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With my first son, I ignored all of this stuff about teething necklaces — no, I didn’t wear necklaces around him, but I didn’t really want to encourage him biting my jewelry anyway. This time around… well, it’s all a bit different. With a kiddo who is possibly teething early, and super easily distracted, I’m all in for something that he can play with while nursing, chew on when I’m holding him and playing with his brother, and more. I like the look of these Bitey Beads, available in 10 colors for $29.99 each at Amazon, and just may have to pull the trigger. Mamas, did you have any teething jewelry? What brands and styles did you like best? Bitey Beads Silicone Teething Nursing Necklace 32”Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
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- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
KJ says
How timely! I just ordered two necklaces from Chewbeads yesterday because I am so sick of not accessorizing, and my baby needs something to play with while she nurses. I will report back.
CAA says
I like Sassy Baby Beads and so does my baby. Large selection of colors and different styles. You can buy them on Amazon too.
KJ says
With the weather turning cool here in DC, I am desperate to know: How do you keep socks on a baby’s feet?
NP says
I gave up on socks and now use Zutano booties
Carrie M says
I had the same problem this morning during daycare drop off – she lost both socks twice by the time we made it into the infant room. The zutano booties are so cute! The amazon reviews say they fit as expected – do you agree? If I size up, will they still stay on because of the snap closure but leave a little room to grow in the toe area?
NP says
I size up and the snaps keep them on perfectly.
mascot says
BabyGap socks and Trumpette socks were the only ones that stayed on for us.
hoola hoopa says
+1 to these brands, plus Hanes.
Baby legs / hugalugs help keep them on, too. I particularly liked them in the ergo when the pants ride up anyway. And ditto to shoes (I prefer See Kai Run Smaller to Robeez) and pants/jumpers with feet. One of my favorite baby items are fleece pants with feet. Cozy, easy on and off, and no kicking off!
mss says
+1 to babylegs. Also, gap has some fleece pants with feet right now.
Erin says
Yep, footed pants all the way. Just bought some of the Gap ones.
Meg Murry says
We used Robeez (or their Target generic version) and that usually helped, until the elastic started to give out on the generics. We also generally just used footie sleep-and-play type outfits for as long as they fit.
Separate rant – why can’t you buy a giant bag of white infant socks? Or blue, or black, or whatever. The only packs of baby socks I ever saw were always mixed colors. At the rate my kids lost socks, that was ridiculous, but buying them in the “one pair at a time” price was also ridiculous for tiny baby socks.
Anon says
this +100000 I’d pay an arm and a leg for a giant box of white infant socks – so tired of having tiny odd socks in the drawers
JJ says
Old Navy! I only buy white socks from them now because I was so sick of trying to pair all the little different colors together. I just packs and packs of the ankle white socks at a time.
Also, they stay on my kids’ feet and they have the grippies on the bottom.
hoola hoopa says
+1 to ON. Surprisingly good socks. They sometimes have them on $1 etc deals.
Hanes, too. Also surprisingly good and so cheap I don’t care if one goes missing. My kids and I love them.
pockets says
http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1014089&vid=1&pid=303105002
Anonymous says
Jefferies Socks (I buy on Amazon). They were the only ones that stayed on.
J says
My nanny put two layers of socks on my younger son because he kept pulling them off. He generally had at least one remaining on him then. Or we pulled them up, outside of his pants, which looked silly, but had a little staying power. Booties are another good (cuter) option.
Family Planning says
Good morning ladies! I read a terrible blog post one of myfriends linked on facebook yesterday (if you want to hate-read it, search for “When Did We Start Hating Big Families” or something like that) that got me thinking about family size.
So, question for all of you: How many kids do you have or plan on having, and how closely in age? What did you factor into your decision? How do you think the size of your family has affected your career, your marriage, and your general sanity?
I have one child with a second on the way, and in the abstract, I’d like 3-4 all 2ish years apart. In reality, aside from still debating how I feel about the environmental impact of a large family, I’m not sure I have the time or money for that. DH and I have well-paying jobs with regular hours but long commutes, but childcare for 3 kids would be pretty much half of one take-home salary. The economics almost tip toward one of us staying home, but that would make the budget tight in our HCOLA, and we value our respective careers. Are these early years something you just power through, hope that the financial/emotional/physical stress doesn’t destroy you, and wait for it to get easier once everyone is potty-trained and in school (does it?)? Do you space your children out more so that you have some breathing room? Move closer to family so you can get some help? Scale back your career ambitions and go part time, at least temporarily? Or just stop at one or two?
