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P.S. Eid Mubarak to those who celebrate!
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Anon says
I’m thinking about weaning my 7.5 month old (or at least dropping pumping sessions) and am so torn.
I weaned my eldest around this time- I had a trip that I did not want to pump during and we had already needed to supplement with some formula because of my supply dipping. I remember weaning being a really emotional process but then feeling physically so much better when I was completely done breastfeeding.
This time around I have no trip/deadline and my supply has been good so far. He’s also definitely my last baby.
I don’t even really know what I’m asking, please share any stories/ideas you have! I’m so appreciative that this group seems to have the same mentality around this that I do (formula is fantastic! My feelings matter too! And also, there is special something about breastfeeding…) that I might just be needing internet strangers to give me permission to stop. Or maybe to keep going and reassess in a week or two. I don’t know.
Anon says
Permission to do what you want!
With DS #2 (also my last), I did a slow fade with pumping/nursing and completely was done with it all around 10 months. I went back to work when he was 3.5 months and the 3x/pumping was just really tough, even with WFH. I dropped to 2 sessions, and then 1.
I was only nursing AM/PM by 9 months. I had a few trips between 9-10 months where I pumped for those AM/PMs, but I felt a bit silly – he was loving formula, into solids, so it was easy to drop.
Anon says
I should add, I wasn’t producing much when I pumped in the AM/PM – like 2-3 oz. That also made the decision simple to wean. Another caveat that I never was a huge milk producer – 4-5 oz./session was my max and would only happen during morning sessions.
Anon says
I loved nursing but hated pumping. I stopped pumping completely around 7 months and continued nursing for another year, although at the end it was mostly for comfort and I don’t think she was getting much milk. There’s certainly a risk that cutting back on pumping will make your milk dry up completely but I know a number of people who did what I did successfully. For me it was a really good middle ground. But if you want to wean completely there’s no shame in that either.
Anonymous says
You have this internet strangers FULL permission to stop pumping and nursing too if you want.
YMMV but i was able to keep nursing for 6 months + (morning/ night) after i stopped daytime pumping at work. it was such a relief, and i wished i stopped pumping sooner! Hassle free nursing in the morning / night was very pleasant.
anon says
+1. It was a nice middle ground for me, too. I’m predicting with #3, due soon, I’ll feel emotional about it being the LAST time etc etc. BUT, tbh I’m already looking forward to stopping BF so my hormones etc. will get back to normal because the last two times that took a few months after stopping BF. While it’s all the”new normal,” I am looking forward to feeling more like myself and it being my own body again, if that makes sense. TLDR; BF can be beautiful bonding time, but no shame in wanting to wean!
GCA says
+1. Permission to do what you want! I also loved nursing and hated pumping. With kid 2 I was supplementing most days anyway because I had supply issues, so I just kept nursing morning and night, cut back to a single midday pumping session around 6mo and supplemented the rest, then quit pumping altogether around 11+ months… but nursed till she was almost 2.
Anonymous says
This is what I did. Nursed morning and evening to about 16 months. Did a quick pump and dump during 3 day work trip before bed each evening to keep supply going around 10 months but I didn’t travel for work much. I might have bothered to figure out a system to save if I travelled more.
If you had a hard time last time with weaning, I’d suggest going a bit more slowly when you start to cut back y to give your body more time to adjust hormonally.
SC says
Permission to do what feels best! I’ve only had one baby, but I weaned around 6 months, due to a combination of difficulty maintaining my pumping schedule at work and dwindling supply. I intended to nurse am/ pm, but my body decided that my supply was an all or nothing deal.
Honestly, I never found nursing to be this grand bonding experience, and I felt just as connected holding my baby and bottle feeding him. (This may be partly due to the fact that he was a preemie, and for the first month or so, I was nursing for practice/ development of the suck-swallow reflex, then pumping, then bottle feeding for sustenance. Even after he got the hang of nursing, he seemed to prefer the bottle.) So, when I weaned at 6 months, the main emotion I felt was relief.
Anon says
+1 – to some babies actually liking bottles more. I remember one weird lactation nurse saying “Oh it’s because it’s EASIER”…um, yes, they are babies? I nursed both my kids. The first one, I did the triple feed, which was so hard on so many fronts.
