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Sales of note for 5.5.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
AwayEmily says
I’ve been waiting to ask this and today is the day…is the Snoo worth renting? Some context: this is my third kid (others will be 4 and 5 when she’s born). Due in February. Assuming we get the okay from our pediatrician again, we will sleep train at around 12 weeks.
For both our previous kids, the newborn stage (and the accompanying sleep deprivation) was very rough (and one of the biggest reasons we hesitated so long about the third), and I anticipate it will be even worse now that we’re both over 40. I don’t live in an area where there are used Snoos for sale (I’ve checked FB marketplace, Craigslist, and am on a couple of moms listservs and haven’t seen any), or where I anticipate being able to resell it, so rental is probably the way to go. As you can probably tell, I’m leaning towards it…but would be very interested in hearing your experiences.
Anonymous says
I loved it. I want an adult snoo for me. Not every baby likes it but if you can afford it I think it is worth a shot.
Anokha says
We didn’t have a Snoo for our first, but did for our second, and I generally recommend the Snoo. I’d say that it only made a difference for months 2.5 – 4.5, but I was willing to throw money at the problem, and would happily pay $120/month (or whatever the rental fee is) for an extra 20 minutes/sleep/day for 2 months.
anon. says
YES! If you’re an early sleep trainer read this comment – I had it and think it was **ok** – but not fabulous, because I sleep trained at 10-12 weeks. It might have given my infant a little extra sleep in the 6-10 week period, but not sure if it was really worth it. Anecdotally, it worked very well for friends who used it until the 5-6 month time.
Anon says
Yes, definitely worth it. I borrowed one for baby #2 and I would have happily spent money on it. Baby slept in it until 6 mo old and then transitioned very easily to a crib.
Ifiknew says
We rented and it was perfect like all the bedding etc. Is all new and once I saw all that, I had no concerns about renting.
My kid hated it so it didn’t work for us and I have trouble with the newborn crying so it was perfect to rent and send back after two months. Most people say it works great, so I’d highly recommend trying it by renting.
Anon says
As a counterpoint, I was very interested but ultimately decided against it because 1) it was a very expensive way to solve a problem we didn’t know if we’d have and 2) I was worried about the baby being restrained and unable to turn to their side if they spit up. We went with the Halo instead.
It turned out that we had a good sleeper who was also 100th percentile for height and we had to move her into her crib at 4 months. I was glad we didn’t spend the money.
Anon says
Our baby loved the snoo and is a great sleeper now – not sure how much I can credit the snoo for that but I feel like it did the sleep training for us. :) We bought a used snoo for $850 on FB marketplace (locally) and resold when done it for $900 with lots of sleep sacks and sheets added (and leg extenders) so in the end it didn’t cost us much, maybe $100 in gear? Weaning from it was a breeze. We weaned at 4.5 months due to an upcoming move and baby was very big, but we could probably have kept using it until 5.5 months or so. If you buy used just make sure it’s not a stolen rental – the company disables those (I think you can check the serial number with them).
Anonymous says
One caution I’ve heard is that it can be a royal pain to transition baby to a regular crib when they outgrow the Snoo. One friend had a terrible time and basically had to start from scratch on sleep training.
Anonymous says
Several of my friends have had this problem, and it basically moved their sleep deprivation from the newborn/still on maternity leave stage to when they were back at work and trying to ramp up. A couple of them paid quite a bit for sleep consultants.
Anon says
We had a super easy transition from Snoo to crib, fwiw.
anon says
We had no problem at all. I think the Snoo had turned our baby into a good sleeper and it just continued in the crib. We did weaning mode on the Snoo for a week, then moved him into the crib cold turkey with a noise machine and he kept on sleeping through the night.
Anon says
We had no issue moving baby to the crib.
Lise says
I did not get the Snoo in advance out of hopes that I would have a magic unicorn sleeper (ha). I rented it in desperation at 2 am when my kiddo was 5 weeks old, and it was absolutely worth it! It was the first place he actually let me put him down, and then it gradually turned him into a really good sleeper pretty quickly. The crib transition at 5.5 months was really easy.
Anonymous says
We also held off with our third and he was (and is) a great sleeper. Glad we didn’t spend the money! Maybe wait and see how it goes?
anonamama says
Yes! Yes! I have an inkling we are in the same region, and I had to stalk craigslist FOR.EV.ER to find one, but I did. I think time is on your side here: Snoo has amazing customer service and they could initiate a rental pretty quickly; you still have some time to monitor sites if you want a secondhand one; and you could easily do bassinet for a month or so before transitioning into Snoo. Just the feeling of knowing baby was safe and Snoo was working to calm baby so I could keep my eyes closed for another 5 minutes was so worth it. And also, their customer service is amazing and will help you make the most of it and suggest adjustments that will help baby. good luck!!
TheElms says
We are facing a similar decision and here is our thinking. (I’m due about 2 weeks after you I think). We panic bought a Snoo with our first while in the hospital (and they happened to be having a big sale) and didn’t end up using it. After the first week (ie when the Snoo arrived) it turned out our baby was actually one of those magic unicorns and slept pretty well and a friend was having a horrible time weaning his kid off the Snoo. So I thought it was better to not have to deal with the weaning later. I think it would have been helpful for the 4 month sleep regression but by then it was questionable whether my giant kid would have fit in it. We resold it for what we paid but it was annoying to deal with.
This time we are not going to buy a Snoo. If baby is a good sleeper we will just do what we did last time. If baby is a normal or worse than normal sleeper we’ll rent a Snoo and try it. Even though I’m in an area with lots of used Snoos and they are easy to resell, renting seems easier than buying used because if the Snoo doesn’t end up working for us we can just send it back after a month or so. So I think renting is a great plan.
Alanna of Trebond says
We bought (or maybe rented) a Snoo for a few months and we never used it because it didn’t seem necessary and seemed more trouble than it was worth. Baby slept through the night around 12 weeks.
MBRec says
If you’re going to sleep train as soon as you can (#same) I’d put the money to a night nurse a few nights a week. Not every kid likes the snoo, and its best in the later weeks as you get closer to sleep training.
Anon says
I’m not sure it’s worth it – my first kid always slept the same amount that the Snoo kids did in my baby group.
Anon says
Definitely worth it. We didn’t use one for my oldest because it had just come out and my husband was skeptical. I insisted upon it for Baby #2 and we got a great deal buying it on Black Friday a few years ago. My second was a noticeably better newborn sleeper than my oldest. I think some of it was his temperament and size (he was 9+ pounds), but I witnessed the Snoo lulling him back to sleep more than once in the middle of night or halfway through a nap and that was worth every penny to me. He transitioned to his crib at ~4 months with no issues.
Anon says
It was definitely worth it for us. First was a mediocre sleeper, but what killed me was the 20+ min I’d spend after each nursing session to make sure he was soundly asleep before putting him back to bed.
Our second had the Snoo to put her back to sleep – it saved me at least 60 min per night.
It stopped working around 4.5 months when she went through a regression, so we did sleep training at 5 months transitioning her to a crib.
AwayEmily says
These comments are fantastic, thank you! I think we’re going to go for it, but definitely renting rather than buying. Honestly even if it only gets me 20 minutes extra sleep a day it’ll be worth it. Both my kids have been pretty decent night sleepers right from the start but horrific nappers, so I’m hoping the Snoo will help with that part.