(former) preg 3L says
I’m really interested in replies to this. I have one and I honestly can’t even imagine having another because of how difficult the first 3-4 months were (hello colicky baby). Before we had any, DH & I agreed that we wanted 3+, but it would depend on our careers and what we could afford (living in NYC). So he’s pretty unhappy that I’ve said I’m done, and in the abstract, I don’t want to be done, but those first few months were just impossible and I can’t imagine trying to do that again. Does this feeling wear off when she gets older?
ETA: I also value my career and don’t think I would want to leave my job to stay home with my daughter. In my ideal world, I would work 4 days/week so I could have some dedicated weekday time with my LO and do more to support my home life, but I don’t think that’s in the cards anytime soon.
Anon says
Don’t make any permanent decisions when you’re in the throes of early baby days. That’s a really tough time. Totally legit to want to stop at one but give yourself time to change your mind as well. I told my husband that I need a year off after I was done nursing (or a year off after age 1 if formula feeding) to even contemplate sharing my body through another pregnancy and nursing period.
WHO says physical health of moms is optimal when spacing is 3-5 years – I think this holds true for mental health too!
Sarabeth says
Colicky first kid here, and yes, that feeling has worn off. At a year old, I can now at least imagine wanting another, though I’m not sure if we’ll end up going for it or not.
Anon says
‘You do you’ seems to really apply here. We have three kids (I’d have 4 if DH would go along with it) – we moved back to my (smallish) home town to be closer to my family for help (not full time child care but pinch hitting on drop off/pick up or having us over for dinner or letting in the cable guy etc). We moved back even before we had kids. We bought a house less than 10 minutes to work and my parents.
I know what I gave up for this and it’s not the right choice for everyone. My legal practice is interesting and varied but not the international law focus that I would have dreamed about and that I did graduate degrees towards. Do I sometimes fantasize about working for the UN in NYC or Geneva – yes, 100%, but I’m okay with my choices because they were conscious choices to live a slower pace of life.
In terms of building a family to work with this lifestyle, I was express with my husband when we were dating (like 6 months into a relationship when I was 23) that I wasn’t interested in getting serious with someone who didn’t view my career as equally important to my own. He’s taken unpaid time off to stay home with the kids for various periods (costing us low/mid-6 figures). He appreciates that I support this even though it means we drive crappy cars and live in a smaller house.
More kids is more work (more doctors appointments/school plays/birthday parties etc)- you either have to hire someone to do it or one parent has to dial back their career to do it. There’s no right choice – people just need to not make each other feel like different choices are inherently ‘bad’ or ‘good’.
anonmama says
I love this answer. I hate mother-judgment and wish that more people would give useful, helpful, excellent advice/perspectives like you shared, while not pushing it as the ONLY choice for everyone. Your last sentence is excellent. And “you do you” is my new motto.
Anon says
Agree with all of this! Very well written.
hoola hoopa says
Agree with this.
I have three. We both always wanted 3-4 and stopped at three due to age. (We met late and want to retire some time!) Finances were a consideration, but we wanted the ‘extra’ kids so much that we were dedicated to paying the price and figuring out the rest. Our retirement has taken the biggest hit, but even knowing that it wasn’t wise financially, I wouldn’t have changed anything.
Balance is has been critical for us. We’ve both stepped back at work from time to time. I don’t know how we’d do it otherwise, honestly. Times when we’re both FT are stressful, and our upper limit is one of us (only one!) working more than 40 hrs/week at any time. We have flexible schedules luckily, so when one of us has a busy week or month, the other can unofficially go to 35 hrs. We try to reciprocate as much as possible. Career-wise, we’re still doing well overall. We’re not at the top of our field, but respected, working, and fairly compensated. IME, if you’re good at what you do and maintain your network, you’ll always find a place eventually. We didn’t take huge breaks, though. Colleagues who have taken 3+ years have had to struggle a bit to gain back ground when they returned, but anecdotally eventually did.
We had to move out of the city to a lower (not low) COL area. I hate the commute, but we were able to buy a roomy house on a large lot near good public schools for the same price as we sold our tiiiny home with such poor schools that we’d have to pay an arm and a leg for private school (x3!). With three kids, it would have been cheaper to pay the insane cost of a larger house in a good public school boundary, but that’s realistically out of our budget. We probably would have stayed in the city if we’d only had one child. Moving to where family lives isn’t realistic with our careers, but we did move to a suburb in the right direction. Having family available, even if not routinely, is hugely helpful (if you have helpful family).
In regards to spacing, I’ve never talked to anyone who felt they did it ‘wrong.’ There are pros and cons of every age difference, and everyone always seems to feel whatever they did worked out. When spacing ours (2.5-3 years apart), we considered finances and career but mostly when we felt comfortable.
