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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
Anon says
Anyone with a 5-11 year old who has gotten them boosted? If so, how did it affect them? My 6 yo was fine after the first two shots but wondering if the booster will be harder.
HSAL says
Just boosted my 6 year old yesterday – hasn’t been 24 hours yet, but so far she’s fine. No issues with her first two doses either.
FVNC says
My 8 yr old had a swollen lymph node under the arm she got the shot in, and her arm was a bit sensitive this time. Symptoms were gone in a day and didn’t overly bother her. She had no symptoms/side effects with the first two shots.
Anonymous says
My son had no symptoms with any of the three shots that I can recall. And he’s had COVID too.
A says
My seven year old had a sore arm for a few days afterward and was a little sniffly, but it was otherwise uneventful. This is about the same as her reaction to the first two doses.
CCLA says
Same for our five year old, sore arm maybe two days (boosted last week)
EDAnon says
Thanks for asking. We are going to take my older for the booster when my younger gets his first dose.
Anon says
Slight fatigue but otherwise nothing. No side effects from the first two.
anon says
Fatigue, aches, sore arms for 2 days for our 7- and 5-year olds. Lasted about two days.
Momofthree says
Similar to the others. Had a sore arm for 2 days. Gave him some Tylenol the first day, none the second.
Anon says
My 21 month old is waking up an hour earlier than usual (5/515 instead of 6/615 – ugh). His bedtime has been 630. I tried pushing it back to 730 thinking he my just need less sleep now – but sometimes he just won’t fall asleep until 8 (he plays/talks in his crib). His generally naps for 2-2.5 hours from 12:30-230/3.
We also recently moved his crib to a different spot in his room AND he’s learned how to unzip his sleep sack… so there are a lot of variables going on.
Any ideas on how to get him to wake up after 6? I can’t handle 5am long term 😱
anonM says
My 2.5yo has gone through a few of these phases and it can be frustrating for sure! I never feel like I can “figure out” one of these phases with certainty, because as you say there are always a lot of variables. But, if you don’t have them yet I’d get blackout curtains. And see if you can distinguish between UP for the day at 5/5:15 vs waking lightly. I try to jump up when I hear her and pat her back, and sometimes try a sip of water. If she settles back in and goes to sleep, great. If not, I take her in the other room (shares room with sibling). We talk about the Hatch OK to wake clock, and try to keep things calm (ie most mornings try to not reward her getting up early with a show, unless I’m super tired, but I do just sit on the couch and let her play). 21 months seems too early to purposely cut naps, and the time of day seems fine. Good luck, fingers crossed it is a quick phase for you.
Anon says
We’ve had a couple of these phases that last a week or two. Usually surrounding a new skill.
My approach is usually to ride it out and go to bed extra early and swap turns with my husband when possible.
We sleep trained our kid pretty young and so occasionally if he’s up at like 5 am I stay in bed for 15 minutes or so and see if he quiets back down. Not sure if he goes back to sleep but he will at least lay there quietly and we can snooze a bit longer. Kid is nearly 2 fwiw. Bedtime is 7:30 and wakes around 7. One midday nap at about 2 hours on a good day.
Anonymous says
No advice, just commiseration. My 21-mo is doing the same thing – waking up just before 6 instead of just before 7. Bedtime is around 7:30, but she often chatters away by herself until 8ish. We leave a 360 cup of water in the crib every night, so that buys us some time in the mornings since she’s not calling out for water. She’ll usually chatter away and sip water for about 30 min by herself in the morning before yelling for mama and dada, so that gives us some time to get up and dressed.
Anon says
Can’t help with the early wakeups, but we started putting on the sleepsack backwards once she figured out the zipper.
Lydia says
we dropped the sleepsack a few months ago (also have a 21 mo) and my kid started sleeping better. I think she wanted to be able to move her legs more. We have also found having a small pillow in the crib helps, because she’s very into putting things where they belong….including, it turns out, putting her head on a pillow (even though she doesn’t actually sleep on it half the time.)
Anon says
I would try shortening the nap. My kid dropped regular naps at 2, so if yours is like mine, he maybe be inching toward that. I don’t know where these magical kids who take naps until kindergarten are. Since then, she has only taken a nap sporadically (like once a month) when she gets overtired from a schedule change or didn’t sleep well at night.
anon says
How did you disclose your pregnancy at work? And did you notice any career repercussions?
I am 14w along, I mostly work hybrid so have been able to hide the bump but need to go in the office this week for some large meetings and have other large meetings in a few weeks. My employer I’m sure will be supportive as we have a decent maternity leave policy and are always on Working Mother lists. Relevant to note is that I haven’t been at my employer for a year yet (hello, 2021 great resignation) but I’ll be over a year by the time I give birth.
My boss is likely to take it well initially but pull me from projects and talk poorly behind my back. He has made disparaging comments about a peer of mine who took paternity leave, which more than one person reported to HR. Boss also made comments recently about how he went back into the office when his wife was in labor because the labor was progressing slowly. And in case you were wondering, he’s in his early 40s.
Also relevant to the conversation: he didn’t hire me; I was reorged under him and he’s said several times that he doesn’t understand what I do and has made it clear he isn’t interested in being aware or involved. I have several VPs throughout the enterprise reaching out to me on a regular basis and singing my praises to him, but I don’t get the sense he has a high opinion of me or my team. I have asked for feedback on more than one occasion and been deflected, so I don’t even know what I need to do differently in his eyes.
I’ll see him tomorrow and really dreading it. I tried on a lot of clothes last night and found a few things that just make me look fat and not pregnant. Ideally, I’d like to wait to announce for another month or so, because I’m not looking forward to being even more marginalized in his eyes.
Any positive stories or watchouts to share?
Anonymous says
Just be excited. “I’m so excited to share that I’m pregnant and due XXX!”
anon says
I was nervous to disclose directly to my boss, so I did so on a small team call when a deadline came up that was relevant to my leave. I liked having lots of ears present. The other folks on the team all congratulated me, which gave him a moment to compose himself. Of course, then two other women on the team (to my complete surprise) used my announcement as a reason to also announce they were expecting, which took all of the pressure off of me.
Anonymous says
Wait until the 20 week anatomy scan.
anon says
That was my plan, but I’m visibly showing. What do I say when someone asks if I’m pregnant, say “nope just fat!” in an environment where everyone runs marathons and I was active until 4 months ago?
Anon says
“Why do you ask?”
Anonymous says
Nobody is dumb enough to ask, even if it’s completely obvious.
Anon says
I was asked “Are you far or are you pregnant?” At 38 weeks by a federal official while at work.
Pogo says
Someone at work congratulated me on my pregnancy while I was extremely bloated due to IVF. I was the very opposite of pregnant.
Spirograph says
Unfortunately, some people absolutely are. Maybe they won’t outright say “are you pregnant?” but they’ll say something like, “so, what’s new with you?” while looking straight at your belly and exaggeratedly winking while many other people are around/in earshot. True story.
anon says
That was the plan, but I’m visibly pregnant. I found a few outfits where it’s not so obvious so I’m hoping no one asks, but what do I do if someone asks if I’m expecting? I’ve toyed around with saying “nope, just fat!” but my work environment is one where everyone runs marathons, eats healthy, etc., so I wonder if the fat comment will be viewed just as poorly as pregnancy. It’s a tough place to be in.
Anon says
Definitely don’t say this. Ever. It’s kind of mean to all those who look like that and aren’t pregnant?
anon says
+1. I hate this comment so much, for many reasons.
ElisaR says
yeah this “just fat” response is making me cringe
Anonymous says
This sounds rough, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Do you have anyone at work that is a mentor/higher-up that you can trust to talk about this with? You obviously need to tell your direct boss, but it would be good if you could have other higher-ups in your corner to try and head off any negative consequences he tries to impose.
Anonanonanon says
I think in some ways it’s a GOOD thing there is already an HR record of his discrimination against parents.
Maybe tell him in writing before the meetings so his reaction is in writing. Document everything. If he discriminates against you, that’s not a one-off, it’s a pattern.
I don’t want to make you feel worse, but the negative reactions don’t end when the baby comes. Kids average more than one cold a month the first couple of years. They have doctor’s appointments. They fall and get hurt. Stay and use your FMLA, but if the attitude is crummy from higher-ups it’s worth thinking about if it’s sustainable long-term.
Emma says
I disclosed around 14 weeks and was super nervous because I just started this job. Fortunately my boss was very supportive and appreciated the advance notice – they are hiring someone else (I am a little nervous about getting replaced during leave, but it seems as though there is plenty of work to go around and they are taking this chance to expand the team). I’m sure some people said things behind my back but I don’t really care. If you want to hide it a little longer, I could pretty much pull off a flowy top until 16 weeks, but observant people probably knew. I’m 23 weeks now, just attended a big corporate event and there was no hiding anything so I’m happy my team had some advance notice. Your boss does not sound nice, so I would document when you tell him and make sure HR is looped in, just in case.
Anon says
Tell everyone you see regularly. I told my boss and kind of assumed he would spread the news, but it turns out he’s pretty discreet and finally when I was about 7 months a long and very obviously pregnant, some colleagues said to me “so uhh you’re pregnant, right?” I agree no one will ask until the third trimester or close.
EDAnon says
I thought I looked pregnant way before anyone asked, even the second time, so it might not be obvious.
I would hold off on telling because your boss sounds like he may be awful about it. I like the suggestion to either wait until it’s a small team meeting or something (to diffuse) or tell someone higher up who will be supportive so you have some extra confidence going into the conversation.
