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Anonymous says
Would love any advice….
My seven year old is a terrible sleeper. She needs me to lay next to her to fall asleep (usually no more than 5 maybe 10 minutes, so I can deal.) But what is driving me insane is the middle of the night wake ups. She wakes up at midnight…two…four…(usually only once per night but sometimes twice) and wants me or my husband to lay with her until she falls asleep. This usually takes 30 to 40 minutes. If we try to just bring her back to her room and turn on her “sleepy music,” she cries. Hysterically. Until we cave and come lay with her for at least half an hour until she’s back asleep. If we try to duck out early before she’s deep asleep, she wakes up and the tears start and we’re back at step one all over again. I’m also desperately trying yo keep her from waking up her five year old sibling with all the crying and hysterics.
This has been going on for months. I haven’t had a full night of uninterrupted sleep in months! It’s worse than the toddler years. Anyone been there/done that? Literally any suggestions welcome. I am SO TIRED!
Anon says
Can you let her come crash on the floor in your room when she wakes up? Or even co-sleep? Our kids are welcome to come in to our room if they wake up, but are under strict orders not to wake us up unless something is really wrong (e.g., puking). That way we get to sleep and they can have closeness if they need it. We figure they’ll grow out of it eventually.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, we’ve let our older kid come sleep in our bed when he’s woken up in the middle of the night – this usually happens around times of change/anxiety, and gets everyone the most sleep.
Spirograph says
This, or if you have a big bed and are a sound sleeper, just let her get in bed next to you. This is what I do, although it’s an ongoing point of contention between me and DH. I generally don’t wake up if a kid slips into bed next to me, but if the kid goes in the middle of the bed (between me and DH) it will wake him up and he gets cranky.
Good luck, OP. Sleep issues are the worst.
Anonymous says
I think a space for her to sleep on our floor may be the answer. She previously crawled into bed with us, but it’s disruptive and still wakes us up – which would be fine if it was occasional and not every flipping night!
Anon says
My theory is that the first step is always to get them sleeping well. The next step is to work on where they are sleeping. Sleep begets sleep.
So Anon says
My almost 9 yo old sounds like OP’s kiddo, and this is what has worked for us. I have a little fold-out mattress/foam pad and put her sleeping bag on top when she is in these stretches. She is allowed to come in as needed provided that she doesn’t wake me up. She also read and worked through the book “What to do when you Dread your Bed,” and loved it. Good luck. Sleep issues are horrible.
EDAnon says
My son also loved and engaged with the Dread the Bed book.
Anonymous says
I think she’s old enough to involve her in making a plan when she’s awake, and then you need to let her cry it out. Move sleeping arrangements if you need to.
Anonymous says
Sadly we have tried making plans. So many plans! That never work. We even set up a reward system if she would sleep in her bed all night. But you are probably right that sleeping arrangements need to change.
Anon says
Plans don’t work well if there’s anxiety involved. I’d focus on sleepy and calm with no hysterics before trying for plans.
Anonymous says
With a 7-year-old, you can absolutely make a plan in advance for what she will do when she is overcome with anxiety. A plan for sleeping on the parents’ floor without waking them up is an excellent one.
Pogo says
I’m a broken record on this, but sleep begets sleep, and if our 5yo is tired, he tends to have a harder time sleeping through the night. Move up bedtime temporarily and see if that helps. Also agree to involve her in the problem solving – why is she having a hard time sleeping? Does she need a nightlight? Music? Is she having growing pains?
FVNC says
We had a summer of transitions that led to some disrupted sleep for our 8 yr old (which finally seem to be resolving). After many discussions, the root of the issue seemed to be that for years I’d been telling her how important sleep is, and so when she started waking in the middle of the night and couldn’t immediately fall back to sleep, she thought something was wrong with her (and that she wouldn’t get that all-important “good sleep”). Once she explained that, we were able to assure her that it’s normal to wake in the middle of the night and that she can turn on her light and read for a few minutes until she’s sleepy again. She’s done that a few times, but mostly she just needed us to help alleviate the anxiety she was experiencing around night wake-ups.
Not at all sure if this will be helpful, but throwing it out there just in case! Sleep issues are the worst, and I hope they sort out soon!
GCA says
+1. I experienced a similar phase when I was 7 or 8 involving anxiety about *not being able to get back to sleep immediately*, which then escalated. Finally my parents said ‘It’s ok if you just read or lie down till you’re sleepy’ and it helped.
Anonymous says
Mom of a cr@p sleeper here who finally FINALLY is getting some sleep. Some thoughts/questions:
– When did this start? Can you pinpoint any kind of cause?
– Does she pee before bed?
– Is she eating enough?
– Is somethign making noise outside?
– growth spurt/ teeth coming in (and would before bed tylenol help?)
– does she have a stuffie to hold?
– Does she have any kind of symptoms indicating she may have sleep apnea (snoring is a big one)
– is she an anxious kid?
My child with sleep issues was basically born with them and MERFICFULLY at around 5.5 they stopped. We’ve seen sleep specialists, done a sleep study, etc. One thing that helped was making sure she was very physically tired before it was time for bed (a long school day wore her out mentally but she was still not physically tired), had a big bedtime snack, went to the bathroom, and got enough but not too much sleep.
My child is also a pretty anxious kid and she would wake up then lay awake unable to fall asleep, likely worrying about not falling asleep. Music was a distraction.
I really, really feel you and can only hope you can sneak in a nap. Our situation got so bad that DH and I would alternate who got to sleep in another room and who would deal with Kiddo when she got up. At one point it was every night AND we had a baby. It was hell.