KLG says
totally agree on you do you. My sister and I grew up in a family of 3 kids and so did both of our husbands. She and her husband are hell bent on having 3, my husband and I plan to have him snipped after 2 kids (we both have one right now). I have no doubt that we will both be very happy with our family size. Our finances are pretty similar because they make a lot more money but live in a much higher cost of living area. As for spacing, she and I are very close in age but there is a grade in between us because of the way our birthdays fall. This has led to me wanting my kids 2 years apart. Being close in age was awesome because it meant similar abilities and interests but the year in between in school helped us have some separation of friends. There was a lot of rivalry because of the closeness in age but we’ve always been close and still are now.
CPA Lady says
Currently my husband and I are planning on stopping after one. We were both very ambivalent about having children for a long time, and one just seems to make sense for our current situation. When we realized that you don’t *have* to have more than one child, it just sort of opened up our hearts to the idea of parenthood, if that makes sense.
For us there are several reasons to make this decision. The public schools in our area are really terrible, and private schools are quite expensive. We both want to keep working full time, we’re both introverts who dislike chaos, and I can see the stress of multiple children really wearing on our marriage. In deciding to have one child, we are taking some things into consideration– we live in an area with a lot of families, so she’ll have nearby playmates. Saving and planning for retirement will also be a big priority for us, as we don’t want to saddle her with the huge burden of caring for aging parents without a lot of resources.
For those who are considering the only child route, the book “One and Only” really helped me be at peace with this decision, since it dispels a lot of the cultural myths about only children and helped me think about what it means to be a family. Multiple people have already told me that making this decision to stop after one is selfish and that I’ll change my mind, but I don’t see it that way at all.
JJ says
So we have two, 18 months apart. That wasn’t originally the plan – we had planned on three and each about 2-3 years apart. The second kid was a happy surprise, but the timing did throw us for a loop. We conscientiously moved back to the city where both sets of grandparents lived because we knew that we would need the help and wanted our kids to have that relationship with their grandparents where they can see them during the week/weekends. Both my husband and I have very demanding careers and jobs, but we absolutely work as a partnership and I know I can count on him to scale back when I need to ramp up and vice versa.
In retrospect, now that we’re past the first year of the younger son’s life, things have gotten so much better. That year was a blur simply because the second was such a high needs kid. It also made us decide that we’re more than likely done at two. Childcare, potential private school, sports lessons – the expenses would just be adding up. With three we would both have to get new cars and move to a larger house earlier than we’ve planned. We also decided that with two, we’ll always (ideally) have one parent at recitals, sports games, etc. It’s simply not possible to do that with more than two kids.
But I agree completely that “you do you” and do what works for your family. I’m one of three kids and my husband is one of five, so we’re used to larger families. I honestly think that’s part of the reason we feel comfortable stopping at two: we know that the kids will also always be surrounded by a very close extended family.
Spirograph says
We have one now, and the second will be about 20 months younger than the first. I’d like at least one more, probably more like 3+ years later rather than as close as these two will be, but we’re going to see how things go. DH comes from a very small family is on the fence about more than two, especially if we end up with one boy and one girl. I grew up in a family of three kids and have lots of cousins, and love the idea of a bigger family, but I would want to move away from DC to do it both for financial and logistical reasons. Ideally, I’d like to live close to my parents, but there are no jobs there in our current career fields. I’m actually working on a change to something that is much more flexible (part time is the norm) and “portable” with the not-so-secret agenda of making a pitch to move back to the Midwest in a few years, when my husband will hopefully be more of a manager than anything skill set-specific and he’ll also be able to branch out. I want to do that for quality of life in general, but also because it would make it feel so much more feasible to have more kids. I feel like being locked in the DC pace is just prohibitive… but it may be a tough sell for my husband who has always lived in major cities.
I’ve toyed with the idea of taking a couple years off; my mom stayed home when we were young, and I always thought I would like to be a SAHM. But now that I have 10 years dedicated to a career I’m doing reasonably well in (although I don’t particularly like my job at the moment) and actually have a kid, I really think I’m happier with a job. I don’t know how couples have several kids with two full time jobs, unless there is family nearby or plenty of money to outsource. The stress of managing a household with only one kid on top of full time jobs wears on me and DH, and in my darkest times I think, “if I just stayed home all day I could run errands, mow the lawn, do laundry, and still have time to make dinner every night! DH could juts come home and hang out with the kids, neither of us would have to do a ‘second shift’ of homemaking stuff on top of our ‘real’ job, and everyone would be so much happier,” but that may be wishful thinking, too…
Anonymous says
Have the one baby on the way. Husband wants two kids. I am thinking it may be easier to get it all done one after the other. My mom had my sibling and I within a year of each other and our bond is incredibly close (we finish sentences, talk daily, rarely every disagree on anything and share everything). Thoughts on this? Until yesterday I was horribly opposed to having two kids mainly for financial reasons.
