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It’s become a tradition in my family that when someone has a baby, another person buys them this bag and has it monogrammed with the new baby’s name. It’s such a great gift that has come in handy so many times. I like that it’s durable canvas, comes in two different strap lengths, and has a lot of colors and fonts to choose from. For weekend trips, I pack everything my son could possibly need in it. I recommend getting the large size without the zip top. While logically you’d think the zip top would be best because you can close it, it just limits the amount of stuff you can cram inside. I like that this is my go-to bag and that it will likely last until my son is an adult. It’s $29.95 at L.L. Bean (plus $8 for monogramming). Boat and Tote Open-Top
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IVF? says
Cross posted on regular page –
If you’ve been through IVF (with or without ICSI), please share your experience! We’ve been through our fertility workups and meet with our doctor next week to discuss results and options – however, given the extremely poor results of my husbands s*men analysis (normal bloodwork though), i am guessing this is the next stop on our journey.
Anonymous says
DH and I married in early 2014 and started trying for a baby not long after due to our age (mid- to late 30s). After temping and following Taking Charge of Your Fertility to no success for about a year, we sought a consultation with a fertility clinic, mostly out of curiosity. His semen analysis was ambiguous but it didn’t matter because I had a blocked tube and a cyst on one ovary and scarring on the other tube, so I had surgery in fall 2015 and we went straight to IVF in spring 2016.
I responded well to the drugs and treatment and we got four blasts. The fresh transfer failed to take but the first frozen transfer was a success. I gave birth in May 2017.
LHW says
Very interested in IVF experiences as well. Along with fertility clinic recs in DFW.
buffybot says
I wrote a long response on the main page that seems to be stuck in mod – hopefully it gets out some time. One thing I wanted to add is that they’ll probably want to do a repeat SA on your husband. Things can fluctuate pretty widely. Think sperm takes 3 months to mature so depending on your husband’s habits and the cause of the issues, lifestyle changes for 3 months can make a difference – speak to your RE about the right sorts of supplements, exercise, heat, other personal habits, etc.
buffybot says
My long reply on the other page is not materializing, so wanted to give the highlights here:
I have a 6 month old that was the result of my third embryo transfer (2 retrievals). We were “unexplained” infertility because our numbers looked fine but…nada. And then 2 failed transfers. In the end I ended up doing a bunch of non-FDA approved things to deal with ostensible autoimmune issues. It seemed to work, even though the findings on reproductive immunology is far from decisive.
The shots are not that bad – some suck, some are basically nada. Most should be pretty easy to give yourself once you get over the mental block (other than the ones that go in your rear), although I pretty much made my husband do it notwithstanding his discomfort because, gosh darnit, you’re going to be a part of this process.
My biggest caution is that people tend to tout IVF as “great success rates” but there’s a shocking lack of transparency about where the process can go wrong in so many ways. You might not respond to the drugs, you might not get mature eggs, those eggs might not fertilize, the blasts might not grow, they may not be chromosomally normal — all well before you get to the 50% transfer success rate. And even then, that’s not a guarantee (see my 2 failed transfers). I just saw a vlogger tout her upcoming IVF as the answer to her prayers (again, good response to drugs, no known issues) and then get zero embryos.
This is not to scare you or be a downer, but to say that the hardest part of the process is the uncertainty and the waiting, and it’s best to go in with a clear sense that IVF does NOT always equal baby. But there are lots of ways to build your family and many, many things to try before you run out of options. It just takes resources, unfortunately, plus luck and patience.
Good luck.
KW says
I also typed a short response on the main page that seems to be stuck in mod. DH and I have an almost 7 yo who was conceived naturally and quickly. Years later, after trying for a while and ultimately seeing an RE, we discovered that his count was very low and IVF was our only option. I responded well to the stim meds and we got 23 eggs. We ultimately sent 8 for PGS testing, and 4 were found to be “normal.” I am now 29 weeks pregnant. I’m happy to answer any other specific questions you have.
Anonon says
Did IVF w/ ICSI for the same reasons. My work-up was normal and IVF happily worked on the first try – twins. I did acupuncture as well, which at the very least helped with my stress
It’s frustrating to need the intervention and difficult to discuss, especially since my husband didn’t really want to make it public, but in the end, it’s probably one of the easier fertility challenges to treat
Mrs. Jones says
A friend gave our baby a personalized large tote just like this, and we still use it all the time.
Anon says
I have a similar one with my own name, and I don’t use it as much (when I’m traveling) because of the monogram. And not having a zip top makes it hard to shove in a plane or trunk without worrying about spilling.
What’s the value in having Baby’s name on it? Is it useful to have one for each kid? What are you using it for? I feel like I should be using mine more but I must be missing some of the utility…
Mrs. Jones says
I don’t suppose there’s a lot of value in having son’s name on the bag, except that I’m a sucker for personalized things. We have only one kid. We use the bag when he visits his grandparents–we travel by car so it doesn’t really matter there’s no zipper. I can fit his clothes, shoes, etc. for a week in it.
Seafinch says
I buy these for all babies, too! My best friend got us one in every size for our wedding and I absolutely love them, having the series is fab. I did the same for our awesome nanny and she loved them, too.
Anon says
Personalized baby gifts are the worst. Please do not buy them for people – it is so easy to end up with multiples of the exact same thing, which is just wasteful. No one needs 5 little benches/stools with their kids name or 10 sets of personalized towels. Ask people if they have a registry so you can get them stuff they actually want/need
AwayEmily says
Or just ask people if they like personalized baby gifts or not! I also don’t like them, but I have friends who adore them. It’s pretty easy to just check before buying something.
Anonymous says
really? I feel totally the opposite. I love personalized and monogrammed gifts, but I almost never buy things like that myself. It feels so sweet and oddly indulgent.
Anonymous says
I did these as gifts for my bridesmaids and they seemed to be a hit.