Pogo says
Little Pogo update on Kinder: “Mommy, they make us sit in circle for a LONG time and we don’t get to play that much. Could you send a note to the office so that I don’t have to sit in circle for that long?” 😂
He also took his doll in his bag, even though I told him they can’t bring toys, but said he wouldn’t take it out of his bag, it just helped him “feel more like home”. He also requested that they add naptime. “Why don’t they have cots at my new school mommy?”
Anonymous says
Oh precocious lamb tearing up reading this.
Curious says
+1
GCA says
I love this. Little Pogo! I feel you. I, too, would like naptime at work.
Pogo says
riiight?! I mean he’s not wrong. More playtime and napping, less work – would be nice. I pointed out he gets LOTS of playtime at before and aftercare, which he begrudgingly agreed was accurate.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Aww, congrats on starting K! My older son also had a hard time with all the sitting and (relative to daycare) lack of playtime. So far, the adjustment to 1st grade seems to be much easier.
Also, welcome to the MA public school system scheduling world – we have another day off already at the end of this month and several early releases, not to mention our breaks!
Pogo says
My only consolation is that half days, Feb/Apr break and full professional days our before/after care still runs (for an additional fee of course). So we have to cover like, Indigenous Peoples’ Day, and last Friday, but not all the total randoms.
Anon says
is your day off at the end of this month Rosh Hashanah? if so, it is not a ‘total random’
Anon says
Thank you. Hate the casual dismissal of all holidays that aren’t the big Christian centric ones.
Pogo says
I meant last Friday Sept 2 was random to me – they give you labor day weekend as a 4-day weekend. I do know when Jewish holidays are…
Anonymous says
Adorable! I am surprised that they don’t have naptime. Our K had naptime and my daughter despised it because she hadn’t napped since age 2 and just had to lie there on a cot being perfectly still and quiet.
Anonymous says
I distinctly remember naptime in kindergarten when *I* was a kid, so I was surprised that my kids’ elementary school didn’t do that. All of my kids could have really used 30 min of quiet time in the afternoon.
Anonymous says
Except maybe in NY, kids are typically about to turn 6 when they start K now. Do 6-year-olds really need naps?
Anon says
“About to turn 6” is a stretch. Many parts of the country have cutoffs in August or September so there are a lot of new 5 year or even not quite 5 year olds in K.
That said I personally would vote for no nap time because I also have a kid who hasn’t napped since 2. This is one reason we’re considering doing half day K because there’s no nap there.
Pogo says
Mine literally just turned 5, and no, he doesn’t need a nap, but if he takes one, he can power through to like 10pm and he would prefer that so he can maximize playtime at home. He admitted to that yesterday!
DLC says
Oh my! Kindergarten is such a big adjustment! (To be fair, some days I want a cot at work…) The first day of school last week, my kiddo didn’t eat the PB&J that I had packed for him because he was so used to being in a nut free preschool. He said, “No one said that it was okay to have peanut butter.”
Pogo says
oh sweet kiddo! Mine was also surprised about being able to have peanut butter.
Leatty says
Ha! My daughter just started kindergarten, and she was really sad that there wasn’t any “lay down time.” She hasn’t napped in years, but still has quiet time at home and, until she started K, had nap time at school where she had to lay down quietly.
Anon says
Who sells Halloween costumes that are basically regular clothes? I know Hanna Andersson has some options and Primary puts out Halloween ideas. I’m curious if there are more options. My 3 year old has been talking about costumes quite a bit but will likely refuse to wear anything that feels too much like a costume.
Lil says
We did character PJs for halloween age 2&3. Hannah has the best but Carter’s has decent option too.
gs says
H&M and Old Navy
Anonymous says
What kind of costume are you looking for?
I love Presley Couture for princess/Disney dresses!
Anon says
At that age I found some glow in the dark skeleton pajamas and she was a skeleton.
Wallflower says
I got Spider-Man PJs from the Disney Store and Batman PJs from Gap Factory
Anon says
You can get a hoodie that has ears or a character face on the hood. You can probably Google whatever you are looking for, but I’ve found them at Gap, Target, H&M, Amazon, etc
Anon says
Old Navy used to carry pajamas that could double as costumes (doctor, astronaut, firefighter uniforms, etc.). I’d check to see what they have.
Anonymous says
Seeking advice/insight on a potty trained toddler who now doesn’t want to use the potty. Basically, now my son (who was day time and nap time accident free for 6 months) now doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing to go use the potty. Or, in the morning, after sleeping for 11 straight hours and has a dry pull-up (so I’m positive he has to go), doesn’t want to use the potty. Even gentle suggestions “Hmmm.. You’ve been asleep for a while. Do you have to use the potty at all?” are met with statements such as “NO! I’m never going to use the potty again!” and “I DON’T have to use the potty!” Pushing it further leads to a temper tantrum. Not pushing it further and leaving him to make his own decision has about 1/3 of the time ended in accidents when he can’t get to the potty fast enough. He doesn’t seemed bothered/phased by the accidents.
We had the easiest time potty training him. He was one of the youngest in his daycare class this past year, and thus saw many other kids using the potty and one day just decided he wanted to do it. So, this is extremely unusual behavior for us. Part of my brain says, “This seems like the three year old behavior you’ve read about – it’s one thing he can control.” On the other hand, DH and I are frustrated that we seem to be regressing. I’ve tried showing him the Daniel Tiger clip about going right away. Any thoughts/tips/tricks/advice are appreciated!!!
Anon says
Can you basically work in a small bribe as motivation?
When he wakes up give him a big hug and then suggests the potty and then cartoons or a breakfast treat. Make it the plan the night before. Suggest that if he has an accident it will delay the treat. Same after naps. Have a favorite snack ready for after he goes potty.
