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My sister got me a Warmie like this one as a gift since I’m always cold. My kids fight over it, so (shh!) she’s getting them their very own Warmies for the holidays.
This soft, heatable plush toy (just warm it up in the microwave for 45–60 seconds) has a relaxing and soothing lavender scent. I warm mine up right before bed and put it under the covers like a modern hot water bottle.
Amazon has many different animals available, including the pictured elephant, in a range of prices.
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AIMS says
We have one of these (we call him “hot-hot”) and it really is lovely. Works well when my kids have a cough to hold on their chest and loosen phlegm, too. But be prepared for your house to smell like buckwheat when you nuke em (i don’t mind but to each her own..).
Cb says
We have one with cherry pits (but not animal shaped) that’s great for an earache.
Anonymous says
I don’t mind the buckwheat smell, but the lavender bugs me.
Anonymous says
My twins got Warmies from their CASA for their first Christmas and they loved them!
Anon says
We have one of these (it’s a sloth) and currently dealing with mice in the house. I couldn’t figure out why I was finding piles of flax seed in the house. Turns out the mice have been eating the innards of this poor thing.
Anon says
Omg!!
Cb says
Argh, I’m crawling over the finish line here – we leave for the airport hotel on Wednesday PM, for an early AM flight the next day. Before then, I have to mark 15 more essays, deal with multiple instances of chatGPT essays, prep evidence, go to London for the day and give evidence, and finish edits to a 10,000 word report in which the editors have un-capitalised all proper nouns….and host a cinnamon bun open house on Sunday (if I don’t have Covid – colleague I had dinner with on Monday tested positive Tuesday).
Aaaannnd…. aftercare decided not to pick my son up today because he wasn’t on the list? He got rescued by his best friend’s dad/little sister, and is now home and has cried because he can’t make an origami boat and we have the wrong type of apples.
Just going to collapse on my parents’ doorstep.
Some Friday solidarity?
TheElms says
Oh my goodness that is a lot, but you can totally do it! I’m imagine the chatGPT essays are frustrating because I’m sure you put a lot of energy/time into prepping to teach class and it must be hard to see the students not put in the same effort. Fingers crossed for no Covid!
Cb says
I am less annoyed by it in my first year class, but my honours (3rd and 4th year) really annoy me as it’s more interactive? I spent so much time teaching them how to do the skill (qualitative data analysis) and even if they did a mediocre job, I’d have given them a passing mark for effort… but now I have to fill out a report, bring them in for a meeting, etc.
Anonymous says
Oh, wow. How are they managing to use chatGPT to fake analysis of qualitative data? Are they feeding in all the data and letting the bot pull out themes? I thought chatGPT relied on its own database scraped from the web.
Cb says
They are just submitting very generic essays which don’t actually meet the assignment criteria.
But if they were smart enough to feed in data, it would do it.
Anon says
Good vibes to you! Cinnamon bun open house sounds DELIGHTFUL & fingers crossed you avoid Covid.
We’re not traveling until the second week of school break (the week of Jan. 1) which I’m thanking my past self for even though it requires using more PTO. This coming week is going to be rough, but then I get to veg at home for a week.
Cb says
I was in London all week and made my co-worker walk to the Swedish bakery shop so I could get the fancy pearl sugar.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Big solidarity vibes from here! Cb that’s a LOT. But the good (?) thing is, like you say, by Wednesday PM it’ll be over and you can collapse on your parents doorstep on Thursday.
Update over here: I had 3 glasses of wine at DH’s holiday party last night – that is a lot for me – thankful I was wise (not saying this sarcastically) enough to stuff myself full of fast food and chug lots of water before I passed out last night, because I know otherwise this minor headache today would have been a major hangover.
Anon says
How do you figure out it’s a ChatGPT essay? I’m in a law firm and I’ve seen some associates’ writing improve very suddenly. I’m wondering if they are using ChatGPT.
Spirograph says
It’s super-noticeable to me; I have a pretty good sense of the “voice” people typically write with, and deviation from that is instantly apparent. Also, ChatGPT has a default voice (although you can tweak it with follow-on prompts to be more concise, or humorous, etc) and it’s easy to pick out if you’ve played with it much.