Spirograph says
I’m sorry, I hope your boss has undergone some personal growth of late and surprises you by not being an a-hole. If you’re not ready to share yet, just don’t say anything about it. But if you have a terrible poker face and really are showing, I would just get ahead of the whispers and tell him now. I would tell him in person, then follow up with an email, “just to follow up on our conversation earlier, I’m pregnant and due in [month.] If all goes as planned, I will continue my normal workload and will develop a plan to transition my projects beginning in [month] in preparation for maternity leave.” If you’re working on anything or know you’re being considered for anything that might get taken from you as a result of your pregnancy, I’d include that in the email too. “I still intend to contribute fully to the XYZ project, as we’d previously discussed, until the transition period.” etc etc
I was pregnant twice at one job and told my boss sometime between 12 and 16 weeks each time. Later with my first because I didn’t think I was showing (my female friends were unsurprised, though). I did it in a regularly scheduled one-on-one meeting, or asked for a couple minutes after a regular team meeting. I started a new job when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with my third, and told my boss my first day of work; I was incredibly nervous but she was very supportive. I didn’t notice any career blowback from any of my pregnancies.
Reading between the lines, it sounds like you might be worried that your performance evals could be at risk from this. I would just start being really proactive about documenting *everything*. Save the emails where you’ve asked for feedback (if it’s verbal, do it in email from now on) and gotten a deflection. Save evidence that VPs are seeking you out to solve things for them and any compliments you get for a job well done. Definitely save whatever the response is to your pregnancy announcement email.
Anonanonanon says
Encouraging (I think?) COVID story!
My husband tested positive on Tuesday and we immediately isolated him in the main bedroom/bathroom. It’s been almost a week and no one else is positive, including our unvaccinated four-year-old. We did, however, catch the OTHER respiratory thing going around that is not COVID (confirmed by multiple rapids and a PCR).
I know a lot of people come here to ask if there’s any hope they won’t catch it when it enters the household, and it’s possible to get lucky!
Also, I highly recommend DoorDashing several slices of various specialty cheesecakes from cheesecake factory to get through solo parenting. Cheesecake on the living room air mattress at the end of the day has been the only thing to save my sanity lol
Cb says
Good shout on the cheesecake! We have a brownie delivery that is our stressful times go-to. My dad got it when we were all staying together and the rest of us (including my mom!) were clear. Either it was so mild that it didn’t show up on LTF or we somehow fought it off. Covid is so weird.
Anonymous says
yay, fingers crossed you stay lucky! cheesecake on the living room air mattress at the end of the day sounds like something I need in my life. maybe without the air mattress… :)
Anonanonanon says
HAHA my justification was that ordering myself 5 slices isn’t insane, it’s ECONOMICAL because I got five nights of dessert with one delivery fee!
Anon says
The nearest Cheesecake Factory is 70 miles from me and I’m so sad. I know people make fun of it but I actually really like their food.
Congrats on containing Covid!
Anonymous says
You can buy their cheesecake in the freezer case at some grocery stores.
Anonymous says
And the bread!
Walnut says
My local Target sells individual slices of their cheesecake in the frozen dessert aisle.
Anon says
i thought last week’s discussion about whether you would quit if you had a windfall of money was interesting. so many of this site i think are high achievers and i was told i should go to the best schools, get a high paying, high powered job etc. and while i’ve definitely derailed from that, it has taken me a while to realize and be ok with the fact that not everyone is going to be sheryl sandberg. on that note though, I asked DH what he would do if he no longer had to work and he like couldn’t grasp the question, it was almost funny. if that same question was asked on a site for men/fathers, do you think the responses would be different?
Cb says
It’s the opposite for us.. I’d continue to work albeit in a different capacity (using some of my money to buy myself out of teaching freshmen???) and I think my husband wouldn’t. He’d volunteer at kiddo’s school, volunteer on the model railway, potter around.
Aunt Jamesina says
Same in my household. I’d continue to work at least part time; my husband is a Hobby Guy and could happily spend his time tinkering away on his project car, doing home improvement projects, or in his 3D printing lab.
I think a lot of this is related to fulfillment at work, not necessarily gender(?). My work is mission driven and benefits the public, my husband’s job helps the bottom line of his company, but he doesn’t derive much real personal satisfaction from it.
Pogo says
My husband would definitely not work if he didn’t have to. He could fill his time with taking care of the kids, including things like building mountain biking trails in our backyard for our sons (and him) – among other aspirational home projects he has. He also loves cooking and grocery shopping.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’d say there is a correlation between men/dads who are very involved in their kids’ and home lives and those who would also choose not to work full time in a stressful job if given the chance. There is certainly more of a push for men to be the career oriented breadwinners, but I don’t necessarily think that makes men happiest or most fulfilled in life. Crazy idea to push in a patriarchal capitalist society, but a healthy balance is really the key to life! So I think my husband would pursue more hobbies, get back into exercise more and find projects around the house and likely do some of his work on more of a freelance basis, or at the least take on a low stress job (his current job provides a good balance though).
There is a reason I didn’t marry an Elon Musk type person…
OP says
i’m the OP and am most certainly not married to an Elon Musk type person (he seems like a total jerk and unstable). eventually DH said he’d take a lower stress job so he wouldn’t have to work after the kids go to bed and would have more time for playing tennis, hobbies, etc. l do think with too much free time on his hands, my DH would become anxious and end up down too many internet rabbit holes
Anonymous says
Nope. DH is 38 and would welcome retirement with open arms. He works to earn money but if given the opportunity would spend all his time on his myriad of (expensive) hobbies. We already know that I will dabble in part time work to keep busy in my 60s while he quits as soon as it’s financially viable.
Anon says
+1 Exactly. DH is even 38!
No Face says
My husband is not capable of stopping work altogether, but he plans to be more part time when our tiny kids have activities/lives. He is a business owner and the succession plan has already been activated. He is now 40ish hours a week instead of 60ish. I think his long-term plan goal is 20ish hours.
Whether I plan to quit altogether or go part time or get a Mega Job seems to change by the hour at the moment.
Anonymous says
My husband’s dad was a SAHD, so I think there are circumstances in which he’d definitely stay home. He has a fulfilling mission-type job right now, but there’s definitely a hypothetical scenario in which he stays home, probably some combination of if I wanted to go back into BigLaw and/or we wanted to have more kids.
Anon says
My husband definitely wouldn’t quit, but he’s in a profession (academia) where most people genuinely love their jobs and wouldn’t quit completely no matter how rich they were. My mom is also an academic and she’s the same way. She’s 70 and has plenty of money but no plans to retire. She might start a partial retirement around 73 or 74, which is just unfathomable to me. I can’t imagine working a day past 65 except out of financial necessity. At least in our case I think it’s a profession thing not a gender thing.
Anonymous says
My job is very similar to academia, and both men and women have a really hard time retiring because the job makes them feel important and it’s difficult to give that up. They don’t know what to do without the chance to hobnob with powerful people and give their expert opinion to anyone who will listen. For my part, I can see very clearly how little impact our work really has and I am not impressed by the VIPs, so I will be very happy to get out and pursue fun, satisfying hobbies as soon as possible.
Anon says
Eh, I think that’s a little unfair. In both my mom’s and husband’s case, the lack of desire to quit is really driven by a love of what they do (the research element, not teaching) and not a rush of power. My mom very recently became a dean so perhaps there’s an element of power tripping there, but I can assure you my lowly associate professor husband does not feel powerful at all and no one in or out of academia cares about his opinion (he’s in a very technical field so he can’t talk about his work except with the ~40 people worldwide in his sub-sub-sub field).
Anon says
Also adding that I think the fact that their jobs are already very flexible and they can pretty much set their own hours is likely a big factor in not wanting to quit. My husband is the primary parent and spends a fair amount of time with our during traditional business hours, especially in the summers. My mom was the same, although of course that’s much more normal. I’m sure if my husband’s job required his presence in an office from 8 to 6 every day he’d feel differently because he’d be sad about missing out on that time with his family. Like others said, he’s not putting his job before his family, he’s putting his job before his other interests.
Redux says
This is what I came here to say. This is completely reductive, but if I only had to go into the office from 10:30 to 2, 3 days a week, summers off, a month off at Christmas, reading and teaching my favorite books to groups of eager to please college kids who adore me (my DH’s actual life) then yeah, I’d feel differently about my job. There are many ways to burn out and academia is certainly not immune to burnout, but my DH has so. much. more. time. to. himself that he’s able to continually recharge in a way that I am not. He sets his own schedule and has time for infinite hobbies and home chores. He is the primary parent and this arrangement works for us, but like others I don’t think he would quit his job if he came into money because his job doesn’t burn him out like mine does. And I work in a mission-driven job that I care deeply about, but I am just exhausted all the time.
Anon says
My DH works full-time, even in the summers (as do most research academics I know – the job is a lot more than just teaching). But it’s common to have a lot of flexibility about when and where you work and there’s no boss to answer to in the traditional sense (especially once tenured) and I think all of that makes a huge difference to job satisfaction, especially as a parent.
anon says
Not really. Although there are definitely men who live to work, there are plenty who work to live. My DH’s ideal would be to have a small side gig as a consultant and spend the rest of his time doing whatever the heck he pleased.
Anon says
My husband is similar to yours. He also says he can’t imagine retiring before age 70. Lucky for him, he’s doing the job he always wanted, and although it’s stressful he is fulfilled.
