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Over the past year, I’ve accumulated a lot of work-from-home wear. Seeing folks heading back to the office has inspired me to update my office wear.
There’s nothing like a basic wrap dress when you don’t know what to wear. They’re so comfortable, versatile, and flattering.
For a great basic you’ll reach for again and again, I’d incorporate Karen Kane’s Cascade Wrap Dress. The longer sleeves are perfect for chilly offices, and it pairs equally well with sandals or heels. I’d add a colorful scarf or bold necklace to complete the look.
It also comes in three office-friendly colors (black, red, and navy) that’ll blend seamlessly with your existing wardrobe, as well as a few prints.
The dress comes in sizes XS–XL for $108 and 0X–3X (black only) for $124 at Nordstrom. Amazon has a few more prints available.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
How have y’all dealt with run of the mill colds and daycare? Our son has a runny nose and cough, but no fever and COVID test is negative. Our daycare wants him to stay home until he has no symptoms, so we have to wait until his cough is truly gone. In the Before Times the kids had constant low-level runny noses, so this seems a little extreme, but I also get it.
Cb says
Our guidance is that if it is a cold and kids are feeling well in their selves, they can attend. My son had a runny nose and mucous-y cough at the weekend, no fever, did two lateral flow tests, and nursery was happy with that. I once had a bad cough for 6 weeks – I couldn’t have stayed home that whole time (I also really should have gone to the doctor with what I suspect was pneumonia but….)
Anon says
i feel like we have these posts every other week. in your case, given that you have a negative COVID test (while yes, I realize that the test is valid for one moment in time, and that technically kiddo could still have covid that hasn’t shown up positive yet), i think this does seem extreme. those symptoms sans Covid test, i totally understand daycare’s policy; however, with a covid test i personally think it is a bit extreme. that being said, as much as it sucks as a parent, i feel like daycares are stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of trying to figure out a policy that works in these times
Anonymous says
I’d be shopping for a new daycare and telling my current one what I thought of that policy.
Spirograph says
Same.
Childcare only for kids who have dry noses is not childcare.
Anonymous says
Thank goodness we are done with day care. If ours had excluded kids with runny noses, it would have been virtually empty every day. So. Much. Snot.
Anonymous says
Timely, as my LO is home with a cold for the second day in a row. We’ve erred on the side of keeping her home so that she doesn’t get sent home and then have to stay home the following day. We have to certify every morning at check-in that she doesn’t have any cold symptoms. I’ve noticed that if the runny nose/sneezing starts in the middle of the day, she won’t get sent home, but there’s a good chance she’ll be sent home for anything worse than that.
Anon says
Our daycare doesn’t consider sneezing and runny nose Covid symptoms and we’re lucky that my daughter doesn’t generally cough much with colds. Daycare also seems to apply common sense – last week DD had a cold or allergies that resulted in a very mild, intermittent cough (maybe 10 coughs/day or something like that) but it lingered for probably 5 days or so. We told daycare we thought she had a cold or allergies (her main symptoms were sneezing and itchy eyes) and sent her in with no issues. I know kids have been sent home for coughing before so I think either they’re easing up slightly with vaccines widely available or they assess the cough and determine whether it’s the kind of mild cough that’s consistent with cold/allergies. It seems really ridiculous to me that they won’t let you send him back with a negative Covid test.
Pogo says
That’s annoying. Ours requires a negative test if you don’t pass the screening questions, but runny nose alone would not do it. Cough + runny nose I think you’d need a test, but a negative test and we’d be able to send him back. Can you challenge this policy? Doesn’t seem rooted in science, and in our state at least, it’s not required per the licensing.
Then again, we’re still not allowed to send reusable lunch bags or backpacks (yup). Which is also not required per the licensing, but still their policy (why??? who knows). It doesn’t bother me too much, so I’m not pushing back, but the cold/runny nose thing absolutely would.
Anon says
We’re not allowed to send in anything physical. No notes to other kids, no gifts/thank yous to the teacher, nothing. It all has to be done electronically. It’s not a big deal but does not seem like an evidence-based policy, especially at this point in the pandemic.
Anon says
I think what is tricky right now still vs precovid times is it’s not even so much that it is or isn’t Covid, it’s that if you LO starts passing around the cold to your daycare and everyone in turn passes it to their families, it is brining those family’s lives to a screeching halt in every other aspect until their symptoms are gone in a way that it would not have pre-COVID (but maybe should have?). Like, sure, if the daycare has a policy that you can come in with a cold, the other kids in the daycare can at least still go in if they get sick, but if they have any elementary school siblings that then catch it they can’t go to their elementary school like they otherwise normally probably could have. And even if that family all gets tested and knows it’s not Covid, they still shouldn’t really be going to the store, doing kids sports, maybe taking that trip they’ve been finally planning, because all the questionnaires are basically like if you have a cough or runny nose you aren’t allowed to do anything. And it’s not like at this stage in the game you can wave a negative Covid test at all of these things and be fine/allowed to do them. If you are sneezing in public I still think people will freak out. And so on and so on.
Not sure when this thought process changes.
Sorry, it sucks.
Anon says
You can go to elementary school with a cold where I live. I think we’ve been very cautious about Covid, and colds don’t bring our lives to a screeching halt. If we’ll be spending time with friends or family, we let them know our kid has a cold, but no one is very concerned about it especially now that all the adults are vaccinated. I would refrain from going out in public if I had a fever or a symptom that was very Covid-specific like loss of smell, but a cold does not force me into quarantine. Especially now that I’m fully vaccinated.
Anon says
Not where I live. We have to fill out a form every day for our elementary school kid and if you answer yes to these symptoms, home you stay.
Anon says
Oh wow. Daycare and school have the same rules here (runny nose and sneezing ok, cough and fever not ok).
Leatty says
Timely post, as I sit in the parking lot of urgent care waiting for DD’s covid test results so both kids can go back to daycare. DD has a cough and runny nose, so she has to have a negative test result before either kid can go back to daycare. DS started daycare a few months ago, so he has pretty much needed a covid test twice a month because he is constantly symptomatic. While I understand their policy, it is beyond frustrating as a parent.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just runny nose and sneezing won’t exclude kids here. That in combinate with a cough or other “Covid symptom” used to, but I think they just changed the policy where if you have a negative Covid test with certain symptoms, you can go back. I mean, little kids will get sick at daycare. That’s inevitable. I’m 99.9% certain it’s usually not Covid.
Anonymous says
If my kids were picking up colds at day care, I’d be concerned that the day care’s COVID safety protocols were inadequate. COVID precautions such as masking should be drastically reducing the incidence of other viruses as well.
Boston Legal Eagle says
For us, it’s been almost exclusively the younger one, who won’t keep a mask on (and masks aren’t required for kids at our daycare). I don’t think I can have the expectation that he won’t catch colds while still building his immune system and being in a group setting. My older one had the same run of colds when he was younger too, and now has gotten almost nothing.
Anon says
Eh, people say this a lot but it’s not really true because different viruses spread in different ways. Most experts believed kids were much better at spreading colds than Covid, at least until the B117 variant. So colds going around a daycare class doesn’t mean Covid protocols aren’t working. My daycare has great protocols, including masks for everyone 2+, and my child caught a couple colds this year. They were super mild (perhaps due to masks?) and it’s much less illness than we normally get (although I chalk that up mostly due to the fact that many families were staying home except for daycare) but some illness seems pretty much inevitable.