The second one was a low birthweight baby (no other complications) so I was totally fine nursing + supplementing with formula on top. They tried to suggest the triple feed and I nope-d out of it fast. (Oddly enough, he’d vomit out the extra formula, but that’s another story).
Both babies seemed to prefer the bottle to me, loved solids quickly, and were easy to transition to milk. Fed is truly best.
Anon says
I loved bottle feeding. I actually had damage to the tissue on my n*pples because of my baby’s lip tie, and breastfeeding was very painful for months with my first. I still have scars. I remember feeling such jubilation bottle feeding for the first time and looking into my baby’s eyes and wondering why bottle feeding is so easily dismissed as a lesser bonding experience. Women really need to be empowered to do what’s best for them.
Anon says
+1 on permission to do what you want. I did a slow fade starting around 9 months and continued to nurse morning/night until she turned 1. She liked formula and in hindsight I could have switched sooner. BF was fine but it wasn’t the mystical bonding experience some people describe for me, and I was expecting all kinds of feelings about weaning but it was basically a non-event for us. If I have a second I think I’ll do it a bit sooner – I really hated pumping!
Anonymous says
I quit pumping at around 7 months because it was no longer productive enough to be worthwhile even with the hospital-grade pump I was renting. I combo-fed for two more months until baby decided she preferred the sippy cup and self-weaned.
Anon says
I felt a mixture of relief and sadness each time I stopped breastfeeding. I tapered off and mixed in feedings of formula until my supply couldn’t cut it anymore.
It’s okay. Someday your kid will be eating chicken nuggets and peas for dinner and this will all be a distant memory. But for now, each decision feels weighty and tender, so go easy on yourself.
In contrast, I have a friend who kept breastfeeding until her kid was three because they would throw a tantrum when she tried to refuse. That extreme isn’t good either. It’s better to make a decision and stick with it than drag out a process too long when it becomes a drain on your life.
I think it’s pretty incredible working women are expected to pump. It’s such a commitment on an already exhausting season of life.
Vicky Austin says
Thank you for every word of this comment.
anon says
just drop a pump and see how it feels! Maybe that’s enough for now. Maybe you want to drop another one but still nurse when you’re with baby. I’ve nursed three babies for a combined total of 8 years but I’ve only pumped for less than 9 months of that because I find it intolerable.
Anon says
The other week someone was asking for a book to read to their kid’s class about Passover and I stumbled across the book An Invitation to Passover, which I will be reading to both of my daughters’ classes. I will also share a link to a PJ library version of the Passover story in comments
Anon says
That was me, thanks! We do get the PJ library books but most of them have ended up in the donation bin. I checked a bunch of Passover books out of the public library and didn’t find anything I liked better than Matzah Craze (which isn’t super in depth about the origins of the holiday but is a really sweet story that I think will resonate with many kids who have a “different” lunch box) so I decided to just read that and am bringing matzo for them to try.
Anon says
this is the passover story from PJ Library https://pjlibrary.org/getmedia/a2e6fa61-f2b8-468b-9e1a-10e7f709d0e1/Passover-River-Ride.pdf
The book I suggested above, “An Invitation to Passover” involves people from different cultures/religions attending a seder. I don’t think I’ve read the book Matzah Craze, but I’ll have to look it up!
Anon says
Non-Jew here and I have no recommendations, but I just wanted to say that when I was in undergrad, some friends organized a seder for our whole dorm wing and it was such a special experience. They had a special version of the readings for beginners and the guy doing the readings was absolutely hilarious. It’s one of my favourite memories from that time!
Anon says
as a Jew who has really been struggling lately with various thoughts/actions from different non-Jewish “friends,” this comment means a lot so thank you for sharing. It’s nice to know not everyone hates us
Anonymous says
I am a non-Jew and I have also attended a couple of seders hosted by friends, including one when studying abroad in rural Ireland (matzo was impossible to find). I very much appreciated being a part of them. The virtual Saturday Night Seder held in 2020 and hosted by Jason Alexander was also so incredibly moving; it really connected the story with the current moment.
Anon says
Thank you!