My guess is the resistance phase will be short lived and you will be able to phase out the treat. Going potty after waking up will be routine.
Anon says
My three year old does the same thing and is unfazed by any natural consequences. I know he can do it because he has no problems at daycare. The only thing that works is bribing him by letting him watch a short video – we do that for emergencies, like before a longer car trip. Otherwise we soldier on and try not to push it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hmm, yeah sounds like 3 and not really a regression. My 3 year old will often say “no” when I ask him if he has to use the potty, but he can almost always go once there. If you put him on the potty, will he go? Or do you have to wrestle him on there?
Anonymous says
OP here – We’d have to wrestle him on there and that seems like it would make him double down on not going at all. He will also say he doesn’t have to go at all and then when he finally gets on the potty he pees for 2 minutes straight (so clearly had to go!). After he’s said “no” the only way to get him on the potty is to say that he can’t go in the car and go to wherever we’re going (but this doesn’t work for school, only places that he considers fun, like the grocery store, which is his favorite place in the world. COVID kid…)
Anon says
i don’t know how you are phrasing it, but i’ve found that word choice matters a lot with my kids. so instead of saying you cannot go and do X unless you get on the potty, phrase it as, this is the new family plan, every time we are getting ready to leave the house we all need to try to go potty before we put on our shoes, get our coats, etc. i do wish they would’ve included go potty in the Daniel Tiger morning routine song. and then when they resist, i repeat ad nauseum, we all need to try to go potty before we leave the house. but you need to bring this up at a time when you are not trying to get ready to leave the house, and maybe roll play a bit with some figurines. i also have friends who’ve had success with a checklist.
anonM says
My son was really hard to potty train. He’d do things like this, and also purposely pee when he got mad (like, pulling down his pants to pee, so not even wetting himself, so the normal advice of kids not liking being wet didn’t help). We had to really chill out about it to stop the power struggles. BUT we also did make him help clean it up, including walking dirty clothes/cleaning rags down to the washer machine. I’d also say “it’s potty time” between all transitions instead of asking, talk about listening to your body, and model as an adult (“hmmm, I think I’ll try before we leave just in case!” “oops, I waited too long and now my belly feels so full! Better go to the potty now!”). Sing the DT “stop and go right away” jingle. Anything to get away from the power struggle over this and make it more positive. I say this not as a critique but because I had one kid that was way harder than the other to potty train and it was HARD!
Anon says
i have 4 year old twins who are not at all night trained, but this is a recent problem for us with one of htem as well. she just doesn’t want to stop playing. i see her wiggling around like crazy! sometimes she ends up peeing on the floor. i just keep trying to remind her, and tell her that before we do X, we are all going to try to go potty. it is sooo annoying.
SC says
My son wasn’t potty-trained early, but he was like this when we potty-trained him at 3. He’d wake up dry and pooped in the toilet but would have accidents during the day, especially at home. He did not mind being wet. He did not respond to rewards.
The thing that ultimately worked was to give an external prompt, so it was less about us controlling it. We had a potty watch that set timers to go every hour. (I imagine a simple egg timer would work.) Later, when he was holding it longer (you may be here), we made it part of the routine, like it is at daycares. So, wake up, the first thing we do is sit on the potty. After a meal. Before we leave the house. After play time. After screen time. Etc.
Also, we re-focused on sitting on the potty vs. results. That seemed to deflate some of the need for control.
He’s 7 now, and he still hates to stop what he’s doing to potty and will wait until the last possible second. He also says “no” every single time an adult asks him if he needs to go to the bathroom, even if it’s obvious he does. He doesn’t have accidents, but the difference is probably age/bladder control than behavioral.
DLC says
How do they do it at school? At my kids’ school there is a Bathroom Call tune when all the kids go and sit on the potty whether they have to pee/are toilet trained or not. so we’ve started singing the tune at home at certain times (and in public too). While I feel a little silly singing “This is the bathroom call!” every two hours or before we leave the house, I think having the same routine as at school helps reinforce that bathroom call isn’t optional, and just part of the daily routine.
Anon says
Somebody help me be a compassionate partner.
Husband had COVID, is out of isolation as of Saturday but still feeling bad. Did about 7 hours of activity which resulted in him being in bed for 18 hours afterwards.
Meanwhile, I’m running the house and the kids and the dog and the perfect storm at work. I’m even doing his family events with the kids while he rests. When I had COVID, husband was on a business trip so stayed away while I ‘sucked it up’ and struggled through it. And it sucked.
Any suggestions of what I can do to not build resentment? I already told him we’re getting takeout for dinner. Help me not be so frustrated with him. I was so kind for the first 10 days! I’m just over it.
Anonymous says
Stop. Why are you doing his family events? Don’t. Hire a dog walker on rover.
Curious says
It’s so hard. Commiseration.
anon says
Oh I blew up at my husband two weeks ago for exactly this. I must have scared him straight because he got his act together fast. Weird how that man cold resolved itself! You can be frustrated and unkind sometimes. You don’t always have to be kind and compassionate.
EDAnon says
I try to always be kind but part of being kind (to myself and someone else) is to let them know when I am frustrated. It isn’t kind to let someone do whatever they want with impunity.
OP says
I appreciate the fact that part of this thread is ‘COVID can suck! Give him grace and let him rest!’ And the other half is full on ‘ugh, he needs to pull it together.’
Part of the frustration is that I don’t know if he’s being dramatic or not… I think that I’m gonna be good to go home and not be a jerk today.
EDAnon says
It might be worth being transparent with him. “It’s hard and I am frustrated. I want to take care of you if you need it but I’d like you back if you can do it.” A maybe that will open up what he can do for you, like order takeout tonight!
anonM says
What do you need, that he can handle? Can he do 1 hr an evening where you can leave the house? And/or plan an afternoon with a friend this upcoming weekend so you have something to look forward to?