GCA says
I might’ve been one of your bridesmaids – my friend did this for the bridesmaids at her wedding two years ago, and it’s one of the most useful and durable things I have. Daycare tote? Beach or pool trip? Kiddo’s dance class (or, heck, my own)? Local library has a 999-book borrowing limit? Check, check, check and check.
Anonymous says
This is one of my very favorite gifts. We got the small size with our kids’ names in block letters. Each one is a different color. As toddlers, they loved putting stuff in and taking stuff out. As they grew we used them as their library book bags (to take to library and keep books in them so as not to lose them in the house). Now during the school year they are piano lesson bags. I am a sucker for US-made stuff with history and the monogram just adds to my love.
Meg Murry says
My kid’s have the Land’s End version of this bag with the zipper on top and their names embroidered on them. They are just the right size for us to pack for an overnight at Grandma’s house – 1 set of clothes, 1 set of pjs and one lovie or stuffed animal, and the zipper keeps it all from spilling all over the car or trunk.
The kids got them as Christmas gifts “from Santa” – and Santa was also lazy and used them as gift bags for some of the new pjs and socks he brought that year, so they served double duty.
I also have one of the extra large ones without a zipper embroidered with our last name, which I use for beach towels or for a blanket + snacks and drinks when we go to our local park for outdoor concerts.
Anon says
I started a new job this summer which was a huge promotion for me. I have always put my kids (5 & 3) in day care because I like the structure and socialization and have continued to do so, but getting them dressed, fed and ready to go by 7 a.m. is always an epic struggle. (My husband is in charge of pick up for various reasons.) So, I hired a college grad to come in 10 hours a week, pack their lunches, and get them to school. For whatever reason, they are much more compliant for her than me. We just realized a savings at daycare because our 3 yo became potty trained, so that money went straight to this. It has 100% changed my life. I get to work early, so I can leave at 5 p.m. on the dot. I don’t spend the morning fighting with my kids (I used to walk into work sweating with adrenaline and cortisol coursing through my veins). If you can afford, and particularly if you live in a college town where students are looking for a little extra cash that accommodates their schedules, I highly recommend.
Seafinch says
Agreed. We don’t do daycare but we have an Au Pair and not having to deal with that rush in the morning is amazing. I couldn’t survive without it. Our lives would suck. We both leave the house at 0715, so we would be frazzled and rushed and would be leaving the kitchen a mess. 100% on board.
anne-on says
+1 – our Au pair is SO worth it for the morning and evening rush. I can once again cook dinner for us as she handles kiddo dinner! I can sleep in an extra 15 minutes while she preps breakfast (glorious!) and get dressed without sticky handprints all over my work clothing!
Extra level up points for letting go of the guilt and hiring a helper/au pair so YOU can go to the gym in the evenings while they handle baths!
AnotherAnon says
Seafinch and anne-on – how did you find an au pair? Care dot com? None of my friends or coworkers use one, so word of mouth could be tricky. But this sounds like the perfect solution for us.
anon says
For an au pair, you need to go through an agency. The au pair will live in your house. The biggest agencies are Au Pair in America and Cultural Care Au Pair.
AnotherAnon says
Thank you!
anne-on says
Yes, we’ve used cultural care au pair and have had good experiences. I’d also ask about (and ask to meet) your local LCC (coordinator). Ours is awesome, and I’ve heard from this au pair (and our last one) that others are not great, which can really negatively impact your (and your au pair’s) experience. Also check out aupairmom.com!
EB0220 says
I’ve been thinking about doing something like this during the school year. My daughter’s bus comes around 8:35, putting me at work after 9. While kiddo is in summer camp, I’m in the office by 8ish and it’s amazing and wonderful. I get so much done.
Anonymous says
+1 million. We have had this for the 2 school years and it’s basically 100% of the reason I can feel like my life is together.
Artemis says
I’m glad you posted this, I have something similar and don’t even need a full au pair, for those of you thinking about it.
I feel like there are always lots of suggestions to hire someone to pick your kids up after school and run them around to activities, etc., which I realize works for a lot of people.
But, my job schedule allows me to do the pickup and runaround (as sick as I am of it sometimes!) as long as I can get to work early enough. When my husband was at Biglaw, the only way we could do this was to hire a “morning nanny”. She was a full-time nanny for other families who didn’t start work until 9 or 9:30 a.m. She’d come to our house every day at 7:15 so I could leave for work, and she would get everybody to finish their breakfast, finish getting ready, and get out the door. She dropped them off at school and was done with us by about 8:30 every day. Now that my husband no longer has that job, she’s still “on call” for us a few times a month when my husband has early meetings or business trips. It’s awesome, and overall cheaper than an after-school nanny since we have decent on-site after-school care at my kids’ school.
Morning time isn’t quality time anyway for most families, and I think lots of people focus on getting evening help when switching schedules and finding morning help might actually work better for some.
AIMS says
I love totes likes this. My only “issue” is they are super indestructible and I always want to buy more.
I tried posting about this earlier in the week but I think my comment ended up in comment purgatory & never emerged. A sleep question: my almost 6 month old goes to sleep at night without any issues but wakes up like clockwork around 45 min. later. He will usually go back to sleep if I nurse him. If I don’t he will keep waking up every few minutes for another 30-40 min and either fall asleep after 6 or 7 more wakings, get super upset, or I will give in and just nurse him back to sleep. He doesn’t nurse to go to sleep initially but I do feed him right before bed. How can I stop this? Why is he doing this? I try to nurse more at bedtime but he often stops eating on his own. Just wondering if maybe someone else has/had a similarly inclined child and can share some insights.
PS: Thank you all for the formula advice. We ended up not needing it but it was a mental relief to know it was there!