School Question says
We were just sent a survey from our school to get parental input before class placements are done for the upcoming school year. DD is in K. The survey asks for the names of 5 “friends or learning partners” and the school is committing to having at least 1 in her next year’s first grade class. There’s also a space for other comments. Would you name a specific child who has been negatively influencing your child here? [Trust me on the phrase “negatively influencing” – I lack a better description but there has been conferences with current K teacher about the issue.] It feels weird to call someone out by name. Given the discussions we’ve had with K teacher about the other student, I’m hopeful this will be taken in to consideration but I don’t want to be naïve. I also fear the other kid will name my child as one of the “learning partners” as we’re neighbors and kids play together in the neighborhood and are “friends.” Candidly, I think DD is one of the only kids that may tolerate him, and therefore his incredibly disruptive behavior, which is sad and another topic for another day, but we’d prefer more distance at school if we can get it. WWYD?
Anon says
Whoa I’m surprised they do this. At our public school if you request a specific kid in your class they deliberately separate the kids.
I’d probably ask the teacher what they recommend you do, since it sounds like they’re aware of the situation.
Anonymous says
That’s obnoxious.
RR says
Wow. Our school just ignores it.
But, to answer the OP’s question, I would list the child if you feel it is impacting your daughter’s learning.
Anonymous says
My daughter was forced by her teachers to be “friends” with a disruptive, bullying kid for several years because she was the only kid who wouldn’t stand up for herself and would tolerate the bully. Deliberately pairing compliant girls with kids with behavior issues creates long-term harm for the girls. I would definitely name the child and say that you do not want them in the same class because he targets her specifically.
Anon says
it is SO nice that your school does this. I wish that our school did this!
Anonymous says
I would mention it. “Here are 5 learning partner. If possible, I would strongly prefer Susie not be placed in a class with Jimmie. As Teacher Stacy is aware, there have been significant issues with Jimmie throughout the year.”
Nothing wrong with making the request.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
100% agree. I wouldn’t even think twice about asking for a please-avoid! From a logistical point, you may want to indicate if that’s higher or lower priority to you than getting someone from the desired list since this sounds like a constrained optimization!
Anonymous says
Hello fellow econ major!
NYCer says
This is what I would do too. I would also mention it to your current teacher in person.
Cb says
I’d name the kid – in a nice way. Mr X has been in regular communication about issues arising between A and B, and we’d like to separate them to allow them to foster new, healthy friendships and learning partnerships. And send a note to the teacher saying you did this, as they must have a similar process.
We got asked if we wanted to keep my son and his bestie together at the end of the first year, and said yes, and are now slightly regretting it, especially as they don’t change classes from year to year, so they are together with the same kids from years 2-7.
Anonymous says
This may get me flamed but I would ignore the survey and talk to the teacher directly about having them separated next year. I’m not usually one to ask for special accommodations but I feel like they’re opening themselves up to it with that survey. Plus you’ve already talked to the teacher: s/he probably already has this in mind to discuss with next year’s teacher.
Cb says
Yeah, they are inviting these conversations with the survey. Its a wild process, I’m hoping someone has some sort of algorithm to sort these kids rather than an admin with post-it notes?
Anonymous11:10 says
That’s a good point, Cb. Maybe out of consideration for the administrative staff and/or teachers, it would be better to respond to the survey politely asking for these two to be separated. I change my vote!
Anonymous says
I would put it in the survey and talk to the teacher to cover all the bases.
anon says
Yeah, our school takes parent input into account when possible. Our 1st grader has a BFF in the neighborhood and his mom and I are in agreement they learn better when not in the same class. I would definitely make the ask, even if you have to frame it as – While DD and Chad are friends and neighbors, in the classroom setting can be easily distracted. I have a strong preference that they are in separate classes.
Anon says
I think this is a good way to frame it. And at least from what OP said it sounds like this is pretty accurate. If the child is bullying your child that’s a very different story, but I didn’t get that impression from the initial post.
Anonymous says
Yes! Also let the teacher know (s/he will probably put the same thing). Our district does this kind of survey except we are not allowed friend requests. Over the years, with different kids, I have used it to:
-avoid teachers with whom another of my kids has either had a bad experience or been a teachers pet
– ask for a specific teaching type (eg. Warm & fuzzy, more strict, etc)
– ask not to be placed with kids based on a Reason (please don’t place A with B, they are best friends and easily distracted)
– ask to be placed in the inclusion classroom specifically
– asked for a learning environment for my 5th grader of other high achieving girls (two years in a row she was the only girl in her reading/math groups in her class because they didn’t pay attention to gender when balancing this part of the class and she really withdrew).