True story, a colleague made a poor attempt at a joke in a department-wide presentation recently that was widely perceived as insulting to admin assistants and a couple people were very hurt and offended. Someone brought it to his attention, and he sent an apology email…. almost certainly written by chatGPT. I don’t know how many people noticed, but a couple of my work friends and I put our own prompts in and got *extremely* similar outputs, including several matching turns of phrase, exact match on structure, etc etc. (Still better than not apologizing at all, but it definitely cheapens it, to me)
Academic says
I’d also love to know how you figured out its chat gpt. I’m also an academic and am struggling with figuring out whether students are using it. I suspect they are (and they’re not supposed to be) but so far I haven’t been able to prove it to my satisfaction.
Cb says
It’s terrifying, google bard is very, very good and there is a Firefox plugin which will find you real references. For my first years, I ask ai to answer the question and use that as a reference as I’m marking.
Some clues:
The conclusion is too good – students struggle with the landing, AI doesn’t.
It often uses headers and a very precise 3 main points process.
It sounds like the student has swallowed a thesaurus, there’s always a “multifaceted” “tapestry” etc.
Really consistent sentence structure.
We mark anonymously and I’m rubbish with names anyway, but if you don’t, is the student capable of this work?
You can also copy paste the essay in and say “is this AI generated?”
School administrator says
A few more ideas: our institution uses Turnitin, which isn’t perfect, but flags some issues. If you’re using Google Docs, the Draftback add-on can replay edits made to the doc, which makes it clear when students are copying and pasting large chunks of text.
Spirograph says
Solidarity from me! I don’t have that much on my plate, but there is one more thing I need to get out the door on this, my last official day of work for 2023, and I am just struggling to find focus and motivation.
Best wishes for no covid, the fortitude to power through your to-do list, and a restful holiday on the other side!
Anon says
Job transition anxiety advice?
After eleven years in my current government job, it looks like I am likely getting an offer for a private sector job. The job is really what I was looking for, and yet, I am having severe severe anxiety over leaving my current job and starting a new one. It will be very different, and I’m worried I won’t like it, or won’t do well, or will be bored, or will have to work too many hours. But, I decided it was time to leave my current job like a year ago, and I do feel like this job has run it’s course. And yet…..yelp!
Spirograph says
Congrats on your probable offer! Change is hard. You’re leaving an environment you know for one where you’ll have to learn a whole new culture, personalities, processes, etc, of course you’re anxious! But your new job might be great. Or all the things you’re worried about might happen… in which case, you can start looking again and try to find a better fit. This is not a permanent decision, and even if you hate it, you’ll learn something in the process.
Anonymous says
Where do you buy photo frames?
Cb says
IKEA or the custom (but cheap) online frames company. I’m in the UK so no specific name, but they exist.
Spirograph says
There’s a local frame shop where I take things that need custom sizes. Otherwise, if I don’t have something specific in mind, I just wander homegoods / tj maxx/ marshalls. Department stores and craft stores are also good places to look
Mary Moo Cow says
Pottery Barn Marlowe frames for desktop (I mix metals) and Michael’s for gallery wall.
Anonymous says
Anthropologie, West Elm, or local shops for table frames. Framebridge for gallery walls (I find they are at their best when you’re uploading high-quality digital files to their templates). Our local framer for real art.
Anon says
Home goods. IKEA for the walls.
Anon says
Okay team, I need some help reframing this so please truly throw some toxic positivity my way.
My husband’s family does a huge, elaborate white elephant type gift exchange every year on top of their normal gift giving. I hate it. Everyone has to buy 5-7 crude joke gifts (like Spencer’s type stuff) and receives 5-7 of them in return. We always spend a significant amount of money on it and always automatically donate/throw away the junk we receive. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
My husband loves it. Spends a ton of time choosing gifts, wants me to actively participate and chose “good” gifts, is texting me at work about ideas rather than doing other tasks that I’ve asked for help with.
I’m so frustrated and I just need to suck it up and stop being a spoilsport about it. Truly, it’s one of his cherished Christmas traditions. He honestly doesn’t ask me for much. I really need to get over myself and fake some enthusiasm.
Help please!
An.On. says
Can you… fake a meeting and get a couple hours break? Then come back into it focused and ready to spend some time doing this annoying but harmless activity?
anon says
sorry this is not what you asked for but i hate this.
Anon says
Same. I can’t endorse this. It’s horrible!
Anonymous says
Idk, that’s in the same bucket of all the stocking stuffers we buy our kids. (The fact that it’s basically trash, not crude!). My kids LOVE opening LOL dolls which are really one time dopamine hits.