FVNC says
Agree with the above posted — stop doing all but the bare minimum.
Real talk, though — a good friend had covid and took about 2 months before she didn’t need 12 hours of sleep. She was not being dramatic; this is a woman who previously needed 7ish hrs of sleep to feel great and have lots of energy. I don’t think her experience is particularly unusual. So unfortunately (and unfairly) you may need to set up systems that help you be the primary parent for potentially more than a few more days — cut any extracurriculars you can, and/or hiring lots of help until work calms down. Maybe your husband can facilitate…shouldn’t take that much effort to make phone calls/send emails. So sorry you’re going through this.
anon says
I hate to say it, but I agree. I COMPLETELY get the frustration but I wouldn’t jump to assuming that he’s being a manbaby or whatever. Figure out what he can feasibly do while resting, hire out what you can, and drop the rest. I am really sorry, OP.
SC says
It’s unfair, but the same illness can affect people differently. I would encourage your husband to minimize activity and focus on recovery–it’ll be more efficient in the long run. Meanwhile, you cut family activities down to the bare minimum needed to survive. Getting takeout for dinner should be a given. Hire a dog walker. Buy frozen meals or prepared food from the grocery store and have it delivered. Stop going to family activities. It could be a while.
When I had Covid, I actually felt fine for the first week. (I didn’t even realize my symptoms were Covid until the end of the week, when I had shortness of breath.) But after day 10, I felt really fatigued and coughed a lot for a couple of weeks. I don’t think I contributed much to family life for a week or two.
Anonymous says
I am going to push back on the idea that he needs to suck it up and jump back into life full steam ahead. It’s absolutely a real thing that people recovering from COVID (and those with long COVID) can be completely exhausted by just a little bit of normal activity or mild exercise. There is some evidence that pushing too hard too soon makes it worse. What really needs to happen here is that the load on both of you needs to be lightened. It’s time to skip all family events and other extra obligations, order in dinner every day, hire a house cleaner temporarily, bring in a weekend babysitter, or whatever it takes for the next couple of weeks.
Anon says
This.
Anon says
+1000. This isn’t your husband’s fault (and it’s not your fault). Change the system instead of the expectations.
OP says
Thanks. And that’s the challenge, I know this isn’t his fault but I’m just generally frustrated that it feels like I was expected to push through when I was exhausted too.
And I think I need to just give myself some space to be annoyed too. Back to school is a LOT. Back to school plus big work deal plus husband out of commission is just genuinely frustrating and overwhelming
Anon says
I totally hear you. It’s not easy on the caregiver – no way is it easy. Anything you can do to let him rest while making it easier on yourself will help you all get through this. I went through the same thing with my husband (feeling exhausted but knowing he needed rest) and I’m glad we’re done with that now.
Anonymous says
My husband likes to deny that he’s sick and push himself too far. This has led to multiple episodes of his passing out, which results in an ambulance ride and hours in the ER. It’s far more expensive and disruptive than just admitting he needs to rest. Don’t push your husband to be like mine.
Anonymous says
Use your words? I’m wiped from taking care of everything while you have been sick. I’m booking a spa day/hotel overnight – there there any weekends in mid-late sept that you will be out of town on business?
OP says
Ahhh… kind compassionate me did say something like this…
Over it me may have signed up for cheap flight alerts and considering booking a ticket to Zanzibar for a weekend…
Curious says
Hi there. Another sleep ish question. My 11-month-old appears to be getting daycare virus number three (#2, it turns out, was not RSV, once we swabbed, just a hell of a “cold” that had my husband in bed with a fever for five days).
Anyway, she was up half the night last night with a high pitched wailing cry. Congested for sure. Keeps bumping her head as though she forgot where it was. No fever, Tylenol helped less than I’d expect, sucked down midnight milk (she’s been weaned from night feeds for a while except when sick). She’s cutting at least one and possibly three molars. One is already through. Any idea what might help her sleep better? Why she keeps bumping her head? We really could use more sleep, and we feel terrible for her.
TheElms says
Bumping head sounds like ear infection to me. When you have an ear infection your sense of balance is often affected. On the plus side if it is an ear infection, doctor can tell you in a 5 minute visit and 24 hours of antibiotics will make a world of difference. I would call ped now for an appointment.
FVNC says
Yup, ear infection was my first thought, too. Our now-5 yr old had chronic ear infections that always presented with pain at night even if there was no fever and he seemed fine during the day. Agree that you should see your ped or urgent care. Hope you all get some rest soon!
Anonymous says
Tylenol is useless for pain for many people. Have you tried ibuprofen?
Curious says
Thank you all!! no ear infection as of now, but her ped said there’s fluid in there and to try ibuprofen. It was helpful to have her seen.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve missed you all! Been on “vacation” (family trip), then a few days off last week. Two unrelated questions:
Those with lego fans, what do you all do with your kids’ legos? My older son likes to put together the increasingly bigger and bigger sets, and doesn’t ever want to take them apart after. So we’ve now filled his shelves in his room with his creations, and it’s starting to take over the downstairs playroom. I enjoy legos too and I love that he enjoys making them, but I worry that we’re going to become that family with a whole room just full of shelves of legos. Do you all keep it to one room, and cycle the creations out as they make more? Although I’m not sure what to do with those massive City ones that all connect into a large structure.
