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Here’s the look-at-me necklace I’ve been seeking.
I don’t often think of M.M. LaFleur for jewelry, but maybe I should. This 20-inch necklace made from acrylic resin features a bold interlocking chain.
I can see it working with a variety of necklines: crewneck, V-neck, scoop neck, or even a turtleneck. It’s what I need right now to punch up my button-downs and sheath dresses.
The Lygia Necklace is $125 and comes in the pictured “jasper” (a dark red, and my pick) or ivory/beige.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
What are everyone’s norms around sharing photos of your kids with family members? Both from a logistical standpoint (e.g., if and how shared albums are used) and principle standpoint I’d love to hear what others do!
We are trying to keep our kids off social media until they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to share, and that’s been respected, but feel like we still get a lot of requests for photos from family members all the time. I know that the pics we text them get passed on more broadly, still off social media, but with grandparents’ friends or further out family members we don’t even know personally ourselves, which makes me a tad uncomfortable. But when I step back I guess that’s not that different than a snapshot being shared in the analog era. Anyhow, would love some perspective!
Anonymous says
Anyone who wants to see pics of my kid can have them. I’m glad for more people to love them. If someone didn’t respect my boundaries about social media I’d cut them off but I do not mind at all forwarding photos to people I think it is nice.
AwayEmily says
We have a private Instagram account for kid photos (private = only people I give permission to can follow it, which is mostly family plus some friends, and it’s impossible to “reshare” photos from the account). Every once in awhile my mom or MIL will ask me to text them a copy of one of the ones I post. But I do not have a super principled stand about kids on social media so I don’t really care if (for example) my mom posts one of those photos on her FB page.
Clementine says
Very similar. On FB I will post pictures which are less identifying – like the silhouette of kids watching the garbage truck.
My stepmother is notorious for posting grainy pictures of my kids on FB, but… I muted her and now I don’t care. I also use FB 90% for the national weather service and 10% who from my hometown got divorced.
Cb says
My mom and MILs occasionally post pictures we’ve sent them on social media which I kind of side-eye as I’ve gradually quit social media and my MI friends all and sundry. But I figure it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things / not worth the discussion. I just don’t forward anything I wouldn’t feel comfortable being shared (ie. a picture of my kid in his underpants, in the bath, etc).
It helps that I don’t have to see it happening as I’m not on social media. Otherwise I’d think “nice bragging about the grandchild you are too busy to see”.
Bean74 says
We’ve also kept our kiddo largely off of social media until he can decide for himself. There are a few pics of him but are either profile, from the back, or in a group pic from an event or trip. All of our family members ask us if they can post if he is in a pic. I give me brother and sister-in-law all the credit for making it easy on my side. They fostered some kiddos and they couldn’t post anything on social media so it had become the default in our family to not post by the time I had my son.
That said, I text older family members. It hasn’t been an issue of them passing it on to other people. They might show other people but it’s more like, “Oh, let me show you this cute picture of my grandson” and then they pull out their phone to show the other person.
Walnut says
We share quite a few photos via family group texts/messenger chats and maybe a half dozen or fewer a year on our social media profiles.
anon says
As long as they aren’t posting on social media, I wouldn’t get too bothered about this.
I would personally love to do shared albums and such, but my parents are not tech-savvy at all and don’t text, so email it is.
An.On. says
We use the Tinybeans app, which used to be totally free, but now might have an annual subscription (I think? They rolled it out a little weirdly and it’s linked to Husband anyway, so I’m not sure), for whoever the account is registered to. You can give access to anyone else you want, and we allow others to post too, so if baby is at the grandparents’ house, they can add pics and video. It’s worked pretty well for us, makes it easy to keep photos off facebook. It does require family members to have email addresses and internet to get access, and not all of the older family members have those things, so sometimes we’ll have to text pictures separately, or show them on someone else’s phone.
Anon says
+1 for TinyBeans. We’ve been using it pretty consistently for 4 years now. We pay for the annual subscription because it makes it easy for elderly family members to view and comment on photos of the kids without having them all over social media.
NY says
I text photos and videos to my parents daily, and my husband sends photos and videos to his family slightly less frequently. Neither my parents nor my in-laws post on social media, so that is not an issue.
Redux says
Daily! Is your child a newborn? I cant imagine even taking a picture of my kids daily, but they are 5 and 8. I text my out-of-state parents a picture of my kids maybe once a month.
Anon says
When my daughter was a baby we put near-daily photos on TinyBeans for the grandparents, aunts, uncles and some of my very close friends. When lockdown started that kind of went by the wayside, both because I didn’t have the bandwidth for it and because she was almost 2 and had aged out of the stage where she was changing every day.
Now I occasionally send my parents photos, especially when we’re traveling or doing fun stuff locally, but mostly they get photos of my family in the annual hard copy photobook I make, which includes iPhone photos, the higher quality DSLR pics I take, and the professional pictures we have done every fall. I’d be happy to send my in-laws a copy of this book, but they would pee and moan about how my (semi-local) parents are featured in way more photos, so we don’t send it to them, and as a result they rarely see photos of my kid.
No one on either side of the family is a big social media user, so that hasn’t been an issue. My in-laws don’t have Facebook and my parents have respected our request not to share photos of my kid on Facebook. I don’t care about photos getting passed around among their friend groups, I just don’t want photos on public social media except for a very occasional picture.
Anonymous says
We text photos to the family thread. Occasionally someone will post a photo they’ve taken with my kid in it to social media, but no one in the family posts photos taken by others. I don’t worry too much about the occasional photo on social media because my kid doesn’t have her own accounts and therefore can’t be tagged.
I do not post any photos with human faces in them on social media. I am trying to trick the facial recognition algorithms into thinking that my dog is me.
Anonymous says
lol, please report back if you successfully trick the AI.