A lot of significant concerns for me.. a big one is daycare and extracurricular cost.. if we had a second child immediately after this first one I would take the full amount of maternity leave with the second (with this first one I am only scheduled for three months).
Anyone been through this before?
Pogo says
Jaclyn Day writes really beautifully about this question – I’ll put the link to one of her posts below, but she’s written several times about her grasp of the issue.
We’ve always said 2 is our goal, and recently DH started on the “why stop at 2!”. I’m thinking, let’s see how ONE goes first. There are just so many factors. It is so incredibly loaded and personal.
Pogo says
Link : http://blog.jaclynday.com/post/56147167886/one
mascot says
Thank you for posting that. I always thought I wanted two. It took me a few years to get to the decision that one was the right choice for our little family. Something that has helped is having friends with only children that are the same age as mine.
Anonymous says
Looked at her blog with some interest for a bit.. I am way too fascinated by stay at home moms with seemingly perfect lives. Look how skinny she is! How many books she manages to read! Her GOOP style of skinny jeans/leggings with cute jackets. Lol. This morning I got up and put on a dress. I can’t imagine owing that many scarves or finding the energy to pick one. Good on her for doing it with a young child.
Pogo says
She’s actually works full time for an educational book publisher or something, I think? Her daughter is in day care during the day.
ANP says
This is a great and timely question for me. DH and I have two kids under age 5 and we’re considering a third via adoption (1st 2 kids are bio). But we waver, mostly due to finances and a fear of the unknown. Life is chaotic on a good day, but we semi-have a routine that’s under control. I’m super nervous about daycare and potentially private school costs (our local public system is cr@p) for two, let alone three…but we somehow sense we’re missing someone in the family! It’s such a weird feeling — as though we’re short a teammate. Hard to explain and I don’t have any good answers for you, but I read this thread with interest.
Famouscait says
Would you be willing to discuss how you arrived at considering adoption? Was that always on the table but bio kids #1 and #2 came along? Or is it something that you’ve just now considered for #3? I would be very interested to hear your personal perspective.
Meg Murry says
We also have 2 and I’m wavering on the “are we done or are we not” front. My husband is done without some heavy duty convincing and starting to purge the baby stuff (although we purged quite a bit after kid 1 and just bought new hand-me-downs for #2). I don’t think I have what it takes to go through the stresses I hear about adoption, or take a chance on foster care with the likelihood we would get a kid with a rough past and issues I probably can’t deal with. I’ve been mentally holding on to the idea that we might host exchange students someday when my kids are in middle/high school – its a pretty big program in my town, and my parents had an exchange student when I was in college that was a fun experience.
JJ says
New week, new parenting issue: biting. My 13-month old is in a biting phase. He mostly does it when his older brother tries to yank the toys out of his hands, but he’s also started biting other kids in his daycare class. I feel awful that he’s biting other children now. When we catch him doing it at home, we tell him no sharply and explain that we do not bite, etc. He does have a huge molar coming in that hasn’t come through yet (I think it’s been sitting under his gums for two weeks now) that’s making him fairly miserable.
But anyone have any other suggestions on biting? I talked to the daycare and they’re going to watch him to see if a pattern emerges when he tries to bite someone. In the back of my head, I’m just worried that they’re going to kick him out…
Anon says
Try advil for the teething when it’s really bad. Otherwise – maybe focus teaching him to bite permitted objects instead of people. A firm ‘no biting people’ and then provide him with something that he is allowed to bite. A teething toy that he can take to daycare? I find my daughter does best when I don’t just tell her what she can’t do, but also show her what she ‘can’ do – that way she isn’t left to guess the acceptable alternatives for herself.
At 13 months he is likely starting to talk so maybe give him a word to use when his brother tries to take his toys (maybe ‘no’ initally and then work up to ‘no take’ or ‘share’). Enforce older brother not taking toys as well.
Hope some of that helps. Biting is a tough one.
Meg Murry says
For teething pain and to give him an object he’s allowed to bite – what about baby washclothes either soaked in cold water or even in the freezer briefly? He can get them all the way to the back of his mouth, and the cold helps the pain.
Our phrase was “no biting people, here bite your chewer”
Spirograph says
Ugh, I wish I had a better answer, but my 18 month old has still not gotten out of his biting phase. He’s only bitten other kids at daycare once or twice, but he bites me and my husband frequently. Our pediatrician and other moms recommended just saying “no biting, biting hurts” and then turning away and ignoring him for a minute or two — giving it any extra attention, even negative attention, can reinforce the behavior, supposedly. It didn’t work as quickly as I would have liked, but he’s making progress.
