This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
After I delivered my first son, I’ll admit it: I was just in the hospital gown for the entire stay. I heard the same from a lot of my friends — it can be a really overwhelming experience. As I prepared for my second son’s birth, though, I decided to buy this lovely nursing nightgown — I figured it would help me feel more “normal” right away after birth, and look far prettier in the pictures (and with people visiting) than the usual hospital gown. (I also specifically bought a chemise instead of PJs so I didn’t have to sit directly on it in my hospital bed and instead could scrunch it up around my waist when I was under the covers. If you haven’t delivered yet and are trying to figure out why… well, let’s just say you’ll thank me later.)
I liked this one because of the pretty pattern, pull-down neckline, and easy care (machine wash/dry) — and the affordable price: it’s $29.99 with Amazon Prime, available in seven colors. Baby Be Mine Women’s Sleeveless Maternity Nursing Nightgown
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Lawmom says
Day Care Q:
Right now, I am working part time and having a family member watch my baby while I am at work. This arrangement is only temporary, so I am right now trying to decide between a nanny and daycare for my baby daughter. At the same time, I am negotiating a job offer with the government that will return me to regular- but hopefully reasonably- hours.
With an 8 hour work day plus my not great commute, I calculate that my daughter will be in daycare at least 10 hours a day, and probably closer to 11 when factoring in commute delays and that fact work never ends right at 5. For those of you who have been there, is this too long of a day at day care for an older baby? Would a nanny (which we can just barely afford if we cut back on everything else) be better for such a long day? What are your experiences?
mascot says
Is it a long day? Sure. Are kids adaptable to this type of schedule? Absolutely. At daycare, kids still get scheduled downtime, naps, meals, etc, just like they do at home. I think that they get used to the stimulation around them.
My child started those long days at 3 months old. He’s now 4 and thriving in a full day pre-k with after-care. So basically he’s still at school 9-10 hours a day. It’s all he’s ever known and he’s able to keep up. We are protective of his bedtimes and naptimes to ensure that he gets enough sleep.
JJ says
Yup, almost the same situation as mascot, only my oldest is 2.5 years old. Long days at daycare are all he and his younger brother have known. We’re very protective of bedtime for both of them (and the baby wants to go to bed around 6:30 most nights if he’s been at school all day) and nap time on the weekends.
Also, if you’re paying a nanny on the books, you’ll be running in to a lot of overtime with that schedule. A daycare will (might, depending on your cost of living area) be substantially cheaper for one kid.
CHJ says
My son is in daycare from 8:30-5:30, and most of the other children at his daycare are there for similar hours. I don’t think it’s too long. The daycare schedule is similar to what it would be at home with a nanny (breakfast, outdoor walk/play time, lunch, long nap, play, snack, play). He’s thriving there and is always in a great mood when we pick him up.
One alternative option — would it be possible to commute with your daughter, so that she’s closer to your office? My son does really well on train rides (but not the car. Ugh the car). If that’s an option, it could give you extra time together and relieve some of the pressure of rushing home on your commute to pick her up.
Lawmom says
I love the idea of commuting with my daughter, except I am in NYC and it is a one hour commute on a packed subway car, so I feel the stress probably makes it not worth it for either of us.
Meg Murry says
My only concerns for the long day plus commute delays that you mention are:
1) What time does your daycare close? Most in our area close at 6, which could be cutting it to close for you. Do you have a plan B person you could call to get the baby if you are stuck in traffic and will get there after closing?
2) Snacks and dinner. For a baby that is still taking bottles, its not such a big deal since they can give him one at anytime, but once you reach toddler stage its hard to pickup at almost 6 and then get home and feed them dinner. Our daycare used to do lunch at 11:30 and snack at 2:30-3, so by 6, my kids were starving and cranky – adding another hour for drive home and making something for dinner had us eating at 7:00 – way too late for them. Now our daycare gives a small snack (like crackers) at 5:15-5:30 to any kids that are still there, and that helps a little, as does the fact that we have a 2 minute drive home, but the timing is still tricky.
