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Updated: Jan 12, 2023 118 Comments · by

Splurge or Save Thursday: Boiled-Cashmere Cardigan

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A woman wearing an off-white cardigan and cream-colored pants

It’ll be sweater weather for a while, so why not splurge on a wear-on-repeat-until-spring cardigan?

This classic sweater from Vince is made from super soft boiled cashmere. It features a face-framing, spread polo collar and is perfect as a layer or on its own. Since it hits right at the hip, pair it with high-waisted trousers or a flowy silk dress.

This cardigan is $445 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS–XL. It’s available in “white sand” or black (lucky sizes only).

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    When I picked up my 3.5 year old from daycare yesterday, the teacher said that he had a really bad day and was trying to throw chairs when he was upset. How do we deal with this at home? He hasn’t ever thrown furniture (or anything) at home, usually when he’s upset at home he lies down on the floor or sometimes tries to hide under the sofa. I talked to him a little bit about feeling mad at school and how he can go sit in a quiet area if he’s feeling upset, but other than that, what should we be doing?

    • Anonymous says

      Is it possible they were just relaying information to you? If he doesn’t behave this way at home it’s going to be difficult to model solutions. I would ask day care if there’s something specific you can do at home to help; otherwise I’d treat it as day care’s problem to work through.

      • Cb says

        Yeah, maybe just letting you know that he seemed a bit fragile/might be weepy that evening, etc.

        • Spirograph says

          This is how I’d take it. They’re just trying to keep the dialogue open so both you and the teachers have the whole picture of your child’s behavior and can adjust if needed — when my kids were this age, there was often a straight line from a rough night of sleep to a bad day at school. My response to the teacher would be along the lines of “thanks for letting me know, we’ll make sure he has an early bedtime tonight and keep reinforcing ‘calm down’ tactics at home.” IME, if the teacher wants you to do something specific, they’ll usually tell you.

    • Anonymous says

      At that age I’d always just watch some relevant Daniel Tiger with the kids. I wouldn’t take the comment as “kiddo has a serious chair throwing issue that must be addressed” but a heads up that it happened. I’d probably ask if he has thrown things before and if so work on strategies (ie daniel Tiger ) to nip it in the bud.

      • AwayEmily says

        I know this is not your point but I keep picturing a Daniel Tiger episode wherein he picks up a chair and hurls it at his father and I can’t stop laughing. RAGE TIGER!!!!

        • Boston Legal Eagle says

          I mean, he should, solely for their decorative choice of tiger skin curtains…

  2. Anon says

    How do you approach money in your household? Do your kids have an allowance, and if so how much? Do you ever let them do chores for extra cash? I give my elementary school kid an allowance, but she’s now motivated to earn money for something she wants so she’s asking me if she can do extra chores (she offered to help play with her siblings and clean her younger siblings room and shred cheese so far!). Any thoughts on that?

    • Cb says

      My son is only 5 so it’s not quite the same, but we do £2 a week, as a form of UBI. He doesn’t need to do anything to get this money. If he wants more “pennies” as he calls them, he can do chores but they aren’t ordinary part of living in a family chores, they are things like helping me pick up garden waste (50p a bucket, which is too generous) and helping dad wash the car, etc. He was £4 short of a Lego model, so I put him to work.

      We’re taking a break from buying things just because, so I suspect we’ll need to come up with a list of chores he can do for extra cash.

    • Anonymous says

      Haven’t implemented yet but DH thinks we should do a UBI of $5/week. In the 1990s, I got $80/month UBI to use for lunches or save for clothes/CDs (if I packed my lunch).

      Kids take turns emptying dishwasher and doing various dog tasks. One keeps asking for additional ‘money jobs’ but it’s hard to figure out what opportunities to offer when you have to find 3 equivalent jobs because as soon as he starts earning extra, the others will want in.

    • Anonymous says

      What do your kids do with their money? I really want to start this but my 9 year old will blow it all on Starbucks and Roblox unless I give her some guidance- then she’ll be responsible :).

      • Cb says

        I think that’s probably a good thing if you can hold firm and not top up? Better to blow your pocket money on Roblox at 9 than your student loan at 19?

      • Clementine says

        So, that’s what will happen. And then the child will ask for a larger item and you’ll tell them they don’t have enough money.

        My kid decided he wanted a Pokemon bedding set (le sigh, not exactly my aesthetic) and so… that’s what he spent his money on. It was that OR Legos and he had to make a (very serious) choice.

        I know I’ve probably told you before, but a few years ago we were at the grocery store (right when my kid was learning the value of money) and the cashier told me the total – it was about $120 – and my kid goes, ‘WOW. You could buy a REALLY COOL Lego set for that much money!’ The cashier (a guy in his early 20’s) cracked up and agreed that yes, it was a lot of Legos.