Anonymous says
No solutions, but I think 45 minutes is the length of the sleep cycle at that age? It could be that he is waking after that sleep cycle and having a hard time getting back to sleep. Our daughter has gone through a couple stages where it was always about 1.5-2 hours after bedtime. They were always stages, if that helps.
Does he have a lovie or paci that he’s having trouble finding?
Anon in NYC says
Can you tell if he’s hungry or nursing for comfort? I’m off the mind that while some babies can sleep through the night without eating at a very young age (younger than 6 months), others cannot. And, I usually will do anything to get a decent nights sleep. So I wouldn’t stop feeding him if it seems like he’s actually hungry or if not doing so results in a terrible nights sleep for everyone. I’m sure that he will eventually outgrow it.
AIMS says
I’m similarly minded but I can’t tell if he is hungry or just uses it to get back to sleep. He never eats a lot on the second sitting. But I also feel a bit guilty because I feel like I don’t “produce” as much in the evening when I’ve gone to work because sometimes the day gets away from me and my last pumping session is bit on the late side. Other times I nurse him immediately when I come home and then he stays up another 30-40 min. so that by the time he goes to sleep he isn’t hungry but it’s probably not enough to sustain him for the long stretch of sleep. Ah, the glamour of working motherhood!
Anonymous says
My son did that for a while, possibly around the same age. I just fed him and went with it since I was not asleep at that hour, and he stopped after a while. I have no idea why he was doing it.
AwayEmily says
Mine would do this when really tired at bedtime — they would not eat enough because they were too tired, and then wake up 45 minutes later and be like “oh yeah I’m still hungry!” Maybe try either moving bedtime a little earlier or feeding him an additional time an hour or so before bedtime? (I usually do a full feeding an hour and a half before bedtime, and then another one at bedtime so that even if he’s sleepy for the bedtime one he can coast on the calories from earlier).
AIMS says
This might be it, actually. We put him down about 30 min later than we did my daughter at that age because two kids are just harder but I will try that this weekend.
I generally don’t fight him on the feeding even though our pediatrician seems to think this only encourages him to not eat enough the first time around, but it’s a bit annoying because he usually wakes up just as we sit down to eat dinner and this habit is really annoying both for dinner and the glass of wine I like to have with/as I prep dinner. He does have a pacifier that he’s usually looking for too, but he’s not too attached to it. After he falls asleep the second time, he usually sleep for at least a 4-5 hour stretch.
AwayEmily says
Don’t know if this is relevant, but…I have a 2.5YO and a 5.5 month old and for the first 3 months we put the toddler down at 7:15 and the baby down at around 7:30. Then one day we put him down BEFORE her (at 6:15) and everything became so. much. easier. He slept better and longer, we got some one-on-one time with the toddler (which she desperately needed), and our schedule just became much less frantic. The down side, of course, is that the baby often now wakes up in the 5am hour, but I am totally okay with that given how much easier my life has become with this earlier baby bedtime. And it does mean I only see him for about an hour before he goes to bed, but we make up for it in the morning.
AIMS says
I think I will try this over the weekend. I usually don’t get home till 615 at the earliest so 630 is pushing it, esp. if the dog still needs to be walked, etc. but maybe I can enlist my toddler in putting her brother to sleep to make it easier.
lsw says
This is a good pick! I love these totes, and I never thought of using it as a baby gift. My brother and his wife are about to have their first and they don’t want any traditional baby stuff, but this might be handy.
The visit with my mom went better than I could have expected. Of course, just the morning of her arrival my SD got a letter from Donald Trump responding to her letter on gun violence. I asked my husband if we could just hide it until the next day – didn’t want to open the politics can at this time, either.
I used the pre-emptive complimenting and thanking, skated over anything that seemed like she was baiting me more for a response (case in point, bringing up several times how much SD’s friend sweated at the amusement park – SD’s friend is on the heavy side, and my mom has an obsession with weight – I just changed the subject or said yes, it was so hot, I’m so glad you bought them water), and otherwise used a lot of all of your suggestions. Thank you so much; I about cried reading your sympathetic responses and I so appreciate this community.
Anon in NYC says
I’m so glad. I get so frustrated with my mom as well – she can be so opinionated and find ways to pick (either knowingly or unknowingly) at sensitive spots, that it’s sometimes hard to have more than a superficial relationship with her. I know that she loves me, but how she loves me is not necessarily how I need to be loved. It’s a tough balancing act between having a meaningful relationship with her but also drawing needed boundaries. I use some of these techniques as well.
GCA says
Glad it went well. And yes to the mom thing – I don’t know how she gets to me to the degree she does, either consciously or unconsciously. I love her but wish we had a better day-to-day relationship. Learning from all the techniques and suggestions.
lsw says
Sounds like we’re in the same boat, both of you…and yeah, Anon in NYC, this pretty much perfectly sums it up:
I know that she loves me, but how she loves me is not necessarily how I need to be loved.
Anonymous says
My 5 month old has gone from sleeping 10-11 hours straight to only sleeping 7-8. I know even 7 hours straight is still pretty good for her age, but I know she can sleep for longer and I don’t think she’s waking up from hunger. She wakes at roughly the same time every day (around 7 am) and I think it’s due to sunlight (sun rises in our area around 6:40) because she will sometimes sleep in when it’s very cloudy. She used to go down between 8-9 pm but is now fighting bedtime and often won’t go down until 11 pm or midnight. Her last nap of the day usually ends around 6 pm, so a midnight bedtime seems pretty crazy. I don’t think she’s overtired, because we have tried putting her down even earlier and it doesn’t work. I’ve also seen her obviously overtired on days when she didn’t nap well for some reason, and when she’s really tired and we put her in the crib, she’ll SCREAM for a minute or two but then immediately fall asleep. Lately when we try to put her down around 9 pm, she just acts really awake and not ready to go to down. She’ll lie in her crib without crying for 15 or 20 minutes but then she gets bored (?) and starts fussing, which progresses to crying if we don’t get her. As soon as we pick her up, she’s happy. Repeat every 30 minutes for several hours until she finally decides to go to sleep sometime between 11 and midnight. We’ve always put her down awake and never rocked her to sleep or anything like that. This has been going on for several weeks now so I don’t think it’s just a growth spurt. Anyone have any advice?
