and feel like it doesn’t last any longer is pretty disappointing.
Anonymous says
Ovulation Predictor Kits–love them? hate them?
I was fortunate to get pregnant with my daughter very quickly. It’s taking a bit longer for number two. Normally I would just go with it, but I am still nursing my almost 17-month old 3 times a day, and my period has kind of been all over the place ever since I got it back postpartum.
I’m not interested in full blown charting. It sounds too complicated and I don’t think I would keep up with it. Just wondering if any others used OPKs and found them helpful. Also any particular brand recommendations? Those little things aren’t exactly cheap!
NewMomAnon says
I got some cheap test strips on Amazon – I think we got a bag of dozens of them for under $20. You have to pee in a cup, which isn’t as much fun as holding a stick under the stream, but it was helpful.
On the charting – I kept a thermometer in my night stand and a charting app on my phone, and did the entry first thing in the morning before I got out of bed. I combined that info with the test strips (could also enter that info into the app) and occasionally noting some other things when I remembered. I found it was really interesting and not very complicated.
pockets says
+1 to the Amazon sticks – the brand is wondofo. The thing to remember is that if it’s positive, it’s really freaking obvious it’s positive. If you are kind of squinting and talking yourself into its positiveness, it’s not positive.
octagon says
I will be the voice of dissent here. I found them messy, and I quickly made myself crazy with trying to tell if it was really darker than the previous day’s, or not really. Also depending on your hormones you may only be able to catch the surge for a few hours, and if you don’t test then, you’ll miss it.
The clearblue ones are more expensive but have zero guesswork.
pockets says
I don’t think that’s how they work. From what I understand, there’s no “almost positive” and there’s no day to day comparison because it’s not like the hormone builds up in your system over the course of several days. It’s counterintuitive that way.
Midwest Mama says
I didn’t like Wondofo either. I never got a positive on them, despite testing multiple times per day. Then I switched to First Response and got positives that month from only testing once per day.
Anonymous says
I also never got a positive with wondfo. Well to be fair, the first time it turned out positive was when I was already pregnant, and after 3 positive opks in a row I googled “can an opk be used as a pregnancy test.” Answer- yes!
Knope says
You don’t necessarily have to peen in a cup. I made a “cup” out of the packaging after I took the stick out and peed in there.
MDMom says
Yes same. Charting with an app is not really too difficult and could really improve your odds if breastfeeding is messing with your cycle. I had to take the wondfo tests 2x day to make sure I caught the positive (mine were not that obvious, though it’s easier once you get the hang of it). That gets tiresome, so it helps immensely if you can narrow it to a 3 day range using a bbt tracking app. If your cycle was regular, you’d be fine with just the wondfo strips.
Navy Attorney says
Comparing my tracking to the strips, I was waaayy off, and my cycle was like clockwork. Science!
CLMom says
I used these too. Easy, inexpensive, and effective.
anon says
Wondfo is good, and you can get a huge bag of them off Amazon for very little. Don’t bother with the extremely overpriced Clearblue digital stuff — as long as you can read the little lines on the Wondfo, you’re fine. I didn’t tempt or otherwise chart, but ymmv.
anon says
I used those kits. Tested for a month to get used to the process and see how they worked, then did testing with the intention of gardening in month two.
Due to business travel and moving, only one gardening party in month two, with me using the kit. On the first time the test said it was go time, I told DH we had to garden immediately, had the most perfunctory gardening ever because neither of us actually felt like gardening. Thought nothing of it. Resumed normal life activities. And then my period didn’t show up the next month.
I am the lady who got pregnant on the first try because of those kits. DD is now over a year old.
anon says
ps I was 34.
Anonymous says
Any advice for a 5-year-old who has horrible separation anxiety and refuses to sleep in his bed? TIA. Parents are divorced; I’m the step-mom.
NewMomAnon says
So is the problem only at dad’s house, or also at mom’s house? How many nights does he spend at each house each week?
Persistent, significant sleep disruptions can be a sign that a parenting time schedule isn’t working for a kid. I’d talk with the child’s pediatrician about it. The literature I’ve read on parenting time is that for most kids, they can regularly handle a few overnights in a row by age 4 but still need a “primary” home where they sleep most of the time.
Having said that, I am the “primary” parent for my toddler, and it’s a constant balancing act between her needs and mine (and her dad’s, but he advocates for himself so that isn’t *my* balancing issue). The amount of sleep disruption we get after a prolonged stay at dad’s house suggests that it’s upsetting to kiddo, but I need the time off to be a good parent….so we do it anyway.
Anonymous says
He spends 1 night/week at dad’s house; the rest of the time at mom’s house. They have worked through the sleep issue at mom’s house, but he still wakes at least once/night. The one night a week at dad’s house, he is up 4-5x, every hour or two starting at 11pm, and claims to be up for the day at 5am (then sleeps on the couch watching cartoons with dad from 5:30-7:30ish). Not ideal, I know. But looking for advice.
Meg Murry says
Are you willing to let him sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor of your room, or in the hallway outside your room? Does he share a room at the other parent’s house and is freaking out about sleeping alone at your house? Or do you think this is more of an attention seeking behavior?
