This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
If you haven’t heard, M.M. LaFleur is having a HUGE summer sale, and this sweater is on the top of my list.
I have the sleeveless version (currently on sale for $100) and would love to add this one to my wardrobe. It’s made from a nubby cotton blend for year-round comfort. It works equally well IRL at the office or on Zoom at home. Just add slim, tailored trousers and flats for an easy outfit.
The Butler Sweater in light gray/ivory is on sale for $135. If you prefer black/white or navy/ivory it’s $225. This sweater is available in XS–XXL.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
Anon says
Husband is out of town this week for an important conference in a very fun city. He’s giving a couple of talks, hosting a dinner and sitting on an expert panel. These events are spread out over the week, though, so he has lots of downtime. He’s doing all kinds of touristy things and eating at great restaurants and sleeping in a totally blacked-out, AC-cranked hotel room by himself, as anyone should do on a work trip if they can. Meanwhile, I’m home with our three children, including a baby with a daycare cough going through a sleep regression, so I’m getting now sleep, and work is hard right now because I just returned from leave and am so overwhelmed with very little room to ask for help.
After several updates with pictures of him doing fun things and eating delicious food in expensive restaurants, I told him to read the room and knock it off with the texts showing me what a fantastic time he’s having. I am legitimately happy for him and obviously want him to enjoy his time in between work commitments but I don’t think he needs to keep reminding me of all the fun he’s having. Husband took offense to this of course and ended our conversation with a “fine, I’ll just keep this stuff to myself then.” To his credit, I was tired and snippy, and before he left he apologized for needing to go and thanked me profusely for picking up all the slack while he’s away. I was feeling bad about snapping at him but upon retrospect I think I have a point here. So — AITA?
Anon says
NTA. Good for him, but no need to gloat and he should be aware of how it comes off. We don’t know exactly how you phrased it, but I would have been annoyed too!
NYCer says
Hmm, I fall on your husband’s side on this question. I always appreciate “play by play” has my husband jokes when he is traveling. I guess maybe this is a know your audience thing though.
If I were the one traveling, and my husband told me he didn’t want to hear my updates (fun or not), I also would be hurt.
anonamommy says
Interesting, I’m the exact opposite. I do not want the play by play, I want a phone call or text update once a day with the highlights. Otherwise it just feels like a constant stream of pointing out things I can’t do. If he is going to text you constantly, you could return the favor and update on which kid needed a diaper change, how much food everyone ate for dinner, which bedtime stories were read, etc.
NYCer says
Oh we do that too! Clearly we are the odd people out though. Who knew. ;)
Anon says
We also do the play by plays (both the traveler and the one home with the kids). I think it’s a “know your spouse” issue – if OP has previously told her husband that these types of traveling updates aren’t helpful, and he’s still sharing, then he’s TA. Otherwise, they just need to communicate about it.
Anne-on says
Same, my husband and I email/text a few times daily but I often don’t talk to my kid until I’m home again. When he was small we realized that seeing me only resulted in meltdowns about missing mom/when would I be home. If I didn’t call/videochat it was more ‘out of sight out of mind’ and kiddo would enjoy the ‘fun’ stuff that happened when mom was away – grandparents! takeout dinners! extra screen time! new fun sitter!
Frankly for my own peace of mind it’s just easier to be ‘work’ Anne for 3-4 days vs. mom Anne for 15 minutes AM, 30 minutes PM and trying to chime in via email or text and then switch back into work mode.
startup lawyer says
Yea same. I think i’d be annoyed if my husband was always and the only one who goes away probably. Less so if we both go out.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
No you are not. For me it always helps mitigate resentment to get the acknowledgement.
Anonymous says
As the traveling spouse, I say you are NTA. I have never had anywhere near that much downtime on a business trip, but sometimes I am able to squeeze in one great restaurant meal, museum visit, etc. I don’t bring any of the fun things up with my husband. I recently took him to a college town where I’ve spent a lot of time for work and showed him all my favorite places. His reaction was “Do you ever even work when you’re here?” Yes, actually I do work, but since I don’t have to get kids out the door or cook dinner or do bedtime I actually get to walk around town and do things in the evening. Most trips aren’t like that, though. It’s up early for hotel breakfast + meeting prep, meetings all day, never-ending team dinner, prep for next day’s meetings, then attempt to get a few hours of sleep in a noisy, overheated hotel room.
anon says
No, not the a-hole. Under the circumstances you described, I would be super annoyed, too. I’m not in a place to hear it when things are falling apart. If things are same-same and humming along, I’d be happy to see fun photos.
Anon says
NTA! My husband is an academic with conferences to incredible locations with sight-seeing time built in (at his most recent conference there were no sessions on Wednesday or Friday, so they had time for tourism) and I would not react ae to texts like these.
Anon says
*not react well
Janey says
Ideally your husband would be smarter and more sensitive. This thread has me reflecting, and my husband’s communication tends to be quite minimal when he’s on business travel and I’m home with the kids. That tends to work out well because I can assume that he’s hard at work, even if he’s enjoying a 4 course lunch with colleagues or whatever. So yeah I can understand your annoyance for SURE.
That said, if it’s text only, I’d probably roll my eyes and grumble secretly, but outwardly be like, “Nice!!” or throw a “heart” on the various updates. Doesn’t really cost you anything your change your situation to do so, keeps the peace.
Anonymous says
I had a friend in law school whose husband was an airline pilot. When he was away he always wanted to call and talk to her and the kids for a long time, and she found it annoying and disruptive to her solo parenting routine. She much preferred the “out of sight, out of mind” model. Go off and do your thing, and we’ll talk when you get home.
