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This is a know-your-office situation, but this chambray blazer may now have a place in your 9-to-5 wardrobe.
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Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
anonchicago says
New to the mom board but long time reader on the main board. Any tips on dealing with antivax parents?
First time (and honestly probably only time) mom here. I’m 9 weeks along with our first, a happy surprise as we were planning to start IVF soon. My mom has strong feelings about vaccines and medicine in general that started when I was in high school (so, early 2000s) and has only gotten worse. My brother and her have not spoken in over a year due to her refusal to get the COVID vaccine and him shutting down her nonsense. My parents are long divorced and my dad is basically out of the picture, so my mom is the only family I have.
I had a discussion with my mom last night about getting the pertussis vaccine before meeting her grandchild and it did not go well. I feel like I am compromising a lot by not requiring COVID and flu vaccines, and I am pushing pertussis because it is so deadly to babies. My DH backs me up completely; he has many MDs in his family and no patience for pseudoscience. I want my mom there after I give birth and to know her grandchild, and my mom cries about how no one visits her anymore and she will have to spend holidays alone while all I can think is that getting a quick shot would clear this all up. Oh, and she smoked for 50 years so the idea of not wanting poison in her body is laughable to me.
On the flip side, my ILs mean well but live in a totally different environment – upscale suburb where everyone is vaccinated and voted for Biden. My FIL gave me a hard time recently for visiting my mom when she’s not been COVID vaccinated and acted like my mom’s vaccination status is something I could influence (lol, I wish). They will visit when the baby is born and are great grandparents to their other grandchildren, but aren’t really a source of emotional support for me.
I basically feel totally alone, and I know my mom expects me to cave on the shot because she expects everyone to bend to what she wants. My DH supports me and my decision, but doesn’t really understand the emotional minefield I’m dealing with right now.
I’ve read this is the start of many debates with grandparents over children and it’s really demoralizing so far.
Anon says
Sorry you are dealing with it. You are completely reasonable and within your rights to require that anyone who comes in contact with your vulnerable infant is vaccinated against pertussis, flu, and covid. Many grandparents come around when that is the requirement for meeting a grandchild – my BFF just went through this and, lo and behold, the grandparents realized getting vaccinated was a small price to pay for meeting their grandchild. Perhaps you can “blame” the pediatrician for the requirement? And certainly don’t let her meet the baby before the 2 month shots if she is not vaccinated.
If she is not willing to respect your wishes to protect your child in this, I hate to say it but you will need to seriously consider whether you want her in your child’s life – as you said there will be many, many issues to navigate ahead.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hugs. This is tough. Easier said than done of course, but if your mom refuses the pertussis vaccine, then I would not let her visit the baby for the first 6 months, or however long it takes for baby to be eligible. We drew a hard line with grandparents and made them get this vaccine and the flu shot (this was all pre-Covid, but would probably require that one too now). MIL grumbled, but her desire to see her first grandchild overcame that. This is a safety concern that I would put my foot down on. And in the future, anything related to safety is your call – if she for instance refuses carseat safety, doesn’t follow latest sleep guidelines, etc., that would also be a hard line for me.
And therapy for you because it’s not easy to draw boundaries with a parent. Oh and congratulations on the baby!! I hope you can find the support that you need.
Anon says
+1 i’m sure this is hard, but I agree. We mandated flu and pertussis vaccines and didn’t let anyone meet baby who wouldn’t get one. I have a friend of a friend whose child died of pertussis so the risk feels real and not hypothetical to me. Covid vaccines I’d probably be ok with them not having if they’d agree to rapid test at our door and not come until the rest returns a negative, but there aren’t rapid tests for other viruses.
Anon says
+1 I drew a hard line as well on TDAP and flu shot (this is all pre-covid) for anyone who wanted to see the baby (grandparents, great-aunts, my sisters, friends-), although my mom was going through chemo at the time so there was additional pressure there too since her doctor was requiring flu shots for anyone interacting with her too. Either she can get the shot now or she can wait to see your kiddo until kiddo has the first TDAP (I think that is 2 months maybe?) or after flu season passes. And in the meantime, I would definitely suggest getting a doula to provide some support for you because it sounds like your mom won’t be in a position to provide it. TBH, the COVID piece bothers me less since vaccination seems to protect the infected person not necessarily prevent the ability to infect others, and you could always require masking around the newborn or do daily rapid tests before and during the visit. But TDAP I would for sure hold firm on.
Anne-on says
+1 – in our case my inlaws are just afraid of doctors and didn’t want the pertussis vaccine. We told them no shot and they couldn’t meet the baby until 6mos, held firm, and wouldn’t you know, they got the shot.
I’m sorry, it’s really hard when your parent is being difficult instead of supportive. I’d suggest therapy – having your own child is when you really need to make the mental shift from placing a relationship with your parent above many things to placing the needs of your baby above other people’s wants and desires.
Anonymous says
Yeah just sympathy. My besties have a 2 week old who has not met his only living grandparent because she won’t get TDap. It’s sad for all of them but not as sad as a sick baby.
Anon says
Congrats! This is such a tough spot to be in. Not to name call out the gate, but it sounds like your mom is a bit of a narcissist. I can relate. When my daughter was about 8 weeks old, my mother was adamant about visiting while sick (coughing, sore throat, etc.). This was right before covid gained traction. The amount of tears and push back I received for telling her ‘no she could not visit my infant while she was sick’ was shocking. She even went to her doctor to prove to me it was “just a cold” to learn she had walking pneumonia.