Anonymous says
I have a theory that babies either sleep at night or nap well, but not both. Mine was a good sleeper at night after about 12 weeks but never took to napping. On the other hand, I have many relatives who live by their kids’ nap schedules and insist on early bedtimes but always complain that they don’t get any sleep at night. I have never heard anyone say that their child was both a good napper and a good night sleeper. Personally, I’d much rather have a night sleeper because I like to sleep at night and I don’t like being tied down by a nap schedule.
Anon says
This is my theory and my preference too. My kid slept through the night around 5 weeks but never took to napping and dropped them completely around age 2. But night sleep is much much more important to me than naps.
anon says
Anyone have experience with a 6 year gap between kids? We both want another kid (and adore the baby/toddler stage), but are trying to figure out if we’ll regret having a preschooler when our other kids are 10 and 11 and interested in different things from a potential much younger sibling.
Anon says
We have a 7-year gap between our youngest and our next-oldest. The first 6 months were the hardest bc a newborn needs so much and our older kids weren’t quite old enough to be self-sufficient, so my husband wasn’t able to help me much because he was handling them. He’s almost 2 now and it’s a easier, but we also don’t really cater to diverse interests -like, they are too old for the playground but we take family playground trips and they play soccer or football while he climbs. He’s not really old enough to enjoy church activities, but they are so he comes and gets entertained with books and running around while they make Advent wreaths or whatever. I actually think it’s a good lesson for them that not every family activity will be optimized for their particular enjoyment.
RR says
Lots of stream of consciousness thoughts here:
I have a 5 1/2 year gap between my twins (almost 14) and my third (8). There are pros and cons. Pros are that the older kids were fantastic with the baby/toddler. And, for us, having a third was fantastic. She really forced us to embrace the chaos in a healthy way. And she was the easiest baby (which is totally anecdata, but I also wonder if our being more laid back helped?). I’ve really enjoyed having a younger one and wasn’t annoyed at having one needing different things. It’s interesting how older siblings can shape a child. My youngest has always had a crazy vocabulary and wanted to be more independent in part because of older siblings. So, it was just a little blip of carrying a baby or toddler around to the older siblings’ activities before the youngest was involved in those same activities. She’s done dance, soccer, swim, etc. at the same time as her older sibs. She adds such childish fun to our lives with teenager drama (super mild really, but even mild teenager drama is not fun).
Cons are that the third is a little on her own. The older two have a bond (mine are twins, but I think two close age siblings are similar). The older my youngest gets, the more she and my older daughter fight. My older daughter is really mean to her younger sister, honestly, but she’s 13, so she’s just mean in general. There’s also something about 3 kids (siblings or not) where two are always pairing up and the third feels left out. Which one is the third wheel does change, so I don’t know that it’s a huge worry. But, having a younger sister at least during the early teen years has been not fun for my older daughter. She is very self-focused(in a totally normal for this age way), and she has a very hard time understanding why the youngest has different expectations at 8 than she has at 13. She feels that life is very unfair, and at times honestly she’s right. I am not exactly the same parent to her 8 year old sister that I was to her and her brother at 8. You just are not going to be, and it’s unfortunate that she’s so aware of it. Also, the older they get, the more the logistics are difficult. The youngest is in elementary with a different schedule while the older two are in middle school and (next year) high school. As they all get older, their interests diverge, so we are running around to dance, golf, gymnastics, track, taekwondo, swimming, etc. for various kids. Vacations are interesting. We went to Europe when the older two were 10 and the youngest was 4. They were really into museums and history, and she was (understandably) not. It generally worked out, but we have lovely pictures of her having a meltdown at Stonehenge while my older two are looking at her in exasperation.
All said, I don’t think you’d regret having a preschooler with the older kids. The preschooler learns so much by tagging along with older siblings.
I also was 4.5 years older than my younger brother. From the older child perspective, I didn’t like him until I was a teenager. But, we eventually became close, and I definitely benefitted from having a sibling.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I don’t have experience as a parent, but I have experience as a sibling. My brother is 6 years younger than me. We are best friends. I remember being OBSESSED with being a big sister, having a baby in the house, “helping”, “Babysitting”, etc. It was probably more of a personality thing…a lot of my extended family told my Mom we’d be too far apart to be close, but that wasn’t the case.
When I’ve asked my Mom, she said she loved it and there were definitely challenges since we were in different places at different times – like, when I went off to college, brother was left home as an “only” child in late elementary/junior high and I think that was hard for him.
anon says
We had a 7 and 9 year old when our bonus twins showed up. Good, bad, and awesome below –
– I enjoyed the baby stage so much more because I knew the hard stuff would end. We all just absolutely soaked up the babies. Also, relatively speaking, I loved the simplicity of a baby’s needs compared to the sometimes more complicated needs of big kids.
– Less irrational sibling rivalry. My 7 year old needed a lot of extra love when the twins showed up, which I could fix by taking him out to a baseball game or schedule a favorite dinner with my husband and I. We could talk honestly about how hard the twins were sometimes, that it was tough on everyone, but that it would get better, and how lucky they were to have each other. Give me this solution ANY day over a 2 year old older sibling who has potty training and sleep regressions due to new baby jealousy, which is what we had when the younger of our older two showed up.
– The big kids kept us out of the baby weeds, which I loved. We had to go at the pace of the big kids — their activities and lives didn’t slow down due to the twins. We already knew so much about how resilient babies are, and the babies were more like cute accessories that came to basketball games, etc. for the big kids.
BUT – the hardest part, and I don’t think this would be the case if we had just one baby, was from about 18 months to maybe 3.5, I had a lot of guilt that the babies were holding back the big kids. There are some activities that are just too hard with 2 two year olds. The big kids were ready to graduate to more adventurous travel, and I sometimes felt guilty that there were just certain things we couldn’t do. Going out for dinner went off the table for a long time, etc. On the advice of this board, we just sucked it up for a year and hired babysitters CONSTANTLY so I could watch the big kids’ games or activities or go out to eat. I can’t even imagine how much money we threw at sitters, on top of more expensive big kid activities. Similarly, during that time, I used to watch my big kids playing quietly and independently, and miss the simplicity of two solo big kids while my toddlers were ripping the house apart. Again, this probably wouldn’t be the case if there was just one baby, so YMMV. Also, I struggled with the toddler years with my big kids — this age just isn’t my happiest time anyway, but it was compounded with guilt that my big kids were being negatively impacted too.
But, eventually the twins became awesome preschoolers and elementary school kids, and now they are a fearless fourpack. I’m grateful every single day they have each other. Also, with teens, even when my big kids and my husband and I are THE WORST, they still love their babies so dang much, it’s ridiculous.
anon says
Adding to the above, I don’t regret doing it for one second. Looking back, that tough time was really short in the grand scheme of child rearing, and my big kids honestly don’t remember it (nor do they feel like they missed out — we did our best never to articulate our worries to them). My mom’s family has a similar age gap, and as adults, they are all still very close. My big kids got a ton of independence due to the twins, and I think they are more responsible older teens because of it. Having the younger ones also seems to diminish the teen shenanigans because the older kids are so much more aware of having impressionable younger kids around who absolutely idolize them.