Anne-on says
I vote NTA and also that you are due some solo time (as much as possible if you are still nursing) upon his return. Solo parenting with three kids on little sleep sounds super rough.
In the meantime, can you let things slide as mich as possible (leave the laundry, get housecleaners in, order in easy food) or call a friend/relative for help? I would 1000% come hang out with a friend who is solo parenting and cook a meal, run some laundry, or watch the kids!
Anon says
+1 for being due some solo time.
Anonymous says
Tell him that next time he needs to take the whole family along to join the fun. That should shut him up quickly.
(I brought my family to a conference once and OMG never again. My husband hogged the bathroom and made me late in the morning, took the kid out doing fun stuff without me all day, etc. etc.)
Anon says
The bathroom hogging is a problem, but isn’t the point of family going along to a conference for the non-conference parent to take the kid out to do fun things? I may be biased, because we go to quite a few conferences with my husband, but I think this is my “job” for that week – keep kid occupied and out of husband’s hair unless he specifically says he wants to spend time with us. We all enjoy doing this when we can and it’s a way to make international travel much more affordable, because one plane ticket and the hotel room are free.
Anonymous says
Oh, it absolutely is the non-conference parent’s job to take the kid out to do fun things, but then you get in the opposite situation from OP’s, where the conference parent is working the whole time and the other parent is getting a free/cheap vacation. I’d rather just go on an actual vacation another time.
Anon says
NTA. DH and I have each gone on similar solo trips recently. Family wedding for him and funeral for me where it did not make sense logistically to bring our toddler to either. Both happened to be to classic tourist destinations and during weekends where we had terrible weather at home, so the stay at home parent had a mediocre to bad weekend. The parent on the trip pretty much never mentioned being on the trip or shared any photos and pretty much just called to talk about the toddler.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree with you – I’d be annoyed with texts like this in your situation. It’s petty, but in a partnership with small children in this stage of life, I want us both to be suffering or both enjoying (or at least don’t tell me when you’re having fun!) Agree that you need to book a solo vacation when he gets back.
Spirograph says
NTA, this is just communication that needed to happen. This is going to be me in a couple weeks (almost exactly: fun city conference and 3 kids. Adding insult to injury, it’s a conference I really would like to go to, but can’t for Reasons), so thanks for the reminder that I should get ahead of expectations before my husband leaves.
Pogo says
nah, you said it: Read the room. You can apologize for snipping at him but otherwise don’t sweat it.
However like others I enjoy the play the play, but that’s me.
An.On. says
I think – NAH (nobody is one). It’s cute your husband was texting all that, he was thinking of you, and maybe also a little bit of it is saying “I appreciate what you’re doing to allow me to have a great time, so your work is justified”. And I would probably do something similar. But definitely it seems tone-deaf when you’re struggling at home. I agree with another comment – retaliate by sending him pictures of the kids crying or cleaning up dog vomit or something.
AwayEmily says
What are your favorite “finding books” for kids? Kid in question is age 4.5. He adores I Spy and Wimmelbooks and is meh about Where’s Waldo. I want to get him some new ones to look at in bed.
Mrs. Jones says
The Lost House is cute
GCA says
The Mamoko series by Aleksandra and Daniel Mizielinski?
AIMS says
There is a whole Usborne series called 1001 —- to Spot. They have Bugs, Animals, Things to Spot in the Sea. It’s very nicely.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! Just ordered several of these.
Anon says
In need of toy recommendations – we are sharing a beach house next month with friends, and there will be kids ages 2-7. What kind of toys/activities can we bring for indoors that don’t have a million small parts? I’m blanking on ideas!
Anonymous says
This sounds like a job for magnatiles and Water Wow.
Pogo says
+1 to magnatiles! We’ve also brought Duplos on vacation in a big bag.
AwayEmily says
Lots of paper and crayons. If there’s a patio or deck, you can set up a DIY water table there with some bowls, spoons, etc.
Balloons are easy to transport and fun for indoor play (keepy-uppy!) as long as you’re careful to clean up any popped ones before the 2yo gets them. My kids also love to play with balloons + fans.
Also, I find in these situations that often kids can make do pretty well with what’s already there if you give them an idea. Like, “can you build a nest for your stuffies in the bedroom?” Or “can you set up a store to sell the cool rocks you find outside?” And of course, hide and seek is always more fun in a new place. My kids (4 and 6) sometimes struggle to come up with these ideas themselves but once you give them a push they are off and running.
Anonymous says
Along the same lines, building forts with sofa cushions, chairs, blankets, etc. is usually a hit.
Allie says
Magnatiles are my favorite toy to pack – high value low volume
Mary Moo Cow says
Puzzles, Spot It!, Guess Who (card version or board game), scavenger hunt cards (mine are from Chuckle and Roar), Door Pong, coloring/activity books, Bluey playsets/Paw Patrol/My Little Pony figurines, new books, a camera (a camera kept my daughter and nephew entertained for an hour on one visit and they took some really fun, memorable photos). We also bring Lego, although that can be a million pieces. If they are in to dolls at all, some new outfits or accessories.
Boston Legal Eagle says
When we took my then 2 year old and 4 year old to the beach, they were highly entertained by our train sets. It’s a lot of pieces, but they’re not tiny like legos at least. Magnatiles are good. Markers and notepads.