He is a very involved parent so I’m not sure that’s the dividing line…I’d say it’s more that he has a super strong work ethic and sense of responsibility, so can’t fathom having no career
SC says
I think my husband would take a windfall to open a store in his main area of interest, kind of like some people have a dream of opening a bakery or a bookstore. He’s run and even opened this type of store with someone else’s money in the past, but I think he’d want to do it on his own. Like a bakery or a bookstore, this type of business is pretty risky and even if it succeeds, is unlikely to make you a multi-millionaire and would require long hours and lots of work, so it’s not something we’re in a position to do without a true windfall.
Anonymous says
My partner and I talk constantly about opening a bookstore/coffee shop in our neighborhood when we win the lottery… though we don’t actually buy lottery tickets.
Anon says
I can confirm that my husband would also like to be a lady (lord?) of leisure.
Anonymous says
So, while my husband would quit his current job, I asked him what he’d do, and he said he needed time to think about it. Did anyone else’s partner have that same reaction? It’s a very small thing, and he’s had similar responses when I’ve asked him what he’d do with a billion dollars (if need time tot hunk about it), so I wasn’t surprised. Just a tad bummed that it didn’t lead to an interesting conversation like it did on the board.
anonM says
This question is often asked on FIRE (including fat/chubby fire) communities, which tend to be male-dominated. If you’re at all serious about retiring early, they’ve got some good advice/lots of thoughts on the topic. Mainly that if you just retire with no planning, you will not be as likely to really enjoy it. And, it’s a good thing to think about for any age, as your answer is helpful for planning how much you need in retirement. Is your goal to watch the grandkids/support your kids careers? Travel extensively? Those are very different retirements.
I would be kid/community-focused. DH would maybeeee quit his job (or at least “retire” earlier) but would still work (his “hobbies” are things that can make money if you’re good at them, without giving too many details here).
Anonymous says
I would be your husband. My hobbies are things that would make a little money if I had enough time to devote to them.
Anon says
Hobbies cease to be fun if you turn them into jobs, even side gigs. Been there, done that.
Anonymous says
My “hobby” is the thing I went to school to do professionally but gave up because I needed health insurance. A little different.
Strategymon says
I’d consider a mainstream private school. What sealed my decision was hearing about the behavior mgmt techniques the public school used – public boards with red /yellow/ green based on bad behavior points. I could imagine my kid starting to brand himself a bad troublemaker because he couldn’t sit still and blurted out answers without raising his hand and didn’t like the idea of that.
Anon says
I have an apparently neurotypical kid but I hate that red/yellow/green behavior thing so much.
Anonymous says
Same. My rule-following kid lived in fear of having her card changed and was devastated when she made a mistake and got it changed to yellow.
anonono says
Can any parents of ADHD elementary school students provide some guidance for me? Kiddo is 4, looking like we are heading down that road based on preschool evaluations and we need to make some decisions about K next year (no official diagnosis yet, but can feel it coming). Classic symptoms of not being able to sit still, can’t focus and only wants to do what they want to do. We have been working with an OT 2x a week for over a year, but still have safety issues (running into street, etc.) We have the means to send them to a private school focused on kids with special needs, should we do that (I can cut back at my job easily enough to accommodate)? Or try for the public school with IEP etc. first? They’ve never been able to do more than 3 hours of preschool, spending the rest of time with a nanny (or me). And I’m le tired.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for here, maybe hope or reality check or commiseration. I don’t know what I don’t know. They’re not even in K yet and I’m feeling exhausted just thinking about what’s in front of me.
Anon says
Is delaying K and repeating preK an option, since he is still only 4? A lot of ADHD struggles will continue no matter the age…but in general, another year of maturation could probably help a lot, too. It’s developmentally normal for 4-year-olds not to sit still and struggle with impulse control.
(FWIW I’m fairly certain my 4-year-old has ADHD, too, but inattentive type so he does well at school…while that area is going smoothly for us, I’m with you on looking down the road and feeling overwhelmed.)
OP says
Thanks, appreciate the shared sentiment! He will be 5 turning 6 right when school year starts in 2023 so already on the older side. Applications for private schools are due in 2022 so I want to have time to explore options etc. which is why I’m thinking about it now. And his pediatrician made suggestions as well.
Anonymous says
So he’s newly 4? FWIW my middle child doesn’t have a formal diagnosis but has class is adhd symptoms. We had safety issues, too, in early PK. She’s 6 now and a lot of that has mellowed over time.
I would suggest seeing how next year goes before jumping to private PK. A lot could change with maturity between now and then.
Anon says
If he’s turning 6 before the start of the 2023 school year, he’s turning 5 fairly soon.
Pogo says
Glad to hear the safety issues have improved. Our almost 5yo still bolts away from us for apparently no good reason and it always gives me a heart attack.
Anne-on says
So it’s definitely a privledged position to take, but my kid is ADHD (innatentive type) and his private school was/is a godsend. We pushed for his evals/diagnosis because he did amazingly well at school but melted down at home – but school is a dream for him. Small class sizes and they ‘get’ boys so lots of physical activity (recess PLUS daily sports).
The teachers there WANT to teach boys and are totally accepting of movement/wiggling/fidgeting/fidget toys/headphones/standing desks vs. the stories I hear from family and friends of their (normally wiggly!) boys being shamed and called out. The teachers offer so many accomodations just in the way they teach that we don’t need much on his IEP because it’s just how they run things.
anon says
Feel free to disregard this if it doesn’t work for you, but I’ve had several friends see improvement by getting their ADHD kid solid physical activity *before* school each day. One 5 yo would jog the mile to school with his dad. Another would jump on the trampoline for 45 minutes before school.
Our early elementary grades do most of the academic work at the beginning of the day, so having the kid show up a bit physically tired allowed them to settle in to learn for that early stretch.
Eventually the kids ended up on meds (probably around 2nd grade) but they kept the before school exercise as part of their routine.
Cb says
We have a 20 minute cycle ride to school and I do find that fresh air and exercise first thing good for both of us.
anon says
Exercise helps, but it won’t “solve” ADHD. It’s one of many, many tools in the toolbox, and IME, it’s one more thing that you have to motivate the kid to do. You know how badly they need it but mornings with ADHD kids can be particularly rough. I say this so the OP won’t beat herself up if “more exercise” isn’t the solution for her family.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I cannot figure out how anyone could get a kid with ADHD to 1) exercise unless it was a super fun organized activity like the kid’s favorite sports practice or 2) do anything at all before school in the morning.
Anon says
It was just a potential option while OP sorts out a diagnosis, an IEP/504 and potentially meds, etc. Those first can be tough before you get supports in place. And getting those supports can take longer than anyone likes.
OP says
Appreciate the suggestion and will keep it in mind. I think he wouldn’t “want” to do the exercise, but I agree, the bike ride with fresh air would make a difference at least.
Even at the playground, he will go nuts on the slides and climbing for about 5 minutes and then not want to do anything else so I do feel like more exercise might be very difficult for us (at least now, but I’ll keep trying).
anon says
If kiddo is still 4, does that mean they’ll be a young kindergartener with a summer birthday? Have you considered redshirting? An extra year of maturity may help, especially in an area where kids tend to start K a bit older.
anon says
One option would be to do private K next year and then plan to do public K the following year. Two years in kindergarten may be really good for him. Of course, if he matures faster, you could always then move him straight to 1st after kindergarten. You’ll have options.
(Of course, my young kindergartener found kindergarten to be really stressful, so I wish I’d kept her in pre-K for an extra year instead of considering two years of K. But we went straight to public K where she was expected to read an write as a brand new 5 yo. A play based K program may be a better fit.)
anon says
I have an older kid with ADHD. To be honest, it has been rough going at times, but it hasn’t been all bad. I hate to say it, but much of his success/failure in the classroom setting has come down to the teacher. IMHO, getting diagnosed early is a GOOD thing. People will be more likely to help him, and less likely to label him as a “behavior problem,” if he has a diagnosis.
Can you interview the private school to see what they do for ADHD kids? That might give you a better idea of whether it’s a good fit or not. Private school hasn’t been an option for us (nothing geared toward kids with ADHD, and the religious schools have zero incentive to help him). We have gotten by with a 504 plan that’s updated yearly.
My best advice is to be forthcoming with your child’s teachers about potential issues, and even better if you can provide solutions or ideas of things that work for him. We’ve had a good relationship with Kiddo’s teachers except for one in particular (from before he was diagnosed). I have an email that I send his teacher about 1-2 weeks into the school year, after they’ve had a chance to get to know him a bit.
I hear you on the exhaustion, and believe me when I say that I get the struggle. Things are still challenging, but he has thankfully aged out of the safety issues you mention. Medication was a game changer for DS, though most docs won’t prescribe until age 5-6 at the earliest.
Anonymous says
For public school, you will need a diagnosis for an IEP or a 504. The school will prefer a 504 if they can get by with it, because a 504 provides only “accommodations” as opposed to “services.” You may have the best results if you get your own evaluation, including detailed recommendations for accommodations/services that the school can copy and paste into the IEP/504, and consider bringing the evaluator or an educational consultant or advocate to the IEP/504 meeting.
Your best bet is really to work with an educational psychologist and/or educational consultant who knows all the local schools and can make a personalized recommendation as to what’s most appropriate for your child.
Anonymous says
All the commiseration, first off.
TL/DR: I don’t think it matters too much for Kindergarten, it will probably make more difference in later grades when expectations increase.
We did public K for my ADHD son (he was not officially diagnosed at the time, either) and it was fine. It became more of an issue in 1st grade when there expectations for sitting still were slightly increased. His class had several suspected/identified ADHD students, and his teacher did an amazing job (even without an IEP or 504 plan, at least in our case) of trying to meet their needs. Still, we had emails every week about behavior, principal office visits, etc. it was frustrating and demoralizing at times. Having other outlets and friend groups for my son was key, because he just doesn’t like school and school wasn’t always a positive place for him.
