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Cb says
Any quick collaborative game ideas? We’ve been enjoying Outfoxed and I wanted to suggest a few games for my in-laws. I quite like the idea of card games that we can easily bring with us to a cafe, etc.
Anon says
Maybe too basic, but my 6 year old still likes Go Fish. We have an ocean-themed set that’s more fun than just regular playing cards, and I think you can find cards in a multitude of other themes.
For board games, she likes Race to Escape and Sorry in addition to Outfoxed. Sorry is not collaborative and there were some big feelings the first couple of times she got Sorry-ed but it’s ok now.
Anon says
After reading below it’s definitely called Race to the Treasure. Need more coffee 🤦🏻♀️
Anon says
Sleeping Queens is not collaborative, but is fun! (It’s a card game). The Secret Door is collaborative and one of our favorites, but I wouldn’t bring it out of the house because it has a lot of little card pieces.
GCA says
These are not cooperative games, but Cinco Linko is fun, portable, and readily grasped by a 6yo. The card game Punto comes in a teeny tiny box. And Swish! or Set are classic logic games.
TheElms says
Do you have Bananagrams? It can be played collaboratively (instead of racing another person I’ve played to see how many words you can build together in a set amount of time and then you play again and try to beat your previous number of words). Its very portable.
TheElms says
OuiSi – which is a card picture game and also just a conversation starter might be a good option too.
Spirograph says
Not cooperative, but Spot It is a great on-the-go game
Anon. says
We play Spot It with the 3 and 6 year old but take turns finding the match instead of racing. That way it’s more fun activity than competitive.
Mary Moo Cow says
Second sleeping queens and spot it! We also have a card deck of Guess Who? that’s fun and Guess in 10 animals.
Artemis says
Quiddler is an awesome card game and kids do surprisingly well when they are good readers.
Mole Rats in Space is a full board game but a GREAT collaborative game for all ages, silly and fun.
SC says
Race to the Treasure! It’s quick, and the rules and mechanics are simple, which makes it a great choice to play with friends who are unfamiliar with it. I genuinely enjoy it, my 8-year-old hasn’t outgrown it, and we taught it to our 5-year-old niece on a beach trip this summer.
CCLA says
We adore this game. Our 7 yo claims to have outgrown it but then when our 5 yo picks it, they both get very into it.
Not cooperative, but my 7yo plays crazy 8s also, and we also all like Spot It.
AwayEmily says
Not a card game and not super quick (maybe 20 minutes per round?), but we really like Cauldron Quest. It actually has some drama to it, which is fun.
DLC says
We play the picture version of Codenames with our kids (4-11). You can play teams or you can play collaboratively. The 6 year old is terrible at being CodeMaster, but loves doing it.
We also play a lot of Uno and Guesstures, though the latter isn’t really portable.
anonM says
Depending on ages, of course- Hoot Owl Hoot or HABA My Very First Games First Orchard. I like the orchard one in particular because it has these nice, big wood pieces that even little ones can “help” with even if they can’t totally participate yet.
Nervous Traveler says
Has anyone been to Lisbon with young kids? We are doing a one-day stopover there with my 5 year old and 9 year old, and I’m trying to figure out what neighborhood to stay in. Goals are just to unwind after a long flight, get a feel for being in a different country, eat some kid friendly food, and hit a park or possibly the castle. This is my kids’ first time traveling overseas.
Anon says
I haven’t been to Lisbon, but depending on what time you arrive, you might consider booking your hotel for the night before as well. If you’re on a non-stop flight from the US you’re probably arriving pretty early, and having the hotel available immediately allows you to get a solid nap in and still have the afternoon and early evening for exploration and a normal-ish bedtime in the new timezone. Otherwise I think it will be a pretty rough day coming off of a red-eye flight and trying to take kids to sights, and I’d consider adding a second day if you really want to see any of Lisbon. (We normally consider the first day in Europe a wash, but we’re also normally connecting within Europe and not getting to our final destination until mid-afternoon.)
Portuguese food isn’t going to be super familiar to kids who eat a typical American diet (unlike Italian food) but you can probably get pizza and/or a hamburger at many places.
Anon says
We stayed near Sé de Lisboa with 2 toddlers and loved the neighborhood and accessibility, but were there for 8 days, not 1, so your calculations may be different.
Portugal is amazingly kid-friendly, so you should have a great time!
NYCer says
Bairro Alto is a good, central neighborhood. We stayed at the Bairro Alto Hotel, but for a cheaper alternative, you could also try the Lisboa Carmo Hotel.
If you’re arriving on a red-eye, I also second the recommendation to book the hotel for the night before as well so you can go straight to your room in the morning.
Cb says
Lisbon is super kid friendly, but the playparks are rubbish. For a day layover, I’d stay downtown for convenience and hit the Oceanarium but it’s not very neighbourhood-y. If it’s winter, the Tivoli (basement pool), if you’re there in the summer, go to the Hotel Europa (rooftop pool). There is a string of restaurants nearby, best salad I ever ate, and the fanciest McDonalds.
That’s a nice age for a tuk-tuk tour where you can see everything/veg if you’re jet lagged. The tram is also fun.
to yesterday's anon with the rambling email taskings says
I responded in your thread yesterday. I also agree to talk to your manager to make sure he/she understands how these tasks are coming in and the level of effort involved with figuring out what they are. good luck!
Anon says
After years of bad shopping habits, I’m finally reformed(ish) but need to clean out my house. I grew up with a parent who – while not a hoarder – had bulk purchasing habits and a fear of running out of things from growing up in poverty with a parent who had escaped a war torn country with nothing. Sam’s Club was my mom’s BFF. Why buy one rag when you can buy 50 in bulk? Anyway, between Amazon Prime and Instacart, I got in some similar bad habits, but after realizing that clutter makes me hugely anxious, I have pulled way back. Except, my house still has too much stuff. My kids have too many cheap Tshirts, there are kitchen supplies that no one uses, the art cabinet has old half used coloring books that no one has opened in years. It’s literally overwhelming to me to try to pare down 3 kids and a large suburban house. I also feel a lot of guilt throwing away a lot of this stuff — but like, no one really wants a slightly dirty old truck or a doll with a broken hand, right? How do I get started? just get a bulk trash bin and toss stuff without regard? Box up and donate? One room at a time? One category (books?) I’m sure Marie Kodo is the answer here, but am looking for success stories if anyone has actually done this?