Anon says
Magnatiles, little people figurines (or barbies but I require accessories and shoes to stay home so they don’t get lost, just large clothing is permitted) depending on age (my 5YO will still play with the LP), bag of duplos, and lots of paper, crayons, and maybe if you’re brave, washable watercolors and brushes (fun to paint, easy to clean up). If you have a roll of paper, that might be fun because you can roll out a strip in a hallway and they can each have their space, trace each other, etc.
My family hides pocket change around the front porch at the beach and on morning walks, kiddo looks for the “fairy money” that the fairies leave her each night and for “fairy wing” shells on the beach. So a scavenger hunt is always fair game.
anon says
My girls will play family for hours and hours and hours. They’d want a baby doll per kid and packed diaper bags with bottles, plates, spoons, clothes and a baby blanket or two.
SC says
Magnatiles or Magformers.
A few larger toy cars or trucks, dolls, stuffed animals. (A toy dump truck is also a fun beach toy.)
Color Wonder markers and paper and Water Wows (safer in a rented or borrowed house).
Sticker scene books with the reusable, peel-off stickers.
Finding books.
For the older kids, a card game like Uno or Sleeping Queens.
Anon says
At this age, I brought a roll of blue tape. You can make car race tracks and doll houses out of cardboard boxes (cereal boxes, cheez-it boxes) plus hot wheels and/or dolls.
Also pre-printed coloring sheets (variety) and coloring utensils.
Anonymous says
We buy pre-printed “road tape,” which can make the same race tracks. That and a bag of hot wheels gets us through a lot of travel with our boys.
Anon says
Oh man, I wish I had thought of that!! Blue tape is good for making ramps and garages too :D
sg says
I wouldn’t bring my expensive Magnatiles. We had a similar age span earlier this year and bought some cheap sets of foam building blocks – no hard feelings if anything is lost/broken/forgotten- also car safe and novel.
anon says
We did small gift bag-sized bags for the kids for 2 days of our trip. Each kid got their own but it had the same stuff – similar to what you’d get as a bday party favor + a snack. These were a huge hit
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
In the spirit of the easy/quick dinner conversation last week – sharing this recipe which is often in rotation in our home. We eat it with rice, and DH has made nachos with it, my BFF’s Mom uses it for stuffed peppers – options are endless.
https://myheartbeets.com/instant-pot-keema/
Note: I’m not a peas fan, so grated a zucchini and chopped a few bell peppers and cooked them with the tomatoes. I also used fresh tomatoes (blitzed them in nutrib*llet) since I had them handy.
Ann(e) says
This looks great. Thanks for posting!
Yesterday OP - spirited children says
Just wanted to say thank you to all the moms who weighed in about their spirited children and the challenges and strategies. It was so helpful to read all of this, good ideas + made me feel less alone. We will get thru it and hopefully channel her energy for good (and maybe she will be a decent teenager who knows what’s right and doesn’t give in to peer pressure? (One can dream!).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I enjoyed the thread, too. My 19 month old isn’t spirited per se yet, but he’s 100% only going to do what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. I’m trying to understand this – very different from me and my similarly rule following, people pleasing, (and often veryyyyyyy whiny) 4.5 year old.
anon says
I was one of the commenters yesterday, the one with a 12-year-old. I will say that one of my kid’s great strengths is his strong sense of justice and fairness. He does not bend to peer pressure very easily. We still have our rough spots, but I do think we’re beginning to see the upsides of the strong will.
Anonymous says
My spirited child also has an extremely well-developed sense of justice. The only times she has ever gotten in trouble at day care or school were when she retaliated a little too strongly against boys who were being mean to someone else. One day she will make a very passionate activist for some cause. She doesn’t want to be a lawyer like mom, though.
Anne-on says
Totally not internet diagnosing, but I did want to share that we also thought we had a ‘spirited child’ (which, yes, we do) BUT that ‘spirited-ness’ was Autism/ADHD and a lot of the ‘struggles’ were around things we now know were sensory processing/auditory processing/executive functioning gaps. I believe the author of the ‘your spirited child’ books also discussed that her own ‘spirited’ child was later diagnosed with high functioning (ASD-1) autism.
The power struggles almost evaporated once we started parenting with those issues in mind or using PDA parenting tips combined with easy ways to build executive functioning. Even if your kid is totally neurotypical I’d bet the tools and advice used in executive functioning sessions might be helpful! Additude magazine is my go to but there are lots of resources online.
Anon says
Demand avoidance can be a helpful concept for sure.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I loved yesterday’s thread. Maybe one day our kids can meet and get together and change the world together?
Anonymous says
I have a scheduling challenge. My 5 year old attends jiu jitsu M/W from 5-6PM. We’re losing our nanny in the fall so it looks like my 18 month old twins will be coming with us. I should bring all the snacks and then park them in front of screens, right? There’s no wifi at the gym. There are benches to watch the instruction, but my twins won’t sit still for more than 2 minutes. I’m looming for a babysitter but, understandably, no one wants to work a couple of hours a week.
Anon says
Divide and conquer with your spouse?
Anonymous says
This. One spouse takes the older one to jiu jitsu while the other stays home with the twins. If your husband has to leave work early to make it happen, so be it.
AwayEmily says
Screens seem great. You could also stop jiu jitsu, or move to weekend lessons.
DLC says
Is there a park nearby? Unless parents are required to stay, I often just drop my kid at activity and take the others to the park or to run an errand or two.
Anonymous says
Parents are required to stay – important detail I forgot! Otherwise I’d definitely drop big bro and go home to prep dinner.
DLC says
Oh yeah, then do what you have to! Or i get a lot of mileage out of bringing toy trucks – but i’ve never had 18 month old twins!