– asked for a classroom that is able to provide (IEP mandated) differentiation
Anonymous says
Just found out I’m pregnant and won’t be telling friends for a while, so sharing it here! Also, it’s my second pregnancy but the first was almost 6 years ago — any new advice for things to do/not do in the first few weeks? (I’ve got a confirmation appointment with the OB next week).
Anon says
Celebrate! No need to do much else but savor the moment.
Anonymous says
Get on day care wait lists.
Anon says
Congrats!!! There was a post about this yesterday. If you think you will use daycare, then start touring daycares now and getting on waitlists.
Anon says
+1 for daycare waitlists ASAP – particularly since it sounds like your first child has aged out of daycare and you won’t have sibling priority.
Anon says
Make sure your prenatal vitamin contains folate (not folic acid) and choline. I like FullWell’s version – very comprehensive formula with magnesium, selenium, and lots of other vitamins and minerals that are often left out. Congratulations! I’m in early pregnancy too and calling daycares ASAP as others have recommended.
TheElms says
I agree its good to get a prenatal with choline and the other minierals that are often left out. But I thought the folic acid was the only version of folate specifically studied and proven to prevent neural tube defects.
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/folicacid/mthfr-gene-and-folic-acid.html
Anon says
Yes, choline seems to be a newish recommendation. This is my fourth pregnancy and the first time I’ve been told to watch for it. I get a choline supplement from Ritual, as my preferred prenatal doesn’t have much of it.
Anon says
The studies about Choline benefits show that they occur at very high levels of supplementation – I couldn’t find a prenatal that contained the appropriate amount, so I take a double dose of a Choline-only supplement from Thorne. I also take a stand alone DHA-EPA supplement. I like the brand iwi, it’s algae oil so you don’t have to deal with the fishy taste (and it’s better for the environment).
Anon says
I aim to eat eggs daily and get to about 950 mg of choline through those and my supplement.
Anon says
Related to the above, thoughts on requesting a specific teacher? I never thought I’d do it. My mom did it and although she did a really good job researching it and finding a teacher who was actually a good fit for me and not just the conventionally “good” teacher that everyone else wanted, I swore I would never do it for my own kids. It seemed like a prime example of snowplow parenting and I think part of life is learning to deal with people you don’t click with. I also didn’t really think it was possible in our district, because several people told me it wasn’t. But now I’m pretty plugged into our school volunteer network and apparently requesting is a thing that people do, and the requests are likely to be granted especially if the school knows you as a very involved mom. Several moms have strongly encouraged me to request a specific first grade teacher, who is apparently a very similar personality to my daughter’s K teacher, who has been beyond amazing. A few moms have pointed out to me that a bad teacher (especially at this age) can really derail a kid’s love of learning and it can be hard to recover from a terrible year when you haven’t yet established a love of reading and learning. And I do kind of see their point.
I was thinking I might send the principal a note about how wonderful our K teacher has been (I’m going to do this anyway, because I want her to get kudos) and add a comment that if there’s a first grade teacher with a similar teaching style we think s/he would be a great fit for our daughter, but not name any specific name. Does that seem like a good middle ground? Or do you think it’s overstepping to say anything at all other than telling her the K teacher was wonderful?
Cb says
I’m convinced the head of our PTA handpicks her kids’ teachers, but I’d feel so uncomfortable doing so. My kid’s class says together for the next 6 years, and is apparently the “tricky” class so I don’t feel hopeful.
Anon says
i think that is perfect. that is what i’ve been told to do for my kids. not to ask for a particular teacher, but to talk about teaching style that would make my kid successful, which honestly given that we are about to undergo a neuropsych eval for my kiddo at this stage of life a teacher who isn’t the right fit would be catastrophic for her.
Anonymous says
I also swore I would never do this. But the most chill mom ever told me she does it, because a bad teacher can make your year miserable and your kid hate school. She has 5 kids, so I trust her experience. Our protocol is to email the principal, but I started by asking the K teacher her thoughts. She steered me toward the “more strict” first grade teacher and it honestly has been a godsend for my bright, unmotivated kiddo. She’s so caring but doesn’t take any nonsense. I think they way you’re planning to go about it is just right.