For pandemic-related reasons, my son has been in a private Montessori school for the last 2 years. There are 3 teachers for a class of around 20 kids, and of course all the Montessori stuff about self-direction. Things were really good in 2nd grade, less good this year (potentially, again, because of higher expectations on 3rd graders to be “leaders” in the class and take on more responsibility). While the school was not dedicated to serving kids with special needs, the smaller teacher : student ratio was certainly a positive.
I would explore both options. Visit the private school(s), talk with school counselors or your child’s therapist about what kind of accommodations might be needed in public school, and educate yourself on the IEP and 504 plan processes and requirements. I’m just getting started on this because we’re planning to return to public school next year, but one of my coworkers hired an advocate to help them navigate the process for their daughter so my impression is that it can be onerous.
Anon says
I would do the private school.
Anonymous says
If the private school is geared towards kids with special needs, I wouldn’t put him there unless he were one of the higher-needs kids in the group. A kid with lower needs is going to be miserable in that setting.
Anon says
Only if the school is poorly managed. Lower needs kids shouldn’t be ignored just because there are higher needs kids. ADHD is one of the most common special needs these days, so I would be surprised if the OP’s kid is an outlier in terms of neediness.
Anonymous says
Not so much that he will be ignored, but that his learning will be disrupted.
Anon says
It depends on the kid, but academic learning isn’t very important in kindergarten. This might not be the best solution forever, but I think I would definitely lean toward the private school for K.
Anonymous says
OK, to be blunt: if the other kids have higher needs the classroom will be full of disruptions, which could be harmful to OP’s child whether or not she cares about his academic learning. My ADHD kid is quiet as a mouse in the classroom. If another kid is loud or disruptive it will wreck her entire day and she will come home and have a meltdown.
SC says
I have a 6 yo (just finished 1st grade) with ADHD and sensory processing disorder. He’s in a school for kids with special needs. There’s a mix of abilities, but Kiddo is one of the lower-needs kids in the group.
Kiddo has had a lot of success at this school. He’s been there for K and 1st grade. The school emphasizes acceptance of differences, everyone working to improve in their own areas, etc. Kiddo was having issues with negative self-image (being a “bad” kid) as early as 3 yo, and that is behind us now. The teacher-student ratio 1:5, there are other professionals in the school who can be called in, and several kids with very high needs have outside techs with them. The teachers work with the kids in groups of 3-4, at stations, and the kids are generally grouped by abilities. Kiddo has learned plenty and has never complained to me about being bored at school, so they give him plenty to do. In parent-teacher conferences, they’ve actually talked about how hard they work after school hours to make sure he has plenty to do and is challenged.
The classroom and schedule are also set up well for kids with special needs–there’s PE every morning and a long recess after lunch. They have a music therapist come in after lunch. In my opinion, there’s a good blend of structure, routine, and accommodation. The teachers reach out to us periodically to talk about getting that balance right with Kiddo. (If only I had answers.)
We do hope to transfer Kiddo to a more traditional school setting, maybe after 1 more year. But this school has been amazing for him for K and 1st grade.
Anon says
With the <5 vaccine rollout happening in (hopefully) a few short weeks, I'm trying to wrap my head around where I'm going to get my kids vaccinated. My ped isn't doing vaccinations since they don't have a cold enough freezer.
I know this is somewhat region- specific, but interested where others are thinking to get their littles vaccinated to get some ideas where to look.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We got my older son his vaccine at his doctor’s office but are doing his booster at a Walgreen’s. So I’d look into CVS or Walgreens. There should be an age-specific vaccine you can pick. I would prefer to do our younger one’s vaccine at the doctor’s office too, but not sure if they will have these vaccines in a timely manner.
Anonymous says
We did a dr’s office in our system but not kiddo’s. For the simple reason that it is closer to our house. I wanted a dr’s office, because I feel really good about the protections our system has in place for getting the correct dose to kids.
ElisaR says
our ped booked up entirely for the vaccines when they first came out so we took our 5 yr old to CVS. we had to go to one 20 minutes away, but I really don’t think there is any difference getting it from a nurse at the ped’s office vs. a pharmacist. same shot. (i understand your concern and i shared it too, but this was what I landed on and told myself).
EDAnon says
Our peds office didn’t do it – they do them “centrally” so we just went to Walgreens since we could get in a lot sooner for our 5yo. TBD on the next kiddo.
Anon says
I’ll just take first available appointment, or first available Moderna if both vaccines are authorized at the same time. I have no problems getting kids vaccinated at either a retail pharmacy or the local health department, which both had the 5-11 vaccines right away.
Anon says
Can I ask why Moderna preference?
Anon says
Because it’s generally considered to be a higher dose and has outperformed Pfizer slightly in adults. Also DH and I got Moderna and I just like the idea of our kid having what we had. If only Pfizer is approved, we will definitely vaccinate her with Pfizer. Any vaccine is much better than nothing.
OP says
From my understanding, retail pharmacies only vaccinate 3 and up, which is why I’m trying to determine where to get my 1.5 year old vaccinated.
Anon says
Health dept is probably your best bet. I got my third and fourth boosters there and they were great.
anon says
My local public health department has been amazing for vaccines for all ages, especially 5-11s.
EDAnon says
We often use public health for Covid testing and they’re amazing. They did my first vaccine and were great.
Anonymous says
Our pediatrician’s office makes scheduling flu and COVID vaccines so difficult that we have never gone there for anything other than the vaccinations given during well-child visits. We’ve had good experiences with CVS, especially the CVS inside Target, and Walmart. Walgreens has been fine too. Walmart’s on-line scheduling system is somewhat less annoying than CVS’s.
Anon says
This is yet another frustrating aspect of kids under 5 and their parents being a complete afterthought in the pandemic. Many pharmacies can’t do shots for under age 3. And all the infrastructure that was in place for the adult clinics is getting dismantled. I’m so frustrated and angry.
Anon says
Oof yeah my kid is 4 so I didn’t think about this aspect of it, but that really sucks. I’m sorry.
Anonymous says
I’m in NYC and we did a City-run vaccine clinic for the first 2 doses and Walgreens for booster. I wish our ped did them because they are better at giving shots painlessly–why does no one else know about the shot blocker?–but I don’t think that is happening much here.
Anon says
today is my 4 year old twins first day of camp. it is at their school, but they just call it camp bc it involves water play and not everyone continues year round, so they are in a different class, etc. despite my best efforts, they seem to think its a campout, like they’ve seen in tv shows bc that is what the word ‘camp’ means to them and were very worried that it is going to be dark and that they will have to sleep there.
Cb says
That’s adorable!! My son is doing transition visits to school and he pipes up with the funniest questions about school stuff. He’s not convinced by the fact that you have to wear uniforms every day.
We spent the weekend in an ecobothy on a farm, and he wasn’t convinced we would/should come home.
OP says
except it’s not adorable when your kid is upset that she won’t be sleeping at home tonight…except she will! i had to bite my lip not to laugh as I tried to assuage their worries
Anonymous says
It annoys me that day cares and preschools call their summer programs “camp.” Camp is an entirely different experience for older kids, not just day care with water play day.
Anon says
I wouldn’t say it annoys me but I definitely think it’s silly and a bit pretentious. I think a lot of them do it to avoid the daycare label and since daycare is year round but preschool isn’t, then they have to do “camp” in the summer.
OP says
idk, i think the term ‘camp’ can mean a lot of different things. there is day camp, sleep away camp, soccer camp, math camp, computer camp. this preschool is not a year round program and the ‘camp’ is not exactly the regular school with water play (i just simplified it for my post) and not all of the same kids attend. it isn’t preschool, it isn’t daycare, what are they supposed to call it, summer school? bc that sounds even more absurd to me.
Pogo says
I think they do it so they can charge more? We have to pay an extra fee for summer on top of regular preschool charges. And if you call it “camp” it makes the fee go down easier?
I do think the ‘camp’ stuff is legit fun for the kids though – they have an ice cream truck come a couple times, my kiddo talked about it for ages last year. And he still wears his tie-dye shirt!
Anon says
My daughter (almost 5) asked me where her tent for camping was this morning (her first day). It’s actual day camp through the county parks, but space-themed and in a classroom building, not roughing it in the woods! It was adorable.
Anon says
Aww!
Fallen says
Does anyone have any older/competitive gymnasts who have any thoughts on gymnastics and injuries? I have a 9 year old who loves it and has a lot of natural talent for it, but it the stuff she does scares me and I know it’s only getting worse once she is in the team next year and as she continues to get more serious. It was great as she was younger and just did fun things, but just watching her scares me now and I have heard of stories of some pretty serious injuries (e.g., requiring surgery) from older gymnasts. Any advice on how to reduce my own anxiety about it or is this something we should really consider as she gets more into it?
gym mom says
What level will she compete and what skills is she working? My daughter competed DP through Level 6 and then gave it up because the practice schedule was not compatible with homework. I always found vault terrifying at Level 4 and up because they go over the table and crashes are scary. Bars with release skills and anything with a double salto is also scary to watch, but most kids will never make it that far.
My daughter had several injuries over the years, some from overuse and some from accidents. Some of the accidental injuries that she and her teammates had occurred in the gym but not while actually doing gymnastics–mostly sprained ankles from walking around on soft and uneven surfaces. Some kids seem to be more prone to injuries and some never get injured.