Or can you offer the sitter more hours? I used to have a college age sitter that came once a week from 4-7p when I was working evenings to help my Husband get from after school to dinner time.
Anonymous says
This wouldn’t fly at any class my kids attend.
Infant and toddler sharing a room says
I’d love to hear some wisdom about what worked, and what didn’t, for those of you who have had an infant and a toddler share a room!
Context: we are renting our current home, and planning to buy a house in 18-24 months. I’m due with our second child in January, when our first child will be 27 months. Her nursery is plenty large enough for a second crib, so space is not the issue. I’ll keep the baby in our bedroom for the first 6 months before moving him into the nursery. I’m also going to put a second glider in my office (our three upstairs rooms are master bedroom, nursery, and my office) so that I have a place for middle of the night feedings (although if he follows his sister’s pattern, knock wood, those will end around 7 weeks).
What are your best pieces of advice for having two different aged children with different nap needs, sleep schedules, etc. in the same room?
In case relevant, we want to keep our toddler in her crib for as long as we can.
AIMS says
Just do it! We did this and it worked fine. Initially kids woke each other up but now they sleep like champs through all noise. For naps, we would let the toddler nap in our room sometimes. I think if you want to make this easier maybe get/use a travel crib in your room that you can put away easily for when you need (nap, or because one kid is sick, etc.)
EDAnon says
I agree. It sounds totally unhelpful, but just doing it is what worked for us.
Anonymous says
I plan on doing this after my second is born this winter and am going to get a mini crib for our room. Otherwise no clue how it’s going to go!
Anonymous says
Does anyone have any recommendations for a family friendly hotel/bed & breakfast somewhere in/around Calistioga/Napa area? Going with two kids (5 and 6) and looking for a 2-3 day get away.
anon says
Silverado Resort in Napa! We love the two-bedroom units, that come with a small kitchen and living area. Lots of pools (depending on when you are going) and very family friendly.
Anon says
It’s super spendy, but I think the Auberge is pretty family friendly. I haven’t been there since having kids myself but we saw lots of families and it seemed like they had activities for kids.
Pogo says
I stayed at Indian Springs once, I wouldn’t say it was overly family friendly, but the accommodations were really great for a family ( I think we had a 2 or 3 bed room casita).
anon says
Thoughts on any of these book subscription services for kids? A spendy grandparent wants to get one for LO’s upcoming third birthday. LO loves books, so it’s a good idea and hits that sweet spot of extravagant thing we would never get for him ourselves. But grandparent wants guidance on which one, and I am at a loss other than googling and vaguely recalling a podcast trying to sell me Literati at one point. Any experiences good or bad?
Anon says
Little Bookish Wardrobe has been loved by our kiddos! Grandparents got them a subscription for a gift. Some of the dress up clothes are better quality than others, but overall we’ve been impressed.
AwayEmily says
We got one from Brilliant Books (an independent bookstore in Traverse City). It was great — it’s all done by actual humans so the more info you give them, the better the selection will be.
Anon says
Less spendy (and recyclable) would be the Highlights for Kids subscription, just offering as an option if you are not finding a book subscription service you like.
anon says
2nd Highlights our daughter has been getting it since 3 (she’s now 5) and is still a hit
Anon says
Do you have Dolly Parton’s imagination library in your area? That’s free and basically the same thing. Between that and a religious book of the month (PJ Library) we get, a bookstore subscription seems unnecessary to me.
DLC says
Another plug for seeing if you can find an local independent bookstore that does it!
Our local bookstore (Loyalty Books in DC/ Silver Spring) does book bundles where you fill out a questionnaire with your kids preferences and they curate a package of books and swag. So not a subscription, per se, but they have different levels of bundles.
Anonymous says
Literati as in the bookstore in Ann Arbor? I haven’t tried their subscriptions, but it is my favorite bookstore in the whole world because of the interesting selection and numerous handwritten shelf labels.
Anon says
No, the AA bookstore and the subscription service aren’t affiliated. It’s confusing and I’m surprised there hasn’t been some kind of trademark complaint.
I actually had a bad experience at the bookstore. They have no elevator and were super rude about me having a stroller and not being able to get up stairs (and there’s no kids stuff on the ground floor). I’m also confused about how it’s ADA compliant.
No gifts? says
I’m overthinking this, but thoughts on “no gifts” birthday parties for a preschooler? My son is turning 4 and we will invite his class and a couple of other families. I’d like to say no gifts so that people don’t have to worry about getting one. Is that an okay thing to do for a little kid party?
Anon says
Yes. I’ve gone to a lot of these. People bring presents anyways but they are not opened at the party.
Anon says
Depends on your circles and probably also geography. I have never seen a gift at a “no gift” party, other than a card/stickers.
Anon says
It’s fine as far as the other families are concerned. Your kid might not react well. You should probably prepare them in advance. We didn’t and my kid was very upset.
AwayEmily says
I’m sure norms differ by area, but every little-kid party we’ve been invited to (probably 10 over the past four years?) has been no-gifts.
anon says
In contrast, every party we’ve been to this year (pre-K in the SE) has NOT been no-gifts. No gift was my expectation from reading here, but that’s apparently not the case for us?
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’ve done this for all of our older kid’s parties where we invited the whole class. I’ve seen this on others’ invites too. Some people still bring a gift (most do just cards if anything), but I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to. We’ve had similar discussions here before, and it might be a regional thing to be offended by no gifts? It’s not the case around here.