Anon says
All the Grandparents have a Skylight frame that we e-mail photos to. They can’t figure out how to share them, so the only others who actually see the photos are those physically present in their house. The frames are a bit pricy but they have been a hit and a half.
anon says
+1 to Skylight. I also text/email my mom pictures, which she will forward to her church lady friends so they can coo over them. I find that adorable and am happy to coo over their grandbabies when my mom forwards their pictures to me. We also text photos to my in-laws.
My parents don’t have social media and my in-laws only have it in order to read other people’s posts (I’m not sure they know how to post). My husband and I have gradually dumped all of our socials so we don’t post anything there.
Anon. says
We use an app called BackThen that sounds similar to Tiny Beans referenced above. Family members have to be invited and then can view online or on the app. They can also add pictures or download. It’s my way to make sure our families who all live far away get a steady stream of pictures without having to post it all on social media. Or keep track of when the last time I sent a doting aunt a picture etc. I’m not super principled about social media usage, but I don’t want to post daily. I pay a small monthly fee because 4 years in I was hitting the upper end of their free storage.
Anon says
i post on tinybeans daily bc our family is far away. ive posted a few on social media myself, probably 5 times in 4 years. one grandmother in particular has posted pics on facebook of my kids without asking and the only time it really bothered me was when they were less than one week old and we still hadn’t shared with everyone
Anon says
We use a private Shutterfly site. We also very clearly let everyone know that social media photos may not be posted of kid when kid was still in the womb.
Anon says
We have a shared Google album. A friend has a family WhatsApp group where they share pics and videos.
octagon says
Iphoto shared album, private link. Family members with iphones can see them on their phones (and comment if they want). They can’t download. Family members without iphones get emailed a link they can bookmark and check regularly.
anon says
also an iOS shared album set to only allow selected family/friends. everyone we want to have access has an iOS device, so it works out.
our nearest and dearest know our kids don’t exist on social media and have no problem not posting about them. we don’t have any heavy social media users among our nearest and dearest, which probably makes it easier. one grandparent would print photos to send to their friends/family, but that was pretty limited and we didn’t mind.
Anonymous says
+1 for Tinybeans! Yes you pay, but it’s worth it to me. I signed up thinking it would be for extended family, but it turns out I love it and look at the photos of my kids there all the time! It’s much easier to navigate than dealing with the iPhoto deluge.
Curious says
We occasionally post fully-clothed photos to social media (I think three times in the last 7 months?). We have a Google Photos album our nanny shares with us and the grandparents, and we text photos from there to the family text threads, often using a share link so we can turn off sharing at a later date. We don’t text photos of baby naked except an occasional diaper-no-shirt and then we turn that link off. Sounds complex but it’s really not much in execution.
Anon says
I am pretty sure I’m being ridiculous and need a reset.
So. My youngest is a tall 2 year old. She’s been rear facing in her car seat and is fine with it… however, my husband has basically been driving with his knees at the dashboard. Combination of ‘he has long legs, she’s tall so she’s in a Diono, and it’s not a huge vehicle’.
Solution would be to put kid on the passenger side, but older kid has to be on there for school drop off. Husband gently suggested that we turn her forward facing. I may have acted like that was an absurd suggestion, but… I actually think he might be the sane one here.
anon says
I don’t think it’s an absurd suggestion, though I understand the hesitation. Short of buying a new, roomier car (which is a very expensive solution), this seems to make practical sense. It’s not good for your DH to be in that driving position, either.
Anon says
So, we do have a roomier vehicle and she’s still going to be RF there. My husband bought an electric vehicle and we find ourselves using that as the ‘default’ car more and more.
Good point that I should probably make sure my husband is safe too.
Anonymous says
I would designate the roomier vehicle as the school dropoff car, then switch the seats in the electric car so she can remain RF in both cars. If you don’t do school dropoff in the EV you can put her on the passenger side. It’s only for like, what, another year?
Anonymous says
Does older kid really have to be there?!
Anon says
Literally what I said, but yes. We got a talking to when we tried to put him on the drivers side by the school and it doesn’t work to have him climb under younger kid.
Anonymous says
Right but like talk back? “Sorry that doesn’t work for us. His sister only fits on the passenger side.”
Spirograph says
Sounds like you’ve never been in the drop-off line behind people who decided that the kids-on-curb-side rule doesn’t apply to them… At our school, the teacher needs to go around the car, help the kid get out, and then hand-hold back to the curb vs just letting the kid hop out onto the sidewalk. It adds a not-insignificant amount of time and would be a disaster if everyone did it.
Also, I think this is more unsafe than a forward-facing 2 year old. People regularly get impatient and decide to leave from the back of the line rather than waiting for the whole line to move forward, not expecting anyone to be getting out on that side. A 2 year old in a forward-facing car seat will fare better in a collision than a kid hit by a car while standing in the driveway.
Anonymous says
Parent hops out and does it. The things people just put up with
anon says
Yeah, that’s not gonna work in a school dropoff line. Plus, I would not want my older kid running out the driver’s side. People are NOT careful, and cars are pulling out quickly. The risk to the older kid would be far greater than the risk of having a younger kid forward-facing.
Anon says
Yeah I agree with Spirograph. Having the kid get out on the driver’s side is both extremely rude to other people in the carpool line and dangerous, more dangerous than a FFing large 2 year old IMO.
Anonymous says
I got yelled at for getting out of the car to help kiddo with a giant poster in the dropoff line. When parents get out it really slows things down. OP is right to be looking for a way for kid to get out on the passenger side.
Anon says
Yeah, this wouldn’t work at my kids’ school. The admin is willing to let us hold up the line to buckle them both in (still in 5-point harnesses because they’re not big enough for boosters) because that is a safety issue, but there’s no way I’d want one hopping out on the non-curb side of the car. We make both kids climb through the backseat to get in/out of the same door, but that wouldn’t work with a RF seat in the way.
