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CorporetteMoms

04/23/2015 74 Comments · by Kat

Everyone Thursday: Boxed Bar Pendant Necklace

Recent Recs

Argento Vivo Boxed Bar Pendant NecklaceThese linear pendant necklaces have been around for a few years now, but they still look refreshing to me — I like the wider line, the lack of bling, and the general cool factor. I like that this one is a 16″ length with a 2″ extender, which I think gives you a lot more options. The necklace the $68 at Nordstrom, available in both silver and gold. Argento Vivo Boxed Bar Pendant Necklace (L-2)

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Sales of Note…

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off full-price pants and shirts; extra 30% off all sale styles
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
  • Eloquii – $19 and up select spring styles; 40% off everything else
  • J.Crew -25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
  • Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price dresses, skirts, accessories & shoes
  • Zappos – 23,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.

Kid/Family Sales

  • J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
  • Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 30% off Easter and spring to summer styles
  • Carter’s – Extra 20% off spring sets = up to 60% off
  • buybuyBaby – Spring sale: Up to 40% off

See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:

  • Week in the Life of a Working Mom: In-House Counsel in Texas
  • How to Fit Date Nights In
  • How Do You Fit Exercise In as a Working Mom?
  • Do You Encourage Your Kids To Make Resolutions?
  • Almond Mom: How Do You Talk To Your Kids about Dieting?

Click here to see our top posts!

And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

  • If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
  • Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
  • Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
  • Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
  • My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
  • ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
  • I think I suffer from mom rage…
  • My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
  • I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
  • If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
  • Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
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Comments

  1. Reading Recommendation says

    04/23/2015 at 9:38 am

    Very pretty!

    I just finished reading “French Kids Eat Everything” and really enjoyed it. I really liked the in-depth exploration of how a family changed its food culture and lifestyle dramatically but sustainably. I would love to read similar books – any ideas? I have already read Bringing Up Bebe, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and Dinner, A Love Story. Thanks!

    • MSJ says

      04/23/2015 at 1:10 pm

      Check out Ellyn Satter. I haven’t read her books yet but they sound great and are on my reading list. It sounds very much in the same vein you are looking for.

  2. Lyssa says

    04/23/2015 at 9:38 am

    Quick kid-stuff question: My niece, who’s five, has been taking dance for a few months and has a recital coming up; her parents invited us to come. But it is at the city’s “civic auditorium” and adult tickets are $21 a piece, and apparently there’s enough of a risk of a sell-out that the “dance moms” have to gather money and go wait in line the day they go on sale to make sure that they get one (this auditorium seats 2500, and is host to real events – concerts and sporting events and that sort of thing).

    This is nuts, right? I don’t remember my little kid dance recitals too well, but as far as I can remember, they were in school auditoriums or similar, and, maybe, it was a couple of bucks at the door to get in. I really, really don’t want to spend $50+ (we’d have the expense and hassle of downtown parking to boot) for the family to go see a bunch of preschoolers dance. Niece’s family is far less financially comfortable than mine, so I feel pretty bad complaining about money, and yes, it’s money that we could spare, but I can think of so, so many better things to do with it. (Plus, while I love my niece, I’ll admit that the whole thing doesn’t exactly sound like a great way to spend an evening.)

    I’m not a bad aunt to say “Hey, sorry, we can’t make it, but we can’t wait to see pictures!” right?

    • KJ says

      04/23/2015 at 9:42 am

      That does sound insane, but I’m of a mind that, unless it’s truly a hardship, this is the kind of stuff you show up for.

    • In House Lobbyist says

      04/23/2015 at 10:12 am

      I feel for you. I’ve done this for 3 years and it drags on. The kid you are watching is only on stage for 5 minutes too. Maybe just you can go to save on the cost? I never made my husband go but never found a way to get out of it myself.