OP says
Interesting, thanks. I’m not very familiar with what’s normal in our area and I certainly don’t want to offend anyone. But I was planning a really low-key party and I wanted to invite a couple of neighbor families who I’d like to know but that we aren’t super close with – so I hate the idea of everyone having to go out and buy a gift. I don’t think kiddo will care as long as he gets gifts at his small family party which is separate. This is one of those unwritten rules things that I think is really hard to figure out the first time around (party is for my oldest)
Anon says
For 4 we did no gifts (and still got gifts from 2 of 6 guests). For 5, we are doing gifts because kiddo is old enough to know that gifts are a thing at birthday parties (having been to several) and would be upset if we didn’t.
EJF says
We may be in this boat too–we did no gifts for our first class party. But now that kiddo has been to class parties with gifts, she may be upset not receive them at hers.
EJF says
When my daughter turned 4, we did a party where we invited her entire class. We had never been invited to a party for another classmate, so there wasn’t a precedent set giftwise. I didn’t know the other parents or families in her class (other than a brief hello at pickup/dropoff). I felt uncomfortable with the idea of them having to get a gift for my kid, so I did no gifts. A few people brought something small. We didn’t say “no gifts” for earlier parties with family and our close friends.
We’ve received some invitations for class parties since ours, and none have said no gifts. So I may be in the minority. Like weddings, people will have opinions on this no matter what. You won’t be able to please everyone, so I say you do what feels right for you!
Anon says
Same exact situation here with having a whole class party at 4 and being the first ones to do that, so I felt like we couldn’t have gifts. Plus it was a casual park party b/c of Covid and it felt weird to ask people to spend money on my kid when the party cost us almost nothing. For 5, we plan to do an indoor party at a really fun space (it will cost us $$$) so I feel less guilty about asking for gifts.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m always interested in the responses when this topic comes up on the board! We have had 8 pre-K parties this academic year and summer, and only 1 has been no gifts (donations to the food pantry in lieu of gifts was suggested on the invitation.) It seems to vary so widely by location and social circles.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Yes. We did no-gifts for DS #1’s 4th birthday, and asked for folks to donate to the local food pantry if they still felt compelled.
And if you feel like giving something, make it a experience gift/GC. I recently got our neighbor’s kid a $25 GC to a local bakery as a birthday gift (caveat I know they frequent/enjoy this particular spot). I also keep GCs handy (tip I found here – brilliant) so I can easily give a present without having to think about it.
anon says
I love no gifts parties. Where I am (expensive community in Silicon Valley where people tend to have small homes despite really high incomes), the vast majority of people honor the request and might bring something like a homemade card if they feel so inclined.
Pogo says
I feel like people really tried for no gifts at first but then gifts happen anyway and no one fought it. I get something harmless that I think the kid will like and call it a day.
OP says
I don’t mind bringing gifts to other people’s parties- but figuring out the protocol for hosting is hard.
Anon says
I think either is fine and I don’t think people would be offended either way. I prefer no gifts as a guest (less work and cost for me) but it’s normal to bring a gift to a child’s bday party so I would never be offended about an expectation to being a gift. The only thing that annoy me is if they say “no boxed gifts” or something like that to communicate they want money/gift cards. Don’t do that.
Anon says
Those of you who use a Tripp trapp, what age did you stop using the baby seat? 18 month old could probably climb onto the seat if I remove the baby seat, but if I remove the baby seat, the US version of the Tripp trapp has no harness attachment, which doesn’t feel super safe to me. Unless you guys know how I can attach the harness without the baby seat…
AwayEmily says
We used the harness without the baby seat for ours. My husband did it so I can’t give specific instructions but it is definitely doable.
Anonymous says
Do you mean the infant seat or the leg hole attachment the trays snap onto? I would just keep using the leg hole attachment unless you have a safety reason not to: are they too big? My 18 m/o twins can (and will) climb out unless they are harnessed so I’m planning to leave them until they’re probably 2.5 or so. My 5 y/o still sometimes sits in the baby seat just to be silly, but he’s pretty small.
startup lawyer says
We switched my son out of the baby seat 2 months before his 3rd bday. TBH i miss it, too much freedom.
Anon says
Yep talking about the leg hole seat where the tray clips onto. Has not outgrown it yet but I have 22 weeks left of my pregnancy and my back hurts so much I cannot lift him in or out of the chair without straining my back. I also prefer to keep him contained/in a harness for as long as possible.
Anonymous says
Oof that’s hard. If I unlatch the harness, my twins can climb down assisted. Maybe try that? And then could you get some PT?
Anonymous says
I don’t have a trip trapp, but I switched my son to a regular chair at 23 months because my husband had back problems and could not lift him. His table manners actually improved immensely, and food throwing, which we had struggled with for months, completely stopped.
DC mom says
You can purchase a harness that is separate from the molded section and just use the harness. It sounds like that would meet your needs here.
anon says
How annoyed would you be if your kid was attending a soccer day camp and came home with reports of watching movies?
As background, we often do inexpensive parks and rec camps, but decided to splurge on a fancy soccer camp at a private school that was supposed to be really good. It’s really expensive so I had high expectations. My 6 yo came home on day 1 with a report that she watched one and a half movies that day during camp (probably about 1.5-2 hours of screen time in a 6 hour camp). On day two my older daughter pulled her sister from the movie room so she could play indoor games with the older kids, so she watched less, but the plan was still for the younger kids to sit in a classroom to watch movies for a significant chunk of the day. I emailed the camp and they said that they need cool down time in A/C for the younger kids given the heat. I feel like this could easily be coloring or games–the counselors are being lazy by just turning on movies.