Anonymous says
Have you ever tried talking back to the dropoff line ladies? Do not recommend.
anon says
I don’t understand drop off lines because my kids’ schools don’t have them, but I don’t understand how a school can require you to place carseats in a way that’s not safe for your family (scrunched driver or FF a child before it’s optimal both aren’t that safe). I would push back.
Do you have to use the drop off line? Can your spouse park a block away and walk the child to school? Walk/bike the child to school?
DLC says
FWIW, my nine year old gets out on the driver side in the drop off lane at school vs. climbing over her other two siblings, one rear facing. We have gotten yelled at it once, but then the monitor realized that was just how the situation was and I think the school has worked to make it a safe option. Sometimes if the line is slow, i will let kiddo climb into the front passenger seat when we are at a stop so she can exit that side. Fitting three kids across is enough of a jigsaw puzzle.
Anonymous says
Ymmv, but I would sooner turn my 2 year old around than add 10 min to my morning avoiding the dropoff line by parking and walking from a block away.
Anonymous says
Anon at 1:20, the school is not requiring unsafe car seat placement. The school is requiring kids to disembark on the passenger side and parents to remain in the car, which is reasonable and necessary to make the line move safely and efficiently. Parents are responsible for figuring out how to arrange car seats to comply with the requirements. A parent who insists on getting out of the car and walking their kid around the car is going to substantially impede the drop-off process and make other parents mad, especially the ones who went to the effort to figure out how to get their kids out the correct door.
All OP really needs to do is to use the big car for dropoff until her younger child is old enough to FF, or teach the younger one not to kick the sibling in the face.
Anonymous says
+1 million to 1:33.
Anon says
Can older kid climb out the front passenger door? Have you tried explaining the situation to the school, so they know you’re not just being a special snowflake for no reason (though I assume their concerns are safety, so they may not budge)? Or, as someone else said, can you move your youngest to the middle? Its up to you how important it is to keep her rear-facing (obviously, its safer, but that’s not always the only concern), but it might not be realistic to keep her RF in the other car once you turn her FF in one. You know your kid, but if mine tried FF and preferred it (we haven’t gone there yet), he would go ballistic if I tried to keep him RF in the other car.
Anon says
I have an extremely strong-willed kid and I’ve been surprised at how adaptable she is to different carseat situations in different cars. She was FF on planes for years while still RFing in cars, and now she’s in a booster seat in rental cars when we travel but still in a carseat at home and it’s been surprisingly totally fine. But it definitely could be an issue for some kids.
anon says
Agreed with Anon. My kids will flip out if we put their spoon on the “wrong” side of their cereal bowl, but FF on planes while RF in cars was never an issue, nor was when we got a second car and put FF seats in there while keeping RF in the other ones.
Spirograph says
Yeah, I would turn her forward facing in this situation. It sounds like your husband is driving in an unsafe position. In a perfect world, everyone would have plenty of space in their car to sit comfortably with kids rear-facing until 4, and kids would cooperate, but… play the hand you’re dealt. It’s not *un*safe to have a 2 year old forward facing in a 5 point harness, it’s just not maximum safe.
NYCer says
+1. I would absolutely turn her around in this scenario.
ElisaR says
i don’t think you’re being absurd. Sometimes when somebody first suggests something you might have that reaction but after thinking about it further you can change your mind! I was able to keep my kids rear facing for a long time just because it worked for us. But if you have a tall 2 year old, I would check the car seat lady and see if height/weight and such would allow for forward facing now.
Anon says
As somebody else commented, it would be ‘allowable’ but not ‘maximum safe’.
Yeah, I’ve always kept kids rear facing for a long time, but this particular set of circumstances… I think maybe for a little while this makes sense?
Anon says
Can the 2 year old be in the center or does that still affect your husband’s seat? I would personally be comfortable turning a tall 2 year old, but I think I’m less cautious about carseat safety than some. We kept our DD rear-facing until just after her third birthday when she hit the rear-facing weight limit, but only lasted that long because it was no big deal for any of us. If we’d had an issue like this (or a kid who got motion sick rear-facing, etc.) we would have flipped sooner.
Anon says
So. We tried this and… it makes the seat issue a little better but she (tall child) can reach her little foot to older kid’s face and…
I think my husband is right. Keep her RF in one vehicle, try out FF in this vehicle, switch her back when the school year ends.
Walnut says
I have three Dionos in a compact car and this was exactly the reason why we decided to flip my youngest to forward facing. Sibling had JUST fallen asleep (thank f’ing god) when the kid in the middle seat realized his foot was the PERFECT length for a face kick.
Anon says
Dionos are not great for tall kids, and they take up lots of room front to back. I’d switch her to a different seat, possibly a Graco extend2fit (it’s fairly slim front-to-back).
I would not turn my 2-year-old forward until that was the absolute only option.
Jolene says
Is it possible to use a different car seat and just have your daughter bend her legs? Not sure if that is unsafe, but if someone should be sitting with their knees around their ears, it seems like it should be your daughter, not the driver of the car.
I would also revisit the middle-seat option. I get that the kids can hassle each other more easily there, but discipline them and train them not to? I’d prefer that option over compromising safety.
Anon says
+1 a 2 year old is old enough to be taught not to kick her sibling.
Anonymous says
If they had even had RF car seats back in the 1980s, this would have been settled by letting the sibling smack her when she kicked them.
anon says
LOL, true. It was a simpler time.
Anon says
We turned my super tall and big vomit rocket forward facing at 18 months with the pediatrician’s blessing. I would have no problem switching to FF at or after 2 as long as minimum height and weight restrictions are met. My 68 pound 46 inch 4YO is currently in a high back seat belt booster because she has maxed out the weight limits on every harness seat out there.