If you can work out the pickup time issues, a daycare (even with a long day) is perfectly fine with a young kid. A nanny in your home allows for some luxuries (no rushing for drop off or pickup, no packing bottles, etc) but I don’t think it’s worth stretching yourself super thin for if you can make daycare work.
Meg Murry says
Also, are you on the list already for daycare? If not, there may be no need to decide – our daycares in our area have months long wait lists for spots for infants. So step one may be to go put yourself on some wait lists before you even start the nanny vs daycare debate.
One other thing I noticed in re-reading was that you said baby is currently being watched by a family member. One thing that worked for us was 2 nights a week my mom picked up the kids from daycare, and we have family dinner at her house. That bought me 2 nights a week I could stay a little later at work, which gave me some favors to trade with my coworkers a la “remember when I finished up that task for you last Wednesday? I have to split at 5 so can you finish this for me tonight”?
And having standing family dinners is also a great way fr my kids to connect with their grandparents, and often other cousins or family friends join in on Wednesday night family dinner.
Lawmom says
Thanks Meg. To answer your questions:
They will stay open til 630. I think I should be able to get there by 6:15 most days and my husband can leave work early sometimes if I have to stay at work late.
These are good things to consider on snacks. Fortunately, the day care is a short walk from our house (we are in NYC), so getting home is a breeze.
We are on the waitlist-and have been since the second trimester-and are now at the top, so we will hopefully get in but no guarantees.
The family member unfortunately lives out of town or I would love to have her help out!
hoola hoopa says
Can you offset your work schedule with SO? It can be helpful to have one person go in early and the other stay late, so that baby can go in late and leave early. Also, I’m nervous for you if you think you can be there by 6:15 and it closes at 6:30. That’s cutting it close, IME. One missed train or last minute work call could make you late.
Generally, I don’t think daycare vs nanny matters too much on easing a long day for a baby. Individual temperament can come in to play, though, and for an introvert I think a nanny could work better. A nanny is definitely easier for the parents. Although your drop off/pick up sounds convenient, it can be nice to save the time of prepping bag and baby in the morning. But I’ve always thought daycares had the edge on long days because staff can change in and out. A 11-hour day has always felt like a long day for a care provider to me.
Another consideration is that it’s easier to switch from daycare to nanny than it is to switch from nanny to daycare (because of the wait list). So I’d try daycare first. If it’s not working, then you can scrimp and save for the nanny.
Anon says
I think it depends on how thin you have to stretch. If it’s really borderline then the stress may not be worth the benefits of a nanny.
Also, not sure on your work schedule – but while it’s important for kids to get enough sleep, there are lots of different ways to do that. We actually do a 9pm bedtime for our baby so we have lots of time together after work. My baby wakes up at 6am to nurse and then falls asleep again right away and sleeps until 9am or so. I leave for work at 7:00 (nurse, baby goes back to sleep (keep room dark), getting ready quickly) so I’m in the office at 8am – this allows me to be out the door right at 5pm most days – home by 6pm and then 3 hours with baby before bedtime. Less alone time with hubby in the evenings but we commute together so we get that time to chat.
With this schedule you need a nanny that’s willing to work 11 hours a day or 55 hours a week – would your relative help out one day (then nanny could work 44 hours over 4 days) or relieve nanny an hour or two early every day in order to keep the nanny costs down?
Spirograph says
I don’t think these hours are too long for either a daycare or a nanny. I hate to say this, but a baby just needs love – it doesn’t really matter what the source of the love is during what hours (although you should be one of the sources!). As long as you find a good daycare or a good nanny, baby will be fine.
Our nanny worked 7-4:30, we now do daycare 7:30-5ish. My son was perfectly happy with both arrangements. Personally, I would not stretch to pay for a nanny if I had other options, especially for only one child. They are very expensive (you *need* to pay your nanny on the books if you work in law or for the government), especially once you start factoring in overtime, which is mandatory in many states for household employees. The convenience is great, but there can be additional headaches that come with that relationship, and for me, those+the cost was not worth it. If your schedule is fairly predictable, and especially if your family member is willing to pick up baby from daycare if you get stuck in traffic or something (or even just as a regular plan), daycare sounds like your better bet.