Colorado says
Yep! Two daughters 6 years apart almost to the day. I found years 0-2.5 to be easiest, and now that the little one is a threenager, it’s harder. I have days where I love the gap–it allows me to be in two places mentally at once (elementary school reading and math, youth sports but also magnatiles and play kitchen). Other days I think the gap is hard–older kiddo wants to do stuff without younger sis, drop offs at two different schools for the foreseeable future, fears around older kiddo feeling left out once she leaves for college and younger kiddo still has several years at home. All that said, I have never once regretted having number 2, and recently have been debating a third. I’m worried I’ll wait another 2 years and then start all over with a 12 year age gap!
Anonymous says
As an older sibling, I can assure you it’s extremely unlikely that the older one will feel left out when she leaves for college.
Colorado says
Thank you!! That’s a relief!
Anonanonanon says
I was in boarding school (my choice) and college out of state and I USUALLY didn’t feel left out but my family took some pretty big trips without me that kind of stung. Like.. to Hong Kong and Hawaii, for example. Didn’t cause life-long resentment or anything but it did hurt my feelings a bit. Other than that, I was always very aware that I got my solo time on the front end and my brother got it on the back end and he more than deserved it for being shuttled around constantly to my activities.
Anonanonanon says
I am 6 years older than my brother and it was great. We are opposite genders and were far apart enough in age that there was never anything to fight about from my point of view.
My kids are 8 years apart. It’s not great. My son wanted a sibling but the reality was not what he wanted I guess. Going from an independent family that could easily travel to being held back by baby/toddler sleep and mood needs was a huge adjustment for us all. I think it caused a lot of resentment in him. She adores him and honestly, he’s pretty shi**t to her at times, which is 100% out of character for him. We make efforts to spend one-on-one time with him, we don’t ask him to help with her very often if at all, etc. but he only sees the negatives. He definitely subconsciously sets out to antagonize her.
I obviously don’t regret having her but I’m very disappointed in my son’s attitude about it and I’m sure he’s very disappointed in us and that’s just not a fun situation to be in. Also, when one kid is in elementary school and childcare costs are presumably reduced from the daycare days, it stings to write that $2,000/month preschool check.
All of that to say, it could be great and it could be not great and there is no way of knowing!
Anon says
hugs. how old is the younger one right now? DH has a sister who is 3 years younger than him and a brother 12 years younger (all the same parents) and at age 12 was not happy about gaining a sibling, particularly since by that age he understood how babies were made and accused his parents of being irresponsible…ha.
Anonanonanon says
HAHA! At least we haven’t gotten that lecture yet.
She is 3. He’s 11 so there are a lot of ~feelings~ in general at this stage. I’m sure it’s hard to suddenly not be the center of the universe (and I say that 100% not sarcastically). He just antagonizes her subconsciously then repeats the behavior no matter how many times we calmly discuss it. For example, he’ll instigate a game of chase or hide and seek that she loves then 2 minutes in stop playing suddenly, and won’t explain to her that he’d like to stop. That is obviously going to upset a 3-year-old so just don’t start a game if you don’t feel like you can play it for a bit! Or if she gets up to go to a bathroom he’ll come sit in her seat then not acknowledge her when she wants it back then gets mopey and put out when we have him give her seat back. That kind of thing which, as OP pointed out, is very hard to respond to appropriately when you’re cooking dinner on a weeknight. It’s disheartening because other than dealing with his sister he is genuinely such a pure and sweet heart. No one expected this from him.
Anon says
if it makes you feel any better, my close in age kids behave like this too
anon says
I’m the mom with two older and two younger above. At this age, I got a lot of mileage out of leaning into how hard it is to have younger ones around with the older kids. When we noticed a lot of animosity directed at the younger ones, we could sometimes temper it by taking the older kid out alone (counterintuitive to hire a babysitter for only half your kids, but it was just a moment in time that this was necessary), and let the kid vent about the younger one. I think giving the older kids space to say it’s not always easy gave them more peace with the younger kid, and leaning into cool stuff for the older kid that the younger one can’t do (babysitter at home for babies, big kids get to go out for a burger and stay up “late”).
This statement is definitely not directed at your situation, but I remember finding it frustrating how people would always pearl clasp at my older kids remarking on how tough having younger kids around, but we are fine this type of talk when it’s adults talking about how hard it is to have babies.
Anon says
I had a classmate who was a “change of life baby” as they were called back then, and was born when her only sibling was 16. They were actually pretty close, although it’s obviously not a normal sibling relationship, he’s more like an uncle or something. I don’t know if it worked well because he was almost out of the house by the time she was born, but he never seemed resentful or mad. They were both kind of only children, since they only overlapped at home for two years, but as adults they have each other.
My husband and I are 98% one and done but we joke we’re going to have a second when our first becomes an angsty tween. Not really, because I’ll be ~42 then, but a large age gap has always seemed way more appealing to me than a small one. Kids get a lot of individual attention as children but then have each other in adulthood seems like a win-win.
Anonymous says
Currently in the throes of tween angst here. I have never been happier not to have another child to deal with.
Anonanonanon says
Thank you Anonymous at 1:26. The tween angst is real. My kid was the type who thought every day was the “best day ever!” until tween years hit and now I’ve never seen anyone so determined to be miserable!
Anon says
Yeah I guess I was thinking I would like a sweet snuggly baby and adorable toddler to distract me from the tween misery, like it would be nice to have one kid at least who likes me? But maybe that’s naive. We got a good sleeper the first time and I know it might not happen again, but 0-2.5 was a really blissful stage for us the first go round and I can see myself having a real longing for that stage when I have a tween slamming doors and being grumpy all the time. I know every kid and parent is different though.
anon says
My kids are five years apart. Not by choice, exactly, but that’s just how it worked out!
The pros:
– They’re in such different stages that I feel like we’ve managed to escape a lot of the sibling rivalry that other families deal with.
– I really loved and appreciated my youngest’s babyhood because I’d been there before and knew how fleeting it was, even during the hard times.
– Agree with the previous poster who said that having an older kid keeps you from getting sucked into the baby vortex. Life keeps on going!
– Younger kid is now in elementary school. Hearing my older kid talk to younger kid about school things and sort of mentoring her (that’s a generous way of putting it) is really sweet.
– As a mom, it stretches out the fun stuff! Like my oldest is sort of over the little-kid holiday activities he enjoyed when he was younger, but the younger one is hitting her stride. I get to keep doing the fun stuff for longer, yay!
The cons:
– The lack of common interests/stages can be a real bummer at times, not gonna lie. This is a small example, but even something like finding a family movie that interests them both can be hard. Our sweet spot is outdoor activities.
– I sometimes worry that I have too much of a “been there, done that” attitude when it comes to the younger one’s milestones.
– The toddler years were tough, but I found them tough with our older kid, too. We did so much dividing and conquering during that phase because the younger one couldn’t keep up, and we didn’t want to completely limit what older one got to do.
– The older sibling sometimes lacks patience with what the younger one is capable of, how she’s going to react to things, etc. So there’s a lot of really annoying bickering going on. Not outright physical fights or rivalry, but the petty stupid arguments are tiresome.
Overall, I would recommend it and have no regrets. I think I’m a better mom to kids in different stages than I would be to kids that are very close in age.
Anon says
it is so kid dependent. honestly, i have twins who are obviously the same age, but have VERY different interests and strengths. one really likes pretend play, one likes to dance/move around all the time. one is petrified of every single movie (including Curious George), while the other enjoys them. one is more of an indoor cat, one loves the outdoors. one has much better hand/eye coordination and stamina than the other, and there are things one can do that the other can’t. one loves sensory activities and could do them for hours, one is done after 5 minutes. obviously different challenges than siblings who are far apart in age, but especially in these younger years, even with siblings who are very very close in age, they aren’t necessarily at the same stage nor do they necessarily have the same interests.