Anon says
If you can swing it, I highly recommend booking a day with a professional organizer for this purpose. They will help you not only identify what can be tossed (and some of them even coordinate donations), they will get all your remaining items that you’re keeping organized, so that you can easily find things and know when you need to do another purge. i had some sticker shock when I did this for the first tiem but looking back feel like it was money truly well spent.
Anon says
i agree with this. it is pricey, but can be especially helpful if this doesn’t come naturally to you
Anonymous says
It’s funny: I actually did this Monday after being laid off last week (it’s fine: my work is seasonal and I’ll find another job in January). I have a 3500 sq foot house and three kids and it took me a solid six hours. So…here’s what I did. I went through every room and pulled anything I know we don’t want and put it in a pile in each room. Then I went back through the pile and sorted into: 1. trash (bring your trash can and toss immediately),2. donate, 3. stuff you can’t donate but can maybe give away on Buy Nothing. I bagged up everything to donate and it’s sitting in my car waiting for me to make the trip. Then I moved all the buy nothing to a central location: my dining table, took photos and posted everything. That was Monday; I’d day about half the stuff is gone already. Don’t make perfect the enemy of the good: if you have to throw stuff in the landfill then so be it. Depending on how pressed you are for time, I might skip the buy nothing step. Remember Goodwill, H&M take unwearable clothing and recycle it so don’t feel guilty about donating that stuff. They key is to be really disciplined about not bringing new stuff into your house. I’m working really hard on this but it’s hard, especially around the holidays.
Anon says
Before listing our house, I wanted to declutter it top to bottom. So I made a list, dividing the house into manageable areas. Sometimes that was a whole room (kids bathroom), but often it was part of a room (linen closet, living room book shelves) etc. I then went down my list each day; because of how I’d divided it up, each section was like 20 min and the whole thing felt manageable. The key is to deal with everything as you touch it, not just carry it to another room to deal with later.
I made a bin of stuff to sell to Once Upon a Child, but mostly I trashed things.
Anonymous says
This is a better system than mine upthread where I did the whole house at once.
Anon says
I just cleaned out the house of a relative with dementia who had accumulated a LOT of crap over the years – think cheap plastic organizers, dozens of extension cords, etc. We decided to be ruthless about the plastic crap and just throw it away instead of spending valuable time cleaning these rickety pieces of sh*t for Goodwill. I encourage you to do the same – don’t hangwring over cheap, half-broken items that no one wants. The same goes for books that are falling apart.
anon says
+1. Have cleaned out for hoarding relatives and part of the hang up with a lot of things were items they were getting around to repairing, that they wanted to make sure found a new home, they could sell it on ebay or at a theoretical one-day garage sale, etc. etc. It can make it impossible and so overwhelming for some people. It’s really ok to throw it away. And, if you let it pile up your whole life instead (perfect being the enemy of good), I will tell you now that someone will get a dumpster or you’ll get flooded or whatever and it’ll be trashed anyways. Unfortunately, ask me how I know. You’re very cognizant of the problem, just do what you need to do to make this task manageable for yourself. You have this internet stranger’s permission to not perfectly re-home every item!
Anonymous says
Post everything on your local Facebook Buy Nothing group. People will take – and appreciate – things that are used and/or not in perfect condition. Don’t throw stuff away unless as a last resort.
Iris says
This! You can get rid of SO MUCH stuff this, at your own speed, and just by putting it out on your porch. I would tackle by category: spend 20 minutes one evening speed-reviewing the t-shirt situation and making a pile for giveaway, 20 min the next evening assessing your kitchen utensils, etc. This is a situation where I can’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good — concentrate on the low hanging fruit first (i.e., do not get hung up on assessing every single item in a category, just remove the easiest items from your environment first) — as you quickly decrease the high volume stuff, it becomes much easier to assess the remainder of your stuff.
Anon says
For the buy nothing groups, do you post one item at a time? Or post as a lot? I will admit that managing pick up of all the items we’d donate may be the enemy of me actually getting this done.
Abibue says
To avoid coordinating pickups, I put in the post “porch pickup, first come first served (FCFS)”. Then I just put it in a bag on the porch, and I DM our address to everyone who is interested, usually with a reminder, “It’s FCFS, but I’ll try to message you if it gets picked up.”
You can post everything in one post if you want. I typically do separate posts because I find it easier to manage, or I’ll post a group of things and say “please take all and regift as needed,” just so it’s off my hands.
Anon says
Thank you!! I will give this a try. buy nothing may really help me move these items out of my house!
Anonymous says
I don’t use facebook, but my neighborhood listserv and another local parents listserv are the same idea.
For a bunch of stuff from a clean out, I usually post something like “Curb alert: Misc toys and kids clothes for ages 3-5” as the subject, and then a bulleted, slightly more detailed list and and photos in the message body. And then just leave it all out in the front yard with a sign that says FREE. I update my post if big items like a play kitchen have been taken, but otherwise just call it done.
Anonymous says
I HIGHLY recommend Dana K White. Look up her “one hour better” videos on YouTube where she walks someone through her simple steps. I think she did five or six of them several years ago. And go back and watch her early videos, where she’s literally filming her own mess and clutter and talking through the decisions she’s making. (That’s been several years ago, so her current videos are useful, but she’s no longer living in the same level of clutter she shows in the early ones.)
Cerulean says
For anything in good shape, go to donate stuff dot com to see if there’s a charity in your area that does donation pickups and schedule a date in the near future. I schedule a pickup a few times a year and it’s a great motivator to regularly go through stuff.
I like to decide how much space I’m willing to dedicate to a given category. If I know that tshirts need to easily fit in a designated drawer, then I start with the ones I really like and make sure not to overt stuff it. Once it starts getting full, I know it’s time to pare down.
Artemis says
Start small to gain momentum: think pick 3 drawers in the kitchen, or one dresser in someone’s room. Once you’ve done a small project well you’ll get over the mental hurdle and be able to figure out a system for the rest.
Also, once you’ve done the big project, maintenance is key. I always have two big bags open on the floor near my laundry machines so I have a place to put worn out or too small clothes/shoes/sheets. One bag is for fabric recycling and one is for Goodwill. When the bags fill up I make the trip.