Just for curiosity’s sake, what does your daycare do to discipline biting? My nanny did nothing, even when I gave her specific instructions on how I’d like her to respond. My current daycare provider is on board with enforcing a short time out, and I think having a consistent response has helped. I think the biggest help, though, is that he’s learning more words to express his frustration (he almost always bites when he’s tired, hungry, or angry about something)… and there’s not much you can do to speed that up.
JJ says
Daycare does the “no biting; biting hurts” and a short time out, as well. His teachers have been great so far and talked about how they recognize all kids go through these phases and his happens to be biting. My older son has always been fairly even-keeled and only went through a spitting phase when he was angry. At this point, I’d much prefer spitting over biting.
Spirograph says
I’m loving my mental image of a baby spitting with rage… like a tiny llama. I would take that over biting any day!
Newly pregnant says
Me too! I find it hilarious.
ANP says
Our daughter did this as well and she even bit a friend’s child in her daycare room once! Talk about mortifying. We got the book “Teeth are not for Biting” from Amazon and read it to her every night. Honestly, it seemed to click eventually. Take heart: they all grow out of it eventually and now my 4-1/2 year old thinks it’s hilarious when I tell her stories about how she bit people as a baby.
Anon says
+1 to “they all grow out of it eventually”. My mom likes to remind me that it is statistically improbable that any of my children will turn 18 and go off to college still biting people, wetting the bed, or refusing to eat any green vegetables.
Meg Murry says
I didn’t eat green vegetables until after I got to college – but I did learn to like them there, so there is still always hope :-)
CHJ says
JJ, sometimes I can’t believe how similar our kids are! My guy is 14 months now, also cutting a molar that’s causing him tons of pain, and going through a biting stage. (In addition to transitioning to the toddler room!).
I asked our pediatrician about it yesterday, and she said to say “no biting” and immediately put him into a time out and ignore him for 60 seconds. Like Spirograph, she said the point is to teach him that he doesn’t get any attention — even bad attention — for biting.
I also read to pay attention to when they start wanting to bite and cut it off at the pass by getting down on their level and saying things like “I understand that you’re tired and frustrated that the dog doesn’t want to play with you. But no biting. Let’s hug.” Amazingly, this approach seems to be working with our guy.
hoola hoopa says
+1 to time outs. If you can recognize a bite it coming and intercede, all the better. Agree with ANP that it will eventually pass, hopefully without dramatic incident at daycare.
JJ says
Thanks, everyone! It’s reassuring to know that we are not the only parents with a chompy baby. Coincidentally, I bought the Teeth Are Not For Biting book on Amazon last night. Can’t wait for that to arrive and become part of the nightly routine.
Anon S says
Good morning ladies! Question for women who have already given birth: did your shoe size permanently change after you had your baby? I’m 9 weeks pregnant and I really want to get some new shoes for the fall but I have heard that your shoe size might change so I’m not sure what to do. Thanks in advance!
mascot says
this got talked about a few weeks back http://corporettemoms.com/born-julianne/
Getting new shoes isn’t a bad idea but I wouldn’t spend a ton in case they get stretched out. But, it might be worth not risking your favorite, pricier pairs to stretching.
FVNC says
My shoe size didn’t change. But since I couldn’t predict what would happen, I didn’t buy expensive shoes while pregnant. I think this is a good time to take advantage of Target or DSW, even if you usually spend more.
mascot says
in moderation for link, but check the Juliana (ballet flats are the picture?) post on here from a week or two ago.
anonmama says
Mine changed… and haven’t gone back to their previous size at 2 years out. My feet are about 1/2 size bigger, not a lot, but definitely made a lot of my shoes too uncomfortable to wear :/
KJ says
Mine did not change.
pockets says
mine grew a little and my shoes don’t really fit and it’s sad.
Meg Murry says
I commented on this last time it came up – I had a combo of either my feet getting a little wider or me admitting that my previous purchases were too small and not being able to put up with tight pinch-y shoes anymore. I either need 1/2-1 size larger or I need a wide width. If they fit comfortably now (trying on at the end of the day in full foot swollen glory), they would probably be ok. If they are the slightest bit snug or pinch-y, they are probably going to only get worse and you should return. I wouldn’t buy final sale.