Spirograph says
One quick thought: Do you have the angle adjuster for your diono? It’s not a total game changer, but it would buy your husband a couple more inches, if you really want to keep your daughter RF…
Anon says
I do! Good thoughts.
Thanks guys for the discussion. It may have been a rough morning and when husband brought up turning her I… uh… may have responded in a manner more suitable to him suggesting we tie her to the roof rack… I have acknowledged I overreacted.
It comforts me that I’ve already tried most of these solutions. My takeaway would be that it’s a slight increase in safety vs. practicality/day to day ease.
Also, it wasn’t kicking older sibling in the face as much as it was taking shoes off and holding her feet next to her brother’s face, then having brother either tickle her and play or scream about how smelly they are… if anyone wants to come train my children not to do that while I drive… PLEASE DO.
Walnut says
I’ll be honest, I will flip a car seat if it means I’m not in a sub-optimal driving position or referring a stupid fight in the backseat. I’m far more likely to get into an accident when I’m distracted and if I’m sitting in a position that slows my reaction time, then that seems like a more pressing safety concern.
anon says
What swing set features get the most use at your house? We’re finally biting the bullet and getting a backyard swing set and I’m not sure if my girls (currently 4.5 and 1) will make use of playhouse feature, climbing wall, etc. Definitely getting swings but that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Is this kid dependent, or are they generally popular features?
anon says
The swings. And as the kids got bigger, we replaced one with one of those netted saucer-swing things, which has been very fun for them. The climbing wall was a novelty at first, but I can’t say it’s been used as much as the actually swings. The slide is fine, but IMO, they outgrow them fairly quickly. My DD has used the playhouse as her fort quite a bit, but I think this is really kid-dependent.
Anon says
the swings. and i think your 1 year old will use the slide. i think we’d have been fine with a saucer swing hung in a tree
Anon. says
We get a ton of use out of the playhouse with sandbox underneath (filled with pea gravel) and slide. Swings get a lot of use too but still require a parent where the other elements can be self-directed. Climbing wall gets used infrequently – typically they just use the ladder. Kids are 2 and 4.5 with neighbors aged 1 to 7 who all play together in various backyards. The outdoor plastic kitchen our neighbors have is also a huge hit.
Anonymous says
If the clubhouse is big enough and elevated (not at ground level), older kids will often use it even into their teens.
Anonymous says
Also true, I remember taking the cordless house phone out to the swingset when I was a teenager! it was just barely in range…
Spirograph says
My kids are older and we don’t have a backyard swingset, so that might skew observations. Swings are still #1 for two of my kids, and they love the neighbors’ tree swings. Slides are #2 if they’re big enough, but a small backyard slide tops out around 5-6. If you slide on wax paper on a plastic slide you go SUPER fast – that might extend use for a couple more years. The playhouse at our neighborhood park gets plenty of use by my daughter, my sons could take it or leave it (except to climb on the roof), so I vote kid-dependent on that one. My kids love climbing walls, but the problem is that if it’s tall & vertical enough to be fun for a bigger kid, it’s too tall for a young kid to use without an adult spotter. Maybe start without it and add it on in a few years?
Anon says
Swings, playhouse feature (really a tented open platform, but I added some solar lights to make it cozier in the afternoon and evenings in the winter), rope ladder and slide. We also have monkey bars that she is too young for (4.5), but I expect those will be of interest. The tire swing and rock wall get the least amount of use.
Anon says
swings, slide, playhouse. they do not care about the climbing wall and i wish we hadn’t done that on it.
EDAnon says
My kids use the climbing wall occasionally. But yes, playhouse and slide are tops followed by swings at our house. We have a trapeze bar that gets limited use.
anon says
What would you do? DD (7) signed up for spring soccer, under the premise that she would be playing with one of her BFFs. Long story short, her school/grade had too many girls for one team, and she and BFF ended up on different teams. She was crying at the end of the first practice because she was so disappointed. (She is pretty quick to tears these days, FWIW.) She knows other girls on her assigned team, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal. This is context for a season that didn’t start out under ideal circumstances.
We’re now three games into an eight-game season, and it’s not going well. She half-heartedly participates at practice. She is the kid doing cartwheels and picking dandelions while the others are working their tails off. Yesterday, she got upset about something involving a girl “stealing” her ball (girlfriend, that is soccer), and I ended up having to pull her off the field until she could calm down. I was empathetic to a point, but after about 10 minutes of this, I told her that she needed to participate with her teammates. To her credit, she did get back out there. The coach is actually pretty good with this gaggle of first-grade girls but keeps making these backhanded comments about my daughter “enjoying herself in her own way.” While waiting for other kids to arrive, the two of us were kicking a ball back and forth, and he made a semi-snarky comment about being glad that she was participating in a drill. While I get his point, it also made me want to roll my eyes. She’s 7 and this is a YMCA league; the stakes could not be lower. He is the only coach, it really isn’t feasible to give her more one-on-one attention, and to be fair, he has given DD compliments when she IS doing her job. He’s actually one of the better coaches I’ve seen for a little-kid league and is actually teaching them things, so I don’t want to be too hard on him.
There are still five games and weekly practices left in this season, and Kiddo is clearly not having a good time and may even be a distraction. We have told her that it’s not appropriate to be playing around while everyone else is playing the game, but it’s not really sinking in (probably because she doesn’t care about it enough). Would you make her finish out the season, hoping that she’ll find some enjoyment in it? Quit, and stop wasting everyone’s time and effort? That’s not a lesson I want to instill, but I also hate sinking time and effort into something that isn’t working.
Anon says
I think she’s not enjoying it and I would let her quit if that’s what she wants. Our family philosophy is activities are supposed to be fun and if it’s not fun we stop. However, if you quit an activity, then you don’t get signed up for that activity again (at least not for a long time) because I don’t like wasting money.