Some things to factor, I was told infants under 3 months that develop a fever have to go to the ER. That and you’ll be having a baby in the late fall/early winter, aka peak cold and flu season. If those facts alone do not push your mom to get vaccinated to protect your kiddo, this might be one of those instances to lean into your momma bear instincts and tell her she’ll have to wait to meet them then until their immune system is more developed. Your kiddo will have years to get to know your mom. Lots of kids during covid did not/have not seen their grandparents for a year plus. So a couple of months in the grand scheme of things can be ok.
Overall, so sorry this has to be the forefront of your thoughts at such a happy time. Hang in there momma.
Anonymous says
It’s not just an ER visit – under a certain age, it’s a spinal tap. Not something to mess around with. Best wishes as you deal with this.
anon says
When I was considering letting my mom (who is otherwise vaccinated, but refuses flu shots) visit my baby during flu season, I consulted my pediatrician.
She told me exactly what she’s had to do to care for little babies (spinal tap, etc) who get a fever. It was chilling enough that I barred visits until flu season was over and baby was much bigger.
TLDR: talk with your pediatrician.
So Anon says
First of all, big congrats!! I want to second/third all of the comments about finding a therapist to support you through this. My gut and experience tells me that this will not be the last issue to arise with your mom over similar (or other totally random) issues. Just to repeat back to you what I heard in your message: This is about more than just anti-vax. Your brother has cut off his relationship with his mom, which is not an action people take lightly. Your mom complains that no one visits her, which may be based on anti-vax (but probably has to do more than just anti-vax). You have asked that your mom get a shot to protect your brand new child from a lethal disease. She is used to crying/whatever and getting her way.
You are being reasonable, but your mom is not. You are the mom, and your rules go. You are totally reasonable to insist on TDAP, covid and flu vaccines prior to visiting you or your baby. It really hurts when you see that the one member of your family that feels so important may not be the support that you wish they were. There is hurt and grief in that. I highly recommend checking out the work by Dr. Ramani (you tube) that may resonate with you; there are also great books out there for dealing with these type of issues.
Spirograph says
Congrats on your pregnancy! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s really sad how so many people have been poisoned with anti-vaccine nonsense. But… this would be a hard line for me, too, so I think you and your husband are absolutely in the right to treat an updated TDAP as a requirement for spending time with your infant. There are a lot of resources about how to talk to anti-covid-vax people, and I think all the same would apply here. You can listen to her concerns and make her feel heard and respected without giving ground, and doing so might help her come around on this.
After that, though, I know my OB had brochures targeted at grandparents explaining the importance of the TDAP shot and the ease of getting it. Grab one, and send it to your mom. Tell her that this is non-negotiable for you, and you hope she’ll respect that so she can be there for you and her new grandchild in early days. If there’s anyone else who could lean on her – friends, other family members, etc – enlist their help. I hate to say this, but I’d also ask her to show you proof of vaccination once she gets the shot. Better to have *that* fight than one about a betrayal of trust if she lies just to see your baby.
(IMHO, your FIL should butt out and not make any disparaging comments to you about your mom, irrespective of whether he’s commiserating or agreeing with you, and your husband needs to tell him that if you’re not comfortable doing it yourself. I can complain about my family, but other people are not allowed to trash them to me.)
Anonymous says
+ 1 million. FIL needs to butt out.
anonchicago says
Thanks, and yeah the FIL commentary was totally unsolicited. He is a retired lawyer and I think he misses arguing so he finds reasons to debate DH. I tried to shut it down on multiple occasions that visit as it really pissed me off, and while DH generally backs me, he didn’t in this instance because he agrees with his dad. Sigh.
anon says
Draw the line now and hold it. If you don’t, it will get even harder to do it next time (and there will absolutely be a next time) and even harder after that, and so on. Now is the time. (Well, after birth is the time since your mom probably won’t actually believe you are serious now no matter how specifically you tell her what will happen. Expect shock, betrayal, disbelief when the time actually comes.).
Sorry, it sucks. My mom has never met my 2.5 year-old. It’s a lot more complicated than vaccines but isn’t it always. But yeah, I’m the “bad guy” here and I’ve just learned to live with that. I can do it for my kid when I couldn’t do it for myself, if that makes sense. Very different situation though, obviously, and we live far apart which changes things hugely.
Cornellian says
Agree that you need the draw the line and hold it. I’d have your phone send her to voicemail so you can call her back if/when you want to. Not to scare you, but for me, and many, I think, the newborn period is so vulnerable and raw and awful. Don’t let her blow up or intrude on it, and don’t let her take more mental/emotional energy than she already is.
EDAnon says
I agree about the newborn period being really hard. My ILs, who I like but am not especially close with, visited early on and I did not like it even though it was one of their gentlest and easiest visits ever. It’s just a tough time. I wouldn’t add any additional emotional labor.
Anonymous says
+1 to finding a good therapist for you so that you have an outlet for this. I had an early pandemic baby (pre-vax), and it was an incredibly isolating experience as my parents were unable to stay for an extended visit to help out, my in-laws are pretty useless with newborns, and DH had to work a ton. I wish I’d found a therapist much earlier.
We required anyone who came near the baby to have flu and pertussis vaccines, and once they were available, Covid vaccines. My parents and in-laws were fine with this, but some extended family members were not. Sadly, we just avoided them for the first year (not much was happening anyway because pandemic) and even up through this past holiday season (kiddo has now had flu and pertussis vaccines herself but obviously not the Covid vaccine). We’ve been blunt and just said that we’re not going to attend if Joe and Sally are there because they’re not vaxxed. Joe and Sally are upset, but I don’t care – they’re not the ones who’ve been up all night with sick toddlers or trying to manage two intense jobs while caring for a quarantining toddler. (We’ve been a little more lax this spring because kiddo had Covid herself back in February, although we honestly haven’t gotten out much because we’ve had just about every other illness for the past two months.)