    • pockets says

      04/23/2015 at 10:17 am

      I actually remember being part of something like this when I was a kid (dance recital in local college’s auditorium with multiple dance groups performing) so I don’t think it’s that unusual. And I think you have to go, but maybe just you (or your husband, if he’s blood related to your niece) can go to save on expense.

    • Merabella says

      04/23/2015 at 10:40 am

      I’m an aunt, and I don’t think you are bad for not going if it is a hassle, but I might also be a bad aunt. $50+ to go to an event where you’ll see the kid for maybe 5 minutes is more than a little ridiculous in my book. Can you meet up after the event at their house or for dinner and see pictures/video/personal recital at home?

    • Meg Murry says

      04/23/2015 at 12:26 pm

      Don’t you have young kids? I especially wouldn’t pay for adult tickets and then pay separately for a babysitter, and I’m sure the little kid isn’t going to sit through much of it – so there is a good chance you’d wind up out in the lobby entertaining a toddler/preschooler during your niece’s portion. I’d have other plans myself.

      Any chance they will be making a fancy recording of it and selling DVDs? Maybe you could offer to buy the DVD as a gift and have a family viewing party of her portion?

    • Anon says

      04/23/2015 at 12:28 pm

      I’m an aunt and I wouldn’t go to this even if it was free, although we do live 2.5 hrs away from my nieces and nephews. But even if we lived in the same town, we probably wouldn’t go. So maybe I am a really bad aunt :)

      • NavyLawyer says

        04/23/2015 at 12:57 pm

        I’m both a mother and an aunt. I wouldn’t go, and I wouldn’t expect my siblings to come. In fact I live nearby and still skipped all but one of my niece’s recitals/concerts, etc. Recitals are only a requirement for the parents who shelled out the money for the lessons.

    • Lorelai Gilmore says

      04/23/2015 at 3:10 pm

      My daughter is part of a dance recital like this. I would never expect my siblings to come. If they wanted to – like, really wanted to – it would be great! But I think it’s too much to expect from aunts and uncles.

    • hoola hoopa says

      04/23/2015 at 4:44 pm

      “Hey, sorry, we can’t make it, but we can’t wait to see pictures!” seems like a perfectly reasonable response.

      FWIW, my daughter and my niece have had dance recitals. They were free and we didn’t bother inviting anyone except grandparents.

  3. Msj says

    04/23/2015 at 9:41 am

    Can there be a national PSA to educate people on not asking women when they are due (eight months ago, thank you!) Women seem to be the worst offenders. It was one thing when I was huge and it was quite obvious, but now it’s rather demoralizing. I’m actually a few pounds below my pre pregnancy weight but carrying twins to term did a number on my stomach. I don’t think I have DR but I have to be always conscious of “sucking it in” which is no fun
    On a related note, favorite styles to minimize a stomach pooch without seeming to be trying to hide a pregnancy. Bonus points for machine washable and pumping friendly.

    • (former) preg 3L says

      04/23/2015 at 9:48 am

      All I have to say is OMG SAME. My ex-H used to ask me that in the first six months postpartum (before he moved out). Now, I’m still trying to “suck it in” all the time and I didn’t even have twins! So, right there with you mama.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      04/23/2015 at 9:52 am

      WHY do people ask that??

      While I haven’t been asked that (yet) — I have been asked if my baby was my first granddaughter. I know I’m an older mom, but REALLY? The same woman admitted that earlier in the week she asked a non-pregnant woman when she was due….

      Anyway, as for shirts — it’s been posted here before, but I like the Pleione Faux Wrap Blouse. It’s got a bit of a blouson effect, so you don’t have to tuck it in and it’s loose around the waist/stomach area, but since it isn’t an empire waist, doesn’t give that pregnancy silhouette.

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/pleione-faux-wrap-blouse-regular-petite/3507544

    • CPA Lady says

      04/23/2015 at 10:09 am

      People are just rude. I also feel like people don’t actually know what a pregnant woman looks like. When I was about 30 weeks pregnant, some random stranger woman went on and on about how huge I was to the point that I started crying. Is that ever polite or necessary? NO! And I feel like it should be basic common sense to never ask a woman if she’s pregnant/when she’s due unless you can see the baby actually emerging or she’s wearing a shirt that says “baby on board” or something of that nature.