Anonymous says
I don’t agree with letting them quit immediately if it isn’t fun. A lot of times kids create an image in their heads of what an activity will be like, then when reality is different from their imaginings they don’t like it at first. Once they get used to reality they often change their minds and decide it’s fun. If not, you can let them be done at the end of the session or season.
Anon says
I agree with you about not quitting after the first class but OP’s kid is almost halfway through the season, that’s plenty of time to know what it’s really like. That said, I agree with others about talking to the kid. I was assuming she wants to quit. If she’s happy going but just isn’t participating that well, then I’d be inclined to have her keep going.
Anonymous says
I’d have her finish out the season and then wouldn’t mention signing her up again unless she brought it up herself.
NYCer says
I agree with this. It honestly doesn’t sound like she hates it based on your description. Does she protest going? Or just doesn’t give maximum (any) effort when she is there?
FWIW, like a later poster mentioned, I also would have requested to switch your daughter to her BFF’s team as soon as they were separated, but that ship has likely sailed.
EDAnon says
I agree. My parents always made me finish the season and that is a good rule that I will use for my kids (short of bullying or something – but that doesn’t sound like the case here). It helped me understand my obligation to others when I made a commitment and how important it is to be reliable when you’re working on a team.
Anonymous says
My vote is to also have her finish the season. I have first grade twin girls also on a soccer team, one is into it and the other is like your daughter. But we are sticking with it until the end of the season. One girl already quit the team, so now the remaining girls have to work harder at the games because they don’t have enough players to switch out and give all the kids a break. Recently, we had a game where only 4 kids came and my kids had to play the entire time with no breaks, against a fully staffed team with 8 players. they worked their tails off and got creamed by the other well-rested team.
That’s part of the lesson – you made a commitment to the team. When you let your kid quit mid-season, it makes it harder for all the other girls and not as much fun for them either. absent a good reason (bullying, injury), stick it out.
Anonymous says
I’d have asked to get her moved to the other team as soon as you found out.
Anon says
Steamroller parenting for sure. Our job as parents is not to smooth away every discomfort, it’s to help children cope with the situations they encounter. Asks like this cause headaches for other people (volunteers, low-paid staff, etc). Tbh, being on a team with a friend might have led to (even more) fooling around!
I’d let her quit – it’s not a good fit for her at this age and stage, you tried something and it didn’t work, chalk it up to a learning experience. Think more about the reasoning for trying the next activity – and then have her stick that one through if you are worried about a pattern of quitting.
Anonymous says
Lol it’s a rec soccer program it is not hard to just swap a kid.
anon says
OP here, and thanks for saying that. We don’t make those types of requests unless there’s a very good reason, and not being on the same team as a friend doesn’t rise to that level. I never even considered that as an option. Who knows, this could’ve gone the same way even if they’d been on the team together.
Anonymous says
Exactly. Also, I find that my kid participates more in activities where she doesn’t have a friend to goof off with.
anon says
We didn’t find out until the first practice.
Jolene says
What does your kid want to do? You say she’s not participating at practice, but does she say she doesn’t want to go? I’d definitely be fine with quitting in this case – I don’t think forcing a 7 year old to “honor their commitment” makes sense. But if she’s fine going, might as well keep at it.
AwayEmily says
Maybe sit down and chat with her about it first? Ask her how she’s feeling about soccer, what she likes and dislikes about it and why, and then try to problem-solve to see if you can figure out a way to make it a better experience for her. It seems like the right path forward will depend partly on WHY she doesn’t like it — is she bored, does she feel like she’s not as good as the other kids, does she dislike the coach, is she confused by the rules, is she sad about her friend not being there, etc.
anon says
This is a helpful framework, so thank you. Our conversation yesterday ended in, “I like to kick things but not run.” LOL. That’s honest, at least.
Spirograph says
I also like to kick things but not run, so makes sense to me!
I agree with AwayEmily. OP, it sucks that your daughter was disappointed when she was looking forward to an activity with her BFF, but she can probably still salvage something from this experience and it would be good to help her find that. I wouldn’t let her quit, because this is a lesson in a.) you committed and it’s only a few more weeks, and also b.) sometimes things don’t work out the way you wanted, making the best of a sub-optimal situation is a life skill.
Also, RIE is going right over my head, what is that?
Anonymous says
I think this is a bit much. It’s an eight-week YMCA soccer program. If she’s not having fun, this can be an opportunity to learn to suck it up and participate. It’s not like she’s in 20 hours a week of developmental program gymnastics or something like that where she is sacrificing her entire childhood and it had darn well better be the best experience ever with the most supportive coach or it’s not worthwhile.
Anon says
But if she’s not having fun, why make her go? Just because it’s not consuming her life and ruining her childhood (low bar!) doesn’t mean she should be forced to do it. Most kids these days have plenty of opportunities to understand you can’t quit boring-but-necessary things (school, medical appointments/therapies, religious services, etc). I don’t see any value in forcing a 7 year old to do an extracurricular that isn’t fun. She’s not at the stage where her dropping out is going to negatively impact other kids.
AwayEmily says
I don’t think it’s a “bit much” to try and problem-solve with a kid. Yes, it’s low-stakes but that seems like an ideal time to practice with her. It’s a pretty important life skill.
Anonymous says
It just seems like a whole lot of extra drama to me, out of proportion to OP’s concerns. Very RIE.
Anon says
Lol a lot of “extra drama” that takes what, 5-10 minutes? You definitely meant it as an insult, but RIE is an excellent path to raising connected, competent, happy kids…so you’re right, taking time to understand a child’s POV and treat them like a person with valid opinions IS very RIE
Anonymous says
I’m not an RIE fan bit I don’t think talking to a kid about why they don’t like an activity takes that much effort. The kid is 7, it’s not like she’s “talking” to a toddler who can’t communicate.