The biggest controllable injury risk is the coaching. One common and very serious problem that can have lasting consequences is back injuries from too many backbend-type skills, especially with poor technique. You want to look for a gym that strictly limits repetitions on back walkovers, front walkovers, and similar skills, especially back walkovers on beam. For general safety, look for a gym that begins training progressions for big skills very early and drills them for many years before actually training the skills. For example, kids might be working early progressions for double backs on trampoline as early as L4 or L5, even though it will be years before they try to actually land those skills on a competition surface. Also look for limits on hard landings. You want to see lots of tumbling on rod floor and tumble track (as opposed to spring floor) and lots of dismounts and vaults into a pit or onto a big soft mat instead of a competition mat.
You should also go in understanding exactly what is expected as kids progress. In DP you are most likely looking at 16-20 hours a week of practice by middle school or high school. Many of these kids drop the sport in middle school or drop down to Xcel Platinum or high school team.
Anonymous says
My 9 year old decided not to do team because our neighbors (3 girls ages 10,12, and 15) all do competitive gymnastics and are “always broken” (her words). Mostly wrists and ankles but I swear one of them is always in a boot, brace or cast. The older two are JO.
Anonymous says
I have no experience, and this might not be what you’re looking for…but if it was me, I’d only watch when absolutely necessary. Competitions and whatnot. I do well with ‘out of sight out of mind’ for these types of things.
Anonymous says
I don’t have any advice, but my husband’s mother was a competitive gymnast at a high level in college and she has had a lot of trouble with her back and old injuries since then. She warns everyone not to put their kids in the kinds of competitive sports where you can get seriously injured (gymnastics, cheer, football, etc.) because of the problems that can come up years later.
anon says
I mean … yes, this is very much a known problem with gymnastics as a sport. I would factor that into your thinking, as these types of injuries can cause issues in adulthood, too. I say this as someone who loves gymnastics and follows college gym especially closely. Your kid is all but guaranteed to have injuries at some point.
Anonymous says
Injuries are a big risk, but not nearly the biggest risk. The sport is still a toxic cesspool of questionable coaching practices all the way down to the lowest levels, and USAG hasn’t been very successful in cleaning up. Maybe the recent appointment of Chellsie Memmel as one of three new high performance coordinators signals a shift and will lead to real change, but even if that’s the case it will take a long time and a lot of coach retirements for any culture change to trickle down to the developmental levels.
Anonymous says
Adding–it is extremely difficult to spot a gym with harmful coaching. My daughter was at a gym where everything looked great from the parent viewing area and the coaches said all the right things and seemed kind and encouraging. It was only after we left because they wanted her to compete injured to boost their team score that she told me about all the high-pressure tactics they were using with kids as young as 8.
Anonymous says
Get out now while you still can.
Anonymous says
Injuries are common, especially overuse injuries. One thing to keep in mind is that many gymnastics injuries will require weeks or months of PT, often twice a week. That is very hard to manage in a household with two working parents.
Anon says
I would be more concerned about current injuries than stuff down the road, but I would definitely think twice about letting a child do high level gymnastics. Fwiw, I did a sport (figure skating) that is less crazy than gymnastics but still has a reputation for injuries that plague you in middle age, and I’m almost 40 and have no issues related to my skating career.
Anonymous says
Sports these days are crazy. I would seriously think about the consequences of injury. It’s not just broken wrists, etc. My cousin had a concussion while wrestling in high school, and it had a severe impact on his academics. He lost interest in school, and eventually dropped out of college after less than a year. He currently manages a restaurant and lives at home. I wouldn’t blame the concussion for everything, but it really derailed his path.
Anonymous says
For a variety of perspectives, ask this question in the parent forum on chalk bucket dot com.
Fallen says
Ugh this is what I feared. Any advice for other alternative sports for a gymnast to consider in the future? Eg someone who loves and is very good at the stuff that they do at gymnastics. She has done other sports (swim, ballet dance) but hasn’t loved it as much as gymnastics and has had much less natural talent for it.
Anon says
Rhythmic gymnastics looks like fun and lower bodily impact. That said, it will all depend on finding the right gym and coach.
We’re also trying fencing as a sport.
Anne-on says
What about fencing or diving?
Anon says
I commented above, but while figure skating is not without it’s issues, it’s a lot less toxic and dangerous than gymnastics on the whole. 9 is the perfect age to start – before that kids don’t really learn very much so a talented 9 year old will catch up pretty much immediately.
Anonymous says
Synchronized skating is a fun option for a team sport.
Anon says
Synchronized skating IS fun, but less gymnastics-y (no jumps). It’s also a lot harder to find teams for that, especially for young kids. Most synchronized skaters are teens who were strong skaters but lost their jumps when they went through puberty.
Anonymous says
Hmmm, now that I think about it you’re right about the age. I was on an adult team and our club did have a juvenile team, but I think they were more like 12?
Anon says
Yeah, I don’t think synchro teams for beginners exist, because you need skaters with pretty strong skating skills to effectively skate as a team. Something with gymnastics training is likely going to be a strong jumper anyway.
Anonymous says
So this got me searching and there is apparently now a synchro track called “Aspire” for beginner skaters. But that sounds like a recipe for frustration and/or disaster to me.
Anon says
Oh interesting! It does seem like kind of a recipe for disaster, ha. The Learn to Skate performances in our ice shows always involved collisions and that’s after the kids are told to stand really far apart from each, not touching each other like you do in synchro.
Anon says
I’m the gymnast below you, and I tried all those sports and wasn’t great at any of them (but very good at gymnastics). Many of my teammates ended up doing diving, and as mentioned below, I wasn’t a great tennis player, but good enough. I was stronger and faster than many of my peers, which came from gymnastics. I think soccer is another sport that would use some of the same skills.
Anon says
Diving?
Anon says
diving? this is different, but synchronized swimming? cheer/more jazz type dance. fencing.
Anonymous says
Cheer is more dangerous than gymnastics.
Anonymous says
Diving, pole vault, and rock climbing are all common places for gymnasts to land when they are done with gymnastics. There are actually rock climbing teams and competitions.
GCA says
Rock climbing and circus classes use the same skills and are, or have options to be, much less about the competition and much more about the intrinsic pleasure of the activity. A lot of the climbers I know are retired gymnasts.
Anon says
Rock climbing!
Anon says
I got into competitive dance after I “retired” from competitive gymnastics as a tween. Floor exercise was one of my favorite events, so it was an easy transition. Diving or high jump/track & field were common sports that lots of my “retired” gymnast friends got into.
NYCer says
Rhythmic gymnastics if you have a club nearby (if she is flexible, it will make the transition easier). Otherwise, i agree re diving.
Anonymous says
I would have a lot of the same concerns about rhythmic gymnastics. Authoritarian coaching, body image issues, too many back-bending skills.
anon says
Have you tried competitive dance (so not ballet)? My daughter does it and good tumbling skills/flexibility are super helpful (and are necessary as you advance, in fact).
Anon says
Have you considered using gymnastics as an entry to competitive diving? It’s lower impact and more of a niche area where she might be able to excel.
Pogo says
A girl I went to HS with switched from gymnastics to diving around 16 or 17 (very near end of HS) and ended up getting a full scholarship!
Anon says
Have you looked into circus classes and/or aerial dance? I’ve been told those use a lot of the same gymnastics skills but without the same competitive pressures and toxic atmosphere.
Anon says
I was a competitive gymnast around that age, and I found out much later that my mom never actually ‘watched’ me compete. She and another mom would step out when their own daughter would compete, and the other mom would watch the other girl compete/give highlights after. I’m really glad she didn’t share her level of anxiety with me at the time. She was never anything but supportive. In a sport where confidence matters during relatively dangerous tricks, I appreciated not having to manage or consider her anxiety while executing harder skills.
My best advice is to continue allowing her to play other sports/activities while continuing to do gymnastics if you don’t want to pull her out against her will. It is good for her development and helpful for her mentally to not get pigeonholed at a young age. I eventually did get injured and was getting a little frustrated with my gym’s practice schedule, and I was excited to transition to another sport (tennis) I had been playing for fun during the summers. If I didn’t have another sport I could play, I think I would have gone back to gymnastics, and would have had a much tougher road. My parents were ready for me to be done with gymnastics for many of the reasons you’ve mentioned, so they were really helpful at immediately finding a club where I could play tennis. I happily transitioned to tennis for a while. Essentially, listen for her to express a readiness to transition or quit, and be very, very helpful in executing that. I was stubborn and an athlete, and would have had a lot of resentment towards my parents/would have not expressed a readiness to transition if thought it was their idea that I quit. Also, athletes gonna athlete, so it was great to be able to continue expressing that part of my personality but having options to express it.
gym mom says
I always wished I could have gotten away with not watching! My daughter would actually monitor whether I was watching. I don’t know why she wasted her energy and attention on it, but the one time I snuck out she caught me and claimed it wrecked the rest of the meet for her. I am so glad she is done.
Anon says
Could you close your eyes instead of actually leaving? That’s what my dad did for my skating events, and I never knew until he told me after I quit. Although now that I’m a parent I think it would almost be more stressful to hear the crowd clapping or gasping but not be able to see what’s actually happening.
Anon says
Former childhood competitive gymnast here. I stopped when I was ~12 and a Level 8 or so. I had quite a few injuries but nothing super serious that required surgery like a few of my teammates (a few ankle sprains, dislocated finger, broken foot, etc.). When I was younger, I was generally pretty fearless but as I got older, the “fear” part of my brain kicked in more as the skills got scarier and more serious. I quit for many reasons (I wanted a more “normal” social/school life, puberty was kicking in and making it hard to do the same tricks, I just wasn’t as into it anymore). During my very last practice, one of my teammates dislocated her elbow on the uneven bars and that was the push I needed to say, “Nope, I’m out.”