        • Cb says

          Haha, you could! Some kids from school were on the bus, and in response to a mom’s “that car costs more than our house!” said “You could sell the house and we could have a really cool car!”

      • Anonymous says

        The whole point of an allowance is to let them blow it on Starbucks and Roblox and learn the consequences while it’s just kid pocket money and not actual grown-up paychecks.

    • Anonymous says

      This is what my parents did for me – a set allowance that was based on my age, and then I had a list of chores I could do for extra money. I ironed a TON of my dad’s button down shirts.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Our older kid (6) so far gets money from the tooth fairy, and occasionally for chores. There are certain consistent home tasks that he just has to do without earning anything. No consistent allowance as of now, but he doesn’t really ask to buy anything yet. We do buy a lot for him though, especially around the holidays. Maybe we’ll start an allowance when he turns 7 in a few months.

    • Clementine says

      And I didn’t answer this, but there are ‘base duties’ that my kids have to do as part of the family with optional ‘extras’ that they can add on for extra money.

      elementary schooler – make bed (daily), pick up toys (daily), put laundry in basket (daily), feed dog (daily), vacuum one room (usually living room) and couch, organize shoes at the doors and put away if needed, clean front glass door (he loves this, they clean with vinegar and I’m fine with the job they do

      2.75 year old – make bed (daily), pick up toys (daily), put laundry in basket (daily), restock all bathrooms with toilet paper (this is her passion in life, also each room in my house has 4-5 rolls under the sink which she will proudly show you), wipe fridge and counter fronts

      Extra items – cleaning baseboards, if my older kid helps the toddler organize, dusting, wiping down windowsills with baby wipes, picking up sticks in the yard, wiping handprints off walls, etc.

      I got a printable pack from Etsy which gave me great ideas.

    • avocado says

      I give my kid an allowance. I don’t pay her for chores around the house, even extra things I ask her to do, because pitching in is part of living in a family. I have paid her when she’s done babysitting and pet-sitting for cheapskate relatives who think a teenager in the family = unlimited free babysitting and pet-sitting (I also tell her she can say no to them whenever she wants).

    • Anon says

      We do allowance for my 5 year old (currently $3/week). We haven’t yet paid for chores although I wouldn’t rule it out in the future.

    • Anonymous says

      We do a Spend-Save-Give model for our 7 year old. She gets $3 a week and has to record it in a ledger (there are a tone of cute ones for kids on Amaz*n). She has vinyl envelopes from an E+sy store.

      She has a few chores (put away her own laundry, help clean her room, help clean her art space). But she has a lot of difficulty focusing on tasks without a grown up there. (You’ll leave her in the middle of a task and come back and she’s lying on the floor singing to herself). So she can make some extra money doing easy chores independently. So folding the napkins is her favorite independent task.

      She usually spends her money on books or Lego, sometimes candy. Her Spend money is totally hers to spend as she wishes. We’ve set goals and she’s bought a big Lego set with her Save money and birthday money. I hope as she gets older we work on more long term saving goals, but it was a good start. Her school regularly does fundraisers around different topics and she’ll use her Give money for that. If it’s something for animals or the environment she’ll want to give more and we’ve matched money she’s taken from her Spend for those causes.

  3. Anon says

    Suggestions on an kid-friendly resort in August? Will be travelling from Houston. Flexible on budget so open to luxury places.

    New to resort travel so don’t know pros/cons of all inclusive vs. not. Food is important to me, so I want it to be good.

    • NYCer says

      We love Hidden Pond Resort in Kennebunkport, Maine during the summer. It is not all inclusive.

    • Anon says

      most all inclusive are mexico/carribean and it is hurricane season then. i’ve heard the food at the las velas resorts is good, which are all inclusive.

    • Anonymous says

      We had a good time at Atlantis in the Bahamas with a toddler a few years ago – not sure how it will be in August (we went in Feb). There are several good food options, though everything is really expensive.

    • anon says

      We really enjoyed Xcaret in Mexico if you’re looking for something both luxurious and adventurous. The food was great, too. I wouldn’t bring a kid <6 yo as they're probably too small for the best activities.

      We went in the winter so I can't speak to it in August.

    • Anon says

      For August, I’d do one of the high end New England resorts. Not all inclusive, but all situated near good food. Cliff House Maine, Castle Hill or Ocean House Rhode Island, The Nantucket or White Elephant in Nantucket.

      There are a bunch of all-inclusive resorts in Mexico and the Caribbean, but as others said August isn’t the right time to go there and food at all-inclusives tends not to be great even at the $$$$ places.