EDAnon says
Low stakes is definitely the best time to build skills. When it’s high stakes, you want to have the skills already.
Jolene says
What is RIE?
Anon says
I think it stands for Resources for Infant Educators? It’s Magda Gerber’s parenting philosophy, which Janet Lansbury has popularized in the modern era.
I think some parts of it have value (we were alllll about benign neglect with babies/little toddlers and I think narrating everything you’re doing is good for language development, even though I def didn’t do it close to perfectly) but it goes too far in centering the child’s feelings IMO and there are people who are very culty about it, like you’re a terrible parent if you use time-outs (which are a big RIE no-no). But that is true of many parenting philosophies.
Anonymous says
I’d require her to fulfill the commitment and not sign her up again.
AwayEmily says
Passing on a random tip that a friend suggested and has been a game-changer: during the first few months after the baby is born when you’re feeding them in bed and milk is getting everywhere, keep a towel in bed with you. I used a cheap Target beach towel and it was SO much easier to find in the middle of the night than a burp cloth, plus it soaked up all the leaking milk from whatever side I wasn’t nursing on much more effectively. I did not have this tip for my first two kids and wish I did, so maybe it will help someone else.
Anonymous says
I slept on a beach towel for weeks until the night sweats stopped.
anonM says
Great idae. Can we do a random tips thread again?
I’ll add. I keep a stash of plain white tissue paper in the glove box. It’s saved me on a lot of last-minute gifts. Reuse a gift bag, stop on the way for a bottle of wine or whatever, and throw in some tissue without paying $5 at a gas station for it.
Anon says
Maybe I have horrible etiqu*tte but my gift bags basically never have tissue paper in them. I might make an effort for a baby who would actually love playing with the tissue. But most kids just care about the gift, not how it’s presented.
Anonymous says
I keep packaging tape and a Sharpie in the glove box for shipping returns. If I’m in a hurry I can just chuck the box in the car and then package it up when I get to UPS.
AwayEmily says
Sort of similar — I keep a knife on my dresser to use for opening packages upstairs (e.g. boxes of diapers, clothes, etc).
Anoon says
And also for murder.
anonamama says
Another random tip: bulk pb&j. lay out bread on a cookie sheet and spread the pb on part of the arrangement, the other with jelly. match them up and cut as needed, wrap and put them in a bag for fridge or freezer. this was a huge help for the covid daycare closures and will probably do this for other sandwiches during our family beach trip.
EDAnon says
Do you put them in the freezer in a ziplock? How long do they last? My kid loves the store bought ones but I think they’re gross.
anonamama says
If you take them out in the morning, they’re good for lunch. I usually do the fridge and get a good week out of them there.
Anonymous says
My random tip is Oxo scoops. The ice cream scoop is just the right size for portioning muffin batter and scones and for measuring icing to go between cake layers. The larger of the two cookie scoop sizes is perfect for meatballs and mini muffins. The smaller cookie scoop makes perfect cookie dough balls to freeze.
Anon says
Following up on the sports discussion above, my 6 YO son isn’t super into sports, but a lot of his friends are, and I think he’s feeling left out. He’s worried about not being good enough though, and based on that, he is not really willing to try sports. Ideas on how I can encourage him to just give it a shot/have fun? I don’t care about him being super into sports or being some great athlete but I don’t want his self consciousness to hold him back.
Anon says
Maybe an individual activity? Like Tae Kwon Do or something like that? Where there’s no comparison and the dojo has incentive for people to rank up?
Anon says
Martial arts was my first thought as well.
Anonymous says
Yes to individual sports. Martial arts, dance (but not at a competition studio, ugh), gymnastics (boys’ gymnastics is way less crazy than girls’), ninja classes, figure skating, swimming, cross-country. If physical activity is not a goal, he might also enjoy art classes, piano lessons, lego robotics, chess, or drama classes.
Anon says
As a former figure skater and current martial arts mom, figure skating (and gymnastics too I think although I don’t have personal experience) is way more peer competitive than martial arts. It’s not a team sport for the most part (although there actually are team events now), but kids are directly compared against each other by coaches, kids are in peer cohorts and it’s a big deal when you don’t “graduate” from a level with the rest of your cohort, and kids compete directly against each other for featured spots in ice shows, which causes major drama among parents and kids even at low levels. Martial arts seems way more like you’re competing against yourself.
Anonymous says
Gymnastics is like this too, but boys’ gymnastics is incredibly laid-back and supportive compared with girls’ gymnastics.
Pogo says
So far my 4yo has done great at taekwondo. He complains about it, but whenever he’s there he has the best time. The belt ceremony was by far the cutest thing I have seen in years. Have you seen a preschooler try to do a push-up? It doesn’t seem competitive yet, because the emphasis is on effort and persistence, as well as respect and the traditions of taekwondo.
Curious says
I felt the same as an adult doing karate. Because the first “battle” is with yourself (discipline), it’s inherently non competitive.
FP says
I have a similar kid at the same age. This summer he’s going to tennis camp at a local private school for a few weeks in the mornings – I’d love for him to learn something separate but still active. My husband and I are not into sports and I do feel a little guilty – Superbowl Sunday he came home and asked about the “Bungles” playing and I realized that the rest of the kids in the class probably have parents who actively have sports on tv and we definitely do not. I think separating him from his school friends to have a new group all learning at the same age will be helpful, but we haven’t actually tried this yet so ymmv.
Jolene says
Have you talked to him about how there’s no such thing as being “good enough,” esp at his age, that everyone is just there to learn and have fun? Where is he even getting the idea that you have to be “good enough” at sports to participate, and can you eliminate/counter that influence?