Anon says
Just curious. My husband was raised Jewish, but not very observant aside from celebrating the major holidays with his family. His parents are more religious. Religion was never a big issue in our relationship. I’m not Jewish, and his family has been great. Now, I’m due in late December and my mother in law has raised the issue of whether to have a bris for the baby. It would clearly make her very happy. My husband and I are ambivalent/undecided about how religiously we want to raise the kid (go the whole school and bar mitzvah route). My dad told me not to over think this–who knows if the kid will end up being religious/Jewish or not–and just do it to get on the good side of my mother-in-law. I’m on the fence about it. The bris sounds like a pretty religious ceremony, and I don’t want to feel like a poser. At the same time, it’s a nice tradition, and who knows what we decide in the future, right? I’m curious if the hive has insights. FYI, I have never been to a bris before and have little idea what to expect aside from what I read on the internet.
Anon says
I think I’m going to side with your dad on this one. Provided that you’ve already decided that you want to circ (will that word get me in moderation?), then I think that having it performed at a bris would be a nice gesture to your inlaws.
Newly pregnant says
Several of my friends have had christenings for their children, even though they are not particularly religious or observant and only celebrate the major holidays with family, and I have to assume it is at least partly to placate their parents. I’m not very religious so I tend to view this similarly and agree with your dad. So long as you and your husband are on the same page on the meaning of a bris within your lives and your son’s life (at this time), I think it’s fine.
pockets says
If you are going to have the kid circumcised anyway, you may as well do the bris. It can be a very religious ceremony but doesn’t have to be. You can have a pediatrician perform the bris, or have some old religious guy with a mile-long white beard do it, and obviously that will help set the tone.
sfg says
We are struggling with this issue as well – if we do it, it will be a marginally religious ceremony.
Anon says
As a somewhat threadjack, can someone describe what to expect at a traditional bris? I’ve never been to one, and our families don’t circ so we’re not even familiar with the hospital procedure.
pockets says
It can vary a lot depending on religiousness, but assuming a low level of religiosity, even shows up and mingles while baby/parents get ready, baby & parents come out, religious authority figure or other person performing the circumcision says a few words explaining meaning & process of bris, parents might say a few words about the baby’s name, procedure, baby wails and parents take baby to another room to attend to baby, everyone eats.
pockets says
if there’s a high level of religiousness, the only real difference is that the men and the women might be separated and there is a handing-off of the baby from the mom (on the woman’s side) to the mohel (person who performs circumcision, always a man) and maybe some words in Hebrew. Also, if super-religious, the mohel might suck the blood from the baby’s p*nis (yes, really).
Pest says
Seriously? Sucking the blood? I would find out more about this before agreeing to it. Maybe there is a middle ground if you are not on board with the way the procedure is done. My hospital has circumcisions done before the babies come home. If it were me (and I’m having a girl with a Catholic husband so I’m not in your shoes but I am aware of certain health benefits of circumcision) I would probably say we can have a ceremony but the circumcision will be done in the hospital by a surgeon before he comes home.
pockets says
Yeah, it’s rare and limited to ultra-religious circles but it happens. Google “metzitzah b’peh.” I wouldn’t worry about it and I would think a quick conversation with the person performing the ritual would clear it up.
I am kind of on the fence about whether I would do it in the hospital or at the ceremony (my family and in-laws are all Jewish). It kind of skeeves me out to be performing a medical procedure on such a delicate body part in my living room, but at the same time what’s the point of the ceremony if there isn’t a main event? I go back and forth. Maybe I’ll have only girls and this will never be an issue.
Katarina says
The two main parts were the baby naming and the circumcision. It is traditional that the name be after a deceased relative. The circumcision was performed by a pediatrician who had some religious training, and he applied local anesthetic beforehand. I think the accompanying party was more traumatic than the circumcision itself.
My Catholic in-laws enjoyed the bris, even though I am sure they would have preferred that our son be raised Catholic.
Anonyc says
Fellow shiksa here. My husband is also super unobservant, and when it came about that we were having a boy, he totally shocked me by wanting to do a bris (rather than an in-hospital circ) (we had previously agreed the kids would be raised Jewish). Our experience was basically what pockets described as low-religious event and it was very nice. We did it in our tiny apartment and only had immediate family. My Catholic-ish family enjoyed it, we got a delicious bagel spread, and a good time was had by all. And my sisters-in-law, all of whom ended up doing hospital circs for various reasons, all told us that our son’s experience was significantly faster and better with the mohel than their sons’ experiences in the hosiptal (YMMV on that, but on some level it makes sense to me that someone whose entire job is circs would be pretty good at it).
Also wanted to mention–we are Reformed Jews, and as such patrilineal descent is recognized. Still, at the bris the mohel said an extra prayer (basically) and that sufficed as conversion; we received a little certificate stating the date of the bris, our son’s Hebrew name, and affirming the conversion. Son will still have to go through the bar mitzvah and affirm he would like to be a Jew but that’s another thing to think about if you’re considering future religious practice.