      I don’t know if you would want to wear an abdominal binder/shape-wear, but I got the one that Kat recommended on here (the bellefit corset one– both machine washable and nursing friendly!) and it was amazing. It really helped stabilize everything, and I think it’s meant to help if you do have a touch of DR, even if it’s not full-blown.

      • RDC says

        04/23/2015 at 11:01 am

        “Is that ever polite or necessary?” Exactly. I was really taken off guard by how seemingly OK it was (to other people) to comment on my body while I was pregnant. And the people who would obviously check out my tummy to size up how big I was getting. So unwelcome and uncomfortable. And these were professional colleagues who obviously realize it’s not ok to comment on a women’s (or anyone’s) body at work. Why does being pregnant suddenly open you up to comments that would never be OK otherwise?

        • Merabella says

          04/23/2015 at 11:59 am

          THIS on so many levels. It is just bizarre. My due date is tomorrow, and it is like EVERYONE and their mother has decided to make daily pilgrimages to my office to “check on me.” I had several demand to be notified immediately when the baby does arrive.

          WHAT THE CRAP IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! I almost want to just start staying home so I can avoid all the busybodies.

    • due in June says

      04/23/2015 at 10:56 am

      That sucks a lot. I’m 34 weeks and not thrilled with the questions about when I am due, so I can only imagine how upsetting that question would be after DD arrives. I don’t understand why people feel they have the right to ask intrusive and rude questions.

      For months, the question of “was it planned?” spilled out of everyone’s mouth. I finally bit a coworker’s head off with a “everyone always asks that question, but do you think about what you’re actually asking? Either the answer is Yes, so you now can deduce certain information about what DH and I were doing, or the answer is No, so you can now deduce that either I don’t know how to use birth control or my birth control failed. Do you really want an answer to that question?”

      What does DR stand for?

      • Anon says

        04/23/2015 at 11:19 am

        Diastasis recti. Separation of abdominal muscles.

      • JEB says

        04/23/2015 at 11:20 am

        Diastasis recti, which is an abdominal separation that some people have after giving birth.

        And seriously, “was it planned?” I cannot fathom how anyone thinks this is okay! I got a lot of annoying comments while pregnant, but I don’t think I got this one.

        • Msj says

          04/23/2015 at 11:32 am

          With twins, everyone always feels entitled to ask “if they are natural” (or slightly more discretely, do they run in your family, were you surprised) which is also aggravating

          • Pogo says

            04/23/2015 at 12:24 pm

            I can’t believe the things people ask – of course they’re “natural”, they’re human babies?!? What do you care how they were conceived?

            I would be like, “as natural as your nose job” or something like that. But I’m a terrible person.

          • Anonymous says

            04/23/2015 at 7:06 pm

            I’m 31 weeks with twins and people ask that all the time. They ask my husband point blank. There are also a few guys in my office who will just stop by to laugh at me and comment how I’m so big! I have pretty thick skin, but it is tiresome when they laugh at me. Sales guys.

        • Merabella says

          04/23/2015 at 12:01 pm

          This is just an extension of the question I always got when we first got married. “Are you trying to have a baby?” which is just asking if you are having a lot of unprotected sex. I would respond with “No, but we are enjoying the practicing. Oh I’m sorry that is inappropriate, just like your question.”

        • Pogo says

          04/23/2015 at 12:22 pm

          This is mind boggling. “Was it planned?” I wouldn’t even ask my best friend that!

          I have been asked if I were pregnant before I was. That’s pretty demoralizing too. Especially one time when I was in college and was actually quite thin – but I was wearing a puffy coat and had my gloves and hat in my pockets, apparently, so it looked like I was pregnant. WHY, random dude at the fancy grocery store, did you need to know if I was knocked up??