Anon says
I feel your pain. I’m in a similar spot – divorced parents who don’t speak to each other but both are anti-vax and staunchly conservative, and ILs who live in a Dem bubble and look down a bit on my family for being “less educated”.
I drew a hard line on safety issues. Vaccines were required to see the kids, including Tdap and flu (pre-Covid vaccine). Baby HAD to be put to sleep on their back. A car seat WITH BUCKLES ENGAGED was required even for a short trip to see a neighbor. I got a lot of flack for my boundaries, and a lot of pushback about how I grew up just fine and was making my kid too soft, but whatever. I held firm on the vaccine thing, and I think that helped set the tone for the rest of the safety issues. They would grumble a bit, and argue a few times, but ultimately would give in for the sake of seeing their grandkid.
For the ILs, I had a come to Jesus with my DH about how they were speaking about my family. That family is half the genetics of their grandchild, and people whom I love, and if THEY want to keep seeing the kids, then they need to hold their tongue in front of any of us and not make snide or disparaging remarks. I expected him, as someone who loves me and our kids, to maintain that hard line with his family. It took one comment where I got up, took the baby and left, and I haven’t heard anything since. I’m sure they complain endlessly to their friends but as long as I don’t hear it, I don’t care.
Anon says
so your FIL should butt out. and I will say that it is easier for me since my inlaws are vaccinated for Covid, but they also ran back to restaurants in 2020 before the vaccines were even out and have been making much riskier choices throughout the pandemic. my BIL was set to visit and hadn’t been boosted yet and I said no. every time before my inlaws come visit us (and it is a flight away) they need to take a covid test first. it is non negotiable. i would also like them to continue to mask on flights. i think they think i’m somewhat ridiculous, but they want to see their grandchildren. for me, TDAP and flu would be completely non negotiable, honestly, as would Covid vaccines. blame it on your pediatrician. i realize it is a little easier for me to set the boundaries since they are my in-laws vs. my own parents, but honestly DH doesn’t always have my back (a whole other issue for another day) and my mother is deceased and while my dad means well, the only family childcare we can ever access is via my in-laws and they are good with the kids. there have definitely been some or maybe i should say many things where i pick and choose my battles, but not with anything safety related
Anonymous says
Hi from Chicago! And congrats on your pregnancy :)
Agree with all the advice here. You should stay firm in this. A friend just lost her baby following a NICU illness, and I would not wish what she’s going through on anyone. If you compromise on COVID vaccination, then you should require that she test and mask, IMHO.
I think it’s easier to feel good about a decision like this if you feel like you’ve tried everything. So that can be brochures, as others have mentioned, and it can also be things like arranging for your mom to talk directly to your pediatrician. Let professionals make the case to her.
One thing I would watch out for… I’ve seen a lot of examples of people who kind of vaguely say that they’re going to get vaccinated eventually, or test before they visit, but then they fail to follow through. It’s won’t be fun to enforce, but if she seem to come around, then I think you need to verify verify verify. Get a picture of her negative test, make her take a COVID test in front of you, that kind of thing.
Anon says
It might be the start of many battles, but it might not, particularly if vaccines are a big issue for your mom. My in-laws fought us hard on getting TDaP and flu vaccines (this was pre-Covid, they got the vaccine for Covid immediately because they’re 70 and didn’t want to die). We put our foot down, blaming the ped, and they got vaccinated but not without a lot of fighting and name-calling. They are not pleasant people to be around, especially my FIL, but we haven’t really had this kind of conflict with them since. Mainly because we’re not in a situation where our child’s safety is in their hands (they don’t babysit). So for us at least it really was a one-time issue.
anonM says
I was thinking along these lines too. I have a lotttt of in-laws that won’t be vaccinated (and one person on my side, whose mom is a nurse that saw covid effects first hand and is livid, so shows me that no amount of pressure will change some people’s minds). While their handling covid is not something I agree with and will forever make me angry when I think about it, they otherwise are respectful and follow our lead as parents, including our no-forced-hugging rule for example. If this is someone who won’t respect any of your parenting rules, it is a different situation. With those types, might as well pull off the bandage and deal with it right away or they’ll keep trying you.
Curious says
My dad still hasn’t met my 8 month old because he refuses to get the COVID vaccine, he’s a flight away, and I’m immunocompromised. He actually had a valid TDaP because he’s a recent anti-vaxxer (thanks, Trump), but COVID vaccine is still a hard line for our family. We may bring her to meet him late this summer if we feel like my immune system is strong enough. It sucks. Solidarity.
Anon says
I’m so sorry you’re going through that.
Anonymous says
My son is in the 2s class at daycare, and he’ll turn 3 in July. The school is fairly rigid about moving kids up to the next class around their birthday. This morning our teacher said that he’s recently stopped wanting to participate in their activities and prefers to look at books by himself. Is this an indication that he’s bored with the 2s activities and could benefit from moving up to the 3s room early?
Anonymous says
Nope. Just let them do their thing. I would only suggest something different if the rest of the class is wildly younger than your son.
Anonymous says
No.
Anon says
No. If anything, I think it’s a sign of less readiness to move up since 3 year olds generally play with other kids more than 2 year olds do.
Anon says
+1 but hopefully he’ll be up for it once he’s in the 3s.
Anonymous says
No of course not.
Anon says
Are the activities in the 2s room even different than the activities in the 3s? Caveat that my kid goes to play-based daycare, not an academic preschool, but I don’t think there’s a whole lot of difference between the 2s room and the 3-5 year old pre-K rooms. In both rooms it’s a lot of pretend play, reading, building toys, playground time.
anon says
Yeah, we asked for our 2yos to be moved up the 3s room early, but it was entirely because of the peers in each classroom, not that the activities were substantially different.