Anonanonanon says
I’m sorry but the Curious George thing made me lol. I love it. Objectively, I can see it being terrifying that there is this monkey running around causing trouble? And he lives alone with a man and how did that man even get the monkey? Is he OK? and the stress caused by George’s antics is A LOT!
Anon says
we literally cannot watch anything. the Clifford tv show is too scary as well, despite liking the books. i tried showing an Arthur Thanksgiving episode and you’d think we were watching an actual horror film. even some episodes of Bluey. To be honest, i myself am a total scaredy cat with movies/tv so i guess she gets it from me.
Anon says
+1 My best friend had her two kids 15 months apart but they have extremely different personalities and skills, so she has a lot of the issues people describe above with large age gap siblings.
Anonanonanon says
The holiday thing is a great pro, thank you for pointing that out. My older one still loves the holiday season and our traditions and gets excited about it all but it’s been fun for all of us to have one that is really into Santa for the first time this year!
DLC says
We have a five year age gap. (And then a two and half year gap, putting the oldest eight years older than the youngest). The baby is a blast and a PITA all at the same time.
So many great thoughts and points above, but here’s the thing… if one really wants another kid, they are probably going to regret not having that child a lot more than inconvenience of the large age gap. Nothing is insurmountable about having the other kid. (I mean I’m guessing for the demographics on this borad, at least). And there are challenges whichever way you go with baby spacing. And a lot of joys too.
ifiknew says
I’ll dissent here. I was 6 years older than my younger sister. It was great in the sense that we never fought and i loved helping and taking care of her as a baby. I had a TON of resentment though and still kind of carry that as an adult even though my parents and my sister are all amazing people that I love dearly. My parents spent a LOT of time catering to what she needs like she was the lowest common denominator i.e. we mostly did things that she could also participate in, which really held me back in my childhood. Also my mom was so busy with all the baby / toddler /preschooler things that I felt like they werent as involved in my life? I know they tried their best and as immigrants, they didnt have the option of family help or babysitters etc. They absolutely tried their best at the time, and I am SO glad to have a sister, but i’m 32 and we are still at very different life stages.
My kids are 2 years apart almost to the day, specifically because of how much I did not like having a sibling 6 years younger. It has a lot of its own very intense challenges (getting better as they get older as everyone here told me), but man am I glad to see them entertain each other, being able to travel, eat out, same dropoffs, similar activities etc. My daughter also had no jealousy at age 2 and adored a baby brother, I think she would be a lot more jealous now at 4.5 if there was another sibling, but this might be very kid dependent.
Anon says
That sounds like bad parenting and i think you’re reading way too much into it to assume this is because of the age gap. A 2 year age gap can cause plenty of resentment if the parents behave the way yours did. And 2 is definitely not too young to struggle with a transition to a new sibling. They don’t verbalize the way a 6 year old would, but it can lead to acting out, increased hitting, potty training regressions and plenty of other struggles.
ifiknew says
Agreed on all fronts. just giving my perspective the way everyone else here did that said big age gap was great. For example, if the OP didn’t have the family help or the ability to get a lot of babysitters, it could be challenging on the older kids to be held back.
Anonymous says
Agree. My sister is only three years younger, but my parents still heavily favored her and also denied me developmentally appropriate experiences like summer camp just because they were controlling and cheap. Bad parenting is bad parenting no matter the age gap.
ifiknew says
Agree on all fronts. I was just giving my perspective the way others here did that said large age gaps were great. for example, if the OP doesn’t have family or the ability to hire sitters, it might be hard on the older kids to feel held back by the younger ones (or the older kids might not feel that way depending on how they and the parents are). Again, everything is very kid and parent dependent, but just offering another perspective.
Cora says
My sister is 6 years younger than me and I think it works well. We’re very close as adults, and friends now, but growing up there was a little more of almost an “older cousin” vibe. My parents always told me that she was MY little sister and I felt very involved. I was a bit of a bossy kid with her tbh. Her handwriting is very similar to mine in part because I taught her to write. I do think its a different dynamic than having a cousin close to your age, and she always and still feels like my baby sister, but all in a good way.
Root canal says
I have to get a root canal today – ughhh. Thought I wouldn’t have to but looks like I do. Any tips? Is it as terrible as I think it will be??? I’m embarrassed too, which is its own thing!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve had two. It wasn’t as big of a deal as people say it is. Local anesthesia for both and I didn’t feel anything, it was just kind of loud. I got crowns put in on top of those teeth. You shouldn’t be embarrassed – some people are just prone to more cavities. And I mean, it never comes up in normal day to day conversation for me!
Anonymous says
I have had two, and frankly yes they are pretty terrible (worth it once the pain goes away and you can comfortably chew again, but beware there will probably be pain afterwards longer than you think there should be). I recommend bringing AirPods or headphones or something pleasant to listen to so you don’t have to hear the drilling.
Also don’t be embarrassed, there are plenty of reasons people need root canals and they are definitely not related to poor hygiene. Both of mine are from cracked teeth due to grinding.
Anonanonanon says
Won’t be bad! I’m a natural redhead so it takes forever to numb me so just be honest about if you can feel when they poke you with the thingy. Also, be VERY picky about the crown! If it’s the slightest bit off you’ll get a headache and sore jaw etc. I learned the hard way. I say that because it can take a while to get it right and I’m the type to eat the wrong food the waiter brought even if I hate it rather than say something, but definitely speak up.
Don’t be embarrassed. So many women need them after pregnancy/BFing (I swear my first just sucked my teeth out of my head into the womb or something)
OP says
Thanks all! This makes me feel better!
And this is totally a post pregnancy root canal. My teeth were disaster after this one! Thank you for even just mentioning that!
Anon says
It is a real thing! I never had cavities in my entire life and then after being pregnant I had six cavities (same dentist, so not a scammy guy wanting to drill for no reason), and then no more cavities since then. My dentist said it’s a myth pregnancy harms your teeth but I know SO MANY people with the same story as me so I don’t believe him.
Anonymous says
Constant vomiting really does a number on tooth enamel.
Anon says
I never vomited though! Never even really got nauseous. I did have heartburn and I wondered if that was a factor.
Anonanonanon says
I hear about it all the time, it’s definitely a thing. I, too, had never had a cavity in my life and my teeth have never been the same since my first pregnancy!
Anon says
Ha, my (female) dentist said that it definitely was a factor in tooth and mainly gum issues. Nursing matters, too.
Anon says
I had one once and and it was basically just like a more involved cavity filling. I was upset but it was really no big deal. You got this!
Boston Legal Eagle says
On the siblings front – do you intervene when your kids are just bickering with each other (which often leads to one or both screaming)? We tend to insert ourselves into our kids’ (5 and 3) arguments and definitely separate them when they get physical, but I’m wondering if we’re intervening too much? I know sibling disputes are normal and common but it’s just so annoying to listen to. I read Siblings Without Rivalry (probably need to read it again) and don’t try to take sides, but often end up yelling at both of them to just stop talking. Which may just give this more attention?