Let your DH have it. Buy these pens or another version of them. If you want, make a game out of finding items for the exchange for free- post on your local buy nothing group and I’m sure you’ll get items!
https://www.amazon.com/Fuhgkg-Negative-Ballpoint-Screens-Writing/dp/B0C3QN6NMN/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?adgrpid=119708593800&hvadid=580817782993&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9001878&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=3227302598666763687&hvtargid=kwd-719623457889&hydadcr=29260_14567821&keywords=sarcastic%2Bpens&qid=1702656376&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1&th=1
Anon says
I’m Jewish but I thought stocking stuffers were mostly stuff people like and will use, just small things that wouldn’t be big enough to be a standalone present? OP’s in-laws thing seems really different and the waste would bother me a lot.
Anon says
It can be, like lip balm or toothbrushes, but it can also be “junkier” stuff like fidget spinners, stick on earrings, etc. And by “basically trash” I think she means the type of plastic stuff that gets a big reaction from kids upon opening, but isn’t going to be a treasured toy, might get broken soon, and will ultimately end up in the trash before long.
Anon says
Gosh, that would bug me, too! I remind myself that holiday traditions (especially around gifts) are some of the most nostalgic, meaningful and personal memories we have with our family of origins…and even if they are eccentric, they are important.
My husband’s big family has a huge gifting culture, and we are buying gifts for like 25 people. (Whereas in my family, there’s some age cutoff for niece and nephew gifts, in his the cutoff seems to be the end of your life.) I have accepted this, but I also put in the minimum effort (all gift cards for the tweens, teens and young adults). It’s their love language, I guess. It adds a lot of stress to the holiday to round up so many gifts, but it’s the price of admission in this family.
And, my husband has let me take the lead in creating the traditions for our kids/nuclear family and given up a lot of his childhood trappings for me. So, this is the balance we are striking, and I will try not to be passive aggressive about it, lol. Maybe you can ask your husband to round up all the ideas and you can pick from the list he creates? Maybe the agreement is you add 2 of your own ideas, to his 5?
Mary Moo Cow says
This is petty, but can you mentally set aside an equal amount that you spend on these gifts as yours to spend only on yourself? Like, if it’s $100, go buy yourself a $110 thing you really want that’s only for you. Put replies on autopilot, like just reply with an emoji. Buy a hooked pillow that says “not my circus not my monkeys” and stare at it. Also count down the days until you can delegate this to your kids.
Anonymous says
Can you let him enjoy the tradition but explain that you don’t want to be involved in selecting the gifts?
anonM says
Ok, here is some toxic positivity. He loves it! It puts him in the holiday spirit! He does the bulk of the work to make it happen (it sounds like anyways!). Let him have it. Your description sounds like my parents a bit tbh – my mom often says my dad also didn’t ask for much, so when he did she took is seriously. (Even when it was annoying. I still remember coming home early from vacation to attend a grad party he insisted we attend.) They had a really, really solid marriage and sometimes silly things like this show mutual respect. Also, I know a large extended family that does a white elephant and it sounds like a blast. One uncle is notorious for framing one of his own senior pictures every.single.year. (“Yay, a framed photo of Uncle Joe when he was 18, againnnnn!”) Honestly I love hearing about it. They don’t seem to spend much money or create a lot of waste, because I think they do more silly garage-sale finds etc. The family member I know is on the lookout for something ridiculous all year long.
Now, if you want suggestions for making this less irritating next year, there must be a way to just bring one white elephant gift – you can “draw names” online now and that might cut down on the waste. Or, focus your attention on the normal gift giving – can that get scaled back a bit?
Ok for not toxic positivity – I get the feeling of I-don’t-get-why-this-is-fun with the in-laws. My in laws did a roast one year and I was astounded. My family would literally have been in tears 5 minutes in, but they all had a great time. I told DH under no circumstances was he to ever, ever plan a roast on my side. It would be a total disaster.
Anonymous says
Part of my problem when I get into a place like this is that I haaaaaate feeling forced to do something that I find stupid or even repulsive. So then I’m also dealing with my own outsized reaction. It takes a lot of letting go for me to “give in and go along.” I feel like I lose the fight or lose face if I participate with good grace.
Personally, I’d draw the line at buying crude stuff (that’s just not me). But can you indulge your inner 4-year-old and by stupid stuff? Just treat it like a little kids’ party game.
Anonymous says
This is not what you asked for but what if you crowdsourced on here periodically and kept a running list on your phone and just pulled from the list. Saying this because we used to do this as a family and it was one gift per person and I agree it did get wasteful and was just another thing to do. But the actual event really brought together our large dispersed family and kept grandmas engaged etc so it felt worth it. Some gifts were cheap and not crude at all like my brother did 20 chicken nuggets from McDs, a goldfish, etc. also sometimes we would buy a nice thing and engineer it’s way to a grandma like a nice fur blanket one year etc.