ECR says
We love, love, love our nanny. It makes my life as a working mom so much easier knowing that I don’t have to get my child out the door in the mornings, or pick her up by a certain time at night, as I would if we were using daycare. My daughter also naps a ton (6 hours a day), and I just don’t see daycare being able to accommodate her napping schedule. This was a big factor for us. Plus, my nanny helps with baby’s laundry and does light cleaning around the house (unloading the dishasher, for example). These little things really add up to more time that I can spend with my kid in the evenings. It also meant a lot ot me to find someone that I really connected with and who seemd warm and kind. I’m able to focus on my work more knowing that my baby is having a wonderful time with the nanny.
It is true that nannies are generally more expensive than daycare, although an NYC friend tells me that she’d spend almost the same on daycare as on a nanny. For our family the benefits of having someone come to our home and help with the overall management of the home are really substantial. In fact, a female partner at my office told me that her number one piece of advice to working moms at the firm is “delegate as much as possible to the nanny.” I have to say that at least so far (my daughter is only 6 months), I’ve really benefited at work from having someone at home taking care of little tasks.
CHJ says
Work/life dilemma — I’m a midlevel associate at a small boutique law firm. Since I came back from maternity leave, my firm has been respectful of my need to leave to pick up my son, but I’ve also been marginalized in terms of staffing. I’m being staffed on the small, insignificant matters and having trouble making my hours while the two other associates (both men with SAHW) are both overworked. At the same time, I’m really struggling with the 5 day, 9-10 hours/day workweek as it is and I feel like I don’t have enough time with my son.
I’m not really sure what to do. Given that I’m having trouble making my hours in the first place, what I would really like is to ask to go 80% so I can have more time with my son. My firm hates part-time work, though, and I fear that my request would be rejected and would cause me to be further marginalized. I don’t want to ask for more work, because night and weekend work would probably break me at this point — I feel like I barely have enough time with my son as is.
Has anyone successfully navigated a part-time work request in an environment that is pretty hostile to part-time work? Or has anyone gone from a full-time position into a part-time position elsewhere, with success? I still need to make a decent income because we live in a HCOL area, but I would really love to scale back a bit.
JJ says
No specific advice on navigating part time requests, but how long have you been back from leave? It took me several months before I was in a routine that made it easier to make my hours. I struggled a lot with the 5-day, 9-10 work days, as well. But sooner or later everything kind of “clicked” and it became our new normal. If you haven’t been back that long (I’d say 6 months or so), I’d wait to make a request so that you have a more fully informed view of what life is like.
As for the staffing, that sucks. I work at a very family friendly firm, but I’ve noticed that even here, that can happen. I know the partners are actually trying to be accommodating to the mothers (and fathers) with young kids, but it comes across as slightly marginalizing.
CHJ says
Unfortunately I’ve been back for a year, and things have improved since the first few months, definitely, but I’m still struggling to make it all work. I’ve been waiting for that “click” to happen and it just never has.
JJ says
Ugh. I wish I had more advice about making a request to go part-time. The people at my firm that have done it the most successfully are no longer on partner track and focus on very specific practice areas.
dreamBlue says
Just wanted to say hugs and hang in there… unfortunately if the work-life balance is not there, you might want to start looking other places (granted, I’m not in law so I don’t know if this is the same everywhere. My last position was a similar workload, plus a ridiculous commute, and coworkers who were all men with SAHWs. It sucked the life out of me. There was absolutely no understanding that since my DH and I both work we had to share responsibilities, since they all had SAHWs. It wasn’t like I was even asking for anything ridiculous or “mommy-track”.
Now I work similar hours, but with a shorter commute and other coworkers who have families and wives that work. I can think of four (male) coworkers off the top of my head that have work from home one day a week arrangements or come in late because they drop off the kids (and wife picks up). It makes such a difference that people understand having family responsibilities. I also think I work harder and more diligently because they don’t emphasize ‘face time’ at all.