FWIW, my 4.5 year old and 9 year old share a room, and whenever the 9 year old isn’t home, my 4.5 year old goes on and on at bedtime about how he doesn’t want to be “a-lonely” by himself in the dark. So far we’ve found that the compromise of turning on the closet light for him so it isn’t dark is generally enough to calm him down. Anything else you could do on that front (night light, flashlight, etc)? Or maybe he would be ok with the promise that an adult will sit with him for X amount of time (10 minutes, 15 minutes, whatever) after lights out, or that an adult will stay upstairs in the room next door for a certain time period?
I think you may need to talk to the other household/co-parent though, because this seems like it could turn into a “but I always do X at mom/dad’s house” and it’s better to both be on the same page if possible.
Anonymous says
It is truly separation anxiety. He will hyperventilate if he doesn’t know where dad is, and will randomly freak out when dad takes the trash out or is indisposed for some reason. He does not share a room at mom’s house or dad’s house. We have replicated as much as we possibly can from mom’s house (same books, same color bedding, same bedtime routine, same dinnertime as much as possible, same night light, same white noise machine, and step-son bring the same stuffies back and forth between the two houses).
Meg Murry says
Given what you say here, I think this level of separation anxiety has reached the level that needs a professional involved, more than just strangers on the internet, however well meaning we are. It sounds like you have done all you can to make things as similar as possible to mom’s house, but this will take time, outside assistance or both.
Is there some external event that triggered this? A friend’s father that recently moved away or left their family or died (or a movie or book about that that scared him)? Was there a period of time before custody arrangements were finalized where he didn’t get to see his dad very often?
Since he’s 5, is he in school (or starting K this fall)? Any chance his school counselor (or daycare or preschool director if he’s not in school yet) could offer some suggestions/techniques or help see if there is some other root to his fears and if you can come up with some additional coping techniques for him.
Is this new? If he’s starting K this year, is he anxious about it? My son got super anxious every year from May until the next school year because of all the buildup about it.
blue says
This may be completely contrary to prevailing wisdom, but I’m thinking if the kid is only there one night a week and the problem starts at 11 pm, can dad just sleep in the kid’s room one night each week? I wouldn’t suggest that as a 7 day/ week solution, but if that is what the kid needs one day each week, I don’t see anything wrong with giving it to him for now.
Anonymous says
Ha, I am tempted to agree with you, but that doesn’t seem to be an option for dad. Maybe it’s worth revisiting…
NewMomAnon says
If it’s not an option for dad, consider whether that is triggering kiddo’s need to be close to dad. Kids can sense when parents are trying to keep them at a distance, and tend to cling even harder (or give up, which is even sadder). If dad gives some focused attention to kiddo and really makes him feel safe, he might get more breathing room.
NewMomAnon says
I actually agree with this advice. One night a week, do what you have to do to help kiddo feel safe. Eventually, he won’t need dad in the same room.
I don’t know about 5 year olds, but I have learned that the ability to sleep alone is a learned skill that takes a lot of work for young children. Before having a kid, I just assumed everyone was born with the ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. Humans are strange.
DC trainer says
I completely agree.
Signed,
Slept in my (single) mom’s room until I was 7 years old
FVNC says
I recently moved and need to have my OB records transferred to my new provider. My previous practice said they would charge per page to send my records to the new provider. Is this typical? Of course I would expect to pay if I were requesting a personal copy, but I’ve never heard of being charged for provider-to-provider transfer. I was with this provider for six years with a high risk pregnancy, c-section delivery, and miscarriage, so the cost of copying all these records at their rate is not insignificant. I’m annoyed, but not sure if I’m entitled to be.
Famouscait says
Annoying, but not uncommon. As you say, the cost is not insignificant, and so your provider is trying to recoup the cost of some that employee time spent sending records. My physician father and I had a spirited debate about just this issue.
Famouscait says
Forgot to add: have them send the records to you, so you can make your own copy to keep for your records, and avoid possibly duplicate expense down the road.
FVNC says
Darn, I was afraid that was going to be the answer. This is a good tip, though, since we will likely be relocating again in a few years.
Meg Murry says
Can you call your new doctor first and ask them? In my state apparently there is a legal max that providers can charge for copying fees, and it’s lower from one provider to another than it is to individuals. In my area some providers also do it as a professional courtesy to each other, or sometimes they can send over more of a summary/background with the major diagnoses, etc instead of every single page.
FVNC says
Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll give this a try.
Closet Redux says
Recommendations for a sulfate-free, tear-free kids’ shampoo? I was surprised to learn that all the kid-brands at my grocery store have parabens and sulfates and was hoping to avoid them, but also get the benefit of being tear-free. Recos?
CHJ says
We use Burt’s Bees Baby Bee Shampoo & Wash. It smells nice, doubles as a body wash, and rinses out very easily.
(was) due in june says
Ditto Burt’s Bees. Subscribe and Save on Amazon for an excellent price.