Anon says
Can you tell him you love that he’s so into it but are need to focus at work so can put the suggestions into a google doc and you promise to check it at lunch / end of day? That way you aren’t inundated with texts. Also would it make you feel better to buy a mix of outrageous and actually useful things like headlamps, good wine, cozy socks?
Anonymous says
Can you find crude consumable gifts, like penis-shaped pasta, so it doesn’t feel so wasteful? Archie McPhee could be one-stop shopping
https://mcphee.com/collections/candy
The reframe – how wonderful it is that he and his family are so close. Truly, this is not that common. How fun will it be to see him enjoying it!
Anonymous says
ETA – https://mcphee.com/collections/white-elephant-gifts
I admit I kind of want the baby worm.
Anon says
Do I need to do any activities/structured games at my kid’s 4th bday party this weekend? There will be 10 kids total. I asked about game ideas a few weeks ago and everyone suggested Pass the Parcel, which was a GREAT idea but I haven’t had a chance to get organized around that and am thinking it might not work because of the number of little siblings involved in this party (it’s about 50% 4-5 year olds and 50% 1-2 year olds). I’m very burnt out this time of year and just am crossing my fingers everyone will play and enjoy the pizza and cake.
Anon says
They will totally just play! We’ve attended a couple dozen 4-5 year old birthday parties at playgrounds, backyards, indoor play spaces, bounce houses, ninja gyms and trampoline parks, and most of them had no structured activities. Play is the activity at this age. The only thing I would say is that if you’re hosting it in your home maybe try to have separate spaces for the big kids and little siblings, because I imagine there won’t be a lot of overlap in what they want to do.
Anonymous says
If it’s at home, a couple of games can help get kids warmed up. At that age we did musical cushions (like musical chairs) with great success.
Anonymous says
Pick a few dance moves to teach them and have a dance party? I would teach a conga line (which will be a fun disaster!), a disco move, and something else, with one song for each move, and then I’d give them glow sticks and dim the lights and get a disco ball or something.
Anon says
If you want to do an activity, I’d make it a station where kids can come over if they want but can also just choose to skip. I wouldn’t try to get all the kids to do the same thing at the same time.
Anon says
No way. Get the duplo out, put out a lot of (washable) crayons and paper, call it a day. Definitely no structured activities with this age. Bubbles, if you have an outdoorsy space. Playdoh on a sheet that you can throw out.
Anonymous says
If it’s indoors, I would come up with structured activities. IME when you let a big group of kids engage in free play indoors you end up with your kid’s stuff being destroyed, kids getting into rooms where they aren’t supposed to go, squabbles, etc. If it’s outdoors, just let them play.
Anon says
That is not my experience, except for the wandering into rooms they shouldn’t be in, which can easily be solved by locking doors.
NYCer says
+1. We had my daughter’s 4th birthday party in our (large) apartment this year, and it was totally fine. The kids had a blast and nothing was destroyed.
I think a later poster’s idea about decorating party hats is cute though. I might steal that for her 5th bday party.
Anonymous says
1) no you do not. 2) IF you want a low key activity, for my five year old’s party I bought party hats and tons of stickers to decorate them and just laid it all out on a table. EVERYONE loved this activity, especially smaller siblings.
CCLA says
Not needed, IME they will free play, but it can be helpful to have some things to redirect or corral them if things seem to be going off the rails or if they seem adrift:
1. if you’re outdoors, giant parachute, bubbles, sidewalk chalk
2. a stack of papers, stickers, crayons – honestly this has often been the biggest hit in the ~4-6 age range and is helpful for having something out when the kids arrive in case they’re staggered; print themed coloring pages if you feel like it but blank construction paper has worked well
3. freeze dance (add glow sticks if it’s night or if you can dim the lights sufficiently)
4. loose balloons, they like to play keepy uppy (ymmv with the tiny siblings and whether you want balloons floating around)
Anon says
How many professional slights would you take before making the choice to disrupt your family’s life for a new job?
We just went through the first phase of this year’s review cycle and it’s clear that my manager and leadership team doesn’t have my back. I’m just so hurt. I had a big project read out this year that culminates many years of work and I’m not getting credit. There will never be another opportunity for that credit–it’s years of earned recognition just missed.
Think: there’s a big award that’s given annually for the top new product launch, a 3-8+ year effort, but this year my manager agreed with leadership that instead of recognizing me it was okay to recognize everyone who worked on a product that launched this year so I technically still get an “award” but with 25 other people instead of solo. That’s never been done before and I’m being asked to be grateful that I was recognized at all. I was told privately that I would have won if it was a solo award this year.