The day after Thanksgiving, I pick a decent-sized cardboard box and put it in the playroom, and I make a paper chart for my kids that gets posted in the family bulletin board where they can check off the areas they’ve gone through (closets, bookshelves, toy bins), and anything they don’t want goes in the trash or for donation in the box. Want fun stuff at Christmas? They need to make a decent effort to clean stuff out.
Anonymous says
Buy Nothing groups are your friend!! I guarantee people want the trucks or half used coloring books.
SC says
I actually do recommend Marie Kondo. Her book focuses on letting go of guilt and other negative emotions associated with stuff, while honoring the positive emotions we feel toward certain items. She suggests going one category at a time, and I think there’s some value to that. She suggests moving through categories by “level of difficulty” so you get some momentum. And it’s easier to see what to keep and how to organize it if everything in that category is in one spot. For example, this weekend, after my husband finished our home office renovation, we were unpacking books and putting them back on the bookshelves in the office. That project snowballed to me reorganizing the books in the bedroom, separating the nonfiction and fiction, organizing the fiction by genre, etc. On the other hand, I didn’t touch the cookbooks or the kid books, which are in different rooms and which I see as separate categories.
Anon says
What are your/your kids favorite holiday traditions? I’ve been thinking about what traditions I want my kids to grow up with and I love hearing what others do. I’m hoping it’s a fun topic on a Wednesday when I would like to do anything besides think about work.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’m following with interest. DS #1 just turned 6 and I think it’s peak time to really dig in on these.
Anonymous says
Creating our own nuclear family traditions is important to DH and me. Here are a few we do currently (kids are 6, 2.5 and 2.5):
Photos with Santa
Cut down our own Christmas tree
Drive around and look at lights
Have a fire in our back yard
Sing Christmas carols on Christmas Eve (DH is learning to play piano)
DH makes gumbo Christmas Day
A few we want to do in the future:
Tap a firkin
Decorate the outside of our house
Bake cookies for our neighbors (I’m really going to try to do this one this year!)
anon says
A firkin of what? (I googled and the internet referenced butter, which, if you’re tapping a firkin of butter I admire your commitment to full-fat dairy.)
Anonymous says
Beer :)
Meg says
Advent calendar – I bought one of the reusable ones (I think from pottery barn) and each day has a chocolate and activity card. When the kids were little most of the activities were “read a Christmas book” and now they are more like “Christmas movie”
Stockings – in our house your guardian angel brings your stocking to the end of your bed overnight. And then when the kids wake up they can dig in. It buys you a few minutes to make coffee before the tree stampede.
We make and decorate Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve.
We decorate gingerbread houses (using leftover Halloween candy) the day after thanksgiving with cousins.
Anon2 says
We pull out our box(es) of holiday books on Dec 1 and do tons of cozy reading throughout the month. The kids light up when they see all their old favorites. Most years I also give each a new holiday book on Dec 1 to unwrap and add to the collection (but I don’t do it *every year* and truly the kids don’t care. As long as you do things sometimes, they become Tradition in kids’ memories).
anon says
We are big into seasonal books, and our kids also eagerly await the day that the thanksgiving books go away and the Christmas ones arrive!
Anonymous says
Okay this is for Thanksgiving, but we just tried it this year and it was so good that i want to share – the blog What We Do All Day (great for book recs) gave me the idea to play Gourd Ball. The object is to destroy any decorative gourds you have around for decor after Thanksgiving. The only rule is that there are no rules. My tween son and my brother had great fun using our gourds as balls and whacking them to smithereens with a board my dad had lying around. It seems like the rare tradition that is fun for older and anti-craft kids.
We also made Christmas cookies while hanging out at my parents on the day after Thanksgiving. It was good to have something to do there that my son enjoyed since their activities are so limited now, and we won’t have much time later in the season.
Cerulean says
Lol. Gourd Ball is the kind of catharsis I need right now.
Spirograph says
hahaha I found some forgotten gourds this morning, so we will be playing Gourd Ball this weekend, thank you!
anon says
There is a ravine behind our house and we have competitive gourd/pumpkin tossing into the ravine the day after Thanksgiving.
CCLA says
Oh wow, sad I didn’t see this earlier. We decorated on Sunday and I finally tossed the last of the pumpkins into the compost bin but several were still in good shape and this would have been so fun. Filing away for next year!
Our traditions to date are below (kids are 5 and 7) but I love this thread for ideas to add:
-decorate inside (the kids’ favorite thing is probably their own tiny fake trees about 3′ tall that they get to decorate) and outside (this is mostly an adult job and is pretty minimal)…both of these usually happen weekend after thanksgiving
-bake christmas cookies, decorate gingerbread houses, drive to a candy cane lane area and pick up hot cocoa/coffee to walk around (usually dinner out at a restaurant first too), christmas movies
-I do holiday cards b/c it brings me joy to send and receive them
-I think next year we will check out the nutcracker and see what the kids think
BlueAlma says
In a similarly destructive vein, we smash our gingerbread houses on Epiphany. Everyone gets safety goggles and a hammer (metal or plastic, depending on age) and goes after it (usually outside but sometimes with the house in a big box in the basement). So fun.
Mary Moo Cow says
Advent wreath with candles on the dining room table (kids love lighting and extinguishing the candles)
Advent calendars (used to be the cheap chocolates but now it’s a toy or good chocolate)
Putting out the basket of Christmas books by the fireplace and reading on demand
Baking treats and delivering them to the neighbors
Decorating the tree while listening to music (kids have chocolate and parents have whiskey cocktails)
Buying for the Jesse tree
Watching a Christmas movie at least once a week (this year we introduced them to Elf and Home Alone, ha!)
Going to see the local botanical garden lights display on members’ only preview weekend
Taking a picture in front of the giant tree at the mall
Milk and cookies for Santa
Hosting DD8’s girl friends for a little party during holiday break
Up to now, with the exception of 2020, we visited Santa at the mall but they don’t seem to want to do that this year (they are 8 and 6) and the past few years, it was me cajoling them to smile, so we’re trying letters to Santa instead.
We’re going to see the local ballet and symphony’s Nutcracker Ballet this year, so that might become a lasting tradition. I would like to add Christmas tea (2 spots in town that put on a fancy tea) in the next few years.