I would also encourage your daughter to be assertive in stating when she feels uncomfortable or truly not ready to try something vs. simply scared but knows she can most likely handle it and feels good that her coach will be there for her if she needs it. She should also feel comfortable asking for a break if she’s feel tapped out at the end of practice and worried about injuries. Gymnastics has historically not been a sport where you’re encouraged to stick up for yourself. Most of my injuries occurred when I felt the former vs. the latter, or at the end of a practice when I was tired and not able to perform to my full ability. Tell her coaches that this is something you’ve asked her to do for her own safety. If they won’t let her advocate for herself in these scenarios, I’d find a new gym and a new coach.
Anonymous says
That kind of self-advocacy is easier said than done, especially for a 9-year-old in a sport known for authoritarian coaching. Coaches don’t even abide by doctors’ return-to-practice instructions after an injury, or parents’ reasonable requests. No 9-year-old is ever going to risk looking like a whiner by asking to sit out the end of practice because she is tired.
Anon (OP) at 12:44 says
Agree – it is easier said than done. I certainly couldn’t have done it in the ’90’s when I did gymnastics and there were times I was injured because of it. That’s why it’s important to a) find a coach and gym that with a culture that supports that kind of self-advocacy and b) role play and coach your kid on how to ask for those breaks and have that conversation. Mom can also talk to the coaches too and let them know what she and her daughter have discussed and practiced.
The reality is, 99% of these kids aren’t going to the Olympics, and I hope the culture of the sport has changed some to reflect that. I would not let my kid participate in gymnastics today at a gym where she didn’t feel like she could ask for a break or to stop working on a skill if she felt her own safety was at risk. We’d find a new sport or a new gym.
Anonymous says
Sadly, it hasn’t changed much. There are a handful of good coaches out there who recognize that the primary purpose of JO (now DP) gymnastics is developing happy healthy children, not future Olympic gymnasts, but most gyms are still run by weird adults who are oddly invested in “winning” at youth sports.
Anonymous says
If you are not willing to let her risk injury that requires surgery, pull her out of the sport now. At level 4, a teammate of my daughter’s had her hands turned slightly wrong on a back handspring and broke her elbow, requiring surgery. That was years before they get to the skills that are really scary.
Anon says
My husband brought home bed bugs and possibly Covid from his recent conference. Just what I need after weeks of solo parenting.
Lydia says
oh NOOOO I am so sorry that is a nightmare!
Anonymous says
I am so sorry! That said it’s great you caught the bed bugs early- we also had to deal with that a few years ago and I am here to say while it’s awful and anxiety inducing, we needed one treatment and they were gone.
Anonymous says
Oh nooooo! I’m so sorry. Bedbugs are awful.
So Anon says
OMG! That is horrific.
SC says
Oh noooo! My parents have a story about returning from vacation to a broken refrigerator (everything had to go, and it smelled awful) and a bird in the house. I don’t remember the refrigerator being broken, but watching my parents chasing a bird around with a broom is one of my earliest and funniest childhood memories.
Bedbugs and Covid sound worse :-(
Anonanonanon says
OH NOOOOOOO!!!! I’m so sorry!!
Anonymous says
Ugh, i’m sorry. I am here to tell you that bedbug treatment has come a long way in the last few years though – it isn’t necessarily that bad.
Anon says
Thanks all. This isn’t our first rodeo with bed bugs (we brought them home from a hotel in 2015) so I know we can get it taken care of, I’m just annoyed about the cost and also annoyed at my husband for not taking good bed bug precautions. He put his luggage on the bed when he got home, which is like the #1 no-no for bed bugs.
Still crossing our fingers we escaped Covid. Last known exposure was Friday and he has no symptoms and tested negative on molecular and antigen tests with both nose and throat swabs today. And he did everything right with respect to Covid protocols, so even if he got it I can’t fault him.
Anonymous says
We had them once in like 2010 and once in 2019 and it was much easier in 2019. This might just be because this time we paid for an exterminator vs the first time when we were renting and were at the mercy of some rando hired by our landlord, but still. Also, they can’t have spread that much in less than a week – I would think you would just need to wash everything and get one treatment and call it a day.
Anonymous says
Ideas needed! My elem kids (K, 2) had an amazing bus driver this year in a lot of ways. I was going to get him an end of year coffee gift card, maybe $20-$25, and then decided to email some others I know on our bus route and see if they wanted to chip in. Well, word got around and people are generous and now I have almost $300 toward this gift! That’s a LOT of Starbucks!
What should I do with the cash? He’s a young-ish guy (?30s?) with kids. He has an amazing rapport with the kids on the bus, always shows up on time, watches out for the little kids, etc. Handing him an envelope of cash seems weird. Small gift basket (snack filled- our kids have a list of what he is always snacking on) or coffee mug with a $50 coffee GC and a $200 amazon GC? Just an amazon GC? A visa GC? Target? Other ideas?
Thanks!
Lily says
Target or Walmart gift card (depending on which store is local to him). All the way. He has kids to feed and probably makes minimum wage. With a heartfelt card.
Spirograph says
This
NYCer says
+1.
anonM says
Something sentimental (snack basket is cute! throw in a kid-colored card!) and GC – maybe Home Depot if he seems handy/has a house??? $300 is a lot on amazon or target alone.
Anonymous says
Actually, $300 at Target is awesome because he can either get some nice electronic thing he really wants, or use it to cover regular expenses for a while. I would be less excited about $300 at amazon.
Anonymous says
I’d probably do about $50 of fun, tangible things in a basket or gift bag and then the rest in cash with a card.
Redux says
Agree, give him the CASH! I know people feel differently about this, but if you have never been on the receiving end of this in a low-paid job, please take my word for it that cash is so much better than a giftcard. You can’t pay your electric bill with a Target giftcard.
Such a nice gesture on your part!!!
Cash! says
Assuming there’s no restriction on cash, I think cash from a group of parents + a heartfelt card is perfect. It’s from the community, which makes it less awkward than cash from an individual.
Where I am, it’s tough to live on a school bus driver’s pay and the cash lets him use the money for whatever is most meaningful to him and let him get the highest value on it (maybe he needs car repairs, or to pay medical expenses, or has a preferred source for essentials that’s not Target/Amazon).
Also, with gift cards, there’s always a small chance of a glitch that makes it unusable without having to go back to you. Cash always works.
Anonymous says
I don’t know if there are restrictions and my plan is to plead ignorance if there are. The school broadcasts the limits for teachers but has said nothing on bus drivers.
We are a wealthy community and the bus drivers are generally from less wealthy communities…I feel like 3 100 dollar bills is….icky? I don’t know. Is there a less weird way of doing cash?
I like the target idea but also…my husband doesn’t ever buy stuff at target.
cash! says
I don’t think 3 100s is icky at all. It gives him the freedom to choose how to spend it. Unlike with a friend, there’s no expectation that you should know what he would like best.
If it helps, a teacher friend still speaks about how meaningful a cash end of year group gift from parents to him was when he was early in his career and needed car repairs (an extra expense that was tough with a tight budget). So much so that he started a custom of parents pooling money for a cash gift at our kids’ school (which the teachers love).
EDAnon says
Cash and a heartfelt card.
startup lawyer says
I don’t think there’s anything weird about giving cash if there aren’t any rules against it
NYCer says
I commented about about a gift card, but I also don’t think there is anything icky or weird about giving three $100 bills if you prefer to do that. We give our nanny cash for all gifts (bday, Christmas, etc.), and she always appreciates it. Stick it in a card with a nice note, and it will be fine.
Anon says
State employees (which includes school district employees) often can’t accept cash or cash equivalents over a certain amount. Check your state rules.
Anonymous says
Our district contracts with a private firm (first Student). They aren’t state or even local town employees.
Anon says
Oh in that case you’re fine.
Anonymous says
I would double check with them about cash or cash-equivalent gifts. Some government agencies expect contractors to follow their rules about gifts.
Anonymous says
OP here. I checked two websites and saw nothing. I’m not worrying beyond that.
Anon says
A giftcard to a gas station and a card with a driving-related joke or pun.
Anonymous says
Oh, no, this is awful.
Anonanonanon says
I did a walmart one for our bus driver. There is one close by and he can choose to use it on necessities or fun things, depending on his financial and life situation. I chose walmart over amazon because walmart leaves groceries as an option.
Anon says
Definitely get an actual gift card for a big retailer, so not get one of those credit card gift cards. I think almost all of them are a scam. We’ve been gifted 3 and have had trouble using all of them. We were completely unable to use one (from one of the largest companies) because they wouldn’t even look into the issue of why the gift card wouldn’t work without us giving our social security numbers and lots of other private info to open a complaint, which we refused to give them for a $20 gift card that we hadn’t even purchased. The gift giver has purchased it at a major grocery chain. The whole experience left a really bad taste in my mouth. My sense was that these companies prey on people with bad credit that can’t get real credit cards, and that a lot of times the company just takes the money and makes it really difficult to use the cards.
Anonymous says
I’d get a Visa/Mastercard gift card — you can load it with the amount you want, but it works just like a credit card. He can then use it anywhere he wants, and you avoid the icky feeling you have about giving cash.
Anon says
I have a comment in moderation but I would caution against this. We’ve had 3 credit card gift cards gifted to us and we have had trouble activating and using every single one. I think they are difficult to use on purpose, then the company can just keep your money. If you look up these companies on Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, they all have loads of complaints (our last experience was so bad, I did put in a complaint).
Give cash or get a gift card to Target or similar.
Anonymous says
I’ve never had any trouble activating or using the ones that I’ve gotten. The gift giver got them through a bank, not through a company, so maybe that makes a difference.