Anon says
FTM here just coming back to work from mat leave. It has been tough on both fronts even though I’m WFH. I run to baby at every cry while DH takes care of him (we are still waiting to get into daycare). I feel so dumb and unmotivated at work and just can’t get into a groove. Still nursing baby every few hours so work day totally disrupted. And DH has some medical issues we need to monitor. Feels like I’m barely making it through. Does it get any better? How do I motivate myself and deal with the mom guilt?
Anonymous says
Ok real talk you have to actually go back to work! You can’t be nursing during the day use bottles. If you don’t have a place in the home where you can crank a white noise machine and put headphones on, find some place else to work. You can’t be successful at work if your simultaneously taking care of a baby! As for your husband, why do you need to monitor his medical issues?
Anonymous says
I would love to have been able to nurse my babies during the work day, especially vs pumping. It take the same amount of time and is so much easier! But I agree on boundaries.
Spirograph says
This. It is *crucial* for me to be my work-self at work. Sometimes there are kid things going on that I can’t control and I have to turn the mom part of my brain back on, but you can control whether you’re nursing during the day. Pump, make your husband give the baby bottles. If you want to take a lunch break and go cuddle the baby, OK, but you can’t be switching between mom and work every hour or two.
Hugs, it would have been really, really hard for me to work from home with the baby still there when just returning from maternity leave. I was happy to go back into a physical office, even though it meant working out pumping logistics, etc. It got me back into feeling like an adult and an employee, and I didn’t realize how much I needed that until it was there. If you have that as an option, I would use it.
Anon says
Counterpoint on the nursing. DH was and is a SAHD and I always nursed on my WFH days. Not pumping all the time was the primary reason I asked for a hybrid schedule 4.5 years ago! However, I blocked nursing times on my calendar and often I had DH bring kiddo to my home office and I would skim emails or watch CLEs while nursing so it felt like less of an interruption of my work day for purposes of staying in the groove. Outside of that though, DH was in charge during my work hours. Noise cancelling headphones and a door I could shut so I couldn’t hear or see them are how I made that work. Also, assume you will not remember a thing and write everything down. I would love to tell you the short term memory issues get better, but I still can’t remember a thing and my daughter will be 5 soon. You may also find it helpful to set small achievable goals each day and the success high of meeting them may help get you in a groove too. It does get better, I promise! I really felt like I hit my groove at work again at 9 months post-partum.
Cornellian says
Thanks for this. I’m pregnant with my second and pumping (while working 10-15 hours in the office everyday) was so h-llish that I was hoping to nurse with DH and then a nanny’s help and minimize or avoid pumping.
to the OP- agree on memory. I think mine is still sort of shot and my kid is 5. It might be age, but I was 29 with him and it disappeared in such a cliff. I think it’s probably sleep deprivation related. At any rate, write things down and set calendar alerts or whatever your approach is. The rest will slowly get better… I think ~10 months was the easier time for me.
Anon says
Same, I WFHed when my daughter was an infant and nursed on a regular schedule. It didn’t take any longer than pumping. I agree you have to be off the clock when you’re not nursing.
Anon says
I’ve been WFH since 2016, had our first baby in 2020, and absolutely nursed during the workday. Nanny would ask me “me or you?” and if I was in a place where I could take a break and nurse, I’d do that. If not, she’d give a pumped bottle and I’d pump. It worked super well. Totally depends on your preference and your schedule and I was very much successful at work after I came back.
(We also had a 5 week gap between my returning to work and our nanny starting, so you can bet that I was nursing during calls etc – not on video, obviously).
Anonymous says
Nonsense to say you can’t be nursing and have to use bottles. Nursing doesn’t take any longer than pumping. Lots of women who WFH nurse.
Anon says
Hugs. This situation sounds hard. It definitely gets better. I wanted to quit my job from when I went back to work until my kid was about 15 months. But when they get into a good daycare center and you can see them being loved on by their teachers and playing with their little “friends” it gets so much easier. It also gets easier to be apart from them when they start having tantrums ;) Now I’m so glad I didn’t quit even though my 4 year old is so much fun and a delight to be around most of the time. I’m a better mom because I work, and I think she’s having a better experience as a kid because she goes to school.
anonM says
It gets better! I also found that period really hard doing something similar. While nursing did make it hard to shift back into work gear, it overall made BF much easier, but YMMV – I hated pumping and found nursing much more efficient. But, leaving crying to DH. Can you separate work space and nursing space, so it’s a clear “break” and then “back to work” mentally?? FWIW, I also found it much easier and more like myself after weaning around 10 mo — as much as nursing was the right call for me, whatever the hormonal part was had a big effect on me, and the 10mo mark tends to coincide with solid foods/baby sleeping more, too. Good luck and hang in there!
Mary Moo Cow says
After reading this board for 5 years, I think I can say most of us felt like we were barely making it through at work when coming back from leave, no matter how long the leave was. For me, there was novelty in going back to work for a few weeks, and then that wore off and it was a slog until I had finished pumping (around the 1 year old mark.) Then things were okay until my kids were both in elementary school and the guilt reared big time. So for me, the answer was its better and then it gets different/worse — but that’s down the road! I dealt with the return by embracing the fact that I was a new person and work was less of a priority and wearing the same 5 outfits on repeat and eating the same 5 lunches on repeat to lessen decision fatigue. When I was feeling super guilty, I repeated “quality over quantity” and got out of work as soon as a I could and hugged that baby as hard as I could when I got home.
anonamama says
I always like your advice and experience, MMC, even though this doesn’t apply to me. You frame things so insightfully.