Two, when will my threenager be sweet again?! Ugh… so much whining and unreasonableness from him lately, and he’s mostly done with naps, so it’s all day of this on the weekends. My older son had a tougher toddler time in general but kid 2 seems to be following the threenager pattern exactly (2 was so sweet), so I’m hoping for some end date. 4? 4.5?
anon says
I have one kid who prefers Lego free play, and another who wants to keep the fully assembled sets together. We have a long shelf in his room where he can display his finished pieces. Cycle through as needed.
Pogo says
The diversity in Lego builders is so interesting to me. Mine likes to put together once, and then he always makes mods and often just totally takes them apart to do free play. He also combines Legos with magnatiles and other small figures and vehicles for elaborate pretend play that spans days. I cannot imagine him keeping a fully assembled Lego set and just looking at it on a shelf! Would of course prefer that to the playscapes set up in the house that we have to be careful not to disturb… also DH gets irrationally annoyed when he helps LO put them together (like if he does a 7+ set) and then it just gets taken apart.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I feel your DH – those sets take a lot of effort! There is some satisfaction in putting it all together. And yeah, he used to do a lot more free play with trains and whatnot, but the legos must stay together once made. It’s more about the putting it together for him at this point, I think. But does limit our space (and is $$$!) He’ll play with the City ones that have buses and fire stations and other things you can move around, so that’s a plus for those.
Cb says
Same here, my son does them once or twice and then deconstructs them to use them for something else.
ANon says
omg, my twins were the best at age 2, and starting at 3.25 grr. now they are 4 and DH and I are always like ‘can they be 2 again’. so i dont know, but major commiseration
Anon says
My kid sounds similar and is almost 5 now. 4 has been overall much better for us than 3, but I’m not sure “sweeter” is the adjective I’d use? She definitely has very sweet moments, but she did at age 3 too. The biggest changes between 3 and 4 have been more independence and more ability to cope with emotions and not meltdown whenever she’s frustrated or doesn’t get something she wants. In terms of teenager behavior (sassiness, talking back, whining etc) it’s actually worse at almost 5 than it was at 3, sorry to say. Increased verbal skills and cognitive abilities means she can really verbally spar with us now.
anon says
We had a bummer of a holiday weekend. I had surgery a little over a month ago, and my energy levels still vary a lot depending on the day. This means I haven’t been planning many outings or activities at all. Or I’ll make a decision in the morning when I have a better idea of how I’m feeling that day. I was TIRED this weekend, and my kids were bored and miserable. I took one kid (7) to the park several times, and the other (11) had way too much screen time. Partner was working most of the weekend (he has a football-adjacent job, so this is my life for the next three months). I can only entertain my 7-year-old for so long before I start losing my mind; she’s in a super clingy phase. I have used the tactic of inviting a friend over to play. The upside is that she stays occupied and happy. The downside is that there is usually a huge mess to clean up afterward. I am so over it. It took my daughter close to an hour to pick everything up after the last playdate. I have tried to set up more rules and boundaries around what they can play with … still waiting to see if that approach works. They’re both good kids and play together with zero drama, so part of me thinks I just need to s&ck it up and deal.
Help? I hate wasting weekends this way. I’m sick of not having much energy, am bored with everything in my house, and have already cut corners to the point where I feel like my kids are getting lazy and feeling entitled to screen time and other devices.
Anonymous says
Why does it matter if she took an hour to clean up? If you’re tired and don’t want to plan activities, what is the problem with screen time? You’re tired. Rest. Your kids are nice kids and they’re entertaining themselves with screen time. Let it be.
Pogo says
+1 lower your standards. You’re doing great.
Spirograph says
I have to get out of the house on the weekends. Hikes and bike rides, even if my kids complain about them at first, are good at snapping everyone out of a funk and keep the house from getting destroyed, but if you don’t have the energy for that… even a trip to the library might be a helpful change of scenery.
Can you call in some help from friends? If a friend or neighbor said “I’m exhausted, can [7 year old] spend some time at your house today so I can get some rest?” I’d be happy to let the kids invade my house or yard for a couple hours.
Chl says
I frequently get a babysitter for 2 hours on a weekend afternoon. It gives me some time to step away for sanity. You need help!
EDAnon says
I love getting a sitter on holiday weekends, because we had tons of family time together so it doesn’t feel like “missing out” to me to be away for a bit. Any weekend is fine (we can and do!) but holiday weekends are even better times for sitters in my mind.
SC says
Commiseration. We also had a bummer of a 3-day weekend. Kiddo had a GI bug from Tuesday through Sunday, and yesterday we stayed home crossing our fingers he was over it. (He is, and he went to school today!) I caught the GI bug on Friday and was sick or recovering through Sunday as well. We couldn’t have family or friends over because we were sick. Also, Kiddo has ADHD, but we didn’t give him his stimulant while he was sick because of its side effects. On Saturday and Sunday, when he was feeling a bit better, he alternated between tired/clingy/whiny and hyper/sensory seeking/using parents as jungle gym. It was exhausting. Also, Kiddo had approximately 40 hours of screen time last week, and the only positive is that yesterday he was finally bored of screens. The downside is that he spent half of yesterday telling me that everything in our house is boring but then refused to do anything with me.
On Friday, DH took Kiddo to the doctor. He brought the iPad with him for the wait in the doctor’s office but left it on the roof of the car. The iPad, which was technically mine, is now roadkill. I no longer have my own laptop or tablet I can use for work. (I can use DH’s laptop.)
And on Sunday, I spent 4 hours getting papers together for our 2021 taxes.
You’re recovering from surgery. Focus on yourself, rest, let your kids watch screens, let your 7 year old have a friend over. You’ll feel better and can re-set family expectations then.
Allie says
What about meeting up at a park or event for a playdate? That’s common where we live and you won’t have to deal with a mess.