Hang in there :/ I wish I had better advice, but if the environment is really male-dominated and toxic, it may be an uphill battle.
anon says
Just need to vent for a minute. 37 weeks today, and baby is breech. We’ve been trying to turn her since 34 weeks and . . . nothing. If nothing happens in the next three days, I have to schedule a c-section which, I know, I know, is not the end of the world, but kind of feels like it right now. And if one more person just shrugs and says, “you know you won’t care at all once baby arrives, so just relax,” I might scream. Wow, way to totally invalidate someone’s completely reasonable feelings!
Okay, done now.
mascot says
I’m sorry. It’s hard when things don’t go the way you envision them. My nephew was breech and my SIL was very disappointed before he was born. As she later discovered, his cord was in a bad position and he was breech for a reason. I’ve also had friends who had successful VBACs with subsequent kids.
(former) preg 3L says
HUGSSS that is so frustrating. The good news is that in 4 weeks, you won’t be enormously pregnant anymore! Those last few weeks of pregnancy were SO MISERABLE for me and I wanted to rawr at everyone. In the evenings, I would sit quietly (eating ice cream) with a pair of newborn-sized footie pj’s and try to figure out exactly how my daughter’s body and arms and legs all fit squished inside me. It helped.
KJ says
Your feelings are totally valid! All through my pregnancy I said all I want is to avoid a c section. I got a midwife and a doula and took the natural birthing classes. I spent the last 6 weeks of the pregnancy constantly doing positioning exercises. I said the worst case scenario is going through a long horrible labor only to end up with a c section, and, you guessed it, that’s exactly what happened. When the midwife told us the news it was a really difficult moment for my husband and me and it was actually pretty traumatic for both of us. So I totally get it. But , even so, my c section was not as bad as I had feared, and I hope that is your experience too.
For me, a total type A, one of the toughest parts of pregnancy, childbirth, and mothering is how much of it is out of my control. That was a big part of my distress about the c section. So now I look at it as part of this ongoing lesson in letting go of things I can’t control that my baby continues to teach me every day. I still would rather have had a regular birth, but that’s my silver lining take away. I’m not sure if any of this will make you feel any better, but I hope it helps to know that someone else has been there too.
anon says
Op here — yes that is it exactly! I feel like I am taking a memo from the universe on how much control I do not have over the things I like to hang on to so tightly. Thanks, universe. It’s not like it isn’t a good lesson to have. I’m not one of those ‘everything happens for a reason’ people — really, really not — but it does help a bit to think this may be useful to me, in addition to just generally sucking.
mascot says
One lesson in control that I had to learn was that you can’t make a child eat, sleep or poop. They are their own person and apparently have ideas about these things! It’s not like you can just try harder and suddenly they do what you are wanting them to do. Keeping this in mind helped me survive sleep training, potty training, and many a hunger strike.
ELL says
Sorry to hear this, OP. It is certainly possible to be grateful for a safe baby and mama, but also grieve that something you care about might be impossible. Hang in there!
Idiot's Guide to Pregnancy says
I just found out I’m pregnant this morning and feel a totally normal combo of excitement and terror. My husband and I are feeling a bit overwhelmed by all that we don’t know. Do any of the folks here have NYC-specific pregnancy resources that they can recommend? Things like: info on daycares or nannies, birth classes, etc. Thanks!
(former) preg 3L says
If you’re anywhere near Brooklyn, check out Park Slope Parents (dot com). It has amazing resources and the membership fee will pay for itself very quickly if you don’t mind some gently-used baby gear. If you’re in Brooklyn Heights, there’s also a Brooklyn Heights Parents Yahoo group and people are always looking to get rid of infant gear. We took birthing classes at Birth Day Presence and it was good. I delivered at Roosevelt and had a good experience — my nurse in the delivery room was fantastic. Start googling and visiting daycares now and get on waitlists NOW if you plan to go the daycare route. If you want a nanny, you don’t need to start looking until later on (not sure when, as we did not get a nanny). Get an OB you LOVE and ask her/him all your questions.