Fwiw, I expect to get a lot more colds and routine viruses as adults get vaccinated and families return to normal life (travel, seeing friends, putting kids in activities, etc.) It won’t freak me out, since the spread of a cold doesn’t mean Covid would spread in the same conditions. In fact, my daughter got a cold from the first indoor hangout we did with friends last week, and she may well have passed that cold around her class despite masking, etc. Some experts even think there may be a delayed flu season as people return to pre-pandemic levels of socialization this summer.
Anon says
Fwiw, there have been multiple separate Covid cases but no spread in the classroom, which is why I have confidence that the protocols are working re: Covid.
Pogo says
I was worried about this too last fall when LO got a random illness. However he has been exposed to covid at daycare and did not catch it, due to their strict following of protocols. We’ve also had colds spread among the non-mask wearing babies and toddlers. I can’t explain it, but you can catch a cold or something else AND still have good COVID protocols in my personal experience.
anonymommy says
Our daycare now excludes colds. Runny nose = stay home. Plus all siblings have to stay home. It’s a PITA. You can get a doctor’s note for allergies, but a cold with a negative covid test would still mean you h ave to stay home.
Anonymous says
Dealing with this right now! Our daycare excludes for any symptom (per state health guidance), so one kid is home with a runny nose. Thankfully the other kid can still go in (I think that’s not the case with more serious symptoms). He can go back 48 hours after symptom onset with a negative COVID test, when symptoms improve, and fever free for 24 hours.
Cb says
Tips on helping 3/4 year olds make friends? My little guy (4 this summer) has been saying that he gets sad sometimes that his friends (hippy nursery, all children are friends) don’t play with him. Mentioned it to nursery and had a long call with a teacher today. They reassured me that he’s happy as can be but due to a variety of factors (a group of boisterous big boys, quite cautious personality, really advanced verbal skills), he does tend to spend more times with the adults or playing solo. They said he is very kind to the other children so it’s not an issue that he’s being excluded. He seems to spend much of his day helping teachers prepare for meals, chatting etc. He’ll be splitting his time between his current nursery and a more traditional setting in the autumn and I worry he won’t have the same grown up access, and might struggle.
Anonymous says
We role played asking friends to play which seemed to help. Take turns being the kid asking and the kid responding. Just practicing saying ‘can I play too?’ Or ‘what are you playing?’ Or ‘do you want to play trains?’ Can help. Have the responder say no sometimes so he’s ready if it’s not a positive reaction.
I wouldn’t worry about the fall yet. New kids may be better. Ask the teacher to notice opportunities for him to join in more and encourage those moments.
Clementine says
I think that the more time he has playing with other kids in an unstructured setting (which – we literally couldn’t do for the past year!), the more comfortable he will be hanging out with other kids.
Part of this is certainly personality. Some kids are truly old souls. The other part of it is kind of… all learning the parts we need to play in social interactions.
Cb says
Yes, it’s true, he is definitely an old soul, just like self-contained? He’s really friendly in general, will happy chat with the neighbours, postwoman, people we meet on our walks.
Anon says
Isn’t daycare unstructured play? Especially a forest school? My kid is in a traditional daycare/preschool but beyond certain activities like group time (which is just 15 minutes twice/day) it seems pretty unstructured to me. Even in normal times, I’m not really sure where kids get unstructured outdoor time with other kids. I guess running around on a playground or something like that? But a kid who is quieter and not super physical is likely to have a hard time finding playground buddies. I know my daughter is very interested in other kids and not terribly shy but has never made a friend on the playground because the babies and really young toddlers can’t interact with her and the kids her age and a bit older are more physically advanced and she can’t keep up. It seems much easier at daycare where teachers can help facilitate interactions and there are many activities that don’t require athletic ability, like pretend play and doing art.
Anonymous says
Our traditional play-based preschool/day care had hours of unstructured play each day, but the teaching philosophy was different than what Cb is describing. Ours was a “school” and the teachers were not there to be the kids’ friends. They were there to teach the kids to make friends and to treat each other appropriately. Some of the crunchier preschool philosophies seem to consider the school to be a “family” unit with a less hierarchical relationship between adults and children.
Anon says
Following. My daughter is on the young side for real friendships (just turned 3) and hasn’t said anything about being sad, but her teachers have commented that she does a lot of independent play and spends a lot of time helping them. I was similar to your son as a child (very verbal and more interested in talking to adults than kids) and definitely could have benefited from more help making friends, so this is on my radar for my own kid. I think when she moves to her new room in August we will try to set up one-on-one playdates with everyone. We haven’t done any playdates so far because she was too young and then Covid and now it doesn’t really feel worth it, since she’s only with this group of kids for another few months and hopefully we’ll be busy this summer traveling and hosting out of town family. But in the fall I’m going to get serious about it. If he is starting in a new place in the fall maybe you could try to reach out to people in advance and see if anyone wants to meet up outside before school starts so that way he kind of has a built-in friend or two going into it?
Pogo says
Aw, little dude! There is a kiddo like this at my youngest’s daycare. The other kids run around like crazy and he calmly stands there and says things like, “I’m not sure we should be getting all muddy like that?” He’s just a gentle, quiet soul. He also likes to talk to the adults and help the teachers. One thing that seems to have helped is allowing him to bring a toy from home, which I think helps him have something to show the other kids that he’s interested in? Normally they are not allowed to bring anything of their own. I think part of this will sort itself out in a larger setting, which, even though there is less adult access, there may be another similarly minded kiddo who wants to have a tea party with his dinosaurs in the corner.
Cb says
Aww, yes, that is T, exactly, a gentle soul. The teacher I talked to today described him as having a “strong moral compass” and he doesn’t join in the play fighting. All the big boys will go to school in August, leaving him as the oldest, which I think will help.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Aww, these kids sound so sweet. My youngest may be more like this (opposite of older brother), and I was more reserved and cautious as a kid too. I do think they’ll find their group in a wider variety of kids.
Pogo says
Exactly, right now this kiddo I’m thinking of is the youngest of the “big kids” and the other 3/4yo’s are pretty rough and loud. Once they “graduate” I think he will come into his own a bit more.
Anonymous says
I think in a more traditional setting he’d do better!
Anonymous says
Sorry posted too soon/ I think having an organized activity to join would help, and I’d be frustrated with teachers who let him just help them and didn’t make an effort to redirect him and organize 2-3 kids to all do something together. I know that’s not your day cares vibe, but in a traditional setting there’s more support for that.
Anonymous says
I agree with this. In a more traditional setting, the teachers would be encouraging the kids to play together and engineering situations where your son would naturally have to interact with other kids. The teachers would not permit your son to direct all of his social energies towards them. In a same-age class, there would also be fewer issues with older kids dominating the group dynamics.
Cb says
Yeah, it’ll be interesting to see how he does in the setting when he’s a big kid, and in the school nursery.
Anon says
But if he has highly advanced verbal skills, he needs opportunities to socialize that utilize those skills. Developmental acceleration undermines the value of peer socialization insofar as peers aren’t really peers. Mixed age socialization environments may be a better fit.