Anon says
Gingerbread houses
New pajamas Christmas eve
Once-a-year terrible sugary breakfast cereal Christmas morning while mom and dad get things together
Holiday cooking baking and distribution to neighbors
Visit to Santa (our mall takes appointments!)
Shopping for gifts from a ‘giving tree’ or something similar for less fortunate families (8 year puts a ton of thought into gifts! It’s so sweet!)
One xmas movie per Friday from thanksgiving through xmas
holiday cards
Anon says
Not for kids, but – DH and I wrap the ‘Santa’ gifts xmas eve while watching the Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia xmas special.
Anonymous says
My son’s is that he has a sleepover with each set of grandparents (both are local), so each grandma gets to do ALLLLL the things with him.
For our nuclear family, I like to look at Christmas lights and go downtown and look at all the lobbies of all the office buildings and see how they’re decorated. Many of them are elaborately decorated and have things like giant trains or giant snow globes that are fun to look at.
For me, because I love wrapping gifts, I lock myself in my office and wrap all the gifts and watch hallmark/straight to tv/streaming service holiday movies.
Anon says
We bring out the Christmas books during the month of December. We also have a night where we all camp out in front of the Christmas tree and watch a Christmas movie.
AwayEmily says
Not for my kids, but I choose an evening to slowly and carefully decorate our mantel (with twinkly lights, a real pine garland, and a bunch of little Scandinavian figurines that belonged to my grandparents) while watching a Netflix holiday romantic comedy, with a fire, WITHOUT the kids. I find it so soothing and relaxing.
Anon says
This sounds so dreamy.
Betsy says
One that I’m hoping to start is swapping out our dishes for Christmas dishes after Thanksgiving. I haven’t found the perfect set of dishes yet, but I’m keeping a close eye out this year so we can start it next year.
Anonymous says
-unwrap a Christmas book (owned or from the library) every day starting 12/1
-cutting down our tree
-gingerbread houses and baking gingerbread cookies
-advent candles with nightly reading (we are religious)
-Christmas Eve service
-homemade cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning (I prep Christmas Eve night)
DH and I usually do wrapping with some sort of holiday movie and wine one night we usually go see a shortened version of the nutcracker but I was too late getting tickets this year.
Anon says
– we are Jewish, but we decorate inside for Chanukkah after Thanksgiving/December 1 depending on when the holiday falls
– bring out all of our Chanukkah books around then too
– light the menorah nightly for 8 nights
– play dreidel
– do Chanukkah related arts and crafts
– bake Chanukkah cookies
– host Chanukkah party for 50+ people (my parents did this growing up as well)
– wear Chanukkah pajamas
– donate toys to a local non profit
– try to attend as many in-person Chanukkah events in our community as our schedule allows
Spirograph says
My kids like
– Getting a Christmas tree… but only from the Scouts fund raiser at the church around the corner where they set up temporary chain link fences and lean a ton of pre-cut trees against them. We tried going to a farm to cut down a tree one year, but it was cold, the selection wasn’t great, and the whole time the kids just whined that they wanted to go play in the “tree maze”
– Advent calendars from Trader Joes. One year we got nicer Lindt ones, but my kids prefer cheap chocolate!
– Cookie baking, decorating & delivery to neighbors and teachers
– Seeing The Nutcracker
*I* like baking, Christmas Eve service, and getting holiday cards from all our far-flung friends and family
Anon2 says
The TJ Advent calendars are the best deal around. Everyone gets their own, I pay a total of $3 and don’t have to do any work, and the kids are thrilled.
anon says
We are really, really into Advent and Christmas in our house. We do a lot of the things other have mentioned, but one of our less-common traditions is that we have our kids put their shoes out on St. Nicholas Night and the next morning they are filled with chocolate and a Christmas ornament personalized to each kid. We also do a big Epiphany party to mark the end of the 12 days of Christmas, with a King Cake and a “parade” around the house with our Wise Men figurines that ends with them arriving at the manger (we set up the nativity Dec 1, but the Wise Men are omitted until Epiphany).
Anon says
Same. We also do a Jesse Tree and sing a verse of O Come Emmanuel each night as we light the wreath (a new verse each week). My middle son is really into the singing – it’s one of his favorite things
Anon says
We’re Jewish and one of the things I like the most about Chanukah is that it’s pretty low key compared to Christmas and I don’t feel too stressed out this time of year. We do outside lights on our house (at the request of our kid, if it were just me & DH I wouldn’t do it) and kiddo has some Chanukah dresses and PJs but we don’t otherwise decorate. We light the menorah of course and make challah (no one in my family except me like latkes, and sufganiyot are too much work). This year for the first time my 6 year old is having a few friends over to celebrate with us on one of the weekend nights.
We also like some of the more secular Christmas traditions, including driving around the neighborhood to look at lights, going to big lights displays at the zoo and botanical gardens, baking cookies, a gingerbread and cocoa event with friends and watching Christmas movies (I’m partial to Miracle on 34th St, Love Actually and The Holiday). And this year I’m taking my kid to the Nutcracker for the first time which I hope will be an annual tradition.
Anonymous says
Making mince pies, rum truffles, and peppermint creams in the days leading up.
Gradually adding presents under the tree.
A ceremonial lighting of the tree on christmas eve (even though the lights were on plenty before that)
The setting out of santa’s cookies and milk
The fake argument about who is going to take the bite out of the cookie after the kids are in bed.
A special brunch on christmas morning in pajamas with mimosas (for the adults) and smoked salmon, after the santa gifts but before the rest of the gifts.
Board games or puzzles or both between brunch and dinner.
GCA says
Christmas movies: I love the Muppet Christmas Carol, and last year we introduced the kids to Home Alone. We tried Nightmare Before Christmas as a Halloween/ Christmas movie this year and it was roundly rejected as ‘too scary’.
I sound like an utter Grinch but we fully admit to kids that Santa is pretend (but that their friends’ families might like to pretend Santa is real because it’s fun to pretend – don’t spoil it for them). We do hang Christmas stockings and put up a tree if we’re not traveling; if we’re traveling we buy a souvenir ornament or two for the tree.
Going out to look for holiday lights in the neighborhood and farther afield.
And planning the year-end donations – we usually shop from a ‘giving tree’ or do a ‘help for the holidays’ food bank donation.
Puppy Teeth! says
For today’s puppy thread, I have two questions for my fellow new puppy friends.