(Sorry for the long post–about to head to my best friend’s daughter’s baby naming and spent all morning picking out a mezuzah and kiddush cup, so Jewish babies are on my mind today.)
NewMomAnon says
Timely post! A friend just gave me a set of Chewbeadz and they are a hit with my 8 month old pincher/scratcher. She even sits still through diaper changes if I let her hold the necklace. The ones I got have a funny plastic-y smell that I can’t shake, but it doesn’t seem to deter my kiddo. When she went in for some pinching this morning, I slipped a couple beads into her hand and she stopped attacking me. She is still easily distracted – we have to turn down the lights and face away from her bookshelf full of toys to nurse.
KJ says
My 5 month old is the same way. We nurse in her room with the lights out, the shades closed, and white noise going, but she is still SO distractible. Hopefully the beads will help.
(former) preg 3L says
So interesting — my 7-month-old has been refusing to nurse in the mornings, so maybe we should try this! Thanks for the ideas ladies!
Anon says
definitely try this – my daughter would only nurse if she was alone with me in a room once she was about 6 months old. I know some moms that have used a nursing cover even at home as a way to reduce distractions
I actually didn’t mind it — great reason to leave the room during dull or awkward family events or when unwanted/expected visitors stopped by
Anonymous says
Pregnancy appointments! My husband is sick of going to them. We have never waited longer than half an hour (if the doctor will be later than that I reschedule) and the appointments are about 5 minutes. I apparently am having an incredibly boring and uneventful pregnancy. I schedule the appointments at lunch so they are minimally inconvenient to him.
Husband does not want to go to them anymore and skipped the last one. Also tried to skip the ultrasound. First baby.
Should I insist that he comes? In the unlikely event we ever get bad news I would like him there.
KJ says
Have you explained to him the reason why you want him there?
Meg Murry says
My husband never came to any except the ultrasounds. If you aren’t high risk, I don’t think its necessary for him to come. Can you just ask that he be available by cell on those days and answer if you call?
mascot says
My husband came to the 2 ultrasounds (we did all the genetic forms/history at the first ultrasound) and maybe one of the late week appts (38-39). But, he knew when they were and was just a phone call away. I wasn’t high risk so it was really not necessary for him to come. I was tired of them myself by the end.
FWIW, my husband didn’t really “get” pregnancy since it wasn’t his body. He is a completely involved parent so don’t let a few missed appointments sour you on him. I would just talk to him about how you are feeling and see if there is a compromise. Also, his employer may not be as understanding about this as yours is.
Anastasia says
My husband came to most ultrasounds, but I wouldn’t dream of trying to make him come to an appointment that didn’t include pictures, there’s no way it would hold his attention. Does your husband come in the exam room with you, or is he just sitting in the waiting room the whole time? I don’t blame you for wanting him there, but I also don’t blame him for not wanting to come. If you don’t ask him come to every appointment, you can pick and choose a few “important” ones and probably meet with less resistance. That said, if it’s really important to you, maybe explain to him more along the lines of “this is not just another annual physical, it’s new and scary and I need your support,” he would be more understanding?
pockets says
I didn’t like missing work to go to appointments either, but I didn’t have a choice, so neither did he. Obviously not everyone feels this way but if it’s important to you that he be there (for whatever reason) then he should be there.
mss says
This is up to you. He’s certainly not necessary, but if it makes you feel better for him to be there, that’s totally understandable. I don’t really think it’s fair that the guy gets to skip all the pregnancy rigmarole (I got sick of them too, but I still had to go), and DH never came to any of my appointments after the first child, including the ultrasounds, but I didn’t push it because I didn’t have strong feelings about it other than fairness, and it sounds like you do!
mascot says
The fairness war is a big one in parenting. Some of these work out okay in the short term. I did input (bf) while he did output (diapers). At some point, both you will feel like you are giving 120%, not just the 50/50 split you had in mind. So, I’d caution not to get in the habit of mentally keeping score.
hoola hoopa says
“At some point, both you will feel like you are giving 120%, not just the 50/50 split you had in mind. So, I’d caution not to get in the habit of mentally keeping score.”
this x 1000!!!!
Carrie M says
+ millions on the keeping score.
For our first, husband went to 2 ultrasounds. He expected a phone call after I left the appointment with an update (and actually I would also send an email just so I’d have a log of sorts). We didn’t think it made sense for him to take time off when I didn’t really need him there.