Anonymous says
Anon at 11:13, a mixed-age environment is a solution for some kids, but Cb has specifically stated that a mixed-age environment is not working for *her* child because the older boys are dominating.
Anon says
I guess I can’t tell how mixed it is, but there are a lot of ages between preschool and adult? I think environments where “boisterous” young children outnumber adults or older children just tend to be chaotic.
Anon says
so when my 3 year old twins start school this fall, i can almost guarantee that i will be posting this about one of my twins, though maybe i will be surprised (one is extremely extremely verbal). my friend’s son is like this and her MIL said that my friend’s husband was exactly the same as a kid and i will tell you that my friend’s husband is very smart and successful in the professional sense (two ivy league degrees, one of which is an MD), and is also one of the kindest most thoughtful people i’ve ever met. like truly, some of the things he does and remembers i’m just in awe of. to me the challenge here is not so much that your kid is playing solo or with the adults, but that it is making your kid feel sad. if your kiddo didn’t mind or this didn’t bother your kid then it would be ok, but the fact that it bothers your kid is the problem. what do you mean by a more traditional setting? like more of a school setting and less hippie dippie? maybe that will be better for him in some sense bc there will be some quieter activities
Cb says
Aww, that’s a lovely story. T is incredibly kind and empathetic, like will ask how people are feeling if they’ve been out ill, etc. Our nursery is Froebel with a strong forest school ethos. It’s delightful and the children are incredibly happy there but my son is more likely to learn how to light a campfire than any sort of academic or structured learning? The new nursery feeds into the primary school he’ll attend and I guess it’s more like Prek. The children have a schedule and circle time, and they all do the same crafts. We’ll do part-time just so he can make friends/get used to the more formal setting.
AwayEmily says
I’m curious as to why you think being “highly verbal” is a barrier to making friends? In my daughter’s pre-K class the age range is 3.5 – 5, so some kids are far more verbal than others just by virtue of their age. It does not seem to affect their playing together, at least not from my observations over the past two years (including both when I could be there in person and my now-5-yo’s daughter’s reports). Or, think of all the siblings who play together even though they are at very different levels of verbal ability.
I agree that this is something the teachers should be addressing — it sounds like your son needs some help with his social skills (as most kids do at this age), and they should be providing opportunities for that (i.e, having him and another kid do a project together, etc). Can you ask the teachers to help facilitate that? I do think it’s really important for kids to learn to get comfortable interacting with and finding common ground with people who are different from them (whether that’s more verbal, less verbal, different playing styles). It’s definitely a lesson my daughter had to learn (with the help of her teachers) and it’s benefited her enormously — she went from a kid who mostly wanted to sit in a corner and look at books to one who still loves to do that, but also loves to play tag.
Anon says
Highly verbal kids and gifted kids often relate better to adults because their vocabularies are on an adult level and interactions with adults are more interesting for them than interactions with peers. From how Cb has described her son, he’s not a 3 year old who talks like a 5 year old. He’s a 3 year old who talks like a highly-educated adult. And that can be a real barrier to playing with 3-5 year olds. As others have pointed out, in a traditional daycare setting they do work hard to have all the kids interact with each other, but Cb isn’t wrong that being incredibly verbal as a child can make it harder to have normal interactions with peers. And anecdotally, this was my own experience as an extremely verbal and gifted child who was speaking like an adult around 2.5 and reading on a college level around first grade. I had a very hard childhood and it’s a relief to me that my own child’s verbal skills seem solidly average. I would be delighted to have a bright kid who works hard in school and gets good grades in honors classes, but being in the top 1% or 0.1% can be very isolating and challenging, especially if you don’t have the opportunity to regularly interact with other very gifted kids.
Anonymous says
I was a 99.9th percentile kid and have a 99.9th percentile kid. My kid fit in just fine at her hippy-dippy university preschool where most of the kids’ parents were college professors. It was only when she entered “normal” kindergarten that her differences started to become an issue. In preschool, nobody cared that she could read at age 3 even though the other kids couldn’t. In kindergarten, she was a weirdo because she knew her letters.
Cb says
Yes, I wouldn’t say my kid is at all gifted, he’s bright but at this age I was reading independently and he’s just got his letters and numbers down. But it does seem to be an issue off wanting to understand and be understood. I think he does find the adults more interesting and able to answer his questions. In the before-times, our favourite activity was to sit in the window of a cafe and watch city life go by, and talk about it? Speculating about where people were going, how the traffic lights work, why someone looked happy or sad.
AwayEmily says
I’m sorry you had a such a tough experience as a child — it sounds like you were really lonely, and that interacting with kids who were different from you was really hard for you as a kid. I absolutely place some blame for that on your schools. I think kids need to learn to interact with people who are different from them, even if they are less “interesting.” Yes, it’s hard sometimes, but that’s part of being in a diverse society. Schools should help kids learn to play with and respect the kids in their class with learning disabilities, the kids who have difficulty controlling their emotions, and kids who aren’t reading on a college level.
Anonymous says
Yes, kids need to learn to interact with people who are not like them, but a 99.9th percentile kid is really different from others and is going to form the closest bonds with kids who are similar. It’s just as cruel to isolate a highly gifted child from other highly gifted kids as it would be to throw a child in the lowest .01 percentile for IQ into a regular class without any supports.
Anon says
Ok, but it’s not just me. You can find lots of studies out there about how very verbal and gifted kids relate better to adults than same-age children. I went to a college where almost everyone was highly gifted and this was a near universal experience. I don’t really think schools deserve that much blame. In elementary school gifted kids are often used as teacher’s assistants to tutor slower kids, which is terrible for everyone involved and definitely the school’s fault. But that’s not the problem in preschool. Kids who are intellectually at a college level just can’t really relate to preschoolers. I mean, do you think it’s fun to play pretend with your preschool age kids now? Because from reading the comments here it seems like most of us are bored to tears by our preschoolers pretend games because they’re so repetitive. That’s how a very advanced child feels too.
There’s a difference between “learning to play and respect the kids in their class…who aren’t reading on a college level” and genuinely relating to those children. I was never mean to my peers nor was I bullied by anyone else, but forming close friendships is in no way synonymous with being a polite and respectful person who gets along with peers and treats them kindly. Saying “everyone should be friends with everyone” is just a platitude that doesn’t work in practice. You can and absolutely should teach a child to be kind and treat everyone respectfully regardless of differences. You can’t force a child to genuinely want to be friends with another child (and it goes both ways, with other kids also being wary of highly gifted kids).
Anon says
I place blame on the schools too, but not for failing to compel students to socialize.
I was miserable in school and learned very little from teachers who hadn’t read the things I was reading and couldn’t answer my questions. The busywork took up a lot of time that I could have spent learning things I didn’t already know. I was fine interacting with younger children, adults, the elderly, and the disabled in real life environments; there are much better, richer, and less artificial socialization opportunities than school can provide with its mostly age segregated cohorts. I think you know that you wouldn’t like to be attending grade school right now with only grade school students as friends. Why would you expect a child who finds adult conversation rewarding to find grade school rewarding as a social outlet? I was cheerful and cooperative, but I was also deeply depressed at having to spend my time this way every day.
When I quit attending school altogether and started attending classes from teachers with terminal degrees along with other students who enjoyed these classes, my life got much brighter.