EB says
Is it normal for a toddler to snore? My 3 year old girl snores regularly, even when taking naps (like yesterday, in the car), and it worries me, but I have no idea if I should be worried or not. She also has tubes in her ears. I will 100% ask the ped next time we’re there, but I’m curious if this is a thing to ask about now, as opposed to at the next check up. Thanks!!
Anon says
It’s normal for kids to snore occasionally. If it’s constant or really loud it may be a medical issue.
Anonymous says
ENT suggested Flonase nasal spray for my snoring kid with tubes.
ElisaR says
i’ll preface this with saying it’s totally anecdotal and may not apply to your situation and obviously consult a doctor, but my 3 year old had enormous tonsils. His dentist described them as “kissing”. After dentist and pediatrician recommended it, we took him to an ENT and scheduled tonsil removal. He had trouble breathing at night, trouble swallowing and a few other issues which resolved themselves after he had his tonsils out. I am generally opposed to invasive approaches and I was very reluctant to have him do this surgery but he became much more verbal, less drooley and no snoring (he had been waking himself up at times) post-surgery.
HSAL says
My twins (almost 4) also have gigantic tonsils! One kissing, the other not quite. Their ENT (they got tubes when <1 year) says he doesn’t like to remove them unless they’re causing issues. We have minimal snoring and no other problems, but I’ve been on the lookout.
Anonymous says
If kid has tubes you have seen an ENT, so this might not help! However, our ENT recommended tonsil shaving for our son that was a horrible snorer. He had HUGE a tonsils and that contributed to the snoring. We are so glad we did it! Kid went from sounding like a freight train (and a poor sleeper), to being a quiet sleeper that was well rested.
Tonsil shaving is different from removing tonsils. Still surgery, but easier recovery. Tonsils can grow back (!?) but 4 years later we haven’t had any return to snoring.
Anonanonanon says
Wow, I need to get my older kid reevaluated. About 8 years ago he had his adenoids out and I was told he has kissing tonsils (they are “like meatballs” the doc said) but since he didn’t have strep a lot they said it was better to leave them in there. He snores and I worry about his sleep quality and have noticed inattentiveness, which I associate with his poor sleep. Glad y’all mentioned this!
Anonymous says
Seeking advice for three year old sleep……
My son just turned three. Fortunately, he has always been an excellent sleeper, but we have occasionally had our tiny regressions etc., yet he seems to really have slightly higher than average sleep needs. My son is day time potty trained (started in January, has been day time accident free for 7+ weeks), and I don’t think he’s ready for night time potty training, as he still wakes up from naps and in the morning with a pretty full wet diaper. He still sleeps in a sleep sack and in a crib with all four sides up and has never once attempted to climb out of the crib. We have asked him if he wants us to turn it into a bed or if he wants to just sleep with his blanket. He says “no” to all of these questions. He doesn’t even like to lie down for extended periods of time on our bed, and says “I sleep in my crib” when we ask him if he wants to lay down on the bed or on the nugget couch in his room. He naps just fine at school on his nap mat on the floor.
Typically, the sleep schedule has been that we put him down around 7:00/7:15 and he sleeps until 7:00/7:15 am. The past few weeks, he hasn’t been settling down at night right away (will sing to himself and just generally roll around in his crib), and we go back in around 7:30/7:45 to check on him. In the past, this not settling down would mean that he had likely pooped in his diaper, and we’d change it and he’d immediately go to sleep. Now, when we have gone in to check on him, I ask he if has to go potty, and he says yes. So we go, and he generally pees, and often poops as well, but it takes like 15+ minutes before he’s done on the potty at this time of night (the rest of the time, it doesn’t take nearly this long, and he eats a lot of veggies, so I know he’s not constipated). But, this means that he’s not actually getting to sleep sometimes until like 8:30. While I know that’s normal for many kids his age, it means that he is basically still asleep in the morning at 7:15 when we go to wake him up. This morning he even pulled his blanket over his head and said “I don’t want to go to school today, it’s time for my nap.”
The past few nights, to try and prevent this problem, we’ve tried to do an extra potty before putting on the nighttime diaper, and go to bed a bit later (like 7:30/7:45), and he still not settling down and probably didn’t end up falling sleep until close to 9:00. We have a video monitor, and have been encouraging him to say “I have to go to the potty” and we will get him and go to the potty, but no luck with what. FWIW, we have always just used a potty seat on our normal toilet and a stepstool and never a little potty.
I know eventually we’ll have to move to a toddler bed and out of the sleep sack, and I discussed this with our pediatrician and she said as long as he’s not climbing out of the crib, it’s fine to keep him in both. Any tips or advice for how to get this boy his extra hour of needed sleep back?
Anon says
Put him down earlier, so that after the singing and potty trip he’s getting to bed at the same time. But generally potty training disrupts sleep. It’s just a phase you have get through. I will also say my high sleep needs kid get started needing dramatically less sleep around age 3.5. If you’re having to wake him that’s a sign he needs an earlier bedtime, but I would not be at all surprise if he starts needing more like 10-11 hours instead of 12 soon and the shifting to a later bedtime may be the beginning of that.
NYCer says
+1.
My kids were/are never high sleep needs, but they also cut down on sleep around 3-3.5.
Anonanonanon says
3.5 is when my kid started that magical kid thing of being exhausted/sleepy when I woke her up at 7 AM on a weekday but wakes up bright and chipper at 6 AM on a weekend day.
Anonymous says
Earlier dinner to move the p00p time earlier?
Anon says
we had an issue with this where my kid at age 3 was waking up an hour or two earlier to poop and i posted on this board, and somehow it resolved itself after a few weeks. just switched her crib to a toddler bed at age 4 a few weeks ago.
AnonZee says
My newly minted 4 year old (April bday) has a default reaction of fear to most things, it seems. She’s a VERY outgoing girl at home and around people she knows, but we’re finding this a pattern as we venture out and do more things that are out of the normal routine or destinations.
Swimming lessons Saturday were a disaster, for example. We had our first non-“mommy and me” swimming lesson and she was scared out of her mind. She loves the pool, ocean, tub – you name it – with us but I couldn’t have bribed her with all the candy in the world to get her anywhere near the edge of the pool. We prepped her for the lessons a ton as far as what to expect – she was so excited for the lessons she wore her bathing suit all day Friday ahead of Saturday, but then Saturday just totally seized up.
Different, but along the same lines: her preschool teacher told us she recently “came out of her shell” and I literally asked if they were talking about the right kid. I was floored. I don’t think she has ever been in a shell. She has two cousins the same age and she’s hands down the loud, performative one of the trio in all settings. Apparently she’s been incredibly shy, wouldn’t participate in circle time or music class until this spring. Meanwhile, at home, she sets up a “stage” with her nuggets and uses a spoon for a microphone and belts out songs she knows. It’s like two different kids!
I have a few other examples, too, but I think this gets the point across.
I don’t think this is necessarily atypical of the age, being cautious of the unknown or new environments, but is there any good advice out there about how to appropriately address and support her? More exposure to the unknown? Follow her cues? I had two very well intentioned but very pushy parents and I’m sensitive to over pushing/forcing things, but also don’t want to be overly sensitive and exacerbate the reaction, if that makes sense. Should I sign her up for the dance lessons in the fall that she claims she wants to do, or just sit tight and focus on swimming lessons, for example? Appreciate any insights or similar experiences you have! TIA.
Anon says
A couple thoughts …
1) Teachers love to say kids “come out of their shell.” it’s just one of those teacher phrases. My kid has never been particularly shy at school, she has lots of buddies and apparently talks non-stop (including during group time to the point that we have gotten complaints from teachers). But we still get the teachers saying things like this to us on occasion. I think they’re just referencing how she’s growing and developing and getting more confident and outgoing over time which is of course completely normal during preschool years. I don’t love the phrase but wouldn’t read too much into it.
2) My same age kid is pretty scared of new things and experiences. She’s cautious about climbing anything high or going fast down slides. As of the last couple weeks she’s totally terrified of ants in our house. She hated water until last year. We do strongly encourage her to try things, but if she’s really upset we don’t force it. If your kid didn’t take to swimming lessons this year I would stop and try again next year. Particularly with water, you don’t want to do anything that could cause a long term fear/dislike. At age 4, it’s much more important to foster a love of the water even if that just means pool time with you guys. I would try dance in the fall if she says she wants to do that.
Anon says
*hated water until this year, rather. She’s 4 and this is the first year she will get into the pool (or bath) voluntarily. I was so stressed about it last year because all I want to do in the summer is go to the pool or waterpark, but people told me she would outgrow it and she did.
Anon says
I wouldn’t stop lessons for a whole year, but I would do a ton of water exposure (with positive vibes) this summer with the goal of getting her comfortable for the fall session of lessons.
If you’re already signed up for swim, then I’d keep taking her and having her watch. Some kids need to watch for a while first before joining in. Offer her a reward if she chooses to participate as an incentive, but don’t force her. She can sit with you and watch. Perhaps if she sits on the edge with her feet in next week, then she gets ____.
Anon says
Lessons are summer-only in my area, which is why I said try next year. I agree you don’t need to pause for an entire 12 months if you have the option for fall or winter lessons.