Anonymous says
Oh, you absolutely have to be good enough to fit in on a ball sports team after about age 5. As a little kid I was intimidated by team sports because I wasn’t good at anything involving balls, no one would pass to me, and I always got criticized by the other kids. I loved individual sports not just because I was much better at them, but also because my ability to participate fully wasn’t dependent upon anyone else’s cooperation and I didn’t have to worry about letting teammates down.
Anon says
My just-turned-6-year-old got called up to the next level of little league for a couple games while other players were away, and the pitching was via a pitching machine rather than coach pitch, as it was in his division. At his first at-bat he struck out. My husband overheard his teammates on the bench talking about how he “isn’t any good”.
I agree with your message and am all for boosting kids’ confidence, but the competition at even the youngest ages is a little heartbreaking.
Anonymous says
This. Kids know earlier than you think who is good at what, and it’s a rare 5-6 year old who is confident enough to let that roll off.
Anon says
So true that it starts so early. My 4 year old is getting comments like that in her ninja warrior class. To make matters worse she’s the only girl, so there’s an element of “girls can’t do this” that I absolutely hate.
anon says
I wish this were true, but it’s not. Kids do notice and compare. I remember it from my childhood, and I can tell you with certainty that it’s still happening now. My kids are not natural athletes, but not terrible, either, and neither kid has stuck with sports for long because they know they can’t keep up and will be made fun of.
Anonymous says
I also vote martial arts, if only for self confidence. My previously unsure (but outgoing) four year old LOVES jiu jutsu. Is he any good? Not really. Does every other kid take him down? Pretty much. But he’s learning discipline, self-confidence and getting a bit of exercise with all his little buddies. I’ve been so pleased.
Anonymous says
For 2, maybe San Diego? We’ve never been, but my sister’s family goes with their 14 year old boy quite a bit (short drive for them from AZ). We researched it once and were impressed with all the options, but the timing didn’t end up working out.
DLC says
Does he (or you) want the social aspect or the physical aspect of playing sports?
Can you invite his friends over or to a park to kick a ball around or shoot hoops? Maybe playing in a less formal/pressurized atmosphere will help him just be involved for fun? Or set up soccer nets or buy some balls to play with him yourself?
My five year old didn’t like playing rec soccer, but loves going over to the neighbor’s yard and kicking the ball around with them.
Anon says
Crowdsourcing vacation ideas:
1. Warm, beachy vacation that is easy to get to from Chicago and the Bay Area for a getaway with some friends from law school. Priority is good food. All-inclusive is fine but not a must have. Aiming for October.
2. Trip in June with three pre-teen/teens (9-13). They like swimming, walking around, amusements parks and animals. Maybe one or two museums but not more. Continental U.S. Not Chicago, Bay Area or Oregon coast. I had been thinking about NYC/Boston, but I’m afraid it might be too many museums.
Thanks!
Anon says
1. Cancun is a good location for a beach vacation in October and you can go non stop from both SFO and ORD. I haven’t been to any family-friendly all inclusives with good food but have heard good things about Grand Velas.
2. I think NYC would be great with kids that age. There are museums but also theater, great walks, and amusement parks (Coney Island). It’s not a city, but I’d also consider the Maine coast, which has great hiking and swimming and some opportunity to see animals (whales, and smaller stuff like crabs and starfish).
Anonymous says
We did NYC in summer with an 11-year-old and it was amazing. We walked the High Line and the Brooklyn Bridge, visited all the interesting buildings, saw a show on Broadway, ate all the things, walked around Central Park, and only went to one museum.
ElisaR says
June might not be beach weather warm in Boston or even NY/NJ. Ocean is still very cold. I would go further south, maybe Williamsburg/Busch gardens? Virgina Beach? not sure how easy it is to fly in to there.
Anonymous says
For Williamsburg and VA Beach you can fly in to Richmond (~45-minute drive from Williamsburg, more flights than other airports), Norfolk, or Newport News. You will need to rent a car no matter where you fly in. VA Beach is mostly gross and spring-breaky, but Sandbridge is quieter with rental homes. The Outer Banks of NC are a more popular beach destination for VA families, but I find the OBX super boring. At both VA Beach and the OBX the water is cold and murky and uninviting. If you’re flying, I’d go farther south for much better beaches.
Anon says
How much farther south? We’ve done Florida panhandle, which had great beaches but hard to get to (we are coming from the West Coast). Are there beaches in Texas? (My knowledge of the American geography is really terrible, I find.).
Are the Ozarks nice?
Spirograph says
There are definitely beaches in TX! The whole Gulf coast. :). Galveston and South Padre Island are some vacation-y spots
Anonymous says
There are beaches in Texas but they’re…horrible (I am a native Texan and I deeply love Texas but our coast is just sad). The food is also not good – everything is overpriced and fried. What about Hawaii? Too far? What about Hilton Head? Too expensive? I’ve never been to the east coast: we always go to Mexico (the food is never great). What about New Orleans? Technically no beaches but water and the food is amazing and it’s cheap!
Anonymous says
South Carolina
Anonymous says
+1 Texas beaches are horrible. I think a city trip or desert trip there could be fun (and didn’t think OP was necessarily asking for a beach trip for the second trip) but I would avoid beaches there.
AnonTX says
+1 more. I love many things about being Texan (and dislike many things, like Gov. Abbott). While I do have very lovely memories about the 1-hour drive to and then time spent on Galveston island growing up…our beaches aren’t really…great for a destination. They’re fine for quick trips for those of us that live here, but I think that’s it. I am going to Port Aransas with some friends and kids in a few weeks and will report back if I feel otherwise.
I would recommend Hill Country, West Texas, and many, many other fine regions.