Idiot's Guide to Pregnancy says
Thanks!
Brooklyn anon says
Heartily second Park Slope Parents, or the equivalent for your neighborhood. It’s great for gear, clothes and advice. People also have nanny recommendations on a daily basis. I also love living in Park Slope with kids because everyone is so kid friendly.
However, I do NOT recommend delivering at Roosevelt. It’s a shame bc I like my drs but I would not go there again due to the nursing staff and other bureaucracy. I nearly died due to the inattention of the nursing staff to my hemorrhaging. I also found them not nearly as bfeeding friendly as they claim. Nurses are assigned per room not per patient and they are often understaffed so if you do use them, pay up for the private room ($900/night) for increased medical attention
Lastly, I was extremely impressed by the chivalry of subway passengers. I almost always got a seat immediately, although in the end I tried to arrange my schedule to avoid rush hour
lawmom says
Also, your neighborhood probably has a google or yahoo group for parents- search around online for it. I also made a few mom friends on my maternity leave using a meetup group.
I delivered at NYU and had a fantastic experience.
oil in houston says
this post is perfect, I’ve desperately been looking for a nice nightgown that I can wear now (23w pregnant) and after for nursing. I’m pear shaped so a lot of them just make me look HUGE… any recommendations?
Famouscait says
(I also specifically bought a chemise instead of PJs so I didn’t have to sit directly on it in my hospital bed and instead could scrunch it up around my waist when I was under the covers. If you haven’t delivered yet and are trying to figure out why… well, let’s just say you’ll thank me later.)
Ok, not to be dense…. but I’m expecting my first and I really *don’t* know why a nightgown is better than PJ bottoms! Because sitting on something is uncomfortable? Or because you’ll bleed on it? All of the above?
I like the nightgown but would want to pair it with a lightweight robe for more coverage up top when visitors stop by. However, if the issue above is bleeding, I’ll buy a throw-away because I don’t want to ruin my most-favorite-ever Joise robe. Help, please!
mascot says
Post-delivery, I wore a cute pair of black and white pjs with a nursing tank underneath in the hospital. The medical staff was still able to check me as necessary. I didn’t have any issues that my washing machine couldn’t handle. I also switched out the hospital mesh pantaloons and pads for my own cotton pairs and used the Always infinity pads (much thinner)
Save the light colored robe for a little bit and buy something that you don’t mind if it gets stained. Yes, there is bleeding, plus the baby is a veritable treasure chest of fluids (sorry, it’s true).
Spirograph says
All of the above, but mostly you’ll bleed all over it. Also you may want to sit creatively depending on how things are going in your sitting region, so not having pj bottoms shifting around on you while you do that is helpful. That was all a surprise to me. With all the books and classes and discussions, somehow no one EVER mentioned the post-delivery disposable underwear + diaper pads to me. I made some kind of comment about it to my mom and she said, “I know! No one ever told me I’d have to wear a diaper!” Yes mom, well why didn’t you tell *me*?!
By the time I went home, I switched to regular thin pads and cheap cotton underwear and was much happier.
Carrie M says
Yes, you can bleed on it (there will be A LOT of blood) but also a nightgown is just easier for all the post-labor checks that the nurses will do. (Especially if you get an epidural – it was hard for me to move my legs for hours afterwards – so getting in and out of pants would have been tough.) I think I was checked on every hour for a while. The second day there were fewer checks. And once your milk comes in, you could leak a lot. I was a crazy leaker for weeks; now rarely if ever.
I bought throwaway PJs on clearance on Target to wear at the hospital. I brought underwear with me, but TBH, I just wore the mesh underwear the hospital provided along with pads (and ice diapers for a while!). I second the rec for the Always infinity pads. I wore the meshies for a day or 2 after discharge too (I took several home with me from the recovery room — definitely bring an empty bag to the hospital so you can stock up on all the “goodies” they’ll give you!). After a few days, I finally went back to my regular underwear.