AwayEmily says
My intervention strategy is HIGHLY dependent on my own energy and reserves, and I am okay with that. This morning mine (also 5 and 3) were bickering about who got to put their piggy bank in a particular spot on a shelf. I was well-rested and so did the whole “looks like we have a problem here!” and got each of them to tell me their sides, and then think through possible solutions, and we ended up finding a new spot for one of the banks, and everyone was happy. This is the approach the books (Siblings Without Rivalry and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings) recommend and I do have to say that it really, really works. It defuses the anger and also gives them skills that I then see them using on their own.
BUT that being said if they had the same argument at 5:30pm when I was in the middle of cooking dinner, I guarantee I would not have had the energy for all that and instead would have said “ENOUGH! You are going to play separately for a bit. Here, you color, and you play with Magnatiles on the other side of the room.”
Laura Markham (the author of Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings) did a guest episode or two on the “3 in 30 takeaways for moms” podcast that you could listen to — she walks through really concrete steps for dealing with sibling conflict, which I found helpful. But I definitely don’t hold myself to that standard all the time.
anon says
This is basically exactly how our parenting works out with our 4yo twins.
DonutDay says
All I have to say is bless you, AwayEmily for being honest that despite knowing the “right” approach we don’t always have the energy to do it. I often feel like a failure for that wherein I probably should just celebrate the times I get it right.
Anon says
+1 (ages 6, 4, and baby) Ideally, I try to stay out of it, but in reality I frequently need to monitor or intervene because my older one is impulsive and will fly off the handle/hit very fast. But I aim to be a coach, rather than a referee (I usually manage it about 50% of the time but it still feels like the strategy is “working”…gradually)
Spirograph says
“My intervention strategy is HIGHLY dependent on my own energy and reserves, and I am okay with that. ” This exactly.
I love the Siblings Without Rivalry ideal, and agree that it works really well when done right, but I just don’t always have the time, energy, etc to execute on it. I’d say to be aware of the “right” strategies, and then do the best you can.
iifknew says
Great advice as always. How does this work though if one child is not yet fully verbal ha. My little one is 2.5 so wouldnt be able to articulate as fully why he wants what older sister has etc.
Anon says
you try to help translate and practice this so that by the time your little one is more verbal it hopefully goes more smoothly
Anonymous says
I know there have been a lot of holiday bonus questions, I have one more! Our school collects a fund for teachers but I don’t think the aftercare program is included as it’s a separate company and a separate cost. Due to COVID the only person we know from it is the organizer, who is also the greeter at pickup. I was thinking of doing a target gift card for her, but what about the other people that work there (who I don’t know and never see, but definitely exist?). I’m not sure how I would get gifts to them or even how many people there are. If’s 2-3 that is doable but if it’s more than that I’m not sure what we would do- that many target gift cards gets expensive. My kids are too young to give accurate information about who watches them. Thoughts?
Anonymous says
I used to work as a tutor at a pricey chain center. Lots of parents would give holiday gifts to the program’s director and assistant director because those were the people with whom the parents interacted. This used to bug me because most parents didn’t even acknowledge the tutors who actually worked with their children. The handful of times a kid wrote me a card thanking me for what she’d learned or the confidence she’d gained, it made a real impression. All this goes to say, please don’t give gifts to management because it’s an insult to the staff who are hands-on with your child. If your child has a favorite staff member, have them write that person a nice card.
Anonymous says
Adding: If you really want to do a gift, a selection of nice snacks with a note specifying that they are for the whole staff would be appreciated. Without such a note, and maybe even with a note, the snacks will get kept for the office staff. The young folks who work at these programs get hungry. At least we did.
anne-on says
Any reason you can’t ask the organizer how many people there are working there total and then plan? It’s been a while but when my kiddo was in daycare with all the teachers subbing in we did $50-$75 for his ‘main’ teacher and smallish ($10-$15) starbucks gift cards for all the others. We also asked if we could cater a meal for the entire center and that went over REALLY well – nothing super expensive, we did a tray of deli sandwiches, chips, and salads but people very much appreciated it. Maybe a nice cookie tray& fruit + boxes of coffee for the tutors given the time?
Anonymous says
Agree. Depending on how many people, you could get a stack of $10 starbucks or dunkin gift cards to be distributed. Or if there are too many for that to be within budget, you could get some big packs of chips or granola bars and some cans of soda or something to be put out and shared.
Anonymous says
Help! My 14-month-old has started refusing to sit in her high chair for meals and snacks. She sits at a very low table at daycare that she can leave when she’s done, but for a variety of reasons, that’s not practical for us (no space for another table, she’s not quite walking, she needs close supervision around our pets, and tbh, I don’t want to deal with her food mess spread out over a large area). I’m guessing she doesn’t like being strapped in, but there’s not much we can do about that right now. We’ve tried taking the seat off her high chair to use as a booster seat and pushing her right up to the table, but that didn’t work.
Ideas?
Anonymous says
Refusing how? If she resists being buckled in to the high chair, it’s a lot easier to wrestle them in if you completely remote the tray rather than trying to slide them in behind it. Use the 5-point harness.
Anonymous says
*remove*
Anonymous says
She goes flat as a board, kicks, and flails her arms. She is very strong, and it’s hard for one person to wrestle her in. We’ve never put the tray on until she’s buckled in – it wouldn’t be possible to get her buckled in with the tray on.
Anonymous says
In that case I’d just keep doing all hands on deck with both parents as long as necessary. Eventually she’ll realize that resistance is futile and move on to complaining about something else.
Anonymous says
Lol, I’ll tell my husband’s boss that he needs to be home by 5:30 every night to help double team our child.
Anonymous says
Move dinner later.
anon says
Maybe try distraction — play a favorite song or make up a dinnertime song? Just a suggestion because forcing a flailing kid stinks and with some kids just makes the problem more of a sticking point. And 2 parents having to do a normal daily task doesn’t work for us either.
AnonATL says
We had this problem starting at about a year and still deal with it on and off now at 16 months. It varies from throwing food to trying to climb out. We just strap him in and if he starts throwing food or fingerpainting with it, we take him out of the chair and try again in 15 minutes or so if we think he’s still hungry.
He’s gotten significantly better but we have to correct him periodically.
Anonymous says
Glad to hear it’s not just my kid. We tolerate fingerpainting, but not throwing food. Thanks!
Pogo says
Ours does this too. We taught him the signs for “all done” and “more” and we really respect the “all done” and get him out. It has reduced, but not eliminated, the food throwing and attempts to get out of the chair.
OP says
Lol, so she uses more, drink, and all done, and it was working well. Her favorite game right now is to sign “all done,” and then either throw a fit when we remove her tray OR try to grab everything on her plate before we remove it from her tray and shove it in her mouth as she laughs hysterically.
GCA says
This is completely normal – both my kids went through phases of this around that age. Around 18 months we did away with the high chair entirely – you could try a plastic booster seat that attaches to a chair. We have a bench on which they can sit/ kneel (depending on your safety/ mess tolerance – it worked for us because we live in a pretty small space and I’m usually within arm’s reach).
Anonymous says
Thanks, this is helpful. I think once she’s steadier on her feet, we’ll feel a little more comfortable using a sturdy chair she can kneel on without tipping it over because getting down from it won’t be an automatic faceplant.
CCLA says
Once they’re steady, a good alternative is a Stokke chair (we have and love the Stokke Steps but I know others like the Tripp Trapp). The Steps looks looks a lot like a regular chair if you just buy the chair piece without the tray attachments, the base is wide so v difficult to tip, and the footrest allows them not only to get good ergonomics but also to climb in and out. I think we started using around age 2 but could probably do earlier; still going strong at age 5.