Anon says
It requires much more parental involvement though. I actually think play dates at home are much easier because the kids are entertained by all the new toys and I barely see them.
As for cleanup I’d say 1) lower your standards or 2) let your kid do it. Who cares if it takes her an hour?
Anon says
Anyone with a toddler who banged their head against the door? How do I stop them or any ideas on how to pad the door so it doesn’t hurt him? I’m concerned he will hurt himself. I’ve explained to him that he can bang his hands on the door but not his head. He is currently in a stage with some very big feelings.
We transitioned to a toddler bed (I’m the one with the kiddo catapulting out of the crib) and when he is upset about sleeping he bangs his head on the door until we open it. Room is otherwise childproof and returning to the crib is not an option bc he will come out and commence the head banging.
Pogo says
I feel you. Mine is a thrower (will chuck things at the door), not a banger, and I sometimes wish I could put him in a padded room when he’s really flipping out. The best I can do is to hold him and tell him I won’t let him hurt himself, and eventually he does calm down and will lay in bed. We have to outlast him. It is brutal (luckily now at 5 it is only when he is overtired or otherwise dysregulated).
We did have some luck at that age w/ an extra tall baby gate – until he figured out how to open it.
Anon says
Any advice for weaning a stubborn, paci-obsessed almost 2.5 year old off of the paci? He only gets it for nights and naps but he’s literally in love with it and has slept beautifully with it since he was an infant. The dentist said his teeth look fine but that we should try to get him to drop it before/around age 3, if possible. I don’t want to give up my nighttime sleep but it will probably only get harder to drop it as he gets older, right?
TheElms says
We did naps first (because I was afraid of messing up night sleep) at a little older than 2 and then night time about 4 months latter at about 2.5. For naps we gave her a new special stuffed animal and some chew teethers that she picked out. It definitely messed up naps for a couple weeks (as in they didn’t happen), but after that she figured it out. She was still in a crib at that point so there wasn’t a ton she could do even if she just fussed/cried for an hour instead of napping. For nights we did the Paci Fairy with a 2 week countdown and a special present from the fairy. We wrote a letter to the fairy with a requested present and then the fairy brought the present. Night time was actually less of a big deal and only disrupted sleep for a couple days.
Binkie Fairy says
We struggled with this, too. First, we stopped sending it to daycare for week day naps. Then, we started talking about the binkie fairy coming to take it away and getting a prize in return. Eventually, we talked about it so much that she started to echo it back to us. Then, one day she didn’t ask for it before nap, and I didn’t offer it. Never used it again. She asked a few times, I explained the binkie fairy took them, and she was satisfied with that explanation. She was just over 3 when that happened. We did have sleep problems, but it could have been the cold she got right after, bad dreams, etc. I think it helped that she was a bit older because she “understood” that the binkie fairy took them for the little babies, the little babies needed them, etc.
FVNC says
I don’t remember the exact details of weaning our now almost-9 yr old off her beloved paci at around age 2.5 – 3, BUT, just wanted to say that we had similar fears and it was MUCH easier than anticipated. So, just go for it, and I bet it’ll be okay. If not, try again in 3-4 months. Good luck!
Allie says
We used the internet “give to a baby” idea and then let her do some big girl thing (I forget what). She was hyped at the idea in advance but it totally backfired — she has adamantly fought giving absolutely anything away since I has come to resent babies. So maybe the fairy is a better idea?
EDAnon says
Ours loved his paci, so we took our time. Like others, we stopped sending it to daycare. Then, dropped it for home nap. I love sleep so we kept it at night for a lot longer. We talked a lot about how big kids don’t use them (and his big brother way never into them which helped). He finally asked us not to give it to him anymore right when he turned 3 since he was “a big kid now.”
Doctor issues says
Has anyone else’s doctors officers been a bit of a disaster lately? I’m pregnant and reaching a point where I’m wondering if I need to switch providers. I think it’s the result of the nursing shortage, but messages take days to get a response and when I finally get one it is very unhelpful and makes me question if they asked the doctor at all.
For example, this is not my first pregnancy and I am high risk for preeclampsia. In the past I’ve been told at 12 weeks to start taking baby aspirin daily. This time, I’m well into the second trimester and just realized I haven’t been told anything. I have a message in, but the fact that they didn’t say anything about it proactively makes me worried that something else will be missed.
I also messaged them because I caught hand foot and mouth from my toddler, and the response from the nurse was basically, “well, there’s nothing you can do about it now.” Which I guess is literally true, but I was hoping for some reassurance or info about whether or not I needed to be worried about HFM in pregnancy.
I loved my OBGyn previously, but honestly since covid things are been — not as great. I’m not sure if switching will be better or if this is just how it is now everywhere.
If I switch providers I likely will need to deliver at a hospital that is much farther from my house. So that’s weighing in favor of staying the course. But ugh.
Anonymous says
It was this way for all of our doctors’ offices even before COVID. They treat people as objects and revenue sources. That is just the way the health care system works. Once you actually get access to a doctor (or more often, a good nurse practitioner) you may get good service in the moment, but there is no follow-up and the system is designed to restrict your access.
Anon says
not mine. they used an online messaging system and every message was returned within 48 hours by the doctor or her nurse (who was wonderful)
Anon says
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’ll say that for my last pregnancy, I was at a very small practice (3 midwives) and it was SO much better in terms of responsiveness, etc.
In case it helps, my daughter had HFM when I was pregnant and my midwives said it’s not of particular concern to the baby. We tried to disinfect as much as possible and I did manage to avoid getting it – hope you avoid it too!
OP says
Thanks. Unfortunately I didn’t avoid it!