Batgirl says
Hoping for some career advice. I have, by almost all measures, a unicorn dream job. I do meaningful work for a major non-profit organization that does work that is important to me (though it’s not the only issue I care about), set my own priorities and develop my own projects, work from home (even pre-covid) and have near-complete autonomy over my work and schedule (though it’s a very meeting-heavy culture so not totally flexible), tons of PTO, excellent health benefits, and a great salary. I have even been promoted to a more senior role recently and am being recognized for my contributions.
The problem? I’ve been there for over ten years, and I’ve been ready for a change for a while. Partly because I’m tired of having the same conversations over and over again, partly because the organization is a bit dysfunctional (but not in a way that impacts me directly), but also because I am just craving something new. Really, I think it’s that I feel overloaded and overwhelmed by the combination of the job + young kids (our kids are 4 and 6 with a baby due in the fall), and I’d really love to find a way to work significantly less to reduce my stress. But I have a hard time imagining that I’d find anything that would fit that bill and also allow me to enjoy all of the benefits of this unicorn job. I’m planning to stick it out for at least a year after the baby is born, but am I crazy to be considering a new job when I have SUCH a sweet gig and little kids? And if so, how do I make this job feel exciting again? Is there a compromise I’m missing? THANK YOU if you’ve made it this far.
Anon says
Yeah, I’m not really sure what you want. Personally I’m not very ambitious, but I wouldn’t tell someone not to chase a Big Job just because she had little kids, if that’s what she wanted. But it sounds like that’s not what you want at all, since you say you want to work significantly less. Could you try to negotiate some kind of longer term leave or sabbatical with your company? I’m guessing they’d be pretty invested in retaining you, and it’s not unheard of for a good employee who’s been there as long as you have. Or ask about going part time?
Anonymous says
Honestly have no clue what you’re looking for? A more exciting job but part time? Unlikely to exist.
Anon says
Yes, you’re crazy. But let us know if you leave, and we’ll all apply! You work from home doing this?! That’s amazing.
You’d also have to reestablish credibility at your new job, so even with part time it would likely feel more stressful. And I’m here to tell you a better situation does not exist.
I am also in a unicorn job – doing meaningful work for decent compensation with nice coworkers and in a relatively flexible office. But even I am discouraged not to work from home (we have four young kids, it would be helpful sometimes!). And I am not budging from this job because I don’t think I could find something better!
Not trying to be harsh, just trying to help you get where I think you already know the answer is! Which this board has done for me countless times.
OP says
No, it’s not harsh! I do think I’m crazy to leave. But I also feel like I’m going to torpedo my career staying at the place for too long. That said, I’m rising through the ranks and doing well, so that may be an irrational fear. Just don’t want to pigeonhole myself. Also, the grass is always greener, right?
Same poster says
I had this happen recently. Almost went through application process for another job. Which made me realize, my job is totally better. So I passed!
maybe starting to look around will help you feel better about staying?
Anon says
I’d look for ways to try to make your current job exciting again, at least at first. Can you make the case to hire a backup (who is covering for you on mat leave? can that person stay on or keep some of the items, at least in a part time capacity?) so you can use some of your freed-up capacity to work on a new project or take on a new team? Can you go 80% and spend the day off volunteering at a different cause you support?
If that doesn’t help, then after baby comes, you don’t have much to lose if you lay it on the line. You love the work and the team but the stress is too much, so unless that changes you’ll sadly have to find a new path. They may have some creative ways to keep you, or they may confirm that you’ve exhausted all the options.
No one job is going to be perfect, but the right combination of unicorn will change as you go through life. Sounds like this unicorn isn’t so much of a unicorn anymore. Maybe the right job for you has everything you want, including less stress and more excitement, but you have to work 8-5 in an office to get it. Or you have to get health insurance through your spouse’s employer. Or whatever. It’s not crazy to consider what tradeoffs you’re willing to make in this season of your life.
Anon says
+1 Going to 80% and using the fifth day for meaningful volunteer work was my first thought. I think paid work is always going to be a bit of a grind (in my experience, hobbies and volunteer causes cease to be fun when you turn them into jobs) so for me, a fulfilling life means an easy, low stress job that pays me enough for the lifestyle I want but leaves lots of time for hobbies and volunteer work.
OP says
Thank you, I appreciate this perspective. I think that’s it, part of me wants a huge change but the realistic side of me knows that I’ll just be making myself more overloaded if I take a new job. I will try to work on making this one more exciting and see how far it gets me in the next year or two. I think I’ve just become disengaged.
EDAnon says
I get you. I have been moving up in my organization and have been there almost 8 years. I feel like I should leave because it’s been awhile but I remind myself that that is not a real reason to leave. And also, I have seen high level folks from my org move on to great roles after 15+ years.
OP says
OP here. I guess I don’t know what I want either. I’d like a job that is just like this but somewhere else working on a different issue, I guess. But I worry that if I make a move, I won’t have all of the perks and benefits I have now and will lose all the flexibility. Because I think what worries me more than being a little bored at my job is being overwhelmed and overloaded at a new one, particularly while I have young kids. I wish amazing, challenging jobs that can be done on a 50-75% schedule existed, but I’m not convinced they do.
Cornellian says
Yeah, I think you should probably stay where you are, at least while there are moving parts in other areas of your life. I think the idea to see if you can get a new project and outsource some boring part of your current job is a good one. I’d also see if you could softly step back and take an online course or volunteer at the local garden or foster a dog or start working on a certificate or pick up painting. Not all of our excitement needs to come from our job.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“I wish amazing, challenging jobs that can be done on a 50-75% schedule existed” – I wish that too, but I haven’t seen that to ever be the case. If there is a consistent, predictable schedule, it’s probably going to be a bit boring, especially after 10 years, and if it’s dynamic and constantly changing, there are likely going to be more demands on your time.