  4. Anonymous says

    Reposting for more ideas since it was late last night :). We are up to 12 girls invited, I’m thinking 8-10 will make it.

    I want to host a party around Valentine’s Day for my 1st grade daughter and her friends. I’m thinking ~4-6/6:30, maybe something like 10 girls, age 6.5-7.5.

    Ideas for activities? So far we’ve brainstormed:

    – crafts (tbd what, card making? Bracelets? Both? Nothing with glitter.)
    – cookie decorating
    – kareoke (we have a machine but largely this means just putting on Alexa and dancing wildly), maybe a photo booth? Maybe do a photo shoot with her instamax camera?
    – serving dinner (maybe heart shaped pizza?), maybe cupcakes (unless they eat the decorated cookies?)

    I am pretty set on buying heart shaped glasses as a party favor.

    I’ve never actually hosted an indoor party for this age group before. Does that seem like enough to keep them busy? Too much? Other ideas?

    We have a large house and I’m thinking they can have the dining room & finished basement. Do I aim to move them through activities as a group or do it as 2-3 stations? I am going to cap the invites at number of seats I can fit around our dining room and /or basement table so they can all do things at the same time.

    • anon says

      Could you get some fake flowers, netting and ribbon and make fascinators? Add feather boas and they’ll be super fancy.

    • Anon says

      Kudos to you! I never plan things like this. What a nice gift for your daughter :)

      • Anonymous says

        Haha, I immediately dreaded it once the invite went out but she’s the middle and I want to make sure she gets a little something fun this winter. Big sis is always at or having sleepovers and younger sister is still in the “entire class is invited to all birthday parties” so she has one like once a weekend ;).

    • SG says

      Craft could be decorating picture frames (puff paint, stickers, etc), you could use the instamax pics. This sounds like such a sweet party. My Kinder loves our little plug-in disco ball, you could do something like that in the basement.

    • Lily says

      OMG I love this and can’t wait til my girls are a little older. I will be the queen of hosting Valentines parties for little girls.

      Polaroid pics plus cheap wooden frames they can decorate and put the pics in? We used to do that like 30 years ago and it was great.

      Old fashioned valentines supplies. Doilies, red and pink construction paper, maybe puff paint? Lots of glue sticks. Maybe not glitter but those little “gems” they can stick on.

      As a favor, my vote would be against glasses because they’re just one more plastic thing parents have to deal with. What about heart-themed nail decals or stick-on earrings? Those are always a hit and they’re consummable.

      Definitely cookie decorating. Just be prepared for the mess and try to contain it as much as you can.

      Anything heart-shaped (pizza, grilled cheese) will surely be a hit. If they’re decorating cookies they’ll want to eat them so I’d skip the cupcakes, unless the point is to send the decorated cookies home.

      I’d have karaoke as a back-up, but I’d focus on the decorating and crafts first since you’ll have put time and money into that, and then if kids get bored or run out of crafts/cookies, they can pivot to karaoke.

    • Anon says

      i’m also hosting a Valentine’s Day get together, but I’m doing it a bit earlier in the day so I don’t have to serve a meal and where I live, it could be warm and the group is a bit younger. If the activities are in different places in the home, I’d move them through as a group. i really liked the suggestion yesterday for the picture frames with stickers and then taking pics with your daughters’ camera to put in the frames. here is what i would do:

      – kids arriving, go into basement to hang out, maybe tell kids to come wearing pink and/or red/hearts, maybe also have some valentine’s day printables for kids to color in while waiting for everyone to arrive
      – do an arts and crafts project downstairs, i like the picture frame making idea, (saw some at both target and michaels)
      – karaoke/photobooth – buy some valentine’s themed props (do a quick google search and plenty of inexpensive kits come up), maybe a hat or two, a boa, necklaces, etc. to do with the karaoke and you could consider purchasing (they are like $10 on amazon) an led disco ball
      – then maybe are you going to purchase pizza to serve, have the kids make pizza? with that number i’d probably just purchase pizza, but maybe serve pizza and then move onto cookie decorating or cupcake decorating for dessert,
      -and if you want to have an extra activity on hand, you could do Valentine’s Day bingo (you can also purchase for fairly inexpensively) – could either be done before or after dinner if more structure is needed
      – another easy idea is a pinata
      – assuming it is drop off, i’d probably keep it to two hours, worst case parents arrive early and girls are still finishing up cookie decorating

      • Anonymous says

        OP here. Is it bad that we have all the cr@p already? We have a disco ball, boas and tutus, a puppet theater that my kiddo is going to repurpose for this party in some way.