Anon says
I would talk to your doctor about this issue and your concerns at your next visit. It may be that she has a new hire who isn’t triaging messages appropriately, and the OB may not be aware it’s an issue. It also sounds like many of your messages in the past may have been triaged due to their nature or you being high-risk whereas your recent messages have not been super urgent.
Also, fwiw, I found I got faster responses from my OB when I called instead of leaving a message. She may also give you a way of getting in contact with her more directly since you are high risk.
Anonymous says
This was my experience while pregnant in early Covid, and I wouldn’t be surprised if things are the same now given that a lot of doctors retired/were pushed out and not replaced while they were actively discouraging people from going to the doctor plus the nursing shortage. For starters, I would mention this lack of response, etc. specifically at your next appointment, and ask if they prefer messages through your online chart or phone calls.
Anonymous says
Does anyone here have a cargo bike for their kids? And are they enjoyable to ride? We’ve started browsing with the idea that we could bike the school commute and also take family rides on weekends. But I’m not sure which type would make most sense (front seating with those sort of buckets, back seating with the bars, etc). Our kids are 3.5 and 1.5, so we want something that will work for a while. DS is over the weight limit for the single seats you can attach to an adult bike, hence our interest in something that would be a step up from that. I really know nothing about the options–pls help!
Momofthree says
We are an e-cargo bike family & try to commute with it daily in DC.
1) look for family biking Facebook groups in your area
2) Test drive different bikes (I find the bucket/ box in the front two-wheel bikes extremely difficult to maneuver, much to my husband’s chagrin). The Facebook groups can be one good way to get access to different bikes to try.
3) Decide on price point ahead of time- e-bikes can be anywhere from 2k-10k+. Also recognize that this price doesn’t approve accessories.
4) Figure out which companies your local bike shops are familiar with/ dealers for. You will need to do routine maintenance and you want people that know how to work on your bike.
5) Check on compatibility across systems- for the 1.5 year old, you’ll probably want a yeti-seat so you’ll need to make sure that the yeti will actually fit on the frame.
My husband has become a bit of an expert on family cargo bikes. We recently purchased a RadWagon and were happy with it, only to discover that there was some unexplained tire failure and they recommended not riding the bike for a month. We decided to return it & go with a higher end brand b/c we didn’t want to deal with the time associated with getting it and hope that moving up the price chain will help with some of the maintenance issues. We know lots of other families that are happy with their RadWagon though.
SBJ says
Yes! I have a Tern GSD and I *love* it!!! I have mine set up with a half bench and a Yepp seat; it can be configured with two Yepp seats and comfortably haul my very large 2.5 year old and slightly big 4.5 year old or 6.5 year old. I can also comfortably take the two big kids when I make the back a full bench. The motor makes it really easy to bike anywhere. I really the Tern because the wheels are small and the kids sit low, so it feels really stable. It’s also just built to be kind of idiot-proof and super easy to use, which as someone who is a perfectly fine cyclist but not a bike nerd, is exactly want. It is expensive, but I actually use it and it’s so easy that to me it was worth it. My husband has Surly Big Dummy and he loves it, for me it’s too big. I see a bunch of Yuba, RadWagon, and a Xtracycle around my town, too. I think it comes down to price and personal comfort. I bike my kids to/from school and I love sneaking in some exercise during the school/daycare runs.
Nihola fan says
I have the basic Nihola and I love it for school and farmers’ market runs. My kids love it too. It can fit two young kiddos and a reasonable amount of groceries. It is super stable in most circumstances (not when taking curves really fast, though) and not too heavy (80 lbs unloaded).
The only US dealer that I know for it is just outside Sacramento and really stands behind Niholas.
OP says
Thank you! I’ll check these out!
Anonymous says
We have a Yuba, which has been great for our two boys. We use it a ton for school runs and for tooling around our part of the city. Kids are now 3 and 6, but we’ve been using it in various configurations on the back since the littlest one was 1.5. My biggest complaint with it has to do with the fact that my husband bought the bike and then added the motor after market, which he did by adding it to the top of the crossbar, which now makes it pretty hard for me to get my leg up and over on the bike. (It’s a double issue because the bike is pretty heavy, so I don’t want to be fidgeting with extra balance issues.) That’s probably an avoidable problem, but it’s my big gripe. Otherwise, we love having the cargo bike for the family!
Anon says
My husband left ALL of our car windows open last night and it’s been pouring rain for the first time in months. Our car is soaked and I am… very frustrated. We’re calling local detailing places to see if they can help air it out but wondering if anyone has tips? I really don’t want our car to smell/mold if we can avoid it. :(
Spirograph says
Anecdata: My car has fallen victim to similar mishaps on more than one occasion and it’s never gotten smelly or moldy from rain (from various kid activities, on the other hand…). Towel off as much as you can including soaking up the seats, and leave the windows open on days that it’s not raining in the near future. It will air out fine on its own.
Anonymous says
Do you have a shop/wet vac? Take it and do the carpets first. If you have cloth seats you may need a pro but my leather seats have been fine after rain and snow (which is why we buy leather).
anon says
Get a wet/dry shop vac and vacuum up as much of the water that you can. (And by you, I mean your DH.) Let it air dry. It will be OK.
Anonymous says
I did this last year during a snowstorm and the car was fine, so you might get lucky!
Anon says
In addition to the shop vac point above, if you have access to a garage I would park it in the garage, open all the doors and run a dehumidifier for a few days to help continue to extract water.
Allie says
We did that, sadly. I found a guy via yelp who worked at a detailing place and did his own after hours — he came the next day after work, did an amazing job, and the car is totally fine so I’d look around on yelp if there is someone who comes to you if you local place can’t fit you in.