Anonymous says
Thanks, the base of our high chair basically turns into a knockoff version of the Steps, so we can try that, too.
anon says
I agree it is a lot easier to have them strapped in because the wandering around with food thing is annoying and with pets it is problematic. My almost 2yo will now sit with just a lap buckle in a sort of booster thing (the high chair detached from the rolly base, and that has just a lap belt). She’s fine with the lap buckle. I don’t think you should worry about having a small separate table for her; in fact, most of what I’ve read on getting kids to eat “well” encourages sitting down at the same table as your little ones and eating together. I think a basic booster with a lap belt might be your best bet. Neither of mine really liked the bulky high chair seat as a booster.
OP says
Thanks, we must have a similar high chair. I’ll try taking off the back tonight so it’s just the seat with lap belt. We definitely can’t just sit down and eat and let her do her own thing until she’s ready to eat, since she can’t be unsupervised around our pets.
Anon says
My youngest went through this recently at around the same age. We transitioned to the Ingenuity booster seat strapped to a regular kitchen chair, since anything to do with the highchair annoyed him.
Anonymous says
Set the food on the table and sit down and eat your dinner. Get a Stokke so she can climb up herself and then IGNORE HER.
You decide: what, when and where food is served.
She decides how much and whether. Let her be hungry. It won’t actually hurt her.
Anonymous says
I see red every time I read this advice here. No, not eating actually does hurt kids. If you have a stubborn picky eater, if you let them refuse to eat for long enough they eventually go into a starvation mode where they don’t even have an appetite for foods they supposedly like. Avoiding eating also reinforces texture aversions, fears of choking, etc. Kids need to eat. Ellyn Satter is a menace.
Anonymous says
Thanks for saying this. We also can’t just eat and ignore her while she roams the house.
Anon says
Actually you can. I commented below, but my daughter was rarely hungry for dinner at this age and after coming home from school she was exhausted and wanted to crawl around our living room with her own toys rather than be confined in a high chair, so we usually let her. We have an open floor plan and can see the living room from the kitchen, but if you’re worried you could invest in a playpen that could keep her contained in the same room as you and away from pets. Also, is eating after she goes to bed an option? We would often just serve my kid a “dinner” that was really more like a snack (fruit, crackers and cheese, something like that) and then eat a proper dinner ourselves later. I think you’re likely to do more harm than good to her relationship with food and meals if you force her to sit in a high chair while you eat a full meal if she isn’t really hungry and doesn’t want to be there.
Anonymous says
I’m sure you can understand then that as a person who is recovering from an eating disorder that the advice to FORCE a child to sit and eat against their will makes me “see red” as well.
I’m sorry your child is medically fragile, but making every mealtime a battle of wills or forcing myself to gag down food to please someone else would end with me dead. Making sure kids who CAN recognize hunger signals learn that meals can be enjoyable is more important to me than your discomfort. Because I’m still alive and my kid maybe doesn’t eat everything, but she has never been forced to.
Anonymous says
No one’s saying they’re forcing their kid to put food in their mouths. The parents are still deciding what/when/where food is served. There’s more to dinnertime than food, though. Family dinners are also important for language skills, social skills, etc. If my kid just wants to spend 5-10 min investigating her broccoli and learning the names of foods on her plate while the rest of us eat because she loaded up at snack time, that’s fine.
Anon says
Kids need to eat, but it’s also normal for toddlers not to eat much at dinner. Ask the pediatrician, but if they’re eating fine otherwise the pediatrician will likely say it’s normal for a kid to just skip dinner on their on volition .
anon says
Completely agree. Her advice backfired so, so badly on us.
Anonymous says
Threading won’t let me reply to 4:05. Forcing your child to be at the table is forcing your child.
I’m the one arguing to let the kid hang out with their vegetables and come and go. If they’re hungry they’ll join you to eat.
Anon says
It actually won’t hurt most kids to not eat if they don’t like the food that’s offered. There are definitely exceptions and for some kids with special needs, or even neurotypical kids who are extremely sensitive and/or strong-willed on this front, the advice may not be appropriate and may even be harmful. But I think that’s true of most parenting advice, and doesn’t make it bad in general. As with everything, you have to adjust to your specific situation, possibly in consult with your pediatrician.
I think the point about learning to sit through a family meal is entirely separate from the issue of whether the kid eats and in my opinion 14 months is way too young to be concerned about that. At that age my daughter routinely ate nothing or ate like half a strawberry for dinner because she’d gotten a lot of calories during the day at school, and she wanted to play and unwind from the structured school day. We let her play on the floor near us while we ate. It was far easier than fighting her, and years later her table manners are perfectly normal for her age. You have many years to teach table manners and dinnertime conversation skills, you really don’t have to do it while your child is still practically an infant.
Anon says
I would let my kid get down and go play while we ate. They usually come back after a minute and sit in the high chair.
Anon says
Yes, I definitely think there’s an element of reverse psychology here and being all blase like “sure, go play!” can actually entice them to come eat. Or just ignoring them and going about your own meal. Toddlers always want to b*tt in to situations where they feel left out, lol.
Anonymous says
Photo storage question. All our family photos are on Dropbox, but I’m out of space there. I already pay for iCloud storage and I have a Google account so I’m wonder if I should move all my photos to one of those (let’s be honest, this is unlikely to happen), or pay for additional Dropbox storage. I could also just leave all my old family photos at Dropbox and start using a different cloud storage option going forward. What would you do?
Anonymous says
We pay for extra google storage and keep everything there. I always find it easy to keep everything in one place. If you know you’re unlikely to migrate existing files, I would stick with what you’re already using and just upgrade your storage on dropbox.
What you *should* do is comb through the photos and delete the ones you don’t need/want to free up space. (I say, with thousands of photos I will probably never look at again sitting in my google photos…)
Anon says
Prime members have free unlimited photo storage. I know this crowd is anti the behemoth, but it is one of my favorite “perks”.
Anon says
Looking for two recs: a durable sled and a sleeping bag.
Would love a sleeping back to last us years and years. Likely just for indoor fun and maybe a camping trip or two (not my thing). For 5 and 8 yo. Regular size? Adult?
Re: the sled, something that will hold up. We live in a place with a long, legit winter.
Anonymous says
You need different sleeping bags for indoor and outdoor use. The outdoor one needs to be insulated appropriately for the temperature and water-resistant because there will often be condensation in the tent. Child-sized will keep them warmer. For indoor use, you need what used to be called a “slumber bag”–rectangular, not water-resistant, and relatively lightweight. If you use a real sleeping bag indoors you will get very hot unless the thermostat is at like 55 degrees. I have found these in the bedding section at Target (kid-sized) and at PB Teen (adult-sized).
Spirograph says
We have exactly the same sleeping bag use case and are getting adult sized sleeping bags rated for 45-50F+. This is what I had as a kid (and actually still have that sleeping bag. LL Bean holds up!) and it was totally fine for slumber parties, summer sleepaway camp, and camping in a pop-up camper into early autumn. My mom just made us wear socks and hats if it was going to be too chilly. I probably unzipped the side for slumber parties, but I stick my feet out of the blanket even when I’m sleeping in a normal bed.
I’ve found sleds are really hit or miss. Like, even with the same brand & model, one will be a lot faster or sturdier-feeling. We have some $5 ones from Marcs that are surprisingly good. Unless you want to go all-out and get a nice toboggan, I’d just experiment with whatever plastic ones you see in the store.