Anon in NYC says
We use the shampoo+body wash from Honest. No real reason other than we were given some as a gift and we like it.
We tried Babyganics too, which friends use, but I think my daughter developed some eczema from the formula. I think they’re also sulfate and paraben-free, but not 100% sure.
hoola hoopa says
We use CA baby, which is tear free and great for sensitive skin (aveno etc are hard for one child with eczema, ironically). I honestly don’t know what’s in it, but it’s in that general zone of products so worth checking the ingredients.
Liz says
I use Burts Bees as well for my 2 yo girl. Any recommendations for conditioner? My daughter’s fine long hair has been getting really tangled.
PhilanthropyGirl says
We used Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief for about two years – it’s rated a 2 by EWG. I just switched to Babyganics Shampoo+Wash, which has an EWG of 1. The Aveeno Baby is a creamier product, which was causing build up in my son’s thick, curly hair. Thus far I’ve been really happy with Babyganics; pricing is competitive, especially if you can snag it on sale. Neither product is labeled tear-free, but I’ve not noticed any eye irritation with my child.
Not sure if your store is the same as mine, but in my store all the organic type kids wash/shampoo products are in the baby department instead of the drugstore department.
Au Pair says
We are welcoming our first au pair tomorrow afternoon! We are so excited, and a tad nervous. I have poured over the site au pair mom. Any last minute advice on welcoming her?
anne-on says
Are you me? We’re in the same boat – nervous and excited! I’ve been cleaning the house and doing loads of laundry so she (and we!) can have a relaxing ‘getting to know you’ weekend. Other than that, we’ve asked my son to name his favorite spots in town so he can give her a ‘tour’ as we drive around this weekend. I also spruced up our house a little more than normal (flowers, candles, extra cleaning). I realize she’ll soon see what shape its really in but a good first impression is always nice ;)
Au Pair says
Good luck!!! Yes, we (ok, its been mostly me) have been doing the same thing. I’m trying to get things more into place than they normally are and just hoping it stays that way until we descend into our normal level of chaos.
rdresq says
My 7.5 mo daughter loves music. She always loved when I sang songs to her when I was home with her, but it is clear from her first two weeks in daycare that she loves music in general (watching people play guitar, playing with maracas, etc.). Does anyone have any recommendations for musical toys I could get her to play with at home?
AIMS says
Besides a mini piano and maracas and all that? I really like the Mozart Magic Cube. It’s my go-to 1 year old gift, a little younger works too.
rdresq says
Thanks, AIMS! Any brand recs for mini pianos?
rakma says
Munchkin Mozart Music Cube (the one we have seems to be discontinued, the new one looks more like a ball) or the Baby Einstein Baby Neptune Ocean Orchestra — both do about the same thing, and DD still loves the heck out of them at 2 1/2. Each has a button for individual instrument sounds, and one for all the sounds combined, so you can listen to the ‘orchestra’ or turn each instrument on or off individually.
Also, if you’re going to get a maraca or something similar, I’d suggest springing for a real one vs a toy one. DD fell in love with a plastic maraca from a gift shop, and listening to it is the worst thing ever. Shaker eggs are kid friendly and good for little hands, and not super loud.
Anonymous says
My baby likes this one. I am sure you can get it other places– ours was a gift.
[Ed. note: This link was deleted because it was broken, sorry!]
rdresq says
We actually gave this to a friend’s 1 yo as a gift, and when they have played together our daughter liked going after the balls. I think we’ll definitely get this at some point over the next few months.
Anon in NYC says
Egg shakers! My daughter loves them.
Katala says
+1 shakers were great from 6 months on. Musician dad has also accumulated a toddler ukulele, toy xylophone (or 2), a recorder, and by far the most popular, an omnichord. Kiddo “plays” all of them (his reaction when he first blew into the recorder was priceless).
PhilanthropyGirl says
The omnichord. Oh mercy me the omnichord. I have to hide ours because I would much rather he just pound on the piano than listen to the omnichord.
hoola hoopa says
+1000 to the Mozart music cube.
Leapfrog music table. The legs come off, so it can be used flat on the ground for a non-standing baby.
Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Say Please Tea Set
PhilanthropyGirl says
We like the Hape Early Melodies Mighty Mini Band and the Hape Pound and Tap Bench with the Xylophone. Musical DH has accumulated a cheap ukelele, egg shakers, and a small bodhran (Celtic hand drum). Honestly, the toddler would much rather pound on our piano and strum the ukelele than play with a musical toy. And in my house, everything is a drum.
Frozen Peach says
Our kiddo loves music too, and Santa brought her a piano mat– it’s a big fave. So are books that have a musical keyboard attached. I think Elmo’s Piano is a particular highlight…
mascot says
My kid loved this thing from age 1-3. It’s not as horribly out of tune as some of the other kids toys and it has volume control! http://www.target.com/p/b-woofer-hound-dog-guitar/-/A-13527758
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo had one of those and I hated it. It magically disappeared one day….I have no idea where it could have gone….
mascot says
Probably the same magical vortex that took our elmo guitar. Trust me, it was even worse than the b woofer