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Once I had kids, I figured it was just a matter of when, not whether, they would mess up my rugs. So, for areas with a high probability of spills (dining room, bathroom), I got a few washable rugs from Ruggable.
There are lots of designs to choose from, but I really like this one from their collab with Jonathan Adler. These rugs are water-resistant, stain-resistant, and completely washable. After my oldest spilled a cup of milk in the dining room, I removed the 8 x 10 rug cover, stuffed it into my washer and dryer, and it came out as good as new. It does take a bit of time to smooth out any rumples in the rug cover (especially the large ones), but that’s outweighed by my ability to salvage it from anything my kids throw at it.
This Jonathan Adler Inkdrop Rug from Ruggable starts at $109 for a 2 x 3 and goes up from there depending on the size.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Anon318 says
Now that the camp portion of the summer is winding down in our area, I’m reflecting on our first summer doing the camp/summer care juggle with two kids (youngest started school last year and full-time nanny managed summers before this one). We have learned several lessons, many the hard way, and I thought I’d share my list and ask what you wise ladies would add. This list is going in a calendar reminder that will ping me at the end of January when the process starts over again…
1. Plan EARLY and get all stakeholders involved. Camps in my area are announced in late January – early March and signups begin in late March/early April. Being on top of these dates gets you first pick of camps/activities instead of leftovers. Also, my sweet DH said in February he didn’t want any input on the summer schedule (fine by me, I’m clearly the planner in the relationship), but in June was disappointed kids were not in camp with no spots left. He knows for next year that this needs to be communicated in February, not in June.
2. Kids need to go to the same place every week. Multiple drop off locations are the worst.
3. Be realistic about the care coverage you need – pay for before/after care when needed. WFH flexibility is great, but exercising that flexibility meant inconsistent hours for me all summer. My employer didn’t care, but I felt unsettled which was not good for me.
4. When possible, sign up for camp-provided meals.
5. Pack bigger snacks than you think necessary, especially for sports camps. My formula was frozen uncrustable, fruit, veggie+dip, and crackers. Basically a meal. Side note: my pediatrician said most kid growth happens during the summer based on her experience, so maybe that is why my kids have eaten like monsters (and grown two inches each) since the end of the school year…
6. Allow for down time in the afternoons, especially after sports camps. My exhausted zombie children have not been up for workbooks, planned activities or anything but a movie or quiet play in their bedrooms between camp and dinner.
7. Plan for backup drivers for each drop off/pick up. Coordinating summer schedules with friends is the best for easy carpool arrangements.
…any other lessons learned?
Anon says
We’ll be here next summer so this was useful. Do you try to coordinate camps with kids’ friends? My kid is pretty good at making new friends in a group of strangers, but I could see it being tough if every kid already has a friend or two except her.
Anonymous says
We coordinated for one camp but should have done for all. Kid is not enjoying the current camp where he’s having trouble making friends, and is sad he’s not in the camp where his best friends all are.
Anon318 says
We only coordinated one week with friends, but should have coordinated as many as possible. Most of the camps my kids went to were at their school, so they had a familiar environment even if they didn’t know anyone. The weeks we did coordinate with friends or found out after the fact that friend would be attending were awesome because (1) parents were excited to carpool, and (2) kids were excited to see friends and got ready with less fuss in the mornings. It was also easy to trade off after-camp playdates if I/friend’s parents had work meetings, etc.
Anonymous says
I did for when my kids were going to be in separate camps, and succeeded with one of them. Was glad I did because it did seem like kids came in groups to that one. That said, I don’t think it’s the end of the world if they don’t know anyone- those are important skills to build!
Anon says
I thought this was really helpful when the kids were younger, but it is a huge pain to get people to commit to camps on the same timeline as you. In my area (Bay Area), the best camps open registration at the end of January. Some fill up the day of. Best year was when all the daycare parents had incoming first graders and we spent the first four weeks at the same camp next to daycare.
Cb says
Wow, this is incredibly helpful, thanks! Summer camps are few and far between where we are, at least those offering close to full time hours, so we’re going to have to look at decamping for the summer to my parents’. We can stay in Lisbon, I can have my continental cosplay, and kiddo can meet kids from all over the world.
Anonymous says
What do Scottish people do with their kids In summer?
Cb says
I have no clue! Our summers are only 6-7 weeks, so a mix of family, annual leave, camps? Most professional jobs have a big chunk of annual leave (20+ days plus holidays) and I know a lot of moms who are 3-4 days per week.
I think the cities are better, but our new town is definitely not set up for working parents without local family. We STILL don’t know if we have aftercare, and school starts in 25 days.
Anonymous says
My European coworkers typically take all of August off, and their school goes through June, so it’s just July that you need coverage.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure about the UK, but in many southern European countries households are typically multi-generational so I assume grandparents help.
Anonymous says
I like this! Camp season goes on for longer where I am so we are just starting. Completely agree on the snacks packed- it’s also been trial and error figuring out what my kids will actually eat, and it’s hard because there is no refrigeration available. Also it kills me to send in so many ziplock bags but the reusable containers I sent disappeared, so nothing for it.
My kids do have separate drop offs for this week, but I was pleased with myself for setting it up so they are an exactly 4 minute drive apart, which is very doable. And I think it’s nice for them to pursue their own interests apart from each other for a week (they’ll be back in the same camp for the next three weeks of camp).
anon says
On the dates point, our camp sign ups are in December – February, so doing sign up in March would be too late. Know your area.
So Anon says
Same. Our camp sign-ups are mostly in January. Last year (for camps in 2021), one camp started sign-up on Dec. 21. I think some of the parents understandably pushed back and asked if maybe they could wait until Jan 2, which they did this year. This is a camp where there were waitlists 4 minutes after sign-ups opened online.
anon says
Omg, the week of Christmas?! That is crazy pants.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yup, I signed up for our K-er’s camp in January and it was almost full by then/full by Friday.
Boston Legal Eagle says
*February.
FVNC says
I’ll ad a 1.a. — if your kids are interested in specialty camps (e.g., zoo camp, nature center camp), consider becoming members of those organizations. Membership often gets you early sign up for camps; by the time “general population” registration rolls around, the camps are often full.
Anon318 says
Great point! Definitely adding this one to my list.
Anon says
Yup, this is true in my area too.
anon says
Yes, great point!
Anonymous says
It is funny you posted this today. I was reflecting on the summer early this morning and thinking about how it is such an expensive season. In addition to summer care, we eat out more and seek more entertainment outside of the house during summer (pool, etc.) I’m looking forward to fall just to feel like we can slow down the spending a bit.
Anon says
I feel the opposite! Over the summer we do free stuff outside (playgrounds, hiking, family’s pool) or use annual memberships (zoo, botanical garden) we pre-purchased. Late fall and winter is definitely the most expensive time of year for us between holiday gifts and booking spring break and summer travel.
Pogo says
I am planning to press the easy button and send kiddo to the school-age program at his current daycare. They do “camp” in the summer with themes each week, visitors, field trips, etc. I can’t deal with the 9-3 hours or piecing together care each week of traditional camps.
I was told by another mom to get my spot NOW (!!) so I have emailed the director. I know for sure one of his besties will be in the program, so that’ll make him super happy. He doesn’t really know what a “real” camp is, so far his favorite thing was riding the school bus to field trips. More so perhaps than the actual field trip. It’s also really nice that they offer quiet rest time to the school age kids (the director calls it “siesta” which I love) and some of them actually nap because they run them so hard in the mornings – rather than the movie time another poster mentioned yesterday, they give them actually cots to lay down and read or listen to an audiobook.
Anon says
This works for a bit, but eventually kids ask for other camps and not a “baby” camp. My 6 yo is a beast to get out the door if she doesn’t like her camp (and 100% unbribeable) so it’s not worth the knock down drag out fight that ensues every morning to choose a daycare camp.
Anon says
Yeah I think it would be very hard to get a kid whose completed kindergarten to go to a camp at a daycare. The summer before K it’s fine, it’s not really any different than just continuing year-round daycare.
Walnut says
It depends on the kid makeup at the daycare camp. My daycare is in the neighborhood so I coordinated with two others families who have littles still in daycare to see if they were thinking about doing the school age program. We’re already evaluating if we can pull it off for one more year next summer. 6:30-6PM coverage and one drop off for all my kids in the summer is a parenting dream come true.
anonamommy says
Thanks for this. My big takeaway is that I wish DH or I had a job where we had summers off – it’s such a slog to coordinate camps and sitters when all I really want to do is spend time with my kid, but I also really like my job and don’t want to give it up. I’m also very aware that this summer is easier than next will be as I am still WFH and have more flexibility, but that ends in September.