It’ll be hard with a newborn, but can you lean in to some hobbies or something outside of work to fulfill you in the future? I think a lot of us have this idea that work will provide meaning, especially if we’ve worked so long to get where we are, but a lot of the time, it doesn’t. If you have a good team, good comp and good benefits, I’d take the wins and find something outside that inspires you.
Anon says
So I was/am you. What helped me was applying to what I thought would be my new ‘dream’ job. Then realizing while talking to new job HR that nope, I do not want that ‘dream job’ right now. I have hustled for years and in this season of 3 small kids I can ‘coast,’ and ramp up again later. I can just … enjoy myself and my unicorn job for a bit.
So look around! Apply! See if the reality is switching is what you want.
anon says
I went through this a few years ago. After interviewing for a couple of jobs that sounded exciting and interesting, I quickly realized that the grass is not always greener. I realized that establishing myself somewhere else was going to be a grind that only added to my overwhelm. I stayed at my unicorn job and am still there. It is not perfect. But there is something to be said for the devil that you know, especially if flexibility and benefits are important to you. There are times when I still grumble about quitting and wanting to do something else, but the truth is I’ve made peace with where I am.
OP, I don’t know if this is you, or not, but I bought into this idea that the perfect job equals overall happiness and balance. I bought into that idea for a really long time before realizing the perfect job does not exist. If the job is 80% positive/20% annoying … well, those are pretty good odds. I’m also pretty convinced that it’s nearly impossible to know whether something is a dream job until you’re actually in it.
Anon says
+1 could have written this exactly. dream job was totally not going to be a dream!
Anonymous says
Your desire for a job that feels exciting and new is at odds with your feelings of being overwhelmed and overloaded and wanting to work less. I’d pay far more attention to feeling overwhelmed and overloaded. Is it that you’re desperate for some fun, relief, refreshment, and ease and you’re loading those desires onto the hope that a different job might hold out, because home life is not going to let up for a while (given the young kids and new baby)?
OP says
This is really really spot on, thank you. I think I feel overwhelmed and like I’m missing out on the things I want to spend time on (more kid stuff) and so I look to the job as the problem, but really it may be that I need to recalibrate there, first.
NYCer says
It really doesn’t seem like it would make sense to leave this job while you have 3 small kids. Can you try to find something to add excitement to your life outside of work? Or ask your current job if you can go part time if you can swing it financially?
Anon says
Is there an opportunity to move to another issue at your same organization? I would assume your current non-profit would want to keep you. I would try to figure out if there is something they can allow you to do in your current job. It could be that they haven’t asked you to do something because they thought you were happy in your current role or didn’t want some responsibility because of little kids. I have also found that with remote work, everyone doesn’t really seem to be as in tune with which of their employees are happy or bored, etc. and you may need to initiate a conversation yourself about what you want from your job going forward.
Anonymous says
cross posted from the main s*te. Ideas for an outfit for our PTO parents night out/auction event coming up one evening soon? Event says “casual” but is also at a country club. In New England where it might be 45 degrees or 70 degrees.
Anonymous says
Nap dresses
Mary Moo Cow says
I would do colorful knit pants or chinos with an elevated top, or a maxi dress with a statement necklace and jacket if it is cool. The J.Crew Cameron or J.Crew Factory Ruby ankle length pants with a Boden silk blouse or embroidered tee-shirt are what I usually end up in for an event like this.
Anon says
so we were with our kids at soccer class this weekend and DH started talking to another dad who had just attended the school gala/auction the previous night. one item being auctioned was to throw out a pitch at a local MLB baseball game. DH asked me to guess how much I thought it went for and knowing that it is kind of a ritzy school I guessed $20,000. Well I was off by 250k! it is just crazy to me that people have so much money to spend on a whim like that. i mean i know that people give large 6 and 7 figure donations, but i’d think that usually those are planned and not just spur of the moment
Anon says
I often feel like I live on a different planet than many here. That’s more than I paid for my house.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Wow! Do your kids go to school with the Musks? (Jk, I know he’s too busy buying companies to care about his kids’ sporting events) I can think of a few towns around here where people are bringing in 7 figure HHIs, although to spend that much on a baseball game leads me to think there is a lot of family wealth there.
Cb says
Holy moly! That’s 3x my HHI.
OP says
just to add – this is not our kids’ school. we would definitely not fit in at a place like that.
Anne-on says
Have you ever seen the show Home Economics? One of the characters (the ‘rich’ brother) has kids in a fancy San Fran private school and they talk about how he ‘only’ makes a few mill a year, his ex-wife rakes in the ‘hundo mills’ and that the kids in the school are the sons/daughters of pinterest/insta/apple founders who truly do throw around that kind of money like it’s NBD. It’s hilarious and (to me) over the top but apparently very much based in reality!
Cornellian says
It makes me angry that already (generally) privileged kids are getting an extra 250K in funding via the MLB team! Especially since (i assume, not knowing the team) the stadium and everything about it was/is subsidized by local taxpayers.
Anon says
It’s not really the taxpayer/team giving money right? It’s still a parent donation.
Cornellian says
But the parent is purchasing a service that the MLB team is making available. It’s not a simple donation. Otherwise they wouldn’t have these incentives, and just take the donations.
Anon says
That’s not the right way to think about it. It wasn’t really the incentive. And you can buy it at PTO auctions as well as this schools. I know because I live in this city. I’ve seen it purchased for $800 at another school auction – this was just a parent wanting to make a showy donation. It’s nothing to do with the MLB or the team.
That said, $800 is a lot too. But yeah, it’s a pretty common auction item for various fundraisers (see also, signed baseballs, etc.)
Anon Lawyer says
Yeah but it’s still an example of the glaring economic and educational disparities that exist in this country and which are steadily worsening. We probably all should view this as pretty depressing (while acknowledging everyone here is on the privileged side of the divide for the most part) . Imagine what that $250k could do to help a school that DOESN’T charge five figures for tuition.