I probably need to go on the job market, but there aren’t good options in my area. A new job will be a huge family disruption, possibly requiring relocating my family or a ton more travel to work remotely for a company located elsewhere. Ugh. I mostly like my job (something not to be under appreciated), but I also want to be treated fairly. I’m not being pushed out, but am being actively overlooked.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t move my entire family and make my spouse get a new job over an award. I say this as someone who was more than once passed over for awards I should have won, slighted at the same exact moment when I was promoted, and thrown under the bus for a massive organizational failure. The last one was what made me quit even though they begged me to stay because they knew they needed me. When you have a family you don’t have the luxury of having an ego.
Anon says
Yeah, I sympathize with your feelings, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to uproot a spouse and kids because you were passed over for an award. I’m the trailing spouse in my marriage and I did it because it was the only way for my husband to pursue his chosen career. It’s been hard on me both emotionally and in terms of my career. After nearly 10 years in our current city we’re finally starting to feel settled, and I will not move again just so my husband can get a more prestigious and better paying (but fundamentally similar) job, and would certainly not move because he didn’t get an award.
Anon says
Just to add, the award isn’t a one off. It’s become increasingly apparent that one of the key people in leadership don’t like me (mostly because I am competing with their reports/mentees). I was hoping my manager would see my success as a way to show her own success and advocate for me, but she either doesn’t like me or isn’t savvy enough to advocate for me. I don’t know which one it is, but the award was a very public slight and is a pretty clear signal that I’m going to be disappointed again come bonus and raise announcements. My manager is new-ish to role, so I probably have her to deal with for another 5-7 years. The person who doesn’t like me is likely to be promoted to an even bigger role. There’s no clear end in sight for how this gets better.
Anon says
I’ll add that a lot of the frustration is an ongoing experience of feeling like I’m being gaslit. It’s been going on for years with a moving target that appears to apply only to me. I finally undisputably hit the target after nearly a decade and they changed the game.
Anon says
Sorry this is happening to you. :(
My answer to your initial question is… a lot. Long story short, I had a good situation pre-Covid but between the hit to my productivity due to childcare disruptions in 2020-2021 and a re-org that put me under t0xic upper management, things have been really rough since then. I’ve been criticized a lot, gotten several negative reviews (with some fair criticism and a lot of unfair criticism imo), and it’s been made pretty clear to me I will never get promoted unless we get completely new upper management. I get decent raises but only because a previous manager pushed to get me into a higher pay band and I will fall out of that payband if they don’t give me regular raises, so their hands are kind of tied.
But I’m in a similar situation to you – very limited job options locally, fully remote work is not big in my industry (98% of the jobs I see online need a person who can be in the office at least 1-2 days/week), my direct manager is decent and does what he can do to advocate for me, and there are significant perks to staying with this org (excellent work-life balance, PTO that would be nearly impossible to match elsewhere, generous retirement contributions) so moving to a new job wouldn’t be a no-brainer even if I had more local. It s*cks and I’m low key sad about how unsatisfying my career is on a regular basis, but rationally when I do the cost-benefit analysis it makes sense to stay here, especially with the stage of life I’m in with young kids who need a lot of me.
Anon says
I went through a really tough year professionally and just came out on the other side a few months ago. In hindsight, I realize it was years that were really hard on me at work, and I’m still recovering my self-esteem in many ways.
All of this to say I am sorry you are not being treated fairly or feeling seen at work. That really sucks. But I also agree that unless it’s a situation where you are being pushed out, or the mental health piece is wearing on you every day (and maybe you are there), I personally wouldn’t disrupt my family life.
I suspect if you’ve been in your location for some time and if it would be hard to leave – you may have some roots where you currently are. I’m not someone that’s looking (right now) to lean out, or slow career progression, but job stability plus being rooted somewhere is more important to me than the “more ideal” job that would 1) be a major change to everyone; AND 2) will not love me back.
Maybe just – see what’s out there come Q1? That may help you understand how strongly you feel about changing jobs.
Anon says
Realistically, even if I started looking now, I’m not going to move until I get my bonus in March as that’s a major portion of my annual compensation.
I don’t need to move for the wrong position, but I think I do need to start looking. Maybe there is a unicorn position that will be worth moving for? I won’t know unless I start looking.
Anonymous says
I would start looking, but also talk with your spouse. It needs to be a joint decision.