CPA Lady says
Yeah, I was confused by that too. Actually, I kept reading all these articles about what to pack to take to the hospital and they made it sound like you’d be some kind of uncontrollably bleeding fountain and you should expect to ruin everything, including your socks (!!!). I just don’t buy that, especially since my sister told me that she didn’t ruin anything. Of course I expect to bleed A LOT, but I’m just bringing dark colored pj pants and a bunch of depends with me, as I’ve heard those are less likely to shift around and leak than the mesh panties you get at the hospital. Who knows what will happen, though.
Anon says
I didn’t ruin anything either. I actually found that initially the best combination was men’s boxer briefs with a newborn diaper inside. Newborn diaper was big enough to catch everything and boxer briefs were perfect to hold it snuggly in place. The mesh panties freaked me out for some reason – obviously not logical!
I discovered this system because my water broke at home and I didn’t want to get the car and my clothes soaking wet so I put a pair on DH’s boxer briefs on with a newborn diaper under my dress and made it to the hospital in a semi-dignified fashion.
hoola hoopa says
I thought my socks would be safe, but I ruined my favorite pair with my second. Obviously YMMV, but that goes both ways.
hoola hoopa says
Don’t bring your favorite anything.
The reason that nightgowns are preferable is that you’ll be checked fairly often, and it’s easier for everyone when you’re not wearing pants. I also find that pants don’t fit as well with the major pads you’ll be given.
Always overnight extra long pads are my favorite for post partum once you get home. Until then, the diapers with built in ice packs the hospital can provide are lovely. Gross, but helpful.
JJ says
Yep. At least for me (c-section), for the first day they had me sitting on a bed-sized pad under me, in addition to the disposable underwear and pad. There’s lots of blood. I wouldn’t wear anything you don’t mind being ruined the first few weeks, honestly.
(former) preg 3L says
After I delivered, my whole middle was so tender that anything with a waistband (even fully elastic, maternity leggings or pj pants) was painful. That only lasted a few days, but I couldn’t even put on regular underwear — I stuck with the hospital-issued disposable underwear.
FWIW, I found the fluffy pads to be much more comfortable than the Always Infinity pads (which are very absorbent but thin).
Nonny says
Seconded re the tender middle. But I had a C-section. The fact is, you don’t know whether or not you will end up with a C-section, so pack accordingly.
FYI, I ordered a matching nursing nightgown and robe from Mothercare. The price was good and the fabric is a good quality cotton – very comfortable. I am still using both pieces.
Anon says
Baby one is on the way. The husband and I have similar incomes. We maintain separate bank accounts though and the husband wants to combine them. I’m not keen on the idea. I believe women should always have their own bank accounts.
Currently all baby related expenses have been paid by me out of my bank account. Husband feels the obvious solution is to immediately combine incomes. I feel he should show more (some) interest in the things we need for baby, I’ve made all major decisions and while they have been discussed with him he hasn’t brought any ideas or suggestions of his own.
Thoughts on this? Is it unreasonable to want my own bank account? I have investments I brought into the relationship, no debt (husband brought debt in), significantly more savings, and my parents regularly send additional money. Can I give my husband something to do? Even selecting a car seat would save me some work and would encourage him to show a bit more interest.
CHJ says
I’m also a firm believer in women having their own bank accounts. We balance that with family expenses by having three accounts: joint, mine, and his. We also have a joint Amex for all joint expenses, which is then paid out of our joint bank account. We both keep a good amount of our own money and investments in our separate personal accounts. I jokingly call it my “run away” money, but in all seriousness, it’s not a bad fund to have, regardless of how trustworthy your spouse is. That said, all of our baby expenses go through the joint account.
On the picking out baby items front, can you send him Lucie’s List and ask him to get started on an Amazon baby registry? DH combined the Amazon baby registry with Camel Camel Camel to monitor everything for price drops, which he thought was wildly fun, but he loves a good price drop.