Anon says
so my example isn’t quite as extreme, but i have 4 year old twins. in the fall they started preschool for the first time and twin B who is usually more anxious/nervous about things was super excited to go, didn’t seem as nervous, but that had more trouble adjusting to school; whereas twin A who seemed much more anxious/nervous about it had an easier time adjusting. it sounds like your kid takes time to warm up to new situations. i’d sign her up for dance, and then let her participate at her pace, which i realize might be painful to watch and feel like a waste of $.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure you can generalize from swim lessons to other activities. Swimming is scary in a completely different way than any dry-land activity. If she says she wants to try dance classes, is there a way she can try without a big commitment?
anonM says
I also have a more cautious 4yo. Just this weekend, DD (younger) grabbed a scooter for the first time and zoomed off yelling “LOOK AT ME I A HORSE!” DS moved on it, with me close by, very slowly and nervously.
Your LO may be perfectly fine with class next week! It will be familiar. I’d just stay as calm as you can (easier said than done). When DS won’t try something new, I give some opportunities but if he refuses, we stay and watch (or whatever is appropriate). The natural consequence may be that he’s bummed after the fact that he didn’t do XYZ. But forcing it or making a huge deal of it has backfired with him so I do not do that. Sometimes the activity can be adjusted (ex- this weekend, he was NOT going to put a blindfold on for the pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game, but he was thrilled to just have the “tail” sticker and put it on the poster).
I try to remind myself that — so long as he isn’t screaming or ruining the experience for other kids — it isn’t hurting anyone. And from what you’re saying, she is outgoing and has lots of fun at home! It’s ok if she doesn’t perform for others at school, and it sounds like she’s very well adjusted.
I am following for tips though, because there are some things he flat-out refuses (hair cuts at a salon) and I’m open for more ideas to try!
Anonymous says
My almost 4yo had a similar response when we did an obstacle course race for kids over the weekend. Talked about it for days ahead of time, made us show up super early because he was too excited to be at home. And then when we got to the race, he completely freaked out and was crying and refusing to go out on the course without me.
I think it’s partly a COVID kid thing, where they haven’t ventured out much beyond school and close family. It’s probably also a stage. I wouldn’t be too concerned. We’re just trying to do more and get him exposure to more experiences.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s a Covid thing. I think some kids are just sensitive and slower to warm up to new things. My kid is like this and her biggest issues have been at playgrounds and outdoor pools, which we never stopped going to except for the very brief time period between March and May 2020.
Been there says
My seven year old was exactly like this. Not covid related, just personality. We dropped out of a fair number of classes over the years (including swim at 4! at 5 she told me she wanted to learn and asked me to sign her up for lessons and immediately mastered it)
I’d be careful with the pushy parents and we tend to follow her clues. I have no regrets about her having dropped out of toddler gymnastics (she asked to do it when she was six instead). We just do things more on her timeline. And she functions just great in her school.
When she was three her teacher at the end of the year mentioned how she only spoke to one adult the whole year – we were completely blindsided. She was a super chatty kid at home. She’s still shy but functions beautifully in school now.
Anon says
Random question. I’ve had my kids in swim lessons off and on for years. (With a big break for covid.) They both mostly can do a freestyle stroke, but it doesn’t look clean or confident. I’d like them both to feel like they can confidently swim, which is a life skill I don’t have. They’re 6 and 8 yo now.
Many in our area sign their elementary aged kids up for summer swim team, which is one way to get enough practice to learn to swim well. I’m not sure we’ll be able to do summer swim given my work schedule, wait lists for good swim clubs, and crazy practice times.
What are my other options? Weekly lessons don’t seem to lead to real progress. We go to the pool a lot in the summer, but my kids don’t default to a freestyle stroke so they don’t improve. I don’t need Olympians, but I’d love to have my kids be strong swimmers.
Anon says
i feel like no one defaults to freestyle stroke when playing in the pool unless it is some kind of race across the pool game. otherwise i feel like people are treading water with some breast stroke in there. where i live in lieu of swim team there are some places with ‘swim intensives’ where you go every day for like 3 weeks, or some kind of day camp or swim camp that includes daily swimming.
Anon says
I live in a heavy swim team area, but I see lots of middle and high school aged kids switch to freestyle when playing in the pool. They may be racing after the ball or shooting to the side for a lightning whistle or catching up with a friend. You can tell who swims lots.
EDAnon says
Our pools do every day for two weeks (of similar) in the summer. It’s a commitment for those two weeks, but word is that kids make great progress.
We have not tried it but if my older isn’t swimming well by the end of this summer, we will.
Anonymous says
That’s how swim lessons work at our pool, but generally kids don’t seem to make real progress until they are tall enough to stand on the bottom of the pool. Before that they are very panicky and also too young to have the gross motor skills to really swim.
DLC says
When I was little, my mom made me swim laps in the pool before I could have free play time.
But swim intensives is a good idea too. You can also look into year round swim clinics- where I live, this is what kids do in the off season to keep their swimming skills up.
Anon says
I define “strong swimmer” as ability to swim long distances and stay in the water for a long time without getting tired. I don’t think a stroke needs to look clean or confident. I have never swum “correctly” (I swim breaststroke but don’t put my head under) but I have better endurance in the water than most people I know. I passed my college swim test with flying colors and I love swimming and associated watersports like snorkeling. I wouldn’t worry about this at all, personally.
Anonymous says
Our pool requires kids to pass the swim test before using the deep end. They have to tread water for a minute and swim three pool lengths without touching. My kids can do all that and I’m satisfied.
They do not swim it all freestyle.
Anonymous says
Where we live, the Y and the JCC summer day camps give daily swim lessons during the camp day. This is how my daughter became water-safe with zero effort on my part.
Spirograph says
I *am* a strong swimmer with very clean strokes and I think that’s important. I learned with weekly lessons at the YMCA + summer swim team for lots of extra practice. Moving quickly efficiently through the water is not as important as being able to keep your head up and get to the side of a pool, but it’s key for me feeling like my kids are beach-safe. If your kids haven’t taken swim lessons since the pandemic, I would give the weekly lessons another try. 6 and 8 year olds can make much quicker progress on things that require full body coordination than 3 and 5 year olds can!
I had the same concern about summer swim team when I looked at the schedule, but I’ve heard from a couple friends that many neighborhood pool clubs don’t actually expect full attendance. There are morning and afternoon practices so that everyone can get to at least some of them, not because all the kids need to swim twice a day to be on the team. It’s worth checking around local pools to see how strict they are (in my area the teams typically require a membership at that pool, but that’s fun for summer anyway). Also look for swim camps — our local YMCA has 2 week daycamps all summer which have swim lessons and then a lot of pool play time mixed in with all the other camp activities.
Anon says
I have checked and our pool’s swim team has practices from 10-11 AM on weekdays for the beginners. That completely knocks out any summer day camp or childcare other than a babysitter. It just isn’t a good fit for us. Other pools have a 10+ year waitlist or we’d have to move to be in their neighborhood boundary.
I’ll keep my eye out for any intensives. I haven’t seen anything like that around here. The winter swim clinics tend to be offered only to those on the winter swim teams.
We did group lessons this spring and will be doing 1:1 weekly lessons with a 19 yo swim team alum this summer to see if we can make some progress. I haven’t been seeing any progress in weekly lessons, which is probably some combo of not swimming enough and the group model.
Anonymous says
Can you do swim team at another pool without joining the pool club? Where we live, many neighborhood and club pools allow the children of non-members to participate in swim team for a higher fee.
Anonymous says
No. The teams fill up. If you’re good enough to be a ringer you might be able to be recruited, but most teams end up cutting some member kids.
Anonymous says
This is the wrong swim league for OP, then. Where we live the summer rec leagues (with teams at neighborhood and club pools) take everyone and don’t cut anyone. The whole point is skill-building and inclusive fun. Totally different from real year-round leagues at actual competitive swim clubs.
jz says
i grew up swimming laps everyday of the summer for an hour straight with my uncle (from 1st to 4th grade). i think that practice is what makes the difference.
Anonymous says
Is freestyle even a stroke? I thought it was a category in swim meets that meant you could swim whatever stroke you want. The only strokes I learned are crawl, breast and backstroke. I hated crawl and never used after I finished formal swim lessons around age 6 or 7. I spent lots of time in the water as a kid at pools and oceans and consider myself a strong swimmer. If your kids aren’t confident in the water that’s one thing, but I don’t think they have to be using a particular stroke to be confident swimmers.
Anon says
I am not a swimmer and admittedly don’t know what the strokes are officially called.
My kids bop around a pool pretty well swimming with random strokes, but I lack confidence that they’d be comfortable in water with a current. That’s where I struggle, but my husband is fine. I’d never take surfing lessons for fear I’d drown. He’d be game. He can swim a few pool lengths with rotary breathing and used to life guard, but was never on swim team.
It may be an arbitrary standard, but I do think swimming a strong crawl/freestyle stroke is important.
Anonymous says
Hmm. I’m the one who said I haven’t used crawl stroke since I discontinued lessons as a young kid, but I’ve taken surf lessons several times, swum in oceans with some seriously intense currents and jumped off sailboats into really deep water. Admittedly, I wasn’t the best on the surfboard but I don’t think that has anything to do with how I swim. My husband used to be a certified lifeguard and agrees with me that technique doesn’t really matter as long as you can get where you need to go.
Anonymous says
One local swim team has pre-competitive youth classes, which sounds like exactly what you are looking for. It focuses on technique. My 8 and 6 year old have been enrolled for about a year and have made a lot of progress. We were actually to sign the 8 year old directly for a swim team, but ended up with this. Kids who master the top level of the classes are invited to the swim team. My 8 year old just started the top level and is a strong confident swimmer. My 8 year old’s class is three evenings a week and a Saturday afternoon. The 6 year old is also pretty confident but still working on form. He can easily swim across a 25 yard pool. The 6 year old’s class is two afternoons/evenings a week. They both made a lot more progress than they did during weekly swim lessons.