Anon says
I’ve had bad experiences with $$$$ sleds that didn’t hold up despite their price point, so now we just buy a $20 Target or Walmart sled and consider it a disposable that will last for one season only.
Anonymous says
we have the llbean sonic snow tube. Highly recommend.
Car Seat Covers says
Any recommendations for car seat covers for the winter- Midwest style? We have the Nuna Pipa, and it would really just be for very short transitions (car to door, basically). She seems to be fairly cosy – when I’ve taken walks with her when it’s brisk with both the stroller and car seat hoods up, she sweats a lot, so I was thinking just something lightweight to break the wind/snow/rain.
Anon says
I’m assuming you’re talking about an infant in a bucket seat? We’re in the Midwest and never bought a cover. We used a blanket sometimes.
Anon says
I used one of the may fleece baby blankets that people had given us.
ElisaR says
stroller blanket from pottery barn
Anonymous says
We had the Britax bucket carseat and used the fleece cold weather Britax cover that we were gifted when it was really cold (upper Midwest). That was back when we weren’t allowed into daycare, and often had to wait in line in the morning for a staff member to bring LO in. We got a lot more use out of the separate Britax rain cover we were also gifted.
Anon says
In the Chicago area. When the kids were in bucket seats, we didn’t do winter coats. Instead we used the JJ Cole car seat cover thing and that kept them toasty enough without a coat. I think Skip Hop has a similar one now. It uses elastic around the edge of the car seat so it’s really easy to put on and remove when the days ping pong between warm and freezing.
Hormones says
As I enter pre-menopause, my hormones have gone insane. For like 10 days a month (basically ovulation through day 2 of my period), I am just a mess. Crying, emotional, and – hardest of all – irrationally angry. The post above about how you parent in a good frame of mind is a great example. For most of the month, I can very sanely handle my kids and feel good about my parenting. For 10 days, I am just a constant mess, and it is an all out struggle to not react to absolutely everything negatively. It is starting to impact my family. Has anyone dealt with this, and handled it chemically? In talking to my mom, she had a similar pre-menopause series of years, and I remember her like this – she just yelled a lot. It was tough on my otherwise really good relationship with her, and I’d like to be pro-active in addressing it. I have an appointment scheduled with my OB, but would love to hear from others who have gone through this and found a solution.
Anonymous says
I was prescribed anti anxiety medication for this (buspirone- avoiding addictive ones like Xanax). For me it’s more like 2-5 days and I take as needed. Other options we explored were regular anti depressants either full time or just in the second half of my cycle. (Hormonal methods also exist but there are other health barriers to my using them.). I also try to be very conscious of my cycle and needs to do extra mental health work, yoga, exercise etc during that time- but it wasn’t enough without the meds.
Anonymous says
Also: my OB was great at talking about these options initially but my pcp finished the conversation with me and did the prescribing. I also talked to a psych PA affiliated with my pcp.
anon says
I hear you and can commiserate. What’s helped me the most is my anti-anxiety medication. BCPs to level out the hormones were a bust. The side effects were not worth the minuscule benefits I received from them, but YMMV. (I’ve never had great luck with hormonal contraception, so not totally surprising.)
I don’t know that I’ve found a total solution, but I’ve had to lean into taking really good care of myself during that 7-10 day stretch. Even my (female) doctor said, take this as a cue that you need to slow down and listen to your body. I have to sleep more, keep exercising when I don’t feel like it, and do whatever I can to manage my external stressors because the combo of wacky hormones and regular stress is too much. It’s really hard.
It’s taken some trial and error, but I have noticed that some symptoms have gotten a little better after adding Vitamin D and fish oil pills to my regimen. Again, though, the SSRI is a must.
anon says
+1 to this – I have migraines so BC is out at my age but anti-anxiety meds (Bupropion) has been tremendously helpful in evening out my strong hormonal shifts and was much more helpful for me than Prozac was (diagnosed with PMDD and frankly the prozac did nothing other than making me feel mildly sedated). My main symptom was overwhelming rage – I wanted to scream at everyone, for a week straight, which was terrible for both me and my family. I still have to try to really take care of myself – lots of water, exercise (walking and yoga or hard cardio depending on my energy level). Fish oil pills also help but the medication was a game changer.
DonutDay says
You may have PMDD. Prozac, lowest dose, for 14 days a month before my cycle has totally brought me back to normal with no side effects I have noticed (same symptoms going in). Your OB will be able to advise.
Anonymous says
+1 this sounds like PMDD if you find it’s affecting your relationships. I have 1 very irritable day a month right now, I can’t imagine if it were 10 days/month. I try to watch my sugar and caffeine intake as that can definitely escalate things more. Also – this isn’t your fault. Hormones are crazy.
Anon says
I had PMDD. I needed zinc (I was deficient) and Deplin/methylfolate. If that hadn’t helped enough, progesterone was on the table, since PMDD can apparently be from progesterone withdrawal. But progestin didn’t work for me, so I would have had to try actual progesterone. (This is me trying to remember and rely my conversations with the doc from a few years ago; I’ve been stable for a few years now. I’m still dreading menopause though.)
Hormones says
Thank you thank you all for chiming in. I feel literal relief hearing others’ experiences, and it feels shameful to admit these symptoms. The rage is so hard to handle, and I feel like I’ve been resigned to just avoid my family for a week each month.
anon says
I understand the shame. But it’s truly not your fault. Keep pushing your doc to help you feel better. I am sorry you’re going through it. Nobody talks about how our hormones can take us for a ride. I know I’m hesitant to do it because it feels like I’m giving credence to lots of misogynistic BS about what women can “handle.” Unfortunately, as I get older, I’m finding out that hormonal fluxes are very real and very inconvenient for some of us. I’m 41 but would almost welcome menopause at this point, haha!
DLC says
Does anyone have their kids pick out presents for their siblings or parents? My husband and I have always done the present buying and picking out, but now that my oldest is nine, I feel like she should do some of the “giving” too, though not necessarily the “paying”.
Wondering what other folks’ strategies or philosophies or tips are for this. I don’t really want more presents under the tree, or the cheap crappy stuff a nine year old might be inclined to pick out. But I do want her to have ownership and to participate in the giving.
Spirograph says
My kids (K-3) do homemade gifts for us and for grandparents. Even if it’s just a crayon picture on paper they grabbed out of the printer, or a paper airplane, or a friendship bracelet. They’re very proud of their creations, and put a lot of thought into using people’s favorite colors, representing hobbies or favorite animals, etc. If we’re out and they see something that a sibling or parent would like and ask to get it, we’ll buy it (within reason) but we don’t do dedicated shopping trips to pick out gifts because I hate shopping and prefer giving and receiving homemade, consumable, or experience gifts anyway.
They gift things to each other in the sense of “I’m giving little bro this toy of ‘mine’ that he likes” (which is just a gesture, since they all play with each other’s stuff anyway). They just like to wrap things and give gifts, which I think is adorable.
Anonymous says
We involve the kids in picking out stocking stuffers, with a focus on consumables.