1. Have you had issues with mouthing? Our issues have gone down drastically! I’m mostly only concerned about the mouthing humans issue. My mom is a big part of our general household help but is not a big dog person. I was looking forward to feeling comfortable having her in our house with our kids and dog again without me hovering. However, Monday, out of nowhere, Puppy grabbed the 6 year old’s arm. He quickly dropped it with the “leave it” command from my husband but now I feel like we’re kind of reset on the trust. He didn’t break skin or anything, but that’s a situation that just feels like my husband or I must always be present and on our game.
2. What happens when a member of your house leaves? We have a weird schedule. I WFH, my husband works out of the home but think 2nd-ish shift and 10 hours days, so he’s off plenty during the week. He just left the house for an errand and I moved from my office to the main floor to work and watch Puppy. Poor Puppy keeps whimpering, presumably missing him. I’ve tried treats and comforting, but it takes him awhile to settle down. Additionally, when I was sitting on the floor with him petting him and assuring him everything is ok, he jumped up like he was ready to mouth my face, so I just walked away. Anyway, how are you comforting puppies when a member of the family leaves?
95% of the time at this point, Puppy is content chewing on his bone, cuddling with a human, or sleeping. It’s the other 5% I need to figure out.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hi puppy friend! So our puppy is younger, 4 months, and I believe her chewing and nipping should settle a lot more when all the adult teeth come in (I’ve heard around 6 months…. here’s hoping). Right now, she’s chewing everything and often nips at my older kid, who is very active with her. To be honest, he causes a lot of this to himself by playing roughly, but we still have to intervene when he gets hurt. We constantly offer chew toys as an alternative.
Our puppy doesn’t seem to mind too much when one person leaves – she’s mostly only sad when we put her in the pen while we are in sight (sometimes have to to get through meals), or if she is left completely alone. I guess she really doesn’t have a preference for me or my husband as of now, although I’d say he spends more time with her during the day.
Fallen says
No advice on 2, but for 1 if we see her mouthing anything we do leave it and redirect attention on a bone. If I catch her mid mouthing I gently close her mouth, look in the eye; and do a firm NO. I told my kids that if she tries to nip to walk away and not tolerate the behavior. Our trainer says it only takes one person tolerating this behavior and the toddler becomes the new chew toy….
Now if you have advice on jumping I will take that..: that’s our main issue no. Yesterday she almost stole a sandwich after jumping on kitchen counter (she’s a 3 months but bernedoodle / huge)
Emma says
1- Mouthing is normal and it’s a phase. Try to manage it by redirecting to toys or chews, and saying a firm no and no longer engaging with the dog if he bites. But yeah, I had bloody hands for a while, and then they grow out of it. By five-six months it was pretty much over.
2 – It’s normal for puppies to have some separation anxiety. Comfort gently, then let them settle. At some point, try mini-absences/door is a bore (ie go out the door and come right back in multiple times until dog settles) then try to to really quick alone time (like one minute and build up from there). We waited too long to leave our dog alone (in all fairness it was covid and the only time we left the house was to walk the dog) and had to manage a pretty serious separation anxiety issue. It’s under control now but in hindsight I wish I had started sooner.
NOVA Anon says
Fallen, we have a mini-bernedoodle! 5 months. Ours is just getting to table jumping height, so I too would love to hear about jumping…maybe another thread tomorrow.
On 1, our pup’s biting has decreased drastically this month. He still nips certain things from time to time but it’s happening only when he gets overexcited (e.g. kids playing rough with him) or overtired, and even then it’s less bad than before. I don’t feel like we really did anything special other than redirecting with toys, saying “no biting,” and putting him in his crate if he got out of control.
On 2, we have none of this. Our pup is a rescue who started life at a puppy farm, so not sure if that’s part of it, but he does not get upset when people leave him and in fact needs time in his crate alone every couple hours to sleep. I feel for you, though, b/c it would be so much harder to do this if he was upset about it.
anon says
How do you decide on family vacation destinations? Our kids are 6 and 9 and at such a fun and easy age that I want to go everywhere and see the world! Just not sure how to pick a place when everything seems to be an option.
Anonymous says
I go with what my heart desires
Anon says
Some combination of weather, distance, ease of flights, and overall vibe of what we want to do. Outdoorsy/hiking spring or summer vacations -> Monterey, CA, Azores, Lake Como. Spring, but in a city mood -> Paris, Copenhegan, Madrid. Winter, willing to be cold -> Munich, Vienna. Winter avoiding cold -> Istanbul, Egypt, Morcocco, southern Spain.
Anon says
I feel this. My only child just turned 6 and is such a joy to travel with and I feel like we can finally do “bigger” trips, but I also know we only have a few more years where she genuinely loves spending time with us and I feel a lot of pressure to make the most of this short window of time.
We kind of have default vacation plans built around school breaks though, so that provides some structure. We normally do a Caribbean beach resort over winter break, somewhere warmer than home (Midwest, so that’s not hard) over spring break, a big international trip and a visit to our family home in New England in the summer, and then somewhere in the continental US for her fall break.
In the past our big international trip has always been to Europe, but in 2024 we’re going to Turkey and in 2025 we’re going to South Africa (including safari). I think we’re going to go to the Maldives in the next couple of years, but that would probably be in the winter and replace the Caribbean.
Anonymous says
Real talk – I copy what I see friends with kids doing. I loathe travel planning, but love the actual act of traveling. So I just copy what people who enjoy the travel planning aspect are doing. These are people that I know personally and I know have budgets and requirements that are similar to mine.
Anon says
This is a good tip too! I love travel planning but we’ve had several friends copy our vacations, and I love to share itineraries with people.
Spirograph says
To defeat pandemic stir-craziness, DH and I made a future vacations list. We basically started with our own bucket list trips, family birthplaces, and stuff we thought the kids would like. Then we did some ballpark flight + hotel pricing and sorted things according likely kid interest level and what other major life expenses and events would likely be going on at various kid ages. That’s our starting point, but then it depends on mood, or fun things we’ve heard about from friends.
This year we’re finally going on a big mountain winter trip and we want to do either surfing + jungle in costa rica OR heritage trip to Europe with in-laws this summer. No big spring break trip because we’re flying to visit family & hopefully have good solar eclipse viewing 2 weeks later.