Am I out of line to expect the camp to occupy 6 yos with activities rather than screens? (It’s not like it’s rainy or insanely hot–just normal and predictable hot weather for our area.)
startup lawyer says
Yes, I would definitely make a fuss over this.
Anne-on says
I don’t think you’re out of line to be annoyed (and I agree that indoor cool down time could be arts and crafts or game time). I also wonder how hard of a time they had staffing the camp this year? I know one of our favorite camps shut down this year because they didn’t have enough staff to run the program. I would also bet that the staff they do have are younger and might not have as much experience. I don’t think there’s much to do about it this year but I’d keep this in mind for next year and maybe explicitly ask the program directors about it?
Pogo says
yeah I’m empathetic but also… that’s a lot of movie time. I can put a movie on for my kids for free.
anon says
One of my beefs is that camp ends at 3 PM so I’d like to be able to turn on a movie while a finish my work day. This seems fine if the kids have been super active all day, but less acceptable if they’ve already watched 2 hours of movies. That’s not what I’m paying for.
Anon says
Yeah it’s worse in a 9-3 camp than a 9-5 camp for that reason.
anon says
The head of the soccer camp is a college soccer coach so my understanding is that most of the counselors are her players. Their summer job is working at the camp and then they informally train as a team using the school’s fields after camp.
There are other camp folks associated with the hosting private school, but my understanding is that the soccer camp has its own counselors.
Anon says
That’s an interesting point, but it doesn’t really take more staff to supervise elementary kids coloring or playing board games in a classroom vs watching movies, does it? It’s just harder/more work for the staff member in the room…but, it’s a job, not veg-out-on-your-phone times (yah I sound like a curmudgeon).
anon says
I’d be extremely annoyed. I’m not paying good money to have my kid watching movies for half the camp time; they could do that for free at home.
That said, I don’t know that I would make a big deal out of it during the week, as the schedule is set and things are unlikely to change. I would reach out AFTER the camp to let the director know that you won’t be returning next year, and why.
I also think it’s possible that the camp is very short-staffed. That seems to be a common theme this year.
Anon2 says
I would be very annoyed. More and more I’m hearing reports of screen time at school/activities and it’s frustrating because we work so hard to limit screen time at home (eg, none on school days). I am willing to give some leeway to public school teachers at the end of the year, etc, but not to an expensive day camp! My kids did a martial arts camp last week and they watched YouTube during snack which was surprising, but also *whatever* because it was very cheap and I liked it otherwise.
The pervasive nature of screen + snack times in every kids activity is one of my huge peeves.
anon says
Were they at least martial arts videos? That wouldn’t bother me so much. At least it would be instructional.
Anon says
They were Minecraft videos lol. And snack time was probably like 15 min so on the whole it was FINE, just unexpected
Anon says
Our expensive and highly rated daycare uses screens liberally during snack times and at the end of the day in the preschool rooms. It’s annoying to me but not a hill I’m going to die on. 2 hour movie is a different story though.
Anon says
I honestly hated this kind of thing when I was a kid. It felt weirdly invasive to be forced to watch random entertainment willy nilly, and I felt so bored and restless since I had too much energy during the day to comfortably sit quietly for the length of a movie.
Anonymous says
Same. I wasn’t allowed to watch TV during the day at home, and I was only allowed to watch carefully curated programs. I felt strangely trashy watching cartoons or bad movies during daylight hours.
anon says
I might have not have heard about the movies at all except they played Frozen. Not such a big hit with the 6 yo crowd these days.
Anonymous says
At a fancy private school camp, I would expect crafts or games instead of movies. At our local soccer facility’s camp, which costs a third as much, I am not surprised by movies.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would be annoyed too. I’m not paying someone else to show my kid 2 hours of screen time! It is their whole job to entertain the kids/supervise them entertaining themselves. A short clip is fine, but not a full movie. Is it possible for your younger one to join the older kids for indoor times in the future (sounds like that’s what she did…)?
DLC says
I would be annoyed if a full movie were a daily thing One and half sounds excessive. It is also strange that it is just for the younger kids. These days I would not be surprised by an hour of a show/movie after lunch, but I don’t love it.
FWIW, At my kid’s county camp, it’s one movie on Friday afternoon and parents had to sign a permission slip. If parents or kids opted out, the child is put in a different room with a quiet activity.
I wish camps would be more upfront about the use of screentime – I don’t know how much of a deciding factor it would be, but at least I could think about it and send my kid with an alternative.
Anonymous says
Nope. When I worked as a camp counselor we limited movies to once a week and even then parents complained (I still think a movie under the stars one night at sleep away camp is fine!) Yes they need indoor cool down time but it doesn’t need to be screen time.
Anon says
My 4 year old is very offended and sad that the dog is permitted to sleep in our bed every night and she isn’t. My husband thinks we just ignore it, but I sort of feel like she has a point that this is unfair. What say you guys?
Anonymous says
I say that the dog should sleep in its own bed or crate. Our dog only sleeps in the bedroom when there is thunder or fireworks, and even then she sleeps on the floor. Nearly every night she sleeps downstairs in her own bed. All humans sleep much better that way. Fewer allergy issues too–even if you are not allergic to dogs, they bring in pollen on their fur.
Anon says
This is so individual dependent though. If sleeping with the dog works for the OP, it’s fine. It’s not inherently better to make the dog sleep somewhere else.
OP, don’t let a 4-year-old lawyer you. The dog sleeps with you because it is an animal, not a child. You’re allowed to have different rules for your kid and your dog. (Tell your kid she can sleep with you when she always walks outside on a leash).
Anon says
The dog has always slept with us and gets hysterical when she’s locked out of our room so then no one would get any sleep which is not great.