Anon says
WOW reading the intense self-pity in these comments makes me pretty sure it wasn’t being smart that made it so hard for these “top .1%” people to make friends. Yes, if you are convinced you are Amazing and Special and Better than everyone else and being in the top .1% is your whole identity, it’s gonna be pretty hard to get people to hang out with you, whether you are 4 or 44.
Anon Lawyer says
I have a hard time believing most people at your college were reading at university level in first grade – you might get one or two kids like that at once in a mid-size city. It’s not usually what we’re talking about when we talk about “gifted” kids. Which isn’t to say those kids should be ignored or not given resources, etc. But it’s fallacious to assume most bright kids – even 99th percentile kids – are at that level.
Anon says
@Anon Lawyer, first grade is probably a slight exaggeration – I wasn’t an especially early reader so it might have been second grade before I was officially testing on the college level, but yes at the college I went to most people were 99.9th percentile IQ and were reading on a college level by early elementary (except those with reading disabilities, which is definitely not mutually exclusive with giftedness). Anywhere, whether someone is 99.5th or 99.9th percentile is not really the point when you’re comparing to the baseline of average or even “bright” (90th+) percentile kids. The point is we were all very far outside the norm, even compared to our smart peers in AP and honors classes in high school. Gifted programs and then college were a huge blessing for me in terms of being around people my age who thought and learned like me and had had similar experiences growing up.
@Anon, being gifted is not my whole identity! Especially now as an adult I have a very average job and rarely think about my IQ or anyone else’s. I was just responding to someone who was questioning the OP’s assertion that highly verbal kids often relate better to adults than peers. There is heaps of evidence that very verbal children find it easier to talk to adults than peers, and it’s not because they look down on others, it’s just because their brains work differently and little kids especially don’t have a filter – if a 3 year old is bored, they will let you know they’re bored! And that can be off-putting to other kids. And I strongly disagree w/AwayEmily that a teacher is failing kids by not creating friendships for gifted kids (or any other kid who is different and struggling socially, for that matter). Teachers can insist on things like no name calling, no shoving, using a polite tone of voice when talking to other kids, etc. But they can’t just waive a magic wand and make kids be friends. And that applies to anyone, not just kids who are gifted.
Anon says
It’s not about not having friends; it’s about what a friendship is like when the children aren’t on the same developmental schedule. I don’t think you think that you are “better” than fourth graders because you want friends who are older than that. I certainly didn’t think I was better than other school children for not really enjoying the things they enjoyed at that age and struggling to relate. It’s okay to teach children to get along, but at a certain point, what is the value of “play” if you aren’t enjoying it, but everyone else is? And when you are spending all day doing what they enjoy, and not what you enjoy, even though there’s a whole world out there where you would be happy?
You should also know that just because a child has accelerated development doesn’t mean they’ll end up ahead in the end. Reading at the college level in 2nd grade doesn’t mean that you read any better in college than you did in 2nd grade; it’s possible that the other kids caught up and passed you by. It’s not about being better in any way; it’s just about age-in-years not capturing the developmental timeline.
Anonymous says
Anon @11:13, it’s not as simple as “gifted kids reading at a college level need to interact with adults instead of kids.” I have a ton of experience with highly gifted children. A second-grader who can read the words of a college-level book doesn’t necessarily have the emotional maturity or cultural knowledge to truly comprehend all the levels of meaning in the book. A highly gifted four-year-old’s true peers aren’t adults. They are other highly gifted kids of similar age.
My highly gifted child is accelerated one grade plus one or two additional levels in several of her courses. In school, most of the kids in her classes are one to three grades ahead. Most of the kids with whom she’s friendly in her classes, and the ones she finds easiest to work with, are older. She enjoys interacting with them but it’s all on a casual level, as she is not their developmental peer and cannot yet relate to their experience. She has two best friends. One is a gifted kid in her grade a year and a half older than her. The other is her age and was on her sports team for several years. The same-age friend is bright but not gifted and is home-schooled because she has dyslexia and because her dad is kind of an oddball. The same-age friend shares a lot of her interests, including intellectual ones, and they also bond over their shared experience in their sport and the fact that they are both quite unlike their same-age peers, although in much different ways.
Anon says
Anon at 12:39 said it better than me. There’s certainly value in teaching kids to be kind and respectful to everyone but I’m not sure how much value there is in forcing them to engage in play they don’t enjoy, even when the kids are young enough that friendships can still sort of be created by the teacher. And I think really gifted preschoolers don’t enjoy typical preschool play for the same reason none of us adults enjoy it…it’s boring to someone with an adult mind. The solution is finding them peers they can play with the way they want, not forcing them to confirm to typical play for a child their age.
And I fully agree that many gifted kids are not special as adults. I certainly don’t look around at other adults and feel smarter or better than them and my post-college life isn’t remarkable. In many cases, it does all even out in the end. But that doesn’t remove the challenges for kids who are way above grade level at the time.
Anon says
Anon at 12:52, I wasn’t suggesting that gifted kids need to be interacting with adults or that they’re social-emotional peers with adults. Obviously the best solution is finding same age kids who are also gifted for them to play with. My point was just that in a classroom with a bunch of typical kids and a few adults, many gifted kids will seek out the adults for conversations because conversing with an adult is more interesting to them than what the kids their own age are doing.
Anonymous says
Anon @1:17, your last sentence may be true, but it’s not appropriate for the gifted kids to be socializing with the teachers. In a traditional classroom environment this wouldn’t be permitted, unless an individual teacher happened to be very bad at boundary-setting.
Anon says
I dunno, my child goes to a normal play-based daycare and we’ve gotten comments that she seeks out the teachers and loves helping them with tasks like cleaning up. She’s not gifted (as far as we know) but she is an only child and has always been very comfortable talking to adults. Especially right now with Covid the teacher:student ratios are high (it’s 5 teachers and 8 kids in her room, often only 6 or 7 kids are there on a given day because one kid is part-time) and I don’t think it’s that abnormal for a 3 year old to sit and talk to a teacher while they paint or do a puzzle or whatever. In K-12 school the teacher is busy leading a much larger group and doesn’t have time to spend one-on-one with any kid, but daycare is different, because many kids are playing independently and the teacher:student ratios are a lot higher. She plays with other kids plenty too and the teachers haven’t expressed any concerns about her development or social skills, just noted this to us matter of factly as an aspect of her personality.
Anonymous says
I always find it interesting when people brag about their elementary school reading level when they are only reading in one language. Like it’s not that hard to get ahead when you’re only learning one language at a time.
Anon says
I think the answer is that nobody’s bragging. But a lot of hyperlexic kids read in second languages. And a lot of kids who only speak one language pick up reading later (which is completely fine; it’s not a race).
Anon Lawyer says
That’s kind of a jerky thing to say just because a lot of kids DO have trouble reading in only one language. It’s actually something a lot of kids struggle with.
Anonymous says
I was responding to the poster who referred to herself as “extremely gifted” because she was reading at a college level in one language while in primary school. Gifted? Yes. “Extremely” gifted? Not really.
Plenty of smart kids struggle with reading.