Anon says
I have a future vacations list too! :) My husband likes to tell people I have our vacations planned through 2032, which is not really accurate because nothing is set in stone, but I do have a list of places we want to go and what ages I think line up well with each place.
Anon says
– More travel through India (my parents’ country of origin) – I haven’t seen much of the country myself because we wouldn’t go regularly when I was growing up, and when we did, we’d focus on seeing family (which was great), so I’d like to see other regions and share that with my kids.
– More travel through Asia and Central Asia – DH took a trip to Uzbekistan in 2019 and it was my favorite trip on many levels. I saw several families with older elementary/pre-teen aged kids traveling as well.
– Argentina, Chile, and Bolivia – DH and I have been to a few of these places, we have friends here and from where we live, the time difference wouldn’t be major once we arrived.
Europe is great, but I feel like once we get to the age to have more adventure, I’d like to take full advantage.
Anon says
To your last point, I don’t disagree, but I also think sometimes there’s value in just taking a vacation for the sake of relaxing – like, yes, you can definitely do something more adventurous than a beach resort or a European city once your kids are bigger, but it’s ok to go somewhere just because it’s fun and relatively low-stress.
I have a friend from Uzbekistan and I’m going to go there with her probably the year after next (without kids), so I’m excited to hear it was your best trip ever – any particular recommendations?
Anon says
I don’t disagree, but honestly, even a resort vacation right now with small kids (we went this past summer – kids were 5.5, 2.5) isn’t THAT relaxing, and even if I were alone/just with DH or friends – it’s not the type of vacation I enjoy for more than a few days. Posting up somewhere like Madrid or Lyon for a week with slightly older kids, though – that sounds lovely.
Uzbekistan – AHHH you will love it! DH and I went sans kids – we only had kid #1 at the time. Honestly, it is such a special part of the world (truly a crossroads of so many places) with a fascinating history, beautiful architecture (and furniture and rugs if you’re into those things), and great people. Since you’re going with someone with roots there, you’ll be well taken care of. I would just read about Central Asia and Uzbeki history and culture before you go (more for fun) so you have a full appreciation.
Anon says
I think those are good ages to start taking your kids’ particular interests and personalities into account and maybe even giving them some say in the destination. Not that you give up on traveling to the places on your own bucket list, but if you’re having trouble deciding between several equally appealing places you can definitely ask the kids for their input.
Anon says
Recs for postpartum workout plan? I’m 8 weeks and need to get back into it. I prefer a set progressive program (6 weeks, 8 weeks, whatever) rather than a platform with a bunch of pick and choose classes.
Anonymous says
I like MommaStrong
Anonymous says
Same.
GCA says
I used the progressive, week by week online plan from ReCORE Fitness after my second baby and it worked well for my goal, which was to regain core / pelvic floor strength so I could get back to running. (I can run or walk for miles but lack the attention span for strength workouts. I need someone to tell me exactly what to do, in what order! So this was great.)
Anonymous says
Expecting and empowered!
Abby says
Nourish Move Love!
NYCer says
The Sculpt Society has a good postpartum plan.
Anon says
Madeline Moves! She has a fabulous “Beginner Moves” program and I really like her “Core Moves” program.
Anonymous says
Materra method
Overwhelmed says
What outsourcing or other life management tools have been especially useful to you and worth the money spent vs time gained/stress reduced balance? Currently we have a cleaning service (vacuum/dust/mop/bathrooms/limited tidy), every month, our two elementary school kids attend aftercare until 6 pm, and we have a babysitter about once a month for a date night. It’s not enough – I feel like I spend my days doing my office job and then spend my nights and weekends taking care of the kids and the house (my spouse handles the food shopping and cooking but not the cleanup). My spouse cannot realistically take on more (big job). What has been most helpful to you all in managing everything?
Mary Moo Cow says
Having two cleanings per month (really so that I tidy up twice a month instead of once), having robot vacuums on each floor that I run a few times a month (the amount of hair and craft debris, my word!). Dream Dinners (the upfront time commitment is a pain, but the payoff is good.) Kids getting older — mine are now 6 and 8, and much more self-sufficient so that I can get caught up on laundry in the evenings and on weekends while they play. They are also taking on chores like setting and clearing the table, sweeping, helping with dishes, and putting their laundry away.
A laundry service would be the next level up, though, I think. Next level would also be having a personal chef create some freezer meals for a month so even just once a week all I had to do was heat up dinner.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to robot vacuums – we run ours MWF.
AwayEmily says
+2 to robot vacuum, it really makes a big difference. Ours is named “Sweepy.”
We have also given up on any food creativity whatsoever. We eat the same thing every Monday, every Tuesday, etc. Our grocery runs are total autopilot because our menu never changes.
And finally: letting a lot of stuff go. If you have small kids, this might just be a season of life where your house and life is messier. That’s okay.
OOO says
Sounds like this may be more helpful to DH than you, but meal delivery kits and grocery delivery
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I just hired a housekeeper/house manager because I am you. This was her first week. I realized we were fine on kid related childcare/help but I just felt stretched so thin and like I couldn’t be present with my kids and everything was a squeeze on weeknights.
Because I solo parent most nights – she comes over two nights a week 5-8 PM to help with dinner (warm food, clean up, pack lunch for DS #1, chop/prep anything for the next day). Yesterday, she finished up early and I asked her to drop-off my Amazon returns on her way home. This has already made a huge difference on my energy levels.
She’ll come over again on Friday Noon-5 PM and handle laundry and any other household tasks – e.g. switching over kids clothes, tidying their rooms/sorting donations, returns/pick-ups, watering plants, etc. We will probably keep it to laundry for this first time so she can get our “system”.
Other reccos (if you can) – a lot of these came from this community:
– I also highly recommend grocery delivery if your DH isn’t doing that already – that’s our default, and we get it delivered on Sunday AM. I’m pretty particular on produce and they do a solid job.
– Our cleaning service comes every 3 weeks – that’s the sweet spot for us, 2 weeks is too often, 4 weeks things get gross.
– Up the babysitter to 2x/month at least – once for date night, and once for your own sanity
Anon says
more housekeeping
anon says
This. Our housekeeper comes twice a week, and our nanny does tidying/straightening during kid naps. The housekeeper does the adult laundry and the nanny does our kid laundry. I literally only clean something if it spills and I do zero laundry. It is fantastic.