We are exactly midway through the summer and kiddo (7) is in the 6th week of camp. This morning he woke up and just looked exhausted, so we are giving him a rest day. School is fairly easy for him and I underestimated how exhausting it would be to go to camp where there are constant activities, and each week is a slightly shifting cohort of kids and social dynamics, etc. I think next year I will plan for a rest week in mid-July to let him have some planned down time.
anon says
Every year, I have to fight the resentment and frustration I feel about working full-time during the summer. I do not want to be a SAHM, but I want to be doing things with my kids and yet it’s one of the hardest times for me to get away because of some of the deadlines I’m up against in July and August.
Mary Moo Cow says
Same here. I asked for, and was given with no issues, summer hours of coming in half an hour early and leaving half an hour late so I can be home at 5 to jump into a bathing suit and run to the pool, which is better than nothing, but sigh. I want to not work at all in the summer, or work super part time.
Anon says
Having light summers with WFH is one of the main reasons I’ll never leave my otherwise unsatisfying, very underpaid job.
Anon says
Is sending him to grandparents or other relatives for a week or two an option?
anon says
All good tips! Amen to nearly every point on your list.
My lessons learned the hard way:
1. Carpooling is a pain to arrange. If you’re going this route, know this going in and decide whether adding more families to your family’s schedule is really worth it.
2. We don’t do half-day camps unless it’s affiliated with a school activity they’re already in. While we can technically make it work, it is so much hassle and really throws off the workday, even when we WFH.
3. This doesn’t work when kids are younger and need full-time care, but for our older kid, we learned the hard way that having a different camp every week was really hard on him. This year, we built in three “no-camp weeks” to give him some much-needed downtime.
4. If you have older kids, involve them in the process of picking out camps. Don’t assume that you know which ones will hold the most appeal; you might be surprised by what they do NOT want to do. I made that mistake with a fifth grader. The next year, I gave him a lot more input.
5. This is a word-of-mouth thing, but be wary of the camps that have too many teens and even very young adults on staff. They tend to be chaotic and the teens don’t always know how to handle the interpersonal drama that occasionally pops up. Or rather, make sure the teen presence is balanced out with actual adults who have Seen Things and have been trained extensively. But also, the camps that are properly staffed by adults tend to cost more, so know that going in.
Janey says
My one regret with summer camp is that I may have been TOO quick to sign up to an option that was 8 minutes away, rather than taking the time to really explore whether there was something closer that it would have worked – it looks like the YMCA is having a summer camp at my kids’ school that would be closer and on familiar territory.
EDAnon says
We kept our son’s camp consistent (with one week of speciality camp – but all other weeks at the same place). I was glad we did because it took him some time to find his groove with friends. Now, he’s loving it.
I also had no idea how tired he would be! It’s been a let down since we usually spend summer evenings at the park or pool or whatever. And he’s just so tired.
DLC says
I only have one kid (10) in camp… i’m not looking forward to juggling more than one! Some of my takeaways so far:
-For camp registration at the popular places, I make sure I set up the online account ahead of time, so that I’m not doing it the day registration opens. The county camps in our area often fill up in half a day so I din’t want to spend time creating the account. Our County’s registration site also lets you “favorite” camps ahead of time and then when registration opens it’s easy just to dump the favorites into the shopping cart and hit “buy”.
– I agree to coordinating camps with your child’s friends. It makes them more excited to go.
– make a spreadsheet. I double booked my kid for camp this year. Ugh. Luckily one of the camps was the super cheap County Camp, so it wasn’t a big loss to skip a week.
– I always bring a snack to pick up. Completely agree with above that camp is exhausting! We are also going straight to swim practice so a hearty filling snack is important.
– I will also say, I found, in the early years, say before 8 or 9, not to put so much pressure on the camp experience to be eye opening or to build a high level of skill in anything. In general it’s a childcare situation that I’m trying to fill, any kind of enrichment is bonus. When kids get older, it will be come more obvious if they should be going to a camp that focusses more on skill building for anything. And if they are at that level, it will be pretty clear which organizations will cater to that. By all means do the specialty camp Tetris if you want, but county rec camp is also absolutely fine. I agree with Pogo- do the easy thing.
Nanny compensation survey says
For those of you with a nanny –
Where do you live (city/region, HCOL vs. LCOL)?
How many kids do you have?
What do you pay (per hour, on vs. off books) and how many hours per week?
Pogo says
Boston, HCOL, on the books, $23/hr, she picks up (drives her own car) 2yo and 5yo, makes them dinner, and oversees early evening routine. She averages around 5hrs/week. She has a FT job, this is just extra money for her. I realize we got super duper lucky.
Anon says
All of that takes only 1 hour a day? Or do you not have her 5 days a week?
Pogo says
Only have her 4 days, but on average, it is about an hour a day. She arrives at 4:30, preps their dinner, picks them up, gives them dinner, and then I usually walk in the door between 5:30 and 6. The 2yo goes up to bath at 6 so I do try to get home a little before then. When I travel, DH (whose commute is longer) often has her put the 2yo to bed, so she works more hours during those times.
Pogo says
Should also say we are in the suburbs with no traffic and everything is within 2 miles – from her apartment to our house to both kids’ daycares. I reimburse her for mileage but it is less than 10mi a week driving.
Anon says
Thanks for the explanation! And wow, everything within 2 miles is crazy close. We’re in a small college town but still more than 5 miles from daycare and our offices. It takes me almost an hour roundtrip to do daycare pickup from home, but a lot of that is driving time.
Pogo says
We really lucked out, even before pandemic we decided to keep everything close to home vs close to office. But, also super lucky that we had such good daycares/schools very close by.
anon says
Live in SoCal (HCOL), pay $32/hr on the books, two kids (ages 3.75 and 1.5, older kid is in preschool 3 full days/wk, upping to 5 days wk next month), 40 hours guaranteed (she usually works about 35 of those 40 that we pay her for). We also have an evening sitter who comes a few days a week so that I can get a little more work done on those days.
Anon says
Houston
$25/hour
4 kids although she’s almost always only watching 1 or 2
off the books (nanny is an international student at our local community college on a student visa and can only work at the community college under her visa – which is not enough income for her and which feels so hard to me so I don’t mind although we have paid nannies in the past on the books!)
50 hours/week
Anon says
Bay Area/HCOL
3, ages 9, 11 and 13 (age is a super important question, by the way – my kids are basically self-functioning but can’t drive. That’s a lot different than 2, 4 and 6)
$32 on the books 40 hours
Anon says
Also, two weeks of vacation and one week bonus.
FWIW, I didn’t have a nanny until my oldest was 6 and in elementary school. It’s really for the shuttling and the household help.
Nanny compensation survey says
For those of you with a nanny –
Where do you live (city/region, HCOL vs. LCOL)?
How many kids do you have?
What do you pay (per hour, on vs. off books) and how many hours per week?
How many days of vacation and sick leave do you give annually?
AnonNY says
About 20 miles north of NYC.
We have one toddler and I’m currently pregnant.
We pay $34/hour on the books, 40 hours per week.
2 weeks vacation, 1 week sick/PTO, plus she gets any days we take off (which ends up being about an additional 3 weeks per year). All fully paid.
Anon says
Manhattan, 1 child
$24/hr off the books, 45 hours a week
2 weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick leave, paid time off anytime grandparents visit or we’re off work or on our own vacation (similar to poster above, this is an extra couple weeks off paid per year)
Anon says
I should add we give 2 weeks salary as a year end bonus + a nice holiday gift
Anon says
Don’t personally have a nanny but have looked into it for one kid so including as data point in case helpful for others
Boston proper (urban, HCOL)
Nannies expect $35-45/hr take home; the good ones are at the high end of that range.
Up to 50 hours a week is pretty normal, above that or below 40, a lot of nannies opt out
Nanny pay has gone up dramatically since the beginning of Covid.
Anon says
$45!?! That’s way out of line with what I’ve heard even in SF and NYC.
Anon says
I agree that’s super high for what I hear in NYC, although may be in line with agency nannies? There is also a market for college educated younger nannies that require these rates so that might be what this woman is looking for.
NYCer says
Yeah, that is super high. I don’t know anyone in NYC paying their full time nanny that much take home. There may be some, but they are definitely outliers.
anon says
I’m in Boston and I think your rate is wrong. Consider talking to an agency just to gut check or check out care.com to look for what some experienced nannies are asking for. No doubt there are some career nannies out there who are asking for that but it’s an absolute exception and not a rule. I figure they’re pandering to the doctors / a very specific segment of the market. But there are many exceptional nannies well, well below that figure, including my own.