Anonymous says
How many times does she nap each day? It may be time to drop the last nap.
Anonymous says
+ 1 – if he is currently taking 3 naps, drop the third.
Anonymous says
I mean she, sorry
AwayEmily says
She may need an earlier bedtime. In general, babies sleep best when they go to bed at 7, or even earlier (not all kids! I know that there are plenty of families who are happily on a 9 – 9 schedule, but on average early bedtimes are good). By the time she gets to 9pm she might be overtired and have a lot of cortisol running through her, hence the screaming and then passing out. If I were you I’d try slowly moving her schedule so that her last nap ends at closer to 4 and slowly moving back her bedtime.
As reference, my 5.5 -month-old goes to bed at around 6:15 and generally sleeps for 11-12 hours. He wakes up from his last nap at around 3:30.
If you have any interest in general sleep advice, I always recommend The Good Sleeper. She takes a really even-handed approach and doesn’t push any one method/strategy, but rather talks about the science behind baby sleep and different strategies for helping your baby get as much sleep as possible.
Knope says
Two ideas – 1) drop the last nap and start putting her down at 7ish, and 2) try a blackout shade (here on the east coast it’s still light until past 8, so it’s critical!). Someone on this site recommended this one and it’s been a lifesaver! https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EO367UA/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Anonymous says
Her last nap is way too late. If she only gets up at 6pm she won’t be ready for bed at 8pm. Try about 4 hours after last nap before bed. A short walk after supper might help too as fresh air always helped my kids sleep better.
Anon in NYC says
Yes. At that age (and even now), we don’t let my daughter sleep past 4pm for a 7:30/8pm bedtime.
Anonymous says
It just varies so much by child. Ours took 3 naps till 10.5 months and the last one was always a catnap about 5-5:30 or 5:30-6, with bedtime of 7:30 at that age. Until age 3 he routinely slept till 4 pm and went to sleep around 7:30 (bedtime routine starting at 7). Ymmv!
OP says
She takes 3 naps a day although the last one is short (30-45 minutes max) and inconsistent, so sometimes her last nap of the day ends as early as 4. So sometimes she’s up from 4 until 11 or later, which seems like a very long stretch of awake time for a baby her age.
We’ve tried as early as 6-6:30 pm for bed (on days when her last nap ended at 4) and that hasn’t worked. I know that screaming and then passing out is a sign of being overtired but that’s very rare and has only happened a couple times when there was an obvious reason she was tired (e.g. we were traveling and she missed naps). Normally she doesn’t have meltdowns, just doesn’t seem to want to go to bed and fusses/cries a bit (not screaming) when we leave her alone in the crib. As soon as we pick her up she seems totally happy and not fussy at all.
We should try blackout shades. We are the far western edge of a timezone, so the sun sets very late here. Sunset is before 9:30 now, but a month ago it was not getting fully dark until 10-10:30 and that’s around the time this late-shifting began.
Anon in NYC says
I think waking up at 4 and trying to put her down only 2 hours later would be challenging. Try dropping the third nap and getting blackout curtains. My daughter dropped her third nap a little earlier than 5 months, simply because she started daycare and they couldn’t get her to take that that short third nap, and it was too hard to try to juggle competing schedules (2 naps at daycare, 3 naps on weekends) so we aligned ourselves with daycare’s schedule. We found that a schedule of a first nap somewhere in the range of 9-10, and then again from about 1-4, with a bedtime of 7/7:30 worked for us at that age. It was a rough transition for a few days after dropping the third nap, but it made everything a lot easier.
Anonymous says
This posts reminds me of a question I have. How do folks pack for themselves and their child? Currently I’ve been sharing a suitcase with child, but it often results in me then having a separate bag for toiletries, a separate bag for shoes, etc. I’m wondering if it would be easier to give in and get our 2.5 year old her own little suitcase. I think she’d really enjoy having her own anyway. Thoughts? Suggestions? I know I could just use a bigger suitcase for both of us, but the difference between a regular carry-on size and a big suitcase is just so huge and those are our options at the moment. It makes it tough to handle.
Anonymous says
Packing cubes – one color for each member of the family. Everyone gets two large and one small cubes. Roll everything Allows me to pack for a three week vacation with two suitcases for five people.
SC says
Wow! We’re leaving this afternoon for a 10-day beach vacation, and we’ve packed SO much stuff. We’re driving, so we definitely have a little bit of a “more the merrier” mentality.
We have one large suitcase for Kiddo. It has his clothes, diapers, books, toys, and toiletries/bath stuff. I have one small suitcase for me. DH has one large suitcase for his clothes plus some kitchen items. (We’re planning to cook 7 meals, so we’re bringing our knives, a cast iron pan, and who knows what else.) We’re also packing a bag of beach/pool toys, Kiddo’s potty seat, a cooler, and probably a couple grocery bags of stuff we haven’t finished.
Anon says
I pack different suitcases, and my sons’ are often just small duffel bags (or I’ll pack them together in a larger bag/suitcase). I’m still usually a bag lady with separate canvas bags for shoes and other things, but I like having the kids stuff separate (esp since their dirty clothes can get pretty gross). It doesn’t have to be an expensive suitcase…I am literally using free conference swag for my kids :) Caveat that we drive everywhere, you may want something more durable if you fly a lot.
Anonymous says
Once we started paying for a seat for my son I started packing a separate bag for him. I just used an extra carry-on bag we had, and didn’t get something special for him. His stuff to do bag–often one of our backpacks, since his doesn’t hold much–counts as his “personal item.” The only problem with this system is he doesn’t get asked to carry anything.