        For the frames, the instamax photos are really tiny. I haven’t seen frames that are really big enough to decorate- have you? We have the little plastic ones you can buy but there isn’t much space to decorate. I guess we could DIY foam ones, or maybe put a little photo “mat” in a larger one?

        • Lily says

          Yes, little photo mat would be great! Maybe get supplies to make the back of the mat magnetic so they can put on their fridge at home?

        • Anon says

          no not at all! you said this is your middle kiddo, i’m the Anon at 10:42 and I have twin girls, but they are my only so we are still amassing stuff, though we have plenty of randomness already. i think it is fine if the photos are tiny, they can make a collage of them and glue/tape them to a piece of paper the size of the frame. also, depending on when you are hosting the party, i like the idea below of making cards to bring home to family, grandparents, etc. and you know your house best, but i grew up with a huge finished basement and had bday parties of all sorts, slumber parties, etc. and my mom generally tried to stick to food upstairs because the general materials in the kitchen/dining room/screened in porch were easier to clean and sometimes the slight change of scenery also breaks things up. oriental trading also has a ton of cute, not super expensive craft kits. i’m partial to ones that involve coloring or stickers. They have color your own wreaths, or color your own boxes, which the girls could use to bring their cookies home. If you run girl scouts and soccer, i have a feeling you have this more than covered :-)
          (and yes, we are still on the preschool bday party circuit and with twins, have 1-2 per weekend)

    • Anonymous says

      I did something like this the week before Christmas with my daughter and her neighbor friends. I set up a craft table and then they watched The Grinch with popcorn and apple slices. I was incredibly disappointed by how little time some of the girls wanted to do the craft table. My daughter loves arts and crafts and could easily stay there for an hour. Some of the girls said they were done after 15 minutes and convinced the other girls to be done too.

      This is partly for my daughter’s benefit, but I am fairly strict at this type of gathering. These are the activities, and that is what the options are. She gets very upset if she feels like she has to “host” kids across several activities and spaces. (Yes, I’ve tried talking her out of this mindset, and she just isn’t old enough to l let it go.) I’ve learned that a casual get together with more than a few girls leads to tears for her and she doesn’t have a good time. I hope/think the other girls all still have fun. But I find myself saying “no” a bit more during this stuff than I’d really like. I’m also shocked at what some other kids will ask for at my house “Can we have [insert any food], too.” With more than 2-3 girls, I typically say no. But I digress…

      • Anonymous says

        I’m the OP and I think we are going to keep everything mostly in one room- we decided to bring the food down to the basement. I can’t let the kids run wild in the house- we have a lot of rooms with fun kid stuff but it would wreck the place.

        I’m a scout leader (for many of these girls) and a soccer coach (for another subset of these girls or their siblings) so they are used to me bossing them around ;).

      • Anonymous says

        I have the same issues with kid parties! They never want to do the craft, play the game, or watch the movie. They want to ransack the playroom and pantry. They run upstairs. They demand different food (although the one who asked “where are the vegetables?” when offered pizza and fruit salad was kind of funny). One girl dug my daughter’s diary out of her desk organizer in the playroom and started reading it. I am horrified–when I was a kid I would never have dreamed of doing anything but what the parent hosting the party told me to do, of leaving the party and running through the house, or of asking for food that wasn’t explicitly offered, and my daughter is the same way.

        The best solution is just not to host parties at home.

    • AwayEmily says

      What about having the theme be making a Valentines care package for their family? They can make Valentine cards (pre-cut a bunch of hearts of all different sizes, supply googly eyes/glue/doilies/heart stickers/markers). And then they can also put in their decorated cookies. Then they can put it all in little gift bags. My first grader LOVES making things “for” other people and will spend much more time on it than if she’s just making it randomly.

  5. Anon says

    Any suggestions for feeling hormonal throughout the entire month? It’s messing with my head! I feel like I’m in the early stages of pregnancy but there is an extremely low chance of that. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

    • Anon says

      Is this every month or just this past month? The holiday season is a very common time for delayed ovulation (stress, travel, illness, etc). With delayed ovulation, your hormones can fluctuate more than usual and cause your mood/physical symptoms to fluctuate, too

      • Anon says

        Thanks. Yes, I’ve been feeling the symptoms this month but my period was delayed last month too (likely for the reasons you suggested). That makes more sense now.

  6. Anon says

    I have a multi-day whitewater rafting trip scheduled for June. We’re planning to TTC this year and I’m puzzling over when to start trying in light of the trip – should we start a month or two in advance, which is the timing I would have wanted without the trip planned, and take the risk of having an early pregnancy while on the water? I’m not worried about safety in the first trimester (in fact, I know women who have guided trips throughout their entire pregnancies – not for me though), but I don’t want to feel sick or exhausted. It seems easier in some ways to just wait until the trip is done, but I’m 34 and I’m not sure what the chances are of getting pregnant right away. If it turns out there are issues, it seems best to know as early as possible and not miss those two months. WWYD?