Anon says
I just did spring break with my 4.5 YO in VA Beach and would not recommend it. Very loud and lots of the party crowd, even off season. The beach has a very steep slope in the water and the surf crashes into into it in a way that leads to broken boogie boards and other things. Fine for my 4.5 YO who only wades, not great for the pre-teen crowd who is actually in the water. The science museum and aquarium is neat, but if you have been to the Shedd you will find it very underwhelming. It is “off-season” now and still fairly crowded and not super clean. Food was just mediocre (caveat that we had to eat outdoors because DD is still not vaccinated so that eliminated some of the better restaurants) but I was not impressed except for some pretzel bread with boozy cheese at a hole in the wall place I am still thinking about a week later.
For the October beach trip, I would go Isle of Palms in South Carolina (just outside Charleston) or Sea Island, Georgia. For the June trip with teens, that sounds to me like a Florida trip, maybe Universal combined with some time at a beach resort.
NLD in NYC says
Respectively disagree about June not being beach weather in NYC. Yes, the water will be cold if you compare it to down South/Caribbean waters. But it’s fine once you get acclimated.
If you do want to do a NYC beach, suggest Brighton if you’re using the subway. It’s Coney Island relaxed big sister. It’s really the same beach – if you walk down the boardwalk you’ll hit Coney Island, the amusement park, and aquarium. Riis Beach is another good option.
Anon says
I’m the one who commented above about Maine. Ocean swimming there in June is definitely not for the faint of heart (although kids generally seem less bothered by cold water than adults, I went in the ocean there all the time as a kid), but there are lots of nice lakes in the Acadia area and by June, especially the second half of the month, the air temps should be pretty warm.
NLD in NYC says
It builds character! lol
Anonymous says
I love Maine, and I swim in the ocean June to September (assuming it’s reasonably warm outside) but apparently I have a high tolerance for cold water from spending summers in places like that, and my husband barely dipped a toe and yelped and never got near the water again. So YMMV.
Pogo says
haha same. I used to come out of the water with my legs all red from the cold.
There are nice Maine beaches with tide pools that warm up from the sun and are excellent for little ones to splash in, as well as for hunting critters. I hesitate to reveal my specific beaches as I don’t want more people going there :)
Anon says
Good point about the tide pools, Pogo. Those are much warmer than the ocean temperature where the waves meet the shore.
NOVA Anon says
+1 for Williamsburg. Kingsmill Resort has a great pool. Do a day at Jamestown – the museum there is great. Busch Gardens checks the amusement park and animals box (though i have not personally been so cannot vouch.)
Alternatively, DC + Baltimore – pick hotels with good pools. The Baltimore aquarium is amazing; Baltimore has a nice zoo as does DC; and museums galore.
Anonymous says
There are not a lot of animals at Busch Gardens. Clydesdales, sometimes you can see the sheepdogs, one small walk-through aviary, and eagles. The wolves were not there last time we went. That’s it.
Busch Gardens is generally underwhelming to me. There are very few rides in between the itty bitty kiddie rides and the enormous roller coasters, so there really isn’t much of anything for kids over 5 unless they are tall enough and brave enough for the really terrifying coasters. My kid and I like one coaster and the log ride and that’s about it. There are also way too many overpriced carnival games. We like Water Country a lot better.
Jolene says
For #2, it sounds like WDW would work well. Amusement park, water park, animals at AK, lots of walking, the resorts have good swimming.
Spirograph says
What about Cedar Point? It might be chilly for swimming in early June, but near the end of the month it should be beach weather on Lake Erie.
Anonymous says
For #2, NYC is great. Or Space Coast FL, which you can combine with Disney or Universal.
Anon says
for #1 what about Cabo?
fr #2 I am not sure if you are the ones coming from the Bay Area or from Chicago, but Charleston? You could do the city and then nearby beaches? I also think NYC could be fun at that age. You dont have to do more than 1 or 2 museums. You could do fun things like a pizza tour of NYC etc
Anon says
Thanks everyone! We did Disneyland in February and I can’t bear to do WDW so soon (personally, nothing against WDW). NYC sounds like a real possibility. I had forgotten about Coney Island!
Anonymous says
I concur with others that the climbing wall and slide fall out of favor quickly.
Monkey bars can be useful to older kids and adults for pull-ups.
Our neighbors had to take down their climbing rope because their kids were forever trying to tie it around various body parts and then jump off the slide platform to “fly.”
Anon says
Ugh I’ve had three non-Covid colds in the last two months. I’m currently laid up in bed with a 101.9 fever feeling absolutely awful. I forgot how yucky non-Covid illness can be.
Anonymous says
Same. I had a mild case of covid back around xmas, and my current cold is both worse and longer-lasting than that was. I don’t have a fever, but just feel really run down, brain-foggy, and congested. I have a couple Very Important Things going on at work, but thankful I can work from home and lie down in between.
Anon says
I haven’t had Covid yet, to my knowledge, so I’m glad to hear it was milder than some colds for you. Most people I know who had it didn’t get hospitalized but had more flu-like illness with high fevers and terrible body aches.
Anonymous says
Oh yeh, I’m convinced the actual flu is going around because I hear of a lot of people getting terrible symptoms but not COVID. But yeh I got a bad cold last spring and I was downright offended by how much it sucked!
Anon says
Are there home tests for flu? I thought of flu because I’ve never run a fever this high with a cold, but I don’t feel like dragging my sick, infectious self to a doctor’s office for a flu test when it’s not going to change what I do (stay home in bed).
EDAnon says
I was just wondering why there aren’t home flu tests. If there are, that would be great!
Anonymous says
This is why I am still masking.
Anon says
I wear a KN95 whenever I leave my house, but based on how frequently I’ve been sick it doesn’t seem to be doing anything! Although I think all my colds originated with the kid in daycare, not from going out in public. She never seems to get very sick, but predictably the week after she has a slight runny nose DH and I are down for the count.