Anonymous says
Typically my husband and I share a suitcase, and my kid gets her own bag. It was easier to keep track of her stuff that way, even when she was a baby.
anne-on says
+1. It’s also easier to unpack/change clothes in the event of a messy emergency if the baby stuff is all in one dedicated bag. I also leaned HEAVILY toward carrying on the majority of kid’s clothing/stuff as our adult things are easier/cheaper to replace in a pinch if bags get lost.
anne-on says
So, I travel a lot for work, and I think having optimized suitcases/bags is a huge part of making my stress level around travel easier. Questions – do you roll your clothing when you pack? Do you have mini toiletries or those silicone squeeze bottles? Do you really need all the shoes you’re packing and if so do you wear your bulkiest ones on the plane? If not – start! All of these things will decrease the space you need when packing.
For 3-4 night trips I can pack for myself in a smart weekend bag – I really like the Lo & Sons catalina deluxe (small for me) for the separate compartment on the bottom for shoes (on the way out it is for shoes, on the way home it is for clean clothing as the majority of stuff is now dirty) and the smart pockets inside. The everlane/madewell giant black hole totes don’t work well IMHO unless you use packing cubes or some other organizational stuff. So, yes, I’d ‘dedicate’ a tote to her, and a roller bag to you along with a generous purse for you (with a clutch packed for easy day trips). Around that age I bought my kiddo a small-ish backpack for their own books/toys/lovey. If it didn’t fit in the backpack it didn’t come, done. And with the sleeve on the lo&sons, if you wind up slipping the tote over your roller bag, carrying your backpack and purse it isn’t great, but more manageable than 2 tote bags and a purse and a backpack.
Delta Dawn says
I had the same issue and just got my 2.5 year old his own rolling suitcase. It’s one of those Skip Hop animal ones. He loves it, and it’s big enough for his stuff and small enough for him to maneuver himself. That’s his carry-on, and then if needed he wears a little backpack of books and toys as his personal item.
GGFM says
We got one of the target rolling suitcases feature here a few weeks ago for our 2.5 y/o and she was very proud to pull it around the airport all by herself. Granted, we still ended up pulling it about half the time and the handle doesn’t extend quite high enough for an adult – the skip hop may be more practical from that standpoint. So far we have used it for carry-on toys (we let her pack it) and a change of clothes and snacks but still pack most of her stuff our suitcase.
Walnut says
Everything gets packed into packing cubes and tossed into one giant roller bag for my husband, myself and two toddlers. It’s so much easier to maneuver one giant bag rather than a million smaller items. My husband and I generally also have a backpack and I have a cross body purse that I either have out or stuffed into the backpack. We use this method regardless if we’re flying or driving. If we are driving, I like to split swim stuff into it’s own tote bag to keep it in one place. Especially if we are going to a destination where I can bribe good behavior with immediate water time upon arrival.
avocado says
At that age we packed the kid’s stuff in a duffel bag. That allowed each parent to have a rolling suitcase plus one free hand. One parent carried the kid’s duffel in addition to his/her personal article. Kid carried a backpack as her personal article. I would never want to wait around for a preschooler with a rolling suitcase. Even at age 11, my kid sometimes drives me crazy fussing with her rollaboard.
Anonymous says
Another vote for packing cubes in different colors for each member of the family. I usually use 2 per kid for a week-10 day vacation. One is larger and holds tops & bottoms and the smaller one has underwear, socks if needed, PJs. They can bring a backpack with books and toys and water. I put the packing cubes in my suitcase along with my stuff and all accessories (noise machine, diapers for baby, toiletries, etc…).
Swim gear and/or outerwear goes in a separate giant packing cube or XL tote bag, the whole family’s stuff mixed together for easy access.
At that age we also had the skip hop rolling suitcases – they are adorable and kids love rolling them but it’s just easier for me to deal with a single big bag. We did for a while let them pack their packing cubes in the suitcases instead of my bag and for driving trips that still works if we are going somewhere that I don’t mind losing/leaving stuff behind (i.e., my parents’ home).
DH always packs his own bag because he waits till the last minute.
EB0220 says
For our recent trip (5 days/4 nights) I had my clothes and our younger daughter’s clothes in a large backpack (Tortuga Outbreaker). My husband had his clothes and our older daughter’s clothes in a similar backpack. I also love packing cubes (I use Eagle Creek) and color code for each person. The packing cubes allow you to compress the clothes if needed and fit a ton of stuff in a small space. My kids (3 and 6) now carry a small backpack each for their tablet, headphones and stuffed animal.
Artemis says
We fly several times a year and each of my kids got their own rolling suitcase at about 2.5. I bought them the Pottery Barn Kids rolling bags on sale because those things seem to be relatively indestructible to me so far (my oldest has had his for six years; he’ll outgrow the size before it gets worn out). By 2.5 they could all mostly roll their own suitcases. Sometimes it’s aggravating, but given my kids’ personalities, dawdling a little while they roll their own bags is preferable to the “me do it” tantrums if we try to take them to speed things up.
The PBK suitcases are small enough for carryons so I pack much of the kids’ clothes in my large suitcase but their suitcases are for one or two changes of clothes, pjs, plane entertainment, stuffed animals, books, travel blanket, etc. I can take our family of 5 on a week’s-plus vacation with two checked bags and each of us with our own carryon.
IVF? says
(Copying first response here since same questions apply)
Thanks, all, for the responses!
If insurance did not cover, what were your costs? My insurance doesnt, but my husband’s does, so i plan to switch at the next open enrollment period.
Anyone self-inject? My husband would have a hard time with this, and i also travel for work fairly often. Fortunately, i have a good amount of control over when my trips will be so i can schedule around bloodwork, scans, etc, but will need to inject myself on travel.