Deedee says
First CMoms post—got my positive pregnancy test today! Now accepting all pregnancy related reccs from you wise ladies!
An.On. says
Congrats!
Anonymous says
Congrats!!! You will want to get a pregnancy pillow for sleeping, like Pharmedoc. Don’t put off getting comfy maternity clothes! I was super bitchy in too tight pants for way too long. I used Le Tote to rent maternity clothes for work. And start stocking your freezer with meals. Pretty soon you will be too tired to make food. If you drop a burner email I can share my Google doc of all the baby items we used in my son’s first year (he’s 2 now).
Curious says
I batch cooked when nesting at 39 weeks, and that was about the earliest I had energy and lack of aversions, so your mileage may vary!
EDAnon says
Congrats and welcome!
Anonymous says
Congratulations! There’s not much to recommend at first, just take your vitamins! Maybe double check that your skincare routine is pregnancy safe. Ginger chews may help with nausea. And maybe treat yourself to a nice water bottle — you’ll be drinking a lot of water!
Vicky Austin says
Deedee! Yay! So glad you’re here! Congratulations!
Deedee says
Vicky I am so happy to be here and touched by your comment!
anon says
Can anyone recommend artificial turf that’s kid safe? (I know it’s plastic, but limiting off gassing and toxic stuff as much as possible.) What’s your experience with artificial turf? It’s for a small area in our backyard. We have a toddler and a dog, and are in a drought area. There’s currently bad looking real grass in the area. I’d like something relatively soft for him to play on. We don’t want to water and mow.
Anonymous says
Emily Henderson wrote on her blog about putting artificial turf in the backyard at her mountain house. There might be some useful info there.
Anonymous says
We have friends that out turn around their pool (which looks great) but FYI it gets HOT. Like hotter than cement hot. May not work if the idea is to make it kid friendly.
anon OP says
Thank you, that’s good to know. We’re in SF (and in a foggy neighborhood) where normally I would say it never gets hot, but today it is SWELTERING.
Anonymous says
I posted about our friends above and we are in the Boston area. Days when you can’t walk barefoot on cement are days you can’t use the turf.
Allie says
Not what you’re asking but what about mini clover? No mowing and kid friendly . . .
Anon says
No recommendations but please update if you go with it! I want something toddler friendly for our small, highly shaded patio and have been thinking about artificial turf.
Anonymous says
We have a small very shady area where nothing would grow (grass/ivy/etc) and put artificial turf in it and love it. An unused part of the yard is now used all the time by our toddler and older child. It’s great in the summer for splash pool/pad. Wish we had done it sooner. It is $$ though for the professional install (which is probably necessary if you want it to look good).
Anon OP says
Yeah I’m a little worried that my DH is going to want to DIY this. I just read the Emily Henderson post recommended above, and that made me think I definitely need a professional installer.
Anon says
What are your favorite bento-style lunch boxes for a 4 year old? The Bentgo Kids box we have does not seem to fit enough food for my 4 year old any more.
Anon says
We’ve used YumBox for a few years and have been very happy. The container is the same size as Bentgo, but with less plastic so there is more room for food.
We just got a larger YumBox model this year that’s meant for teens, but will be used by my 9 yo for salads which are less calorie dense and need a bit more volume to fill her up.
Anan says
We’ve been using the Sistema lunch togo box for years. They aren’t fancy, but they are roomy and inexpensive and can be washed in the dishwasher. Best for non-liquid foods, but there is an additional container that comes with that you could use for yogurt or salsa or what not.
Side by side stroller says
What side by side stroller do you have and what do you love/dislike about it?
Baby #2 arrives in January, Baby #1 will be 27 months. We love to get outside for walks in all weather, live in a sidewalk-filled small town, car has a large enough trunk for any stroller and I’m not concerned about weight.
(Has to be side by side b/c baby #1 is too tall for any of the tandem/stacked models).
anonM says
You might want to look at some of the sit-and-stand double strollers or wagons.
TheElms says
Does your current stroller have a piggyboard attachment? That’s what we did for our then 2.5 year old, who is also too tall for most strollers. If you think your 2 year old will not want to ride or walk initially I would put 2 year old in single stroller and baby wear. If you really want a double for long walks I would say the double bob is the best but its huge and so heavy.
Side by side stroller says
Thanks! We currently have the Vista but we’re in a hilly area and I’ve been told that the standing attachment won’t be a great option. The double bob is only 6lbs heavier than the Vista so i’m not too worried about the size/weight issue.
Double Bob says
Double Bob! We love ours and use it for everything.
Side by side stroller says
Some additional context:
– we live in hilly area, and other moms and nannies have said that the ride along boards don’t work well here b/c of the hills
– Baby #1 will outgrow the current stroller before baby #2 gets here, so putting her in our existing single stroller and babywearing #2 won’t work.
TheElms says
Outgrow how? My now 3 year old is 40-41 inches and I think technically exceeds the height requirement for the Cruz but still fits in it fine. It may not work to use the stroller as a double, but it should be fine for continued single use.
Side by side stroller says
Outgrow height-wise. She’s 39 inches tall at 22 months.
EDAnon says
Our kids are 25 months apart. We have loved the Baby Jogger City Mini double. I did a ton of research before picking it and it has been great! Our 6yo still rides in it sometimes. A friend of ours (with a wider age gap) also bought it and use it a ton.
Anonymous says
Same. Mine are older now but we had a tandem sit-and-stand between kids 1 and 2 who are almost 3 years apart and it was great. #2 and #3 were 23 months apart and that stroller was a complete no-go (#2 didn’t want to sit in back). We swapped for a City Mini Double and it was perfect.
Anonymous says
Stroll Air Duo
Anonymous says
Bumbleride Indie