Anon at 10:34 says
That’s possible! I am a doctor :-). Those were the rates we were quoted by nannies themselves when we were actively interviewing about 6 months ago. I see these rates in this range cited all the time on a number of local Facebook parents groups so I had just figured it was the going rate. Guess not!
Boston Legal Eagle says
$45/hr take home would be a gross salary of around $150K. Not saying this work isn’t valuable, but that is nowhere near market. I’ve seen $25-30/hour posted mostly.
anon says
I mean, to be clear, I saw like 2 nannies at that level out of the – literally – hundreds of nanny listings I saw and dozens I talked to. One said that she won some national award for her nannying, whatever that means, so they were uber outliers.
Anonymous says
LOL to the national award. That sounds like something she made up.
Anonymous says
$22/hour on the books, 20 hours a week, Mcol area. School year coverage, so off during any school breaks and over the summer, plus 4 other paid days off and 5 paid sick days.
Anon says
Atlanta, 1 kid, we pay $22/hour plus time and a half for overtime. 2 weeks paid vacation, 2 weeks paid sick time. On the books.
Anon says
Also she has all federal holidays paid and is also paid when we don’t need her due to our own travel, although she’s required by contract to take at least one of her vacation weeks when we’re on holiday.
Anon says
We paid $19/hour on the books in a very LCOL area (small town Midwest) for one infant. 40 hours/week. 2 weeks vacation, 1 week sick leave PTO. This was several years ago now, before the pandemic. I would do more sick leave now.
Lily says
The responses here are making me so glad we do daycare. These costs are astronomical! $55-70k/year for a nanny! I’m not saying the nannies don’t deserve that money, I’m saying I can’t believe people are willing to pay it (unless maybe you’re pulling in $1m/year). We pay $40k a year for 2 kids in daycare, which already seems like so much, and our HHI is ~$500k.
Very curious to hear why people chose to go the nanny route vs. daycare when the cost differential is so much? I always suspect it’s because people are too snobby for daycare (I mean that in as non-judgmental a way as possible; most of my friends have nannies), but I wonder if I’m overlooking other factors. My daycare is open 7:30-6, so we have good coverage; do nannies typically arrive earlier than 7:30 or stay later than 6? Is it not having to do daycare dropoff/pickup (admittedly a pain, but not so much if you find a daycare on the way to work or very close to your home; grandparents may be willing to do pickup; etc).
If you prefer a nanny because you don’t like the idea of daycare, what is it about daycare that puts you off?
I really mean these questions in a non-judgmental way, thanks for any responses!
anon says
We were at a nationally branded daycare in suburban Boston until covid hit. Hours were great – 7-6, as well run as you could hope for and no general complaints or dissatisfactions to speak of. When Covid hit, we stole our favorite day care teacher to nanny part time (9-1) daily during the heat of covid, and then come August we brought her on full time. Daycares weren’t opening fast enough, and if they were, they were fully unreliable, shutting down for the slightest sniffle. I also didn’t want my 2 year old going to daycare and interacting with people who were masked, gloved and face shielded 10 hours a day. They even banned cuddling / touching beyond “essential contact.” I know it was necessary in the moment (maybe) and they were doing their best with the information we had, but it just wasn’t the environment I wanted my kid in. It actually had nothing to do with the risk to DD herself. We had to really stretch to make it work to pay for our nanny, but it was well worth it. We now make considerably more than we did in Fall 2020 so a then-stretch is now comfortable. We are fortunate, no doubt, but it definitely had nothing to do with being too “snobby” for daycare.
AnonNY says
No judgment taken :)
I had my kids later in life (40 when the first was born, will be 42 for the second) and want to be around them as much as possible. I WFH full time (big job but fully remote since 2016), and having a nanny means I get to see my daughter throughout the day, hear her playing, I nursed her whenever I wanted and only pumped when that was more convenient for me, etc. It also eliminated the daycare dropoff dance. We made this choice prior to COVID (daughter born October 2020), but if we hadn’t, we probably would have changed from daycare to nanny due to COVID uncertainties. She only works 9-5, at my request.
FWIW, our HHI is a bit under 500K, so it is a non-insignificant chunk of our disposable income. But it is something we value and so we make tradeoffs accordingly.
Anon says
Your last paragraph is such a weird way to put it, as if daycare is an insignificant part of most people’s disposable income. I get that it would be for you but most people are barely getting by while paying it, even high earners. The more honest way to say that is “we have an extraordinarily high household income so it’s not cost prohibitive for us the way it would be for most people and, in fact, we’re still left with disposable income afterwards.”
Anon says
Yeah, exactly. With a HHI of $160k I’m doing much better than most people in this country and I bet I still spend a larger percentage of my salary on daycare than this poster, even “just” using daycare.
AnonNY says
Well, Lily said she couldn’t believe that people would pay for a nanny if they weren’t pulling in over 1m a year. And a nanny is still a stretch for us because we live in a HCOL area, are saving for a down payment, are paying off my husband’s student loans, etc. We don’t have expensive hobbies or travel extensively. So yes, it’s not cost-prohibitive for us, but it’s also something that required thought and understanding that if we choose nanny over daycare, that’s a difference of about 40K/year, which isn’t nothing (even at our HHI).
Definitely didn’t mean to imply that daycare (or any other type of childcare) is an insignificant percentage of anyone’s HHI. Childcare costs are high regardless of where you fall on the income spectrum, and obviously the impact is higher and the options more limited when the HHI is lower.
Anon says
I get that money isn’t an unlimited resource for you but you’re in the top 1% for household income. Of course everything requires trade offs if you’re not a Kardashian but you shouldn’t bring up that HHI to emphasize what a limitation it is on you, and nor should that be the way you think about it.
AnonNY says
Agree to disagree. It’s roughly 23% of our takehome. I agree that childcare costs can be a significantly higher % of income for people, but I don’t think 1/4 of income is a nothing amount, regardless of HHI.
Anon says
It’s not nothing but the remaining 75% is still more than most people make in a year. Just, like, have some perspective is all I’m saying.
Anonymous says
Yeah even making “only” 375K still puts you very close to the 1%, if not in it.
Anon says
I’m the Anon at 10:32. In my neighborhood, daycare costs about $3500/month so 42k/year. If you have 2 kids, a nanny is a cheaper option.
We chose a nanny bc I like being able to interact with my child here and there while I WFH. My child also is a very light sleeper and initially refused bottles so the thought of sending him to daycare just stressed me out (I know he would have been ok).
It’s manageable for us because our HHI is $750-800k. Some times I think if I didn’t have a nanny, I would quit the workforce all together to be with him, in which case we would have a lot less net cash. Anyway, it desensitizes me so if we end up paying for private school preschool, I don’t have a hard time swallowing the cash ;)
LizzieB says
Can you call someone snobby in a non-judgmental way? Our family uses a nanny because we have older kids in school as well as a toddler still at home and I’m willing to pay a premium to have someone at my house to watch anyone who’s home that day. Summer break, teacher workdays, and unexpected snow days are so much less stressful. We used daycare when our oldest was a baby and toddler and had a great experience, but in this phase of life prefer the flexibility of a nanny instead of trying to mix daycare and afterschool care/camps. I also work from home and really enjoy getting to see my kids at lunch and in the afternoon when they get home from school – it’s a real benefit of working from home for me, but obviously might not be for others. We also only need care 40 hours per week and don’t typically need coverage outside of the standard 9-5 hours.
Anon says
Yeah we’re #teamdaycare but I’m not sure how you can call someone snobby and say you’re not judgmental in the same breath.
So Anon says
I have done both nannies and daycares (and au pairs and every other arrangement). For me, the nanny had nothing to do with being snobby or not liking daycare. The first time we had a nanny, it was because the daycares in our area were open from 7-5/5:30, and my workday never ended at 4:30/5:00 in time to make a 5 pick-up. My workday was typically 9-6 or 7. Also, my work was not working-parent friendly, so working from home or needing to take a day to take care of a sick child was highly frowned upon. When we had a nanny the second time, it was because I had an infant and a toddler in a half-day preschool. Again, daycares were only open until 5:30, I worked 45 minutes away and my day ended at 5, so it just wasn’t possible. Also, I had exhausted the vast majority of my sick leave over maternity leave (no short-term disability or pay otherwise), so I needed childcare that could take care of a mildly sick child. Paying for a nanny the second time was difficult financially but really our only option.