          ETA: this makes it sound like I’m pregnant now. Alas, nope. uterus still unoccupied.

    • JJ says

      04/23/2015 at 11:58 am

      Once, when I was 9-months postpartum with my second, I ran to Target with my husband for a few things, including diapers, while we were working on the house and the kids were with my parents. I admit I was wearing really unflattering stuff (see: working on the house), but when we got to the check-out line, the (female) clerk says “Oh my gosh! When are you due??” And I stutter that I’m not pregnant. Then she looks at the diapers and says “Well, you must just have a newborn then!” And I respond that my baby is nine-months old. And then I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

      I’ve lost 40 pounds since then, and I still avoid that clerk at my Target.

    • Meg Murry says

      04/23/2015 at 12:30 pm

      Yes, I had a clueless co-worker ask me this when I was about 9 months postpartum – and she had been at my desk less than 2 weeks earlier commenting on the most recent framed pictures of my 6 month old I had just brought in! Really?!? I think she got me mixed up with another co-worker with a similar haircut, but – really?!? When in doubt, say nothing.

    • Ciao, pues says

      04/23/2015 at 2:06 pm

      This might be the kind of comment that elicits an OH SHUT UP, but, it is no better on the other end, IMO. I gained a lot of weight with my pregnancy and lost it really fast (maybe related to a thyroid issue discovered later). I hated it when people would comment on my weight, even when it was meant to be complimentary. I hated being made to feel like my body was a public object to be commented upon, especially after having gone through such a physical and emotional experience. Can we just agree to not with the objectification of women’s bodies?

      • anon says

        04/23/2015 at 7:09 pm

        +1,000

  4. Newly pregnant says

    04/23/2015 at 10:17 am

    I’m panicking a little about how much this kid is costing already. My husband and I just did our registry completion and with the discount we are going to wind up spending nearly $1,000. We tried to be judicious and get only the things we truly think we will need for us and daycare, and put off buying things that we don’t need for the immediate future. Are these just startup costs? I know we’re going to have regular expenses for diapers and I’m sure we’ll need to buy clothes over the next several months, but how much is reasonable to expect to spend on a baby in their first year (excluding daycare)?

    • ADE says

      04/23/2015 at 10:28 am

      A good portion of the expenses are up front, but babies actually need REALLY little (probably a lot less than you think), so your registry completion sounds like a lot to me already! But the first six months are usually subsidized by baby gifts that you will receive. For us, the bigger expenses came in the second six months when we needed to start buying clothes, the convertible carseat, high chair and eating/drinking accessories. And yes, diapers/formula will be always be a constant. But you can always manage in your budget. If you are strapped for cash, look for consignment sales, thrift stores, hand-me-downs and shop around online!

      • Famouscait says

        04/23/2015 at 12:42 pm

        +1 for consignment on baby clothes and gear. At a local kids thrift sale, I got about 20 items total (including books, clothes, toys, a bathtub and Bumbo seat) for $60. Frankly I wish I’d bought more! I’ve found quality to be OK with little baby things (NB – 12m) I think likely because they’re not outside running around yet.

        • anon says

          04/23/2015 at 7:45 pm

          Yes. We bought our baby’s entire newborn wardrobe (if 6-8 outfits can be called a wardrobe) at goodwill . And a good part of the rest of his baby wardrobe — whatever we didn’t receive as a gift or hand me down. Since babies wear clothes for such a short time, everything is in good condition. I also recommend getting on your town or neighborhood parents’ listserve– people are always selling stuff for cheap or giving it away (for us, that meant a Dutailier glider for under $100, free changing table, etc.)