    • Anon says

      most insurance plans will cover the diagnostic testing and the insurance issues come up at the treatment stage. if you have concerns you could just have the diagnostic testing done. if you try two months ahead of time and get lucky and get pregnant the first go around, which i realize doesn’t happen for most people, but could, and at 7/8 weeks pregnant i was nauseous and puking and never could’ve done a trip like that, but of course everyone is different

      • Anonymous says

        I got pregnant right before a vacation, felt mostly fine but just a little tired, and was hit with what turned out to be HG in the middle of the trip. I was puking in a plastic bag for the entire 12-hour road trip home. I would not risk traveling in the first tri for that reason. You just never know what is going to happen. Can you get cancel-for-any-reason travel insurance?

      • Anon says

        Diagnostic testing for fertility can’t tell you whether or not it will take you a long time to conceive, so this isn’t really a perfect solution. Sure, it can rule out major issues. But as someone who “passed” every test with flying colors but still had to do IVF and four embryo transfers to get to a viable pregnancy, just because your numbers are normal doesn’t actually mean you won’t have trouble TTC.

    • Anonymous says

      I would go ahead and TTC on your schedule regardless of the trip. Granted, I had no morning sickness for my first pregnancy, so this is just one point of data. If you do end up feeling sick in June, you can decide to cancel the trip then, but there’s a pretty good chance you’ll either feel OK or you won’t yet be pregnant.

      • Anon says

        Oh, one thing I should’ve mentioned is that I won’t be able to cancel the trip last-minute without losing the money – we have to pay the full balance in May. It’s not SO much money that I absolutely cannot cancel, but it’s enough that I wouldn’t want to throw it away if I don’t have to.

    • Anon says

      In all of my pregnancies the true symptoms haven’t set in until around 6 weeks (so, 4 weeks after conception). If you start TTC a month before you might still be in a window of feeling generally fine.

      Another option would be to start trying sooner…you’ll have a better sense of where you stand before you have to pay the balance in May.

    • Anon says

      I’d try when you want to start trying and don’t worry about the trip – even if you got pregnant, you might not be sick or exhausted even in your first trimester. I was extra tired but not sick and definitely could have swung a white water rafting trip. I feel like before people start TTC they assume they might get pregnant right away and worry about timing, but, even if you have no difficulty getting pregnant at all, it might take at least a couple months – don’t put your life on hold, but don’t put TTC on hold either woudl be my advice. You will figure it out!.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        Agree. I’d say start trying now, see what happens, you may or may not be pregnant by the trip, but schedule that trip anyway. It sucks to cancel, but you may not have to, and even if you do, you’ll be ok (see: 2020).

      • Spirograph says

        I agree with all of this. I would have had a great time on a rafting trip early in any of my pregnancies. My morning sickness was negligible to nonexistent, and I found the exhaustion was more mental than physical, and also manifested more as wanting to go to bed early than having trouble getting through the day.

        Statistically, it’s unlikely you’ll have any truly debilitating symptoms like hyperemesis gravidarum. So multiply that small probability by the small probability that you will get pregnant the first month or two of trying and you have an even smaller probability of your trip being impacted. Best of luck for both!

    • An.On. says

      I don’t think waiting two months is a huge deal, but I also wasn’t sick at all when I was pregnant. The other consideration is if you’re on a BC method that might take a while to get out of your system.

    • Anon says

      I had no morning sickness, but I would be worried about the safety of rafting, even in the first trimester. Just because you know people who did it doesn’t make it safe. Google says you shouldn’t do it. I would discuss with your OB.

      • Anonymous says

        meh, it never hurts to ask an OB, but I wouldn’t worry much about safety unless you’re rafting the Zambezi or something crazy. I absolutely see the point that rafting with a bump is riskier with potential hits to the belly, plus your balance is off, joints are out of whack, etc, but that won’t be the case 1-2 months after LMP. fwiw, I was in a car accident where my airbag deployed and the car was totalled when I was 6 weeks pregnant with no ill effects to the baby.

        • Anon says

          You’re not supposed to do things that jostle and shake you because of the risk of placental abruption. It’s wonderful that nothing happened to your baby, but one lucky anecdote doesn’t make something a safe activity. 6 weeks is also pretty different than 10-14 weeks, the baby is much more protected by your pelvis at that point. And driving isn’t something most people can avoid, at least not without a great deal of inconvenience, but going nine months without whitewater rafting is much easier to do.