Anon318 says
My son had a non-obvious medical condition as an infant that couldn’t be accommodated at daycare, so we switched to a nanny. In my area, daycare for two kids is more expensive than our nanny was, so by the time he grew out of his special needs we had two kids and it made more sense to stick with the nanny. I’m always quick to explain the reasoning to acquaintances because I’m afraid of the judgment!
Anon says
We used a nanny for an infant because we were on the waiting list for our preferred daycare and for a little baby it seemed preferable to fill the gap with a nanny rather than a sub-optimal daycare. We couldn’t have afforded to do it long time but made it work temporarily. We have flexible jobs and have never really used more than 8 hours of daycare a day, so daycare and nanny were pretty equivalent in that regard. Our nanny called out sick a fair amount and between that and her vacations was a lot less available than a daycare center would be, but babies get sick way less with nannies, so the total number of days off we had to take was probably about the same? Daycare was at my office, so drop off/pick up was never a big deal for us, but I can see how if your daycare is in the opposite direction from work or if you WFH that it’s very convenient to have the nanny come to you. The biggest downside to a nanny for us was not cost or hours or convenience, it was how much I hated managing a household employee. I don’t have the personality for that.
In the end, daycare was definitely right for our family but I think our nanny wasn’t the best and I have a very extroverted only child who really needed the peer socialization daycare provides (random playgroups here and there would not have been enough socialization for her). But I can see how it would be different if you have a better nanny and two or more kids or a more introverted only child.
govattymom says
Daycare in HCOL areas can cost $3,000 per month. If you double that (for having two kids) the cost of a nanny starts to sound reasonable. Also, in lots of cities the waitlist times for daycare are a year plus.
Anon says
Yeah, I have an only child, but if we’d had a second, a nanny would have been about the same cost as our daycare. LCOL area so both nanny and daycare numbers are a lot lower than many quoted here, but still seem to meet around 2 kids. Definitely for three, nanny is cheaper.
Anonymous says
We’ve generally preferred daycare but had times where a nanny made more sense (ie, 2020/2021 school year where high risk grandparents pre-vaccine were doing virtual school with older kid so we wanted to keep them away from daycare germs). And these days we’ve had so many daycare closures and quarantines, and so many daycares are so poorly staffed or have less than ideal staff, I can see leaning toward nanny. If you need longer hours too no daycare in our city will help you with that (most have reduced hours due to staffing, many just 8-5 or even 8:30-5)- all the two-hospital-doctor families we know have nanny plus preschool.
Anonymous says
We had a nanny simply because we couldn’t get into any daycares in my areas (Charlotte), despite getting on waitlists when I was 8 weeks pregnant and have 6 months of maternity leave. We’re not church members, and most of the good daycares in our area (in the center of the city), are all church based and priority goes to members of the church. Honestly, I am STILL on those daycare waitlists 3 years later. We have a HHI of less than you, still make significant student loan payments, and paid $19/hour, time and a half for overtime, on the books, paid for 2 weeks vacation and paid when we took vacation but our nanny didn’t.
If we had been willing to drive 4-5 miles in the opposite direction of work (we both work in downtown, and live about 1 mile outside of downtown) we maybe could have found a daycare. But that seemed terribly inconvenient, and we were fortunate we were able to pay for convenience.
Of my friends and co workers who live and work in the same area as us, all have had to go the nanny route because they can’t get into a daycare.
Pogo says
People I know w/ nannies
1) couldn’t get into daycare
2) it was cheaper bc they had 3+ kids
3) they need flexibility of driving kids around or going past the time daycare is open (this is me – so I do daycare + nanny because I can’t make a 5pm pickup; many others combine school + nanny and the nanny takes kids to sports, events etc)
4) don’t want to or aren’t able to get kids out the door in the morning (doctors who leave for work at 5am etc)
Anonymous says
I don’t prefer a nanny, but we have one. I plopped my (foster) twins in day care for a week, they got super sick (one went to the hospital) and my pediatrician said “you’re looking at up to 200 days of illness if you keep them in day care.” So I pulled them and got a nanny. They still get sick sometimes, probably because big brother attends preschool. I’m going to try enrolling them in preschool in the fall, alongside big brother. We’ll see how it goes: I’m expecting a lot more illness but my nanny is looking for other jobs so I don’t have a lot of choice.
OP: we live outside Houston and pay $20/hour off the books, for 40 hours. She feeds and cares for the twins, sweeps and mops while they nap and occasionally folds laundry. We can technically afford this and preschool for the oldest, but I have to hear often from the financial department of our house about how child care costs more than our mortgages. It’s a temporary situation that keeps me sane so we’re dealing with it for now.
Boston Legal Eagle says
It’s often more than just the nanny’s salary, as people tend to still also pay for part time pre school once kiddo is old enough, but still need full time coverage. Beyond flexibility, another big reason is the many illnesses that pop up when baby first goes to daycare and parents can’t stay home to cover all of these (but FWIW, toddlers pick these up too when they go to preschool, so having the nanny around then is useful too).
Anon says
I wanted my kid to have the focused attention of one adult when he was a baby, and it was Covid so daycare in my city was super unreliable. We’re a two income family with two big jobs, so having our child cared for at home (I WFH most of the time) also means we see him more. We pay our nanny almost $70k/year, and also pay for a two day/week morning toddler program, but it’s worth it for us.
Anonymous says
We originally had a nanny because infant spots in our area are very limited and expensive so doing a nanny share was about the same price as a daycare spot that first year. I also started a new job after my first maternity leave so had no sick time/leave and my husband works long inflexible in person hours so the no drop off/pick up and less sick time was appealing.
It is 5 years and two kids later and we still have our same nanny and remain in a share with another family. Our nanny is one of my favorite people and I love that my kids have such a deep and caring relationship with another adult in their lives. Additional benefits have included increased flexibility with our schedules (if I have work travel or a later meeting, she can come earlier/stay later), getting to see my kids a bit more on WFH days, her ability to drop off or pick up my older kid from school and have easy coverage on random teacher work days, not having to prepare kid food, and the kids understanding and speaking Spanish. We don’t have local family or really family that can visit/care for our kids so she’s played the family role that others may have locally. She was reliable and dedicated all through COVID shutdowns, teaching the kids, making sure they felt safe and loved, and keeping me in the workforce so I wasn’t having to parent/work with preschooler and an infant and husband that had to work in person the entire time. She certainly saved my sanity. :-) Now that my youngest is 2.5, we could absolutely have him in daycare for a lot less money but we’ve decided to have one final year in our nannyshare. Universal PK starts in my city at Age 3. I would love to keep the youngest with her afterschool if her new family was up for it but at the very least, we will keep the relationship after she moves to a new family. She’s been a wonderful part of our lives and I hope will continue to be for many years.
Anon says
We have four kids – getting the littles out of the house to daycare in the morning would completely destroy the small amount of sanity I have. Also in my area (big city in Texas) I know no one who uses daycare. They exist, but they are not widely used among the people we know (lots of doctors so weird schedules admittedly or lawyers).
Yeah, I’m thinking about it – I know some kids who go to longer montessori type programs but it’s still no where near work hours. My oldest is 7 and we don’t know anyone who used daycare. Probably the fault of us/her private school world, but it’s true.
In House Lobbyist says
I will play since we just broke down and hired a nanny/house manager. I have a fairly big job and trying for a bigger one. Two years ago my stay at house husband opened a restaurant and now we just opened our 4th one. We homeschool too and my job requires travel which is back at more than 100%. We can barely afford it right now since all we’ve been focused on is expansion for my husband’s businesses so he hasn’t taken a salary in close to a year but it’s necessary for our life. There is no way to survive without her right now.
Anonymous says
Would you consider doing a week in the life post (does Kat still do these)? I’d be fascinated to see how your logistics works!
Anon says
Same, this is so different than my life of two 9-5 jobs and I would be really curious to hear more about your life!
Anon says
It seems pretty silly to suggest you need a $1M (!!) annual salary to afford a nanny. We had a fulltime nanny on a household income of about $160k, which is by no means poor but is less than a sixth of what you suggested and a third of what you make. The nanny’s pay for one child was just under $40k (almost double the spendiest infant daycare in our area), so yes, it was a significant portion of our pay but it didn’t destroy our ability to pay our mortgage or save for retirement and we even had some money left over for fun stuff like vacations. And because nanny costs don’t scale like daycare costs do, it would have been almost equal to daycare if we’d had two children. If you make $500k and can’t find $50-60k in your budget for a nanny for two children, I think you really need to look more closely at where your money is going, because this should not be an expense you can’t afford.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Ughhh. My 19-month old hurt his foot somehow and isn’t bearing any weight on it. I texted with his PT (he’s walking more now, but still working on it) and we’ve ruled out any hip issues, he’s otherwise 100% fine – eating normally, no fever, etc. PT said to keep an eye on it until this afternoon/evening. No swelling, bruising, etc. I sent a note to ped as well. Any thoughts?