Anonymous says
Meal delivery service. Not blue apron or something where it gets shipped – there is a local catering company that has a division that does weekly meals (either individual meals or family style/more casserole type things). We get three meals a week from there, and cook only two other nights. It’s been life changing.
TheElms says
Two big jobs, two little kids. We have a nanny and we’ve asked her to unload the dishwasher in the morning and she folds and puts away kid laundry and generally keeps the kid toys on the main level tidy (and does a tidy up of the basement playroom once a week). She will also turn on the oven for us so its preheated when I get home and need to pop things in the oven. Our cleaning service comes twice a month and changes sheets on beds as part of that service. I do laundry but if I get behind or we have guests and end up with more sheets I use a laundry service that picks up and drops off. Groceries are delivered and Amazon automatically adds our standard weekly items to my cart. We get a meal delivery service once a week that covers 2-4 dinners. We have two robot vacuums and use them frequently. We have a yard service that also shovels snow. We have a twice weekly babysitter for 3 hours each time to either put the kids to bed or take a 3 hour chunk on weekends that allows us to catch up on work, do a date night, or run errands without kids in tow. And even with all that help it generally feels pretty chaotic and if anything goes wrong (sick kid, nanny calls out, work is busy, someone is travelling) things get dropped / missed so the balance is pretty precarious.
Anon says
this is why we have a nanny. we had her starting when my twins were 4 months old and this year they are in kindergarten and we still have her. DH has a big job and I can’t do it all myself and am grateful we can afford the extra help. at a minimum i’d up your house cleaner to 2x per month.
Anonymous says
A college friend spent the past year looking for ways to outsource all the things. Two kids in elementary school. She had a nanny, a house cleaner, a private chef delivering meals, local grandparent help, etc. It wasn’t enough–or essentially she hit a point of diminishing returns, where managing all the outsourcing was becoming too much work. Long story short, she is taking a career break.
I don’t want to be a downer, but there is a reason that two big jobs is rare. We tried it for a while, but because my “big” job involved low pay, we made a change, and now I’m part-time. I’m also less stressed, enjoying life, and spending more time with my kids, who love that I can now take them to karate and swimming after school.
By all means try all the things and do more date needs. But I think you need to be open to the idea that you’re not going to solve the problem on the margins.
Anon says
Gently, as someone who has a pretty substantial/big job (job is 40-50 hours/week usually, sometimes more, but never less than FT), serves as the primary parent, and a husband in BigLaw, it also gets tiring to constantly be told “someone needs to step back” when trying to find solutions.
I’ve been told – on this board and the main site – to go PT (which isn’t really a thing for my skill set), to quit, etc. whenever I am venting or trying to solve problems and it just makes everything seem a lot tougher than it already is.
Often, the cost of that step back is a lower salary, and not everyone can or wants to do that.
TheElms says
You’re not alone. I’m here doing it with you! It is hard but it is possible and i do it because when I look at the alternatives they don’t make sense for me or our family. I know I could make my life better by finding the right housekeeper rather than a cleaning service (or maybe keep the cleaning service for a monthly deep clean), but I haven’t had time to find the right person.
Anon says
Yes, and you’ve been a huge help to me – I usually post with a name but went Anon for my comment :)
Boston Legal Eagle says
I agree that two big jobs is very tough, but I don’t agree that it should default to mom stepping back. Why can’t biglaw husband step back or at least put up more boundaries? There is a reason the “big jobs” are still dominated by men, and usually with SAH wives.
Easier said than done, but change has to start somewhere.
Anonymous says
I never said it had to be the mom! You’re making unfair assumptions. This is just real talk. The problem of being overwhelmed is hard to fix on the margins. That’s just the reality.
Congrats to the people who make it work. I’m sad that I’m not on a leadership path in my career. But ultimately a solution that lets me make some money and get some intellectual stimulation while being a better parent was the right choice for my family.
Anon says
It sounds like for the OP it’s only one parent with the big job and OP has a more normal 40 hour/week job, but I agree with you, Anon at 1:47. I think it’s hard to make two big jobs work, especially once kids are in elementary school and (this is even more controversial than what you said) I also think it’s not great for kids to have two parents who both work way more than 40 hours/week. I’m all for outsourcing chores, but at the end of the day your children need your presence and the parenting stuff really can’t and shouldn’t be fully outsourced. I wish that it wasn’t disproportionately women stepping back, but I do think for most families two really big jobs is not sustainable.
Anonymous says
Everyone I know like this either has the mom work part time (us) or hires a part time nanny 5-8 at least 3 evenings a week plus weekly cleaning service that includes sheet changes.
College or community college students seem to be a popular pick for the job and families may switch which days they come based on each semester’s course schedule for the student who works for them.
Anon says
I would definitely up the cleaning service to twice a month. Neither myself nor my husband has a big job, but we still feel we need the cleaning service twice a month and if we had some extra cash lying around I would love to up it to weekly because our house is pretty bad from days 10-14.
Anonymous says
Definitely grocery delivery, twice a month cleaning, and I will give you permission to use paper plates a few nights a week! Mothers helper to do dishes/fold and put away laundry? Minimize the amount of stuff and kid toys in your house as much as possible. We strive to be minimalist and are able to tidy up our house every night even with 2 kids (4 and 6). But seriously, this is why “housewife” is an actual job, managing a home is work and requires a lot of hours a week so no wonder you feel overloaded.
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? Mine are 8 and 10 and it was a slog to get here but they actually help out around the house. They do dishes, sweep, fold laundry, etc.
Anon says
It’s simple, but I am a recent Instacart convert and am amazed at how much I love it. Major time/energy saver.
Toddler is trying to break me says
I have an almost 2 year old. He seems to be high energy and is constantly climbing on things and getting stuck in weird places and just extremely curious. He’s not a bad kid, he just very active and I can’t leave him alone for more than a minute. This is exhausting and I hate that I’m constantly saying no to him. But he can’t climb on his high chair to play with the toaster oven, and he can’t stack his toys to climb out of his playpen. I’m getting over the flu and am just physically and mentally exhausted with all of it. He is also not affectionate, so there are no cute hugs or kisses to get you through the day. Does this get better? Will I always be a means to an end for him? I keep telling myself it’s a phase but instead of getting over it he’s getting better at finding ways around boundaries. I just need reassurance that this will end ok. I’m so tired with all of this .