    • JEB says

      04/23/2015 at 10:35 am

      I might wait to complete the registry, or at least keep tags and receipts handy. I was surprised by some of the “must haves” that we didn’t use at all. And there were definitely things that we didn’t get and ran out to buy that ended up being life savers (rock n play!). That doesn’t really answer your question, but just some unsolicited advice. If I could do it all over again, I would have purchased just the very basics and waited to see what we actually needed once we were in the thick of it. And thankfully with Amazon, you can easily order those things from home!

    • sfg says

      04/23/2015 at 10:54 am

      I love stalking Craigslist for items – picked up a swing and a snap n go this way. It is so hard to know which “must have” your kid will actually take to, plus I feel slightly better about the landfill impact.

      • RDC says

        04/23/2015 at 11:03 am

        Yes – we got a lot of stuff off craigslist, or from our neighborhood moms group. Baby is only 4 months and a lot of it is already out of rotation, so I’m glad we didn’t spend much. Also makes it easier to part with when you need the space back.

        • pockets says

          04/23/2015 at 11:23 am

          I got my swing for free from a local mom and when it was time for the swing to go it was kind of a relief to send it back out into the universe instead of packing it up to store at my mom’s house for the next kid.

      • Famouscait says

        04/23/2015 at 12:44 pm

        Is there an effective way to stalk something on Craigslist without having to visit the site everyday? I’m thinking of some sort of website that can auto-search for you.

        • Meg Murry says

          04/23/2015 at 12:59 pm

          You can use ifttt for keywords to have it email you new postings with certain keywords – for instance, I used it to stalk a certain bicycle make and model that my husband wanted but that had been discontinued. You’d have to think hard about your keywords though to make sure you are finding what you want or else you’ll get hit with emails all the time if you use something too generic like “stroller”, whereas “City Mini” might be a good search if you are sure that’s exactly what you want

          • Famouscait says

            04/23/2015 at 1:08 pm

            Thanks!

    • pockets says

      04/23/2015 at 11:21 am

      My brother recently asked me this question and I think the answer is “however much money you have.” The stuff that your kid “needs” will expand to fill whatever amount of money you have to spend. If you really want to cut back on expenses, return your things and buy them used (no judgment if you want new, fancy things – I did too – just saying there are ways to spend less if you want to). Certain things (thinking bouncy chair, swing, exersaucer) are only used for a few months and you can usually find ones in pretty good shape for half price or even free. Carseats can cost $200+, but you can also find ones that are $50. $1,000 for registry completion sounds like a lot (especially if it doesn’t include the stroller) so if you’re freaking out, really examine what you got and see where you can cut corners.

    • Msj says

      04/23/2015 at 11:28 am

      Get as much as you can second hand – especially for big ticket items like strollers and the random gear you use briefly (bumbo seat, jumperoo, swing, rock n play). I’ve also had great luck with clothes. Local moms groups are great for this.
      You’ll probably want to buy car seats new and you can stalk sales a bit. Ikea makes awesome cribs and high chairs.
      We also love cloth diapers (prefolds and covers) for a number of reasons, including the cost savings.

      • due in June says

        04/23/2015 at 12:19 pm

        Daycares in my area won’t use cloth diapers, unfortunately. I’m trying to determine how many trees I need to plant to offset the environmental disaster that DD’s disposable diaper trash will cause.

        • R says

          04/24/2015 at 10:00 am

          I know I’m late, but for anyone reading later… it’s still a debate on whether cloth is actually better for the environment, since washing machines aren’t exactly earth-friendly. I “sponsored” a tree at my local botanical gardens in honor of both of my kids, and called it good enough.
          http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=789465

      • CPA Lady says

        04/23/2015 at 12:24 pm

        I’ve had good luck blatantly asking for free things via facebook every once in a while. “Anyone have xyz they want to offload for cheap or free?” So many people are just ready to get the baby crap out of their houses. Especially bulky items that are only used for a few months.