I think we’ll have to go to Urgent Care to get imaging, DH thinks he’ll be fine.
EDAnon says
My son hurt himself once like that. We have it a day and it resolved. We called the nurse line and that was their recommendation.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Thank you! He is now taking more steps unsupported and is progressing well so I think this hiccup has me more worried than it should.
Lily says
This morning was stressful; 15 month old was up a few times during the night because she’s sick; 3 year old was up multiple times because she wanted me to sleep with her. Neither H nor I got much sleep. At the breakfast table, H was getting a bit snippy with 3 year old because she was refusing to drink her milk (is this a thing that happens around this age? she used to take down milk like a champ). Things were escalating (he was starting to say no Friday night TV if she didn’t drink her milk, oy), when all of a sudden, she said “I really wish I could drink it, but I just can’t.” Very matter of factly, and almost sweetly like she was truly apologetic. We both tried really hard to keep a straight face but ended up hysterically laughing, at which point both kids joined in. She never drank her milk but the morning was much improved. I love the things 3 year olds say!
Anon says
This is very sweet.
Anon says
Has anyone had their toddler (or older infant who is crawling/walking) break their big toe? Is there anything they can actually do, aside from buddy taping? How long did it take to heal, how long did you tape, did they wear a boot or ace bandage, etc? My toddler (who is on the cusp of walking) just broke her big toe and I’m so stressed that this is going to delay her walking. Haven’t been able to see ortho yet (because she also has a cold with fever right now and they won’t see her).
anon says
This sounds stressful (and having broken toes before as an adult, painful!) but gently…so what if it does delay her six weeks or whatever? How could that possibly matter in terms of her life and general development?
And in reality, if she wants to walk, she probably will, tape/boot/whatever and all. That’s how toddlers are.
FWIW, I recall hearing that tape is becoming disfavored as a method of supporting a broken toe, but that probably depends a lot on the kind of break, etc. Mine were taped and that’s it.
Piper Dreamer says
Morning all! Does anyone have any tips on dealing with a dawdling 5-year-old in the morning? He is slow to wake up and we have been trying to get up 1 hour before the camp bus arrives to give enough time. But he still moves slowly, often flops around on the chair/ground refusing to do the next steps (brushing teeth, washing hands after breakfast, putting on shoes etc.) and it quickly becomes us yelling at him, threatening with loss of screen time/treats and him screaming. Timeouts won’t work unfortunately because we are usually running short on time after all this. We have a baby too so can’t handhold every step but this is wearing us down…
TIA!
anonamommy says
Can you turn the screen time into an incentive? If he’s ready with at least 5 minutes before it’s time to leave, he gets to watch something until time to go?
AwayEmily says
We give them ~15 minutes of TV in the morning and have since the kids were 2 (they are now 4 and 6). During that time a parent gets them dressed (well, now at this age they mostly dress themselves, with the threat that if they dawdle the TV goes off), applies sunscreen, brushes their hair, etc. Honestly I do not know what I would do without it. It’s a lifesaver, and if we are really scrambling we’ll leave it on a bit longer (I love that the PBS kids shows come in two 12-minute chunks) while we get everything together. They don’t complain when it goes off because it’s just always been part of our routine (and they know that if they complain, the TV stops).
Anyway I’m sure it wouldn’t work for everyone our morning TV time is ESSENTIAL for streamlining our mornings and keeping us all sane.
Pogo says
We have this struggle w/ our 5yo. One trick that helps is to “race” him to get dressed – either one of us, or his lil bro. Which is fun because I pretend to be exasperated w/ the toddler for struggling and 5yo is like “Silly brother! If you squirm away from mommy you can’t your pants on! Watch how I do it! Look I won!”
I agree to use something he likes as an incentive: if you get ready by 7:15, you can play on the swingset for 10 minutes (or whatever he likes to do). I’ve worked on cramming his actual getting ready into about 5 minutes, so that I can let him curl up on the couch until he fully wakes up.
Anonymous says
The only thing that works for us is handholding at every step. Our kid is not super into “care of self” in the best of times and would happily have us dress him all the time at age 7.5 but is a slow waker and we’ve just chosen other times of day to fight that battle. I literally dressed him this morning while he was stil lying in bed. Then physically take him to the breakfast table etc. sorry, I know that sounds like it won’t work for your family! But it allows us to let him sleep as long as possible and get out the door 30 min after the kids wake up.
anon. says
Our 5 YO has become very hard this summer, I think exhaustion from heat and activities. He’s also been sleeping later than during the school year. I let some things go, but also try to help, not demand: I get the toothbrush ready for him, and tell him it’s ready (but don’t MAKE him go do it); put on his socks so he can easily put on the shoes; slip his rashguard for swimming over his head while he’s eating… just some little things to ease the morning. It might be “doing too much” for him but some days just require that and make everything run smoother.
AwayEmily says
I will often offer to get my 6yo dressed if she is dawdling or feeling tired. I don’t see it as doing too much — I know she is capable of doing it herself, I know she will not need me to get her dressed when she is 10, and if it makes the morning go more smoothly than why not help out.
Anon says
+1 I think I’m more relaxed about “babying” my kid than many here, but I feel like as long as she knows how to do the thing it’s fine. She will do it independently eventually and if it makes life easier in the meantime, then whatever.
Anonymous says
for my 5 year old nephew, he is really driven by being timed right now. we say, want to see how fast you can get ready, let me get the stopwatch, and then he’s quick. the actual time doesnt seem to matter, he never remembers from day to day, but he likes the pressure I think.
Anon says
If getting dressed is currently part of your morning routine, have him sleep in his clothes for the next day.
Anon says
Things that make my life go smoother with my not a morning person almost five year old, who we typically get out the door in around 30 minutes from wakeup:
– We do either a 5 minute or if we slept in 2 minute snuggle session (we use alexa to set a timer). This tends to “reset” her for the morning rush.
– Kid has 4 things to do upstairs (potty, wash face, brush teeth and put on clothes) and while we usually ask her to do them in that order, sometimes she will start whining that she wants to do a different order and we always say yes. Most mornings we have to help her do some of those even though she is perfectly capable of doing them herself. We often set timers if she is taking too long and if she is not done by the timer, we do them for her (which she knows is the result). If she finishes early, she gets screen time until the grownups are ready to go downstairs.
– a lot of people recommend setting out clothes the night before but for her we just set the guidelines about what to pick in the morning and she is happier choosing that morning (e.g., shorts and a top, or her favorite “you can wear a dress today”)
– Downstairs she also has 4 things to do (eat breakfast, shoes and socks on, sunscreen, and potty again). We often have to put the shoes and socks on, but otherwise she is pretty good at doing the rest herself. We use a stick sunscreen. Breakfast is quick (she eats a waffle, no syrup, in under 5 minutes with a glass of milk) and then she is out the door.
DLC says
I find with my five year old, leaving him alone works the best. I can nag him for ten minutes to get dressed and do it for him, or if I leave him alone for fifteen minutes he will get dressed on his own eventually. The latter is better for my headspace.
When the time comes to leave, I just go sit in the car – I give myself a five minute buffer. I tell him, “It’s time to go. Put on your shoes and socks and I’ll see you in the car.” Once in a while I’ll have to go back in for him, but he usually comes out.
Also- the Chompers podcasts gets him really excited to brush his teeth. We do that first thing after waking up.
Anon says
I’m 33 weeks pregnant and considering elective C-section. First time mom, and and I don’t know anyone who has chosen this route, so I’m wondering if anyone here has experiences to share? My main reason is fear and anxiety about v*ginal birth. I have vaginismus and experience a LOT of pain and discomfort during exams, and also (undiagnosed) PTSD that is triggered during these exams. I know epidurals will make me numb but I still have the severe anxiety. I’ve fainted multiple times at the OB’s office during this pregnancy, for example. All of the women in my family have had traumatic births that required emergency c-sections. I’m also just very very small, 4”10 and petite, and maybe that doesn’t matter but it adds to my anxiety.