I think the root of this issue is probably that I’m less pro-dog and more pro-kid in bed than my husband. I would be fine with neither, just the kid or both (in that order), but my husband really wants the dog and not the kid which doesn’t really feel right to me. My kid is also adopting the dog’s approach of “I’m going to cry hysterically all night until you let me in your bed” so none of us are sleeping well now, which is not helping.
Anonymous says
You could sleep in kid’s bed?
Anonymous says
I’m guessing the reason the dog sleeps with you and she sleeps in her own bed has nothing to do with fair/not fair, so I wouldn’t even open the question with her on those terms.
So Anon says
I wonder if you can try to get what is underlying the issue. Maybe ask: I hear that dog gets time in mommy and daddy’s bed every night. Do you want more snuggles with mom and dad? Maybe a Saturday morning snuggle during cartoons is in order (also an excellent time to nod back off to sleep for the adults).
FWIW: My dog sleeps in the bed with me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Anon says
We do plenty of snuggling. I think she just really wants to sleep in our bed, lol. We have done a fair amount of co-sleeping the last few months due to vacations, illness, visiting family, etc and she’s not adjusting well to having to go back to her own bed.
Mary Moo Cow says
I can see her point, too, but it’s also apples to oranges. At least in my house, dog and kid go to bed at different times, dog doesn’t fling my door open at 3 am and crawl in, dog is less disruptive, etc. Dog was also around first and established the pattern. Finally, he’s a dog, different rules and expectations for dogs and kids, that’s life. I wouldn’t expect my 4 year old to understand and abide, and if I had given her the choice, at 4 my kid probably would have jumped at the chance to eat out of a bowl on the floor at every meal, but yeah, dogs and kids are different and that’s the end of the conversation.
Anon says
The dog is actually much more disruptive than the kid, but I doubt the kid knows that. And yes pretty sure she would be glad to eat out of bowls on the floor and walk on a leash, lol.
Spirograph says
lol I’m impressed with this logic. Youngest kid (almost 6) has been migrating to our bed at some point in the middle of the night for ages, and it drives my husband crazy because it disrupts his sleep. I often sleep through it and don’t notice he’s there until I wake up in the morning, but if he wakes me up I will make him go back in his own bed. Son has not yet tried the argument that the cats are allowed in our bed, so he should be, too. Clearly I do not have a future lawyer on my hands. :)
I would not give in to this. Our party line is “night time is for sleeping in your own bed, we can snuggle at bedtime and in the morning.” If the dog has always slept in your bed, that’s the dog’s bed too. 4 year old presumably has her own bed, and that’s where she needs to sleep.
Anonymous says
Omg stop this is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever seen
Bummed says
Ugh. This is such a small thing but I just got an invite to my to-be sister in law’s bridal shower and it is on my toddler’s birthday. I was so excited to get to celebrate the birthday on the actual day since it’s a weekend and I had a cute little family party planned. I know I probably *have* to go to the shower and I’ll move the small family party we were having to a different day I guess – but ughhhh.
I realize no one is obligated to work around my kids’ birthdays, especially not for something like this. I just wanted to spend the day with birthday kid (they so rarely fall on a weekend!) and I’m really bummed about it. I can’t express annoyance in real life so I’m expressing it here.
Anon says
I would not go to a bridal shower on my child’s birthday. Also isn’t this person your child’s aunt-to-be? (Or am I misunderstanding the relationship?) aren’t they invited to the family party? Pretty weird to plan an event on their niece or nephews birthday.
Anon says
I’m guessing the child’s party isn’t officially planned yet and therefore the SIL may not be aware of the date (showers are often planned far in advance of birthday parties). And some families put less emphasis on “the actual birthday” than others…in my family it would not be weird or offensive at all to plan events on other people’s birthdates, especially a large event like a wedding / shower. (Not knocking the OP and her understandable feelings, just explaining that there isn’t one clear “right way”)
OP says
Thanks for this – I’ve been feeling really petty and this made me feel a little bit better. It is the aunt-to-be, but I’m guessing she didn’t know or remember his birthday. She would be invited to the family party, but I got their invite first and figured that meant I had to move the birthday.
At the very least I’d love to be able to skip the shower and do something with our immediate family at home. Maybe I will reconsider this as an option
NYCer says
Skip the shower!
Anon says
Yes skip the shower and do something with just DH and your kids.
Spirograph says
Yeah, this is what I’d do! If there is a lot of overlap in the guest list and you want to have a family-centered birthday party, you’ll need to do that on a different weekend since she “claimed” the date first… but that shouldn’t stop you from spending your son’s birthday with him and your immediately family if you want to! (In that case, I’d imagine sister-in-law will be apologetic when you send your regrets to her shower. That seems like an honest oversight that hopefully everyone can be gracious about)
Anonymous says
It’s entirely possible that the bride or whoever was planning the shower had no idea about the birthday, or that this was the only date that worked for a key person like the bride’s mother or grandmother or the maid of honor. Bridal showers are usually planned much farther in advance than birthday parties.
I think it’s a little over the top to insist that the whole world plan around little kids’ birthdays, but go ahead and skip the shower if you feel that strongly about it. Just don’t do what my relative did and refuse to attend your own sister’s actual wedding because she had it on your kid’s birthday. That is the kind of behavior that makes the rest of the world resent parents.
OP says
As I said in the post, I didn’t expect them to work around his birthday. I’m just sad as I was looking forward to it.
Anon says
Not the whole world, but immediate family who are presumably local or geographically close enough to come to her house for one day for a kid’s party, yeah.