Anonymous says
Look if you want to make the ask make it and don’t be coy. They can grant it or not and you don’t need to tell your child or anyone else you did it. But don’t send some cryptic note and hope they figure it out! No one has time for that.
Anonymous says
I disagree, this is a very standard way of making a request and is likely to be better received than demanding a particular teacher.
Anon says
+1 Our district has a strong policy of not requesting specific teachers, but does invite parents to send a note about the “style” of teacher their child may do best with, if we want to
Anonymous says
The volunteer parents absolutely get to pick their kids’ teachers and sometimes also to request which peers are/are not in the class. It’s not fair but that’s the way it is, so take advantage of it.
Anonymous says
Depends on the amount of trust you have in your school to do a good job on this issue, but we got our “third choice” K teacher out of three teachers (I did not make a request), and it’s really been a fantastic match. My daughter adores her and she is learning so much. She probably would have done fine in the other classes too, but I’m really glad I didn’t make that ask. The school is weighing a lot of factors when they put classes together and may have some insight you don’t into learning styles, teaching styles, class composition, and how your kid fits into that.
Anonymous says
I am skeptical that schools are putting that much consideration into class placements except for the most problematic kids and the kids of influential parents. A lot of the kids are seen as either fungible seat fillers or pawns to satisfy problematic kids’ needs (see thread above).
RR says
I would not. Our school specifically says they can’t honor teacher requests. And nothing is a guarantee anyway. This year, my daughter was assigned to a veteran 5th grade teacher who would have been a brilliant fit for her and whom she loved immediately. Unfortunately, the teacher had a family issue arise the first week, and daughter has instead spent 5th grade with a brand new teacher who is not a great fit (she’s a perfectly lovely teacher, but she’s not who I would have wanted for my daughter for the pivotal last year of elementary). No one is at fault, and I’m not upset, but it demonstrates how best laid plans don’t always even work out. (We didn’t request the first teacher–we just described our daughter and her needs in the end of year survey.)
RR says
ETA that what you propose as a middle ground is 100% appropriate, and I wouldn’t hesitate to say that K teacher was a particularly great fit for your child.
OP says
Good point that even the best laid plans don’t always work out! I know that first hand. Our K teacher was on maternity leave at the start of the year so we had a sub for the first three months. The sub was fine and nice to the kids, but the real teacher has been orders of magnitude better especially in terms of academics.
Anonymous says
Got the same thing this year but my kid’s teacher was HAPPY SURPRISE pregnant (she’s already got two mid elem ones). So everyone was surprised and she will be out all of May & June and was out a lot of the year for appts. Poor things has had a really rough pregnancy.
anon says
Our school does allow teacher requests (though explicitly states that friend request will not be honored). I’ve done it only once. We had a very bad experience with our son’s 2nd grade teacher. He was diagnosed with ADHD that year, and without going into all the details, our trust in that teacher was badly broken. Even though my daughter is not neurodivergent, we specifically requested “anyone but Mrs. D” because we thought she deserved a fresh start with a teacher who didn’t know her family’s history, and we, as parents, would’ve had a very difficult time giving that teacher the benefit of the doubt if anything unexpected did come up.
I would not make a request every year, but there are times when it seems appropriate. And if your kid isn’t mainstream in any way, it doesn’t hurt to look into who might be a better match for their personality and learning style.
Anonymous says
I have, but it was more about the type of teacher. I know my kids’ learning styles and point it out in there forms.
– A works better when pushed to be competitive
– B needs a teacher with strong classroom management
– C needs a classroom with a classroom that will have lots of physical activity to break up the day
– D would absolutely thrive in a male-taught classroom if at all possible
Etc
Sometimes it really leaves them with other teacher, sometimes it doesn’t.
Anonymous says
Your approach is great. I would CC this year’s teacher to make it clear this is all a good thing!
I’m pretty plugged into the PTO and I think (1) the admin knows who the complainers are (2) the admin knows the kids of the engaged parents better (3) in my case my 3rd has logged so many hours in the school that she personally asks for teachers. “I can wait to have X next year like big sister!” It’s just a joke and she’s being cute and friendly but I think that stuff does stick in the back of the admin’s heads.
Plus, my teacher friend (in a district that DOES allow teachers to help) jokes that they sometimes feel like they are trading draft picks for their peers. You gotta look at the kid, how involved or annoying the parents are, and if there are siblings!