Did you give your boss a general heads up? I’m fortunate to work from home so scheduling will be easier, but i want to be sure i’m not unavailable frequently with no explanation.
Anonymous says
I have done (and am currently doing my own injections) and I found it much easier than I expected. My best tips are to grab a pinch of flesh, line the needle up, look away and breathe out while applying gentle pressure. It usually doesn’t hurt if I do this. In terms of travel, I have not had an issue travelling with meds and needles in a chiller bag but if you’re not checking a bag then I’m not sure on current policy around sharps containers. I told my manager what was going on simply because it reduces stress for me to have her know. I’ve done a few cycles and just used how I was feeling to guide when and what I told each time.
Anon at 9:34 says
My insurance did cover at our particular clinic but we still had a decent chunk to pay out of pocket. I don’t remember the specifics, but one thing that seemed relevant was that insurance covered our first IVF cycle, but after the fresh transfer failed we had a decision to make: insurance would cover three IVF cycles, period, or we could have insurance substitute two frozen transfers for one IVF cycle. We decided to pay for the frozen transfer out of pocket in case we wanted to pursue another IVF cycle, as the transfer and drug costs were substantially cheaper for two cycles than for an IVF cycle. Since then I changed jobs and benefits (to a company that I don’t believe has fertility coverage–I haven’t checked), so I could have used the insurance after all.
Also worth noting is that I ended up giving some of my (still packaged and sealed) IVF meds to another local woman I found on /r/infertility. We were interested to discover that some of the drugs that were super cheap for me were expensive for her and vice versa.
I self-injected and had no problem doing so.
I did give my then-manager notice, although I was very close with her and my coworkers. I think if I were doing so again today I could get away with a general statement, something like, “I’m scheduled for a medical procedure on [day of extraction] and will have several appointments before then which I will handle [in X way].”
KW says
I think our total cost, which was more than normal because we elected to do PGS testing, was around $20k and none of it was covered by insurance. There are a couple discount programs you can apply for that will reduce the cost of the meds at certain pharmacies. I think almost everyone will qualify for a 25% discount with one of them. I self-injected. It was scary at first, especially the intra-muscular injections, but once I got the hang of it, it was nothing. And I never had any bruising or lumps or anything like that despite not using any heat or ice. I’m a career appellate clerk and kept my judge informed throughout the whole process. She’s amazing, understanding, and extremely supportive, though, so I was very lucky. For the monitoring blood work appointments at my clinic, it was basically first come first serve, and they open at 6:30 am. So I didn’t end up missing much work during that time.
Betty says
We did IUI with injectibles, so not the same as IVF but similar in certain respects. My insurance covered it, thankfully. Because of the injectible, I was monitored every other day while injecting. My clinic was great and all the monitoring appts were early in the morning. My appt was generally at 7:00/7:30, after which I stopped by a cafe and walked to work. I was generally at my desk before 8:15.
I did not end up telling my boss because I did not miss any work for monitoring and did not need to miss work for the IUI (which I know may be different for IVF). My office was known not to be friendly to working mothers, so I decided not to borrow that trouble before I was even pregnant.
I did self-inject. My husband is a type 1 diabetic, so he was able to give me help and it also gave me a great deal of empathy on what he goes through. By the end of multiple rounds, self-injecting wasn’t a big deal.
Delta Dawn says
I have a question about twin beds. Our 2.5 year old has started asking about a “big boy bed,” and I think it’s time. I think I want to put two matching twin beds in his room, mostly because I think they are cute, and maybe if a cousin sleeps over, if brother wants to sleep in his room, etc. We would get two adult sized twin beds that I expect would stay in his room until… junior high? I don’t know. I’d rather skip a toddler bed and go straight to something he can keep longer. Is there any reason to do, or not to do, two twin beds?
Redux says
My DH and his brother slept in two twin beds until they went to college! (Then, of course, a twin in college dorm, too). I have always thought it was so strange that DH’s first queen-size bed was when we moved in together.
Growing up, my mom had us in full-size or queen-size beds as our first beds out of the crib. Her theory was that if we ever had guests, we would want to put them in a full rather than in a twin (esp. if a couple). My sister and I could then bunk together in the other bed, or could sleep in sleeping bags. Sometimes I forget how happy kids are to sleep on the floor (which sounds like a nightmare to my old bones).
Anonymous says
That’s so funny– none of my friends ever had anything but a twin sized bed growing up and it never occurred to me that anything else was an option. Definitely planning for my son’s twin to last through college.
Redux says
Maybe it’s because we never had a “guest room” but we had plenty of guests!
Anonymous says
We just had a pull out couch. Nobody’s bedroom was big enough for a queen!
Ella says
Why would he need an upgrade in junior high? Is that a thing now? I had a twin bed until I graduated from college.
Delta Dawn says
Oh, I don’t know what I’m talking about at all– it’s probably not a thing. And now that you mention it, I had a twin through college, too!
anon says
Do whatever you want! One things to consider – if you put two beds in there, is there otherwise room for other furniture and toys? Specifically for a desk when he starts school, assuming you don’t have another place in the house for one.
You could also consider bunk beds, but you’d probably want to keep him off the top for awhile.
SC says
I’d consider a trundle bed or bunk bed. That would give him an extra mattress when friends or cousins slept over but would leave room for other furniture, toys, a desk later. Several friends of mine had this set-up throughout college.
I had a queen bed in my room growing up, and when we had guests, I slept on the sofa in the play room.
anonforthiscrazyquestion says
Why wont many men agree to get a vasectomy? This is the dumbest question of all time probably. FWIW, DH and I totally agree that it’s the way to go for us, but I don’t get why men insist on women getting tubes tied, when women already endure so much related to birth control, pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing etc. It seems a small way for them to contribute.
Anonymous says
My husband and all my friends husbands have gotten Vs. I don’t know of any men who have refused. Any man that refuses to get snipped and tells his wife to undergo a way more serious procedure to get her tubes tied is a grade A jerk.