Anon says
Ah! Hello fellow Houstonian! I was not at that gala but the word has certainly spread!
I assume this was somewhat planned? And seemed like a fun (but showy) way to give a big donation? But the funny thing is you can totally buy that at other auctions around town for way less!
Anon4This says
BAHAHAH I just emailed my friend who works at one of these elite Houston school to ask if it was hers!
Houstonian says
I think it’s more fun when the big showy donation is a puppy. That would have been way cooler.
Anon4This says
OP – I just found out which school it is thanks to my friend. I thought it was her school, but her school doesn’t have a gala.
Like you, this school is 10000000% not our vibe. Just closing the loop on city gossip. :)
Anon says
Yeah, there’s no way this was a spontaneous thing. It was definitely a planned, showy donation.
Anonymous says
This kind of stuff is the exact reason I sent my kids to public school. I don’t want my kids around people with parents who act like that. 250K is like multiple wells for villages without water in India. So gross.
Styling Curly Hair? says
DD (2.5) has a gorgeous mop of very fine, very curly hair. How can I keep it from getting crazy and knotted? I don’t shampoo it every day, only comb it wet with a wide-tooth comb, condition and use leave-in conditioning spray. But we do bathtime at night, and every morning it’s wild and crazy again! It’s not long enough for a braid or ponytail yet. Anything I can do, or do I just need to lean into the feral toddler look?
Cb says
Lean into it, it’s adorable.
Anonymous says
Lean into it! Or don’t get it wet every night. For my own mop of curly fine hair, I wash at night but wet and style in the morning because the only way to keep it presentable overnight is to sleep in a bonnet. Lots of people do that of course, but it’s not my personal preference.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi! I have the same hair type (2C/3B). It sounds like you have some good curly basics down. I’d also recommend a tangle teezer or wet/dry brush for detangling – I like it better than a wide toothed comb.
My (curly hair) hairstylist says that curly hair, especially like mine and your DDs, is essentially like putting wired headphones in a pocket. It WILL get tangled/matted, period. Lean into the feral look, pin back sections if you want, and when she’s ready for a cut PLEASE go to a curly hair salon! I’m also 38 and just in the last few years have learned how to work with (instead of against) my natural texture.
Anne-on says
Bonnet or hair wrap for nighttime would likely make a world of different.
Anon says
I leaned into until it was long enough to braid, and now we braid every night. If there was something fancy or, e.g., school picture day, I would use a spray bottle of water (and detangler again) in the morning to wet it and comb it out and then let it airdry while she is running around. At almost 5, she often takes the (still damp) braid out in the morning because she likes her hair down, but at least it’s half the battle. In terms of shampoo, we really like the J and J curly brand (peach) shampoo with the ultra hydrating conditioner (white) and then use the spray detangler from purology. And a wetbrush.
Anon says
My toddler has similar hair, and I’ve switched from regular shampoo to Hairstory New Wash and a wet brush. I use the New Wash because it’s what I use on my own (similar, though less curly) hair; I suspect any kind of co-wash would work just as well, though I’ve never really gotten deep enough into curly hair world to investigate the options. I’ll also say that a haircut has helped a lot, to the extent that it seems like whatever they cut off was somehow more prone to tangles than what’s left (without regard to hair length), though I acknowledge that that may be a delusion on my part. Anyway, all of the above has gotten things under control enough for my kid that we can lean into wild-hair as an intentional choice versus being concerned that he looked like no one was taking care of his hair at all.
Jolene says
My daughter has fine curly hair, and the only thing that works for it to look nice for school is to wet it in the morning, which usually means shower in the morning for her, or bath in your case. You might even be ok to just spray it really well with a spray bottle and comb it out. I also recommend the Wet brush (on wet hair) rather than a wide tooth comb for detangling.
Anon says
Recs for maternity pants? Last pregnancy was during the height of the pandemic so I got by with leggings and maternity jeans from motherhood maternity. All of it was fine because I WFH and never left the house. I tried them on the other day and the jeans sag terribly and the leggings are see through. Oops.
Any maternity jeans or pants that don’t sag?
Anon says
Spanx made my favorite maternity leggings (size up because they run small). I also liked DL1961 maternity jeans. They were definitely a splurge but I wore them nonstop for two pregnancies and got a good cost per wear out of them.
Anon says
I had a pair of side panel maternity jeans from Old Navy that I wore pretty much everywhere. I also wore leggings a lot, including to work (with tunics or dresses that covered my b*tt). I feel like you can get away with a lot more when you’re visibly pregnant.
PS. It’s crazy to me that pandemic babies are getting younger siblings now! But I guess it’s been over 2 years.
AnonATL says
I got a pair of signature by Levi jeans on Amazon that I wore almost daily. I got the skinny and boyfriend cut in under belly because I liked them so much.
Curious says
Late, but in case you catch it: Envie de Fraise. The $50-60 ones. Amazing.
Anne-on says
FYI to those who weren’t aware – US teacher appreciate week is next week. Reach out to your class parents/schools to plan accordingly so you’re not the frantic parent running into the local grocery store at 7am for the ‘bring a flower to class to fill a vase’ ‘bring in your favorite sweet treat’ days…not that I’ve ever done that…
Anon says
It was celebrated last week at our school and they did a terrible job publicizing it. I remembered at 9 pm on Wednesday night that Thursday was “bring a card” day so I had to scramble to make cards that kiddo could sign in the morning. I so wish I could just give money.
Spirograph says
hahahaha my kids also go to a “bring a flower” school. Last year I snipped off a branch of the azaleas in our yard because I’d forgotten. This year, it’s already in red and circled on my fridge calendar. And my kids have already been warned that there is no screen time after school next week until teacher thank you cards are finished.