        • Nonny says

          04/23/2015 at 1:47 pm

          YES. There is a moms’ swap and shop group on Facebook in my area and people frequently post in search of items. They usually find those items too. (And if you are a seller, sometimes you’ll end up selling things that you didn’t even think someone would be interested in, as I did with three items last week! Extra pin money in my pocket. :-) )

    • NavyLawyer says

      04/23/2015 at 1:05 pm

      $1k isn’t necessarily crazy if you bought a new breast pump! That’s $350 or so, plus the bottles and nursing bras. But after that, you don’t really NEED much. Try not to buy all of the things your kid can sleep/sit in (babywearing sling, swing, rocker, bouncy seat, bumbo, boppy) – I borrowed them all and my kid hated them ALL. And hold off on the clothes – your kid will outgrow them too fast. Many babies never even fit into newborn clothes.

      And it is cheaper as you go. Our second baby is due in a month, and this time I’ve only purchased new bottles.

    • Newly pregnant says

      04/23/2015 at 1:51 pm

      Thanks, all. I appreciate the tips on saving money! Fortunately we’ve been gifted most of the big items, but I think the total volume of things we needed to buy ramped the cost up. For example, swaddles and sleep sacks, but we had to buy extra sleep sacks for daycare since they won’t swaddle. Or, crib sheets, with extra for daycare. We needed to buy all of the various items associated with pumping (what I got from insurance was very bare bones), or new nipples for the used bottles that my friend gave me. All in all, mostly small items that as a one-off wouldn’t be too expensive, but it was the sheer number that really added up.

      • Meg Murry says

        04/23/2015 at 2:19 pm

        I’d never heard of daycares requiring your own crib sheets before this s!te – that just seems crazy to me, and part of the cost of running a daycare – plus then you have to make sure each baby gets the right sheets on the right bed – ugh. Our daycare just bought them in bulk and used them until they wore out. Plus our kids were only in cribs until around 14 months when they were transitioned to cots. Older kids can bring in one blanket for naptime if they want (also washed by the school) but babies just use whatever is clean.

        Crib sheets for daycare is definitely the kind of thing to ask friends for, buy secondhand (is there a secondhand kids store near you?) or to post about on Facebook like someone mentioned above – I had at least 4 in my closet that I just gave away because otherwise they were going to become drop clothes or rags.

        And FYI, if you have an HSA/FSA you can try to send in the receipt for the pumping supplies as a medical expense as “lactation supplies”. I got a bunch of my spare pump parts, milk storage bags and even a few nursing bras that way, by buying them from a hospital store that took the FSA debit card.

        • Newly pregnant says

          04/23/2015 at 2:46 pm

          Good to know about the FSA! I will give that a try. Thanks.

      • Msj says

        04/23/2015 at 5:21 pm

        Don’t buy too many bottles until you know your baby likes that brand!

  5. JEB says

    04/23/2015 at 10:29 am

    Payment question: My cousin has agreed to watch my 7-month-old baby during my sister-in-law’s wedding. My husband and I are both in the wedding, so my cousin will spend the day with us and tend to the baby when we’re otherwise busy with wedding stuff.

    I want to pay her something, but I’m not sure how much. She seems excited to do it and spend some time with the baby. We’re a fairly close family and enjoy doing favors for each other. On the other hand, she’s devoting an entire Saturday to this, and I know that tending to a 7 month old baby can be exhausting! She’s a working professional with a good income, so I know she’s not doing it for income purposes. She’ll be with us approximately 9-10 hours that day, and we’ll transport her to and from the wedding with us. Any ideas on how much we should give her to show our thanks for her help?

    • ADE says

      04/23/2015 at 10:32 am

      She’s family, so wouldn’t a monetary gift be a little weird? Maybe a thoughtful gift would be nice? Or maybe you can treat her to a nice brunch the next morning?

      • JEB says

        04/23/2015 at 10:39 am

        Yes, I was thinking that too, with the weirdness of paying family.