Nonny says
First, I agree that you should have your own bank account. Your husband should too. But is there any reason why you can’t have a joint account as well? Here is an example: my SO and I each put 60% of our respective incomes into a joint account from which we pay for bills, mortgage, groceries, etc. And yes, when we were buying things like car seats, those major items came out of our joint account as well.
Absolutely you should give your husband something to do, but gear it to his skills and interests. I don’t know many dads who would be that interested in shopping for baby clothes, but maybe he could research car seats or high chairs or something like that. In my case, once I decided what stroller I wanted, I let my SO do all the research as to where to purchase it. This worked for us because while he didn’t have a strong stroller preference, he did feel quite invested in making sure we got the best price possible.
FWIW, my SO let me do a lot of the baby purchasing because honestly he didn’t mind that much either way – he just wanted me to get what I thought would work best as he acknowledged he knew nothing about it and it would likely impact me more than him. But I get where you are coming from.
anon says
+1 to gearing the SO baby projects to interest. For mine, it’s researching 529 plans and the best prices on the various gear I like, and putting together furniture. I am sure OP and spouse have a balance of what joint tasks work for them in other areas (i.e. one cooks, one does the dishes), so I would just apply that to baby-related tasks.
NewMomAnon says
So…not the question you asked, but an important thing to think about. During my pregnancy, my husband and I did weird rebellious things to indicate that we were still independent (my husband decided to drink heavily and stay out late at night, I spent gobs of money on maternity clothes and ice cream and gained lots of weight). Once the baby came, everything coalesced into this new family unit and now we look back at that stuff and laugh. It didn’t happen immediately, but gradually over the first several months. Controlling “my” money was really important to me, but now I see that it was just a reaction to the reality that my life was about to change dramatically and I was feeling out of control.
We bought a house after the baby was born and needed to pool all of our cash for the downpayment/necessary repairs, so our bank accounts are now combined (but also nearly empty). It’s actually kind of a relief – I don’t have all this infrastructure of “mine/his/ours” to remember and wrangle. It’s just “ours.”
As far as husbands helping select baby gear – my husband handled anything with a power cord. That meant swing, monitor, sound machine, night light, bottle warmer and maybe some other things, but those are the ones I remember. We did our registry over several trips to the store, and relied heavily on recommendations from the sales associates there.
Good luck!
anon says
I think you should do what you’re comfortable with (which sounds like having your own bank account, and maybe a joint one). I don’t see why you are paying for all baby expenses (takes two to tango…). We are common potters, and I make all financial and investment decisions – which suits both us and we are both happy with (although I worry about what he’ll do to the accounts if I die – oh well).
Also – I don’t know how it is for everyone, but my husband is just not that interested in baby things. He doesn’t really care about the stroller or the carseat or the swing or the right wrap or the right bottles or anything like that. He doesn’t really want to do the research, and he certainly doesn’t want to shop. Usually I narrowed it down to two-three options and presented them to him. But, now that the kids are here, he does lots of other things, many of which I don’t want to do, like cook them dinner, give them baths, wrestle them and chase them around and all kinds of other things. Again, not for everyone, but we divided based on general interest and ability and went from there.
JJ says
I agree with all this. I’d also add that women have to come to terms with a pregnancy and future baby the minute the test is positive. Our lives change that instant. Men get nine months (give or take) to come to terms with a new baby. It definitely took until I was *very* pregnant before the baby became “real” to my husband and him to act as invested as I was. Now, however, I couldn’t ask for a more engaged and helpful husband and father.
mascot says
+1. Between pregnancy and breast feeding, my husband definitely felt like I had significant head start on bonding with our child. He’s more than caught up and it is an equal partnership now, but there was a lag in the beginning.
Nonny says
+2. This is exactly what happened with us too. But now my SO is such an amazing dad – I knew all along he would be, but I think he surprised himself.
Tunnel says
PSA: Motherhood Maternity is having a Buy 3, Get 1 Free special on career separates. I’m not particularly in love with their clothes in general, but it’s worth a look since it can be so hard to find work appropriate maternity wear.