Anonymous says
It will end. My “spicy” kid is also the most affectionate, so I’m sorry you’re experiencing all the difficulty and none of the sweetness. Can you book a babysitter? Or otherwise get some time to yourself? That helps me take a deep breath and see they they’re just toddlers. Yes they push boundaries constantly but that’s how they learn about the world. It also helps to get as much outside time as possible. We go out in anything short of a thunderstorm or freezing. Can you schedule some play dates to get your toddlers energy out and commiserate with another mom? I know it’s exhausting. Hang in there!
Anon says
I had a toddler like this! He’s now a legit rockstar athlete – he can pick up most any sport and do it “well” immediately, in addition to his primary sport where he really excels. But he was a super, super, super hard toddler. My best advice to get your son outside as much and as often as possible in an area with as much freedom as possible. Find a preschool that encourages physical and outdoor play. We moved him from an inhome daycare at 18 months because there was very little ability to let the kids play and he was driving everyone nuts. He utterly thrived in a preschool that had lots and lots of outdoor time with a natural playground — I think the variety of natural textures was especially good for him, he loved the mud kitchen, stacking real rocks, and making forts with sticks. It just seemed to tire him out more than a traditional playground ever could.
For weekends, I couldn’t keep him inside – he would literally climb ALL the things and it was exhausting/infuriating for me. I loved driving him to local streams where he could splash in the water, throw rocks, climb on rocks, etc. Sitting next to a river while he played was often the only time I could sit down on my weekends when he was awake (I’m not kidding). lean into him getting wet and dirty — again, the textures and sensations were soothing to him. I would bring lunch for both of us and my kindle, and we’d hang out for hours even when it was cold. Invest in really good outdoor and waterproof gear for both of you and lean into it. He was never a hugger and would not cuddle, but is my sweetest, most sensitive child. He’s an awesome kid, and his toddler years were heard, but these big kid years are freaking fun.
GCA says
+1 to ALL of this – you’ve just described my firstborn who is preternaturally coordinated, picks up any sport with ease and then shines at it, can outrun me in a 5K, and basically never ever stops moving unless he’s reading or doing Legos. He is 8.5 now, sweet-tempered, sensitive and mature, but the tiny toddler years were so very hard.
Anonymous says
+1. Increase outdoor time. Also, look into reconfiguring your furniture so it’s a more toddler-friendly setup and you don’t need to say “no” so often. Get a pikler triangle so he has something safe to climb on. Get a toddler tower so he can see what’s going on at the kitchen counter, play in the sink, etc. It’s so much easier when you can say “yes” to what they want to do!
Boston Legal Eagle says
This sounds like my oldest too. I often think of my kids as opposites in that the older one thrives being outside and being active while younger kiddo thrives being at home chilling. Makes for a difficult family cohesion, but here we are.
Anonymous says
+1 this was my DS at 1 and 2…he’s now 4.5 and very happy at an all outdoor preschool hahaha. The days he’s not there I’m taking him into the woods, going on bike rides (he learned without training wheels right at 4), etc…He can also do monkey bars already. So the upside is that you can enjoy more physical activities earlier. My advice is swing set if you have a yard, buy a bounce house if you have the space.
They get better at understanding rules but no the energy doesn’t go away, just more harnessed? I know he’s going to be a mountain climber or marathon runner or something one day. Hang in there!! Do you have any friends with little boys? I’d send him to a friends house if you’re feeling poorly.
Op says
Op here. Thanks, I appreciate the feedback to my whining. He is very sweet and is always sharing with other kids. And when I’m in a good place I’m proud of how creative and athletic he is. He does get outdoor time most days but we can definitely increase it. It definitely helps to hear survivor stories!
Anonymous says
Do you have any spaces in your home where he can jump around/climb on things? Like does he have a nugget play couch or something? I’d think about creating a space where you can say “yes” to his active self.
Op says
He has a nugget couch, a pikler triangle (and arch) and the main living areas are super baby proofed. He just prefers to get into absolutely everything else. This too shall pass…
Cerulean says
Our kiddo loves the mini trampoline at gymnastics. Great way to wear them out!
Anon says
I did it! I booked the trip to India to visit my grandfather and celebrate his milestone birthday. Our 3-year old is coming with us. I’m a bit nervous about how he will handle all the travel (15-hour red eye direct flight, then three 1.5 hour flights within India and 1.5 hour flights to/from JFK). He does fine on short flights, but we’ve never done this kind of trip with him and he will throw a tantrum if he’s tired or confined for too long. Of course I tried to minimize the amount of traveling, but my grandfather doesn’t live near the major cities. Plus we planned a side trip to a safari which DS will enjoy once we are there, but involves the short flight plus drive to get there. Please tell me it will all be ok!
Also, DS is not potty trained (we’re getting there but still use pull ups during the day and and diapers at night). When we go on this trip he will be 3.5. He will have to wear pull-ups/diapers there because public restrooms are not readily available everywhere. Will it be ok if we wait until after the trip to go hard on the potty training (i.e. ditch pull ups/diapers?) I know there are a lot of you who have traveled internationally with young kids so looking for reassurance and support.
Anon says
Yes, it will be ok! And yes I would 100% wait on potty-training until you’re back. My kid did not train until 3.5 and I felt a lot of shame about it at the time, but in hindsight it doesn’t matter at all, and it’s a lot easier when they’re ready.
Anon says
This is amazing!!!! I went to India last fall for a family wedding with both kids (they were almost 2 and newly 5 at the time). It was a lot of logistics and planning, but WORTH IT x 100. We had the flight to India (US –> DBX –> BOM) and then a few short-haul flights while we were there. The almost-2-year old couldn’t watch a screen 100% of the time then, but I think now – he will be 3 soon – it’d be a huge help.
I say keep the pull-ups and your sanity while you are there. Also, if your family is helpful/he’s comfortable, they can be extra hands when he needs to go.
Anon says
So excited for you! I have been going to India every other year since my oldest was 7 months old, sometimes alone with 1 kid or now with DH and both kids (5, 8). You’ll have an awesome time in India. People are really nice with little kids (maybe too handsy, so watch for that if that bothers you), service at hotels is outstanding, and family usually very welcoming and loving. Just watch for water (no tap water, filter is fine), and don’t eat salads/uncooked food outside home.