          • Anon says

            Placental abruption happens in about 1% of pregnancies and mostly in the third trimester. I don’t think that’s a significant risk factor to consider for a very early pregnancy rafting trip.

          • Anon says

            1% seems like a lot to me actually. Look, the ACOG recommends against “jerky, bouncy, or high-impact motions that can increase your risk of injury.” You can choose to ignore the recommendation but it is the medical advice and I think most OBs would tell you not to go. I also just don’t understand why you wouldn’t avoid optional activities that carry risk, even if it’s small. I get that some every day activities like driving may be riskier, but they can’t be avoided without great inconvenience. But no one needs to go white water rafting while pregnant, and it’s such a short time relative to your lifespan I don’t know why you wouldn’t just choose a different type of vacation for this one trip (if you’re actually pregnant, I wouldn’t avoid booking it while TTC because who knows how long that will take).

          • Anon says

            OP here. YMMV, but so many things have happened in my life in the last few years that have made me realize I can’t put off the things I want to do forever. I can’t assume there will be a “tomorrow” to fulfill a dream (and for me, rafting the river we’re going to is a dream that I don’t think we’d be able to realize after a kid is in the picture, at least not without a big change in our family support). I personally don’t feel comfortable with the idea of rafting in the second or third trimester, but figuring out possible timing and pros/cons for rafting when I’ll either be ready to TTC or having just started TTC feels right. I think about the last rafting trip we went on as the last thing before I fall asleep at night.

        • Anonymous says

          caveat that I’m not an OB or even an MD, but I’m pretty sure the placenta is not even fully formed 1-2 months into a pregnancy, so it seems a silly time to worry about abruption. I remember talking to my OB about this because I’d taken codeine early in pregnancy (my cycles are irregular so I didn’t realize I was pregnant) and she assured me it was nbd because there’s no shared blood supply until several weeks later.

          • Anon says

            Shared blood supply starts around the time you normally find out you’re pregnant (4-6 weeks). And no, placenta injury is not a big concern super early. But the first trimester goes until 12 or 14 weeks depending on how you count, and the uterus leaves your pelvis by that point.

    • Anon says

      Only start when you’re ready to be pregnant. You can conceive on the first try. It’s hard to say if you’ll feel tired of nauseous – I was with one pregnancy and wasn’t at all with another. It would suck though to be camping and not have food that you felt like you could eat. But you might also be fine.

    • Anonymous says

      Book it, and buy travel insurance that lets you cancel for any reason.

    • Anonymous says

      I am superstitious, but I kind of think that scheduling a vacation that would be miserable during pregnancy is a good way to guarantee that you will get pregnant.

    • Anonymous says

      Caveat I had very bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy and not with my second. We went rafting during first tri and I was miserable. Like miserable. Nausea, fatigue, headache. When you’re stuck out on the water and there’s no way to escape besides finish the trip…it was awful.

    • Anonamoma says

      Would you be more upset if (1) you are pregnant/nauseous/exhausted on the trip or (2) it ends up taking 6 mo+ to conceive and you delayed 2 more of those months? I think you just have to weigh that for yourself.

      • Anonymous says

        Yes this. I think if you are ready to have a baby and you are 34 you should start now. You may get pregnant easily or you may not. I say this as someone whose family members get pregnant easily at 40, but it took me 7 months when I was 28

        • Anonymous says

          twinsies. also took me 7 months when I was 28, coming off of hormonal birth control. (OP, if you’re on hormonal birth control, I’d strongly recommend stopping now and switching to a barrier method if you want to get pregnant later this year and are concerned about timing.)

          • Anonymous says

            I waited to finish a backpacking trip that I really wanted to do but stopped birth control before (used condoms/pull out before)- I figured that if I was so fertile to get pregnant while using these methods, then it’s just fate- however after I got back from the trip and we didn’t use any contraception anymore I got pregnant in the second month trying. 35 and was feeling really bad in first trimester so I am happy I did it that way. However other people try to conceive for very long time so it’s really your decision.

    • Team Trip says

      I would delay trying the two months until after the trip. And I say that as someone who went through years of fertility treatments. I would have been absolutely miserable on a rafting trip starting at 5 weeks. But if you don’t go now and you get pregnant, who knows when you will get a chance to take this trip! This sounds like a perfect adventure right before TTC to me—and two months just isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things.

  7. anon says

    When did y’all take your kids to the dentist for the first time? My pediatrician says no need until age 3 barring any specific concerns, but the AAP has different guidance. I personally don’t see the point of bringing a baby to get their four teeth looked at but I’m not in the medical field.