Anon says
I recommend therapy. Truly, even a couple sessions per-delivery may be a huge help in how you think about it and make decisions. Although I didn’t have your complicating factors, I was also terrified of delivery before going through the process. I ended up getting a doula to help me emotionally cope and found it really helpful. Post partum, I tried therapy for the first time to help myself adjust to being a mom and in retrospect the therapist could have helped a lot with my anxiety about birth.
Anon says
+1 to getting a doula if you can. I had a v*ginal, unmedicated delivery, but I know my doula has doula’d for several people who had scheduled C-sections, and if for any reason I had to have a scheduled C-section for the next baby, I’d still want her there.
Also – it’s brave of you to be confronting all of these feelings.
Anon says
Is elective C-section for first time moms even something a doctor will agree to do? I had anxiety about vaginal birth (although for different reasons – baby was measuring huge and DH and I were giant babies…he was 11 lbs!) and when I asked my OB about it I was told “no way, no how, you have to attempt vaginal birth.”
Anon says
Yes, I know multiple people in cities across the US who’ve done it.
Anon says
Are you sure they were 100% elective and the person didn’t have a medical issue they didn’t disclose? C-sections for breech babies or placental previa are not elective. Previous c-section is also a medical indication, even if a VBAC is considered safe. True elective c-sections with no medical indications are very rare in the US and it can definitely be hard to find a doctor who is willing to perform one.
Anon says
I also wonder if you can discuss options with your doctor- would beta blockers or an anti anxiety med help get you through the rest of your pregnancy and delivery?
Sending a lot of warmth and good thoughts your way. I know what it’s like to hyperventilate and pass out at the doctor and I know they’re sometimes not the most accommodating, to say the least. Just know it can get better! And I hope the experience is better than you expect.
anon says
Being small has nothing to do with ease of giving birth. My doctor would not consider an elective c section. I am SO glad I didn’t have a c section! I was walking around the block the day we came home from the hospital and I was totally back to normal within a week. My c section friends were uncomfortable for weeks.
Anon says
I’m glad you had a great experience but “normal within a week” is not most people’s experience, even with a v-birth.
Anon says
I had a third degree tear and felt back to normal right around the 1 week mark. I wouldn’t have wanted to ride a bike or have s3x and I was still bleeding like a light period but otherwise I felt normal.
Nyc says
This was my experience too. I know other people can have worse experiences but I feel like it’s helpful to know there’s a range and not everyone has a rough recovery (which is the impression western society gives you)
Anon says
A planner c section is very different from an emergency one most of the time. I’m not weighing in on what OP should do but I had a comparably easy recovery after a c section for breech positioning.
Anon says
My comment’s in m0d for some reason but +1 to kind of wanting an elective C-section, doctor vetoing it and being so glad I didn’t have one. I had an epidural and the birthing experience was completely pain free. My recovery was easy even with bad tearing. I had moderately bad soreness for a few days, then lingering low grade soreness for another few days, then pretty much back to normal by 1 week.
Anon says
I had an “elective” C. For other medical reasons, I needed to be an induction at 38w. Because my baby consistently measured over 90th percentile for height, weight and head size, hospital guidelines permitted me to chose a C (elective C’s are not otherwise permitted at my hospital; there needs to be a medical reason, talk to your doctor whether your experience qualifies if your hospital has those rules). A choice between a potentially 48 hour induction (particularly since I had zero contractions and was not at all dilated) and a planned C was an easy choice for me to make. Having done it once I have no interest in a VBAC if we every get (and stay) pregnant again with a second and would make the same decision all over again. Important to me is that they would do skin to skin right away and let me nurse in recovery (both of which happened). Regarding size, what matters most is actually pelvis size and shoulders of the baby, which may not necessarily correlate with stature. One caveat is that if you have a C, most OBs will limit you to no more than 3 in your lifetime, and they strongly prefer that you wait at least 1 year before *starting* TTC after to give the uterine scar enough time to fully knit together before stretching again. If you want to have lots of kids or have them very quickly, that may push you back to the non-surgical route.
Anon says
Reply in Mod, but I had what was basically an elective C and I am very happy with that decision.
anon says
A sort of “elective” — as in, it was entirely up to me — c was on the table in my second pregnancy because it was a complicated pregnancy and we thought it likely I would need to be induced at 37 or 38 weeks. Having been induced before and really not enjoying any part of it (and I didn’t say this to the MFM but also because I have diagnosed PTSD and find medical stuff in general tough), I said I would lean heavily towards a c if I were, say, 38 weeks and my cervix was not favorable or only a little bit. It was interesting — my mfm *immediately* changed her tone from “we’ll support you in a v birth, of course” to “You know, I think that’s very wise of you. Let’s make this as easy for you as possible.” Idk which of those views was her sincere one, but I had the impression she was used to patients pushing for v birth when she sometimes thought a c would be easier. So have a very frank discussion with your doctor, is what I’m saying. Hints and implications won’t cut it here. And the answer might be that you do not qualify under applicable hospital guidelines, which you should prepare for.
Fwiw in my case I ended up going to 40 weeks and opting for an induction because I was already hugely dilated, and it was, as I had feared, a rough rough rough birth. Do I regret it? Eh, I don’t know. I did the best I could with the information I had in the moment. I almost certainly would have had an easier recovery if I’d opted for a c, which was still on the table, but I worked hard on setting those feelings and questions aside in the months after birth and now I hardly think about it.
PTSD treatment also helps a lot, fwiw. And way quicker than you might think.
Anonymous says
As gently as I can put it – most doctors and hospitals do not permit elective c-sections because the risk of complications (including serious ones) is much higher during surgery than a v-birth. Your insurance may also not cover the cost, or the whole cost, depending. Your feelings matter and I’d definitely seek out therapy and a doula that feels like a good fit for your situation. Your height has nothing to do with it, women of all shapes and sizes give birth all around the world every second of every day.
Anon says
Is this really true? I know at least 5 women who’ve had elective c-sections, in hospitals all over the US (NYC area, LA area, Seattle, Atlanta, Des Moines).
Anon says
It may be easier in big cities because you have more choice of doctors and hospitals, but I know in my small city the only hospital here will not perform them. I guess you could travel for it, since a C section is scheduled, but I’ve never heard of anyone doing that. Also, gently, you don’t know what medical conditions these women may have had that made a C-section non-elective. Sometimes it’s easier to just say “I chose to have a C-section” than to discuss all your medical trauma, even with a good friend.
Anon says
+1 My best friend had placenta previa but most people don’t know that.
Anon says
Yeah not true at all. You’re likely going to have to pay much more (insurance purposes), but myself and everyone I know that contemplated this had the option to decide how to deliver (rural US).
Anonymous says
But isn’t a C section and associated hospital stay without insurance tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars!? My FIL was in the hospital for like 4 days and the bill was over $200k before insurance payments. Not a trivial thing for most people and I say that as someone with an HDHP who has to spend thousands before I even meet my deductible.
Anon says
My high risk OB would say risk of complications is much higher during a v birth. She has total control during a C-section.
Admittedly, she deals with the tough cases, but just wondering where you’d heard that? She doesn’t push C sections but for any patient with any sort of issues, she would choose a planned C all. day. long. She’s a complete bada** though and known for being awesome though, so maybe she’s just really good at c-sections?
Anonymous says
Statistically a vaginal birth is much less risky than a C section birth. The risk of maternal death is more than three times higher with C sections, and even if you set aside the worst outcomes (which are very rare, regardless of how you deliver) you have on average shorter recovery times, lower blood loss and less risk of infection with vaginal birth. Of course your particular outcome will depend on the skill of your doctors, your personal health and individual patient risk factors, but as a blanket statement what the poster at 1:02 pm said is absolutely true.
anon says
I had an elective c-section. I’m older and had gestational diabetes so my baby was measuring very large (he turned out to not be quite as large as estimated, but he did have a big head and big shoulders that could have gotten stuck). I also have very narrow hips. My doctor said I had a 50/50 chance of being able to deliver v-ginally before getting an emergency c-section, so I opted for a scheduled c-section (which my doctor supported). While recovery was pretty tough, the actual experience was great (very calm, felt very safe), and I’m happy with my decision.
No regrets says
Had a planned c. My dr said if I wanted to push she would let me but she would classify i a C as medically necessary due to my age (40), high BP and gestational diabetes.
I chose the C and have never for one minute regretted it. I was up walking that night. Healed quickly, took 2 Vicodin and then Tylenol. Lap surgery for an ovarian cyst was far worse. I bonded with baby. I just sort of tuned out all the noise out there about “natural” this and that. Different folks different strokes.