Delta Dawn says
Agree completely. As Ali Wong says, “I have suffered enough!”
Anonymous says
Ali Wong is my spirit animal.
Anonymous says
I don’t know the vasectomy status of that many men, but the two data points I have support this theory. My husband initially didn’t see the need for permanent birth control (he’d happily use cond*ms for the rest of our lives) but when I was pregnant for the first time I told him I would never be able to terminate a pregnancy, even an accidental one, and he agreed that permanent birth control makes sense once we’re sure we’re done having kids. We are in complete agreement that there’s no way a woman should have a tubal ligation under general anesthesia when a man can have a vasectomy as a simple, outpatient procedure with minimal risk.
My BFF’s husband won’t have one, and he’s one of the worst guys I’ve ever met. He’s actually told her he won’t cook and clean because that should be the woman’s domain. My friend is brilliant, very educated and has a demanding, high-powered job and I have no idea why she puts up with his crap. (They outsource everything so at least she doesn’t have to do the chores, but I still think she should DTMFA.) I personally think he won’t get snipped because he’s a little threatened by her awesome career and he wants to keep knocking her up so she eventually leans out into a less prestigious, lower-paying career.
Mama Llama says
Fragile masculinity?
Walnut says
My husband is 100% on board with his v after our third is born. The conversation was, “Great, baby is due in February, and you can get the vasectomy taken care of while I’m on leave.” Frankly, I don’t think he would have dared to voice opposition.
I know my dad refused to get one and frankly, I think my mother should have shut that ish down. She’s a very vocal individual, so it must have been a matter of never having the conversation or her presenting the reality as a question rather than a “I will birth all of our children and you will get a v when we are done” statement.
Anonymous says
First, agree. Second, I’ve heard some close to home stories recently about folks getting pregnant after vasectomy. My husband hasn’t had one (yet), because we’re just not ready to take that step. These stories are making me second guess that plan. FWIW, tons of our male friends have had them and didn’t resist at all. I think in a lot of circles it is very common and just what you do when you’re done having kiddos.
AIMS says
According to a doctor I spoke with the post-v pregnancies are usually in the period immediately after when it hasn’t taken effect yet. You’re supposed to wait 3 months and then do sperm count check to be sure it “took.” I think the failure rate – even including that – is .15 % which is better than most birth control methods, including tubal ligation.
And I also don’t get it. I think it’s very attractive if a man does it.
anonforthis says
Yeah, I think it depends on your doctor- some go by months and some go by number of ahem, productions (which probably equals out to 2-3 months unless you have a real overachiever). Our doctor does 2 follow-up checks before declaring that he’s shooting blanks.
My husband had one recently and while it was the right choice for our family, I think he’s a little low level sad (?) about it. Something about knowing that the door is permanently shut and also feeling like he’s a little lesser than? I don’t think he was expecting that although it will probably pass with time. IDK, I’d probably feel the same way if I got my tubes tied. So I try to be sympathetic when people are hesitant because it is a big decision.
GCA says
Yeah, I mean the permanence is a big decision – for me, something as long-term as a vasectomy or tubal ligation would be a big decision regardless of gender – but if you’ve already decided that you don’t want more kids, putting the burden solely on the woman (and asking her to get a tubal ligation) is a grade-A-jerk move!
Em says
Not sure, my husband is begging to get one but I want to wait until we’re sure we are one and done. I would be extremely annoyed if he refused to get one. I suggested getting an IUD in the interim and he pushed back on me having to do anything else to my body after childbirth.
CPA Lady says
1. Male hypochondria (or whatever it is that makes men act like they’re dying over the most minor illness yet refuse to go to the doctor)
2. S&x ed isn’t comprehensive enough so that people actually know how their bodies function, so they are worried it will break them or emasculate them.
3. This is speculation, but given the sensitivity of the topic I’m guessing they don’t really talk about it among themselves, so it’s not exactly seen as normal unless they have someone in their family who did it. My husband assumed he would do it eventually, because his grandfather and father did it once they were done having kids. I’m not sure he’d have been as open minded about it without that experience. As it is, I had to put my foot down and tell him it was time to do it after I had horrible side effects with several different BCs after we had our kid.
Anon says
I think the argument is sometimes, if the wife is likely to have a C section for her last kid, you just “have it done then since you’ll already be cut open”. I don’t get it, but I’ve heard it several times.
For the record, I had a planned C section for my known last kid, and still did not get my tubes tied. Instead, my DH got a V a few months later. It was the easiest procedure for him and he walked out of the clinic 15 min later. He got zero sympathy because I was only 2 months out from my second cesarean, so he probably did get slighted a tiny bit in terms of “spoiling”, but he never said a word to me about it so from my perspective it barely impacted his life. He took it easy the first day or so when playing with our kids, but otherwise was exactly the same.
anonforthis says
My husband has mentioned being interested in getting a V (we are done having kids) but I keep thinking of these crazy situations like what if something horrible happens to me and then he meets some awesome woman and she wants to have a baby with him? Or what if we get divorced and then he wants to have kids with someone else? I know it seems extraordinarily farfetched, plus it’s not even my decision to make (it’s his body!) but thoughts like that make me hesitant to be like “sure, go for it!”
Anonymous says
They’re reversible.
Anonymous says
And even if the reversal doesn’t work, it’s a heck of lot easier and cheaper to get sperm from a sperm bank vs. find an egg donor.
If you want permanent BC the options are either him or you. If it’s you, it is not reversible and egg donors/surrogates are way harder to find and more expensive.
Anonymous says
You can also bank sperm. A friend had two kids, was sure she was done, had her husband snipped and then they decided they wanted one more (it wasn’t anything dramatic like a child dying or anything like that – they just decided their family wasn’t complete without three). It was standard operating procedure at her husband’s doctor to bank sperm first, so they used that and she had no problems getting pregnant.