    • Anon says

      We followed AAP, so 1. I think the first check up is more to look for red flags and get the idea of the dentist/tooth brushing instilled. But I’m super by the book and also did all the eye appointments at age 1 (which none of my friends did).

    • Anon says

      My older two, between 18-24 months old (I plan to take my 20 month old as soon as I find a new dentist). They did pretty well at the regular doctor, so I was fairly confident they’d open their mouths and it wouldn’t be an ordeal.

      Also, with most (all?) insurance it’s free, so I figure why not. If there is some issue it can be caught early, and if not it starts to get kids acclimated with the dentist. Some kids do get cavities or have enamel issues really early

    • Anonymous says

      We took him at 2.5, after our Ped told us to start at 2. The pediatric dentist was great and the visit made him more enthusiastic about brushing his teeth. We took him back at 3.5 and it was also a good experience (though we had to reschedule twice due to daycare colds).

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I think it was around 18 months for both. Enough teeth for both, just to make sure everything was coming in ok and to get them used to it.

    • HSAL says

      My first was around 2 1/4, and then my twins were nearly 3, but that was mainly a pandemic delay. I think our pediatrician said after 2.

    • Anonymous says

      3. Our ped is married to a dentist and that’s what she suggested. We brushed very carefully before that and started taking fluoride tablets before that (no fluoride in our water).

    • anon says

      We had first appointments scheduled for their 3rd birthday, but that got pushed to almost 5 because pandemic. Our pediatric dentist didn’t have an issue with this.

    • Anon says

      Both of my kids go every six months starting a couple months after 1 yo. They’re just checking things out the first 2-3 appts. how much they do is dependent on if your kid is kicking and screaming or not. Both my kids screamed the first time and steadily improved from there.

    • Anonymous says

      My kids were all fosters and were required to start visiting the dentist at six months of age. Its sort of a waste of time, but I also understand the underlying rationale. Once mine were adopted, I started taking them once a year (fosters have to go every three months!) Just to echo someone above, the early exposure has seemed to help with anxiety. I’d still have waited until age two for their first visit if I had my druthers. Two of my three had no teeth at their first appointment.

    • Anon says

      Around 2. My pediatrician said that the recommendation is when teeth appear or at age 1 but since everything looked normal there was no rush. My 2 year old barely let the dentist brush his teeth or look in his mouth, so eh. I think it’s a good idea to have a dentist just because I’ve heard so many stories about kids falling and knocking teeth out.

      • Anon says

        There isn’t really anything a dentist can do about a knocked out baby tooth. My daughter fell and seriously chipped a tooth when she was 18 months and we called a dentist and they said there’s nothing they would do even if it did look like it was going to fall out. All they would be able to do was antibiotics for infection, which I believe a doctor can also prescribe. Fortunately my kid’s tooth didn’t fall out and the chip got way less visible over time.

          • Anon says

            Fair enough. In our town, emergency dentist on call would do something like that (that was who I called when my kid fell), so this isn’t a reason to establish with a primary care dentist IMO.

    • Anonymous says

      Mine went around 1 and a half. We probably would’ve done closer to 1, but pandemic. Dentist said 1x/year is fine for now – they don’t expect to be able to do any cleaning until after age 3 at the absolute earliest, and the goal for now is to get kids used to the idea of the dentist. (That reminds me, I need to schedule the next appointment.) Kiddo just said NO very loudly when the dentist asked if he could see her teeth, but became besties with the hygienist after getting a new toothbrush, LOL. Basically, they just verified that there were definitely teeth in there.

      My motivation for scheduling an appointment that young was because I was a very clumsy kid who knocked teeth out before 3, so I wanted to make sure we had an established dentist.

    • Anonymous says

      I didn’t take mine until age 3. The two different pediatric dentists we tried were inconvenient due to location and scheduling, they were overly interventionist, and they weren’t actually any better than ordinary family dentists at dealing with kids, so I switched the kids to my own awesome dentist and we are all much happier.

  8. HSAL says

    PSA on medication – Zyrtec makes one of my 4 1/2 year old twins a defiant, difficult, a-hole. We had a few medication changes at the same time (don’t do that, spread them out if possible) and I was a little floored when I talked to the doctor and she said she has a couple kids every year who can’t do Zyrtec. He switched to Claritin and after a day he was back to his old self. I sometimes forget that OTC drugs are still drugs and they can have big side effects.