Anon says
I had two great experiences with planned c-sections for both my kids. Each was medically recommended: the first because at my 36-week appointment, baby was measuring larger in the body than in the head and they were worried he’d get stuck; the second because v-backs are always risky and I was high risk anyway because of my age. Scheduled the c-sections at 38.5 weeks both times, and both babies were about 9.5 lbs (so would have been very large if I’d waited to deliver.)
I was up and walking by the afternoon in both cases; recovery was fine (on narcotics for about 5 days, then OTC meds), and both kids breastfed fine. I wore an abdominal binder in the weeks afterwards and it helped transition from lying to sitting to standing. Honestly, my recovery seemed easier than some of my friends who had tearing or other complications from a v-birth.
FVNC says
If it were available to me, in your situation, I absolutely would choose an elective C.
Context: I had a failed induction at 37 weeks, resulting in a C (we knew pretty early on that baby wasn’t coming out on her own, but somehow had to play the game until 2 am shortly before shift change, ugh). Then I chose a C for my second baby. Yeah, it’s major surgery, but I had no complications and recovered faster than a lot of friends who had difficult V births. So, I have only positive associations with my deliveries. My mom and sister each had 2 c-section deliveries so that seemed way more normal than a V birth.
Pogo says
I only know someone who did it with her second due to PTSD from her first traumatic birth.
I would definitely talk to your doctor about your concerns and come up with a plan. +10000 to a doula and sharing your anxiety, etc with them.
Totally anecdotally though, I know someone who has vaginismus and had a relatively average v-birth with good recovery; another who had no pelvic issues prior to birth; had a c-section (w/ no pushing beforehand) and ended up with really intense tight pelvic issues that required lots of physical therapy PP to deal with… all that to say, there is just no way of knowing how it will go, and you should come up with a good support plan regardless.
Anon says
Related to the camp question above, if you have a nanny or family caregiver, do you do any camps in the summer? How many? Family is planning to watch my then rising first grader next summer, but I was thinking it might be nice to do a few weeks of camp in there as well to get some time with peers and to pursue any special interests she has. Summer break is about 7 weeks excluding our family vacations. Does 4 weeks of family and 3 weeks of camp sound like the right balance? If it matters, 1 week of camp will probably be with my best friend’s kids in a different state (I’ll work remotely from my friend’s house). The local camps would probably be 9-3 since grandparents don’t mind the early pickup.
Anon says
DH is a SAHD, my kid is a rising K-er who was in a school year half day Pre-K program that ended in May. We aimed for roughly half the summer in camp, excluding family vacations and the week before school starts, which we like to keep chill. She did almost 2 weeks at my parents (a week of which was half-day camp and the other week is what we like to call “grandma camp” because my mom has activities going for her from sun up to sun down), a week of 9-2 camp at home and a week of 9-12 camp. It definitely hit the right note, tomorrow is the last day of camp here and she was saying she wished it was today because she just wants to relax at home (FWIW she is a homebody). We also try not to do back to back camp weeks so that she gets the down time.
12:28 Anon says
To add: I forgot about the first week of camp, which was also 9-12 in early June, so we had overall 4 weeks of partial day camps and 1 week in grandma camp, for all of June and July, and then we are on family vacation in august for a week and then school starts. Our camps were either county rec based in a subject she liked, church camp (preschool church) or vacation bible school (at grandma’s church and at her preschool church). VBS (both of them) were far and away her favorites.
Anonymous says
I’m a SAHM and we do zero camps except for vacation Bible school! It’s too much for my kid and we just go to the pool/lakes/playgrounds.
Anonymous says
My partner is a teacher and hasn’t taken another job in the summer since we had kids. 2020 we did no camps/camps not available due to covid. We did a couple weeks of camp last year just for fun and development. This year each kid has 5 weeks of camp, three weeks of family vacation (I mean, I worked remotely for one of those but we were in a different location), one week of grandma and grandpa, and the remaining two or three weeks just home. We determined that no one’s mental health was served by our older child in particular being home all day bickering with dad and little brother. We have two very high energy boys and it’s hard to get them enough physical activity without other same age kids to inspire them. Younger one is an extreme extrovert and needs a ton of people time – rest of us are introverts.
Anonymous says
My husband is a professor with more flexibility in the summer and I work from home 25-30 hours/week. My parents are local and retired but travel a lot. So we’re in sort of an in between situation where we need some childcare but we can also manage having kiddo home with us. This summer with a 6 year old we did four weeks of vacation, four weeks of half or full day camps (one week each of art camp, theatre camp, nature camp and zoo camp) and four weeks of just grandparents and us. I thought it was a pretty good mix. I think next summer we might try to do one camp for longer, as my kid did struggle a bit with the camps being only one week. It seemed like by the time she got into a good groove the camp was ending.
Anon says
We have an au pair who is our summer childcare, but still sign the kids up for day camps so they don’t eat each other whole. It makes them much nicer and happier kids to spend some time apart.
We do a lot of 2-4 hour day camps most weeks for peer interaction, to try new sports and activities, and to build skills in areas of interest. After camp they tend to hit up a playground or the pool or the library with the au pair. Frankly, it’s a pretty darn sweet life. Laid back but still really interesting. They’re trying everything from sailing to fencing and archery to pottery. They adored their soccer, basketball and swimming camps. I’m often jealous.
Anon says
I’m jealous you have the option for shorter camps! In our area everything seems to be 9-3 at a minimum (which I know is good for working parents in general) but for us it would be nice to have the option to do some 9-12 or 9-1 camps.
Anon says
If you’re at all religious, look at vacation bible school. Those typically tend to be morning only programs and you do not need to be a church member to sign up.
Anon says
We’re Jewish, so nope. I’m also interested in using the shorter camps to expose my kids to extracurricular activities they don’t have time to try in the school year. We do Sunday school during the school year so less interested in religious stuff over the summer even if it were an option for us.
Anon says
We did – 5 weeks of half day camp (9-12 or 1) and 1 week of 7 hour camp for one child, 4 weeks of camp for the other two (two 1 week overnights), 1 9-3 and one 8-4. I think they need to do stuff during the day, but not every week. 50/50 sounds reasonable. My kids are older, though, and all of these camps are special interest.
SC says
My husband is a SAHD, and my kid is a rising 2nd grader. Of the 10 weeks of summer, we did 3 weeks where Kiddo was home with DH, 5 weeks of camp, and 2 weeks of family vacation. DH handles drop-off and pick-up, and Kiddo doesn’t stay for aftercare.
Grandparents have been traveling and doing their own thing this summer. DH’s mom lives 15 minutes away from us, and we haven’t seen her since Memorial Day. DH’s dad and step-mom have been traveling half the summer and haven’t been able to help. My parents live out of town anyways, but they’ve been traveling all summer, and we haven’t seen them since April.
Cb says
Best black leather shoes for little boys who are hard on their shoes? School regs are that shoes must be all black, not sneakers, which makes me ragey but it is what it is. I bought the adidas ones but I just imagine them being scuffed within the first week. Maybe I take a sharpie to them?
AwayEmily says
But why can’t they be scuffed? Do they also require that shoes be in pristine condition?
Cb says
I guess they can be, but would it look sloppy? I am both confused by and opposed to these dress codes, convinced they are a stick to beat poor children with.
Anoner says
There are black suede Bogs that may fit this bill. Just got some on sale at Nordstrom.
anonM says
Children’s place uniform shop
Janey says
Can you do black slip ons, i.e. not leather? https://www.amazon.com/Classic-Canvas-Sneaker-Tennis-Shoes/dp/B07D3XQ3H2/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2AATFGPSP0TFR&keywords=kids%2Bplain%2Bslip%2Bons&qid=1658430514&sprefix=kids%2Bplain%2Bslip%2Bon%2Caps%2C238&sr=8-3&th=1 My girls wore shoes like these to their private school.
Cb says
Ah, maybe an option for non rainy days?
ifiknew says
paging **more sleep would be nice**. caught up late last night and saw your keema recipe, right up my alley, thank you for sharing!!! I’m indian too and I love seeing these types of recipes.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This makes me so happy to hear!!!! Thank you for posting! Also, DH made nachos with leftover keema last night and tonight it will be stuffed in quesadillas :)
Ifiknew says
Such good ideas! I’ve never considered these fusion type recipes.
Anonymous says
My kid has been home with a cold for 3 days, and I’d really like to send him back to school tomorrow so I can get some things done. He seems totally fine today, but he’s still coughing during his nap. He’s consistently tested negative for COVID (we’ve tested the whole family every day this week). Our school is pretty permissive and will take him back if we want to send him. Thoughts?