Anon says
The labels aren’t defined precisely, but extremely gifted or highly gifted are labels applied to some children, including me, to distinguish them from other gifted children. It wasn’t meant as a brag, simply trying to clarify where I have personal experience with issues affecting highly gifted kids. I definitely did not mean to imply that only people who read on an advanced level at an early age can be extremely gifted. My husband is smarter than I am but has dyslexia and didn’t read until he was in third grade and still struggles with reading even as an adult. I also don’t think reading on a college level in early elementary automatically makes you extremely gifted, although I’m sure there is an association.
BTW, I would have loved to have learned a second language and I’ve heard it’s a wonderful thing for gifted kids to give them that additional level of challenge since things in English come easier to them than other kids, but my parents don’t speak anything except English and I lived in a very homogeneous Midwest town with no recent immigrants so there weren’t really opportunities for foreign language education. Definitely something I would try to do if I had a gifted child!
anon in brooklyn says
I find that sometimes “no one will play with me” actually means “no one will play exactly how I want to play”. After spending a lot of time playing with us, where they pretty much just order us around, I think it takes practice to get used to playing with other kids who won’t follow orders and to join in to what other kids are playing.
Spirograph says
This is definitely what it means when my kids say “no one will play with me.” Their teachers all assure me they are, in fact, perfectly engaged and well-liked by their peers. I see the same thing at home and with neighbors.
There is probably also something to a young gifted kid finding adults more interesting than children…l but that was me, and I still liked playing with kids my age just fine as long as they followed my lead! :)
Anonymous says
Can you invite kids over for 1:1 play? Or if that isn’t feasible, set up a playdate with another kid at a playground/park on the weekend or after school one day?
My middle child was the same way- she played with everyone but also enjoyed (too much) solo play or playing with her teachers. Unfortunately since we were in the thick of the pandemic playdates weren’t much of a possibility. Now that the weather is better and COVID is more stable around here, we are doing playdates and it has had a huge change in her view of school. SHe used to be very neutral-to-negative about going, now she looks forward to going. She has made the transition from “everyone is friends” to “I get to see my Friend at school!”
H13 says
Every pair of sneakers I buy for my kids fall apart in 2 months. When my older son was little, I could reliably buy Stride Rite and have them last but recent purchases from there for my 4 year old just fall apart too. I’ve tried Saucony, New Balance, cheap pairs from Target… Nothing seems to last longer than 2 months. They both need extra wide so I am really limited. Any recommendations for durable XW kid shoes?
anon. says
PEDIPED. My kid loves them. For what it’s worth, he’s a wide (though not XL) in all other brands but just plain old regular in Pedipeds. It helps that he loves them and regularly tells me they’re the most comfortable shoes.
Spirograph says
I don’t know whether they come in XW, but we have had really good luck with Under Armor sneakers. My kids are also very hard on sneakers, and those are the only ones they’ve outgrown rather than destroyed before their time.
NYCer says
I am not sure about the extra wide concern, but we have had good luck with See Kai Run lately. We also had Asics in the fall that lasted (grew out of them, didn’t fall apart).
Anon says
so my kid is wide, and so i’m not sure if these would work, but we got a long time out of Ten Littles. Bought them in October and just now are they starting to look really worn. and kiddo has worn them almost every day since. has one other pair of sneakers that we alternate with sometimes, but those are the preferred.
Anon says
Not sure about the width, but we have Adidas sneakers that I’ve been very impressed with.
EDAnon says
+1
We buy them from Nordstrom Rack for cheap and our kids are outside a lot and running up and down sidewalks a lot and they hold up. We usually size out of them, rather than them getting ruined. Of course, we live in the Midwest and have all seasons so they wear boots for several months each year.
Anon says
See kai run basics at target and tsukihoshi all are very durable in my experience and run wide (although I am not sure they actually offer wides, but my kiddo has pretty wide feet).
In House Lobbyist says
Nike has been the longest lasting for us.
CCLA says
Tsukihoshi has held up well for us.
Anonymous says
Take this with a grain of salt because my kid doesn’t seem to be hard on shoes generally (previously feet grew very fast and always outgrew before wearing out), but at 6 he has been in the same pair of Adidas sneakers for more than a year now as his main pair of shoes, and they are not falling apart at ALL despite typical 5-6 year old child use (running, biking, tree climbing, recess etc – I guess not much scooter use so maybe that’s the difference?). He wears them daily (I have tried to diversify but he has OPINIONS.) I just ordered another Adidas in a size up.
Anonymous says
+1 for Tsukihoshi. They seriously wear like iron—including by a 5YO who uses his shoes rather than the scooter’s brakes…
See Kai Run, in my experience, are not as durable. Cute yes. Durable no.
Anon says
someone the other week commented on some super long sleep sacks for bigger kids, in a brand that started with the letter G. i cannot find the post for the life of me. Does anyone recall what they are?
Cb says
Grobags.
Anon says
thank you!!! where does one purchase these? i can’t seem to find them online. You’re located abroad, right?
Cb says
I’m in the UK, and they are easily available here (at normal stores + TJMaxx). It looks like in the US, they are co-branded with Tommee Tippee?
Cb says
Also, I think M&S and John Lewis sell them, and they both ship to the US and Canada for free, I think.
Scilady says
I have Baby Deedee ones that my super tall 2.5 year old still wears.
Anon says
Help! Daycare is undoing everything we’re trying to teach about food. My daughter has started labeling foods as “good” and “bad” and saying that she needs to eat all the food on her plate in order to be a superhero. This is the opposite of our attitude about food, which encourages everything in moderation and listening to your body and not eating when you feel full. The latter is especially important to us because my father was taught to clean his plate every day (“there are starving kids in Africa” etc) and is very overweight as an adult and our daughter is overweight by BMI too (although our pediatrician is not overly concerned about it). Is there anything to do beyond reinforce our views at home?
Anonymous says
Ordinarily I am all for emphasizing that rules are different in different settings, but in this case I would take advantage of the BMI issue to exert some leverage on the school. “Sally’s pediatrician says her BMI is too high, and that we need to work on helping her listen to her body’s signals about when to stop eating. Please do not tell her to finish the food on her plate, and do not comment on what she chooses to eat or not to eat.” Even if the pediatrician isn’t actually concerned.
Anonymous says
this. and honestly i’d switch if they don’t stop. We talk about healthy foods as giving our bodies the energy they need to run, play, and grow and treats as delicious and fun but not healthy fuel for our bodies. We definitely don’t do ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Ick.
anon. says
We have this issue and have decided to just let it go. There’s just so much else going on and we’ve decided this isn’t our battle. That said, it’s not ideal. We just keep doing what we’re doing at home… and redirecting conversations about “treats” etc.
Pogo says
Ugh, yeah our school had them make a collage with “healthy” and “not healthy” foods. My kid put tacos and sweet potatoes fries on the healthy side, which I thought was great (he put cake/pie on the unhealthy side). I was surprised that with everything we know now about BMI and healthy eating they still teach this way at school. We for sure don’t label food as good or bad at home, we do call certain things “treats” (candy, ice cream) because we don’t have them every day.
Does she seem to be really internalizing it, or just mentioned it once or twice? If she’s internalizing it I would talk to the school. Mine doesn’t seem to have absorbed it at all so I’m letting it go for now.