    Also, if a doctor treating your asthma tells you a steroid inhaler won’t cause a lack of appetite, tell them they are a liar. We also dealt with that. After over a year of nonexistent/minimal weight gain, we stopped the inhaler and my kid eats without putting up a fight. It’s been a miracle.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m jealous that it was that easy to cure a 4.5 year old of being a defiant, difficult, a-hole! :)

      Seriously, though, thanks for this. medication side effects can be so strange

      • Anonymous says

        Medication side effects can be so strange and so many doctors insist that they don’t exist (see steroid inhaler issue above, also the myth that BC doesn’t cause weight gain).

        • Anon says

          UGH — this drives me bonkers. My 3 yr old son was supposed to be put on a regiment of an antihistamine (can’t remember which one), and I asked some questions about side effects. The pediatric ENT straight up shamed me for asking – I’m not an anti-vaxx or anti-meds, I just wanted to understand what the side effects are. Claimed there were none (false), and how dare I be so cavalier with my child’s health??! Needless to say, we switched providers.

    • Anon says

      Meds affect everyone differently. I was on oral steroids and steroid inhalers pretty consistently for childhood asthma and never had appetite or weight gain issues. I’m also 6′ tall, which astounded the doctors, who was sure I would be short (apparently lack of height growth is a side effect?) I was on the steroids longer than most people, and they were apparently quite concerned about side effects and then I had none of them.

    • anon says

      Ugh, we had that experience with Allegra around age 4. It was a freaking nightmare. Kid was a tyrant (and trust, he has never, ever been an easy kid, even on the best days.) Come to find out, it’s not a super uncommon side effect with that medication. I kind of wanted to wring the allergist’s neck for not warning us.

    • anon says

      I’m the opposite. Claritin makes me a raging lunatic, but Zyrtec doesn’t. I talked to the pharmacist about it, and she told me it is a very common side effect for various allergy medicines. It just depends on your body chemistry for which causes the problem.

  9. Anon says

    I walked away from social media in 2016 since comparisons to my law school friends sent me into depression. It also took up way too much of my time. Now I’ve gone to therapy, worked on my relationship and have a toddler who does cute things. Would it be insane to get back on social media? I may still have the same insecurities, but it would be nice to connect with people again, and a lot of my friends and family live far away.

    • Anon says

      Not insane. Consider not using any apps and only logging in once a day. It is nice to have that connection to people who are far away, but I do think guardrails are important.

    • Anon says

      I don’t think it would be insane, but I wonder if you would get more benefits from connecting with people you care about off social media. Email is a lower pressure way to communicate than text (since there’s no expectation of immediate response). I exchange long emails ~monthly with several girlfriends who are long distance and we also send photo emails to a bunch of (primarily older) extended family members who love getting them. I’m on social media, but rarely post. Primarily because I don’t want a ton of photos/info about my kid on the public internet, but also because I find that it can get easy to get caught up in how many “likes” a photo is getting when that really doesn’t matter at all.

    • Spirograph says

      With this history, yes, I think it would be especially unwise to get back on social media.

      I ditched social media around the same time and it is one of the better decisions I’ve ever made. I might miss some deals on Facebook marketplace, but it is worth it to avoid what I see as a lot of negatives (envy, fomo, time-wasting, privacy concerns, etc). do I sometimes wish I could peek in on exes and former classmates? sure. But I have better ways of keeping in touch with everyone important/who actually adds joy to my life. Do not join social media to post cute things about your toddler; your future teenager will appreciate it.

    • Anonymous says

      I am only on Facebook and only because the school and some kid activities and community orgs communicate primarily through Facebook. I didn’t join until 2020 and always thought I was missing out on some amazing virtual community, but it turned out that I was not missing out on anything because most of my real-life friends are passive users like me who consume information but rarely post. I had to mute most of the people who do post because the dumb stuff they posted was at odds with their real-life behavior and was coloring my relationships with them. If you don’t need social media to get critical information, you are probably better off without it.

    • Anon says

      Everybody is different, but for me the social media-related negativity has been a lot worse becoming a mom. I guess I’m just not that invested in my career, but it never really bothered me to see classmates who are a lot more successful than I am. I made deliberate choices not to follow that path and I would not want to be working 70 hour weeks for all the money in the world. But seeing former classmates and acquaintances who have what I want and don’t have in terms of a “village” (family support, close local mom friends, a neighborhood gang) it hits me hard. YMMV.

    • EDAnon says

      I got off in 2011 and would never, ever go back. It is so freeing not to be on and I wouldn’t want to give that up. Plus, I waste plenty of time on the internet without social media.

    • DLC says

      I mean know thyself, but i find social media is pretty insidious. I quit social media a year and a half ago and I realized that if I want to get in touch with people to just call them or shoot an email or text or schedule a coffee date. If they aren’t that level of friends/family where I would want to do this, then wanting to be friends with them via social media is just me being nosy.

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