AwayEmily says
I’d be fine with it if another parent sent their kid in with a mild cough.
Anon says
Oh, definitely send him back. A post-viral cough can linger for two weeks or more, it’s not reasonable to expect a kid to be home that long. I might get flamed for this but we’ve never really kept kid home with colds at all, as long as Covid tests were negative and we had no known Covid exposure. Our daycare only requires kids to stay home if they have more serious symptoms like fever or vomiting, and we’ve followed those rules. She doesn’t do activities outside of daycare and all playdates so far have been with daycare classmates and so daycare has been the source of all her illnesses. I might feel differently if she could be patient zero in her daycare class.
anon says
Yeah, same. I’ve sent mine with all sorts of coughs as long as he’s testing negative and acting relatively normal and in compliance with the written fever policy (it helps that he doesn’t really get fevers). Never gotten any sort of pushback except for an occasional “hey, he didn’t sleep well because he was coughing, he might be cranky” comments that were clearly not passive aggressive.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – No flame, we’re the same. As long as kid is COVID-/No known exposure and 24 hours fever free, they’re going to school.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same. My younger one got consistent colds in the winter and as long as he tested negative and it was just runny nose/mild cough and no fever, he went. Otherwise he would have been home for like 2 weeks as coughs sometimes last a long time.
Anonymous says
I’d send him.
Anon says
I’d send him. My kid gets sent back as long as she is fever free for 24 hours, negative covid test and no known exposure, is generally acting like herself and her nose is not a faucet and the cough isn’t constant.
over insured says
DH and I dissagree about how much life insurance we need. my father died when I was a teenager so I’ve seen how it plays out and err on the side of less, we have more savings, our children would get SS we’d both probably remarry, life would go on. We both make around $200K, have 2 small children. I think $700k on both is plenty, he wants us both to carry $2mm. I think the difference is like $1300 a year in premiums. I’m curious, how much do you and your spouse carry, compared to your income and age of your children?
Anonymous says
We carry a lot. Not $2M but for a family where I earn about $165k and my partner $55k, we are definitely insuring me to a high level so he can pay for college, house, maintain a similar standard of living without having to totally change careers if I were to die.
Anonymous says
We have about $500k on each of us. Enough to pay all debts and finish funding our only child’s college fund. I’d like to up it to about $1mm a piece. We’re buying a new house this year that is more expensive. I’ll probably bring it up next year.
Anon says
We carry $1M on DH and $200k on me. We live in a very LCOL area, own our home outright and expect significant grandparent help with college for our one child, so this money would mostly be to cover day to day expenses and optional things like vacations. DH is the breadwinner, has great job security and is confident he wouldn’t want to leave his job if I died so that’s why we have a lot less on me – basically the thinking is that if I died we only need enough to cover funeral expenses and allow him to take maybe a year off unpaid to adjust. I make a lot less than he does and can also see myself wanting a longer stretch of time off if he died, so we have more on him.
Anon says
Oh and for context, our incomes are about $120k him and $50k me.
Anon says
We carry $500K on me as the breadwinner, provided by my firm. HHI is $400K plus bonus (up to $200K). Only debt is the mortgage on the house (~$540K; value is around $1M, for now, until the probably bubble pops I’m sure). One child, 5YO. We have cash emergency funds of $100K, and another $500K in cash and market investments plus around $350K in 401(k)s. Roughly $20K in the college account already. DH is an only child and conservatively anticipates the estate being over $2M when he inherits; I have siblings but anticipate my share will be less than $500K given my parents are both younger and bigger spenders. Given the significant assets, savings and estimated inheritance, we didn’t really see the point in paying for more insurance; we effectively self-insure.
anonn says
YES you sound similar to us, my DH is just so set on us needing a lot. I don’t get it, in my view its a waste of money. He says if something happened to me he would not be able to go back to work full time, er wants it to be optional. My mom took about 6 weeks off after my dad died but going back to work was good for her, and our SSI (till we were 18 and graduated high school) paid the bills and made up for his lost income.
Anon says
Eh, as the person in my marriage who wants going back to work full time to be optional, I think you need to respect his feelings and carry enough insurance at least on you so that it would be possible for him to not work for a while. Different people are different. Maybe it was good for your mom to return to work immediately, and maybe he would change his mind about it if this actually happened, but if he wants this to be an option you should carry enough insurance so that it’s an option for him. It’s not like you can’t easily afford the premiums.
So Anon says
I would shop around to see if you can find a policy for less. First, max out what you can obtain without a medical exam through work (called “Max GI Issue”) because that will be the least expensive. Then, shop around through policygenius . com. Also, I would check to see what the value of SSI is now versus when you were younger. It likely will not cover a fraction of your expenses, and it takes time for that money to come in.
Anonymous says
I did not find this to be true, my insurance through work is much more expensive than my separate life insurance. Also the bar for needing a medical exam is pretty low.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have $1m on each of us, on top of what our jobs provide (I think 2-3x income). 20 year term. Income of roughly $400K combined. Kids are 6 and 3.5. Hoping to pay for college for both. Remaining mortgage is over $500K. Usual HCOL expenses. I hope this never ever happens, but I would want the surviving spouse to be able to take some time off work (like 6 months-1 year) without worrying about income.
anon says
I think I’ve got 2M in coverage on a $140k income, but I assume that some of that will get eaten up immediately to pay off our mortgage (and free up husband’s income) and then would hope the balance is invested and use only the interest to help cover the loss of my income/contributions to HH/additional childcare expenses due to being down one parent. But my premium is only about $800/year since it’s term and will end when kid is ~20.
Also, I don’t have any other insurance, but husband has his through work.
So Anon says
I am a single parent, and I had a parent who died when I was a child. The standard advice is to have 5-10X income in life insurance. I have worked with a financial planner to understand how much and what types of insurance I need to carry. I also work directly in the life, disability and health insurance industry. I make $200+ (depends on bonus). The only long term debt that I have is my mortgage where I owe about $350. I have two children who are 8 and 11. I carry $750 in individual life insurance. I carry 3.5X my salary in life insurance through work. I also have $500 in liquid assets plus retirement funds. From my estimates, if I were to die, the person who was responsible for raising my children would be able to take care of their needs until they are 23-25 and *help* with college. I tend toward the very conservative end of things financially because I have seen both personally and professionally what can go wrong.
More than life insurance, my recommendation is to ensure that you carry disability insurance. It is much much less expensive if you can obtain it through work. The likelihood that you will be unable to perform your occupation because of a disability is much higher than dying (before age 65ish). If you become disabled, you will still need food, clothing, medical care and a place to live. And bear in mind that social security disability does not kick in until you have been disabled for a year and can take much longer to actually obtain. I currently have 80% income replacement (60% base plus a 20% buy up). The reason for the buy-up is that I am a single parent.
OP says
For sure you need more in your situation and we’ve re assessed as our family and income have changed. Also we carry the max long term disability too, with a premium policy.
Anonymous says
I seem to be an outlier here. Financial experts generally recommend ten times salary to be a salary replacement. I have $1.5 million. My salary was about $150K when I got the policy. I now make more like $200K and would consider an additional $500K to keep it to ten times my salary, although we do have more savings now. My husband is a SAHD and has $500K, intended to cover childcare/cleaning/takeout expenses that would replace the labor he does. We got 20 year policies around when my first child was born. The point isn’t for the surviving spouse to stop working, but for the life insurance to provide an income similar to that the surviving spouse would have made to be able to continue the same financial lifestyle.
Anon says
I just don’t believe a blanket rule like that makes any sense. If nothing else it has to depend on what you owe on your mortgage, how many kids you have and what shape their college savings are in.
Anon says
Also age is by far the biggest factor, right? You need way more to replace a lifetime of salary if you die at 30 than if you die at 55.
anonn says
yes but that’s why you do a 20 year term when you’re 30. effectively you’re self-insured by 55.
anon says
For me, it’s important to have enough to care for my children + get them launched as self-supporting adults should something bad happen to spouse and me. I think it’s fine to do this through a combination of life insurance and wealth.
Death isn’t the only bad thing that can happen, though. I think it’s really hard to be adequately insured for disability in the US, so I tend to lean toward saving more versus spending more on life insurance.
Anonymous says
DH is self-employed and has $2mm; I do not work atm so I do not have life insurance. We’ve talked about this a lot (my dad became disabled right as we started dating so it made room for a lot of conversations). I’d be able to pay off the mortgage and have some time to get a job. The kids’ college is funded separately from the life insurance. We also have had many conversations about what’s to be done if either of us is disabled or incapacitated.