DonutDay says
Yup, kids (12 and 9) pick out and pay for half of sibling presents from their allowance. I provide guidance. They have gotten better through the years I’m thinking about what the other would actually want.
anne-on says
We started having my kiddo (9 turning 10) pick out a gift for mom/dad and for the Toys for Tots donations last year. We set a $ limit, and teach him about how to be a good gift giver. I’ll sit with him and brainstorm ideas for his dad and vice versa and then we help him shop (online last year) by reading reviews, checking prices, etc. I was totally delighted by the unexpected and very thoughtful gift he picked out for me last year and honestly I look at this as helping him develop a life skill (how many of us complain about husbands who are ‘bad’ at gifts?).
DLC says
Hah! This last is such a good point. Thanks!
anon says
That is a very good point. You’ve inspired me to do better.
Anon says
+1. We started pretty early (maybe ages 5 and 3?) picking out gifts for siblings from the toy aisle at Target, and just explained it had to start with a number less than 10, and it had to be something you truly think the other person will like.
Now they’re 8 and 6, and they pick for each other, for parents, and for a cousin name draw thing. We give them the budget for each, brainstorm ideas, use the internet (or parents) to research prices, and then they go to the store with us to pick them out. They also wrap those gifts (and the yearly photo ornaments for grandparents).
I also agree, it’s a life skill thing. My husband claimed he “wasn’t good” at wrapping presents when we first started dating, so I told him he’d get to wrap ALL our presents until he was good enough. And now, 10+ years later, he miraculously can wrap half the presents. My kids won’t need the same stupid fight and will be able to pick and wrap gifts before high school.
Anonymous says
Yes, always. Mine are 3-8 and even the 3 year old chooses. They also make gifts. Think: beaded keychains, decorated photo frames, coupons for things (i got a “free nap” coupon two years ago and it was legit the best gift, especially when I cashed it in and my then 6 year old took her job as “quietness enforcer” extremely seriously.)
Between DH and I, we try and take each of them on at least one shopping trip so they can pick stuff out.
FWIW my 8 year old picks out presents for all the birthday parties she goes to. I give her a budget and she either does it online or we go to a local toy store.
Anonymous says
What would you all do here. My dad, 70, generally really healthy and independent, lives alone in another state. He was getting an outpatient procedure on Monday. We talked Sunday, I said good luck and asked him to update me when he got home. I haven’t heard anything from him since, and I’ve called and texted. He has a girlfriend who was going to drive him home, but I don’t know her phone number or email. When should I start freaking out? I assume if something went wrong, someone would have called me by now. I guess he’s just tired and doesn’t want to return calls, but it’s also worrying me.
Anon says
I would be worried too. I wouldn’t assume you’d be contacted if something went wrong, particularly if his GF doesn’t have your contact info. Do you know any of his friends or neighbors you could reach out to? Hugs.
So Anon says
My mother is about that age, lives alone and is also very independent. I think it is reasonable to start reaching out and pushing to get ahold of him. Do you know any of your Dad’s neighbors or local friends? Or any other channel to physically drop by and check on him? If you are unable to find any of those resources, you can call his local PD and ask for a wellness check. I now live about 20 minutes away from my mom, but I’ve told her in the past that after about 24 hours without a response, I will call in a wellness check. (For the record, this was after she didn’t respond for about a day and finally texted that she was tired and sore because she was shoveling her roof and fell off.)
NYCer says
Do you know where he was having the procedure? If so, I would try calling them. They likely won’t be able to give you any medical info, but they might at least be able to tell you that he was picked up / left the facility? Otherwise, like someone else suggested, do you have contact info for any of his friends? Assuming you eventually hear from him (which I expect that you will!), this might be a good time to get his girlfriend’s contact info just for emergencies.
Hugs to you! Two days is a pretty long time not to hear anything… I would be concerned too at this point.
Anon says
For those of you who used the cut-a-hole-in-the-diaper technique in potty training, how did you wean off the diaper? I know it’s a fairly standard technique for poop, but we’re using it for pee, if that matters. We’ve gotten to the point where the hole in the diaper is so large that the diaper is practically non-existent, but if we take it away my daughter freaks out and refuses to go.
HSAL says
Uh, is this a real thing? I’ve never heard of it before and I’ve trained three kids. I really thought I’d read everything on the topic.
Anon says
It’s a real thing but definitely most people don’t have to do it. I have a kid who is 99.9th percentile in terms of difficulty to potty train, but I definitely didn’t invent it. I heard about it from a friend and have read about it online too.
Anonymous says
It’s a thing. According to my child developmental psychologist SIL, young children view their poop as part of themselves and so for some children (especially kids with overactive imaginations) it’s terrifying to see it fall away into the toilet versus being held close to their body in the diaper. Weird and kind of gross, but true. This is a pretty standard suggestion to try if your child is withholding or scared to poop on the potty. Usually after they do it a few times and see that nothing bad happens when the poop falls into the toilet, then they get over the fear and you can get rid of the diaper.
2 Under 2 says
This might be too late in the day, but any recommendations for a tricycle for a 2-year old? She’s about 25 lbs. and on the short/small side. Our local children’s museum has Radio Flyer trikes for the kids to ride outside, she seemed a little short/small when we put her on one of those, but it was over the summer and she’s grown since then. Anything we should look out for in a trike? Also, is nutcase a good helmet or should we consider something else? Thank you!
Anonymous says
Don’t get a trike! Pedaling is a natural movement. And that’s all a trike teaches a kid.
Get a balance bike (I’d recommend Strider, because the wooden ones are very heavy). Learning to balance and steer while going slow and being relatively close to the ground is a much better use of the toddler live for repetition.
CCLA says
Seconding the balance bike. It’s amazing how much confidence they gain on that thing. I’d pair with a scooter if you want something that offers a little more immediate “go” ability, but really the balance bikes are awesome. We use Giro scamp helmets with MIPS. DH did a ton of research and apparently the MIPS part is a big plus, not sure if nutcase has that.
Anonymous says
Balance bikes are amazing! We have them and use them daily; older ones was able to jump to a real bike very easily. Our kids ALSO loooooooove the radio flyer trikes at preschool and if you really want a trike, I’d get that (the wood/metal kind, not the smaller plastic ones). We do have a smaller plastic radio flyer brand trike, the kind that comes with a push bar, snd I can’t recommend it- it’s hard to pedal and it’s tippy. Even if the other trike is a little big, your kid will grow into it. (But if you are thinking only one kind of wheeled device, my recommendation is balance bike.)
Anonymous says
Agree that the balance bikes have been more useful than the trike (I have a secondhand radioflyer). We had a chillafish at first and then got a Strider when my kid outgrew the first (she’s pretty tall and I think we switched around 3.5 but it was long overdue). She was never that into the trike, my younger is similar. We have been happy with Giro kids helmets but I don’t think they’re the only good option, I’ve seen nutcase recommended as well.
Anonymous says
For helmets, look for the kind with the light on the back. The neighbor kids have these and they make the kids so much more visible during the evening.
Spirograph says
I second all the nudges away from tricycle and toward balance bikes. We had a second hand trike, but the kids weren’t really into it. Balance bikes were a huge hit and also helped the transition to a pedal bike immensely. Sample size of 3, but my two balance bike kids figured out a two-wheeler with pedals in no time flat, and the the non-balance bike kid struggled, despite being otherwise more athletic and coordinated than the other two. I’ve seen similar with neighbors. The only tricycles that seem to have any staying power are Big Wheels, but those are best for 4+
We’ve had various types of helmets at wide range of price points, and honestly I don’t think there’s a huge safety difference among them (at the speed kids bike). I’d pick based on aesthetics.