Cb says
Something disappeared so apologies if this appears twice…
I’d say something but be really nice, like “Mr X has been in regular communication about the dynamic between A and B, and in the coming year, we would prefer to separate the children to reset/allow them to develop new friendships and learning partnerships”.
We got asked by our son’s year 1 teacher if we wanted to keep him and his bestie together and I’m slightly regretting saying yes now. I think he could have benefited from mixing things up. And now it’s the same class between years 2-7 (they don’t shuffle between years).
Anon says
I think there are several people here who’ve traveled extensively in France with kids — any thoughts on whether Aix-en-Provence or Corsica would be better with an early elementary age kid, and when the best time of year to go would be? We can travel any time from mid May to late July, but we have a slight preference for going around Memorial Day or July 4th since it saves us a day of PTO and summer camp options are limited those weeks.
(This is for next year, I’m just daydreaming!)
Anon says
Meant to add that I’ve previously been to Cannes, Nice, Marseilles and Monaco and would prefer to go somewhere new.
Anon says
Aix en Provence is lovely and manageable with kids. It can be really hot in July – it’s not by the ocean so you won’t get a breeze like on the Coast, and air conditioning is becoming more widespread in France but still not common everywhere – definitely confirm if your lodging has it if you’re going in July. It’s likely to be nicer in late May. There’s some beautiful hiking in the area, good culture, shopping, great food, gorgeous historical villages, and it’s less scene-ey than the French Riviera. Easy access to the beach and a number of sights by train, but if you want to really explore I would rent a car. Emilie Joly Johnson is an American mom in Aix and her Instagram is very dreamy and has some good travel inspiration.
Corsica is also nice – good mix of beach and mountains, some nice historical towns. It’s harder to get around and the roads can be tricky (mountains!) so I would set up at a nice hotel and do some excursions. Warning that the hiking in Corsica is pretty intense and may or may not be kid-friendly depending on your kid. Corsica feels a bit more rugged and rural than Aix, but the towns can be charming (not a fan of Ajaccio or Bastia, but I liked Porto Vecchio, Calvi and Bonifacio). It depends what you like to do.
Anon says
Thanks so much for this info! My husband is very interested in Corsica but I’m not sure it’s the right place for us because I’d heard about the twisty roads. Husband and kid both get carsick easily and had problems on the Amalfi Coast, and this seems similar.
oil in houston says
go in June, it’s before kids in France are off so will be quieter and cheaper, and weather should be nice. I prefer Corsica over the south of France, but I would pick carefully your base so you don’t end up driving too much, I love the area around porto vecchio, almost feels like the Caribbean with the color of the sea, but around Ajaccio is nice too. do not stay around Piana, it is stunning, but driving felt like I may fall off the cliff any minute.
enjoy!
Anonymous says
+1 on this.
My favorite time to take the kids to Europe is the last week of June/first week of July. Weather is great at the beach/lake, city day trips are not unbearably hot (hot just not crazy hot) and European kids are usually still in school until end of first or second week in July so the seaside is not packed.
NYCer says
+2. We love Corsica with kids, and June is a great time to go. The water might still be a little chilly (for my tastes), but it is manageable. My husband is French and grew up going there, so we mostly just have slow paced, relaxing vacations when we go there, but there is lots of hiking if you’re interested in that (hard with a kid IMO). We generally stay near Porto Vecchio, but have also stayed in the north near Saint Florent. Both are great areas. The beaches in the south are more beautiful I think. If you decide on the south, definitely take a boat ride to see the cliffs near Bonifacio. It is spectacular!
I have only been to Aix once (pre-kids), and it was also lovely. It definitely gets hotter in the summer as a previous poster mentioned, so I would prefer to go there in May vs. July.
NYCer says
FWIW, I also really like Biarritz if you’re interested in other beachy destinations in France. You can also easily do a day or two trip to San Sebastian, Spain from there, which is great.
Anon says
We went to Provence for our honeymoon and saw lots of families with children. I think it would be an easy trip with an early elementary kid. Lots of villages and outdoor activities like kayaking, etc. if that interests you.
Go before French holiday season. We went the week of July 4th, and there is a French holiday that week that kicks off vacation season. It was a night and day difference in the number of people in the towns before and after the holiday. Think– so crowded that all the restaurants fill up by 6 pm (in France).