FVNC says
My husband was with me for the first two ultrasounds, but not for any appointments, or the weekly ultrasounds and stress tests I had toward the end of my pregnancy. He always knew when my appointments were and was generally available if things went wrong (which did happen, and he met me at the hospital as soon as he could). Note, when I got my scary news that resulted in the hospital stay, it was not at a regularly scheduled appointment, so he wouldn’t have been there anyway. It was scary to get the news alone, so I get where you’re coming from. Even so, I do think it’s a little unreasonable to expect him to take time off work for regular appointments; I mean, toward the end, you’ll have appointments every week — that’s a lot of time off for someone who’s not actually the patient. But he should absolutely be available by phone.
hoola hoopa says
It’s important to my husband to attend every appointment, and honestly I think that’s very unusual. He went to all for the first baby and did the best he could for the others – maybe about half? Frankly, I don’t even like attending all the appointments (I also had boring, uneventful pregnancies), so I admit that I would be resistant if I weren’t the patient.
I’d find out how often he’d be up for attending and start there to work out a compromise. Every other appointment? Once per trimester? Just major anatomy scan and a childbirth/baby class?
Another option would be to have him read The Expectant Father. Great book, and maybe reading would be more approachable to him.
Also, is him not going to the appointments actually what’s bothering you – or does it concern you because you feel it indicates that he’s not involved or invested? That would be understandable, and if so, don’t make the appointments the issue. Discuss those concerns instead. It’s more important that you feel that he’s there for you and baby figuratively than him physically being present at the appointments.
Anon says
On baby #1 – My husband was big into going to all appointments – I think even hearing the heartbeat made him feel more connected to the baby which was kind of abstract for him otherwise until he could feel the baby kick.
– he hasn’t been as big on attending re: Baby #2 but I have had him attend via speaker phone a few times. Basically, he blocks out the time in his calendar as a conference call and I call him and put him on speaker phone on my cell when I’m in with the doctor. Closest thing to being there without actually being there. He’s actually asked the doctor a few questions via speaker phone a few times.
Also, if you just want him there for comfort/support/calming nerves – that’s legit – it’s okay to feel that way and okay to insist he provide that level of support. Don’t feel bad/let him talk you out of what you need to feel supported and comfortable in your pregnancy.
(former) preg 3L says
FWIW, I feel like you’re more likely to get bad news at a non-routine appointment or by phone, after a test. I had a boring, uneventful pregnancy, and DH didn’t attend all of the appointments (he attended most/more than half though). My doctor said he should come to the 35-week appointment so she could have “The Birth Talk” with both of us, but otherwise, said he didn’t need to be there.
CHJ says
I’ll join the chorus of responses saying that DH came to the big ones (first heart beat, genetic testing, all the ultrasounds) but skipped the routine, 5 minute appointments. I would have loved the company, but in the end, those appointments take up so much time and it didn’t seem worth it for both of us to miss that much work.
That said, do you have the option for appointments first thing in the morning? My OB had appointments at 7:30 A.M., which were great for the days I wanted him to come.
sfg says
We’re both ambivalent on his attendance at the routine appointments. He said he’d come if I wanted him to, but so far, thankfully, no reason. He came to the first and to the NT ultrasound & genetic counseling appointments, and will come to the 20 week u/s, but otherwise probably won’t attend others.
Anonymous says
My husband came to the ultrasound and to my last pre-delivery appointment because we had to discuss the logistics of scheduling an induction. He also went with me to the hospital a couple of times when I had bleeding during my pregnancy, but I didn’t see the point f making him miss work for boring routine appointments.
anon says
I agree with everyone who says that it depends on what is importatnt to your and your husband. My husband came to the first appointment and my two ultrasounds and I thought that was fine. I was scheduled for a third ultrasound and he was not going to be able to come to that one and I was okay with it (asked my mom to come and she was overjoyed to be asked). However, baby ended up arriving about 5.5 weeks early with NO warning and no pregnancy complications. At that point I was glad he had not wasted time off coming to all of the appointments with me because it made it much easier for him to bail out of work over a month earlier than expected.
Anonyc says
DH came to pretty much every appointment for Kid 1, but my doctor was about ten minutes from his office and his schedule in that job was flexible. For Kids 2 and 3 he only came for “big” appointments–the 20-week anatomy, the amnio, and other significant ultrasounds/tests. It’s a pain to schlep to the appointments for everyone. Also, after the first kid I was totally fine on my own, but did want him around for the potentially significant sessions so I’d have another person there thinking of questions to ask, information to retain, etc.
If his not wanting to come is just because he’s bored, too bad. If it’s that the appointments mean time away from work (and thus working later/weekends, or reducing his leave allotment), I’d consider scaling back the number of appointments you’d want him at. Also consider whether that time for him would be better spent at a childbirth class, for instance.
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