        A thoughtful gift is a good idea, so we could at least show our appreciation without it being awkward. We also do brunch/dinner fairly regularly to catch up, so I suppose I could treat her to somewhere nice (instead of splitting the tab at our regular places). Or maybe a massage gift certificate, which I know she loves. I don’t know why these things didn’t occur to me! Thank you :)

    • Maddie Ross says

      04/23/2015 at 10:52 am

      If she was a high schooler/college student/grad student, I would definitely say pay her. But if she’s a working professional, I would feel bizarre giving her actual money for watching my child. I agree with the massage gift certificate (maybe with a card joking that she’ll need it afterwards), a bottle of wine, or treating her to dinner.

    • Pogo says

      04/23/2015 at 12:28 pm

      Agree with the idea of treating her to something – dinner, massage, Sephora gift basket, etc.

  6. New DC Mom says

    04/23/2015 at 10:52 am

    Hi ladies – ready for some shopping help?
    I need a nursing-friendly cocktail dress to wear to weddings this summer. I am 5’1”, so petite styles would be helpful – but they are rare!

    • RDC says

      04/23/2015 at 11:06 am

      I got a couple cute ones from figure8 maternity – one I wore to a wedding. They have lots of options and free shipping / returns.

      This might be too casual, but it’s super cute (and I’m also petite and nursing):

      http://www.figure8maternity.com/item/1485301

  7. Other says

    04/23/2015 at 11:01 am

    Ugh, so we are about three months into a nanny, and I’m struggling with whether she’s the right fit for us. There are a whole bunch of issues, some little – some more frustrating – but nothing really rising to the level of “fireable.” Things like – there is a language barrier, so nuanced instructions aren’t understood or followed; she is very focused on the upkeep of the house, sometimes over the care/attention to my son (he’ll be in a bouncy while she cleans the playroom, for instance); and doesn’t seem super in tune with my guy’s signals (he’ll be fussing b/c he’s clearly tired and she’ll stick him in the bouncer, not get him down for a nap). I observed all of this in her first few weeks, but assumed it was related to being new. I just spent a day at home with her, and don’t think things have changed much. We had a nanny for my older son, and she definitely did things we didn’t love – but she was so warm and engaging with him, that it didn’t bother me as much (so it’s not really a case of just not liking that someone else is caring for my child). She’s also a little older, and doesn’t really take him out for walks, etc. which I feel like will be more important as he gets older.

    But, I sort of feel paralyzed with indecision here. This is someone’s livelihood, and she really does seem to care for my son. I’ve never had to terminate someone, and she has a great track record of employment. Terminating her would be a big blow (especially as she is older, and I know the transition away from her last family – over 10 years – was difficult). I would have no issues with recommending her – she’s wonderful, I just don’t think she’s the right fit for our family. It’s making it incredibly hard to move forward. I also am reading nanny ads, and thinking that the accolades written in other nanny ads would apply to our current nanny. That is – I’m having a hard time trusting my gut about whether our situation could improve. Any advice or experience would be helpful here.

    • NavyLawyer says

      04/23/2015 at 1:17 pm

      Some issues sound like you’re micromanaging (why can’t he sit in a seat while she picks up? must she hold him the entire day?). However, not putting him down for a nap when fussy combined with little outdoor time, would be dealbreakers for me because fresh air and plenty of sleep are necessary developmentally, and you’re more likely to come home to a cranky baby. If you’re spending time worrying about this, you’re not spending your very finite time on other things. Maybe giving her plenty of notice will ease the pain? Maybe 2 months notice and an extra month of pay? Just an idea.