Anonymous says
I agree that any man that won’t get snipped but wants his wife to get her tubes ties is awful. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with believing that permanent birth control is not for you. For some people, it’s just very hard to close the door on having kids, even if they know it’s 99% likely they’re done. DH isn’t enthusiastic about doing it and neither of us wants me to have my tubes tied, so we’ll just keep using regular birth control.
NYCer says
+1 to this. I have zero issue with the fact that my husband doesn’t want to get snipped.
NewMomAnon says
A (male) friend once said that having a V made him and several of his friends more sensitive – he made a joke about his cr*tch knowing which way the wind was blowing. I have no idea if that’s accurate or not, but he mentioned it as the only big downside.
anonforthiscrazyquestion says
ok, thank you. i’m glad to hear that my husband isn’t the only one. one of my best friends husband said no but hes a grade a Jerk in every other way, so doesnt surprise me.
Pogo says
I like the monogrammed version for daycare because then it’s clear which bag is ours. We have still ended up with someone else’s paci and bottle on separate occasions but I think that’s just bound to happen when you’ve got multiple babies to deal with and all their stuff looks the same.
Training Pants says
After we return from a trip to visit all the Grandparents for a week in August, I think I’m going to get real about potty training with my 2.5 year old daughter (will be 3 in October). Her school takes them to the potty and we have her sit on the potty occasionally at home, but haven’t tried hard. I’m considering cloth training pants. Any comments or recommendations on a brand? Thanks!
Anon in NYC says
We just switched straight to underwear. Any reason why you wouldn’t want to do that?
avocado says
We used the Hanna Andersson training underwear. They have something like 4 layers of fabric so they help prevent a small accident or drip from necessitating an entire outfit change. She wore them until she grew out of them.
OP says
Yeah, I guess I’m just hesitant to switch straight to underwear without understanding what the mess will actually be like. I was thinking that maybe a couple weekends in these along with potty breaks every 20-30 minutes might be a good starter and give me an idea of whether she is actually ready or not. Because if she isn’t, I’m not going to invest the time/stress right now. But I also understand the argument that diapers/pull-ups keep them so dry that there isn’t much incentive to use the potty.
Anon in NYC says
The mess is….. real. My daughter never had a poop accident, but definitely had pee accidents. It is what it is. It’s like if my dog peed in the house, TBH.
My only word of caution is to avoid putting her on furniture that can’t be easily cleaned.
avocado says
You can put a pull-up over underwear to stop messes but still allow her to feel wet.
NewMomAnon says
We switched straight to underwear, except when I just *couldn’t* with cleaning up the floor after each accident, and then I put kiddo in the training underpants. They are more absorbent, so accidents are less likely to hit the floor….
LC says
Counterpoint: We potty trained recently using the Oh Crap method. Our son — same age as your daughter — is still going commando under his clothes. The Oh Crap method suggests that underwear of any kind is not great for at least the first month because it feels too much like a diaper, and kids feel more comfortable just going like they used to in a diaper. She suggests going to underwear only once they’re really confident on the potty. Some people seem to think going commando is weird, but we’ve had very few accidents so far so it seems to be working for us.
diapers says
Any advice on diaper changes for super wiggly 13 month old? She HATES having her diaper changed and rolls every which way and tries to escape and it is just horrible a huge ordeal. She’s walking and very active and has been for several months.
mascot says
I got to where I could change a (wet) diaper if my kid was standing or laying on his stomach. We also moved to the floor where he could be pinned down easier if necessary. How about a toy or other distraction that only comes out during changing?
Anonymous says
I changed my 4 month old’s (pee) diaper while she was in her car seat and it felt like some kind of parenting milestone!
GCA says
Oh boy – at that age I used to have to sit on the floor with the changing pad (we had long since given up on the changing table), put kiddo in a sort of body lock with my legs, and hand him a nice distracting toy, which would occupy him just long enough for me to change him. IIRC this phase lasted roughly six months to a year, with the protests less and less violent as he approached age 2. Older toddlers can be given a bit of a choice – ‘do you want me to change your diaper now, or in five minutes?’
anon says
Floor, knees either side of her body, faced so her her head under your rear (but don’t sit on her!). Place your knees between her armpits and waist and gently squeeze to keep her in one place. Nothing gets pinned, but she can’t effectively wriggle or roll.
NewMomAnon says
Kiddo could often be distracted with a pack of wipes to empty. I’d stuff em back in the package afterward. But yeah…that was a tough stretch. I did lots of standing up diaper changes, and and all changes occurred on the floor so she didn’t fall.
This is the age when you have to start using soft skills to win kiddo buy-in for a diaper change. They understand more than you expect; explain the sequence of events (“I know you’re enjoying that toy now! You can play for two more minutes, and then we need to change your diaper! And then [big dramatic pause] we get to do [SUPER EXCITING THING]!”), let them “help” (put the diaper in the diaper pail, pull out a wipe from the package, etc), and thank them for their cooperation afterward.
AnotherAnon says
+1 to all the advice to let them know ahead of time that a diaper change is coming, change on the floor and try to give them a distraction. My LO was super wiggly and sometimes threw a fit at this age over diaper changes. At 16 months now he will go lie down on the floor of his nursery when I say it’s time for a diaper change, so take heart! Better days are ahead.
Annie says
Maybe not parent of the year advice but I just gave her my phone to look at at that age. I’d ask what she pictures she wanted to look at (dogs, trucks etc.) and google image that thing and let her look at the results.
Anon says
My husband bought the “poopoose” diaper changing pad (I think it is called) to wrangle our super wriggly 2-year-old-sized infant, and while I initially made so.much.fun of him, I will (secretly) admit to it being super handy. It has a super soft and very large (read, strong) velcro strap that we strap across her chest as an extra pair of hands.