I appreciate the teachers, I swear, but I haaaaate TAW.
Anon says
Our director (bless her) sent around a note yesterday to all the parents with the themed days.
SC says
My kid’s school’s PTA is handling this. They sent an email asking for cash donations. Apparently, they’ve received enough donations that half the money will go toward a week’s worth of goodies and events for the teachers. Each day has a theme, and there’s a combination of upgrades for the teachers’ lounge, food, and gifts for each teacher. They did ask for volunteers to sign up to help, but they don’t need that many people. The other half of the money will be used to renovate the teachers’ lounge over the summer, with more volunteer help.
I love this system. Each family can give time or money as they’re able, donations are relatively anonymous, and the teachers all receive equal donations. That’s probably especially important at this school, which is a school for kids with exceptionalities, and parents’ financial resources and available time vary a lot.
Anon says
My just turned 4 year old has informed me that she wants to learn how to read. I had no plans to teach this at home (she doesn’t go to K for another 16 months, and reading is not expected in K in our district) and she doesn’t seem at all close to reading to me (she knows letters but not letter sounds and is terrible at sounding out words), but she’s a very strong-willed kid so once she makes up her mind about something it’s hard to talk her out of it. Are there apps I can have her use? I feel like me trying to teach her would probably not go super well.
Anonymous says
FWIW, my mom just told me that I learned how to read because she plopped me down in front of Sesame Street every day with my lunch.
Spirograph says
I also learned to read from Sesame Street!
OP, I wonder if her declaration that she wants to learn to read really means what you think it means (it might! but it also might not). My youngest loves to “read.” He’s 5 and he can read simple words, but he is also very, very happy reciting more complicated stories from memory while turning the pages and calling it reading.
Rather than apps and taking an academic approach, I would focus on just reading with her a lot. Mix in Dr. Seussian books with a lot of repetition and short, phonetically-spelled words. Point to the words as you say them, let her sound a few out every few pages if she wants to. It doesn’t have to be a concerted effort; like others have said, love of reading is more important than ability at this age.
(Full disclosure, I did not attempt to teach any of my kids to read and delegated that all to the school, but we’ve always read aloud to the kids at bedtime. My older kids are both excellent independent readers, now, but they got there at very different speeds.)
Anon says
She’s been reciting stories (with varying levels of accuracy) since before she was 2, and currently spends an hour or more a day “reading” to herself in that way. So it’s definitely not a request to do that. Fair point though that she probably doesn’t really understand what actually learning to read entails. When we talk about letter sounds or what letter different words start with she loses interest easily.
Anon says
Homer is fun
Anon says
Letter School, Monkey Word School, and Endless Alphabet were the go-to apps on my phone. Alphablocks is a good YouTube channel, SuperWhy is good on PBS, and Wally Kazaam on Nickelodeon I think.
But really we just made a point to read books to the kids, around 15-20 min/day before bed, and that seems to have been the biggest help. We’re now in an elementary school that doesn’t give homework except asks each kid to read (or be read to) for 20-30 min each day, because research shows that’s one of the biggest factors in elementary success. I won’t pretend to know about any of the actual research but that’s what our school leaders say.
Anonymous says
I love this! Mind sharing where you live? Not OP.
Anon says
We’re in a two way dual language immersion program, so half of the kids are native Spanish speakers and half are native English speakers. Within 5-7 years the kids should be bilingual/biliterate in both languages, and scoring higher than their mono-lingual counterparts, not to mention the cross-cultural awareness and empathy benefits. It’s a cool program and we’re lucky to be in it.
(Just a plug that it’s totally worth living in a “very low rated” school district just because we get access to this awesome program. You should always do more research than blindly accepting the ratings on Zillow.)
Esquinkle says
But where??? That sounds like a dream but the only place I know with a school like that is Milwaukee, WI.
anonM says
Honestly, I’d take her to your local librarian and ask with your kid what you can do to help learn to read and that she wants to learn! “Learn to read” is broad and she’s not setting a specific time frame. I’d lean in, get some reader books that have sight words and “practice” that. My 4 yo also declared that he wanted to read “big kid books” so the librarian helped us pick out some “easy” chapter books that both the 4 and 2 yo love. (Barkus by MacLacklin, Boris by Joyner, and Princess in Black, often recommend here). 4yo feels “big” because it’s a chapter book. They also are in a reading program where we track how many books we read (1000 books before kindergarden, and it counts even if you read the same book 10 times to the kid). Maybe that would be enough of a concrete “goal” for your 4yo to feel proud about, without creating an unnecessary homework-like situation. My philosophy is that creating a love a reading is paramount at this age!
Anon says
I definitely agree that love of reading is paramount at this age. One of the reasons I’m hesitant to do anything formal is that I don’t want it to become a negative thing that puts her off books longer term.
But she actually does not like being read to. Never has. She likes to go to the library and pick out books but then she wants to “read” the book to us (either reciting memorized words, or just telling the story based on the pictures – she does this pretty accurately for the most part). I think her dislike of being read to is part of what’s motivating her to want to read herself.
Anon says
In that case, check out the “We Both Read” books. Parent reads a page, child reads a page. It’s aligned by grade level, so you could start with some of the PreK ones. Those tend to have just a short word or partial sentence on the child side, but they feel like they’re “reading” more than being read to.
anonamommy says
We had really great luck with a combination of Bob Books (available at Costco online), Endless Alphabet/Endless Reader apps for ipad, and copious amounts of Sesame Street.
Anonymous says
Second Bob books. Our experience was different in many ways (kid had just turned 5, knew all letter sounds, could sound out sone things) but we read through the last few levels once and… then he could read.