Anon says
How would the future SIL even know the child’s birthday? Much less the MOH or whoever is planning the shower?
Anon says
Presumably the bride has been dating her future spouse for at least a year and has celebrated the child’s birthday with the family before? And obviously the bride gives the MOH or whoever is scheduling the event input into what dates do and don’t work for her. It would be crazy for a MOH to schedule a shower without clearing the date with the bride.
I don’t think of myself as someone who is close to extended family, but I knew my husband’s sister and her kids before we got married and I can’t imagine scheduling an important wedding event on one of the kid’s birthdays, especially if I wanted their mom to attend. Likewise, I can’t imagine my SIL doing this to me if she were the one getting married. I understand a bride can’t avoid every school play or sporting event, but a kid’s birthday is one day of the entire year. Unless you have dozens of nieces and nephews to the point that avoiding all their birthdays would make scheduling something genuinely challenging, it’s bizarre to me to choose your niece or nephew’s birthday for your own event.
Anon says
That stinks!!! I totally get your disappointment. I’m normally part of the “an invitation isn’t a summons” crowd, but for a sibling I agree you probably have to go.
Maybe you can do something with just your immediate family afterwards? Sometimes I enjoy celebrating the actual birthday with just my little family and having the party a separate day anyway….but I know you aren’t looking for advice, so vent away!
NYCer says
You definitely do not have to go to the shower IMO, but if there is crossover amongst the family guests at the shower and the family guests at your child’s birthday, then yes, I think you need to reschedule the birthday party at this point.
Anon says
Wait. Why are you obligated to go? I’d skip it! You have a legitimate excuse. Just send a nice gift.
Also, this is a know your SIL kind of thing, but sometimes these are sent to future SIL as a courtesy invite kind of thing…
Anon says
Oh good point – is this shower for your side of the family or hers? I definitely skipped wedding showers when they were meant for the other side…my own future SIL skipped mine on my side of the family! (I had a second thrown by my husband’s side…future MIL still came, though)
OP says
I didn’t know wedding showers had sides! If this is a courtesy type invite then I definitely don’t want to go— I’m wondering as I didn’t hear anything about it until I got the I invite in the mail 2 weeks in advance.
Anon says
I would say that’s definitely in courtesy invite territory. If there was a mailed invite without an email “save the date,” it probably would’ve gone out at least a month in advance.
Anonymous says
So you hadn’t invited anyone to this birthday party 2 weeks out?!
Mary Moo Cow says
If you’ve already planned the birthday party, I would not change it. Just like no one is obligated to work around your kids’ birthdays, no one is obligated to work around bridal showers. If the bridal shower and the party directly overlap and it will take out half the guests for the family party, then eek, less than ideal. But, if the bridal shower is in the morning and the party the afternoon, bow out graciously with the explanation that you will be in party preparation, send a nice gift to the shower, and remember that you’ll have years to celebrate the actual baby.
AwayEmily says
+1 to different families having very different norms around these things. My husband’s family treats birthdays EXTREMELY literally. Like, they will FedEx a card if they are worried it won’t arrive in time for the actual birthday, and they ALWAYS call on birthdays. My family just does not care at all. I celebrate my birthday basically on whatever weekend day within two weeks before or after is most convenient, and so do my kids. I mean, we always do a little family commemoration on the day of (they get to pick their dinner and have whatever dessert they want), but the “party” such as it is is whenever works, even if it’s a week or so later. And my siblings and I rarely acknowledge each others birthdays. I’m not saying that my husband’s family is wrong and mine is right, or vice versa — just that people are different!
Anon says
I’ll be the voice of dissent on skipping this. It is weird that you got an invite 2 weeks in advance and didn’t otherwise know that the shower was planned (did your mother, if it’s your brother’s bride, or your MIL, if your husband’s brother’s bride, know?). If you can otherwise go, I think you should make every effort to do so. The host likely made a mistake (wrong address, bad guest list, etc.), and the bride probably had nothing to do with it. This is hopefully a once in lifetime event for this woman who is joining your family. Your toddler likely has no idea which day is their birthday. (But also it’s annoying and the timing sucks!)
anon says
Yeah, also aren’t showers usually 2 or 3 hours max and likely during naptime? I would swing by for an hour get some face time in and leave before gifts – if it’s in your town/nearby. If it’s far away I’d skip. We’ve done morning parties for our small family and grandparents with an early brunch – that could be an option if you’re trying to do both.
We’ve also attended kids bday parties as early as 9:45am and as late as 5pm – so there is a range.
Anon says
Yeah – I think you should go.
Anon says
+1 to this. Good relations with the future SIL would be more important than celebrating a child’s bday on the actual date instead of a day later or earlier.
Anon says
* more important TO ME, I should say. But I do not get the emphasis on the “actual birthdate.” At all. But I know others feel differently!
Anon says
I get it OP! I love being able to celebrate things on the day off (and will routinely take off from work on my kids’ birthdays to get to spend it with them, so I love when it falls on a weekend). I’d be disappointed with the way that it worked out too.
And I agree about some people just being different about birthdays. My BIL and SIL routinely do not remember to acknowledge my or my kids’ birthdays. It hurts my feelings that they cannot be bothered to remember it. On the other hand, I have another SIL who will send me a gift for my birthday, whereas I only send birthday gifts to my nieces and nephews and not to my siblings or SILs/BILs (I do send a text to wish them a happy day). Maybe that SIL is on a blog somewhere saying it hurts her feelings that I don’t send her a gift! All which is to say, people think differently about this sort of thing.