Anon says
DS is 4.5 and in preschool and likes to blurt out answers to questions and interject during story time. Always on topic and engaged but it’s bugging his teacher – we’ve heard about it several times this year and she called again yesterday. I think it’s a combo of blurting things out and a bit of interrupting and also not raising his “quiet hand” in circle.
I find it hard to work with him on this at home because we’re not doing circle time and I LIKE when he makes observations when we read together! Definitely working on not interrupting but any tips for nipping this behavior in the bud?
Anon says
I can’t stand when my kid talks when I’m reading, even if it’s not technically an interruption. I told her if she couldn’t use her listening ears we wouldn’t be able to finish the book. She stopped talking during books pretty quickly. Maybe you could tell him that you’re happy to discuss the book afterwards but you want him to be quiet while you read?
Anonymous says
Wow that’s major cray
Anon says
You think it’s crazy to want to read a single book (we’re talking about 10-20 page picture books, not Tolstoy) without my child blurting out comments? There are many times I’m delighted to hear her talk, but when I’m reading a book aloud to her is not one of them. It’s a matter of respect to let the person leading the activity be the one to talk. And if the daycare teachers are flagging it as a problem, it’s clearly something he needs to work on.
Anon says
I agree with Anonymous. She’s a child. I think you need to understand that interruptions and talking are par for the course if you’re reading to someone who is learning to read and learning to communicate. Are you Taylor Swift giving your acceptance speech? No, no you’re not. Interruptions are fine.
Cb says
No judgement, but that’s really interesting. I like the interruptions (unless it is prolonging the misery of a Richard Scarry book), we point out different things on the page, speculate about what comes next, etc. It allows me to see if he’s comprehending anything or if there is an entree to talking about other things that are going on.
Anonymous says
Not anono 10:38 but 100 agree that it’s cray. Not talking during a book being read to the whole class vs. one on one time is totally different. We had a whole parentsession with the librarian during the K intro program which she specifically encouraged parents to discuss the book with their children while reading it. It’s a recommended approach:
“It’s O.K. to interrupt. Don’t get so caught up in your own reading that you ignore your child’s comments and queries. Interruptions show that your child is engaged. Try it: If you find yourself saying, “Just let me finish this page,” stop and ask your toddler to repeat the question. If children don’t seem engaged by the words, ask what they see in the pictures. Point at things and invite them to explain or narrate the action.”
from: https://www.nytimes.com/guides/books/how-to-raise-a-reader
No Face says
I encourage discussion during book reading so that she cognitively interacts with the text. I would never think to tell a child not to speak during 1:1 book reading, and I would not think it was disrespectful either.
For group reading, I would say that we need to wait until the teacher asks a question, and we also need to let other people answer sometimes. That way, we can learn the cool stuff our friends are thinking about the book.
Anonymous says
Yeah I think this is wildly inappropriate. It’s shutting down a child engaging with a book, engaging with learning, and engaging with a parent in a super age appropriate and actively good way. This is a great way to make a kid hate reading.
Anon says
Gently I agree that letting them ask questions, getting clues if they are understanding what is going on, etc. in a one-on-one situation seems like a key development opportunity.
If they are blabbering on about things unrelated to the book, understood. Or asking SO many questions you can’t get through it, also understood, but there is a wide gap between a no question and too many question policy.
Spirograph says
Do you do this every time you read with your child, or is a “please just let me finish this book because you’re already late for bedtime” thing? (In which case, maybe budget more time for the stories.) To me, allowing Q&A during the book reinforces reading comprehension and also just helps the child enjoy the process of reading because it’s extra parent interaction. Even if it’s a 20 page picture book, there are usually things to talk about on each page that help the child piece together the whole story and learn about the world.
If the interruptions are constant, I understand the frustration, but always shutting down observations and engagement is missing some of the point of reading to young children, imho. It doesn’t stop, either — when I read chapter books with my 8 year old, he stops all the time to ask about vocabulary words, figurative language, idioms, characters’ emotions/why did they do that?! etc. Sometimes I tell him to wait til the end of the paragraph and make a guess based on context, but I would hate for him to just… not ask.
Anon says
“Are you Taylor Swift giving your acceptance speech? No, no you’re not.”
It’s not about me. It’s about her. A question if she didn’t hear something is different, but I don’t think constant interjections when someone else is reading a book are appropriate. It goes both ways. She “reads” (recites books) to me and I’m quiet until the end of the book too which, again, is like 5 minutes at most. Clearly I’m in the minority but it works for us. When she starts interjecting a lot, I give her a gentle reminder to use her listening ears, it’s not like I’m screaming at her to stop talking. We talk about the book afterwards and often bring up the books we read in conversation days or weeks later. She loves being read to and reading to me. We go to the library every weekend to pick out new books and it seems to be the highlight of her week. Her teachers have told us she does a great time listening and following directions during group time. I’m confident nothing I’m doing is scarring her for life.
Anonymous says
Glad you’re confident that stifling your child is totes cool.
Anon says
Really uncalled for. This place is normally so non-judgy. You don’t know my kid. She’s incredibly happy, well-adjusted and loves reading and looking at books. She’s not being “stifled” just because we have different rules than your family.
Anonymous says
I cannot imagine reading a picture book to my child without interruption because talking about what we see in the pictures, talking about the language we are using, etc is a major part of the literacy process for small kids.
Anonymous says
My kids will talk about what we’re reading, but I shut down off topic comments. My MIL, who has a PhD in child neuropsychology, told me I was being too permissive and I should make them do a better job of listening during storytime. I think this is at least partly because my MIL enjoys criticizing me, but fwiw….
Anonymous says
Yeah, not sure I would take your MIL’s word as gospel, here. And I think it also depends what you’re trying to accomplish. Does it enhance her brain development or something to focus intensely and keep all her questions inside until she can release the floodgate? Maybe. Does it increase her enjoyment of storytime to have to exercise that kind of self control? Maybe not. Does it stymie potential learning opportunities? Probably.
If this is your personal preference (which is how you originally presented it), OK! Own it! You do you. But that doesn’t make it better, or even good.
For curiosity’s sake, how old is your child? I could see this with a 5 year old, but the 10-20 page picture book description makes me think toddler. Having been intimately acquainted with three toddlers during story time, I just can’t imagine trying to prevent in-the-moment interjections, irrespective of how much it might drive me crazy sometimes.
Anon says
She’s almost 4.5 now but I started working on interjecting less shortly after she turned 3. When she was that little, it was more like wait until the end of the page instead of wait until the end of the book. I’m sure you’ll blame me for the fact that she is 4 and still reading picture books. I’ve clearly stifled her developing mind, right? She could be reading on the college level by now if I only I would have let her talk over me while I read to her!! The funny thing is I don’t know many 4 year olds who love books more than her.
Redux says
I have three kids and one of them can not. stop. talking. during a book. They are almost always curious, on-topic questions or comments, but we definitely have a listening ears rule in our house, too, and I do not think you are “cray” (also, y’all, grow up, that word both twee and ablest af). She raises her hand rather than interrupting mid-sentence and when we get to a natural stopping point (the end of the page in a picture book or the end of a paragraph in a chapter book) we let her chime in with her observations. I think it is an appropriate skill to teach a child and am surprised the poster is getting so piled on.
Anonymous says
No. It teaches the kid to focus, to remember what they want to bring up later and it allows for a focused conversation later.