    • TBK says

      04/23/2015 at 5:34 pm

      Have you brought these things up with her? Like “Baby really needs a nap after about three hours of being up. I noticed he was fussy yesterday and it was right about naptime.” Or “you know, I’m really happy you’re keeping the playroom clean, but honestly a messy playroom is fine with me if it means you’re taking Baby out for a walk.” I actually gave our au pair a written summary of priorities, putting the babies’ health and safety first, then giving them a stimulating environment, and putting clean-up chores last. So I know she knows that if she has to choose between taking the boys to story time at the library and vacuuming the nursery, I’d rather she go to story time. As for the language barrier, can you talk to her about that, too? Maybe it’s easier for her to understand if you write certain things down. When you give her instructions, are you making sure you have her attention, then making eye contact and speaking clearly and slowly? I don’t know how her English is, but I know that if I make a flurry of statements to our au pair as I’m racing out the door, she will not catch one single thing I said. It’s just really hard with a foreign language. Can you ask if she understands the instructions you give her and see if she has any suggestions for ways to make communication easier?

  8. lucy stone says

    04/23/2015 at 12:30 pm

    I need help trying to figure out what to pay a sitter. Our toddler nephew will need a sitter for a Saturday night while his parents are visiting us. A coworker’s college-age daughter has volunteered to do and said between $5-10 is what she usually asks for, but whatever we think is fine. That seems so low to me – that’s what I made for babysitting back in the late 90s! I grew up in a HCOL area and no longer live in one, but I don’t want to cheap out. Her dad and I earn the exact same salary (yay, government) and I was planning on giving her $15. Does this seem okay? I don’t want to make her angry because if we can get a baby to stick I’d like to use her as a sitter someday.

    • Meg Murry says

      04/23/2015 at 12:37 pm

      I don’t think $10 is unreasonable if the toddler will already be asleep and she can otherwise just be sitting and watching movies or something. If she needs to handle playtime/dinner/bath/bedtime, you might want to offer a little more.

      You could always offer her $10 and then give her a “bonus” or just round up in $20s so you look kind but then aren’t committing to a higher regular rate if she ever became a regular sitter.

      FWIW, in our low COL area on-campus jobs only pay $7-$10, so she is probably comparing the rate to her work-study rate.

    • Maddie Ross says

      04/23/2015 at 12:52 pm

      $15 total or $15 an hour? We don’t live in an incredibly HCOL area, but I generally pay $10-15 as a rule of thumb and round up.

    • mascot says

      04/23/2015 at 1:23 pm

      We live in a LCOL and pay $10/hr, plus snacks/meals and tip. The tip is usually $5-10.

  9. anon says

    04/23/2015 at 1:15 pm

    I’m in a relatively low COL area in the western U.S., and going rate around here is $7-8 per hour. I do that then round up to the nearest $10.

  10. In House Lobbyist says

    04/23/2015 at 3:57 pm

    We live in the suburbs of a large Southern city and we pay $10-12 an hour. And I usually round up. Plus have a few things to eat/drink in the house for the sitter.

  11. Merabella says

    04/23/2015 at 4:10 pm

    Necessary to get the specific breastpump bottle coolers? My insurance only covers the actual pump – got plenty of bottles, can I just use a regular old cooler w/ ice packs? or should I go ahead and buy the specialized coolers?

    • EB0220 says

      04/23/2015 at 4:15 pm

      Regular coolers should be fine. The medela coolers are nothing special, other than being a handy size.

    • NewMomAnon says

      04/23/2015 at 4:16 pm

      I used regular old insulated lunch bags with regular old ice packs. I think the specific ones for the bottles might be more compact, which would have been nice but was not a “necessity.”

    • rakma says

      04/23/2015 at 4:20 pm

      I used my lunch bag and regular ice packs with no issue. One less bag to carry–went to work full of food for me, came home full of food for DD.

    • Maddie Ross says

      04/23/2015 at 5:19 pm

      Also used a regular lunch box, even though my pump came with the cooler bag. I hated the additional advertisement of the black boxy cooler bag, as I left my pump at work each night and only had to drag the cooler home and back. I did use the ice pack that came with it, but only because it was free and the right size. Another brick ice pack would have worked just as well.

  12. www.xxx.cpm says

    11/17/2015 at 4:27 pm

    What’s up, just wanted to tell you, I loved this blog post.
    It was practical. Keep on posting!

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