It’s literally how adults are expected to interact with texts.
Anon Lawyer says
I mean, even were adults and kids the same, it’s not really how adults are expected to interact with texts. If I am reading something and have a question, I stop reading it and look up the answer or as something.
Anon says
Yes, but they’re…not adults.
Anonymous says
Do you blurt out “that page is wrinkled!” if you notice the page is wrinkled when you’re reading a book? The kid version of looking something up is asking the parent “What does X mean?” which is totally different than a constant stream of random comments.
Anonymous says
Children are not mini adults. Or even adults in training. No pediatrician or young childhood educator would encourage what you’re doing. I get why you’re defensive, you think you’ve enacted this great rule! And it got your child to do what you wanted, so you’re great at this mom thing right? But you aren’t allowing your child to study the story in any additional depth. The story is what it is since you’re just reading it word for word. But there’s so much you can expand upon on every page, and a lot of imagination possible. So yeh, maybe people are judging you on this because what you are doing is wrong, sometimes we don’t know that we need a gut check.
Anon says
I’m the person who made the original comment about not allowing interjections while I’m actively reading and I’m not Anonymous at 12:11 or any of the replies to that person. There’s lots of Anons here. You’re right that I’m defensive but I think many people would be when they’re called cray and told they’re irreparably harming their child. I don’t stymie discussion about the story! We talk about it lots afterwards and often I engage with her at certain points where it’s natural. I never said I read the entire story word for word without ever stopping. And questions about something she doesn’t understand are totally fine. I just think random interjections when someone else is reading are not polite, and even a preschooler can learn to control their many thoughts until the person has finished reading or at least reached a natural place for a pause. I agree kids are not adults, but I don’t think expecting a child to hold some of their thoughts inside for 5 minutes is demanding they behave like an adult. School seems to have pretty much the same rules and our preschool teacher’s reaction to it was positive (I mentioned it when she mentioned how impressed she is with my kid’s ability to listen at group time). So, yeah, I think your pearl-clutching about how every pediatrician and educator in the world thinks I’m a terrible mother is a bit overwrought.
anon says
Our rule for our twins is that they have to listen to the whole two-page spread before asking questions. Otherwise someone is interjecting every few words and it is really frustrating, so I get where you’re coming from.
Anon says
Thank you! I feel like people are maybe misinterpreting what I was trying to say. I don’t make my kid sit under a cone of silence for an entire half hour reading session. I just prefer not to have an interjection every other word, which was what it was like before we focused on using listening ears. And I think it’s an important skill to learn for school to not be constantly talking over someone who’s trying to read. It doesn’t mean we don’t engage with the story and talk about it. And since OP was getting comments from teachers about her son interrupting at school I thought it could be useful to practice reading with fewer interruptions at home (though I do agree with the comments that ultimately it’s the teacher’s job to manage in school behavior, not the parents’).
Cb says
Wait, what? They called you about it?? I appreciate my son’s school is unique (see above), but that seems like a classroom management issue rather than a parent issue. Like sure, talk to him about interrupting (maybe he does it at the dinner table so you can model?) but he’s enthusiastic!
Anonymous says
Yes, this is a minor classroom management issue. The only place you should be hearing about it is during a routine parent-teacher conference. IME inexperienced teachers are generally the ones who try to make classroom management issues into parenting issues.
Anonanonanon says
Yes! My son’s fourth grade teacher asked me “how I handled this at home.” I told her we pause and say “not right now, we are talking, please wait” or “please don’t interrupt” and she said she can’t do that. I was finally like “well I never have a room of 26 children at home so I’m not sure what I can tell you that would be applicable here.”
Anonymous says
Agree 100%. It’s normal that he interrupts and that she has to deal with it. This is part of what learning to be a student is, which is like the entire point of preK/K. I’d expect a heads up about the issue only if it was a persistent issue but only in the sense of a request reinforcing taking turns speaking and not interrupting via modelling during home interactions.
Anonymous says
Exactly–learning to be quiet during circle time is what preschool is all about, and it’s the teacher’s job to teach him that.
Spirograph says
Agree, this is 100% not your problem. This is a behavior that causes an issue for that particular teacher in the group setting, not an objectively bad behavior. I’d politely tell her that you appreciate your child’s enthusiasm and engagement with books at home, but appreciate that she needs to encourage more structure during class story time for classroom management reasons, and hope that she can continue to help him make progress in this area. *serene smile, blink, blink*
Anonymous says
Hahahahaha tell her to do her job
OP says
Okay, y’all are making me feel better. His teacher is actually quite experienced but she’s also known for being one of the ones who reaches out to parents quickly. It also IS a persistent issue. But I really don’t want to dampen his enthusiasm! He’s a really bright kid so he always has the answers and great observations! It feels like a difficult line to toe! Thanks guys for validating me a bit.
We ARE going to really double down on not interrupting at the dinner table – but his older sister is way worse so she’s usually the culprit there haha.
avocado says
This stuck out to me: “He’s a really bright kid so he always has the answers and great observations!” It’s great that he is bright and engaged, but that doesn’t mean he can’t or shouldn’t learn to channel his enthusiasm appropriately. I agree with the above comments that the teacher should be working on teaching him appropriate behavior in a group setting, but you need to be careful not to undermine that work.
A cautionary tale: My daughter has two longtime friends whose parents have overindulged their “genius” and have failed to teach them humility or to treat others with courtesy and respect. They have turned into overconfident, aggressive, bossy teens who steamroll anyone in their path. But then again their parents are like that too, so I guess that was the parents’ goal.
Anonanonanon says
As one of the other parents here with an older kid, I agree. And it IS such a hard line walk, and I’m not going to say I’ve done it perfectly! But, I feel very strongly that I would be doing my kid a disservice if I raised him to believe that every adult in the world wants to hear every thought he has all the time. I love him no matter what, but I think a huge part of my job is to help him become a person other people see the good in and enjoy being around, too.
OP says
Ah yeah, that may have come out wrong. He’s my third. And has two chatty older sisters. He definitely does not believe adults want to hear everything he has to say! He’s just one of those who loooves school and participating and having teachers and friends and all that. He’s an enthusiast and one of the most popular kids in the class.
These posts are all helpful for me to frame things! The same day I got a call saying he needs to work on waiting his turn during circle etc. from his teacher earlier in the year I had a call from his older sister’s teacher saying she was so proud because his sister had finally started participating more actively in circle! It’s such a delicate balance! I think that’s why I’m struggling because it’s a new issue popping up with my third though.
I’m hoping he just sort of outgrows this too. He doesn’t seem to have ADHD or attention issues so it feels like straight up maturity. Ugh.
OP says
After writing that I feel like the real answer is I should just send his older sisters to school with him – they could definitely enforce some classroom management!
Anonymous says
Ha, maybe when the teacher asks what you are doing about it at home you should say “his older sisters are really good at keeping him in line.”
OP says
Anonymous 12:18 I am TOTALLY going to use that line. And it’s true!
octagon says
Kiddo is like this too. We’ve spent a lot of time reinforcing whose “turn” it is to talk – if the teacher is reading it’s the teacher’s turn. You make it your turn by raising your hand and the teacher calls on you. At the dinner table, he should say “excuse me” and then wait to be recognized (which we try to do quickly). One element is not just interrupting but learning to be patient, so we look for ways to reinforce how good patience is and how it helps everyone to be polite.
(Though one night when it was particularly bad, I let kiddo launch into a story and then interrupted him constantly. When he got frustrated, I pointed out that interruptions are no fun! That did seem to make an impact.)
Anonanonanon says
I’ve gotten these calls about my son over the years. It was usually a classroom management issue. I would ask the teacher how they were addressing it. Usually, they literally had not tried telling him nicely to be quiet?? Or talking to him about it 1:1 kindly after storytime so he can piece together it’s a pattern (“I love hearing your great ideas about the books! However, if everyone got to share their idea right when they thought of it, we wouldn’t get to finish any books. So please save your ideas until after the book is finished, and if you do a good job waiting and raising your hand, I’ll call on you first!” or something like that).
My son did better with teachers who didn’t hesitate to just… tell him not to interrupt.
Anonanonanon says
Also, this is coming from an interrupter, so I do have a lot of sympathy for the kids! But it’s something I really have to watch myself for and I KNOW has to be obnoxious for people and I wish it had been pointed out to me earlier. Honestly, to be fair to my parents, it probably was and I just didn’t listen. ha!
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kid has learned to say “excuse me, [mom/dad/teacher]” before launching into his observations or questions. He definitely learned this at school, and I think it makes the interruption more polite/intentional. I agree that this is the teacher’s job to teach him that, but maybe you can start modeling this at home? I have no issues with him “interrupting” my read alouds – I like that he’s curious and engaged.
OP says
Oooh I like this. Kid is very polite – his teacher’s even commented on that! – but I don’t think he’s been taught excuse me. Making him insert a verbal cue might slow him down or redirect him a bit too…
Anonymous says
Just be sure that he doesn’t use “excuse me” as a way to interrupt. After saying “excuse me,” he needs to wait for permission to speak. After he learns that, he needs to learn to wait for a pause and acknowledgement before saying “excuse me,” unless it’s truly urgent and he needs to interrupt.
Pogo says
This is good, I might use this! My son is similar and I’ve had similar feedback from teachers. I think certain things – like staying on your spot, seated, for circle time – can be expected but kids want to make connections as they’re learning and share observations. The “excuse me” helps make it more appropriate.
I admit too I definitely lean on the side of indulging his observations when we read because I think he is super cute and smart, so I may work on that as well – because certainly he has times where he is not super cute and just screams MOMMY STOP TALKING to interrupt me. A polite excuse me would go a long way!
Anonymous says
Omg my preschool had this issue too and we kept getting notes and conferences about it. My opinion was he was FOUR, it’s preschool, and it is their job to manage the classroom conversation. I’m happy to chat more if you want. This has been a non issue in kindergarten and the kindergarten teacher does not seem as “bothered” by my totally normal child.
No Face says
This dress is a MVP. Looks good with a 20 pound weight range. Works pregnant and postpartum. Works under a blazer or by itself.
FVNC says
I’m looking for suggestions for a small (less than $50) present for a 6 mo old baby girl. The family has higher-end, preppy clothing and gear for her and their 2 yr old boy, and definitely don’t “need” anything. My youngest is 4 yrs old and I’m out of practice with shopping for baby things! For newer parents, anything you’ve loved recently?
Anon says
when you say preppy, does that mean they like things that are monogrammed/personalized? i think a bathrobe in a larger size that she can use later like at age 3 is a great gift, or with summer coming you could do personalized beach towels, or a ruffle butts one piece bathing suit with snaps at the bottom (they are the best) and beach hat. jellycat stuffed animal with accompanying book.
FVNC says
We’re not in the South, but you’d never know it from looking at this family. (And I say that very, very lovingly as someone from the south!). I mean the whole nine yards — monograms, smocked dresses, white Polo brand polo shirts, hair bows, little two year old suede bucks. Super cute, but considering my kids look semi-feral on any given day, not an aesthetic I am personally familiar with.
CPA Lady says
Okay, I’m in the south, so YMMV if this is not appropriate/done in other parts of the country, but maybe a Beaufort Bonnet Company bonnet? They’re around $50.
anon says
We aren’t preppy and I even like these – they really block the sun well!
FVNC says
Thank you both! The Beaufort Bonnet Company looks 100% perfect. Thanks!
Anon says
yes, Beaufort Bonnet, Smocked Auctions, Smockingbirds, I could go on and on
Not Feral says
My kid came home last week with a “shout-out” for having nice manners at preschool. Even though I think she’s more than half feral after a year at home with us (preschool only restarted a few weeks ago) apparently I’m doing something right!
She also went out in the street to play with a bunch of kids last night of all ages, held her own (she’s usually very shy) and it just felt so normal (and frankly reminiscent of my childhood where we all ran in packs and any one parent was as good as the next for tending to an argument, a scrape, a redirection, etc.)! Now that most of the adults in our neighborhood are vaccinated, the kids are playing together outside in packs again (and DD is now old enough to join in) and the parents are socializing outdoors much more (rather than just catching each other on walks). I’ve ordered a rocker for my front porch so I can be outside more too instead of just sitting in the back. Gives me hope.
Any other kid wins recently?
Anon says
That’s awesome! How old is she? Did she find the kids on her own? I can’t wait for DD to have “run around the neighborhood” friends, since it was one of the best parts of my own childhood but we don’t really know our neighbors. I’m crossing my fingers she’ll find other kids on her own but I don’t know if that’s just a fantasy.
Anon says
She’s 3.5, and we live just off a cul de sac so we could see them all playing in the street and she asked to go play. There were probably 15 kids there, ranging in age from probably 3 to 10 across 7-8 families. In the last 2 years we’ve had a number of kids close to her age move in (two three year olds, a four year old and a five year old) as the neighborhood has turned over from the original 80s owners, but because of covid we haven’t met a lot of them. Two of the families with older kids I knew because they are on our street and have been since well before covid, but they had invited a bunch of other kids in the neighborhood over who they knew through school and sports but we hadn’t met yet (or, in one case, I’d met the dad and older kid on a walk but not the mom and the younger kid (but she had met my husband and DD on a walk)). We bought our forever home “early” (i.e., when we got married almost 6 years ago and pre-kids), so the influx of kids has confirmed our hopes for the neighborhood even if she was the only little kid when she was born (in this area, because real estate is so expensive, most people max out the space in an apartment, condo or townhouse with two kids before going SFH further out in the burbs, but DH and I got married older and had the resources to be able to just go for it).
anonamama says
What kind of masks are people wearing for ‘nicer’ events (e.g. religious, wedding)? The Wolford mask seems to be top shelf but I don’t want to shell out $40+. I’ve seen other generic washable silk versions on Etsy and Amazon. This is for an indoor Confirmation, late May. thanks!
Anon says
i mean if you want to get a special ‘fancy’ mask that is fine, but i’d probably just wear black or some other solid color
anon says
The same masks I wear all the time?
Anonymous says
Is this an indoor event? Three-layer with filter for sure.
Anon says
I don’t think you need a fancy mask per say, just get something that coordinates with your outfit.
Unwritten rules says
I’m a lateral
OP says
Haha I started writing a question here and then decided to give the issue no more of my time or mental space. Did not mean to post!!! Ignore me please.